That phrase 'everyone is changing, but I'm stagnant' hit home for me. That is how it feels. You just keep waiting until you finally magically change too. You don't really expect it to happen, because it just seems so alien and not you, but everyone says it will, so you believe them, and you don't understand why you're not changing but everyone else is. Yeah. Thanks :)
Exactly! In my case, I then forgot that I was 'different' because everyone accepted my weirdness. It wasn't until some chance introspection a few years later that I realised that most people actually like sex, haha.
I love how you were so self-aware you realised you were an ace before you even knew it was a thing. Personally at 10 I was thinking (and maybe I was right) that everyone showing an interest in sex was faking it to seem grown up. At 15 I still thought everyone was faking it to seem grown up. At 22 I suddenly realised we were grown ups. Whoops. And before knowing "the words" I was completely useless at identifying what I felt. It was just this vague, nebulous feeling of being different that I needed to hide by all means.
You're right, it's so important to increase visibility not just for allosexuals, but for aces to know they're valid and not alone, so thank you for taking the leap and putting yourself out there with these videos! - Celyn ;)
I’m so glad I found another male who is homoromantic ace Sometimes I feel so broken and defective because gay culture is SO sexualized and I just have such an urge to fit in but I don’t. I remember when I got a smartphone in college I downloaded Grindr and 90% of everyone just wanted to hookup and I wanted to date and cuddle and make a connection. I was like “do people seriously go meet up with random people for a one night stand?? Why?” I never understood why the concept of being in another person was... appealing, but everyone else loves it. It’s borderline morbid to me lol but to each their own Gonna have to binge your content now wooo
It's interesting to hear that you realized your aceness before your homoromanticism. For me it was definitely the reverse. I think that may have been due to my particular situation. In middle and high school, and even through college (ages 13-21) I actually managed to hang out with the same group of guys. As it turns out 2/3 of them were also gay, but we didn't come out to each other until sometime after college. I think for this reason (and for the fact that we were very nerdy and generally unpopular anyway) there wasn't a lot of discussion of sexuality in general. Also my best friend outside of this group of guys would go on to identify as aro-ace. So I was never made to face the reality that I was never sexually attracted to anyone, because it was never really brought up. I knew that I was attracted to guys and that this wasn't normal, and while I knew that sex was a thing, I didn't know or realize that it was something I was supposed to want. I thought that the way that straight people were into sex didn't necessarily apply to me, or perhaps, more accurately, I wasn't being pressured to have gay sex (the only type of sex that I felt would apply to me) and I didn't really know anything about it other than what I had seen in porn (which initially actually really disgusted me and is something I had to get used to). Long story short, I didn't realize my aceness until there came a point in my first relationship when the novelty of sexytimes wore off and my partner started to question whether or not I was attracted to them because I wasn't as interested in sex as I was before. I tried to explain to them that I was still very attracted to them, but just didn't want to act on those feelings in a sexual way. He then told me that he thought of me in a sexual way several times a day... whereas I had never thought of him in a sexual way (ever), and that kind of signaled the beginning of the end. I've been a bit long winded here, my apologies. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for sharing too! Yeah, I really think I didn't notice my homoromanticism as sort of a defence mechanism, I suppose. In hindsight, it was blatantly obvious to anyone with half a brain, but I had such a negative perception of being gay that I didn't consider it. I think your experience is really common though, where aces don't realise they're different until they're in a relationship. Hence why I feel visibility is so important :)
Your description of what it means to be ace is spot on! I'm in my late 20s and just starting to accept I am ace. I remember when I was a teen and boys around me would say "look at her, isn't she hot?!"--and I just didn't get it. Like I can appreciate that someone is aesthetically pleasing, but I don't need to ogle at them. All throughout college I never wanted to date anyone. And in the rare instances that I liked someone, I didn't want to be intimate with them. I was told that I'm just a late bloomer and I just have to find the right person. But my body had already gone through puberty. It was like I had the intelligence and maturity of an adult, but the sexual attraction part was missing. I jokingly said maybe I'm just asexual. But now that I've learned that asexuality is a legit orientation, I feel so relieved that what I'm feeling is valid and I'm not alone. I just wish I had this vocabulary earlier in life--it would have things so much easier.
I knew from an early age (9-10 yrs) that I am gay. Learning about being ace came much later. And learning about the ace-spectrum a few years after that. For now my label is Gay/Ace-Lith/Aro. Thank you for being our visible representation on the internet. If you are intrested; another UK based Ace RUclipsr is Cookee Monsterr
What you say in this video fits me 100%.. Took me quite some time to realise what I was... and yeah.. the whole "You have to be gay because you are not into girls!" thing was very annoing. I am a aromantic asexual biaestethic dude.
I m so convused xD I found out that am Ace, like a year ago. But in realaty i m Aro/ace what i found out like 2 Weeks ago. I realised it because of the Famous video of Jaiden Animations and that video hitted home realy hard XD For me relationships were only for ppl that want to have sex, because i didn t got it, that there is more in a relationship XD Now to the confusing part: i find muscolin male bodys realy visual pleasing and want to touch them but i don t want to have an relationship with the person how has the body. maybe a frindship (squish like) but not more but i also have this feelings sometimes for women. Just as side node, for me it is easyer to finde males visualy pleasing then women because i dont realy like the Barby Girls xD i find qurky women so much more pleasing and intresting ^^ sometimes i also have dreams of half naked male bodies that i touch but really rarely, like 2 or 3 times in a year. Is this normal for Aro Ace i don t get it. In my head when i think about relationships (romantic) i just feel not good about it. Like: oh no i have to spend so much time with them, share my bed and stuff, just to cuddle sometimes? I can t even kiss some one that is not my mother or my siblings, with out feeling wierd. Maybe you have an idea what is going on in my brain XD Sorry for my bad english i m not a nativ speaker.
Hi, Dominic. I don't have time to respond properly right now, but take a look at this video: ruclips.net/video/Fq-9XvtiGRo/видео.html It sounds like you may be feeling aesthetic attraction and maybe sensual attraction, but don't want to date or have sex?
@@SliceOfAce thank you for your short answer ^^ I watched the video and it seems like you are right. I keep track of my feelings and the next time i have this feelings and try to applay the attraction Model. Thank you :)
![BLACK BAG - Official Trailer [HD] - Only in Theaters March 14](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Du0Xp8WX_7I/mqdefault.jpg)
That phrase 'everyone is changing, but I'm stagnant' hit home for me. That is how it feels. You just keep waiting until you finally magically change too. You don't really expect it to happen, because it just seems so alien and not you, but everyone says it will, so you believe them, and you don't understand why you're not changing but everyone else is. Yeah. Thanks :)
Exactly! In my case, I then forgot that I was 'different' because everyone accepted my weirdness. It wasn't until some chance introspection a few years later that I realised that most people actually like sex, haha.
I love how you were so self-aware you realised you were an ace before you even knew it was a thing.
Personally at 10 I was thinking (and maybe I was right) that everyone showing an interest in sex was faking it to seem grown up.
At 15 I still thought everyone was faking it to seem grown up.
At 22 I suddenly realised we were grown ups. Whoops.
And before knowing "the words" I was completely useless at identifying what I felt. It was just this vague, nebulous feeling of being different that I needed to hide by all means.
You're right, it's so important to increase visibility not just for allosexuals, but for aces to know they're valid and not alone, so thank you for taking the leap and putting yourself out there with these videos! - Celyn ;)
Lovely video. At 50 I am coming to terms with the fact that instead of being Gay or Bi I am Asexual. I wish I had known about it a long time ago.
I’m so glad I found another male who is homoromantic ace
Sometimes I feel so broken and defective because gay culture is SO sexualized and I just have such an urge to fit in but I don’t. I remember when I got a smartphone in college I downloaded Grindr and 90% of everyone just wanted to hookup and I wanted to date and cuddle and make a connection. I was like “do people seriously go meet up with random people for a one night stand?? Why?”
I never understood why the concept of being in another person was... appealing, but everyone else loves it. It’s borderline morbid to me lol but to each their own
Gonna have to binge your content now wooo
Enjoy binging!
It's interesting to hear that you realized your aceness before your homoromanticism. For me it was definitely the reverse. I think that may have been due to my particular situation. In middle and high school, and even through college (ages 13-21) I actually managed to hang out with the same group of guys. As it turns out 2/3 of them were also gay, but we didn't come out to each other until sometime after college. I think for this reason (and for the fact that we were very nerdy and generally unpopular anyway) there wasn't a lot of discussion of sexuality in general. Also my best friend outside of this group of guys would go on to identify as aro-ace. So I was never made to face the reality that I was never sexually attracted to anyone, because it was never really brought up. I knew that I was attracted to guys and that this wasn't normal, and while I knew that sex was a thing, I didn't know or realize that it was something I was supposed to want. I thought that the way that straight people were into sex didn't necessarily apply to me, or perhaps, more accurately, I wasn't being pressured to have gay sex (the only type of sex that I felt would apply to me) and I didn't really know anything about it other than what I had seen in porn (which initially actually really disgusted me and is something I had to get used to). Long story short, I didn't realize my aceness until there came a point in my first relationship when the novelty of sexytimes wore off and my partner started to question whether or not I was attracted to them because I wasn't as interested in sex as I was before. I tried to explain to them that I was still very attracted to them, but just didn't want to act on those feelings in a sexual way. He then told me that he thought of me in a sexual way several times a day... whereas I had never thought of him in a sexual way (ever), and that kind of signaled the beginning of the end. I've been a bit long winded here, my apologies. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for sharing too! Yeah, I really think I didn't notice my homoromanticism as sort of a defence mechanism, I suppose. In hindsight, it was blatantly obvious to anyone with half a brain, but I had such a negative perception of being gay that I didn't consider it. I think your experience is really common though, where aces don't realise they're different until they're in a relationship. Hence why I feel visibility is so important :)
Your description of what it means to be ace is spot on! I'm in my late 20s and just starting to accept I am ace. I remember when I was a teen and boys around me would say "look at her, isn't she hot?!"--and I just didn't get it. Like I can appreciate that someone is aesthetically pleasing, but I don't need to ogle at them. All throughout college I never wanted to date anyone. And in the rare instances that I liked someone, I didn't want to be intimate with them. I was told that I'm just a late bloomer and I just have to find the right person. But my body had already gone through puberty. It was like I had the intelligence and maturity of an adult, but the sexual attraction part was missing. I jokingly said maybe I'm just asexual. But now that I've learned that asexuality is a legit orientation, I feel so relieved that what I'm feeling is valid and I'm not alone. I just wish I had this vocabulary earlier in life--it would have things so much easier.
I knew from an early age (9-10 yrs) that I am gay. Learning about being ace came much later. And learning about the ace-spectrum a few years after that. For now my label is Gay/Ace-Lith/Aro. Thank you for being our visible representation on the internet. If you are intrested; another UK based Ace RUclipsr is Cookee Monsterr
Thanks for sharing your story! No problem! I just hope I can represent the ace community well. Yeah, I've watched a few of his videos! :)
I have the opposite experience. I knew I was gay & accepted it years before I even knew I was allowed to be ace & it was a thing.
The video I’ve been waiting for! It was so nice to hear your story. ❤️
What you say in this video fits me 100%.. Took me quite some time to realise what I was... and yeah.. the whole "You have to be gay because you are not into girls!" thing was very annoing.
I am a aromantic asexual biaestethic dude.
Just found this channel, and I feel seen. Thank you. Any guy would be lucky to have you as a romantic partner :)
I realized I was bi at 11 and demi at 12. But im 100% still.
I m so convused xD
I found out that am Ace, like a year ago. But in realaty i m Aro/ace what i found out like 2 Weeks ago.
I realised it because of the Famous video of Jaiden Animations and that video hitted home realy hard XD
For me relationships were only for ppl that want to have sex, because i didn t got it, that there is more in a relationship XD
Now to the confusing part: i find muscolin male bodys realy visual pleasing and want to touch them but i don t want to have an relationship with the person how has the body. maybe a frindship (squish like) but not more but i also have this feelings sometimes for women. Just as side node, for me it is easyer to finde males visualy pleasing then women because i dont realy like the Barby Girls xD i find qurky women so much more pleasing and intresting ^^
sometimes i also have dreams of half naked male bodies that i touch but really rarely, like 2 or 3 times in a year.
Is this normal for Aro Ace i don t get it.
In my head when i think about relationships (romantic) i just feel not good about it. Like: oh no i have to spend so much time with them, share my bed and stuff, just to cuddle sometimes? I can t even kiss some one that is not my mother or my siblings, with out feeling wierd.
Maybe you have an idea what is going on in my brain XD
Sorry for my bad english i m not a nativ speaker.
Hi, Dominic. I don't have time to respond properly right now, but take a look at this video: ruclips.net/video/Fq-9XvtiGRo/видео.html
It sounds like you may be feeling aesthetic attraction and maybe sensual attraction, but don't want to date or have sex?
@@SliceOfAce thank you for your short answer ^^
I watched the video and it seems like you are right.
I keep track of my feelings and the next time i have this feelings and try to applay the attraction Model.
Thank you :)