Father Knows: Intervention || Father Knows Something Podcast
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- Опубликовано: 10 июл 2024
- Welcome back to Father Knows Something! Real People. Real Stories. Real Dad advice with a dash of ADHD, and maybe a couple of millennials chiming in from time to time to add their takes.
It takes a village and sometimes that includes a therapist. This week's episode has Jerry and Morgan discussing the theme of intervention. Whether it be an intervention in a personal situation or a loved one with addiction, sometimes we question when to intervene as an acquaintance, friend, family member or partner. These write-ins range from someone who is repulsed by their partner’s brother’s dating habits to someone who is dealing with a fiancé that refuses to get help for their mental health issues. As always we would love your help and give your advice to these listeners in the comments!
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Index:
00:00 -- Start
2:20 -- Story 1
16:04 -- Story 2
30:37 -- Story 3
41:14 -- Story 4
“We are not on the same wavelength of integrity”. Wow. That is a powerful phrase that I wish that I had at my disposal years ago.
Re-frozen ice cream is not the same once it's melted a little Jerry. It's not the same 😂
Story number 1 using “I” really confused the heck outta meee 😭😂
I’m a psych nurse and I’d love to hear you speak more on your experience in the mental health system. I think a lot of people can acknowledge it’s broken, but don’t know the intricacies of how it’s broken and just how broken it is. I’m constantly seeing patients come back to the hospital due to the lack of outpatient resources/ failure of the resources to follow through. I loved hearing your perspective on these issues
For the writer of story 2; I HIGHLY recommend the book “Good Boundaries & Goodbyes” As soon as I heard the ‘ideal outcomes’ I thought of that book. That REALLY helps answer those tough questions; especially when it’s family.
I for one always love hearing a mixture of things like ice cream drama, and the stories of the show. Morgan is right, a mix of both is great.
Story one: I get what everyone is saying about the OP having their own trauma but I feel like y’all are missing the point that the 17 year old was a student and there was a power imbalance as well as an age difference. BUT OP saying that they will tell every future girlfriend is weird. Idk if that is fair unless “I” dates another younger girl
Exactly. Some people are weirdly defensive about that story.
@@petalchildit's concerning! Giving "manosphere vibes" aye bro as long it's legal! 🤢
2 minutes 11 seconds and I’ve already finished one of Jerry’s questions like Dora, I love an interactive podcast
Sorry dad, but I have to go with Morgan on the melted ice cream being refrozen. Not the same, especially with DQ! 😂
Exactly lol it's not the same unfortunately 😅
Remember Real Icecream is blended in a soft state and then brought down to temperature… I have the gingers ice cream in the refrigerator from the frozen state for only about 40 minutes and is nowhere near enough time to destroy the ice cream. Trust me I tasted. I ate some of it afterwards. It is still amazing.
PS you are giving Morgan way too much mileage on this one guy’s
For story 2, my mom is mentally I’ll and I just had a baby 11 months ago, my sister sought out emergency guardianship over her to have her admitted into the hospital but I had to go let the police into her house because my sister lives out of state… I would 100% recommend you take a step back and focus on yourself and your mental health before trying to help anyone else… it put me in a really bad place mentally afterwards and I had to take a step back myself
«If you can drink alcohol, you have no business dating a highschooler» only applies to the US, alot of Europe drinking age is 16 for beer and wine and 18 for everything else
I love Holly!!😍🥰😘❤ and love you guys too! I look forward to your podcasts! Lol
I’ve resonated with so many stories, but story 2 is something that is still going on in my family. My older cousin, about 30ish, is my family’s biggest outcast. She had her first 2 kids with 1 man, 3rd kid with another, and 4th with another. She went down a horrible drug addiction path and my aunt, her mom, adopted and has full custody of her oldest 2. She is fortunate with money and has been able to totally turn their lives around and they are both growing up to be amazing little boys. The 3rd kid is with her dad. And the 4th, I believe lives with her and it’s dad. We’ve intervened sooo many times. And I was so much younger, I’m only 22. Her oldest kid is about 11 or 12. We don’t see her anymore and she has been on the same path for so many years.
i’m confused about these comments to story one. i don’t think she is projecting her trauma since she’s actively looking for a solution. she never said she blames the brother for her past experiences, just that he is a reminder of what happened to her, it’s hard to remove something like that from your life if you already thought you had healed.
After my stay in a mental health hospital, I was referred to an amazing therapist!! I love seeing her. I have made an amazing amount of progress. But if I didn't have the support of my parents as a single mom of two with crippling mental health issues, I wouldn't have made it this far!! At the end of June, I got a letter from my insurance saying that my therapist is no longer covered under my insurance as of the beginning of the month. I see her every Monday, and one session with her would be half my monthly income if I was uninsured. I had a major panic attack because without my treatment, I could not work, without work, I could not pay for the sessions I had already had. I contacted her and my insurance. The letter was sent out in "error" according to insurance. According to my therapist, every patient she has on government assistance under that insurance company got this letter. Same with every patent of people she knows in her field. It's ironic that, that month, my insurance company did not get their contract with the sate renewed. The insurance company intentionally targeted people working on their mental health and used them to initiate panic because they didn't get renewed... the system barely works for people that it is actually working for.
Woohoo love the postcast you guys ❤❤
Love yall!
I understand her trauma in the first story but 4 year difference is not something to throw around red flags about. Just because she had a bad experience in a relationship doesn’t mean “I” is taking advantage of that girl. Plus it’s important to note that most men don’t mature as fast as most women, so in a nutshell women do tend to date up hoping that they will be more on their level
I agree. I think it was extreme to call him a predator and state, "who knows what children he had access to" in regard to his being a nanny while he was there. Dating a 17yo is not the same as a child predator/pedo. For all we know she may be closer to 17. I feel like considering some of their basis comes from United States law, would they have the same opinion if the relationship was between an 18yo and 21yo? This is very nuanced.
Did you miss that she was still a high school student at a place he worked?
@@petalchild He was a nanny to children of people that worked as faculty on campus. I don't think that's the same as a teacher or teaching assistant where they have superiority over the minor. I think this is very nuanced to make a comment implying he's a child predator.
a fully legal adult shouldnt be dating a highschooler. the maturing slower excuse is fucking wild bc that excuse is used a lot.
Wow! Logged on just in time for my favorite podcast fam 💖💖
Ditto!
To the 1st story... I think the main problem is OP's trauma, which is TOTALLY valid, but she shouldn't project it on others. The fact it happened to her doesn't mean it's always like that and honestly...what is 5 years? That's nothing, in my opinion! It's different if he forced her into something sexual etc, but i bet she doesn't know that and sexual harassment could happen even if they both were the same age, so i wouldn't seek the issue there. Honestly...when i was 17, i had a (gay) relationship with a 14 year old boy and yeah, it ended because of his lack of maturity, (but he was 14, not 17!) and still, I don't regret that relationship at all. We were perfect when it lasted, we'd never done anything sexual besides kissing and i still cherish the memory of those times.
Just like op's trauma,your experience with age gaps is also anecdotal.
The problem is not just about the age gap but the power imbalance,the guy is a working at the school where she's a student
You’re not wrong about the Dairy Queen 😩😩😂
Its not Dq , It’s the real stuff “Ginger’s” quite simply it’s amazing no matter what it condition
There’s a few places that I have actually tried for food in LA that I really must share with my family, meaning all of you. Gingers ice cream tough to beat.. on a other note, today I tried a French dip sandwich from a place that I have been passing for 65 years of my life never stop there once a little dive walk up to the window kind of restaurant. It’s called Johnnies Pastrami French Dip’ all I can tell you kids, Wow…..
So here’s the drill if you guys are ever in Los Angeles, traveling through staying for a week or even live here. Culver City has the two best places, Johnnies pastrami, French Dip and two miles away, Gingers Ice Cream… if you want to gingers from Johnny’s might be a good idea if you can work off the calories from that sandwich before you get a nail at gingers with a double dose.
JUST IN TIMEEEEEEEEEE 🎉 HEY dad and sister 😊
Hello Jessica.. 😊
Please don’t take better help as a sponsor. Do some research on them please.
this!!
I did , and its mixed…
Story 1: she is projecting her trauma. "I" is not in the wrong. It is Legal and the drinking age is not 21 in all countrys. She really needs to get over it. It is not her relationship and it is Legal. So what is the problem? I get that she don't want him into her home, but he is not at fault here.
Glad i'm not the only one who thinks like that especially i'm not from the US so i can see their perspective better she just assume that what she went thrugh is the same for this girl and every girl and thats not ALWAYS the case she needs to continue the therapy
Holy crap. Story 2 could have very easily been written by me about my sister
Everytime i watch FKS, I always say to myself, Jerry reminds me of Capt. Glen from Below Deck Sailing Yacht lol
Story 1: I think it was extreme to identify the 21yo as a predator and make the comment, "who knows what children he had access to." Having a consensual relationship with a women with a 3-4 year age gap does not correlate to being a child predator/pedo. OP is projecting her experience onto the brother/friend. Her experience and trauma is valid, but the guy is not her ex and the girl is not her experience. The fact that Morgan starts talking about exceptions to this, like if they knew each other in high school, and the fact that the opinion is based on United States law when this age gap is legal in several 1st world countries says enough to know this is very nuanced. And with that I don't think it's fair to identify him as a predator based on this situation alone.
agreed. its questionable at the very most. Predator is a very strong word that doesnt apply here
A 16 year old is still a child, not a woman. Also the age gap is 5 years, not 2 or 3.
@petalchild not saying its okay. Though they're 17. That's a teenager alright. Let's not get confused here
@e.jacobsen6672 obviously 17 is a teenager lmao. Still not an adult.
@@petalchild you said child. Soooo?
Morgan that ur dad podcast ...don't forget ❤
Regardsss from Peru :D
Story 1 is a classic case of people trying to police how other people live based on their own traumas. I don’t agree with Morgan here. OP has no say in how I should live his life.
I wish people understood that mental health disorders are quite literally illnesses, they come back and they can be debilitating. Its crazy that our healthcare system doesnt acknowledge how people literally become INCAPABLE of caring for themselves often no matter how much they want to be able and literally never heal because its not as simple as “change your mindset”
Story 3: its extremely concerning that hes refusing to get help to make a safer environment for her and ultimately its a huge red flag that hes on board with getting married, hes testing the waters it seems and becoming more himself (which is someone who needs help) which sounds like it will absolutely lead to him immediately shifting once the marriage is solidified as it happens so often. He will feel MORE comfortable and safe in being violent once he thinks she cant and wont leave. That’s extremely concerning - this sounds more of a “he has been in this particular mindset longer than shes been in his life and has done a great job fluffing in the beginning “ especially with the mom telling her that he doesnt deserve her…
For the women whose fiancé is becoming erratic and is drinking too much, besides a therapist, she should go to AlAnon, it is super helpful whether or not you stay with him. It would be good for his family as well.
For story 1. I‘m from switzerland. A side note: legal drinking age is 16 for wine and beer, 18 for spirits. I don‘t see much of a red flag, the age gap is not that big and a relationship between a 17y.o. With a 21 y.o. Is perceived as not uncommon in switzerland, in my opinion. I think the other girl shouldn‘t project her past traumas on to someone else‘s relationship, only because she had a different experience.
Agreed. I felt like it was extreme to make the comment about him being a predator and "what other children he had access to." OP is definitely projecting her trauma onto then situation and because she is projecting, she sees him in the same light as her ex and probably thinks the girl may have experienced the same traumas. But that's not necessarily true. Trauma can definitely skew our perception. Not to invalidate her experience, because I have no reason not to believe she experienced trauma. However, we should be self aware of how our trauma affects us and our perception and our relationships.
I agree and I don't think just because you're triggered that you should be able to control other people's lives. You need to deal with your triggers yourself.
I totally agree.
Yup, agreed
Regardless, it’s a trauma she hasn’t heal from. Nothing saying she should get involved but I don’t think it’s in her or his best interests for them to still be in each others lives.
lets get this straight, the 22 year old is "immature" and irresponsible but the 17 year old should know better and shes probably just rebelling against her parents???? Hes the adult, he should know better. this concept of dating minors isnt new. i was 17 and in with some older men too and i regret it but i thought wow a mature guy! he must love me. what mature guy dates someone who hasnt even graduated highschool? i just turned 19 on the 28th and i know better but the 22 year old is just immature and irresponsible?
There is something you can do for your sister. Have her committed. She needs forced treatment at this point otherwise start planning her funeral. Mental health only spirals downward if left untreated
I am kinda wondering about this with a friend since childhood. She had some health issues and bad luck and i was totally alright supporting her trough it al even with financial donations but she is starting to act a bit like a narcissist with a victim complex. Which i am allergic to due to PTSD. Currently it seems like she can take it when i very gently mention it but i hate that i have to basically manipulate accountability out of her
I feel like I don't know enough information to have an opinion on this, but have you tried telling her you feel this way?
@@MasterChiefess117 hi, i gets it not a quick judge type of thing. I have tried to do so but anything direct and she gets really defensive in the "but i have bad things going on" train even though she has a serious part in the problems she is complaining about. For example not fulfilling her commitments to her online store and being upset customers complain their orders are not fulfilled and not getting responses to their questions about it. She did post a message on a part of the store but she did not check it for weeks without closing the store down so all these people have been ordering things and not getting what they order nor hearing any extra responses as to why. And then she is upset they all leave bad reviews like they are unreasonable for doing so. And it's just impossible to tell her that from their perspective it's very reasonable to complain or she will get mad and defensive that they did not read the small post about being slow due to sickness.
How do I write in? I need help about something. Advice
Follow this link:
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For story 1: Honesty i rarely disagree with FKS takes but this is just wow. 6 year age gap is NOT a big age gap. My parents are 6 years apart and the fact that people are calling I a predator is just stupidity. Im sorry but this take was horrible. And why are we jumping to the conclusions that I started it? For all we know the girl couls have really pursued I and I was really really hesitant about it.
Again with the serious trigger warning mental health talk and the better help ads that rip people off
Damn, but warning every girl?
Personally, it feels like the OP from Story 1 has this strange entitlement whereby she's decided, in a closed-minded way, that her trauma is something everybody should deal with and that as a result of her trauma, the brother is a perverted bad person, rather than just being a young man coming into adulthood and navigating that. Of course her experience and trauma are awful, but attributing her trauma responses, ei vomiting etc to someone else who's just living their life is honestly shitty.
I find the age-gap discussion interesting. It feels like a dangerous place to be in mentally to consider behaviours predatory because we've arbitrarily decided one culture is more morally correct than the other. 17 - 21 sounds a bit weird and questionable personally, but 18- 22 sounds alright? ( If we consider that 16 is a valid age of consent in "Swissy".
Okay I gotta say something , better help is NOT a good company, there have been many videos here on RUclips exposing them for things such as having therapists that have little to no experience in their field along with a variety of concerning issues. I’m hoping Morgan sees this and seriously looks into this matter because I cannot sit back and watch theses Better Help ad reads and not say anything.
Morgan, I really think you’re awesome and I listen to THT all the time. However this isn’t your podcast, it’s Jerrys, so please let him do the majority of the talking. 😊
I mean it is Jerry’s, but she’s always been a huge part of it since she’s the one who got him into podcasting. Some episodes he talks more and some the other hosts do, I don’t think she did it intentionally to not let him speak as much
Story 2. For the first time ever I disagree with Morgan. I don't like that you're telling people not to try. The system does work but they need to want the help and stay in the system on their own. They choose not to continue going to therapies on their own. That's their choice once they are in the independent part. There are ways to continue to get help. They choose not to
The first story is such a stretch, I think the girls overreacting to 16 and 21 is 5 years I have a age gap with my boyfriend 4 years (24 & 28) and they grew up in a different country with the age of constant 16 and the drinking age in Europe in most countries is super young lol and then you always say 21 is so young your so underdeveloped but then it’s suddenly switched in this case ?? Like you gotta pick a side lmfao
You don't seriously believe that the power dynamic between a 24 and 28 year old is the same as a 16 and 21 year old though right? You and your boyfriend are both adults, she is not.
@@petalchild I do think it’s different but I think 21 years old are just as immature
Please stop promoting better help :(
For story #3, I think writer herself needs help of a therapist. From the description of the relationship, I feel there is a codependency problem, where codependent person benefits from the alcoholism of their partner, here she is being the altruistic angelic person choosing to stay in the relationship when even his mother is saying her to leave him. May be she needs to dig in this direction and don’t enable her partner. 🤔🤔
I went on yt after sleeping for so many hours from some sort of sickness, and so happy to be here early 🤍 love father knows something his advice is so inspiring in every story.