A parent can meditate when their children are kids or teenagers. These are 2 adults. What the in-laws are upset about is that OP choose a side, that of the wronged son and kick his lying, backstabbing son to the curb. That was the correct thing to do.
All the in-laws showed is that they are enablers. I guess we know which side of the family Andrew took it from because he certainly didn't get it from his father.
it's possible to mediate between the two regardless of age, to help mend the relationship, but even with mediation there is a limit, and it takes time. but to say that they both have to stay in the same home during that time is beyond me. The son who ruined the relationship should be removed from the home till things are mended.
According to most of the shitty parents on reddit, the way to mediaite is to try to force the injured party to forgive and forget and then just play happy family 🙂
Story 1: NTA. If he’s having such a hard time then he should stop digging holes and burning bridges. Seriously what did he think was going to happen if the affair ever came out? You were just going to be like “Oh well, mistakes were made and that’s the end of this conversation”? He did this to himself.
Plus he’s been living with his father for OVER two years - plenty of time to get your life in order and work out how to support yourself. His father has already given him a lot of help.
@@D-me-dream-smp he has been too busy sneaking around to sort himself out... 😑 and "he got nowhere to go"..? How about his affair partner..? Yeah, he should be the one on the streets over his brother, since he was part of making this mess...
I was really delighted to read about the dad’s reaction to what the older brother did. So often, in situations like this, parents will side with the child who betrayed their sibling, urging the betrayed sibling to forgive and forget. Good for dad on supporting his grief stricken son🙂
Story three: BABE. RUN. You aren’t tied to this guy yet, you can still escape this, you don’t have to trap yourself (AND your son) with a lifetime of this treatment, at the very least hold off on the wedding until this is resolved, fully.
That's what I was thinking ,his behaviour didn't change after the proposal he just hid it well, don't wait to see how he "changes" after marriage. Run, Run, Run not only will your life be hell but so will your sons
#1 OP is an amazing dad! Too many times parents say "get over it" or "it's in the past", which is such a sh1tty thing to do to someone, especially to your own kids
Story 1: ultimate betrayal. if my kid did that to his brother, he'd be out of the house too. I don't know if I'd write him off, but hes going to be in the doghouse for a long long time.
Second story: OP's husband is a tool. Was OP petty for trashing the meal...yes, but justifiably so. Cook your own meals and don't cook for him anymore. If MIL asks, let her know you're not cooking a thing.
How is it petty to throw out food after someone tells you their not going to eat it? If he wanted it saved for another time he could have taken two minutes to pack it away but he didn’t, that’s not op.
I agree, stop cooking dinner for your husband. If you choose to stay with this guy you two need to move away from his mother. If that isn't an option, divorce isn't an option then resolve yourself to the fact he will eat dinner with his mother every night. Now is the time to look this gift horse in the mouth. You now need to grocery shop for only you and your favorite food and meals. Cook only enough for you and maybe leftovers for your lunch next day. Or meal prep to freeze to pop in microwave another day. You save money and time. Now you have time to do other things after work on your own. Go to museums, walk the park, hit the library, take a yoga, cooking or art class. You no longer need to rush home to make dinner for your husband. You can grab a meal while you are out or have one of those preprepped meals you made for yourself. 😅 Wonder how long before Mil complains about 'having' to cook for him because you are too busy to do so...lol.
Disrespecting your wife cooking is tantamount to telling her she is lousy in bed. This is especially true if she has gone out of her way to prepare something she hopes you would enjoy
@@tracim3080 you've served it to someone and they rejected it. That portion of it hits the trash. I understand it completely to serve something and have it denied. She wasn't throwing the food out she was throwing out the husband for the time being.
This is one of those stories where you don't know who the bigger idiot is, the husband for his actions, or the OP for allowing it to happen day in and day out for years. I think the OP needs to look in the mirror first and fix herself then deal with her idiot husband.
Story 2: The whole competition with MIL on cooking dinner is a dumb contest to get involved in. Don't even entertain it and stop cooking for him. If the husband asks why, just reply "I thought you were going to your mom's place". Think of all the money she'll save on food if she only has to cook for herself. I'm admittedly a bit petty, so I'd also be tempted to tell all the friends too. "Feel free to come over for dinner tonight, husband has to eat with his mommy every night so it would be great to have company and not eat alone". Story 4: The OP is definitely doing the right thing. The letter sounds like a good compromise, and then the bro can make his own mind what he wants to do.
the only way op solves this by divorcing his ass and let jim go back to his mommy...then you can treat yourself in peace....have some self-respect here....
I like your idea. I wish the OP would have invited a friend over to eat the meal the husband left. I hate the idea of throwing out food-but sharing it with a friend accomplishes the lesson for the husband.
Let me get this straight. An eleven-year-old girl running interference between her dying mother and her twenty-seven-year-old stepbrother?! What kind of horse caca is that?!
Yeah, it’s another one of those “flipped switches” stories. X behavior changes radically after . Usually it’s after marriage. This way, she can just drop him like a hot rock without any legal entanglements.
@@4bibimimi Wrong number for the story, but that’s EXACTLY what I thought. What the heck is a teenager doing running interference between the adults? Definitely not her responsibility. Momma wants it so badly, she can go through Dad.
Definitely! I hope she does get rid of him! He won't let him have a phone? Why has she let him take control like this? Married life would be hell, it would be her under his thumb as well as her son!
Now she also has to explain where her sister AND mother are because she wanted to exclude her sister and treat her as lesser because of her sexuality. If the bride does have children I’ll be very concerned even if they were straight she likely will have a lot to say about their friend group, partner’s family members etc and exclude them since she has no problems excluding her sister here.
I wonder if she told her future in-laws that she's an only child? The mother's absence will be much harder to explain. "Oh, I forgot my mom died last year. I was so excited about getting engaged that it totally slipped my mind."
I wouldn’t have the cheating son living with me either. I would be done, and your ex and your ex in laws just block them. Story 2 I would be done with this husband, tell him he can have dinner with mommy every night forever. Don’t be second fiddle to mommy.
Fiance: But if something happends we won't know! Also fiance: *doesn't let the kid have a phone for emergencies* What a flawless logic your fiance has OP.
Exactly. 3rd OP better watch herself, because her son will end up getting emancipated, at 16, or moving away, at 18, and going complete NC with her, because of her fiance.⚠️
Story 2. The day my husband walked out to eat with his mother after I cooked for him. I would have thrown it out and sent his belongings to his mothers house. Mommy's boys need to stay with mommy. Js
Exactly. You almost have to wonder who is the bigger idiot in this story, the husband for his actions or the wife that allows this behavior by her husband, without ramifications, day in and day out for years. If I did this to my wife even one time I would find all of my stuff in garbage bags sitting outside on the lawn lol. I noticed the husband never even bothered to invite the wife along. This might be the jaded Private Investigator that specializes in cheating spouses in me, but you have to wonder what is going on at "mommy's" house that he leaves and goes over there every day for "dinner". And not to ruin your dinner, but yes, during my investigations over the years, I have come across too many spouses that were cheating on their spouse with a family member. I know, gross.
@@thomasjoseph5876 Yeah, that's a good question. What *is* happening over there? I've heard of terrible parents trying to hook their married kids up with someone of their liking despite their already being married. Hopefully neither that or your incest suggestion are happening.
Story 3: NTA. It sounds like you have a bully problem too. He’s YOUR child, not your Fiancé’s. As nice as it is that he’s trying to be a parent to him he needs to remember his place in your Sons life.
Story 2: These are major red flags of an abusive relationship! I hope OP broke off all contact with the fiancé. If he thinks being engaged gives him the right to isolate and control OP's son and control OP's ability to parent HER son, it will only get worse after they marry!
And he’s already trying to isolate her son. It’ll be her next. RUN RUN! The whole “drastically changing after a change in circumstances “ (engagement, marriage) is a HUGE red flag. Can’t count how many times I’ve heard here the “it’s like someone flipped a switch” story after a certain level of commitment has passed Usually it’s after marriage. She’s lucky it’s after the engagement. She can still drop him like a hot rock.
Story 4: NTA. Hun, your blinded by the fact that she has cancer. As sad as that is, EVERYTHING she has said screams manipulation. “Make him visit”, “See my first baby ONE LAST TIME” and “Why are you torturing me” are all textbook manipulation tactics. You are not being mean, just because she is dying doesn’t mean you need to disrespect another person choices. And frankly speaking I see where he’s coming from.
Poor OP, NTA btw....Being manipulated by both Mother and father. Great job respecting your brothers boundaries. Funny how now that she has cancer with the possibility of eminent death, the Mother has 'a come to Jesus moment' and wants to make nice with the son she apparently abused. OP just because your Mother wants a chance to ask for forgiveness doesn't, mean your brother has to forgive or is even ready to do so. He is under no obligation to give her a chance to clear her conscience, if he isn't ready for this no one should force it. Don't jeopardize your relationship with your brother which could be lifelong at this point decades, to attempt to give your mother mere moment's conversation with him till he hangs up on her. Not worth it.
Yup, I doubt that leopard (OP’s mom) has changed her spots. A friend of mine works in hospice care and he told me a long time ago that very few people have “sick/death bed” conversions. If they were good people before, they’re usually good under stress. If they were awful before, they’re usually awful right up to the grave.
Bit of old school here, but Mom can write a letter to her son saying whatever she wants to. Pass it throught OP. I personally feel that letters are a great way to communicate without having immediate contact that one side doesn't want.
It's interesting how some on their death bed are seeking repentance for their actions in life. honestly, all the mom had to do was ask OP to give son a message, and provide a contact number, and let son decide if he wants to make that contact before she passes.
That mom can still talk, so she can do plenty of damage. Brady obviously cut contact with good reason. She is already manipulating and trying to gaslight this kid. Stand strong and don’t give out the contact info
2nd Story: If OP's Husband hadn't come back and had dinner at his mother's house like he was going to, he wouldn't have even known or cared that OP had thrown the food she cooked him away.
Precisely, he's not your son's parent. He'll never be your son's parent. Please don't marry this control freak. There are much nicer pen pals in most penitentiaries, heck, on most death rows.
I wonder if he *really* didn't show any signs of this before proposing or she just didn't notice. Particularly manipulative abusers can be subtle, but they can't completely hide who they are.
It’s very typical for abusive behavior to increase with engagement, marriage and (especially) pregnancy because they think the woman is “stuck” with them. Yikes!
S2) after the second time of him choosing to eat at his mom's I'd refuse to cook for him period.. also seems like op spoils this Mama's boy wayy too much, is he unable to heat up his own food ? Wtf 😒
The sibling from the third (?) story is a friggin hero, I have an abusive mother and the number of people who try to force me to deal with her is insane. I am heartened to hear about this young protector doing the right thing.
@@danacarter9147 thanks, I appreciate it. I am no contact now and I am old and wise enough to trust myself and not let people make me feel guilty for protecting myself.
Story 2 - OP should use the joint bank account to pay for a meal in a luxury restaurant when he disappears to mums for a meal, get dressed up and go have a meal out. Make that your favourite trick from now on, if he doesn't like it he can stop eating at mums and stay with you, he is wasting funds on food that he doesn't eat that's the money you use to pay for your meal out enjoy
S4: how desperate for a mate can op be, that she’s engaged to a man who doesn’t work, relies on her for complete support , denies her son a cellphone whilst she’s paying for his and now he’s calling 100% the shots on her son. Holy smokes any more red flags ?
Andrew is lucky he doesn't have a brother with more of a backbone or he'd be in intensive care. Betraying your sibling in that way is one the most lowly things you can do.
The fact that Andrew isn't in in the ICU isn't indicative of Jack being without a backbone. Not everyone handles betrayal and heartbreak in the same way.
Start going with your husband to his moms house to eat dinner instead of cooking. She wants to feed him, she feeds you too. Period. Marriage is a team. Saves you time, money and effort. If she doesn't like it, she can stop the invites. Win-win. Petty train.
@@shellbythesea12 my wife is super sweet, a wonderful mother and partner. She is also almost a full foot taller than I am. Would you piss her off? Me either lol.
Tell the inlaws to give Andrew money so he can leave, it's not your responsibility. Tell them for all you care they can pound rocks. Just tell hubby that he can eat dinner with his mom from now on. He deserves not to have you cook anything for him. You need to drop the boyfriend and take care of your son. Your brother is able to make his own decisions. Your mom may be sorry but your brother has made his decision. Stand by his decision. Take your vacation and enjoy. Tell daughter to have a nice wedding
Second story makes me think this woman needs to get out like yesterday. Normally I'm not one to throw out good food because it costs alot for me to get groceries but she had every right to do so and her husband needed to realize he's not allowed to disrespect her
I know people are on the wasting food aspect. I get that. But just the frustration of this guy constantly picking his mom over her, the disrespect would be too much for me.
Gotta love the relatives that always open their mouths to criticize you kicking the mooch out but never open their homes to take them in NTA OP and i’m sorry that your son is such a pos
The first comment was the actual best response to a cheating brother and his actions. (ETA) But I have a feeling that the real reason that mom is in "Andrew's" corner: SHE CHEATED ON OP.
Story 1: Actions meet consequences. Oh boohoo things are hard for Andrew well he can suck it up. He helped ruin his brother's marriage so he deserves whatever he gets.
S1: "Playing favorites" no, if OP tried to force them to make up, aka force jack to swallow all his pain, then THAT would have been favoritism. S2: Nope, NTA. He has been actively hurting his wife by constantly expecting his wife to cook for him yet always leaving. I'm wondering if the mother-in-law is a widower or divorcee, and has been leaning on her son for emotional support, that's why she;s always making his favorites to draw him back to her house. S3: OP is the AH for not putting a hold on the engagement and shutting this scat down. He does not get to do this at all, he's acting borderline abusive as he is always saying the exact opposite of OP. Nope wouldn't fly in my life. S4: NTA, OP is doing the right thing by respecting her brother's boundaries. The mom is only doing this as a way to "clear her conscious" and not for his benefit, thus she is still acting selfishly. S5: NTA because if people aren't getting +1's then the only way for people to know is if they ask Catlin. If you exclude a family member due to prejudice then you have to harden your heart to other's rejecting your request to come.
Yeah, and I can't believe there's people like Alheli Alvaraz calling the mom the AH in the last story when the elder sister is being a narrow-minded bully.
1. NTI. This "man" is an adult who made bad adult decision and now must accept his adult consequences. He made his own life hard, now he can deal with it.
Story1: the only thing you should do for Andrew is buy him a plane ticket to go live with his mom. Let her or his mistress have him if they want him, he made himself no longer your problem
Second story: If I were OP, the next time my spouse pulled that stunt, any combination of the following would be true when he got home: 1. Locks changed (probably illegal, but fun to consider). 2. I WOULDN’T be in the house any more (drastic, but this crap has been going on far too long). 3. Locks changed (again, probably illegal) AND I wouldn’t be in the house.
The problem with leaving the house, is that it can be viewed as abandonment of the domicile in court. Better angle/work around don't change the locks. Install the hotel-grade anti-break in bar slips on all interior doors except for one (unless you have a garage - then do them all, and reprogram the opener), and then install a biometric lock pad on the remaining door/the garage. Then sack up his stuff, and take it to a storage unit with a six month prepayment or his mother's house.
Story 2: NTA. I will say that it doesn’t sound like you communicated your feelings to him therefore not giving him the chance to correct his behavior, but to be honest I think even dence people understand that ditching your wife night after night is a “Donkey” thing to do.
Cancer Patient. Mom wants to apologize? She doesn't have to have personal contact to do this. Write a letter. You, stick to your guns. Don't give your brther's phone number to them
Story 1: So refreshing to see a parent who actually does the right thing when one sibling betrays another. Story 2: NTA. Maybe you need to look for a new husband, your current is trash.
2. NTI. You should tell that genius is mother is ALWAYS tricking him to "force him into having dinner with her". The only one who is petty and horrible is the husband who abandons his wife to have dinner elsewhere but throws a tantrum when she doesn't have dinner ready for him when he finally decides to eat with her.
Why are siblings so keen on betraying one another? Competition, raised to believe they're the better kid, insecurity...there's a lot of reasons and none of them are good enough to justify sleeping with the spouse.
Totally. The same goes with being left out out of wedding just because the in-laws are judgemental. You wouldn't believe the amount of homophobic supporters the elder sister of the last story is getting.
Fiance: are you kidding??? This a huge giant screaming red siren!!! He is making g decisions for YOUR son without you??? He " won't allow" YOUR son to have a cell phone?? He says no to friends??? Stop and think!!! If he changed after a ring, what do you think will happen after a marriage license??? Nope. You need to get out.
My Ex-husband tried to strangle me after he disrespected me and I threw his dinner out. The Police had a field day arresting him for assault. Then he lied to his family about it. Narcissistic, self centered people need to wake up to themselves
Someone needing to clear their conscience or get things off their chest after they've mistreated someone for years has NOTHING to do with that person! It is a selfish desire to somehow "make things right" when you've lived a life of doing things wrong. People who "need" to hear their parents say "I'm sorry" have been brainwashed into thinking they need that as closure, but someone who has mistreated you for your entire lifetime isn't suddenly feeling sorry about that. They are sorry about their own circumstances. If I were the brother, there is no way I would want to hear anything my mother had to say if she didn't love me and take care of me while I was growing up! She would be dead to me and I would be OK with her really dying. You don't get to come back and say things just because you need to feel better about yourself.
I was also going to suggest the mother wrote or recorded her apology to clear her conscience but leave the brother to choose wether to listen/read...and not make him visit.
Dear god, ditch the fiancé. The guy’s a control freak, undermining her parenting, doesn’t work, and the fact he changed so much after the proposal is a serious red flag upon so many others.
I went to highschool with a girl who went on a 6 day trip with a friend to celebrate her birthday. She came back to find her boyfriend of 4 years married to her mother.
If he wants to eat at mommy's, he needs to tell you when you don't have to cook. Having you cook then abandoning it at the last minute is ... Seriously bad.
Story 2: get a divorce unless this is how you want to be treated the rest of your life. Just wait till you have a baby! MIL will be your Baby’s main if not sole caregiver. You will not have any authority over your baby. MIL will name them. The Baby Shower will be for MIL at MILs house! You’re headed for a living hell! Get on 3 kinds of birth control and just let your husband continue getting screwed by…… Run!
Like the mama's boy whenever he done me that way and he came home complaining he didn't have something to eat I would have been nice went back to the kitchen and opened up a jar of mayonnaise and loft bread and put it on a plate then tell him that is going to be his dinner from now on
The Wife whose husband keeps going to his Mum's to eat when she rings to say SHE has cooked a Meal for him ( him only and not his wife!!), leaving the wife's Meal uneaten........ Maybe she should have thrown out MORE than the uneaten Dinner in the Trash. Plus left his packed bags outside the front door and changed the locks.
Story 1 start calling his friends and explaine that he like to sleep with marryed woman and he slept with his brothers wife. Story 2 You need a divorce lawyer. And be happy that you dont have kids with this idiot. Story 3 You need another partner becouse thats massive gaslightning. Story 4 the letter idea is best. Story 5 good job for standing for your daughter.
Story 2: Time for OP to give hubby back to his Mommy. He acts like a spoiled child, so that's how he can be treated. Mommy and Junior can live happily ever after together.
The estranged mother one: I think a letter is a great idea. It lets the mother get things off her chest, and if Brother doesn't want it, he can burn it or OP can throw it down a storm drain (or tuck it away in case he changes his mind) Hell, she can write some for Brother's children too, they might want to know about their grandmother when they get older (or after they're adults if Brother doesn't want her in contact with the children)
First story. Good job from the OP. the hell wrong with people thinking it's ok to not only commit an uncalled for betrayal but to break up your siblings family like that... TF is wrong with y'all today? The first thing he should say is "bro check your wife, she moving in on me," it's easy to see how come some people do some extreme crap when under severe emotional distress. Not saying it's right but it is understandable
10:18 She's just scared of "what god will think" since is close to see them, in other case she wouldn't care see or not her "baby", Op is a good person for respect her brother decision.
Story 3. OP, that is your son. Years ago I was a single mom and had been for 8 years. My girls were 11 and 13 when I married my 3rd husband. We had not lived together before marriage but my girls had met him at the age of 8 and 10, so I really thought I had a good handle on everything. In truth my ex was actually a pretty good stepdad, but he was very controlling. I had come from a family where my father was perhaps mentally ill. He was verbally, and emotionally abusive to my brothers and I . He was verbally, emotionally financially, and physically abusive to my mom. So, the reality is when I married him I actually pretty much let him be the man of the house, king of the castle. I did not always agree with the rules he set for my girls, or the idea that it was all his way. But I also did not challenge him very often because when I would disagree he would tell me that I was not allowing him to be a parent in my childrens life and if I didn't want someone as a co-parent and spouse I should not have gotten married. In time I just let him sit the rules. He was a much better dad than my father was, better husband too. And he was heads and shoulders above the father of my two girls. Their bio father sent child support because he was in the Navy and it was taken out and mailed to the kids, by court order. Other than that he chose to have minimum contact with them. In fact the first disagreement me and my ex had about how I was raising the girls had to do with the fact that I made no more effort to keep the girls sperm donor in the loop than he did to stay in touch with them. I informed my husband that it was a waste of his time getting involved with the girls father and sending report cards or doing anything else to include them in his life. I guess he didn't believe I had made an effort, but after 3 years and one visit from the ex and his girl of the moment he finally had to admit I was right. Well, in the end, my girls were his girls until my girls turned into adults and started living their own lives. Once they got married and started having kids themselves suddenly they were not our girls, they were my girls, and they were not our grandkids, they were my grandkids. And since they were no longer in the house any time I spent visiting them or their kids was time taken away from him. He quit being dad as soon as he felt that they were safely out of his life. I really was heartbroken to see how quickly he discarded them and how quickly he expected me to walk away from them too. I really regretted at that point all of the times I had sided with him against things he had concerns about, like buying them a car when there were so many irresponsible people on the road and they would soon be adults anyway. And his obsession with them being respectful to elders, even when the elders didn't think twice about being hurtful toward them. Do not marry this man. He does not respect you and he does not respect your role as the mother to this child. He is only trying to establish his dominance as the man and head of the household. If you allow this to go on he will soon have you in a position where your son realizes he does not have to pay any more attention to you than your boyfriend is paying to you now when it comes to raising your son. And before it is over I will predict that your son will either start to withdraw and avoid both you and your boyfriend because he realizes that you are not standing up for him and you are letting someone else treat him anyway he wants, even if you don't like it. Or he will decide that his best course of action is to butter up and suck up to daddy and in the process he will get to where he doesn't even consult with you are consider your feelings because "Well, your husband doesn't listen to you, why should I. Just a heads up.
When you get married you're supposed to leave your Father and Mother and stick with your spouse becoming one in purpose. If you can't be one in purpose then you shouldn't marry.
If you are having an affair, you should always be prepared for your living situation to change at a moment's notice. Or for a husband to come home early. Those are the risks you accept when you sign up for an affair. And if you're living in someone else's house and they might react badly to the affair, maybe DON'T HAVE AN AFFAIR.
4. NTI. And if nothing else your dad confirmed you are making the right choice. Your brother is no contact, he is aware of the situation and has chosen to stay no contact you should not betray him by giving his contact information.
STORY 1 THE ULTIMATE BETRAYAL IF 1 OF MY KIDS DID THAT TO THEIR SIBLING LIKE IN THIS CASE THE 1 BROTHER TO THE OTHER THE GUILTY 1 WOULD B KICKED OUT THE DOOR WITH NOTHING BUT THE CLOTHES HE WAS WEARING . IF IT WAS GIRLS THE GUILTY 1 WOULD B KICKED OUT WITH NOTHING BUT THE CLOTHES THEY WERE WEARING +WHAT EVER JEWELRY THEY WERE WEARING ( IF ANY AT ALL)
Sorry , engaged mom, YTA. Dump this jerk. He thinks because he’s engaged to you he has all the power, and you’re giving it to him. If he’s not working what is his value to your family? Your son was bullied at school, now he’s being bullied by his stepfather? Get rid of that jerk!
OP needs to unplug the phone before dinner time. Her husband's mother has some kind of mental rivalry with OP. She needs to stop cooking for this ungrateful AH or demand that he respects her cooking & stays home.
Last story: I would have told the fiance what Tracy said.. if he's just as bad, all the more reason not to go. If he's surprised and angry at Tracy's action, welp.. ya save him from tying himself to a terrible person and Tracy can reap the consequences of her own actions. And goodness.. straight up not inviting at her at all..
Story 1: How do you mediate when your son absolutely betrays your other son? That's really messed up! OP is absolutely right.
A parent can meditate when their children are kids or teenagers. These are 2 adults. What the in-laws are upset about is that OP choose a side, that of the wronged son and kick his lying, backstabbing son to the curb. That was the correct thing to do.
All the in-laws showed is that they are enablers. I guess we know which side of the family Andrew took it from because he certainly didn't get it from his father.
it's possible to mediate between the two regardless of age, to help mend the relationship, but even with mediation there is a limit, and it takes time. but to say that they both have to stay in the same home during that time is beyond me. The son who ruined the relationship should be removed from the home till things are mended.
This isn't a "You stole my G.I. Joe, and I'm pi**ed off" problem.
This is betrayal at its worst. SMDH!
According to most of the shitty parents on reddit, the way to mediaite is to try to force the injured party to forgive and forget and then just play happy family 🙂
First op is an absolute boss! Perfect reaction, and i love his "I only have one child as i didn't raise his children to behave like this"
Story 1: NTA. If he’s having such a hard time then he should stop digging holes and burning bridges. Seriously what did he think was going to happen if the affair ever came out? You were just going to be like “Oh well, mistakes were made and that’s the end of this conversation”? He did this to himself.
He probably thought they'd never be caught 🙄
Plus he’s been living with his father for OVER two years - plenty of time to get your life in order and work out how to support yourself. His father has already given him a lot of help.
@@D-me-dream-smp he has been too busy sneaking around to sort himself out... 😑 and "he got nowhere to go"..? How about his affair partner..? Yeah, he should be the one on the streets over his brother, since he was part of making this mess...
I was really delighted to read about the dad’s reaction to what the older brother did. So often, in situations like this, parents will side with the child who betrayed their sibling, urging the betrayed sibling to forgive and forget. Good for dad on supporting his grief stricken son🙂
Story three: BABE. RUN. You aren’t tied to this guy yet, you can still escape this, you don’t have to trap yourself (AND your son) with a lifetime of this treatment, at the very least hold off on the wedding until this is resolved, fully.
That's what I was thinking ,his behaviour didn't change after the proposal he just hid it well, don't wait to see how he "changes" after marriage. Run, Run, Run not only will your life be hell but so will your sons
Well said.
Facts!
Yes run quickly
#1 OP is an amazing dad! Too many times parents say "get over it" or "it's in the past", which is such a sh1tty thing to do to someone, especially to your own kids
Story 1: ultimate betrayal. if my kid did that to his brother, he'd be out of the house too. I don't know if I'd write him off, but hes going to be in the doghouse for a long long time.
Second story: OP's husband is a tool. Was OP petty for trashing the meal...yes, but justifiably so. Cook your own meals and don't cook for him anymore. If MIL asks, let her know you're not cooking a thing.
How is it petty to throw out food after someone tells you their not going to eat it? If he wanted it saved for another time he could have taken two minutes to pack it away but he didn’t, that’s not op.
I agree, stop cooking dinner for your husband. If you choose to stay with this guy you two need to move away from his mother. If that isn't an option, divorce isn't an option then resolve yourself to the fact he will eat dinner with his mother every night. Now is the time to look this gift horse in the mouth. You now need to grocery shop for only you and your favorite food and meals. Cook only enough for you and maybe leftovers for your lunch next day. Or meal prep to freeze to pop in microwave another day. You save money and time. Now you have time to do other things after work on your own. Go to museums, walk the park, hit the library, take a yoga, cooking or art class. You no longer need to rush home to make dinner for your husband. You can grab a meal while you are out or have one of those preprepped meals you made for yourself. 😅 Wonder how long before Mil complains about 'having' to cook for him because you are too busy to do so...lol.
Disrespecting your wife cooking is tantamount to telling her she is lousy in bed. This is especially true if she has gone out of her way to prepare something she hopes you would enjoy
@@tracim3080 you've served it to someone and they rejected it. That portion of it hits the trash. I understand it completely to serve something and have it denied. She wasn't throwing the food out she was throwing out the husband for the time being.
This is one of those stories where you don't know who the bigger idiot is, the husband for his actions, or the OP for allowing it to happen day in and day out for years. I think the OP needs to look in the mirror first and fix herself then deal with her idiot husband.
Story 2: The whole competition with MIL on cooking dinner is a dumb contest to get involved in. Don't even entertain it and stop cooking for him. If the husband asks why, just reply "I thought you were going to your mom's place". Think of all the money she'll save on food if she only has to cook for herself. I'm admittedly a bit petty, so I'd also be tempted to tell all the friends too. "Feel free to come over for dinner tonight, husband has to eat with his mommy every night so it would be great to have company and not eat alone".
Story 4: The OP is definitely doing the right thing. The letter sounds like a good compromise, and then the bro can make his own mind what he wants to do.
Story 2 - personally after a second episode of that behaviour I would refuse to cook for him again unless he drastically changed his whole attitude.
@@D-me-dream-smp The first time that he did that, I would have packed my bags and got in contact with a divorce lawyer😡
the only way op solves this by divorcing his ass and let jim go back to his mommy...then you can treat yourself in peace....have some self-respect here....
I like your idea. I wish the OP would have invited a friend over to eat the meal the husband left. I hate the idea of throwing out food-but sharing it with a friend accomplishes the lesson for the husband.
Story 1: I figured Andrew was the affair partner when Jack said he didn't want to see him.
#3 is so full of red flags. Leave him, he'll only get more controlling and more abusive
Let me get this straight. An eleven-year-old girl running interference between her dying mother and her twenty-seven-year-old stepbrother?! What kind of horse caca is that?!
@@4bibimimi Sixteen and wrong story, but yeah.
Yeah, it’s another one of those “flipped switches” stories. X behavior changes radically after . Usually it’s after marriage. This way, she can just drop him like a hot rock without any legal entanglements.
@@4bibimimi Wrong number for the story, but that’s EXACTLY what I thought. What the heck is a teenager doing running interference between the adults? Definitely not her responsibility. Momma wants it so badly, she can go through Dad.
If she marries this bully controlling fiancé She’s nuts. NTA a but she needs to put her foot down and start parenting her child again.
Definitely! I hope she does get rid of him! He won't let him have a phone? Why has she let him take control like this? Married life would be hell, it would be her under his thumb as well as her son!
Not inviting her 'bi' sister, makes her look much worse, then actually inviting her sister ..."where's your sister" ... uumm ....
yep and that makes her a really bad sister!!! That mother is supportive of a daughter who had the courage to be herself
Now she also has to explain where her sister AND mother are because she wanted to exclude her sister and treat her as lesser because of her sexuality. If the bride does have children I’ll be very concerned even if they were straight she likely will have a lot to say about their friend group, partner’s family members etc and exclude them since she has no problems excluding her sister here.
I wonder if she told her future in-laws that she's an only child? The mother's absence will be much harder to explain. "Oh, I forgot my mom died last year. I was so excited about getting engaged that it totally slipped my mind."
I wouldn’t have the cheating son living with me either. I would be done, and your ex and your ex in laws just block them.
Story 2 I would be done with this husband, tell him he can have dinner with mommy every night forever. Don’t be second fiddle to mommy.
Yep, I'd pack him off to momma's and be done with it. She clearly wants him back.
Fiance: But if something happends we won't know!
Also fiance: *doesn't let the kid have a phone for emergencies*
What a flawless logic your fiance has OP.
She is the idiot. But not for the reason she thinks. She's the idiot for staying with the fiance and letting him control and abuse her and her son.
Exactly. 3rd OP better watch herself, because her son will end up getting emancipated, at 16, or moving away, at 18, and going complete NC with her, because of her fiance.⚠️
Story 2. The day my husband walked out to eat with his mother after I cooked for him. I would have thrown it out and sent his belongings to his mothers house. Mommy's boys need to stay with mommy. Js
Exactly. You almost have to wonder who is the bigger idiot in this story, the husband for his actions or the wife that allows this behavior by her husband, without ramifications, day in and day out for years. If I did this to my wife even one time I would find all of my stuff in garbage bags sitting outside on the lawn lol.
I noticed the husband never even bothered to invite the wife along. This might be the jaded Private Investigator that specializes in cheating spouses in me, but you have to wonder what is going on at "mommy's" house that he leaves and goes over there every day for "dinner". And not to ruin your dinner, but yes, during my investigations over the years, I have come across too many spouses that were cheating on their spouse with a family member. I know, gross.
@@thomasjoseph5876 Yeah, that's a good question. What *is* happening over there? I've heard of terrible parents trying to hook their married kids up with someone of their liking despite their already being married. Hopefully neither that or your incest suggestion are happening.
I would’ve helped you pack up his things.
Visuals: the painting, The gardening, the cats and the walking tour of Singapore. Others are slipping my mind right now but they're all beautiful!
Story 3: NTA. It sounds like you have a bully problem too. He’s YOUR child, not your Fiancé’s. As nice as it is that he’s trying to be a parent to him he needs to remember his place in your Sons life.
Parenting should be a joint endeavour.
Story 2: These are major red flags of an abusive relationship! I hope OP broke off all contact with the fiancé. If he thinks being engaged gives him the right to isolate and control OP's son and control OP's ability to parent HER son, it will only get worse after they marry!
And he’s already trying to isolate her son. It’ll be her next. RUN RUN! The whole “drastically changing after a change in circumstances “ (engagement, marriage) is a HUGE red flag. Can’t count how many times I’ve heard here the “it’s like someone flipped a switch” story after a certain level of commitment has passed
Usually it’s after marriage. She’s lucky it’s after the engagement. She can still drop him like a hot rock.
That's story 3
@@rubymeaddle, And so it is. 🙃
Story 4: NTA. Hun, your blinded by the fact that she has cancer. As sad as that is, EVERYTHING she has said screams manipulation. “Make him visit”, “See my first baby ONE LAST TIME” and “Why are you torturing me” are all textbook manipulation tactics. You are not being mean, just because she is dying doesn’t mean you need to disrespect another person choices. And frankly speaking I see where he’s coming from.
Poor OP, NTA btw....Being manipulated by both Mother and father. Great job respecting your brothers boundaries. Funny how now that she has cancer with the possibility of eminent death, the Mother has 'a come to Jesus moment' and wants to make nice with the son she apparently abused. OP just because your Mother wants a chance to ask for forgiveness doesn't, mean your brother has to forgive or is even ready to do so. He is under no obligation to give her a chance to clear her conscience, if he isn't ready for this no one should force it. Don't jeopardize your relationship with your brother which could be lifelong at this point decades, to attempt to give your mother mere moment's conversation with him till he hangs up on her. Not worth it.
Yup, I doubt that leopard (OP’s mom) has changed her spots. A friend of mine works in hospice care and he told me a long time ago that very few people have “sick/death bed” conversions. If they were good people before, they’re usually good under stress. If they were awful before, they’re usually awful right up to the grave.
Bit of old school here, but Mom can write a letter to her son saying whatever she wants to. Pass it throught OP. I personally feel that letters are a great way to communicate without having immediate contact that one side doesn't want.
The mother is STILL only thinking of herself- it’s still all about making herself feel better and not about making amends.
It's interesting how some on their death bed are seeking repentance for their actions in life. honestly, all the mom had to do was ask OP to give son a message, and provide a contact number, and let son decide if he wants to make that contact before she passes.
That mom can still talk, so she can do plenty of damage. Brady obviously cut contact with good reason. She is already manipulating and trying to gaslight this kid. Stand strong and don’t give out the contact info
Mom, you have a spine of Titanium. Well done.
2nd Story: If OP's Husband hadn't come back and had dinner at his mother's house like he was going to, he wouldn't have even known or cared that OP had thrown the food she cooked him away.
OP handled it WAY better then i would. If my husband did that. He would have dinner dumped over his head
He should eat at his mothers or cook his own meals until this is sorted out. This is a Hill worth dying on. Work it out or walk away.
Give the guy his ring back. Give your son a phone. This is not going to get any better.
Right on.👍
Precisely, he's not your son's parent. He'll never be your son's parent. Please don't marry this control freak. There are much nicer pen pals in most penitentiaries, heck, on most death rows.
The background video of the red circle being painted is so soothing. I could look at it forever
Second story: I really, really want OP to reflect on why she stays with this man and why she tolerates this family.
3rd story: he's an abuser who hid it till he knew he got OP to try to marry him
I wonder if he *really* didn't show any signs of this before proposing or she just didn't notice. Particularly manipulative abusers can be subtle, but they can't completely hide who they are.
It’s very typical for abusive behavior to increase with engagement, marriage and (especially) pregnancy because they think the woman is “stuck” with them. Yikes!
The painting footage in the background was some super relaxing ASMR
I would be afraid that the fiance is grooming you and your son
S2) after the second time of him choosing to eat at his mom's I'd refuse to cook for him period.. also seems like op spoils this Mama's boy wayy too much, is he unable to heat up his own food ? Wtf 😒
Story 3: NTA. I'm getting serious covert narcissist vibes from fiance.
The sibling from the third (?) story is a friggin hero, I have an abusive mother and the number of people who try to force me to deal with her is insane. I am heartened to hear about this young protector doing the right thing.
I'm so sorry about your ordeal.😔
@@danacarter9147 thanks, I appreciate it. I am no contact now and I am old and wise enough to trust myself and not let people make me feel guilty for protecting myself.
@@KristopherBel My pleasure. In the immortal words of Destiny's Child, you're a survivor.😉🤗💛
All these stories remind me that I’ve put too much work in therapy to be healthy and have boundaries to put up with any of this nonsense.
Story 2 - OP should use the joint bank account to pay for a meal in a luxury restaurant when he disappears to mums for a meal, get dressed up and go have a meal out. Make that your favourite trick from now on, if he doesn't like it he can stop eating at mums and stay with you, he is wasting funds on food that he doesn't eat that's the money you use to pay for your meal out enjoy
S4: how desperate for a mate can op be, that she’s engaged to a man who doesn’t work, relies on her for complete support , denies her son a cellphone whilst she’s paying for his and now he’s calling 100% the shots on her son. Holy smokes any more red flags ?
Andrew is lucky he doesn't have a brother with more of a backbone or he'd be in intensive care. Betraying your sibling in that way is one the most lowly things you can do.
The fact that Andrew isn't in in the ICU isn't indicative of Jack being without a backbone. Not everyone handles betrayal and heartbreak in the same way.
Start going with your husband to his moms house to eat dinner instead of cooking. She wants to feed him, she feeds you too. Period. Marriage is a team. Saves you time, money and effort. If she doesn't like it, she can stop the invites. Win-win. Petty train.
That's what I would have done.
My wife would beat me unconscious if I ditched her cooking for anyone else's. .
Your wife sounds scary 😨
@@shellbythesea12 my wife is super sweet, a wonderful mother and partner. She is also almost a full foot taller than I am. Would you piss her off? Me either lol.
Tell the inlaws to give Andrew money so he can leave, it's not your responsibility. Tell them for all you care they can pound rocks. Just tell hubby that he can eat dinner with his mom from now on. He deserves not to have you cook anything for him. You need to drop the boyfriend and take care of your son. Your brother is able to make his own decisions. Your mom may be sorry but your brother has made his decision. Stand by his decision. Take your vacation and enjoy. Tell daughter to have a nice wedding
Second story makes me think this woman needs to get out like yesterday. Normally I'm not one to throw out good food because it costs alot for me to get groceries but she had every right to do so and her husband needed to realize he's not allowed to disrespect her
I know people are on the wasting food aspect. I get that. But just the frustration of this guy constantly picking his mom over her, the disrespect would be too much for me.
Gotta love the relatives that always open their mouths to criticize you kicking the mooch out but never open their homes to take them in
NTA OP and i’m sorry that your son is such a pos
It'd be worth a plane or bus ticket to sending him back to his mother. What an absolute louse.
The first comment was the actual best response to a cheating brother and his actions. (ETA) But I have a feeling that the real reason that mom is in "Andrew's" corner: SHE CHEATED ON OP.
Last story , good parenting
Story 1: Actions meet consequences. Oh boohoo things are hard for Andrew well he can suck it up. He helped ruin his brother's marriage so he deserves whatever he gets.
I would have thrown out the meal too and I hate wasting food.
I can watch someone mixing paint for days…and it doesn’t make a mess in my house.
Story 1: OP is NTA, one son did the most horrible thing to his brother's marriage and now he's paying the price...
Last story: Lol I guess the usual "it's your wedding, you can invite whomever you want" only applies in situations reddit approves of
Mediate and learn to live together? You can't come back from sleeping with your sibling's spouse! I can't think of a bigger betrayal
S1: "Playing favorites" no, if OP tried to force them to make up, aka force jack to swallow all his pain, then THAT would have been favoritism.
S2: Nope, NTA. He has been actively hurting his wife by constantly expecting his wife to cook for him yet always leaving. I'm wondering if the mother-in-law is a widower or divorcee, and has been leaning on her son for emotional support, that's why she;s always making his favorites to draw him back to her house.
S3: OP is the AH for not putting a hold on the engagement and shutting this scat down. He does not get to do this at all, he's acting borderline abusive as he is always saying the exact opposite of OP. Nope wouldn't fly in my life.
S4: NTA, OP is doing the right thing by respecting her brother's boundaries. The mom is only doing this as a way to "clear her conscious" and not for his benefit, thus she is still acting selfishly.
S5: NTA because if people aren't getting +1's then the only way for people to know is if they ask Catlin. If you exclude a family member due to prejudice then you have to harden your heart to other's rejecting your request to come.
Yeah, and I can't believe there's people like Alheli Alvaraz calling the mom the AH in the last story when the elder sister is being a narrow-minded bully.
1. NTI. This "man" is an adult who made bad adult decision and now must accept his adult consequences. He made his own life hard, now he can deal with it.
I would have looked at dad and said And you wonder why he said no, smh
2d Story. Two choices:
1. If hubby starts to go to Mom's for dinner, get ready and go with him.
2. Get divorced.
Story1: the only thing you should do for Andrew is buy him a plane ticket to go live with his mom. Let her or his mistress have him if they want him, he made himself no longer your problem
Second story: If I were OP, the next time my spouse pulled that stunt, any combination of the following would be true when he got home:
1. Locks changed (probably illegal, but fun to consider).
2. I WOULDN’T be in the house any more (drastic, but this crap has been going on far too long).
3. Locks changed (again, probably illegal) AND I wouldn’t be in the house.
The problem with leaving the house, is that it can be viewed as abandonment of the domicile in court. Better angle/work around don't change the locks. Install the hotel-grade anti-break in bar slips on all interior doors except for one (unless you have a garage - then do them all, and reprogram the opener), and then install a biometric lock pad on the remaining door/the garage. Then sack up his stuff, and take it to a storage unit with a six month prepayment or his mother's house.
Story 2: NTA. I will say that it doesn’t sound like you communicated your feelings to him therefore not giving him the chance to correct his behavior, but to be honest I think even dence people understand that ditching your wife night after night is a “Donkey” thing to do.
Cancer Patient. Mom wants to apologize? She doesn't have to have personal contact to do this. Write a letter.
You, stick to your guns. Don't give your brther's phone number to them
Story 1: So refreshing to see a parent who actually does the right thing when one sibling betrays another.
Story 2: NTA. Maybe you need to look for a new husband, your current is trash.
Not related to the stories, but I found it very soothing to watch the woman painting the brown circle.
Dinner Skipper...play stupid games, win a stupid prize.
So relaxing like I love this series
So, do I. The series is like comfort food.
2. NTI. You should tell that genius is mother is ALWAYS tricking him to "force him into having dinner with her". The only one who is petty and horrible is the husband who abandons his wife to have dinner elsewhere but throws a tantrum when she doesn't have dinner ready for him when he finally decides to eat with her.
NTA won't allow him to have a phone? Hold my beer while I roll on the ground and point at who the real a is
1st story : first father of character
Why are siblings so keen on betraying one another?
Competition, raised to believe they're the better kid, insecurity...there's a lot of reasons and none of them are good enough to justify sleeping with the spouse.
Totally. The same goes with being left out out of wedding just because the in-laws are judgemental. You wouldn't believe the amount of homophobic supporters the elder sister of the last story is getting.
Fiance: are you kidding??? This a huge giant screaming red siren!!! He is making g decisions for YOUR son without you??? He " won't allow" YOUR son to have a cell phone?? He says no to friends??? Stop and think!!! If he changed after a ring, what do you think will happen after a marriage license??? Nope. You need to get out.
My Ex-husband tried to strangle me after he disrespected me and I threw his dinner out. The Police had a field day arresting him for assault. Then he lied to his family about it. Narcissistic, self centered people need to wake up to themselves
Someone needing to clear their conscience or get things off their chest after they've mistreated someone for years has NOTHING to do with that person! It is a selfish desire to somehow "make things right" when you've lived a life of doing things wrong. People who "need" to hear their parents say "I'm sorry" have been brainwashed into thinking they need that as closure, but someone who has mistreated you for your entire lifetime isn't suddenly feeling sorry about that. They are sorry about their own circumstances. If I were the brother, there is no way I would want to hear anything my mother had to say if she didn't love me and take care of me while I was growing up! She would be dead to me and I would be OK with her really dying. You don't get to come back and say things just because you need to feel better about yourself.
Get out of any relationship that not only controls you but your family too. And, doesn't even bother having a job or helping the household. Pathetic
Story 2: you are awesomeness and if hubby is upset he can stay with his momma.
I was also going to suggest the mother wrote or recorded her apology to clear her conscience but leave the brother to choose wether to listen/read...and not make him visit.
I don't disagree with kicking him out. There is other ways that you can support your son. You don't need to get involved in their disputes.
Story 2: Tell mommy's boy if he goes to mommy for dinner again, don't bother coming back.
Dear god, ditch the fiancé. The guy’s a control freak, undermining her parenting, doesn’t work, and the fact he changed so much after the proposal is a serious red flag upon so many others.
"Brother can go live e with the ex-wife if he wants to be in her bed so bad." LOL! 😀
I went to highschool with a girl who went on a 6 day trip with a friend to celebrate her birthday. She came back to find her boyfriend of 4 years married to her mother.
If he wants to eat at mommy's, he needs to tell you when you don't have to cook. Having you cook then abandoning it at the last minute is ... Seriously bad.
Story 2: get a divorce unless this is how you want to be treated the rest of your life. Just wait till you have a baby! MIL will be your Baby’s main if not sole caregiver. You will not have any authority over your baby. MIL will name them. The Baby Shower will be for MIL at MILs house!
You’re headed for a living hell! Get on 3 kinds of birth control and just let your husband continue getting screwed by……
Run!
lol that husband isnt 28. he is 15 and a mommy's boy
Like the mama's boy whenever he done me that way and he came home complaining he didn't have something to eat I would have been nice went back to the kitchen and opened up a jar of mayonnaise and loft bread and put it on a plate then tell him that is going to be his dinner from now on
The Wife whose husband keeps going to his Mum's to eat when she rings to say SHE has cooked a Meal for him ( him only and not his wife!!), leaving the wife's Meal uneaten........ Maybe she should have thrown out MORE than the uneaten Dinner in the Trash. Plus left his packed bags outside the front door and changed the locks.
Story 1 start calling his friends and explaine that he like to sleep with marryed woman and he slept with his brothers wife.
Story 2 You need a divorce lawyer. And be happy that you dont have kids with this idiot.
Story 3 You need another partner becouse thats massive gaslightning.
Story 4 the letter idea is best.
Story 5 good job for standing for your daughter.
Story 2: Time for OP to give hubby back to his Mommy. He acts like a spoiled child, so that's how he can be treated. Mommy and Junior can live happily ever after together.
The estranged mother one: I think a letter is a great idea. It lets the mother get things off her chest, and if Brother doesn't want it, he can burn it or OP can throw it down a storm drain (or tuck it away in case he changes his mind) Hell, she can write some for Brother's children too, they might want to know about their grandmother when they get older (or after they're adults if Brother doesn't want her in contact with the children)
First story. Good job from the OP. the hell wrong with people thinking it's ok to not only commit an uncalled for betrayal but to break up your siblings family like that... TF is wrong with y'all today? The first thing he should say is "bro check your wife, she moving in on me," it's easy to see how come some people do some extreme crap when under severe emotional distress. Not saying it's right but it is understandable
Story 2: My wife's ex-husband used to pull stuff like that too. Leaving him was the best thing she ever did.
10:18 She's just scared of "what god will think" since is close to see them, in other case she wouldn't care see or not her "baby", Op is a good person for respect her brother decision.
Why is the wife married to that guy? He is a mammas boy and totally gaslighting her! I wouldnt cook for him anymore. Run!
If my spouse took time off work to cook me my favorite meal, my phone’s going off and WE EATING GOOD TONIGHT!!
2. You mean your 26 and he is 8.
Welcome to reality
Story 3. OP, that is your son. Years ago I was a single mom and had been for 8 years. My girls were 11 and 13 when I married my 3rd husband. We had not lived together before marriage but my girls had met him at the age of 8 and 10, so I really thought I had a good handle on everything. In truth my ex was actually a pretty good stepdad, but he was very controlling. I had come from a family where my father was perhaps mentally ill. He was verbally, and emotionally abusive to my brothers and I . He was verbally, emotionally financially, and physically abusive to my mom. So, the reality is when I married him I actually pretty much let him be the man of the house, king of the castle. I did not always agree with the rules he set for my girls, or the idea that it was all his way. But I also did not challenge him very often because when I would disagree he would tell me that I was not allowing him to be a parent in my childrens life and if I didn't want someone as a co-parent and spouse I should not have gotten married. In time I just let him sit the rules.
He was a much better dad than my father was, better husband too. And he was heads and shoulders above the father of my two girls. Their bio father sent child support because he was in the Navy and it was taken out and mailed to the kids, by court order. Other than that he chose to have minimum contact with them. In fact the first disagreement me and my ex had about how I was raising the girls had to do with the fact that I made no more effort to keep the girls sperm donor in the loop than he did to stay in touch with them. I informed my husband that it was a waste of his time getting involved with the girls father and sending report cards or doing anything else to include them in his life. I guess he didn't believe I had made an effort, but after 3 years and one visit from the ex and his girl of the moment he finally had to admit I was right.
Well, in the end, my girls were his girls until my girls turned into adults and started living their own lives. Once they got married and started having kids themselves suddenly they were not our girls, they were my girls, and they were not our grandkids, they were my grandkids. And since they were no longer in the house any time I spent visiting them or their kids was time taken away from him. He quit being dad as soon as he felt that they were safely out of his life. I really was heartbroken to see how quickly he discarded them and how quickly he expected me to walk away from them too. I really regretted at that point all of the times I had sided with him against things he had concerns about, like buying them a car when there were so many irresponsible people on the road and they would soon be adults anyway. And his obsession with them being respectful to elders, even when the elders didn't think twice about being hurtful toward them.
Do not marry this man. He does not respect you and he does not respect your role as the mother to this child. He is only trying to establish his dominance as the man and head of the household. If you allow this to go on he will soon have you in a position where your son realizes he does not have to pay any more attention to you than your boyfriend is paying to you now when it comes to raising your son. And before it is over I will predict that your son will either start to withdraw and avoid both you and your boyfriend because he realizes that you are not standing up for him and you are letting someone else treat him anyway he wants, even if you don't like it. Or he will decide that his best course of action is to butter up and suck up to daddy and in the process he will get to where he doesn't even consult with you are consider your feelings because "Well, your husband doesn't listen to you, why should I. Just a heads up.
When you get married you're supposed to leave your Father and Mother and stick with your spouse becoming one in purpose. If you can't be one in purpose then you shouldn't marry.
If you are having an affair, you should always be prepared for your living situation to change at a moment's notice. Or for a husband to come home early. Those are the risks you accept when you sign up for an affair. And if you're living in someone else's house and they might react badly to the affair, maybe DON'T HAVE AN AFFAIR.
4. NTI. And if nothing else your dad confirmed you are making the right choice. Your brother is no contact, he is aware of the situation and has chosen to stay no contact you should not betray him by giving his contact information.
Story 3 girl you living with a jobless bully. Get rid of him quick girl
Sounds like that cheating brother has already been getting fathers help. Times up when you screw up so badly.
STORY 1 THE ULTIMATE
BETRAYAL IF 1 OF MY KIDS DID THAT TO THEIR SIBLING
LIKE IN THIS CASE THE 1 BROTHER
TO THE OTHER THE GUILTY 1 WOULD B KICKED OUT THE DOOR
WITH NOTHING BUT THE CLOTHES
HE WAS WEARING . IF IT WAS GIRLS THE GUILTY 1 WOULD B KICKED OUT WITH NOTHING BUT THE CLOTHES THEY WERE WEARING +WHAT EVER
JEWELRY THEY WERE WEARING
( IF ANY AT ALL)
Sorry , engaged mom, YTA. Dump this jerk. He thinks because he’s engaged to you he has all the power, and you’re giving it to him. If he’s not working what is his value to your family? Your son was bullied at school, now he’s being bullied by his stepfather? Get rid of that jerk!
Your BF is a stranger to your child. You letting him control everything is telling me you handed your son over to your BF.
OP needs to unplug the phone before dinner time. Her husband's mother has some kind of mental rivalry with OP. She needs to stop cooking for this ungrateful AH or demand that he respects her cooking & stays home.
Last story: I would have told the fiance what Tracy said.. if he's just as bad, all the more reason not to go. If he's surprised and angry at Tracy's action, welp.. ya save him from tying himself to a terrible person and Tracy can reap the consequences of her own actions. And goodness.. straight up not inviting at her at all..