I lost my lovely son age 23 from cancer 14 yrs ago. I am as bad today as the day he passed. The day he died i also lost my brothers and sister. They stopped asking me to family gatherings ......i have no one. And yes i know i have prolonged grief....but will wander aimlessly thru this life until my time comes. Thx for explaining this awful illness so well. Take care
There's also complex grief when someone hasn't actually died, but you had to cut them off because of abuse. Also multiple traumatic events can happen one after the other which makes you feel like you're stuck in grief for so long. I've been through so much the past 7 years and I'm mentally & emotionally exhausted 😢
Grief disorder is attachment disorder _ me too _ mommy tried to kill me _ she hated me_ everytime i lose any thing i get these symptoms. Also they killed my pets and blamed me _ I never got to to grieve over my dead murdered animal _ as a child_ living in trauma ever since
I have been grieving my only daughter's move 600 miles away for 6 years. I still cry almost daily. I have many of the pre-existing vulnerabilities. It is such a relief to learn about this!!
We have lost several members of our family on my fathers side in the last eleven years and besides having lost my mother almost 5 yrs ago and trying a new medication , i have been dealing with a lot of grief and depression. I try to care for myself and i am fortunate to have a good network of friends and others who support me , yet it has still been hard . Thanks for your videos ! Keep up the good work!
Wow, thank you for validating what I have experienced for so long. In 2016, my business that I loved was closed due to my husband’s illness. Then in 2018, my husband, with whom I had a very conflicted relationship, passed away. Six months later, my sister, who refused to be supportive after my husband’s death, stopped talking to me, and six months after that, one of my pets had to be put down, followed by a need to sell the home we had bought the year he passed and move. This year will be five years since he passed and I still am looking for the joy life used to have…and frankly, some days it is tough.
My condolensces for your losses 🌹. to reiterate what you just described, It feels as If people expect you to forge happiness out of thin air after a difficult loss of someone you really cared and cherished, especially if It has been some time. How the hell are you supposed to "move on already" like nothing happened when you lose someone that makes your life happier and clearer in this self absorved world we live in? That's ridicolous!
That really echo’ my life also. One sister doesn’t even speak to me. One is trying to get information that she’s had for over 20 years. It just gets to be to much. Hang in there, pray a lot. Jesus really is the only one that can help us and if we ask He will. The Bible is being played our now. There are quite a few faith based channels on here. Before you attach yourself to anyone. Even Satan knows every word in the Bible. Pray for wisdom and discernment. God bless you.
Thank you for your helpful video. I lost a son on the autism spectrum 5 years ago, my mum 2 years ago, and my husband 4 months ago. I was the primary caregiver for all 3, and now I am completely drained. Yes to a disorder, we need all the help we can get.
My father died when I was only 19.I started having very vivid dreams about him within the first month.I didn't have the last dream until I was about 40.Complicated Grief is very VERY REAL.
I've lost my entire family in short order, then the last was my dear wife. 1 1/2 years now and feel worse now then just months ago. I dont understand it all but started a utube channel to tell my story. It has helped but i still suffer tremendously in my grief-stricken journey. I pray and look to God for guidance and help. Thank you for your channel, your information is spot on . God bless...
It's been 63 mos. since I witnessed my brother's death in a terrible motorcycle accident. I was the one who convinced him to buy a motorcycle so we could ride together. The guilt and shame are constant. Grandma made an errant turn in front of him and she was traumatized also. I'm Stuck.
I'm so sorry to read of your terrible tragedy. Please don't blame yourself. Your brother would never want you to blame yourself. What happened was very traumatic, I can not begin to know how that must have felt for you but please stop letting the guilt eat you up. It will end up destroying you. You don't deserve to suffer. You have beautiful memories, please try cling to them not that last awful one. I send you hugs. I'm sorry for your grandma also. I hope you recover.
Been 36 for me since finding mine dead after suicide. I struggle with guilt also he called me the night before I missed it because I was asleep I still to this day think that's exactly what he was going to tell me
I have complicated grief. It destroys your quality of life, everyday things like working your job and communication are tough. I am full of negative emotions
Appreciate the video. As to the question - as someone who I expectedly lost my father, I find it strange that society would think “a year is enough, time to move on” when our culture makes so little space for people to deeply grieve in the first place. Feels like capitalism and it’s demands for available workers suppresses our natural psychological responses to make us available for labor. I think that something doesn’t have to be a pathology for us to need to talk to someone about how it makes us feel. Thanks for asking!
As u mentioned some experience it due to the lack of emotional support so its a cope out to call it a disorder. Also our society teaches u out of feeling ur emotions so people simply dont have the tools or capacities to process such painful emotions and the wonderful society again deflects by pathologising it.
Interesting presentation: thank you. Although we are pathologising grief, when an emotion becomes so severe that its impairing quality of life, a name for it can be useful, particularly when seeking solutions or help.
Yes. This explains so much for me! I lost four family members each with varying degrees of unresolved conflict and within three years of each other beginning in 2018. I've been out of work off and on since the death of my son November 15, 2019 or five years ago today.
My granny passed away over lockdown, my uncle and my dad on 28th august from Dementia. I saw him just after he had passed. I was able to be there for my dad before he passed as I was sober from alcohol so I was able to play his favourite music for him and be at the funeral without my sobriety I could not have been there.
I have complicated grief. I attend two support groups but I feel as though I’ll never move on as long as my siblings don’t apologize. They abandoned my mom when she needed help and they abandoned me at the funeral home the youngest of 5 left to say goodbye alone at her casket. They also kept me from personal sentimental things selling our childhood home at a half discounted price with all the belongings inside. How can I move on when what they did is so horrible ? It’s almost 2 years since my mother died on my oldest son’s birthday. I just can’t forgive how they acted. I don’t understand how they had zero feeling for my mom or to just show up out of respect ? The funeral home was owned by someone I went to school with and I found it humiliating for my mom. They also let her be placed in a plastic hospital gown like a trash bag. I just can’t get past it ? I see this in my mind when I think of it. 😢
That's horrible. I am sorry they were so cold. Your mom didn't deserve to be tossed aside. Sounds like they are all narcissistic types. I had the same type of experience when my mom died. My half brother was just greedy and thieving while I was grieving as my moms brain and the three days later, heart, stopped . It's unreal what some people are really like. It's a sad memory BUT!.... Look at YOU! YOU SHOWED UP!! You are the only child she had that was with her. That says a LOT about Your Heart. The healthiest thing to do is to dismiss them . Know that you are 100 percent opposite of their cold greedy behaviors. Bless You. You Mother would have appreciated Your devotion. 🙏
I believe that this disorder is real. I lost my 13 year old daughter Christine in 1985, she died in my arms. Then my mother, father, grandmother and very close friend. All within 10 years. Recently, 2 years ago I lost my oldest grandson to accidental Fentynel poisoning. He was 31. I'm stuck in grief. I did have broken heart syndrome and was hospitalized for 5 days. I gained weight, lost all interest in life. Been suicidal and just plodding through life really. I've had many years of therapy but it still effects me daily. Now I have grandchildren and great grandchildren. I do experience happiness and joy but it's momentary. Please pray for me.
Im so sorry for your losses & the impact this has had on you. Please accept my condolences. Many people dont know deep grief. I do. I lost the Love of My Life almost a year ago. My heart breaks everyday. I wish you well.
I retired,.. i tried to Stop it, and wasn't able. Im in shock,.. then i realized how important my job was to me, and how involved i was.!! ALL i want os to go back the way it was, and that life-style!! I lost All interests in all my sports, and activities. All day i think of my job, and how much I enjoyed it. I know its over, but my mind won't accept. I went into horrible depression.! Im now unable to leave my apt. I ruminate the loss. I have regret. Ive went to the gym a couple times... still unable to enjoy. I've lost so much about myself?!!.. my purpose, my identity, my social interactions, and mostly the driving of my routes. Im unhappy with life now.!? Ive never felt this way before.... is there a cure? Will i always hurt so much? .... i
I’m sorry to hear what you have been through. There is help out there in the form of psychological therapy, bereavement services and support groups. Warm wishes, Teresa 🌺
@@LewisPsychology Thank you!, for caring 🙏... nobody understands my pain, they think I shouldn't be this way,... I don't like living... and feel there is no way out!, I'm not getting my job back,.. and unable to see this through... I don't like my thoughts... im against myself.
I do this too... With my dog or cat or people... I know they will be gone someday and this joy filled time is temporary and fleeting. It leaves my thoughts bittersweet about a huge portion of life.
Another great presentation. I can imagine the discord among professionals, but I feel those who would avoid “pathologising grief” might also recognise a cultural void, where there’s no framework to describe the other side of loss and grief and how to best behave/respond/understand, especially when it’s a big storm, and extenuating circumstances. Religious ideas invert (your example), social understanding is thin, and ‘carry on regardless’ gets tired, even meaningless. Validation seems the most appropriate, but how do we describe the mystery without calling on faith, or masking with medications?…
This is not good...my wife died 3-1/2 months ago, suddenly, and we had been together about 24 years. I have few friends and no family. At least I found a church that is giving some help.
My best friend of 13 years committed suicide last year. It still feel like I found out yesterday. Yes.....I do believe it can turn "unhealthy". If it disrupts your daily life and activities then it's a disorder. It's not a new posh label. It's very real. I experience it every day and I now plan to study CBT therapy to get a bit of my life back. When he died I felt like a part of me died with him.
Giving things names not only validates what we think or feel, it also makes us not feel so alone... if It has a name, someone else has it too. It's been 5 years since my daughter killed herself and I knew something was wrongbut I didn't knowwhat. Only because of what mypsychologist showed me(circle of grief, circle of 'wrong' grief for want of a better word) did the realisation come that I was stuck in denial, so yes, giving it a name at least has helped show me what was wrong even if I haven't made it past that yet.
Pathologised, but I do identify with it. Wife committed suicide almost 3 years ago, I probably experience 5 of 8 of the criteria but God is good and he has a plan.
Aren't we all "Susan?" Everyone we and I knew has disappeared. There is no support system. I have tried to find a Grief counselor. I have met with 4 therapists. They are nice but are not GRIEF therapists. It is like seeing a general practitioner doctor when you need a cardiologist. I need open heart surgery!
I have strong feelings and thoughts about the negative concepts of pathologizing. I think that people in general tend to think in terms of normal and abnormal, which gives rise to the stigma against accessing mental healthcare and discriminatory practices and attitudes. First, a holistic concept of human life is the more natural and logical way of viewing ourselves. Seeing ourselves as a whole consisting of our mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual components interconnected with our environment, family structure, work, education, culture, etc. I don't view illness (pathology) as good or bad, but rather as disruptions of our well-being whether momentarily, short-term, long-term, etc. When those disruptions are short-lived, expected, or run their course, then eventually all-is-well. However, when they are long-term, unexpected, undesired, and persistent causing disruption to our well-being, we need (and usually want) some type of intervention, relief, cure, etc. Things will be better when (if) we look at fractured limbs, infections, physical aches, anxiety, depressive, psychotic symptoms, etc., simply as disruptions to parts of our holistic self and seek treatment and healing accordingly, the notions of stigma, normal and abnormal, and pathologizing won't be an issue.
I lost my brother Joe in 2009(homicide) my dad in 2021(covid) my grandmother in April of this year(93 and she was sick) and my brother Jeremy June 18th of this year(od on fetanyl days after his 48th birthday)❤. It's hard to get on with life after so much loss and tragedy. Everything seems as a chore(cooking,showering,cleaning etc. Ijust became numb and stuck. 'm afraid this is how the rest of my life will be. Throw in everything else that's going on in our world and it just makes everything THAT much worse😢
I have just found this video , I lost a very good friend to suicide 20 years ago that I found extremely difficult to come to terms with another when We had just left school years before that she passed in a car accident , in 2008 I lost my dad that broke my heart , then in 2015 my husband of 33 years took his own life unexpectedly after an episode of depression , 2018 my mum passed away and then my best friend and support through all my losses died of stomachache cancer ,, it’s nearly 9 years in March 2024 since my husband died and I still feel so much pain from his suicide I’ve had therapy and medication but his loss especially and the others I just can’t seem to live a happy fulfilling existence anymore I have 5 grown children and 12 grandchildren that I see regularly but the overwhelming sadness is always there , I struggle to function , my concentration and interest in anything is just not there anymore ,I’m constantly accused of being a misery although I do my best to act that I’m not ! , I just don’t know anymore I’m exhausted …
@@bunnyyt8941so sorry for all your grief. I have had similar experiences of loss. It just seems to be overwhelming. I find I cry during the day for no reason. Like releasing a valve for all of the pent up anxiety if it. I believe I have accepted it all but the neurons in my heart have not. Broken heart syndrome is real. As we age, more will come upon us. Trying to enjoy life is difficult but is so important. I have started going to the gym to walk the track… forced myself to do other activities that I didn’t think I would enjoy and feeling some comfort for doing this self care technique. We have to break the cycle of compounding grief and find some living comfort to kickstart our heart neurons to exist is this difficult world. Turn down the volume of our empathic state. God bless.
My dad passed away 3 years ago and I am still having a hard time. It was somewhat sudden and now it’s starting to affect my relationship because I am still severely depressed. It doesn’t help that I live in a different state than my mom so I feel guilty for not being there to help her. It also doesn’t help that my mom is a really negative person in general and this just pushed her over the edge. So every time I talk to her on the phone she’s complaining about how lonely she is and it just makes me feel worse. I want to find a way out of it but I always feel phony talking to a psychiatrist. I pray & hope I get better. I’m thinking of going on medication to see if it helps. We’ll see. 🤷🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️
I would suggest a trauma informed or somatic therapist. You may want to view my video on trauma and the nervous system: ruclips.net/video/9G2QUpHExjk/видео.html Warm wishes, Teresa.
Most of those symptoms fit me. I have many more than 3. The loss of my mom 12 years ago, my brother 3 years later and my nephew a year and a half ago from accidental suicide and physical and mental abuse from the age of 13. I have tried hard to be stronger. I’m not getting there. I’ve never been able to put a name to what has happened to me. I’m stuck and there’s no way home.
I'm so sorry to hear about your losses. Sending you my sincere condolences. I know you feel stuck but there really is a way home. Please make contact with a good psychological therapist as they will be able to help you process and move through what has happened. Sending you my warmest wishes, Teresa.
@@LewisPsychology I can’t do that. Their methods want you to relive everything. I had managed to hold everything in a dark place in my brain. It was helping for awhile but during the Olympics when Simone Byles was being interviewed part of her story was being asked. When she was fixing to warm up I saw the look on her face. I saw the fear. She would end up not being able to compete. She ran off of her station and went to talk to her coach. They tried to say at first it was her ankle. Later they told the truth and said it was a mental condition. That moment triggered everything I had managed to file away into the recesses of my mind. I’m getting a lot of those trigger moments every single day that I watch a movie on TV. I curl up in a fetal position with horror. I try to watch a lot of reality shows. Thank you for your prayers and advice but I can’t relive it. It was hard for me to comment here. If anyone was standing next to me they would instantly see terror in my eyes. No, I can’t go see a therapist. I’m sorry. I probably never should have left a comment. I freeze up just saying what I did. You’re very kind to try to help but there is no help for me.
I’m sorry to hear about your bad experience with a therapist. A good therapist would never ask you to relive a traumatic event. Reliving a traumatic event will only re-traumatise. There are good therapists out there. Sending you my warmest wishes, Teresa.
@@LewisPsychology I appreciate your kind words but Medicare doesn’t cover that and that’s the only insurance I have. It will all be ok soon. My son told me about an hour ago how he really feels. I didn’t have much of a heart left after those losses. I thought I had enough left for him and my grandson. I’m just going to curl up and go to sleep now. At least I hope I do. Those that’s never had these experiences doesn’t understand. I give up trying . Please don’t worry. You’ve actually opened my eyes. You put things in perspective for me that I couldn’t express. Thank you for that and May God bless you. You’re doing good work for so many. Keep it up and help those that can’t help themselves. Don’t worry. I’ll be fine Thank you very much.
pathologising greif, people with regular care and support to be with them while they move through it, is the solution. not medicalising normal reactions to overwhelming pain
Hi my name is debra i lost my boyfriend gonna be 2 years dec 7th 2023 i have recently been diagnosed with this disorder. Plus i have 5 other mental health diagnoses including bpd. Do u have any suggestions for me about how to deal with this
Some of us know that we are stuck. And cannot function, At All. For Years. And this is a key piece of information, cueing us to seek more specific support. This is not making all grief a disorder. It is talking about Complex grief disorder. I think that is clear. I don't think, however, it need be arbitrarily capped at a year. This can infringe on the individuality of even normal grief.
22 was a night mare for me I lost to aunts and an uncle dear to me Then my mum died in the second week of July then on my mums funeral day my wife collapsed and died and two weeks later my dad died I don't think I will ever recover from it Two years nearly down the line I'm still a wreck The lose of my wife after 43 years came as such a blow The only thing at 69 is to work till I drop It stops me thinking about it It's my only way of coping Got 3 kids and I have to be there for them U love them But it's not the same as the love of your soulmate I do get depressed often and have days what I just curlup on the settee and don't want to move I get angry that maybe I could have saved her lonely and have to fight constantly to rise from the mists of despair It's so damded hard living
not a disorder being human, we need to learn to help each other, but i guess before long they are going to tamper with our dna further and poof everyone will suffer with autism or something and no more human connection
I wish you'd gone into grief as the loss of a pet, in this instance a horse--2 horses actually--the first one was hit by a speeding van on a dirt road; the second, a young horse, was put down 5 months agoas the result of a tendon injury I'd never heard i n spite of my lifelong experience with horses.Grief has led to serious depression.
This was mentioned briefly but I agree the impact of losing a pet is huge. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your horses. The bond with an animal is pure and deep. Sending you my sincere condolences. Warm wishes, Teresa.
I lost my lovely son age 23 from cancer 14 yrs ago. I am as bad today as the day he passed. The day he died i also lost my brothers and sister. They stopped asking me to family gatherings ......i have no one. And yes i know i have prolonged grief....but will wander aimlessly thru this life until my time comes. Thx for explaining this awful illness so well. Take care
Grief extends way beyond just someone dying. People in grief all the time. There is so much to grieve about in life.
There's also complex grief when someone hasn't actually died, but you had to cut them off because of abuse. Also multiple traumatic events can happen one after the other which makes you feel like you're stuck in grief for so long. I've been through so much the past 7 years and I'm mentally & emotionally exhausted 😢
I'm sorry to hear what you have been through. Warm wishes, Teresa.
I'm right there with you❤😢
I hope you find co regulation to support you holding and processing this through 😢 I've been here for years too
Grief disorder is attachment disorder _ me too _ mommy tried to kill me _ she hated me_ everytime i lose any thing i get these symptoms. Also they killed my pets and blamed me _ I never got to to grieve over my dead murdered animal _ as a child_ living in trauma ever since
@@tmking7483 im so sorry you were treated so bady, I understand this too well also x
Stuck in grief yes, I think thats me... Just various deaths and having to keep going regardless no time for a breakdown.
I have been grieving my only daughter's move 600 miles away for 6 years. I still cry almost daily. I have many of the pre-existing vulnerabilities. It is such a relief to learn about this!!
I don't think it should be categorized as a disorder. Grieving is human, and we all do it differently. Thanks for your work!
We have lost several members of our family on my fathers side in the last eleven years and besides having lost my mother almost 5 yrs ago and trying a new medication , i have been dealing with a lot of grief and depression. I try to care for myself and i am fortunate to have a good network of friends and others who support me , yet it has still been hard . Thanks for your videos ! Keep up the good work!
Wow, thank you for validating what I have experienced for so long. In 2016, my business that I loved was closed due to my husband’s illness. Then in 2018, my husband, with whom I had a very conflicted relationship, passed away. Six months later, my sister, who refused to be supportive after my husband’s death, stopped talking to me, and six months after that, one of my pets had to be put down, followed by a need to sell the home we had bought the year he passed and move. This year will be five years since he passed and I still am looking for the joy life used to have…and frankly, some days it is tough.
My condolensces for your losses 🌹.
to reiterate what you just described, It feels as If people expect you to forge happiness out of thin air after a difficult loss of someone you really cared and cherished, especially if It has been some time. How the hell are you supposed to "move on already" like nothing happened when you lose someone that makes your life happier and clearer in this self absorved world we live in? That's ridicolous!
I’m so sorry to hear what you have been through. Sending you my sincere condolences. Warm wishes, Teresa.
That really echo’ my life also. One sister doesn’t even speak to me. One is trying to get information that she’s had for over 20 years. It just gets to be to much. Hang in there, pray a lot. Jesus really is the only one that can help us and if we ask He will. The Bible is being played our now. There are quite a few faith based channels on here. Before you attach yourself to anyone. Even Satan knows every word in the Bible. Pray for wisdom and discernment. God bless you.
DSM5-TR 👍🏻
Thank you for your helpful video.
I lost a son on the autism spectrum 5 years ago, my mum 2 years ago, and my husband 4 months ago. I was the primary caregiver for all 3, and now I am completely drained. Yes to a disorder, we need all the help we can get.
My father died when I was only 19.I started having very vivid dreams about him within the first month.I didn't have the last dream until I was about 40.Complicated Grief is very VERY REAL.
I lost my mum almost 50 years ago
The pain has never stopped in fact it's got worse
I lost my mom 18 years ago and I'm right there with you 💔. Hugs 🫂
This information was very helpful. Thank you for this, because its the real stuff that you cant find info on normally.
I've lost my entire family in short order, then the last was my dear wife. 1 1/2 years now and feel worse now then just months ago.
I dont understand it all but started a utube channel to tell my story.
It has helped but i still suffer tremendously in my grief-stricken journey.
I pray and look to God for guidance and help.
Thank you for your channel, your information is spot on .
God bless...
Thank you for sharing your personal story. I just subscribed to your chanel. I am ready to try find help in dealing with my intense grief.
It's been 63 mos. since I witnessed my brother's death in a terrible motorcycle accident. I was the one who convinced him to buy a motorcycle so we could ride together. The guilt and shame are constant. Grandma made an errant turn in front of him and she was traumatized also. I'm Stuck.
I'm so sorry to read of your terrible tragedy. Please don't blame yourself. Your brother would never want you to blame yourself. What happened was very traumatic, I can not begin to know how that must have felt for you but please stop letting the guilt eat you up. It will end up destroying you. You don't deserve to suffer. You have beautiful memories, please try cling to them not that last awful one. I send you hugs. I'm sorry for your grandma also. I hope you recover.
Been 36 for me since finding mine dead after suicide. I struggle with guilt also he called me the night before I missed it because I was asleep I still to this day think that's exactly what he was going to tell me
I have complicated grief. It destroys your quality of life, everyday things like working your job and communication are tough. I am full of negative emotions
For sure man going through a phase of that right now
Appreciate the video. As to the question - as someone who I expectedly lost my father, I find it strange that society would think “a year is enough, time to move on” when our culture makes so little space for people to deeply grieve in the first place. Feels like capitalism and it’s demands for available workers suppresses our natural psychological responses to make us available for labor. I think that something doesn’t have to be a pathology for us to need to talk to someone about how it makes us feel. Thanks for asking!
The 12 month time scale is something I struggle with too. Thanks for your comment. Best wishes, Teresa.
This is illuminating. It's describing what I've been experiencing perfectly. I was diagnosed with complex grief, so someone agrees with this.
Sending you my sincere condolences. Warm wishes, Teresa.
As u mentioned some experience it due to the lack of emotional support so its a cope out to call it a disorder. Also our society teaches u out of feeling ur emotions so people simply dont have the tools or capacities to process such painful emotions and the wonderful society again deflects by pathologising it.
Thanks you for sharing your thoughts. The diagnosis of prolonged grief disorder is certainly controversial at the moment. Best wishes, Teresa.
You are never the same. 😢
Interesting presentation: thank you.
Although we are pathologising grief, when an emotion becomes so severe that its impairing quality of life, a name for it can be useful, particularly when seeking solutions or help.
Yes. This explains so much for me! I lost four family members each with varying degrees of unresolved conflict and within three years of each other beginning in 2018. I've been out of work off and on since the death of my son November 15, 2019 or five years ago today.
My granny passed away over lockdown, my uncle and my dad on 28th august from Dementia. I saw him just after he had passed. I was able to be there for my dad before he passed as I was sober from alcohol so I was able to play his favourite music for him and be at the funeral without my sobriety I could not have been there.
I have complicated grief. I attend two support groups but I feel as though I’ll never move on as long as my siblings don’t apologize. They abandoned my mom when she needed help and they abandoned me at the funeral home the youngest of 5 left to say goodbye alone at her casket. They also kept me from personal sentimental things selling our childhood home at a half discounted price with all the belongings inside. How can I move on when what they did is so horrible ? It’s almost 2 years since my mother died on my oldest son’s birthday. I just can’t forgive how they acted. I don’t understand how they had zero feeling for my mom or to just show up out of respect ? The funeral home was owned by someone I went to school with and I found it humiliating for my mom. They also let her be placed in a plastic hospital gown like a trash bag. I just can’t get past it ? I see this in my mind when I think of it. 😢
That's horrible. I am sorry they were so cold. Your mom didn't deserve to be tossed aside.
Sounds like they are all narcissistic types.
I had the same type of experience when my mom died. My half brother was just greedy and thieving while I was grieving as my moms brain and the three days later, heart, stopped .
It's unreal what some people are really like. It's a sad memory BUT!....
Look at YOU! YOU SHOWED UP!!
You are the only child she had that was with her. That says a LOT about Your Heart.
The healthiest thing to do is to dismiss them . Know that you are 100 percent opposite of their cold greedy behaviors.
Bless You. You Mother would have appreciated Your devotion. 🙏
I believe that this disorder is real. I lost my 13 year old daughter Christine in 1985, she died in my arms.
Then my mother, father, grandmother and very close friend. All within 10 years. Recently, 2 years ago I lost my oldest grandson to accidental Fentynel poisoning. He was 31.
I'm stuck in grief.
I did have broken heart syndrome and was hospitalized for 5 days.
I gained weight, lost all interest in life. Been suicidal and just plodding through life really. I've had many years of therapy but it still effects me daily.
Now I have grandchildren and great grandchildren.
I do experience happiness and joy but it's momentary.
Please pray for me.
I’m so sorry to hear about your loses. Sending you my deepest condolences. Warmest regards, Teresa.
@@LewisPsychology
Thank you.
Im so sorry for your losses & the impact this has had on you. Please accept my condolences. Many people dont know deep grief. I do. I lost the Love of My Life almost a year ago. My heart breaks everyday. I wish you well.
I lost my daughter 8 months ago and I am feeling alot of the things you mentioned .
This was very helpful as I am new to the profession and this can help me help my client better. Thank you.
I retired,.. i tried to Stop it, and wasn't able. Im in shock,.. then i realized how important my job was to me, and how involved i was.!! ALL i want os to go back the way it was, and that life-style!! I lost All interests in all my sports, and activities. All day i think of my job, and how much I enjoyed it. I know its over, but my mind won't accept. I went into horrible depression.! Im now unable to leave my apt. I ruminate the loss. I have regret. Ive went to the gym a couple times... still unable to enjoy. I've lost so much about myself?!!.. my purpose, my identity, my social interactions, and mostly the driving of my routes. Im unhappy with life now.!? Ive never felt this way before.... is there a cure? Will i always hurt so much? .... i
I’m sorry to hear what you have been through. There is help out there in the form of psychological therapy, bereavement services and support groups. Warm wishes, Teresa 🌺
@@LewisPsychology Thank you!, for caring 🙏... nobody understands my pain, they think I shouldn't be this way,... I don't like living... and feel there is no way out!, I'm not getting my job back,.. and unable to see this through... I don't like my thoughts... im against myself.
My Father died suddenly 17 years ago, and it still affects my functioning every day. I was never able to put things back together in my life.
Your kind words have touched me so much. Thank you it means a lot to me ❤️
I grieve often before a person has passed I recognise this now, unless it is sudden.
I do this too... With my dog or cat or people... I know they will be gone someday and this joy filled time is temporary and fleeting.
It leaves my thoughts bittersweet about a huge portion of life.
Another great presentation. I can imagine the discord among professionals, but I feel those who would avoid “pathologising grief” might also recognise a cultural void, where there’s no framework to describe the other side of loss and grief and how to best behave/respond/understand, especially when it’s a big storm, and extenuating circumstances.
Religious ideas invert (your example), social understanding is thin, and ‘carry on regardless’ gets tired, even meaningless.
Validation seems the most appropriate, but how do we describe the mystery without calling on faith, or masking with medications?…
This is not good...my wife died 3-1/2 months ago, suddenly, and we had been together about 24 years. I have few friends and no family. At least I found a church that is giving some help.
My best friend of 13 years committed suicide last year. It still feel like I found out yesterday. Yes.....I do believe it can turn "unhealthy". If it disrupts your daily life and activities then it's a disorder. It's not a new posh label. It's very real. I experience it every day and I now plan to study CBT therapy to get a bit of my life back. When he died I felt like a part of me died with him.
Giving things names not only validates what we think or feel, it also makes us not feel so alone... if It has a name, someone else has it too. It's been 5 years since my daughter killed herself and I knew something was wrongbut I didn't knowwhat. Only because of what mypsychologist showed me(circle of grief, circle of 'wrong' grief for want of a better word) did the realisation come that I was stuck in denial, so yes, giving it a name at least has helped show me what was wrong even if I haven't made it past that yet.
I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter. Sending you my sincere condolences. Warm wishes, Teresa.
Thank you so much, that's really appreciated.@@LewisPsychology
Pathologised, but I do identify with it. Wife committed suicide almost 3 years ago, I probably experience 5 of 8 of the criteria but God is good and he has a plan.
Aren't we all "Susan?" Everyone we and I knew has disappeared. There is no support system. I have tried to find a Grief counselor. I have met with 4 therapists. They are nice but are not GRIEF therapists. It is like seeing a general practitioner doctor when you need a cardiologist. I need open heart surgery!
This describes my state really well.
I have strong feelings and thoughts about the negative concepts of pathologizing. I think that people in general tend to think in terms of normal and abnormal, which gives rise to the stigma against accessing mental healthcare and discriminatory practices and attitudes. First, a holistic concept of human life is the more natural and logical way of viewing ourselves. Seeing ourselves as a whole consisting of our mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual components interconnected with our environment, family structure, work, education, culture, etc.
I don't view illness (pathology) as good or bad, but rather as disruptions of our well-being whether momentarily, short-term, long-term, etc. When those disruptions are short-lived, expected, or run their course, then eventually all-is-well. However, when they are long-term, unexpected, undesired, and persistent causing disruption to our well-being, we need (and usually want) some type of intervention, relief, cure, etc.
Things will be better when (if) we look at fractured limbs, infections, physical aches, anxiety, depressive, psychotic symptoms, etc., simply as disruptions to parts of our holistic self and seek treatment and healing accordingly, the notions of stigma, normal and abnormal, and pathologizing won't be an issue.
Thank you so much for sharing your insights. Best wishes, Teresa xx
I lost my brother Joe in 2009(homicide) my dad in 2021(covid) my grandmother in April of this year(93 and she was sick) and my brother Jeremy June 18th of this year(od on fetanyl days after his 48th birthday)❤. It's hard to get on with life after so much loss and tragedy. Everything seems as a chore(cooking,showering,cleaning etc. Ijust became numb and stuck. 'm afraid this is how the rest of my life will be. Throw in everything else that's going on in our world and it just makes everything THAT much worse😢
I’m so sorry to hear about everything you have been through. Sending you my sincere condolences. Warmest wishes, Teresa.
I have just found this video , I lost a very good friend to suicide 20 years ago that I found extremely difficult to come to terms with another when We had just left school years before that she passed in a car accident , in 2008 I lost my dad that broke my heart , then in 2015 my husband of 33 years took his own life unexpectedly after an episode of depression , 2018 my mum passed away and then my best friend and support through all my losses died of stomachache cancer ,, it’s nearly 9 years in March 2024 since my husband died and I still feel so much pain from his suicide I’ve had therapy and medication but his loss especially and the others I just can’t seem to live a happy fulfilling existence anymore I have 5 grown children and 12 grandchildren that I see regularly but the overwhelming sadness is always there , I struggle to function , my concentration and interest in anything is just not there anymore ,I’m constantly accused of being a misery although I do my best to act that I’m not ! , I just don’t know anymore I’m exhausted …
@@bunnyyt8941so sorry for all your grief. I have had similar experiences of loss. It just seems to be overwhelming. I find I cry during the day for no reason. Like releasing a valve for all of the pent up anxiety if it. I believe I have accepted it all but the neurons in my heart have not. Broken heart syndrome is real. As we age, more will come upon us. Trying to enjoy life is difficult but is so important. I have started going to the gym to walk the track… forced myself to do other activities that I didn’t think I would enjoy and feeling some comfort for doing this self care technique. We have to break the cycle of compounding grief and find some living comfort to kickstart our heart neurons to exist is this difficult world. Turn down the volume of our empathic state. God bless.
All my life has been and is a chain of ongoing trauma’s. I came across this subject of PGD after a Sam Vaknin video.
those who suffer complex trauma are trauma vikings. we deserve medals for taking on so much crap and still standing.
@@selenem3384 I already died 20 years ago (actually earlier) but somehow I keep walking. On a regular basis I get my face smashed to the ground.
My dad passed away 3 years ago and I am still having a hard time. It was somewhat sudden and now it’s starting to affect my relationship because I am still severely depressed.
It doesn’t help that I live in a different state than my mom so I feel guilty for not being there to help her. It also doesn’t help that my mom is a really negative person in general and this just pushed her over the edge. So every time I talk to her on the phone she’s complaining about how lonely she is and it just makes me feel worse.
I want to find a way out of it but I always feel phony talking to a psychiatrist.
I pray & hope I get better. I’m thinking of going on medication to see if it helps. We’ll see. 🤷🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️
What can you do when grief is stuck in your body?
It realy hurts
I would suggest a trauma informed or somatic therapist. You may want to view my video on trauma and the nervous system: ruclips.net/video/9G2QUpHExjk/видео.html Warm wishes, Teresa.
Most of those symptoms fit me. I have many more than 3. The loss of my mom 12 years ago, my brother 3 years later and my nephew a year and a half ago from accidental suicide and physical and mental abuse from the age of 13. I have tried hard to be stronger. I’m not getting there. I’ve never been able to put a name to what has happened to me. I’m stuck and there’s no way home.
I'm so sorry to hear about your losses. Sending you my sincere condolences. I know you feel stuck but there really is a way home. Please make contact with a good psychological therapist as they will be able to help you process and move through what has happened. Sending you my warmest wishes, Teresa.
@@LewisPsychology
Thank you
@@LewisPsychology
I can’t do that. Their methods want you to relive everything. I had managed to hold everything in a dark place in my brain. It was helping for awhile but during the Olympics when Simone Byles was being interviewed part of her story was being asked.
When she was fixing to warm up I saw the look on her face. I saw the fear. She would end up not being able to compete. She ran off of her station and went to talk to her coach. They tried to say at first it was her ankle. Later they told the truth and said it was a mental condition. That moment triggered everything I had managed to file away into the recesses of my mind. I’m getting a lot of those trigger moments every single day that I watch a movie on TV. I curl up in a fetal position with horror. I try to watch a lot of reality shows. Thank you for your prayers and advice but I can’t relive it. It was hard for me to comment here. If anyone was standing next to me they would instantly see terror in my eyes. No, I can’t go see a therapist. I’m sorry. I probably never should have left a comment. I freeze up just saying what I did. You’re very kind to try to help but there is no help for me.
I’m sorry to hear about your bad experience with a therapist. A good therapist would never ask you to relive a traumatic event. Reliving a traumatic event will only re-traumatise. There are good therapists out there. Sending you my warmest wishes, Teresa.
@@LewisPsychology
I appreciate your kind words but Medicare doesn’t cover that and that’s the only insurance I have. It will all be ok soon. My son told me about an hour ago how he really feels. I didn’t have much of a heart left after those losses. I thought I had enough left for him and my grandson. I’m just going to curl up and go to sleep now. At least I hope I do. Those that’s never had these experiences doesn’t understand. I give up trying . Please don’t worry. You’ve actually opened my eyes. You put things in perspective for me that I couldn’t express. Thank you for that and May God bless you. You’re doing good work for so many. Keep it up and help those that can’t help themselves. Don’t worry. I’ll be fine
Thank you very much.
pathologising greif, people with regular care and support to be with them while they move through it, is the solution. not medicalising normal reactions to overwhelming pain
Hi my name is debra i lost my boyfriend gonna be 2 years dec 7th 2023 i have recently been diagnosed with this disorder. Plus i have 5 other mental health diagnoses including bpd. Do u have any suggestions for me about how to deal with this
Please do not make emotions a disorder. Being stuck in greif is actually a trauma responce, due to lack of the connection and support from others.
Please watch until the end of the video as this is discussed. Best wishes, Teresa.
Some of us know that we are stuck. And cannot function, At All. For Years. And this is a key piece of information, cueing us to seek more specific support. This is not making all grief a disorder. It is talking about Complex grief disorder. I think that is clear. I don't think, however, it need be arbitrarily capped at a year. This can infringe on the individuality of even normal grief.
22 was a night mare for me
I lost to aunts and an uncle dear to me
Then my mum died in the second week of July then on my mums funeral day my wife collapsed and died and two weeks later my dad died
I don't think I will ever recover from it
Two years nearly down the line I'm still a wreck
The lose of my wife after 43 years came as such a blow
The only thing at 69 is to work till I drop
It stops me thinking about it
It's my only way of coping
Got 3 kids and I have to be there for them
U love them But it's not the same as the love of your soulmate
I do get depressed often and have days what I just curlup on the settee and don't want to move
I get angry that maybe I could have saved her lonely and have to fight constantly to rise from the mists of despair
It's so damded hard living
This doesn't fill me with hope i can relate to all 5 scenarios.
not a disorder being human, we need to learn to help each other, but i guess before long they are going to tamper with our dna further and poof everyone will suffer with autism or something and no more human connection
Isn’t this possible that this is a manifestation of another emotional disorder and not the diagnosis itself?
Absolutely.
I wish you'd gone into grief as the loss of a pet, in this instance a horse--2 horses actually--the first one was hit by a speeding van on a dirt road; the second, a young horse, was put down 5 months agoas the result of a tendon injury I'd never heard i n spite of my lifelong experience with horses.Grief has led to serious depression.
This was mentioned briefly but I agree the impact of losing a pet is huge. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your horses. The bond with an animal is pure and deep. Sending you my sincere condolences. Warm wishes, Teresa.
@@LewisPsychology Thank you.
Blue Cross have support helpline for those who have lots our beloved pets, they after all another member of our family.
❤❤❤❤
Thanks 🌹🌹🌹
Thanks for your support. Best wishes, Teresa.
What to do about it. I have't been able to cry for years. Completly stuck.
I’m sorry to hear about this. I would suggest psychological therapy. Warm wishes, Teresa.
@@LewisPsychology Done so much of that....
Nice video ausual 😇can you do a video on narrative therapy ?
That’s an interesting topic. I’ll add it to my list. Best wishes, Teresa.
I have to look that up. I've never heard of it. As I am a writer, I suspect I will find it fascinating. Thank your for your informative comment.
I totally disagree. Grief lasts forever. We just hopefully learn to deal with it. Stop labeling it
I totally that agree grief lasts forever. Best wishes, Teresa
I think it is ok to call it a disorder.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Best wishes, Teresa.
Ty
Women you love leaves you for someone else.