Let's Discuss Southern Manners | Lollygabbin' Episode 3
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- Опубликовано: 22 май 2023
- Yes ma'am. No sir. Keep your elbows off the table and hold the door open. And if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. In this episode of Lollygabbin', Adam, Talia, Liz, and Ryan examine Southern manners and what it means to be polite and respectful in Southern culture.
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Also, if you walk in front of someone, you say "excuse me"
Apparently NOT if you are a recently transplanted yankee or Californian
When I was in college I took an American Sign Language class. One day my teacher
told us that deaf people could always tell when a Southerner was singing to them because the Southerners were always smiling and friendly.
I have a sister-in-law who’s an asl translator, one of their children is deaf. They live down south. She was not impressed when I asked if the (then almost adult) signed with a southern accent. Of course, she refused to let any of her children pick up a southern accent. 🙄
Your sister-in-law doesn’t know how to take a joke.
Growing up, I always introduced my parents as Mr. or Mrs. Jones. It was on my parents' choice to what my friends could call them. Even in college it was Mr. and Mrs. Jones. NEVER Marshall and Pat Jones. My parents had younger friends who always wanted to be called Pete and Carol. They were always Mr. and Mrs. Wiggers.
P.S. I grew up in Montana.
I took ASL. It never occured to me but I learned from their perspecive: In house parties you'll find all the hearing people down in the dark creepy basement being weird, swaying around, while the deaf people are up in the well lit kitchen having good, fun conversation. 😂
When you visit someones home you never go in their refrigerator. That was a big mom rule and you couldn’t ask for anything. You had to be offered .
That was the way I was raised, too. I remember when my brother brought a girlfriend over and she just went to our fridge without a word & grabbed a piece of fruit. My other brother & I thought, how rude!
But, when, you go to grandma’s house you can because, she allows you to go to her and pantry and, if something is unopened she wouldn’t care, if that’s what you wanted, she would say, that’s what it’s there for anyway!
@@proudmoon3 excuse me????? Who does that??? Was she raised by wolves??
or their medicine cabinets, bedrooms and offices! As an "Insta-Grams" I struggle with this with my grandkids. Chances are, in the case of the refrigerator anyway, the answer will be "Yes". Ask first as it is the polite thing to do. What really torqued me off recently was when the 15 year old decided it was not enough sleeping in the recliner, he high tailed it back to the spare room and went to bed! Unless you are an overnight guest you have no business being back in the bedrooms. You are a guest in my home, even if you are family.
And you never asked for anything, even a glass of water. And don't accept anything from someone until your mama said it was okay.
And we weren't even allowed to talk at the table, much less sing.
My wife's nieces and nephews, all more than 25 years younger than us, call us by our first names. In my family, I have a nephew just six years younger than me and he still calls me "Uncle Dave" in his late 40s. Generational respect was a big deal in my family.
I'm 47 & still call my aunt Aunt Peggy. My grandparents were always Memaw Bush & Papaw Bush to differentiate between both sets.
@@jenniferbush41 That’s so funny. My first cousins on my dad’s side all call our aunt by her first name, Peggy. I just can’t bring myself to do it, so I’ve always called her Aunt Peggy. And my name is also Jennifer. 😂
The hat at the table comes from working in the fields and it being dirty and stinky. And giving grace to the Lord at the table.
I used "Aunt" or "Uncle" always until I was around 25-30 years old, but I now sometimes just use their name. It depends on the situation, but it's still probably 65-35 in favor of '[Aunt/Uncle] X'
I'll be 60 next month and I always say Aunt and Uncle.
I'm from Texas and I had two terrible parents. They were alcoholics and both neglectful and abusive. But they STILL taught me to say sir and ma'am, to be respectful of my elders, to share, and to not cuss in polite society. Good manners are so ingrained in the south that we obey them regardless of other factors in our upbringing.
A Polite Society, we are far from living in a polite society, if we did we wouldn’t need the police in our communities, you have a lot of those in our society that are anything but, polite and, that’s the actual reality of every day life!
@@sonyafox3271 I'm not sure what made you think I'm unaware of the world's realities, but for your sake I'll reword my point. I was raised to know when cussing was unacceptable.
@@wordkyle
Unfortunately many in today’s younger generation (those born in the ‘70s (ish)- through today were NOT raised up with good morals. Dr Spock & his predecessors have a lot to answer for. When “we mustn’t harm their little psyches” took over from what’s morally right & wrong we went into the downward slide where what is bitter came to be called sweet & what is sweet became bitter. Sometimes, “because I’m the mom/dad” & “because I said so”. Is the proper response.
❤❤❤
@@standinthegsp6858Have you ever read Dr. Spock’s books? He was *not* a fan of permissive parenting.
"Why do we feel this way about something so arbitrary?" "Because you had good home training!", says every Southern Mother. 😂
We dont ask why, we just do because the alternative was a fast way to meet your ancestors. 😉❤
I have traveled to several countries and many people have commented on the fact that I must be the Southern USA. I am and proud to be‼️‼️‼️
My husband is a native Angelino (LA). First time I got him into the South was Virginia, then we got to Mississippi.
He couldn't believe how polite and friendly everyone was. He felt like he was on another planet. And he said, now I understand you better. And he even worked on improving his manners.
Big thing is hats. Hats off indoors, no matter home, office, or whatever, restaurants especially. We were visiting a mission and sitting quietly in the pews. A tour group came through. The men kept on their ball caps. Rude, ill mannered and obviously poorly raised in the wilds.
Many years ago, I had a boss that would respond, "Say again?" when he didn't understand something someone said. He was a Vietnam veteran, and that was radio etiquette for asking someone to repeat their transmission. (He was also hard of hearing, so I heard that phrase a lot.) I do remember the prohibition against singing at the table. My great grandmother would say, "Sing at the table and laugh in bed, the devil will get you before you're dead." I sympathize with Talia. I also have RBF (resting b!tch face), but I'm in my 60s and I don't care what other people think anymore. I've traveled a long way, and some of those roads weren't paved. P.S. I think you're all absolutely adorable.
Yeah..."say again" is the proper way to ask someone to repeat something for a good reason. In military radio communication, the phrase "repeat" is a signal for the Field Artillery to re-commence firing on a previous target..!
In NC, the request to repeat is "do what?" As a Virginian it took me quite a while to understand that! 😅
@@nancymiller4554 oh, YEAH…the Gun Dogs are ALWAYS ready to blow stuff up. In military radio comms, when a station says “Repeat”, that is the order for an artillery unit to load up and blast away at their last target. And those guys just LIVE for banging away on those big guns!
So, military radio operators use “Say Again”…😎
I was taught by my parents to say 'pardon' but after 37 years in the military I naturally say 'say again' now without even thinking about it.
When my oldest daughter was in preschool, she was taught a blessing. We sang it for every meal at home. It spread. Now, 30 years later, every one of my nieces nephews sister brother even my parents sing the blessing!
You forgot about driving manners in the south.
1-You always send up a hand of thanks when someone lets you go first at a 4 way stop. -(Unless there are four cars at the 4-way and everyone tries to “out nice” the other-so everyone ends up moving at the same- Then the process begins once more.)
2- You also have to wave at the person who lets you get over a lane.
3-you have to wave if you see a neighbor on your walk. (Even if you can’t remember their name.) Some will ask how you are. I’m good with a quick wave.
4- You have to pull over if you see a funeral procession.
5-Pedestrian crosswalk etiquette: Give a wave of thanks to the driver who stopped for you. Then the driver gives a wave of thanks for the wave of thanks.
I get mad if I don’t get that thank you wave😊
💯
As a kid, I thought my mom knew everyone in town with all of the waving. 😂
There’s also a Texas specific rule when driving on backwoods Farm to Market roads: the one hand on the top of the steering wheel wave. Especially if you’re both in trucks.
@@franciscodanconia4324 I learned the truck wave from my dad. We lived in Okla.
My ex husband was from the south and I LOVED visiting his relatives. I was welcomed with open arms. I'm from west coast and would often say sir and ma'am to the relatives. I miss Louisiana. ~Elizabeth
Sounds like we have an honorary southerner. Welcome to the club!
We moved to the Pacific NW a couple years ago. My kids get weird looks because they say "ma'am" and "sir."
@@paulahik211
We still have children you can run across who’ve been raised up right... mostly I think farmer’s & rancher’s children. & it’s genuine, not the eddy haskel kind of ma’am & sir lol. I always tried to tell the parents how nice their children are & that they’re doing a good job raising them up.
Louisiana goes above and beyond with guests. If you visit and it’s getting late they will ask you to stay the night (and truly be happy if you stay) and then cook you a full breakfast in the morning with a smile.
I was born and raised in Poland, where if you ask someone "How are you?", it is normal to hear anything form "Fine" all the way to that person's whole life story since the last time you saw each other... Imagine my culture shock when I moved to Boston, MA for a year...
"If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything" was a rule in my house as well, and I keep to it to this day.
I'm from Tennessee, and I was raised to use Ma'am and Sir as basically respectful ways of addressing an adult person you are unfamiliar with (much like Usted in Spanish). Once familiarity is achieved and neither of you hold positions of power or influence like a boss or a parent's friend, you can drop the Ma'am/Sir.
My dad recently went on a rant about Northerners moving down to the South and changing the culture just by not abiding by ours. I'll admit there are things about Southern culture I wish would change, but the change is also happening with the good parts like manners and just general ways of showing respect. I was driving in my uncle's funeral procession earlier this year and an oncoming car just drove by and didn't pull over. All I could think was "There goes one of those Yankees dad was ranting about."
And for negative people in the comment section, all I have to say is "SHAPE UP AND ACT LIKE YOU GOT SOME RAISIN'"
I was told by my momma that it's impolite to discuss private matters in public. She would probably have dropped dead to hear some of the things people discuss on their cell phones while in the grocery store. Thank you, thank you for this video. And Talia you are beautiful no matter what expression is on your face. You are all awesome for bringing the discussion of a little good old home training to RUclips.
My mom raised me the same way, although I think I'm even more strict about what is considered private then she is. Although..... I do have coworkers that always make me feel like I need to explain myself too and that usually leads to saying more then I want to.
Not having elbows on the table comes from a time gone by when large wooden boards were placed on top of what we would call "saw horses". If you put your elbows on the table top you would topple the entire table top on to the floor. Good bye food, plates, cup, etc. huge mess to clean up. LOL....
Thank you! I didn't know that.
Mystery solved! Thanks!
Ya'awl keep me from getting horribly home sick for Blue Ridge, VA. Transplant to AZ..😢 Hugz
It was to ensure you had no weapons
Wow!
It's funny. When I met my inlaws for the first time, they didn't like me calling them Mr. And Mrs. (insert last name). They also didn't like “ma'am” or “sir”. It's a regional for sure. But I can't do it. If word got back to my mom that I did that, my mom would still give me a whoopin (I'm grown).
My uncle married our art teacher from school and all of his nieces and nephews had the hardest time moving from Miss Rice to Aunt Kathy. No, she was Miss Rice.
I had the opposite issue, one of my first cousins became a teacher in my high school, and I had him for accounting. It’s really hard to call a close cousin “Mr. Smith”, lol.
@@redstateforever My uncle was a math teacher. I didn't have him but I wouldn't be able to call him Mr. Cummings. He was Uncle Marwin.
This reminds me of my sweet nieces. They went to daycare and the teachers were called Miss Sally or Miss Mary. They started calling me Miss instead of Aunt. And to this day, they still never call me Aunt! 😂
I enjoyed this epidode. &, as a person that rarely gets onto RUclips, I appreciate the fact that the link for this was put on Facebook. And I want to say to Ryan that I am sorry that he HAD to act a certain way in public in order to make it home safely each day. Shame on us all that this is something that happened & continues to happen in America.
My 13 year old daughter had her gymnastics showcase last weekend and as we were walking in, a birthday party was leaving. My daughter held one door open and I held the other door open for this big group of about 15 kids and adults and not one person said thank you to either one of us. Not even the first person or the last person. There were several adults among this group too. Afterwards, my daughter said to me, not 1 person said thank you. Sad
A sad commentary on the decline of our society.
They were raised in the woods. By a pack of feral wolves. If it had been a barn, they would know door etiquette!😊
I just feel like ma'am and sir are titles that eveyone has earned.
I kind of agree. I say ma'am and sir when I'm in small-town Texas, but I think respect is earned rather than based on someone's age.
Having grown up in Quebec, Canada, southern good manners feel normal to me. We were brought up knowing that good manners exist to make sure everyone else is comfortable. It's a lovely thing. Love your channel!
Y'all may have said it and I missed it, but "don't talk with your mouth full" was rule number one, followed by "keep your elbows off the table," at our dinner table. And, yes'm, tone of voice is everything! Love your show, thanks.
I'm proud of y'all! This was entertaining and thought-provoking. And I'm another one who is sorry Ryan has had to carry an extra manners burden on account of being Black. Thanks to you all for addressing the topic of manners with transparency and humor.
Thanks for saying "on account of!" That's a prevalent colloquiolism around Richmond.
Thank you for being real. As a middle school teacher (25 years), this is a concept that needs to be reworked/addressed. It’s become a lost art.
Ms. Talia and Ms. Liz, please don’t listen to the hate of others. You both are so gorgeous, and anyone who doesn’t like your hair, how you look, your facial expressions, they can just keep quiet! Mr. Adam and Mr. Ryan, the same goes for you two as well. Please don’t listen to the hate! Thank you, and please have a great rest of your week!
To quote Bambi's mama, " If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."
I'm so glad that Ryan brought up the performative peppiness to avoid being seen as a threat. It's exhausting. Thank you for not cutting that from the video, as so many non-Black people have no idea.
Also, the whole "fix your face" thing is not only judgmental but also ableist. E.g. an adult chastising a child for not making eye contact (because it's "disrespectful") when the child might have ASD and eye contact physically hurts them.
Hey! It's also a cultural thing. In many cultures, eye contact between a child an adult... I would make eye contact with my Mother to acknowledge her and then, avert my eyes. Maintaining eye contact could be seen as defiant.
I must be Southern cause this is the way I was raised and the way I raised my children. Being polite and courteous is just a way of life. I use pardon and pardon me. Born and raised in Ontario, Canada.
You don’t have to raised Southern to have manners! I had a mom who was from Southern Indiana in the Appalachian Days, it’s still have some of that Southern upbringing today, a very community environment and, that’s why people live there for generations on end, they don’t leave to move somewhere else a majority, but, you also have a lot of people who move there because, a lot of people want that and, to live in a small town and, like that small town feel. But, still every area has it good and bad points! But, you can chose to be polite or rude to others, it’s like a attitude you chose and, how you would rather have people to perceive you.
You are Southern and didn't know it. I have met several people from Canada here in Tennessee, and YES, they were polite ! Unlike ones' from THE NORTHERN U.S.A.
Raised in Montreal, Quebec, Canada the politeness and the manners were imperative. My Mother and my older relatives schooled me on how to learn to be a respectful and polite man.
I have lived in Atlanta, Georgia since 1996. This is how you react to people. Hold open doors. Ask how they are doing. Always! Say" Ma'am and Sir." I have even had people that are from the South comment on how polite that I am. Well, growing up in Canada and spending time at Fort Benning, I am and have been this way my entire life!
Maybe part of this is due from the Canadian expression. "Sorry."
We tend to be very apologetic?
Well, there you go. (Steps down from the soapbox.)😊
Good manners are not solely the property of Southerners ! Traveling all over the US , nice is nice & rude is wrong wherever you go . When traveling to foreign countries , it's just common sense to learn beforehand about that country's take on manners , do's 'n don'ts & customs . No matter your age or background or where you are , think of others , put them at ease ( even if you are the guest ) & be kind . 💙
Oh man, it killed me when I lived in eastern Iowa and if you said 'thank you' to a server they would answer with "uh huh". I cringed Every Single Time. I about fell off my chair when we had an Amish crew and they took off their hats at the table.
Here in California, the reply to "Thank you" is "No problem." I can't remember when I last heard "You're welcome."
🙌 Thank y'all! I'm that Teacher-Mommy that will gladly call you out in public for bad manners in TN. "Kindness given is Kindness received" was how my Granny raised us.
When I go to someone's house, I ask, "Is this a shoes-on or a shoes-off household?" I was *definitely* raised in a no-shoes house, and I'm not even Asian, Talia!
I agree with Liz because people say that I looked mean or sounded mean but once they met me they say I’m the nicest person they’ve met
Ryan's laugh is the best:), and he seems like a great guy. He always makes me smile.
✨ Hold the door for the elderly or those that have trouble walking
When Ryan was talking about being intentional with eye contact and a smile in order to not be perceived as a threat, really touched me, too, Talia.
I really enjoyed the thoughts and opinions that were shared. I especially appreciated Ryan being so open and brave to share his experiences.
Totally understand Ryan’s point on not changing his demeanor to not be perceived as a threat. Had to teach my sons the same thing.
Really enjoyed this conversation. I’m originally from Alabama and now live in Oregon. I miss these discussions and that “southern “ viewpoint is something I miss more than anything else. This group’s fun take on these issues is great….more, more, more! Thanks for doing these.
As a lefty and a fast eater, a dinner table can be a quagmire of social anxiety for me. Thankfully, my family was usually very casual.
I grew up in the mountains in Western NC. "How are you?" is dangerous to ask when you are in a hurry. You may get a life story, a medical review, and a bit of gossip about the neighbors before you even know what hit you.
Clyde,NC checking in here. Can confirm that statement 😅
My family is from Rutherford County, NC. I would say this comment is pretty accurate!
Central NC here, and the other day I made the mistake of asking that question of a work friend--and had to listen to the tale of her bout with diarrhea. 😅😂
Rest assured it’s not limited to NC. Same is true in Arkansas!
Lol. I would love that. When I ask people how they're doing, I'm genuinely asking, and most people respond with the polite ' im fine' even when they're clearly not
When it comes to the polite time to start eating, if you get up from the table to get your food, you can begin eating when the second person sits down with their food. If plates are filled at the table, you don't start eating until everyone has their food.
That’s interesting. I learned that everyone needs to have their food and then the eating can begin.
I love these Lollygabbin videos. Each of you brings something different to the table with your individual experiences. Unfortunately, I was raised like Ryan in thinking "don't make yourself seem like a threat". Other than that, manners were weird growing. I was raised in Mississippi by a woman who was from Pennsylvania, so we were both learning Southern manners at the same time.
I love y'alls skits but I also really enjoyed this discussion!!! 😊 I would definitely like more!!
there should be a saying if you can't type something nice don't type at all lol I think you all are great and I love to watch you all
I grew up with "Do What?' Different southern families have their own sayings.
Same here “Do whut?” Or “Say whut?”
Ryan is spot on with what he said, it is so true.... great episode! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
When we lived in Wisconsin, we found out that if a guy holds a door open for a lady, it’s seen as the guy hitting on the lady. That happened to my father. A lady yelled at him for holding the door for her. It was sad and awkward. Just another reason I like the south much more than the north.
Holy cow !That's a new one on me & I'm 70+ yrs. old ! I've held doors open for people ( & kids too ! ) of all ages & genders - that's just being tho'tful . Also seeing someone needing help w/ groceries / packages / lifting things into their truck , it's polite to offer help . ( I live in Illinois & have traveled & lived in many other places - just taught to be nice no matter what ... 💟 )
@@cynthiajohnston424 You would think that it would be seen as polite, but I lived in the country in northern Wisconsin, and if you tried to help someone with their groceries or with something heavy, they treated it like an insult, as if you thought that they couldn't handle it. It was ridiculous.
@@taylorread2407 Some welcome help , others don't - we all have off days ... This past six months has been personally tough , & if someone had offered to help me load an elephant into a cat carrier , I would've told them to go away ! 🤣 Sometimes being alone & doing things for yourself is all you want ... sigh ... To get past this phase , I tried to do for others & think outside myself & it helped - free , easy " therapy " . 🥰
I've seen that where there's a feminist angle.
I'm from NY, men hold the door open for ladies. I've lived overseas and men hold the door open for ladies. I currently live in the South and men hold the door open for ladies. It's considered polite.
What Ryan said about not wanting to be perceived as a threat is so sad to hear. It’s a shame we live in a society where anyone feels like they have to go out of their way to make sure others don’t feel afraid of you.
Exactly - made me tear up too… especially since Ryan is such a sweetheart - (that’s a whole ‘nother issue, as well) so awful… but I hear you, up here in CT.. manners are a non issue - they just don’t exist for the most part - with a few exceptions… it’s grievous… when I loved in the south - I loved the respect - even if it was ever fake! lol 😂
And yes SJW on a screen… uggghhhhhhhhh and I need to go back - better food too.. 😬🧡 love y’all
It’s not a race thing. Get a grip. My grandson is HUGE 6’3” almost 300 pounds. He is always treated like crap because people are afraid of him. He had a hard time getting a salesperson to help him when buying a car. Later, after several of them talked to him, they admitted they were afraid to approach him. His dad is the same size with tattoos and I have proof that the black guy will get the job before he does. You might think you’re being kind rather than blind and it isn’t helping
@@debbylou5729 there was no reason to be rude to me. I can have empathy for a group of people who are treated badly. That doesn’t mean I don’t have empathy for another group of people. This video had nothing to do with what you’re talking about, and neither did my comment.
@@ellielevine2038 I was rude? And here I thought it was you. I wasn’t rude in the least, you just didn’t like what you heard. That’s a YOU problem
@@debbylou5729 yes, saying “It’s not a race thing. Get a grip” is rude. The clip is about race. That’s rude. Saying “I wasn’t rude in the least” shows how little self awareness you have. Go troll someone else.
So many of these rules of politeness align with what I was taught as an Italian-American child in the Northeast! And Talia’s hair looks lovely.
I wish it didn't crawl all over me like it does, but men wearing hats in a place of worship just eats me up!
Ok, so I was taught many manners without explanations but now I've realized WHY they are wise!
1. Elbows on the table makes bad posture. Bad posture DOES hurt your digestion and after years will eventually affect it.
2. Chewing with your mouth open really does look disgusting and distracts.
3. Saying "please" and "thank you" create gratitude in your heart and feeds a positive relationship with others. Good all around!
4. Washing hands before or after eating - if you eat around anyone with food allergies, having this habit already established is SO AMAZING!!! Otherwise Mom is watching your dirty hands like a hawk and won't relax around you.
Just saying, all manners started for a reason and what excuse do we have to not, other than it's not what we want to do today? "Have courage and be kind."
There is a manners book in Mexico that states that manners are the synthesis of the Gospel of love. It is the practical expression of love towards your neighbor.
I have a grown friend, older than I am, who says "HUH?" when she didn't understand something and I'm like "Who raised you??" 😂😂😂
My paternal grandmother came over from Germany at age 7. Until her dying day she always asked "how?" when she needed something repeated, rather than "What?" So sweet a memory.
I truly enjoyed this segment. You all remind me of a group of cousins, just sitting together discussing life.❤
My Irish grandmother used to say, "Those who sing at the dinner table will cry before breakfast." So singing at the dinner table was taboo. We waited for everyone to be seated before starting to eat. I had to ask to be excused when i was done eating, not just get up and leave the table. I was born and raised up North, my Dad from NY, Mom was Texan.
I am an elderly Southern Lonely Woman. You all are my friends and my family. Thank you for the opportunity to listen to you guys talk. I feel the love.
I’ve always thought Tallia was quite attractive. I was surprised to hear that she had received some negative comments.
Right? I'm a hetero lady but I think she's gorgeous and it sucks that she clearly feels icky about the mean comments made about her. Talia, if you read this, I've always admired your hair, and you have an absolutely beautiful face and body, respectfully. Don't listen to the haters, girl.
I’m surprised by that too. She’s a beautiful woman and honestly I was surprised watching one of their videos the other day and she mentioned her daughter was 15 (and I think the video was at least a year old). I honestly thought Talia was in her 20s. And I think she looks a lot like Jennifer Tilley.
I remember when we first moved to Wisconsin. A woman told me I could call her by her first name. I was 7. My mother’s head popped up and she told the lady, “don’t tell my daughter that. No she cannot.” She then looked at me and told me that I was not to listen to a grown up that told me that.
So funny, I went the opposite direction to you. I left WI and moved to TX.
@@franciet99 Yeah. We now live in Arkansas. My mother couldn’t take the north anymore and insisted we move back down.
I have lived in GA forever and when an adult told me to use their first name, my mom would unload, Oh no you don't!!
I made my kids call my friends Mrs so and so. I wish I had done the southern Miss first name. I also like cultures who use “auntie “.
@@lindab.716 my mother’s friends were always aunt and uncle so and so.
I'm an elderly southern woman. I love you guys. Y'all are my fri
Ryan is brilliant, Adam is intellectual, Liz is hilarious and Talia is extraordinary. Huh? Really!!
So true Ryan, so true. It is more than just manners.
When I was a kid my family moved from the South to St. Louis MO. Perhaps the rudest city in the world. We were all appalled at how directly snarky people were. It was the worst, most miserable period of my life. Grew up, stuffed the kid, the dog and the husband in the car and drove directly south. Only been back for 2 funerals. Oh the food thing! I had etiquette classes and it was hammered into us that we did not even pick up our fork until the hostess did. At home, it was my father. That's weird. Etiquette classes told me that high manners are for the comfort of the other people there. And I still agree with that. FWIW How are you is a uniquely American greeting. I know this because several of the small stores in my old neighborhood were owned by Asian families. And the new cousin always responded with exactly the truth about how they were feeling. It made me very aware. And then there was the week my girlfriend died and the grocery lady said How are you and i burst into tears. And she tried to hug me! Then I told her to not even thinking of touching me and she got all butt hurt. Liz definitely has resting b*tch face, so does Talia. Adam has I have no idea awkward, and Ryan, yes, I see the ingrained friendly persona. What a privilege it is to have resting bitch face. That if you have nothing nice to say is like my First Commandment. Especially in comments. I tend to call out rude commenters under their reply. And I've been known to report the seriously attacking. And I do adore saying Your momma must be so proud of how she raised you. Mostly if I don't like content I tend to move on and unfollow. Thing is those mean people commenting still give y'all an algorithm boost. Maybe y'all need a first reader who deletes the mean stuff for you. I need a part time job and I promise to not call them names.
There was a girl in my church when I was growing up that was about 10 years older than me that we (my siblings and I) addressed by first name all the time. Until she became a teacher in the school that we went to. Then we had to start addressing her by her last name during school hours. And then she got married and we were no longer allowed to address her at all by her first name even though we grew up on a first name basis.
I live out West now and I’m huge on ma’am and sir. I had a patient tell me that he hasn’t been sir-ed so much since he was in the military 😂
My son was made fun of in High School. They told him he didn't live on a plantation out west. His teachers liked him though and wanted to clone him. They also thanked me.
and of course "bless your heart" is a Southern way to SOUND polite when you are really taking a jab at someone (at least most of the time)...love it!!
Y'all's parents/grandparents did a great job!
Today I had a young man smile at me at the gas station. (I'm 50 so it wasn't a come on smile 😂). I looked around and was so surprised. Then I realized I was in Kentucky (on a trip, passing through several states). It was so refreshing.
My default when i didn't hear or process what was just said is "excuse me?" and "I'm sorry" The tone says it all.
I too have a “loud face”. 😂 Growing up with a VERY Southern Grandma… it got me in trouble so many times. I have had people here in Colorado call me too polite and I should “relax”. Our children have been taught to say yes/no ma’am/sir because it is respectful. I agree that if someone says not to call them that, then they will not. But calling an older person just by their first name is a No No. Ms/Mr is a must. My babies are 35, 30, 26 and 24- and still follow that rule. Great show ❤🌸 Also a BIG one we taught our boys… always open the door for a lady (no matter the age) and for people older than you ( regardless of gender) 😊
You guys are an amazing group of people and me and my daughter love watching all of your shows and enjoy your skits and different senses of humor. You are all beautiful people with beautiful souls, don't let anyone tell you any different. Just remember that people that say those negative things have ugly insides, and y'all are beautiful inside and out!
Canadian here, we are a country of thanking somebody and apologizing at the same time. When my husband & I hit a deer in West Virginia @4am, a man stopped, called a tow truck and offered to let us & our dog stay at his place. When we thanked any customer service person, their response "okay", not "you're welcome" which we found odd, but we discovered it's a normal response.
i hear less and less people (esp the younger ones) saying "you're welcome" after a thank you. i commonly hear "yeah" or "uh-huh" and it makes me cuckoo as they're not real responses.
My mom would tear me up if I called an adult by their 1st name. Raised in Arkansas
I got accused of being mean by a person that just met me. My coworker told them “no that’s just her face.” 🤣🤣🤣
It was a little bit of a culture shock for my family when we moved to the South. My son came home after the first day of school and said that one of his teachers had gotten irritated with him because he responded to her question with a simple "yes" rather than "Yes, Ma'am"! That formality just wasn't a thing people did where we came from.
My daughter's show choir friends call me Bill, and they listen to me when I talk to them or tell them to do something. To me, that is generation respect, and I am good with it.
"Sing at the table, marry a fool." Mom said it all the time!
Also as a separate note, I need Talia to do a bookshelf tour. ^_^
Manners and respect should be a normal response
I am loving this format. I hope y'all keep creating more of these.
I used to work for the county and used "ma'am" and "sir" all the time. Now that I'm retired I'm often at a loss on how to address people. It can get awkward.
I am 65, and I use ma'am and sir, constantly, with the people I encounter at restaurants, bus drivers, sales clerks, etc. It does not matter if they are obviously 40 years younger than me; while it is a sign of respect to address someone Older with an honorific, it is polite to also use ma'am and sir with people I do not know, or know well. Some people think this is unnecessarily formal, but having lived through the casual '70s and '80s and the repercussions, I have come to believe that a certain politeness is needed.
@@jeraldbaxter3532 I love to tell the 17 year old cashier, yes ma'am or thank you ma'am and I am 68. I have though I would get cussed out or a least questioned but so far so good.
I heard a kid born and raised in Central Texas say "Yes ma'am" to a woman from Boston. She said "You don't have to ma'am me... unless your mom wants you to." The mom, who's from South Louisiana, said "I do. I want him to have Southern manners." Although it's optional in this part of the state, the matriarch had spoken and NOBODY was going to argue.
My closest friend of many decades is a woman from the Southern part of the state (East Texas). She says "Huh?" and it's totally ok because she drawls it in the softest sweetest tone of voice I ever heard.
How could anyone not Love you guys? I LOVE YOU GUYS!❤❤❤❤
I am loving this series! So much resonates with me. I hate to hear that anyone would be mean to you all in the comments. Y’all are great!
My Momma used to say, in family, "If you can't say anything nice, Be accurate." Parents from "West" Louisiana.
Talia, you're beautiful. Don't listen to the haters!
Talia, hun, I love your books! Couldn't help but look at the bookcases. And you four have the best chemistry, I love watching the videos.
I recently discovered It’s a Southern Thing, and while I love all the content, I really enjoy the discussions like this.
Thanks for what you guys bring to the table.
My great great grandparents was from Tennessee. My geart grandparents was from Kentucky. My grandparents was from Kentucky, then moved to Illinois. And everything you talked about I was tought that growing up and still practice those same manners. Southern blood must run deep.
I for one think Talia is frikkin adorable and more often than not, her hair is super cute. My only complaint, not enough cooking shows! I think a Korean/southern fusion recipe would be super interesting. I love Asian food, but the nearest Asian market is like an hour away. Walmart or Kroger doesn't always have certain ingredients in their "world foods" section. It'd be cool to see a recipe using southern ingredients to make up for a lack of traditional Asian foods.
Born and raised in Pennsylvania and all these things were drilled into me, other than the ma'am and sir.
I love the South for the food, hospitality, and manners (but despise the heat and humidity).
I was raised very primitive, on the reservation. And in Native American culture, we are HUGE on manners! Especially when it comes to elders! And I can't believe that anyone would have an ill word to say to Talia! Her hair and body are beautiful!
My favorite way to show kindness is to help people who look like they are struggling. Like an elderly person trying to lift something heavy up at the Walmart, for example.
I've heard of lollygagin', but what is this _lollygabbin'?_ I've gotta start paying more attention to these 😂😂.
16:36 same XD
Lollygaggin = wasting time
Lollygabbin = just visiting with someone, talking with a friend to pass time
@@cr8tivecarbaholic Oh, that actually makes a ton of sense XD
What a lovely home!
Terrific conversation. I was raised with Southern manners but some of these were new to me. Manners change as we are exposed to more cultures. We adopt a bit of others' manners & they adopt some of ours.
I still use ma'am & sir and I am 71. My mom would rise up and call me bless-ed (2 syllables) if I didn't. 🙄 I definitely try not to be rude. That would embarrass me so much.
When I am asked "how are you," my response to friends/acquaintances is "do you want the truth or a standard 'I'm fine?", like Adam mentioned.
Love your library, Talia. Good Omens is a great book!
As far as I can recall I think the elbows thing came from two different sources in the south. First, we all came into lunch from the field and we had to wash her hands to our elbows. We didn't change our clothes or get a bath before lunch and it seems that it was tied more to the idea that we needed to be careful not to leave unwanted dirt and germs on the table. I do remember that every woman that my mother knew and all the women in the church were constantly quoting Gloria Vanderbilt, Miss Manners. It may have been tied to that too
I was raised in Southern California…does that make me “southern”? 😉 😂🤣 Anyway, so many of the “Southern” manners were so important in my family too! And I in turn passed these attitudes on to my children. Manners are so important! For instance my adult (51, 48, 47 year old ) children still call my friends Mrs./ Mr. even if my friends suggested that they can call them by their first names. I do the same with my parents friends, now in their 90’s. By the way I absolutely love you all and all of your videos. So much fun!!
That’s interesting! I haven’t thought of Southern California to be included in the south. I always thought of it stopping at TX. But that’s my thing 😜
What a great conversation! I could listen to Lollygabbin' all day.
❤️❤️❤️❤️the lollygabbin manners discussion.
Lol! Love this! I moved here to Jacksonville, Florida 23 years ago. I can tell you, Southerners are much nicer!
You are all very enjoyable to watch. You are all intelligent and sensitive folks. You’ve done a great job at showing the world the funny side of Southern life. So much of what I see and hear coming from the southern media sources is unkind, bigoted and unintelligent. You all counteract that stereotype. Please keep showing the world the good side of the south in your humorous way. Thank you!
Loved this! I really enjoyed this conversation. Could almost hear my Mother’s voice in some of these. ❤️
Yes ma'am no ma'am are not optional in Texas. I've never had a single person tell me not to call them ma'am or sir. Across all populations, folks in Texas know whether they prefer it or not, it's a sign of respect.
As far as eating in gatherings, we generally do the say the potluck buffet style and we pray, prepare the kids plates, the elderly who are less able to get around, and then the adults eat. We tale care of those that need assistance first.
As far as everyday meals, I cook, I dish up the kids plates first, then my husband and mine last. Not because he demands it but because if I don't, everyone gets too much and there's none left for me! 😄😄 but seriously, I am a SAHM and I take care of the kids first, then hubs because he's out working all day, and then myself because I'm the one sitting by the food to hand it out. If I don't cook enough, I can eat something else because I'm in charge of what we have in the house to cook and know what is available or what is on hold for a meal later this week. When all else fails, I'll just make myself a protein shake and call it good.
As far as what Ryan said abt being raised to be non-threatening - I agree with that too. It expands beyond specific race lines as well. We're raised to hide our problems behind that southern sugar sweet smile and never let anyone have the chance to misconstrue our face as us being mad at them. Otherwise, and especially the last 3 yrs, we risk verbal or physical assault and not making it home to our kids. I've lived in communities where I'm in the majority and in the minority and it's been the same. The complete disregard for basic human respect for each other is quickly fading to the "you must do as I say or you're an (insert phobe of the day) and must have your life ruined!" crowd. I'm worried abt the day where you can't even go to the grocery store and smile through it w/o being assaulted by someone who just wants to be offended. 😔😔
I don't do content on the level y'all do and I doubt I ever will. I'm too free with the block button. If you're gonna comment on my appearance or be rude, buh-bye. Don't need you around. I think if creators were more judicious in pruning their audience and people kept getting blocked, they might figure out that what they're saying is rude and to cut it out.
When y'all talked about the whole family sitting down before starting dinner, it brought back so many memories. Not only did we not start serving our plates until everyone was seated, no one was allowed to serve until the cook began serving their plate. My mom hated to cook so about age 12 I cooked dinner almost every night. I felt like I had so much power. Now that I'm grown up, our meals are pretty much a free-for-all.