rant: toxic positivity
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- Опубликовано: 20 сен 2024
- of course everything in this video is merely my opinion, but I find this kind of thought process super comforting and helps me to not feel overwhelmed when negative emotions hit because they're guaranteed in life. it's just about how you acknowledge and work through those emotions.
"the unhappy person is happier being unhappy than they are trying to be happy." - Barbara Ehrenreich
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"Just be PoSiTivE!"
Me, crying in a corner and pulling my hair out: I am!
I soffer from tricotillomania too, stay strong ☺️
@@powmarti2305 💕💪😊 you too
Lmfaoooo I feel this so hard
Me
I am so here for this
🖤🖤🖤
Found something that doesn't make you glare?
Omg I'm watching this video right after finishing your newest video
Why are you suddenly commenting under every other RUclipsr I watch after I started watching your videos? XD Is this sorcery?
You two should collab or something. I feel like you would be awesome friends :'D
people who focus on false positivity aren’t doing the hard work to look inward, self reflect, and grow as a person.
How do you know if someone is focusing on false positivity ?
@@LVJ796 If a person is shutting off when talking about negative emotions, if they use general terms like 'just look at the positive side' 'just be happy' they usually are doing this because they're uncomfortable discussing emotions the negative situations.
They fake
@@joannasaunders2179 nail in the fucking ⚰️
Thank you for this video!
My brothers ex wife was obsessed with this, she believed depression wasn’t real and that people just had to “choose happiness”. She was literally obsessed with this phrase. It was particularly bothersome to my family as my uncle committed suicide and I hated how her stupid little obsession with “choosing happiness” minimised what he was going through.
Even without that level of extreme, it’s a stupid concept. It’s impossible to just choose to be happy all the time regardless of what has happened at the time. If I just stubbed my toe I’m gonna be pretty unhappy for a few minutes. If you just lost a friend or family member you’re going to be unhappy for a few weeks or months at least. It’s ridiculous to expect people to act like everything is fine and dandy 24/7 regardless of what’s going on.
The irony was, I’ve never met anyone who whinged and complained more than this girl- she just framed differently (she was insanely passive aggressive). It was like she thought that as long as she didn’t ADMIT she was unhappy, she was a better person than people who who did.
Life has highs and lows, the lows make the highs higher.
That last sentence really stuck with me.
Last line gave me chills sister
bfergsmom agree. We tried to explain to her that it was particularly insensitive given our uncles suicide. Her response? She did a couples photo shoot with my brother in white t shirts and afterwards had “choose happiness” photoshopped onto the t shirts. You literally cannot make this shit up, I’ve never met someone else who so badly lacked empathy...
@@JennyWas13 I'm so sorry to hear that, gladly she's out of the family now. I hope I never have to meet these kind of people in my life.
Yeah, it could even be because of a simple vitamin deficiency. If you feel something is off, you should try to find what's causing it to solve it. Not dismiss it as if it didn't even exist and let others gaslight you until you can't take it anymore.
Tbh this constant positivity and productivity trend just stresses me out
True!
Omg I hate it its fake its mostly religious ppl fake ppl or mlm ppl
A person who tells someone to 'be positive' is also someone who is suffering from emotional trauma as well and their only means of coping is through this denial. So fast on the notification squad today! Love you
not necessarily
You’re so smart and insightful but
I have to mention
Your hair looks BOMB 💣
Girl say it louder for the people in the back! I’m so tired of seeing all this “ get negative people out of your life” or friends that only want to be around you if you’re happy all the time. Life is perfect and no one should feel pressure to have a perfect outlook. Don’t be afraid of your feelings, be human!
soo true the whole friend cleansing epidemic is getting out of hand
By negative people they mean people that don't make you feel good or treat you with respect/fake friends. It has nothing to do with optimism /pessimism or depression. I have many friends that are not happy all the time but they still vibe with me and we're simply happy to be together. But the concept of getting negative people out of your life is very important for people who are abused by their friends and think it's okay, so I think it's still a good message to spread. Just don't take it the wrong way
@thirstylikethemoose I've literally never heard anyone say "friends only want to be around you if youre happy all the time".
Isn't perfect*
I clicked this notification so fast because this is something that bothers me a ton on the internet.
*entrepreneurs left the chat*
Lmao I’m choking 😂😂😂😂
Entrepreneurs or pyramid scheme(MLM) people? I guess both would apply...
@@lindseystein9676 I was thinking the same thing! But first, they would say something passive aggressive about how the fact that we don't find their empty positive phrases as something that cures us of our mental illness or even just our temporary states of sadness means that we just WANT to be sad and we're "bringing it on ourselves".
Lindsey Stein Yes, both. MLM people, and also the entrepreneurs making a million dollars a year. You almost never see legitimate small business owners putting on false positivity and sugarcoating the hard work and downsides of their work.
@@ElenaGlitch yeah,fake it till you make it doesn't aply to sadness
can you do healthy romantic relationships with mental illness? I love this video.
Yes please :)
I don't think so. There is healing if you believe in Jesus. He healed me of serious depression and addiction.
I’m so obsessed with your setup! It’s soooo cozy!
aw thank you Katrin! I kind of hate it and feel like I could make it so much better so we’ll see 😂
Many mental health specialists (counsellors, psychiatrists) need to here this... not all, but I’ve met quite a few. Telling you change your frame and to combat negative emotions with a positive thought.
While sometimes this may be helpful, it can’t be a one-size-fits-all for every situation.
I've had this experience too. I think it's because so many mental health specialists use CBT and DBT, and the basis for those types of therapies are to change and monitor your thoughts and emotions. However, the reality is you can't always control your thoughts or emotions, so sometimes you end up feeling worse for having "irrational" thoughts or emotions. That's why I much prefer ACT (Acceptance Commitment Therapy) because it tells us that we should accept the fact we are going to have negative thoughts and emotions, and we should instead be focusing on our behaviors and whether or not they are helpful or unhelpful in moving us towards our goals and values. I would suggest looking into it if the traditional behavioral therapies haven't been helpful for you!
@@AmericanThighs97 Wow Ive never heard of ACT, I will have to look into that :) thank you, your response made me smile!!
I have a chronic illness and people will ask me about my platelets. If they drop and I tell them I get the "well you just need to be positive" speech as if that is going to cure me. I'm sorry, when was I negative? The results were negative but if you didn't want to know or didn't want to hear the negative, then why did you ask?
I have a chronic illness too and get this all the time!
kindred spirits. "how are you" as a casual greeting is one of my least favorite things i experience on a regular basis. sometimes i hate it almost as much as the pain itself. if i lie and say "fine," then people expect me to function like i would if i was "fine," and... i can't do that. if i tell the truth, "terrible," they might look at me like i just said i want to end it all. my answer now when i'm feeling bad is usually "alive," "here," or "upright and breathing," so i'm not being a debbie downer with my mean old honesty.
right! you are more than allowed to speak on the realities of what you go through... people need to be more mindful of the unsolicited advice they give because that itself can be toxic
I hate how patronizing these people can be, making others feel guilty for being honest while avocating for "positivity'. Ironic
I agree
I loved this so much. I really needed it, especially the way you adressed fake positivity in relationships. I'm in a long term relationship and the times I've been told that if I'm not happy 24/7 it means my so isnt right for me and I always find it so freaking fake, who the hell feels happy about their relationship ALL THE TIME. Thank you for putting this into words, now I feel less worried about feeling bad some days ❤
of course, it’s completely NORMAL to feel negative some days! the butterflies fly away and the honeymoon phase passes but it’s about that underlying love and commitment to that person and that you choose them every day 🖤
Maybe you're just being falsely positive about a bad relationship that isn't right for you.
In the words of Vanilla Sky " the sweet is never as sweet without the sour.".
TECH SUPPORT!!!
One of the things i try to remind myself and embrace, especially when i'm sad (and that starts turn into self-hatred) is this:
We laugh to express happiness and we cry to express our sadness. Why laughing out loud is okay but crying is not? JUST LET IT OUT PEOPLE. Do not apologize for it.
I was just saying this to my husband today.
it is extremely exhausting to have to pretend to be positive all the time, however, I feel when you are trying to be real people people are not really open to it.
Society has this expectation we all have to be fake happy all the time, fake nice and I feel it keeps us apart, unable to connect with on another. It's sad really.
More people should be real
I agree! The thing is you cant ”force” anything. And you cant mask your true feelings thats being inauthentic and its also a form of self-rejection. All emotions are valid and need to be validated or you start a inner war with yourself. Thats not to say you cant offer up positive thoughts when you are sad or angry to make you feel better but still ultimately you have to accept what you are feeling at first.
Wish I could like this video 100 times. Don't feel insecure about making a "downer" video, talking honestly about our emotions, both good and bad, is so important because it makes us more self-aware, and therefore more capable of dealing with our emotions intelligently.
YES!!! I've talked about this before as well and I feel so validated and understood by your words. ❤️
All my favourite youtubers in one comment section 😍
thank you Carrie! 🖤
I completely agree with your message in this video. I'm so glad you mentioned how unhelpful it is to make your happiness dependent on achieving a certain goal or a material item. I think it's also important for people to realize that happiness is not the same thing as experiencing pleasure. Buying a car you've wanted releases dopamine whereas being grateful for the life you're living now is related to serotonin. If people are constantly chasing highs and things outside of themselves, we're not doing ourselves any favors. Also, when I work with depressed clients, I try to focus on when they feel moments of joy (in any small thing) rather than trying to achieve that "just be positive" mentality. Thank you for this.
Its about time! We need to aknowledge these "negative" emotions, especially in the mental workers in this field push that if you feel badyou should just flip it. "Turn a negative into a positive." And it fucks people up! Our anger and frustrations and saddness are there for a very good reason and we shouldn't just cut them off. I myself feel so much worse when I don't listen to painful emotions. These painful emotions are there for us to learn from. After cutting these emotions off for a long time, we instinctively start to cut them off as soon as they arise, without even being fully aware that we are feeling the anger, or saddness, or guilt or whatever. And this is when it gets really scary. Thanks for the video, its about time somebody said it!
Pretending to be super positive only got me to suppress my actual emotions and bottle everything up. I suffer from mental illnesses and honestly accepting that I wasn’t feeling good is what got me to do better, the whole fake positivity that excludes normal negative emotions is counter productive in my opinion. Were meant to feel bad sometimes thats how we know whats good
Oh god I tried to force myself to stay positive during the spring and summer of 2017 after finding out that there was a chance I had depression. it wasn't diagnosed so I didn't know for sure, but the thought of it made me panic and I decided that the solution was to force myself to be happy. Well, at first it was just like... Self care and trying to be optimistic, but it became obsessive and I tried to ban myself from crying or just feeling generally sad... It didn't help that every time I was sad, my mum would say "I thought you were trying to be happy?" It didn't end well. I ended up crashing hard and feeling worse than I ever had. And forcing myself to be happy and stay positive was really exhausting. At the time, I didn't realise what I was doing was unhealthy.
I love your educational videos! I agree, negative emotions must exist for us to also feel positive emotions. If we never feel the negative, our positive emotions wouldn't feel so amazing. People are allowed to have negative emotions and to fully feel them and learn from them. It makes us compassionate people!
My friends and I have had a lot if talks about this (we're all stressed and depressed but we're doing our best and supporting each other) and we've decided that the key is working towards positivity and happiness and grabbing it by the balls, but when you feel sad or negative, to accept it, do your best to learn from it, and keep your support system
THANK. YOU. I'm so sick of being told I should smile more or be more happy, just because I happen to not always be happy.
I am SO for this. Have been thinking the same things since I was a child (well maybe in the beginning of my teenage years). Nothing wrong with trying to have and recognize positivity in life, but don't ignore or hide the negativity either. Both is good, both is normal and both is healthy because too much of one thing is not.
As someone who’s going through a lot of depression and anxiety right now, this video was actually very comforting. Thank you Sarah! ❤️
I have a positivity account on IG and I completely agree with what you’re discussing. It’s important to feel what you need to in order to by pass it. Same thing with letting go, you have to stop making whatever it was such a big deal. Things happened, they weren’t great but it’s over. Bringing it back to the present is so essential and honestly helped me overcome a lot of my anxiety.
However, I look at positivity in a similar manner as that, rather than ignoring what’s bad. For me it’s a way to move on from things and realize that despite my negative feelings, they won’t be there forever. I try to be genuine and explain the bad and the good. They exist together.
I agree with the passivity of positivity. You have to take action too. Law of attraction isn’t absolute (and personally the general idea really irks me)
U RIGHT. I felt like I was a really negative person and that ruined a lot of my relationships and friendships. Ive struggled a lot with anxiety and depression and so for the past 4 month I have been trying to be the most fake positive person. I thought that that's what would make me happy and others accept me but I have honestly never been more depressed and it just seemed so meaningless and forced with no rational. I stopped all the fake positivity and fake productivity and just let things flow, accepted that I have flaws, accepted that life isn't going to be the most interesting sometimes and that a lot of my non productive habits make me who I am in a way. You don't have to fake positivity to be happy, it's actually worse to be lying to yourself and you'll just end up blinding going through life without reaching any self awareness or deeper understanding. (In my personal perspective)
TAKE A DRINK OF WATER EVERY TIME SARAH SAYS POSITIVITY
I wanted to do that but I was to thirsty and I drank it all at once lol
I had quite a hard childhood but I was always positive, happy and never dealt with what was going on then when I was a teenager and it all hit me at once it was the hardest few years of my life
Since I've been in therapy for BPD for a hot second, I learned you have to feel your negative emotions, but they are all dependent upon how you react, externalize, and handle it. It's like a whole thing with Dialectical Behavior Therapy, if you've ever done/heard of that. Focusing on what works now, what you CAN do (not what you "should"), and stepping back to just 'observe' your situations from a third-party all are ways to make the negative emotions like, less unpleasant.
also ur eyes are piercing my soul ily
"Pretending to be happy can cause dissonance in your true feelings and make you more miserable" Ahhh Yes! This is really helpful.
I think it is much more important to use happiness to recognize and pursue meaningful action, rather than just trying to "be happy" as a passive state. Chemically, happiness is part of experiencing a deeper internal drive toward actions that further our interests. We feel the same rush of dopamine when we anticipate pleasure as when we attain what we want.
People who take adderall (which raises dopamine for a short period of time) don't experience any real cognitive enhancements (ie they are no better at math than when they are not taking it) but they feel really good about how well they're doing (ie their dopamine response to trying to do a difficult problem is elevated). Instead of an identity, happiness should be used as a cue that you are doing (or even just figuring out how to do) something that has meaning to you.
This TED talk is really good and I think echoes what you're saying:
There's more to life than being happy | Emily Esfahani Smith
ruclips.net/video/y9Trdafp83U/видео.html
ive been preaching this for years and im so glad you're doing a video about it. I used to be a big part of the hippie/travelling/van-life/vegan/ groups and i would hear this false positivity DAILY. It was utterly gross and exhausting because these people WERE experiencing negativity and negative attitudes, but because they wouldn't handle it or acknowledge it, these negativities would come out in really nasty ways. They were extremely vain, envious, dishonest, pretentious, patronising, bitter, childish people that would hide it all behind a shallow smile and instagram posts about #positivevibes and i wanted to retch.
This was such a true message! About two months ago I had an argument with my supervisor who told me to simply be positive in an absolute horrible situation in a project... There were problems I told him about and he just said I was a negative Nancy...just this month the project failed because the problems kept on building... Yeah... Gonna leave that company with its positive possums...
“We rip out so much of ourselves to be cured of things faster than we should that we go bankrupt by the age of thirty and have less to offer each time we start with someone new. But to feel nothing so as not to feel anything - what a waste!”
― Andre Aciman, Call Me by Your Name
"Right now there is sorrow,pain. Don't kill it and with it the joy you felt"
Couldn't agree more! I am a very positive person, at the same time sometimes pessimistic and yet very happy. For me, positive thinking means acknowledging the negative, embarrassing it and taking a lesson out of it. If I'd try to be happy and cheerful all the time, I'd either explode or implode. BTW, can't take my eyes of your hair - this color is so wonderful!
This video was something I needed right now. I have been wallowing in negative emotions the past few months because of a pretty bad breakup I went through. But I need to remember that it's okay to feel the sadness and the anger and to go through them to proces the breakup and be able to let go of it littl by little. I've been trying to focus on gratitude instead of trying to find something or someone to make me happy.
I have been hiding my mental illness for so long just because I was made to believe I can't show my negative emotions "Just smile so nobody notices you feel like shit" and that damaged me a lot. Now I have friends who I can talk to and cry my eyes out because I'm sick and tired of pretending I'm "fine". There are still people who tell me I need to take a "chill pill" or I'm just a "downer" but I don't care that anymore. Thank you for this video and thank you for the book recommendation, I will definitely check it out.
I have IBS and a lot of foods trigger episodes and I hate it when people tell me to just eat the food that I KNOW can trigger an episode and just "be positive". I want people to know that that's not how it works! I also struggle with generalized anxiety disorder and I'm afraid of living my house most of the time because of my IBS and I hate it when people tell me to be positive and it will go away because THAT IS NOT HOW IT WORKS!
Tsuki I hate having IBS!!!! I’m always so cautious about eating certain foods or trying new foods and I feel like no one understands.
@@wellpretenditsokay Me too!
dear Sarah,
i've been bipolar for quite a while, but only came across your videos a few days ago. it's interesting to hear someone speaking about mental health and i really admire your honesty in exploring some of these topics. i also respect the fact that it takes guts.
if this was a rant, it was a very gentle one and there is NOTHING wrong with that... anyone who's lived a while with a diagnosis knows there's a fragility common o most of us and any attempt to raise difficult issues in this zone needs to acknowledge that...
i agree with your take on False Positivity. i've always been suspicious of people who were preternaturally happy all the time. over time, i've come to see that such people also tend to be intellectual lightweights whose level of 'bliss' seemed to depend on both ignorance about what was happening in the world around us and heaping helpings of denial.
one of the things i love about my crazy friends and even about myself (on a good day) is the absence of bullshit in word and deed. it's lean and it's real and we move on. neuro-typicals don't know what they're missing.
keep on rockin' in the free world.
d
I definitely agree with like everything you said in this video. I feel like my life changed dramatically when I stopped letting my emotions control me and I started taking control of them, figuring out where their coming from and talking myself through how I’m going to solve the problem that’s bothering me or talking to others honestly about it. I’ve also learned that the things I want to achieve won’t bring me automatic happiness and that I need to find happiness in the pursuit of my goals bc there is so much to be grateful for and so many little things that I can find happiness in.
This is one of my favorite videos you’ve ever made, thanks for continuing to inspire me!
I'm listening, I'm listening ... but ... your kitty is just beyond cute. lol
Respect! Toxic positivity is the most insidious, pathetic, and cowardly passive aggressive way of life! Thank you for making this vid!
Yes! focusing on the positives and the potential of positive situations without first honoring your true emotions can cause extreme upset and distress. It's much better to feel your emotions as they come and go whilst having a positive outlook in general. I'm sick of seeing negative emotions being pushed down and pushed away since all emotions are there for a reason they all should be understood and valued. Thanks for this video, it wasn't a 'debbie downer' just real and informative x
I completely agree with everything you've said. The only thing I would like to add is that the law of attraction is rooted in Buddhist practice, but social media twists it to be something it's not. It's not thinking you'll be a millionaire so hard you find a million dollars. It's actually realizing you have all you need right now, and the things you want with a million dollars, upon reason, can be achieved where you are. When you start to truly practice that you begin to feel abundance where once you felt deprived. No one can be happy all of the time, but happiness can be achieved anywhere based on internal dialogue and perspective.
Yess! I totally needed this. I think this goes hand in hand with the “cool girl” persona that society forces on girls. The idea that girls mainly have to be cool and witty and personable and be able to hang with the guys is actually very a very toxic concept.
Actually, you're right 3:55 when you say that you're not defined by your emotions. Even with mental illnesses, we say that you're not defined by your mental illness. Instead of saying, "I am Xmental illness," we now say, "I have Xmental illness."
Great video! Look forward to your future posts!
you are so right. i love it when people/influencer complain about things in a funny way.
Truly truly enjoyed this video. It made me sit back and think about a lot of things in my life. One thing I take from this video is simply: To embrace both the negativity and positivity in life. Thanks Sarah 😊
Thank you so much Sarah , I have depression and I’m going through it right now ... and this made me feel okay about sharing that I’m depressed on my Snapchat instead of feeling as if I did something wrong
everything about this!!! Also, your interior design skills are fucking fantastic, your setup looks amazing
Thanks for this. I needed to hear this. It's a good reminder.
This is a video that is sooooo meaningful to me. I tried to be just positive for a year and it hurt bad at the end. 😭❤ I realised that I was hiding my true self and I couldn't recognise who I was anymore. I don't wish this to anyone. Life is positive but it is not paradise. That's the way it is. You can't fore yourself to make it different 🌏❤
I can't help but notice the similarity between one's baseline level of happiness and one's body weight set point. Each of us has a body weight that is regulated to remain "set" at a certain point or range. For someone, it could be 145 to 155 pounds, but for someone else, it could be 120 to 130 pounds. It's all relative to genetics, environment, etc. When someone tries to lose or gain weight, it's often the case that they eventually return to their set range - whether it be months or years later - for a number of reasons (like gaining or losing the weight too quickly in a short amount of time). People who work really hard at keeping off or putting on weight are able to have greater success in changing their set range of body weight, which is so much like what you described as the baseline level of happiness. Everyone has a set point of happiness that can decrease or increase, and while something monumental could happen to drastically lower or heighten one's level of happiness, it's likely that they'll return to that same point. Like body weight, it's possible for someone to become happier at a consistent, daily baseline if they work hard to challenge anxieties, become mindful, and practice gratitude. Just thought I'd share the connection :)
truly made my day! for the most part I knew all of this but it's hard to keep this in mind when most people around me just want me to always be happy, always be positive. As I have always said: happiness is forever fleeing... every moment, every emotion is, and that is normal.
A lot of what you’re saying here resonates with me. I also feel that within this conversation there is a need to talk about the opposite of this, people who just drown themselves if their negative emotions (this is different from depression). I have had a handful of people in my life who go through their lives that way for the most part. I honestly think that wallowing in negative emotions is just as unhealthy as putting up a false positive front. Either way you aren’t growing and learning to deal with life effectively. So what I take most from this is really that we should work at keeping a healthy relationship with our feeling and minds through practices like gratitude and actively being honest about who we are and where we’re at. I feel that the alternatives really give too much power to feeling and emotions and don’t leave you with much freedom or control over your life ✌️
This is what we all need at the momen. Couldn't agree more on everything you said! Thank you Sarah
It’s so true that people are like “be positive” all the time shoving the idea down your through, making you feel like there’s something wrong with me because I’m angry, fustragted and sad. At least someone like you talks about this stuff
Thank you Sarah for sharing your thoughts about these important topics. My take-away from this video is to enjoy the daily happiness that can exist if you acknowledge it :)
a perfect example of accepting the negativity is mike posner’s new music video for Move On. he basically took the bad that happened in the last year and turned it into something beautiful. also, i just feel like everyone needs to see that video.
False positivity.... false anything irritates me. I like people who are themselves and won't try to pretend. Sometimes one just gets the vibe from a person that they are pretending and it's not really even a conscious thing. There's just something about the person that rubs me the wrong way. It has happened before and will happen again. And pretending can be exhausting. I work as a librarian, so I really can't show my feelings that much during the work hours, especially if they are negative. Pretending to be upbeat is exhausting.
I really love these kind of videos of yours!! you do such a great job at wording things (maybe it's something I admire simply because I'm not so good with words) you have excellent points!
I actually found this really uplifting! Thanks for sharing always love it when you do these kinds of videos!
i’m glad you made this video, completely agree. it’s ok to not feel positive 24/7 Negative feelings are normal and being fake positive can be hella draining
Thank for this video!!! I’m usually told I have negative outlook on things but I’m just being realistic. My coworkers talk about the law of attraction quite often and I totally agree with everything you’re saying. Btw you look amazing Sarah! Beautiful as always, love ya!!!
This is such a great video. Thank you for spreading the awareness! I’m in therapy for anxiety and I always tell my therapist I feel bad because I’m not “positive” and my anxiety just kills me some days and I feel like I’m just a negative person compared to all these positive people on social media! She taught me that my anxiety is protecting me and that it’s okay to feel negative emotions and those who promote positivity 100% of the time are in denial. Thank you Sarah!
Totally agree with you. I kinda feel like its better to actually deal with the negative emotions and experiences. And I think those "I am so PoSiTiVe" people are just lying to themselves, they are trying to hide behind that fake positivity. VEry well said, everything! Also, DAMN you look so good!
okay my bad, you actually said it in the video, I just hadnt watched that far 😄
I thought i was going to disagree with you because i truly believe that not dwelling on the negatives of life make it so much eaiser to enjoy the positives. BUT, after watching this, i completely agree. False positivity is always a mistake, not addressing and dealing with shit your going through is just going to make it harder and false positivity prevents that from happening.
nothing negative about this video. it's just real. I love it
yesss ty for using your platform to speak on this so eloquently!!
I'm super glad someone I enjoy watching and respect is talking about this subject. Your video mostly talks about the online attitude, but as someone who is active in the pagan community in my city, I see this attitude a lot, mostly amongst the new age community. There is this idea that you need to reject all your negative feelings and only acknowledge the positive. This gets especially bad when I see this ideology being used to stay uninformed and disconnected from the real world. I've seen people say that they don't care about horrible things that are happening in the world because they don't want it to affect them. I find that kind of attitude really disheartening.
I just discovered your channel. This is helping me sooo much right now. Thank you so much Sarah
I have so much I want to say right now I don't know where to start! I'll start with how amazing I think you are Sarah, I'm so happy I subscribe to your channel. You kick some serious butt.
I live with chronic depression and anxiety, in some extent due to childhood traumas which I mention because it has given me a clear understanding of the darker sides of life and humans. BUT I'm also a deeply optimistic person and I can *so* relate to everything you are saying in this video and I could write a 50-paragraphs reply to it... Haha
But to pick one I especially agree with your take on defining happiness. For me it's simply being *content*.
I feel I can be happy even if I'm feeling stressed or anxious or whatever, because *my happiness is not defined by the lack of negative emotions*.
(In reality I think my happiness is defined by the number of cat belly rubs I can squeeze into the day. ;))
thank you so much, Sarah. I really needed to hear this
I have something to say about this. I experienced significant abuse as a child that left me profoundly traumatized. I also had some neurological issues from birth. I was told so many times, just be positive, smile, fake it till you make it, just let it go, forget about it, blah blah blah blah. I had to work through the emotional pain, and really experience it and process it, and then I was able to heal and let it go through the help and power of Jesus. Our society has become so fake, and people are so shallow, and most of us are in denial. I'm so tired of the phony fake false people. There is a lot of fake spirituality new age blather out there - ignore that, it's fake too.
havent watched the video yet, just wanted to say that i love your makeup today. it + your hair give me autumn court fae queen aesthetics to the max. fucking love it~
I think about this and "being happy" a lot. Thank you for your insightful thoughts on this. I totally agree with everything you said about fake positivity and shuting down all negative emotions! In my opinion a lot of young people do this and it is so obvious that this can't be healthy!
I wanna add one thing that I learned about being happy: Maybe it helps to understand that "being happy" and "being content" are two very different things and that "being content" is actually a lot more long-lasting and incisive while the feeling of "being happy" is always relatively short-lived. Try to recall your happiest moments: It is an euphoric and heady feeling no doubt but it's also very temporary in my experience. But of course we love that feeling, so we search for that next burst of happiness..and the next, and the next. And usually as we get older we need more exciting things or impulses to reach that peak of feeling happy (toddlers get excited and happy about things a lot easier for example. It's because they only live in the now but also because everything is so new and magical to them) so we tend to feel happy a lot less as we get older. And then we get frustrated with our lives and ourselves because "why am I not happy? Why can't I make myself happy? Why is my life so bad?" we ask ourselves. When in reality there is NOTHING wrong with us! We just can't feel happy about life all the time! It is simply not possible for our brain! But I think what we can learn and reach is to feel content, content with our life and ourself and our relationships and the things we have. Being content is something we can work on and that we actually can achieve because it doesn't exclude negative emotions. My grandma has gone through a lot in her life and like all humans do she felt sad or angry or hopeless on a regular basis, but she reached a point in her life where she was content with what she had and who she was and I could see first hand how that is the key to still find joy in small (or bigger) things, to see the beauty in the world and those around you & to be grateful for what you have even when you are having a hard time atm. What I wanna say with that is that I feel like people are searching for a totally unrealistic state of mind (being consistently happy) and because they can't achieve that they actually get very depressed.
This is a very important message to send out to people!
I just recently was laid off and being asked to move out of my parents and I’m not done with college. I’ve been feeling very stressed out and just sad and disappointed and so many people keep telling me don’t worry about it! Be positive! Chill! And I’m like... dude this is all real stuff. And I’m not gonna kill myself over it but I am allowed to feel worried.
I’ve had so many negative life experiences happen that I’ve learned that I can’t place my positive emotions on a higher pedestal. I have to value each of my emotions equally, because if I’m feeling them, then they are there for a reason and I need to let myself feel them. And then let go of them when I need to feel something new. I’ve found myself to be “happier” in this way. I’ll be stressed out, I’ll cry, and I’ll throw a pity party when I get sick, but then I move on when I’m done, because I know that I will eventually have a new experience. I remember moments of contentedness more vividly now because I feel like I don’t force them. Or expect them to be anything other than simple quiet moments.
Omg thank you for making this video!! I needed this right now 🧡
i really needed this. thank you ❤️
I immediately knew I was going to like this video just by the title
I’ve watched your videos for a long time now and I just have to tell you that you’re one of my favorite people. You are real with your followers, you aren’t going to lie and pretend you had a good day if you didn’t, you aren’t at all judgmental, and I think your mindset is just so healthy and I generally agree with you but when I’m experiencing strong negative emotions it can be tough to remind myself that this is a normal necessary emotion and you just help me with that so much so thank you
lmao this hurts me so bad because one of my best friends pushed me out of her live because my "negative" comments about stupid things, while i have done nothing but support her. I hate when people think you're toxic because of seeing the negative things.
I don’t think this was a downer! It’s an important message
Thank you for this video! Sometimes I feel that I live too much in the future and end up forgetting to live in the present and to enjoy the nice things that I have right now.
Thank you again! I needed to hear this!
30 seconds in and I already liked the video. Very well said. I wish more people would understand this!
I've been watching you for years, but I just feel tempted to tell ya that I love you and your vids. I see a soul sis in you. You're a part of what is awesome about youtube to me. Thank you for being you.
xo,
Leanne
I always feel happier when I am working toward something. The journey is just as important as the destination.
is hard 4 me. is common said to have goals, dreams, job/work, something to archieve. find your passion. but 4 me that gets me estressed, for feeling the presion. also on the other side enjoy the emptiness of no having goals? i dont think so, that sinks me on depression. is really paradoxical to me. anyway, i agree on "you cant force another to feel an emotion whom doesnt have
Just what I needed right now. Thank you
It’s so sad that this needs to be explained
I absolutely love this. Even though you were worried it was a negative video, I honestly found it encouraging! Thank you for posting, great idea to keep in mind.
Nothing is constant. Everything fluctuates.
this is the best video ive seen in a while