My Pregnancy Journey with ADHD: An Update
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- Опубликовано: 14 май 2024
- Hello Brains and Hearts! I’ve received a lot of questions about my pregnancy journey (and my ADHD while pregnant!), so I decided to answer as many questions as I could! It’s a bit of a long video so please feel free to use the chapters to skip around to the questions that you’re more interested in. :)
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Articles and studies
Discontinuing Stimulant Medication Negatively Impacts Pregnant Women with ADHD
www.additudemag.com/adhd-and-...
Atomoxetine in Early Pregnancy and the Prevalence of Major Congenital Malformations: A Multinational Study
www.psychiatrist.com/jcp/atom...
Parental ADHD in pregnancy and the postpartum period - A systematic review
pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33516...
The Effects of Drugs used for the Treatment of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) on Pregnancy Outcome and Breast-feeding: A Critical Review
pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33245...
The association between psychostimulant use in pregnancy and adverse maternal and neonatal outcomes: results from a distributed analysis in two similar jurisdictions
pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/36135...
The Course of ADHD during Pregnancy
pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33307...
Placenta previa
www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-c...
Definitions
Relaxin: a hormone that helps "relax" a pregnant person's body during late pregnancy in preparation for childbirth. Source: VeryWellFamily
www.verywellfamily.com/what-i...
Doula: a professional trained in childbirth who provides emotional, physical, and educational support. Source: American Pregnancy Association
americanpregnancy.org/healthy...
Video chapters
00:00 - Intro
00:41 - An Important Note
01:23 - Did you stop taking your ADHD medication while pregnant?
03:37 - Which symptoms have improved or gotten worse while pregnant?
05:34 - Did you have any pregnancy cravings?
07:37 - Have you had any hyperactivity struggles while pregnant?
09:06 - Do you have a doula?
10:50 - Have you started thinking about creating routines to help yourself better navigate the first year/baby phase?
12:58 - Do you ever get overstimulated just being in your own body with the physical discomfort of pregnancy?
15:00 - Do you have a sleep plan figured out for the newborn phase?
16:05 - Have you developed any organizational plans for her room or the house that are ADHD-friendly?
18:02 - How do you EVEN while pregnant with ADHD?!?! Chronic pain, fatigue, bad brain days, executive function and time management…
19:20 - How open are you to people feeling your belly?
20:18 - How has being pregnant changed your outlook on self-care?
21:04 - If you’re dealing with anxiety/fear how are you coping with that?
24:29 - What research have you been doing? To prepare, what have you found helpful?
26:07 - Has Chloe helped as a service dog in different/new ways during pregnancy?
27:41 - How did you decide IF you wanted children? Did you always know or did you consider not?
29:24 - How about tips for a soon to be ADHD dad on looking after the mum during labor without getting too excited/hyper?
30:54 - How are you actually doing and feeling right now?
30:06 - Video Wrap Up & Future Series!
Need translation? Learn how to turn on auto-translated captions here: docs.google.com/document/d/15...
Music credits for "My Pregnancy Journey with ADHD: An Update":
"Life of Riley", "Carefree", "Monkeys Spinning Monkeys", "The Show Must Be Go”
Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0
creativecommons.org/licenses/b...
Hello from the hospital! An even more recent update -- baby's doing really well, I'm just here for monitoring and in case I go into labor early due to the placenta/vasa previa situation (turns out there is a baby blood vessel running over my cervix, but it's not a true vasa previa because thankfully there's still a bit of placenta previa too). C section is scheduled for 36 weeks which is February 29th :) She's gonna be a leap year baby!!
Omg how special that she will come on February 29th! Good luck and enjoy meeting your baby 🥰🫶🏻
So glad you're both doing well!
How fun is that???
So fun that it's the 29th! I'm grateful that you are in WA with access to great healthcare. I know you wanted to try natural labor, but I don't think you'll miss not experiencing that once she's here. Additional reassurance: I've had trauma to my pudendal nerve that I wouldn't wish on anyone, it's quite common from vaginal birth so hopefully you're avoiding unnecessary pain by doing a c-section. I've heard that the scar can have lingering pain though, so check with a dermatologist if that happens. If you ever need advice or support, my mom has birthed and raised 4 humans and is always available for a phone chat. Take deep breaths and know that we are all here wishing well for you and baby. ❤
Making your C-section a relaxing experience is so important. Ask that they play music that relaxes you. Do your breathing exercises.
My doula was by my side while my husband stayed with the baby. My doula stayed calm and walked me through what was happening and offered me a ton of reassurance as I laid there unable move and unaware of what was happening on the other side of the curtain.
After my C-section, having a belly binder was a must. It helped prevent any kind of chaffing or rubbing against my incision location. You're going to be great! Accept help and know that you're going to be a great mom. ❤️
My wife has anxiety and depression. She went off meds during pregnancy until she had the worse anxiety attack of her life that landed her in the emergency room. The er doctors refused to give her anything and refused to contact her obgyn. Was a mess. Her obgyn was so angry she never got contacted and told us anxiety to that level was a higher risk than the medication.
So she got on a medication that had the lowest risk. We now have a happy six year old.
So the moral of the story is that getting off medication isn’t always the right answer despite what the common belief is. Look into all the risk factors and not just the one from the medication.
Thank you for sharing this, I think it's important for people to be aware of the risks of discontinuing treatment too!
Meal prep and laundry were the hardest for me with a newborn. It was hard for me to sleep when the baby slept because all I could think about was the stuff I needed to do, which triggered postpartum depression for me. It is NOT a luxury to subscribe to a meal service and/or housekeeper!
I had a similar issue. I had severe bronchitis, was on oxygen, but the hospitalists refused to put me on corticosteroids (a medication i've had since I was a small child for acute bronchitis) because I was pregnant. For 2 days. With my O2 sats dropping to the low 80s. Thankfully, my spouse called the OB, who had hospital rights at that hospital. I heard her wonderful Russian accent SCREAMING at the other doctors in the hall: "if the mother can't breathe, the mother dies! If the mother dies, the baby dies! GET THIS WOMAN BREATHING!!!" She took over my care after that. She even got me on a control for the first time in over a decade.
I can't believe she kept taking adderall while pregnant.
I am 61 years old. When I was a kid, folks often used a dresser drawer for the babies "bed" !!!!
When you went visiting, the baby was put down to nap on the biggest bed available & folks made fabric "walls" out of everyone's coats ! Lol ! 😆
Don't get hung up on what society thinks !
I think your little nursey is PERFECT ! Everything is close to hand and would take 2 minutes to clean, Lol !
As far as your update, best of luck. Sounds like you have an AMAZING team ! ❤
I’ve heard that happened in lots of families
I am so excited! My son is 10 and we are so close. Being a mom is very hard and very worth it.
When my son was a baby, he would "cry for no reason", so we would rub his shoulders, joints, muscles, and he'd stop crying.
His doctor said babies crying for no reason are because their body grows at half their full height in just the first year of their life.
So they basically hurt like we do when we use our muscles too much. Massages helped him so much.
Yes!!!! During both of my pregnancies, I was much more cautious with what I ingested emotionally…I avoided social media stress, movies that made me feel anxious for the characters, etc…I felt like if my precious kiddo can feel what I do, I’d better give her (and then him for our second one) the best emotional experience I can and keep her (and him) safe…I also miscarried both, but for that period of time, I was Mama Bear & did my best to protect them both…❤
Aw sending hugs! I've had miscarriages too, it's so hard and not talked about enough!
I wish more people were conscious of this in general. We’d be a more peaceful society without violent or antagonistic media.
@@HowtoADHD, thank you…and it’s a bit difficult to figure out how to talk about it depending on the person, like…is it okay to say that I would’ve been juuuust ahead of you at 31 or 32 weeks, or not? Also, the time between miscarrying & the due date still exists - and I’m not sure I’ve really heard anyone talk about that specific period of time…yes, there’s grief (and yes, there’s still immense joy for others - a friend of mine was concerned about telling me she was in her second trimester because we’d lost our child…me? I just gave her all my joy and excitement…yes, I miss my children, but I won’t ever try to make anyone else feel guilty for their little bundle of joy), but there’s still that anticipation and preparation…I didn’t really know what was going on with our first miscarriage, but by now (because I was due in spring both times) I was nesting…I am right now too, but I understand more - just because I’m not pregnant anymore doesn’t mean everything in me gets the memo, so…I’m just rolling with it. Trying to get some “magic stress” vs the “paralyzing stress” I feel like I’ve had for months…..showers are tough, the house still has several hot spots with huuuge messes in them, and family is coming from out of state & some want to stay here - yeah…I neeeed the magic stress to take over the paralysis. By the way, “magic stress” is basically my Mary Poppins mode (and I have no idea how long it’s been since I realized I was like Mary Poppins…I was definitely a kid though, ha! Point is, I snap my fingers and stuff gets done aaaaalmost that quickly, but I’m also like Michael in a perpetual state of not knowing HOW to snap my fingers, so…it’s fun. 😆😁)
Long story short, I agree…it needs to be talked about way more. It’s a tragic part of many people’s lives, not some taboo thing.
@@smrk2452, eeeexactly. I also try to avoid cliffhangers or watch/read right past the cliffhanger because I don’t need to be left hanging…that’s not the way to keep an anxious person interested in something. 🤪
I saw one of your videos a few months back, and it changed my world. I was just diagnosed with ADHD and ASD at the age of 47. Thank you for your videos.
Aw thank you for sharing this! Welcome to the community 💕
I got diagnosed with ASD at 36. the RUclips algorithm diagnosed me 😂. But then I pushed my doctors for two years and in year three I finally got taken seriously. Currently I am in the diagnosis for ADHD, but the algorithm got that one first too 😂😂😂
@@mayasu4277it's a bit creepy, but so useful, isn't it? >_
Here's a tip for the first year of sleeping. The Mrs. and I had a really good strategy where I would get up first and change babies diaper and whatnot so I can just hand the baby over to feed. Then half nap during the feeding and when done put baby back to bed while the Mrs. gets back to sleep.
Plan on this process taking a lot longer than you think it does right now. Especially putting the baby back to sleep can be very difficult to figure out at first. But if you both work together it makes it a lot easier.
C-section and Point-of-Performance tip: You want to move to aid in recovery, but also recognize that you should take it easy. One of the best things we did in the second pregnancy was create baskets for places where I'd be resting downstairs, or taking the baby in the middle of the night when my partner needed to sleep. The basket had stuff for the baby so I didn't have to get up and find things: wipes, diapers, pacifiers, nipple guards/wipes/lotion for breastfeeding, extra clothes, extra baby blankets/burp cloths. Stuff for you: bottles of water, granola bars/trail mix, a book to read and/or notebook to journal, and lotion/chapstick (especially because we live at high altitude). If and when I needed someone to bring me something, I'd ask them to bring a few (when possible) to restock my basket or add some for later. We also had 2 of those breastfeeding pillows and a couple of extras that we could leave in multiple places so I wasn't up looking for them. The best thing anyone ever told me was "You don't have to have this all figured out by the time you go to the hospital, or even by the time you bring them home. Your baby will help you find a rhythm and a routine that works for both of you." Good Luck!
Ugh, that last quote is SO TRUE
I'm coming to an age where choosing to have kids or not is a serious consideration, and this has definitely brought me some relief and comfort surrounding the fears and anxieties. You're going to do great!
Definitely get a Postpartum doula. After pregnancy, in some cultures, older women (mom or aunts or grandmas) would stay with the new mom and baby for 2 months.
First: I did not know I had ADHD when I had my child. At 4 weeks I had a horrific experience with postpartum depression … and I did not know what was happening. And the medical profession seemed to suspect but did not tel me until AFTER I recovered somewhat. I am certain the ADHD along with the sharp drop in estrogen was responsible for how severe my symptoms were. At 5 weeks postpartum, I joined a mommy/baby exercise class 2 days a week. I think that saved me from a reoccurrence of the severe depression.
Second: I also had a c-section. I had needed a lot more time for recovery after that surgical birth. But my impulsiveness combined with my mom/baby instincts caused me to do really unsuitable things. One day I noticed that there was a closet mirror door that was installed wrong in our new-to-us house (we moved when I was 4 months pregnant and very sick with bronchitis). So I went in 3 days after the surgical birth and lifted it off its runner and laid it on the floor because it ‘wasn’t safe’. This was a very impulsive choice and NOT good for my body. I also could not seem to sit still and rest enough. Fortunately, my husband was home with me the first week, and his mom and dad were with me the second week, but on week three and four when I was alone all day, and in a new town, and had NO friends or family around, my mental and emotional health nose dived.
so, please, get a postpartum doula and have people around you as much as possible during the first 4-8 weeks. If someone offers, and they are a safe person, say ‘yes’.
And I remember one important advice from my husband’s mom: When the baby sleeps, You Sleep!
Love to you and baby and daddy.
My advice as the ADHD dad:
1) Be aware that babies are time vortexes, those first couple weeks it’s so easy to lose hours just looking at them while they sleep. Add that to ADHD time blindness, and you’re super at risk.
2) You may have to become very opportunistic. Babies will break whatever routines and schedules you put in place. Our parent group facilitator is fond of saying, “You can’t make your baby sleep unless you hit them very hard in the head, or drug them; both of which are illegal.” We’ve found that holds true for other things, like eating or playtime. So, you do your best with schedules and routines, but at the end of the day you make the most of whatever the moment presents you.
So proud of your progress! Making this channel, writing a whole book, and now having a kid. This is an amazing step for you, and I'm glad to see the journey! Thank you for being awesome.
Thank you! I'm so tired 😆
@@HowtoADHD😊
As someone that also has ADHD and knowing how heritable it is and how much it's shaped her life - the notion of her having children just seems narcissistic and evil to me. I've gained a lot from this channel and appreciate her work but this particular "journey" is horrific tbh.
@@HowtoADHDThat’s not going to change for awhile, sorry to say. But naps are your friend!
@@mi5anthropeI think it's not the adhd by itself that's been difficult for her but rather the persistent and extreme lack of accommodation and societal pressure to the point of gaslighting. This is her choice. I'm sorry to hear you're still going through a point in your life of resonating more with her past traumas... that's real and important. But, trauma itself isn't directly genetically heritable, and, as she points out in this video, a lot of things have changed in her life. Change is possible, and even hope can be reasonable. Sure, it's a lot of work and it's not quick nor easy, but it's not inherently narcissistic for her to procreate. Please find peace with your internal judgments of her choices, and time and space for your own self-reflection. Best wishes, and good luck. :-/
3 kids and ADHD mom here.
Just let go of plans and go with the flow.
Be love, and don't forget to eat or drink.
A baby will slow you down like a hammer to the head.
Be loving to yourself.
Mom of a two-year-old and I have ADHD. I also had a csection. As much as we want to plan everything, it all goes out the window when the baby is born. Our priorities change, the baby personality isn't what we thought, etc etc. My biggest advice is learn how to let it go. Learn to be OK with the change and the unknown. It'll make your experience as a mother so much smoother. ❤ congratulations.
Yes!!!
Very good advice.
Exactly THIS! You can’t plan with kids. Unfortunately, if you like plans… you kind of have to go with the flow (as difficult as that may be) and then just make small realistic adjustments when you feel it’s not working as it is.
When I was pregnant, I used a mantra, "The odds are on my side." This kept me off the worry train.
Your closet nursery is GENIUS! So excited for you!!
Thanks, I was really proud of it! :D I barely had enough space for everything and had to do a lot of research to find furniture that would fit, but I think (hope) it'll work well!!
Cozy >> spacious
@@HowtoADHDhow is it working out? Could you share the choices you made furniture wise?
You asked how it works when you're already busy to add time with a child... I can't speak for everyone, but for myself, my priorities changed. All of a sudden, many of the things I used to do just didn't seem as important. I'd rather be with my kids :). It was really natural for me.
I had my baby almost a year ago. I was diagnosed ADHD as a child and have been on meds and on this journey for almost 20 years.
I've found pregnancy (particularly the meds decisions) and becoming a mum one of the hardest things to navigate as a woman with ADHD... and a woman who felt she'd pretty much got things manageable at this point in life and then everything turned upside down and I've had to relearn and refigure out so much! (And still am!). Grateful that you're speaking about this topic that I didn't find much info about when I was pregnant!
I found that I've been supporting Jessica on Patreon for five years this month! It's always been just a dollar because I can't afford more. But I am SO HAPPY I do it ♥🤗
I had my kiddo at the start of the pandemics and am expecting another so I’ll say this for routines: they are good to have, but they work best if they kinda grow organically? Some kiddos have an awful time falling asleep, and others sleep very easily. Parenting books sometimes make it seem like if their method doesn’t work for you, that must mean you’re just Not Doing It Right, but that is nonsense. Read the books, get the advice, but following your baby’s cues and patterns is probably what works best. All that said, the older they get, the more important deciding on and holding boundaries can become.
Other advice I’ll give: everything is a season! What you have trouble with one week/one month will be replaced with something else the next.
This probably all seems super vague and hard to follow, but I’ll repeat: the parenting books are good background info for basic structures and ideas, but your kid will be unique and it’ll take your insight and problem solving skills to figure out how to help them and create routines that work for the whole family.
This! I was really scared about what everyone was saying about the importance of routines for babies, because my life was chaos, but our routine just grew organically from following the babie's cues. Also, the books always assume parents are neurotypical.
@@latronquiClearly Jessica needs to write a second book, probably as a collaboration with topical experts... :-)
Regarding ‘getting caught up in others emotions’. This is not specific to pregnancy. I have always struggled with my ‘emotional boundaries’; I would internalize others unpleasant emotions if I was trying to be supportive, and I didn’t know how to create a boundary to stop this. I had a HUGE breakthrough on this one morning in the shower very recently. I realized that part of my childhood trauma with my step-mom was that she expected/required that if she was upset or angry about something, we all had to be equally upset or angry about that thing to the same degree. If we were not, we were being disloyal to the family. It was VERY co-dependent. Well, that is why I learned that in order to be supportive I must mirror/internalize the other person’s emotions. I was only about 11 years old and had done this as a survival mechanism without even knowing I had created this coping mechanism.
So, as of about 4 weeks ago (I’m 66 years old and only have had my ADHD diagnosis for 2 years) I can notice and STOP doing this. It is NOT what others want or need. And I can be a much better support to my adult enby kiddo who also has ADHD, cPTSD, and other mental health struggles, and to my best friend who is ADHD and cPTSD.
If any one else is struggling with their emotions boundaries, it’s worth investigating on your own or with a support partner or therapist whether you have had a similar childhood experience.e. OF course, this might not apply to you at all.
Your comment about your codependent step mum resonated so much with me. Thank you for sharing your insight as it's given me an understanding of my similar experience. Learning to set these boundaries can be hard.
The best nursery is a practical nursery that supports your needs, the baby’s needs and your unique routine (ideally maximising sleep). Seems like you’ve nailed it.
The frustration of life [with ADHD] summed up in a pickle jar. Mood.
I HIGHLY recommend co-sleeping during the first several months if you are planning to breastfeed. You get so much more sleep if you don't have to get up and actually wake up all the way.
Yes, I didn’t even know much about co sleeping before baby. This is random but the Baby Delight Beside me was the only co sleeper that really worked for us, I was sad when baby got to big
Infants don't need you to be hyper focused on them - they want to spend a lot of time just nestled up to you feeling you breathe, smelling you, and being soothed by your presence. They like to be kept in motion a lot. Sometimes they cry for absolutely no discernable reason. They go through phases of not sleeping, and phases of sleeping beautifully. It's unpredictable. Give yourself lots of grace to be tired and to need to make your schedule MORE baby focused at times. I love that you and your partner are already planning shared responsibility, and I think your baby is going to love having you for a mom.
I’ve heard this a lot but I must say this wasn’t true for us, he craved specific attention constantly, could not be put down nor liked to be held and only became less dependent after infancy. I just don’t want others to feel bad if they have not such an easy going baby :)
About bed time routines, I spent a lot of time listen about her days a toddler and through high school. I worked full time and it was the calmest part of the day. 20 years later we have a great relationship and we are open, honest, respectful with each other. And we both have adhd!
One thing I did not anticipating spending so much time doing: laundry. So much laundry. Poop accidents, spit-up... It does get more manageable a few months in, but I would recommend getting a daily laundry routine in place. I am pregnant with my second (also 30 weeks today, also a helpless victim of relaxin and heartburn) and am already discussing that aspect with my partner! And yes, taking shifts some parts of the day really helped us, having breaks makes a big difference.
Yes, the first year I was so envious of my friend that had her laundry machine close by in the apartment rather than ours in the basement, it was hard to walk away and having baby in the basement wasn’t ideal either 😅
Huge fan and currently 5 months pregnant and very ADHD! I loved listening to your justification on getting a doula. It made me feel so much better. I have been looking for a doula myself. And I think it's forced me to confront the emotional baggage that I have growing up in the US (individualism, abelism, asking for help etc). It feels like I've internalized this mindset of " if it's expensive, it's a luxury that I may not need or deserve." Which is a problem!! Because in the US a lot of costs that are covered in other countries are pushed onto the individual, like healthcare and child care. Instead I try to say to myself " Yes I can afford it, yes I'm worth it, and this SHOULD be the NORM for more people!" And then from there it's good to think about "What can I do to move our society towards more people having the care that they deserve."
Advice about nursing and getting enough sleep: Your partner could give the baby a bottle for one nighttime feeding, so you could sleep longer. Also, I have a friend who is a night nanny. I'm not sure about everything that's involved there, but if your baby likes to be awake at night like mine did, that would help you get more sleep. As for preparing ahead of time, the biggest thing that would have helped me would have been to have nutritious food prepared and in the freezer. Nursing makes you so hungry!
yes yes yes to proactively planning out your support!!! Its so much better to realize you actually didn't need as much support as you thought and scale back rather than trying to add support in after you start struggling.
As for routines and stuff I've found that allowing a routine to naturally form overtime, rather than trying to force what its "supposed" to be was so much easier. I spend most of the dedicated one on one time in the afternoon and evening because we're all night owls in this house! Don't worry too much about forgetting things, it will become apparent as you go through things what you need and don't need, and if you're not sure your pediatrician or childcare support will be great resources to ask!!
I also want to add (I haven't finished the whole video so forgive me if you discuss this) I was suprised that I had some really significant sensory issues around breastfeeding and I felt a lot of guilt around that initially...I had wonderful people who reassured me that I could feed my baby whatever way I needed or wanted to. idk if you're planning to breastfeed but adding in some extra (open minded) support could be super helpful!
@@sckilham Oh I really love that...letting routines naturally form over time. Thank you for that. And re: sensory issues -- I'm VERY sensitive to touch so I'm nervous about that too! I'm looking forward to trying to breastfeed but I know it's not right for everyone (and could end up not working out for me)
@@HowtoADHD I know breastfeeding can be a really special experience for lots of moms so I hope it goes smoothly for you! And if it becomes overwhelming or you're struggling with your own mental health, formula is an awesome tool to utilize (either supplementing or fully switching). Congratulations on the little one joining you soon ❤️
ADHD and 13 weeks pregnant, this helps me in so many ways!
"Sleep when the baby sleeps" LOL. Remember that the first 12 weeks or so are called "the fourth trimester" and this period is HARD. Waking every 2-3 hours to feed baby, remembering all the things (which side did you breastfeed from), pumping to build up your supply, etc, is hard, hard work! I used an app [parentlove] in conjunction with my partner to help us both keep up with when the kiddo was fed/whether or not we'd administered medications, baby's symptoms, etc. and we found it very helpful.
I also had a placenta previa and a scheduled c-section. We had a bonus sonogram just before and saw that the placenta had moved out of the way, and i was scheduled instead to be induced. (The induction didn't work, and i had a c-section anyway). I'm glad you have a doula-- be sure they help you advocate for pain relief, because the nurses at the hospital did not give me pain medication as prescribed.
All of the things you said in this video reminded me so much of when i was pregnant. You're way more prepared for motherhood than i was-- i didnt nest at all. I had no idea what my life would look like.
One more thing: worrying about your hyperfocus taking you away from the baby-- in my experience, until my kiddo turned 1, i could not relax or sleep or concentrate if he was crying. It gets better... every stage will pass, and every time you hit a sleep regression, it means that the baby is about to do something awesome.
I am so excited for you!!
Hard same on the hyper focus! Only time I've hyperfocussed since my baby was born is when she's at daycare. I do make sure to set an alarm to break me out of that so I can go pick her up.
When she's there, she's my first priority. Not because of some moral reason but because that's just how the brain works!
Would love to hear more from more women who have adhd
And how they are managing changes of symptoms due to hormones and managing adhd symptoms
If you need some "distraction", here is a (audio) book recommendation from a "fresh" adhd mom (my baby girl is 5 m old...time flies😭):
Jean Liedloff
The Continuum Concept: In Search Of Happiness Lost (Classics in Human Development)
Its not a new book, but its still worthy.
Listen to your mommy heart and instinct. You are the best mom for your baby!
Send you best wishes, luck and strength... Oh and a lot of cuddle time ❤️
You got this.
2 doulas!!!! I think you just broke my brain and healed my biggest fear with childbirth!
In Europe we have a nurse that you don’t need to pay for, they come for 8 days 24 hours total taking care of you and baby and sometimes cleaning the house or helping receiving guests at the house 🙂. My mother said it really helped her getting into a set schedule from the first week, which sounds kind of amazing if it works 😁
Good luck with breastfeeding! We hit the 2 year mark with my first and my second is due in May. Find a support group and they will help with encouragement and education during your journey. The hospital should have lactation consultants on hand after delivery who can help and they should be a great resource for finding a local group in your area.
Very smart to get a post-partum doula. Post-partum, mothers NEED HELP, especially with a c-section. Sending healthy, peaceful vibes your way.
Also: I'm really enjoying your book. Well done!
We had a friend who is becoming a postpartum doula come and work with us after our son was born and it was incredible.
I heard you so loud and clear about not knowing if you had pregnancy brain or not because of the pre-existing working memory impairments due to ADHD! I also reduced my meds, more for the sake of helping my bean with any risks or symptoms of withdrawal when we no longer share a blood supply. The good news is that in breastfeeding, the meds I take do cross to the breastmilk, so this should also, in theory, help any withdrawal symptoms since I'm planning to nurse asap.
Also, the baby nook is so perfect! I had to do the same thing with my son 8 years ago, but we eventually broke and got a crib and just kept that in our bedroom since I read something about keeping the baby in the same bedroom for the first year being a nice compromise between co-sleeping and safer solo sleep practices. All I could think through your nook tour was "this would be the absolute perfect set up for someone who would have to have a c-section!" I had a c-section my first time around (and will have another on April 1st!) so I was extra impressed with the set up and even showed my hubs. Then you mentioned your condition and I was like "This woman continues to be brilliant beyond all recognition." So I'll be copying your set up when we set up the room this month! XD
Let me give you the only advice I like to give - follow your instincts, trust your body, trust your feelings, you're going to do amazing when baby gets here!
My teenager had in their constant environment a mother, godmother, and aunt who were all library professionals, so Eleanor learned from infancy that books were a good thing and a comfort. Read to your child every chance that you get, and have your partner do so, as well.
Pregnant ADHDer here too! I'm 21 weeks today. I'm very thankful that I was able to stop ADHD meds since I'm not currently working or going to school. My biggest worry was about impulsivity and driving around but thankfully I've been doing well on that front. I think it helped a lot that I did a lot of ADHD CBT beforehand, though.
I work in healthcare though so when I have more children and am working, I will definitely be on meds then. It's all about safety and current circumstances!
Child developmental stuff is SUPER interesting, and it’s been a previous hyperfocus. Kids and their development are just so fascinating!
Wow, a dad doula idea sounds like a fantastic idea. And I love your closet nursery--newborns don't need more. Barring the actual experience, you sound as prepared as you can possibly be. I wish I'd had a fraction of the ADHD tools I have now when my twins were first born (23 yrs ago today, so reminiscing!)--wasn't diagnosed until decades later. The care team that forms around pregnancy was the most supported I've ever felt, and the sleeplessness was the hardest. All the best to you for a healthy delivery!
I have Rheuma additional to my adhd and the last time I was at my gynecologist for an appointment, she told me to get off the meds. Even though I don't even plan to get pregnant right now. And even though the rheumatologist already chose the one immunosupressant that is safe to take during pregnancy.
And I was like "Thank you very much for your opinion, but I really like my ability to walk."
Wow your obgyn is amazing just for what they said about your condition and what you may find. So many doctors don't do this.
The dedicated kid time doesn’t need to be that long! I made one of those donut calendars and realized my whole day is already full. Someone (on the internet? Real life? I don’t remember) said all you need is 15 minutes of “dedicated” kid time where you’re just responding to them without doing ANYTHING else. You’ll spend approximately 23.75 hours doing things for the baby. My kiddo is now 6 and it’s so obvious by his behavior when I haven’t spent 15 minutes just doing whatever he wants… listening, staring into his eyes, running around the house… it doesn’t matter what it is as long as it is what he wants my attention for.
I also HIGHLY recommend a postpartum doula or lactation consultant. Breastfeeding doesn't always come easily and it's one big thing that doesn't get talked about enough. I would have been so lost without my lactation consultant ❤
I'm pregnant with my 2nd baby, and I learned the first time, especially post partum that pregnancy is practice for learning how to slow down. Once the baby is out you'll learn that you can't just make them go quicker. I have to take a deep breath and remember that she's learning, and actually doing REALLY well with the stuff she can do by herself, and then I try to focus on just watching her figure all of the things off, and it's amazing. Also this pregnancy is different from the last because I didn't have a job for the first half of the pregnancy and then the second half I had an intermediate job, which wasn't difficult or stressful, but now I have a job that's really important to me, and my doctors' have made me get off my meds. I'm just barely getting by, but it's always on my mind that I WISH it was easier to do my job and figure things out. I'm a software engineer, and I need the meds to get my brain to connect the dots. 😏😏
Hi! This might be unnecessary/early advice but as someone who works in a preschool, goodbye rituals are something to consider! A lot of kids struggle with separation and something that can make it easier is having a consistent way that you say goodbye to each other. It helps start their day (and yours!) out positively, and even on stressful or hectic mornings it can be a useful reset and let's them know they are loved and cared for
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.sporessss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place.
Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac.
He's constantly talking about killing someone.
He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Is he on instagram?
Yes he is. dr.sporessss
You are incredible! This video is amazing. I had a baby 8 years ago before being diagnosed with ADHD. The hyperfocus on pregnancy and birth and all of the research turned into a career change for me and I am now working as a registered Midwife. I absolutely love how open you have been throughout, but this video in particular I have found so amazing. The way you have described your decision making process is absolutely brilliant. I will be recommending this video not just to those who are pregnant and ADHD but anyone that's feeling overwhelmed with pregnancy.
I'm so happy to hear you have a doula!!
I'm a trained doula with AuDHD and I think it's so important that neurodivergent experiences are discussed and those with the added challenges are supported during pregnancy, birth, and beyond. I definitely recommend a postpartum doula if you are able to hire one. Those first few weeks are a breeding ground for overwhelm and the heightened experiences for those of us with neurodivergence can really add to that.
I really appreciate you sharing your experiences with us as well as all those resources. I have no doubt you and your partner will be wonderful parents and I wish you all the best with your delivery next week!! xx
A tip for opening a tight pickle jar: have a flat-head screwdriver handy (keep one in a nearby drawer. We do). Put the flat part into the little space between the jar and the lid and lift the handle of the screwdriver a teeny bit, to break the suction of the pressure-seal.
I use a spoon in the same way!
I gently use a church key (bottle opener) to break the seal then twist the top off.
And the lip of the jar.
And it took me years to realize you can just tape the lid after you’ve made a hole in it. :). I use a grippy glove after punching the lid or a piece of non slip mat (drawer liner or rug liner)
Hello there, Jess, Dr. B. and the baby!
Hello from all three of us! :D
I used to be a doula and I would not have ever thought of having a separate doula for the dad! Love it!
You did an excellent job with this video and answering questions and it sounds like you're handling this pregnancy well. You go girl! Proud of you 😊 ❤️
Thank you so much!
@@HowtoADHD You're so welcome 😊
With my first kid, I was able to breastfeed for about 3 months. I ended up getting a Depo shot for birth control and I swear it dried me out. Never again on that one. The second one never latched. He was too impatient to wait for the milk to come and I didn't want him to be hungry, and they do say fed is best, so he went straight to formula. With a c-section, the hormones for milk aren't triggered like they are when you go through the labor process. I'm sure lactation consultants will be there and available to help. However your baby gets fed is good. You're doing great!
If you will be nursing, you will spend plenty of time with baby!! At the beginning, nearly everything is "spending time" with your baby, it doesn't just have to be a diaper and clothes change, while you do that you talk to your baby, sing a song, massage them. A pre nap or pre bedtime routine is "time spent" with your baby, choose a special lullaby or rock song to sing every time (or rotate between 2-4 if you get bored with songs), or read a baby book, rock in the chair. There were a few songs I sang to my babies. As they were part of the soothing relaxing safe routine for bedtime, I could sing one of those songs at scary/painful time (like during shots, fell on the playground, etc) and hearing the song they remember the familiar relaxing safe association with bedtime and were often easier to sooth and calm. What worked great for me and my babies was sleeping in our room at night (until about 6mo-ish when outgrown the bassinet) and napping in their crib during the day. So when it was time for the baby to sleep on their own, they were used to the crib/room and it was an easier transition.
Your closet nursery looks absolutely beautiful and well thought out. What a great solution!
We simply had a changing station, rocking chair and bedside cot for our babies with us in our bedroom. They didn't move into their own room in the first year.
I want to send a comment but I don't know what to say. So I'm just sending some love, support and excitement ❤️ Hope you, your partner and the baby are doing okay 🥰
So I didn’t know ADHD meds were somewhat safe while pregnant. As of now, I think I’ll just be staying home while pregnant, as I plan to get pregnant right after college, before I enter the work field. Once all my kids are weaned and in pre-school, I’ll be going to work, and I’m going to be a working mom, so at that time I’ll be back on my meds.
Yes! Thank you for sharing this, it's why I wanted to talk about it. I used to be terrified that I'd *have* to go off my meds because they help me a LOT. It was so helpful for me to learn that I didn't have to, and that it might actually be better/safer for me not to.
That's so smart that you each have someone to help through those stressful times.
I Hope you enjoy being a Mother Jessica, I'm sure you'll do a great job.
Coming from someone who had her first baby over 21 years ago. It's been a journey, and ADHD made me a special type of mama but everything was fine! You've got this, you will do great, baby will do great. Best wishes for all the amazing things to come!
You are courageous! Thanks for sharing! Your family and friends continue to be in my prayers 🙏
I wanna thank you for all your videos. They have helped me tremendously when it comes to feeling alone or understanding my diagnosis. Much appreciated on every level. And know you will make a great mother!
this was so amazing. i love that you are getting all the support you need and that your partner has a doula to help him support you too. 💛
I'm so excited for you! I've been following your channel since near the beginning and it's helped both me and my child so much. So excited for this new chapter for you!
i pray you have the healthiest and least stressful delivery possible❤so excited for you!! you’re going to be the best mum!!!
love from australia 🇦🇺😘😘
Thank you so much for this content and your honesty and vulnerability with responding to questions! This has come at a time where I find my ADHD self with the financial and emotional stability that is allowing me & partner to finally be comfortable with the idea of pregnancy. Trying not to get caught up in guilt/shame/what ifs for it taking so long. So excited to follow along with your journey & take notes!!!
*Medication:* Good point about balancing the negative effects of untreated ADHD with the unknowns of medication.
*Time management* with a baby is tricky. Expect everything to take at least four times as long. Routines are so incredibly helpful for your baby (and you), but you ultimately have to be so flexible within (and sometimes outside of) those parameters because of the ever-changing needs of a growing baby.
Great plan with the *closet nursery*. Just don't shut the door while the baby's asleep because that limited airflow isn't safe. It's best for baby to be near you at night for the first 6 months to a year anyway, so having her two floors away is not only a really inconvenient move, but it's unsafe. Nurseries are for when they're older and not as needy; you could make it a first birthday present to her, either here or in a new place if you have one by then. Additionally, the more you can avoid the stairs, the better your postpartum healing will be. My midwife didn't want me doing stairs for at least a week, maybe two; same with vacuuming and mopping because of the strain on those recovering muscles. If you have a C-section planned, it'll be especially important for you to do that, and for even longer.
*Birth:* I'm so sorry your planned natural delivery isn't an option, but I'm grateful you have time to plan for your C-section (obviously still with flexibility). For me, what helped with anxiety was learning as much as I could about the process, why it works, what messes with it, and finding providers I could trust. I could info-dump so much about pregnancy and birth things too, especially when I was TTC and expecting! ;) Sounds like your doctor is managing things well, so that's great.
*Parenting and giving attention* to kids can be exhausting. I always knew I wanted more than one child, because I've never wanted just one, but also because they can play with each other and not need me so much. Sadly, because of various reasons, I stopped at two when I'd always imagined having 3-4, but I think I've accepted it now. I'd rather be a better mom to just two than a more stressed, less effective mom to more and negatively impact their formative years.
It's so special to me that we're both pregnant at the same time. I'm now 28 weeks pregnant. This week I was fisgnosed with gestational diabetes and it has been hard. But the baby is doing well, and we'll get through this! Good luck with the C-section!
You all (including Chloe) are ROCK STARS!! Things have come an incredibly long way since I was born as a preemie decades ago. You seem like you all have a solid idea of what to do. Congratulations to you all, and good luck.
Hi Jess!
Hope your pregnancy goes smoothly and can't wait to meet her!
❤
Reading a story every night at bedtime, is very important for a baby's emotional bonding and intellectual development . It is one of my most cherished moments when my daughter did decide to be reading a bedtime story to her dad and I one night for the first time ❤ Showing to us how much that she did value the experience ❤️ Thank you very much for your channel ❣️Take Care, Stay Safe And Healthy ❣️🐱🖖✌️☮️🌈
very cool of you to share and be so open!
I don't know why I always forget to give videos I like and think are remember-for-later-worthy, a thumbs up. I had to come back and check that I did it!
Thanks for your content, I still hesitate to face some corners of my adhd that has been buried under bad habits and trauma. To hear someone do this chill and real talk is so helpful.
Excited for the 6 part series!!!
I’m so grateful for you and all of your information. Super looking forward to the 6 part series!!! I was recently officially diagnosed and started on a med, but do want babies, so you gave me a lot of hope. I can have conversations with my Dr about it. Also, my AUDHD husband and I LOVE the idea of him having a duala! That’s such a cool idea!!! Keep being you, keep sharing your journey, you’re making a difference. ❤
I'm so happy for you that you 2 are getting your baby ❤ I wish I had known about my adhd struggles before and during pregnancy. Pregnancy was a breeze for me, thankfully, but I was completely unprepared for parenting with the brain I have, and had such an awful birth experience and and even worst post-partum and early childhood raising experience.. with your content and support I have since gained from the best friend I've ever had, I've been able to navigate life a little easier by understanding why I feel and think the way I do, and finding out ways to support myself and guide myself through life. Thank you for posting, and take the breaks you need!! Best wishes for a safe and healthy c-section and hospital experience!
Nothing is excessive if it helps - and it doesn’t bankrupt you in the process.
Positive experiences (especially those that are healing) are worth far more than the cost of negative, traumatic experiences (both in terms of time, energy and emotional cost). 💛
Sending best wishes to you and partner!
Thank you for sharing! ADHD and pregnancy is a pretty interesting time..
I'm due June 16th with my first (a boy) and also have placenta previa.
I'll be sharing this with my partner so he can learn about these things, and understand a bit of what I'm going through too.
Happy to hear you and baby are doing so good! And Chloe helping out is so sweet 😊.
Yay to prioritising your chill !
Be it in pregnancy, as a parent, or in general.
I definitely relate to learning to practice self care much more deeply while pregnant
All the best for you !!!!! And congratulations on pregnancy. Wishing best health and healing for you and baby ❤
You and your partner are giving me so much hope for me and my partner and our family planning (eventually) 😍 Thank you so much for sharing, I am looking forward to more info dump!
I have ADHD/ODD, panic disorder, and Hashimoto’s. I had an unplanned pregnancy at 28, got married, stopped my meds cold turkey, dropped out of college six hours away from graduation. The trauma of this experience meant I didn’t finish college for five years. We moved states when my son was six months old and I didn’t get my meds back till my son was 12. I’m 44 still recovering from the trauma. Kid is doing great and doesn’t seem to have ADHD. I am currently working on my 2nd graduate degree in social work, I work with neurodivergent individuals.
So smart to put the nursery in the walk in closet! Before you know it, you'll get to have the fun room planning when they're in their own room.
I have ADHD and have 2 little kids. With my first pregnancy, it was really hard to form a bond with the fetus and so focusing on the science & development was really awesome for me. And that extended into hyperfocusing on newborn development & then toddler development, which has been awesome & a great way to feel more confident in what I'm doing while my ADHD falls short in other parts of motherhood. 😅
I love that aspect about pregnancy and motherhood: Everything becomes more clear and focused, in a way. I strictly don't have time for anything that clearly isn't good for me anymore, because I'm always thinking "This is time I could have spent with my daughter." or "This is using up patience/energy I need for my child.". It becomes so much easier to assert my boundaries, because now I'm not just doing it for me, I'm also deciding for her. Self-care is not just for me, it's to get my baby's mommy back in a good condition so she's better able to take care of her. I simply can't afford to feel burnt out, annoyed, exhausted all the time, because my daughter would suffer from it and I can't have that. I also can't have my pride get in my way - if I need help, I HAVE to ask for help, because it's not just for me, it's always for my baby. I don't no why it's so much easier to take good care of myself now I'm not just doing it for myself, but for someone else who fully depends on me, but that's how it is.
I was looking forward to ths video. Thank you. Im very happy for you and the Baby: Lots of LOVE
Congratulations and good luck with the delivery. Thanks for being so open with your community, you're really demonstrating ADHD goals in this video. ❤
And for what it's worth, C sections avoid a lot of problems associated with vaginal births, so you have SO MUCH silver lining to look to with the path that MiniJess chose for y'all.
Again, congratulations and good luck! ❤
Best wishes for and uncomplicated delivery and recovery!
You’re looking great! My ADHD improved with pregnancy. You gave me flashback to the wild heartburn and balance issues. Heartburn goes as soon as the baby arrives you will be pleased to hear! 😂 One thing I will say is don’t be tough on yourself if breast feeding doesn’t work. It’s tough. Do something nice for both of you before the baby arrives, it’s the last time it will be just the two of you in the way it is. 😊 Parenthood plus ADHD is a wild ride. Take each day as it comes, make good Mom friends for support, communicate lots and honestly with your partner and be kind to yourself. Mom guilt is real! 😂
So happy and excited for you! Love this video so much. Please keep the great content coming. 🥰 You’re going to be an amazing mom 💙💞
You are going to be a GREAT mom!!! That's very wise of you to have help set up - good for you! Best wishes for a safe and healthy delivery. :)
The family this baby is going to be born into is going to be so loving and creative
This is wonderful! I think people can do better now with so much awareness. I have a friend who had her baby in their closet, close by. It made it so much easier. And, it was many years later, as kids were diagnosed, she got an ADHD diagnosis too. I hope you are doing amazing.
tysm for your videos, they helped me so much
Best of luck to your little family!!! I’m not trying to get pregnant anytime soon but this video was unbelievably comforting for me. You answered so many of the questions I’ve had for many years now and I really appreciate you taking the time to share your experiences 💜💜
Currently doing a Meta review on ADHD and Pregnancy and this was a super interesting video! Thank you. Absolutely perfect timing for you. Good luck with the rest of your journey and hope your both happy and healthy :)
Thank you so much for this video! I'm going through a late diagnosis at the moment and we plan to start trying mid-end of this year so I'll be going through this just after you, can't wait for the series with the doula and would love to hear about how the post-partum phase and first year goes. Sending lots of love for you and your growing family.