The more I learn about autism, the more I feel understood. I finally had my testing 4 days ago and I already know what the results will be. Most people I tell act like I'm crazy because I don't "look" autistic. Thank you so much for making these videos because they are so incredibly helpful and informative. They also show people that the stereotypes for Autism are so wrong. You can be female and Autistic. You can have friends. You can be Homecoming Queen. You don't have to be a boy obsessed with trains.
what does an autistic person look like? ignorant people are fine though. We can't expect anyone to understand because even psychologists don't. You can see by their studies that they often don't. People won't understand. It's just useful to understand shortcomings and potential 'superpowers.'
Congratulations on getting through your testing! I found mine really brutal and it sent me into a two-day shutdown. I agree 100%, this channel is SUCH a help!
@@annelogston It was definitely brutal. I cried 2 times and had to stop and take a walk. I was burnt out for several days. I finally get my results Oct. 11th.
This is amazingly clarifying. I always called it "jackrabbit syndrome" because like a jackrabbit, I can go and go and go, but once I put my butt down, it's DOWN. This explains so much, thank you!
right, i've just owned the sentence "i'm a creature of momentum"... keep goin to keep goin, cuz if i stop, i'm stopped. I get frustrated when someone tells me to hurry and get ready when they clearly need more time to get ready than i do.. **why am I now the one waiting?** I also swear i sleep on my reset button more often than not...
My 21 year old daughter has autism. She recently started having trouble getting out of the car. She will even stop at the front door talking a while to step inside. She is non verbal so couldn’t explain what was going on. It’s so comforting to hear this explained by someone who experiences it. Thank you so much!
Back in the late 60s my mother took my brother in for one shot. It was the DPT before they attenuated the pertussis portion. Anyway, he lost all words and stopped making eye contact all in a 48 hour window! I'm now almost 60 and I can recall he and I sitting in the car on a nice day just sungazing...my mother throwing up her hands. She knew we would get out eventually. He was on the far end of the spectrum, he fed himself but couldn't prepare the food or even shave when he was an adult. I was completely functioning - never knew I was autistic until I was an adult, for decades I thought it was just ADD but it was autism (I see this now). I spent most of my adult life researching vaccines but never really researched 'autism' even tho I knew the cause. But I just wanted to say I believe there will be some new technology that will come along and help our brains... it will be soon so hang in there! And thank you for your comment because it brought back sweet memories for me. Also reminded me of the time he threw my rollers on top of the house then pushed me out of the tree when I tried to get them... but that's a story for another day, lol!
I find it really hard to ground myself when in sensory overwhelm. It makes me shutdown if I try. Sometimes changing the sensation can help but it’s a bit hit and miss for me atm. I once had an older autistic friend explain that it takes less energy to group similar tasks together and it was life changing. I believe it is because it reduces this autistic inertia you are talking about. Once I’m out the house and get used to it, it’s easier to do all the outside chores. But I wouldn’t mix that with socialising or another category of task or I’ll get burnout. Batching my tasks really helps!
Grouping tasks is how I’ve always functioned. I’ve been in burnout lately and my doctors keep telling me to pace my activities. They don’t understand that I have to do everything at once because if I stop it takes all my energy to get started again!
Omg I’m literally crying here because I thought I was the only one who arrives at a destination but doesn’t leave the car for 10 minutes because I need to zone out to feel ok again.. I’m 35 and I’ve only been diagnosed 2 months ago, it was a complete shock but I’m so proud of myself for getting through my very traumatic life on my own. Thank you for these videos, you’re help and knowledge is greatly appreciated xxx
Something that helps me when I'm unable to move/start a new 'thing' is planning out (for me saying it out loud helps) what it is that I'm going to do and what that looks like. For example, I'll be sitting and the floor and say; ''I'm going to close my laptop, put it to the right of me, get up off the floor, walk towards the toilet, use the toilet. After that I'll walk over toward the sink and wash my hands with the soap that I know is over there. When I'm done with all that I can see what my next plan will be''. This is just an example, sometimes I'll plan further ahead or less detailed, but it all depends on how overwhelmed or stuck I feel. Before going to/entering the supermarket I like to visualize in my head what the store looks like and the path I will take. Again these things help me a lot, because the activity is filled with less uncertainty. I know exactly what I expect of myself. I know the steps I'm going to take and I know that I'm able to deal (or not deal) with those individual steps. It takes the uncertainty and fear of the unknown a bit out of doing things, which is really important to me because I break down when I don't know what's coming or what's expected of me. I hope this tip might help someone. It can feel silly to have to plan out something as mundane or 'simple' as going to the toilet, but if it helps you to actually do it than it's not silly. Just because other people might not need help with certain things does not mean you (and me, as I'm saying this to myself as well) don't deserve help with it.
Oh my gosh! I thought I was the only one to preemptively walk through the grocery store. I even have my grocery list set up in the order I come to things in the store. I hadn't realized it was a strategy I used to help with the transition to the store (which I hate going to).
Wow - this describes my struggles with motivation perfectly. Starting is things - even things I enjoy - is always difficult. The thing is, so is stopping. Once I get started, I'll often become so involved that I lose track of time. Great, right? Not neccessarily. Overinvolvement leads to other tasks being neglected. Contemporary life and work in Western technological cultures has become incredibly complex and demands constant task switching. Add in the stress of constant distractions from visual and auditory sources like computer screens and phones, and urban environments, and I feel like I'm under constant assault. This explains why I become angry / hostile sometimes when well meaning people try to chat me up as I'm heading out to run errands or am engrosed in something. So another dimension to autistic inertia is how it impacts social functioning. It's really hard to get me out to parties. Once there, I feel like I'm in a battle zone, so I drink to dull my senses and reduce anxiety. I'm also the first to arrive and last to leave. Then, because of the self medication with booze, my sleep is disrupted, and the next day is shot, and my routine is destroyed, sometimes it can take weeks to re-establish. Yes, I've tried not drinking at parties. It makes them absolutely intollerable. If I don't drink, I'm the first to leave! Unstructured social gatherings feel like a gang assualt on me. ...and people wonder why I've become more and more reclusive as I've aged! My primary stiming method is playing guitar and singing. Nothing brings me more joy or peace. Starting and stopping is still hard, and once I start, I'll play for hours without stopping. This has led to me becoming quite proficent, even though I didn't start until I was in my 50s. I enjoy performing for people because it doesn't require much interaction, except through my instruments. People are also very appreciative rather than competitive or whatever it is they get up to in unstructured settings. Best of all, I'm able to control the sonic environment so that it's soothing to my nervous system - and apparently, to that of nuerotypical people as well. I think that autism is ultimately "the same" as being nuerotypical in the same way that anyone who can run is "the same" as Usain Bolt. We are blessed and cursed with extreme sensitivities and abilities. On an Olympic race track, Usain Bolt's running ability is a gift. If he tries to sprint full speed through a crowded subway though, someone's going to get hurt. If he races ordinary people everywhere he goes, they are not going to like him much. Being autistic is like being a sprinter who has to sprint all the time or not at all and not knowing it, much less why. Seems to me finding a way of life that allows us to do do what we do best and not do what we do worst is the best life for us.
I'm a DJ and one of the things I've said I always have liked about DJing is that I can be at parties and social events but not have to socialise. I just stand in the corner playing my music, doing my nerdy technical thing but I'm also able to show people a bit of who I am and what I feel through the songs I choose without having to talk to them myself. People get it and enjoy it. One of my main stims is dancing as well. Being a DJ that loves dancing people seem to think I'm incredibly sociable but I really do not feel like that. I also used to self medicate with booze. I thankfully managed to quit booze completely 5 years ago and it has helped me massively. It causes and exaggerates so many problems that we think we're using it to alleviate and that is where the problem lies. A book called Kick The Drink by Jason Vale really help to explain this. Sometimes you have to accept that certain situations are not for you instead of trying to force it with booze. However, you'll probably find that just like me socialising becomes easier once you have quit alcohol for long enough. For me it was around 3-6 months mark where I learnt to socialise better without alcohol than with it. We think alcohol is relaxing us but it actually casues tons fo anxiety and stress. Once you're far enough removed from that you're better equipped to deal with the overwhelming sensations of a social situation yourself Instead of with booze.
I completely resonated with the "feeling of needing to change my skin". That's a statement I've made, my Entire life and no one has Ever understood it! Thank you for your videos and guidance! I've been to 17 therapists in the last 26 years & had WAY too many incorrect diagnosises. It wasn't until i found your videos that I realized both my daughter and I are on the spectrum. I'm grateful to you, cause now i can educate myself on how to properly help myself And Her! So hopefully she doesn't have the same bad experiences that I did in life.
I knew immediately what this was going to be about. The description of my life. I can’t leave the house to get anywhere on time. Sometimes I can’t get out of the car when I come home. You’re right, knowing that it’s a thing makes it easier to recognize and deal with. Thanks for your channel. ❤
I totally experience this. With me, it's starting tasks. When I finish a big task or get interrupted, it takes so much effort for me to start the next thing or get back to what I was doing!
I've struggled with this my whole life but have never realized it's such a deep pattern. I have done the sit-in-the-car-and-struggle-to-move thing more times than I can count. I've reached my destination, sat for 20 minutes, then just drove home so many times and I'd always get so frustrated with myself and not understand why. It helps so much to be able to put these moments and difficulties into words and know that other people struggle in the same ways. 🖤
Yes, the stuck in the car thing.. I used to be so excited as a kid to go to my drumset lessons, but when we arrived at the teacher's house I'd get so uncomfortable and be stuck fidgeting in the car for 10-20 minutes, overwhelmed and emotional, before I would be able to get out of the car and calm down to start the lessons, which I would end up enjoying once I actually got to the drums.. exhausting though. I was always so worn out trying to get out of the car that I would just choose to stay in the car during grocery shopping etc.. somehow as an adult just now figuring out I'm probably on the spectrum I'm realizing how I've ended up masking this behavior and saving it for when people won't notice I'm just sitting in my car. 😂
Just this week I was describing this need for momentum to make daily life easier and ended up googling the meaning of inertia not knowing autism inertia was a thing yet. At the same time I noticed I find it really calming to give myself extra time when I go places to have time to sit in the car for 5-10 minutes just to transition. Anywho, needless to say this video made SO much sense right now- thank you!!!
I always struggeled with it. And I am late diagnosed as well (diagnosed at the age of 37). I remember that it was hard for me as a child. School were hard as I never could do my homework and turn in assignments. I never got around to do my homework eighter. I simply had to learn during education. But people did not see my Aspergers. Yes they saw that I were a but different, but the only thing people focused on, were my productivity. During the entire primaery school, I were dunked on, and called lazy. My mother always yelled at me, and called me lazy. I was told that all I had to do, were just to pull my self together. That statement is like the only support I ever recieved in school. No wonder I had a deep distain and hatred to school, up untill the age of some 35. I hated school, but did go each and every day, as I were told that I should. I think that is why I never missed school, because my parents told me that I had to. But christ..... I hated school to my guts, I hated going to school and get bullied, hated that teachers let the kids bully as hard as they wanted, hated that the teachers closed their eyes, hated it all.... Worst 10 years of my life.
I am blown away by this. I have never heard of autistic inertia. I was just diagnosed a few months ago, and SO much of what I've learned has been so relieving and empowering, but this is the first I've heard of this concept. The crazy thing is, I have known this about myself my whole life! Whatever state I'm in, I want to stay in that state, and it's really hard to change. Getting up from the couch at night to head to bed... (sometimes I will sit there for another hour, stuck in place), getting out of bed in the morning, getting in the shower, getting OUT of the shower, starting work in the morning, stopping work at the end of the day... those transitions are SO hard. But I never knew this was related to autism!
As a child it took me time to move from the moment of not eating to eating, staring at my plate and thinking, then with effort change to the moment of using the spoon to take food to my mouth. I thought this strange awareness of the "change effort" had no explanation. Eureka moment Mom on the Spectrum, this must be inertia! And now as an adult, I think I experience inertia and I overeat (keep eating until the plate is empty, even if not hungry).
I am just starting my discovery of the autistic life. It was just a couple of months ago that my wife (ADHD) raised the question "could you be autistic?" As I've researched since then, I am convinced. And this video is one more piece in my puzzle. I am so like. Getting up to leave the house is so challenging some days. As is getting up to go to bed at night. Or doing a needed task. One strategy that I have used is give myself a reward. Something on the lines of "Once you complete these three tasks, you can reward yourself by watching RUclips videos for the rest of thew evening. Or eat your favourite safe food.
This really resonates with me. I often go without essential food items (milk etc) for days because I can't leave the house to buy them. And getting ready for bed is a constant nightmare. I've dropped off to sleep at the dining table (in the early hours of the morning) and then woken up while in the process of falling off my chair...all because I can't get up to go to bed.
Omg. The car thing. I lived in Chicago for a long time without a car so being back in a situation with the cat made it so much mroe noticeable. I love driving too and have always felt safe in cars (probably because it’s also a small enclosed space and there’s music) but gosh I lose so much time in the car and have such a hard time getting out. I also like to use the car to make phone calls because they’re somehow easier there? I’m fascinated by where autistic inertia and autistic burnout connect because I’ve had several periods in my life or literal years- often there’s a lot of physical health stuff connected as well and I’m significantly physically disabled in general- where I end up profoundly isolated, rarely leave the home, just am not functioning. I didn’t have good parents. I was very neglected. I’ve been trying to ask for help for so many years and I mean with this and people don’t understand me or shove home health at me and I’m like no that’s not what I want and I don’t want people to do things for me because often that just makes the inertia worse. I want help helping myself basically. But oof. There’s a version of this that’s very dangerous and severe. If you’ve heard of the case of the autistic woman Lacey who died after years on her parents couch. I feel like I’ve been half a step away from that a few times in my life. And when I’m in these places I feel like 100x more autistic. I struggle so much harder to communicate and interact or even speak. My brain is just so wildly overwhelming. I’ve been through an extreme trauma or basically a life destroying cascade of them and I’m not getting out of it or the help I need on any front (lord of complicating factors in addition to the autism) and the only keeping from total inertia and never leaving the bed is literally that I’m homeless in a hotel alone. But yeeeah. Trying to find the words to explain these experiences to people. Or having doctors and therapists treat like I’m being dramatic or I’m just fine and can take care of myself better than I say. It’s so freaking hard. I should stop rambling. I’m just… processing a lot. Which I think is part of it. Like I haven’t had the chance e to process my traumas and all the crap on my back and I just can’t function at all. It sucks. It sucks how little understanding or support there is for autistic adults. It sucks.
I'm glad that there's a name to it. Idk why but it makes me feel better. I do this all the time when I need to cook. Sometimes I can't even step foot in the kitchen because it's way too much even when I have food already prepped. Or even physically getting out of bed on bad days, I'm fully rested and want to do anything but it feels like there's this invisible 10,000 volt forcefield keeping me from even putting my foot over the side. Thanks for talking about it!
Thank you so much for this video, Taylor. I now know why I have a problem getting motivated and dealing with the anxiety before I have to do anything. I always thought it was just extreme laziness . . .
Taylor, you channel is so meaningful to me. I'm raising a daughter on the spectrum and to see women openly sharing about their diagnosis, problems, strategies and solutions is helpful to me understanding, then guiding my daughter through it. Thank you so much!
One thing over the course of the last few years learning to live with this new information about myself ( I learned being on the spectrum with 41, a bit over three years ago) concerns the point around 5:30 living the life by neurotypical standards. I came to realize that my biggest problems do not lie in the question how to achieve such a life. The problems already start with me never asking myself if that is actually a life plan i truly want for myself. A problem i discovered is shared with many neurotypicals as well. They struggle, hustle and try their best achieving something which they actually never wanted, but they simply did not know. Of course there is also the problem with society, peer pressure and the strange looks you might get when you openly challenge all the checkboxes everyone seems to have on their to-do lists these days. Ultimately it made me a more content, calmer and happier person. I switched out this exhausting internal struggle forcing myself to achieve things that mean nothing to me with an external struggle with people that fail to understand me. Which is much easier to deal with, i can tell you as much. It saves so much energy and leaves me happier and content at the end of every day then i was ever in the 40 years before that.
I always refer back to a time when I was quite depressed, looking for work (I was made redundant during the financial crisis) and one time I was thirsty. On the table in front of me was a glass of water but for some reason, I couldn't move. I wanted to drink it but I couldn't reach forward to pick it up. I've had a lot of times like this but that one really sticks in my head.
Thank you for your emphasis on acceptance and self-compassion in connection with inertia. Too many RUclipsrs are talking about "overcoming" autistic inertia, which ... good luck with that, folks. Giving ourselves a break during periods of inertia actually helps us "exit" them naturally and more calmly.
I’ve heard of this and it’s so real. Changing activities is incredibly jarring but the frustration is extreme. The part about getting stuck in the car makes me feel so seen. It’s not just me. Having to try and recollect myself to do the next activity whether it’s unpack groceries or co-ordinate the next lot of actions.
I’ve never heard of the term before but it’s definitely something I struggle with on a daily basis. Often sit in the car for a little while too 😂 .It’s incredibly frustrating in terms of both my productivity and the worry that I appear lazy or unmotivated to others. As a male diagnosed with ADHD last year at 41 and currently on the ASD assessment waiting list (long wait here in the UK), I feel I resonate more with some of the female presentations of both ADHD & ASD and that’s possibly why it’s gone unnoticed with me for so long 🤷♂️ Only recently discovered your channel but I’m finding your content incredibly useful - thank you. Hope your tea didn’t get too cold :-)
Haha I know I was sipping it in between my words but felt weird keeping it in when I was editing lol. So now I just awkwardly hold a cup for a while Lolol
Hey, also in the UK and male in my 40s. Not diagnosed with either ASD or ADHD, but I have amassed a mountain of evidence for both conditions. If you feel like you have both, I would suggest checking out a video by Yo Samdy Sam that highlights 5 things that are common in people with both ASD and ADHD. It was really helpful for me.
I find I’ll get n the car and drive, but will change my mind as to where I’m going, so drive past my destination, and then just keep driving aimlessly, not being able to decide where to go instead. Eventually I’ll either pull in and try and make a decision, or I’ll just drive home. This happens me ALOT. Wondering if this is autistic inertia?
oh my god. THE CAR!!!!!! I literally will spend like 16 hours a day sitting in my car really uncomfortable and I never knew anyone else had this issue until now. I had never heard of autistic inertia before. this is the singlemost damaging issue i’ve been dealing with recently and didn’t even know if there was a way out. I deal with lots of other examples of it too, but that just really hit home. Thank you for sharing, I honestly can’t believer this isn’t talked about as much as like unmasking.
This helped me so much. When you said "we dont have a lot of examples. Do it your way" it motivated me to BE the example of what autistic success can look like. I had a bad meltdown yesterday and felt like a complete failure. But Im nit a failure, my success journey just doesnt look like a neurotypical
This explains a lot about how I'm having trouble with tasks, especially now I'm hitting middle age -- although I'm sure that hitting middle age also has something to do with it.
I have used fhe phrase "trying to overcome inertia" to explain my feelings of overwhelm/inability to act since I as 12 or so... Mental nausea and the inertia issue, those were always my biggest descriptors when I tried to explain myself...
I struggle a lot with my interoception specifically, and so a big breakthrough that I had is that I usually struggle to start or stop something most when there is something in my body that needs attention. If I notice that I'm unable to start or stop I try and do a review of my body and see if I'm hungry or tired or need the bathroom, and if one of those things is true and I can address it first that really helps me to then be able to move on to what I want to do next.
same, learning to ask myself those questions has helped me so much! feels a little silly sometimes as though I'm roleplaying my own parent or something haha, but hey, it's what I need!
@@moonbread2334 I have a toddler who is also learning how to understand his own body, so I feel like I'm parenting myself and him at the same time! Having a toddler has actually helped me a lot though - the tips I'm learning to help him with meltdowns and learning how to take care of himself work just as well on me.
Thank you, I'd not made this connection but have noticed I'll grab a glass of water while thinking what I need to do next or go to my thinking place (toilet) .... these actions seem to help me move to next action. I can try this today. 🙂
When I study I find it a lot easier to get started if I have a combination of sitting to write notes and answer questions and doing the same thing on a big whiteboard whilst standing up and also pacing. This way I can be walking around whilst trying to understand and answer a question and this helps loads as I lose focus so easily if I'm just sitting down and trying to figure out a question or trying to write notes whilst sitting down. This unfortunately means that being sat down in a lecture hall and trying to keep up with the lecture is quite awful as I am sat down for the whole time, it doesn't help as well that I am a visual learner and most of my lectures when explaining something say it but don't illustrate it very well.
Thank you so much for sharing this how do we help ourselves it’s been so demoralizing for me because I’m supposedly really smart, but I have failed out of so many things and I’m the type of learner where if there’s a question I have to figure it out before I can move on and then I need to see it in real life I see all the elements happening not just the words, and then sometimes I need to stop and replay the images and ask questions and even then maybe do it several times and then do it again several times and again and eventually it stays with me, but you can’t do this in a classroom and it happens almost the whole time you’re learning and so it’s basically like sitting in a room trying to learn from people speak in another language useless Now in small towns when other students in care and the teacher was standing above me and I could have them answer every question and it was irritating, but they didn’t have anyone else to bother them I could learn and it took so much effort on my part but I was actually valedictorian of my school. Anyway I’m still not at the place of Tryon because I’ve tried so many times and be beaten down and people don’t understand you and do you understand that they can’t stand you and you’re being demanding that you you have not figured out a way or system in which you’re investing your money and time in the upper level education will not be wasted this even happens if you’re working in a coffee shop or clothing shop it in general you’re just harder for people to deal with and it makes it hard to watch I don’t know I’m just I’m not sad for myself right now but I really I feel like someone be normal and have a stroke and can’t walk either eat or do anything and can’t talk and didn’t really know they had a stroke all this time but has a sense something is wrong but they basically basically been working on it all this time and now maybe they’re getting close to someone telling them but their years of experience over and over told him nothing is going to help me nothings gonna help me and so like trying and all the energy and all of that more people don’t want to hear it and you’re trying but it’s exhausting it it’s become better to nod your head and smile like me trying to live is not feather right now and so it’s I’m not hurting but I haven’t found reasons to live yet I’m just existing now and I hope that something can change for us because at least I had a hope of people understanding me or me being a better friend if I got a job or with better at my job or became prettier or learn more about human behavior or try to different medication or even the Bible I kept on having hopes and it’s just rude to sit here right now I feel like what if it’s always gonna be like this like all I don’t know how to live like this I guess it’s really depressing and I’m trying to sit with it Often times I don’t even have the energy anymore to try to exercise it’s weird I don’t know if it’s depression I don’t know anyways
@@visionvixxen I’m sorry to hear about your struggles but you’re not alone! You can check out my big autistic resource guide which is full of helpful things for the community or look into autistic community groups that can connect you to others like you! Info for both are available on my website momonthespectrum.life. I would love to connect with you!
I definitely resonate with what you said about knowing what the behavior is and being able to cope with it better by giving yourself grace. I found out I was on the spectrum about a year ago and since I found out I've felt more comfortable in my own skin. I KNOW why I behave the way I behave. I KNOW why I struggle with social interactions. I KNOW why I need time to decompress. I KNOW why and that knowledge is powerful. It's what is allowing me to do well in graduate school - besides the topic is what I'm passionate about - and it's what is allowing me to plan times to decompress before doing things that require more brain effort. I really like the term autistic inertia. It definitely made sense when I saw your video, but I couldn't explain HOW it made sense. Right now, for example, I just finished babysitting my best friend's kids and I know that I need to take a moment to self-regulate before I can dive back into graduate school mode. I also really liked the term "autistic stare". It made me laugh because it's SO relatable to me and it's literally when I "go brain dead" for a moment. Thank you for creating this community of people that are on the spectrum but don't "look" the part.
I had a sudden memory of a conversation I had with my dad back when I was a teen. I had asked a question, and for several seconds the most totally blank expression came over his face, as I guess he struggled with how to answer me. I bet that was his autistic stare. He never was diagnosed, but looking back, I suspect he was.
Yes autistic stare off into the distance lol, yeah I do that for sure, especially a lot in the morning. Transitioning to being an awake person is sucky
Before I knew I was autistic I built in transition time chunks. So if I got off of work at 4, I'd spend some time in the area, looking at shops, getting a bite to eat (spanakopita rolls), people watching. Then I'd head onto the transit and just watch the world slowly change over the days on the trip home, and then wander around some nature before going to my actual home. I seem to only remember these coping skills / moments when I'm very stressed, and I need to build them into the mellow days too.
I just thought of one! When I realize I’m experiencing inertia, I can break down the thing I’m doing into components and choose to “continue” doing one of them. For example, I’m watching a RUclips video by Mom on the Spectrum on Autistic Inertia. I can choose to keep watching RUclips videos. I can also choose to keep thinking about autistic inertia… maybe while I make lunch.
I also have an innate understanding of the phrase once I heard it, and it does resonate so much with me! It is so hard to get myself to do something once i have stopped, no matter how much I want to- it is so annoying bc it really does get to me and keeps me from doing what I need to do/ I also would just sit in the car and then go back home rather than go inside ....even for my channel, I either upload every day or often OR once I hit a pause, I can't get myself to upload again, I fight myself mentally for a week or more trying to get back in the game
I don’t have a spectrum diagnosis but wow do I know this one. I’ve learned so much about regulation from you and other neurodivergent people. My whole life I’ve battled over-reaction and how destructive it has been in my life. Thank you
I am so grateful for the order ahead with groceries. The sensory overwhelm of going to a grocery store is very dysregulating. Now, I’m able to order ahead and avoid going in. I also have major triggers around food in general so ordering ahead has been a huge relief!!
My husband always jokes that he needs a cattle prod to get me out of bed in the morning. Getting out of bed is my hardest transition. Autistic inertia.
Every time I watch one of your videos it's about something that's a huge struggle for me. Wow. I just thought I was tired or something. The stuck in the car thing has actually been a huge problem for me. Thank you so much for this video! I'm not diagnosed but this is one more thing to put on the list.
This also makes me understand why I’ve never been one to jump out of bed quickly in the morning. I don’t understand how people can do that. Lately I’m noticing a feeling of sensory overwhelm after I cook dinner. I sit down to eat and feel overwhelmed by everything and can’t usually hold a conversation. It’s so strange as I spent so many years without having that happen. I think I’m in the camp of having perimenopause make everything worse which is why I’ve been able to identify asd and adhd. Now I understand why I was getting migraines at the end of every shift after over 5 years as a nurse in the hospital. The layers. Thank you for all that you share!❤
Between ASD and ADHD, I have never heard a more apt analogy before than 'it's like driving with one foot on the gas and one on the breaks'. That sums up how I feel all the time, every day, perfectly.
For me it manifests in a different way. I have issues with "order." I divide the process (for whatever I have to do) in "steps." Step 1, 2, 3, 4... must be done in that order. BUT! Something about Step 3 has a direct effect on Step 1 but I must do step 1 first. When that happens I get "stuck." This can happen from packing a suitcase to to packing for a move or even cleaning my apartment. For me it's the process.
“Go for a walk’ I would, if I could just persuade myself to get out of this chair, put my coat on, find my keys and start actually moving. I just thought that was a fun thing to say in the light of the subject! But this is very enlightening when I thought I just had an extremely lazy personality. Thank you for all your research.
the moment you brought up the car scenario… oh my god i feel so much less alone now. every time i arrive home or get in the car from an appointment, errands, etc. i sometimes spend up to an hour just sitting. and it doesn’t even feel that long to me? i’ve always hated it bc i realize after how much time i just wasted doing absolutely nothing and i never knew the reason. thank you for the video!!
Oh my goddess yes. Transitions are so challenging. Hard to start, hard to stop. This is why I love being an improvising musician cos I get to transition continuously within the music once it’s started!! I also share simple, powerful ways into improvisation in workshops as I was shown by my mentor John Stevens who was definitely not neuro typical!! Thank you for this video.
Was sitting on my bed in total inertia and scrolling to find a video that would maybe help me move - so I clicked In regard to allistic people relating to the human traits of autism (forgetfulness, favoring objects, having to move to get out energy) , I recently saw a post along the lines of “everyone pees” yes - but if you do it 60 times a day , that is definitely a difference and a problem ! It’s not our behaviors that are different necessarily, it’s what is going on internally / the frequency which can cause issues.
Last Saturday I had an awful day. I went to a big box store and at the checkout I was told my card expired and the service desk can help. I go to the desk, wait in line to be told I wasn’t the primary, my sister is. Instead of saying “I can set up up on your own” I got a no, I had no creative thought out of the box moment. I left everything and cried all the way home. I never left my house again all weekend.
Omg it's is so comforting to hear that this is an actual thing with a name. Once again I feel like you are describing myself to me Tay, and it's so so helpful. I've recently started to tap into the fact that I have inertia when I'm getting ready in the morning, and right when I get home from work. But the second I sit down to relax, its game over for the rest of the day. As much as I want to relax in between activities, it just doesnt work
Something that helps me, is checking in with a FtP game to make the transition smoother. Instead of it feeling like an off/on switch between tasks it feels like I'm naturally moving between tasks
I've always felt the urge to just sit in the car once I've arrived at my desitination. And I have to start doing tasks by doing something really easy, then something a little bit more difficult, and so on and so forth.
I don’t have any tips but it is a relief to have this information for me to call on when I’m revisited by the notion from childhood that I’m lazy or slow or a daydreamer. I am a daydreamer but it was said with a negative connotation every time by the adults in my life.
I have definitely experienced inertia many times, I thought it was just me. It really helps to know that it’s a thing that people on the spectrum experience and that I’m not alone. Thanks for sharing!
I first found the words of autistic inertia in a book sincerely, your autistic child. I didn’t really look into it more until I watched this video. Then, realizing that I am struggling with self regulation and self compassion are from autistic inertia. I’m still fairly new in my post late diagnosis journey as an autistic person. It takes me longer to process any information and go slowly so I don’t overwhelm myself. This video do help explain what’s autistic inertia, so I definitely need to work on allowing myself to take more breaks like naps to help with self regulation. And not be too hard on myself. I don’t know, it’s really hard.
I am wonderfully late for this, but would like to say that I struggle big time with Autistic Inertia. One thing that has helped me, especially when I'm in the car and struggling to get out, is listening to music or a podcast in the car and then continuing to listen to it as I get out of the car and transition into my next task. That way at least one variable stays the same.
When I first heard about inertia as a kid in school, I immediately recognized it as a description of my own difficulties going from one state to another. It would be over six decades before I began to wonder if I had autism. Still self-diagnosed, but yeah.
I'm not sure wether I'm autistic or not. While I have a lot of traits, and struggle with many normal things for others, I keep finding things I can relate to in your channel, so thank you very much. Like this one exactly, this Inertia, my gosh! I didn't know it even had a name, but wow it gets so hard to transition and adapt for normal life activities. I feel so guilty and less fit for life when I need so much time to "do nothing" just being there, when I'm about to do something I should get done... Maybe you know what I mean. Even knowing this is a thing is getting helpful, I'm starting to realize I can soothe myself to help me get through these transitions better, but also push myself a little bit more, because it's just part of that weird part of me. Now I have a new word, I could go like: "well, it's another of my transition inertia moments, so I'll just push through it" I guess. It also makes so much sense why I need to take a walk at the park, play with my cat, have some tea, or do my daily yoga, do these things almost as daily sacred rituals. These little things are my treasures, not a luxury.
Oh my god, I sit in my car too! It takes me forever to work up the energy to go inside, even if I’m excited to get home. I just start listing all the tasks I have to do in between sitting in my car and unwinding in my house: put water bottle in bag, put phone in pocket, put headphones in bag, close bag, take keys out of ignition, etc etc. Its too many things! But when I have cleaning days, I whirl around the house, cleaning one room after another with very few breaks. Same thing when I’m putting together a project I’m really excited by. Hours can pass and I’ll realize I’ve been ignoring my body’s cues all day.
This term is new to me, but I understand what you're saying . And yes, I do agree that as people on the spectrum that it is important for us to give ourselves grace and allow ourselves time to process what is happening around us. I usually do that same things, going for walks in nature, which I enjoy, or journaling, reading, playing my trumpet, or sitting and watching a nice show with my amazing loving cat, Princess.
At school I always got great grades, above average, and my teachers I remember that would 'complain' with my mom saying that I 'complained a lot when it was time to learn or do something totally new, but then I would make it just perfectly, better than everybody'. Yes I do FEEL this concept before even knowing what it means.
Wow, your reference to driving to the store and then just sitting in your car stuck really resonated with me! That happens to me regularly and all these years I just thought I was being lazy or difficult. I’m 52 and recently diagnosed with ASD and ADHD after decades of misdiagnosis or just labeled as depressed and anxious. Thank you for making this video.
I just thought of something a couple hours ago. There are three types of clutches (for the ones that know manual / standard transmissions) A) NT Clutch / Stock Clutch B) Special Interests Clutch {2x faster as type A} C) Non Special Interests Clutch {Half Speed of Type A}
You described perfectly what I used to experience regularly in the morning....like a lead weight on my chest so I couldn't get out of bed, while my mind and skin raced with all that I HAD to do. Awful!!! I'm so thankful for you! Thankful for my own healing and learning and growth in self-acceptance. Please keep talking!
Thank you for this. I tried to explain this to my employer recently. Essentially they wanted me to complete a task that required pulling in data from multiple sources, and comparing it against data from another source. This requires some level of focus and I need to be able to immerse myself in the task. BUT they also expect me to answer the phone, so calls mustn't go unanswered. I tried to explain that I can't work on the data analysis task if I'm having to constantly break my focus to answer the phone, spend time talking to the caller, then trying to get back to focussing on the main task. Their response was to ask me to come into the "office" for the whole week (this was Monday morning and I was already due to go in for a meeting on the Tuesday). For context, the company is a family business so my bosses were a husband and wife and the "office" was their dining room, with cables trailing along the floor, dogs running around, all kinds of sensory triggers. Combine this with the fact that I need a desk and a chair with arm rests and lumbar support and a head rest, none of which are provided, and I had already explained to them that I am autistic and that the environment there makes me really physically and mentally uncomfortable. Also, my job was supposed to be home-based - MY home, not theirs, so asking me to come into the office so they can closely supervise me was actually pretty unreasonable, especially when they already treat me like a child and expect me to just shut up and do what I'm told, exactly how they want it done. For reference, I'm 45. So when I explained to the husband how I either need someone else to cover the phones for a while so I can concentrate, or I need more time to work on the data analysis, he asked me to come in and work from their house for the whole week. When I said that I was already coming in Tuesday and I wasn't mentally or physically comfortable with working from their dining room all week, he replied "this isn't working for me, I will recruit another assistant". Five minutes later, I was locked out of all systems.
I can relate to the difficulty with finding a good fit when it comes to employment. As an RN (retired), I couldn’t seem to fit in with neuro typical coworkers. I seem to do my best when working alone. The trouble with that concept is, clinical nursing is a team oriented career. It wasn’t until I discovered a more autonomous position in an administrative setting (case management) that I was finally able to feel less frustrated in the work place. Is there a possibility of perhaps remote work or an autonomous position in your job field you could pursue? It seems like some of us do our best work when there are fewer distractions.
I can't say I've really had an issue with getting out of a car for inertia, but it was the retrospective of recognizing my long-term patterns of behavior that led me to go to a church-run counseling service during an extended period of unemployment and medical issues back in 2002 at 31, recognizing that it didn't matter what kind of scenario I was in. That is, under stress or not, my life pattern was very much inertially-driven, to where at a past employer, I ended up in a weird state of consciousness locked up stiff in a rolling office chair, leaning forward over the computer keyboard with my fingers just barely above it, no back support or arm support: told myself I'd just momentarily rest my eyes because of how drained I was (repeated long period of staying up late, reading) and next thing I know, my supervisor was yelling at me, with others gathered around: no clue how long I'd been in that state. I was soon going to have an ambulance called on me, it was said. Well, hmmm... When I became aware of the yelling, I noted I felt perfectly stiff. I could have never willingly, consciously achieved such stiffness and maintained it, and it took a little mental effort to disengage. To this day, I don't know what that was, technically. But, inertia seems like it'll be more probable to happen when you're under more stress of some sort. It's not necessarily connected to depression or similar, it just happens because something blocks change. It also has a variable time scale.
Wow this explains so much. Im a single mama to 2 kids- one AuDHD, other on the wait to get diagnosed. We’re homeschooling this year & it has been a SUCH a huge challenge for me. I’m diagnosed adhd but strongly resonating w/AuDHD profile. I’ve been trying to identify if I’m better at starting or finishing things & why it’s so inconsistent, why do I struggle so much to just get all the things done?? 🤔 typically I will have a hard time or takes a while to get moving… but once I do I go & go bc yay motivation! And roll right on past my limit, use up every last spoon, not even stopping to eat & finally collapse, exhausted. Then takes a day or 2 to recover sometimes & spoons are not even available no matter how I try to force, guilt or shame myself. Not sustainable & horribly ineffective. This concept of inertia just makes so much sense. I really wish there were therapists in my area that specialize in adult AuDHD… it would make such a difference to have some to talk to that gets it & can help coach me through very ineffective “coping mechanisms” all the comparison to neurotypicals is not helpful at all but I do it constantly 🤦🏻♀️
Thank you for this video. This trait/symptom is what I call 'being in a pushmi-pullyu' situation. It's been severe for me (I am AS/ASD/ADHD/cPTSD) for the past year, dealing with my mother's death, etc. We can be so hard on ourselves.
WOW. I thought I had studied and understood all there was to study about how autism affects my life. This is a term that was new to me, but it makes 100% sense. You have just described so much of my daily life.
I just happened to recall this experience I had about 5 months ago where I couldn't figure out how to spend part of my day. I had the day off from work and I had gone to this small fair, and I found not as exciting as I had expected it to be. I had gone expecting expecting to have a meal, but barely had anything to eat. After maybe being there almost 2 hours I decided to leave and started toward home, but as I drove home thoughts started to drift toward what I would have for dinner that night. I pulled over not sure if I wanted to go home or drive someplace else to find something to stimulate me. After a moment parked on the side of the road I decided to turn around and go someplace else, and ended up getting a meal to bring home and was good.
So this issue applies to many things for me. An example that I find embarrassing but have struggled with it my whole life: When I take a shower, I feel great, clean, refreshed, even though getting a shower is somewhat of a sensory overload sometimes. So, once I've gotten a shower, I don't want to do ANYTHING that would delete the clean, fresh feeling. Which means I don't want to do things like exercise, outdoor activities, cleaning the house, etc. But, on the other side, when I haven't showered in the last 24 hours, I sometimes end up repeatedly putting off showering because I anticipate that I'll be asked to do things that will just make me dirty again and thus I'll have gone through sensory overload for no good reason. And, of course, if I'm not super clean, I don't want to do anything that will make it harder to ignore it...which are often all of the same sorts of things I don't want to do after a shower. VERY...frustrating.
Fantastic video!..One which definitely resonates with me also...I've just, recently been diagnosed (at the age of 58)...and still trying to process the whole 'feelings' and understanding to find a way forward. I love your mug and hoped you enjoyed your Scottish visit. I live several hours north from there, in The Highlands of Scotland. Thank you for your posts. I'm learning so much from them.
I haven't left my property in over 20 years, and I am fine with that (I live on an 11 acre hobby farm (closest neighbor is 2 miles away), so that is a perk). Aside from doctor appointments. I do everything else online (I even do therapy online now). Including shopping. With a 1 time a month pickup from walmart for food. I don't even need to go inside anymore to shop. 1 nice thing to come out of Covid. (my local store would have never transitioned otherwise) I still am constantly stressed out because my family, I assume, hates me, and hates that I don't do anything "meaningful" with my life. They constantly let me know how they feel. Ever day I am met with disapproval by my mother. She in turn hears it from my grandmother. I quit talking to the rest of my family decades ago because of the stress. It wasn't worth it. Toxic relationships are never worth it! Even if they are blood. I am not a social butterfly. While my mom and grandmother are extroverts. Therefor everyone else should be them. They are perfect you are not. I would tell them to go &^*^% themselves, but they are all I have left now. Best I can do is just put my headset on, put on my favorite music and play a video game I really enjoy. My main issue is I go through a constant cycle of anhedonia.
I am listening to your as I rest and get ready to go to sleep. No wonder I wake up at 2 AM. Yes I do relate to and understand. I am better about going in the store now. I was the same way with the gym, and many other things.
One of the greatest things though, is that with time, you can redirect these unbearable tasks into a new subject of hyper-focus so your inertia can build on the task at hand, for better efficiency. Its kind of funny, there was a time I saw some lady in the distance at the store rushing around with the cart zippin' past people near her, and I thought that lady shops like I do and knows how to get it done. Halfway thru the store realize....its my mom, with the same coping mechanism. Hyper-focused to get in and get the hell out..which mostly is I think a natural adaptation to avoid that nervous system mess(which I always thought of as like nervous energy in anticipation of impending sensory overload) This is not to say that getting out of that frozen transition state is easy though. It took me years to adapt and realize the true beauty of what the strengths (which is what these things are, especially the inertia on task) of the spectrum can do for us with some work and redirection.
I just experienced that! I need to learn more about the nervous systems you mentioned. Heart racing, everything! Even though I had my headphones on. Since lockdown, I don’t want to go anywhere, just hide in the basement where I live. I’m 68, undiagnosed, with comorbidities of depression, CPTSD, & anxiety all for which I take medication.
Abolustely resonating with it 100%! I've always felt a lot of guilt (for laziness, procrastination, or lack of self control) over this inertia. My mom always commented on this when I was a child, like how it was difficult for me to transition, and it definitely still is one of the most challenging things for me. Either I can't stop or I can't start, and then I either lose sleep or lose time to get things done. Sometimes the more guilty I feel the more difficult I find to overcome this inertia.
Yes, the car seems to often feel like my "safe space", where I don't want to leave it. It's hard to get up in the morning, and hard to get ready to go to bed (because I don't want to face the morning time, where I have to try and get going again; but I often love the feeling of mot wanting to stop once I get going on something). Right now, I am dreading having to figure out my income taxes, because they are going to be more complicated being self-employed. It often feels difficult to try and keep up with the week-to-week regular life duties.
I have SUCH a problem with this. It makes my life so incredibly hard. However, I’m intrigued by the suggestions you made and can see why my walks and journaling are so helpful. I just need to figure out some other things to do in moments where those are inaccessible or too hard.
My new stimming ball has really helped with getting started. As I lay on the couch and don't feel like moving, I can just roll it between my hands. Soon I feel like throwing it and suddenly I am actually moving, and then starting to do something is much easier
![Blox Fruits Dragon Rework Update [Full Stream]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/EqDAp8udhm0/mqdefault.jpg)
The more I learn about autism, the more I feel understood. I finally had my testing 4 days ago and I already know what the results will be. Most people I tell act like I'm crazy because I don't "look" autistic. Thank you so much for making these videos because they are so incredibly helpful and informative. They also show people that the stereotypes for Autism are so wrong. You can be female and Autistic. You can have friends. You can be Homecoming Queen. You don't have to be a boy obsessed with trains.
Thanks for your comment! Sending good vibes for your eval results.
@@MomontheSpectrum Thank you so much!!!
what does an autistic person look like? ignorant people are fine though. We can't expect anyone to understand because even psychologists don't. You can see by their studies that they often don't. People won't understand. It's just useful to understand shortcomings and potential 'superpowers.'
Congratulations on getting through your testing! I found mine really brutal and it sent me into a two-day shutdown. I agree 100%, this channel is SUCH a help!
@@annelogston It was definitely brutal. I cried 2 times and had to stop and take a walk. I was burnt out for several days. I finally get my results Oct. 11th.
This is amazingly clarifying. I always called it "jackrabbit syndrome" because like a jackrabbit, I can go and go and go, but once I put my butt down, it's DOWN. This explains so much, thank you!
Haha love this. Thanks for sharing
right, i've just owned the sentence "i'm a creature of momentum"... keep goin to keep goin, cuz if i stop, i'm stopped. I get frustrated when someone tells me to hurry and get ready when they clearly need more time to get ready than i do.. **why am I now the one waiting?** I also swear i sleep on my reset button more often than not...
That's a good one! I think of my brain like a hummingbird - it's either flitting around quickly or it's not 'alive' as far as how it feels 😅
Omg the car bit, sometimes I just sit there almost like I'm just existing and experiencing the feeling of just existing.
I've found grocery store pickups (where they bring the groceries to the car) to be a lifesaver for me. 😅
YESSS 💯
My 21 year old daughter has autism. She recently started having trouble getting out of the car. She will even stop at the front door talking a while to step inside. She is non verbal so couldn’t explain what was going on. It’s so comforting to hear this explained by someone who experiences it. Thank you so much!
Back in the late 60s my mother took my brother in for one shot. It was the DPT before they attenuated the pertussis portion. Anyway, he lost all words and stopped making eye contact all in a 48 hour window! I'm now almost 60 and I can recall he and I sitting in the car on a nice day just sungazing...my mother throwing up her hands. She knew we would get out eventually. He was on the far end of the spectrum, he fed himself but couldn't prepare the food or even shave when he was an adult. I was completely functioning - never knew I was autistic until I was an adult, for decades I thought it was just ADD but it was autism (I see this now). I spent most of my adult life researching vaccines but never really researched 'autism' even tho I knew the cause. But I just wanted to say I believe there will be some new technology that will come along and help our brains... it will be soon so hang in there! And thank you for your comment because it brought back sweet memories for me. Also reminded me of the time he threw my rollers on top of the house then pushed me out of the tree when I tried to get them... but that's a story for another day, lol!
I find it really hard to ground myself when in sensory overwhelm. It makes me shutdown if I try. Sometimes changing the sensation can help but it’s a bit hit and miss for me atm. I once had an older autistic friend explain that it takes less energy to group similar tasks together and it was life changing. I believe it is because it reduces this autistic inertia you are talking about. Once I’m out the house and get used to it, it’s easier to do all the outside chores. But I wouldn’t mix that with socialising or another category of task or I’ll get burnout. Batching my tasks really helps!
Great tips! Thanks for sharing.
Grouping tasks is how I’ve always functioned. I’ve been in burnout lately and my doctors keep telling me to pace my activities. They don’t understand that I have to do everything at once because if I stop it takes all my energy to get started again!
interesting. i think i have always done this anyway, but so useful to see it and be able to choose it as a strategy x
Omg I’m literally crying here because I thought I was the only one who arrives at a destination but doesn’t leave the car for 10 minutes because I need to zone out to feel ok again.. I’m 35 and I’ve only been diagnosed 2 months ago, it was a complete shock but I’m so proud of myself for getting through my very traumatic life on my own. Thank you for these videos, you’re help and knowledge is greatly appreciated xxx
We need a parking for only Autistic people. That way, when we’re all zoning out we could it together.
You’re so welcome! I’m glad you have found the channel helpful
@@taoist32 hahaha I love this idea so much
@@MomontheSpectrum Yes, it is! I do it in my driveway every time I come home from work. Parking spaces for us would be awesome.
I don’t have a car and I don’t drive because I think it would be way too stressful for me.
Something that helps me when I'm unable to move/start a new 'thing' is planning out (for me saying it out loud helps) what it is that I'm going to do and what that looks like. For example, I'll be sitting and the floor and say; ''I'm going to close my laptop, put it to the right of me, get up off the floor, walk towards the toilet, use the toilet. After that I'll walk over toward the sink and wash my hands with the soap that I know is over there. When I'm done with all that I can see what my next plan will be''. This is just an example, sometimes I'll plan further ahead or less detailed, but it all depends on how overwhelmed or stuck I feel. Before going to/entering the supermarket I like to visualize in my head what the store looks like and the path I will take. Again these things help me a lot, because the activity is filled with less uncertainty. I know exactly what I expect of myself. I know the steps I'm going to take and I know that I'm able to deal (or not deal) with those individual steps. It takes the uncertainty and fear of the unknown a bit out of doing things, which is really important to me because I break down when I don't know what's coming or what's expected of me.
I hope this tip might help someone. It can feel silly to have to plan out something as mundane or 'simple' as going to the toilet, but if it helps you to actually do it than it's not silly. Just because other people might not need help with certain things does not mean you (and me, as I'm saying this to myself as well) don't deserve help with it.
Oh my gosh! I thought I was the only one to preemptively walk through the grocery store. I even have my grocery list set up in the order I come to things in the store. I hadn't realized it was a strategy I used to help with the transition to the store (which I hate going to).
Wow - this describes my struggles with motivation perfectly. Starting is things - even things I enjoy - is always difficult. The thing is, so is stopping. Once I get started, I'll often become so involved that I lose track of time. Great, right? Not neccessarily. Overinvolvement leads to other tasks being neglected. Contemporary life and work in Western technological cultures has become incredibly complex and demands constant task switching. Add in the stress of constant distractions from visual and auditory sources like computer screens and phones, and urban environments, and I feel like I'm under constant assault. This explains why I become angry / hostile sometimes when well meaning people try to chat me up as I'm heading out to run errands or am engrosed in something. So another dimension to autistic inertia is how it impacts social functioning. It's really hard to get me out to parties. Once there, I feel like I'm in a battle zone, so I drink to dull my senses and reduce anxiety. I'm also the first to arrive and last to leave. Then, because of the self medication with booze, my sleep is disrupted, and the next day is shot, and my routine is destroyed, sometimes it can take weeks to re-establish. Yes, I've tried not drinking at parties. It makes them absolutely intollerable. If I don't drink, I'm the first to leave! Unstructured social gatherings feel like a gang assualt on me.
...and people wonder why I've become more and more reclusive as I've aged!
My primary stiming method is playing guitar and singing. Nothing brings me more joy or peace. Starting and stopping is still hard, and once I start, I'll play for hours without stopping. This has led to me becoming quite proficent, even though I didn't start until I was in my 50s. I enjoy performing for people because it doesn't require much interaction, except through my instruments. People are also very appreciative rather than competitive or whatever it is they get up to in unstructured settings. Best of all, I'm able to control the sonic environment so that it's soothing to my nervous system - and apparently, to that of nuerotypical people as well.
I think that autism is ultimately "the same" as being nuerotypical in the same way that anyone who can run is "the same" as Usain Bolt. We are blessed and cursed with extreme sensitivities and abilities. On an Olympic race track, Usain Bolt's running ability is a gift. If he tries to sprint full speed through a crowded subway though, someone's going to get hurt. If he races ordinary people everywhere he goes, they are not going to like him much. Being autistic is like being a sprinter who has to sprint all the time or not at all and not knowing it, much less why. Seems to me finding a way of life that allows us to do do what we do best and not do what we do worst is the best life for us.
This is such a great analogy.
I'm a DJ and one of the things I've said I always have liked about DJing is that I can be at parties and social events but not have to socialise. I just stand in the corner playing my music, doing my nerdy technical thing but I'm also able to show people a bit of who I am and what I feel through the songs I choose without having to talk to them myself. People get it and enjoy it. One of my main stims is dancing as well. Being a DJ that loves dancing people seem to think I'm incredibly sociable but I really do not feel like that.
I also used to self medicate with booze. I thankfully managed to quit booze completely 5 years ago and it has helped me massively. It causes and exaggerates so many problems that we think we're using it to alleviate and that is where the problem lies. A book called Kick The Drink by Jason Vale really help to explain this. Sometimes you have to accept that certain situations are not for you instead of trying to force it with booze. However, you'll probably find that just like me socialising becomes easier once you have quit alcohol for long enough. For me it was around 3-6 months mark where I learnt to socialise better without alcohol than with it. We think alcohol is relaxing us but it actually casues tons fo anxiety and stress. Once you're far enough removed from that you're better equipped to deal with the overwhelming sensations of a social situation yourself Instead of with booze.
I completely resonated with the "feeling of needing to change my skin". That's a statement I've made, my Entire life and no one has Ever understood it! Thank you for your videos and guidance! I've been to 17 therapists in the last 26 years & had WAY too many incorrect diagnosises. It wasn't until i found your videos that I realized both my daughter and I are on the spectrum. I'm grateful to you, cause now i can educate myself on how to properly help myself And Her! So hopefully she doesn't have the same bad experiences that I did in life.
I knew immediately what this was going to be about. The description of my life. I can’t leave the house to get anywhere on time. Sometimes I can’t get out of the car when I come home. You’re right, knowing that it’s a thing makes it easier to recognize and deal with. Thanks for your channel. ❤
You’re welcome! And so glad you could relate to kind of internalizing it as soon as you saw it! Totally relate.
Not being able to get places on time....THIS is a place I must offer myself grace!
I totally experience this. With me, it's starting tasks. When I finish a big task or get interrupted, it takes so much effort for me to start the next thing or get back to what I was doing!
Difficulty with transitions, big time!! I did not know it was autistic. I feel better knowing. 74 and just got diagnosed.
Thanks for sharing Linda! Glad you’re here.
I've struggled with this my whole life but have never realized it's such a deep pattern. I have done the sit-in-the-car-and-struggle-to-move thing more times than I can count. I've reached my destination, sat for 20 minutes, then just drove home so many times and I'd always get so frustrated with myself and not understand why. It helps so much to be able to put these moments and difficulties into words and know that other people struggle in the same ways. 🖤
Yes, the stuck in the car thing.. I used to be so excited as a kid to go to my drumset lessons, but when we arrived at the teacher's house I'd get so uncomfortable and be stuck fidgeting in the car for 10-20 minutes, overwhelmed and emotional, before I would be able to get out of the car and calm down to start the lessons, which I would end up enjoying once I actually got to the drums.. exhausting though. I was always so worn out trying to get out of the car that I would just choose to stay in the car during grocery shopping etc.. somehow as an adult just now figuring out I'm probably on the spectrum I'm realizing how I've ended up masking this behavior and saving it for when people won't notice I'm just sitting in my car. 😂
Just this week I was describing this need for momentum to make daily life easier and ended up googling the meaning of inertia not knowing autism inertia was a thing yet. At the same time I noticed I find it really calming to give myself extra time when I go places to have time to sit in the car for 5-10 minutes just to transition.
Anywho, needless to say this video made SO much sense right now- thank you!!!
I always struggeled with it. And I am late diagnosed as well (diagnosed at the age of 37). I remember that it was hard for me as a child. School were hard as I never could do my homework and turn in assignments. I never got around to do my homework eighter. I simply had to learn during education.
But people did not see my Aspergers. Yes they saw that I were a but different, but the only thing people focused on, were my productivity. During the entire primaery school, I were dunked on, and called lazy. My mother always yelled at me, and called me lazy. I was told that all I had to do, were just to pull my self together. That statement is like the only support I ever recieved in school.
No wonder I had a deep distain and hatred to school, up untill the age of some 35. I hated school, but did go each and every day, as I were told that I should. I think that is why I never missed school, because my parents told me that I had to.
But christ..... I hated school to my guts, I hated going to school and get bullied, hated that teachers let the kids bully as hard as they wanted, hated that the teachers closed their eyes, hated it all....
Worst 10 years of my life.
I am blown away by this. I have never heard of autistic inertia. I was just diagnosed a few months ago, and SO much of what I've learned has been so relieving and empowering, but this is the first I've heard of this concept. The crazy thing is, I have known this about myself my whole life! Whatever state I'm in, I want to stay in that state, and it's really hard to change. Getting up from the couch at night to head to bed... (sometimes I will sit there for another hour, stuck in place), getting out of bed in the morning, getting in the shower, getting OUT of the shower, starting work in the morning, stopping work at the end of the day... those transitions are SO hard. But I never knew this was related to autism!
As a child it took me time to move from the moment of not eating to eating, staring at my plate and thinking, then with effort change to the moment of using the spoon to take food to my mouth. I thought this strange awareness of the "change effort" had no explanation. Eureka moment Mom on the Spectrum, this must be inertia! And now as an adult, I think I experience inertia and I overeat (keep eating until the plate is empty, even if not hungry).
I am just starting my discovery of the autistic life. It was just a couple of months ago that my wife (ADHD) raised the question "could you be autistic?" As I've researched since then, I am convinced. And this video is one more piece in my puzzle. I am so like. Getting up to leave the house is so challenging some days. As is getting up to go to bed at night. Or doing a needed task. One strategy that I have used is give myself a reward. Something on the lines of "Once you complete these three tasks, you can reward yourself by watching RUclips videos for the rest of thew evening. Or eat your favourite safe food.
Thanks for sharing your experience here!
This really resonates with me. I often go without essential food items (milk etc) for days because I can't leave the house to buy them.
And getting ready for bed is a constant nightmare. I've dropped off to sleep at the dining table (in the early hours of the morning) and then woken up while in the process of falling off my chair...all because I can't get up to go to bed.
Omg. The car thing. I lived in Chicago for a long time without a car so being back in a situation with the cat made it so much mroe noticeable. I love driving too and have always felt safe in cars (probably because it’s also a small enclosed space and there’s music) but gosh I lose so much time in the car and have such a hard time getting out. I also like to use the car to make phone calls because they’re somehow easier there?
I’m fascinated by where autistic inertia and autistic burnout connect because I’ve had several periods in my life or literal years- often there’s a lot of physical health stuff connected as well and I’m significantly physically disabled in general- where I end up profoundly isolated, rarely leave the home, just am not functioning. I didn’t have good parents. I was very neglected. I’ve been trying to ask for help for so many years and I mean with this and people don’t understand me or shove home health at me and I’m like no that’s not what I want and I don’t want people to do things for me because often that just makes the inertia worse. I want help helping myself basically. But oof. There’s a version of this that’s very dangerous and severe. If you’ve heard of the case of the autistic woman Lacey who died after years on her parents couch. I feel like I’ve been half a step away from that a few times in my life. And when I’m in these places I feel like 100x more autistic. I struggle so much harder to communicate and interact or even speak. My brain is just so wildly overwhelming.
I’ve been through an extreme trauma or basically a life destroying cascade of them and I’m not getting out of it or the help I need on any front (lord of complicating factors in addition to the autism) and the only keeping from total inertia and never leaving the bed is literally that I’m homeless in a hotel alone. But yeeeah. Trying to find the words to explain these experiences to people. Or having doctors and therapists treat like I’m being dramatic or I’m just fine and can take care of myself better than I say. It’s so freaking hard. I should stop rambling. I’m just… processing a lot. Which I think is part of it. Like I haven’t had the chance e to process my traumas and all the crap on my back and I just can’t function at all. It sucks. It sucks how little understanding or support there is for autistic adults. It sucks.
I'm sorry to hear about what you've gone through. Thank you for sharing this - I know it will help many others who come across your comment!
I'm glad that there's a name to it. Idk why but it makes me feel better. I do this all the time when I need to cook. Sometimes I can't even step foot in the kitchen because it's way too much even when I have food already prepped. Or even physically getting out of bed on bad days, I'm fully rested and want to do anything but it feels like there's this invisible 10,000 volt forcefield keeping me from even putting my foot over the side. Thanks for talking about it!
same, I do that with cooking and laundry. you described the feeling perfectly!
My autistic inertia is mostly with my sleep schedule. I have difficulty with transitioning between sleep and wakefulness.
Very glad your channel exists. 55 years here being diagnosed
I have to procrastinate to finally be panicked enough to motivate me to get it done.
Thank you so much for this video, Taylor. I now know why I have a problem getting motivated and dealing with the anxiety before I have to do anything. I always thought it was just extreme laziness . . .
Taylor, you channel is so meaningful to me. I'm raising a daughter on the spectrum and to see women openly sharing about their diagnosis, problems, strategies and solutions is helpful to me understanding, then guiding my daughter through it. Thank you so much!
You’re so welcome! Thank you for taking the time to share this with me. You are an awesome mom!
One thing over the course of the last few years learning to live with this new information about myself ( I learned being on the spectrum with 41, a bit over three years ago) concerns the point around 5:30 living the life by neurotypical standards.
I came to realize that my biggest problems do not lie in the question how to achieve such a life. The problems already start with me never asking myself if that is actually a life plan i truly want for myself. A problem i discovered is shared with many neurotypicals as well. They struggle, hustle and try their best achieving something which they actually never wanted, but they simply did not know.
Of course there is also the problem with society, peer pressure and the strange looks you might get when you openly challenge all the checkboxes everyone seems to have on their to-do lists these days. Ultimately it made me a more content, calmer and happier person.
I switched out this exhausting internal struggle forcing myself to achieve things that mean nothing to me with an external struggle with people that fail to understand me. Which is much easier to deal with, i can tell you as much. It saves so much energy and leaves me happier and content at the end of every day then i was ever in the 40 years before that.
Yes, the phrase instantly made sense to me - as I'm sitting here trying to make myself work. It's been really bad this week.
I'm sorry to hear that but glad the concept seems to fit. Mine has been especially intense too.
@@MomontheSpectrum Thanks for writing back. I wish you happy forward momentum. 💜🌱💜
I always refer back to a time when I was quite depressed, looking for work (I was made redundant during the financial crisis) and one time I was thirsty. On the table in front of me was a glass of water but for some reason, I couldn't move. I wanted to drink it but I couldn't reach forward to pick it up. I've had a lot of times like this but that one really sticks in my head.
Thank you for your emphasis on acceptance and self-compassion in connection with inertia. Too many RUclipsrs are talking about "overcoming" autistic inertia, which ... good luck with that, folks. Giving ourselves a break during periods of inertia actually helps us "exit" them naturally and more calmly.
I’ve heard of this and it’s so real. Changing activities is incredibly jarring but the frustration is extreme. The part about getting stuck in the car makes me feel so seen. It’s not just me. Having to try and recollect myself to do the next activity whether it’s unpack groceries or co-ordinate the next lot of actions.
We just need more time to process information and to deliberately get in the zone I have both ASD and ADHD
I’ve never heard of the term before but it’s definitely something I struggle with on a daily basis. Often sit in the car for a little while too 😂 .It’s incredibly frustrating in terms of both my productivity and the worry that I appear lazy or unmotivated to others.
As a male diagnosed with ADHD last year at 41 and currently on the ASD assessment waiting list (long wait here in the UK), I feel I resonate more with some of the female presentations of both ADHD & ASD and that’s possibly why it’s gone unnoticed with me for so long 🤷♂️
Only recently discovered your channel but I’m finding your content incredibly useful - thank you.
Hope your tea didn’t get too cold :-)
Haha I know I was sipping it in between my words but felt weird keeping it in when I was editing lol. So now I just awkwardly hold a cup for a while Lolol
@@MomontheSpectrum glad you got to drink it 😂
Hey, also in the UK and male in my 40s. Not diagnosed with either ASD or ADHD, but I have amassed a mountain of evidence for both conditions. If you feel like you have both, I would suggest checking out a video by Yo Samdy Sam that highlights 5 things that are common in people with both ASD and ADHD. It was really helpful for me.
I find I’ll get n the car and drive, but will change my mind as to where I’m going, so drive past my destination, and then just keep driving aimlessly, not being able to decide where to go instead. Eventually I’ll either pull in and try and make a decision, or
I’ll just drive home. This happens me ALOT. Wondering if this is autistic inertia?
oh my god. THE CAR!!!!!! I literally will spend like 16 hours a day sitting in my car really uncomfortable and I never knew anyone else had this issue until now. I had never heard of autistic inertia before. this is the singlemost damaging issue i’ve been dealing with recently and didn’t even know if there was a way out. I deal with lots of other examples of it too, but that just really hit home. Thank you for sharing, I honestly can’t believer this isn’t talked about as much as like unmasking.
This helped me so much. When you said "we dont have a lot of examples. Do it your way" it motivated me to BE the example of what autistic success can look like.
I had a bad meltdown yesterday and felt like a complete failure. But Im nit a failure, my success journey just doesnt look like a neurotypical
YES!! BE the example! I love it.
This explains a lot about how I'm having trouble with tasks, especially now I'm hitting middle age -- although I'm sure that hitting middle age also has something to do with it.
I have used fhe phrase "trying to overcome inertia" to explain my feelings of overwhelm/inability to act since I as 12 or so...
Mental nausea and the inertia issue, those were always my biggest descriptors when I tried to explain myself...
I struggle a lot with my interoception specifically, and so a big breakthrough that I had is that I usually struggle to start or stop something most when there is something in my body that needs attention. If I notice that I'm unable to start or stop I try and do a review of my body and see if I'm hungry or tired or need the bathroom, and if one of those things is true and I can address it first that really helps me to then be able to move on to what I want to do next.
same, learning to ask myself those questions has helped me so much! feels a little silly sometimes as though I'm roleplaying my own parent or something haha, but hey, it's what I need!
@@moonbread2334 whatever works, right?!
Same here! Thanks for posting as I hadn’t put the 2 together!!!
@@moonbread2334 I have a toddler who is also learning how to understand his own body, so I feel like I'm parenting myself and him at the same time! Having a toddler has actually helped me a lot though - the tips I'm learning to help him with meltdowns and learning how to take care of himself work just as well on me.
Thank you, I'd not made this connection but have noticed I'll grab a glass of water while thinking what I need to do next or go to my thinking place (toilet) .... these actions seem to help me move to next action. I can try this today. 🙂
When I study I find it a lot easier to get started if I have a combination of sitting to write notes and answer questions and doing the same thing on a big whiteboard whilst standing up and also pacing. This way I can be walking around whilst trying to understand and answer a question and this helps loads as I lose focus so easily if I'm just sitting down and trying to figure out a question or trying to write notes whilst sitting down. This unfortunately means that being sat down in a lecture hall and trying to keep up with the lecture is quite awful as I am sat down for the whole time, it doesn't help as well that I am a visual learner and most of my lectures when explaining something say it but don't illustrate it very well.
Thank you so much for sharing this how do we help ourselves it’s been so demoralizing for me because I’m supposedly really smart, but I have failed out of so many things and I’m the type of learner where if there’s a question I have to figure it out before I can move on and then I need to see it in real life I see all the elements happening not just the words, and then sometimes I need to stop and replay the images and ask questions and even then maybe do it several times and then do it again several times and again and eventually it stays with me, but you can’t do this in a classroom and it happens almost the whole time you’re learning and so it’s basically like sitting in a room trying to learn from people speak in another language useless
Now in small towns when other students in care and the teacher was standing above me and I could have them answer every question and it was irritating, but they didn’t have anyone else to bother them I could learn and it took so much effort on my part but I was actually valedictorian of my school. Anyway I’m still not at the place of Tryon because I’ve tried so many times and be beaten down and people don’t understand you and do you understand that they can’t stand you and you’re being demanding that you you have not figured out a way or system in which you’re investing your money and time in the upper level education will not be wasted this even happens if you’re working in a coffee shop or clothing shop it in general you’re just harder for people to deal with and it makes it hard to watch I don’t know I’m just I’m not sad for myself right now but I really I feel like someone be normal and have a stroke and can’t walk either eat or do anything and can’t talk and didn’t really know they had a stroke all this time but has a sense something is wrong but they basically basically been working on it all this time and now maybe they’re getting close to someone telling them but their years of experience over and over told him nothing is going to help me nothings gonna help me and so like trying and all the energy and all of that more people don’t want to hear it and you’re trying but it’s exhausting it it’s become better to nod your head and smile like me trying to live is not feather right now and so it’s I’m not hurting but I haven’t found reasons to live yet I’m just existing now and I hope that something can change for us because at least I had a hope of people understanding me or me being a better friend if I got a job or with better at my job or became prettier or learn more about human behavior or try to different medication or even the Bible I kept on having hopes and it’s just rude to sit here right now I feel like what if it’s always gonna be like this like all I don’t know how to live like this I guess it’s really depressing and I’m trying to sit with it Often times I don’t even have the energy anymore to try to exercise it’s weird I don’t know if it’s depression I don’t know anyways
Oof good points.
@@visionvixxen I’m sorry to hear about your struggles but you’re not alone! You can check out my big autistic resource guide which is full of helpful things for the community or look into autistic community groups that can connect you to others like you! Info for both are available on my website momonthespectrum.life. I would love to connect with you!
I definitely resonate with what you said about knowing what the behavior is and being able to cope with it better by giving yourself grace. I found out I was on the spectrum about a year ago and since I found out I've felt more comfortable in my own skin. I KNOW why I behave the way I behave. I KNOW why I struggle with social interactions. I KNOW why I need time to decompress. I KNOW why and that knowledge is powerful. It's what is allowing me to do well in graduate school - besides the topic is what I'm passionate about - and it's what is allowing me to plan times to decompress before doing things that require more brain effort.
I really like the term autistic inertia. It definitely made sense when I saw your video, but I couldn't explain HOW it made sense. Right now, for example, I just finished babysitting my best friend's kids and I know that I need to take a moment to self-regulate before I can dive back into graduate school mode. I also really liked the term "autistic stare". It made me laugh because it's SO relatable to me and it's literally when I "go brain dead" for a moment. Thank you for creating this community of people that are on the spectrum but don't "look" the part.
I had a sudden memory of a conversation I had with my dad back when I was a teen. I had asked a question, and for several seconds the most totally blank expression came over his face, as I guess he struggled with how to answer me. I bet that was his autistic stare. He never was diagnosed, but looking back, I suspect he was.
You’re very welcome! And you’re right, just KNOWING WHY you do things is completely life. Changing.
Yes autistic stare off into the distance lol, yeah I do that for sure, especially a lot in the morning. Transitioning to being an awake person is sucky
This could literally be the title of my life story!! It is so hard to try to express just how difficult it is to start or stop something’s sometimes 😣
Before I knew I was autistic I built in transition time chunks. So if I got off of work at 4, I'd spend some time in the area, looking at shops, getting a bite to eat (spanakopita rolls), people watching. Then I'd head onto the transit and just watch the world slowly change over the days on the trip home, and then wander around some nature before going to my actual home.
I seem to only remember these coping skills / moments when I'm very stressed, and I need to build them into the mellow days too.
So interesting you were aware of your need for this even before you knew you were autistic! Thanks for sharing.
I just thought of one! When I realize I’m experiencing inertia, I can break down the thing I’m doing into components and choose to “continue” doing one of them.
For example, I’m watching a RUclips video by Mom on the Spectrum on Autistic Inertia.
I can choose to keep watching RUclips videos.
I can also choose to keep thinking about autistic inertia… maybe while I make lunch.
I wish I could like this twice.
Aww thank you!
I also have an innate understanding of the phrase once I heard it, and it does resonate so much with me! It is so hard to get myself to do something once i have stopped, no matter how much I want to- it is so annoying bc it really does get to me and keeps me from doing what I need to do/ I also would just sit in the car and then go back home rather than go inside ....even for my channel, I either upload every day or often OR once I hit a pause, I can't get myself to upload again, I fight myself mentally for a week or more trying to get back in the game
Yes! I totally resonate with this.
I don’t have a spectrum diagnosis but wow do I know this one. I’ve learned so much about regulation from you and other neurodivergent people. My whole life I’ve battled over-reaction and how destructive it has been in my life. Thank you
You’re welcome. ❤ thanks for your comment
I am so grateful for the order ahead with groceries. The sensory overwhelm of going to a grocery store is very dysregulating. Now, I’m able to order ahead and avoid going in. I also have major triggers around food in general so ordering ahead has been a huge relief!!
My husband always jokes that he needs a cattle prod to get me out of bed in the morning. Getting out of bed is my hardest transition. Autistic inertia.
Oof I feel this
I started listening to inertia videos this morning while trying to get myself out of bed.
Every time I watch one of your videos it's about something that's a huge struggle for me. Wow. I just thought I was tired or something. The stuck in the car thing has actually been a huge problem for me. Thank you so much for this video! I'm not diagnosed but this is one more thing to put on the list.
You're welcome! I'm glad this video was helpful to you.
This also makes me understand why I’ve never been one to jump out of bed quickly in the morning. I don’t understand how people can do that. Lately I’m noticing a feeling of sensory overwhelm after I cook dinner. I sit down to eat and feel overwhelmed by everything and can’t usually hold a conversation. It’s so strange as I spent so many years without having that happen. I think I’m in the camp of having perimenopause make everything worse which is why I’ve been able to identify asd and adhd. Now I understand why I was getting migraines at the end of every shift after over 5 years as a nurse in the hospital. The layers. Thank you for all that you share!❤
Between ASD and ADHD, I have never heard a more apt analogy before than 'it's like driving with one foot on the gas and one on the breaks'. That sums up how I feel all the time, every day, perfectly.
For me it manifests in a different way. I have issues with "order." I divide the process (for whatever I have to do) in "steps." Step 1, 2, 3, 4... must be done in that order. BUT! Something about Step 3 has a direct effect on Step 1 but I must do step 1 first. When that happens I get "stuck." This can happen from packing a suitcase to to packing for a move or even cleaning my apartment. For me it's the process.
“Go for a walk’ I would, if I could just persuade myself to get out of this chair, put my coat on, find my keys and start actually moving. I just thought that was a fun thing to say in the light of the subject! But this is very enlightening when I thought I just had an extremely lazy personality. Thank you for all your research.
the moment you brought up the car scenario… oh my god i feel so much less alone now. every time i arrive home or get in the car from an appointment, errands, etc. i sometimes spend up to an hour just sitting. and it doesn’t even feel that long to me? i’ve always hated it bc i realize after how much time i just wasted doing absolutely nothing and i never knew the reason. thank you for the video!!
Oh my goddess yes. Transitions are so challenging. Hard to start, hard to stop. This is why I love being an improvising musician cos I get to transition continuously within the music once it’s started!! I also share simple, powerful ways into improvisation in workshops as I was shown by my mentor John Stevens who was definitely not neuro typical!! Thank you for this video.
oh my goddess :) love it
Was sitting on my bed in total inertia and scrolling to find a video that would maybe help me move - so I clicked
In regard to allistic people relating to the human traits of autism (forgetfulness, favoring objects, having to move to get out energy) , I recently saw a post along the lines of “everyone pees” yes - but if you do it 60 times a day , that is definitely a difference and a problem ! It’s not our behaviors that are different necessarily, it’s what is going on internally / the frequency which can cause issues.
Last Saturday I had an awful day. I went to a big box store and at the checkout I was told my card expired and the service desk can help. I go to the desk, wait in line to be told I wasn’t the primary, my sister is. Instead of saying “I can set up up on your own” I got a no, I had no creative thought out of the box moment. I left everything and cried all the way home. I never left my house again all weekend.
Omg it's is so comforting to hear that this is an actual thing with a name. Once again I feel like you are describing myself to me Tay, and it's so so helpful.
I've recently started to tap into the fact that I have inertia when I'm getting ready in the morning, and right when I get home from work. But the second I sit down to relax, its game over for the rest of the day. As much as I want to relax in between activities, it just doesnt work
Awareness is so important! Sounds like you are learning to understand your patterns
Transitions are indeed very difficult. Being aware of what it is is the first step.
Yes and even just identifying “I’m having a hard time transitioning” can be the first step.
Something that helps me, is checking in with a FtP game to make the transition smoother. Instead of it feeling like an off/on switch between tasks it feels like I'm naturally moving between tasks
I used to say “it’s inertia, I can’t explain it. But it’s some type of inertia” many years later I see this!!!
I've always felt the urge to just sit in the car once I've arrived at my desitination. And I have to start doing tasks by doing something really easy, then something a little bit more difficult, and so on and so forth.
I don’t have any tips but it is a relief to have this information for me to call on when I’m revisited by the notion from childhood that I’m lazy or slow or a daydreamer. I am a daydreamer but it was said with a negative connotation every time by the adults in my life.
You're definitely not the only one! There are many others here in the community who can relate to this.
I have definitely experienced inertia many times, I thought it was just me. It really helps to know that it’s a thing that people on the spectrum experience and that I’m not alone. Thanks for sharing!
I first found the words of autistic inertia in a book sincerely, your autistic child. I didn’t really look into it more until I watched this video. Then, realizing that I am struggling with self regulation and self compassion are from autistic inertia. I’m still fairly new in my post late diagnosis journey as an autistic person. It takes me longer to process any information and go slowly so I don’t overwhelm myself. This video do help explain what’s autistic inertia, so I definitely need to work on allowing myself to take more breaks like naps to help with self regulation. And not be too hard on myself. I don’t know, it’s really hard.
I am wonderfully late for this, but would like to say that I struggle big time with Autistic Inertia. One thing that has helped me, especially when I'm in the car and struggling to get out, is listening to music or a podcast in the car and then continuing to listen to it as I get out of the car and transition into my next task. That way at least one variable stays the same.
I can’t drive, but I get stuck all the time, so do my kids. It’s fascinating. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you SO MUCH for this video! It really helped me to understand myself better! 💗∞
When I first heard about inertia as a kid in school, I immediately recognized it as a description of my own difficulties going from one state to another. It would be over six decades before I began to wonder if I had autism. Still self-diagnosed, but yeah.
I'm not sure wether I'm autistic or not. While I have a lot of traits, and struggle with many normal things for others, I keep finding things I can relate to in your channel, so thank you very much.
Like this one exactly, this Inertia, my gosh! I didn't know it even had a name, but wow it gets so hard to transition and adapt for normal life activities. I feel so guilty and less fit for life when I need so much time to "do nothing" just being there, when I'm about to do something I should get done... Maybe you know what I mean. Even knowing this is a thing is getting helpful, I'm starting to realize I can soothe myself to help me get through these transitions better, but also push myself a little bit more, because it's just part of that weird part of me. Now I have a new word, I could go like: "well, it's another of my transition inertia moments, so I'll just push through it" I guess.
It also makes so much sense why I need to take a walk at the park, play with my cat, have some tea, or do my daily yoga, do these things almost as daily sacred rituals. These little things are my treasures, not a luxury.
Yes ‘daily sacred rituals’. Essential for me xx
Mornings are so difficult for me, especially after my "weekend" I'm in the bathroom in my pjs in front of the mirror, not knowing what to do.
Oh my god, I sit in my car too! It takes me forever to work up the energy to go inside, even if I’m excited to get home. I just start listing all the tasks I have to do in between sitting in my car and unwinding in my house: put water bottle in bag, put phone in pocket, put headphones in bag, close bag, take keys out of ignition, etc etc. Its too many things! But when I have cleaning days, I whirl around the house, cleaning one room after another with very few breaks. Same thing when I’m putting together a project I’m really excited by. Hours can pass and I’ll realize I’ve been ignoring my body’s cues all day.
This term is new to me, but I understand what you're saying . And yes, I do agree that as people on the spectrum that it is important for us to give ourselves grace and allow ourselves time to process what is happening around us. I usually do that same things, going for walks in nature, which I enjoy, or journaling, reading, playing my trumpet, or sitting and watching a nice show with my amazing loving cat, Princess.
At school I always got great grades, above average, and my teachers I remember that would 'complain' with my mom saying that I 'complained a lot when it was time to learn or do something totally new, but then I would make it just perfectly, better than everybody'. Yes I do FEEL this concept before even knowing what it means.
ooh very interesting perspective. Thanks for sharing this!
Wow, your reference to driving to the store and then just sitting in your car stuck really resonated with me! That happens to me regularly and all these years I just thought I was being lazy or difficult. I’m 52 and recently diagnosed with ASD and ADHD after decades of misdiagnosis or just labeled as depressed and anxious. Thank you for making this video.
I just thought of something a couple hours ago. There are three types of clutches (for the ones that know manual / standard transmissions)
A) NT Clutch / Stock Clutch
B) Special Interests Clutch {2x faster as type A}
C) Non Special Interests Clutch {Half Speed of Type A}
You described perfectly what I used to experience regularly in the morning....like a lead weight on my chest so I couldn't get out of bed, while my mind and skin raced with all that I HAD to do. Awful!!! I'm so thankful for you! Thankful for my own healing and learning and growth in self-acceptance. Please keep talking!
I love how you talk with your hands
Thank you for this. I tried to explain this to my employer recently. Essentially they wanted me to complete a task that required pulling in data from multiple sources, and comparing it against data from another source. This requires some level of focus and I need to be able to immerse myself in the task. BUT they also expect me to answer the phone, so calls mustn't go unanswered.
I tried to explain that I can't work on the data analysis task if I'm having to constantly break my focus to answer the phone, spend time talking to the caller, then trying to get back to focussing on the main task. Their response was to ask me to come into the "office" for the whole week (this was Monday morning and I was already due to go in for a meeting on the Tuesday).
For context, the company is a family business so my bosses were a husband and wife and the "office" was their dining room, with cables trailing along the floor, dogs running around, all kinds of sensory triggers. Combine this with the fact that I need a desk and a chair with arm rests and lumbar support and a head rest, none of which are provided, and I had already explained to them that I am autistic and that the environment there makes me really physically and mentally uncomfortable. Also, my job was supposed to be home-based - MY home, not theirs, so asking me to come into the office so they can closely supervise me was actually pretty unreasonable, especially when they already treat me like a child and expect me to just shut up and do what I'm told, exactly how they want it done. For reference, I'm 45.
So when I explained to the husband how I either need someone else to cover the phones for a while so I can concentrate, or I need more time to work on the data analysis, he asked me to come in and work from their house for the whole week. When I said that I was already coming in Tuesday and I wasn't mentally or physically comfortable with working from their dining room all week, he replied "this isn't working for me, I will recruit another assistant". Five minutes later, I was locked out of all systems.
This impacts my life greatly. I'm currently trying to find a career that better fits me...and it's hard and discouraging.
I can relate to the difficulty with finding a good fit when it comes to employment. As an RN (retired), I couldn’t seem to fit in with neuro typical coworkers. I seem to do my best when working alone. The trouble with that concept is, clinical nursing is a team oriented career. It wasn’t until I discovered a more autonomous position in an administrative setting (case management) that I was finally able to feel less frustrated in the work place. Is there a possibility of perhaps remote work or an autonomous position in your job field you could pursue? It seems like some of us do our best work when there are fewer distractions.
@@Herk988 I'm a wedding manager at the moment, but am looking into remote project management instead. Hopefully. Fingers crossed.
@@Shackbanshee I hope you can find remote work then!
I can't say I've really had an issue with getting out of a car for inertia, but it was the retrospective of recognizing my long-term patterns of behavior that led me to go to a church-run counseling service during an extended period of unemployment and medical issues back in 2002 at 31, recognizing that it didn't matter what kind of scenario I was in. That is, under stress or not, my life pattern was very much inertially-driven, to where at a past employer, I ended up in a weird state of consciousness locked up stiff in a rolling office chair, leaning forward over the computer keyboard with my fingers just barely above it, no back support or arm support: told myself I'd just momentarily rest my eyes because of how drained I was (repeated long period of staying up late, reading) and next thing I know, my supervisor was yelling at me, with others gathered around: no clue how long I'd been in that state. I was soon going to have an ambulance called on me, it was said. Well, hmmm... When I became aware of the yelling, I noted I felt perfectly stiff. I could have never willingly, consciously achieved such stiffness and maintained it, and it took a little mental effort to disengage. To this day, I don't know what that was, technically.
But, inertia seems like it'll be more probable to happen when you're under more stress of some sort. It's not necessarily connected to depression or similar, it just happens because something blocks change. It also has a variable time scale.
Wow this explains so much. Im a single mama to 2 kids- one AuDHD, other on the wait to get diagnosed. We’re homeschooling this year & it has been a SUCH a huge challenge for me. I’m diagnosed adhd but strongly resonating w/AuDHD profile. I’ve been trying to identify if I’m better at starting or finishing things & why it’s so inconsistent, why do I struggle so much to just get all the things done?? 🤔 typically I will have a hard time or takes a while to get moving… but once I do I go & go bc yay motivation! And roll right on past my limit, use up every last spoon, not even stopping to eat & finally collapse, exhausted. Then takes a day or 2 to recover sometimes & spoons are not even available no matter how I try to force, guilt or shame myself. Not sustainable & horribly ineffective. This concept of inertia just makes so much sense. I really wish there were therapists in my area that specialize in adult AuDHD… it would make such a difference to have some to talk to that gets it & can help coach me through very ineffective “coping mechanisms” all the comparison to neurotypicals is not helpful at all but I do it constantly 🤦🏻♀️
Just got diagnosed and your videos are among the most helpful because of how compassionate and loving you talk about these things. Thank you!
Thank you for this video.
This trait/symptom is what I call 'being in a pushmi-pullyu' situation. It's been severe for me (I am AS/ASD/ADHD/cPTSD) for the past year, dealing with my mother's death, etc.
We can be so hard on ourselves.
WOW. I thought I had studied and understood all there was to study about how autism affects my life. This is a term that was new to me, but it makes 100% sense. You have just described so much of my daily life.
I just happened to recall this experience I had about 5 months ago where I couldn't figure out how to spend part of my day. I had the day off from work and I had gone to this small fair, and I found not as exciting as I had expected it to be. I had gone expecting expecting to have a meal, but barely had anything to eat. After maybe being there almost 2 hours I decided to leave and started toward home, but as I drove home thoughts started to drift toward what I would have for dinner that night. I pulled over not sure if I wanted to go home or drive someplace else to find something to stimulate me. After a moment parked on the side of the road I decided to turn around and go someplace else, and ended up getting a meal to bring home and was good.
Love how you say ‘give yourself grace’
So this issue applies to many things for me. An example that I find embarrassing but have struggled with it my whole life:
When I take a shower, I feel great, clean, refreshed, even though getting a shower is somewhat of a sensory overload sometimes. So, once I've gotten a shower, I don't want to do ANYTHING that would delete the clean, fresh feeling. Which means I don't want to do things like exercise, outdoor activities, cleaning the house, etc.
But, on the other side, when I haven't showered in the last 24 hours, I sometimes end up repeatedly putting off showering because I anticipate that I'll be asked to do things that will just make me dirty again and thus I'll have gone through sensory overload for no good reason. And, of course, if I'm not super clean, I don't want to do anything that will make it harder to ignore it...which are often all of the same sorts of things I don't want to do after a shower.
VERY...frustrating.
Fantastic video!..One which definitely resonates with me also...I've just, recently been diagnosed (at the age of 58)...and still trying to process the whole 'feelings' and understanding to find a way forward.
I love your mug and hoped you enjoyed your Scottish visit. I live several hours north from there, in The Highlands of Scotland.
Thank you for your posts. I'm learning so much from them.
I have been tying to find the words to explain this for years! I don’t start so many things because subconsciously I know 😊I can’t stop. Wow
I haven't left my property in over 20 years, and I am fine with that (I live on an 11 acre hobby farm (closest neighbor is 2 miles away), so that is a perk). Aside from doctor appointments. I do everything else online (I even do therapy online now). Including shopping. With a 1 time a month pickup from walmart for food. I don't even need to go inside anymore to shop. 1 nice thing to come out of Covid. (my local store would have never transitioned otherwise)
I still am constantly stressed out because my family, I assume, hates me, and hates that I don't do anything "meaningful" with my life. They constantly let me know how they feel. Ever day I am met with disapproval by my mother. She in turn hears it from my grandmother. I quit talking to the rest of my family decades ago because of the stress. It wasn't worth it. Toxic relationships are never worth it! Even if they are blood.
I am not a social butterfly. While my mom and grandmother are extroverts. Therefor everyone else should be them. They are perfect you are not. I would tell them to go &^*^% themselves, but they are all I have left now.
Best I can do is just put my headset on, put on my favorite music and play a video game I really enjoy. My main issue is I go through a constant cycle of anhedonia.
I am listening to your as I rest and get ready to go to sleep. No wonder I wake up at 2 AM. Yes I do relate to and understand. I am better about going in the store now. I was the same way with the gym, and many other things.
One of the greatest things though, is that with time, you can redirect these unbearable tasks into a new subject of hyper-focus so your inertia can build on the task at hand, for better efficiency.
Its kind of funny, there was a time I saw some lady in the distance at the store rushing around with the cart zippin' past people near her, and I thought that lady shops like I do and knows how to get it done. Halfway thru the store realize....its my mom, with the same coping mechanism.
Hyper-focused to get in and get the hell out..which mostly is I think a natural adaptation to avoid that nervous system mess(which I always thought of as like nervous energy in anticipation of impending sensory overload)
This is not to say that getting out of that frozen transition state is easy though. It took me years to adapt and realize the true beauty of what the strengths (which is what these things are, especially the inertia on task) of the spectrum can do for us with some work and redirection.
I just experienced that! I need to learn more about the nervous systems you mentioned. Heart racing, everything! Even though I had my headphones on. Since lockdown, I don’t want to go anywhere, just hide in the basement where I live. I’m 68, undiagnosed, with comorbidities of depression, CPTSD, & anxiety all for which I take medication.
Thanks for your comment. Glad you’re here!
Abolustely resonating with it 100%! I've always felt a lot of guilt (for laziness, procrastination, or lack of self control) over this inertia. My mom always commented on this when I was a child, like how it was difficult for me to transition, and it definitely still is one of the most challenging things for me. Either I can't stop or I can't start, and then I either lose sleep or lose time to get things done. Sometimes the more guilty I feel the more difficult I find to overcome this inertia.
Yes, the car seems to often feel like my "safe space", where I don't want to leave it. It's hard to get up in the morning, and hard to get ready to go to bed (because I don't want to face the morning time, where I have to try and get going again; but I often love the feeling of mot wanting to stop once I get going on something). Right now, I am dreading having to figure out my income taxes, because they are going to be more complicated being self-employed. It often feels difficult to try and keep up with the week-to-week regular life duties.
Autistic inertia - omg - first hearing this - transition - totally relate and feel like that’s me - can’t wait for my testing 💞👊🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
I have SUCH a problem with this. It makes my life so incredibly hard. However, I’m intrigued by the suggestions you made and can see why my walks and journaling are so helpful. I just need to figure out some other things to do in moments where those are inaccessible or too hard.
Thanks for your comment Katie!
My new stimming ball has really helped with getting started. As I lay on the couch and don't feel like moving, I can just roll it between my hands. Soon I feel like throwing it and suddenly I am actually moving, and then starting to do something is much easier
I have my appointment for the diagnosis tomorrow. So happy. Not even very nervous since I know the outcome.
I knew all of these symptoms were happening, but I didn't have a word for it! Thank you for giving us some tips on how to get through it.
You’re so welcome!