PLUNDERSTORM Day 3

DAY 3
The Plunderstorm had raged for three days now, and the skies above Azeroth had become an anarchic carnival of mayhem. Ships blasted at each other with wild abandon, pirates swung from airship to airship, and somewhere amidst the chaos, a third gnome-this one wearing a mismatched suit of patchwork armor-was determined to make his mark.
This gnome, known only as Crankshaft, was infamous for two things: an unhealthy obsession with explosives and a tendency to solve problems by making them much, much worse. He had entered the Plunderstorm with a singular goal: to win the coveted Golden Goblet of Goblin Gumption, a supposedly priceless artifact that was said to grant its holder unlimited bragging rights in the goblin pirate community. Why a gnome cared about goblin bragging rights was anyone’s guess, but Crankshaft wasn’t one to let logic get in the way of a good explosion.
Crankshaft’s airship-if you could call it that-was a bizarre contraption made from half a zeppelin, several rows of mismatched rocket engines, and what appeared to be the top of an old outhouse as the crow’s nest. It sputtered and belched smoke as it zigzagged unpredictably through the storm.
“RIGHT THEN,” Crankshaft bellowed to his only crew member, a jittery mechanical squirrel named Nutbolt. “TODAY’S THE DAY WE MAKE HISTORY! OR AT LEAST A REALLY BIG CRATER!”
Nutbolt squeaked nervously, clutching a small wrench as the gnome adjusted the controls. Ahead of them loomed the centerpiece of the Plunderstorm: the Goblin Treasure Barge, a monstrous flying fortress laden with cannons, treasure chests, and enough fireworks to rival a midsummer festival. It was also heavily guarded by an armada of smaller goblin ships.
Crankshaft grinned maniacally. “We’ve got ‘em right where we want ‘em, Nutbolt!” he said, slapping a large red button labeled “TOTALLY SAFE, TRUST ME.” The ship’s rockets roared to life, sending it hurtling toward the barge at a speed that could only be described as “inadvisable.”
The goblin ships immediately opened fire, and Crankshaft’s airship became a pinball in a deadly game of aerial bombardment. Cannonballs, rockets, and something suspiciously resembling a kitchen sink flew through the air. Somehow, through a combination of erratic piloting and sheer luck, Crankshaft managed to dodge most of the incoming fire.
“IS THAT ALL YOU’VE GOT?” Crankshaft yelled, shaking his fist at the goblins. A stray cannonball narrowly missed his head, blasting a hole in the side of the airship. He didn’t seem to notice.
Finally, Crankshaft reached the treasure barge. He pulled a lever, and the airship’s underside opened to reveal a massive bomb-a haphazard contraption of dynamite, gears, and what looked like a very angry badger strapped to the top.
“OPERATION BOOM-BARGE IS A GO!” Crankshaft declared, releasing the bomb. It plummeted toward the barge, the badger screeching all the way down. But just as it was about to hit, a massive gust of wind from the Plunderstorm sent the bomb hurtling sideways, where it collided with a nearby goblin ship instead. The resulting explosion was spectacular, sending goblin pirates flying in every direction and creating a dazzling fireball that lit up the stormy skies.
Crankshaft stared at the inferno, momentarily stunned. “NOT EXACTLY THE PLAN, BUT I’LL TAKE IT,” he said, yanking the controls to circle back for another pass.
Meanwhile, Nutbolt had scurried into the crow’s nest, where he was furiously assembling something from spare parts. The mechanical squirrel squeaked triumphantly and held up a makeshift glider made from scraps of fabric and metal. He jumped off the ship, gliding toward the treasure barge with surprising grace.
“NUTBOLT, YOU TRAITOR!” Crankshaft shouted. But then he saw where the squirrel was headed: the Golden Goblet of Goblin Gumption, sitting proudly on a pedestal at the center of the barge.
“BRILLIANT!” Crankshaft hollered, steering the ship to provide covering fire. He pulled every lever and pressed every button, unleashing a barrage of rockets, smoke bombs, and what might have been a toaster at the goblin defenders. Chaos erupted on the barge as Nutbolt swooped in, grabbed the goblet, and glided back to the airship just as Crankshaft swung around for pickup.
“WE DID IT!” Crankshaft cheered as Nutbolt landed safely on the deck, clutching the goblet. “I MEAN, OF COURSE WE DID IT! NEVER A DOUBT!”
As they sped away from the treasure barge, which was now engulfed in flames thanks to a chain reaction of explosions, Crankshaft held the goblet aloft triumphantly.
“ANOTHER GLORIOUS VICTORY FOR GNOMISH…” he began, but was interrupted as the goblet suddenly emitted a loud HONK.
Crankshaft blinked. “Wait a minute. THIS ISN’T GOLD! THIS IS JUST A NOISE-MAKER!”
Nutbolt squeaked sheepishly, holding up a gold coin he had snagged as a consolation prize. Crankshaft sighed, then shrugged.
“AH WELL. STILL COUNTS AS A WIN! LET’S GO HOME, NUTBOLT!”