The 5 Ways the Narcissist Disengages
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- Опубликовано: 19 сен 2024
- #narcissist #narcissism #hgtudor
If the narcissist disengages from you, how does the narcissist do it and why does the narcissist disengage in this manner? What does it mean and what might happen in the future?
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Does anyone else agree that without this information it is literally SO hard to escape your emotional thinking. I'm so grateful every day for this 🙏
Yes. It just doesn't make sense otherwise. It's hard to rationalize. Once you get the "logic," then it all begins to make sense. Then you can rationalize it. That's why HG's work is so good. He puts you into their heads. Not some externalized "scientific" explanation. He actually gives you their perspective. From the inside. From there, it's up to you.
I escaped and now im right back here one year later
I am so glad I know about no contact
HG drummed it into US
Taking the first steps
@@sunnyshonte5367
Oh gosh. Sorry to hear
the Narc, disengaged, discarded me 9 mths ago, blocked me. 2 weeks ago I am suddenly unblocked... I never reached out, I never asked questions. I did what was necessary In a chess game. checkmate. blocked. This Queen played the final discard.
RRRUUUUNNNN!!!
Love...
I hope mine ends the way lol
More power to you girl 😘 all the best !
I love what you did! Keep it up!
I wish you could teach ME HOW!
He vanished after we got into a fight. He blocked me. 3 months and I'm still traumatised.
He just deleted me out of his life. This sent me into a deep debilitating depression.
Thank you HG for this video; it brings me some answers and relief. I am grateful.
Please understand that his response has nothing to do with your love ability or worthiness. He is an immature coward who couldn’t face his own darkness. I hope you are finding the tools to heal your trauma. I am finding that mine are soooo much deeper than what my ex “did to me.” It’s the first time in 3 years of knowing him that I’ve been able to not respond and keep him blocked. And he has been incredibly cruel this time. So much pain but also so much healing. I hope you find the strength and light to heal. 🙏
That can work both ways..... go total No Contact.
This happened to me too. Then he came back. Then he did it again last night..except it was savage strike type. He plays a lot of games. Too many..its exhausting wondering if my life is gone every other week. I'm already struggling with my own mental health without it. Just be warned he will come back and do it all again. I'm trying to stop this time. I Don't feel as bad as last time. Less out of control..the one before this was THE WORST.
NEVER CARE MORE...
i know how it feels being sliced and diced by a loved one. I've been dealing with this sickness as well for the past three months after being flushed down the toilet by her.
Too much trouble dealing with these type of people. Don't nobody have time to deal with this crazy personality type of a person. Too much work for the narcissist jugglng people, giving silent treatments, not answering the phone or responding back,, standing you up for dates, no sympathy or compassion, no gift giving, enjoying your negative
emotions, putting you on the shelf until he want to talk again, painting you black or white, no taking you out. This is just something only a crazy person does. Leave the narcissist alone. They deserve just what they dish outl and do not deserve another human being. They are pathetic.
involved with a narcisist. Don't nobody have time to waste on all their mess. Let these crazy people be by themselves and be crazy alone.
It can take years to even finally research , silent treatment and then you start to learn but still in denial more years , until everything you have learned cannot be unseen and unlearned and finally let reality overcome denial. Very hard to realize you were never loved, it will not change , the very gifts God gsve you are ignored , while every flaw has been so exaggerated, you don’t remember the gifts and loving heart Is betrayed
@@kblankenship5870 Exactly.
It’s amazing how you describe EXACTLY what happened. I need to make myself listen to you when I start to get up in my feelings. Every time I listen to one of these, I find myself saying “fuuuuuck you” or “fuuuck that.” And then I’m so grateful I am free from this mindfuckery. So thank you.
LOL
you know, psychopaths have about 5 parts of their brains, such as the amygdala, that they are born with them biologically underdeveloped (too small). They can't help the fact that they don't feel very many emotions very deeply (approx. 80% of what neuro-normal people have) and don't have empathy. Just think of them as different. That is another way to not get ensnared and to help loved-ones avoid it too. It's a brain defect basically. I don't think anyone who has a defect or other health problem deserves to be maligned or degraded by society. They are just different. As a matter of fact, everyone has different sizes of those brain areas, that's why there's so much diversity out in the world -such as people with long tempers and people with short tempers, etc. It will help your own phsyce to know that you don't have to take it personally, they just aren't like you. I actually think it's something HG should take about more. I did research online about it. Imagine how bad you would feel if you were 12 years old and have come to realize that others are different than you and that if you don't figure out which fake persona to put on with them, then they will get very angry and upset with you, but you don't really understand why. You would get very frustrated, feel left out, and probably scared.
@@SolutionsWithin Exactly. That is the case with the Amygdala and that is all that really needs to be taught to us. Not hide it! Then Im sure there would be less wounding and painful experiences and alot more understanding. Its not that hard to figure out but its behooves me why this is such a big secret.
Yesss...they are sick fucks😈👿😈👿
My sentiments exactly 😱
'I love you, but I'm not in love with you'. Wow that took me back in time. I used to get a lot of these, then a week or two later he'd say let's get back together. I remember one time he said we could get back together after another break up, I was exhausted by it all and burst out crying. He said 'sorry I don't know why I keep doing this to you, maybe we should split up for good I don't want to keep hurting you'. It's exhausting just thinking back to that relationship.
The worst thing to can do when they tell you it's over is " k bye". Then bounce out the door upbeat with a " you take care now" then closed mouth smile.
That savage strike stuff was nothing less than evil itself.
Some of the cruelest things ive ever heard out if exe narcos mouth. Both he and new supply rather enjoyed throwing their relationship in my face encouraging me to off myself.
I see clearly now.
But back then, I was literally fighting for my right to breath.
I'll never look back at him or anyone associated w him.
Thank you HG.
That really helped to expose every tactic that I had experienced. Thank you
Like a good narcissist
STAY OVER THERE
I like that (LIKE A GOOD NARCISSIST STAY OVER THERE). 😄😄😄😄😄😄
Love this. I think I'll steal it/use it 😂
Exactly, thanks for removing yourself.
Aaaaaaand STOLEN 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Lol
I disengaged from my narc by way of Savage strike and then blocking him.
I have practiced GOSO ever since. Breaking up with a narc is harder than a normal person. They have a way of getting under your skin. They mirror their target and you end up falling for your own image that they are reflecting. Manipulative chameleons! 😒😏
My ex narc talks a lot...he started with a savage strike, then a wedge, then...”I don’t know why honestly, you are the perfect package...I can’t explain it. I have to leave...but can we still be friends?” He was telling me this after months of telling me that I was “the one” and taking me out to a nice steak dinner only a couple of nights before. I was heartbroken because I loved him, but also because I realized that he was crazy in that moment...so I just said “ok, take your things” and blocked him 💁♀️
The cold hard truth, and so well explained. Very informative.👏🙏
You are welcome.
@@hgtudor-theultra Yes, thanks for these very helpful vids. Presumably some narcs will do a combination of these disengage methods? I had a combo of the savage strike and the wedge. I was primary source (wife) and was told he couldn't let me go completely but just 'had to' be with the new primary source. I reckon he's an upper mid range lol. And presumably, depending on life circumstances they vacillate between 'range' and 'cadre' too? Ugh!
"I was sick and needed your attention". "Sorry. for that. I"m busy in these days."
Wow !! Narcissists are truly evil. They will have to answer to Their maker one day as we all do. The fact that this sinful way of being is a chosen behavior is such a sin. Clearly you know what you are doing is wrong .
Oh please spare all your sinful, shite. Christian are you? Don't waste your breath spreading unproven crap as fact. It's insulting to those with critical thinking skills who value truth.
The ironic thing is that there is one way that we and the narcissist are on an equal level: neither of us are that special to each other when you think about it. We are obviously, at the core, not that special to them in their heart. And the way they treat us, manipulate us, disregard our feelings, gaslight us and so on - we can get that anywhere from anyone - so they too are really no one particularly special.
The triagulation , bringing another woman into your relatioship and watching our distress was the worst for me. An ex who they call a couple of times a week. They always say ' we are just friends' they were never an ex they are still there thinking they are the primary source... mine even used his stepmother!
Sorry you went through this.. I also endured the same. Vetu humiliating. Looking back, I can't believe the nonsense I allowed. He tried again when I got pregnant, but I ended up blocking him and the woman completely. I also warned him never to bring her to our home ( I own it), or I would have her arrested for trespassing. Currently waiting for the divorce papers to process. I can't wait!
This is exactly how it happened in my 10 year marriage and the end of it. It’s really upsetting as I had no idea it wasn’t all my fault and I’d put on so much weight he didn’t fancy me anymore. The new younger, slimmer version of me understands him. I never did…… I had to rebuild my family and friends as I had lost them all over his drip drip over ten years.
Sounds like I got the Wedge “We are not compatible, the connection and drama never materialized”. After connecting the dots and checking the boxes for the last 2 months I realized I was not a push over and was not willing to bend over backwards for her (being submissive). The drama which she sought after was for fuel. I believe she (SOMATIC/VULNERABLE -MID/MID RANGER) is subconsciously looking for a codependent for the "connection".
It’s mind boggling to think that when the relationship was good before the devaluation stage it was fruitful and harmonious, but little did I know it became stale for her. I recall her saying underneath her breath one night that I was getting to comfortable, I was like what WTF, but now I know it was because my positive fuel was becoming less and less. After our first REAL argument, she began to push and pull with projection/blameshifting and some love bombing in between. Although the manipulation tactics truly never got the best of me, it only made me confused and withdrawn because I was not into confrontation and let things be, but definitely with an open eye that something is not right here... but the love bombing drew me back in consistently wishing for things to get back to normal .... which developed a trauma bond for me.
After discarding me with a sweet/mean demeanor, she bread crumbed me for 4 months and could never give me closure or the opportunity to talk about the relationship, she finally told me that I was a good man with a loving heart and that she was seeing someone else which I know in my heart she was grooming and idealizing that person during my deval. I do feel like when they secure the next supply they can reflect on the last partner and the negative image of that person has subsided a bit, they feel remorseful and know they treated that person badly, but the SHOW MUST GO ON...for they need fresh supply. Of course I disregarded the red flags in the beginning when she told me she sabotages her relationships and she walks away easily.
This disorder is absolutely insane and you will surely lose yourself because its ONLY about them. Thankfully I have a good memory to corroborate her words and actions along with referencing our history of texts which has helped me tremendously to come to terms of who she is and what she does. I no longer feel heart broken or angry for her just sad and pity for what she puts herself through cycle after cycle having the need for another person to validate her false self until she realizes that person is an individual and no longer conforms to her script (Idealization). For those victims who are new to this, HG Tudor, Sam Vaknin and Little Shaman have been instrumental in helping me to understand Narcissism. Mostly everyone else are superficial and have emotional thinking...and unfortunately are in it for the $$$.
I do admit my relationship was for a short 6 months and I certainly have dodged a bullet. I truly feel for those who have been victims for much much longer. But just in those 6 months I felt the high of highs and the low of lows. The frustrating part to deal with in my case is that we were friends for a few years before getting together... I can accept that her love for me was not as real as I thought it was because of her narcissism but the friendship we shared I thought would have been more pure and she would have not used me to gain fuel but in hind sight I think I was being groomed and put on the waiting list because she saw my good hearted, caring nature and was waiting for the right time to engage. Being with a Cluster B is like no other and no one will truly understand unless you have lived it. At least I have gained wisdom from this experience and will no longer be blind to the signs. I WILL NEVER EVER LET THIS HAPPEN AGAIN!!!!.
Actually read that whole thing. Sounds like you were put thru the ringer, man. She sounds a bit borderliney. But that all is up for debate. I've been thru at least two cluster Bs now. One narcissist, one borderline. The formal relationship with the narcissist was longer than yours (~18 months), and didn't have too long or bad of a deval, possibly for some specific idiosyncratic reasons related to her, but it sounds like you kept your head about you pretty well. I agree wholeheartedly with the last few things you said. I've been dodging one for the last 6+ months. Once you know what they are, that they exist, what they're really like, it's much easier to spot them. You can see it in their eyes. Unfortunately, they're all over the place. But at least you can choose to try and limit your interactions with them. Develop strong boundaries, and keep them outside. Figure out what you drew you to them in the first place. At least if it's a repeated pattern. Avoid people like them. Learn about them. This knowledge is a gift. Drink from that fountain, and spread the knowledge to others.
@@narchelsin7679 Thanks for the reply! Yeah the more I research the more I can see some overlapping disorders in her. For one she told me when we first starting dating that she hated her dead Father, her Mother is also deceased which I think may have Spoiled her and did not allow her to become her own person. She is also jealous of her older sister.
Her first marriage ended in divorce and then she went right into another relationship who became the father of her 2 kids which I know he is definitely a Narcissist and I believe F'd her up really bad psychologically. She was always emotionally distant and would not give too much of herself but at the same time was so damn clingy and needy and my presence was always required. She would tell me at times that I would know how to pull her back in when her mind was overthinking and that I gave her balance.
She was such a sweet heart at times but then she would be somewhat of a bully with mean remarks and would hate any advice or suggestions that I would make. She always had to make the call and never validate my opinions. Always disregarding how I felt and never took accountability. What a shame because deep down in there I know there is something beautiful but unfortunately the pain is too deep and its not my problem to fix. Besides that fact that she has a disorder(s) shes a F"ing idiot to not see how loving I was to her, her kIds which I treated as my own and her F'ing dog that she hates. Glad i'm out and im no longer walking on egg shells, constantly questions her thoughts, wondering what mood she will be in.
Thank you both for these replies. my ex narc discarded me after 4 years together and I've been here now like you doing the research trying to figure out what she was. All the red flags are constantly popping up in my head now that i overlooked thinking everything would be okay once the situation with my kids and soon to be ex wife was squared away after i retired from the air force. But No! she decided she couldn't wait any longer....only a few months and decided to discard me after putting myself and my family through hell just to be with her. They are sick people indeed.
@@prbpino75 You sound like a good man. Sorry that happened to you. I am going through a similar situation and it's so painful. If only empaths ended up with empaths instead of narcissists. It's sad.
Your story is my story, although I went for three years. Confused by her actions, trying harder and harder to get to back to that golden period.
She moved her and her kids from her rented home into my own home, stayed for 12 months, said she couldn’t stay because it was my home and not ours and moved out into a rented flat. I was still brainwashed so said let me sell my house and we’ll get a house. I did and we did. I stumped up all of the cash - deposit, fees, etc. We moved in, and two months later she said she hates me, she wished I were dead and she was leaving and wanted half the equity in the house - ie the deposit (which I had paid), because she was entitled to it legally, which she was as I had been too blinded and too trusting to make arrangements to have my contribution recognised legally. Prior to the leaving bombshell I bought us a second car, putting it in her name as that seemed fair - there was already a car in my name. She sold that after four weeks; bought a cheaper car and pocketed the difference.
All I can say is that narcissist's are therefore lacking in the component element in which all humans should be lucky & grateful to possess & that is love. Love is the most powerful thing on this planet. Aliens can't even love like humans can love and love is the most abundant & precious thing God has ever bestowed upon us. LOVE is great & oh so wonderful. It is such a sad and pitiful tragedy that narcissist can't even feel that God Given Feeling of pure genuine LOVE. Even though normal average people spew it all the time towards these types of people it's just so sad that it goes toward an empty black hole & can never be filled or fulfilled. We should feel sorry for them as much as they don't give a hoot about us normal folks. So I tell you all don't hate or criticize the narc, but just understand that they cannot know what they have never known or felt & give them a break because they haven't a slightest clue. They are oblivious to this most powerful majestic feeling only the majority of humans are capable of feeling. We are so lucky to know that there are narcissist's and there are people who have the gift to feel love & to know what love is. Believe me that life & love are good & we have both instilled in each of us. Pass this message to the people who are affected by a narc in their life. God Bless you all.
Your beautiful comment just brought some more healing to my heart!!❤ Thank you so much for your wise, truthful words! Blessings and love to you!!❤❤
A-MEN and AMEN, Liza! Wise words.....
When I entered into the relationship with my ex Narc, I was totally uneducated and ignorant about the patterns of narcissism. However, after the discard and thanks to channels such as HG’s and others, I became very savvy. This is how my ex’s hoover attempt via telephone went…
Narc… “We had so many good times….I just want to remember the good times.” (spoken in his smooth and creamy voice)
Me……”Yes we did….but if we forget all the bad times, we don’t learn anything, do we?” (spoken in a matching and slightly mocking smooth and creamy voice) CLICK!!!!
Thank you, HG for giving me and others like me freedom from our tormentors. ❤️
Narc….. “I think we should date other people.”
Me…..”When people say that, what it REALLY means is that you’ve got her all picked out.”
What happens, if both are narcissists AND victims and disengage in the same manner? This happened to me, and I still don't know, WHO is/was the narcissist. So, I guess, we both played the game with the same cards. But now, the disengagement is for good. No going back from my side. Because: I don't like playing games.
This guy is crackin me up!! I love this! It’s all so true and thankfully I’ve evolved into a super empath to not feel completely shattered by the truth. It’s pretty pathetic and I’m just grateful I was able to free myself from this “twin flame” delusion.
Yes! I've come to realize that the twin flame delusion is just a way to make sure that we blame ourselves for the behaviour of our "twin," since they are us. It's very convoluted. Just a way to shovel more self hate on ourselves after a life with a past of abuse, already robbing us of self respect. You are whole and complete as an individual, and life is usually happier and more fun being single too. Good luck!
"I hate when a bitch let's herself slide"😂
I dont have time for such nonsense.
My first husband the Lesser hit me with the savage strike. He told me he was going to divorce me because I thought I knew too much and his mom had advised him to get someone less educated. I was 25 he was 27.
Well he's the only narc who discarded me. I've escaped from the other narcs I've attracted over the years. I've been put on the shelf, pushed and pulled.
This happened to me exactly as you explained he suggested that I should end the relationship and had a new girl the next day . Then he told everyone how mean I left him.
Every single time I listen to H.G. I get pissed because I was bamboozled, run amuck, led astray.
While at the same time, I become more empowered. Notwithstanding, I am cautious with dating let alone falling for someone.
I was on the entire continuum with just one narc. Then I disengaged & discarded long before I was exposed to this content. Best freedom decision. He calls, I won't press ignore because then he'll get attention. NO FUEL!! No voicemail, no verbal communication, no smoke signal, morse code, braille-deuces. I'm rambling.
Funny I gave her all the “it’s not you it me” and other excuses that they typically use. It’s like slamming a door In their face with a smile and they help you do it. Glad I woke up to her tactics, now for the STD test hopefully it come back clear.
Very important information to understand the behavior of the discarding narcissist.
All narcs do it eventually
Why can’t people just be honest? 😞
Unless I have missed it I would be interested to hear HG's take on the narcissist's reaction to being disengaged from by a source of supply who has figured them out.
If the appliance (not supply) leaves us, it is escape. The response to that is set out in the book No Contact. If you have "figured us out" but not escaped, see The 5 Reasons The Narcissist Disengages From You.
@@hgtudor-theultra
Bloody Hell that was quick!
Thanks HG.
This gentleman’s videos are invaluable. His detailed analysis and the explanations behind the behaviors of the narcissist are precisely accurate, almost too a scary point.
If you want too understand you’re own behaviors and that of the narcissist types, you need go no further than HG Tudor videos.
Making sense of my own behaviors and the narcissist
the complex answers are all here. Provided you’re able too listen carefully with an open mind.
Mr. Tudor words of wisdom are Gold. And every woman young and old will benefit from his truths.
IMO.. we need too ensure are younger ppl especially female
are aware of and given access too his intimate knowledge, as early in life as possible.
Thank you.
Great video, thanks for sharing. It took me sometime to figure it out as it was done so covertly via triangulation with another narcissist. He told me that we are no longer friends as my action (trying to find out what is going on) is impacting everyone and we should no longer see each other. I wished him good and well and stay gone. 🤣
I'm discarding you like worthless trash but "I will always love you from the bottom of my heart"
That's pretty much what i got from her.
Same.
Total lunacy.
@@sharicandi2624 exactly what I thot. They are all lunatics.
'You never listen to me. I have to cheat on you to love you better."
The wedge describes perfectly, word for word what I experienced. Nice to hear and understand it for what it was. Thank you sir!
Infortunatly I had a mother and a ex husband (40 yers married) and the two of them were narcissistics. What my mother was enable to do, my ex finished with my self confidence!!!! Now I am going trying to put me standing and moving foward! Thanks I discover HG Tudor!!!
So much context, that is so relatable. Mr Tudor, by educating in reality..... Thank you xx
Listening to you has helped me goso. I never thought I’d be able to.
You are delicious - a real-life Addison Dewitt. I’ve just discovered we have a narcissist in the family, and I have disengaged. You. Are. Spot. On, dearest HG. Thank you for your brilliant insights and your enigmatic delivery of all things narc-related. You are my new favorite. 💖
She said, after 20 years of marriage and 3 children and a granddaughter, “no complaints it’s just our puzzle pieces don’t fit anymore “
This is incredible, and quite sad. HG, I respect what your approach and what you've done. Great information and insight
Thank you for this video. Yes, I heard some of these exact phrases. Reminded me of the song by Madrugada: "What's on your mind?". I believe Madrugada is a Narcissist himself judging by lyrics of his songs.
Some victims commit suicide after disengament with Narcissist, just to stop this horrible pain. If they just knew, who they are dealing with.
The wedging thing coupled with the inherent future faking in it happened to me on a regular basis.
The behaviours of mid ranges are so sneaky that we need a bulls eye to recognise them.
Being with mid ranges passive aggressive jerks for a while, and the charm of some of them makes a double whammy. Damn
Ithurts like hell when you realise feel like such a fool 🙄
"I've got a 6th out come".
When my creature tried to end it May 2000 using the following words -"I had you in first 3 months, and I didn't want you after that 11 year's" later, my answer it's over when I say so.
And creature obliged, little did I know creature was going to strike again within the month, and place myself on the floor again, he wanted to run and I finally agreed with the words, I want the keys back and go, he left and tried for a week, for myself to allow it back in, I had enough and to be honest I've let it back every time it beat me until I wanted out..
And no contact without the police and family or friends.
Now 20 years after that time I've seen and walked past creature, we live in the same city, he is still angry as a volcano 🌋 erupting, and without emotional base I laughed and walked on as if it wasn't even real.
🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣
Heavy... know who YOU ARE... Their NOTHING!
The creature lol
You have wonderful vocabulary and short stories, god bless you
The fact that they enjoy negative fuel means there's more than just selfishness here; there's a mean streak in narcissists. Definitely mean.
Mine was a combo of 1 & 5. Thank you for another great lesson!
You are welcome.
I got the wedge disengagement just recently. Everything you said happened. I need space. I’m so busy with work. Didn’t feel right. My guys told me there’s something off here. So I initiated the breakup! She got very angry!
Omg same here!
I was told it all felt fake! Find out he’s closeted gay, no wonder it felt fake! Still acting and pretending to the world he’s straight..... no one needs a part in that shit show....
I jumped through so many hoops to make her happy and she was sulking seemingly uninterested in things we used to enjoy together so after months I stopped trying that's when she said that I don't care or make an effort anymore.
So once again I try and I try only for her to say I'm pathetic and to needy now and to leave her be, she gave me the silent treatment causing me to shout at her in frustration, that's when she said it's over.
It was a blessing in disguise. Seriously be thankful.
Shut up Beavis!!! I'm joking with you, I like your name and picture.
How do we end up in the same situation over and over. I'm a narcissist magnet.
Bec we dont learn from our experiences and hv no boundaries
@Jus .G Me too , it is probably too late in life for me but i finally was able to see that no one has that bad of luck - we play a part in it - and when i came to realize that - it gives me the opportunity to learn and move on - otherwise its like repeating jr high school over and over again for 25 yrs
@@roshnichhoga2293 In my case a lot of it comes from blaming them - they are only able to do what i allow - whatever signals we send - they pick up on them - i remember asking mine - early on - how did you know i would do that for you ? she just smiled and said she could recognize good people - i knew it then that there was a lot more to this than met the eye - it definitely doesn't get easier. In my case it is what i was raised with - so it is the only thing i know . i completely understand the anger and hurt people feel - but it is not worth damaging yourself over it - It really is true - once you have crossed into the devaluation phase it really doesnt matter anyway - the best thing is to escape and give no energy towards - i don't wish harm on these people they are truly so empty inside - i don't like the hurt but i wouldn't trade places - there are not really any good places on earth except a fresh host its the only thing they can do - like a tick
It took me 44 years to know this ... bec most of us empath we come from disfunctional family .. I needed to reprogram myself and the way I analyse things so I m not magnet anymore for those demons period .. after all this videos I do know better lol
I avoid any strange behaviour now and don't let myself excuse it, such as him not saying thank you or not being friendly to OTHERS when I'm with him, not tipping service workers, or saying anything too weird. Don't write anything off. Set a list of standards you want from a partner. Mine is: someone friendly, smart, happy, hindu/buddhist or open to it, open to yoga, good sense of humour, loving, vegan or open to veganism, financially stable, has a post-secondary education, etc.. That way he will be more compatible to me.
man I am just sitting here listening and nodding my head. makes perfect sense.
I know that my story sounds so odd to some;
I was discarded 4 months before he died of cancer. He smeared me good to our friends (about me being an abuser?) and re-emeshed (as the golden child) with malignant Narc mom.
Me and kids were totally "deleted" after over 7 years of happy loving family life together, so we missed the last months with him ...#1) he didn't want to see us... #2) his mom was very rageful and threatening about gatekeeping him away from us anyway.
Because of your work, I have alot more understanding now about this type - midrange Narc + (MEM) mother-emeshed man. I truly believe he wasn't able to see what he enacted discarding me and the kids and ...felt completely justified smearing me and wanting his mom's attention at the end.
Its a sad story for us, losing him this way has been really really cruel and traumatizing.
Glad that I've been directed to this helpful material to help heal me in my confusion, betrayal and grief.
thanks so much : )
: )
I'm not discounting anything you went through (or are going thru), or criticizing you at all, but I just want to say, if you had "7 years of happy loving family life together," then you were not with a narcissist or psychopath. It sounds like he made a bad decision, thinking he's doing the right thing, to leave you and your kids out of his dying season, to help himself you yourselves to not have to suffer. and, if his mother didn't like you, then he maybe decided that whilst he's dying he doesn't have the strength to listen to her complaining about you. Obviously it's not the right way to handle things, and it's disrespectful, but I you have to remember that you are your biggest priority. You have a right to have self love, care and happiness, so pursue that. Psychopaths are born with about five parts of their brains underdeveloped, such as the amygdala. If you lived with him 7 year and had kids in the house, you would have noticed that he has something not right with him, even if he was covert, because you would not have gotten the support you needed with the kids, and he would have missed out on giving you the socially appropriate amount of enrichment in the relationship. Often they are financially desperate and unmotivated too. Study carefully the symptoms if you want to understand it better. They can't help having a different brain.
Thank you once again for being so informative, I do appreciate it very Much 💞
HG, thank you for saving my life.
What about disengaging because of the fear of being wounded seeing the signs that he is worked out by the "victim"???
I can handle the rejection; what I can’t handle is discarding your own children!
HG, thank you for helping me understand me
I think I met my first one!!! I’m actually excited 😆 my life experiences never end, it was a good lesson, thankfully with not much pain👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
All this time I thought it was as Berger said to Miranda Hobbs (when complaining the guy hasn’t called) on Sex and the City, “He’s just not that into you.”
“I need some space!”....the narcissists favorite!!!!!
So true! and the gaslighting that comes with it. "I need space because I am processing, I need space because you are so enmeshed, and so anxiously attached and it's unhealthy and I feel suffocated by you." But no responsibility for his avoidance!
They all talk the same shit, because they all have the same brain damage, at the exact same area😒😒😒🤭
@@Anders4771 translation: "i need space because I'm pursuing new sources of supply and you are interfering"
I had no idea that lesser and mid-range narcissism existed, let alone that my ex-husband was one. I got a combination of everything but the strike over 18 months. We’d celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary a few months before I got the ‘I love you but I’m not in love with you’ speech, along with a denial there was anyone else in the picture. Of course there was. That came out 2 weeks later, with the ‘I need space to figure out what I want. I’ve ended it with her.’ I think he did for maybe 3 months. Then it was the wedge or golden wedge until I finally divorced him. I couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t end the relationship, especially since he was already living with whatshername. I’ve learned so much about what was really going on with him and why, psychologically, that I can finally start to heal.
Deceit, deplete and delete.... *yawn*
I heard so many of the comments made in this video from various narcs - friends or otherwise. The video brought back remnants of previous situations that I recalled. No wonder I stopped talking to those individuals.
"I forgive you. Please don't ever contact me again" wtf is this? Blocked everywhere. 🤣🤣🤣
Been primary source and reduced to secondary source twice. Never lasted more than 4 months as primary source. Guess I must have done something right 😬 now that I know, it’s quite easy to read through their bs. Hoping the second attempt to go GOSO works this time.
Remember we Live in a Universe of Level , Even , Balance.
If you cause them a narcissistic injury they will never bother with you again. Highly recommend it.
Wrong.
KAREN--i did just that. It didn't work. He's still hoovering, won't let go, and now threatening to kill anyone I date, even after divorcing. SMDH
@@mariasartzis-pellicier1723 Be careful family annihilators aren’t threatening they are warning. Make sure you know where he lives and works and get out of town with no forwarding order if possible. Take threats seriously and file charges. But do it from a very far distance
Well all i got when i told my narc to work on himself and stop blaming me was a complete block and a picture of him holding hands with his new girl. lets hope he stays in that mood eh
This broadcast is a year old I am a new subscriber HG Tudor I would be interested in knowing what your opinion is on being discarded while seriously ill thank you regards 💙
The best way to disengage the narcissist is to leave them Dope Sick and broke leaving them to the streets to rent their body after you publicly humiliate them
Wow lol
I'm do grateful for this info... Everything he said happen to me just like he said...
I am also! I’m like listening over and over! I’m understanding.. it’s crazy
Oh dear, i was number1 total hard block, he is ensconced with the new supply. good. He needs to stay there.
She told me she couldn't talk to me anymore via phone calls because working two jobs. (She's long distance) she relegated me to voice messages... Then would take days to reply, telling me she's too busy (bullshit) because you can always make time to call have video call etc.. she wouldn't answer my calls.. she told me she loved me or thought she still did then said she missed me that it wasn't going to work.. then 3 hours later tells me she misses me loves me wants me to be with her that she's going to bed ... I love you etc miss you. Then I call her... Nothing. She doesn't get back to me on the 3rd day of crickets she deleted me from her friends list on the app we use to talk she then deactivates her account.. I haven't heard from her 2 days ;*(
@@Ruffwun Truly, it gets better it takes a while. focus on yourself. Mine came back and then the block.
After savage disengement... He said to me: " I Love you, but our love is impossible... 🎻"
Another narration of what I experienced exactly with my Narcissist girlfriend! Thank you HG
He is trying to destroy me financially with the help of the new supply and her lawyers!
He may not actually be set on your destruction, it naturally seems that way to you, but this viewpoint of the narc wanting to destroy you is usually a combination of not understanding the way a narcissist operates (destruction is not sought after but may be a collateral consequence) and the product of emotional thinking wanting you to see it this way so you remain gripped by fear and anxiety and thinking about it repeatedly, thus feeding the addiction. You would benefit from clarifying the position, as it will help you considerably.
Here's mine,I am tired of you telling me too leave,I am deciding to leave!,
How would it be to do those things to another. I would die b4 I ever do what was done to me. 10 years, I have the knowledge and it still hurts and fucks me up at times.
They are not human. Stay strong. Hugs.
But I never even chased. I blocked and all, then he tried to hoover by proxy. Pretty ridiculous
It frustrates me that this is making narcissists seem superior, when in reality, this breakup sounds like any other and doesn't give them any special power over anyone else.
I got an "almost" Golden Wedge. Now he texts randomly, just wanting to say hi, my Uncle passed away, etc. I know he's gone so when I see his texts I realize the are pointless. At first I was confused, but I'm not hanging on. He's laughable and I will be blocking his number from my phone. He downgraded anyway with a heavy drinker, so he can carry on with the rest of his life with her. I should have thanked him for my wings.
I got the 'I don't love you anymore'........from all that I've learned from HG and looking back to the beginning of our relationship....I was being used to make his life easier. I have psychiatric records of my ex from his Army time (we were both in the Military) that state so much of what has been discussed. Unfortunately I never got to speak to those psychologists at the time.
It appears i received the savage strike discard from her when she returned from Las Vegas back in October after being together four years. Three months now ive been in a depressed sickened state like i had my head cut off. ....Stabbed in the gut a couple times. here's the actual text message i received from her.....
You don’t love me (heart_break)
You took me for granted after all this time. Let’s move on and be happy with our lives. i was very happy with you at some point in our relationship and i will never forget those moments and memories with you. I love you with all my heart but this misery i couldn’t take anymore i want to be happy with my life again. And i want you to be happy with your life. Thank you for everything good times and bad times. you will be forever in my heart my loves. Thank you.
How are you now? :)
That's bullshit right there. I got pretty much same text by a man after 3 months. He tried the wedge and i said "how long do you need? I can't wait forever", so he went ahead with exactly same crap , Exactly same shit. (Do they take these texts from the internet or what?), with the happy memories. I told him to f off and he became nasty. Then he came with the "I'll miss you but i need a life change". I cut him off and the hoover with tears, suicide threats, gift giving was ON. I fell for it because i was isolated. It ended me, i was keep on gettinh sicker and lost my job, my apartment, when i had nothing the final discard was On after devaluation, savage again and he even added "the first time i went after you when i dumped you because i fell bad but now i feel nothing, I'm done" (conclusion: first time he failed to properly align a new source, second time he already had sources aligned)
I got "you're selfish you never think about me' when I didn't text for 12 hours when he was ill. Even though I'd taken 5 days off to look after him then he'd insisted on going home even though I suggested he stay. Then wouldn't answer my telephone call ...then I though maybe he wants some peace and quiet...then that was it I was dumped.
my former Brother in law threw his ex wife's clothes and everything she held dear in the *trash*. She came home from work to find he had moved out with their son and thrown everything she owned in the trash 🗑. I did not know what narcissism was then, but I thought to myself that he must be mentally sick. Disgusting excuse of a "man". And, he used to beat her to a pulp. He honestly did her a favor, looking back at it now.
I worked with a woman who was a narcissist, I was the replacement for another coworker. I distinctly remember I always got the impression she was a black iron column, she explained her ‘coldness’ was because she was German 😂
The savage strike 🤮🤯🤯
I went through this.
Twist the knife. Yes, thats what he did. Sooo cruel! !
My friend escaped so he disengaged. He's blocked, days ago a family member called. Is he using the family member and should she blocked the family?
There is one word that describes every type of narcissist & that word applies so directly to them & that word is...Pathetic.
She got me arrested. Her shame got me arrested, i was exposing her in public. Thats how she disingaged from me. Sad part is she has my child...S.M.H
This had me in stiches rotflmmfao 😅🤣😅. I have used everyone of these tactics.
Every one even
I hope my mother has discarded me.. I stopped talking to her 8 months ago. She has never tried to contact me afterwards.. I hope she disappears. Narcissists are the devil in person. Why?? It’s so sad
So now there’s an “ ultra” narcissist? Lmao. The ego is real!
Ahhhhhh, be corrected here. He is a psychopath with NPD. big difference.
Another correction: all psychopaths have NPD. Not all who have NPD are psychopaths.
Um I had a yummy mixture..need space, let’s be friends, your bad, if I was to come back..contract needs to be signed..your choice can you give me this time..if not your choice..no..ok I’m the one to discard you..even though your discarding me by setting boundaries..the competition discard?
Narccon me too!!! All of the above. So predictable!
If you think I’m going to return all of your expensive gifts…. Think again!
I was the one who was always in the back, the secret garden, the friend, the confidant. For 3 years I waited for a relationship, but I never wanted to live with him because I lost trust from the beginning, my big problem was falling in love and thinking he had something good! We continued to talk as friends and he already had someone else that I discovered, he always denied it, I caught them in the act, he continued to deny that I imagined it 🤣 I ended the relationship more than 10 times and he always came back, and I silly accepted almost 5 years l lost with this evil man. I ended it over a year ago but I only found out he was a narcissist 7 months ago...I was so dumb!!!
Catarina, your not dumb, he was just smart at this game. Your story is very familiar to many, as so many have experienced it. I wish you the very best in your life.
Sick minded individuals, just yuck.
I'm afraid of HG, but in love wth him at the same time lol
Understandable.
I’m afraid of him too. These people are dark however, I don’t love him. I’m thankful for his insight. People need to know this shit.
Me toooooo LOL
@@hgtudor-theultra It is, huh? I can actually see/understand what you mean... Lol
@@hgtudor-theultra that made me laugh.
Strange I always thought that I am narcissist but it turns out that I am not maybe high on narcissism but not narcissist.I do suffer a lot actually of being involved three or 4 times with female narcs the last one is high in psychopathy .Me being sidekick helped me recongise her from the start but the emotional thinking did let me very badly down to a point that I destroyed my life completely.One thing is for sure they will witness their karma even if people believe that narcissist don't have karma they do and it's the actual torture near death experience.Because now is proven that you will experience then all the pain in a short trip u causes to others believe it or not for brutal people like that this is will be such a suffering that u can't even think of so don't worry about it if someone thinks its getting away it's deluded
.....
The experience with narcissist is to teach us what we should never be no matter how we can get corrupted by temptation.I think this is the way of the universe to teach us as well to protect ourselves the same way tought animals to protect themself from predators the only difference is we are grown superficial and we do not trust our instinct...With narcissist the red lamp never switch off but we call it anxiety well this is our mistake anxiety is a result of danger
I dont know. Was I primary or secondary source? We tried to stay friends, before I knew what she was, there was another guy at least a month before she shut down all romantic advances. But she knew about my Feelings for half a year at least. Two weeks after meeting my family. She isnt answering to "how are you?" for two weeks after wanting more Intel about my situation. After "Just staying friends" she was pissy I posted a Pic of me and a female bestie. And she still checks out my WhatsApp status or Instagram stories.