What NOT to Do During a Breakup
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- Опубликовано: 12 мар 2019
- In a previous video Fr. Mike discussed four questions to ask yourself when discerning God’s will for your life. When presented with a new door (or big decision), ask yourself:
Is it good?
Is it open?
Is it wise?
Is it something I want?
See the video here: • 4 Helpful Rules for Di...
Now when applying this discernment process to a relationship, you have to remember that the other person is likely asking him or herself the same questions. The hardest heartbreak, though, comes when the first three questions check out but the fourth question-Is this something I want?-does not.
In these situations, the one thing Fr. Mike says not to do is blame God. If you’re the one choosing to break up with your significant other, it’s easy to deflect the blame onto God and say he told you to do it. It’s more likely, however, that God gave you the freedom to choose what to do for yourself. So take responsibility.
If you are the one who was dumped, God still has a plan for you. You are more than a footnote to the life of your former boyfriend or girlfriend, so don’t let anything he or she said make you feel that way. Go and find where God is leading you next.
Lastly, if you’re discerning the religious life and were turned down by an order or seminary, all these pieces of advice apply just as well.
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My ex boyfriend really wanted to marry me, but I had to leave, because he had a bad temper, and I know God's will for me does not include narcissistic abuse, and domestic violence!
I'm so glad that you know your true value. All too often people settle for the wrong partner. You deserve someone who values your value!
@@DannaWyatt thank you so much, and God bless you. 🕊
To be fair, a lot of people have tempers and are not abusive or violent. Sounds to me like he was using his temper as a justification to mistreat you.
God only wants you to be happy maybe when he gives himself to god he'll find inner peace we all deserve to be loved and God bless you for your coming
Same. It still broke my heart.
LIterally what I'm going through right now. Recently came back to the Church, I'm in a sinful relationship. In order for me to be in full communion and to be worthy to receive the sacraments, I have to end this relationship. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. The hardest cross to take up but I have to, I've tried going other paths or other "churches" but it's not the same. So thank you, Father Mike, for this, seriously.
I admire your strength, Keep op the good path. God bless you.
You can do it! God bless you!
You will get though it! God is with you every step of the way. I experienced something similar a year ago and ending that relationship was honestly the best thing ever. God bless you!
Bro im in the same boat it sucks because u want everything to workout and Especially when sex and all that other stuff feels good for you know it's wrong I'm walking with you bro
@@SimplyyySilvia why was it is sinful though?
My ex-girlfriend dumped me to join the convent. I never got over this. Thanks for your words father Mike.
💔 be at peace
Going through a really heavy breakup from a 4 and a half year relationship. He's a really good man, but I left him after I was too stressed and pressured in life and thought someone else could take care of me better. I came back to him and thought he would still want me. We tried again but only for a few days because he couldn't trust me anymore. And now he's trying things with a new person, and it is so heavy to accept. I pray I can attain peace soon. It's so hard to throw away everything we have shared. Everything reminds me of him. Please if anyone can read this, pray for me and my healing. Thank you
4 years and didn't marry him?. That's a long time to wait.
So, I have been an atheist since puberty and for the last two years I have cohabitated with my boyfriend, also an atheist. A few months ago we were even talking about trying to have a child together. Something weird happened though. I started to have and to ask questions. About the origin of the universe, about free will, about morality... The conversation with him on these subjects just left me more confused and full with new questions. I started reading The Gulag Archipelago and all the books of C.S. Lewis. I started believing in God again and attending mass, going back to my Orthodox Church. My boyfriend was enraged. I do understand he feels betrayed. I broke up with him last week and went to live with my grandmother for a while. It hurts soo much, it's like ripping my body in two. But it is the best thing I can do for him and for me.
@Richard Montgomery I am better. It still hurts, but I feel more calm about it. It turns out that this is what I needed: a return home, back to my village, back to the people I have known since childhood.
Fr. Mike,
Thank you, from a pretty confused 17 year old kid fighting life through, your wisdom and explanations are so applicable to all situations and it truly helps me. You're doing God's work and I thank you so much.
Joe Garcia I second that!
stay strong in your faith brother
Good for you for looking for healthy guidance,😍 praying for you!
You got this Joe. God bless
talk about perfect timing...🙄
seems many people are going thru the same thing.
Payton Broussard I'm guessing you have previous experience with this, and not too long ago?
Exactly
Same
😂
Wish I could have seen this 2 years ago. My ex told me that things "didn't feel right anymore" and that she felt that us dating wasn't what God wanted. She even told ME that she felt that I was "called to be a priest." Literally left me with so much pain and confusion because I wasn't feeling the same thing. Turns out she was hanging out with a different guy when I wasn't around and wanted to start dating him instead. She just told me those things instead of taking responsibility and telling me the truth. It's been very hard and Ive struggled with relationships ever since but God has gotten me through A LOT. I've become a much stronger person because of my experiences and I wouldn't change anything. I know God has a plan for me and I trust in his will. I hope you all do too!
just ended things with a wonderful guy because God was leading me in a different direction. if you see this, please say a little prayer for him. and i’m praying for you, dear stranger reading this.
What direction did God take you? I'm curious as I'm going through a similar situation
I can’t imagine telling anyone “God told me to do this” or “God said this is the right thing” Holy heck I can’t speak for God like that and could be incredibly damaging for someone to hear
It’s unfortunate such scoundrels exist which even go as far as taking on teaching classes for kids. Now who’s going to do something about it?
It depends some people really has the gift to hear directly from god cause he need to work for him directly and those things you can't escape no matter how hard you tried.
But in reality 9/10 people that said these kind of things are just blaming god. 🤦♀️
This is so true, God allows us to make our own decisions so we can't blame him for the consequences of making these decisions
Please pray for my heart.
🥺🕊🙏
Thank you so much for this video! My boyfriend broke up with me a few days after I had watched this video because he is discerning his vocation. It really did feel like God just used me to help his discernment, then my job was done, and I was left behind. I came back to this video and was struck by the line about how if this is what God wants for him, then this is what God wants for me, too. I think that God put this video in my path before it happened so that even in that hurt, even if I didn't believe it in the moment, I was reminded that this is part of his plan for me, too. Thank you again for the time you take to pray about and record these videos!
How are you getting on?
❤
I had to break up from a 2 year relationship recently. Was very difficult, I loved the girl more than anyone BUT it would have been very unwise to marry her as we differed in many important areas of our life. Thank you Fr Mike for this video, it gives me peace and reassurance that the Lord has a plan for us (:
@Thomas Breen thanks bro i appreciate the words 😊 doing better now!! I will pray for you as well
thank you for this
Wow. The "I don't feel peace," thing hit hard. The woman I was seeing said this a lot. Didn't know it's a way of blaming God. Also felt as if she kept trying to give me reasons to walk away, because it was me who ended up not wanting it anymore. In reality, she never truly wanted to be with me.
I think I'm gonna cry.
Basically perfect timing. I was in a wonderful relationship. Loved everything about it. He brought me to the faith and it was my first healthy relationship. Honestly thought it was my golden ticket to what I dreamed of- marriage yadda yadda yadda. Turns out he’s going into seminary and he couldn’t be with me because he didn’t feel called anymore. It hurt. A lot. I’m still hurting 👌🏻. I didn’t know how to handle the hurt until this video popped up on my feed. I guess God was getting tired of me crying and whining all the time about it so he sent me this! Lol thanks God I hear your message LOUD AND CLEAR.
Dont be sad that it is over but rather find joy that it happened.
You have been given a rare and beautiful gift. You know what right looks like in a relationship. You will be able to clearly see it when the right person comes along.
Wipe the sadness away and find all the good that has come from this relationship. It is there!
I am still upset... pray for me... but in my case the guy just "broke up" out of nowhere and said it was God... LoL
@@janeh.448 hahahaha
There is great strength in humility....own your actions...let your yes be yes, and your no's be no...
I added in my bucket list to meet Fr.Mike one day and with God's grace,I will because through him,god turned my life around. THANK YOU JESUS FOR FR.MIKE.
For several years now, I have never been disappointed. I think that's because I asked God to help me set my heart on nothing other than Him.
Father, you spoke to me today. I have been in a relationships for 7 years with a woman I chosed I wanted to marry. I had presented her to my entire family(parents, brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts, cousins) and she broke with me... I have been dealing with it very wrongly but for the past 3 months I have been carrying along with Jesus and has helped me so much. This video is really going to help. Thank you very much father for all you videos. I follow your videos very much. May God keep on blessing you.
Just bless the other person. Thank you for the lessons and may the Holy Spirit leads them to goodness even if he chooses not love me and be with me. We do not know what the future holds, but rather keep God in our lives and He will lead us to what He wants. Learn more about yourself and be gentle but strong! ❤️😇
Many people go through heartbreaks, but rather act mature. You never know what will happen next. Life keeps going. Thank God for the blessings and no regrets especially if the relationship went okay.
Thank you for this.
And some of us are called to serve God in marriage! Also take resposibility!
He broke up with me because of different religions. It still hurts but slowly I am healing with the word of GOD. Thank you father mike.
It is just so critical to understand what Fr. Mike said about discernment. When our choice is among objective goods, very many times, we are called to choose. He gives us freedom to choose a good and holy vocation -- and there are many from which to choose.
I feel as though this came at a critical moment for me as I'm still working through an unexpected end to a really good relationship that seemed like it was going somewhere. I've been questioning whether I discerned wrongly or not because of how certain I was about it. Haven't lost faith, though! I still pray for her too.
Jake K same boat! You described it very well! Let us trust in God! Only He can bring the peace that’ll help us keep going in His direction!
Thank you Father for posting this, well done!
I really needed this. Thank you and God bless you😇
Father Mike this was immensely helpful. Thank you.
Thank you Father for your "yes" to doing this video, another good one!
this is exactly what I needed.
You are so good at explaining things when I needed that explanation at that moment!! You are also very funny. God Bless You!!
Thank you for another awesome video Fr. Mike! God bless you, always. ✝️🙏
I loved this one jeje specially on the "Take responsibility"
This blessed me. Thank you Fr. Mike!
Thank you Father Mike, timely discussion for me in my life. Bless you.
Thank You! For this sermon. I'VE had a hard time trusting God AFTER so MANY disappointments and unanswered PRAYERS in my 35yrs of LIFE. Then recently, I found a life changing book that is making me make PEACE with my hardships. It's called soar unafraid learning to trust no matter what by Jo Franz. Great book!
J C I completely feel you. Same here. Will look into the book, thank you for sharing. Sending you tons of luv and light.
I. LOVE. THIS!!!! PRAISE GOD!
Thank you father, I needed to hear this. Love ya
I really needed this video about 20 months ago. I always thank God for the things that don't work out. If nothing else it's a learning experience.
I pray my nephews see or hear this or what you said here Father Mike...two of them have been jumping from one relationship to another without discerning what God wants in their lives and they both have been following their selfish desires without being responsible for their actions...so, please help us pray for them! Thank you so much Father!
You are such a great Priest. Your videos inspiring thousands on people. Good Bless father Mike.
Thank you very much for all the wisdom
Amen! Like you've said before Father Mike, "God loves us more than we love ourselves and God knows us better than we know ourselves". We just have to trust God, accept His will and do the best we can by His Grace.
I’ve heard those words in my first year of catechism, I wonder who originally pointed that out.
Beautiful. Thank you so much
That story broke my heart..
So awesome and down to earth advice. This should apply to work ethic too. What a great place the world would be if we could just be free to be honest.
Right timing, Ascension presents!😊
I just ended a relationship this week and really needed to hear this. Fr. Mike is always so on point
Thank you so much for this video! I was questioning myself about this last times. I had come at some point of my life at a moment where I didn't even know anymore what I liked or wanted as I thought everything "as God wanted". And in fact I became kind of dependent on external factors or on others' comments. Things were getting bad and prayer didn't help. Till I reconnected to myself, to who I am and what my desires were. It is not possible to live in an eternal frustration because that is what comes afterwards : I didn't realize it, but I know I would not be joyful and that is a good indicator that sth is wrong, even though I fought to do all my duties and change myself according to critics (we are sometimes told that God speaks to us through family, but it is true only to a certain extent)... God even wants us to pursue what we desire (if open and wise as you said). It is so beautiful and also sometimes fearful to see how much liberty God gave us : but this allows us to wear a chosen daily smile. I will serve him and my brothers with a chosen joy! And not do something if it means doing it in a depressed way
i needed this. thank you father
Honestly, these apply to many difficult times in life to navigate.
I love the way Father Mike teaches so natural, so himself, so relatable, and he makes me 😂 while providing so much wisdom 💕 Thanks Father Mike🕊
Thank you, Father!
Thank you Father Mike.
Man gives the most relatable content.
Thanks you Fr. Mike!
Fr., God bless you for your last statement. It took me time to learn this. Even in our mistakes, failures, regrets and wrong choices, God is still there. Even in our confusions and poor discernments, God never leaves. 💖
May GOD fill your life with JOY AND ALL HEAVENLY BLESSINGS IN JJESUS NAME
This is really sound advice. Discernment is important. Thank you. Sometimes it is difficult to understanding the will of God. It also takes time and prayer.
Awww. Great insight on your girlfriend's part. And on yours, Fr. Mike.
Oh Father, I felt you made this video especially for me. Right now I needed to hear these words. Thanks for being a channel of God and being His voice when I most need His Word. Thanks for this video. God bless you and protect you always. Praying for you and for all priests.
Thank you so much for this....my boyfriend of almost two years broke up with me out of the blue on Sunday and this gave me so much clarity....
I love it!!!!! Thank you, Father
This is powerful, thank you for sharing your story Fr. Mike.
You have an awesome screen name, thank you for being the beautiful woman that you are.
Thank you Fr Mike, this Video was right on time. Break up after a proposal is my own story.
I'm learning more to trust God and be more grateful to God about it rather than feel sad. Thank you again. God bless you and all ascension team ♥️♥️♥️
I just went though a breakup with a girl I'd been holding out for for three years, and this entire video was just what I needed.
Thank you so much, Father.
Should have given this talk to my ex-girlfriend 2 years ago. "I've discerned that we won't get married". "Its so sad that we both wasted a year finding our future spouse". No lady you wasted a year for both of us, at least say you don't like me. God doesn't plan for a couple to be together and fail.
I know I watch this much later, but this video has been so helpful! I dumped someone because I basically stopped being myself. I prayed about it a lot, but at one point I had to go. It was a messy breakup as I didn’t have the courage to do it in person, so I wrote a letter, but tried to be gentle. Years on I still feel a pang of guilt, but I know I did right, so this video was comforting in a sense.
Thank you Father for also talking about ‘breakups’ in religious communities!
Alleluia! Pray for me 🙏
Forgiveness is a major factor here.
By Gods Grace We Must Lean On His Love and Mercy .
God is indeed good all the time! I’m so happy you became a priest, your life was transformed but so are ours for getting to know you. Thank you father mike for your service, I will be praying that more people can join this beautiful vocation and guide many other souls as you do❤️
May Jesus Bless you
I got broken up with two months ago because he felt called to seminary and knew he needed to at least try and see. We’re still very good friends and talk every day, but of course it hurt a lot. I wish I would’ve seen this video two months ago. I needed to hear this. I became a mess of tears once the video hit 6:30. Thank you Father Mike!
Thank you Father as the dumpy of someone who made the choice to go off to the seminary I appreciate you telling them to stop putting the blame on God. It puts that temptation of having resentment towards God. Which is unjust.
It hurts but may the Lord's will be done Amen🙏🏽🙏🏽🤲🏽
I do think God gives more hints than you let on. He obviously doesn't make decisions for us, but I've straight up gotten slapped in the face a few times by undeniable signs and coincidences that have affirmed my decision to do or not do something.
Father Mike, thank you for this point of view. Very true. We are making hundreds of decisions in our lives and not everything needs an explicit order by God. Labeling our actions as "God's will" might only be an excuse to make (and justify) our doubtful decisions.
I wish every parish had a Fr. Mike.
I would really appreciate having a conversation with him right now to help me figure out some things....I think many of us who listen regularly to Fr. Mike feel that way. Not that there's necessarily anything wrong with our current parish priest, just that Fr. Mike has proven himself & built that rapport with us.
Some really outstanding wisdom to be found here. Almost a year ago the girl I had been dating for about four years broke up with me, and according to her it was primarily because I'm Catholic and she said she couldn't be Catholic or have Catholic kids. It was a very long road to peace and recovery for me, and this video helps with understanding and coping with that kind of loss.
I've also struggled a lot since then in understanding how our free will and God's divine will interact in our lives. Just like searching for "the one," I find myself constantly asking if I'm on the single path that is God's will. Fr. Mike's explanation saying God's primary will is us to be saints, and leaving a lot of decisions up to our own prayerful discernment helps a lot for me to lose some of the stress of wondering if I'm following God's will.
Very good topic indeed.
I liked to hear the Free Will part that God grants to his people. our daily decisions are based on a committed alignment (relationship) w God that makes our decisions valid and w Trust we continue living with God's mission in every relationship we create.
Perfect timing. My gf broke up with me few days back. She suffers from anxiety and depression and didn't want to go through this any longer.She mentioned the same thing that God was calling her to end it.
God Bless from Bonnie Scotland !!!
She told me "when I think of us being in a relationship, I don't feel peace".
She said all she can offer me is friendship right now.
I think we deserve to give us a chance.
I feel I this is one I want to fight for.
it's tough
That's tough to hear brother. Relationships are hard, man. Just remember about agape, wanting what is best for her and respecting her will over your own. As hard as it sounds, feelings can often lead us away from the truth. Keep desiring for the good will of others, and things will fall into place under God's will, the most powerful will of all, and He will provide for you, sir.
I agree. Taking responsibility for your decisions and actions no matter how hard it is, is God's way. It might be scary or difficult, but ultimately its just right and feels right. God Bless.
that light hitting his eyes is so creapy :D still love your videos! ;)
This video could not have come at a better time
Wooooow I needed this video. Thank you!
Reminds me of the story about the actress turned Nun who played the role of St. Claire. It was an old movie from circa 50s i think. The actress who played later on starred with Elvis and was engaged to be married to her bf. However, after playing St. Claire, she discerned to enter the congregation and broke up with her fiance. The best thing was that, the fiance never marry and every Christmas, he visits her for the next 50 years until his death. So i guess whenever Fr. Mike speaks about being the pond or footnote for vocational discernment is real.
Was running away from clicking on this video bc of what might be said. Finally decided to click on it today and so glad I did. Felt this video was speaking directly to me and so glad to see that other viewers felt the same way. Leaves me not feeling alone. Thank you truly for making this video, I really needed to see it.
Natalie C Yes! There are many videos I do that with. Then, when I do open to view I realize it was because it wasn’t my time to hear/listen.
"How can I ever trust my discernment in the future?" Thank you thank you thank you. I've been asking myself that question for months, after ending a (not so good) relationship that I had conviced myself God wanted me to pursue. The days after the breakup, I felt guilty as never before because I though I was failing Him, failing to do the One Thing he wanted me to. I'm just now starting to see that One Thing might not really exist
Gina Soledad same, I know that feeling well too 😓❤️
Funny, these videos come so perfectly for me now. I got to know a man in church more than a half year ago, started to date him about a month ago. It started sooo good. We made a big mistake and something is broken now. I don't know what will be. But I trust God, he will make all good. I often have pain because of that but it will be good in the end.
I highly appreciated your talk, dear Fr. Mike. After having heard about freedom of choose, I do not want really to say you were providentially talking to me, but this time you have hit the spot. A breakup it's so senselessly long to overcome, but I'm starting to think that we should try to observe our time with a vision from above, like an image, with a vertical transcendent perspective, understanding how complex and branched is the plan we are put in. Not as easy as it sounds. Please, can the channel do something with the subtitles settings of your videos in order to produce a different translation from english? Some of my relatives and friends, in Italy, appreciate your theological approach and would really like to follow you more easily.
Thank you Father for enlighting me with this teaching. I am literally at this point of willing to break up. I do not feel happy at all in what I am right now, but not willing to hurt the other person is delaying my decision and I feel I am hurting myself more. Now I know what to do next.
How are you doing now?
I think God wants us to fine love like the love we received from him he's always beside us in the Bad and the good thank you for this video father Mike
Somebody I like very much got me close to him, to close even, I thought we'll be together. Then he said he has a girlfriend, but he wants me still to be close to him. For a while we're still spending our time together, thought that he is discerning, but he became less and less care about me, and he said to people he has a girlfriend when they asked him about me. That was a rejection. I feel he was just using me for a thrill. Then i realized that i did not do the right thing either, and i felt guilty when i was thinking about his girl in another country. So I decided to end this, with the grace of God. This video comes in the right time when I feel like I'm just some garbage. Thank you Fr. Mike. Thank you Lord.
Thank you Father
Jajak that final scene was awesome jajajajjaaj.
God bless ya Father. It was really enlightening! Thanks a lot!
Bruh too good of timing
I thought that the monastic life was for me but I was wrong.. but the lay consecrated life was my calling all along. We just need to be led by the Divine providence and trust fully The Lord because what we choose at times may or may not be our calling.
I had a friend of mine that had a similar experience as a Dominican novice. I thought for the longest time I wanted to get married, and I still might, but I'm not pushing it. We need not mistake our will for His will.
Adam Hovey yes brother, we need to pray without ceasing ! Adoration of the blessed Sacrement will really help, as much as we can.