The TOP Advice to Make Your Spouse Happy | Jimmy Evans
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- Опубликовано: 1 июл 2024
- Do you feel like you can't or don't make your spouse happy? Jimmy Evans explains the difference between men and women and gives the top advice to make your spouse happy. Watch Part 2 at • Husband's Needs VS Wif... !
This is Part 1 of 2 of God's Indestructible Plan for Marriage and is part of "The Indestructible Marriage" Series on XO Now. Full Teaching/Series: www.xonow.com/programs/the-in...
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0:00 Intro
0:16 The TOP Advice to Make Your Spouse Happy
16:29 Subscribe to XO Marriage!
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As a Christian, I did not heed these words for the first 8 years of our marriage. Now I found myself separated from my wife. Over the last couple of days, Jesus has radically invaded my life and now "I get it". I understand my role as a husband and that I'm suppose to lay my entire being at the altar of God to see my wife's greatest potential met in Christ. I pray for the healing from the tremendous hurt I have caused my wife and hope beyond hope that this is not the end. Jesus, Your kingdom come, Your Will be done.
We will declare that this is NOT the end for your marriage! Praying for you...
Standing in prayer with you.
Isaiah 41:10 Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.
Beautiful promise you can claim for your own IF your sold out to HIS Will
Psalm 86:7 In the day of my trouble I will call upon thee: for thou wilt answer me.
Praying for restoration!
Wow
I don’t need my husband to do housework, I need godly leadership
I fully agree. My husband does allot of housework, he is OCD. I do not find this attractive. I do find it attractive if he is successful and doing good in his job and his goal driven. If I do not have to wake him up 60 times in the morning but he sets his own alarm and wakes up. That he reads Bible and sit with us and he does Bible study with us.
The most attractive time a husband attracts his wife's love, respect and devotion is when he is NOT looking at another woman... and transfers what he thinks he's going to see in another woman onto his wife.. transference in the face of fire.
Jimmy's sense of humor is just the best. Makes it fun to watch his teachings 😅
I just heard a stat from one of the leading psychologists of our day, that said women feel the most loved and are way more likely to marry a man who is nice, kind, and gentle to "them." Not necessarily nice, kind, or gentle to everyone, but specifically nice, kind, and gentle to them. And that that is what makes them feel good about themselves and feel loved.
Exactly 💯
I say, when my husband is gentle with me in word & deed, that is when he is his "sexiest". Not doing house chores, that's my opinion.
Every time I hear him say that women think men are most attractive when they are doing housework, I think to myself was that study peer reviewed? I don't believe it.
@@Rancid-Jane So if the science confirmed it better, would you then accept this teaching more? Rather than taking at face value what God said in his Word? If the foundation of your belief system for a successful marriage is what the world says is true more than the Bible you’re already dead in the waters
@@verdikapuku2596 Where does it say in the bible that women think men are sexiest when they are doing house work?
Yes amen,
I just heard a stat, that said women feel the most loved and are way more likely to marry a man who is nice to "them." Not necessarily nice to everyone, but specifically nice to them and makes them feel good about themselves and feel loved.
I’m wondering why I couldn’t have found this sermon years ago? Then I’m realizing I wasn’t 100% ready to look at myself and find the areas where I fell short. I couldn’t see my faults. I wasn’t ready. Today I am ready! Praise God!
A husband who has his own mind and not allowed others to manipulated by others.
The husband HELPING with housework (as he should since he lives there) would only be ONE of many ways to die to self-absorption, selfishness and insensitivity!!
I’ve been watching Jimmy for awhile now as I was seeking a Christian advisor for our marriage. The things he’s saying are true but also kind of dated. We have retired, kids out and gone and I hire house cleaners every 2 weeks so this point is moot to me now. I’d really like to hear Jimmy talk about how husbands, especially in longer marriages, can be more romantic. My husband is mostly quiet, non-romantic and says he’s not changing that. I was the initiator of romantic dinners, surprise weekends away, etc and I’m tired of being the leader. Women need to be edified and told we’re attractive, like putting money into the emotional bank account. After 40+ years I have gained weight, got more wrinkles and I don’t walk around naked. Ever. Then he wonders why I’m not sexual very often and not given to initiating as I did years ago.
Nowadays we have a marriage with loyalty and a nice home but it’s pretty stale and we don’t talk much. Got a video for that Pastor Evans?
Agreed. It’s hard to find content for older couples, new relationship or long term relationships.
I agree with deposit in the emotional bank account. We definitely husband or wife get out of marriage what we put in it. Marriage is work until death, natural death of course, do us part. Never should a spouse stop serving each other, unless health issues prevent such. Once both committed spouses heart is overtaken with 1 Corinthians 13:1-8. Marriages can and will thrive. Hence, no more self centerness. Marriage is serving each other, loving & respecting each other until we take our last breath. When spouses grasp this, no one will feel or be neglected.
I agree. My husband and I are both 60. I do really wish I could serve my husband without him making me feel like I am worthless. Our roles are switched in a lot of areas, and I am so tired of being the provider and protector and him being constant criticizer and boss. How can I respect a man that doesn't want to do anything to contribute to our household, doesn't hear me, and doesn't have any desire to protect me? Really difficult. I can only trust God, and rely on Him. I forgive him, and give him to the Lord. Go get him Lord!
Thx for sharing your story. There is one part of your paragraph I have to disagree with: this being "kind of dated". I tried to do things the secular way, the "fierce and powerful woman" way, my entire previous 37 years of life: I'm a competitive cyclist, business owner, I'm smart and I naturally lead so yeah, I was born a modern day feminist. And I had the toughest time in long term dating. Especially because I'm attracted to masculine men, being that I'm a feminine creature. FINALLY I've submitted to God and adopted Ephesians 5 and guess what? I'm engaged to a very *masculine* Man (capital M). I can't believe how much power we have as women to completely change the relationship without being a "power woman". Without talking about the problem over and over and beating communication down their throats. Which is what I tried for years and years. I just show more respect, gently share my needs and I've found my man (eventually) gives me more in return than I wanted in the first place, it just may look a little different than my original idea. I don't know what it's like to be married for decades but I've seen miracles (bearing fruit) by following the Parameters set for us in the Bible.
May I suggest Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs? He gives strategies for finding something to respect when it is a struggle... He also gives some very good advice on how to start making the "emotional" deposits to each spouse's "bank". He also talks about paying attention to the type of thing that registers with the spouse as a "deposit" (referencing the different love languages: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, physical touch). I listened to the CDs of the book before "reading it" ... Do I still need to work on putting it into constant practice? Oh Yeah!! But when I do, I do reap some benefits.
WOW!! SOOOO GOOD, IN TEARS!!
I'm just watching/listening to this and I said "AMEN!!!"
This video is so helpful... Thank you for it
Respect is what can cause a Soldier to Sacrifice His Life for a comrade because RESPECT IS THE TOP ATTRIBUTE INSTILLED INTO EVERY SOLDIER.
I proclaim everything said in this sermon come to pass in my marriage.
AMEN!
WoW...profound...God help us all to step up to the plate to save our families, our communities, our nation!🧎♀️
Thank you.
What if he tries to make you believe that his job being priority IS his putting you first- bc the Bible says a man that doesn’t feed his family is worse than an infidel?
He won’t lead spiritually.
But he will argue with me about moving a piece of furniture… and say it’s his house. There is no empathy or compassion for me. He does things for me, for others to see and know.
I cannot imagine my husband of 22years dying to self to see me become my potential in Christ. He says the cruelest things and expects me to forget… even when I bring up he hurt my feelings- his response through word salad, is that it’s my fault. He rarely if ever has any conviction about how he speaks to, and treats me.
I keep praying.
Asking the Lord to soften his heart towards me, and honestly now for my heart towards him!
But the fear I walk in daily, waiting for the other shoe to drop… is a lot on the body, mind and spirit.
But God. I do trust my Savior. If for nothing else, then for our children to see Christ move and learn to pray and be in the Word.
Beautiful....Thank God. May God grant favour upon you pastor. Please give us part 2.
Yeah I wish you were right on this one Jimmy and probably with most women that aren't my wife.. I half built our house, I just cleared an acre of property to put a pool in. I built a chicken coop and a playhouse for my kids. I cook, clean do the laundry a good majority of the time and I work.. and my wife sits on her phone and when it's bedtime she has a headache or her stomach hurts or she so exhausted she can't be bothered. And then she tells me sorry I'm just not in the mood. I try to get her to go to church or Watch one of these videos and she says I'm trying to guilt her. This one's up to God to change your heart because I don't know what else to do
God bless you brother. I know what it's like to have a spouse that is "married" to the cell phone. It used to be the computer; since smart phones are basically handheld computers, the 'phone' is the spouse.
Ey. Have you spoken to her about it? In private perhaps where you two are alone and not angry?
Please: I hope you have not given up. It sounds like she is going through something hard (possibly at work?) and she is trying to "escape" through social media. It is very wrong but it happens.
You may need to speak very openly about whether the sexual embrace is satisfactory to both of you: I have found some women experience pain or discomfort and are too shy to speak about it so they tell their Dr but they avoid contact with their spouse.
Either way: you need to talk to her directly. Please consider taking her out to lunch: privately and quietly and just tell her " I miss you and I feel that maybe we are not connecting. I could be wrong but..". And explain your position . Be willing to hear everything! It may be unpleasant! But it will bring healing. Also! Start the conversation with prayer!! Pray about this. Pray for her and ask the Lord to reveal all that is hidden so that it can be made right.
I love this! One of my favorite memories with my loved one I'm waiting as a prodigal to return to me is a night I went to her place and got to clean her whole stairway/ walls/ sweep and mop for her around the house and take out her trash for her and her 5 year old sister she now mother's since her mother past away a year ago that God used me to lead to Him! I love my future spouses so much. It's been a month separated. She's often very hurtful but this time God made me know to leave that He would work on her heart. She's not a believer yet. I've had several impossible conformations over the near 4 years of knowing her. Often I see people give up on people calling them toxic. If I have up on her toxic mother maybe she wouldn't be in heaven now. I had no one support me going over there and sharing CHRIST I was told they'd influence me or many degrading to things yet I kept looking for opportunities to talk about God and serve them and they definitely took advantage of me and rarely gave back but it's kinda reversed in my situation I think I'm winning her heart but as showing her love through house work just as you said jimmy... She was so blown away I'd spend hours after work to help her yet I have internal bleeding and didn't know til 4 days ago I'm battling severe Crohn's since 2018. I missed a month of work. I left her on Oct 14th on my birthday and day before I was teaching her how to drive in my Lincoln which she loved! She's very attractive but seems very narcissistic but I saw God changing her and softening her heart. The night of my birthday she told me she didn't have time to see me that she was going bar hoping with her sister in law. God showed me even before this I had to separate one last time with her but that night I got the sense she's mixed up in witchcraft and sorcery and Holy Spirit made me know to Block her on everything. I hesitated at first but my mother called me and told her holy Spirit showed her same thing. Leave immediately. I cried all the way home the full 60 miles from work to home and that night I bleed so much I was already going to tell her I was hurting too much to come. Never got that far. Anyway I've been getting a number of revealations from God and I sense she's close to reaching out but fear of rejection is holding her back. Since I blocked her and her sister in law on everything I had 2 weeks away had a voicemail come through from her sister in law asking why she was blocked too and that I should reach out sometime. It definitely shocked them. I really didn't want to leave but I'm obeying God. This girl knows I love her. I repeatedly did countless things that had no physical return. She's been too terrified to kiss and hugging we used too tell she started seeing we were getting too close but I sense deep down she wants it.im confident she's about to meet Christ and I'm excited!!!! I've had countless miracles with her involved many times over the nearly 4 years we've known each other! She's seen God's power and knows He's real she's been unwilling to change her lifestyle but God won't be mocked and He will break her down till she's willing to submit. I Truly believe she's there. I believe I can feel right where she's at... Like Holy Spirit is ministering to both of us at same time where each other is at. I love Jimmy's teachings!!! We serve an Awesome and Almighty GOD!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️😁
Keep this man safe! 🌠
Always! 😄 Thanks for your kind words!
This message is so goood!!! Where can I find the whole message?
Good stuff! The video ended before the lesson was through. LOL Where can I find the rest of the lesson? 😁
Whatever my husband do I will meet him in doing it. We are helpers for and to each other
This is amazing stuff. ❤time to clean the house 😅
You got this!
I think that study is quite flawed. Men are not remotely attractive when doing house work. It is good they do at least half the house work but it does not make them attractive at all.
@@Rancid-Jane in YOUR opinion. 🙃
@@Future-zx9ts Others have expressed the same opinion.
On replay
Tried it in every way for years.
He just likes that I'm not bugging him about our relationship, parenting.
Or if he's a person who is one person in front of others and someone else at home.
He has no interest in the Lord, he's been baptized so he thinks he's done.
This sermon puts everything on the wife while the men check out and are glad they have submission.
Awesomeness
I was the wife hes explaining, i ended up divorcing my husnand this past March, worst decision ive ever made. In July of this year, we reuntied, i called him and begged forgivness. My blessed husband forgave me and we are planning on getting remarried. Glory to God. I finally understand.
I desire a husband who's not selfish all the time and listen to others instead of his circles of friends.
Sorry, but I really, really tried to make him happy and honor him for 24 yrs. The only thing he wanted was porn, the screen, fantasizing, and taking care of himelf.
You can't make someone happy and love you who has already decided in their heart they will never be happy with you or love you. If you do try, it's a gaint waste of your time, energy, emotions, and efforts.
You can't allow Satan to rob your soul. A man needs to be submitted to God with Jesus in his heart, and the Holy Spirit. Not everyone is psychologically healthy either. Bless you. 💕
Amen 💯
Please pray for my husband. He keeps breaking my heart. He doesnt touch me without it being due to him thinking about someone else. He has even called me other women's names and last week he admitted to me that again he was thinking about someone else, and just 2 days ago he was doing something inappropriate and right now hes trying to be affectionate with me, and he is just crushing me because i dont trust him and he doesnt have any compassion for me to not be affectionate when hes thinking about someone else. I need God to deal with him and bless me with peace. Amen. God bless you all
I believe the sweat perfume experiment. My husband is sexiest when he comes home smelling of tar and sweat.
Indeed, when a man loves his wife this way, she will have no difficulty whatsoever to respect him and submit to him.
But instead, many men are rather nasty to their wives and hurt their feelings deeply, without even noticing or - when told - without even being sorry. How on earth can a woman keep on respecting such a creature? Or keep on loving him? He behaves like her enemy. Not like Christ.
Why are a lot of so-called christian men adamant about being a curse for their wives and overpower them? I abhor them from the depths of my heart.
If your daughter married a Narcissist, would you tell her to stay and tough it out? It takes two people to make a marriage. A Narcissist is pure evil.
Yes, I can agree with you on this. My oldest son is 40 yrs old, a physically beautiful man but a complete, manipulative, entitled narcissist. If you had a daughter who thought my son was a handsome, liberal, woke modern prospect, I would tie her up and take her far, FAR away from him. I’m apparently a grandmother of a little boy, the product of his sperm donation to a trans couple of women who of course cannot reproduce. Sigh. My sons were not raised this way. We were youth group leaders for years. I’m grateful to not have grand children these dark, sick days. I would be in jail I’m sure. 🙏✝️😞💔
XO Marriage and pastor Evans here do not advise staying in abuse. I have seen other videos they or he has touched on that.
A great Christian resource for that specifically is Leslie Vernick. She is a pastor with full counseling qualifications. She runs a women's group for ladies wondering if their marriages are abusive or just disappointing, with biblical advice to find or create safety for yourself in the marriage first or out of it. It is helping so many women. She and her counseling and coaching staff can help you get stronger whether you chose to stay in the marriage or leave the marriage. They help you realize you can figure out how with God's help.
@@gailfagan7579 Thank you for replying. Awareness videos on Narcissism are on you tube. If someone hasn't lived it, they think we are lying because they NEVER see the real person. They are perfect in public. I survived extreme emotional abuse. EXTREME!!! Pls google Neuroscience research and grey matter, which produces emotions. Bless you!
@@brightpage1020 Thank you for your sincere reply. You understand! Yes, I have listened to Leslie Vernick. She is great.
I eventually divorced. No one told me the abuse escalates after you leave. I taught elementary school and had SUPERVISED VISITS with my own children. EXTREME emotional abuse should be punishable by law! How can you prove it? They have everyone fooled. He wanted me to lose my job along with my house and custody of kids. My principal fought for me. I am happily retired from a 33 year teaching career. God is good!
Again, thank you for your sincerity. Bless you!
I agree with everything you said here. But how do I get my husband to hear these things? How do I get him to hear your words and be told that he is to lift me up and invest in me instead of tear me down, because that is what the Bible says to do? If I send this video to him he won’t watch it. Even if I say it means a lot to me and I would like him to watch it. He doesn’t see anything wrong with our marriage. Instead he claims other people don’t have what we have in our marriage and that we are on an elite level and have a strong marriage. We do… but he also makes me feel like a burden to him with every little thing I do. I need more from him than just negative reactions to me all the time. Only positive reactions I get from him are when I have just made delicious food for him or when we are intimate, and intimacy is on his terms. I feel controlled. At the same time I know God wants me to stay. I’m not meant to leave and I know that is from God.
My husband is most attracted to me when I do house work 😂
👏👏👏👏
This is making me feel like I'm the woman and our marriage. Yes I want respect but I also wanted to be loved and cared for. But instead I get a list of chores and a sorry I got a headache to the point we are a month inbetween intimate times. And then somehow she becomes pregnant and doesn't tell me because she thinks she wants to get an abortion after three kids and 20 years together knowing I wouldn't stand for that even though I am very tired and don't really want anymore kids. But she went as far as to put pads in the trash to throw me off the scent and then I asked her why she's not apologizing to me and apparently it's because she has no reason to apologize because she has that right. I'm lost and I have no idea who I'm married to anymore. I love her so much and I want nothing more than to feel her touch and to talk to her but I feel like she's having a love affair with her phone because she spends more time with it then she does me. But if I say anything to her about it I better watch out because the defensiveness comes out and then it's just another reason to not open up to me. Looking for advice and prayers
This is very disheartening. I am sorry you are going through this. I think the best thing you can do for her and your marriage is to keep praying. Ask God to intervene and open her heart. Make your best effort to be the husband God is calling you to be.
@@wings4freedom656 thank you so much. Pretty much what I've been doing and what I'm going to keep on doing. Recently things have gotten better a little bit at least but usually when this happens she won't let it go for long and she will find something to get upset about but hopefully not this time. Kind of sounds like the definition of insanity but what else can I do at this point. God Bless
Is she a believer?
@@wings4freedom656 from the beginning she knew I was and yes she claimed she was also.. and even though I'm her husband I can't gain her salvation for her even though I wish I could and I've even tried to find a loophole to talk to God about being that as we got married we became one. Lol. and I don't want to sound like I'm judging her but recently going through getting pregnant and not wanting the pregnancy in the beginning she acted as if she hated God her letting this happened and she refused to go to church with me and the kids for over a month and I kept crying and begging God to heal us, within the last few weeks she started going with us again even though the first time was because it was when we were announcing to my mother and I talked into coming that Sunday. So anyways yes I do believe she is a Believer wholeheartedly I just think she has a very unstable relationship with God. Kind of like a love-hate relationship she has with me it's more hate than love but at least we have a relationship of some sort. As long as I do everything she asked she kind of loves me if I don't or if I call her out on anything she really hates me
1) pray and ask God to change your heart
2) give up all control to Him.
3) be amazed at the results, practice patience, be determined and continue to pray and be left in awe. ;)
Like, like, like, like
NOTE: You can not change a NARCISSIST.
God can
Yes Jesus Christ is the enforce
I desire a husband who chooses his wife second after God and not his friends, pastor or wife or his church
But, most men believe that respecting them means obeying them in everything. These men are professing Christian men that deny the power thereof and just want control. How can a Christian woman grow spiritually if she has no say in anything and has to obey and submit to her husband in everything? Whenever the wife's role gets talked about, it should be brought up that respect does not mean that the wife has to obey her husband in everything. There's too many people that have believed the lie that women have to die to their husbands, Christian or not, and have to respect, as in obey, her husband in everything. If she doesn't, she's being disrespectful.
I do about 90% of the housework and we only have "hurry up and get it overwith" sex once a month if I'm lucky. I'm sorry, but this is nonsense.
My take away from this video is your husband’s tone tells how he feels about you .
99% are selfish detached husbands.
Don't know about the percentages, but you left out a significant adjective...PRIDEFUL. Not sure which one should come first... PRIDE OR EXTREME SELFISHNESS.
The Bible is absolutely God's command for how to do all of life, and one can only know how true it is to the degree that they subject themselves to it and obey it.
The quadruple package of pride, selfishness insensitivity and loving YOURSELF more than loving your wife make it EXTREMELY CHALLENGING to be respectful, especially when what admiration you HAD is longgg gone!!
The premarital counseling 'packages' can go out the window. People need to hear/know the WORD of God AND the good/bad/ugly of REALITY in relationships and how best to fulfill your call in it when the going gets tough, how to respond and NOT react, and SO MUCH MORE!!!
I should have had a copy of "Things I Wish I Knew Before I Got Married" (I made that up).
Come what may and through it all, some things the Lord wants me to see/know is: increase in the knowledge of Christ, my happiness is NOT dependent upon what my spouse does/doesn't do (however, people marry expecting to ENJOY the relationship), pray to see your spouse AS GOD SEES him/her (much prayer), show pity/compassion, think of their good qualities and verbalize them (instead of faults & mess ups), stay in a mode of thanksgiving and gratefulness, AND THINK OF HOW GOD HAS NOT WRITTEN YOU OFF FOR YOUR MANY SINS/INIQUITIES/failures.
It definitely takes a 'renewed' mind & 'renewed' disposition to move beyond hurt, anger, frustration, resentment, bitterness and/or unforgiveness! Since you can only give account of your life when we are judged, through the trials & hardships, if what's in you is NOT in Christ, it cannot remain in you!
Check out Dan Mohler's Marriage Testimony. You will be blessed indeed.
My spouses happiness is not my job
Actually, part of it is.
@@gardenjoy5223 no, it isn't. Each person is fully responsible for their own feelings.
"Happiness" may not be, but a married man cares for "...how he may PLEASE HIS WIFE" (1 Corinthians 7:33) AND "IF" he LOVES her like Christ loves the church, she will be BESIDE HERSELF!! Christ loved, gave, sanctified, cleansed, nourished, cherished and washed to ensure that His bride has NO spot, wrinkle, blemish AND is HOLY (Ephesians 5:23-29, 33).
Very sad. Though this was ministry that builds up couples, but it’s just another empower women type of movement. Nothing sells like it these days.
A husband is a good greenhouse 🪴
You forgot some words. "A husband is .... supposed to be .... a good greenhouse". Alas, many behave like toxic gasses.