Interestingly, I feel like Gabe got much softer, kinder and cooler since his transition. Maybe he felt more pressure to counteract the patriarchy and be that “bad bitch” when he presented as female and now he can finally embrace his chill self 👏🏻🥰
are you actually saying that a positive aspect of being a trans man is not needing to care about feminism anymore. are you actually saying that right now.
Only partially related to the video, Gabe I just remembered that you had a mug labelled "male tears" and you once said that your perspective had changed and you saw how that reinforced toxic masculinity. Now you can use it when you're sad and say it's actually about male emotional vulnerability because it's your own tears!😂
In a shocking turn of events, presenting as a man means you have to struggle with the same problems other men do lol It's interesting how you talk about this. Men saying, "women talk in riddles! I'm so confused! I'm just being genuine and nice!" are all phrases that can be either genuine or problematic. I empathize with men - both cis and trans - who are being genuine & kind but have to deal with women being constantly suspicious of them because of the actions of shitty men. It sounds very painful & isolating to have people constantly assume the worst intent. But that line of thinking can also so easily turn into "nice guy" thinking, or dismissing women as crazy / unfair / irrational for trying to protect themselves. Not totally sure what I'm trying to say here. I guess "I'm sorry you have to deal with this painful part of being a man" and also "be careful because this line of thinking can get gross & misogynistic very quickly."
Nicely put, imho! It is different when coming from trans men, but that doesn't mean that it can't get gross and misogynistic. Those phrases bumped for me too.
You get used to the guilty until proven innocent thing over time, it's always interesting to see it from the perspective of someone for whom it's a new experience, though. It certainly can turn some dudes towards the Andrew Tates of the world but I think (and hope) for the most part that's less prevalent than Twitter and youtube would have you believe...
thoughts for Gabe: as a woman who’s dated men, it might be not about you being seen as a player as much as it’s about how these women have been conditioned to respond to men to protect themselves. and I know you’re saying that you are being genuine, but after decades of men being ingenuine, these women are going to have to warm up to the idea that you’re not just lying to them. tldr: i think these women are unlearning trauma responses and training themselves to trust men, and that process isn’t immediate. hopefully you can separate it a bit from you specifically as a person
I agree. I can understand why Gabe may be shocked to be treated this way, as he identified as a woman for most of his life, but identifying as a man is going to come with being treated like a man lol Sorry if things are worded poorly, I'm VERY bad at articulating what I'm trying to say lol
This, I think it’s less about “hating men” as some other comments have said, with their suggestions that this is irrational. It’s often how people act AFTER they have been played and lied to by a man. But I can understand being a trans man and feeling confused by it.
oh yes, I understand the confusion and frustration from suddenly being treated like this after being socialized as a woman. I think my initial comment may not have sounded as understanding as I meant it to. Just, so many of us have been lied to to get us to sleep with someone or keep dating someone or whatever. It’s hard to trust men who are being genuine, and that trust comes with time. I meant to offer solace that it was likely not assumptions about Gabe but more a conditioned response. Longtime JBU fan here. No hate intended!
It sounds to me like Gabe actively knows this, the confusion is around the fact that these woman know Gabe is a trans man and was raised as a girl/woman just like them, and so is a very different type of person and masculinity than cis men.
As a Black trans man I understand exactly what Gabe is saying. People literally don't like me anymore. Women do not talk to me at all. I think with being Black there are multiple other added layers to this but people genuinely don't trust me. I have given up on dating altogether. I've also noticed how difficult it is to make friendships, specifically because I don't feel accepted in cis male circles. My friends have always been women... But women don't want to be my friend anymore which is all understandable. But essentially I've been incredibly lonely and just came to the realization that my transition is a huge factor in all of this... And it hurts like hell. Mind you it's been over a decade. At first I really thought I was doing something completely wrong and now I just realized that so many people just think I'm a creep/avoiding me. With passing and being a Black man I often don't feel super comfortable in queer spaces but I've also never felt safe in queer spaces? It's all just strange lol.
I've noticed that visably Queer people will come at me with their guard up or even aggressively cause they're making assumptions about me that I don't know how to combat. It's a hard pill to swallow that to finally be comfortable with yourself you have to deal with the rest of the world's preconceived notions over shit you have no control over. It is very isolating.
Hearing that women talk in codes and whatever may be a bit simplified and therefore hurtful to hear as a woman. Since we hear it all the time from guys. It just feels like it’s reinforcing the myth that women are more complex/hard to understand, hide things, are hard to decipher etc.
I guess the ''code'' the Gabe is talking about is more like the way women tend to act when talking to men. How they need to be high alert all the time and see every little move as some game/trick or something to be mindfull of. I guess that's why so many cis men (and trans men that weren't acostumed to this perception of them), think women act and speak in codes, because in realy these women are really just reading the same situation with a different light.
I didn't hear that Gabe say that all women talk in codes, more like there's a theater of heteronormative codes that means some women tend to think that's how men should be interacted with !
No a lot of ppl play mental games when dating or just meeting for the first time. Not all women do this, it's mostly a neurotypical thing in my experience. To clarify I mean ppl are not clear and direct but talk in vague expressions and do minor manipulation tactics to get their needs met or protect themselves vs actually stating what they want and feel and expressing their boundaries so it doesn't come off as an ultimatum. Even trying to make friends with other women is like this, it's mentally and emotionally exhausting.
What I think Gabe is now experiencing is women's distrust of men. After years of getting mistreated most of us women have so many guards up. We're wired now to search out red flags and try to catch them before we can be deceived or hurt. It's a big hurtle I had to get over when I started my new relationship.
Old time watcher that wasn't here for any trans or queer topics specifically. Just enjoy y'alls views on things. It is neat to see your transition. Compared to a few years ago, even your voice so much deeper. I'm happy you get to be an inspiration for others in your shoes.
As a woman a compliment(especially "you're beautiful") from another women feels more just a statement. While when a man says it, it allways feel like there is a motive behind it so I am usually sceptic when hearing it. But any more specific compliment I feel is more genuine, like: "your eyes are so beautiful"
Gabe "they are all telling the truth when they are lying" means when these men are called out for lying and being insincere they say "im telling the truth" but they really arent. the women are telling you that they get given compliments but they recognise they arent sincere expressions of admiration but are lines meant to manipulate them. blame the patriarchy. maybe try hyper specif personalised compliments.
Tbh, I'd say that no one is immune to toxic masculinity. Yes, it's going to most overtly affect cis men, but no one is immune to social norms, especially of a systemic nature. Just like no one is immune to internalizing racist norms, misogynistic norms, xenophobic norms, religious norms, etiquette norms etc. It's going to affect everyone differently, because everyone has unique circumstances and experiences, but it's going to affect everyone. It's never a question of are you affected by it, you are, but how aware are you of how you're affected. With toxic masculinity as it pertains to women: women can conform to acting on toxic masculinity, for example shaming/objectifying women for wearing revealing clothing for social approval is a behavioral example of toxic masculinity. And women can do that too, they'll be less able to benefit performing it than men, but they still can, to some benefit. So, there's performing toxic masculinity. There's also enforcing and enabling it, which is something women also participate in. Ex, always assuming that men are 'players' 'only want one thing' can actually enforce that by not cognitively allowing that men can be anything else which can enable and indoctrinate that mentality in men. I think it's important to understand though, that while not always fair and sometimes in service to toxic masculinity, it's a quick threat identification for self protection. If there appears to be a tiger in the bushes, best to assume it wants to eat you, rather than waste time wondering whether it really is a tiger and whether the tiger seems to be stalking you or not. Human brains make cognitive shortcuts in order to have faster reaction times, that's just a physical quality of how brains work. In a world of standardized toxic masculinity, patriarchy, and misogyny, where women are frequently made second class citizens, which we do live in, women are at increased risk of mistreatment from men. It's not unreasonable to be on the defense. Ultimately it's something that has to be navigated by understanding of systemic issues, self awareness, and communication and empathy. Edit: Reading through the comment section. Gabe, I'm sure it wasn't your intention, but maybe note how the way you talked about women here has summoned a lot of airing of misogyny/woman-bashing in the comment section. Mostly men who now feel emboldened to advocate their grievances about how women need to be prioritizing men's feelings over their own safety, and some women positioning that they would never treat Gabe that way, that they're not like those *horrible* women. :/
For me,as a woman, when someone says that I’m “beautiful” or something like that, I take it with a grain of salt because it’s a confidence thing. I don’t really believe people perceive me as such since I don’t-which is sad. I don’t really think the person saying it has ill intentions-I just think they’re just being nice. So what I’m trying to get at is that probably it’s a them issue, when they brush off any physical compliments you give them? Maybe try complimenting them on what they exactly do, say, or act? Those compliments usually feel real to me.
Yes! Also physical compliments sound fake to me like they are just doing it to be nice. I've had ppl feel pressure to give me a compliment when I give them a compliment or to get me to cheer up. So it just doesn't feel genuine or it's too much of a spotlight feeling and I already have an issue with being perceived. I personally tell ppl unless I ask or I really really try do not compliment me physically but hair compliments are always good.
There are a fair amount of toxic men (trans and not) who play "I'm just a sweet guy!" as a kind of act to make women feel at ease, I think if you date queer women especially there might be a kind of pre-defensiveness against that tactic.
I cannot fathom this one at all but it is very interesting to hear the perspective. I think the differences in how men vs women are treated in social situations is pretty fascinating when someone has experienced both sides of it.
I think "don't see me as a toxic man I'm a soft little creature" is a phase for a lot of transmasculine people, but it does not come off as cute it comes off as defensive. But I think it's really common for trans guys to feel a real sense of loss when women don't feel safe around them anymore. There's been a lot written about trans people & privilege. Like plenty of trans women feel like they haven't experienced male privilege their whole life because people could tell something was different about them. It could be good to look into that to help make sense of how people are treating you differently. Ultimately we are all stewed in toxic patriarchal culture and plenty of people accidentally fall into those patterns when they go through puberty, even if it isn't their first. And there are TONS of sexist trans guys out there. The "but I understand what it's like to be a woman" thing actually can contribute to people ignoring feedback when they're actually being weird.
Yes but ppl especially neurotypicals not just women aren't good at being direct. Just my experience and what I've gathered from so many other ppls experiences on videos, podcasts and online threads.
As a trans non binary person, the interest I get from women feels different than what my trans guy friends get. I think if you are dating new people and interactions are short term and not long term, you won't have enough time to learn the other person and not mess up constantly. I don't know if being good at dating will translate into being less confused, just that you were accustomed to having a set of responses that you had encountered before.
i hope gabe sees that comment: his constant insisting on mentioning and plugging the merch is really making me want to buy it (i am not because i live in europe and shipping's a bitch) but i want him to know that it's working!
Just want to shout out, I've been watching you guys from the beginning and I came out as a trans woman in 2020 at 33 years old. It was a month before the pandemic started, which ended up having some surprising advantages (yay masks for facial hair dysphoria!). Y'all are an inspiration and I love that you're still on here just chatting as things come up for you to talk about. Thanks for being you.
😂 Idk anything about being a dude, but this sounds like dating younger women or just needing to change your approach- no idea who has the energy for "code," but that could be the youths or people in a club are just on default man defense. I will say, calling a woman pretty or beautiful only works after she trusts you/gets your vibe- dating apps done burned us out. Cold, that does give masc player vibes- but would work for a femme- bc it feels patronizing and you now benefit from those social structures. Kind of an ALERT set of compliments from strangers for most women who date men. Until she does trust you, just do choice compliments- I love your shirt, excellent song choice- something she's actively chosen or done. Word is it also gets weird on the other side when you start reaping the "benefits" of presenting male like being heard in meetings more and weird moments of implicit unearned deference. Gender is wild.
I feel like this isn't just a transmasc thing it's an autism thing. Firstly, the "women play games" idea feels like you're getting into misogynistic territory because frankly it's better to be safe than sorry by presuming men could be misogynistic etc. (trans men - even those who transition late in life - can still uphold toxic masculinity and benefit from male privilege if they are read as such) and it's not fair on individuals but it's rational when you consider the statistics, and you have to acknowledge the male privilege you now have, even if you didn't always have it. I absolutely agree that it's unfair to be mean but remember the concept of "men's worst fear on a date is getting made fun of; women's is getting murdered" (something along those lines). Anyway, onto autism, I think a more accurate statement is "neurotypical people play games" because I absolutely do not understand why NTs don't just tell the truth and get to the point lol I just want to have a genuine conversation and they've got this 4D chess going, communicating on a whole other plane lol I'm afab agender autistic and am read as female but am tall and fat (the latter meaning I'm unable to pass as more masc, though with my girlfriend I'm more masc) so I have some different things interplaying but I relate to some of what you're saying and others feel a bit iffy. I really appreciate you speaking on this though. Do you think you "got away with" being more awkward dating as a woman because women are more approachable and usually the ones being pursued so you didn't have to make as much effort?
Relatable. I'm pan, amab, genderqueer and dating a trans guy. When I was first talking to him I wasn't sure if he was a fuckboy or what. He just moved from wanting to talk online to meeting in person relatively quickly and so I had no read on the inflection of his messages. I had a feeling he was cool, but I just couldn't tell for sure. He turned out to be super sweet. We both get overwhelmed easily in loud chaotic spaces, so when I was struggling on our first date to communicate at an outdoor restaurant on a busy street, he suggested we find a park and talk. We talked until he had to go home to feed his cats and give them meds. I've since met his three cats and they're extremely cute!
To be clear, I wasn't making any assumptions and I'm new to dating guys in general. I also had just come out as genderqueer and wasn't sure how others were going to read me. I just didn't know for certain what to expect with the little info I had on him.
yes i have in fact been watching you guys for a long time and i too discovered myself a transmasc person recently. its great to see how gabe is doing and how much alike our experiences are
"ever since I started taking t women have become trolls under bridges! Stop with the riddles, ladies, I just want to get on with my day"- Gabe, probably
Maybe you guys have addressed this before, but I would love to see Melisa as a guest on the couch show some time! You three have such different but complimentary personalities :)
im pan and a trans guy thats been out for almost a decade now and i totally get the "sweet spot" lol ever since i got out of it i pretty much never flirt with women anymore and have very rarely been interested in them because they all just treat me like a straight guy and i hate it 😅 like, yes i am a man, but i do not want to "be the man" in the relationship, we are not in the 50's 💀 they do speak in code to me, are mean, and assume the absolute worst IMMEDIATELY! i do like queer women tho, particularly those that treat me like a person and not a "man" the way straight women do 🤭 but hey now at least i enjoy flirting and romancing men! i used to hate to flirt with straight men when they read me as a girl in the exact (but obviously distinct) way that i now hate flirting with straight women. I just want a queer relationship i guess 🤷♂️
As a bisexual afab person I totally relate to this desire to have a _queer_ relationship. Like I don't want to date straight men anymore because I don't want to be treated as "the woman" in that hetero dynamic, which makes me feel super uncomfy and unsafe. Just gimme the girls, gays, and theys 😂
Gay women treat you like another lesbian, straight women treat you like they think you're a man, and men treat you like they think you're a woman? It's a lot.
As a person that is slowly getting more and more androgynous in their enby-ness, I have also noticed the communication change from women. Not from romantic interests as I already have a queer gender-fluid partner, but from platonic female friends who seem to be reacting to me with more agression and distain than I have ever had previously. Its been a bit of a shock honestly and a lot to process. Thanks for sharing your experiences Gabe :)
I remember watching that video when it came out. I identified as a lesbian woman at that time so when Gabe said "our audience is trans guys how started watching us when they were queer women" or something like that, I thought "ha, not me, still a woman" and now we're here. I'm a straight guy. hello.
thanks for speaking about this, the thing with hating men and taking that so far as to making bisexual people feel bad about being into men (hi biphobia) and trans men feel bad about transitioning and shit makes me so mad
Trans people have such a unique and insightful experience on how gender is responded to in our society. It's absolutely beautiful and interesting. I love hearing about it
This is so so interesting. I am a cis lesbian and just realised I have this assumption that androgynous or masc people are players. I think because I assume they are in demand? So weird
A lot of women (in my experience! as a gay! who dated women back in the day!) do take boundaries from men as a challenge. Even if you're gay and not having dating-like interactions with them, they see a lot of your boundaries as you being non-threatening (in contrast to straight men, which, you know, fair) and therefore available for them to control or use, a lot of time for their own protection. The way I understand it, society puts all this pressure on women to be on high alert all the time, that this defensiveness is just part of that. It's unpleasant, but part of growing up (for me! not saying for everyone) has been understanding I still have a right to set boundaries AND to dislike this treatment. Will I sometimes decide I'd rather avoid the women who do this and are particularly mean or impersonal about it? Sure. Will I also meet women who understand we don't need all this toxicity in our lives? Also yes. It's a whole thing.
The comment section seems polarized, love the discussions happening. I just gotta say that I relate with a lot of what Gabe said. I think most people nailed it in the head, recognizing that women have a lot of trauma (speaking general for the collective of America specific). AFAB but I grew up as a tomboy and I feel like society really couldn't decide if I was going to be socialized as female or male. That's besides the point though as I grew up alienated from the girls in my school, unable to understand their "code" and also relate to their problems since I was a gay little middle school hermit. When I transitioned and presented myself as non binary, leaning more towards masculine, the distance I felt between myself and women I dated has since grown. I feel what many men feel, which is that they've been deemed a threat before they've even done anything and for me it's been difficult to not feel like a dirt bag. I don't know what to do about it since I really don't wanna be around someone that makes me feel like I'm evil, but I also crave to be accepted so that I have a place to express femininity in a way I can't with my cis male friends. Tldr: I get what gabe's saying and I see that this issue is much more about our culture, it's obsession with gender wars and the trauma it's inflicted. I personally don't know how to date today when I feel like the women I meet treat me like I'm evil and I really don't like that.
Gabe I love you but you have come off as a player for a long time but you’re right I think femme people are given a bit more leeway in that department because masculinity has a lot of betrayal and insincerity associated with that trait
I guess Gabe is starting to understand the men struggles, and now that is trying to speak it up, people just bash it as "toxic masculinity", well men are also allowed to feel a certain way Gabe's struggles seem really common among men in general
It's so interesting being exposed to the inner workings of the world of women as an autistic trans woman. Like I never needed to learn to doublespeak, aka saying whatever men want to hear for my own safety. I can certainly appreciate the need for it, and I *am* more aware of my security around men, but I'm still much more blunt than a lot of the other women I know.
In my experience, a lot of women subvert the patriarchal power structure and establish dominance in relationships by confusing the men they interact with. Consequently, for these women, an overt display of confusion is attractive. Hope that helps. Oh, and some men have twigged this and fake it, which will be part of the "they are lying when they tell the truth" concept. 🙂
GABE I CANT EVEN TELL YOU how much I relate. Literally when I dress or act more masc (even tho I usually present or seem like a cis lady) like I also get treated like a player??? Like I’m pulling some MOVES or whatever every time I’m just nice to girls. Like people who KNOW ME even will just assume worst intentions bc….ig there is no imagination of like just someone who is well-liked by being gentle and nice and prioritizing consent?? They can only picture like the very cliche pickup artist. So they imagine we’re like that even when it’s wildly reductive. Idk I been thinking that watching s4/5 of the l word and seeing them talk about Shane the same way. When Shane doesn’t have to trick anyone ever and is usually very open about fucking around and not being into commitment and everyone’s like “woW sHaNe iS maGiC” (and not just like non-judgmental and fairly confident)
I feel like player is low key the male version of the word slut but bc men don’t really want to seem like our feelings get hurt / don’t do big campaigns for progress / having lots of casual sex as a man is seen as a positive, it’s just an acceptable thing to say to ppl, often it’s a compliment guys give other guys, but it’s got undertones fs
@@zitronenstern well yeah but the reason it back a slur is bc of society’s view that a woman having a lot of sex is immoral while a man doing it is aspirational. But at the end of the day they mean the same damn thing lol but get very different connotations. But what gabe was talking about, and more what I mean, is when it’s a specific case where you haven’t done anything to deserve it, and you barely know someone and they are making a lot of assumptions about your sex life so like when it’s happening to you interpersonally it does feel like a slut insult ( this is coming from a man who used to be a woman and have experienced both sides of being assumed slutty and a player lmao) but like I said some ppl see it as a compliment and men are all twisted up and don’t wanna admit when we are actively hurting each other ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Kudos to Gabe for ever being able to succesfully date women. As a bi trans guy I've always felt uncomfortable dating them, and being on T has made me gayer so I have no strong desire to get that shit right anyway haha
Such an interesting perspective! Sorry to hear that Gabe has to deal with all this.. hope he gets to meet people who are past this annoying cryptic behaviour.
gabe: i'm a woman in a relationship with a trans man. and i do think that some of it, like allison said, is that people assume they're throwing themselves at you. that's exactly what my thought process was for a while when we were first dating.
oh my god I feel this all so much. I feel like I have no freaking clue how to date any more now that I've transitioned even though I was kind of alright at it before I transitioned. I feel like I get no responses on dating apps either these days which is just super frustrating and disheartening... I don't know how to do the Guy thing that women seem to be looking for. straight dating is wild
I will admit there is a certain joy I get from teasing or confusing the men I date which is not the same for the women 😂 My advice, just run with it Gabe! I like to challenge men a little bc I gotta know their first response isn't to get defensive, plus it's fun when they play along 😁 I'm sure you know bc of the world we live in masculinity comes with s lot of connotations of violence so sometimes we gotta put out feelers to make sure you're not the kinda guy to feel easily threatened.
I think a lot of women have baggage carried forward in our relationships, especially if you've been treated badly or have been unlucky, when we're going forward in new relationships with men, comes out in riddles. It's badly expressed, but the assumption that he's going to 'get you' means he'll understand the half baked nonsense.
I think that maybe she meant that when guys compliment our appearance there often is a motive behind it. When a guy that Im not dating calls me beautiful I might feel on guard or uncomfortable while if a guy friend says youre looking great! I would take it more as a geniune compliment. Maybe??
7:44 ohhhh my god I’ve been seeing a millennial who has these very very strongly-held bioessentialist gender beliefs, but after hearing his dating experiences I was like damn … he was genuinely upset at all these dumb games others would play and for good reason 😭🤣😭 like talking about this masculine and feminine energy stuff and I’d be like um we’re all humans!! as in the ppl he dated seemed personally terrible, not that their gender made them act that way!! I def wanna be like Gabe and try to be as genuine as possible, but that doesn’t mean others won’t stop having their own preconceptions of u 🥲💖 I don’t think it’s naive to keep trying to show your good nature either 😭🤣🥲 cuz some ppl still won’t trust you and as hard as that feels, it’s cuz it’s uncommon to encounter people with really strong integrity, where their behavior truly matches your values 🥲
I wonder if what you’re circling around towards the end ( 07:20 ish?) is an assumed lack of emotional intelligence in male-identifying people. It’s almost the flip side of mansplaining; instead of condescendingly explaining something intellectual or academic to you, that you already understand, the women you encounter are condescendingly explaining your emotions to you (“you all” lie even when you think you’re telling the truth) completely disregarding your own self awareness or ability to introspect. 🤷♀️ Just a thought, from someone who assumes everyone has good intentions too.
This. Women do treat men like they're a little emotionally dumb because... well... many are. Many also hate women so we have learnt to be cautious and defensive around men we don't know are safe.
If you really need advice, i'd say: ask bluntly what they really mean, mostly because i fear i play this game off not saying what i want to say, but it still comes out in some wierd phrasing. And the worst is that I feel i'm being transparent even tought i'm actually speaking in riddles
Interesting watching this as a femme who is currently dating a trans butch. A lot of complaints from Gabe I wouldn’t think to do as a femme but I also wonder if how some behaviors are felt/seen differently as a trans man versus trans butch. I wonder if dating femmes is different than queer women
This is kinda (at least with the "you're a fuckboy" comment) relatable to me as the experience of growing up as someone who doesn't buy into schoolyard masculinity/ "dude banter" or whatever, but not yet having the vocabulary to navigate it and assert yourself as your own thing.
question for gabe: do u feel like ur experience dating men as a woman in the past lends any light to the confusion? like anything you see women doing now & recognize as something you used to do? also as a non-binary person with short hair & sometimes masc presentation i def worry abt ppl projecting certain masc expectations on me that i simply will not be fulfilling 😅
Feel like it's easier bonding with others on the autism spectrum unlike neurotypical people or similar? Found that sometimes certain type of neurodivergent people are also belong to different political, moral etc spectrums than I... like half of my colleagues out there.😅 Yikes! I've learned throughout my dating/ finding ppl cycles, they are weird Dating, courting, etc is weird most of the time - if ya let it I suppose.
@@salildeshpande7 A quick google search will show you that their pronouns are he/they. Please respect that. It's only a small effort for you, and it makes a world of difference for him and everyone reading - to feel that this is a kind and respectful space. Thanks for your efforts! Take care. :)
Interestingly, I feel like Gabe got much softer, kinder and cooler since his transition. Maybe he felt more pressure to counteract the patriarchy and be that “bad bitch” when he presented as female and now he can finally embrace his chill self 👏🏻🥰
are you actually saying that a positive aspect of being a trans man is not needing to care about feminism anymore. are you actually saying that right now.
@@sophieross399 me when i have no reading comprehension
@@sophieross399 wow, the illiteracy in the States is really high indeed. I wonder why it's called a developed nation
@@sophieross399how dare you say we piss on the poor
Only partially related to the video, Gabe I just remembered that you had a mug labelled "male tears" and you once said that your perspective had changed and you saw how that reinforced toxic masculinity. Now you can use it when you're sad and say it's actually about male emotional vulnerability because it's your own tears!😂
love thissss
That's actually a great idea!
Loved the shot of John opening the door
In a shocking turn of events, presenting as a man means you have to struggle with the same problems other men do lol
It's interesting how you talk about this. Men saying, "women talk in riddles! I'm so confused! I'm just being genuine and nice!" are all phrases that can be either genuine or problematic. I empathize with men - both cis and trans - who are being genuine & kind but have to deal with women being constantly suspicious of them because of the actions of shitty men. It sounds very painful & isolating to have people constantly assume the worst intent. But that line of thinking can also so easily turn into "nice guy" thinking, or dismissing women as crazy / unfair / irrational for trying to protect themselves.
Not totally sure what I'm trying to say here. I guess "I'm sorry you have to deal with this painful part of being a man" and also "be careful because this line of thinking can get gross & misogynistic very quickly."
Nicely put, imho! It is different when coming from trans men, but that doesn't mean that it can't get gross and misogynistic. Those phrases bumped for me too.
You get used to the guilty until proven innocent thing over time, it's always interesting to see it from the perspective of someone for whom it's a new experience, though. It certainly can turn some dudes towards the Andrew Tates of the world but I think (and hope) for the most part that's less prevalent than Twitter and youtube would have you believe...
thoughts for Gabe: as a woman who’s dated men, it might be not about you being seen as a player as much as it’s about how these women have been conditioned to respond to men to protect themselves. and I know you’re saying that you are being genuine, but after decades of men being ingenuine, these women are going to have to warm up to the idea that you’re not just lying to them.
tldr: i think these women are unlearning trauma responses and training themselves to trust men, and that process isn’t immediate. hopefully you can separate it a bit from you specifically as a person
I agree. I can understand why Gabe may be shocked to be treated this way, as he identified as a woman for most of his life, but identifying as a man is going to come with being treated like a man lol
Sorry if things are worded poorly, I'm VERY bad at articulating what I'm trying to say lol
This, I think it’s less about “hating men” as some other comments have said, with their suggestions that this is irrational. It’s often how people act AFTER they have been played and lied to by a man.
But I can understand being a trans man and feeling confused by it.
oh yes, I understand the confusion and frustration from suddenly being treated like this after being socialized as a woman. I think my initial comment may not have sounded as understanding as I meant it to.
Just, so many of us have been lied to to get us to sleep with someone or keep dating someone or whatever. It’s hard to trust men who are being genuine, and that trust comes with time. I meant to offer solace that it was likely not assumptions about Gabe but more a conditioned response.
Longtime JBU fan here. No hate intended!
It sounds to me like Gabe actively knows this, the confusion is around the fact that these woman know Gabe is a trans man and was raised as a girl/woman just like them, and so is a very different type of person and masculinity than cis men.
This! This is exactly it!
As a Black trans man I understand exactly what Gabe is saying. People literally don't like me anymore. Women do not talk to me at all. I think with being Black there are multiple other added layers to this but people genuinely don't trust me. I have given up on dating altogether. I've also noticed how difficult it is to make friendships, specifically because I don't feel accepted in cis male circles. My friends have always been women... But women don't want to be my friend anymore which is all understandable. But essentially I've been incredibly lonely and just came to the realization that my transition is a huge factor in all of this... And it hurts like hell. Mind you it's been over a decade. At first I really thought I was doing something completely wrong and now I just realized that so many people just think I'm a creep/avoiding me. With passing and being a Black man I often don't feel super comfortable in queer spaces but I've also never felt safe in queer spaces? It's all just strange lol.
I've noticed that visably Queer people will come at me with their guard up or even aggressively cause they're making assumptions about me that I don't know how to combat. It's a hard pill to swallow that to finally be comfortable with yourself you have to deal with the rest of the world's preconceived notions over shit you have no control over. It is very isolating.
As a fellow trans guy... I'm sorry that sucks
The lesson I’m learning is that we all need to stop judging others on appearance less. They totally judged you one way without knowing you
Hearing that women talk in codes and whatever may be a bit simplified and therefore hurtful to hear as a woman. Since we hear it all the time from guys. It just feels like it’s reinforcing the myth that women are more complex/hard to understand, hide things, are hard to decipher etc.
I guess the ''code'' the Gabe is talking about is more like the way women tend to act when talking to men. How they need to be high alert all the time and see every little move as some game/trick or something to be mindfull of. I guess that's why so many cis men (and trans men that weren't acostumed to this perception of them), think women act and speak in codes, because in realy these women are really just reading the same situation with a different light.
I didn't hear that Gabe say that all women talk in codes, more like there's a theater of heteronormative codes that means some women tend to think that's how men should be interacted with !
No a lot of ppl play mental games when dating or just meeting for the first time. Not all women do this, it's mostly a neurotypical thing in my experience. To clarify I mean ppl are not clear and direct but talk in vague expressions and do minor manipulation tactics to get their needs met or protect themselves vs actually stating what they want and feel and expressing their boundaries so it doesn't come off as an ultimatum. Even trying to make friends with other women is like this, it's mentally and emotionally exhausting.
What I think Gabe is now experiencing is women's distrust of men. After years of getting mistreated most of us women have so many guards up. We're wired now to search out red flags and try to catch them before we can be deceived or hurt. It's a big hurtle I had to get over when I started my new relationship.
can you do what it’s like dating guys as a guy next!
They just did!
Old time watcher that wasn't here for any trans or queer topics specifically. Just enjoy y'alls views on things. It is neat to see your transition. Compared to a few years ago, even your voice so much deeper. I'm happy you get to be an inspiration for others in your shoes.
As a woman a compliment(especially "you're beautiful") from another women feels more just a statement. While when a man says it, it allways feel like there is a motive behind it so I am usually sceptic when hearing it. But any more specific compliment I feel is more genuine, like: "your eyes are so beautiful"
Gabe "they are all telling the truth when they are lying" means when these men are called out for lying and being insincere they say "im telling the truth" but they really arent.
the women are telling you that they get given compliments but they recognise they arent sincere expressions of admiration but are lines meant to manipulate them. blame the patriarchy.
maybe try hyper specif personalised compliments.
Tbh, I'd say that no one is immune to toxic masculinity. Yes, it's going to most overtly affect cis men, but no one is immune to social norms, especially of a systemic nature. Just like no one is immune to internalizing racist norms, misogynistic norms, xenophobic norms, religious norms, etiquette norms etc. It's going to affect everyone differently, because everyone has unique circumstances and experiences, but it's going to affect everyone. It's never a question of are you affected by it, you are, but how aware are you of how you're affected.
With toxic masculinity as it pertains to women: women can conform to acting on toxic masculinity, for example shaming/objectifying women for wearing revealing clothing for social approval is a behavioral example of toxic masculinity. And women can do that too, they'll be less able to benefit performing it than men, but they still can, to some benefit. So, there's performing toxic masculinity. There's also enforcing and enabling it, which is something women also participate in. Ex, always assuming that men are 'players' 'only want one thing' can actually enforce that by not cognitively allowing that men can be anything else which can enable and indoctrinate that mentality in men.
I think it's important to understand though, that while not always fair and sometimes in service to toxic masculinity, it's a quick threat identification for self protection. If there appears to be a tiger in the bushes, best to assume it wants to eat you, rather than waste time wondering whether it really is a tiger and whether the tiger seems to be stalking you or not. Human brains make cognitive shortcuts in order to have faster reaction times, that's just a physical quality of how brains work. In a world of standardized toxic masculinity, patriarchy, and misogyny, where women are frequently made second class citizens, which we do live in, women are at increased risk of mistreatment from men. It's not unreasonable to be on the defense.
Ultimately it's something that has to be navigated by understanding of systemic issues, self awareness, and communication and empathy.
Edit: Reading through the comment section. Gabe, I'm sure it wasn't your intention, but maybe note how the way you talked about women here has summoned a lot of airing of misogyny/woman-bashing in the comment section. Mostly men who now feel emboldened to advocate their grievances about how women need to be prioritizing men's feelings over their own safety, and some women positioning that they would never treat Gabe that way, that they're not like those *horrible* women. :/
For me,as a woman, when someone says that I’m “beautiful” or something like that, I take it with a grain of salt because it’s a confidence thing. I don’t really believe people perceive me as such since I don’t-which is sad. I don’t really think the person saying it has ill intentions-I just think they’re just being nice. So what I’m trying to get at is that probably it’s a them issue, when they brush off any physical compliments you give them? Maybe try complimenting them on what they exactly do, say, or act? Those compliments usually feel real to me.
Yes! Also physical compliments sound fake to me like they are just doing it to be nice. I've had ppl feel pressure to give me a compliment when I give them a compliment or to get me to cheer up. So it just doesn't feel genuine or it's too much of a spotlight feeling and I already have an issue with being perceived. I personally tell ppl unless I ask or I really really try do not compliment me physically but hair compliments are always good.
There are a fair amount of toxic men (trans and not) who play "I'm just a sweet guy!" as a kind of act to make women feel at ease, I think if you date queer women especially there might be a kind of pre-defensiveness against that tactic.
I cannot fathom this one at all but it is very interesting to hear the perspective. I think the differences in how men vs women are treated in social situations is pretty fascinating when someone has experienced both sides of it.
“They’re all telling the truth when they’re lying” I want to be as wise as her one day
I think "don't see me as a toxic man I'm a soft little creature" is a phase for a lot of transmasculine people, but it does not come off as cute it comes off as defensive. But I think it's really common for trans guys to feel a real sense of loss when women don't feel safe around them anymore.
There's been a lot written about trans people & privilege. Like plenty of trans women feel like they haven't experienced male privilege their whole life because people could tell something was different about them. It could be good to look into that to help make sense of how people are treating you differently. Ultimately we are all stewed in toxic patriarchal culture and plenty of people accidentally fall into those patterns when they go through puberty, even if it isn't their first. And there are TONS of sexist trans guys out there. The "but I understand what it's like to be a woman" thing actually can contribute to people ignoring feedback when they're actually being weird.
I think she meant, they all think they’re telling the truth when they’re lying
Yes but ppl especially neurotypicals not just women aren't good at being direct. Just my experience and what I've gathered from so many other ppls experiences on videos, podcasts and online threads.
As a trans non binary person, the interest I get from women feels different than what my trans guy friends get. I think if you are dating new people and interactions are short term and not long term, you won't have enough time to learn the other person and not mess up constantly. I don't know if being good at dating will translate into being less confused, just that you were accustomed to having a set of responses that you had encountered before.
i hope gabe sees that comment: his constant insisting on mentioning and plugging the merch is really making me want to buy it (i am not because i live in europe and shipping's a bitch) but i want him to know that it's working!
yesss seconded!
This really rubbed me the wrong way 😅 "women talk in riddles, I'm such a nice guy" it's a dangerous mindset to have, even if you're not cis
Yes she should have said "most neurotypical women talk in riddles" and leave the nice guy comment out.
like i am so confused 😅 he used be such feminist i was thinking he would get why women act like that lmao
Just want to shout out, I've been watching you guys from the beginning and I came out as a trans woman in 2020 at 33 years old. It was a month before the pandemic started, which ended up having some surprising advantages (yay masks for facial hair dysphoria!). Y'all are an inspiration and I love that you're still on here just chatting as things come up for you to talk about. Thanks for being you.
😂 Idk anything about being a dude, but this sounds like dating younger women or just needing to change your approach- no idea who has the energy for "code," but that could be the youths or people in a club are just on default man defense.
I will say, calling a woman pretty or beautiful only works after she trusts you/gets your vibe- dating apps done burned us out. Cold, that does give masc player vibes- but would work for a femme- bc it feels patronizing and you now benefit from those social structures. Kind of an ALERT set of compliments from strangers for most women who date men.
Until she does trust you, just do choice compliments- I love your shirt, excellent song choice- something she's actively chosen or done.
Word is it also gets weird on the other side when you start reaping the "benefits" of presenting male like being heard in meetings more and weird moments of implicit unearned deference.
Gender is wild.
I don't know why but I totally get that "confused boy" is very attractive. Poor Gabe! Seems to be working for him though
I feel like this isn't just a transmasc thing it's an autism thing. Firstly, the "women play games" idea feels like you're getting into misogynistic territory because frankly it's better to be safe than sorry by presuming men could be misogynistic etc. (trans men - even those who transition late in life - can still uphold toxic masculinity and benefit from male privilege if they are read as such) and it's not fair on individuals but it's rational when you consider the statistics, and you have to acknowledge the male privilege you now have, even if you didn't always have it. I absolutely agree that it's unfair to be mean but remember the concept of "men's worst fear on a date is getting made fun of; women's is getting murdered" (something along those lines). Anyway, onto autism, I think a more accurate statement is "neurotypical people play games" because I absolutely do not understand why NTs don't just tell the truth and get to the point lol I just want to have a genuine conversation and they've got this 4D chess going, communicating on a whole other plane lol
I'm afab agender autistic and am read as female but am tall and fat (the latter meaning I'm unable to pass as more masc, though with my girlfriend I'm more masc) so I have some different things interplaying but I relate to some of what you're saying and others feel a bit iffy. I really appreciate you speaking on this though. Do you think you "got away with" being more awkward dating as a woman because women are more approachable and usually the ones being pursued so you didn't have to make as much effort?
Relatable. I'm pan, amab, genderqueer and dating a trans guy. When I was first talking to him I wasn't sure if he was a fuckboy or what. He just moved from wanting to talk online to meeting in person relatively quickly and so I had no read on the inflection of his messages. I had a feeling he was cool, but I just couldn't tell for sure. He turned out to be super sweet. We both get overwhelmed easily in loud chaotic spaces, so when I was struggling on our first date to communicate at an outdoor restaurant on a busy street, he suggested we find a park and talk. We talked until he had to go home to feed his cats and give them meds. I've since met his three cats and they're extremely cute!
To be clear, I wasn't making any assumptions and I'm new to dating guys in general. I also had just come out as genderqueer and wasn't sure how others were going to read me. I just didn't know for certain what to expect with the little info I had on him.
yes i have in fact been watching you guys for a long time and i too discovered myself a transmasc person recently. its great to see how gabe is doing and how much alike our experiences are
Gabe, cmon, you weren't a player when you were a woman???
Just because you didn't grow up as a man doesn't mean you can't be toxically masculine.
Loving these couch conversation guys!
"ever since I started taking t women have become trolls under bridges! Stop with the riddles, ladies, I just want to get on with my day"- Gabe, probably
Allison I promise if you repeat shirts we won't care ❤
This was really interesting, thanks for sharing Gabe
Maybe you guys have addressed this before, but I would love to see Melisa as a guest on the couch show some time! You three have such different but complimentary personalities :)
I think she said on the podcast she would never want to be shown but don't quote me, not 100% sure.
im pan and a trans guy thats been out for almost a decade now and i totally get the "sweet spot" lol ever since i got out of it i pretty much never flirt with women anymore and have very rarely been interested in them because they all just treat me like a straight guy and i hate it 😅 like, yes i am a man, but i do not want to "be the man" in the relationship, we are not in the 50's 💀 they do speak in code to me, are mean, and assume the absolute worst IMMEDIATELY! i do like queer women tho, particularly those that treat me like a person and not a "man" the way straight women do 🤭 but hey now at least i enjoy flirting and romancing men! i used to hate to flirt with straight men when they read me as a girl in the exact (but obviously distinct) way that i now hate flirting with straight women. I just want a queer relationship i guess 🤷♂️
As a bisexual afab person I totally relate to this desire to have a _queer_ relationship. Like I don't want to date straight men anymore because I don't want to be treated as "the woman" in that hetero dynamic, which makes me feel super uncomfy and unsafe. Just gimme the girls, gays, and theys 😂
Your sick
Gay women treat you like another lesbian, straight women treat you like they think you're a man, and men treat you like they think you're a woman? It's a lot.
Relating to newish trans men as a cis guy is surprisingly enjoyable yt subgenre
Started figuring out that I'm into this, too; got any recommendations?
As a person that is slowly getting more and more androgynous in their enby-ness, I have also noticed the communication change from women. Not from romantic interests as I already have a queer gender-fluid partner, but from platonic female friends who seem to be reacting to me with more agression and distain than I have ever had previously. Its been a bit of a shock honestly and a lot to process. Thanks for sharing your experiences Gabe :)
John’s. Cameo was soooo funny
I remember watching that video when it came out. I identified as a lesbian woman at that time so when Gabe said "our audience is trans guys how started watching us when they were queer women" or something like that, I thought "ha, not me, still a woman"
and now we're here. I'm a straight guy. hello.
I always thought that was the front door and my brain has to shift now
thanks for speaking about this, the thing with hating men and taking that so far as to making bisexual people feel bad about being into men (hi biphobia) and trans men feel bad about transitioning and shit makes me so mad
lol its almost like generalizations are bad
You can repeat shirts Allison it's ok!
Trans people have such a unique and insightful experience on how gender is responded to in our society. It's absolutely beautiful and interesting. I love hearing about it
This is so so interesting. I am a cis lesbian and just realised I have this assumption that androgynous or masc people are players. I think because I assume they are in demand? So weird
A lot of women (in my experience! as a gay! who dated women back in the day!) do take boundaries from men as a challenge. Even if you're gay and not having dating-like interactions with them, they see a lot of your boundaries as you being non-threatening (in contrast to straight men, which, you know, fair) and therefore available for them to control or use, a lot of time for their own protection. The way I understand it, society puts all this pressure on women to be on high alert all the time, that this defensiveness is just part of that. It's unpleasant, but part of growing up (for me! not saying for everyone) has been understanding I still have a right to set boundaries AND to dislike this treatment. Will I sometimes decide I'd rather avoid the women who do this and are particularly mean or impersonal about it? Sure. Will I also meet women who understand we don't need all this toxicity in our lives? Also yes. It's a whole thing.
eyy i'm part of the 75%. this is so funny and relatable, I appreciate so much that you're talking about this
The comment section seems polarized, love the discussions happening.
I just gotta say that I relate with a lot of what Gabe said. I think most people nailed it in the head, recognizing that women have a lot of trauma (speaking general for the collective of America specific). AFAB but I grew up as a tomboy and I feel like society really couldn't decide if I was going to be socialized as female or male. That's besides the point though as I grew up alienated from the girls in my school, unable to understand their "code" and also relate to their problems since I was a gay little middle school hermit.
When I transitioned and presented myself as non binary, leaning more towards masculine, the distance I felt between myself and women I dated has since grown. I feel what many men feel, which is that they've been deemed a threat before they've even done anything and for me it's been difficult to not feel like a dirt bag. I don't know what to do about it since I really don't wanna be around someone that makes me feel like I'm evil, but I also crave to be accepted so that I have a place to express femininity in a way I can't with my cis male friends.
Tldr: I get what gabe's saying and I see that this issue is much more about our culture, it's obsession with gender wars and the trauma it's inflicted. I personally don't know how to date today when I feel like the women I meet treat me like I'm evil and I really don't like that.
Gabe I love you but you have come off as a player for a long time but you’re right I think femme people are given a bit more leeway in that department because masculinity has a lot of betrayal and insincerity associated with that trait
I guess Gabe is starting to understand the men struggles, and now that is trying to speak it up, people just bash it as "toxic masculinity", well men are also allowed to feel a certain way
Gabe's struggles seem really common among men in general
Doug opening the door was so funny
It's so interesting being exposed to the inner workings of the world of women as an autistic trans woman. Like I never needed to learn to doublespeak, aka saying whatever men want to hear for my own safety. I can certainly appreciate the need for it, and I *am* more aware of my security around men, but I'm still much more blunt than a lot of the other women I know.
In my experience, a lot of women subvert the patriarchal power structure and establish dominance in relationships by confusing the men they interact with. Consequently, for these women, an overt display of confusion is attractive.
Hope that helps.
Oh, and some men have twigged this and fake it, which will be part of the "they are lying when they tell the truth" concept. 🙂
GABE I CANT EVEN TELL YOU how much I relate. Literally when I dress or act more masc (even tho I usually present or seem like a cis lady) like I also get treated like a player??? Like I’m pulling some MOVES or whatever every time I’m just nice to girls. Like people who KNOW ME even will just assume worst intentions bc….ig there is no imagination of like just someone who is well-liked by being gentle and nice and prioritizing consent?? They can only picture like the very cliche pickup artist. So they imagine we’re like that even when it’s wildly reductive.
Idk I been thinking that watching s4/5 of the l word and seeing them talk about Shane the same way. When Shane doesn’t have to trick anyone ever and is usually very open about fucking around and not being into commitment and everyone’s like “woW sHaNe iS maGiC” (and not just like non-judgmental and fairly confident)
I feel like player is low key the male version of the word slut but bc men don’t really want to seem like our feelings get hurt / don’t do big campaigns for progress / having lots of casual sex as a man is seen as a positive, it’s just an acceptable thing to say to ppl, often it’s a compliment guys give other guys, but it’s got undertones fs
very very very low key. slut is a slur after all.
@@zitronenstern well yeah but the reason it back a slur is bc of society’s view that a woman having a lot of sex is immoral while a man doing it is aspirational. But at the end of the day they mean the same damn thing lol but get very different connotations. But what gabe was talking about, and more what I mean, is when it’s a specific case where you haven’t done anything to deserve it, and you barely know someone and they are making a lot of assumptions about your sex life so like when it’s happening to you interpersonally it does feel like a slut insult ( this is coming from a man who used to be a woman and have experienced both sides of being assumed slutty and a player lmao) but like I said some ppl see it as a compliment and men are all twisted up and don’t wanna admit when we are actively hurting each other ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Kudos to Gabe for ever being able to succesfully date women. As a bi trans guy I've always felt uncomfortable dating them, and being on T has made me gayer so I have no strong desire to get that shit right anyway haha
Such an interesting perspective! Sorry to hear that Gabe has to deal with all this..
hope he gets to meet people who are past this annoying cryptic behaviour.
This conversation was hilarious 😂😂
gabe: i'm a woman in a relationship with a trans man. and i do think that some of it, like allison said, is that people assume they're throwing themselves at you. that's exactly what my thought process was for a while when we were first dating.
"WHAT DOES THIS MEAN??" yep this how a lot of guys feel when they interact with women
oh my god I feel this all so much. I feel like I have no freaking clue how to date any more now that I've transitioned even though I was kind of alright at it before I transitioned. I feel like I get no responses on dating apps either these days which is just super frustrating and disheartening... I don't know how to do the Guy thing that women seem to be looking for. straight dating is wild
I got a Disney World ad clearly aimed at parents of young kids after this video
Lol, my dating tip for Gabe is to date *me*. Alas, they don't date fans so I don't have any useful advice
I will admit there is a certain joy I get from teasing or confusing the men I date which is not the same for the women 😂
My advice, just run with it Gabe!
I like to challenge men a little bc I gotta know their first response isn't to get defensive, plus it's fun when they play along 😁
I'm sure you know bc of the world we live in masculinity comes with s lot of connotations of violence so sometimes we gotta put out feelers to make sure you're not the kinda guy to feel easily threatened.
As a CIS man it's extremely validating to hear a trans man express the frustrations we've long since accepted.
I think a lot of women have baggage carried forward in our relationships, especially if you've been treated badly or have been unlucky, when we're going forward in new relationships with men, comes out in riddles. It's badly expressed, but the assumption that he's going to 'get you' means he'll understand the half baked nonsense.
the last time i watched this channel gabe was cis and allistic and so was i so it's cool to see where we've both ended up
Did you really not expect to be treated as a potential threat?
I think that maybe she meant that when guys compliment our appearance there often is a motive behind it. When a guy that Im not dating calls me beautiful I might feel on guard or uncomfortable while if a guy friend says youre looking great! I would take it more as a geniune compliment. Maybe??
2:34 Allison is too much 😂😂
7:44 ohhhh my god I’ve been seeing a millennial who has these very very strongly-held bioessentialist gender beliefs, but after hearing his dating experiences I was like damn … he was genuinely upset at all these dumb games others would play and for good reason 😭🤣😭 like talking about this masculine and feminine energy stuff and I’d be like um we’re all humans!! as in the ppl he dated seemed personally terrible, not that their gender made them act that way!!
I def wanna be like Gabe and try to be as genuine as possible, but that doesn’t mean others won’t stop having their own preconceptions of u 🥲💖 I don’t think it’s naive to keep trying to show your good nature either 😭🤣🥲 cuz some ppl still won’t trust you and as hard as that feels, it’s cuz it’s uncommon to encounter people with really strong integrity, where their behavior truly matches your values 🥲
I've been watching you both for 7 years now! ❤
I wonder if what you’re circling around towards the end ( 07:20 ish?) is an assumed lack of emotional intelligence in male-identifying people. It’s almost the flip side of mansplaining; instead of condescendingly explaining something intellectual or academic to you, that you already understand, the women you encounter are condescendingly explaining your emotions to you (“you all” lie even when you think you’re telling the truth) completely disregarding your own self awareness or ability to introspect. 🤷♀️ Just a thought, from someone who assumes everyone has good intentions too.
This. Women do treat men like they're a little emotionally dumb because... well... many are. Many also hate women so we have learnt to be cautious and defensive around men we don't know are safe.
Glad to hear Gabe transed all of our genders by being too damn relatable
i think a potential solution for gabe might be dating other autistic people lol
Thankful for Alix every day - g
If you really need advice, i'd say: ask bluntly what they really mean, mostly because i fear i play this game off not saying what i want to say, but it still comes out in some wierd phrasing. And the worst is that I feel i'm being transparent even tought i'm actually speaking in riddles
Interesting watching this as a femme who is currently dating a trans butch. A lot of complaints from Gabe I wouldn’t think to do as a femme but I also wonder if how some behaviors are felt/seen differently as a trans man versus trans butch. I wonder if dating femmes is different than queer women
This is kinda (at least with the "you're a fuckboy" comment) relatable to me as the experience of growing up as someone who doesn't buy into schoolyard masculinity/ "dude banter" or whatever, but not yet having the vocabulary to navigate it and assert yourself as your own thing.
This is entirelyyyyy my life 😭
I LOVE THAT HOODIE ON GABE. Brb getting your merch :)
edit: Nvm. You guys don't ship internationally 😢
question for gabe: do u feel like ur experience dating men as a woman in the past lends any light to the confusion? like anything you see women doing now & recognize as something you used to do? also as a non-binary person with short hair & sometimes masc presentation i def worry abt ppl projecting certain masc expectations on me that i simply will not be fulfilling 😅
Love how they just shove John in a dark closet when they film these
We love the couch shows!
Gabe’s about to go down a redpill rabbit hole and Lowkey I’m here for it
I'm a straight, cis, guy! So there is at least one of us. Been here for years.
Feel like it's easier bonding with others on the autism spectrum unlike neurotypical people or similar? Found that sometimes certain type of neurodivergent people are also belong to different political, moral etc spectrums than I... like half of my colleagues out there.😅 Yikes!
I've learned throughout my dating/ finding ppl cycles, they are weird
Dating, courting, etc is weird most of the time - if ya let it I suppose.
I missed these videos so much 🥰
Maybe women are taking precautions because they’ve been hurt or tricked by men so many times but it’s true, that’s not fair to you
Love this
i am a trans guy who started watching yall before i transitioned yea
allison is giving mommy vibes.. very radiant a beautiful!
Great episode love u both been following for years and im a non binary bisexual human ❤️
I dont think women ever found me attractive.... smh i didnt get a sweet spot. Now they assume im gay but nop im just a fruity goth.
Allison. ❤️
Lol gabe is the best 😂
Welcome to the male experience. It’s a trip.
She won't be a male ever
Please be respectful and use correct pronouns for Gabe
@@cariiinen 💯, her pronouns are she, her
@@cariiinenWhy this is a sick perverted women. Who is now a freak.
@@salildeshpande7 A quick google search will show you that their pronouns are he/they. Please respect that.
It's only a small effort for you, and it makes a world of difference for him and everyone reading - to feel that this is a kind and respectful space.
Thanks for your efforts! Take care. :)
Wouldn't transitioning to a man be volunteering to be part of the patriarchy?
you act like there are no cis guys who would like to be treated "softer" as well.
I'm not a trans man!
I'm non binary :D