SHOULD YOU HAVE KIDS?
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- Опубликовано: 29 сен 2024
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So afraid to share my feelings, because I'm afraid I'll be crucified. First let me say, I love my children, adore them. They do bring so much joy. However...I am single mom to a 9 yr old and 6 yr old, one with special needs. Their dad has been absent for the past five years, so I've been doing it alone. I have aged so much in the past 5 yrs, and it has pushed me to brink of insanity at times. I am deeply introverted and the constant stimulation plus always being needed has left me so depleted. I take care of myself, best as I can. But this is simply not a one person job. Sometimes I do not feel like a person at all. I think a just as important question is: who are you having children with? I cannot imagine what it would be like to have a supportive partner at this point, but I imagine a lot of pressure would be lifted. Yes, having children forced me to grow and expand in ways I didn't think was possible but at what costs? Please have children with a support partner, one who would not abandon a relationship with their children, even if their relationship with you ends. Children deserve to have two loving parents.
❤ love to you proud of you!
@@jlina thank you ❤️
You are brilliant…❤
Sending you a hug ❤️
May you be blessed with an attentive partner who helps, honors, and adores you and your kids. As a single mom of four (none with special needs) for nearly 24 years, I relate to every word you said. A child deserves two parents, and a depleted mama deserves a loving partner with staying power to help pick up the slack.
Whoever said it takes a village was right. So much love to you sister. Rock on. 💗
I am a 51-year-old woman who has been married for almost 20 years, my husband and I chose not to have children and I don’t miss not having children, how can you miss something you never had. About three years ago my husband bought me a Cartier love bracelet for Mother’s Day, and thanked me for not wanting children🤷🏼♀️
Such an important topic to discuss! It's essential for everyone to carefully consider whether or not they want to have children and to understand the implications of that decision. This video provides valuable insights and prompts important conversations. Thank you for addressing this topic.
The future has never been so unpredictable and I think bringing children into this world is doing a disservice to them. Already we see the severe disconnectedness and mental health disparities in Gen Z and it’s only getting worse. I think there is a lot to weigh when deciding to have children but it’s not happening for me. Children wouldn’t fulfill me
I wish you were my friend in real life
I’m 54 and so content and grateful that I chose to never have kids. I was married for 20 years to a man who had severe Peter Pan syndrome, so I knew it’d be hard to raise kids with him. Plus I just didn’t have the longing. I had a wonderful childhood and remain very close with my elderly parents. I’ve had plenty of kids to enjoy through friends and family. My career has been great, and I’m able to travel a lot. Only once on a blue moon do I think about how it might be. But I’ve also had many friends who’ve had kids with very unhealthy partners and everything is so stressful. A few have told me they love their kids but wished they’d realized it isn’t necessary or the end all for everyone.
Love your channel and content ❤
I’m glad you brought this up because something I’ve always known that I heard on the RUclips yesterday from a top female psychologist who has a mega amount of followers and she said a lot of women that don’t marry and don’t have kids are the smart ones. she said any fool can marry and have kids but the smart ones often know when it’s not right and the circumstances aren’t right and they prefer to stay single than to put themselves in a toxic situation and to bring kids into a toxic situation. You knew what was wrong and so you saved innocent children from being subjected to it which is fabulous.❣️🙏👍🌻😊
I honestly think a woman should only have children if she has a genuine desire to be a mother. I cannot picture my life without having children and I hope I’m blessed with happy, healthy babies but that’s not guaranteed.
It’s not guaranteed that you will have healthy children or children who grow to be upstanding members of society. That’s the scary part for me - being the best mother you can be but your child still feeling unloved and acting out as a result.
Anyway, I’ve always known I’ve wanted them. Children deserve to feel wanted.
Well said. And some women really don't have access to resources to ensure the best for themselves or the children.
@@justbelit and this is where I can understand why some women would opt out. If they know for sure they don’t have the mental, emotional or financial capacity for motherhood and/or they don’t have a support system, it makes sense. Desire is the most important factor though. A woman who has children against her will or because it’s what she’s expected to do usually make terrible mothers anyway.
I never met the right man, so I never married or had children. You don’t always get the opportunity. It’s not always a black or white situation
Ah you made the right choice honestly. Having children is not the end all be all lol
This may sound extra woo woo (but that is my vibe) I truly appreciate hearing this perspective through the lens of a fellow Virgo and a woman who is in her divine feminine energy especially. Thank you M.💕 And to any woman reading this: I pray you create the exact life of your dreams, with or without children. You deserve the best and are worthy of your heart's deepest desires.💗🙏🏼
"If you could go back in time/have a second chance at life, would you still choose to be a parent?"
I am surprised at how a lot of parents would say no to this question. They would often say they do love their kids, but still would not want to go through stress of raising them again. I really don't think the joys outweigh the troubles for the average parent, if we were to look at it rationally. The reality of being a parent is that they are 'passing on life' and that often means to the detriment of their own. Hence parents are not living their own lives optimally. I could never do that to myself nor to the woman I love.
Amen.
A lot of people don't see past the baby phase. They romanticize the whole pregnancy / baby period and once that's over, it gets less appealing. A lot of people also don't factor in the stress on the relationship. If a relationship is already unsteady, a baby will crumble it, not fix it. I also believe people should do solid self discovery work first. Because a baby will trigger all kinds of traumas that you have repressed / locked away. All of this sounds really negative, but I firmly believe if you don't do any of this work, it will lead to a less valuable experience for both parents and the child X
Omg you disapointed me. You are those women who now that bc has a child, will try to convince herself with some logical reason why going thru all this hell. People do not become better, do not learn more bc of children. Its just their capacity. No external reason make them do that. And the proof is that so many parents are shit parents, dont become better, they even become worse people after having a child. You can learn and oush yourself the same with or without child, child u not for your growth. You should want child just for child sake, to love it. NO EXTERNAL REASON SHOULD BE NEEDED NOR SHOULD IT BE A WAY TO CONVINCE WOMEN TO HAVE THEM.
You can’t learn the same lessons with and without children. It’s a different path entirely. Both have different lessons. Also it’s not hell, incase you misunderstood that part xx
@@Margarita.Nazarenko Why? Because now you have children and have to explain to yourself the reason? Just cuse YOU feel more productive, more responsible, more this, more that, that doesnt mean its gonna be the same for every woman who is not sure about having a child. That just means you can learn and use whats around you in a way that serves you. Its not the case with everybody. I bet if you didnt have children, you still would find a way to learn and grow and thats ok, i respect that. What I do not respect is to use your own expierience and say that now ALL woman will feel that, that its only way for woman to grow by having a child, that it changes woman brain and body in a positive way. What about all women who suffer after pregnacy? Suffer from depression, health complications? You just try to grow your social media by stepping on popular topic by throwing here some bizzare statements about woman's only way to grow in a significant way by having a child. Thats some medieval crap.
@@braskevful5760 like I said even in the suffering it is a different growth and personal expansion. it can make you worse for sure. I've seen it many times. but it isn't something you can experience without having children. same as you can't experience a life without them when you have them. both paths are different and neither is better. but like I said in the video, by having them you are putting yourself up for a journey you can't control samosa falling in love with a partner I suppose. not having them allows you to curate your own path more. xx
I wish all the best for all the women who want children, but I think it's very wrong to say that there is less growth or expansion if you don't have children. I know many mothers who are immature and foolish people, and there are many fabulous women without children, and vice versa. You can't glorify motherhood as if it's superior to being childfree. Different people want different things. That's all. Neither is better than the other.
Thank you. I personally know a woman who is neglectful to her children but she sees herself as superior cause she has them 🤡
I think what she means is that we grow through putting someone else before ourselves. When I adopted a ton of animals and suffered quite a lot because of it I learnt this lesson. Rising above our own ego is very important. Love involving self sacrifice is I think one of the main reasons we are here. It doesn't have to be by having children, but that probably is the fastest way to learn it I should think. Not to say some people don't have children and still don't rise above their ego. She's pointing out, be ready to sacrifice part of your ego if you plan on doing it.
some people who go to church are like that - they may speak ill about everyone they know but then be like, I go to church so I'm great@@Sarafara7
@@Sarafara7 She probably doesn't have any other particular talent so she uses motherhood to make her feel worth something. Even animals give birth and raise children. Nothing to be particularly glorified.
@@amytiffanyhemingway Different people can grow and contribute to the world in different ways. There’s not only one thing that everyone is obligated to do. People can sacrifice or people can be selfish. If you’re sacrificing to demonstrate to yourself and others that you’re better compared to those who don’t, then that is also selfish.
I love that you're talking about those in the middle. The problem is with an increasing number of women who feel that maybe they don't want them now, but they feel this is something they're going to regret in the future and then it could be too late. I think that's where I am.
I'm still a fence-sitter but definitely leading more towards yes. Everything changed when I met my partner and I realized I would be happy having HIS kids. I never had these thoughts in any previous relationships before. I think the process is different for everyone else though.
@@sabrinaoliveira3654that's very true.. When you meet your person just the idea of him playing with 'mini you' warms your heart 💕
Well those are the consequences of a choice. No one can tell you what’s right for you. Only you could ever decide that for yourself. It also depends a lot on what position you are in life as well.
That is your mind playing tricks on you. You can't regret in the future what is a perfect decision for the present. What you are regretting is that you can't have children at say 50, or 60 - which is also your mind playing tricks on you because women generally don't actually want to become a mother at 60. Make the absolute best decision for you each day, and know that will ALWAYS be THE right decision. You wouldn't go back and do things differently in the same situation/circumstances/place in time.
And I will give an example to that - I chose to have one child. Having one child has ALWAYS, in every moment, been the right decision for me. I sometimes think but oh my gosh I would love to have four adult children visiting me during the holidays, I would love to have lots of grandchildren etc - should I regret my decision? should I have had more? But it wouldn't make sense. What I really want is to have had one child, and then suddenly have four adult children (who are of course all healthy, pleasant, get on well with me and each other, financially stable and so on) - an impossible fantasy. Do I ACTUALLY wish I could go back in time and raise four children from birth? No.
Im 34. Happily marries with my partner of 10 years. Even as a kid I disliked other kids :)))) I knew from the early age I dont want to become a mom. I told my partner upfront (at age 25) that I dont see myself becomming a mom. He said he find ME fabulous and he is okay with that. We are living happily ever after. My parents are still pushing and some of my cousins still roll their eyes that I will change my mind (and technically I still have a few biological years to do so) but I HOPE it never happens as I think there is NOTHING WRONG WITH NOT HAVING KIDS. *Mikedrop *blows kiss *walks out
omg i also never loved kids as a kid ,and other kids loved me 😆 i was like a big person in little human's body lol,i was too mature and responsible as a child ,so i never liked children ,brats and the ones throwing tantrum.32 today still think the same.
I think based on location, geopolitics and culture a woman can be stretched thin and acquire growth without having kids. Circumstances are a huge factor. In some countries your life and opportunities diminish with kids as much as they can be a great blessing
Mother Teresa had no biology children yet the world continues to honor her legacy. Leaving your mark has little to do with who you birth
This is such a valuable comment!!
I have always wanted children but now I am on the fence about it. The way the world is right now I’m not sure that I want to bring in someone into this. Too much chaos and it seems like it’s getting worse. I have always wanted to be a mom, but I also want my kids to have a good life.
I feel that. I don’t know if it would be ethical to have a biological child. I have since been into researching adoption, especially of teens.
I want kids to nurture and give love to. When I see sad children in bad circumstances I always want to change their world. I don’t think I would feel guilty when we have difficulties because we are both in it together, bound by fate rather than my mistake. I feel I would be more patient with an adopted child as I wouldn’t expect it to “function” like me. Rather I would be forced to see what I was handed and try together to make things work. I also wouldn’t have to justify bringing them into an unknown future. Again, it’s us just trying our best. It would give us time to focus on building strategies for life and growing a relationship. A chance to make things righter in this world without adding to the pain.
Still unsure. Just where I am currently at. I want children, just not the burden on my body or conscience.
I think it is very important to question yourself if you want a child or if you want to be a parent. It's not about what a child can give you, but what you can give to a child. I think most of the time people haven't worked on their own childhood trauma's and want a child to (unconsciously) feel whole and complete. Where nothing externally can ever give you what you need. And that is certainly not a child's job to fill your void. When you've found your sense of wholeness in yourself, then you are able to give love unconditionally to a child what in my opinion is the absolute basis for being able to be a good parent.
In the past, I always wanted to be a mother. I was working with kids for several years and am working towards my graduate degree to work with children as a therapist one day. I’ve always had people tell me I should be a mother, including children themselves telling me I should. It was always so nice to hear as I absolutely love children and babies.
But I decided to not have children. With the state of the world, the uncertainty of where humanity will end up, including climate change, increasing expenses with daily living, university is astronomical and adults moving in with parents due to horrendous rental fees-bringing a child to this place is something I decided I do not want to do and is my own version of being the best parent I can be which is to not bring them in a world like this. I don’t have the heart to and I’d rather them be protected from all of this… maybe I will adopt one day, it’s just unfortunate that there are hoops to get through in the adoption process which can take very long time.
Wow… I feel the same exact way you do and have been told many times that I’d be a great mother. Who knows I might change my mind one day but as of now it’s a BIG no for me.*
I feel the same way and i have also always worked with children. Its awesome that you thought it all through and if you want a life of more expansion or growth, you can also start a business or do something great for humanity (like adopting)❤
if your partner is loyal and not a narcissist then yes
Family can be sought via blood line or love line. For now, and for many reasons, my children are my animals and my work with animals. I am very content with this as there is so much growth in there for me. We all have the opportunities to grow and I truly believe life throws our way what we are meant to grow through. A childless life is no easier then one with a child. I think it’s very personal and dependent on someone’s personal soul journey. Some grow through unimaginable illness, trauma, poverty, abuse, even the “curated” life is generally not so seamless as it may appear.
The older I get the more I want to have kids, however I want to make sure I’m having them for the right reasons!
I get irritated when a male thinks children should be the end all to women. First off, kids are a sensitive subject for many, for so many reasons, second, no not everyone should have kids, and forcing that idea on people that shouldnt or can't is bull. If you have them and love them and care for them wonderful, if you don't and you are truly happy, then okay wonderful.
I am 21 years old and not thinking about having children anytime soon but this video was so helpful and insightful for me. For me personally it was never even a question, I always wanted to have children one day. I really like your perspective and the aspect of growth and expansion. It made my wish even stronger. Thank you so much for this video!!
This is heartbreaking to watch as someone who has struggled with infertility due to Endometriosis. Whether or not to be a mom is not a choice every woman gets to make.
Many women are in the same situation as you there is a community of us. Big hugs you are not alone 💞
Exactly. So you would fall into the category of no kids. Unless of course you’d like to adopt but I feel that the ppl that truly aren’t meant to have children…can’t.
@@miriamgalan1810telling someone who wants to have kids but can’t due to an illness that “she’s not meant to have them”…wow. Keep your comments to yourself next time. Practice empathy.
I’m sorry. I truly feel for you. Please watch my precious videos about pregnancy loss. It will be more soothing for you and aligned xxx
ooh! I just said the same thing through three miscarriages are ruined marriage and I gave up!
life made my choice for me,
my job now is to have no regrets!🎉🎉🎉
Wanting to have a kid is not just a object that you should want and then not even chose a good spouse, plan everything well like todays average parents.
A kid is a responsibility, you need to chose the right spouse, the kid needs both parents emotionaly , have everything planned, enough money and so forth.
Talking from experience being born by a narssisistic parent.
intelligent people don’t need children to complete their lives or give their lives purpose. They usually have careers, hobbies, and intellectual pursuits that give their lives meaning, as well as romantic and platonic relationships with like minded people.
Some of us have had enormous expansion via coping with traumatized childhoods.
I know what you mean
Yes! Thanks for saying this. ❤
The reasons people come up with why they need to have children are always rooted in selfishness. Why bring an innocent being to the planet against their will only to suffer? The world is a dark place and you can’t outlive them.
Most people will just tell you that they want to have kids. They won't say that they want to be parents, they will say that they want to have kids. But if you prod into it a bit further, you'll see that when they say they want kids, what they actually mean is:
they want unconditional love
they want someone to take care of them when they're old
they want to do better than their own parents
they want to avoid the fear of missing out
they want to take the next step in life
they want to do what everyone else is doing
they want something that would give them purpose and meaning in life
they want something to take their relationship to the next level
they want something to magically fix all their problems
and so on and so on.
Very, very rarely will you find someone who makes a decision about parenthood and puts the child in the center of that decision. Most people make a decision about having something, and put themselves in the center. And what they want is not actually kids, but all these other things that they've been taught having kids will give them.
Thank you for this, I agree so much!!!
I 100% agree with this comment! 💯
This is a nihilistic point of view IMO
Although I don’t disagree with many of the points you’ve made, you ignore the joys that come with humanity and family.
This is a very interesting perspective. For me, I don’t want to have kids because I am selfish. I acknowledge that selfishness can occur on both sides of the spectrum.
Not every parent thinks that way and people don’t only suffer 24/7.
I do understand where you’re coming from as there is a lot wrong with the world. But some of us have faith in a higher power and believe our souls have been here before and will be here again. The oldest written records we have are the Sumerian tablets and they state that cycles occur and clearly we are at the end of a cycle. Everything will implode upon itself and renew once again.
If I didn’t have a strong sense of faith in my beliefs I would walk around completely nihilistic in my attitude as well.
There’s too much joy and beauty in this world to dismiss though. There’s way too much good to say no innocent child deserves a chance. If you don’t want to be responsible for a person as they’re a child during this time, fine. But to act like the rest of us that do are selfish is where I have to come in with my opinion. 😂
I was recently diagnosed with endometriosis and underwent a pretty substantial surgery to attempt to repair my organs. I have always been a fence sitter, but this video has given me a lot more insight into what I want. Just stumbled upon your channel and I can feel that being exposed to your work will change me.
That was such a blessing to hear, Margarita. I’m 32 and I’m still studying if I want children. I’ve been figuring that out for the last couple years, because I don’t want to take a decision from a fear place or a from a bon vivant perspective.
We will get old and the pleasure perspective might change along time… What causes me joy and fun today can be absolutely changed in ten or twenty years. We can not be that naive thinking that our friends, body, habits, energy will be same because they won’t.
At the same time, I’m afraid of losing who I am, of losing my identity and my fun and gracious way to see life.
I know that I’m thinking with this current mindset and I can change after having kids because I’d have new concerns, but, yes, I don’t know… hahahah.
I’m very inclined to have kids; I have an incredible fiancé and we’ve been maturing these theme. Thank you!
This is a beautiful and thoughtful video. I’m not having children but I love to hear everyone’s point of view.
Margarita, you discuss this dichotomy of thought so incredibly well! I spent hours weighing this on my heart until age 38, when I had an unplanned pregnancy but miscarriage. It turned my decision on its head, falling pregnant followed by a son at age 40. Yes, I miss aspects of my old life (and at times temporarily wish to escape), but I am so incredibly heart grateful I chose this life path for me! Interestingly, as I lean into my femininity as a mother, I have never been so expanded, creative and successful! I also know I would have had an incredible life childless. I think being a parent confronts you, moving you toward incredible growth, but agree with others, not all parents actually choose the growth path. Also agree, who you have them with is HUGE. Even so, all is not lost. My mum was a single mum and although extremely tough on her, did an exceptional job x. Great content!!
I wanted kids in my early 20s then by late 20s I didn't want to because I didn't want to mess them up because of my trauma and issues. Then at 38 I started my healing work 2 years of healing later I found that I was healed enough to become a great secure mother. I am now 41 and I still want children, but only if I find a good secure partner who is willing to marry. If that doesn't happen. I will be okay. I don't regret not having kids young and causing them a lot of trauma. I have a great life that is filled of security and stability and happiness. So I will be okay.
you can always adopt if you want , work at daycare if you want to take care of them for some months or you can have baby animals who you can nurture and care for (it doesnt even require to have two people to raise baby animals and they are cute as fk ) . i dont think i ever would want kids , in the nurturing role my dream is to be caretaker of panda or lion cubs in future(may be in or late 20s or early 30s) for some years when i already stablish my successful carrier in 20s
I think besides deciding if you want kids, you gotta also make sure you have a good option of who to have them with. People these days don’t have reproductive responsibility. A child should gris up in a home with both parents.
I personally never really wanted kids. I was in an 11+ year relationship throughout my 20s (did not have a Margarita then so allowed all the wrong things) and if I had kids with him, I would have been a single mom with a one of my kids being my husband. So that completely removed any last desire of having them. Being an introvert, I didn’t really date after. Now almost 40, I catch myself thinking if I should use my last remaining eggs lol…now that the d’indue is closing, I have those thoughts more…But no husband and no good man in my life who has a potential to be a husband and a father. Plus every time I look at my friends who had kids in the last 10 years….they are all kind of irritated, annoyed and aged before their time. It’s a complex topic for sure. And I agree with one of the commenters that most people have kids for purely selfish reasons, not because they want to be parents.
No girl your time has passed. Most ppl having kids in college at your age. It just wasn’t in the cards for you but that’s ok.
u are very negative. @@miriamgalan1810 theagist4826 might get kids through IVF if she wants to. Im soon 35 and have frozen my eggs to be able to wait up to 10 more ars having kids..
I so agree with you that it’s crucial to consider who you have them with. You can always foster or adopt even on your own. I relate to what you said, about having a husband who is basically another kid. Hugs!❤️
@@miriamgalan1810so rude and inappropriate, and untrue as well. Talk to your reflection in the mirror if you need to use that tone
@@miriamgalan1810How can she be past her time if she talks to her doctor and they say it’s safe lol. Who cares if their kids in college now? Some of you don’t realize that everyone doesn’t have the same journey
Aaah! I love you, Margarita and appreciate your content a lot. However, this video was a bit hard to watch because I find the way you approach this topic a bit reductive and, obviously, biased.
First, I think the question of whether to be a mother is a highly complex one. It involves issues related to the quality of one’s partner, community, finances, health etc. It cannot be reduced to the simple question of whether one seeks “expansion”. In many cases, the need for expansion is/should be completely irrelevant.
Second, motherhood is one, narrow way to experience expansion. The are countless other ways in which humans experience massive expansion and childfree people often embark on those equally expansive journeys. (Assuming that other paths are less “expansive” is kind of dismissive).
Third, motherhood is one, narrow way to express one’s feminine energy. There are many other ways to express the fullest depths of feminine energy that don’t involve being a mother - and the choice not to be a mother is one of them.
Finally, the childfree life is not a mere fancy/superficial “curation”. But, if we are to use this notion of “curation”, I would say people who choose to have children, have also fundamentally curated their lives to suit their appetite for the highs and lows and chaos you speak of.
P. S. I think there is something truly beautiful about women choosing not to have children, and choosing to lead simpler, quiet, restful lives. These things are also feminine and mighty expansive! 😂❤️
Im 29 years old and currently pregnant. (just entered third trimester) I didnt know if i ever would have a child or children, but for me what made me want to get pregnant was really because i wanted to be ”reborn” if that makes sense. I felt as if i wanted this path in my journey, i started to feel as if i didnt want to continously entering chapters in my life without it. I was such a free soul and did whatever pleasures in life and it drained me. I seek growth and responsibility. Also, i have so much love to give, i want to experience the love between a mother and her child. I cant wait to see my little boy develouping his own little personality and hear him talk, see his passions. Life for me is like an art, how would i want to miss this ❤
Loved this video. I'd love to see you speak about your tribe and people around you. Your support system and your relationships with your girlfriends and how you cultivate those relationships.
I think you spoke very eloquently about this. I know there are so many people who wish to have children but can’t. I don’t know what my fertility is like, but at 29 almost 30, i know for a fact i do not want kids. I absolutely think they are the most precious beings and i can’t even imagine the love that comes with having a child.
I have seen many people on forums and in comments of videos who regret having children, although they love them to bits. I could never imagine regretting my child. BUT, often you never know how you’ll feel about something until it is in front of you.
Which many people can’t even believe is a possibility when it comes to children.
For those who feel like it is part of a women’s journey to have a child and become a mother, i wish they would think more about the children who suffer just because their parents felt they HAD to have kids. Children are not something to be taken lightly. They rely on us to give them as great of a start as we can in this life and it all starts with the parents ♡
Yeah all of that sounds horrible to me and reinforces that I don’t want children. I have done massive self growth and discovery from my own traumatic childhood and it is absolutely not necessary to have another person depending on me for that.
Thanks for your great videos❣️One thing I don’t agree with and that is not every mother expands her consciousness and self reflects and grows etc when they have children because when you’ve grown up with a narcissistic mother everything is about them - children are just her extensions - there is no self reflection or expansion. You are talking about emotionally healthy mothers which sadly isn’t always the case.
exactly 👏
I'm going tonput my perspective in. There are more hard days than good. I have been at it fir 17 years by myself no help from dad or family. Dad left 6 years in said i am nort this walked out and never looked back. I have lost jobs to kids i have lost a lot to these girls. I was homeless at one point with 2 small children. I never gave up but there are days. Our lives are better and stable now it took years tho. We are aall not blessed to have help or a husband make sure u both wan't it. This was my course and it wasn't easy. But in parts it has made us all stronger. But i would say no in another life.
Bless you, I can't fathom the pain you went through, think it's cuz you didn't have a husband and to assist, I'm sure if you did, you may feel different. I'm glad to hear you've come out of the dark times. xx
❤
Thank you for sharing! I never had children but I can only imagine what a huge blessing it would be to have them. Only from working with children, I can see already that they give you so much and that one can learn a lot from them. It is such a rewarding job. How much more of a blessing would it be to have your own children, to have created life, and to be there for them their whole life. I cannot wait to experience proper motherly love. For me, it was always clear that I wanted to have children one day. I have always been a very motherly person, even as a child. I am just hoping that I will marry a good, compatible man, who would be a great father. Before turning 25 I thought I had so much time.. I turned 27 the other day and I started to get a little worried that time runs out ... Time just flies so quickly and it is so hard to find the right one...
All I know is that you decide what you want, but I am seeing that I am experiencing the fullness of the human experience with having my son. I cannot describe it any other way. I am a better woman, person, human being because of my son. It has literally been the honor of my life, these last 3 years being given this great responsibility of being a mother.
Our relationship went terrible after our son was born. I know why. I clearly didnt love myself but the lo e i have for my son taught me, and how i needed to love myself for him. Things i can control...what i cant control is my husband love and respect for me....he doesnt and cant and i didnt care before...i care now and have standards he is having trouble dealing with. Im fine with divorce if he cant grow also. He is neglectful, choicing to spend most of his hours every day playing call of duty. When he does spend time with us, it isnt postive or fun. I hate this is what my son is growing up around. Ladies, be extra choosy picking a dad for your babies.
3 miscarriages and i gave up...
traumatized!
HAVING KIDS IS SO OVERRATED !!! DONT DO IT... ENJOY YOUR LIFE WITH YOUR PARTNER, BE FREE !!! IAM CHILDLESS AND MY LIFE IS FANTASTIC... ALL AND I MEAN ALL PEOPLE AROUND ME ARE MISERABLE BC THERE KIDS/PARTNER PROBLEMS .. ITS NOT WORTH IT.. OOOORRRRR IF YOU REALLY REALLY WANT ONE DO JUST 1. I REALLY DO NOT GET PEOPLE WHO WANNA 2 OR MORE KIDS ( BAH ) AND FOR SURE IN THIS CURENT CRAZY UNSURE WORLD ... MY OPINION
Im a lone parent, please don't do it. It's so hard on your own, and I wouldn't do it again on my own. Very little help or support, and I'm exhausted most of the time. Not having anymore. But omg it's hard being a lone parent mum ❤❤❤
I am 45 yo. Never wanted them. Glad I didnt have them. I come from a very dysfonctional family and I decided that it would stop with me. I am also neurodivergent. I know my own limitations. For these 2 reasons, I know that I would not have been the mother that my unborn children would have needed and I love them too much for this. I would have been very unhappy because I dont think I would have been able to cope with it and I would have turned into my mother: sad, bitter, mean. I didnt want this for me and for them.
It is a definitely a deeply personal choice. I would say to someone who doesnt know: what would you like your daily life to look like? Imagine it with children: school, dinner, homework, bath time, story time. Imagine with it without children: activities, traquility, friends, projects, dreams. We can all think about the special moments but for me, it comes down to daily life and how do you want to spend it.
It's great you didn't have them due to your condition then
i love how you summed it up so well and broke it down to having those very clear options (especially coming from a mom i expected it not to be "neutral" enough, so thank you for that neutrality!). i really needed that. being a very responsible dog owner i feel like i already got a glimpse into what you mean by feeling the growth/stretch and learning about yourself (i always say that chosing to live with a rescue and the challenges it comes with has taugh me just as much about myself as being selfemployed and having lived abroad for a year). so i guess i already felt a light version of what i suspected motherhood to be and im happy as it is. thank you for that perfectly summed up explanation i was searching for 🤗
I'm in my Margarita Nazarenko Era right now!!
I'm beyond inspired by every single word you share with the world. I'm proud to be the same species as YOU. Bravo!!👏👏👏
Go listen to her podcast too ❤ its the best ever changed my life at 27
Then there’s me and maybe other women like me who always knew they wanted kids and were meant to be a mom and would be a great one, but who are absolutely horrible at choosing good men to partner with and haven’t had kids yet because the right man has never been in the picture to have them with, and now I’m 44 and deeply afraid I fucked up my life and my dreams of having a family all because I never had good standards for good men. And I only have myself to blame. 😞
I am 56 and when I was in my 20s I knew I didn't have any desire for kids no maternal instinct I didnt even really like my friends kids and never went crazy over babies. My friends told me not to worry that would change as I got older. I did get married to a not good for me man and after 12 years we divorced. I still had zero interest in kids and he would not have been a good father so in a way I am glad for that. I never thought about me being a career woman or some lofty goal I just have a very ordinary life. At 56 I do think of dying alone or what I will do in the future but I have noticed time and again that having a family is no guarantee that anyone will show up in those later years. I dont know why I was wired this way. Maybe if I married someone else I would have had that change of heart that others spoke of. I dont know. What I do know is to this day I have always felt there was something wrong with me for not wanting kids. But I couldnt bring myself to just do it anyway because that is just not something you can take back. I hope I made the right decision but I still feel that something is just wrong with me and I dont know why.
Great video. I actually feel I have more spontaneity and ups/down as a childless woman than with a child. With a child I feel I would know how the next 18 years would pan out. Outside of outliers of course which I’m not saying I’m immune from.
Interesting point! I have to agree 😊
For me I lost my mom when I was 9 (2003) and my dad had already left my mom when I was young so he wasn’t around really. And then he came around more when I was older but long story short he then died (2017). Him dying was my conclusion. It’s like my book on wanting a kid closed and I never looked back all those feelings just went away. This world is so mean and all the heartaches are painful especially when I lost my mom worst thing ever. I got my dog in 2014 and he’s been everything and more and all that I’ve needed. I am now 29 and 30 next year I have my man we’re on the same page and their all I need.
I love all your content and I’m so glad I found your channel!
I just started watching this video but one thing I'll say is that for many women WHO you have children with makes a huge difference. I've known women who were literally dumped by their partners when the kid was 1 or so. Then imagine if he stops paying child support and you don't have any help from your family or friends. Can you afford to do it all on your own? Obviously if you have a fabulous career, make a lot of money and can afford a lot of help with childcare and housekeeping - then it's okay.. you can still enjoy your life as a single parent. In all other cases - expect to really struggle for a while.
I don’t think I can afford kids :( I live paycheck to paycheck now. I’m in the U.S. where healthcare costs are so high, so what would I do if I had a handicapped kid? Also my doctor said I am at a very high risk of post partum depression, with my history of depression. Just fyi, my OBGYN also that said the risk of post partum depression in women gets worse the older you get. Also with my medical condition, I am more at risk of getting type 2 diabetes if I have a kid, and my kid will be more at risk of type 2 diabetes too. I am also more at risk of having high blood pressure and having to give birth early because of it. My husband isn’t very helpful around the house. There are a lot more factors than you mentioned that should be considered. If someone is going to have a kid, there is a risk that the kid will be autistic. The parents need to be prepared for that situation too
This video is all about living in the clouds and never the feet touching the earth. But the perspectives in the comments are wonderful to read though.
Great and strong points. I like how you talk about experiencing a version of yourself you haven’t met yet with kids.
I’m not sure I agree fully with the point regarding if you don’t have kids you should be involved in a world altering mission like saving the orangutans. I feel knowing yourself and building a life you enjoy more so than in the past is a good achievement as well. Maybe having a good support system and giving back where you can is an achievement. Not having kids because you don’t believe you can provide emotionally what a child needs is okay too.
Following a passion, taking care of your elderly parents suffice too.
I wholeheartedly agree with you! 🙏🏾I have twin boys that'll be 6, and I'd like one more at 36 years old. I'm way more evolved and badass. 😅
Congrats again to you! 🫶🏾
I am 47 now but since i was 15 i imagine my home life to the ditale and there were no kids. Yes dogs and cats but no kids. But in last 14 years i loved obe guy so much and he was the only one i visualise life how would be if i have my baby girl with him. And i know i wpuld be great mom but i could not do it on my own, without men. And that guy has no capacity for being familiy oriented. I dont regret.
I follow you on all socials and have come across this video yesterday! I found myself thinking about it throughout the day. I feel like when we ask this question the answers revolve around 'us'. Like the mother's life, growth and fulfillment. But what about the child? I feel like the world has become far too difficult to live, grow and prosper in - affordability, competition, global warming, crime etc etc & I just wonder, would my child be thrilled that I have brought them into this world? I am yet to meet a person who says 'I love life. I love living. Being born was a huge blessing and a previlege and I want to give just the same wonderful experience to my little child and watch them loving life just as I did!'
Im not disagreeing with your content at all, just adding a new perspective.
I personally love being alive and experiencing LIFE but just not too sure about 60-80 years later 😂
I am 37 and have no desire for having kids at all. BUT I am living in a traditional society (Russia), where you must have all this stuff: husband, kids, mortgage, etc. But I do not want to. So for the people in my country females like me seem a bit "odd/weird"🤪
Poppycock! Parenting gives you introspection and self-knowledge? You make it seem as if there are no parents who don’t have these things. Newsflash: there is no shortage of horrible, toxic, and abusive parents in the world. Parenting sometimes made them worse!
I had my daughter at 18 and it was the best decision of my life. I was young, alone, and afraid. I had to grow up and become an adult quickly. I made many classic parenting mistakes along the way, but my daughter is a teenager now and I firmly believe that she saved my life. I would have been dead in a ditch somewhere if it wasn’t for my miracle baby. I love your description of expansion! You put words to my feelings. Lovely way of putting it and right on point!
Have them or not, but make sure you have ample time to devote to any and all. Kids aren’t things and they are not for the self-centered.
I think it’s an interesting topic to philosophize about, definitely. I have a three year old girl and three month old (almost four) infant. Good topic. Keep it up with the videos! I really love them! Good for you for making videos here while pregnant too. Wow!
I always say to friends trying to decide, "Do you want a child more than *anything*? Do you want a child in your *bones*?"
If the answer is no, or they're not sure, they have their answer.
It seems she is talking to herself here!!! I really felt she had a biased view on not having kids part...There many paeks in all lives irrespective of the responsibilities we all hold currently.
This is a well thought out video on this topic and really appreciate your perspective ❤
I think the people in the middle for now should not have them. It's like a guy saying they are not sure if they want to marry you or not. My dad always said "if you're not sure what to do, for now do nothing". Because it's selfish to bring a whole soul into the world if you aren't at the very least considering THEIR life and whether THEY would be happy if you had them. And I see many friends have children as it's the norm of their peers, and then go straight back to work as they need to get away from it, and don't even enjoy time with the child. What's the point. The child picks up on this. If as a woman you want a child, you should be prepared to also stay with it for more time than anyone else will eg. a grandparent nanny or nursery. If you cannot commit to one parent being the main person in that child's everyday life, don't bother. As a schoolchild I knew I always wanted children or what's the point in life. My sister is the opposite. Both attitudes are completely valid. What's not great is when a couple think having a kid might fix them, or hold onto someone, or even just 'I ought to as I'm 35 now.' Not a great starting point. Try picture what the unborn child would want. By the way I subscribed from your first video I saw as I think you are so together and inspiring and very fair and helpful. And your point about us being special as 1000s of people had to get together just to make us, that is also relevant here. Genealogy has always been important to me and having a child with someone should never be taken lightly. It also shouldn't be overthought. Nothing is ever perfect but generally a child made out of love is a great thing.
A year into motherhood. It’s shook me up but in a good way to the point that I have a goal and plan in place and that will mean I have to take time for me to create this life for myself. Chaotic is a good word but beautiful Chaos that guides you
This was a really insightful and interesting video. I don’t want to have children myself, but I loved hearing your perspectives 🌞 Sending love ❤️
No, I hate them
TRUUUUUUTHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PPL IN THE BACK!!!
It’s crazy that women in todays society feel like they have to choose between children and a lifestyle. I’m blessed enough to have had both! Now with my children grown in my 40s I wouldn’t have ever changed anything about it. The strength you gain from the unconditional love of your child far exceeds anything material you could EVER possibly gain. However, that’s just been my experience and although it wouldn’t be my personal choice I don’t think that women who choose not to have children should be demonized either. It really does depend on how each woman feels about it. I applaud that. It’s better not to have children if you wouldn’t love them or couldn’t be a nurturing mother to them. So it’s ok.
Great video thank you for posting
best opinion i’ve seen on youtube about having or not having kids
I subscribed after I watched your video about detaching from people, whether they're emotionally unavailable, toxic, whatever... Your video helped me a lot!
I love the idea of having children but only for the selfish reasons as I am not naturally maternal. The what happens when I’m older and I’ve no kids etc. I am fully aware and know that is *not* a reason to have children.
Since hitting 31 it’s been something I have thought about more.
“You’ll change your mind” always the saying, but I don’t think I have. I haven’t naturally become maternal as time has gone on.
My mother wasn’t maternal and even though she loves us, she has always joked saying don’t have kids! She was a single parent working 3 jobs. My brother is barely in contact with her through no fault of her own and it’s sad to see.
Not something I wish to risk in my life
EXACTLY ME
Margarita, did you have HG during this pregnancy? If you discussed it already sorry I missed it. I would like to hear about the experience this time around and if the treatments for HG have improved since your last preganancy.
I had it. Yes. But I was medicated earlier because they knew and it was managed much better. Thankfully
What is hg?
Love ya margarita! What are your thoughts about dating apps
Also just wanted to say that the type of content I like is basically like imagine you're talking to your friend and your giving them your views. I respect you opinion so much ! Its helped me think differently as I feel in the past I was so anxiously attached that it was disgustingly gross. So shame the bad behaviours!!
@@barbiexmwOnline dating sucks, but if you know how to use dating apps, if you have the patience to do the hard work to get through all the rubbish that could be there, it's very likely you're going to meet your romantic partner on dating apps because this is how most couples meet these days. I wanted to chip in because I have some videos on online dating. Good luck and have fun :)
The simple answer is no
No one. No one. Should shame women into having kids or NOT having kids. That’s a personal decision. I do agree, I would rather regret NOT having kids later in life THEN regret having them after. Close to 45% of women 4 NUMEROUS reasons, don’t want children, dear gawd let that sink in😮
And what if I am avoidant dismissive 38 year woman and I am just about to work on this my problematic attachment style, which I discovered recently. And maybe that's why I am doubting to have children. But when I will get better, then it will be too late for me to have children. Anyway I am without partner - obviously, so it is not question to have or not kid right now. But could you please talk more about these two topics together? Thank you.
I think nowadays we say we are having honest convos about this but i find it very limited still. We dont talk enough about:
-things from the childs perpesctive. What parent are you giving the child? What care? What world? Its always about me me me what i want i want to be a working mum so will close my eyes to reality of child care and pretend its just the same (its not, been in the industry over 12 years) etc etc etc
- just look back and be honest, how many people were parents and sucked at it? YOU MIGHT NOT GROW
This was such a well defined summary on motherhood. Motherhood is the most important job in the world. But the advice on if you should become a mother, is rarely factually and spiritually based. It is either you will find a way and learn to parent once you become a parent. Or your age, economic, marital or genetic status don’t make you fit to be a mother.
I want to have kids but only if I find the right man who will be a good husband and a good father. Not interested in having children to raise them alone no matter what the society says. Everybody has their reasons for the choices they make. Each human has a different soul mission. Not everyone is supposed to live the same life, make the same choices.
This is all nice and dandy as far as the parent goes, but what about the child? Is it really worth it? Is life with all of its rare joys and inevitable misery worth throwing someone into? The horrors are endless and unavoidable.
Do you believe having kids is inherently selfish? And if not, do you understand why there are certain people who believe it is?
Be an artist, musician..... leave art behind you and you'll be remembered forever.
I had kids with an older man who is mature and a wonderful father. I think it depends on if you trust your partner. I don’t think I could do it alone. It’s such an intense emotional experience. It take more than one person to raise healthy little one. I am so happy I married an older man who can commit to something bigger than himself and can to share his time, money and heart!!
Your blue shirt looks gorgeous btw… ❤
Essentially thesis of the classic book Denial of Death. Although there is a third option - devoting your life to a "higher authority"
As Ive just entered my 30's this question has been heavy on my mind. Thank you for making this video. Very thought provoking❤
I never wanted to have kids, because of my child hood i was scared to raise a kid the way i was raised. But when i got Pregnant with 23 something changed once i knew i was pregnant. I kinda got really excited. Now 10 years later, i am divorsed (thank god) and i love being a mom. My son grew up very well...abd it gives me a feeling of "awesome, i actually raised him very well" ...so now i am excited to see how those Teen years will go😅 its a never ending journey, but the best journey so far. And i've achieved more than i ever expected for me personally - with job, self love etc.
I just love being a mom (of such an amazing human, hehe) ❤
I’m dating for marriage at the moment and can’t wait to build my own family, when I was young I didn’t have the urge but now In my 30s it’s something I want. I want to grow as a human and be a mother ❤
Great thinking! I am on the same side and point of view 100%, except I have always known I want kids, even before I met my significant other
I think everything you talk about in your videos are so important and you present them in such a confident, constructive and objective manner. I love hearing you speak, you’re a great rhetorician.