Why you should NEVER make conversation with "the woman"
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- Опубликовано: 2 фев 2023
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It's not a new phenomenon. #metoo - is that unique to the 21st century? And is it because men don't respect women anymore?
This whole conversation will be an eye opener for you...
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"If you don't respect intimacy, you're going to abuse somebody." So true, thank you for saying it as it is
I am Protestant by parental design and i never grasped the views and translations the same way that Rabbi Manis translates the world and how we are. I've gotten more out of his lessons with 10 videos than i ever did in church. Thank you.
I love how quickly you answered the splendidly shallow "Isn't that sexist?" question our sick culture always throws at this. No hesitation! "Yes. If respecting the differences is sexist, absolutely."
Yes but it's about shaking hands not menstrual pads.
"You make conversation when you have nothing to say" Wow, I felt that.
That is totally correct. It is about chemistry ad levels. Shut the fuck up when you are so stupid and find people to disscus when you are their level.
Wow...... do you really believe that? Just think about it for a while..... that means some of my best conversations with family, and friends, were meaningless....
@@michaeldamato9466 actually he didn't say anything , but that was the spin I got out of it .... meaning just not sexual ...
@@michaeldamato9466 context
@@michaeldamato9466 you 'make' conversation with family and friends? Interesting.
The more the world becomes crazy more of us who never care about G-d are now caring. As an ex atheist I never though that I would ever listen to a Rabbi in my life. And here I am.
"God uses the foolish to confound the wise." The world runs out of answers, and it brings you here: to God! Welcome.
🥇
That's wonderful.
i think there has been such ignorance and misunderstanding - by non-Jews - about the teachings of the Torah, when they are explained by someone as wise and eloquent as Rabbi Friedman these teachings and wisdoms are so beautiful that they make instant sense to so many that hear them and know them to be true
If I may ask. What convinced you to become ex atheist?
as a person who view small talk as painful as getting your teeth pulled, I agree with this man.
I used to engage in small talks, especially with the ladies not because I wanted but rather because I sort of felt obligated. Same with the hand shaking but now, especially after recent experiences, over the last couple of years I decided to stop doing that. I have my reasons. And I'm 56 years old so I guess you never really stop growing.
Of course I've gained a lot of enemies who think I'm rude or what not but... couldn't care less. My few true friends (I probably have no more than four!) are okay with it. That's good enough for me!!!! 😉
I despise small talk.
@@archangelliii2536 curious why do you feel more obligated to make small talk with a woman than a man? does gender really matter?
@@metsrus Every time I see or hear a statement starting with "curious" that means you have a problem with it. Don't... that's my business! I guess with guys is different because psst...women and men ARE different. It's how GOD meant it to be. I don't give three rats what anybody else, especially freaking feminists, think. And THANK GOD for that! I don't want to be equals with women and vice versa... I hate it when women try to be equals with men! Never happens no matter how much libs have tried to change nature (that includes men pretending to be "women" and vice versa)...a woman is a woman will ALWAYS be a woman no matter what and the same with men. No freaking sex mutilation operation or mental illness or simply stupidity will ever change that.
@@archangelliii2536 “you’ll have to forgive me if I don’t shake hands” -doc holiday in tombstone film
_"Is that sexist?"_
_"Yes."_
Rabbi Chad Friedman
Lol
I LOVED the silence and eye contact he gave after saying that. Just let it sit there and BURN
@@hotice8885 burn? you sound invested in hurting women. maybe Rabbi will find a lesson next time for the boys
@sardonyx Your reasoning skills have betrayed you. You are wrong both about whether the Rabbi was attacking girls AND about whether I was interested in _burning_ girls.
@@sardonyxsky By the way, this _entire lesson_ was "for the boys."
As i remember, right here in America, there was a time that men did not shake a women's hand. If a man and women approached, you shook the man's, and nodded and acknowledged the woman. This seems to have gone away this century.
I will shake a woman's hand only if she offers hers first.
I love touching beautiful women. I force it
welcome to equality
I work in an office with lots of new professional clients coming in. They always reach out to shake hands. As a Muslim women who wears head scarf, I politely decline, but I also put my palm under my collar bone and say " nice to meet you". And I find people are very accepting of this alternative gesture.
I appreciate you clarifying this. I attended an after work social last month, and one of my Muslim colleagues invited his wife and kids to the event. Upon their departure, I reached out to his wife to shake hands, and she respectfully declined saying that she does not shake hands.
The social norm is for a man to wait for a woman to shake his hand.
A guy approached me with his fist for a fist bump 😆 I reciprocated, but I'm also not "married".
Everybody has different comfort levels.
I've seen a lot of Muslims hugging and cheek air kissing...I was told you don't kiss the cheek, but kiss past the cheek and any of that would be too close or uncomfortable for me if that person is not a close friend or relative...but that's not how I interact with friends or relatives. I guess interactions are what you agree to communicate based on your cultural background.
I wouldn't be offended of a rabbi not shaking my hand or making conversatio .
Plenty of other people available to engage in that manner. It's his preference and I can respect that.
@@lazy-gaga In the 1950s.
Shaking hands is not meaningless. Professional relationships are based on trust. I agree with the comment on free love- it never worked. Hippie guys used it to get laid.
"you make conversation when you have nothing to say". Spot on. Beautiful talk 👍
I find long time married couples holding hands the sweetest thing, also there is a way of saying something without saying anything by sending flowers.
There are many gestures, men and women, can make to show caring and affection.
Lol, naked poetry 👌 I suppose nakedness in itself can be poetic and not just speaking in the physical sense.
How many people can say they have been emotionally naked?
“How naked go the sometimes nude”
It’s a poem
What can you say to a man
Well that's how humans are. We need marriage we need family. Too many women being single these days. And like the rabbi said sexual liberation hasn't worked out well for society
I love this topic. You made it so clear.
Yes he did.
I like this man already before the 1:00 minute time stamp. That honest “yes” was powerful.
Fantastic clarity. I had to re-watch this one because for some reason my guitar keeps ringing every time the Rabbi was talking. That's never happened before, but watching the video the second time I realized that this truth and understanding is what is lacking in our modern culture. I feel it and live in it. I hope we can get it back.
Rabbi and truth in the same sentence is hilarious.
So much truth in this short video! Thank you for the thought provoking content!
I think, Rabbi Friedman, you gave the group a more comprehensive talk than they thought you might. It's refreshing, no matter how many talks I see you giving.
Shaking hands means...I come in peace, and I have nothing in my hands...I am unarmed. If someone refuses to shake your hand...they are on the defense...and should be viewed as a potential threat. This is basic primitive unspoken human communication.
including women? a handshake now is either a power play or a meaningless nicety. your sentiment is out of date.
@@sardonyxsky nope.
@@ronashman8463 including women? surely you have to have something interesting to say to give insight other than 'nope'
fkn cope out
personally as a women, i have always hated having to shake hands bcuz i was told i had to live in a man's world. so i stopped and instead give a nice smile and greeting.
you guys aren't answering my basic question.
including women or not???
if you think people are always approaching in peace when they shake hands with you, then i guess you must be stupid.
look at every salesman in the world that just wants your money 😂
Rabbi really needs to teach this crowd of boys here how to respectfully treat women, if he even knows.
and you can't even answer a simple question to your dumb comment.
I swear, the amount of things I've always known by intuition without ever having been told, taught, but, still doubted...only for some wise Rabbi to so solemnly confirm after all these years.
The difference with savvy and ignorants is the ability to explain complex concepts
'Wizened'?
@@nomorecensoringme Bro, what if I told you that was some silly choice of words on my part? For some reason, I always associated the word 'wizened' with 'wisdom from experience or old age'. Your asking made me check the dictionary just to spot the unintended meaning. Thanks.
It's the fitrah that God has put inside you
If you're interested in what it means, it means that Allah has put some inherent morals onto you, but it can be corrupted over time by the environment and cultures you're living in/with. It's a Muslim belief, if you're interested in this concept then you will have no hardships understanding Islam and it's fundamentals
two women might make conversation because they feel more comfortable with each other...and maybe two men will too...I would feel uncomfortable conversing with a man...but what the Rabbi says is so true...flirting can get people into trouble and misunderstandings happen...and someone gets hurt...
I agree. Simple conversation, not even 'flirting', can be misunderstood and problematic.
Me as a Latin American 🤭 where in our culture we tend to greet male and females with kisses on the cheek 💋
In our culture it could be considered rude not to.
Love the Rabbi tho
And as another Latino I tell you that's a bunch of bull. I couldn't agree more with the Rabbi. I hate hugs, handshakes and especially kisses. Although I agree the Latino culture tend to be like that, there are a few exceptions. I'm one of'em. I guess that's why I'm viewed as a "bicho raro" or weirdo where I grew up and even among family members although the latter got used to it a long time ago.(I'm 56!). Guess that's why I don't have too many friends. So be it. The four or so I have is all I want.
PD Males don't kiss each other where I grew up though...unless they were gay! (or Muslims 😅). Now kissing your dad is different of course.
Covid mudou esse costume, de shake hands, na minha opiniao.
That's true! Hugging and kissing on the cheeks is considered normal or common greetings and part of our Hispanic culture
@@archangelliii2536 I can't imagine life without hugs or kisses. You are strange, indeed. At least imo.
@@archangelliii2536 I know!!! I am mexican and I totally hate hugs and kisses... Unless is my mother or girlfriend... But that's It.
It all makes sense to me now. I go to this yoga studio and have shaken hands with a couple of girls and wonder why there is this invisible field of animosity between me and them.
I am always learning. The handshake was less than a second long. I thought I had the right intentions but now I know better. I should completely respect the opposite sexes space.
Thank you for your insight!
Personally, I don't initiate hand shaking with either gender. They have to initiate. A nod is fine.
Extending a hand for a shake isn't disrespecting someone's "space", they don't have to put their hand out if they don't want to. If someone shakes your hand then its done willingly
@@SeamHead33 That’s a fair point
Sounds like they belong to the Hate group that's called Feminism
Used as an opportunity to make you feel uncomfortable 😊
To everyone not enjoying Shabbat, have a spectacular Saturday, with family and friends.
My dad allway told anybody that Saturday was the day off, he didnt understand y people change lt to Sunday.
@@arcelesp7878 interesting. Sabbath does not have to be Saturday, which is for Jews. It's fine for non-Jews to have Sunday.
@@user-ky2xo2ls4m non-Jews are not bound by the Ten Commandments. They have the 7 Noahide Laws:
Not to worship idols.
Not to curse God.
Not to commit murder.
Not to commit adultery or sexual immorality.
Not to steal.
Not to eat flesh torn from a living animal.
To establish courts of justice.
No sabbath there.
Interesting to note, Christians used to be as strict about what not to do on Sunday as Jews are told to be. At some point making money, time and a half, became more important in the US.
Saturday is the 7th day
@@user-ky2xo2ls4m 'should'? Not according to the Torah, which is from G-d.
This makes sense to me. I have made conversation with “the woman” and I couldn’t stand it.
Thank you for the enlightening message of wisdom Rabbi. Shalom!
Well explained. I wish all people could speak as succinctly and as clearly as this. Alas, most are not gifted with clarity of speech or even clarity of thought. Misunderstandings arise and etc.
Thank you
Some deep wisdom here. I really enjoyed this.
This is Torah wisdom, been around for thousands of years, well articulated by the Rabbi.
Irony is: Don't make conversation
Me: Immediately scrolls down to post a comment in the conversation.
What he says doesn't just apply to intimacy
It also applies to intimate thoughts and protecting mental health.
Hence the Echochambers & Gaslighting Marathons & depression.
another layer to the irony is that strangers can obligate themselves to small talk when face to face, potentially even so-called friends, but still never know the depth of a person's psyche as conveyed in a comment
and it's all so impersonal ...
Agreed...through the palms of the hand there is energy transference...sharing feeling of intimacy, attraction...even repulsion
Muslim woman are taught against shaking of hands...form of protection
It can cause 'problems' for one or both parties
It's good that Muslims have that practice.
It's OK for Muslim women to shake hands with one another but not with men, based on my observation.
hmmm , um yeah I don't think anybody can say that across the board , You know if that is how you feel then that is how you feel . But just know not everybody gets that . Not everybody has 'problems' just from handshaking .
@@davidfriend1919 men & women especially those who are married...shouldn't be touching unless there are good reasons...every time human beings touch there is an exchange of energy...that ultimately can lead to infidelity
@@shalizalacombe6330 With all due respect . That sounds like a personal problem . Again , you can say that YOU feel that way and that is why YOU don't want to touch in even a casual way , you don't speak for the entire human race though . I certainly don't feel that way ,
Hand shakes are an art. I respect a good handshake paired with eye contact. A limp hand from someone with their head turned the other way is unforgettable. Should be reserved for business only.
Mr. Friedman this was very good. I always think I am smart, and I know I am :) because I feel I already knew this. However thank you for clarifying and articulate it. The knowledge has now moved from my unconscious to the conscious part of my brain. Great insight. You Rabbis Rock. Cheers
Very interesting. Thank you for making me see it from another angle.
Regards from Tenerife, Canary Islands, Spain,
Daniel.
Thank you rabbi
Thank you Rabbi.
I too grew up in a culture where we dont talk too freely with the opposite sex. I always thought of it as a respectful cultural aspect. If there 8s something important to be said, it is different
I deliberately shake hands too long. I love the awkwardness it creates. There's a hint of innocence that resides in that moment.
The animal impulse
All the more reason not to shake your hand, man or woman.
@@nomorecensoringme yeah, in the end it doesn't really matter.
😂
@@Nomad1025 sounds like you were raised to assume that everyone knew beforehand how long a handshake should take. And anyone that differed was "slow"? Hahaha, intellectual insecurity in a nutshell.
I glad to thank God there is someone wisdom with right teaching It's true that's the reality.
Very wise.
Thank you for your guidance 🙏🏻 Please create an Audiobook on Audible also, it would be of great help.
I want to know how you have these conversations and people remain so calm
For all of these talks I've watched, even the ones with classes of boys and classes of girls, who get animated, Rabbi Friedman is calm, humorous, and interesting. He also doesn't shout as some do it seems for effect, or to grab attention. Rabbi Friedman, I find, grabs my attention by the content of his talks.
Thank you for that audio.
As a Christian I can say that never has a priest in my faith so eloquently laid out a simple matter of inter relationships.
It is clear now that the Jewish faith and practicing followers will be immune to the moral collapse of the west and the insane alphabet peoples prognostications.
Subscribed and will listen more.
Thanks again.
My morning is better for having listened.
DG
Very insightful
I'm a Young Blk male from the Bronx
This man is wise.
When he said, "I don't see you as j'ish" just a friend.
I've been saying this for a long time, I have many friends like him... But I can never cross interact my friend groups.
I've had both groups tell me the same thing
"you're different" and I'm like no I'm not, you just refuse to cross the street to talk to them.
Thank u for sharing.
Shabbat Shalom to all, including your family and friends, who will enjoy being "intimate" with Hashem on this Yom tov.
Shalom!
I don't need to know Rabbi Manis to be his friend. I like his beard and his funny hat, and I find it enjoyable to listen to him so this is more than enough for me.
Rabbi, this is the first time I come across you. We don't have to be friends but let's be friendly!
Good advise Rabbi!
👏🏾❤️Respect Intimacy.
It surprises me that the rabbi doesn’t have a more nuanced understanding of sexual abuse and even #metoo. Saying that #metoo has to do with “free love” as opposed to real intimacy feels like nonsense. Sexual abuse is always about power- the perpetrator is not looking for intimacy.
Moreover- when a society is extremely sexually suppressed and gender segregated, that does not eliminate sexual violence. On the contrary. As the rabbi must know too well.
He is saying that it is easy to sexually abuse someone by using the concept of free love as a shaming tactic.
Physical contact is intimate, even the shaking of hands. Thank you for acknowledging this Rabbi Friedman. You have spoken previous about the reality/materiality (?) of even thoughts and words, where even another person's thoughts can be experience as being intimate and intrusive of the integrity of ones personal space - i.e. as communicated with a look or even verbally (i.e. compliments, can be uncomfortably intimate and instrusive). If one expresses such discomforts one is labelled "frigid", which is not true, but i do feel uncomfortable when people do not acknowledge & respect my personal physical boundaries. Shalom ♡
Thanks for sharing.
Thanks Rabbi
I never thought I'd be listening to a rabbi giving such practical wisdom
This is the most common sense advice that I have heard in years- miss you, Jeff Nachman-
I'm a Catholic woman and do not shake hands with men either. Makes my husband happy :)
I'm Catholic as well, but I was taught the opposite. Shaking hands is merely showing RESPECT for another human being. It's only intimate if you ALLOW the encounter to be intimate. I was taught to always put my hand out first to initiate the RESPECTFUL gesture. If someone interacts with me and doesn't shake my hand I take that as an insult and very disrespectful.
@@beccamcdonald9846 I'm a Catholic woman and was taught the same thing. 😊
@@leonaheraty3760 I was just raised with old fashioned morals and values
@@beccamcdonald9846 Same here. I thank God every day for parents who are in Heaven and were from the Greatest Generation. 🥰
@@leonaheraty3760 Amen to that 🙏🏻
Gratitude. Shalom.
I appreciate the part about shaking hands.
Spot on....
It's always interesting when you share a "hot topic".
Hi five! that will set the tone professionally. Clear the air with childhood practices. We never truly lose our inner child so why waste it when everyone is already misinterpreting a simple handshake?
תודה רבה
That was really interesting!
He speaks out of common sense. It's very refreshing.
You are always so on point. The subject is the mitzvah of marriage, engagement rings, the wedding night and Jewish babies. The subject is not the super bowl, apple sauce , yoga times and all other manner of small talk. Peace and love to you Rabbi Manis !
Well there will always be small talk between people but the important milestones in a Torah lifestyle are far more exciting than some give them credit.
Atleast now I don't have to worry about not being able to talk to girls.
Good for you. I'm sure when you meet the girl you'll marry, you'll talk fine.
Fascinating
Thank you Rabbi, Shalom
Good points here
Wonderful
Thank you! I had wondered why.
He is very good and soooo right.
I like his words
I really appreciate this perspective, as my new room mates girlfriend made sure to shake my hand when she met me, and I could not look and talk to her because she was sending signals of attraction to me afterwards which was uncomfortable, especially when I looked at my room mate and he had squated down making himself look small when she talked to me.
I am in the belief that men of business or practical matter cannot have intellectual conversations when in the presence of a woman. Not that she isn't capable of intellectual thought, but that unless she is of age where attraction is void, the men would be influenced by emotion, and there is no room for emotion in business
"Sending signals of attraction". That is corruption in your head. You belong in one of the middle eastern countries.
An animal who is aroused by mere presence of the opposite gender.
Very interesting.
This guy is on point!
Awesome 👌 dude
This is why it's a good idea to have respect for religious traditions. For those with little or no self-control or discipline, these ideas would be beneficial to practice. They're all-encompassing and keep you out of trouble. But if you're capable of recognizing and maintaining boundaries on your own and keeping your impulses under control, then you don't need all these stringent restrictions on yourself. It takes patience, understanding, and intelligence but it's perfectly within reason for people to adapt their behavior to any situation based on the circumstances around them. But these ideas are still good ones to follow as a general rule of thumb.
Respectfully, in modern times, we don't like to admit to our vulnerabilities and weaknesses (especially the idea of temptation I think). As a male, I understand the fear to not be seen as a creep or an animal specifically in a sexual situation. Because there's an element of truth to it, I am not an animal, but I do have an extremely powerful one in me that I must harness. If you need somewhat of proof, consider how many modern males cannot stop themselves from consuming this content. (To make ourselves feel better, we pretend that it's a good thing, or a necessary thing, but if you take uncompromising steps to stop it, without worrying what the world will think, you can.
This guy's very straightforward and honest.
nonetheless, he is incorrect.
I'm not a Jew but most of what he's saying is correct.
Much respect from your Muslim brother...... WOW this hit me hard
We don't have 'Muslim brothers'. People are not one big family, happy or otherwise. It's disingenuous to the way G-d created all of us uniquely. Separately.
@@nomorecensoringmewhat are you saying
@@Wise__guy we are individuals within a group. The group is whatever it is, within another group and another. Separate. The one "uniting group" is humanity, though separate.
@@nomorecensoringme Thanks for making that clear. I was thinking otherwise.
I never offer my hand to a woman to shake, but if she offers her hand to me I will shake it. I prefer to not shake hands with anyone; I spent time in a Buddhist monastery in Nepal and got used to bowing slightly with my hands together at the center of my chest, as the common greeting. That’s the way I greet people, and usually they seem to think I’m at least slightly weird.
I got used to paying for everything using my right hand because that's the way it is in India. The ironic thing is I'm left-handed.
Refreshing.
I'm a dutch atheist and... I found myself listening to this, because I've been discovering the manosphere
Really interesting history on the hand shake! I didn’t know that.
Omg “if sexist means recognizing the differences between sexes,” I’ve said that myself!!
He has a GREAT point!!
“You can’t fool Mother Nature” 🎯💯✊🏽
Once u[on a time, there was the saying, "A man's handshake is his word," meaning that the handshake agreement was as good as any contract. Women who began to enter business may have chosen to use the handshake in the same way that some men had been. The more I think abut this, the more I see that anything on this level could be controversial.
You caused me to think, What is 'controversial'? Not acceptable to "the world"? The masses? Personally, I don't let my actions, thoughts, etc, be dictated by others who, in reality, have no "dog in the race" of my existence and choices.
In recent years, the idea of "group think" has been gaining traction with some. For people who like to think for themselves, who don't need a consensus of acceptability, who have no issue accepting responsibility for their thoughts and actions, it's not valid.
I think it becomes complicated since noone is asking the women who started it what their motivation was, if they know, or would admit to it. Can't for some who are gone. The other idea is trying to make something universal when there's individuality involved.
Rabbi Friedman also shared that a handshake was a way of proving you "came in peace", as the saying goes, without a gun. Women weren't heavily armed were they?
What if you wear gloves when you shake hands. Is that a little less intimate?
Thanks for referencing Mother Nature. In India we call her Bhoomi Devi.
I like you very much Rabbi. You are intellectually too advance for most of us with simple minds.
Love your teleological, transcendental cognizance of the nature of existence phenomenologically known as being.
BLESS YOUR HEART 💙THANK YOU 🤍🌹
100% correct I have been doing this call my life . The funny part women will think why is hes not trying to talk to me. Plus is a power stiff from the men to the woman . If a woman wants to talk she will let u know it .
That's why I hate shaking hands with people I don't know that well.
I’m a new subscriber!
In a professional set you can exchange business card . I live in Japan and here people don't shake hands.
That creates too much garbage-waste, cards thrown away. If people want to contact each other, in this age of cell phones and computers, it's not necessary to create waste.
Good video❤️good morning. Everyone
Agreed. Thank you for the greetings I'm seeing after morning.
As a former hardcore atheist myself I'm so eager to see how the world responds to when religious leaders and wise man like mr Friedman here start to take advantage of the Internet and remind us all why we use to care about these traditions or, in other words, "how we got here". I'm not saying not change anything. But before you do, look at, and understand what your ancestors built. That's why I'm trying to learn with an open mind from all the major religions as much as I can.
Very wise
I am an atheist and I found peace in his voice
The majority of people don’t even wash their hands after the bathroom and then they are on their sweaty phones all day so that’s why I don’t shake hands anymore.
Facts
Nasty ppl