Pay attention to how you feel after spending time with someone, whether in person or on the phone. Feel relaxed and happy? You need that person in your life. Feel anxious, depressed, angry or self destructive? Remove yourself from that person. My life got a lot better when I learned to do this.
Yes had this happen to me. My doctor put me on depression meds In about a week my emotions went from zero to 100 in seconds. I was crying, then laughing, hitting walls, to being calm. My family came home and found me in the concer cutting my hand up. That was the first and last time I ever cut myself. I refused to be sent anywere just stop taking the meds and was ok after a little bit. I told them I will not take meds again for my depression. I'm thankful I decided to pick my family and leave the rest behind. Im glad this lady is still alive and praying for her nd the family.
Boundries are so important to protect ourselves from toxic family. She's so blessed to have a husband who loves her so much and wants her to be healed so they can have a healthy marriage together.
@the caller, I have never commented on any RUclips video ever but I had to, my fourth grade teacher changed my life by giving me attention, affirmation and making me believe in myself. You are changing lives!
This is the perfect example of how dysfunctional families can ruin your lives. People stress too much on keeping in touch with family but when the family is dysfunctional please run!!!! Never look back. The force of a dysfunctional family is too high to overcome while living in it. Escape at the first chance and never look back. Life is too short to keep participating in peoples drama that they won’t even admit to. Run girl, run!! Move and change your number. You are important too and it’s not worth it to tolerate your mother anymore
She needs to cut her mom off her life. Just because someone is family doesn't mean they are good for us. Life is too short to deal with toxic friends or toxic family members.
She's doing a great job communicating with her husband and her mother.... But her mother is not being respectful of her boundaries or loving. If my kids told me they needed time away from me because I was stressing them out, I would definitely analyze my behavior and figure out what I'm doing wrong. Dr. Deloney, your advice is so encouraging and clarifying and kind. ❤❤❤
I’ve suffered with low self esteem all my life. “I felt like I added no value to anyone’s life!” But about 30 years ago, I realized that as a new creature in Christ, I could just be a thin little birch tree in a forest no one ever sees, but it brings GLORY TO HIM and that’s why I matter. Kaylyn, YOU MATTER!!
Oh my goodness! You made me cry! Thank God that you have realized that, and you were able to receive God's grace to give you strength for fighting. I also hope this caller knows how much she's worthy because Jesus died for her too. She's amazing and brave to say all of that publicly. That's not easy for sure! Sounds like a sweet pereson too. Oh, just wanted to give her a hug! Have a blessed day ❤
That mother is the source of her problem. The agitation in her voice when she told him the initial call was not the reason for this call. It really was.
This lady is so sweet and such a gift to everyone around here. She actually brings peace with her. Jesus fill that hole with your love. Praying for her.
Our choices good or bad have a ripple effect on many people. The caliber of someone passing has a massive effect on loved ones, friends, even strangers… for life.
To hear a fourth grade teacher tell him that she doesn’t add any value to anyone’s life… it’s just heartbreaking. Everyone has intrinsic value. I hope she’s going to be okay. XoXo 💋
For a grade school teacher to be saying that, especially, is just so incredibly sad! She's dedicated her life to helping children, educating them and preparing them for the next steps of their future, all while giving their parents the gift of knowing their children are educated and well prepared for the next stage of their lives...and she doesn't think she adds intrinsic value to anyone's life? She spends her days giving intrinsic value to the lives of entire families on a daily basis! I so hope that someday she can come to see what a blessing she is to so many people!
Me too. My only value is what others can get from me. I live alone and I’m so over people. If I died no one would really know or even care. It’s sad when you are worth more dead than alive. I hear you.
You both are more valuable than you even know. Like this lady, we go through struggles in life, but (there is a but) there is always someone else going through something similar (never alone) that needs to hear your story. You are such a blessing like that lady is to her 4th graders. God created each of you to love and to fill that hole inside. He said "I knew you before you were even born." I have created good works for you to do. Trust in what Jesus said and watch what He will do in and through you. God bless!
Dear Kaylyn, HEAR ME WELL: You did not cause this situation. You are not responsible for your mother. You are worth MORE than being put in a guilt trip by the harridan who gave birth to you. And I feel completely justified in using the word harridan because I can hear the beaten-down-ness in your voice, of a lifetime of being manipulated by this woman. Please relisten to John's words here over and over till you know them to be real in your heart. God bless you, hon. You are worthy. 💕
I’m glad she is here being awesome with those 4th graders. It’s so awesome that her house is still smoldering, and she’s worried about how to help her husband get through. But what he needs is for her to be well. If he needs to fight the dragon for a while and be the “bad guy” with your mom, just tell him. You’re more important than whether he pisses off your mom. I can almost guarantee that he does not care. If it helps you, he will do it. I remember your original call. Dr. John did well here.
Kaylyn, I’ve had that happen. John is too biased about meds. I have had that happen with being put onto meds. They CAN so do that and it’s on their own label. You know your body. If that is what you think happened it probably is what happened that pushed you over. That happened to me at 18-20 until I stopped being on the psychiatric wheel of medicine and getting more into somatic work and Limbic retraining therapy and just good old fashioned therapy therapy. Stay away from people who make you scared or stressed. Good for your husband. Stop taking it in to yourself as your fault. You’ve been taking on the crap of others way too long. I send you so much love. Don’t look down on yourself for what happened. That sounds like a narcissistic parent who can’t “lose” or take a no. My parents were awful! Please heal in a safe environment and cut out red flag relationships so you feel SAFE. I recommend working on nervous system regulation, heal your gut so your own neurotransmitters work better, nourish your body so you’re eating whole food. The body can heal and so can the mind and so can your beautiful spirit.
I hope kayln comes to realize what most of us can see is that the world is already to dark and crappy. We need as many kayln sticking around to help the rest of us fight through the darkness too and people like her mom. In a way people like her have the best heart because they care so much about everyone else that they would die because they beLIEve they are a burden.(they're not). For all of you like her the best thing you can do is PRACTICE how to be a more happy and healthy person so you can give us all the handy tips and the occasional helping hand. But you can only help us if you are healthy enough to. You can't save someone drowning if you are drowning too. There's never 0% darkness, nor should there be... like john says: feelings are signs not goalposts. I've been through some low lows and took so much alcohol and sleeping pills it litteraly doesn't make sense how I'm ok. I had some help and felt like kayln but i got so good at living I'm helping a few others find their groove. (not too much for me to handle)
Kaylyn you are so brave to make this call. So many people can relate and impressed by your strength. Dr. John I'm so glad you gave Kayltn"s husband recognition for being there for her. She is so blessed to have a partner to walk by her side. Its good to here there are real men of character and loyalty out there. Dr. John im so glad you aslked Kaylyn to make you a promise and i beleive 100% she will keep that promise. You are right all those 4th graders love her and need her. Some are in that same dark hole and need Kaylyn to walk with them.❤❤ ❤❤ Kaylyn it might not feel like it now but there are brighter days ahead. I didnt beleive i would ever see a brighter day.... i was wrong. You have sunny days ahead. !
This call has me crying while I sit on the toilet. Went through some similar stuff a few years ago. Thank you for sharing your experience with us. ♡ You are brave.
This was a difficult podcast to listen too. I hope Kaylyn heals inside and outside. May her husband be strong during this time and also remember to take care of himself.
Is she feeling guilty for thoughts of her mother having nothing to contribute and no value and it seems like better off without her in this world? having thoughts come up is not unheard of.
"Welcome to the club baby" in saying it bec I know how it feels 😆 it's funny for me now but not back then when I discovered that both husbands were cheating on me, so no doubt. It such a confusing thing! I'm happy that he told her that. You should be great full. My case it wasn't so. So he cheat, then he regret, then he ask for forgiveness. And again... The same senario happened again. I moved on after I forgave him and I'm not going back to same crab. I don't even feel sleeping with him or with other ex. Total damage
Haven't listened to the whole thing but it sounds like the mother is a clinical covert narcissist. Here's the scary part. Daughters of covert narcissistic mothers often are attracted to narcissistic men... because the brain (limbic system) will prefer a familiar He11 to an unfamiliar Heaven because unfamiliar is scary. Ask me how I know? I hope for her sake that is not her situation. But it would explain why she's feeling trapped, because she is. She can't leave the new narcissist by returning to the old one...the limbic system runs through the 4 Fs finds no solution and gives up...
This was my life for years. I have a covert narcissist father and a mother who is an addict with bipolar so although she isn’t a narcissist by any means she does act like one at times. I was self aware that I would be attracted to narcissistic men because of my dad but self awareness isn’t enough! Nothing stopped me looking for my drug of choice, which was narcissistic men. It’s draining. I’m so glad I never had kids with one because of my awareness!
man these psychiatric drugs are wack. in my opinion tom cruise was right. I dated a woman on anti-depressants, it was a nightmare. never got into a relationship for 3 years after that.
Pay attention to how you feel after spending time with someone, whether in person or on the phone. Feel relaxed and happy? You need that person in your life. Feel anxious, depressed, angry or self destructive? Remove yourself from that person. My life got a lot better when I learned to do this.
Great advice! I knew I had to cut some friends off that made me feel like crap and I’ve been happier ever sense
Yes had this happen to me. My doctor put me on depression meds In about a week my emotions went from zero to 100 in seconds. I was crying, then laughing, hitting walls, to being calm. My family came home and found me in the concer cutting my hand up. That was the first and last time I ever cut myself. I refused to be sent anywere just stop taking the meds and was ok after a little bit. I told them I will not take meds again for my depression. I'm thankful I decided to pick my family and leave the rest behind. Im glad this lady is still alive and praying for her nd the family.
Boundries are so important to protect ourselves from toxic family. She's so blessed to have a husband who loves her so much and wants her to be healed so they can have a healthy marriage together.
@the caller, I have never commented on any RUclips video ever but I had to, my fourth grade teacher changed my life by giving me attention, affirmation and making me believe in myself. You are changing lives!
thank you for saying this ❤️
Me too!!! Chaotic home and my 4th grade teacher provided the support and encouragement I desperately needed! Teachers are the best ❤
This is the perfect example of how dysfunctional families can ruin your lives. People stress too much on keeping in touch with family but when the family is dysfunctional please run!!!! Never look back. The force of a dysfunctional family is too high to overcome while living in it. Escape at the first chance and never look back. Life is too short to keep participating in peoples drama that they won’t even admit to. Run girl, run!! Move and change your number. You are important too and it’s not worth it to tolerate your mother anymore
She needs to cut her mom off her life. Just because someone is family doesn't mean they are good for us.
Life is too short to deal with toxic friends or toxic family members.
100% agree
She's doing a great job communicating with her husband and her mother.... But her mother is not being respectful of her boundaries or loving. If my kids told me they needed time away from me because I was stressing them out, I would definitely analyze my behavior and figure out what I'm doing wrong. Dr. Deloney, your advice is so encouraging and clarifying and kind. ❤❤❤
I’ve suffered with low self esteem all my life. “I felt like I added no value to anyone’s life!” But about 30 years ago, I realized that as a new creature in Christ, I could just be a thin little birch tree in a forest no one ever sees, but it brings GLORY TO HIM and that’s why I matter. Kaylyn, YOU MATTER!!
Amen!
Oh my goodness! You made me cry! Thank God that you have realized that, and you were able to receive God's grace to give you strength for fighting. I also hope this caller knows how much she's worthy because Jesus died for her too. She's amazing and brave to say all of that publicly. That's not easy for sure! Sounds like a sweet pereson too. Oh, just wanted to give her a hug! Have a blessed day ❤
That mother is the source of her problem. The agitation in her voice when she told him the initial call was not the reason for this call. It really was.
Kaylyn's mother needs counseling as well.
This lady is so sweet and such a gift to everyone around here. She actually brings peace with her. Jesus fill that hole with your love. Praying for her.
Our choices good or bad have a ripple effect on many people. The caliber of someone passing has a massive effect on loved ones, friends, even strangers… for life.
You are such a good psychologist. I am amazed.
John isn’t a psychologist but, he is an AMAZING trained counselor and has done crisis response and death notifications for 20 years now!
He’s awesome
A broken clock in right twice a day. Most his advice is wayyyyy off
I remember her call! I’m in Columbus too and I want to go hug her♥️ also this has everything to do with her family & her going through Ivf.
To hear a fourth grade teacher tell him that she doesn’t add any value to anyone’s life… it’s just heartbreaking. Everyone has intrinsic value. I hope she’s going to be okay. XoXo 💋
For a grade school teacher to be saying that, especially, is just so incredibly sad! She's dedicated her life to helping children, educating them and preparing them for the next steps of their future, all while giving their parents the gift of knowing their children are educated and well prepared for the next stage of their lives...and she doesn't think she adds intrinsic value to anyone's life? She spends her days giving intrinsic value to the lives of entire families on a daily basis! I so hope that someday she can come to see what a blessing she is to so many people!
@@crow_feather agree 100%!!!!!
We love you Kaylyn!! Hope you are okay. Don't worry if you need more time off.
thank you! doing better than the day I talked to John ❤️
@@kaylyn2798 Yay! Cute hedgehog 🦔😊
"I don't feel like I add value to anything or anyone" ~ I feel this! 😭✨️
Me too. My only value is what others can get from me. I live alone and I’m so over people.
If I died no one would really know or even care.
It’s sad when you are worth more dead than alive.
I hear you.
You both are more valuable than you even know. Like this lady, we go through struggles in life, but (there is a but) there is always someone else going through something similar (never alone) that needs to hear your story. You are such a blessing like that lady is to her 4th graders. God created each of you to love and to fill that hole inside. He said "I knew you before you were even born." I have created good works for you to do. Trust in what Jesus said and watch what He will do in and through you. God bless!
Matthew 10:28 - 33
If you try to please everyone, you’ll inevitably and inadvertently let everyone down.
This one made me tear up! Dr. John has such a gift and a dang good soul.
Dear Kaylyn, HEAR ME WELL: You did not cause this situation. You are not responsible for your mother. You are worth MORE than being put in a guilt trip by the harridan who gave birth to you. And I feel completely justified in using the word harridan because I can hear the beaten-down-ness in your voice, of a lifetime of being manipulated by this woman.
Please relisten to John's words here over and over till you know them to be real in your heart. God bless you, hon. You are worthy. 💕
I’m glad she is here being awesome with those 4th graders. It’s so awesome that her house is still smoldering, and she’s worried about how to help her husband get through. But what he needs is for her to be well. If he needs to fight the dragon for a while and be the “bad guy” with your mom, just tell him. You’re more important than whether he pisses off your mom. I can almost guarantee that he does not care. If it helps you, he will do it. I remember your original call. Dr. John did well here.
Exactly
This episode had me in tears...thank you Dr. Delony for speaking to her life and mine aat the same time...Blessings!
So proud of this caller to set boundaries with her mom. I can relate to her hardship with her mom. It took me 47 years to cut off ties with my mom.
Toxic, abusive mom!
Kaylyn, I’ve had that happen. John is too biased about meds. I have had that happen with being put onto meds. They CAN so do that and it’s on their own label. You know your body. If that is what you think happened it probably is what happened that pushed you over. That happened to me at 18-20 until I stopped being on the psychiatric wheel of medicine and getting more into somatic work and Limbic retraining therapy and just good old fashioned therapy therapy. Stay away from people who make you scared or stressed. Good for your husband. Stop taking it in to yourself as your fault. You’ve been taking on the crap of others way too long. I send you so much love. Don’t look down on yourself for what happened. That sounds like a narcissistic parent who can’t “lose” or take a no. My parents were awful! Please heal in a safe environment and cut out red flag relationships so you feel SAFE. I recommend working on nervous system regulation, heal your gut so your own neurotransmitters work better, nourish your body so you’re eating whole food. The body can heal and so can the mind and so can your beautiful spirit.
very wise, I hope the caller reads this post
I hope kayln comes to realize what most of us can see is that the world is already to dark and crappy. We need as many kayln sticking around to help the rest of us fight through the darkness too and people like her mom.
In a way people like her have the best heart because they care so much about everyone else that they would die because they beLIEve they are a burden.(they're not).
For all of you like her the best thing you can do is PRACTICE how to be a more happy and healthy person so you can give us all the handy tips and the occasional helping hand.
But you can only help us if you are healthy enough to.
You can't save someone drowning if you are drowning too.
There's never 0% darkness, nor should there be... like john says: feelings are signs not goalposts.
I've been through some low lows and took so much alcohol and sleeping pills it litteraly doesn't make sense how I'm ok.
I had some help and felt like kayln but i got so good at living I'm helping a few others find their groove. (not too much for me to handle)
Yes 🤍🤍
God bless this husband! I hope this crisis will strengthen their bond.
Kaylyn you are so brave to make this call. So many people can relate and impressed by your strength.
Dr. John I'm so glad you gave Kayltn"s husband recognition for being there for her. She is so blessed to have a partner to walk by her side.
Its good to here there are real men of character and loyalty out there.
Dr. John im so glad you aslked Kaylyn to make you a promise and i beleive 100% she will keep that promise. You are right all those 4th graders love her and need her. Some are in that same dark hole and need Kaylyn to walk with them.❤❤ ❤❤
Kaylyn it might not feel like it now but there are brighter days ahead. I didnt beleive i would ever see a brighter day.... i was wrong. You have sunny days ahead. !
This call has me crying while I sit on the toilet. Went through some similar stuff a few years ago. Thank you for sharing your experience with us. ♡ You are brave.
She simply needs to choose her own tribe.
I’m so grateful for Dr. John and I’m so grateful you are alive❤
He looks hot in those muscle shirts
thank you ❤
Time to go no contact with mommy dearest.
This was a difficult podcast to listen too. I hope Kaylyn heals inside and outside. May her husband be strong during this time and also remember to take care of himself.
Kaylin, you are loved and YOU MATTER!!!! Praying for you 🙏🏾
Well done JD
Is this the same call where a few weeks ago or a month ago the daughter was funding the mothers life?
Yes! Original title was my mom keeps asking for money on Aug 29th.
@@flashthecorgi2053so so sad.
She seems really down/checked out, but I hope not.
Love Dr. JOHN 🎉❤
Some parents suck simply like that. Selfish!!!!
Both calls TOTALLY related
Is she feeling guilty for thoughts of her mother having nothing to contribute and no value and it seems like better off without her in this world? having thoughts come up is not unheard of.
18:22 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
"Welcome to the club baby" in saying it bec I know how it feels 😆 it's funny for me now but not back then when I discovered that both husbands were cheating on me, so no doubt. It such a confusing thing! I'm happy that he told her that. You should be great full. My case it wasn't so. So he cheat, then he regret, then he ask for forgiveness. And again... The same senario happened again. I moved on after I forgave him and I'm not going back to same crab. I don't even feel sleeping with him or with other ex. Total damage
Both she and her husband need to block her mother. And her flying monkeys too.
I guess boring old me can’t even get one phone session! Jealous she got two!
11:37 damn that ish is bad
Haven't listened to the whole thing but it sounds like the mother is a clinical covert narcissist. Here's the scary part. Daughters of covert narcissistic mothers often are attracted to narcissistic men... because the brain (limbic system) will prefer a familiar He11 to an unfamiliar Heaven because unfamiliar is scary.
Ask me how I know?
I hope for her sake that is not her situation. But it would explain why she's feeling trapped, because she is. She can't leave the new narcissist by returning to the old one...the limbic system runs through the 4 Fs finds no solution and gives up...
This was my life for years. I have a covert narcissist father and a mother who is an addict with bipolar so although she isn’t a narcissist by any means she does act like one at times. I was self aware that I would be attracted to narcissistic men because of my dad but self awareness isn’t enough! Nothing stopped me looking for my drug of choice, which was narcissistic men. It’s draining. I’m so glad I never had kids with one because of my awareness!
Way off listen to her first call. Her husband is amazing
Can just hear it in her voice
man these psychiatric drugs are wack. in my opinion tom cruise was right. I dated a woman on anti-depressants, it was a nightmare. never got into a relationship for 3 years after that.
They also help a lot of people
n=1, that's a pretty small sample for putting up a correlation 😏
4th grade teacher...wow
If you don't feel like your adding value, you have to go do things to add value instead of just talking about feelings all day.
That’s not okay that somebody mentally ill like this caring for 4th graders. Wow
Stay away from the meds and first amd mostly FIX the diet(Carnivore or ketovore) and also fix the environment.
The human brain is a complex complex chemical organism that is MASSIVELY depending on hormones which flow from our nutrition period.