1. Be actively open - actively pursue your partner, go on dates, check out conferences 2. Don’t allow your prayers to be dominated by discernment 3. Don’t panic - calm down, do your future self a favour and be a person of virtue and prayer NOW
I’m a 26 year old single man and I want to be married but cant find a wife, and I really want to have a family. Is struggling with women an indication that I have a calling to the priesthood? I have had countless talking stages with women and one failed toxic relationship just this year, and im worried I will never find the right woman. I have no interest in the priesthood or religious life or being a permanent bachelor. Been praying to meet my future wife for years but my prayers seem useless. Everyone I know is already in a relationship or engaged and they’re younger than me. I have strong sexual desires that are not sinful, but they’re painful because they’re unfulfilled. Im starting to believe that if God wanted me to find someone special, it would have happened by now. Im tired of hearing “God’s timing” and “Gods plan” when im just constantly lonely and sad. God doesn’t care that I want a family, let alone a good woman. God would rather have me be depressed and wishing I got married every day instead of actually being married. I do my best to stay physically active. I run 20 miles a week and lift weights. Im worried that God doesn’t have anyone for me.
I mourned for years because my childhood dream (having a family with a lovely spouse and many kids, much like my parents had) didn't come to be. I asked God many, many times why. All my brothers had it, all my friends had it, but not me. Then I had my epiphany. It came slowly, as years and prayers passed by. It was God's will. If He didn't bless me with my own family was because He knows me better than anybody else (I'm the clumsiest man alive when it comes to relationships) and knew that I'd make a mess of it. I'm 50 now, single and alone. Sometimes I think of it (I'd love to have a full, noisy house, full of life and love, like mine when I was a rugrat), but then I imagine His voice saying to me "calm down, my son. I have nice things in store for you. Don't be sad. Don't be anxious. I'm in command and I love you. Go thru your day and leave the rest of it to me, ok? You'll be fine". And I calm down. I trust Him. I love Him.
Carducho: There is nothing to be worried about singleness or marriage! I had to pass for those thoughts since my 20's to 32 years old. I have my mother, my grandma, my career, my volunteering activities and my catholic faith. Keep doing good in every way you can. God bless you 🙏🏻
This comment just sent me into complete despair, to imagine that I too might not be meant for a spouse, no matter what I do, never to be desired and wanted for who I am because I simply don't measure up, in the eyes of a woman or God's.
You’re awesome Father Mike. I used to despair at the fact that I was single. I resented the fact that relationships came easier for other people. Now I’m so grateful that I didn’t get married. It may still happen. However God wanted me to be stronger, wiser and more virtuous. I know now that getting married would have interfered with that. Some people are meant to marry young but I’m not one of those people
I know. The way some people talk about relationships and getting married a if it's as easy as buying milk from the store. They just kind of fall in line and go on their way. But I think there's a lot of beauty in singleness. It will make you appreciate your spouse in a unique way because marriage wasn't just handed to you.
It certainly seems to me as if most of my peers met their spouses with very little effort. For some people, it's easy, for others (like me and you), it's more of a challenge. There could be many reasons for that. Sometimes I think that Our Lord is protecting me by keeping me unmarried
Despair was one of my biggest struggles. I’m a 26 yr old female, who hears about my biological clock to have children ticking to its end. If God gives me a man to love, I will love and support him. If God gives me a life of singleness, I will love and support others through volunteer and charity work. Both lives are fulfilling. Thus, my peace has been restored. I thank God every day for the gifts (great and small) He has given me.
I’m not young anymore and couldn’t find someone. I wasn’t really looking for marriage or was even open for. I’ve realized it recently. But I do dedicate my life to my parents, my work in healthcare, my volunteering with dying patients and serving my church in several ways. My life has purpose and meaning. I miss having someone but I don’t suffer. God is the centre of my life and my salvation is my focus.
@@jakubkratochvil5163 I interpreted it as not to spend too much time in prayer asking or figuring out what God’s Will is for me, and instead to spend more time just being with Him and praying on other things.
@@jakubkratochvil5163 Dont worry bro, I speak english better than my native language probably, and I also dont understand what thats supposed to mean, even though I know what the word ''discernment'' means, which is to be ''able to judge well''
@@jakubkratochvil5163it means that everytime you pray, you pray only about discerning if marriage is your calling and does your life make sense while being in The season od waiting..and/or what should your next step be regarding a boy/girl you met.. we should pray to spend time with God, not only when we want to vent The sadness and/or frustration
@@jakubkratochvil5163discerning is trying to recognize your vocation or place in the world as a Catholic, like if God has called you to be married, single, a priest, etc. its usually through prayer. its basically finding your calling and what God designed your calling to be. so what he means is to not pray exclusively about what your calling is, and let it come in God's time. i hope that made some sense!!:)
I just turned 48 and sometimes I despair about not being able to fully discern my vocation. I've never been married. I never had any children. I dated when I was in my 20s. Back then, I entered into relationships with a secular mindset because, even though I was raised Catholic, I didn't begin to fully grasp my faith until my mid 30s. Nonetheless, I'm grateful to God for allowing me to reach this point where I can look back and contemplate the long, hard road that got me here. I now go to Mass every Sunday and on every holy day of obligation. I go to confession every 3 or 4 months. Last but not least, I have a job that I truly enjoy and feel that I can make a difference in my community. That said, every now and then, some existential questions creep into my mind and ask...Is this it? Am I meant to stay single for ever? If I never married, does that mean I should have either become a priest or a member of a religious order? These questions can feel overwhelming at first, but then I remember Pope John Paul II's words of advice "Be not afraid" and the stormy waters of my conscience become calm again. Don't you just love being Catholic? Good bless you all. +Pax Christi+
I hope you find someone. It does sound like you're at peace though. I'd love to get married too. I've had long term relationships, but trust was shattered in my last one, because of cheating. He was Catholic, but not virtuous at all.
I used to worry a lot about this too when I was in college. As I grew older and saw many friends go through bad marriages/divorce, I realised that singlehood (as in never having been married) is a gift, not a curse.
As someone who is getting older but still single this was the realization I came to as well. It's easier to improve yourself through virtue and make yourself a better catch than constantly worrying about this or that girl. The only thing you can control is yourself so it's better to work on that and trust God will lead you to find a good wife.
Thanks for that SUPER IMPORTANT topic. I am 37 and sometimes panic not finding the one for me. But I know a partner should not be more important than GOD. And there is the danger of having another idol. Look for the Kingdom of God first.❤
Parish life used to provide many more opportunities for people to meet each other. Now it seems like there is mothers' group, old blokes' group, students' group, nothing much for singles over 30, and never any mixing of groups
@@chrisc2417 It wouldn't be so bad if there were wider social groups where older singles wouldn't feel so conspicuous. But it seems like there are lots of qualifiers on groups. "Young Catholic Professionals". Will I be welcome there? Let's have a think. I'm 33. That's not old, but it's not very young -- not new grad. I'm Catholic, yes. Am I a professional? Well, I lost my job recently. So...I dunno?
Thank you Fr Mike I was in a very abusive marriage for 22 years i left and has never been in another relationship since Because of the damage he did to me mentally and emotionally Its now 22 years since i got away from him I have had years of therapy to help me Because there was no way was i going on medication During my traumatic time one day i cried out to the Blessed mother and i felt a soft hand rub my face She is with me all the time and her Son Jesus ❤❤❤
Thanks, Father Mike. I'm a new Catholic, though I've been a Christian for more than forty years. My divorce after 22 years of marriage was really what lead me to the church, and you have been a big part of that. My move to Catholicism, not my divorce. That's right, I can laugh! God bless you and your new year.
now 68 SWM, never married and no kids, saw early marriage was not my calling, did badly at dating, quit at 46, realized God wants me single and just accept it
I understand, but it can be frustrating at times. Trying not to get discouraged. I am 26 and it seems like everyone is settling down and finding their partners. Holding on to faith and trying to improve other aspects of life at the moment.
Mid twenties is a bad stage of life if you are single, because it feels like your entire social circle is getting engaged, married, and pregnant. Which is lovely and all that, but there is a limit to how much you can celebrate other people's love when you haven't been on a date in xyz period of time. It gets easier though. Once all your friends are married, you have fewer weddings to attend, and you start to see that marriage is not an unmixed blessing
26. Female. Virgin. I want a peaceful life. If a man is given to me to love and support, I will love and support him. If I am to be single for my life, I will love and support others in volunteering, charities, and church choir. Both lives are fulfilling as they revolve around God’s sharing of love and support.
I’m 58 years old, never married and no kids. The truth is for whatever reason some of us will never meet the right person but a single life is far from a wasted one. I still thank God I was single so I could be my father’s full time caregiver when he was in his last days. I can’t imagine how I could have done that had I’d been married with a family. I thank God for Father Mike’s words as sadly even some people in the Church can be a little harsh on this subject and try to suggest that if you’re older, never married, not ordained or a consecrated religious you must have done something wrong and you missed the “vocation boat.” God does not abandon anyone based on vocation status or any other reason. If a person is a life long single than he or she must be obedient to God and the Church and give of yourself to others where you can.
It’s not as if you don’t hear this as a formed Catholic, but you put our single trouble into words. Thank you for that. I’ve been recently again consoled by prayer after a breakup and the reminder not to panic is a welcome addition to the formula.
I want to hear a priest speak to the situation of (widowed) single parenthood. I got married in the church and had 2 kids with my husband and then he died suddenly when I was 34 and my kids were 20 months and 3.5 years. I’ve tried dating with the idea of remarrying but even Catholic guys don’t want to take care of kids that aren’t “theirs.”Moreover they see me as though I’m 80 (because I’m a widow) even though I’m not even 40. I feel objectified by both secular men (only want sex) and Catholic men (only want you if you’re young and can give them many kids). I could be at peace with the above advice (pray, get holier and be open) except that my kids are missing out on a father every single day. How am I to be at peace while seeing my kids hurt and miss out on a formative relationship? How am I not supposed to avoid becoming bitter when I see how self-interested even single Catholic men are. It’s like none of them have ever considered St Joseph’s example. And just to be clear, I’m not looking for financial support (I am a nurse and support us just fine)-I’m looking for essential relationship for me and my kids. If young unencumbered Catholic singles are having trouble, just imagine those of us in more unusual situations….
@@thatsfunny2051 I was going to post a similar statement. I do try not to panic.. but at what point do you acknowledge that maybe you should try something different? @MC-lw8dh --- I am sorry for your loss. While this statement will not be of much help, I am fairly certain that it has less to do with being a widow than you fear. Just because you are single that does not mean that there is a man out there that is worth getting involved with. A depressing thought I know. I was a single mom as well - there were other single moms getting all kinds of men.. but they were not the type of man that I would want in my life and especially not in my sons' lives. My boys are 28 and 26 and my experience has been that there are very, very, very few quality, single men. Then from those few there are even less who are interested in something more. They have been hurt, taken advantage of (fill in many other issues here) and don't want to go thru that all again. I understand your concerns of a lack of a father - but them having no one is better than having a detrimental relationship. I spent a lot of time at adoration I think that gave me a lot of strength. When I have any answers to my own problems then maybe I can be encouraging. I do like Fathers comment of pursuing more.. but not sure how ha ha
And regarding finances- even though though you have your own- a man of God will include providing for you and your children financially as part of being a husband and father. That's expected in a Godly relationship. Men are to provide- it's how God designed it.
I am single, never married and have had quite a journey with our Lord! ( Model, valedictorian, domestic missionary, author, fitness trainer, M.Div., commercial actress. ) I say all that to say- many men just don't pursue anymore, they don't have the follow through, the depth, the smarts with women in general. They don't understand the value of a wife ( and raising children). It's not because you have children most likely. They will use whatever excuse, if you have children it's that, if you're single and don't want any alcohol in your home, life, etc. it's that. If you're a career woman it's that, if you're a part time career woman and want to stay at home more to care for the household, it's that. I am as available as can be, single, no children, no debt, can go anywhere, and yes, attractive by any standards and I rarely get a conversation anywhere from a gentleman. Might get a rude 'cutting in front of me in line' at a store but that's about all. My friends and I talk about this. They experience it, too. Don't lose hope, but please don't think it's your situation, it's not. Not your status, your children or the like. It's our culture devaluing women. It's supposed Godly men blaming all women for women's lib, and using it as an excuse to disobey God with their attitude and heart stance. That's like women saying all men are baseless creeps; they aren't. It took me a few years to integrate this new reality into my life if how our culture is today. Perhaps you can start a meetup group for men and women in your situation and create togetherness in that. Who knows what may develop?! God bless you. You are beautiful and so are your kids😇🙏
@@happy777abc You are very right. I see all sorts of men's channels cropping up and they have horrible attitudes towards women. It is true that women have been masculinized and have changed, but so have men. They aren't what they used to be either. These menenists don't see that part though.
Fr Mike told me exactly what I knew already about being a man of virtue, and my heart lit up. So that is what I'll do, with the help of God. I choose God and renounce Satan. Amen.
This is so good, look I’ve tried pursuing devout Catholics but they aren’t even open to a mere date, they see dates as some sort of initiation or contract instead of an act discernment before entering a relationship.
Thanks Fr. Mike. It wasn't as easy for me, over here, Victoria Australia, as you've described it when you were in College. I haven't had the funds for online dating at times, nor wanted to ask for them from my parents. I only just saw a RUclips post, maybe a month ago, where someone said, single life is not a vocation. I haven't had good access to RUclips until recently and even now it's curtailed because of cost. Only in the past month or so did I see on RUclips someone say, in a Catholic post, that single life is not a Catholic vocation. Perhaps I was taught this briefly in a vocation talk when a teen but don't recall it. It made an impression and this is what's missing in parent to child discussions, I suspect.
Greetings ☕🫖 good afternoon 🌧️ thank you Father Mike for spiritual guidance ❤🙏 parents need to focus on teaching a Godly life and providing, a child should focus on learning complete school and provide for a family of their own or become a spiritual teacher ....Some get confused and Don't want to follow rules and laws ....I am a single parent and focus on my child as a mother trying to live a Godly life but some do make it difficult I really try to surround myself with Godly people 🙏
One's working life is very important! IF one doesn't enjoy it, life will be miserable. And whatever one learns, even if one switches paths, will never be a waste of time !
I’m no expert, but advice I’ve heard that made sense went basically like this: “Men, ask women out. You don’t even have to like them all that much yet; just try with people and someone will probably take you by surprise. Women, drop the handkerchief. You don’t need to be the asker, but make sure you’re going out of your way to show men that you could be interested”
Ai gree with everything he said but I still find it hard to believe that singleness is a gift. Where I come from, if you are an adult and still single, that means something is wrong with you. You either have a disability or a bad character flaw. Either way, you can't overcome them and they're dealbreakers for marriage. I have tried meeting other men but none worked out. I'm still jealous of the people who are married, even the ones who are divorced because I couldn't help but think "At least they were married," or "At least culture is more accepting toward divorces than never-married people." Even though people have told me that marriage is overrated or not worth it, I found it hard to take them seriously because those comments were from people who are/were in loveless marriages. Unless I get married, I'll never be happy!
If someone who is single is happy that's ok. But if unhappy...please do not tell me that singleness is a gift. A gift from God is something that makes us calm and function normally without taking medical pills.
Where do you go? How do you meet good people? I have hated my experience with dating apps but I am determined to date this year. Getting married is very important to me. I must start taking action to make it happen.
How do you know, how dare you accuse complete strangerl. You are so judgemental, accusing people, l lecturing just on this comment section so arrogant. Satan is the accuser ! LOOK AT YOURSELF, first take a tree out@@zsedcftglkjh
@@zsedcftglkjh it's incredible that every time a woman asks where to meet good guys someone makes this same idiotic comment thinking we're all holding out, not dating the "nice guys" What exactly is it that makes you all so confident that there have nice guys that have been passed over? Every guy I've dated I thought was a nice guy. I'm not out here dating guys for their money or their looks.
I’m a college student and realized I am not ready and happy on my own and still have to learn so much and I’ve seen videos saying that I shouldn’t try to be in a relationship now but then also this talks about being open and dating it doesn’t have to be serious. I don’t know what to do. Do I just go thru life and school now and ignore women and focus on myself or am I supposed to still be open to a date or talking to women right now? Idk if this makes sense but I can’t put it into words
Christ speaks through His mystical body. Listen to your fellow parishioners, God will put it in their heart to tell you if you're supposed to be a priest or monk. If you're called to marriage your spouse will find you. If you don't know who they are, pray for them now.
I think if you are young and a practicing, faithful, good Catholic, you get around other like minded people. EXAMPLE- If you are going to college, you go to Franciscan University in Steubenville. You will meet many faithful Catholics there.
I want a relationship so bad :( I’m 28 now and just wasted 4 years with a guy who was cheating on me the whole time ugh. I really want kids and a husband
I don't know. Tobias waited for God to send an angel to introduce him to Sara. Sara actively sought a husband and had to endure all of their deaths just after her wedding to them. Seems like waiting for God to send an angel is less painful. lol
Kinda sucks because I want to find a true relationship but now everyone is on a sexual conquest so because I’ve chosen to try to find love and practice abstinence I’m outcast something is wrong with me.
The only way to become virtuous is to practice chastity. We're not born with that ability. You have to consistently practice self-control. All the saints learned to master their emotions and natural urges.
Idk how to feel about this. Lately, iv taken a step back because I believe I idolized my pursuit of women over my relationship with God. I actively pursued someone the entirety of 2023, invited them out, etc etc. but it didnt work out and looking back I made that girl the center of my thought life. I started all of that because of advice like this, that it wont just happen for you, you basically have to put yourself there. This advice seems so secular though, almost like leaving it up to chance, a game of numbers or proximity, a trial & error pursuit. Where is God’s hand/direction in it? I was initiating everything as the man and some days it felt forced rather than natural. Is it too much to hope for that God brings someone in our path that will naturally desire you back? Naturally meet you half way so to say?
@@zsedcftglkjh It is when you exclude the working of God and assume every progressive step made was done by your own strength. Follow that thought process through, why the need for God then? This is indeed the secular mindset, putting your desires first, making your own plans, doing anything necessary to achieve your goals; it is the bolstering up of man’s reason over God’s ordered direction. Have you not read the stories of the Catholic saints? This is the complete opposite of their demeanor/outlook on life. Im not even Catholic myself and I find error in this way of thinking.
You need to date that will eventually give you some sort of feedback (after 1-3 dates) otherwise it’s a waste of time. She needs to *seem* like she likes you. If she’s avoiding you at every turn, stop talking to her. Youre wasting your time and she feels bad or likes the attention that’s the only reason she’s responding. Women like to be pursued but eventually they will start to show interest and if they don’t show interest, she’s not interested
A year is 11 months too long to be chasing someone, in many cases that aren’t the film The Notebook, if someone gives you a clear sign they aren’t interested (not returning phone calls or texts) leave them alone
I'd like this kind of talk but geared toward those of us with SSA. I think this isn't talked about enough and talking more about it may be of great help for those with SSA as well as the people who love them. Talks like this can only go so far in helping us with the struggle of leading a celibate and chaste life
I can’t understand why God wants me to be alone. Why does He will so many men to never have a family, a wife and children, when they’re not called to the priesthood either? When I think about the loneliness, I question my faith. Why has God turned His face from us? Why has God ordained that many men should just remain alone?
I keep asking this question and no one seems to be going to answer it. I am single and I feel I'm called to be single I am 45 years old and I'm Protestant but I am curious about Catholicism and other Christian points of view but one that really confuses me but nobody seems to be answering me this question I know in the Catholic Church there's a sacrament of marriage and a sacrament of the priesthood but what do you do but what do you do with a single lady person who believes that they are called to remain single for the rest of their life? Because I don't see a sacrament of singleness. Therefore I feel left out even though I don't feel the least bit lonely and I don't feel the least bit of desire to ever be married since I believe I have a gift a singleness.
@@user-lt1jd1ye3v really I got just the opposite feeling because in the Catholic Church they make marriage a sacrament but in the Protestants only Communion and Baptism are Sacraments. I have seen many opportunities in Protestant churches
If you are worrying about being single, read 1 Corinthians as Paul describes how great being single as we didn’t need to divide time for God😇😇😇 great read…
Marriage is absolutely a vocation. You need God’s grace that He pours into the sacrament of marriage every time you don’t feel like loving your spouse. Not everyone is called to be married. I know of a few single people who have other rules to play in life.
From a 65 yrs old stay single people are evil will abuse you and abondon you. Don't waste your emotions purse something better. In today's age there is no love. After divorce from abusive husband I have dedicated my life to Jesus and have never felt happier and content and loved.
1. Be actively open - actively pursue your partner, go on dates, check out conferences
2. Don’t allow your prayers to be dominated by discernment
3. Don’t panic - calm down, do your future self a favour and be a person of virtue and prayer NOW
Amen
0.5. Find someone
I’m a 26 year old single man and I want to be married but cant find a wife, and I really want to have a family. Is struggling with women an indication that I have a calling to the priesthood? I have had countless talking stages with women and one failed toxic relationship just this year, and im worried I will never find the right woman. I have no interest in the priesthood or religious life or being a permanent bachelor. Been praying to meet my future wife for years but my prayers seem useless. Everyone I know is already in a relationship or engaged and they’re younger than me. I have strong sexual desires that are not sinful, but they’re painful because they’re unfulfilled. Im starting to believe that if God wanted me to find someone special, it would have happened by now.
Im tired of hearing “God’s timing” and “Gods plan” when im just constantly lonely and sad. God doesn’t care that I want a family, let alone a good woman. God would rather have me be depressed and wishing I got married every day instead of actually being married. I do my best to stay physically active. I run 20 miles a week and lift weights. Im worried that God doesn’t have anyone for me.
I mourned for years because my childhood dream (having a family with a lovely spouse and many kids, much like my parents had) didn't come to be. I asked God many, many times why. All my brothers had it, all my friends had it, but not me. Then I had my epiphany. It came slowly, as years and prayers passed by. It was God's will. If He didn't bless me with my own family was because He knows me better than anybody else (I'm the clumsiest man alive when it comes to relationships) and knew that I'd make a mess of it. I'm 50 now, single and alone. Sometimes I think of it (I'd love to have a full, noisy house, full of life and love, like mine when I was a rugrat), but then I imagine His voice saying to me "calm down, my son. I have nice things in store for you. Don't be sad. Don't be anxious. I'm in command and I love you. Go thru your day and leave the rest of it to me, ok? You'll be fine". And I calm down. I trust Him. I love Him.
wow, so beautiful how you thought of God's voice in your moments of difficulty.
Carducho: There is nothing to be worried about singleness or marriage! I had to pass for those thoughts since my 20's to 32 years old. I have my mother, my grandma, my career, my volunteering activities and my catholic faith. Keep doing good in every way you can. God bless you 🙏🏻
Your comment made me cry 😢 so beautiful
what nice things have you gotten in lieu of a family?
This comment just sent me into complete despair, to imagine that I too might not be meant for a spouse, no matter what I do, never to be desired and wanted for who I am because I simply don't measure up, in the eyes of a woman or God's.
You’re awesome Father Mike. I used to despair at the fact that I was single. I resented the fact that relationships came easier for other people. Now I’m so grateful that I didn’t get married. It may still happen. However God wanted me to be stronger, wiser and more virtuous. I know now that getting married would have interfered with that. Some people are meant to marry young but I’m not one of those people
I know. The way some people talk about relationships and getting married a if it's as easy as buying milk from the store. They just kind of fall in line and go on their way. But I think there's a lot of beauty in singleness. It will make you appreciate your spouse in a unique way because marriage wasn't just handed to you.
It certainly seems to me as if most of my peers met their spouses with very little effort. For some people, it's easy, for others (like me and you), it's more of a challenge. There could be many reasons for that. Sometimes I think that Our Lord is protecting me by keeping me unmarried
Despair was one of my biggest struggles.
I’m a 26 yr old female, who hears about my biological clock to have children ticking to its end.
If God gives me a man to love, I will love and support him.
If God gives me a life of singleness, I will love and support others through volunteer and charity work.
Both lives are fulfilling. Thus, my peace has been restored.
I thank God every day for the gifts (great and small) He has given me.
@@Enter-a-name-7789 YESSS!!!! Thank you for sharing your experience and the peace convictions the Spirit has given you. I agree 100%.
I’m not young anymore and couldn’t find someone. I wasn’t really looking for marriage or was even open for. I’ve realized it recently. But I do dedicate my life to my parents, my work in healthcare, my volunteering with dying patients and serving my church in several ways. My life has purpose and meaning. I miss having someone but I don’t suffer. God is the centre of my life and my salvation is my focus.
Thank you Fr Mike Schmitz I needed this I’m single Catholic disabled black woman an this gave me hope!
Praying and rooting for you!
God bless you, Marie
Ayo I feel that! I'm Disabled Catholic woman trying not to just sit at home 😭
With you in spirit sister!
“Do not let your prayer be dominated by discernment.”
That hit me hard.
Can you please explain what it means? I am not native speaker and I have trouble understanding it
@@jakubkratochvil5163 I interpreted it as not to spend too much time in prayer asking or figuring out what God’s Will is for me, and instead to spend more time just being with Him and praying on other things.
@@jakubkratochvil5163 Dont worry bro, I speak english better than my native language probably, and I also dont understand what thats supposed to mean, even though I know what the word ''discernment'' means, which is to be ''able to judge well''
@@jakubkratochvil5163it means that everytime you pray, you pray only about discerning if marriage is your calling and does your life make sense while being in The season od waiting..and/or what should your next step be regarding a boy/girl you met.. we should pray to spend time with God, not only when we want to vent The sadness and/or frustration
@@jakubkratochvil5163discerning is trying to recognize your vocation or place in the world as a Catholic, like if God has called you to be married, single, a priest, etc. its usually through prayer. its basically finding your calling and what God designed your calling to be. so what he means is to not pray exclusively about what your calling is, and let it come in God's time.
i hope that made some sense!!:)
I just turned 48 and sometimes I despair about not being able to fully discern my vocation. I've never been married. I never had any children. I dated when I was in my 20s. Back then, I entered into relationships with a secular mindset because, even though I was raised Catholic, I didn't begin to fully grasp my faith until my mid 30s. Nonetheless, I'm grateful to God for allowing me to reach this point where I can look back and contemplate the long, hard road that got me here. I now go to Mass every Sunday and on every holy day of obligation. I go to confession every 3 or 4 months. Last but not least, I have a job that I truly enjoy and feel that I can make a difference in my community. That said, every now and then, some existential questions creep into my mind and ask...Is this it? Am I meant to stay single for ever? If I never married, does that mean I should have either become a priest or a member of a religious order? These questions can feel overwhelming at first, but then I remember Pope John Paul II's words of advice "Be not afraid" and the stormy waters of my conscience become calm again. Don't you just love being Catholic? Good bless you all. +Pax Christi+
I hope you find someone. It does sound like you're at peace though. I'd love to get married too. I've had long term relationships, but trust was shattered in my last one, because of cheating. He was Catholic, but not virtuous at all.
A lot of us tried...really hard for decades. It's a messed up world. Not our fault, but we get to live with the consequences.
@@saintejeannedarc9460 Thank you for your kind words. I'm sorry to hear about your last relationship. God bless you.
@@zsedcftglkjh The consequences can appear hard at first. But, our strength resides in our Catholic faith.
Love this thread ❤ I’m in same boat 🥳it is a messed up world with severely hurt people. Thank you Jesus for loving us!
I used to worry a lot about this too when I was in college. As I grew older and saw many friends go through bad marriages/divorce, I realised that singlehood (as in never having been married) is a gift, not a curse.
Saint Paul actually tells us this in his letters. Being single like he was is actually a blessing because you can focus on God more
I agree!
Well said, @@stefanopicardi3016
As someone who is getting older but still single this was the realization I came to as well. It's easier to improve yourself through virtue and make yourself a better catch than constantly worrying about this or that girl. The only thing you can control is yourself so it's better to work on that and trust God will lead you to find a good wife.
Thanks for that SUPER IMPORTANT topic. I am 37 and sometimes panic not finding the one for me. But I know a partner should not be more important than GOD. And there is the danger of having another idol. Look for the Kingdom of God first.❤
Parish life used to provide many more opportunities for people to meet each other. Now it seems like there is mothers' group, old blokes' group, students' group, nothing much for singles over 30, and never any mixing of groups
Oh the church has literally nothing for singles over 40
@@chrisc2417 It wouldn't be so bad if there were wider social groups where older singles wouldn't feel so conspicuous. But it seems like there are lots of qualifiers on groups. "Young Catholic Professionals". Will I be welcome there? Let's have a think. I'm 33. That's not old, but it's not very young -- not new grad. I'm Catholic, yes. Am I a professional? Well, I lost my job recently. So...I dunno?
@chrisc2417 I so agree, very few churches have any single events, most are family centred.
@@chrisc2417 My parish does! We have a singles group for those 35-55, and another one for those 55 and up.
@@LiLisLounge Where is this? Do you live in a big city?
Thank you Fr Mike
I was in a very abusive marriage for 22 years i left and has never been in another relationship since
Because of the damage he did to me mentally and emotionally
Its now 22 years since i got away from him
I have had years of therapy to help me
Because there was no way was i going on medication
During my traumatic time one day i cried out to the Blessed mother and i felt a soft hand rub my face
She is with me all the time and her Son Jesus ❤❤❤
Fr Mike please pray for my Son Kieran who has a serious drinking problem because he witnessed my abuse
Fr Mike he is a loving caring Son
Thank you
And link son into professional support - beyond that he must work this out.
Salient takeaways:
1. Not allow your prayer to be dominated by discernment. Be a person of virtue. ❤
Thanks, Father Mike. I'm a new Catholic, though I've been a Christian for more than forty years. My divorce after 22 years of marriage was really what lead me to the church, and you have been a big part of that. My move to Catholicism, not my divorce. That's right, I can laugh! God bless you and your new year.
Amen! Thank you Fr. Mike, we don’t need to wait we can always strive to be a person of virtue and prayer 🙏
Father Mike, hello!!! ❤
Thank you! I needed to hear that.. Well said
wow Father Mike, this came to me as a straight answer, what a sign of God you are!
Love that man. So gifted and so anointed. His segments bring me so much peace ❤
I'm 45, I don't have a snowballs chance in hell of getting married, never did. It was wasted breath to pray for this.
You are precious anyway. ❤
now 68 SWM, never married and no kids, saw early marriage was not my calling, did badly at dating, quit at 46, realized God wants me single and just accept it
I didn't wanted to change the subject but can we appreciate how HUGE Fr. Mike seems to be? Or is it just me tho?
Man be in the gym 😂
jacked and stacked
AMEN I NEEDED THIS
Only thing that makes me panic, is the thought of being IN a relationship. No thanks. Being single is a blessing.
You know what? I feel you…lmao
I understand, but it can be frustrating at times. Trying not to get discouraged. I am 26 and it seems like everyone is settling down and finding their partners. Holding on to faith and trying to improve other aspects of life at the moment.
Mid twenties is a bad stage of life if you are single, because it feels like your entire social circle is getting engaged, married, and pregnant. Which is lovely and all that, but there is a limit to how much you can celebrate other people's love when you haven't been on a date in xyz period of time. It gets easier though. Once all your friends are married, you have fewer weddings to attend, and you start to see that marriage is not an unmixed blessing
same here, although I'm 28. I'm happy remaining single, however, if that is my calling.
26. Female. Virgin.
I want a peaceful life.
If a man is given to me to love and support, I will love and support him.
If I am to be single for my life, I will love and support others in volunteering, charities, and church choir.
Both lives are fulfilling as they revolve around God’s sharing of love and support.
I joined the Brothers of Perpetual Indecision years ago and never looked back...
I’m 58 years old, never married and no kids. The truth is for whatever reason some of us will never meet the right person but a single life is far from a wasted one. I still thank God I was single so I could be my father’s full time caregiver when he was in his last days. I can’t imagine how I could have done that had I’d been married with a family. I thank God for Father Mike’s words as sadly even some people in the Church can be a little harsh on this subject and try to suggest that if you’re older, never married, not ordained or a consecrated religious you must have done something wrong and you missed the “vocation boat.” God does not abandon anyone based on vocation status or any other reason. If a person is a life long single than he or she must be obedient to God and the Church and give of yourself to others where you can.
Quick question had you ever approached women regardless if you thought she was the right one or not?
Thank you Father 🙏🏾
Thanks. What I needed to hear, when I needed to hear
❤
Wow. Spot on Fr. Mike
It’s not as if you don’t hear this as a formed Catholic, but you put our single trouble into words. Thank you for that. I’ve been recently again consoled by prayer after a breakup and the reminder not to panic is a welcome addition to the formula.
I want to hear a priest speak to the situation of (widowed) single parenthood. I got married in the church and had 2 kids with my husband and then he died suddenly when I was 34 and my kids were 20 months and 3.5 years. I’ve tried dating with the idea of remarrying but even Catholic guys don’t want to take care of kids that aren’t “theirs.”Moreover they see me as though I’m 80 (because I’m a widow) even though I’m not even 40. I feel objectified by both secular men (only want sex) and Catholic men (only want you if you’re young and can give them many kids). I could be at peace with the above advice (pray, get holier and be open) except that my kids are missing out on a father every single day. How am I to be at peace while seeing my kids hurt and miss out on a formative relationship? How am I not supposed to avoid becoming bitter when I see how self-interested even single Catholic men are. It’s like none of them have ever considered St Joseph’s example. And just to be clear, I’m not looking for financial support (I am a nurse and support us just fine)-I’m looking for essential relationship for me and my kids. If young unencumbered Catholic singles are having trouble, just imagine those of us in more unusual situations….
If it's any consolation, I'm 33 -- no kids, never married, and some Catholic men react to me in the way you describe. I'm sorry for your loss. ❤
@@thatsfunny2051 I was going to post a similar statement. I do try not to panic.. but at what point do you acknowledge that maybe you should try something different?
@MC-lw8dh --- I am sorry for your loss. While this statement will not be of much help, I am fairly certain that it has less to do with being a widow than you fear. Just because you are single that does not mean that there is a man out there that is worth getting involved with. A depressing thought I know.
I was a single mom as well - there were other single moms getting all kinds of men.. but they were not the type of man that I would want in my life and especially not in my sons' lives. My boys are 28 and 26 and my experience has been that there are very, very, very few quality, single men. Then from those few there are even less who are interested in something more. They have been hurt, taken advantage of (fill in many other issues here) and don't want to go thru that all again. I understand your concerns of a lack of a father - but them having no one is better than having a detrimental relationship. I spent a lot of time at adoration I think that gave me a lot of strength.
When I have any answers to my own problems then maybe I can be encouraging.
I do like Fathers comment of pursuing more.. but not sure how ha ha
And regarding finances- even though though you have your own- a man of God will include providing for you and your children financially as part of being a husband and father. That's expected in a Godly relationship. Men are to provide- it's how God designed it.
I am single, never married and have had quite a journey with our Lord! ( Model, valedictorian, domestic missionary, author, fitness trainer, M.Div., commercial actress. ) I say all that to say- many men just don't pursue anymore, they don't have the follow through, the depth, the smarts with women in general. They don't understand the value of a wife ( and raising children). It's not because you have children most likely. They will use whatever excuse, if you have children it's that, if you're single and don't want any alcohol in your home, life, etc. it's that. If you're a career woman it's that, if you're a part time career woman and want to stay at home more to care for the household, it's that.
I am as available as can be, single, no children, no debt, can go anywhere, and yes, attractive by any standards and I rarely get a conversation anywhere from a gentleman. Might get a rude 'cutting in front of me in line' at a store but that's about all.
My friends and I talk about this. They experience it, too. Don't lose hope, but please don't think it's your situation, it's not. Not your status, your children or the like. It's our culture devaluing women. It's supposed Godly men blaming all women for women's lib, and using it as an excuse to disobey God with their attitude and heart stance.
That's like women saying all men are baseless creeps; they aren't.
It took me a few years to integrate this new reality into my life if how our culture is today. Perhaps you can start a meetup group for men and women in your situation and create togetherness in that. Who knows what may develop?! God bless you. You are beautiful and so are your kids😇🙏
@@happy777abc You are very right. I see all sorts of men's channels cropping up and they have horrible attitudes towards women. It is true that women have been masculinized and have changed, but so have men. They aren't what they used to be either. These menenists don't see that part though.
Jesus I trust in you🙏
Such an encouragement! Thank you, Father Mike.
Fr Mike told me exactly what I knew already about being a man of virtue, and my heart lit up. So that is what I'll do, with the help of God. I choose God and renounce Satan. Amen.
This is so good, look I’ve tried pursuing devout Catholics but they aren’t even open to a mere date, they see dates as some sort of initiation or contract instead of an act discernment before entering a relationship.
Thank you Father Mike.
I struggle with this idea of being "actively open " how can I when there is no one around to reach out too or talk to really.
Amen! Really good advice!
Thank you!
Thanks father Mike
Thank you Fr. Mike for your words! 🙏🏻
Right, work on yourself until an opportunity presents itself.
I love you Father Mike ❤
Great advice!
Father Please keep my kid in your pray🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
This is beautiful and wise, and it is what I needed. Thank you, Father Mike.
Thanks Fr. Mike. It wasn't as easy for me, over here, Victoria Australia, as you've described it when you were in College.
I haven't had the funds for online dating at times, nor wanted to ask for them from my parents.
I only just saw a RUclips post, maybe a month ago, where someone said, single life is not a vocation.
I haven't had good access to RUclips until recently and even now it's curtailed because of cost.
Only in the past month or so did I see on RUclips someone say, in a Catholic post, that single life is not a Catholic vocation.
Perhaps I was taught this briefly in a vocation talk when a teen but don't recall it.
It made an impression and this is what's missing in parent to child discussions, I suspect.
Women really need to hear this.
Men really need to hear this.
Thank you for the good word
Greetings ☕🫖 good afternoon 🌧️ thank you Father Mike for spiritual guidance ❤🙏 parents need to focus on teaching a Godly life and providing, a child should focus on learning complete school and provide for a family of their own or become a spiritual teacher ....Some get confused and Don't want to follow rules and laws ....I am a single parent and focus on my child as a mother trying to live a Godly life but some do make it difficult I really try to surround myself with Godly people 🙏
"Don't panic."
Me: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
😂
Me too.
Amazing, thank you very much!!
One's working life is very important! IF one doesn't enjoy it, life will be miserable. And whatever one learns, even if one switches paths, will never be a waste of time !
Thank you for posting!
Brilliant!
Preach, preach, preach. 🙏💙
Jam-packed 🤩😍
I’m no expert, but advice I’ve heard that made sense went basically like this: “Men, ask women out. You don’t even have to like them all that much yet; just try with people and someone will probably take you by surprise. Women, drop the handkerchief. You don’t need to be the asker, but make sure you’re going out of your way to show men that you could be interested”
Great English accent!!!
I clicked this video because the thumbnail had "DON'T PANIC" inscribed in large friendly letters on its cover.
Merry Christmas Fr. Mike and Focus Catholic (Ascencion Presents related?).
God bless.
Been alone for 5 years and once my son is independent I will go into a convent … I’ve lost interest and fell in love with Jesus
Beautiful
Very good no matter one’s age…
I'm having a hard time
I've never cared what people buy me on holidays, but rather what I bought for others.
Ai gree with everything he said but I still find it hard to believe that singleness is a gift. Where I come from, if you are an adult and still single, that means something is wrong with you. You either have a disability or a bad character flaw. Either way, you can't overcome them and they're dealbreakers for marriage. I have tried meeting other men but none worked out. I'm still jealous of the people who are married, even the ones who are divorced because I couldn't help but think "At least they were married," or "At least culture is more accepting toward divorces than never-married people." Even though people have told me that marriage is overrated or not worth it, I found it hard to take them seriously because those comments were from people who are/were in loveless marriages. Unless I get married, I'll never be happy!
If someone who is single is happy that's ok. But if unhappy...please do not tell me that singleness is a gift. A gift from God is something that makes us calm and function normally without taking medical pills.
I'm sorry but that is not very helpful or encouraging. @@dancerballet4353
Fr Mike's wisdom is awesome
When you’re taught to wait for a man traditionally but most people don’t know the traditional route to dating:
😐
I can’t say that I am grateful to be single. I just can’t; I can only be glad earthly life is not the end. Then, this desire won’t exist anymore.
Had a bad marriage and now at almost 70 have realized the only true friend I have is God.
But what if you NEVER get a real vocation? 😢
OmG Fr.Mike's immitating Veruka Salt from Willy Wonka 😂 Love his humour and his wisdom and practical life advice.
Where do you go? How do you meet good people? I have hated my experience with dating apps but I am determined to date this year. Getting married is very important to me. I must start taking action to make it happen.
Started looking at all those "nice guys" you passed over.
How do you know, how dare you accuse complete strangerl. You are so judgemental, accusing people, l lecturing just on this comment section so arrogant. Satan is the accuser ! LOOK AT YOURSELF, first take a tree out@@zsedcftglkjh
@@zsedcftglkjh it's incredible that every time a woman asks where to meet good guys someone makes this same idiotic comment thinking we're all holding out, not dating the "nice guys" What exactly is it that makes you all so confident that there have nice guys that have been passed over? Every guy I've dated I thought was a nice guy. I'm not out here dating guys for their money or their looks.
Women don’t want “nice guys”, they want providers.
I’m a college student and realized I am not ready and happy on my own and still have to learn so much and I’ve seen videos saying that I shouldn’t try to be in a relationship now but then also this talks about being open and dating it doesn’t have to be serious. I don’t know what to do. Do I just go thru life and school now and ignore women and focus on myself or am I supposed to still be open to a date or talking to women right now? Idk if this makes sense but I can’t put it into words
I found mine. She was wonderful, but we broke up. Now, she is married, and I am single.
Ooo I luv this 😜
Amen !
Christ speaks through His mystical body. Listen to your fellow parishioners, God will put it in their heart to tell you if you're supposed to be a priest or monk. If you're called to marriage your spouse will find you. If you don't know who they are, pray for them now.
I think if you are young and a practicing, faithful, good Catholic, you get around other like minded people. EXAMPLE- If you are going to college, you go to Franciscan University in Steubenville. You will meet many faithful Catholics there.
I want a relationship so bad :( I’m 28 now and just wasted 4 years with a guy who was cheating on me the whole time ugh. I really want kids and a husband
I don't know. Tobias waited for God to send an angel to introduce him to Sara. Sara actively sought a husband and had to endure all of their deaths just after her wedding to them. Seems like waiting for God to send an angel is less painful. lol
You're not that holy. Try putting in the work.
@@zsedcftglkjh True, but God Knows I put in the work as much as my strength enables me, and loves me just the same.
Kinda sucks because I want to find a true relationship but now everyone is on a sexual conquest so because I’ve chosen to try to find love and practice abstinence I’m outcast something is wrong with me.
The only way to become virtuous is to practice chastity. We're not born with that ability. You have to consistently practice self-control. All the saints learned to master their emotions and natural urges.
Idk how to feel about this. Lately, iv taken a step back because I believe I idolized my pursuit of women over my relationship with God. I actively pursued someone the entirety of 2023, invited them out, etc etc. but it didnt work out and looking back I made that girl the center of my thought life. I started all of that because of advice like this, that it wont just happen for you, you basically have to put yourself there. This advice seems so secular though, almost like leaving it up to chance, a game of numbers or proximity, a trial & error pursuit. Where is God’s hand/direction in it? I was initiating everything as the man and some days it felt forced rather than natural. Is it too much to hope for that God brings someone in our path that will naturally desire you back? Naturally meet you half way so to say?
Getting off your butt and working towards a goal isn't "secular." It's life.
@@zsedcftglkjh It is when you exclude the working of God and assume every progressive step made was done by your own strength. Follow that thought process through, why the need for God then? This is indeed the secular mindset, putting your desires first, making your own plans, doing anything necessary to achieve your goals; it is the bolstering up of man’s reason over God’s ordered direction. Have you not read the stories of the Catholic saints? This is the complete opposite of their demeanor/outlook on life. Im not even Catholic myself and I find error in this way of thinking.
You need to date that will eventually give you some sort of feedback (after 1-3 dates) otherwise it’s a waste of time. She needs to *seem* like she likes you. If she’s avoiding you at every turn, stop talking to her. Youre wasting your time and she feels bad or likes the attention that’s the only reason she’s responding. Women like to be pursued but eventually they will start to show interest and if they don’t show interest, she’s not interested
A year is 11 months too long to be chasing someone, in many cases that aren’t the film The Notebook, if someone gives you a clear sign they aren’t interested (not returning phone calls or texts) leave them alone
I'd like this kind of talk but geared toward those of us with SSA. I think this isn't talked about enough and talking more about it may be of great help for those with SSA as well as the people who love them. Talks like this can only go so far in helping us with the struggle of leading a celibate and chaste life
🙏🙏
if this guy truly took vows of chastity, it is admirable
If God calls someone to a state of life, he also provides the grace to live it.
How late is too late
We all want to hold these people, apostles, Jesus, we want this to hold, we need no health checks,
The literal week i said i dont want to date anyone right now, i met someone and she ended up being my girlfriend lol
I can’t understand why God wants me to be alone. Why does He will so many men to never have a family, a wife and children, when they’re not called to the priesthood either? When I think about the loneliness, I question my faith. Why has God turned His face from us? Why has God ordained that many men should just remain alone?
I keep asking this question and no one seems to be going to answer it. I am single and I feel I'm called to be single I am 45 years old and I'm Protestant but I am curious about Catholicism and other Christian points of view but one that really confuses me but nobody seems to be answering me this question I know in the Catholic Church there's a sacrament of marriage and a sacrament of the priesthood but what do you do but what do you do with a single lady person who believes that they are called to remain single for the rest of their life? Because I don't see a sacrament of singleness. Therefore I feel left out even though I don't feel the least bit lonely and I don't feel the least bit of desire to ever be married since I believe I have a gift a singleness.
You can be called to be single and it is more widely accepted in Catholicism than in protestant religions
@@user-lt1jd1ye3v really I got just the opposite feeling because in the Catholic Church they make marriage a sacrament but in the Protestants only Communion and Baptism are Sacraments. I have seen many opportunities in Protestant churches
If you are worrying about being single, read 1 Corinthians as Paul describes how great being single as we didn’t need to divide time for God😇😇😇 great read…
Interestingly enough, St. Paul who is single also endorses marriage and St. Peter who is married sometimes says it may be best to stay single.
1. graces: ân sủng
2. seminary: chủng viện
Im single at 48 and Ive just lost my job yesterday
@@CIST3Amen! I like it "for the better one"... Thank you!
Wishing you God's peace going forward.
BOOOOOMMMM!!!!
P s didn't t think marriage was a vocation or one was called to it . thought it was based on a little four letter word , called love !😎
Marriage is absolutely a vocation. You need God’s grace that He pours into the sacrament of marriage every time you don’t feel like loving your spouse. Not everyone is called to be married. I know of a few single people who have other rules to play in life.
Much more to marriage than love, the commitment to be married by both parties keeps it going.
Do not rush marriage. Become a person of virtue in the waiting.
From a 65 yrs old stay single people are evil will abuse you and abondon you. Don't waste your emotions purse something better. In today's age there is no love. After divorce from abusive husband I have dedicated my life to Jesus and have never felt happier and content and loved.
Should a candidate for seminary a vigin?
It's not required. It's just important to confess former sin and embrace chastity going forward.