I had an extremely productive and rewarding day, did everything on my to do list, then the sun goes down....is it back to the books? The TV shows are all reruns, nothing is new in my youtube subscriptions, I've listened to all my cds a million times, I've achieved everything thats humanly possible in my situation. Now what? There's nothing left and tomorrow will reset I'll find all the motivation I can muster, then the sun will set and I'll have to reread that book again, scream from the highest balcony, and endure another night at the ends of the earth.
That’s beautiful. Think of this as a fun challenge of itself. You completed all your goals, you should be happy right? But somethings missing. You really believe you’ve done everything possible to improve your situation? Like you’ve beat the game? It seems like you long for further growth, or perhaps being part of something bigger than yourself. I say look within yourself, and keep taking on new challenges or experiences. Just please don’t go into drugs or crime or gambling or something like that. You have a lot to be grateful for
What is weird for me is that i do engage with the world, i have hobbies, i go out with friends or family, i do sport, take walks, play with my pets, i read, paint, go to the cinema, have a great relationship..... but i'm constantly bored. I mean, contantly, i get bored of the day, bored of everyone, bored of conversations (even interesting ones), i get bored of places, bored of the things i like to do.... idk... some days are better, some are worse but my mind is ALWAYS wanting more and more or else it falls into a boredom pit...
That is quite the dilemma. I obviously can't know what is going on for you, but I suspect that you can find the answer inside you. Increasing your self-awareness may help you to find the root of this problem. You might find some guidance for this on the compassionate self-awareness page of my website: drbecker-phelps.com/home/csa/ -- I hope it helps.
I used to do all of those things, now i do like 3 of them. So many people are going through the motions/routine. Deep down we all want something we don't have. The dream world is so much more interesting and fun, why is that.
While this does not work in all circumstances (what does?), your suggestion is a great one! Giving to others is a great way to fill your own heart with good feelings :)
Evolution placed boredom in us to have ourselves seek new activities, a necessary tendency for an intelligent species like us. But what if I am physically unable to do what I really want? If I was born before the neolithic I would probably be dead due to my limitations. The modern alien world keeps me alive even though it shouldn't.
YEP. It'a a CALL TO ADVENTURE ultimately. Don't demand the world meet you need for challenge. MAKE YOUR OWN my friend. Do something HARD. Fast for a wekk. Give up the internet for a day. Satnd out in the rain for an hour. LEARN WHO YOU REALLY ARE (you are a god)
I've always been like this as far as I can remember and I'm 29. Recently I've started finding some enthusiasm in cooking and also meditation, these are the only two things I feel enough motivated to do, the rest just feels to hard or hopeless. I started a lot of things in life but never ended any. It's a terrible feeling, I'm rationally aware I'm wasting my life but emotionally I don't know what to do.
It may not feel like it, but finding enthusiasm in 2 things (cooking and meditation) is great. I hope that you continue to feel engaged in them and to enjoy them. Instead of thinking of your difficulty finding things you enjoy as wasting your life, maybe it would help to think about it as exploring. You’ve now found 2 things you have enthusiasm for. You may find that they give your life meaning. You may also find more things along the way, if you explore more. If you find that you still feel dissatisfied, you might want to do some introspection to see if there are inner struggles that you need to gain clarity on. If this is the case, you might find it helpful to look at the page on my website that discusses compassionate self-awareness (CSA). In any case, I wish you well on your personal journey.
I get what you mean, believe it's related to the issue of meaning of life - not having a "this is it" kind of a goal. The exercise I like is to imagine is if I had one year to live, what would I like to achieve at any price till I go. Though sometimes you just have to push through some periods of life. I'd like to recommend exercising daily in the morning - e.g. running, jumping or some yoga. Naturally releases happiness hormones and helps to start a strong day.
I’ve been bored for as long as I remember and for me I think my boredom comes from seeing things as meaningless. I don’t see anyone talk about this kind of boredom so It feels as if I’m the only person who feels this way. It also took awhile for me to understand that my boredom stemmed from seeing things as useless and meaningless because as I said earlier I haven’t seen anyone speak about it. I assume how this first started for me came from my depression, then getting worse as my beliefs became more nihilistic. Anyways sorry about my rant I was just wondering what you think about this cause of boredom and if you think people like me can do anything about it 🤷♀️👍
No need to apologize! What you wrote was not a rant. It helped me understand what you are going through. I hope that others respond to you so that you can learn from their firsthand accounts that you are far from alone. People often experience listlessness, restlessness, boredom, lethargy, meaninglessness, helplessness, and hopelessness (among many other experiences) as part of their depression. I hope this video can help at least a little. Many people who experience depression similar to what you describe benefit from therapy-- especially when they have struggled with it for a long time and have difficulty grabbing onto positive experiences to help pull themselves out of it. In any case, you might want to focus on your depression than specifically on your boredom.
What was interesting, after finishing high school I never felt boredom before, always had my mind on something to do, but when I started looking for the first job and delay that I was experiencing got longer and longer this represented such a huge issue and it's the worst state of mind being in your room around 4 walls. Such a sin.
Just like the movie, Groundhog Day every single day is exactly the same. I just stay in bed but get up every 3 1/2 hours to walk the dog and feed him twice a day. I don’t hardly even shower more than twice a week and even sometimes forget to brush my teeth and I had depression before and I don’t know if this is from being in jail for 6 1/2 months I was happy to get out but Now everything flatlined I’m gonna take some psilocybin mushrooms to see if that works
It sounds like you are feeling truly awful. But I hope you rethink taking the mushrooms. Being in a bad headspace when you do that means there's a good chance you'll have a bad trip. It's important to know that you are not alone. I'm sure that there are many others who watch my videos who can relate to you. I'm glad to hear that you have a dog, which is helping by at least getting you out each day. Maybe you even feel some enjoyment by petting, walking, playing with, or just connecting with your dog. 🤞Most people have the best chance of getting past depressive symptoms like you are talking about by forcing themselves to do things like get moving (even just a little at a time), playing with their pet, taking care of their basic needs, find ways to interact with others, get help from therapy, and sometimes take medicine. I''m not sure what will work for you, but I do hope you reach for something healthy to help you feel more energized and better, even if just a little bit at a time.
I often feel bore, i didn't knew what i wanted to do with my life but then i love music so i started learning it, bur after 3-3.5 months i Suddenly started feeling hopeless like i don't want to do anything. Once again after so much working on my music, i feel like i just don't want to do anything I often cry and feel hopeless, but then i get myself together and try to do something but fails everytime I don't what i just can't feel music, songs anymore which once i love to listen. It's been so much time i haven't listened to music and the worst part is there is no one to help I feel like i have potential i can do whatever i want if i work hard but i just lack something and I don't know what Feel like I'm not alive at all I have stopped feelings everything
I'm sorry that this has been such a struggle for you. Sometimes it just takes perseverance. But sometimes this is showing that you have another struggle that needs to be addressed -- such as deep loneliness, a sense of not feeling worthy, or something else. So, consider reflecting further on your thoughts and feelings. You might find it helpful to look at the Compassionate Self-Awareness page of my website: drbecker-phelps.com/home/csa/
@@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD thank you for sharing this 🙏🙏 I'm so grateful for this May you get all the happiness and joy in life,i wish you success and luck with all my heart Thanks once again 😭😭😭 Take care
I’ve never been bored until I came here and now my life is a nightmare. My finances are a wreck and someone hurt me in a mammogram in the Springs. My assets vanished and you’re trying to find someone to marry me. I don’t need anyone causing me pain intentionally to keep me entertained. Throwing life-sized problems at me and then expecting me to work my way through them is cruel. Truly cruel. I’ve never been so bored and unhappy as I am playing this game. Going to go for a walk now.
Thank you for your videos. I definitely am bored. And when i ask myself on an emotional level, i get a sense of fear. Fear of failure and rejection. Self abandonment. I freeze in interactions with women and self sabotage the interactions. Often avoiding women I truely like. Lately I've been aware of this pattern. Your videos help mentalize.
I'm glad that my videos help you to mentalist. Please keep in mind that it is important to be kind to yourself; to comfort and care for yourself. Hopefully, as you are better able to mentalize yourself, you will find it easier (or at least possible) to be caring and compassionate to you.
That must be incredibly hard! And it is more than just chronic boredom. Of course, the easiest advice to give is to find a way to connect with others, to make friends. But that is likely difficult for you. Much of my work focuses on developing compassionate self-awareness, which can help address existential crises. One of the easiest ways to learn more about this is to look at the videos on my RUclips channel Compassionate Self-Awareness playlist. You can also learn more with my books (Insecure in Love, Bouncing Back from Rejection, and The Insecure in Love Workbook), which you can find on Amazon or even check out of your local library. In addition, you can search on the internet for "Becker-Phelps compassionate self-awareness." Finally, given how deeply painful "existential dread" can be, you might want to consider finding a therapist to help you, especially if you don't have other avenues of support such as friends or a connection to a religious community. I hope you consider all of these options, a well as others you might know of, to find a path out of your dread and into a life with a greater sense of well-being.
@@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD thank you for the response. I don't know what to say. My problem is that I think that if I actually loved myself 100% I would kms because I don't want to be alive in this world anymore because there's nothing else but needs and desires. There's no purpose and it doesn't seem as though anyone listens to philosophers. I'm tired of coping. I don't want to be lied to I don't want to lie to myself about the situation the human race is stuck in. It all seems so futile.
@@RitaMcCloud Given how miserable you sound, maybe it is worth trying therapy. There are no guarantees about anything, but maybe it can help -- especially if you find a therapist you click with. However you do it, despite being tired, but I do hope you find a way to climb out of that deep whole and feel better.
Bored. Hopeless. No motivation to do literally anything. Like I literally wake up at 3PM and then just lay in bed until like 8PM doing nothing staring up at the ceiling feeling like shit. Then at like 3am I get a spike of energy and feel like doing stuff all of a sudden. Idk.
Feeling bored and hopeless are awful ways to feel. As you might have noticed from other comments, you are most definitely not alone. There could be many causes for this. I suggest that you see a physician to rule out physical causes -- or begin with seeing a therapist to assess for clinical depression. It also sounds like your sleep cycle is off. If you have not read the companion article to this that I provide a link for in the description of this video, try giving that a read. It offers some ideas that might help. Along with its suggestions, you will need to make a strong effort to fix your sleep cycle; to get up earlier in the day and not let yourself sleep until night. If none of it helps, or you can't even get yourself to make efforts or to read anything, again, try finding a therapist to help you out of this hole. If you have thoughts of harming yourself, then I suggest immediately reaching out for professional help. It will likely be hard to motivate to help yourself -- but you replied here, so I'm hoping you might take yet another step.
Maybe look into getting your thyroid and adrenals tested. You getting a spike of energy at 3am and a bit dull/bored throughout the day could be signs your thyroid and adrenals are low
Thank you Ms Leslie, this video helped me on understanding how to cope with boredom, I've been experiencing this for a couple months now and its really difficult to overcome, everything you do you're self-aware in ways that make you say its not good for me, but actually everything else is fine, its just you perceiving life as a waste and getting in a defensive mindset. Thank you.
Different people do best with different levels of stimulation. You might look for activities that involve a lot of novel experiences or high levels of stimulation. However, for some people, they have difficulty experiencing themselves, so they need to be constantly entertained as a way to avoid those inner experiences. In these cases, they often benefit from learning to explore themselves -- though it is far from easy.
I'm sorry to hear that. It makes me wonder about whether you have tried to find ways to feel more engaged in life -- what has worked, even if just a little or for a short time? I hope you find something helpful in my video or the companion article that I link to in the description of the video. Sometimes feeling bored is a sign of shutting down interests or connections with people and things as a means of self-protection. This might be something to explore within yourself. If you don't know where to start, some people find it helpful to pay attention to their inner experience when they are bored. On my website, I explain that developing compassionate self-awareness is often helpful for people (and it may be in your situation, too) -- drbecker-phelps.com/home/csa/
@@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD Thank for your reply. Your video has helped and certainly got me thinking. I know where it comes from. Its all to do with childhood. Thank u xx
@@t.h.o.rthehealerofrealms1980 Glad to hear that the video was helpful. Hopefully, you will continue to work on this and, ultimately, enjoy a more engaged -- less bored -- life.
@@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD Greetings from Dublin. Your two mins plus are quite profound. Food for thought! A lot of thought! I have always suffered from intense boredom- and have wondered what is really behind it. Childhood I guess (I also do a lot of great things before I get bored). Thanks.
I'm not sure about "only" but you have a point that those who are bored are not being imaginative and innovative in the moment. But it might also be true that those people are unable to be imaginative or innovative because of the heaviness of depression or other emotional struggles that weigh them down. In those cases, the first order of business is not to become imaginative but rather to identify what weighs them down and constrains them. Then with some empathy and compassion, they can hopefully engage in the process of working through or overcoming their obstacles to a happier, more engaged life.
I really needed this right now, thank you! I think I have an inner feeling that I and my interests are not important and that I am only interesting for people when I am good at or archive something. With boredom i defend myself from the possibility of failing...
I'm glad you find this helpful. You might also find it helpful to take a look at my website page on compassionate self-awareness: drbecker-phelps.com/csa/
Is chronic bored a symptom of emotional numbness?. Because i've been suffering from emotional numbness for 5 months nkthings excites me anymore . And I do nothing all day .(I am only 17 )
Yes, it can be. That's a long time to go with nothing exciting you anymore. I suggest that you talk with an adult who you trust will be supportive and want to help. If there are things that are bothering you, maybe you can talk with them about those things. Or maybe they can arrange for you to see a therapist to help you feel better.
Thanks. I believe talking about these matters going to change the world. My experience with boredom and being uncontent is slightly different though. I just shared on my channel how I cope with boredom
I m always trying new things because I m so bored and can’t find anything so exciting. I know it is because something is missing and whatever I do that won’t get filled. What can I do to do not get bored . I don’t find the world enjoyable for me
While I can't know what's behind your struggles in particular, I can tell you that the answer to the problem is within you. Being bored is not in itself a problem. It can be understood as a sign that you need to assess what is going on for you and perhaps engage differently in the world, or look for a new path. The problem is when boredom becomes chronic. When you get bored, pause to observe what else you might be feeling then- or just before you felt bored. For example, some people notice that they feel anxious or uncomfortable with the unknown, which is sometimes necessary as we explore interests. This prevents them from exploring, leaving them in a kind of limbo, or bored. Sometimes people resist slowing down enough to immerse themselves in new experiences, so they remain unconnected with any particular interest and bored. Even when people connect with these things, there is still the question of what is going on for them that they are uncomfortable or anxious. Again, the answer to this can be found by exploring inside yourself. I have written articles, books, and published videos (see STEAM playlist) that address how to develop self-awareness in 5 domains (STEAM: Sensations, Thoughts, Emotions, Actions, Mentalizing). You might also check out the article linked in the video description to learn more.
I can hear your pain. Unfortunately, feeling hurt often happens in our interactions with others. But when that hurt generally overwhelms us or we cope with it in ways that hurt us further, then that is a sign that it's time to learn different ways of responding. With COVID-19, many people are struggling with feeling alone and with previous struggles being more intense. You might try reaching out to people who you believe would be supportive (despite your fears). If that feels too difficult or you don't have anyone to reach out to, you might try finding a therapist to help you. At this time, you will probably need to begin with online therapy (also called telehealth). However you get there, I hope you find a way to feel more connected to - and less hurt by- others.
Virtually 100% off people have let me down. Some of them messed with me, and talked shit behind my back. People have done all kinds of bad things to me. That’s why I’m so afraid of getting a friend.
You might want to try what I suggest in the video. However, if that just won't work for you, and you can't figure out how to reconnect with things that feel good, you might want to find a therapist to help you.
Your comment makes me wonder whether there are times when you are not bored. If so, do you think it is possible to do more of the things that engage you so that you are not bored, or not bored as often? Clearly, I do not know your particular situation, but I thought I'd share my wondering with you just in case it could be helpful.
@@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD For me, I have to feel like I am being meaningfully productive and finding meaningful input, like from podcasts. I have to feel that I am learning or creating or improving in some way for the boredom to subside. Meaningful relationships, help, but are not even the bedrock, for me. They're at the top of the pyramid for my personal hierarchy of needs. Having relationships is stimulating to me, but the conversation has to be good. I don't like how people constantly seek intimacy and are too serious. I like to have a laugh and I don't like to get political. I really don't need that much contact, either, because a little goes a long way. Productivity is everything, to me. Edit: Thank you for replying to my comment, also.
@@RaffertyMBTI You are welcome. It sounds like you know yourself enough to know what works for you and what does not work for you in keeping you engaged, rather than bored. I hope you can fill your life with those things, the different ways in which you find meaning, so that you don't feel so much intense boredom. That said, I believe a little boredom can be helpful in prodding us to consider what we want to engage in next, rather than just filling our lives with "stuff" to fill time.
Yes, I actually take things very slowly to prevent feeling overwhelmed. I like my productivity to be like a dripping tap so that I can mentally detach from it and consider everything else if I need to. I like your RUclips channel very much.@@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD
Definitely not sedentary Im the most active person I know I have no idea what's going on Im a little distant for sure but im around people a lot and given my personality, the ones that stick around really do the heavy lifting. They talk a lot, i listen
Hey, ma'am. I saw your video recently in the right time when i needed to hear all this things. Is there a case where someone recover from this intense boredom? Coz' i've been trying to do everything to get out, but still stuck. Now i kinda feel like all my effort is useless. I don't think i can get out from this intense boredom. I don't think i can re-engage with society. I don't think i can move forward
I'm really sorry that you are struggling so much. Given how intense your experience is, it makes me wonder about whether you are dealing with something more than boredom, such as (maybe) depression. In this case, you might need someone to help you. If it is possible, you might find it helpful to see a mental health professional to help you assess the problem.
After a death in the family I'm living with another family member whose routine is very limiting and I'm bored with it! Financially I'm stuck and scared of change even though I'm bored with the situation!
Whatever your situation, you can decide what to focus on. So even when people are bored with some aspect of their lives, there is always the hope that they can choose to focus elsewhere -- to focus on something that engages them. Maybe this perspective can help you, too?
I can see that. But prison probably wouldn't be any fun. You might want to move that fire into a fireplace -- or even have a well-contained bonfire. The flames can be engaging and you won't have to deal with the aftermath of incarceration ;)
@@CheetahSnowLeopard Well, I'm glad that you find this a kernel worth keeping. You know, with a kernel here and a kernel there, at some point -- with the heat of processing them -- you will have a full bucket of popcorn! I'd like to think this is a deep analogy, but at the very least, I like the image 😉
0:54 Yes exactly I’m always like this, that is what is going on with me. I seldom feel like I wanna break everything in my bare hands and then I hold back what I’m aiming to do...:(
Mam, many time I feel very sad from the side of other people. I don't know how to judge me people. I am religious, kind, loving and help full for other. Sometimes I think so much about speak in group. Especially in my colleagues.... Sometimes I am good... Sometimes not.... But sometime I listened he(me) is psycho. That hurt me but ignored it because my heart is clear. I learnt it from teacher that don't care what other say. Just focus on good karmas(good). Sometimes I strongly reaction on it for other . two or three girls I reacted strongly when they said to me psycho. But this action also hurt me. So chose to be keep quite. But when I saw something wrong I start to explain no this not fair. But fear it should not hurt other. Why don't think so as I think. I am here to love, help..... I always was well disciplined student throughout my educational career not good in academic. My man -woman teacher kissed my forhead and blessed me for victory. But when I listened I psycho... It really hurt me.......!
I am sorry you are in so much pain. It is important to find strength in yourself (perhaps focusing on your strengths) and from close relationships. I hope that you have, or can find, people who can support and help you. Then you can focus on the positives in those relationships. If you have the opportunity, you may also find it helpful to see a therapist -- especially if you cannot rid yourself of your emotional pain and anxiety, or if you have had specific painful events happen to you. Thank you for sharing here and I wish you well.
True. Someone might just be restless and lack interest in things. But that experience is generally short lived and often motivates people to find an interest, to get out of the uncomfortable feeling of being bored. But if that person is chronically there, then what is keeping the person stuck in that state? What prevents them from looking around to find something to grab onto as an interest? If they want out of the bored state, these can be helpful questions.
I need help getting on finding things to do. Unfortunately I go out and buy pills, and get high. Then I’m useless for the rest of the day. But if I had something to do or figure out what to do I would be ok.
I just replied to your other message, suggesting you check out my companion article for this video. But if you have a problem with pills and getting high, consider how much of a problem this is. Your problem might be deeper that just needing help finding things to do. If you think this is (or might be) true for you, try getting professional help to redirect yourself from coping with pills to coping that makes your life better. This can be a very difficult step, but one that has the potential to forever change the course of your life.
Exploring what you are feeling can be really helpful. If you want to do that, you might want to check out my website page on Compassionate Self-Awareness: drbecker-phelps.com/home/csa/
I am sorry to hear that you feel so stuck. Maybe it's just that nothing has worked YET. I hope you keep trying. Also, sometimes people have moments of feeling better, but don't think about them because they are pulled to think more about their "ennui." If you can identify those moments that feel better, you might be able to focus more on them, which can help. But whatever you try, it is unlikely to be a quick fix. Feeling better tends to happen incrementally. I hope you find ways that help you on your inner journey toward feeling better within yourself.
@@someonesomeone25 It's hard to maintain hope when you've been struggling that long. I hope you can find an approach to this problem that works, whether it is psychotherapy, medicine (for a psychiatric or medical issue), or something else.
@@someonesomeone25 There's no way around it. You are in a tough situation. But still I have hope that you will find a way if you keep looking and trying.
My Brian will start to think in systems theory Dynamics Video games or architecture design 👆🙄 My Brian looks for dopamine Like I'll start to think of the 3 body problem And instead of asking or understanding why it doesn't work What does it need to work Even if its to add something into it 👆🙄 Smaller scale or balance mechanism For fun 👅
I had an extremely productive and rewarding day, did everything on my to do list, then the sun goes down....is it back to the books? The TV shows are all reruns, nothing is new in my youtube subscriptions, I've listened to all my cds a million times, I've achieved everything thats humanly possible in my situation. Now what? There's nothing left and tomorrow will reset I'll find all the motivation I can muster, then the sun will set and I'll have to reread that book again, scream from the highest balcony, and endure another night at the ends of the earth.
I turned to alcohol and weed and escorts to hell with how boring my life was trust me it's better to watch to reruns
Wow. You clearly have no idea what chronic boredom is about
@@josefdenis3799💯😩😎
@@josefdenis3799 even that will get you bored. It's a matter of time only.
That’s beautiful. Think of this as a fun challenge of itself. You completed all your goals, you should be happy right? But somethings missing.
You really believe you’ve done everything possible to improve your situation? Like you’ve beat the game? It seems like you long for further growth, or perhaps being part of something bigger than yourself. I say look within yourself, and keep taking on new challenges or experiences. Just please don’t go into drugs or crime or gambling or something like that. You have a lot to be grateful for
What is weird for me is that i do engage with the world, i have hobbies, i go out with friends or family, i do sport, take walks, play with my pets, i read, paint, go to the cinema, have a great relationship..... but i'm constantly bored. I mean, contantly, i get bored of the day, bored of everyone, bored of conversations (even interesting ones), i get bored of places, bored of the things i like to do.... idk... some days are better, some are worse but my mind is ALWAYS wanting more and more or else it falls into a boredom pit...
That is quite the dilemma. I obviously can't know what is going on for you, but I suspect that you can find the answer inside you. Increasing your self-awareness may help you to find the root of this problem. You might find some guidance for this on the compassionate self-awareness page of my website: drbecker-phelps.com/home/csa/ -- I hope it helps.
Get checked for anxiety and ADHD!
I used to do all of those things, now i do like 3 of them. So many people are going through the motions/routine. Deep down we all want something we don't have. The dream world is so much more interesting and fun, why is that.
i think you are autistic
YOU HAVE A DRAGON THAT NEEDS TO BE SLAYED good sir EYE suspect EWE no wat it bee
the cure to boredom is to come out of your self and do something nice to some body else, then watch joy in their eyes
While this does not work in all circumstances (what does?), your suggestion is a great one! Giving to others is a great way to fill your own heart with good feelings :)
Evolution placed boredom in us to have ourselves seek new activities, a necessary tendency for an intelligent species like us. But what if I am physically unable to do what I really want? If I was born before the neolithic I would probably be dead due to my limitations. The modern alien world keeps me alive even though it shouldn't.
YEP. It'a a CALL TO ADVENTURE ultimately. Don't demand the world meet you need for challenge. MAKE YOUR OWN my friend. Do something HARD. Fast for a wekk. Give up the internet for a day. Satnd out in the rain for an hour. LEARN WHO YOU REALLY ARE (you are a god)
Reconnecting with friends and previously enjoyed pursuit is merely a temporary reprieve from the status quo
I've always been like this as far as I can remember and I'm 29. Recently I've started finding some enthusiasm in cooking and also meditation, these are the only two things I feel enough motivated to do, the rest just feels to hard or hopeless. I started a lot of things in life but never ended any. It's a terrible feeling, I'm rationally aware I'm wasting my life but emotionally I don't know what to do.
It may not feel like it, but finding enthusiasm in 2 things (cooking and meditation) is great. I hope that you continue to feel engaged in them and to enjoy them. Instead of thinking of your difficulty finding things you enjoy as wasting your life, maybe it would help to think about it as exploring. You’ve now found 2 things you have enthusiasm for. You may find that they give your life meaning. You may also find more things along the way, if you explore more. If you find that you still feel dissatisfied, you might want to do some introspection to see if there are inner struggles that you need to gain clarity on. If this is the case, you might find it helpful to look at the page on my website that discusses compassionate self-awareness (CSA). In any case, I wish you well on your personal journey.
I get what you mean, believe it's related to the issue of meaning of life - not having a "this is it" kind of a goal. The exercise I like is to imagine is if I had one year to live, what would I like to achieve at any price till I go.
Though sometimes you just have to push through some periods of life. I'd like to recommend exercising daily in the morning - e.g. running, jumping or some yoga. Naturally releases happiness hormones and helps to start a strong day.
I’ve been bored for as long as I remember and for me I think my boredom comes from seeing things as meaningless. I don’t see anyone talk about this kind of boredom so It feels as if I’m the only person who feels this way. It also took awhile for me to understand that my boredom stemmed from seeing things as useless and meaningless because as I said earlier I haven’t seen anyone speak about it. I assume how this first started for me came from my depression, then getting worse as my beliefs became more nihilistic. Anyways sorry about my rant I was just wondering what you think about this cause of boredom and if you think people like me can do anything about it 🤷♀️👍
No need to apologize! What you wrote was not a rant. It helped me understand what you are going through. I hope that others respond to you so that you can learn from their firsthand accounts that you are far from alone. People often experience listlessness, restlessness, boredom, lethargy, meaninglessness, helplessness, and hopelessness (among many other experiences) as part of their depression. I hope this video can help at least a little. Many people who experience depression similar to what you describe benefit from therapy-- especially when they have struggled with it for a long time and have difficulty grabbing onto positive experiences to help pull themselves out of it. In any case, you might want to focus on your depression than specifically on your boredom.
Yupp I'm depressed and bored idk what to do😢 I'm too aware and conscious to the point that everything is just meaningless
What was interesting, after finishing high school I never felt boredom before, always had my mind on something to do, but when I started looking for the first job and delay that I was experiencing got longer and longer this represented such a huge issue and it's the worst state of mind being in your room around 4 walls. Such a sin.
explained so perfectly
Just like the movie, Groundhog Day every single day is exactly the same. I just stay in bed but get up every 3 1/2 hours to walk the dog and feed him twice a day. I don’t hardly even shower more than twice a week and even sometimes forget to brush my teeth and I had depression before and I don’t know if this is from being in jail for 6 1/2 months I was happy to get out but Now everything flatlined I’m gonna take some psilocybin mushrooms to see if that works
It sounds like you are feeling truly awful. But I hope you rethink taking the mushrooms. Being in a bad headspace when you do that means there's a good chance you'll have a bad trip. It's important to know that you are not alone. I'm sure that there are many others who watch my videos who can relate to you. I'm glad to hear that you have a dog, which is helping by at least getting you out each day. Maybe you even feel some enjoyment by petting, walking, playing with, or just connecting with your dog. 🤞Most people have the best chance of getting past depressive symptoms like you are talking about by forcing themselves to do things like get moving (even just a little at a time), playing with their pet, taking care of their basic needs, find ways to interact with others, get help from therapy, and sometimes take medicine. I''m not sure what will work for you, but I do hope you reach for something healthy to help you feel more energized and better, even if just a little bit at a time.
I often feel bore, i didn't knew what i wanted to do with my life but then i love music so i started learning it, bur after 3-3.5 months i Suddenly started feeling hopeless like i don't want to do anything. Once again after so much working on my music, i feel like i just don't want to do anything
I often cry and feel hopeless, but then i get myself together and try to do something but fails everytime
I don't what i just can't feel music, songs anymore which once i love to listen. It's been so much time i haven't listened to music and the worst part is there is no one to help
I feel like i have potential i can do whatever i want if i work hard but i just lack something and I don't know what
Feel like I'm not alive at all
I have stopped feelings everything
I'm sorry that this has been such a struggle for you. Sometimes it just takes perseverance. But sometimes this is showing that you have another struggle that needs to be addressed -- such as deep loneliness, a sense of not feeling worthy, or something else. So, consider reflecting further on your thoughts and feelings. You might find it helpful to look at the Compassionate Self-Awareness page of my website: drbecker-phelps.com/home/csa/
@@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD thank you for sharing this 🙏🙏
I'm so grateful for this
May you get all the happiness and joy in life,i wish you success and luck with all my heart
Thanks once again 😭😭😭
Take care
@@lavilavi8962 Thank you. And I wish you great happiness and inner peace and fulfillment.
@@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD thank you 🌸🌸
I’ve never been bored until I came here and now my life is a nightmare. My finances are a wreck and someone hurt me in a mammogram in the Springs. My assets vanished and you’re trying to find someone to marry me. I don’t need anyone causing me pain intentionally to keep me entertained. Throwing life-sized problems at me and then expecting me to work my way through them is cruel. Truly cruel. I’ve never been so bored and unhappy as I am playing this game. Going to go for a walk now.
Hello. Hope things are looking up.
Thank you for your videos.
I definitely am bored. And when i ask myself on an emotional level, i get a sense of fear.
Fear of failure and rejection.
Self abandonment.
I freeze in interactions with women and self sabotage the interactions. Often avoiding women I truely like.
Lately I've been aware of this pattern.
Your videos help mentalize.
I'm glad that my videos help you to mentalist. Please keep in mind that it is important to be kind to yourself; to comfort and care for yourself. Hopefully, as you are better able to mentalize yourself, you will find it easier (or at least possible) to be caring and compassionate to you.
I don't have friends. And I suffer from existential dread
That must be incredibly hard! And it is more than just chronic boredom. Of course, the easiest advice to give is to find a way to connect with others, to make friends. But that is likely difficult for you. Much of my work focuses on developing compassionate self-awareness, which can help address existential crises. One of the easiest ways to learn more about this is to look at the videos on my RUclips channel Compassionate Self-Awareness playlist. You can also learn more with my books (Insecure in Love, Bouncing Back from Rejection, and The Insecure in Love Workbook), which you can find on Amazon or even check out of your local library. In addition, you can search on the internet for "Becker-Phelps compassionate self-awareness."
Finally, given how deeply painful "existential dread" can be, you might want to consider finding a therapist to help you, especially if you don't have other avenues of support such as friends or a connection to a religious community.
I hope you consider all of these options, a well as others you might know of, to find a path out of your dread and into a life with a greater sense of well-being.
@@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD thank you for the response. I don't know what to say.
My problem is that I think that if I actually loved myself 100% I would kms because I don't want to be alive in this world anymore because there's nothing else but needs and desires. There's no purpose and it doesn't seem as though anyone listens to philosophers. I'm tired of coping. I don't want to be lied to I don't want to lie to myself about the situation the human race is stuck in. It all seems so futile.
@@RitaMcCloud Given how miserable you sound, maybe it is worth trying therapy. There are no guarantees about anything, but maybe it can help -- especially if you find a therapist you click with. However you do it, despite being tired, but I do hope you find a way to climb out of that deep whole and feel better.
Bored. Hopeless. No motivation to do literally anything. Like I literally wake up at 3PM and then just lay in bed until like 8PM doing nothing staring up at the ceiling feeling like shit. Then at like 3am I get a spike of energy and feel like doing stuff all of a sudden. Idk.
Feeling bored and hopeless are awful ways to feel. As you might have noticed from other comments, you are most definitely not alone. There could be many causes for this. I suggest that you see a physician to rule out physical causes -- or begin with seeing a therapist to assess for clinical depression. It also sounds like your sleep cycle is off. If you have not read the companion article to this that I provide a link for in the description of this video, try giving that a read. It offers some ideas that might help. Along with its suggestions, you will need to make a strong effort to fix your sleep cycle; to get up earlier in the day and not let yourself sleep until night. If none of it helps, or you can't even get yourself to make efforts or to read anything, again, try finding a therapist to help you out of this hole. If you have thoughts of harming yourself, then I suggest immediately reaching out for professional help. It will likely be hard to motivate to help yourself -- but you replied here, so I'm hoping you might take yet another step.
Maybe look into getting your thyroid and adrenals tested. You getting a spike of energy at 3am and a bit dull/bored throughout the day could be signs your thyroid and adrenals are low
Same feeling dude
hey. did you overcome your boredom?
Sounds like you’re depressed
Thank you Ms Leslie, this video helped me on understanding how to cope with boredom, I've been experiencing this for a couple months now and its really difficult to overcome, everything you do you're self-aware in ways that make you say its not good for me, but actually everything else is fine, its just you perceiving life as a waste and getting in a defensive mindset. Thank you.
You are welcome. I'm so glad that it helped you -- and thanks for sharing that!
I get bored so easily, I have to be constantly doing something that stimulates me mentally.
Different people do best with different levels of stimulation. You might look for activities that involve a lot of novel experiences or high levels of stimulation. However, for some people, they have difficulty experiencing themselves, so they need to be constantly entertained as a way to avoid those inner experiences. In these cases, they often benefit from learning to explore themselves -- though it is far from easy.
Same, I don't like moving also lol, I just like to keep my brain working
I have been bored my whole life. Even as a child I have been bored.
I'm sorry to hear that. It makes me wonder about whether you have tried to find ways to feel more engaged in life -- what has worked, even if just a little or for a short time? I hope you find something helpful in my video or the companion article that I link to in the description of the video. Sometimes feeling bored is a sign of shutting down interests or connections with people and things as a means of self-protection. This might be something to explore within yourself. If you don't know where to start, some people find it helpful to pay attention to their inner experience when they are bored. On my website, I explain that developing compassionate self-awareness is often helpful for people (and it may be in your situation, too) -- drbecker-phelps.com/home/csa/
@@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD Thank for your reply. Your video has helped and certainly got me thinking. I know where it comes from. Its all to do with childhood. Thank u xx
@@t.h.o.rthehealerofrealms1980 Glad to hear that the video was helpful. Hopefully, you will continue to work on this and, ultimately, enjoy a more engaged -- less bored -- life.
@@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD Greetings from Dublin. Your two mins plus are quite profound. Food for thought! A lot of thought! I have always suffered from intense boredom- and have wondered what is really behind it. Childhood I guess (I also do a lot of great things before I get bored). Thanks.
@@PK-re3lu Hello to you in Dublin. I'm so glad that you found my video helpful, and that you took the time to share your thoughts.
- Boredom only exists for the unimaginative and uninnovative; those who must be entertained.
I'm not sure about "only" but you have a point that those who are bored are not being imaginative and innovative in the moment. But it might also be true that those people are unable to be imaginative or innovative because of the heaviness of depression or other emotional struggles that weigh them down. In those cases, the first order of business is not to become imaginative but rather to identify what weighs them down and constrains them. Then with some empathy and compassion, they can hopefully engage in the process of working through or overcoming their obstacles to a happier, more engaged life.
The only time in my life that I felt truly entertained was in college.
I really needed this right now, thank you! I think I have an inner feeling that I and my interests are not important and that I am only interesting for people when I am good at or archive something. With boredom i defend myself from the possibility of failing...
I'm glad you find this helpful. You might also find it helpful to take a look at my website page on compassionate self-awareness: drbecker-phelps.com/csa/
Is chronic bored a symptom of emotional numbness?. Because i've been suffering from emotional numbness for 5 months nkthings excites me anymore . And I do nothing all day .(I am only 17 )
Yes, it can be. That's a long time to go with nothing exciting you anymore. I suggest that you talk with an adult who you trust will be supportive and want to help. If there are things that are bothering you, maybe you can talk with them about those things. Or maybe they can arrange for you to see a therapist to help you feel better.
Thank you so much ❤
@@yasmineboo9188 You're welcome
Try to discover a new passion. Maybe there is something out there that you'll be naturally interested in.
@@maksymvinyarskyy2813 I wholeheartedly agree!
Thanks. I believe talking about these matters going to change the world. My experience with boredom and being uncontent is slightly different though. I just shared on my channel how I cope with boredom
I m always trying new things because I m so bored and can’t find anything so exciting. I know it is because something is missing and whatever I do that won’t get filled. What can I do to do not get bored . I don’t find the world enjoyable for me
While I can't know what's behind your struggles in particular, I can tell you that the answer to the problem is within you. Being bored is not in itself a problem. It can be understood as a sign that you need to assess what is going on for you and perhaps engage differently in the world, or look for a new path. The problem is when boredom becomes chronic. When you get bored, pause to observe what else you might be feeling then- or just before you felt bored. For example, some people notice that they feel anxious or uncomfortable with the unknown, which is sometimes necessary as we explore interests. This prevents them from exploring, leaving them in a kind of limbo, or bored. Sometimes people resist slowing down enough to immerse themselves in new experiences, so they remain unconnected with any particular interest and bored. Even when people connect with these things, there is still the question of what is going on for them that they are uncomfortable or anxious. Again, the answer to this can be found by exploring inside yourself. I have written articles, books, and published videos (see STEAM playlist) that address how to develop self-awareness in 5 domains (STEAM: Sensations, Thoughts, Emotions, Actions, Mentalizing). You might also check out the article linked in the video description to learn more.
I keep getting hurt by people. Now with the addition of the coronavirus outbreak I'm stuck at home not engaging with anyone.
I can hear your pain. Unfortunately, feeling hurt often happens in our interactions with others. But when that hurt generally overwhelms us or we cope with it in ways that hurt us further, then that is a sign that it's time to learn different ways of responding. With COVID-19, many people are struggling with feeling alone and with previous struggles being more intense. You might try reaching out to people who you believe would be supportive (despite your fears). If that feels too difficult or you don't have anyone to reach out to, you might try finding a therapist to help you. At this time, you will probably need to begin with online therapy (also called telehealth). However you get there, I hope you find a way to feel more connected to - and less hurt by- others.
Virtually 100% off people have let me down. Some of them messed with me, and talked shit behind my back. People have done all kinds of bad things to me. That’s why I’m so afraid of getting a friend.
Don't be afraid! It's hard but there are good people out there!
I’m simply uninterested in everything.
You might want to try what I suggest in the video. However, if that just won't work for you, and you can't figure out how to reconnect with things that feel good, you might want to find a therapist to help you.
How are you? I'm also like that, being super aware make life meaningless😢
I feel a lot of intense boredom as a schizoid.
Your comment makes me wonder whether there are times when you are not bored. If so, do you think it is possible to do more of the things that engage you so that you are not bored, or not bored as often? Clearly, I do not know your particular situation, but I thought I'd share my wondering with you just in case it could be helpful.
@@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD For me, I have to feel like I am being meaningfully productive and finding meaningful input, like from podcasts. I have to feel that I am learning or creating or improving in some way for the boredom to subside. Meaningful relationships, help, but are not even the bedrock, for me. They're at the top of the pyramid for my personal hierarchy of needs. Having relationships is stimulating to me, but the conversation has to be good. I don't like how people constantly seek intimacy and are too serious. I like to have a laugh and I don't like to get political. I really don't need that much contact, either, because a little goes a long way. Productivity is everything, to me.
Edit: Thank you for replying to my comment, also.
@@RaffertyMBTI You are welcome. It sounds like you know yourself enough to know what works for you and what does not work for you in keeping you engaged, rather than bored. I hope you can fill your life with those things, the different ways in which you find meaning, so that you don't feel so much intense boredom. That said, I believe a little boredom can be helpful in prodding us to consider what we want to engage in next, rather than just filling our lives with "stuff" to fill time.
Yes, I actually take things very slowly to prevent feeling overwhelmed. I like my productivity to be like a dripping tap so that I can mentally detach from it and consider everything else if I need to. I like your RUclips channel very much.@@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD
Definitely not sedentary
Im the most active person I know
I have no idea what's going on
Im a little distant for sure but im around people a lot and given my personality, the ones that stick around really do the heavy lifting. They talk a lot, i listen
Hey, ma'am. I saw your video recently in the right time when i needed to hear all this things. Is there a case where someone recover from this intense boredom? Coz' i've been trying to do everything to get out, but still stuck. Now i kinda feel like all my effort is useless. I don't think i can get out from this intense boredom. I don't think i can re-engage with society. I don't think i can move forward
I'm really sorry that you are struggling so much. Given how intense your experience is, it makes me wonder about whether you are dealing with something more than boredom, such as (maybe) depression. In this case, you might need someone to help you. If it is possible, you might find it helpful to see a mental health professional to help you assess the problem.
How are you?
I feel bored when I stop feeling bored 😩
Thank you this helped a lot
This is good to know, so thank you for sharing.
After a death in the family I'm living with another family member whose routine is very limiting and I'm bored with it! Financially I'm stuck and scared of change even though I'm bored with the situation!
Whatever your situation, you can decide what to focus on. So even when people are bored with some aspect of their lives, there is always the hope that they can choose to focus elsewhere -- to focus on something that engages them. Maybe this perspective can help you, too?
a great way to overcome boredom is arson.
I can see that. But prison probably wouldn't be any fun. You might want to move that fire into a fireplace -- or even have a well-contained bonfire. The flames can be engaging and you won't have to deal with the aftermath of incarceration ;)
😅
Smashing dishes eliviates bordom. 😁
I would imagine that eating meals at home after that would also not be boring!
This is great, never thought of it this way. Yes, I protect since childhood. Too much pain.
I'm glad this connects with you. Perhaps that can offer a foundation to heal and grow from.
@@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD mostly looking for kernels at this point since I’ve been in counseling since mid-90’s. 😊
@@CheetahSnowLeopard Well, I'm glad that you find this a kernel worth keeping. You know, with a kernel here and a kernel there, at some point -- with the heat of processing them -- you will have a full bucket of popcorn! I'd like to think this is a deep analogy, but at the very least, I like the image 😉
@@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD well done! Now just load it up with butter. 😄
@@CheetahSnowLeopard 👍😋
0:54 Yes exactly I’m always like this, that is what is going on with me. I seldom feel like I wanna break everything in my bare hands and then I hold back what I’m aiming to do...:(
i sit inside and play video games all day
How are you? And how old are you? I'm 17 and we are in the same situation
This too shall pass
Thank you for the clarity
You're welcome
This is very helpful. Thank you.
You're welcome. I'm really glad it connects with you :)
Mam, many time I feel very sad from the side of other people. I don't know how to judge me people. I am religious, kind, loving and help full for other. Sometimes I think so much about speak in group. Especially in my colleagues.... Sometimes I am good... Sometimes not.... But sometime I listened he(me) is psycho. That hurt me but ignored it because my heart is clear. I learnt it from teacher that don't care what other say. Just focus on good karmas(good). Sometimes I strongly reaction on it for other . two or three girls I reacted strongly when they said to me psycho. But this action also hurt me. So chose to be keep quite. But when I saw something wrong I start to explain no this not fair. But fear it should not hurt other. Why don't think so as I think. I am here to love, help..... I always was well disciplined student throughout my educational career not good in academic. My man -woman teacher kissed my forhead and blessed me for victory. But when I listened I psycho... It really hurt me.......!
I am sorry you are in so much pain. It is important to find strength in yourself (perhaps focusing on your strengths) and from close relationships. I hope that you have, or can find, people who can support and help you. Then you can focus on the positives in those relationships. If you have the opportunity, you may also find it helpful to see a therapist -- especially if you cannot rid yourself of your emotional pain and anxiety, or if you have had specific painful events happen to you. Thank you for sharing here and I wish you well.
thank you. Ms leslie that was helpful.
You are welcome. And thank you for letting me know that it helped you. I wish you well.
What if more boredom is below the boredom?
True. Someone might just be restless and lack interest in things. But that experience is generally short lived and often motivates people to find an interest, to get out of the uncomfortable feeling of being bored. But if that person is chronically there, then what is keeping the person stuck in that state? What prevents them from looking around to find something to grab onto as an interest? If they want out of the bored state, these can be helpful questions.
@@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD Thank you for your answer, ma'am.
@@veneratlazulum2033 You're welcome.
I need help getting on finding things to do. Unfortunately I go out and buy pills, and get high. Then I’m useless for the rest of the day. But if I had something to do or figure out what to do I would be ok.
I just replied to your other message, suggesting you check out my companion article for this video. But if you have a problem with pills and getting high, consider how much of a problem this is. Your problem might be deeper that just needing help finding things to do. If you think this is (or might be) true for you, try getting professional help to redirect yourself from coping with pills to coping that makes your life better. This can be a very difficult step, but one that has the potential to forever change the course of your life.
I have ASPD, nothing helps honestly. I don’t really know what to do.
If you are in therapy, maybe you can bring this topic up to your therapist, using the video as a jumping off point.
Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD I’ll try that, thank you. The chronic boredom is painfully dreadful.
maybe im mad right now
Exploring what you are feeling can be really helpful. If you want to do that, you might want to check out my website page on Compassionate Self-Awareness: drbecker-phelps.com/home/csa/
open up to who?
to a society full of stupidity?
Absolutely right Leslie❤
This video is definitely for me.
Glad to hear it. You may want to check out the companion article -- the link is in the description under the video.
Tells me nothing
I've never found a cure to my ennui. Nothing works.
I am sorry to hear that you feel so stuck. Maybe it's just that nothing has worked YET. I hope you keep trying. Also, sometimes people have moments of feeling better, but don't think about them because they are pulled to think more about their "ennui." If you can identify those moments that feel better, you might be able to focus more on them, which can help. But whatever you try, it is unlikely to be a quick fix. Feeling better tends to happen incrementally. I hope you find ways that help you on your inner journey toward feeling better within yourself.
@@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD I hope so, but it's been decades and I've lost hope.
@@someonesomeone25 It's hard to maintain hope when you've been struggling that long. I hope you can find an approach to this problem that works, whether it is psychotherapy, medicine (for a psychiatric or medical issue), or something else.
@@LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD I hope so too. But professional help hasn't worked yet, and the UK NHS waiting lists are years long.
@@someonesomeone25 There's no way around it. You are in a tough situation. But still I have hope that you will find a way if you keep looking and trying.
ennui
this video was boring? :/
I am so bored :/
RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
My Brian will start to think in systems theory
Dynamics
Video games or architecture design
👆🙄 My Brian looks for dopamine
Like
I'll start to think of the 3 body problem
And instead of asking or understanding why it doesn't work
What does it need to work
Even if its to add something into it
👆🙄 Smaller scale or balance mechanism
For fun
👅