I relate to Alison's example of being able to tolerate not knowing things right away lol. For me the worst is when it comes to plans. As an example, my relatives came up to visit for a few days and I had to remind myself over and over that it was probably better to just make plans on the fly rather than to micromanage them 2+ weeks in advance and tell myself it was okay to not have stable plans. It sounds so silly but it's such a huge source of anxiety for me.
It’s not silly. A need for control is a very common and very real problem, and the fact that your working on getting better at it is really impressive!
I wanted to say that!!! I couldn’t listen since it wasn’t available in Germany, but I really really wanted to listen from the ads I saw for it! Bring it back as a podcast Alison!!!!
As a person with disorganized attachment, I'm usually either too anxious not knowing how I feel about someone RIGHT THAT SECOND to explore a connection, or I'm so bored/lonely that I'll date whoever's around and interested, which ends badly. Plus voicing my needs was always a struggle because I wasn't taught that it was safe to do so. I'm working through all of that in my thirties. Could this be the decade I'll finally be comfortable enough in my own skin to let someone get close in a meaningful way?! A gal can (and will) dream!
Ahhh YES. The just ACCEPTING that a person loves you, not questioning it. Thats the defining aspect. Huge mind shift that resulted in genuine 'secure style' relationships. Not that i have a open relationship or am poly, but i am so secure now compared to other relationships that i really wouldnt care if my girlfriend had a consentual fling with another person. Because i know no matter what she loves me the most and will always come back. MINDBLOWING 😂 to think this way now
This is so interesting. I've just recently started dating someone and we had our first miscommunication and in the past I would have said nothing but been bothered by it, until it turned into a bigger deal. But instead I let them know they'd misunderstood without making it a big deal and communicated my need, and we sorted it out in a way that made us both happy. Also like, I keep finding the old anxious thoughts come into my head, but I really liked what you both said about taking what they say at face value, because everything this person I'm dating has said to me or done around me indicates they like me and want a long term relationship. So I just got to keep reminding the old anxiety of that 😅
I’ve been grieving all the growth I missed out on by never having a relationship in my twenties, I’d love to discover these parts of myself in a relationship and grow like this
I feel like I’ve grown in similar ways with friendships and other close relationships. Even exercising insight into my relationship with myself has been helpful. It is funny how we talk about this only in the lens of romantic relationships
I cant believe Gabe is wearing Aja Labeija's monolog to Valentina on RPDR S09. That's iconic behavior. "Your smile is BEAUtiful" hahaha! PS: I love how you have both grown so much ❤
I love this! Showing the healthy sides to relationships is in fact working on yourself and having a strong emotional foundation. I've been doing exactly the same through therapy. It's hard and can feel lonely, so I really appreciate you two being so open.
This was such a chill video and mature discussion! So proud of the progress and reflection here from you both!! Thanks for sharing these nuggets of wisdom
OH GIRL.. THE NOT KNOWING. You described me to a tee. Lol. I now can most definitely wait, something i couldn't do before. Shoot girl, not knowing immediately is a pain in the butt, Sometimes too long and i just dont care later on 😅😂
A very happy belated birthday to another Gemini Gabe S.! Keep learning more queer, trans or nonbinary people identified being on neurotypical spectrum. 😅 Both of your attitudes are magnificent. Easily noticeable growth! Woah, Nice.
Hearing Allison talk about how she overcame her jealousy helped me to feel less jealous
Alison getting the love she always wanted from phantom because sugar was not affectionate in that way = best explanation of polyamory!
I find you so entertaining regardless of the content. I see couch, i click, i watch to the end. DOES NOT MATTER what the title is
I relate to Alison's example of being able to tolerate not knowing things right away lol. For me the worst is when it comes to plans. As an example, my relatives came up to visit for a few days and I had to remind myself over and over that it was probably better to just make plans on the fly rather than to micromanage them 2+ weeks in advance and tell myself it was okay to not have stable plans. It sounds so silly but it's such a huge source of anxiety for me.
It’s not silly. A need for control is a very common and very real problem, and the fact that your working on getting better at it is really impressive!
Nightmare to date was an amazing show and YOU, Allison, should bring it back yourself!
I wanted to say that!!! I couldn’t listen since it wasn’t available in Germany, but I really really wanted to listen from the ads I saw for it! Bring it back as a podcast Alison!!!!
here for the chaos
It is the best part
As a person with disorganized attachment, I'm usually either too anxious not knowing how I feel about someone RIGHT THAT SECOND to explore a connection, or I'm so bored/lonely that I'll date whoever's around and interested, which ends badly. Plus voicing my needs was always a struggle because I wasn't taught that it was safe to do so. I'm working through all of that in my thirties. Could this be the decade I'll finally be comfortable enough in my own skin to let someone get close in a meaningful way?! A gal can (and will) dream!
Ahhh YES. The just ACCEPTING that a person loves you, not questioning it. Thats the defining aspect. Huge mind shift that resulted in genuine 'secure style' relationships.
Not that i have a open relationship or am poly, but i am so secure now compared to other relationships that i really wouldnt care if my girlfriend had a consentual fling with another person. Because i know no matter what she loves me the most and will always come back.
MINDBLOWING 😂 to think this way now
This is so interesting. I've just recently started dating someone and we had our first miscommunication and in the past I would have said nothing but been bothered by it, until it turned into a bigger deal. But instead I let them know they'd misunderstood without making it a big deal and communicated my need, and we sorted it out in a way that made us both happy.
Also like, I keep finding the old anxious thoughts come into my head, but I really liked what you both said about taking what they say at face value, because everything this person I'm dating has said to me or done around me indicates they like me and want a long term relationship. So I just got to keep reminding the old anxiety of that 😅
I’ve been grieving all the growth I missed out on by never having a relationship in my twenties, I’d love to discover these parts of myself in a relationship and grow like this
I feel like I’ve grown in similar ways with friendships and other close relationships. Even exercising insight into my relationship with myself has been helpful. It is funny how we talk about this only in the lens of romantic relationships
I cant believe Gabe is wearing Aja Labeija's monolog to Valentina on RPDR S09. That's iconic behavior. "Your smile is BEAUtiful" hahaha!
PS: I love how you have both grown so much ❤
I love this! Showing the healthy sides to relationships is in fact working on yourself and having a strong emotional foundation.
I've been doing exactly the same through therapy. It's hard and can feel lonely, so I really appreciate you two being so open.
This was such a chill video and mature discussion! So proud of the progress and reflection here from you both!! Thanks for sharing these nuggets of wisdom
I'm still just so excited that the couch show is back!!!! 🎉 Love the topic this week too!!!
When Allison was talking about (not) being jealous I thought she said "I used to be threatened by exes, or certain friends, or people named Ned."
Happy birthday Gabe!
This was an excellent video! I really appreciate how human and candid y'all always are. Thank you!
One of my favs so far!
Loved this episode :) and I love this channel (and Sugar + Phantom)!
I have been watching you two for yeeeears. Still enjoy your talks. Really appreciate you both.
What a good conversation. I think you should go deeper onto the topic in a longer podcast!!
Here for the sound of Allison's laugh ❤
i love u both so much just thought i’d say that :) happy pride !! 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
Happy pride month!
Love Gabes voice in this - they sound great :)
Not gonna lie, watching the dog was like visual ASMR and I was only half listening to what y’all were saying 😅
Love this for you guys
loved the video but cant stop getting distracted by phantom 🥺
@allisonraskin are you going to release the back catalogue of nightmare to date?
Cause I'd totally pay like $7-12 for that
Gabe, gemini fam!!
I'm just dropping here to say that, um, Gabe... you look so good.
big ups for dog polyamory
OH GIRL.. THE NOT KNOWING. You described me to a tee. Lol. I now can most definitely wait, something i couldn't do before. Shoot girl, not knowing immediately is a pain in the butt, Sometimes too long and i just dont care later on 😅😂
Phantom’s ear hanging 😭
A very happy belated birthday to another Gemini Gabe S.!
Keep learning more queer, trans or nonbinary people identified being on neurotypical spectrum. 😅
Both of your attitudes are magnificent. Easily noticeable growth! Woah, Nice.
Dammit Gabe, we wanted to know what Allison got (not a nipple piercing) 😂
Maybe I'm broken, but I swear the audio was better without microphones.
Also this was a great episode. You're both growing so much but keeping that dark humour that we all love ;) awesome.
Gabe, I need your thoughts on the new queer love ultimatum immediately
I wasn't listening because the Dog was so cute resting on you....!
I was just going to comment about phantom!!!!!!!!!!!!
soo cute!!!!!
1:44 stirring up Phantom
Lol imagine if Alison actually got her nipples pierced lol
First just between us I’ve caught in years, and I’m feeling a bit attacked as a poly audhd person. (By which I mean I don’t actually feel attacked.)
I think she is a better partner to sugar though
Now I just want to see the nipple ring. 💍