A few of those seems to be different ways of saying that men want to avoid demonstrating an anxious attachment style, because it's unattractive to women.
As an anxiously attached guy I can relate. We are more emotional and fall into neediness, and usually women prefer avoidants (they seem more masculine).
I clicked the video thinking I didn't fear women, that I was just uninterested, but if I'm honest, I fear "betrayal" as explained here (it's not fear of being cheated on, but the sense of being in a battlefield where I feel absolutely powerless and not even treated as human by the "enemy")... because I suffered it in a way at 16yo that annihilated my heart forever. I thought my attraction for women was just deactivated after that epoisode, but now I realize that's rooted in deep fear. My way to defend myself has been unconsciously avoiding any contact with women... and let me tell you, it worked. Yeah, I have been alone af, but I really didn't miss one bit being in a relationship until recently when my dad almost passes away... and that made me think about the future and stuff. I don't think I'll be able to get over it. I mean, my heart is now a fortress in Antarctica. But hey... Every dating coach is telling you to not fall in love with any woman, so maybe I'm already on the right track...
That stuff stays with you. It bakes something into your subconscious and/or nervous system Since we’re creatures who avoid pain. That episode, without guidance, trained you to respond to women in the way you described Every time there was an opportunity to address it. You strengthened neural pathways that make avoiding women second nature If you can become the way you are now. You can become another way through deliberate effort Not saying it will be easy or simple. But doable
So basically you learned at 16 what most men dont learn until they're divorced paying child support for someone else's kids. That cold heart is the greatest gift you'll ever have. Warming it up will just result in tragedy.
@@TheGrimFootpaying child support for someone else's kids?? Is that truly what's happening? I honestly wonder if men ever consider what type of negativity women sign up for interacting with men in these head spaces. Not to cause more fear, but it's not fun, or the fun goes quickly in most cases.
What you say about women judging your male status is what I really feel. As a man who is only 5,3 ft, I am often afraid to make a move, because I feel undesirable. Especially with taller women, why would they be interested if they can find a tall man on every corner of the street. Thoughts like these hold me back.
You yourself have to get to the point of being ok with your height, and then go from there. Basically, how can a woman be ok with your height if you're not? Sure, it can be more of a challenge dating as a shorter guy, but become the guy that is up to that challenge and doesn't let it define him. Being shorter doesn't make you less of a man or person. I know a guy at my parish about your height that got married last year and now has a newborn. I believe in you!
@@MK--Ultra Yeah, I understand that this is the best short term solution. On the other hand, height discrimination is also a societal problem that affects different aspects of life like dating, finances and career opportunities. Just being confident isn't alone isn't going to change anything about it. I think it is strange that the women who will tell you that we need to get rid of the patriarchy or the ''objectifying'' male gaze are also the ones that will their friends that she couldn't go on a second with a shorter dude. They make hard to take their issues seriously at that point.
Fellow short guy here about your height, you’re not alone brother! However there are plenty of attractive women I’ve met that didn’t give a damn about height! It’s a journey to embrace every part of yourself, and we face a unique challenge.
@@MK--Ultra The challenge of getting body-shamed in a world that preaches body-positivity. I am all up for it. I am actually a bit tired of how short men are always being told that it is about them and nothing else. Sure confidence helps but is not the whole problem.
That's a logical defense mechanism you put in place to keep from getting destroyed. The statistics show that once a man is below 5'8" only about 10% of women would be willing to date him. I'm a short dude, and I'm not going to sugarcoat it, or give you false hope. It's possible but highly unlikely. Like winning the lottery. As a shorter man I've come to terms with living, and dying alone.
Man, that is a scary thought these days. I have been in relationships that did well and I would never speak of because they were good. Nowadays though, hahaha. Just listening to people, so sad to see what happened to society.
I agree with you. But I think it as I've examined myself deeper I'm not afraid to get into a relationship with a woman. I'm just challenged by there are no wind situations that they like to create.😂
Same here. I went through a divorce where I came out rather unscathed. I’ve heard horror stories of men being left with nothing and it scares me. It really triggered my fearful attachment as well where I sabotage relationships as soon as I get into them
As a shy guy I really appreciated this video in particular because like you said it's not that some men physically fear women, but rather it's because women aren't men, this makes men suspicious of what women are actually capable of. Louie CK had a bit talking about the difference between Men and Women, he said a man will cut your arm off and throw it in a river, but he'll leave you as a human being intact, he won't fuck with who you are. Whereas women are non-violent but they will shit inside of your heart.
is that your analogy of choice, for differences about men and women in todays society? men are not afraid of women, men aren't afraid at all, most men nowadays don't even have choices. they don't match with women online, and when they meet someone, they already have someone most likely. and the ones who are single are caught saying so much bs, exercising their optionality, or cheating. 90% of women who are single are not worth it. and men wont sacrifice their wealth, time, and patience for a wet sleeve they can get for a buck every month or so........ 2025 the cards have changed, it's up to women to get a man, not the other way around. As a young man, I'm not moving a needle to jeopardize my life.
Do men really think that they haven't fucked with women in nonviolent and psychologically manipulative ways in addition to unspeakable violence that teaches them to live in constant fear (which louie ck also had a joke about)? And that countless generations of restricting their rights and limiting their education hasn't affected them? Women aren't angels but geez that's a wild take
I met a man who left my body intact but fucked with my emotions and mind so viciously and subtly. So I would say, men or women, anybody can be a talented manipulator😅
Is the inability to trust the same as fear? The vulnerability required to trust someone who isn’t incentivized by society to be trustworthy is immense. It feels like a losing equation. If it is fear, it’s coming from a rational place.
Yes, the prevailing culture is the missing piece in this video. Connor has covered it elsewhere, but it is an important factor. Including it would, I think, remind men that although the culture stinks, not all women are like that. Important not to confuse the individual with the collective!
The inability to trust usually stems from fear. It's a logical safe decision. Even Brad Pitt couldn't keep a woman happy, what in the hell makes you think you can.
I just lost the my dream girl after an intense 6 months because my insecurities about not being enough lead to fear based reactions to her which lead to her losing respect and I’m so devastated I don’t know if I can make it theohhh
Wasn't meant to be. She was likely already cheating on you. That fear you speak of is a natural warning sign. You can blame, and kick yourself all you want, but I guarantee she's riding a chad while you suffer in solitude. Most women have 2 or 3 backup guys, and a chad they talk to while in a relationship.
Great video. I am studying Psychoanalysis and, as the daughther of a great man, a wife and mother of 2 boys, the topic of male mental health and masculinity are very important to me. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge.
The last one is so important. Since I have embraced that I have a feminine side, I enjoy music, dance, art more than ever! And my masculine side remains intact. I wish i could have done it sooner
Wow, this is so helpful! It gives me clarity on so much, especially on pressure points in my past relationships. I feel better equipped to understand men, and myself in relation to them, and find compassion when issues around this arise. My favorite angle is the Jungian animus/anima one. I've studied it a lot, but this has to be the clearest explanation I've come across. Hopefully there's more and more content like this out there, that can bring us closer, in celebration of our differences, rather then pit us against each other. Thank you for this!
Guys, you are ultimately the only ones in control of your fear. No one else. Society shaped you, and society has been shaped by men for millennia to basically everyone’s detriment, yours included. That is not your fault. But unlearning generations of toxic messaging and healing from your own history of hurts is unfortunately your own responsibility. BUT! That also means that once you can find a place you can feel secure, you get to have power over yourself. You get to choose who has influence over you in the sense of where you do have chosen, positive control. Those psychological subconcious traits and needs being projected? You don’t need a romantic/sexual partner to “fix.” You can find friends and mentors and media that hold a mirror up to you to better see where YOU want to do that work while cultivating a Self that YOU want. The only mirror in this sense specific to a romantic partner…is who you even want as a romantic partner Anyway. Enough with doubling down on gendering traits. Refusing to transition away from this is WHY many men-attracted women don’t even want to deal with men anymore. We’re tired of holding the bag like we’re mothers or boxed in like we’re sex dolls. Enough. We are all emotionally/psychologically equal, and millennia of psychological conditioning is a helluva drug. Find a woman who treats you as a person. And if you want to deserve her, treat her as your equal and listen to where what autonomy and equity for her and for you differs. Be an equal partner. Be an ally.
Right on Connor. I've experienced much of what you describe within the past 1-2 years and you nail so much of what I went through. I'm an older man and was surprised by how needy I became and how much of my mental state hinged on how she treated me or engaged with me. I believe most men lack affection and a true emotional connection with women. It felt like I was clawing for any little bits I could get. I found it a constant struggle as to whether I should lean into my emotions or pull back and disengage in order to seem cool and in control. As time has gone by and things have cooled, it's been a slow realization that I probably will not experience that type of relationship or connection again. It's been a sobering thought. Thank you for making this knowledge accessible to all.
Exactly me. I'm in the alliance by the way. Currently trying to heal but I'm gushing on my recent ex fiancee. Not having compassion from her hurt so much. Never thought it was because I don't have compassion for myself.
Conner, I'm going to quote you. "When you don't get feed love on a silver spoon, you learn to lick it from knives...". I think one of my greatest fears is being attracted to a woman, developing emotional connections to her and, as a consequence of those connections, becoming vulnerable to her, particularly to her withholding love or positive emotion and using those vulnerabilities to punish for perceived wrong doings. Its a fear of finding oneself in a scenario of wanting to give and receive from someone you're connected to but finding that scenario turned on its head to become a regime of punishment for not indulging her every emotional whim. Its almost a form of emotional enslavement and is the inverse of the type of relationship I want with the women I love. Make sense? Would love to hear your thoughts on how to prevent this scenario.
It absolutely makes sense. The fear of being emotionally enslaved is a real one as women are often the ones who leverage emotions for power within a relational context.
@@ManTalks The pretty women are the ones who lead to wars. I try to let this sink in slowly, as to not judge all women who look good like history. Women make the best spies for a reason. They can tug at areas men can't, in men.
not all women are like that. But it increasingly seems that there are not enough good women in the world compared to good men. Or is this only in the western world??
I feel like my main issue is that I don't know how to impose myself and I always feel like I am being controlled/manipulated. My mom is like this, and a lot of my friends experience the same, so it feels like everyone around me is an echo chamber that just tells me that "women are all like that"-
It’s great to humanize men.. you guys really are more sensitive to many things that doesn’t often get the space to be expressed. I can absolutely understand all of these fears and where they stem from ❤
Solid video as always, and i agree with this - But here’s a thought: Advice often reflects what the advicer aspire to be - And the advice can be recieved differently - For example, if you’re an ENTP, it’s like the math is in your favor / This video is easy to process and create: Because i.e. an ENTP or ENFP's first (heroric) cogntive function according jungian psychology is Ne = Extraverted Intuition -> Metaphysics = Yin / The unconscious / The feminine - SO - As a man, this natural alignment with yin energy might make it easier to navigate fears around femininity. That said, I worry about how advice is thrown around these days + Also recieved by people who don't know themself - It can unintentionally make people lose connection to their inner environment, their unique way of processing life. Honestly, I’d recommend becoming familiar with your own type, learning about all the types, and working from a place of cognitive and even sexual compatibility when it comes to selecting a good partner. (One should obviously not select a partner based on XXXX letters from a typegrid), but should use it as a tool to "know thyself" - As you can only meet other as you are willing to meet yourself. Know thyself and others before you guide and take guidance from others is CRUCIAL! :D
Wow there's so much I want to comment on. Women are the very same way. I am 60 years old. When I was 21 I could go up to a total strange woman that I've never talked to. We could go get something to eat go get a drink and go dancing. I didn't have to talk for 20 minutes to make sure that she was emotionally stable enough to trust me and we can actually go do something. I'm 60 years old like I said you cannot go up to a woman and talk to her and get her phone number because 90% of them just think you're hitting on them for one thing and one thing only. And that's not true. While there is a great percentage of what you're saying is true about a lot of men is not true about all men. Thank you for your video it's very good.
Interesting. My immediate response was not even being able to digest and reflect over the title. Then being like "ugh wow okey i'm afraid of almost every woman". I think just to reflect I think we fear the attractive woman because it activates the inner woman in us, but also largely because our bodies respond with an activation of our primal desire to take her, to make love with her, and we often have a lot of layers of conditioning and fear around our own primality. We have this animilistic side to us that often get repressed but as you say, if we repress it comes up either way. Often in unhealthy ways. Porn, basically. Our explosions of our primality. That further makes us believe that our primality, our primal desire is something "bad" or "wrong when really it's the most beautiful part of our maleness, in my opinion. It's that primal energy that activates her, that validates her as beautiful and activates her heart. Without it, we bring no charge to wake the waves of her. For me what I'm learning in this part of my life is to Be with that primal desire, instead of it leading me. When I can lean back and witness my own energy, and to witness the beauty of a woman without being led by the impulse entirely which her body automatically recognises as unsafe and shuts down, or the opposite of castrating myself energetically which I feel these two polarities is what I witness the most in society. That's my take. Thank you Connor for your consciousness and sharing that.
Sorry if this was explained in the video and I just didn’t catch it, but does working out your subconscious fears and needs help a guy to be less afraid of rejection? Great video btw!
I would say the answer to that is yes. Even if it wasn't, it would still be 100% worth your time and effort to work on the subconscious fears and needs.
I don't fear death, but I do fear women. They can condemn you to a fate far worse than death with a mere accusation, and you will be guilty until proven innocent.
I left a question on the dismissive avoidant video you 9 months ago. Basically commenting here hoping you see this and then find that comment. What can I do as a dismissive avoidant to stop being that way is basically my question.
you have to search and find the parts of yourself that are praiseworthy, your kindness, your accomplishments and anything and everything good within you. You must feel good about yourself. Set determination on a path of doing what's right will make you secure, then you can look for a good woman. Acknowledge feelings to yourself. Be honest to yourself. Wish others the same.
There isnt anything you can do to change your natural instinct. Understand the risks, and prepare for them would be my suggestion. In a modern relationship you can fully expect her to cheat, steal, sabotage, manipulate, lie, and so on. Expect it, and prepare for it. Think of it like a hunting dog. Don't get too attached because it can, and will die before you do.
@edsjourney5536 I'm not sad, or young. I'm just realistic. I've watched most of the men I know get wrecked in divorce, and lose their wealth, home, children, and dignity. I really hope you find what you're looking for. Even if it is statistically impossible.
I have to push back on this. Men dont fear woman, boys fear women. men fear the administrative state that comes down like the hammer of Thor. Tears are the quickest way to catch a bullet.
Give respect, where it is deserved. Protect those you love no matter what. Do better each day. Don't grow complacent. Honor above all. Do harm only at last resort.
Things that calling it fear adds to the conversation: nothing. Things that calling it fear subtracts from the conversation: nobody respects the subject.
I know you're just covering some information in a very short period of time and I'm okay with that. My question is if you get into an emotional discussion with a woman or with women while you're out there. And your mind goes blank. Women from a very young age are ahead of men and they deal with this at a very early age. And they learn to develop knowledge and information on being able to answer a situation, therefore maintaining control in that situation and that gives them emotional security. But a man doesn't learn that at an early age and for the most part he never learns that and if he does he's never as good at it as a woman.😊 And technically the reason why is because mentally we don't have the vocabulary nor do we want to learn the vocabulary to be on the same level emotionally and mentally as women.😢 Way would rather avoid emotional confrontation. Because for a man it's never a win-win situation
One major issue is and it sounds silly at first look is the story of Bambi...if this gets reinforced in reality by family loss this is ..............................
The guys at my 85,000 sq ft corporate gym don’t look at women or talk to women, it’s the weirdest crap ever. They sneak peeks but that’s it, and all the women are like “is anyone gonna talk to us”?!?!
Most men fear women now, because most of them had no real relationships with a woman, or non at all until 25, or longer. And most women at this age were with tone of way older guys. It's like a meeting between David and Goliath, and getting rejection at this state, being mocked for not having any experience with women, or for making mistakes, it's soul crushing. It supposed to be other way around, because women have an ick to inexperienced man, even if he would be cool guy.
Wow you think you could misrepresent the issue even more? Ah yes i fear women....totally. At best a fear of rejection, which i would put more towards demoralization not by one rejection but hundreds or thousands not to mention the many many many things that happen wrong beyond rejection but no its a fear of women? Hiw avout i fear investing my whole life into someone to only be taken for everyhing im worth and then discarded simply because its easy and beneficial.
Yes, your last statement is another fear. As I said, men fear women because of a woman's power and capacity to betray them (emotionally, financially, etc)
@ManTalks but that's not a fear of women at least not directly, anyone is capable of betrayal, some more than others. So more a fear of betrayal, specifically from women because idk women are rewarded for betrayal in many cases and have significantly less investment or cost in essentially every way other than reproduction but well we've kinda covered that with law on top of law.
Absolutely Cam. 100% It's ultimately a concomitance of factors. What I find ironic is, suppose you do have some half-assed / dismal experiences with women. You then have some heuristic understanding. So then you start investigating, reading up on, and studying (at least I have ) , then you start to really begin to comprehend the female mystique. (good and bad). You realize how dangerous they are and have become with all of their emancipated privilege, entitlement, purchasing power of parity, toxicity, narcissism and borderline personality disorders, and you soon realize that women are nothing more than batshit crazy brainwashed deluded fragile monsters who happen to have vaginas. Women today are like snakes on LSD with gold credit cards and diamond studded fangs. It's insanity. Until men can assault them freely, or if rape is decriminalized, NO MAN stands a chance with any woman. MGTOW, porn, weed, beer, solipsism, peace of mind, alienation, freedom of and freedom from. Cheers dude. Say, where are you located? peace.
@@Camron-cy9vo It is a fear of the power that women have - that's the point. Men often overlook women's inherent power, which is different from most men's, and becomes a hidden fear. It's not as simple as "betrayal." You're either misinterpreting what im saying, or missing the point all together. Maybe your stance is "I don't fear women at all" or "women don't posses anything men should fear" in which case - make that argument. I would vehemently disagree with it, but make your case. Men have physical power, women have emotional / social power and the power to emotionally (or socially) decimate a man. Women us social tactics and manipulation (like status or credibility diminishment) as a means of "control" or exerting power - this is what men fear, the different power that women wield.
@@ManTalks my point is its not a fear of women, I dont fear women as i would assume most men don't. Ive read something recently about how the power of each gender shifting constantly in which it uses areas of the middle east as examples who not too long ago weren't that much different from the US as far as freedom of movement between the genders and women recieved disproportionate power and control in which it caused a negative reaction from the men in which they enacted sharia law. Also another interesting thing that comes up is age of marriage as an average of which we've met the point of total collapse where if men and women on average are only getting married at 30 and over its not a good thing. Have you heard of rudyard lynch?
The fear of femininity from your existential psychology segment explains why collectively men in America in the last 30-40 years don’t care about style and fashion. Often to our own detriment as how we dress tells the story to the world of who we are.
Is it really fear though? A lot of this is legitimate. eg Paternity. Few women are demonstrably trustworthy, so real evidence appearing real. And women are definitely manipulative. This fear you speak of, like most male mental health issues, are really because we, women included, have all been lied to about the nature of women.
It's not that I have a fear of women, it's just that I honestly believe that common working men like myself should step aside for the modern woman, give them the gift of our absence, and let them shine on their own, and be the best they can be. But that's just me and my uneducated opinion. Thank you.
*Shifting your mindset to view conversations as opportunities for growth, rather than performance, makes interactions feel less intimidating.*
A few of those seems to be different ways of saying that men want to avoid demonstrating an anxious attachment style, because it's unattractive to women.
As an anxiously attached guy I can relate. We are more emotional and fall into neediness, and usually women prefer avoidants (they seem more masculine).
@@cebaristusyep
Exactly.
I clicked the video thinking I didn't fear women, that I was just uninterested, but if I'm honest, I fear "betrayal" as explained here (it's not fear of being cheated on, but the sense of being in a battlefield where I feel absolutely powerless and not even treated as human by the "enemy")... because I suffered it in a way at 16yo that annihilated my heart forever.
I thought my attraction for women was just deactivated after that epoisode, but now I realize that's rooted in deep fear. My way to defend myself has been unconsciously avoiding any contact with women... and let me tell you, it worked. Yeah, I have been alone af, but I really didn't miss one bit being in a relationship until recently when my dad almost passes away... and that made me think about the future and stuff.
I don't think I'll be able to get over it. I mean, my heart is now a fortress in Antarctica. But hey... Every dating coach is telling you to not fall in love with any woman, so maybe I'm already on the right track...
@@nogroup5861 dead ass for real
At 16? 😂 grow up dude. It wasn't that serious
That stuff stays with you. It bakes something into your subconscious and/or nervous system
Since we’re creatures who avoid pain. That episode, without guidance, trained you to respond to women in the way you described
Every time there was an opportunity to address it. You strengthened neural pathways that make avoiding women second nature
If you can become the way you are now. You can become another way through deliberate effort
Not saying it will be easy or simple. But doable
So basically you learned at 16 what most men dont learn until they're divorced paying child support for someone else's kids. That cold heart is the greatest gift you'll ever have. Warming it up will just result in tragedy.
@@TheGrimFootpaying child support for someone else's kids?? Is that truly what's happening? I honestly wonder if men ever consider what type of negativity women sign up for interacting with men in these head spaces. Not to cause more fear, but it's not fun, or the fun goes quickly in most cases.
What you say about women judging your male status is what I really feel. As a man who is only 5,3 ft, I am often afraid to make a move, because I feel undesirable. Especially with taller women, why would they be interested if they can find a tall man on every corner of the street. Thoughts like these hold me back.
You yourself have to get to the point of being ok with your height, and then go from there. Basically, how can a woman be ok with your height if you're not? Sure, it can be more of a challenge dating as a shorter guy, but become the guy that is up to that challenge and doesn't let it define him. Being shorter doesn't make you less of a man or person. I know a guy at my parish about your height that got married last year and now has a newborn. I believe in you!
@@MK--Ultra Yeah, I understand that this is the best short term solution. On the other hand, height discrimination is also a societal problem that affects different aspects of life like dating, finances and career opportunities. Just being confident isn't alone isn't going to change anything about it. I think it is strange that the women who will tell you that we need to get rid of the patriarchy or the ''objectifying'' male gaze are also the ones that will their friends that she couldn't go on a second with a shorter dude.
They make hard to take their issues seriously at that point.
Fellow short guy here about your height, you’re not alone brother! However there are plenty of attractive women I’ve met that didn’t give a damn about height! It’s a journey to embrace every part of yourself, and we face a unique challenge.
@@MK--Ultra The challenge of getting body-shamed in a world that preaches body-positivity. I am all up for it.
I am actually a bit tired of how short men are always being told that it is about them and nothing else. Sure confidence helps but is not the whole problem.
That's a logical defense mechanism you put in place to keep from getting destroyed. The statistics show that once a man is below 5'8" only about 10% of women would be willing to date him. I'm a short dude, and I'm not going to sugarcoat it, or give you false hope. It's possible but highly unlikely. Like winning the lottery. As a shorter man I've come to terms with living, and dying alone.
We are afraid of all people more than we admit.
I'm not afraid of women, I'm just afraid to get in a relationship with them!
Man, that is a scary thought these days. I have been in relationships that did well and I would never speak of because they were good. Nowadays though, hahaha. Just listening to people, so sad to see what happened to society.
I agree with you. But I think it as I've examined myself deeper I'm not afraid to get into a relationship with a woman. I'm just challenged by there are no wind situations that they like to create.😂
@@Floyd-l3c A book, a fire, some coffee or hot chocolate, leave me alone.
@@shawnmendrek3544 you sound like an INFJ man
Same here. I went through a divorce where I came out rather unscathed. I’ve heard horror stories of men being left with nothing and it scares me. It really triggered my fearful attachment as well where I sabotage relationships as soon as I get into them
As a shy guy I really appreciated this video in particular because like you said it's not that some men physically fear women, but rather it's because women aren't men, this makes men suspicious of what women are actually capable of. Louie CK had a bit talking about the difference between Men and Women, he said a man will cut your arm off and throw it in a river, but he'll leave you as a human being intact, he won't fuck with who you are. Whereas women are non-violent but they will shit inside of your heart.
😂😩loll. Society has failed us all.
Dude, men do this to women too all the fucking time. Humans do it to each other. We are all hurt souls inside meat suits Turing to figure shit out.
is that your analogy of choice, for differences about men and women in todays society?
men are not afraid of women, men aren't afraid at all, most men nowadays don't even have choices.
they don't match with women online, and when they meet someone, they already have someone most likely.
and the ones who are single are caught saying so much bs, exercising their optionality, or cheating.
90% of women who are single are not worth it. and men wont sacrifice their wealth, time, and patience for a
wet sleeve they can get for a buck every month or so........ 2025 the cards have changed, it's up to women
to get a man, not the other way around. As a young man, I'm not moving a needle to jeopardize my life.
Do men really think that they haven't fucked with women in nonviolent and psychologically manipulative ways in addition to unspeakable violence that teaches them to live in constant fear (which louie ck also had a joke about)? And that countless generations of restricting their rights and limiting their education hasn't affected them?
Women aren't angels but geez that's a wild take
I met a man who left my body intact but fucked with my emotions and mind so viciously and subtly. So I would say, men or women, anybody can be a talented manipulator😅
Is the inability to trust the same as fear? The vulnerability required to trust someone who isn’t incentivized by society to be trustworthy is immense. It feels like a losing equation. If it is fear, it’s coming from a rational place.
Yes, the prevailing culture is the missing piece in this video. Connor has covered it elsewhere, but it is an important factor. Including it would, I think, remind men that although the culture stinks, not all women are like that. Important not to confuse the individual with the collective!
@@johnbunzl yes, very true, you have to go individually, not everyone follows the culture
I would say no ! Trust is a wise caution to take. Fear is not. Fear distorts your better judgment.
Inability to trust simply means you haven't found trustworthy people to trust. Keep looking. Trust your gut !
The inability to trust usually stems from fear. It's a logical safe decision. Even Brad Pitt couldn't keep a woman happy, what in the hell makes you think you can.
I just lost the my dream girl after an intense 6 months because my insecurities about not being enough lead to fear based reactions to her which lead to her losing respect and I’m so devastated I don’t know if I can make it theohhh
what is a fear-based reaction ?
Wasn't meant to be. She was likely already cheating on you. That fear you speak of is a natural warning sign. You can blame, and kick yourself all you want, but I guarantee she's riding a chad while you suffer in solitude. Most women have 2 or 3 backup guys, and a chad they talk to while in a relationship.
Great video. I am studying Psychoanalysis and, as the daughther of a great man, a wife and mother of 2 boys, the topic of male mental health and masculinity are very important to me. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge.
In the name of men: Thank you!
I wish there were more women like you
Stay away, you're the problem.
Project 2025 should also be on your radar...
@3rdEyeFrog why is that?
I feel (at least for myself) that growing up with an unstable (borderline, etc) mother can really affect and create fear with women
Read the Body Keeps the Score
The last one is so important. Since I have embraced that I have a feminine side, I enjoy music, dance, art more than ever! And my masculine side remains intact. I wish i could have done it sooner
So you're gay on weekends?
Wow, this is so helpful! It gives me clarity on so much, especially on pressure points in my past relationships. I feel better equipped to understand men, and myself in relation to them, and find compassion when issues around this arise.
My favorite angle is the Jungian animus/anima one. I've studied it a lot, but this has to be the clearest explanation I've come across.
Hopefully there's more and more content like this out there, that can bring us closer, in celebration of our differences, rather then pit us against each other.
Thank you for this!
This was incredibly helpful especialy breaking down jungs outlook on male-female nature
Guys, you are ultimately the only ones in control of your fear. No one else. Society shaped you, and society has been shaped by men for millennia to basically everyone’s detriment, yours included. That is not your fault. But unlearning generations of toxic messaging and healing from your own history of hurts is unfortunately your own responsibility. BUT! That also means that once you can find a place you can feel secure, you get to have power over yourself. You get to choose who has influence over you in the sense of where you do have chosen, positive control. Those psychological subconcious traits and needs being projected? You don’t need a romantic/sexual partner to “fix.” You can find friends and mentors and media that hold a mirror up to you to better see where YOU want to do that work while cultivating a Self that YOU want. The only mirror in this sense specific to a romantic partner…is who you even want as a romantic partner
Anyway. Enough with doubling down on gendering traits. Refusing to transition away from this is WHY many men-attracted women don’t even want to deal with men anymore. We’re tired of holding the bag like we’re mothers or boxed in like we’re sex dolls. Enough. We are all emotionally/psychologically equal, and millennia of psychological conditioning is a helluva drug.
Find a woman who treats you as a person. And if you want to deserve her, treat her as your equal and listen to where what autonomy and equity for her and for you differs. Be an equal partner. Be an ally.
Eye opening, just because you aren't aware of the anima doesn't mean it's not there.
Right on Connor. I've experienced much of what you describe within the past 1-2 years and you nail so much of what I went through. I'm an older man and was surprised by how needy I became and how much of my mental state hinged on how she treated me or engaged with me. I believe most men lack affection and a true emotional connection with women. It felt like I was clawing for any little bits I could get. I found it a constant struggle as to whether I should lean into my emotions or pull back and disengage in order to seem cool and in control. As time has gone by and things have cooled, it's been a slow realization that I probably will not experience that type of relationship or connection again. It's been a sobering thought. Thank you for making this knowledge accessible to all.
Exactly me. I'm in the alliance by the way. Currently trying to heal but I'm gushing on my recent ex fiancee. Not having compassion from her hurt so much. Never thought it was because I don't have compassion for myself.
Conner, I'm going to quote you. "When you don't get feed love on a silver spoon, you learn to lick it from knives...". I think one of my greatest fears is being attracted to a woman, developing emotional connections to her and, as a consequence of those connections, becoming vulnerable to her, particularly to her withholding love or positive emotion and using those vulnerabilities to punish for perceived wrong doings. Its a fear of finding oneself in a scenario of wanting to give and receive from someone you're connected to but finding that scenario turned on its head to become a regime of punishment for not indulging her every emotional whim. Its almost a form of emotional enslavement and is the inverse of the type of relationship I want with the women I love.
Make sense? Would love to hear your thoughts on how to prevent this scenario.
Agreed.
It absolutely makes sense. The fear of being emotionally enslaved is a real one as women are often the ones who leverage emotions for power within a relational context.
@@ManTalks Yes.
@@ManTalks The pretty women are the ones who lead to wars. I try to let this sink in slowly, as to not judge all women who look good like history. Women make the best spies for a reason. They can tug at areas men can't, in men.
not all women are like that. But it increasingly seems that there are not enough good women in the world compared to good men. Or is this only in the western world??
I feel like my main issue is that I don't know how to impose myself and I always feel like I am being controlled/manipulated. My mom is like this, and a lot of my friends experience the same,
so it feels like everyone around me is an echo chamber that just tells me that "women are all like that"-
False accusations, and divorce are what i fear in the States, not spitting game.
The statistics are what I base my decisions on. If you're not a top 10% man it's pointless. Tall, handsome, wealthy.
It’s great to humanize men.. you guys really are more sensitive to many things that doesn’t often get the space to be expressed.
I can absolutely understand all of these fears and where they stem from ❤
Solid video as always, and i agree with this - But here’s a thought: Advice often reflects what the advicer aspire to be - And the advice can be recieved differently - For example, if you’re an ENTP, it’s like the math is in your favor / This video is easy to process and create: Because i.e. an ENTP or ENFP's first (heroric) cogntive function according jungian psychology is Ne = Extraverted Intuition -> Metaphysics = Yin / The unconscious / The feminine - SO - As a man, this natural alignment with yin energy might make it easier to navigate fears around femininity.
That said, I worry about how advice is thrown around these days + Also recieved by people who don't know themself - It can unintentionally make people lose connection to their inner environment, their unique way of processing life. Honestly, I’d recommend becoming familiar with your own type, learning about all the types, and working from a place of cognitive and even sexual compatibility when it comes to selecting a good partner. (One should obviously not select a partner based on XXXX letters from a typegrid), but should use it as a tool to "know thyself" - As you can only meet other as you are willing to meet yourself.
Know thyself and others before you guide and take guidance from others is CRUCIAL! :D
Great perspective! Thank you for your response.
Wow there's so much I want to comment on. Women are the very same way. I am 60 years old. When I was 21 I could go up to a total strange woman that I've never talked to. We could go get something to eat go get a drink and go dancing. I didn't have to talk for 20 minutes to make sure that she was emotionally stable enough to trust me and we can actually go do something. I'm 60 years old like I said you cannot go up to a woman and talk to her and get her phone number because 90% of them just think you're hitting on them for one thing and one thing only. And that's not true. While there is a great percentage of what you're saying is true about a lot of men is not true about all men. Thank you for your video it's very good.
How do you think Project 2025 will impact your life? Or women's?
@3rdEyeFrog I don't know what project 2025 is
Interesting. My immediate response was not even being able to digest and reflect over the title. Then being like "ugh wow okey i'm afraid of almost every woman". I think just to reflect I think we fear the attractive woman because it activates the inner woman in us, but also largely because our bodies respond with an activation of our primal desire to take her, to make love with her, and we often have a lot of layers of conditioning and fear around our own primality. We have this animilistic side to us that often get repressed but as you say, if we repress it comes up either way. Often in unhealthy ways. Porn, basically. Our explosions of our primality. That further makes us believe that our primality, our primal desire is something "bad" or "wrong when really it's the most beautiful part of our maleness, in my opinion. It's that primal energy that activates her, that validates her as beautiful and activates her heart. Without it, we bring no charge to wake the waves of her. For me what I'm learning in this part of my life is to Be with that primal desire, instead of it leading me. When I can lean back and witness my own energy, and to witness the beauty of a woman without being led by the impulse entirely which her body automatically recognises as unsafe and shuts down, or the opposite of castrating myself energetically which I feel these two polarities is what I witness the most in society. That's my take. Thank you Connor for your consciousness and sharing that.
Sorry if this was explained in the video and I just didn’t catch it, but does working out your subconscious fears and needs help a guy to be less afraid of rejection? Great video btw!
I would say the answer to that is yes. Even if it wasn't, it would still be 100% worth your time and effort to work on the subconscious fears and needs.
It won't make you less afraid just more aware. The goal isn't to be less afraid. It is to not be paralyzed by fear
I don't fear death, but I do fear women. They can condemn you to a fate far worse than death with a mere accusation, and you will be guilty until proven innocent.
this was super interesting
who can i talk about this with?
and how much is it
Once in a while I hint around to my friend how "his" 11 year old son doesn't look like him. Oddly, he just acts like he doesn't catch on.
Saw this in my feed has too check it out. I’m not afraid of women I’m a good man until a woman points out my flaws short comings lol
...oh... Damn this makes a lot of sense.
I left a question on the dismissive avoidant video you 9 months ago. Basically commenting here hoping you see this and then find that comment. What can I do as a dismissive avoidant to stop being that way is basically my question.
you have to search and find the parts of yourself that are praiseworthy, your kindness, your accomplishments and anything and everything good within you. You must feel good about yourself. Set determination on a path of doing what's right will make you secure, then you can look for a good woman. Acknowledge feelings to yourself. Be honest to yourself. Wish others the same.
There isnt anything you can do to change your natural instinct. Understand the risks, and prepare for them would be my suggestion. In a modern relationship you can fully expect her to cheat, steal, sabotage, manipulate, lie, and so on. Expect it, and prepare for it. Think of it like a hunting dog. Don't get too attached because it can, and will die before you do.
@TheGrimFoot you are the saddest little boy I’ve ever heard speak. I refuse your poor advice.
@@TheGrimFoot that does sound grim
@edsjourney5536 I'm not sad, or young. I'm just realistic. I've watched most of the men I know get wrecked in divorce, and lose their wealth, home, children, and dignity. I really hope you find what you're looking for. Even if it is statistically impossible.
Every time I hear "believe all women", I think "Emmett Till".
Super interesting topic, more please vids with jungian perspective 😊
I have to push back on this. Men dont fear woman, boys fear women. men fear the administrative state that comes down like the hammer of Thor. Tears are the quickest way to catch a bullet.
How do you define a man, out of interest?
Give respect, where it is deserved. Protect those you love no matter what. Do better each day. Don't grow complacent. Honor above all. Do harm only at last resort.
@@V_Xsinx_D_V_Noir what about the internal aspects?
In what way? Those are all heart. IDC how others see me.
Are you asking about the mental aspect?
“All that sort of normal nonsense” 😂😂😂
Things that calling it fear adds to the conversation: nothing.
Things that calling it fear subtracts from the conversation: nobody respects the subject.
Nice 👍 thanks
I know you're just covering some information in a very short period of time and I'm okay with that.
My question is if you get into an emotional discussion with a woman or with women while you're out there. And your mind goes blank. Women from a very young age are ahead of men and they deal with this at a very early age. And they learn to develop knowledge and information on being able to answer a situation, therefore maintaining control in that situation and that gives them emotional security. But a man doesn't learn that at an early age and for the most part he never learns that and if he does he's never as good at it as a woman.😊 And technically the reason why is because mentally we don't have the vocabulary nor do we want to learn the vocabulary to be on the same level emotionally and mentally as women.😢 Way would rather avoid emotional confrontation. Because for a man it's never a win-win situation
Afraid of nagging after a bad divorce
One major issue is and it sounds silly at first look is the story of Bambi...if this gets reinforced in reality by family loss this is ..............................
See her and talk to her as if we are equals.
The guys at my 85,000 sq ft corporate gym don’t look at women or talk to women, it’s the weirdest crap ever. They sneak peeks but that’s it, and all the women are like “is anyone gonna talk to us”?!?!
Most men fear women now, because most of them had no real relationships with a woman, or non at all until 25, or longer. And most women at this age were with tone of way older guys. It's like a meeting between David and Goliath, and getting rejection at this state, being mocked for not having any experience with women, or for making mistakes, it's soul crushing. It supposed to be other way around, because women have an ick to inexperienced man, even if he would be cool guy.
No, why should they? Men don't owe you anything
Why would they talk to you? And in a gym of all places? Lol
Afraid? no! With age comes wisdom, the wisdom to recognize a potential liability.
❤❤❤❤
get a blowup doll problem solved
😂
Wow you think you could misrepresent the issue even more?
Ah yes i fear women....totally.
At best a fear of rejection, which i would put more towards demoralization not by one rejection but hundreds or thousands not to mention the many many many things that happen wrong beyond rejection but no its a fear of women?
Hiw avout i fear investing my whole life into someone to only be taken for everyhing im worth and then discarded simply because its easy and beneficial.
Yes, your last statement is another fear. As I said, men fear women because of a woman's power and capacity to betray them (emotionally, financially, etc)
@ManTalks but that's not a fear of women at least not directly, anyone is capable of betrayal, some more than others.
So more a fear of betrayal, specifically from women because idk women are rewarded for betrayal in many cases and have significantly less investment or cost in essentially every way other than reproduction but well we've kinda covered that with law on top of law.
Absolutely Cam. 100% It's ultimately a concomitance of factors. What I find ironic is, suppose you do have some half-assed / dismal experiences with women. You then have some heuristic understanding. So then you start investigating, reading up on, and studying (at least I have ) , then you start to really begin to comprehend the female mystique. (good and bad).
You realize how dangerous they are and have become with all of their emancipated privilege, entitlement, purchasing power of parity, toxicity, narcissism and borderline personality disorders, and you soon realize that women are nothing more than batshit crazy brainwashed deluded fragile monsters who happen to have vaginas.
Women today are like snakes on LSD with gold credit cards and diamond studded fangs. It's insanity. Until men can assault them freely, or if rape is decriminalized, NO MAN stands a chance with any woman. MGTOW, porn, weed, beer, solipsism, peace of mind, alienation, freedom of and freedom from. Cheers dude. Say, where are you located? peace.
@@Camron-cy9vo It is a fear of the power that women have - that's the point. Men often overlook women's inherent power, which is different from most men's, and becomes a hidden fear. It's not as simple as "betrayal." You're either misinterpreting what im saying, or missing the point all together. Maybe your stance is "I don't fear women at all" or "women don't posses anything men should fear" in which case - make that argument. I would vehemently disagree with it, but make your case.
Men have physical power, women have emotional / social power and the power to emotionally (or socially) decimate a man.
Women us social tactics and manipulation (like status or credibility diminishment) as a means of "control" or exerting power - this is what men fear, the different power that women wield.
@@ManTalks my point is its not a fear of women, I dont fear women as i would assume most men don't.
Ive read something recently about how the power of each gender shifting constantly in which it uses areas of the middle east as examples who not too long ago weren't that much different from the US as far as freedom of movement between the genders and women recieved disproportionate power and control in which it caused a negative reaction from the men in which they enacted sharia law.
Also another interesting thing that comes up is age of marriage as an average of which we've met the point of total collapse where if men and women on average are only getting married at 30 and over its not a good thing.
Have you heard of rudyard lynch?
How will Project 2025 impact these issues? Hmm...
4B!
The fear of femininity from your existential psychology segment explains why collectively men in America in the last 30-40 years don’t care about style and fashion. Often to our own detriment as how we dress tells the story to the world of who we are.
I think writing an autobiography would do a better job of telling the world who you are than a pair of yeezees, and a flatbill
Is it really fear though? A lot of this is legitimate. eg Paternity. Few women are demonstrably trustworthy, so real evidence appearing real. And women are definitely manipulative. This fear you speak of, like most male mental health issues, are really because we, women included, have all been lied to about the nature of women.
Fear of 18 years of child support
It's not that I have a fear of women, it's just that I honestly believe that common working men like myself should step aside for the modern woman, give them the gift of our absence, and let them shine on their own, and be the best they can be.
But that's just me and my uneducated opinion. Thank you.