The Brain Fog of Grief
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- Опубликовано: 7 сен 2024
- Grief specialist, author and widow, Anne-Marie Lockmyer shares about the impact grief has on our brain.
Ron Gray and Anne-Marie Lockmyer offer hope and healing to the broken hearts of grief.
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Anne-Marie Lockmyer and Ron Gray are professional grief specialists and both lost their beloved spouses. Anne-Marie is a grief specialist, certified in critical incident stress debriefing, a certified trauma-integrative practitioner, 8-time award-winning author on grief, and founder of The Grief & Trauma Healing Network, LLC.
Ron is a master marriage and family therapist specializing in grief and related trauma and is the founder of Christian Grief and Trauma Counseling Center and The Haven spiritual retreat center in Orange, California. After losing their spouses, they personally know the pain and devastation that grief and loss cause and are living proof that you can go from surviving to thriving.
They offer life-changing grief support and grief counseling with intensive grief healing programs, The Next Chapter Retreat for Widows, individual and family grief orientation sessions, and specialize in helping people heal from lingering trauma symptoms associated with grief and loss. They created MyGriefCare.com - an online grief support program for hurting hearts everywhere to get support 24/7. They work with people worldwide and offer crisis grief support for businesses, grief certification training for therapists and coaches, and speak on grief wherever they can. They are passionate about advocating for and loving grievers and being an educational catalyst to society on grief and loss.
I keep saying that my brain is MUSH. Some people just don't seem to get it.
My husband passed unexpectedly one year ago...😢 I'm trying my best to do life without him. Thanks for sharing
Thanks for saying that. Its been the worse 20 months of my life. My sweet man and I were so much in love.. 44 yrs of bliss. I am finally watching a few videos. I couldn't remember a recipe I have made thousands of times. I burn things... I couldn't even garden and sew lately. I can't seem to want to do simple chores.
Sending love
I suffer the same. Mom died.
I’m so glad that I found this video. I lost my father three months ago. And I have been devastated. I thought I was going into early stages of dementia because of the silly things I’ve been doing. I’ve been going in the shower with my glasses on not thinking. I am just so heartbroken and sad that I lost my best friend but this video gives me hope knowing that I’m not alone and be kinder and gentle with myself. Thank you for this video
Me also
I didn't know officially this was a thing, but I've been telling my family (siblings) that I need time...my husband recently passed away and I KNOW I am not firing on all cylinders...so, this is affirmation that I am right in saying let me have the time I need to grieve and process...Thank you!
And six weeks after my husband passed from strokes, my younger sister also passed away from cancer. Yeah, let me have time to grieve!
Oh Christie, that is heartbreaking. So much loss in such a short period of time. You should not be okay. Please be gracious to yourself. These are severe emotional injuries and you don't just bounce back. You lost your husband and your sister! You have much grieving to do dear lady. I know it just sucks.
This is exactly what I needed to hear. I lost my mom 4 months ago. I have grief brain. I backed into a truck and it loosened my bumper and I drive over curbs and medians without realizing till I’ve already done it and just have a difficult time driving in general. I feel like I’m in a nightmare and can’t wake up. Thanks for saying there’s nothing wrong with us because I got so embarrassed. I’m having to learn how to give myself grace. Thank you❤
Glad it helped. Thank you for sharing. You deserve much grace!
Excellent video. I thought I was losing my mind early on in my grief journey. I kept misplacing important papers, so I put a box on the dining room table and put anything I knew I was going to need in the box.
That's a great idea Sharon! Thanks for sharing. Anything to help us not lose things.
Thank You so much for this, I'm SO sad and scared, My dad died suddenly almost a mont and a half ago and I've been steuggling because My memory went to hell... I left the stove on an entire night, I crashed into a tree, I lashed out at someone I love, I have to write everything down and Even then I can't do it all... I was beating myself up in such a way, until I started reading about this, it's incredibly validating
Yes I've been bumping my head stumbling,off balance
I make lists of this I’ve DONE, not things I have to do. It helps me to keep track of bills I’ve paid, phone calls I’ve made, etc. It also helps me to see that I AM doing things….even small things. I’m still in active grief for my husband of 42 years and it’s been two years since his unexpected death. Seems like one step forward, two steps back. 😢
It makes sense, doesn't it, that having shared life with another person for 42 years of marriage, you might be overwhelmed? One truth is that our brains do an amazing thing after we lose a loved one. The brain is designed to "remap" everything that has to do with your husband in your memory banks. And imagine that there are millions of memories stored in your brain. It isn't trying to make you forget - you won't forget him. Rather, it is amending every thought and memory and experience you had with him while still allowing you to keep the "attachment" between you and him. You will remember him and your experiences, but with the footnote that he is now out of touch from present reality. If you are feeling stuck, however, consider looking at our intensive widow retreat weekends. www.griefandtraumahealing.com/widows-grief-retreat/
You may not need this level of assistance. But if your life still feels on hold and unmanageable after 2 years, you might consider this weekend or getting another type of professional assistance.
This video is TRUTHFUL!
I experienced a month or more of just wanting to stay in bed all day! As I began to come out of grieving, I felt a few days of being not myself...disoriented. It felt weird. I think the worst has passed; I actually began sorting through loose papers on the floor, everywhere! Prior to realizing that I was grieving, I felt that my age was causing declines. It DOES get better, but it takes time, as stated in this video.
Thanks for sharing Kirstin. Hang in there!
Thank you for this. I have been struggling. Went to my doctor a couple of weeks ago and had planned to talk to him about grief brain, but I forgot - remembered a couple of days later😮
How long is the recovery period. I lost my only child 8 months, 7 days, but I still dont feel like myself. My chest and stomach hurts most days. I can hardly concentrate and my mind is clouded and feels heavy if that is possible. Prayer reading the bible and listening to sermons are the only things that bring relief.
Oh Valerie. I can just feel your pain in the words you wrote. I am so sorry. Could there be a more devastating loss than what you have experienced? So it would make absolute sense that you are cloudy and weighed down. That is heavy grief. This is a major emotional injury and it impacts all of you. It sucks. It's awful. But it's normal. You are normal. Give yourself a lot of grace and lower your expectations of what you can do right now. I want to encourage you to get some support so you don't do this alone. Compassionate Friends is a great organization for parents who have lost children. Umbrella Ministries is for Christian mothers who have lost children. Griefshare is a Christian grief support group for all losses. These might be communities where you are with people who understand and that can be comforting. I also recommend, when you are ready, to consider working with someone who practices the Grief Recovery Method, like I do. It is a powerful program to bring some relief and healing. I know you can't even imagine life ever being good again, but I am living proof that it is possible and I have worked with many parents who have experienced healing. Life is not the same and they are not the same. But they are living and not just surviving, while they are remembering and honoring the child they lost. Sending you a big hug.
This is so true been dealing with this since January 2023. I worked on my job for 30 years and I feel like a new employee.
Yep. I have a flip chart in the dining room. I refer to every day or I'll forget everything! It's only been two months.....
It's so very, very real!! I have what I call my "paper brains". It's a notebook on which I write down things to do each day. Without it, I wouldn't even get out of bed. (husband died 3 months ago)
I'm going through immense emotional pain , I lost my mother on 26th May to Covid. I am not able to forget the trauma and those moments when she was struggling, every thought replays in my mind very clearly almost multiple times every day. I still am not able to forgive myself for the moments I was not good with my mother and we had arguments. I loved her very much she was a very caring person... I never thought I would loose her so early she was just 58.
I was the only person who was with her in last 20-25 days in hospital as me my father and mother all 3 were hospitalised in same hospital and wife was fighting with Covid at home. Not even a single relative stood by us in that difficult time. No one even called to check weather we are alive or not. Only my mother's sister helped and was worried about us.
I am not able to imagine my life without her. I still cry atleast 8-10 times daily. I have lost all happiness haven't even smiled for 4 months . I am just Breathing not Living. Help
I totally feel your pain as I lost my beautiful wife of 29 years to this bio-weapon. I pray that God gives you peace and comfort and strength to you and your family. God bless us
@@darrelljones3382 Thanks for your msg. May God Bless you too and gives you strength 🙏
Hi 7 months since my husband passed away ! This video is so helpful for me today . I want to get back to my friends and they have been here for support and compassion . I just can't seem to get back yet ! I was my husbands Care give for 6 years straight and my brain is still processing the fact he's not here . I understand that he passed away from cancer yes . Nothing feels normal 🌷🙏
Of course nothing feels normal does it? Please be gracious to yourself. Grief really does suck your brain cells and this can continue for some time. I often tell grievers that they aren't playing with a full deck. When you're ready, some things can be done to help you process and work with the grief to bring you some relief. Sounds like you have some good friends around you. Glad you have some support.
@@Your-Grief-Guides , Thank you for this response from months ago . It is not ironic that I pulled this message again today . Today is the 10 th.month to the date August 14th.that I lost my husband to cancer . The last few days have been a blurr. I do feel like I can at least start writing some things and thoughts on paper as I continue to give myself some Grace !!
Have had back to back losses so I’ve accepted it grief brain I try keep busy semi retired have a fun hobby keep moving forward
I lost my husband 9 months ago when will the pain go away most days I cry for him I'm so tired thanks for the video but it's a struggle to get through a day 😢
Sorry for the late reply Tansley. I wonder how you are doing now? You might be in the same tough place. What you described is normal and understandable but it's awful. And, of course, you are tired. At our widow retreats we begin to work on some major healing to start moving some of the pain out while still remembering your husband well. Please check them out if you like. www.griefandtraumahealing.com/widows-grief-retreat/
We also have our free grief support program mygriefcare.com. Maybe that could be some help to you in this hard journey. It's hard to believe it could ever be better but I am living proof that it can - eventually. Hang in there. :)
I have this right now and it scared the hell out of me. I’ve left the car running several times. It’s very scary and I don’t know how to fix it
It is scary isn't it? But now you know why it is happening. Recognize your limitations and please lower your expectations of what you can do. The more you can take off your plate, the less you brain has to deal with. So many of us think we can carry on as before and then when we do these things, they are very disturbing. Be gracious to yourself. Give yourself time and slow down where you can. Your grief is taking a lot of brain energy from you right now. It does get better. And it can come and go. Hang in there! Thanks for sharing.
It’s been 7 months since husband of 40 years passed. Last night, I had 2 major brain burps that scared me so. Brain fog is real. It should be called “ broken” brain in my case😉Thank you for this encouragement. God bless you.
I think broken brain is a good description as that is what it feels like doesn't it? It's disturbing. It goes along with our broken hearts. Thanks for sharing Tina. God bless you too!
Merci, Anne-Marie. It's good to be reminded of how this goes. The last five years, with my parents' deaths, now watching my soulmate die of Alzheimer's, has been a crash course in loss for this previously somewhat naive 67-year-old.
Nobody wants to take this crash course Joanne. I am so sorry for your suffering. Give yourself grace to feel the pain and the affect it has on you. It is part of grieving and it is also part of healing. But it sure does impact every part of us doesn't is?
Thank you for this video. I'm forwarding it to a dear friend; she means so much to me and I want her to know she is doing the best she can right now.
ah,, i love that i found this... life has not been easy.. but after dealing with renal health..and some other stuff...i have crashed.. and my brain is such a fight...
Thank you. Thank you.
My husband died just over 3 years ago and i still have brain fog.
My husband died 3 years ago
It is still tough.
Living for my kids, putting a brave front for them
My husband passed away 4 months ago
I just want to add a point that it is OK and healthy to let your kids know that you are grieving the loss of your husband (and their father). It's OK to cry and to be brave as well. Your kids will benefit also from knowing that it's OK for them to be sad, angry, afraid, unsure and a host of other emotions. we have to be careful about holding too much inside - and your kids are going to take cues from you. I'm sorry. It is such a hard place to be. But sharing our pain in a healthy way allows everyone to heal.
when does it get any better? 😢
Everyone's different Paula. I wish I could tell you for sure. Often, it comes and goes. You think you are doing better and then it gets foggy again. Grief takes such a toll on our bodies and minds. Give yourself some grace please and take anything off your plate that you can while you are experiencing this. Your brain is overloaded. It can also help to write about your feelings, concerns or worries as it can be a release for you and lighten things up a bit. I wish I could be of more help.
@@Your-Grief-Guides thank u so much for the nice and informative response. I needed to at least hear that this is a possibility for me which I know it is. I have brain fog as a symptom of my a.d.d. and adding the grief brain along with it...yes my brain is overloaded and it is horrible to try to think of a word I see the word in my brain cloud and I can't say it for several minutes until I clear my head out to be able to concentrate. Thank u so much 💓
This is very reassuring. I have spent most of the last eight months in bed with no energy gradually improving but constantly losing things to the extent I was beginning to think I had dementia. I have life long bipolar and my doctor has changed my medication which has been very helpful with a very gradual improvement. My son also had bipolar and committed suicide which has been the worse thing imaginable. The two things that I keep losing are my mobile phone and glasses!!
Kate I am so sorry I lost my son too I am broken.i am praying for peace and healing for u
Thank you so much.I really needed to hear those words.They are so true and you put a smile on my face.❤
Thanks for sharing. We are so glad it helped. :)
Thank you!🙏🏽
You are so welcome
Anne-Marie, Just saw this 3 year old video now for the first time. Such good reminders during such an intense and painful time. Thank you so very much. Scott Allen
You are so welcome!
Thank you
Thank you so much
It is real
So needed this
Thankyou
Thank you for watching Pauline. Hang in there.
I have experienced much grieving, and although the
4 Ds are valid, I haven't known these symptoms exist a year or more. An emotional breakdown can result in such symptoms, or perhaps dementia. If, after a year of the dreaded Ds, consider a Medical examination.
My sister died June 1, I’m still reeling from it. I put a lemon in the cabinet. Yep, I’m foggy
Oh my goodness Antoinette! You made me laugh while at the same time hurt my heart. I'm sorry you are suffering with the loss of your dear sister. Give yourself a lot of grace please.
I lost my boyfriend/life partner of 11 years, almost one year ago. It's been horrendous this grief brain. I'm curious to know how long this goes on for other people because I still have this, to a lesser degree now, but it's still there. I'm only 35, but at first I was scared I was having extreme early dementia or some other degenerative brain issue. It's very real the physical effects of grief.
It's hard to say how long you will experience it but it is certainly common even after a year - and it can come and go depending on when your grief is heavier. Please don't be discouraged. You aren't crazy. We encourage you to find some support maybe through a grief group, organization or good counselor as we find when we start taking active healthy steps to grieve, it can make the brain fog less. Hang in there! Thanks for sharing.
Couldn't remember my PIN number or my zip code. And, dropping my mail at the mailbox and walking into the house. It took a standard poodle walking down the street to find my mail, retreat it and leave it at my door (with his owner).
It has been very hard going since my dear husband died 5 months ago. Life is so lonely as he was also my carer. If I did not. Know that he is with the Lord now in heaven, no way could I cope. I have that glorious hope that I shall see him again yet in the meantime, Christ is my husband. Grief must be the worst pain there is.
How long does this affect you? It’s been a little over a year since I unexpectedly lost my husband….
How long my husband been gone 5 years from suicide and I still got that brain fog
That's hearbreaking Diane. I am sorry you are still suffering. That is common if you haven't worked through the recovery process. Time alone does not heal and we are not taught how to deal with a loss like this. Society is not much help. The Grief Recovery Method is all about processing all the emotions and unresolved grief over a loss. It frees up so much of the baggage and pain we are carrying so that you can remember the happy memories and not have the anguish. I encourage you to consider it if you feel stuck. That is how most of my clients describe themselves "stuck". There is hope. Healing is possible. I know because I experienced it myself and see it every day in my work. :)
Thank you 🙏 but i still dont want to do anything .. My father passed away 26 days ago because of Covid-19 second wave 😢 days go by so fast 😥 its just like yesterday i was talking with him ♥ still sad 😥 don't know what to do.. Miss him a lot... Pray that he is in God's place and looking upon us from tome to time 🙏💐🕯as i try to get fulfill my new responsibilities 🙏
Of course you still don't want to do anything and you are still sad. That's grief! Society says we are supposed to bounce back and be okay. It doesn't work that way. And then we think there is something wrong with us. There isn't! We are normal. But we feel we should be doing better. Please be gracious to yourself and lower your expectations of what you can do. Your pain is a reflection of your love. And with Father's Day coming, it might be even harder. I encourage you to do something to remember your dad for Father's Day. It might hurt, but it will also be beautiful. I call these moments brutaful. You are going to hurt anyway, and it's important to remember him. It is part of the healing process. God bless you and comfort you.
@@Your-Grief-Guides thank you for your kind words 🙏 um yes friends and family want me to start moving forward but thts nit beung easy for me 😥 and i would like to make a in loving memory of my father pic to keep in my fb cover pic soon ❤ 🕯 💐 and thank you God bless you too 🙏💐
I make list take a pic on my cell helps
❤️
I put facial mask on my toothbrush today. Once I forgot which was hot or cold water in my shower. Today I backed my car into the driveway, parked & then came in the house------ instead of pulling in front first & parking it in the garage. My son passed away 3 months ago today.
Wow! It's funny and frightening at the same time isn't it? What does that tell you about the toll grief takes on you and the impact? It's a reminder to be gracious to ourselves and recognize that we aren't playing with a full deck often - and we shouldn't be.
I lost my wife, I walk into things..
I'm 9 months into grief brain and keep wondering how long this will last? My husband of 48 years passed away after a very brief illness and I'm crying everyday I miss him so.
Hello. We're so sad to hear of your loss. The not-so-good news is that grief brain can go on for an extended period of time. At 9 months, you may be ready for some active professional healing guidance. Since you are a widow, I would like to direct you to our page regarding Widow healing retreats. Please take some time to read about our retreats and see some comments about the retreats. Our next retreat opening is in February 2025. And, that would mean you'll be past your first year of mourning the deep loss of your husband,. We stand ready to help you understand how widows heal from loss and personally guide you through a break through to aid your healing process.www.griefandtraumahealing.com/widows-grief-retreat/
@@Your-Grief-Guides Thank you for your response. One thing to to clear up is that I am not a widow. I am a widower.
@@EagleRockers thanks for correcting us. Sorry about that. We think you might find some good support at soaringspirits.org/. They have various in person and online support groups and events. And be gracious to yourself about the grief brain. You were together for 48 years! That is a huge loss and how can it not impact you deeply and for some time. It's a lot for your brain to adjust. It is normal but discouraging and frustrating. You grieve much because you loved much. We are so sorry for your suffering.
@@Your-Grief-Guides Thank you for your kind words and sincere reply and thanks for the recommendation. ❤
Thank you
Thank you!!
You're welcome!