How Casual Sex TRICKS YOUR MIND
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- Опубликовано: 20 июн 2024
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Here’s something I WISH I had known when I was younger, so YOU can avoid some of the mistakes I made that cost me years of happiness. Casual sex sounds like it’s ordinary and fun and not a problem, and evidently that’s true for a lot of people. But if you have attachment wounds (and this is especially for young women) the emotional bonding that sex is designed to produce in you, can happen in a matter of hours, chaining your emotions and your vision for your life to one person who you don’t even know. You can lose decades in your life sad, pining, hoping, trying to make things work with someone who was never compatible with you. In this video I respond to a letter from a young woman can’t help but give her beautiful, adoring energy to someone who is happy to take it from her.
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I applaud her at 19 to start working on these issues ...
Totally❤
I used to have no issue with sleeping with someone I was dating, in less than a month. Now I try to give the relationship at least 6 months before doing so. It has saved me from some grief. One relationship ended within 5 months, anyway. I was the one to break it off. I dodged a bullet there.
Me too! My last relationship lasted 9 months, and I was the one to end it. It was a terrible relationship, the guy was a master manipulator and I was at a very vulnerable time in my life. But thankfully I had grown and learned enough at that point that I knew better than to sleep with someone too soon (like I had always done in the past). It made walking away infinitely easier, and I felt I had my self-respect intact. I dodged a huge bullet, too!
Thanks to Anna, Crappy Childhood Fairy, I have learned so much!
moral of the story...make sure you've worked on your self esteem before getting involved with anyone. You are perfect by yourself
I've gone through the same. Sex or no sex involved, not once in my 30 years was I good enough. Men only want me temporarily. It hurts, because being alone, as much as I enjoy it, is not what I had envisioned for myself. Well, life fell short in many aspects, I suppose. As for the boundaries... Nope, doesn't work. You just end up alone either way after you learn not to crapfit.
28 here, so not far behind you, but here's an internet hug if you're okay with it 🤗 It's a weird place to be, overcoming all these awful connections with awful people, then setting boundaries and cleaning up our lives insofar as we disengage from those awful people.... But then finding ourselves in this limbo where we haven't found better connections to replenish that space where the bad ones used to be. I dunno... I don't have a solution but wanted to express solidarity. 💜
You’re so young…..don’t give up…..keep your standards high & the right guy will see that & boom
Oh no my child, you are too young to give up! And too precious! Trust and believe, there are guys out there that will wait, it's a great way to weed out the flakes. The last time I spontaneously slept with someone, they wouldn't kiss me! So here I was, in this vulnerable and compromising position, and that just hit me like a ton of bricks. I mean, it's destroyed that part of me that will ever sleep with someone quick like that. You hang in there, got it? "You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. You have a right to be here..." Desiderata, Max Ehrmann. I'm sending your strength, courage, and big hugs, from Tulsa, 💪⚔️🫂. 😘🤠
@@mariep.2004 I'm much older at 60, but finding myself in that limbo space you spoke of! Learning now how to set boundaries for myself, and standards for what I expect in my relationships (romantic, family, and friends). I learned and grown so much, there's no turning back to that person I used to be! If that means being alone for the time being (maybe for a long time!), then so be it. At least I have a peaceful life now!
@@mariep.2004 thank 7 so much i heard you
I’m 53 and I stopped having sex and dating in my 40’s.. I just can’t find or sustain a loving, giving, respectful relationship so I’ve given up and I’m focusing on being content with a peaceful full life on my own.. it’s definitely not what I dreamt of for myself but I suppose it’ll have to do
I'm not much older than you and stopped trying my late 30s. I got out of a job bad marriage that became physically abusive and something broke-I was done. I tried. I also tried 1 time for a fwb type situation after a few years. It didn't go well. It was the catalyst that made me really face the person staring back at me from the mirror and start the journey to heal. And as part of the journey was realizing it isn't me. I am single by choice and content. I spend time with my immediate family, travel, spend $, dress, eat, ect. as I see fit. It takes time.
You're not the only one!!
Sex with someone once, I’m fine…more than once and I’m already starting to get attached and tossed into a limerence.
Definitely
same
100%
I’m kinda in it right now…I’m dating for the first time in my life, like actually dating a few different guys, trying to figure out if I like them instead of just being with someone because they “like” me. One guy, who’s attractive but busy with work and not super available, can be a tad inappropriate at times. I’m pretty sure he is just looking for sex, while a few other guys who are completely available, completely interested, nice, attractive men - I’m less attracted to BECAUSE they are SO interested and SO available. Turns out, I’m not great at dating. 🫤
I had a ONS while on vacation in another country and have limerence even though we didn’t exchange contacts or anything
Im glad she's learning this at 19, for me it was when i was 22, got dumped by my BF and read the book "hes just not that into you" it changed my life, the next year i met man whos now my husband.
And STD's.
I wouldn’t patologise this girl, she’s completely normal. These days causal sex is viewed as so normal, that girls and women everywhere think something is wrong with them if this arangement doesn’t work for them. It doesn’t work for most of us, there is nothing wrong with her. She has learned it doesn’t work for her so young, she has her whole life ahead of her, with better understanding of what she needs. This guy making a commitment to somebody else is a blessing in disguise, an opportunity to move on. We all learn by experience what does and doesn’t work for us. Also I think no need to patologise men, the uncomplicated reason they keep doing this is because they always find somebody willing. We need to raise the bar.
Thank you for sharing your insight with us.
Nika@TeamFairy
I just avoid relationships.. Too confusing to my Traumatic Brain Injury-( TBI ) brain.. PROBLEM SOLVED!!
Looking back on how I used to be and what I used to tolerate, this person's story was a replica for me. One powerful moment that helped me shake out of limberance and chasing after love from someone who did not reciprocate in hopes that they would one day want me, was a friend asking me "why do I make myself so available to people who are emotionally unavailable." That question made something in me click. I had an Ah Ha moment and realized it may have been connected to my having an emotionally immature and unavailable Mother in infancy and throughout my childhood. It occurred to me that the very first experience I had with my love for someone was with my love for an emotionally unavailable and abusive mother. From that day forward, I was able to unpack some of the emotional pain from growing up in that lack. And finally 😊my logic -which had been there all along but masked by my confused about what healthy love looked like- was finally able to convince me that I deserved better. Crappy Childhood Fairy, once again, thank you. Your work is profound and let's many people know that they are seen, heard and understood. You gave beautiful and brilliant advice to the person who was holding that pen.
I'm 33. I only had sex with one person in my life - the trauma relationship I had. After it was over, I didn't even bother looking out for more trouble. The bond one creates through sex is very real and detrimental to emotional/physical health if it's negative. I simply can't afford such loses.
This is why I have been in a 9 year whatever with a guy who did not commit (to me, a home, or a job) and leaves me feeling like there is something wrong with me, and takes no accountability for his own behavior. I feel for you dear. It not good to have relations with someone until you know for sure it is forever. ❤
at 50 here still doing this, just set a boundary with a guy last week, according to here, the right decision, but I can't help thinking that this is all I ever will get, and now I'm not even having the crumbs I do get
I hold onto the hope that truly loving myself will lead the right person to me. It's not a promise, but it's my hope.
I feel you, I have the same thoughts "better this than nothing at all", when you're starving you can eat anything thats the truth
19 was a hard year for me too….
7:10 💯% manipulative whether intentional or careless unfortunately. Realizing when someone's words do not align with their actions in reality should be our sign to step back.
❤THE SOUL TIE
This is spiritual bs
Thank you, Anna. I needed this so much. It's true that out of hope to finally experience love once in life, I try so hard. And then I break down in couple of weeks, cause beyond that is the greater hopelessness that I would ever be able or worthy of love, cause I was severely abused as a child, barely survived it.
Easy to say what we want but you can’t find it in another…
Dont know why posting other than im alone my pet of 20 years is dying today we are alone n during my worst times she was my comfort tge only soyl who showed me love im so in pain n so struggling n dont know how to anthing
Sorry mispelled stuff cause im falling apart n eyes ate watery so sorry
it's not too late for you to gently try and expand your social circle. i'm coming out of many years of extreme isolation to where my only friend in the world was my cat. My cat passed and I am still here and my social life is richer than it has been in a long time. I'm very sorry to hear about your pet, you will survive this.
I'm so very sorry, Terri. My heart goes out to you.
No, you are not alone. We are with you. Sending you all my love❤
Having just put my baby down a few months ago, I definitely understand and feel your pain. I’m so very sorry. Take comfort in that your beloved pet will pain be free from pain. ♥️♥️♥️♥️
This was me. All my life. I am heading into the end and I have never been The One.
❤
It took me decades to decode that I had limerance.Thanks to Crappy Childhood fairy .Glad you are aware at 19.May you find real love.
Because of my upbringing I never had any trust to get into a relationship. Then, somehow I hit the lottery when I met my wife. We spent over three great decades together. Then I lost her last year to cancer and I'm back to not trusting again. You only win the lottery once and, at my age, I could care less about the time and energy required to try find another woman - especially in a society that now breeds narcissists like a virus (and I've had enough of narcissists in my life since day 1). It's much easier being by myself.
No judgement, anyone can do whatever they want... But without even being religious really, I have found out s is sacred, not just for entertainment, it's not good for pple to do it "just for fun"
Dear fairy, I need to know how to contact or send you a letter, please?
description box has a link
You can write in to Anna here: bit.ly/CCF_Letters -Calista@TeamFairy
Omg this is me word for word.. and I am 52… stayed in similar relationship with him for 5,5 years until he announced he found the one and got married while all those years saying i was the one talking about marriage etc. Devasted utterly devasted. I an trying to learn to set boundaries. It is more attractive as Anna says. The woman he is with is taking zero crap from him. But he now cheats behind her back.
Hello again! I have a hard time to make friends due to abandonment issues. I also feel i have a hard time going out because there could be trouble and unsafe somehow. Ive notice that when i think someone is signaling that they are not intrestet or dont like me i back out hard. And ive realize that maybie it doesnt have to be that theyre not intrested, im just feeling it, and are so use to it. Ive always have heared that im a bit different, and i might have some autism which make this even harder. I was bullied due to my weight as a kid, even through switching schools multible times. Aswell hearing from home that i was not enough. Today i have a safe place to live, my relationchip with the rest of my family has become really strong and im in a diagnosis Investigation with a psychiatric proffesional.
I know it will take time, but i get so frustratimg with my self. Its like i ruin possible friendships cause im a child in my behavior. When i talk to people i am polite but i always wonder if i do something wrong or if i am weird, even though i have developed ALOT through time, since i was showing autistic signs and aswell behaviors of trauma. Its in my mid 20's i feel i kinda understand people and myself.
My belief is that i will make friends, but it needs to be on a neutral ground and be a safe space first, like at work or something. Where you see each other everyday.
I feel like i have to be prepared that people wont like me, ( i prepare alot for a, b and c to not be disregulated, it has helped alot, but maybie it makes me avoid possibilities.)
I have been rejected alot through my years. But im dealing much better with it right now, maybie cause i expect it. My longest friendship was about 10 years but i had to break it of cause i felt like i needed to fight hard to not be abandoned. But now i feel we grew apart and needed to separate cause we took to much energy from eachother. In that relationchip i soemthimes felt like she valuade me and she said she saw me as a sister, but then when something else came along she wouldnt want to hang out for months. She also somethimes made me feel bad about myself and that she could replace me, even though she never said it, but i felt she kinda showed it.
Sorry for the long ramble, but i really would love your thoughts on this, am i just childish or should i accept that this is what my body tells me i need?(Not pushing myself to much and take life as it comes) I def need to work on my abandoned issues.
Sending love and hugs to you and the team! /Jo
Thank you for sharing your experience with us. If you'd like to ask Anna a question, feel free to write an "Ask the Fairy" letter. You can do it from here: bit.ly/CCF_Letters
Nika@TeamFairy
I went thru a couple of months of therapy at 19 and quit for another year or so. I wish I had been able to recognize limerence back then. It's taken almost 20 years of this nonsense to even hear about limerence.
I'm so glad you're here now :) -Calista@TeamFairy
It does trick my mind, but I enjoy it greatly ❤
Your beautiful ❤️❤️❤️
Nothing casual about it. Ever.