As a black woman who has heard so many effed up stories about non back SO's or even bio parents/grandparents damaging a black child's hair with with harmful chemicals or with things like duct tape because they don't know wtf they're doing. Shout out for future step mother for caring enough to learn the right way.
OP wanted to learn how to deal with her stepdaughter's hair. That's the mark of someone being an involved stepmother. My guess is that the mom has problems with OP's relationship with BF and is trying to shut that relationship down.
IKR? My cousin has 6 kids and even though she and her husband are both black all 6 have different textures and volumes. I took classes with cousin to learn to help because even she knew she doesn't understand ALL black hair!
I can come up with two assumptions: The Grandma misses the DIL and really doesn't want anything to change and the OP signifies change. The other option is that grandma wants her son to date/marry in his own race. A slight racism but it is also a generational thing as well. That could also be a preference and have nothing to do with racism but who knows, only grandma does and she ain't talking.
Just a friendly suggestion for the channel: consider putting time stamps for each story. Sometimes I pause the video and want to come back to the story I left off on, but RUclips kicks me back to the beginning, so I’m fast forward and rewinding to try to find my spot. Just an idea!
@@deborahosborne9426 unfortunately this doesn't always work, since once you've been kicked back to the beginning, that beginning now becomes the place held in your history. good idea though!
It's not even "fatherly" role. OP was the only parent his siblings had for years. He double dutied mom and dad roles while daddy was in the bottle and the rest of the family went meh. OP's father should be glad he is even allowed to come to the wedding.
Sounds to me like the grandma doesn't care how her son (I'm assuming she's the paternal grandma) was treating Elise. To her, a father is a father, no matter what he does to his kids!
Exactly. And OP can't 'steal something' from their Father that he wasn't being offered in the first place. He's not _entitled_ to walk her down the aisle, it's an honor the bride chooses to delegate, & is something she wants for the person who loved & sacrificed to be there for her when their Father wasn't.
Also Ops dad drunkenly yelling and blaming his daughter for her mothers death….will never be ok. That’s a hard pass, he shouldn’t get to reap the benefits of walking her down the isle just because he’s no longer hitting the bottle. Also screw grand ma, there’s always an old woman supporting crap behavior 😒
Story one: that is why you never use a friend as a donor. And if you have a legal document that says he has no right to the offspring, don't change that at all
@@michaelmorris8302 He knew that going in, he'd have had to sign paperwork to that effect before they ever handed him a cup and showed him to the magazine room.
OP, you are an angel for wanting to learn how to handle your BF's kid's hair. Wish my stepmother would have taken the interest in mine. His mom needs to get a grip, and the boyfriend needs to wake up.
OP1; block them and get a lawyer. People are overlooking the part where the wife demanded her husband get paternal rights to your children. This could escalate into demanding joint custody. PS. Your friend isn't a friend. Drop him.
That is why God gave women military bases and collage bars. An endlessly rotating source of virile young studmuffins to whom you can easily lie about your name in case they can even remember it the next day. Ah, good old fashioned romance.
S2) im a black woman and I want to thank op for taking the intiative to try to learn how to style her partners child's hair.. that should show and mean alot ...im sorry ur partner and his mother doesnt see it for the beautiful sentiment it is ... Check RUclips and black owned hair salons they might be of help.
Yeah, the BF needs to stand up to his mom and tell her to back off. The child is HIS CHILD and not the grandmother's. She doesn't have a say in OP's desire to learn to care for the child's hair properly
Story 2: NTA. In fact good on you. Not many people take the time to learn how to work with black hair if they can help it. Your doing it just in case, that’s sweet.
Sounds to me like Grandma is trying to gatekeep the styling of the granddaughter's hair. I guess she doesn't like that her son is dating someone from another race/culture
Story 1: NTA. This is a big mistake, but an Honest one. It’s honestly more his responsibility to clear this with his wife then it is you to tell his wife.
@@tippytoe1250 She knew what she was doing. When you discuss things like this, you usually sit both people down, or the "unit", and discuss it with them.
Yeah, I get ... kind of a little gnome waving a tiny red flag just out of eyesight. OP is such good friends with this guy, and yet hasn't even spoken to his wife for at least 34 weeks? Surely it would have come up, eh?
@@benlutz1974 erm, the fact that she is friend with him is not lead to fact, that she talks with his wife...i have some friends, that i saw only at our "boy's game nights"(really game nights) i dont even know some of their SO's
@@helar2574 yeah, I've got friends who I've not seen their S/O's in years (or in some cases not at all). I'm not their S/O's friend, I am their friend, they choose to keep their home life and their friends appart, that's their choice. In this case however I could see making sure the s/o was onboard, it's a fairly major decision so speaking to them ahead of time would have potentially been in the best interests of the friends marriage. But then I can also see the arguement for "its not her business" since these kids are not going to be his kids, he is going to have no connection to them, he is not their father, his role is done and dusted and frankly less important in the process at this point than the nurse who will see OP to do her admission paperwork at the maternity ward. This is, as stupid as it sounds, from a medical point of view, for a man, the equivilant of asking to borrow £10, it's not something he's going to miss and has no actual effect on the future unless you choose to make a big deal out of it, and frankly any man will do provided you know he has £10 to spare (aka a full medical history).
Funny story. My oldest friend was a sperm donor for a couple he knew when we were about 20. They actually asked him to do it. I was in a different state going to college, so when the baby was born he mailed me a photo of him holding the baby, with a letter. I was with my parents (lived with them) in their car and my grandmother was sitting beside me in the back seat. We were headed to dinner and I got out and got the mail as we were leaving. I opened the letter and Grandma saw the photo and started questioning me about my friend, he got married and had a child so young, was he able to support one? I casually explained the situation and she started judging really hard, but I hate a bully and said "Fuck off, Grandma, it's no business of yours." She was *speechless*. Years later, she told me she was actually impressed, that most people wouldn't stand up to her.
'Why didn't you tell me he did this?' Because any logical person would think you two would have this conversation? OP isn't an AH, and the wife has a husband problem. OP is completely fine.
No, she's not. You don't ask one person knowing that they're married with kids already. If someone was to do this shit to her, she'd be through the roof. She knew what sneaky shit she was doing.
I honestly don't understand how its any of the wife's business that the guy donated sp3rm lol Just like it wouldn't be any of his business if the wife decided to donate eggs, reddit gets all up in arms over the dumbest things.
@Mary Bean nobody would care if the roles were reversed and it was the wife who donated But I gotta remember that most of the people who follow these stories are mysandry leaning and take any possible slight towards a woman as a felony offense.
@Mary Bean hahahaha what? So you're saying agreeing to be a surrogate, being impregnated, going through months of pregnancy with all the delights. Morning sickness, cramps, cravings, hormones, permanent change to your partners body and psychological state, etc etc. Is the equivalent of donating a sperm sample? Yeah alright, thats not delusional at all.
@@richrosegold610 nobody invites a couple to thank them for a donation towards her baby's creation if they thought one of the couple didn't know. That's stupid. I'm seeing many women on here blaming this woman for thinking that her friend( whom was the one that offered!) was ofcourse offering by agreement of both husband and wife. That's wild! Women need to stop this crap that the other woman caught up in whatever mess a man in a committed relationship creates is ALWAYS at fault because they MUST want their man! And since we're making a million assumptions about betrayal why not suspect the husband always wanted to father a child with OP but she friendzoned him since Jesus Christ was born and now he saw his chance so took it? And he didn't speak to his wife because he knew she would say no but he wanted a child with this woman? Just throwing that out there. It's an ass-umption so feel free to let it fall on the ground and break into pieces if you disagree.
Story 1: NTA. Can't see how op is as all responsible. It's like being invited as a house guest, or on a vacation, or a tatto, you have faith they're both ok with it. Nta in child free wedding
Story 1 - That last comment is close to what I was thinking. OP's friend maybe kept it a secret because of worries that his wife is jealous of their friendship. It's typical for people to feel threatened or insecure when their spouse has a life long friend of the opposite sex, at least if they're straight. Heteronarmative people have been continued to think of friendship between a boy and a girl as being a step along the path towards romantic and sexual relationships. Even in cases where that doesn't happen, people have a hard time believing that it's not a possibility, because we've been taught "man + woman + friendship = love at some point".
Considering that the vast majority of people are heterosexual and even self proclaimed homosexuals will occasionally take opposite sex lovers it is always a possibility. A long time opposite sex friend will always have the inside track on a new BF/GF. Careful vetting of that relationship should be made before getting serious. That means getting to know that friend and making sure they are on the same page. Sadly this is not always the case. These Reddit stories (an admittedly poor reflection of reality) have stories involving that sort of situation all the time. With one friend holding a torch and the other oblivious or lying to themselves. Although this is an interesting twist on the "my husband sired a child with his alleged best friend" in that it might just be a best friend and that friend is a colossal idiot. OP should have gone the traditional route of women wishing to get a no strings kid. $5 pitcher night at the local collage bar or military base.
That last one gets me because saying "your baby should never leave your side for the first six months" while simultaneously going to work every day without your three month old baby is so hypocritical it hurts.
Parents can get a little crazy about their kids and it makes sense… in a way… but I can’t imagine being so rude to a coworker over something so trivial.
Story 2: we black women are routinely treated as "exotic" because of our hair - I've had random ass people ask to touch my hair (at least they asked), ask questions about it as if I were a giraffe/lion hybrid. The CROWN Act had to be created to prevent workplace discrimination because. of. our. hair. OP did EXACTLY the right thing; assume nothing, and when in doubt, ask. G-mama is a tad possessive because of what I described, but don't give up. Last story - the meeting didn't begin until the boss cam on, so that was a personal disagreement, which shouldn't have been reported to the boss, and the boss had no business giving Kim a professional reprimand about a personal issue.
I'm as white as snow but I have curly red hair. I've also had people ask me if they can touch my hair. I don't know why people think it is appropriate to ask someone they don't know if they can touch their hair. I had some middle-aged woman come up and grab my hair one day. I don't get the lion/ giraffe comment but what I do get is Merida. I had one dick head at the bar asked me if the curtains match the carpet. I'm sorry that has happened to you I know how annoying and upsetting it can be. But I love my curly hair just like I'm sure you do.
I’m a ginger and had similar experiences. People ask me still all the time and some people just didn’t ask and *grabbed* my hair. I’ve had people not believe I’m ginger and I’ve said that I don’t care what they think. I have course, very curly and mangey hair (think Merida from Brave) so I have to use very specific products for my hair or else it gets irritated and I get reactions to it (including my scalp bleeding). My mum even warns hairdressers because we have the same hair type, and they’ve messed up my hair before thinking they know better. I swear, some people think that they know better or think they’re entitled to things that don’t belong to them. So disrespectful. Although, at the moment you can use COVID-19 as an excuse lol I do.
Ok I am one of those who has asked to touch black hair, but dang it was done in a ton of exotic braids at an art show and I am a fiber artist. That woman with the incredible hair let me touch it. Her hair was art for sure. Her hair was way more interesting than a giraffe/lion hybrid for sure, just saying.
I can relate so much! I have blonde hair that forms very large, tight ringlets and people suddenly think I’m a horse. They pet my hair, pull on my hair, drag me by my hair, etc. I once had a kid in my old middle school pull out a fist sized clump of my hair because her fingers got stuck in a knot. Like, at that point just gently remove your fingers??? Don’t pull with all your body weight??? Wtf???
While I have normal hair it has always been VERY long. Maybe it's a Mexican thing but older ladies always asked to touch my hair. It's normal for me so I never thought much of it. Maybe we're just a touchy culture. I've been greeted with hugs and kisses on cheeks by strangers who assumed I was a cousin or something.
I like the dear in the headlights description of the donor's wife in the first story. It fit the situation perfectly. Man, that husband is so in the doghouse now.
2nd story: as a black man I think that is admirable of you to want to take a step forward and try to learn how to comb, style and just manage your future (hopefully) step childs hair. And no, it's not cultural for black men to live with his mom but, like one commenter said if she's going to live there with you for any long period of time this will be a problem. Make sure you discuss living separately if you get married. Heck you might want to talk about your future now. Good luck to you. I'm rooting for you.
Story 3: NTA. You ARE her Dad! Her “Real” Dad spent who knows how long at the bottom of a bottle and needs to earn that walk. YOU took care of her, YOU made sure her and your other siblings were safe, he doesn’t get all the Dad perks just because on paper he’s the Father.
The real test would be if Elise said no, her brother was there her entire life and he wasn’t, so her brother is going to walk her down the aisle. If Daddy Dearest throws a hissy fit, then his reconnection isn’t sincere, and he’s still an abusive shit and doesn’t deserve the time of day. If he says okay, I understand, then maybe he’s got a right to still be in Elise’s life.
2) NTA The grandmother is out of line but at the same time there are non-black stepparents that damage little black children’s hair. But the honest is that OP actually asked to learn how to do it and didn’t just jump right into it head first. Yes we black peope do have issues with other peope touch our hair. It’s a hard thing to break out of but the fact that she’s willing to learn like I said is a good thing. But for now let it be
Story 1: NTA, oof. Your friend dropped the ball on this one. It was not your responsibility to tell HIS wife. And the fact he didn't tell her is so messed up.
Yes, she is the AH, you don't get someone who is married to father a child without speaking to the wife too. She didn't care because she wanted a child.
3rd story: You don't get to walk your "daughter" down the aisle, when you didn't care for her and accuse her of murdering your wife by being born. Funny, they always blame the child and not themselves for knocking up their partner.
Yep avoidance and guilt. Everyone has the right to their trauma. We all have the responsibility not to take it out on anyone but particularly our children who are our most vulnerable.
@@justine8387 Not Just That. He’s still making it all about HIM and what HE wants. There’s more to being sober than just not drinking. One of those things is learning that you are not the Center of the universe. Oh, I’m walking her down the aisle; so that means my shitty behavior the entire time she was growing up is all okay.
Something tells me what the fourth story either the brother cheated on his wife with the chick that he's currently with and they had the child a year later or she and his ex-wife were so close and best friends that even if he and his new girlfriend get married she will never have a relationship with her daughter and her because it's just not the same her mind. This is one of those situations where you're not in the wrong here because it is your wedding but you may be causing harm on your relationship with your brother and his children in the years down the road
I read this on Reddit! He didn’t cheat (according to OP), but had a difference in culture/religion (ex SIL is Iranian and it looks like the separation was relatively friendly) and it’s more looking like OP is PISSED that her niece was born out of wedlock. I’ll look for the link.
@@deppnut1 if you read some of OP’s comments, there was also a 6 year old on fiancé’s side coming and a 4 year old on her side (another sibling’s kid) coming as well.
“You’d be taking this away from your dad” First of all, he sorta took away your teen years by that hardcore parentification that he imposed on you. Secondly, he took it away from himself by his own actions. I can’t understand the mental gymnastics of some people.
Story 1 is ridiculous. When you’re in a relationship, ask before deciding to father your friend’s kid! It’s a different story if it’s at random, but it’s very logical for the wife to think that something else is going on. How does she know whether or not he was doing it out of good will? It’s not like he ever bothered to clue her in on anything! Seriously, it feels like one of those scenarios where the husband cheats and the other girl who had no ducking clue is blamed the most. It’s always the woman at fault because men can do no wrong -.-
Yes, it's very possible they had an affair and she got knocked up and made up this story about sperm donation. Sure, that might not be what happened, I'm just saying it's a possibility. 🤷🏻♀️
@@Lokian_Mermaid Considering IVF bills and Donation consent forms with "no right to the child" clauses and other documents, OP would have very good evidence trail if the wife came after her.
@@Lokian_Mermaid And you're speculating on something that's unlikely, since she said that everything was done from a legal/medical standpoint with proper paperwork. Seems like a rather complex way to have an affair when you could just... not provide legal evidence (*with* a medical procedure of donating the sperm and impregnating OP, you don't just have sex when donating sperm) and say that OP was impregnated by a random man? We could imagine all kinds of scenarios, but we don't know what's true so there's really no point. Why waste time trying to figure out whether or not they were having an affair (one that they were determined to not hide, apparently) instead of answering the actual question. Is she the asshole for not asking the wife before receiving a sperm donation from the husband?
@@OmegaII Doesn't matter anyway. Even if the child were sired in the traditional manner, the friend would have parental rights, not his wife. She could not sue for anything. Although marriage implies exclusive rights to his gametes, the law does not. The only difference the delivery method makes is that when his wife puts a foot up his ass, will she be wearing pumps or stilettos?
As a childfree person, the Op in the childfree wedding is an AH. You either make it 100% childfree or at least put an age limit (for example, no kids under 15) so no one feels purposely signaled out.
Story 3: The wedding is about her and her husband and their wishes not about the father. It's great that the father is trying to turn over a new leaf and be involved in his daughter's life however this is a consequence of his own actions and although it might be painful he needs to take ownership in that he is responsible for things turning out this way.
Story One: NTA The friend should have talked to his wife first. How would he feel if his wife volunteered as a surrogate without his knowledge? It's not OPs responsibility to make sure a married couple is on the same reproductive page. This is the same as being child free just in the other direction.
Freaking out over someone else fixing her granddaughter's hair?? It's insane to be bothered by that at all! When I was a kid I put up a fight when anyone but my aunt brushed my hair, and I doubt my own mother lost sleep over that. Didn't mean we didn't have a normal bond. It doesn't sound like OP is trying to force a mother/daughter relationship on the kid. OP should maybe just let her do it herself though. Not really worth the argument unless Grandma is doing this with other things. Even then, I would probably ask BF to have a (civil) talk with his mom.
@@abicat4229 I get the feeling that black and mixed girls hair has a history of being destroyed by uncaring, and well meaning,non black people. Grandma probably doesn't want her baby's hair destroyed.
"I haven't been there for you and even blamed you for mother's death, but I demand and expect to walk you down the aisle on one of the most important days of your life." GTFOH
I hate to be there bad news it doesn't sound like Mama's too happy you're going to be the new daughter-in-law. Also she doesn't see that child as his she sees that child is hers.
Story 1 is really sus. I get the feeling the friend might have secret feelings for her. Why else would he offer to help her out and keep it from his wife? Or could he have secretly wanted a daughter?
Baby batter story; OP is 100% nta. Every reasonable adult would've thought that the husband had already talked about this with his wife and that they both agreed.
@@emilybarclay8831 Because people can be weird or gross. And her so called friend was weird and gross. It was his responsibility but when everybody communicates, this stuff is found out quickly.
@@emilybarclay8831 Nothing to do with her? His sperm was used to fertilize her eggs, ergo HIS lack of communication. Run your ridiculous statement by me again.
Story 2: NTA, the grandma's reaction smacks of part possessiveness of the bonding time with the granddaughter and a bit of racial tension on grandma's part. Why, would she not want the new mom to know how to handle the granddaughters hair?
Story #2- NTA for wanting to take an interest in her STBH's daughter (her STBSD) and how to fix her hair. Her STBH needs to squash his mother on this one; grandma needs to understand that OP is not trying to replace her, but only wants to be a part of the family and her granddaughter's raising in as many ways as possible.
Hair story. OP, go ahead and learn without mom's input if you want to. But at 6:30 am before school call up mom and tell to get her butt over to your house, daughter needs her hair done before school. Then before any special occasion call her up. Sometimes before bedtime daughter might want her hair done, call her. Wear that phone out at every opportunity available.
Grandmother is being RACIST! Already went through this with my Korean Aunt and Cousin. It's about a mixed race relationship NOT about hair. SHAME ON HER!
That last story... really messes with me... i have 6 wonderful humans who all came from my body the oldest is now 30 years old and the youngest is 5 years old... and not one of them ever slept in my bedroom from day one... they always had their own beds in their own bedrooms and the older 4 who are adults now are all awesome humans 3 are parents and all are doing great in their own careers... i agree that i never allowed anyone other than immediate family and doctors to touch them before 6 months old but they always slept in their own beds in their own rooms... and i never missed when they woke and needed me...
When people get married they agree to certain boundaries. If those boundaries are going to be altered, both spouses must be consenting. Obviously they need therapy, because their boundaries are completely out of wack, and I'm betting they never actually bothered setting any. She assumed "no biological children outside the marriage" was a clear boundary, and he figured "No sex, no emotion, no responsibility" meant no boundaries crossed.
Ehh can't really compare blood and semen as the same. Donating blood saves lives, while donating semen is to create life. The husband thoughtlessly shot into a cup and sign papers, but he's not absolved from the emotional responsibility when the kids grow up and start asking the question of "Who's my father? Can I meet him?" I bet that's the complication the wife doesn't want to deal with.
What does that make any sense to say a wedding is child free when Op is purposely excluding certain child, yes because there’s no bond? What kind of logic is that? And the drunk father is a asshole, he can’t just be a father whenever he wants to. And personally Op deserves to walk the bride down the aisle.
Bridezilla: Geez, gave yourself away OP with that flippant 'this kid'. The wedding is NOT 'child-free', it is the 'excluding-the-niece-who-isn't-my-EX-SiL's-child' wedding. Massive, totally bridezilla A-hole. Great that OP still has a good relationship with the ex-SiL. Lousy that she's taking out her angst about this FIVE-YEAR relationship on a child. Makes her a bit of a lousy aunt and person, too.
A part of me strongly feels he has romantic feelings towards OP and this way he has a link to her. That is the only reason why he wouldn’t say anything unless OP is withholding information. Personally I feel that OP should’ve flat out asked him if he told the wife before going through this. OP never should’ve used him as a donor. Things get messy when it’s not anonymous.
Yep, wanting to share that kind of intimacy with her is what he wanted, thus the secrecy. I can't imagine he thought his wife would never find out, because it was inevitable for OP to eventually mention it to his wife. He's got romantic feelings for her, otherwise he'd have gone about this differently
I'd learn to do the hair. You tried your best to learn about the hair type and you tried to engage with his mother. His mom is rude. Forget about her. Gross attitude
3:54 "isn't devoid of blame", she is totally devoid of blame, what a crap comment, and the wife demanding rights on op's twins is moronic and delusional ! 10:40 wedding, the family do not want the world to know how shitty the dad was, that is why they want crap dad to walk the woman to the altar, the "mean" gossip would kill the family honor if op did it ...
Oh dear 😬 My best friend got married and her brother walked her down the aisle at the last minute. She was going to walk alone, but I talked to her and said she could have this memory with one person for the rest of her life... It was a beautiful wedding. Her parents are both gone.
That is appropriate under even the most conservative interpretations of wedding traditions. Was it just an issue of her thinking that it was her father and only her fathers place? In case of absence of the father a (preferably older) brother or uncle is a perfectly acceptable stand in.
Story 1 - OP NTA - Friend massive AH. OP it is not your fault that your so-called friend did this without consulting with his wife. You are not a psychic therefore how in hell would you supposed to know that he did this without consulting with HIS wife? If the wife is upset she should take it out with HER husband and not you. What's done is done and these babies are coming and it's not like you can return them. If anyone is an AH in this situation is your so-called friend that lied to his wife. Story 2 - OP NTA - BF and his mother are AHs. OP it was very sweet of you to try and learn something to help your "BF's" daughter if the need arises. The big decision that you have now is if you want to move in or not. Your BF just showed you some massive RED FLAGS during this interaction. OP he just showed you that his mother's say on matters comes before yours and that if you try to do anything to help with his daughter it won't count or appreciated. If you are okay with being the third wheel in this relationship then that's your choice but you deserve a man that at least will put you before HIS mother. Chose wisely. Story 3 - OP NTA - Father and Grandmother gigantic AHs. OP you can't erase years of abuse and neglect from someones mind and then expect the person that suffered the end of the abuse to reward the abuser with an important role in her life or in her wedding. OP you raised your sister. You are more her father than your own father and he needs to deal with the reality of that situation. While is nice that he got his life on track that doesn't mean that your sister has to forget and let him in completely in her life. If your so-called father wants to keep having some semblance of a relationship with your sister he better no attack you because in her eyes he will be attacking her real father and that is not going to end up well for him. As for granda, she can suck it and shut the hell up. Where was she when HER son was abusing and mistreating your sister for the simple fact that she was born and her mother died? Amazing how easy people tend to sweep BS under the rug and pretend that nothing happened. Actions have consequences and your father is living the consequences of HIS actions. Story 4 - OP YTA, YTA, YTA - Brother is NOT AH. OP are you sure that you are mature enough to get married? If this is how you rationalize your stupidity then good luck to your soon-to-be husband because he is going to need it unless he is as stupid are you are. Your brother is completely right that you should be ashamed of yourself...🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮. That little girl is YOUR NIECE whether you like it or not and the mere fact that you don't want her at your wedding because of your BS of "I don't feel a bond like with my nephews with my amazing, wonderful, super mom ex-SIL". OP all that blah, blah, blah is a bunch of BS and you know it. You just don't want that little girl at your wedding because you prefer your ex-SIL to be the one with her boys at the wedding and not your brother with his little daughter. Grow the f**k up! Your feelings about your brother and the ex-SIL broken relationship don't excuse your vile behavior towards an innocent child. I hope that you are planning on never having kids because if this is how you treat your own niece I can only imagine how you will treat your own children. I hope your soon-to-be husband is smart enough to see you for whom you really are and run before he gets stuck with you for the rest of his life. A woman that turns her back on her own niece for some stupid loyalty to another woman is NOT wife material and is not a good human being in my opinion. Story 5 - OP NTA - Kim gigantic AH. OP report her to HR. She is unhinged and she is not going to stop until you do something drastic. She is a busy buddy that thinks that she knows better than everybody else. People like Kim think that they are always right and the rest of the world is wrong. Put a stop to her BS.
Story one: bet you two things. The guy has a thing for OP, and that he wants more kids and his wife doesn't. Story two: the grandmother is racist, she doesn't want you getting comfortable with her son and granddaughter.
There's nothing wrong with the stepmother wanting to learn, the grandmother just doesn't want it to take from her time with her grandkid. As much as reddit loves to claim someone needs therapy, that's not the case here - it's cultural. The time spent doing hair entails talking, laughing, and bonding. By all means, learn on a dummy, but as long as she's able to, don't take that from her. In the meantime, find your own way to bond.
"I just can't fanthom anyone that stupid" what parts of male do you not understand? I say this as a man, many men are myopic about some of their decisions and all of there consequences, especially how it could effect others. Its why we have the phrase hindsight is 20/20. Not saying this doesn't happen to women, just that it seems to be much more prevalent, possibly hardwired, in men. If men could see how idiotic or stupid something is there would have been less progress, exploration or unique foods.
I wonder how the husband would feel if his wife had a male best friend and donated her eggs to him without telling her husband? Just because there wasn't sex it doesn't mean there's no intimacy within such situations. If it had gone that way, you bet I'd feel the wife would be in the wrong for keeping such a thing from her husband. If this hypothetical friend had a wife that needed the egg donation it would be a very intimate situation. But it would be even more intimate if the friend was single, had a surrogate lined up and just needed an egg donation since not all surrogates use their own eggs. So, without discussing anything with her husband the wife donates eggs to her friend. Every time he would discuss the pregnancy with her, every time he would show ultrasound pics, or anything regarding the baby, due to the child being biologically related to them both, they've made a baby together and all the legal papers in the world stating she would never be acknowledged as the mother or she has no obligations to him/her wouldn't change the fact that as a married woman, she gave a piece of herself to another man. This is way more complicated than "my body, my choice" So, man or woman, if you are married it IS your spouse's business if you give your "seeds" to another person. In this situation, if it's true, the husband didn't respect his wife enough to discuss it with her and he knew he was wrong to keep such a secret. I'll say it again, YES, if the situation were reversed, I'd feel the wife would be wrong to donate eggs without discussing it with her husband.
When deadbeat dads or absentee dads or "can't be bothered until they get their shit together" dads decide to reprise the role, it amazes me how often people are expected to just cater to them. To me it's a horrible form of walking on eggshells to avoid making the dad mad so he'll "disappear" again. I'm so glad that newer generations are seeing through that bullshit. And it's so not fair for the kids because when the dad isn't present, often they romanticize what that relationship could be. They've been abandoned or at the very least not made a priority and often they crave love/attention from that person. Elise and her siblings were given the best brother ever!!!
Hair Care Story: Totally a wonderful ask, totally NTA. But OP needs to have a serious discussion on expectations and boundaries moving forward - possible the BF's mom will not be a gracious MiL.
Op with a five year old niece story, she is the Ah. The only reason why she doesn't have a bond with the kid is because of some twisted loyalty to ex Sil, which is nasty. I don't care if she hates the Gf, but the child is innocent. And right now, she is playing favoritism. It is all the kids or none of the kids.
Dad-by-Heart Story: Being a good father now means bioDad should have kept his mouth SHUT. After saying such a horrible thing he's lucky this girl is willing to even speak to him. GMom and friedns need to shut up and step back. Elise has made her choice for all the right reasons - respect that.
I'm just thinking about the child thing and wondering if Kim expects parents take their infants everywhere. Including the bathroom. Like seriously stuffs still got to get done even with a baby. In fact I'm sure your workload increases with a baby and keeping your baby by your side at all times doesn't sound feasible. Parents need to take care of themselves physically and mentally or they can't take care of their child.
Question, the first story just popped up on my Tick Tok feed, in that version they said the woman was Asexual, was she ace in the original story and if so why did you cut that part out?
I'm going to be honest with you if she invites her ex sister-in-law to the wedding she's going to bring the boys with her even if the father doesn't want the boys there as a sign of solidarity. This is one of those situations where the original poster could cause irreparable harm with her relationship with her brother in the future. This is one of those situations where the brother and her need to have a serious conversation. Something tells me that the brother and her never got along but something also tells me that no matter what the brother is going to basically get the short end of the stick
Is the piece of video with the cats on the rocky beach where one of the cat’s is “playing the cello” from Turkey? It looks similar to the area where lots of stray cats are fed and people have built them little shelters on the beach for during bad weather and to give them a safe place to sleep.
First story really a married man offers to be the surrogate father and it never dawned on you to check with his wife. You didn't think to sit down and maybe have a counseling session to air everything out to make sure that after the kids come that everybody's on the same page.
Why didn't the husband talk to his wife 1st? The friend made this offer to OP. I don't disagree with your comment but he offered this to OP so I get why she didn't ask because one presumes that the friend wouldn't make such a huge decision without talking to his wife about it 1st. This mess is on the friend because he's the one who is married not OP.
It's not a 'huge' decision. It's no more than providing a blood donation to a friend. He legally gave up all rights and responsiblities. Recall all the step-families who aren't relatives if they don't feel that way? Wife is being an idiot. His body, his choice.
So, what do you think of a wife who has an abortion without discussing it with her husband, or even telling him that's she was pregnant in the first place, while we're on the subject of bodily autonomy in marriage?
There is a chance, if it had been anonymous, that this surprise kid would show up eventually. Essentially the wife might see thus as a betrayal like a one night stand.
I feel sorry for you but I think you should leave the state if you possibly can move away I don’t need no forwarding address cause she’s gonna be a pain in the ass from the get-go that he might even change up on RUclips paperwork he signed OK I hope I’m wrong
No… the grandmother is being RACIST. Period. I have noticed from the people I know, that hair is a really touchy subject w/ black people. They get really racist & don’t teach white people HOW to do their hair- but at the same time complain & mock that we can’t do that type of hair. I got my 1st taste of this in Cosmetology school. And it upset me very much & made me feel ganged up on & rejected. Then, I had a friend w/ a mixed race daughter. She had a hard time w/ her hair care & experienced the same racism from the father’s side. Basically- you’re white, so you can’t do black hair… It SUCKS! And it’s not very nice. Not everybody…. But it seems to be a thing.
1) Black people cannot be racist towards anybody it’s called prejudice you should really understand it. 2) that being said the grandmother is in the wrong because it’s very lovely that OP wants to learn how to do hair and yes we do get touchy when it comes to hair
@@ghostdragon5735 I disagree with your number one but do agree in this case that it's prejudice. Black people are very sensitive when it comes to hair because it's part of our cultural identity. However, I agree with Mary. We can't expect other races to learn how to care for our hair if we refuse to teach them and mock them for wanting to learn.
@@ghostdragon5735 racism definition: PREDJUDICE , antagonism, and or discrimination based on so.eones perceived races or ethnicity. Poc can be racist plain and simple
@@ghostdragon5735 not this is coming from someone who is.mixed eitj many mixed friend. The most racist hypocrites iv meet are black grandparents of a half white half black kid who 'isn't black enough'
@@ghostdragon5735the soon to be daughter in law is Asian, wasn't sure if you knew that or if that changes your mind at all? I'm aware 'reverse racism' isn't a real thing, however, I do believe people from all races can hold racist beliefs. A couple years ago I was in a situation where two of my friends, one Black & one Mexican, had issues with each other & both said some pretty disgusting things about the other all based off the others race/ethnicity. I called them both out for being racist & told them to keep their issues with each other based on character instead of sinking to slinging gross sterotypes that made both of them look bad. Like I said, I think 'reverse racism' as in 'racism' toward caucasions is BS, but if a white person had said what my Black friend said about my Mexican friend, it would 100% be racist, does the color of his skin negate that fact? I'm not being facetious, my question is sincere. If it turned out the grandma in this story behaved the way she did because she dislikes people of Asian descent or made nasty comments disparaging OP based on the fact that she's Asian, how is that not racist? Honestly, I think the grandma is going to treat any woman her son marries poorly, regardless of race, but it is possible that OP being Asian has something to do with it.
It sounds like the friend in the first story wanted to give her an in person donation. I can’t imagine any reason why he’d hide it from the wife aside from him crushing on the friend.
Yes you do remember when you are excluded as a child. When I was 12 my favorite older cousin who I loved very much had a child free wedding. I never disliked her for it but at 70 years old I still remember it.
I personally think that no matter what agreement the bio parents of a child come up with. They do not have the moral right to deprive siblings of knowing each other as siblings.. Which means while opie's playing the statistical bad game of raising her twin daughters by herself. Because all the studies show that having a male parental figure is really important for kids. Those girls need to be able to have a relationship with their older half brother. None of the three crazy people involved have a right to deprive those kids of knowing each other as siblings.
Wait why is the husband ytA? ITS HIS BODY WHY DO HE Hve to ask the wife? We tell women it's thier body ND nobody has a right to tell her what you to do. So now we Hve double standards now? It's none of the wife business. If one of her friend want her to carry their baby, she would tell him HER BODY ,HER CHOICE. L just like him . His seed.
It’s not his body. He wanked off into a cup, that’s it. His body isn’t being used at all. And any woman who wants to carry another man’s child needs to at least mention it to her husband beforehand cause a spouse has every right to not be comfortable with and leave them for it. That’s how it is. You don’t make unilateral decisions as a married person unless the decision means more than your marriage
Wince on the excluding the brother's child with the current girlfriend. that is your niece even if you don't feel as close to that child if you are inviting every other nibbling you include this one too. The child has done nothing wrong - why do so many people take their petty things out on innocent children. My mother did crap like this with my stepSister. My sister had the first grandchild and the first great grandchild but no those don't count not even for my stepFather because they "aren't blood" only my brother's do. This is so harmful and stupid. I personally am following my paternal (both blood and step) families definition of family is family and not measuring blood percentages before dispensing love and acceptance. My mother made sure my brothers and I knew we weren't "true family" to the step and my sister wasn't "true family" to either of my biological ones. My paternal grandfather offered several times to have my sister come with us for weekends at his place. This is the kind of human I strive to be.
Keep any paperwork of the pregnancy away from his wife if there isn't any backup. She might demand to see it to prove her husband didn't have sex with OP. But since it says he has no say about the children, she might try to destroy the paperwork for whatever reason she would have.
1st story. Op did it never occur to you to ask your friend if that is okay with his wife,? It seems Op and friend are living in a world where the friends' wife doesn't exist. This is a HUGE issue. You could have at least asked a few questions to clarify things since your friend has a wife and a child. OP you are not totally blameless.
Story 1: I got a feeling that there´s a misunderstanding between the couple. Wife being angry is understandable, however husband didn´t actually mean to keep such an important secret from his wife. He simply didn´t see the kids as his and so, in his mind, him donating his sperm is nothig more like donating blood or his own possession. Which, not a big deal for him and didn´t warrant a discussion with his wife. Maybe mentioning it casually in passing if the topic came up, but nothing more.
The grandmother in S2 is probably upset her baby boy is dating a nonblack woman, because I can't imagine any other reason why she'd be upset that someone wants to take care of her granddaughter's hair. My mom had the same thoughts but I told her either she can accept any future grandchildren I give her (whether they're monoracial or biracial) or get ready for no grandchildren. She accepted soon enough.
The donor story: Idk... Sometimes I try out hypothetical conversations testing out OP's POV in these stories, and this is one where I started off as NTA until I tried the pretend convo. This is something that is too important to leave any involved party out of the convo. Soft YTA for the OP, but only on the grounds of misplaced trust in her idiotic friend. The only person who is completely NTA is the blindsided wife. That poor woman.
My bio family never learned to deal with my hair and I had to lear how to comb my hair from a film about slavery. The fact OP did the bare minimum of asking is unfortunately a lot more than way to many kids get.
For the drunk and Grammy… when dad was floating around in the bottle where the hell was Grammy? Why didn’t she step up and handle her boozer son and help the kids? Too busy feeling self righteous.. and now they want to run the show.. I know what it’s like being around a drunk .. most times the other shoe drops and their tanked again
1. You NEVER use someone you know to have a baby. It’s not going to work out. Someone, likely multiple people, will suffer. 2. I don’t believe for a minute that you didn’t know the wife didn’t know. You’re close enough to invite her to dinner and you’ve been pregnant at least 6 months, but it’s never come up? Bet.
Story #3: Why do absentee parents always have this mindset? They literally abandon their kids, setting them up for lifelong rejection issues; yet expect to be coddled for getting their own poor little parental feelings hurt. Goes to show they still don’t care. They just want to feel forgiven.
As a black woman who has heard so many effed up stories about non back SO's or even bio parents/grandparents damaging a black child's hair with with harmful chemicals or with things like duct tape because they don't know wtf they're doing.
Shout out for future step mother for caring enough to learn the right way.
Me too. and the boyfriend is an idiot too. We all like to have significant others to take interest in their non bio kids like she is doing.
OP wanted to learn how to deal with her stepdaughter's hair. That's the mark of someone being an involved stepmother. My guess is that the mom has problems with OP's relationship with BF and is trying to shut that relationship down.
I agres buuuutttt, Honestly she aught to bail. That sounds like a family that will destroy the marriage.
IKR? My cousin has 6 kids and even though she and her husband are both black all 6 have different textures and volumes. I took classes with cousin to learn to help because even she knew she doesn't understand ALL black hair!
I can come up with two assumptions: The Grandma misses the DIL and really doesn't want anything to change and the OP signifies change.
The other option is that grandma wants her son to date/marry in his own race. A slight racism but it is also a generational thing as well. That could also be a preference and have nothing to do with racism but who knows, only grandma does and she ain't talking.
Just a friendly suggestion for the channel: consider putting time stamps for each story. Sometimes I pause the video and want to come back to the story I left off on, but RUclips kicks me back to the beginning, so I’m fast forward and rewinding to try to find my spot. Just an idea!
Go to history or library
@@deborahosborne9426 unfortunately this doesn't always work, since once you've been kicked back to the beginning, that beginning now becomes the place held in your history. good idea though!
Good idea
@@deborahosborne9426 qq++++++++
I'd add, sometimes I've heard one of the stories and just want to skip to the update or next story.
Story #3: "It's a fathery role to walk the daughter down the isle". He raised her for basically all her life - what's more fatherly than that?
It's not even "fatherly" role. OP was the only parent his siblings had for years. He double dutied mom and dad roles while daddy was in the bottle and the rest of the family went meh. OP's father should be glad he is even allowed to come to the wedding.
Sounds to me like the grandma doesn't care how her son (I'm assuming she's the paternal grandma) was treating Elise. To her, a father is a father, no matter what he does to his kids!
Love the misogynistic society we live in eh? Lol
Exactly. And OP can't 'steal something' from their Father that he wasn't being offered in the first place. He's not _entitled_ to walk her down the aisle, it's an honor the bride chooses to delegate, & is something she wants for the person who loved & sacrificed to be there for her when their Father wasn't.
Also Ops dad drunkenly yelling and blaming his daughter for her mothers death….will never be ok.
That’s a hard pass, he shouldn’t get to reap the benefits of walking her down the isle just because he’s no longer hitting the bottle.
Also screw grand ma, there’s always an old woman supporting crap behavior 😒
Story one: that is why you never use a friend as a donor. And if you have a legal document that says he has no right to the offspring, don't change that at all
Doesn't that fall in line with my body my choice on the husband's part
@@michaelmorris8302 Hmm, actually...you kinda right. As he didnt have any responsibles, right etc for this children, it's kinda funny area.
"I would have gone with someone intelligent". Nutshot!
@@michaelmorris8302 He knew that going in, he'd have had to sign paperwork to that effect before they ever handed him a cup and showed him to the magazine room.
op has an idea of the guy's health record so he wasn't a bad pick for that, though when all people involved are married it gets dodgy
OP, you are an angel for wanting to learn how to handle your BF's kid's hair. Wish my stepmother would have taken the interest in mine. His mom needs to get a grip, and the boyfriend needs to wake up.
OP1; block them and get a lawyer. People are overlooking the part where the wife demanded her husband get paternal rights to your children. This could escalate into demanding joint custody.
PS. Your friend isn't a friend. Drop him.
That is why God gave women military bases and collage bars. An endlessly rotating source of virile young studmuffins to whom you can easily lie about your name in case they can even remember it the next day. Ah, good old fashioned romance.
S2) im a black woman and I want to thank op for taking the intiative to try to learn how to style her partners child's hair.. that should show and mean alot ...im sorry ur partner and his mother doesnt see it for the beautiful sentiment it is ... Check RUclips and black owned hair salons they might be of help.
Yeah, the BF needs to stand up to his mom and tell her to back off. The child is HIS CHILD and not the grandmother's. She doesn't have a say in OP's desire to learn to care for the child's hair properly
@@nancyomalley6286 yeah there can be more than one person taking care of the child's hair .. granny wont be around forever so y gatekeep smh
Story 2: NTA. In fact good on you. Not many people take the time to learn how to work with black hair if they can help it. Your doing it just in case, that’s sweet.
Sounds to me like Grandma is trying to gatekeep the styling of the granddaughter's hair. I guess she doesn't like that her son is dating someone from another race/culture
@@nancyomalley6286 or she's terrified, bc too many non black mothers screw up their mixed child's hair, trying to "tame" it
The friend is a POS for keeping this information from the wife. This is a messed up move and I would divorce that POS.
She thought her husband would have told his wife. He was the one that offered.
@@kellharris2491 They are called the op's friend aka the husband a POS.
Story 1: NTA. This is a big mistake, but an Honest one. It’s honestly more his responsibility to clear this with his wife then it is you to tell his wife.
But isn’t it funny how OP thanked them as a unit but didn’t ask them as a unit. I think OPs friends marriage is in for a rocky future.
@@tippytoe1250 She knew what she was doing. When you discuss things like this, you usually sit both people down, or the "unit", and discuss it with them.
Yeah, I get ... kind of a little gnome waving a tiny red flag just out of eyesight. OP is such good friends with this guy, and yet hasn't even spoken to his wife for at least 34 weeks? Surely it would have come up, eh?
@@benlutz1974 erm, the fact that she is friend with him is not lead to fact, that she talks with his wife...i have some friends, that i saw only at our "boy's game nights"(really game nights) i dont even know some of their SO's
@@helar2574 yeah, I've got friends who I've not seen their S/O's in years (or in some cases not at all). I'm not their S/O's friend, I am their friend, they choose to keep their home life and their friends appart, that's their choice.
In this case however I could see making sure the s/o was onboard, it's a fairly major decision so speaking to them ahead of time would have potentially been in the best interests of the friends marriage. But then I can also see the arguement for "its not her business" since these kids are not going to be his kids, he is going to have no connection to them, he is not their father, his role is done and dusted and frankly less important in the process at this point than the nurse who will see OP to do her admission paperwork at the maternity ward.
This is, as stupid as it sounds, from a medical point of view, for a man, the equivilant of asking to borrow £10, it's not something he's going to miss and has no actual effect on the future unless you choose to make a big deal out of it, and frankly any man will do provided you know he has £10 to spare (aka a full medical history).
Funny story. My oldest friend was a sperm donor for a couple he knew when we were about 20. They actually asked him to do it. I was in a different state going to college, so when the baby was born he mailed me a photo of him holding the baby, with a letter. I was with my parents (lived with them) in their car and my grandmother was sitting beside me in the back seat. We were headed to dinner and I got out and got the mail as we were leaving.
I opened the letter and Grandma saw the photo and started questioning me about my friend, he got married and had a child so young, was he able to support one? I casually explained the situation and she started judging really hard, but I hate a bully and said "Fuck off, Grandma, it's no business of yours."
She was *speechless*. Years later, she told me she was actually impressed, that most people wouldn't stand up to her.
'Why didn't you tell me he did this?' Because any logical person would think you two would have this conversation? OP isn't an AH, and the wife has a husband problem. OP is completely fine.
No, she's not. You don't ask one person knowing that they're married with kids already. If someone was to do this shit to her, she'd be through the roof. She knew what sneaky shit she was doing.
I honestly don't understand how its any of the wife's business that the guy donated sp3rm lol
Just like it wouldn't be any of his business if the wife decided to donate eggs, reddit gets all up in arms over the dumbest things.
@Mary Bean nobody would care if the roles were reversed and it was the wife who donated
But I gotta remember that most of the people who follow these stories are mysandry leaning and take any possible slight towards a woman as a felony offense.
@Mary Bean hahahaha what?
So you're saying agreeing to be a surrogate, being impregnated, going through months of pregnancy with all the delights.
Morning sickness, cramps, cravings, hormones, permanent change to your partners body and psychological state, etc etc.
Is the equivalent of donating a sperm sample?
Yeah alright, thats not delusional at all.
@@richrosegold610 nobody invites a couple to thank them for a donation towards her baby's creation if they thought one of the couple didn't know. That's stupid. I'm seeing many women on here blaming this woman for thinking that her friend( whom was the one that offered!) was ofcourse offering by agreement of both husband and wife. That's wild! Women need to stop this crap that the other woman caught up in whatever mess a man in a committed relationship creates is ALWAYS at fault because they MUST want their man! And since we're making a million assumptions about betrayal why not suspect the husband always wanted to father a child with OP but she friendzoned him since Jesus Christ was born and now he saw his chance so took it? And he didn't speak to his wife because he knew she would say no but he wanted a child with this woman? Just throwing that out there. It's an ass-umption so feel free to let it fall on the ground and break into pieces if you disagree.
Story 1: NTA. Can't see how op is as all responsible. It's like being invited as a house guest, or on a vacation, or a tatto, you have faith they're both ok with it.
Nta in child free wedding
Story 1 - That last comment is close to what I was thinking. OP's friend maybe kept it a secret because of worries that his wife is jealous of their friendship. It's typical for people to feel threatened or insecure when their spouse has a life long friend of the opposite sex, at least if they're straight. Heteronarmative people have been continued to think of friendship between a boy and a girl as being a step along the path towards romantic and sexual relationships. Even in cases where that doesn't happen, people have a hard time believing that it's not a possibility, because we've been taught "man + woman + friendship = love at some point".
Considering that the vast majority of people are heterosexual and even self proclaimed homosexuals will occasionally take opposite sex lovers it is always a possibility. A long time opposite sex friend will always have the inside track on a new BF/GF. Careful vetting of that relationship should be made before getting serious. That means getting to know that friend and making sure they are on the same page. Sadly this is not always the case. These Reddit stories (an admittedly poor reflection of reality) have stories involving that sort of situation all the time. With one friend holding a torch and the other oblivious or lying to themselves. Although this is an interesting twist on the "my husband sired a child with his alleged best friend" in that it might just be a best friend and that friend is a colossal idiot. OP should have gone the traditional route of women wishing to get a no strings kid. $5 pitcher night at the local collage bar or military base.
That last one gets me because saying "your baby should never leave your side for the first six months" while simultaneously going to work every day without your three month old baby is so hypocritical it hurts.
I was thinking OP should have said, "So I was hallucinating that you've been at work?"
Plus taking your newborn into the shower with you is just asking for trouble. (Baths always gross me out)
Parents can get a little crazy about their kids and it makes sense… in a way… but I can’t imagine being so rude to a coworker over something so trivial.
“And that’s why you have no work besties, Kim.”
They all work from home (or at least during this incident).
Story 2: we black women are routinely treated as "exotic" because of our hair - I've had random ass people ask to touch my hair (at least they asked), ask questions about it as if I were a giraffe/lion hybrid. The CROWN Act had to be created to prevent workplace discrimination because. of. our. hair. OP did EXACTLY the right thing; assume nothing, and when in doubt, ask. G-mama is a tad possessive because of what I described, but don't give up. Last story - the meeting didn't begin until the boss cam on, so that was a personal disagreement, which shouldn't have been reported to the boss, and the boss had no business giving Kim a professional reprimand about a personal issue.
I'm as white as snow but I have curly red hair. I've also had people ask me if they can touch my hair. I don't know why people think it is appropriate to ask someone they don't know if they can touch their hair. I had some middle-aged woman come up and grab my hair one day. I don't get the lion/ giraffe comment but what I do get is Merida. I had one dick head at the bar asked me if the curtains match the carpet. I'm sorry that has happened to you I know how annoying and upsetting it can be. But I love my curly hair just like I'm sure you do.
I’m a ginger and had similar experiences. People ask me still all the time and some people just didn’t ask and *grabbed* my hair. I’ve had people not believe I’m ginger and I’ve said that I don’t care what they think. I have course, very curly and mangey hair (think Merida from Brave) so I have to use very specific products for my hair or else it gets irritated and I get reactions to it (including my scalp bleeding). My mum even warns hairdressers because we have the same hair type, and they’ve messed up my hair before thinking they know better. I swear, some people think that they know better or think they’re entitled to things that don’t belong to them. So disrespectful. Although, at the moment you can use COVID-19 as an excuse lol I do.
Ok I am one of those who has asked to touch black hair, but dang it was done in a ton of exotic braids at an art show and I am a fiber artist. That woman with the incredible hair let me touch it. Her hair was art for sure. Her hair was way more interesting than a giraffe/lion hybrid for sure, just saying.
I can relate so much! I have blonde hair that forms very large, tight ringlets and people suddenly think I’m a horse. They pet my hair, pull on my hair, drag me by my hair, etc.
I once had a kid in my old middle school pull out a fist sized clump of my hair because her fingers got stuck in a knot. Like, at that point just gently remove your fingers??? Don’t pull with all your body weight??? Wtf???
While I have normal hair it has always been VERY long. Maybe it's a Mexican thing but older ladies always asked to touch my hair. It's normal for me so I never thought much of it. Maybe we're just a touchy culture. I've been greeted with hugs and kisses on cheeks by strangers who assumed I was a cousin or something.
I like the dear in the headlights description of the donor's wife in the first story. It fit the situation perfectly. Man, that husband is so in the doghouse now.
Deer, not dear.
2nd story: as a black man I think that is admirable of you to want to take a step forward and try to learn how to comb, style and just manage your future (hopefully) step childs hair. And no, it's not cultural for black men to live with his mom but, like one commenter said if she's going to live there with you for any long period of time this will be a problem. Make sure you discuss living separately if you get married. Heck you might want to talk about your future now. Good luck to you. I'm rooting for you.
Story 3: NTA. You ARE her Dad! Her “Real” Dad spent who knows how long at the bottom of a bottle and needs to earn that walk. YOU took care of her, YOU made sure her and your other siblings were safe, he doesn’t get all the Dad perks just because on paper he’s the Father.
The real test would be if Elise said no, her brother was there her entire life and he wasn’t, so her brother is going to walk her down the aisle. If Daddy Dearest throws a hissy fit, then his reconnection isn’t sincere, and he’s still an abusive shit and doesn’t deserve the time of day. If he says okay, I understand, then maybe he’s got a right to still be in Elise’s life.
2) NTA The grandmother is out of line but at the same time there are non-black stepparents that damage little black children’s hair. But the honest is that OP actually asked to learn how to do it and didn’t just jump right into it head first. Yes we black peope do have issues with other peope touch our hair. It’s a hard thing to break out of but the fact that she’s willing to learn like I said is a good thing. But for now let it be
Story 1: NTA, oof. Your friend dropped the ball on this one. It was not your responsibility to tell HIS wife. And the fact he didn't tell her is so messed up.
Yes, she is the AH, you don't get someone who is married to father a child without speaking to the wife too. She didn't care because she wanted a child.
3rd story: You don't get to walk your "daughter" down the aisle, when you didn't care for her and accuse her of murdering your wife by being born. Funny, they always blame the child and not themselves for knocking up their partner.
Yep avoidance and guilt. Everyone has the right to their trauma. We all have the responsibility not to take it out on anyone but particularly our children who are our most vulnerable.
@@justine8387 Not Just That. He’s still making it all about HIM and what HE wants. There’s more to being sober than just not drinking. One of those things is learning that you are not the Center of the universe.
Oh, I’m walking her down the aisle; so that means my shitty behavior the entire time she was growing up is all okay.
Yes this asshole just assumed he had that right when he literally did nothing for her. Looks like he still has a lot of work to do on those steps.
Re: OP learning to style child’s hair. Guess who would have been the first person to criticize OP for not asking to learn. OP NTA
Something tells me what the fourth story either the brother cheated on his wife with the chick that he's currently with and they had the child a year later or she and his ex-wife were so close and best friends that even if he and his new girlfriend get married she will never have a relationship with her daughter and her because it's just not the same her mind. This is one of those situations where you're not in the wrong here because it is your wedding but you may be causing harm on your relationship with your brother and his children in the years down the road
I read this on Reddit! He didn’t cheat (according to OP), but had a difference in culture/religion (ex SIL is Iranian and it looks like the separation was relatively friendly) and it’s more looking like OP is PISSED that her niece was born out of wedlock. I’ll look for the link.
@@aylacrissman3443 Wait, what?!?!? That's cruel to be mad at a kid for being born out of wedlock😤😤😤😤😤
I read it as well. The older two are 7 & 9. OP got ripped to shreds in the comments for her horrible attitude towards a 5 year old
@@deppnut1 if you read some of OP’s comments, there was also a 6 year old on fiancé’s side coming and a 4 year old on her side (another sibling’s kid) coming as well.
@@aylacrissman3443 But it's a child free wedding LOL. What horrid individual she is.
“You’d be taking this away from your dad”
First of all, he sorta took away your teen years by that hardcore parentification that he imposed on you.
Secondly, he took it away from himself by his own actions. I can’t understand the mental gymnastics of some people.
Story 1 is ridiculous. When you’re in a relationship, ask before deciding to father your friend’s kid! It’s a different story if it’s at random, but it’s very logical for the wife to think that something else is going on. How does she know whether or not he was doing it out of good will? It’s not like he ever bothered to clue her in on anything!
Seriously, it feels like one of those scenarios where the husband cheats and the other girl who had no ducking clue is blamed the most. It’s always the woman at fault because men can do no wrong -.-
Yes, it's very possible they had an affair and she got knocked up and made up this story about sperm donation. Sure, that might not be what happened, I'm just saying it's a possibility. 🤷🏻♀️
@@Lokian_Mermaid Considering IVF bills and Donation consent forms with "no right to the child" clauses and other documents, OP would have very good evidence trail if the wife came after her.
@@Lokian_Mermaid And you're speculating on something that's unlikely, since she said that everything was done from a legal/medical standpoint with proper paperwork. Seems like a rather complex way to have an affair when you could just... not provide legal evidence (*with* a medical procedure of donating the sperm and impregnating OP, you don't just have sex when donating sperm) and say that OP was impregnated by a random man?
We could imagine all kinds of scenarios, but we don't know what's true so there's really no point. Why waste time trying to figure out whether or not they were having an affair (one that they were determined to not hide, apparently) instead of answering the actual question. Is she the asshole for not asking the wife before receiving a sperm donation from the husband?
@@OmegaII Doesn't matter anyway. Even if the child were sired in the traditional manner, the friend would have parental rights, not his wife. She could not sue for anything. Although marriage implies exclusive rights to his gametes, the law does not. The only difference the delivery method makes is that when his wife puts a foot up his ass, will she be wearing pumps or stilettos?
@@Lokian_Mermaid You can't say it is a possibility when OP has actual documentation that proves that's what happened.
As a childfree person, the Op in the childfree wedding is an AH. You either make it 100% childfree or at least put an age limit (for example, no kids under 15) so no one feels purposely signaled out.
Story 3: The wedding is about her and her husband and their wishes not about the father. It's great that the father is trying to turn over a new leaf and be involved in his daughter's life however this is a consequence of his own actions and although it might be painful he needs to take ownership in that he is responsible for things turning out this way.
Story One: NTA The friend should have talked to his wife first. How would he feel if his wife volunteered as a surrogate without his knowledge? It's not OPs responsibility to make sure a married couple is on the same reproductive page. This is the same as being child free just in the other direction.
Freaking out over someone else fixing her granddaughter's hair?? It's insane to be bothered by that at all! When I was a kid I put up a fight when anyone but my aunt brushed my hair, and I doubt my own mother lost sleep over that. Didn't mean we didn't have a normal bond. It doesn't sound like OP is trying to force a mother/daughter relationship on the kid. OP should maybe just let her do it herself though. Not really worth the argument unless Grandma is doing this with other things. Even then, I would probably ask BF to have a (civil) talk with his mom.
I get the sense that the grandma might be a little racist
OP should go to a salon for tips. Start with the internet
@@abicat4229 I get the feeling that black and mixed girls hair has a history of being destroyed by uncaring, and well meaning,non black people. Grandma probably doesn't want her baby's hair destroyed.
"I haven't been there for you and even blamed you for mother's death, but I demand and expect to walk you down the aisle on one of the most important days of your life."
GTFOH
"And my mommy-your granny-agrees with me"
First Story. OP should have asked, as least once, 'How does your wife feel abt this?' Would have side stepped the issue.
I hate to be there bad news it doesn't sound like Mama's too happy you're going to be the new daughter-in-law. Also she doesn't see that child as his she sees that child is hers.
It's also traditionally a fatherly role to raise your own kids, and yet...
Story 1 is really sus. I get the feeling the friend might have secret feelings for her. Why else would he offer to help her out and keep it from his wife? Or could he have secretly wanted a daughter?
Baby batter story; OP is 100% nta. Every reasonable adult would've thought that the husband had already talked about this with his wife and that they both agreed.
Except for the part she never talked to the wife directly.
@@scorpiocarnage1055 why should she? It’s not her place to have a say in that discussion between the two of them
@@emilybarclay8831 Because people can be weird or gross. And her so called friend was weird and gross. It was his responsibility but when everybody communicates, this stuff is found out quickly.
@@scorpiocarnage1055 it’s not her problem. It’s between her friend and his wife. Their miscommunication is nothing to do with her
@@emilybarclay8831 Nothing to do with her? His sperm was used to fertilize her eggs, ergo HIS lack of communication. Run your ridiculous statement by me again.
Story 2: NTA, the grandma's reaction smacks of part possessiveness of the bonding time with the granddaughter and a bit of racial tension on grandma's part. Why, would she not want the new mom to know how to handle the granddaughters hair?
Kudos to op for being proactive and trying to help with the step-daughter's hair. Grandma needs to chill.
Big red flags. Be careful of his mom. Put off the wedding. Nta
I hope there is an update for story 3, I really hope he decided to walk her down by himself!
Story #2- NTA for wanting to take an interest in her STBH's daughter (her STBSD) and how to fix her hair. Her STBH needs to squash his mother on this one; grandma needs to understand that OP is not trying to replace her, but only wants to be a part of the family and her granddaughter's raising in as many ways as possible.
You literally told him one out of three of kids isn’t invited! You can’t claim child free then invite two out of three of your siblings kids.
I’d suggest op ask a hair dresser or a mother from step daughter’s school.
Also some good RUclips channels out there that gives good tips on this subject
Hair story.
OP, go ahead and learn without mom's input if you want to. But at 6:30 am before school call up mom and tell to get her butt over to your house, daughter needs her hair done before school. Then before any special occasion call her up. Sometimes before bedtime daughter might want her hair done, call her. Wear that phone out at every opportunity available.
Grandmother is being RACIST! Already went through this with my Korean Aunt and Cousin. It's about a mixed race relationship NOT about hair. SHAME ON HER!
That last story... really messes with me... i have 6 wonderful humans who all came from my body the oldest is now 30 years old and the youngest is 5 years old... and not one of them ever slept in my bedroom from day one... they always had their own beds in their own bedrooms and the older 4 who are adults now are all awesome humans 3 are parents and all are doing great in their own careers... i agree that i never allowed anyone other than immediate family and doctors to touch them before 6 months old but they always slept in their own beds in their own rooms... and i never missed when they woke and needed me...
Uhhhh, his body, his choice? If he was a blood donor would his wive object? This is silly.
When people get married they agree to certain boundaries. If those boundaries are going to be altered, both spouses must be consenting. Obviously they need therapy, because their boundaries are completely out of wack, and I'm betting they never actually bothered setting any. She assumed "no biological children outside the marriage" was a clear boundary, and he figured "No sex, no emotion, no responsibility" meant no boundaries crossed.
He gave his sperm to another woman. This isn’t a “my body, my choice” situation, this is a whole having a baby with another woman.
@@bubblegum_flavor551 He is not having a baby with another woman.
@@goddessmelanisia I doubt they ever disc ussed it. Who would? So , no boundaries. Totally legal seperation from the children and the mother.
Ehh can't really compare blood and semen as the same. Donating blood saves lives, while donating semen is to create life.
The husband thoughtlessly shot into a cup and sign papers, but he's not absolved from the emotional responsibility when the kids grow up and start asking the question of "Who's my father? Can I meet him?"
I bet that's the complication the wife doesn't want to deal with.
What does that make any sense to say a wedding is child free when Op is purposely excluding certain child, yes because there’s no bond? What kind of logic is that?
And the drunk father is a asshole, he can’t just be a father whenever he wants to. And personally Op deserves to walk the bride down the aisle.
Bridezilla: Geez, gave yourself away OP with that flippant 'this kid'. The wedding is NOT 'child-free', it is the 'excluding-the-niece-who-isn't-my-EX-SiL's-child' wedding. Massive, totally bridezilla A-hole. Great that OP still has a good relationship with the ex-SiL. Lousy that she's taking out her angst about this FIVE-YEAR relationship on a child. Makes her a bit of a lousy aunt and person, too.
OPs father would be the idiot to take the experience away from Elise
A part of me strongly feels he has romantic feelings towards OP and this way he has a link to her. That is the only reason why he wouldn’t say anything unless OP is withholding information. Personally I feel that OP should’ve flat out asked him if he told the wife before going through this. OP never should’ve used him as a donor. Things get messy when it’s not anonymous.
Yep, wanting to share that kind of intimacy with her is what he wanted, thus the secrecy. I can't imagine he thought his wife would never find out, because it was inevitable for OP to eventually mention it to his wife. He's got romantic feelings for her, otherwise he'd have gone about this differently
I'd learn to do the hair. You tried your best to learn about the hair type and you tried to engage with his mother. His mom is rude. Forget about her.
Gross attitude
3:54 "isn't devoid of blame", she is totally devoid of blame, what a crap comment, and the wife demanding rights on op's twins is moronic and delusional !
10:40 wedding, the family do not want the world to know how shitty the dad was, that is why they want crap dad to walk the woman to the altar, the "mean" gossip would kill the family honor if op did it ...
Oh dear 😬
My best friend got married and her brother walked her down the aisle at the last minute.
She was going to walk alone, but I talked to her and said she could have this memory with one person for the rest of her life...
It was a beautiful wedding.
Her parents are both gone.
That is appropriate under even the most conservative interpretations of wedding traditions. Was it just an issue of her thinking that it was her father and only her fathers place? In case of absence of the father a (preferably older) brother or uncle is a perfectly acceptable stand in.
Story 1 - OP NTA - Friend massive AH. OP it is not your fault that your so-called friend did this without consulting with his wife. You are not a psychic therefore how in hell would you supposed to know that he did this without consulting with HIS wife? If the wife is upset she should take it out with HER husband and not you. What's done is done and these babies are coming and it's not like you can return them. If anyone is an AH in this situation is your so-called friend that lied to his wife.
Story 2 - OP NTA - BF and his mother are AHs. OP it was very sweet of you to try and learn something to help your "BF's" daughter if the need arises. The big decision that you have now is if you want to move in or not. Your BF just showed you some massive RED FLAGS during this interaction. OP he just showed you that his mother's say on matters comes before yours and that if you try to do anything to help with his daughter it won't count or appreciated. If you are okay with being the third wheel in this relationship then that's your choice but you deserve a man that at least will put you before HIS mother. Chose wisely.
Story 3 - OP NTA - Father and Grandmother gigantic AHs. OP you can't erase years of abuse and neglect from someones mind and then expect the person that suffered the end of the abuse to reward the abuser with an important role in her life or in her wedding. OP you raised your sister. You are more her father than your own father and he needs to deal with the reality of that situation. While is nice that he got his life on track that doesn't mean that your sister has to forget and let him in completely in her life. If your so-called father wants to keep having some semblance of a relationship with your sister he better no attack you because in her eyes he will be attacking her real father and that is not going to end up well for him. As for granda, she can suck it and shut the hell up. Where was she when HER son was abusing and mistreating your sister for the simple fact that she was born and her mother died? Amazing how easy people tend to sweep BS under the rug and pretend that nothing happened. Actions have consequences and your father is living the consequences of HIS actions.
Story 4 - OP YTA, YTA, YTA - Brother is NOT AH. OP are you sure that you are mature enough to get married? If this is how you rationalize your stupidity then good luck to your soon-to-be husband because he is going to need it unless he is as stupid are you are. Your brother is completely right that you should be ashamed of yourself...🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮. That little girl is YOUR NIECE whether you like it or not and the mere fact that you don't want her at your wedding because of your BS of "I don't feel a bond like with my nephews with my amazing, wonderful, super mom ex-SIL". OP all that blah, blah, blah is a bunch of BS and you know it. You just don't want that little girl at your wedding because you prefer your ex-SIL to be the one with her boys at the wedding and not your brother with his little daughter. Grow the f**k up! Your feelings about your brother and the ex-SIL broken relationship don't excuse your vile behavior towards an innocent child. I hope that you are planning on never having kids because if this is how you treat your own niece I can only imagine how you will treat your own children. I hope your soon-to-be husband is smart enough to see you for whom you really are and run before he gets stuck with you for the rest of his life. A woman that turns her back on her own niece for some stupid loyalty to another woman is NOT wife material and is not a good human being in my opinion.
Story 5 - OP NTA - Kim gigantic AH. OP report her to HR. She is unhinged and she is not going to stop until you do something drastic. She is a busy buddy that thinks that she knows better than everybody else. People like Kim think that they are always right and the rest of the world is wrong. Put a stop to her BS.
Story one: bet you two things. The guy has a thing for OP, and that he wants more kids and his wife doesn't.
Story two: the grandmother is racist, she doesn't want you getting comfortable with her son and granddaughter.
Yeah no one is calling it for what it is, the black grandmother is a racists pos
There's nothing wrong with the stepmother wanting to learn, the grandmother just doesn't want it to take from her time with her grandkid. As much as reddit loves to claim someone needs therapy, that's not the case here - it's cultural.
The time spent doing hair entails talking, laughing, and bonding. By all means, learn on a dummy, but as long as she's able to, don't take that from her. In the meantime, find your own way to bond.
"I just can't fanthom anyone that stupid" what parts of male do you not understand? I say this as a man, many men are myopic about some of their decisions and all of there consequences, especially how it could effect others. Its why we have the phrase hindsight is 20/20. Not saying this doesn't happen to women, just that it seems to be much more prevalent, possibly hardwired, in men. If men could see how idiotic or stupid something is there would have been less progress, exploration or unique foods.
I wonder how the husband would feel if his wife had a male best friend and donated her eggs to him without telling her husband? Just because there wasn't sex it doesn't mean there's no intimacy within such situations.
If it had gone that way, you bet I'd feel the wife would be in the wrong for keeping such a thing from her husband.
If this hypothetical friend had a wife that needed the egg donation it would be a very intimate situation. But it would be even more intimate if the friend was single, had a surrogate lined up and just needed an egg donation since not all surrogates use their own eggs. So, without discussing anything with her husband the wife donates eggs to her friend. Every time he would discuss the pregnancy with her, every time he would show ultrasound pics, or anything regarding the baby, due to the child being biologically related to them both, they've made a baby together and all the legal papers in the world stating she would never be acknowledged as the mother or she has no obligations to him/her wouldn't change the fact that as a married woman, she gave a piece of herself to another man.
This is way more complicated than "my body, my choice"
So, man or woman, if you are married it IS your spouse's business if you give your "seeds" to another person.
In this situation, if it's true, the husband didn't respect his wife enough to discuss it with her and he knew he was wrong to keep such a secret.
I'll say it again, YES, if the situation were reversed, I'd feel the wife would be wrong to donate eggs without discussing it with her husband.
When deadbeat dads or absentee dads or "can't be bothered until they get their shit together" dads decide to reprise the role, it amazes me how often people are expected to just cater to them. To me it's a horrible form of walking on eggshells to avoid making the dad mad so he'll "disappear" again. I'm so glad that newer generations are seeing through that bullshit. And it's so not fair for the kids because when the dad isn't present, often they romanticize what that relationship could be. They've been abandoned or at the very least not made a priority and often they crave love/attention from that person. Elise and her siblings were given the best brother ever!!!
Final Story: NTA. So a Mom has an option on how someone else cares for their baby? What else is new!
Story #2: don't move in with the bf, leave because him backing her up is just plain wrong since you want to be helpful to the daughter.
Hair Care Story: Totally a wonderful ask, totally NTA. But OP needs to have a serious discussion on expectations and boundaries moving forward - possible the BF's mom will not be a gracious MiL.
Op with a five year old niece story, she is the Ah. The only reason why she doesn't have a bond with the kid is because of some twisted loyalty to ex Sil, which is nasty. I don't care if she hates the Gf, but the child is innocent.
And right now, she is playing favoritism. It is all the kids or none of the kids.
Dad-by-Heart Story: Being a good father now means bioDad should have kept his mouth SHUT. After saying such a horrible thing he's lucky this girl is willing to even speak to him. GMom and friedns need to shut up and step back. Elise has made her choice for all the right reasons - respect that.
Thanks again XOS. Take care
I'm just thinking about the child thing and wondering if Kim expects parents take their infants everywhere. Including the bathroom. Like seriously stuffs still got to get done even with a baby. In fact I'm sure your workload increases with a baby and keeping your baby by your side at all times doesn't sound feasible. Parents need to take care of themselves physically and mentally or they can't take care of their child.
Question, the first story just popped up on my Tick Tok feed, in that version they said the woman was Asexual, was she ace in the original story and if so why did you cut that part out?
You have a child free wedding, you accept people with kids may not come. If I was that brother I wouldn’t attend or send any of my kids.
I'm going to be honest with you if she invites her ex sister-in-law to the wedding she's going to bring the boys with her even if the father doesn't want the boys there as a sign of solidarity. This is one of those situations where the original poster could cause irreparable harm with her relationship with her brother in the future. This is one of those situations where the brother and her need to have a serious conversation. Something tells me that the brother and her never got along but something also tells me that no matter what the brother is going to basically get the short end of the stick
Is the piece of video with the cats on the rocky beach where one of the cat’s is “playing the cello” from Turkey? It looks similar to the area where lots of stray cats are fed and people have built them little shelters on the beach for during bad weather and to give them a safe place to sleep.
First story really a married man offers to be the surrogate father and it never dawned on you to check with his wife. You didn't think to sit down and maybe have a counseling session to air everything out to make sure that after the kids come that everybody's on the same page.
My exact thoughts
Why didn't the husband talk to his wife 1st? The friend made this offer to OP. I don't disagree with your comment but he offered this to OP so I get why she didn't ask because one presumes that the friend wouldn't make such a huge decision without talking to his wife about it 1st. This mess is on the friend because he's the one who is married not OP.
It's not a 'huge' decision. It's no more than providing a blood donation to a friend. He legally gave up all rights and responsiblities. Recall all the step-families who aren't relatives if they don't feel that way? Wife is being an idiot. His body, his choice.
So, what do you think of a wife who has an abortion without discussing it with her husband, or even telling him that's she was pregnant in the first place, while we're on the subject of bodily autonomy in marriage?
There is a chance, if it had been anonymous, that this surprise kid would show up eventually. Essentially the wife might see thus as a betrayal like a one night stand.
OP n°2 is a sweetheart 💗
I feel sorry for you but I think you should leave the state if you possibly can move away I don’t need no forwarding address cause she’s gonna be a pain in the ass from the get-go that he might even change up on RUclips paperwork he signed OK I hope I’m wrong
No… the grandmother is being RACIST. Period.
I have noticed from the people I know, that hair is a really touchy subject w/ black people. They get really racist & don’t teach white people HOW to do their hair- but at the same time complain & mock that we can’t do that type of hair. I got my 1st taste of this in Cosmetology school. And it upset me very much & made me feel ganged up on & rejected.
Then, I had a friend w/ a mixed race daughter. She had a hard time w/ her hair care & experienced the same racism from the father’s side. Basically- you’re white, so you can’t do black hair…
It SUCKS! And it’s not very nice.
Not everybody…. But it seems to be a thing.
1) Black people cannot be racist towards anybody it’s called prejudice you should really understand it.
2) that being said the grandmother is in the wrong because it’s very lovely that OP wants to learn how to do hair and yes we do get touchy when it comes to hair
@@ghostdragon5735 I disagree with your number one but do agree in this case that it's prejudice. Black people are very sensitive when it comes to hair because it's part of our cultural identity. However, I agree with Mary. We can't expect other races to learn how to care for our hair if we refuse to teach them and mock them for wanting to learn.
@@ghostdragon5735 racism definition: PREDJUDICE , antagonism, and or discrimination based on so.eones perceived races or ethnicity.
Poc can be racist plain and simple
@@ghostdragon5735 not this is coming from someone who is.mixed eitj many mixed friend. The most racist hypocrites iv meet are black grandparents of a half white half black kid who 'isn't black enough'
@@ghostdragon5735the soon to be daughter in law is Asian, wasn't sure if you knew that or if that changes your mind at all? I'm aware 'reverse racism' isn't a real thing, however, I do believe people from all races can hold racist beliefs.
A couple years ago I was in a situation where two of my friends, one Black & one Mexican, had issues with each other & both said some pretty disgusting things about the other all based off the others race/ethnicity. I called them both out for being racist & told them to keep their issues with each other based on character instead of sinking to slinging gross sterotypes that made both of them look bad. Like I said, I think 'reverse racism' as in 'racism' toward caucasions is BS, but if a white person had said what my Black friend said about my Mexican friend, it would 100% be racist, does the color of his skin negate that fact?
I'm not being facetious, my question is sincere. If it turned out the grandma in this story behaved the way she did because she dislikes people of Asian descent or made nasty comments disparaging OP based on the fact that she's Asian, how is that not racist? Honestly, I think the grandma is going to treat any woman her son marries poorly, regardless of race, but it is possible that OP being Asian has something to do with it.
The first 30 seconds of that had me thinking my mum wrote this😂
It sounds like the friend in the first story wanted to give her an in person donation. I can’t imagine any reason why he’d hide it from the wife aside from him crushing on the friend.
Yes you do remember when you are excluded as a child. When I was 12 my favorite older cousin who I loved very much had a child free wedding. I never disliked her for it but at 70 years old I still remember it.
I personally think that no matter what agreement the bio parents of a child come up with. They do not have the moral right to deprive siblings of knowing each other as siblings.. Which means while opie's playing the statistical bad game of raising her twin daughters by herself. Because all the studies show that having a male parental figure is really important for kids. Those girls need to be able to have a relationship with their older half brother. None of the three crazy people involved have a right to deprive those kids of knowing each other as siblings.
The girl didn't kill her mom! The father killed his wife by getting the mom pregnant
Wait why is the husband ytA? ITS HIS BODY WHY DO HE Hve to ask the wife? We tell women it's thier body ND nobody has a right to tell her what you to do. So now we Hve double standards now? It's none of the wife business. If one of her friend want her to carry their baby, she would tell him HER BODY ,HER CHOICE. L just like him . His seed.
It’s not his body. He wanked off into a cup, that’s it. His body isn’t being used at all. And any woman who wants to carry another man’s child needs to at least mention it to her husband beforehand cause a spouse has every right to not be comfortable with and leave them for it. That’s how it is. You don’t make unilateral decisions as a married person unless the decision means more than your marriage
Last story. Boss asked OP what had happened and OP told him. She didn't "blab", she responding to her superior's reasonable question. NTA
Story 2 go to hairdressers explain and I'm sure they would give you tips
Wince on the excluding the brother's child with the current girlfriend. that is your niece even if you don't feel as close to that child if you are inviting every other nibbling you include this one too. The child has done nothing wrong - why do so many people take their petty things out on innocent children. My mother did crap like this with my stepSister. My sister had the first grandchild and the first great grandchild but no those don't count not even for my stepFather because they "aren't blood" only my brother's do. This is so harmful and stupid. I personally am following my paternal (both blood and step) families definition of family is family and not measuring blood percentages before dispensing love and acceptance. My mother made sure my brothers and I knew we weren't "true family" to the step and my sister wasn't "true family" to either of my biological ones. My paternal grandfather offered several times to have my sister come with us for weekends at his place. This is the kind of human I strive to be.
Stepdaughter's Hair: NTA - You were coming out of kindness, what you got back was pure racism.
Keep any paperwork of the pregnancy away from his wife if there isn't any backup. She might demand to see it to prove her husband didn't have sex with OP. But since it says he has no say about the children, she might try to destroy the paperwork for whatever reason she would have.
1st story. Op did it never occur to you to ask your friend if that is okay with his wife,? It seems Op and friend are living in a world where the friends' wife doesn't exist. This is a HUGE issue. You could have at least asked a few questions to clarify things since your friend has a wife and a child. OP you are not totally blameless.
Story 1: I got a feeling that there´s a misunderstanding between the couple. Wife being angry is understandable, however husband didn´t actually mean to keep such an important secret from his wife. He simply didn´t see the kids as his and so, in his mind, him donating his sperm is nothig more like donating blood or his own possession. Which, not a big deal for him and didn´t warrant a discussion with his wife.
Maybe mentioning it casually in passing if the topic came up, but nothing more.
This is 100% on the friend/husband.
The grandmother in S2 is probably upset her baby boy is dating a nonblack woman, because I can't imagine any other reason why she'd be upset that someone wants to take care of her granddaughter's hair. My mom had the same thoughts but I told her either she can accept any future grandchildren I give her (whether they're monoracial or biracial) or get ready for no grandchildren. She accepted soon enough.
Love the kitties!!!
Me Too! These videos need more kitties-and puppies (boxer puppies, maybe)
The donor story:
Idk...
Sometimes I try out hypothetical conversations testing out OP's POV in these stories, and this is one where I started off as NTA until I tried the pretend convo.
This is something that is too important to leave any involved party out of the convo.
Soft YTA for the OP, but only on the grounds of misplaced trust in her idiotic friend.
The only person who is completely NTA is the blindsided wife.
That poor woman.
My bio family never learned to deal with my hair and I had to lear how to comb my hair from a film about slavery. The fact OP did the bare minimum of asking is unfortunately a lot more than way to many kids get.
Imagine someone hears this story and realizes that that story is about them 😂
For the drunk and Grammy… when dad was floating around in the bottle where the hell was Grammy? Why didn’t she step up and handle her boozer son and help the kids? Too busy feeling self righteous.. and now they want to run the show.. I know what it’s like being around a drunk .. most times the other shoe drops and their tanked again
Story 2: it’s wonderful that OP wants to learn about her hair. Grandma won’t always be available.
If you're going to have a child-free wedding, that's fine - I get it 100%. But as soon as you start making exceptions, it's no longer child-free.
1. You NEVER use someone you know to have a baby. It’s not going to work out. Someone, likely multiple people, will suffer.
2. I don’t believe for a minute that you didn’t know the wife didn’t know. You’re close enough to invite her to dinner and you’ve been pregnant at least 6 months, but it’s never come up? Bet.
Story #3: Why do absentee parents always have this mindset? They literally abandon their kids, setting them up for lifelong rejection issues; yet expect to be coddled for getting their own poor little parental feelings hurt. Goes to show they still don’t care. They just want to feel forgiven.
Redditors never let you down. Why the hell story 1 OP is an AH? She should talk to the wife before?? Come'n, it's the husband task, for God's sake!
Nta. You should learn how to do the child's hair.