If Your Best Friend Was Autistic, How Would You Know? (autism)
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- Опубликовано: 28 июн 2024
- An answer to one of the most common autism-related questions I get asked. "I think my best friend is autistic, but how do I know for sure?".
#EngageAutism #AutismAcceptance #actuallyautistic
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I am autistic and I have a friend who I also think is autistic, but she doesn't think she is, because she can read people (but hey, so can I, sometimes, I think, perhaps).
She can believe whatever she wants to believe, her happiness is none of my business. She knows everything there is to know about the Titanic though. :)
This is awesome! I missed a chance to make a great, local new friend. I was into that mobile phone Pokemon game a few years ago, that was location based, and you could buy incubators and hatch eggs while walking. I encountered a gentlemen a smidge older than I, walking with 2 phones. He ignored me completely, but then I asked him if he was catching pokemon too. He talked pokemon for 5 minutes straight, as we walked together and captured the critters. He freely shared many tips and tricks to help my game. And then we parted, never to be seen again. My loss, if you ask me.
One thing people should know is that, according to the double empathy hypothesis, which actually holds quite a bit of water, having an autistic best friend may be the best sign you’re autistic yourself.
I sent a video to my exes that said there was a high chance they were autistic too lol. It was humorous and made to sounds like an STD lol
She told me. We've been BFF's since we were 13 & 14. We're 48 & 49. She wasn't diagnosed until we were in our 40's. We were weirdos in different ways but our weirdness fit. They still do
Thanks for the interesting video! It took me 48 years to realize I was autistic. I assumed everyone else thought and experienced life like I do. I told my few close friends on my Birthday and they all basically said "We know". My autistic friend John first suggested I might be too over a year ago. Months of research, self reflection, and talking to friends, family, and the community later and I finally know who I am :)
3:04 me wearing the decade-old hoodie with the design that's almost completely faded, because it's really soft inside and the fabric doesn't touch my neck.
I have a T-shirt featuring the Avengers (in a 1970s marvel style) bursting into action, with the legend "Lad's Night Out" on it (coincidentally) which I loved for the same reasons. I wore it for years and it was the softest, most comfortable garment I've ever owned. I cried when finally it wasn't wearable.
My red thin sweater
I feel truly happy, truly safe, truly in my colour in in. It is getting frayed, I’m afraid, soon to be relegated as « inside clothes »
The neck thing, yes! That's a thing for me, too.
@@E.Pierro.Artist I can't wear ties.
Same@@RaunienTheFirst
Since me discovering my own autism…all of my friends are suddenly coming out of the woodwork with diagnoses too 🤣😂 my sweet kindred spirits - sharing about yourself inspires others to do the same ♥️
I seem to be able to make 'a friend' but that friend always fades after a few years. Friends seem to want to not be just one-on-one, but to mingle and share with others, a 'party' being the most horrific example of mingling. I also don't know who should call whom first because I don't want to come across as needy. Also, spending an hour or two with a friend is okay - but not the entire day, and definitely not a sleep-over.
With relationships: All my partners have said I'm not the person they fell for, after we began living together. I can wear my mask for periods at a stretch but not day and night for months on end. And who invented the rule that says if your partner is invited somewhere, you must also attend?
It's weird for me that I loathe going to the supermarket but am quite relaxed at an airport. I guess it's because at an airport I won't run into anyone I sort of know, but at the supermarket that is very likely, and at the supermarket the checkout person invariably asks how I am and have I had a nice day, which is absurd. A partner once said to me: 'You look like you don't belong anywhere.' I' m not sure if they were referring to my facial expression or my choice of clothes, but both are likely.
There seems to be a lot of authentic comments here. The world often doesn't seem to take kindly to authenticity, but I appreciate it, and I always feel less alone (and more understood) after watching an Autistamatic video and reading these comments.
I remember being super heartbroken when my "best" friend at age 12 told me i wasn't her best friend, and was in fact one of two "good" friends. She never mentioned her other friend before, for a whole year. Turns out it's her neighbor. I took it really hard. Didn't know I was autistic and needed the friendship defined sooner. I let that friendship fade because i was so embarassed i'd been mistaken about my "bestie" status.
This has been my experience, too. Somebody is my “best” friend, but, to them, I am just “a” friend. And figuring that out hurts a lot when you don’t understand that you aren’t neurotypical and that NTs can actually have multiple really good friends. It felt like a huge betrayal that, looking back understanding that I am autistic and see friendships differently, wasn’t actually a betrayal.
Love your content, love the transition @8:32.
The like % is incredible ... 2,600 views, with 361 likes, strong testament to the quality of your work. Cheers!
Great advice not just for showing solidarity and openness for autisrics but folks from other marginalized groups. Thanks Quinn! 💜
A very good video. The strategy you recommend at the end would certainly work for me. There is no chance I could resist talking about it. It might be hard to get me to stop, though.
Interesting topic, Quinn.
I feel like [for me] it's pretty easy to tell [if someone else is autistic], but I'm autistic myself, so it's a bit different.
I feel like being educated about ASD is really what will help you be able to tell.
I am officially adding 'autistipeeps' to my vocabulary. :)
My best friend is 2 cats
The joke's cruel: with my best friend, we've been throwing 'autistic' at each other's weird behaviours for years, in a playful but kind of derogatory manner. 10 years later, I turned out to be actually autistic. He laughed hard but wasn't surprised. Now, it would have been cool to check him too. There are no good professionals to get a diagnosis where he lives, but we'll start with tests online)
Thanks for commenting, and it might not surprise you that I've heard people say similar things before. The main positive that I hope comes out of this is that people you know will hold a less derogatory view of autistic folks in general. Whatever you discover, I hope you continue to have a rewarding friendship 😊
@@quinndexter6727 Thank you! After the late diagnosis, my existing friendships haven't changed. But, well, all the current attempts and relationships with new people changed drastically. At least for me.
That's pretty much the pattern matching I do whenever I get to know people. And the hit rate is close to 100%.
Late diagnosed of 4 years ago. So cruel when you form a close friendship and they act like they reciprocate but don't really see you as a friend really
I want to wear historical costumes and folk clothing, and instead of wanting and dreaming I just do it often because they're incredibly comfortable and nobody is going to stop me 😊
I'm a gothy one since my youth as well (not a true Goth, but goth-ic).
I wear whatever fits my mood and is physically comfortable. Two consistent factors is there must be long sleeves and natural fibers.
Another excellent video. Loved the Michael Palin Ripping Yarns inclusion. I loved watching that show in my youth.
As for standing out due to our "fashion sense" .. I've always dressed oddly. I have about 50 asst crsvats because I don't like wearing ties. I dress on the more formal side of smart-casual. The linen suit or the three piece tweed XD hardly practical.. but certainly a very "Pete Look"
"Comfortable" means many things. Physical comfort is most important for many of us and it's certainly my priority of late, but for me that's because my lifestyle now permits me to favour ease & simplicity. When I worked with other people, especially in a "professional" capacity, I dressed to favour *social* comfort. The "look" was a much bigger consideration & I erred towards the smart & formal until I gave up on the idea of a conventional career path. The challenge was to find a balance between sensory needs, social convention and my own expression. Cravats didn't figure, but muttonchop sideburns and weskits did.
How cultural expectations like fashion interlace with autistic sensibilities is a topic all on it's own IMO 🤔
If they don't know either, and you follow the suggestion at the end of the video, they might just go on an information exploration and find out for themselves - which could be really helpful for them, especially with a best friend to hash it out with.
Happened to me.
Friend told me "Ain't no way you're not autistic"
And I was like "Absolutely not"
So then I did 4 weeks of intense research and looked back at my life. And...
Yeah. He was right. It's shocking how well it explains a lot of the struggles I've had, that I, previously, just shrugged off.
Oh yes my daughter is fabulous at masking. In school but out of school we sure know she's autistic. I'm struggling to get anyone to look at even assessing her because school don't see anything 😢
I've come to realize that all the long-lasting friendships I've had were with other ND or autistic individuals. My two closest friends from college have OCD and ADHD respectively, and my close friend I met back in middle school suspects she is autistic as well.
I'm Autumn Rose, and I'm autistic ❤❤❤❤
With our ten steps you can get better! Lol jk
Briefly mentions science fiction conventions and then minutes later sounds the Star Trek red alert. Nice
I had a friend for over 20 years with an autistic son. Neither of them ever said they thought I may be autistic too. I haven't seen him since I was diagnosed, but I don't think he would believe me if I did tell him.
Very well explained. Hope this goes both ways as ever! ❤
Thank you for this video.
Social situation with group large enough that discussion splits into 2 or more? That is nightmare. I will not be able to fallow any.
I'm awaiting a diagnosis at age 32 😅. I'd eqaute My journey of self advocacy to the scene from the planet of the apes when the chimpanzee says no 😂. It's changed my life, I always knew I was probably autistic from when I was about 14 years old when I met somebody else who was diagnosed and the realisation hit me that they was just like me. At the time I just tried to brush it off as me not wanting to confirm to all of the stupid social rules we're expected the follow but I could never get the thought out of my head and I developed a really intense obsession with this person. A couple years later I went to a summer camp with him and just spent my entire time there watching him. It probably sounds really creepy but it was interesting seeing how he changed his behaviour around other people to blend in.
I like to think of masking like Schrödinger's cat, people act differently when they're being observed to when they aren't being observed. I'm trying to fall more on the "alive" side of this thought experiment these days by being myself and not worrying what other people might think 😅.
When things reach that critical mass where people break into groups, the Auditory Processing Disorder kicks in and I can't hear what someone is saying. I also experience anxiety because I don't think I fit into any of the groups
I recognise it in people sometimes. But depending on how well u know them depends on if u should tell them Ur thoughts x
I too, was a teen goth!
I think I use a similar technique for ascertaining if someone is LGBT. Drop in things I've heard, read, seen, different talking points or signifiers that show I have an interest and therefore safe to open up to. My old boss had a rainbow mask on once, and I said to her, I love your mask it's very LGBT! It was a gamble, but it was how I found out she was gay. "I am very LGBT!"
If you are autistic, the friends and relationships you have made over your life that have been the strongest, had the easiest rapport and you had the easiest communication with, the chances are those people are also autistic, have ADHD or both.
There is also the fact that Autism is used as a derogatory slur. We are factually seen as lesser and used as an insult. That adds to the burden of telling anyone. What surprises me is it isn't okay to say the n word though you can literally take an entire group of people and use them as slur to hurt others. I don't see a difference. Sure the former word has a deep history though it's nowhere near the same as taking a literal group of people and using them as a slur. There are so many reasons we might not tell you. Over text they blend in very well and you would never know.
There is also the fact that in telling people think we are stating we need special treatment and there is a stigma in just telling people. I just want you to know so you know why I do things a certain way. I don't care about special treatment. If I mess up tell me so I can correct it and avoid doing it again. Don't just yell at me and expect me to know what I did wrong. Don't just think I want you to coddle me. Help me grow as a person. It's all anyone of us want.
Actually the word is cognate with negro, which means black, and it's used to refer to a whole group of people, so it is an even stronger support of your argument than you realized..
Was Bart Simpson autistic? His wardrobe would suggest it lol