Telling a man that is abusing you that you’re going to your moms house is the number one thing you DO NOT do, move in silence to avoid potential fatality
I had a friend who told her abusive husband that she was leaving. The day before the move he killed her, shot her child (who survived) and killed himself. Ma'am, if you're reading this, PLEASE do not announce your plan. Vanish! Sell your house and buy another anyplace else. Godspeed ❤
Ken is delusional. You do not announce your leaving to a physically abusive partner. Even the threat is enough to leave without warning and immediately file for divorce and separation. No counseling is going to keep you alive.
This guy is totally wrong. Never give an abuser an ultimatum, don’t tell your plans in advance, call him from her moms house to tell him the timeline in which he has to be out, never be alone with him, ever again. Go with a male relative or friend to the house only when you think he’s gone and CHANGE THE LOCKS that day. Don’t give this man the benefit of the doubt, consider an order of protection, a temporary restraining order. Safety is first, second, and third. Your financial problems are easily solved compared to getting away from a man that might seriously harm or murder you.
Yea I agree, no reason to tell an abuser your going to your mom's house. They definitely need to be told they have a certain period of time to get out the house, but even then, she needs to notify him of that when she is safe and away from him, because likely saying that in the house with him will have him explode
If she’s surrounded by 4 of her older brother, former marines, then do it. Otherwise, thats an email or phone call from a different state. Sell the house and get away.
Ken has moved on from giving bad advice, to dangerous advice. Don't ever give a call like this to anyone but Dave or Deloney or Rachel. She is endangering herself to follow his advice.
I WOULD NOT recommend telling him all of this to his face. Either do it over the phone or in person accompanied by a couple of strong men in your life. Telling him everything Jade and Ken told you will likely set him off, and if it's just you and him, who knows what he will do. Get authorities involved if he refuses to move out, but please do not put yourself in the same room as this man ever again, without a couple of men or cops with you.
@@Nardaa-ox3be While that’s very possible, it’s also very possible that there were no signs but one trigger event that had months of abuse all hit at once. Some of the most common abuser types are the nicest and sweetest you will ever find.
*The amazing skills of real estate are that it help keep the family, aid financial support, and can serve as a retirement tool when retired. It's passive income which rewards hard work and patience*
Sorry Ken, but you’re absolutely wrong here. This is not an “if/or” situation. I AM calling the cops and you ARE moving out. You don’t give him the opportunity to make good on his previous threats.
Most ppl that live in the home still have to be evicted with 30 days. And if you call the cops if you dont have proof they threatened you and they act sane when the cops show up, the cops cant do a thing. Which really sucks...
remember this is one side of the story. shes a car salesman, they are 99% liars. even about their earnings. most are barely making over min wage. how can you have a soul if your selling window tint for 4 times the average price. why? how? 4 different dealerships/brands i've had the pleasure to call home shortly, and they're all liars. the managers and salesman lie with a smile. the car thats on special. you want that one? ya that car never even existed Cancel Reply
srsly. Ken is so off here. She doesn't need to warn him that if it happens again she will call the police. It's already happened. Take action accordingly.
The problem is one word. Married. The husband has a vested interest in the house and she will not be able to legally kick him out of it. If he wants to be difficult, her hands will be tied. She will likely need to sell the house to get him out or let it go into foreclosure. If she tries to file for divorce, he likely won’t sign the papers so it will take years to finalize. And yes, Ken’s advice is horrible. There is no saving this relationship. He has shown this woman who he is. She needs to believe it and not give him a road where he can play along to get her back under the roof he lives in and able to put the fear of god into her. Worst advice you could possibly give to someone in this situation.
@@brookiegremlin6660 I thoroughly agree that this woman is already in danger of her husband harming or killing her; this husband is the “real deal” when it comes to being dangerous and that’s never someone worth risking your life to keep in your life
I don’t think they handled this call correctly. They should’ve given her advice and information on how to safely get out of the situation and then tell her to stay on the phone and let her know that they will assist her with her financial situation but firstly they will assist her with her abusive relationship. She needs to leave, get make a police report, get help from male friends, relatives and police to get her belongings. And never ever tell a perpetrator your plans!
Yep. They were clearly too stressed to deal with this & need to work on how a team handles this without John or Dave. Dave did great on the other call with the lady who was in an unfolding event.
Call the police. Get it on record. Have the police remove him from your home. So what if he loses his job. He should have thought about that before he verbally threatened to harm you. Don't give him anymore time and space to harm you any further.
Here’s real advice from a survivor: 1. She needs to go to her local domestic violence shelter for help and assistance and to document the abuse. Doesn’t mean she has to stay there. 2. Go to mom’s house. 3. File for divorce and a protective order. Get him out of the house. 4. Do not give him any threats, boundary setting, or ultimatums. Don’t let him know you are leaving. That’s terrible and dangerous advice. She needs a good lawyer. Not a marriage counselor. After all of that then she can deal with her finances and decide whether or not to sell her home
@@cassandrahuete5973 no one deserves to be hit by a car either, but yet some people walk out into traffic. No pity for stupid people who get themselves into these situations.
Caller: “my husband and I have been bickering about our finances” John: “listen - you don’t deserve that, do you? Deep down you know - you know he’s abusive, and it’s only going to get worse. You deserve better”
@@katiejon17 well they always just get one side of the story, so of course they take the caller side. hahaha the husband threat was probably "shut up dumb bi!ch, cant i have some peace and quiet before you start yapping" the wife "oh he's a killer monster!!!!"
Because legalistic Christians make it seem like divorce is the worse sin on earth. And they guilt trip women especially they never guilt trip men. God hates all sin but He loves us more. He will not turn against you if you divorce your cheating, lying, abusive, or unrepentant husband. He probably didn’t even ordain that marriage in the first place and that’s why it won’t work.
The most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is when you are trying to leave. Do not be alone anywhere with this man. Consider a protective restraining order. I would call the police about his threats of physical violence. Buy an hour of an attorney's time about the legal matters. NO marriage counseling because it empowers the abuser; diminishes the power of the abused. He showed you who he is: Believe him. And remember you are not alone. Many of us have walked this path and survived. Stay strong.
Ramsey folks are good for the financial perspective. From experience….don’t tell ol’ dude your moves though. Just take them. The less he knows the better, and he told you all you need to know. Congrats on your plans moving ahead!❤️
You are correct if you give him the playbook he will start first, I don’t know what state she is in but it seems like the first one to get things filed in the “legal system “ wins.
They are really bad at giving financial advice as well. Maybe it will work for this woman. But most people don’t have the means to invest or pay off debt like Ramsey suggests. They give advice for the Boomers economy we had 40 years ago. Not the Biden economy we have today.
@@zvmZvm0102 Too bad there are some people who are idiotic enough in this world that seem to think that if someone is threatening another person, "the person being threatened automatically deserves the threats". No, a person normally does not "deserve" to be threatened with harm, unless it's a case of self-defense. Get some help, you really (at least by all appearances) seem to need it badly! You also seem to have a lot of hate in your heart, and that is honestly a sad state for you to be in if true, but I doubt there is enough common sense to realize you need help though. Most people with that kind of bad attitude towards others seldom have any. (My opinion only).
@@zvmZvm0102 What an incredibly hurtful statement! These guys usually "love bomb" there victims and then revert to type when they gain legal control as through marriage. The fact that people agree with you, is disgusting!
You are correct. She could get a home equity loan, pay off everything and get him OUT. OUT of her home, OUT of her life, OUT of her head! OUT!!! And she would just have the legal fees and one home payment. (Cut up the CCards!)
He’s clearly never been a woman in an abusive relationship. Don’t talk to him, leave. Change the locks, call the police. Don’t talk to him!!! Everything on text so you have a trail that proves threats. Period. Done.
Don't tell him you are leaving, that is when you are most at risk with an abuser (including the 6-24 months afterwards). You do need to file charges, restraining order, non-molestation order, etc. Contact a specialist DV centre and they will walk you through the process and get you away safely. Also ask for a risk assessment to be done if they do them. For those that are wondering "why she picked him", it is typical of abusers to hide their true selves until a commitment point, which in this case was marriage. Sometimes it is pregnancy/childbirth, other times it could be engagement or living together - it is any point whereby the abuser thinks you are his now, and will not leave him. It is up to you if you sell the house. It depends how he is after being removed. If he is still causing trouble, sell up and move where he does not know you are (and also be vigilant at work, they show up at work places for post-separation stalking. Stay safe, best of luck.
Sometimes in the South, brothers and cousins INVITE the abusive man to leave and it's advice the guy should take. In some cases, the men will assist the jerk with packing and transportation.
This is how friends and family members get killed. You are going to drag your drama to your Mothers home. You’ll get family all riled up and then turn around and go back. If you are serious…call the police. Ask him to leave. Get a restraining order. And if all else fails find a safe place where he can’t find you as a cooling off period. I’m not suggesting you stay, but I’m just saying this can escalate quickly.
Go to a safe house. Get police involved. Do not try to save your marriage. Don’t live in your home; Sell it. Get a divorce. Change your phone number. Make sure he never knows where you move. To the male host of this show: If you don’t have a specialty in abuse counseling, keep your opinions to yourself. You could get this woman killed!
Go to a safe house. Get police involved. Do not try to save your marriage. Don’t live in your home; Sell it. Get a divorce. Change your phone number. Make sure he never knows where you move. To the male host of this show: If you don’t have a specialty in abuse counseling, keep your opinions to yourself. You could get this woman killed!
Get out of this marriage??? But don't let him know about it. Prepare quietly, money (cash), place to go, new phone etc. I was a matchmaker and have encountered as clients but also while dating fife men who all were "widowers". Their wives fell off a cliff while hiking, a fiancé "suddenly" disappeared on X-mass eve leaving her fife year old behind, "walked away" without taking her purse or phone, "drowned" in the Caribbean and "suddenly" died in Mexico while on a "reconciliation vacation". Only one of these men went to jail for 20 years. It's an epidemic!
This isn't a situation for counseling. Get him out, which could be tricky depending on how cooperative he is, since they're married. Then sort through finances.
@@Jaycv-dq3rg If (as you say) you are not an abuser, then that's a good thing. If she was a bad mom then it's a good thing that the judge gave you custody of the kids too. Sorry if I misjudged you.
Yessss, Jade's right, talk to the people you trust, do not hide what's happening from the people who care about you. Abusers get away with murder - literally - because they convince you no one will believe you or care. Don't let anyone ever convince you that other peoplevwill think you're lying, because that's a lie.
A person with aphasia and/or dysarthria makes more sense than kamala. Stroke victims & coma patients have more valuable things to say.... Which really terrible because nobody should vote for trump. But.. they will.
@@GAFB1122 Been happily married for over a decade with kid on the way. Very content with my life choices...I've seen so many people make bad decisions along the way that I've lost empathy for them.
I disagree with the counseling suggestion here. . Once threats are made then that is the persons character. Get out. Save potentially your life . In many ways . I know from experience. Darkest time of my life . And that person went on to abuse others.
I understand that from a Christian perspective no one wants to see a marriage end in divorce and we really hope for restoration, but the reality is when you are dealing with a narcissist and/or abuser, they pretty much never change. The statistics are like less than 1% of abusers actually change, so it is very dangerous to put all the burden on the victim in these cases as if they are the ones not holding on tight enough, praying hard enough, being willing to "forgive" enough, which is actually just allowing someone to kill your spirit over and over, which God is NOT OK with. Thank you to Jade for immediately taking this call seriously.
If I was the victim, I would move to an unknown location. I would not put any of my family especially my parent in harms way by moving with her/him or them.
Absolutely no way should you be encouraging her to save the marriage. Counselling wont fix a guy who threatens to physically hurt his wife. You need to kick his butt out, get a restraining order and start your new life on your own. Safe in body and mind!
She really needs to speak to a lawyer because they've given her a lot of bad advice. She can't just throw him out. It's his home. It doesn't matter whose name is on the title or who owned it before the marriage. If he doesn't want to move out, only a judge can make him. A judge probably would give her possession of the home during the divorce, since it was hers before the marriage and it's been a short marriage, but she still needs to go before a judge. The fact that they no longer use a joint bank account is also irrelevant. They are married. Their finances are intermingled legally whether they operate them that way in practice or not. If he's racking up debt right now, that's her debt.
Georgia is not a common law property state , so it does matter who owned what before the marriage, and what was acquired during the marriage. But you’re right that this nothing to do with whether the bank account is shared or not.
@@jgray690yeah all she has to do is get a RO and he will be completely forced out of that home. If he is full on making threats, she should go that route.
RUN. My marriage only lasted 11 months, twenty years ago. I had my own home, my own car. I left the marriage because of domestic violence. I ended up packing all his belongings apart from his clothing after my ex husband stalling for 2 weeks. I arranged the movers. Don't keep domestic violence a secret. Tell your family, friends and workplace. Let him know that EVERYONE close to you knows. If he refuses to leave YOUR home, call the police. It's hard but safety is the #1 priority.
Absolutely none of this advice is acceptable. She talks to a lawyer today and files for divorce. She files a restraining order today, gets him out of the house today, goes to her mothers tonight. Once you threaten someone’s life, it’s over. The trust is gone and you’re considered dangerous.
Get out or get sole possession of your house. Get a lawyer. He can and might well destroy your house in your absence. Be very careful, this is the most dangerous time for you. You won't be working if you are injured or dead. Forget "counseling" with this guy.
I was thinking about this husband doing a lot of property damage once he realizes that the wife is leaving him and when she’s not there to be physically harmed he will go after her house instead
If that was me I would leave him as soon as possible . He already threatened you so he is going to actually fulfill his threat. You have to be careful do not be by yourself alone in the house.
Wait...are you saying there are no good men? I'm a woman and her to say that I'm sorry that your experience has made you think so, but the truth is that most men in the world ARE good, just like most women are. The bad ones (like the husband in this story) just give the silent majority a bad name to some people.
Thank you for helping us who are trying to fix the mistakes we've made for whatever reasons. I also appreciate Jade's empathy with the caller and being calm and focused on how to best help this individual. No disrespect to the other Ramsey personalities, but I am now convinced that Jade is my absolute favorite of the Ramsey personalities and it is always a joy whenever she is on screen (George, you are a close second). Thanks again.
Ramsey team, please do some training on how a team handles these calls without John or Dave on the phone. Dave did great with the other lady, in an unfolding situation. John obviously knows what he's doing.
@@jimmymcgill6778 I can think of one really good reason to sell the house and find a new dwelling. I'm sure you can't see it though (according to your comment).
Please don't tell him the plans before you put them in action. An abuser is more lonely to act on the threat to prevent you from taking hold of your own life than any other time.
No "or im calling the authorities" no "counseling". Call authorities now, get help with safety planning from a domestic violence outreach. Abused people are at highest risk when they leave so there needs to be a plan in place.
@@zvmZvm0102 You have a lot of the same comments. I am thinking you are alone and no one wants you, no one loves you and you only have insults on the internet. I feel sorry for you and those like you!
My sister was with her husband for 8yrs he eventually killed her he is in jail now for 32yrs, but if they threatened they will probably follow thru, you are a very brave lady and don’t need or deserve this
Wow, I was reading the comments correcting Ken and then I heard him dish out the bad advice and my blood started boiling. I hope that woman knows to ignore him and get to safety quietly and quickly.
Callers have a way out, going up mom’s house is a no brainer. They call in to get advice to go to parents’ house. Not everyone has the luxury of going back to a parents house to be rescued 🤦🏻♀️
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If you leave the home in a marriage some states and courts say you are abandoning the home thus giving it to partner / husband and lose claim to that home. Be very careful here.
This is why as owner of that home. Restraining order . Establish legally you are not abandoning the home ( don’t forget they are married), thus losing her equity , possible ownership and any chance for survival financially as well should she lose the home to abandonment . It’s more in theory legally by actions. OF COURSE safety physically is an issue. Any Lawyer will tell you this. 🤷🏻♂️
At least her income is great, Atlanta people stay buying cars they don’t need or afford lol…….lot of rich buyers as well. her situation is fucked until she gets away from him nothing else to talk about & I’m getting the vibe that she makes more than him
Conservative Christian culture right there for ya. My best friend’s husband abused her and her own family convinced her to stay with him because “marriage is a covenant before god”.
There's no point in her side hustling and attacking her debt until the divorce is handed to her, because ultimately he might take advantage of the improved credit score to dig them into a ton of debt.
Don’t leave him in your house, don’t let him take it from you. Just throw all his stuff out, don’t warn him. Keep your car, can’t buy another for 6k. Good luck, you got this!
I don’t understand why you would go to your mom’s house. What is your mom gonna do? She is just as vulnerable as you. That is, if she isn’t abusive as well. She was probably in an abusive marriage too. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. She might even return to your abuser. Especially if her life is threatened too.
It is amazing to me that this woman needs to consult with strangers to determine what she needs to do. The man is beating her ass and she has to ask Dave Ramsey on what to do. Incredible.! If a woman has her own money - what does she need marriage for?
Not necessarily, if she were to get the authorities involved and tell them about the threats, I believe he could bevremived from the home. She just needs to play smart and not give him the opportunity to follow through with his threats.
Once he makes a threat, that is it! Tell him to move out. File a police report and restraining order. Move in with your mom. File for divorce. Sell your house. Have a cooling off period. Once your divorce is finalized then buy another home...not in the same area. Fathers and brothers have a different mindset when the daughter and/or sisters are in this situation. This is why divorce is the best option.
Ladies, DO NOT play hard ball with someone who has made physical threats against you. Do not go to counseling with someone who has made physical threats against you. Get somewhere safe, get a restraining order, and never, ever, ever be alone in the same location with him again. You only tell him he needs to move out over text, and you don’t talk about it. If he refuses, then call the cops.
Easier said than done Ken. Her husband is not going to simply comply with her move out demands especially if he has no where else to go with his home being rented out by a tenant.
Physical threat is to be taken as a dangerous situation. Get to safety first and make your plans at a safe place. Safety before everything. If its her home, call the cops, a male relative to be withher and get a restraining order and save yourself and your house.
It is a fact that the point of leaving and just after are the most dangerous times in a domestic abuse situation. Don't say anything, get out. And then after everything has cooled down you can think about if you want to have a controlled conversation with the man (NOT IN PRIVATE). Although I am not sure what would be left to say.
Caller-LEAVE NOW! He will do it. And be sure the police know what's going on. Possibly a restraining order. He threatened you with physical harm. Your situation is escallating. Do what Jade is suggesting, but get out NOW for your safety.
The real question is does the house matter more or her. This was highly irresponsible and why I really hope Dave never leaves because: 1. You never tell an abuser you’re leaving 2. You start a paper trail 3. If he trashes the place she can still sell. 4. If she is in a marital property state even though it’s her house he may still be entitled which means she just needs to leave. 5. Her debt and house won’t matter if she’s 💀. So survival comes first!
First, protect yourself by any means necessary at all times. Then figure out what you need to do to get out of this. The signs were there before the marriage. They always are whether you see them or not. If you didn't see them someone close to you did...probably your mom. Let that be your lesson to never go back
Makes 6-10k a month, doesn't have savings, has incredible debt, and it sounds like the equity in her house is because of the covid spike. She's a wreck financially.
Oh my gosh!!! NO!!! I was in this type of marriage. The pastor and church told me to just be a better more obedient wife that just accepts abuse and mistreatment. Be careful who you talk to in the church. They’ll try to brainwash and gaslight you into staying. I escaped by leaving in the middle of the night with a domestic abuse rep on the phone with me. Didn’t tell my husband a thing. Best decision EVER. Do NOT announce your plan.
I agree with Jade but not the guy…an ultimatum doesn’t make the one receiving it want to change, it makes them want to double down-and in this case, deliver on his threats and *hunt* you down if you try to scamper off. Get the police involved, get out of there, and I’m sorry this is who your husband was underneath it all
I came from an abusive marriage both physical and emotionally. Her advice is absolutely right to get out, don't tell him and get to your mums that night. I had to get out and then I was able to think straight. And don't tell him where you are - I had a protection order but he continually broke it and arrested. You need to keep away from the house for safety sake. I'll never forget a comment my x made and it was this - and we had kids - he said "if you had a fire in here you couldn't get out easily. Take these threats very seriously. I knew he was capable then of killing me. Worst advice ever from male host - you ever bloody tell them your plans - it can make them even angrier - don't listen to his advice
Telling a man that is abusing you that you’re going to your moms house is the number one thing you DO NOT do, move in silence to avoid potential fatality
I had a friend who told her abusive husband that she was leaving. The day before the move he killed her, shot her child (who survived) and killed himself. Ma'am, if you're reading this, PLEASE do not announce your plan. Vanish! Sell your house and buy another anyplace else. Godspeed ❤
Also selling will settle some debt and give her some savings so she can move about better. This convo should’ve never involved debt at all.
That is so very sad. I am so sorry about your friend.
We always think this sort of stuff won't happen to us.. and then it happens. Ver sad for the child.
Ken is delusional. You do not announce your leaving to a physically abusive partner. Even the threat is enough to leave without warning and immediately file for divorce and separation. No counseling is going to keep you alive.
And you certainly don't tell them where you are going to stay.
@@AGM-ts5bb Like at your mom's (lol). She needs to get OUT OF TOWN, where he HAS NO CLUE where she is going! No exceptions.
This guy is totally wrong. Never give an abuser an ultimatum, don’t tell your plans in advance, call him from her moms house to tell him the timeline in which he has to be out, never be alone with him, ever again. Go with a male relative or friend to the house only when you think he’s gone and CHANGE THE LOCKS that day. Don’t give this man the benefit of the doubt, consider an order of protection, a temporary restraining order. Safety is first, second, and third. Your financial problems are easily solved compared to getting away from a man that might seriously harm or murder you.
TOTALLY SPOT ON
Yea I agree, no reason to tell an abuser your going to your mom's house. They definitely need to be told they have a certain period of time to get out the house, but even then, she needs to notify him of that when she is safe and away from him, because likely saying that in the house with him will have him explode
I agree with everything you said.
Exactly
It blows my mind how men are incapable of taking our problems seriously. She doesn't need to offer him counseling. Ridiculous.
Do not EVER think you owe it to your abuser to tell them in person in an isolated environment you’re leaving them. It will be your last day on earth.
If she’s surrounded by 4 of her older brother, former marines, then do it. Otherwise, thats an email or phone call from a different state. Sell the house and get away.
@@barnabusdoyle4930 I can go along with you on that scenario.
The most dangerous time for a woman is when she is leaving the man. Seriously, get help to deal with this.
Yes, Nicole Brown is a famous example of this.
Ken has moved on from giving bad advice, to dangerous advice. Don't ever give a call like this to anyone but Dave or Deloney or Rachel. She is endangering herself to follow his advice.
What does Rachel know about this, dear?
No! COUSELING??!! Don't tell that man anything!!!! Leave!
I WOULD NOT recommend telling him all of this to his face. Either do it over the phone or in person accompanied by a couple of strong men in your life. Telling him everything Jade and Ken told you will likely set him off, and if it's just you and him, who knows what he will do.
Get authorities involved if he refuses to move out, but please do not put yourself in the same room as this man ever again, without a couple of men or cops with you.
I'd get a couple of guys from the dealership. And don't tell him you're leaving until he moves out. Get his butt out of your house now. He can leave.
If a spouse threatens harm, understand that they mean it, and understand they have been contemplating doing it for at least some time.
She probably also ignored all kinds of red flags to marry him. Run lady!
Yep, it’s only a matter of time before they make good on their threats.
Yes.
@@Nardaa-ox3be Never run after a man or a bus. There will another one in 20 minutes.
@@Nardaa-ox3be While that’s very possible, it’s also very possible that there were no signs but one trigger event that had months of abuse all hit at once. Some of the most common abuser types are the nicest and sweetest you will ever find.
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It’s the same talk everywhere but no one is saying how to get started?
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Sorry Ken, but you’re absolutely wrong here. This is not an “if/or” situation. I AM calling the cops and you ARE moving out. You don’t give him the opportunity to make good on his previous threats.
My exwife try that abusive game I told her if you lie in divorce court I be paying you a visit after court guess what she did not lie
@@Jaycv-dq3rg Which only proves that you were capable of violence against her it sounds like. You threatened her ahead of time so yeah.
so you proved that you actually ARE abusive by threatening her. Well done, what a big man you are. Big big man ..
@@sXePunkV2 He's thrown a kettle over a pub. What have you done?
Most ppl that live in the home still have to be evicted with 30 days. And if you call the cops if you dont have proof they threatened you and they act sane when the cops show up, the cops cant do a thing. Which really sucks...
There should be no counseling when a man threatens to harm you. A man who can do that is not a good person. Period.
Agreed!
The counseling is for her so she’ll leave him and not go back. Women go back to abusive men all the time.
remember this is one side of the story. shes a car salesman, they are 99% liars. even about their earnings. most are barely making over min wage. how can you have a soul if your selling window tint for 4 times the average price. why? how? 4 different dealerships/brands i've had the pleasure to call home shortly, and they're all liars. the managers and salesman lie with a smile. the car thats on special. you want that one? ya that car never even existed
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....and do not tell him you are going to mom's house.......
Yeah, screw Jesus’s commandment to not break apart marriages. That guy has no clue what he was talking about.
Don't tell them where you are going if they are physically threatening you.
Make a police report. File a restraining order and have him moved out. File for divorce.
srsly. Ken is so off here. She doesn't need to warn him that if it happens again she will call the police. It's already happened. Take action accordingly.
@@brookiegremlin6660yeah, probably hasn't happened to him personally so he wouldn't know.
Ive read restaining orders can often make the situation more dangerous
The problem is one word. Married. The husband has a vested interest in the house and she will not be able to legally kick him out of it. If he wants to be difficult, her hands will be tied. She will likely need to sell the house to get him out or let it go into foreclosure. If she tries to file for divorce, he likely won’t sign the papers so it will take years to finalize. And yes, Ken’s advice is horrible. There is no saving this relationship. He has shown this woman who he is. She needs to believe it and not give him a road where he can play along to get her back under the roof he lives in and able to put the fear of god into her. Worst advice you could possibly give to someone in this situation.
@@brookiegremlin6660 I thoroughly agree that this woman is already in danger of her husband harming or killing her; this husband is the “real deal” when it comes to being dangerous and that’s never someone worth risking your life to keep in your life
I don’t think they handled this call correctly. They should’ve given her advice and information on how to safely get out of the situation and then tell her to stay on the phone and let her know that they will assist her with her financial situation but firstly they will assist her with her abusive relationship. She needs to leave, get make a police report, get help from male friends, relatives and police to get her belongings. And never ever tell a perpetrator your plans!
Yep. They were clearly too stressed to deal with this & need to work on how a team handles this without John or Dave.
Dave did great on the other call with the lady who was in an unfolding event.
Call the police. Get it on record. Have the police remove him from your home. So what if he loses his job. He should have thought about that before he verbally threatened to harm you. Don't give him anymore time and space to harm you any further.
Ken is clueless. She needs to get him out, divorce him, sell the house and start away from him.
Here’s real advice from a survivor: 1. She needs to go to her local domestic violence shelter for help and assistance and to document the abuse. Doesn’t mean she has to stay there. 2. Go to mom’s house. 3. File for divorce and a protective order. Get him out of the house. 4. Do not give him any threats, boundary setting, or ultimatums. Don’t let him know you are leaving. That’s terrible and dangerous advice. She needs a good lawyer. Not a marriage counselor. After all of that then she can deal with her finances and decide whether or not to sell her home
she chose him she deserves it
@@zvmZvm0102 no one deserves abuse. That’s why it’s criminalized
@@cassandrahuete5973 no one deserves to be hit by a car either, but yet some people walk out into traffic. No pity for stupid people who get themselves into these situations.
The only call where John could legitimately ask if the caller is safe and he’s not here to take it lol
Caller: " I have a $7000 a month car payment"
John: "Are you safe?"
Caller: “my husband and I have been bickering about our finances”
John: “listen - you don’t deserve that, do you? Deep down you know - you know he’s abusive, and it’s only going to get worse. You deserve better”
@@katiejon17 well they always just get one side of the story, so of course they take the caller side. hahaha the husband threat was probably "shut up dumb bi!ch, cant i have some peace and quiet before you start yapping"
the wife "oh he's a killer monster!!!!"
😂😂😂😂
Ha
Ken is so wrong...if he's threating her no amount of counseling will help. Call the cops, see a lawyer. Time to wash that man right outa' your hair.
Call a realtor, sell the house, buy another in a place where he can't find you.
Do NOT try to reconcile with this wacko.
Why counseling???? That is for people who are rational, not lunatics who are threatening you!
Because ken is a jesus freak
Because Christian culture(not the way Jesus intended) is OBSESSED with marriage and to have it by any means necessary.
Because legalistic Christians make it seem like divorce is the worse sin on earth. And they guilt trip women especially they never guilt trip men. God hates all sin but He loves us more. He will not turn against you if you divorce your cheating, lying, abusive, or unrepentant husband.
He probably didn’t even ordain that marriage in the first place and that’s why it won’t work.
The most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is when you are trying to leave. Do not be alone anywhere with this man. Consider a protective restraining order. I would call the police about his threats of physical violence. Buy an hour of an attorney's time about the legal matters. NO marriage counseling because it empowers the abuser; diminishes the power of the abused. He showed you who he is: Believe him. And remember you are not alone. Many of us have walked this path and survived. Stay strong.
Ramsey folks are good for the financial perspective. From experience….don’t tell ol’ dude your moves though. Just take them. The less he knows the better, and he told you all you need to know. Congrats on your plans moving ahead!❤️
You are correct if you give him the playbook he will start first, I don’t know what state she is in but it seems like the first one to get things filed in the “legal system “ wins.
They are really bad at giving financial advice as well. Maybe it will work for this woman.
But most people don’t have the means to invest or pay off debt like Ramsey suggests. They give advice for the Boomers economy we had 40 years ago. Not the Biden economy we have today.
Ugh, they really missed the mark, I hope this woman is OK and prioritizes getting out, getting safe, and getting law enforcement involved immediately.
Do Not Tell him where you are staying!!!!!
Do NOT reconcile with this male..... RUN!!!!
She picked him she deserves it hahaha
@@zvmZvm0102 Too bad there are some people who are idiotic enough in this world that seem to think that if someone is threatening another person, "the person being threatened automatically deserves the threats". No, a person normally does not "deserve" to be threatened with harm, unless it's a case of self-defense. Get some help, you really (at least by all appearances) seem to need it badly! You also seem to have a lot of hate in your heart, and that is honestly a sad state for you to be in if true, but I doubt there is enough common sense to realize you need help though. Most people with that kind of bad attitude towards others seldom have any. (My opinion only).
@@zvmZvm0102 What an incredibly hurtful statement! These guys usually "love bomb" there victims and then revert to type when they gain legal control as through marriage. The fact that people agree with you, is disgusting!
You are correct. She could get a home equity loan, pay off everything and get him OUT.
OUT of her home, OUT of her life, OUT of her head! OUT!!! And she would just have the legal fees and one home payment. (Cut up the CCards!)
I agree. I do not agree w/ the idea of him getting "counseling" or whatever at all. Once he made physical threats...that was a deal breaker.
He’s clearly never been a woman in an abusive relationship. Don’t talk to him, leave. Change the locks, call the police. Don’t talk to him!!! Everything on text so you have a trail that proves threats. Period. Done.
The marriage is over. This is your house. Get him out, change the locks and if he gives you any problems, call 911. Call an attorney.
Never talk to a man and tell him that if your threatened. Bad advice. Sell the house and start over.
I know it is horrible but since I am the smartest and most handsome man on this planet, I just don't have time to focus on other people's problems.
Don't tell him you are leaving, that is when you are most at risk with an abuser (including the 6-24 months afterwards). You do need to file charges, restraining order, non-molestation order, etc. Contact a specialist DV centre and they will walk you through the process and get you away safely. Also ask for a risk assessment to be done if they do them.
For those that are wondering "why she picked him", it is typical of abusers to hide their true selves until a commitment point, which in this case was marriage. Sometimes it is pregnancy/childbirth, other times it could be engagement or living together - it is any point whereby the abuser thinks you are his now, and will not leave him.
It is up to you if you sell the house. It depends how he is after being removed. If he is still causing trouble, sell up and move where he does not know you are (and also be vigilant at work, they show up at work places for post-separation stalking. Stay safe, best of luck.
Sometimes in the South, brothers and cousins INVITE the abusive man to leave and it's advice the guy should take.
In some cases, the men will assist the jerk with packing and transportation.
This is how friends and family members get killed. You are going to drag your drama to your Mothers home. You’ll get family all riled up and then turn around and go back. If you are serious…call the police. Ask him to leave. Get a restraining order. And if all else fails find a safe place where he can’t find you as a cooling off period. I’m not suggesting you stay, but I’m just saying this can escalate quickly.
@cyoohoos 👍
True because someone somebody will be unalive and someone somebody will be in jail.
Go to a safe house. Get police involved.
Do not try to save your marriage.
Don’t live in your home; Sell it.
Get a divorce.
Change your phone number.
Make sure he never knows where you move.
To the male host of this show: If you don’t have a specialty in abuse counseling, keep your opinions to yourself. You could get this woman killed!
Go to a safe house. Get police involved.
Do not try to save your marriage.
Don’t live in your home; Sell it.
Get a divorce.
Change your phone number.
Make sure he never knows where you move.
To the male host of this show: If you don’t have a specialty in abuse counseling, keep your opinions to yourself. You could get this woman killed!
No. Go somewhere he doesn't know about even if it's a campground
Get out of this marriage???
But don't let him know about it.
Prepare quietly, money (cash), place to go, new phone etc.
I was a matchmaker and have encountered as clients but also while dating fife men who all were "widowers". Their wives fell off a cliff while hiking, a fiancé "suddenly" disappeared on X-mass eve leaving her fife year old behind, "walked away" without taking her purse or phone, "drowned" in the Caribbean and "suddenly" died in Mexico while on a "reconciliation vacation".
Only one of these men went to jail for 20 years.
It's an epidemic!
Fife
This isn't a situation for counseling. Get him out, which could be tricky depending on how cooperative he is, since they're married. Then sort through finances.
My exwife try this abusive game in divorce court so I got a judge give me the dad her kids
@@Jaycv-dq3rg I doubt that, but either way she is better off without an abuser though.
I you say I am abuser why judge gave me sole custody and she get no visitation and kids not seen there mom in 2 years
@@Jaycv-dq3rg If (as you say) you are not an abuser, then that's a good thing. If she was a bad mom then it's a good thing that the judge gave you custody of the kids too. Sorry if I misjudged you.
Yessss, Jade's right, talk to the people you trust, do not hide what's happening from the people who care about you. Abusers get away with murder - literally - because they convince you no one will believe you or care. Don't let anyone ever convince you that other peoplevwill think you're lying, because that's a lie.
She first needs a “restraining order “ to get him out of that house and away from her.
Then the financial situation becomes priority.
A person with aphasia and/or dysarthria makes more sense than kamala. Stroke victims & coma patients have more valuable things to say....
Which really terrible because nobody should vote for trump. But.. they will.
She picked him she deserves it hahaha
@@zvmZvm0102 are you serious
@@zvmZvm0102 I hope NO one is ever with you because any one deserves better than you.
@@GAFB1122 Been happily married for over a decade with kid on the way. Very content with my life choices...I've seen so many people make bad decisions along the way that I've lost empathy for them.
I disagree with the counseling suggestion here.
. Once threats are made then that is the persons character. Get out. Save potentially your life . In many ways .
I know from experience. Darkest time of my life . And that person went on to abuse others.
I understand that from a Christian perspective no one wants to see a marriage end in divorce and we really hope for restoration, but the reality is when you are dealing with a narcissist and/or abuser, they pretty much never change. The statistics are like less than 1% of abusers actually change, so it is very dangerous to put all the burden on the victim in these cases as if they are the ones not holding on tight enough, praying hard enough, being willing to "forgive" enough, which is actually just allowing someone to kill your spirit over and over, which God is NOT OK with.
Thank you to Jade for immediately taking this call seriously.
Call him out? Jesus, help this woman. Ken does not get it.
If I was the victim, I would move to an unknown location. I would not put any of my family especially my parent in harms way by moving with her/him or them.
Absolutely no way should you be encouraging her to save the marriage. Counselling wont fix a guy who threatens to physically hurt his wife. You need to kick his butt out, get a restraining order and start your new life on your own. Safe in body and mind!
@LisaLisa-in4vw I agree....let him get counseling on his own, he needs it if he is potentially violent or threatening his wife.
sounds like you just want more black men in jail
@zvmZvm0102 what on earth are you talking about?!
@@LisaLisa-in4vw That's what many of us have been asking. (What on earth is zvmzvm saying is what I was talking about).
@@Sheryl777 you think I want black men in jail?!
I wouldn’t tell him where I was going
This isn't about counseling, it's about getting out of there...
She really needs to speak to a lawyer because they've given her a lot of bad advice. She can't just throw him out. It's his home. It doesn't matter whose name is on the title or who owned it before the marriage. If he doesn't want to move out, only a judge can make him. A judge probably would give her possession of the home during the divorce, since it was hers before the marriage and it's been a short marriage, but she still needs to go before a judge.
The fact that they no longer use a joint bank account is also irrelevant. They are married. Their finances are intermingled legally whether they operate them that way in practice or not. If he's racking up debt right now, that's her debt.
Not entirely true, if she gets a restraining order, he has to leave immediately.
Georgia is not a common law property state , so it does matter who owned what before the marriage, and what was acquired during the marriage. But you’re right that this nothing to do with whether the bank account is shared or not.
It’s not her debt unless her name is on the debt as well.
@@jgray690yeah all she has to do is get a RO and he will be completely forced out of that home. If he is full on making threats, she should go that route.
And it's her story, every single women call for help claimed the relationship was "toxic"; none realize the toxin came from them.
RUN. My marriage only lasted 11 months, twenty years ago.
I had my own home, my own car.
I left the marriage because of domestic violence.
I ended up packing all his belongings apart from his clothing after my ex husband stalling for 2 weeks. I arranged the movers.
Don't keep domestic violence a secret. Tell your family, friends and workplace. Let him know that EVERYONE close to you knows.
If he refuses to leave YOUR home, call the police.
It's hard but safety is the #1 priority.
Wow Ken. If she shares everything with the abuser, she’s in grave danger. Ken doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Terrible advice.
Absolutely none of this advice is acceptable. She talks to a lawyer today and files for divorce. She files a restraining order today, gets him out of the house today, goes to her mothers tonight. Once you threaten someone’s life, it’s over. The trust is gone and you’re considered dangerous.
I know it is horrible but since I am the smartest and most handsome man on this planet, I just don't have time to focus on other people's problems.
Get out or get sole possession of your house. Get a lawyer. He can and might well destroy your house in your absence. Be very careful, this is the most dangerous time for you. You won't be working if you are injured or dead. Forget "counseling" with this guy.
I was thinking about this husband doing a lot of property damage once he realizes that the wife is leaving him and when she’s not there to be physically harmed he will go after her house instead
An abuser is an abuser is an abuser
Don't confront ANYONE who threatens you.
Call the cops when you tell him to get the F out. Never call an abuser out. EVER!
Sell the house
Pay your debts
Start over.
If that was me I would leave him as soon as possible . He already threatened you so he is going to actually fulfill his threat. You have to be careful do not be by yourself alone in the house.
😂
@@asavannah7439 Your troll game is poor
@@fleurelise997 I mean, it is kinda funny how women get themselves into these situations.
@@zvmZvm0102No it isn’t. I’m sorry that we still think there are some good men.
Wait...are you saying there are no good men? I'm a woman and her to say that I'm sorry that your experience has made you think so, but the truth is that most men in the world ARE good, just like most women are. The bad ones (like the husband in this story) just give the silent majority a bad name to some people.
Thank you for helping us who are trying to fix the mistakes we've made for whatever reasons. I also appreciate Jade's empathy with the caller and being calm and focused on how to best help this individual. No disrespect to the other Ramsey personalities, but I am now convinced that Jade is my absolute favorite of the Ramsey personalities and it is always a joy whenever she is on screen (George, you are a close second).
Thanks again.
Ramsey team, please do some training on how a team handles these calls without John or Dave on the phone.
Dave did great with the other lady, in an unfolding situation.
John obviously knows what he's doing.
Get a restraining order and stay in your own home. He's going to trash it if you leave. But start the proceedings to sell it.
No reason to sell.
@@jimmymcgill6778 I can think of one really good reason to sell the house and find a new dwelling. I'm sure you can't see it though (according to your comment).
She needs to sell and move for her safety men like that generally come back. Also, make sure not to post where she moves to.
@@sewerrat7612 👍
@@Sheryl777 Then tell me?
Please don't tell him the plans before you put them in action. An abuser is more lonely to act on the threat to prevent you from taking hold of your own life than any other time.
No "or im calling the authorities" no "counseling". Call authorities now, get help with safety planning from a domestic violence outreach. Abused people are at highest risk when they leave so there needs to be a plan in place.
how do you know she's not abusing him? women lie about being raped and beaten just for the attention
@@zvmZvm0102 You have a lot of the same comments. I am thinking you are alone and no one wants you, no one loves you and you only have insults on the internet. I feel sorry for you and those like you!
@@GAFB1122 I'm actually really happy...did you know like 1 in 3 adult women is popping anti-depressants? It's crazy!
@@zvmZvm0102 Good thing men never pop pills (apparently, according to you).😐
she needs 2 call the authorities NOW....leave!!!
My sister was with her husband for 8yrs he eventually killed her he is in jail now for 32yrs, but if they threatened they will probably follow thru, you are a very brave lady and don’t need or deserve this
I’m so sorry 😢
Wow, I was reading the comments correcting Ken and then I heard him dish out the bad advice and my blood started boiling. I hope that woman knows to ignore him and get to safety quietly and quickly.
Callers have a way out, going up mom’s house is a no brainer. They call in to get advice to go to parents’ house. Not everyone has the luxury of going back to a parents house to be rescued 🤦🏻♀️
That is terrible advice.
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Wow 😱 I know her too
Miss Christina Ann Tucker is a remarkable individual who has brought immense positivity and inspiration into my life.
I started with a miserly $1500. The results have been mind blowing I must say TBH
< I know that woman(Christina Ann Tucker)
If you were born and raised in new York you'd know too, No doubt she is the one that helped you get where you are!!!!
There is her line!!!! under this comment!!!!👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻🔁 Put the digits together.
It's insane for someone to just say leave tonight, over a 2 minute phone call. No Context of what's going on in that household.
Do Not leave your home. He needs to leave
If you leave the home in a marriage some states and courts say you are abandoning the home thus giving it to partner / husband and lose claim to that home. Be very careful here.
This is not the time for a pissing contest. To save her life, she needs to temporarily leave her house.
This is why as owner of that home. Restraining order .
Establish legally you are not abandoning the home ( don’t forget they are married), thus losing her equity , possible ownership and any chance for survival financially as well should she lose the home to abandonment . It’s more in theory legally by actions.
OF COURSE safety physically is an issue.
Any Lawyer will tell you this. 🤷🏻♂️
Get a restraining order and sell the home 🏠 and get divorce pay off debt do not reconcile with him
At least her income is great, Atlanta people stay buying cars they don’t need or afford lol…….lot of rich buyers as well. her situation is fucked until she gets away from him nothing else to talk about & I’m getting the vibe that she makes more than him
He’s threatened her and they’re saying -stay married get therapy. You’re kidding me
Conservative Christian culture right there for ya. My best friend’s husband abused her and her own family convinced her to stay with him because “marriage is a covenant before god”.
There's no point in her side hustling and attacking her debt until the divorce is handed to her, because ultimately he might take advantage of the improved credit score to dig them into a ton of debt.
In Atlanta too…there are a lot of women harmed by their partner so I pray she stays safe 🙏🏿
lesbian marriages have the most abuse
If only John Delony was in Hotlanta.
And it's the bluest part of Georgia. I think that's relevant.
@@beck943 is "blue" the new code word for black people?
@@zvmZvm0102 I think "blue" is for woke people (politically).
Can she call the Sheriff and have him evicted if she gets a legal order-of-protection thru the courts? Should she start taking these 2-steps?
Don’t leave him in your house, don’t let him take it from you. Just throw all his stuff out, don’t warn him. Keep your car, can’t buy another for 6k. Good luck, you got this!
Go talk to a police detective and ask what she should do about removing him.
I don’t understand why you would go to your mom’s house. What is your mom gonna do? She is just as vulnerable as you. That is, if she isn’t abusive as well.
She was probably in an abusive marriage too. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. She might even return to your abuser. Especially if her life is threatened too.
It is amazing to me that this woman needs to consult with strangers to determine what she needs to do. The man is beating her ass and she has to ask Dave Ramsey on what to do. Incredible.! If a woman has her own money - what does she need marriage for?
If she moves out he can just stay there it will probably take many months to get him out and she will be still paying for it 😮
Not necessarily, if she were to get the authorities involved and tell them about the threats, I believe he could bevremived from the home. She just needs to play smart and not give him the opportunity to follow through with his threats.
Once he makes a threat, that is it! Tell him to move out. File a police report and restraining order. Move in with your mom. File for divorce. Sell your house. Have a cooling off period. Once your divorce is finalized then buy another home...not in the same area. Fathers and brothers have a different mindset when the daughter and/or sisters are in this situation. This is why divorce is the best option.
What Jade said: Tell everyone you love and trust!
You can tell them, but it doesn’t mean they will do anything about it.
Ladies, DO NOT play hard ball with someone who has made physical threats against you. Do not go to counseling with someone who has made physical threats against you. Get somewhere safe, get a restraining order, and never, ever, ever be alone in the same location with him again. You only tell him he needs to move out over text, and you don’t talk about it. If he refuses, then call the cops.
Easier said than done Ken. Her husband is not going to simply comply with her move out demands especially if he has no where else to go with his home being rented out by a tenant.
6K a month. Never have I ever made 6K a month. No kids at home, owns a house. She's better off than she knows. Kick him out, live your life.
Don’t leave your house! Don’t tell people you have some where to go! That’s your home make him leave!
So what's his side of the story?
Physical threat is to be taken as a dangerous situation. Get to safety first and make your plans at a safe place. Safety before everything. If its her home, call the cops, a male relative to be withher and get a restraining order and save yourself and your house.
This Caller needs to have someone there with her when telling her husband what she's planning to do. A police officer or a friend - someone.
It is a fact that the point of leaving and just after are the most dangerous times in a domestic abuse situation. Don't say anything, get out. And then after everything has cooled down you can think about if you want to have a controlled conversation with the man (NOT IN PRIVATE). Although I am not sure what would be left to say.
Caller-LEAVE NOW! He will do it. And be sure the police know what's going on. Possibly a restraining order. He threatened you with physical harm. Your situation is escallating. Do what Jade is suggesting, but get out NOW for your safety.
RUN NOW!!!! No therapy.
Step #1: File a protective order and have him REMOVED from the house
Step#2: Retain a good lawyer and file for divorce
Simple. As. That.
Therapy for an abuser??? No
Jade did a great job with this🎉
Horrible advice regarding telling him. Girl, leave first, then say you're willing to work on it, but get yourself in a safe place first.
The real question is does the house matter more or her. This was highly irresponsible and why I really hope Dave never leaves because:
1. You never tell an abuser you’re leaving
2. You start a paper trail
3. If he trashes the place she can still sell.
4. If she is in a marital property state even though it’s her house he may still be entitled which means she just needs to leave.
5. Her debt and house won’t matter if she’s 💀. So survival comes first!
First, protect yourself by any means necessary at all times. Then figure out what you need to do to get out of this. The signs were there before the marriage. They always are whether you see them or not. If you didn't see them someone close to you did...probably your mom. Let that be your lesson to never go back
Makes 6-10k a month, doesn't have savings, has incredible debt, and it sounds like the equity in her house is because of the covid spike. She's a wreck financially.
As little as $6k month is not horrible at all. It is if your house payment, expenses are over $4500 but if not it's not horrible
Oh my gosh!!! NO!!! I was in this type of marriage. The pastor and church told me to just be a better more obedient wife that just accepts abuse and mistreatment. Be careful who you talk to in the church. They’ll try to brainwash and gaslight you into staying.
I escaped by leaving in the middle of the night with a domestic abuse rep on the phone with me. Didn’t tell my husband a thing. Best decision EVER.
Do NOT announce your plan.
I agree with Jade but not the guy…an ultimatum doesn’t make the one receiving it want to change, it makes them want to double down-and in this case, deliver on his threats and *hunt* you down if you try to scamper off.
Get the police involved, get out of there, and I’m sorry this is who your husband was underneath it all
I came from an abusive marriage both physical and emotionally. Her advice is absolutely right to get out, don't tell him and get to your mums that night. I had to get out and then I was able to think straight. And don't tell him where you are - I had a protection order but he continually broke it and arrested. You need to keep away from the house for safety sake. I'll never forget a comment my x made and it was this - and we had kids - he said "if you had a fire in here you couldn't get out easily. Take these threats very seriously. I knew he was capable then of killing me. Worst advice ever from male host - you ever bloody tell them your plans - it can make them even angrier - don't listen to his advice