How Childhood Emotional Neglect May be Adversely Affecting Your Relationships
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- Опубликовано: 5 окт 2024
- Do you know what emotional abuse looks like? Listen to this BONUS INTERVIEW with Dr. Jonice Webb, author of the first ever book on Childhood Emotional Abuse (CEN) on your sense of self, safety, and well-being, and offer ways to heal, and to reclaim your life!
Were you ever shamed for having emotions in your early life? That's a prime example of a type of Childhood Emotional Neglect. You may never have thought about it in those terms, and this episode will bring much more than this to light for you.
UNDERSTANDING THE IMPACT OF EMOTIONAL ABUSE AND NEGLECT ON YOUR LIFE IS IMPORTANT.
If it happened to you, it can affect all areas of your life and relationships.
HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:
Wondering why you may downplay your own needs and not ask for much?
If you've experienced Childhood Emotional Neglect, how do you become more confident?
Why you may still be tamping down your anger?
What is the connection between Childhood Emotional Neglect, and troubles in relationships?
How can a person who has experienced CEN begin to get in greater touch with their emotions?
What are the likely impact of CEN in an adult's life?
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THE GOOD NEWS: You can heal and we'll talk about this later in the episode with my guest.
In today's episode, I've given a very clear example of a situation that might not sound abusive on first hearing, but, once you've listened to this, you'll see things differently!
GUEST: Dr. Jonice Webb,
Jonice Webb, PhD, is a licensed psychologist, speaker, blogger, and best-selling author. Dr. Webb wrote the first book ever written about Childhood Emotional Neglect, and is recognized worldwide as the pioneer of Childhood Emotional Neglect, CEN .
* Remember, narcissists and other toxic people come in all genders and ages * *
and toxic relationships can be at home, at work, at play... with your parent, boss, spouse, sibling, friend, co-worker.
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I am Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, The Relationship Help Doctor.
Are you in relationship with a Hijackal? That's someone who consistently puts you down, love-bombs and gaslights you, creates confusion and chaos, and causes you to second-guess yourself? I can help you recognize, understand, and make decisions about those kinds of narcissistic behavior…and especially, how to keep yourself (and your children) safe and sane.
No worries about where in the world you live. I work through private, secure video conferencing. So, we can certainly work together to figure a few things out.
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This happened to my husband and his parents are also (dad) agressive/distant/authoritarian... (mom) passive agressive and shaming. Needless to say our marriage has been horrible. We're both working very hard on getting rid of our narcissistic fleas. My own mother is a hijackel. We really had a lot of baggage and didn't even know it when we got married but found out quick enough. We've been married for 28 years... happily... for about 1.5 months... if that long. It's better than it was but we still have a lot of work to do.
I'm glad to hear it's getting better. Are you getting help? If you'd like to talk with me, you can use the new client opportunity here: BeAClient.com
So someone I know experienced Emotional Neglect as a child. His mom was told by his dad that she is not to provide hugs or kisses because the children would be "too needy". Then when his dad walked out when he was 7 years old his mom continued to respect his fathers wishes to not be too emotionally involved. At this time his mom also started working multiple jobs and was hardly ever home. When his mom was home she was busy working on their house, helping out other family members or friends, or going to church. His moms way of loving him was to take him to do things he was interested in like taking him to learn to fly an airplane. His mom would also take him and his sisters to movies but would then fall asleep at movies because she was so exhausted all the time. Then when he needed disciplined he was usually sent to his uncles house who's only purpose was to discipline him. He would spend time occasionally at his aunt and uncles house but they were never very emotionally attentive to him either. Otherwise he grew up basically raising himself and being around a lot of kids instead of adults. He struggles now socially, has anxiety, cant take compliments because they seem "weird", struggles to understand how to interact with his own children, doesnt understand why anyone needs affection like hugs or kisses but is working on being connected in that way, Doesnt understand why his son follows him around for attention, gets frustrated easily when children make constant similar playing noises such as explosion noises or car playing noises, doesnt understand why people cry over the idea of losing a pet, doesnt know how to meet his wifes emotional needs, can share feelings inappropriately where it hurts his wifes feelings or feelings of his children, cant resolve conflict without first getting overwhelmed and feeling attacked, claims to not understand why people sing or dance especially his son wanting to sing or dance all the time, claims to relate better with his autistic daughter, Gets overwhelmed easily when stressed and cant manage stress without taking it out on someone else which is generally his wife or son, can at times be critical in a way that hurts his wife, thinks the wife is too emotional, and doesnt understand how his behavior is harmful. The guest stated that emotionally neglected people tend to over please but in this case it seems the other way around. The gentlemen in this case is so confused about emotional needs and it's been destructive. What is your professional opinion about this? The wife has discovered that her husband may have Alexithymia that comes from emotional neglect but isnt sure how to address this. The wife also has PTSD and its affecting how she reacts to her husbands inability to understand emotions and connect. She needs help and has recently been referred to therapist but is waiting to get seen. The wife has also wondered if the husband has any other diagnosis she cannot pin point like Asperger's. The husband claims he has felt depressed his whole life and when he feels happy it feels weird and sometimes uncomfortable.
The Wife is me. I worded my question in third person for my own benefit. Please give me your professional opinion. I need help and I'm overwhelmed.
That's a sad story, and so difficult for all concerned. I'm sorry your family is going through this.
The fact that your husband can be articulate about his lifelong feeling of depression is a cue. I'm wondering if it is depression, or rather extended suppression and repression that he has internalized as a result of his "cold" childhood. He was never validated for his presence as a baby and that can have a significant impact on the adult he became.
Everyone in your family deserves to feel seen, heard, known, acknowledged, appreciated, and accepted. Affectionate physical touch is a basic need, and a clear way to acknowledge someone's presence. SO basic to family connection.
The Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) that your husband experienced affects everyone. His responses to relationships, noise, children, touch, lack of affect, lack of emotional understanding, and fear expressed as criticism, etc. are critical pieces to know when helping him. I'm glad you're going to get help. Does your husband get help?
I can't give a professional opinion really, as it is so complex. I have SO many questions for each of you. I can think of many ways to work with both you and your husband. It's especially important to do this as soon as possible for the sake of your children, and your relationship. I'm happy to talk with you so that I can be more helpful. New client one-hour introductory session $97 BeAClient.com
@@ForRelationshipHelp
My husband has just gotten out of the Army and joined the National Guard. He is working with the VA right now to claim disability and they will be providing him with counseling services. My husband recognizes that there is something going on with him and says he knows he needs help. We have seen a therapist and gotten some help from our church before but each time we start therapy or get support from church something happens that makes the therapy not available or the program at church ends because the leaders of the program move away or to a different church. I have PTSD and so when we have problems my husband will try to communicate and it will sound like he means something aweful when it really something minor. I literally skip over the simple meaning of what he is saying to the worst scenario. My husband with my help has become more affectionate and is starting to see it as a need. It is still weird for him to be loving towards my son but he does it anyways because he knows he should. One excuse he makes is he doesnt know how to be dad because he didnt have one. He also will say "I dont know why the kids need all that affection. I never needed that and I'm fine". I tell him "you clearly are not fine because you have anxiety all the time and cant understand others very well either". Do you happen to take Tricare insurance?
I like your response to his lack of understanding why the children need affection!
If he knows he needs help to be a great dad, the answer is for him to get help to be a great dad. Not the one he gave.
Sorry. I don't take insurance at all.
@@ForRelationshipHelp
Yeah I have suggested he get help and sometimes he seems disinterested and occasionally he seems interested. It's like it day and night for him with that. I dont know if we will be able to use your services if you dont take insurance. Do you have any advice on what kind of therapist we should look for? I dont think Marriage Therapy is 100 percent answer. I know we went for one session and I spilled the beans on how I feel. At first it was no big deal to him but by the next day everything I had to say from the therapy was hurting him and he was really upset with me. I would like to target our problems without the results of his upset.
@@ForRelationshipHelp
So your first session is 97 dollars but what about each session afterwards?
I disagree with the guest on the point that emotional neglect is different or not the same as emotional abuse. Neglecting a child’s emotional self is abuse. Emotional abuse can be covert or overt however the end result is the same.
I agree with you! Anything that intended to diminish your identity, dignity, or self-worth is emotional abuse. Glad you shared that thought, Victoria.
Will you please stop deleting videos
Hi. I'm glad to hear you noticed, but don't worry. We only deleted some duplicates we found, and the first livestream that had severe technical difficulties.