I feel so attached to my therapist, is that bad? Facebook Friday!
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- Опубликовано: 19 май 2024
- I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!
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I like how you often say "those of US that struggle with ___"
I’m on a Kati Mortan video spree
Me too
This video was SO comforting. I have BPD and have been struggling with being attached to my therapist. We've had many sessions talking about it, and I've overcome a lot when it comes to boundaries, though I'm still really reliant on her. I had a realization the other night (that I had been pushing down/avoiding) that I do things solely to make her happy... because I have no self esteem, and if it was up to me I would still be self harming, and most likely in the hospital. It's hard for me because my girlfriend and my mom get annoyed with the amount of times I mention my therapist. I talk about her daily, constantly.... because it's like a comfort blanket for me. Sort of as if to remind me to keep going, to stay motivated, so next session I can go in and tell her I accomplished _____ and she will be so proud. I've explained BPD to the best of my ability to my mom and girlfriend, but they can't seem to understand, especially when it comes to my therapist... because I put her on a pedestal, and I think it makes others feel less important. What can I do to help them better understand, because I need their support? #katiFAQ
i feel you so much but i’m autistic!
Some would say I am experiencing transference from my feelings for an ex-teacher to my psychologist, but I end up realising that I just can't help myself being attached and attracted to older women who seem to "care" about me... And as my therapist thinks maybe it's time to end therapy I responded with a silence as I didn't know what to say... she doesn't know this partner of getting attach to people I shouldn't and I didn't want to talk about it cause I feel too ashamed. Why do I always end up "liking" people I can't have personal relationship with? (sigh)
I feel I get overly attached to anything sentient. I would get overly attached with a pet cat or dog. I wouldn't know when to stop.
+bananian Same
I'm a bit attached to my therapist too. I mean, I look forward to the session every week because I love having the time to concentrate on myself and talk about my problems. And I feel like that therapist is the first that really listens to me. I just like when I feel acknowledged and listened to. Another reason is, my therapist sometimes says things that make me go 'oh, wow. I've never looked at it from that perspective'. My therapist is not *extremely* helpful, but she still is. She gives me stuff to think about and after our sessions I've been feeling better but at the same time also quite thoughtful. The sessions get me thinking about my own problems in more depth. I really needed someone that listens to my problems and reminds me there are problems I like to overlook cause my life is extremely busy and she does that. And I just like that kinda impact my therapist has on me and that's why I feel a bit attached to her. But I think it's not an unhealthy attachment.
I can relate to never been shown healthy coping strategies, and now learning them in my 50's, is challenging, but Not impossible.
susan hanifin me too! My therapist says that it doesn't matter how old I am, just keep learning.
2019 and still listening. What you do matters thank you
Transference has always been a big issue with me. Because of that I was afraid to open up in therapy. Maybe that was a mistake.
They can't help you if you do not open up.
So glad I watched this video! I have bpd and find myself getting attached to mainly older women such as my therapist, I’m guessing because I have a troubled relationship with my mum so I’m almost looking for someone to fill in her spot. I don’t think I would ever tell my therapist as I feel like she would see it as breaking the therapeutic boundaries
Thinking about it logically, the unhealthy thing is the boundaries therapists have. Traumatised, isolated and abandoned people need close, loving relationships (not sexual) to heal the harm thats been done to them. So the client feeling attached is soooo normal. What isn't normal is the therapist becoming so closely involved in the thoughts and feelings of a person but then saying its not ok for that either person to feel attached. Theres something really inhumane about the way therapy tries to work.
It's funny you call it inhumane. Professional boundaries are there for one to make sure therapists live up to one of their ethical responsibilities: do no harm. Also helps with burnout and legal protection. Dual relationships can get very sticky. I wouldn't say clients aren't allowed to have feelings about them, it's very normal and natural. The therapist can often feel that way too and that's fine, they are just held to higher standards of behavior due to their certification and could lose their jobs if they get too intimate with a client, even innocently.
You’re incorrect. They don’t say it’s not ok to have these feelings, it’s actually important to acknowledge these feelings do happen. It’s how you handle the feelings that counts.
I was taking an online course on boundaries and they used a real case where a therapist crossed boundaries by hanging out with the client, going to concerts and on camping trips with them alone. For whatever reason that relationship didn't work out and the client felt more hurt than when they first entered therapy. They filed a grievance against the therapist for crossing boundaries and causing emotional harm. The therapist said they were basically trying to re-parent the client but that did not hold up and I believe they lost their license.
totally agree but not all therapists like that some of them are sensitive and ted to be more available
The way u explain things is so amazing and helpful. And makes me feel I'm not alone in what I think/do
I find myself getting attached to my therapists, I had a therapist when I was 17 she was my 1st therapist and I disclosed my sexual abuse for the first time ever even to myself!
she was the only person that "got" me and listened. Then she left. It hurt me so so bad. And Iv never really got over it. Its been like 8years!
It's kind of stupid and pathetic but I sometimes still think I wish I could see her again and I have tried to find her on social media sites etc. after she left I tried desperately to find her and would beg the receptionist to tell me where she moved to or to give me her mobile number but they wernt allowed to.
Iv been diagnosed with BPD recently but Im not sure I have it??But I know it's a trate that u get really attached and feel like u put more effort in to friendships etc and always feel disappointed and let down. - this is my life!!! So maybe the diagnosis is right?? Anyway that's my experience of feeling attached to a therapist x
I luv u Katie id give anything 2ve ur happiness my lifes a horrible mess everytime I watch ur vids u take away my pain & educate me about myself wht u do is amazing ur a saint keep up the good work I luv u
when i was depressed the only thing i looked forward to in the week was my therapy session and talking with him was the most friendly and encouraging time. nothing was going right in my life so i understandably got attached and i told him "you're the only thing i look forward to when i wake up". he then proceeded to help me find a job makkfmgkdkkgkk i need smt else to do 😂😂😂 honestly one of the best decisions ever and im so happy he made me start working in my field. truly blessed.
I have to say ive been highly attached to teachers so much I cried so much when she left school but not so much therapist I don't like my therapist so I'm changing lol
i miss all these days with faq. i was always looking forward to these days
Thank you very much for your excellent videos. You are such an inspiration!
Thanks so much for this analogue with sand and the marble!
Just wanted to say all that you're doing is great! It's helped me a whole heck of a bunch.
My therapist loves your videos ☺️ I showed them to her and she really likes that I’m educating myself alongside Therapie
40,000 subscribers!!! I'm so happy for you
The rut analogy is a good analogy of an endgram.
I think knowing Why you're attached to your therapist can also help you identify how you might be attached to others or Not attached to them (example: Therapist listening to us).
This could also help us out in forming New relationships with others outside of the therapy session and the Therapist.
Thanks for also sharing how we can break away from bad habits!
I just did this with my therapist today and now this video has popped up!
Thank you for answering my question Kati. :)
Its good to get attached to people. WE are social beings. We live in a world where we are becoming inceasingly detached from those around us. We need attachedments. So maybe your feeling the benefits of this attachment. If your becoming obessed by this person, maybe that is what needs attention. It might be good to talk to your therapist about attachment. Be well and sending you love and peace.
I thought this presentation was going to be kind of 'goofy' but I found it excellent and full of insight. Thanks a lot.
Hi Katie, thank you for doing this video as I feel lost without my therapist. I have seen her every week for the last three years abs she has helped me deal with and heal from BPD. Not saying it will ever go away, but I have come a long way! Can you please do a video on Eating Disorders or eating strategies for those who have had weight loss surgery like myself? Any tips are most helpful, thank you!
I thought I was on my own on this Thanks for uploading xxx
Howdy! Just thinking of videos ideas here.(: The possibility of recovery seems like a fairytale sometimes and makes it hard to hope for it and work towards it. Hearing other's journey with mental health struggles and how they are overcoming their stuff day by day inspires me to take one more step forward! It would be neat if you could interview a few individuals this year about their mental health struggles with a big emphasis on why they chose to recover and the steps they've taken to make that happen personally (therapy, books, groups, web resources, special people in their lives, ect). There are some videos out there but they are triggering more than anything and recovery isn't often the point. To me recovery is the beginning of an even bigger story. While it looks different for everyone I think we can take away a common hope, from these stories, in that recovery can be a reality. Thanks for everything!(:
I loved your marble rut analogy!
I like that marble analogy
Thank you.
Maybe a weekly video with some sort of exercise? Like the Monday video but with focus on an exersice or some technique?
were you one a cheerleader? i love how you have your intro where you say it’s finally friday
I have someone in my life who I usually call most of the time. Now they told me to call them sometimes. Now they are helpful and supportive but I always have to annotate contact first
I would like it if you did more po box hauls I really liked the one that you did. Maybe once or twice a month?
Wow the first question was so relatable ! I pretty much ended up in counselling about counselling..i'd get attached to one therapist then go to see another about the attachment then end up getting attached to the new therapist and so on ;P ***** Morton thanks for your videos so much!
"DOCTOR MARVIN! DOCTOR! LEO! MARVIN!"
-Bob
Every time I research this it's suggested to tell my therapist about it. I wouldn't mind talking to a DIFFERENT therapist about how I feel about my current therapist, but really, really don't want to tell her. I struggle with social phobia and depression and don't want to give her any reason to treat me differently or drop me as a client. I don't even have friends or family here, she's all I've got. Trust me I know how far-fetched my worries sound, but she's the first therapist in 15 years I've not only liked but actually helped me make real progress and I don't want to mess it up. There's also the gender thing. We're both bi but honestly that makes it harder to say anything, not easier. I don't know how relevant it is to our work anyway; I already know I'll fall for anyone semi-attractive, nice to me, and older than me, have awful self-esteem and desperately want the approval of authority figures in my life. Wouldn't really stir up anything new except make me anxious about her response and sidetrack us from what we're working on right now.
Hi Kati, thank you for making your videos. They always help me a lot and help to educate me. I hope this isn't a repeat question but can anxiety lead to aggression? I've been recovering from depression and anxiety for a while. My depression is under controle but due to a lot of stress in my life my anxiety has been acting up. Recently I noticed I get more and more irritable and angry. I thought at first this was just around my period (pms I've always had that) but now it happens even when my period is a long way away. Can anxiety lead to anger? Is this a bad coping mechanism I've created for myself? Or could this be a sign of something else?
I totally get what you're talking about. I got really attached to my former therapist but that's just how I am sort of. It's been the same with so many adults. I think it's really harmful to me in the long run.what would you do to release that attachment? #katiFAQ
Emily Dana good question..
I regret (as well as resent) that I'm forced to be as attached to my therapist as I am. If I ever had to stop seeing her I'd die is all.
I still like the Q&A's, but I wish your Monday videos would be a little more in-depth. For me, a seasoned follower with an interest in psychology, they're usually a little too 'general'.
If you're looking for something 'new', I really liked the series of interviews you did, like the one on LGBTQA!
Hi Kati :)
Is it possible for you to make a video about ARFID? I know you have one about EDNOS but that's not the diagnosis anymore (thank goodness). I'm just tired of seeing people talking about EDs as only wanting to lose weight, making yourself vomit and so on, I feel left out a lot. I mean I have ARFID since my 3 (I'm 24) and only now I got a diagnosis (before I was wrongly diagnosed with OCD). I feel upset a lot because now I don't only need to deal with normal people, but with psychiatrists, nutritionists and therapists that don't have a clue of how to deal with me and ARFID (by now if i see my last therapist I start crying).
I Have The Same Problem!!! If You Could Respond With Some Coping Skills You Use To Cope With This, That Would Be Amazing
I have had what I call "needy" friends or people who, who if I didn't set up boundaries, would want more from me that I am willing to give. If they ever approached me and wanted to talk about that, it would make me want to start slowly walking backwards and then bolt. If a friend is not giving you what you consider enough attention, it's that's way for a reason. Not that there is necessarily anything wrong with you but some friends are good for different things. Like 1 is good for advice, 1 for having lunch and laughing etc. I always have my friends' backs even if they annoy me. I can be counted on...but some I can only handle in small doses.
You sound like the BPD sufferer I'm in love with.
Johnny Pope she sounds like a normal person
Katie having you ever thought of maybe do a daily or (bi)week vlog
I have bpd and this is WORD FOR WORD how I feel man.
P.S. ik this is an old video and no one will ever see this but oh well.
Lex P I saw it. 🌼
Me see
when someone says it's you, it's not me, fine. I know someone who is always right. Now,
it's you it's not me... that is Not right. In this situation, I have become scarce,like therapist
Hey kati. Is it normal to forget you have a ed?? For example: I think befor I eat and some
times I Skip meal but there are days where people will give me pizza or cookies and
Ill eat everything they give me. Then I reazile what I ate and throw up or just cry. Thank you
Hi Kati😄 I realy love yor videos . #katifaq I was wondering if you had any advice to be able to be more trusting and open with a tharipist . I have had so many people give me reasons not to trust them. For instance I was bullied for 4 years straight and no one do any thing about is or let me talk to the principle. And my mom didn't even care. What should I do, I know it is Vidal in a thariputic relationship.
I told my therapist I was attached and she referred me out without discussion.
WOW! She didn't even want to talk about it with you? Sounds like SHE was the one with some "issues" about attachment!
Not fair!! Its a trauma by itself.some therapists seem to be afraid of this:(
sorry for you i had the same experience in the past and it was so painful and wasn't even fair to get such treatment from the person that was supposed to help at first
I sent an journal of my Feelings to my therapy and I feel like she didn't understand me. Instead of having me more sessions she referred me to another department
I hope you see this and reply back. So what if I feel attached to my psychiatrist and not my therapist? Is that normal and if I tell him would he not want to see me anymore?
Kati, don't know if you'll see this, but if you get close to someone, but the relationship feels like you're holding on for dear life, is that a disorder or is it a result from losing so many friends and being isolated in the past?
Hi Kati, a tip for the new year is perhaps making one-question videos instead of 3 question videos. Adding some cool pictures and effects in the background as well. Just my view :D
can transferrence also apply to people other than your therapist, I all of a sudden felt attached to someone after feeling their care and it was also at a time I had a bad relationship with my mom where she would shout at me everyday for no good reason
That picture behind you gives me anxiety 😂
I know this is an old video, but, I am hoping someone will still see it. My psychiatrist (who has an AOT on me till next March) is moving from NY to California. I am angry and upset because I now will likely have a temporary doctor (my insurance only covers clinic visits so MDs come and go if not for the AOT I would be OK with him leaving as I'm used to it) However, because he took me to court to have meds forced on me and is now leaving me with someone who could potentially force me to take more potent drugs I don't need or want, I am upset. I don't even want to see him for a final appointment and I realize that is childish but it is how I feel. I don't know how to navigate a last visit.
it’s cool knowing how #katifaq turned into ask kati anything :)
I had to break with my councellor because The relationship was just bad but then at The end Of The session she acctualy called me out on my lying And I got unsure but I am trying a new One if she does not work I might go back
So @Kati Morton I'm still trying to figure this out... Your marble in a balloon in the sand was just a few too many things to visualize lol
So, we go back to unhealthy coping skills because our brains are just used to them?
Why then, if I'm around people who use other unhealthy skills do I want to use theirs? (Like wanting to purge even though I never normally compensate for bingeing) I guess I get jealous that their marble is stuck in a different rut than mine is and I would rather be there than be stuck in my typical one. I just don't understand why if I know someone else engaged in something it makes me want to do it more even though I know how unhealthy it is.
Haha i know this is an early video, but do you think you could do a video on Michael Jackson? I feel like he was a really misunderstood person, and i could learn a lot from his childhood and lifestyle.
Katie, how can I ask you a direct question? J
In my BPD experience, therapists are people without boundaries.
In my (BPD) experience, I will never feel anything toward any therapist. I had learned what males with BPD are for (female) therapists. Garbage, nothing else. So nothing to transfer there, I can't connect to therapists anymore.
Have you learned about such things in your training? I bet you haven't.
i'm really attached to a patient but i think i am managing it in practise, emotionally i'm feel concerned but i feel i don't want to talk to the nurses at work because i am worried it will make me look bad. i don't like to admit that i'm kinda vulnerable and human as well. ugh.
PrettyPinkPeacock I am a patient who has a crush on my therapist. She is so fine lol. I think she likes me too but I don't think either of us would ever reveal it verbally. Lots of deep eye contact, smiling, wanting to see each other asap. But I know it's not realistic but the feelings are not drying out but getting deeper. But I don't want her to drop me or vice versa. What do I do? 😓
@@jeremiahzen1257 Keep paying the bill. 😁
Johnny Pope I quit smh, couldn't take anymore but now I'm having withdrawals 😂😓
Jeremiah Yisrael have you spoken to her since?
@@poppypoppy1906 Nope, but still can't get her out of my head smh. I think I'm stuck. I meet new women but still can't find any as beautiful as her. Still can't find another woman to look at me the way she did smh. But I refuse to go back.
what happens if you're afraid to talk to people because of my psychosis?
Is it possible therapist try to attach client to jugde the feelings of client.?
What should you do if feel attracted to your therapist? This hasn't happened to me.
If someone becomes attracted to a therapist or if a therapist becomes attracted to a client it is no longer a professional and beneficial relationship and the person (with help from their therapist) should seek out therapy elsewhere. Just going by what I learned in school. :)
Transference I think is essential in therapy if you're doing "deep work" as long as the transference is client towards therapist. I thought therapist getting attached to a client is counter-transference and was more of a no-no as the therapist is there to see to the client's needs not the other way round. As long as boundaries are maintained then transference is essential into really making the kind of progress that is life changing. If a therapist experiences counter transference then they in turn would need to discuss this with a therapist.
Maybe you can help me with this. I've been in physical therapy for a while and the lady helping me is my age and we have a lot in common. Would it be odd to ask her if she wants to go get a drink or see a movie some time? I've never really felt this way with any of my counselors or doctors but with my pt its different. I don't want to risk getting her in trouble at her job or sound like a weirdo but I'd like to ask her on a date some time. Should I just prevent doing that or what? Maybe wait until my last appointment? Any help would be great, i just don't wamt her to get in trouble for me asking her if she wants to get a drink some day.
Give it a shot, but take the opportunity to show off your wisdom and tact and schedule the date for after your PT is over. Then show her your professionalism and gentlemanliness (?) by not letting it have any effect on how you act during the sessions. She'll be impressed, and she'll be wild with anticipation. Assuming she says yes, of course. 🤔
@@Ltulrich this the way you think women work??? Jfc. 👎👎👎👎
Damn I got attached to my School Counselor and she was like my mom I call her mom even infront of my real mom someone please helppp
Does erotic transference disappear
or should i change therapist???
I am 13 and I have this
I don't think I'm overally attached to my therapist. I never want to see her more or anything like that. However, I still really like her as she is one of the nicest people I know. I feel like she knows me better than anyone else and she's so caring and sweet. Is that bad?
Doesn't sound bad :) It actually sounds like you have a great therapist!
I wish that you were my therapist
3:54 Does she mean that she have borderline personality? I haven't watched a whole lot of her videos but isn't she a therapist?
2:25
I just stopped seeing a therapist because I ran out of therapy sessions and wow I think it may be a good thing to stop seeing him. During our last session I cried and told him that I would miss talking to him... it was kind of strange especially considering that otherwise I felt ready to end therapy (I felt significantly more able to deal with my past and everyday struggles than I did before, I guess I responded to therapy as well as a fish in water). I did find him attractive, both looks and personality wise, but I've never had anything even close to a romantic or sexual relationship before so how could it be transference? Our last session was a week ago and I do miss him a lot. Many of the problems I'm dealing with come from being physically & mentally abused by my father so I have to wonder if that factors in to my fondness for my therapist
You and me are connected, we are trying to stay connected, the message connects sometimes, im the person who suggests speaking to the camera, name is D.
The is nothing more astonishing to (wo)men more than common sense.
""Like", subbed.
What if you have feelings for your therapist?
Tell them about it. It's actually part of the process and you can use the transference feelings therapeutically.
I kinda have a crush on my therapist...... it's weird because I'm 13 and she's like 40 or 50 😣😣😣
bleach is good for the soul me too :)
Also I think the first thing you need to work on with your therapist is realizing bleach *isnt* good for the soul xD
I'm 13 but I'm not in love I just feel alone without her
Just an observation: it seems to me that women in general overthink every situation and cause themselves unnecessary worry and stress whereas men tend to be more logical and focus on the important things that really matter and get on with getting the job done.
Why do you always say “we” “those of us”. Like you can relate and it applies to you. Do you do it because you don’t want people to feel attacked? You’ve talked about the fact that you apologize a lot and you work on that in therapy. You are a people pleaser so you don’t want to make anyone mad so you say “we”.
Sorry it is such a tangent from your video.
.
Yes its bad. You may be looking at them. But they are looking at your wallet.
Very bad!