@@salibacchus7197 Hi sali. They did the dumping so they're the one who should *reach out* ... basically No contact means not reaching out, not ignoring them . That would be childish so I'd say go ahead and reply to them some time during the day.
Agree with all but last part. Never reach out, the ball is in the dumpers court. Even if they have anxiety or pride or are scared to reach you, eventually it will be too much and the will scour the earth to get a hold of you if they truly love you and want to pursue romance. You reach out months later you are just hitting the reset button and letting the ex know ‘you’re still there’ so now the ex can continue moving on from you more easily knowing that security. You made it clear before no contact you love them and want it to work, then the ball is in their court and you never contact them again. It’s on them, and I don’t care who they are if they truly want to be with you they will overcome their fears / pride and reach you.
@@gutsandgrittv5076 true. If you deserved to get dumped cause you’re a cheating or abusive scumbag then you don’t deserve them back and will hopefully never hear from them again 💯
What if you weren’t really present the last couple months in the relationship? Like I had so many things on my mind from work. I just wasn’t giving her the time of the day. But then again if she a real woman she would of known it and supported me through the hard time. Instead she just left
@@AlexMartinez-jx4ff my ex left me because just like your ex, I was asking him for more time and effort and he carried on with work. I’m sorry it happened to you but I think she did well and it’s something I should have done too. It’s like men always want 100% compassion without giving much effort back. Everyone is busy but somehow for some people it’s really not that hard to give some more love when asked.
Your ex is never going to develop a "scour the earth" feeling to get back with you. Whenever an ex reaches out it's casual because it's an attempt or a chance to rebuild chemistry and attraction, if someone dumped you it's because the chemistry and the physical/emotional attraction is gone, and they're not coming back from no contact. No contact works by making your ex miss the chemistry and attraction and wish that they could rebuild it. Hence why you start off casual and escalate at a healthy pace before you're both ready to make it official.
This is the perfect time to stay busy and hang with friends! It feel like the last thing you want to do but let them know your hurting and just need to stay distracted. Go be productive and be around people. This is the time to refind yourself and be a better you! Itll be crazy hard but make you so much stronger!
@@brandonbertram6836 Agreed! Immediately took up "hiking" and walking. Lost 25 pounds. It's been a great outlet. (bonus: she tried to get me hiking our entire relationship, and she is noticing my on line profile pics.)
I was hurting so bad when i found your channel....my heart was literally broken. But in time i got angry and then i got OVER it. Your advice is so right. I gained wisdom and eventually i saw my value. I dont want him back. Time allowed me to be a better me!!! THANKYOU🙏
Been NC for 2 months. There are times that I get sad because she hasn’t reached out to me and there are other times that I feel great since I was nothing but loyal/thrust worthy partner to her for 3 years and I am certain she will eventually reach out. I don’t think I want my ex back I just want her to acknowledge her loss
I thank God I'm a loyal honest guy, unfortunately my wife said she doesn't feel happy with me anymore ,I never cheated on her not even once. we met each other in high school, she dated guys that cheated and used her I'm the only one who didn't cheat or used her That's how much I love her I really pray to God she regrets leaving me leaving a true love loyal,honest guy. she will realize the grass is never greener on the other side.
i just wanna say i've absolutely been loving these vidoes. i got dumped last week and the self-help tips you're giving to make the best possible outcome of a breakup is helping me a ton. it's really at the end not about getting your ex back, but putting yourself in a more comfortable position and not losing yourself
Hello. Try not to think too much about what your ex is doing. Don’t reach out. Don’t contact. Don’t be angry towards them and don’t reach out to their family. Learn from my mistakes. The love of my life is never coming back. I’ve come to terms with it. I’m not upset anymore and have moved on. I have also lost 40 pounds since we broke up. I’m starting to look really good again. But I have still lost an amazing girl. It does stop hurting. Keep yourself busy. Work out. Make yourself tired. You’ll be okay.
@@kenbear9290 never talked again. Dating someone new. More attractive, cooks with me and helps me clean. I don’t think about the other girl at all anymore. My advice is to cut all contact. Try to keep yourself occupied and time will heal you. If you do what you are supposed to do regardless of external circumstances everything will line up the way it’s supposed to. Life is too short to worry about women.
@@kenbear9290 I typed a response to you but I don’t think it went through. I haven’t talked to the girl in almost 2 years now. Don’t really think about her ever. I’m dating someone much more attractive now.
thank you man, i was miss understanding about the no contact rule and i saw this video today and realized, yes you can answer them. but only answer never reach out to them because that move makes you in control of the situation, they are the ones who have to miss you. And im pretty sure they will when you don't reach them, you should change the name of it from no contact to: don't aproach or don't reach rule. that's my opinion, i respect you a lot man.
Thanks coach lee, youre one of the few coaches i believe in, i dont think ill get my ex back as she has been dating someone else for almost 2 months now and its been over 5 months since we broke up, alltho i stil watch these videos and try to improve myself.
Hey, what happened in your case? Did their relationship last, are you two back together? Me and my ex also broke up 5 months ago and he is dating with somebody else, they just posted their relationship on fb.
@@JennyJenny-yr2mh Or maybe people who have been through hell but who still have the power to be vulnerable with someone else. Just because someone has been abandoned does not make them emotionally unavailable
@@jipuragi1297 Part of good mental health is ability to give and receive love. People that have been hurt and haven’t processed it or grieved over it come across as angry and better. Therefore, they’re really not available for a relationship.
I have been watching your videos one by one every day depending on situation 😅 She broke up with me 10 days ago, and she has been continuously reaching out to me. Yesterday she called me and was throwing breadcrumbs so I again start chasing her, but I did opposite 😄 & I also felt like she was doubting her decision of breaking up with me. We haven't been in complete "no contact" stage, so I told her that I respect your decision of breaking up with me. Let's move on. Trying to go in no contact stage. So she could feel the loss. Will have to clear things with her before getting back..will go slowly. Thank you Coach Lee! Love from India 🇮🇳❤️
"Closure is him breaking up with you" . No, it is not. If only it were. Closure is going to come with the truth about why he left, and sometimes only he has that info. I fail to see why he is so important and I am not important enough to ask him for the truth, which will hopefully help me get closure, which did not come when he left without a word.
Thank you Coach Lee, I have wracked my brain, and reviewed many different tips and opinions, none like your perspective, I have never seen that perspective before. Its like when we contact them, we reward their sorry asses for being stupid and being assh*les. I am NOT going to be their friend either. This one friend he will never have. And I know it bothers him not to have me. He further confirmed when he said that he thought that I am smart, and that he talks to me about stuff that he can't talk to anyone else.
Long Distance Breakup - really very challenging and complicated. Need strong honest advice Coach Lee. I am pretty sure many can relate including myself. Thank you in advance, coach!
Im in the same situación, I broke up with her due to long distance, now she is coming to my City again and I would love to be together again but she says she is not willing to give me another chance.. Any advice?
You are the only Coach I actually listen to and I'm gonna name the ones that try and bait you in....'Break up Brad'....'Matthew Hussey' 'Coach Adrian and his crew' 'Elliott Scott' 'Carlos something' and the guy who uses humor and puppets but I forget his name....they are ALL in it for their agenda and their advice is not so great. Their videos are comical. But I have to say you are the best out there. Although 'The Dating Guy' is well.....better than the rest but with an attitude. So they can continue to attract the 13-21 year olds.......I'll listen to you.
Try Kevin Hicks as well. I like him and Lee, because when you feel weak and ready to go and beg your ex to come back, they slap you into your senses in a very good way :D
Clarraim, don't wait. Move on. If they reach out, it will be when they want to. But I do agree with Lee. When they do contact you, be professional. Don't be petty. Be happy, move forward. Most likely you will find someone better for you.
I agree with JJ, for me it's been 10 months, and dumped is not valued, not appreciated, not wanted. We deserve SOOOOOOOOOOOO much more than this. Work on your life, make it better, and then you won't even wanna watch these videos anymore. Or remember she existed in that type of a status in your heart and mind. Let it happen, don't hold on.
Is anyone getting their ex’s back? I just see people moving on and “growing” in self esteem and confidence which is great but ... i want her back ? Curious to actual results of getting her/him back?
I’m in no contact currently. It started because I was simply scared of making it worse. I found this channel which gave me the resolve to remain quiet. She reached out to me at the 14-day mark to see how I was doing. She asked about life, my plans, and said lots of sweet things! I kept it brief, polite, and casual and feel really good about it! That was a few days ago. I cannot believe how nice she was after being so repulsed by me not long ago. The relationship officially ended July 2023 and I’ve only been hurting worse and worse. This channel is helping a lot with getting my life to not hurt anymore even without her. Once I’m in a position to afford it I want to drop a fat tip to you, my man ❤ Especially if we get back and it’s a healthy relationship. Btw: We were a lesbian couple. I wish you had some stuff on woman x woman stuff since girls are crazy emotional and that adds to both of our sides. Still amazing content though.
@@myhouse99 She's been reaching out to me a lot. Sometimes after a few days, sometimes longer. She misses what we did together and says she can't get me out of her head! She's not asking for the relationship back yet but that's fine. I was a mess for months about losing her so it's only fair I give her an equal amount of time to come back if she wants to. I broke no-contact two days ago to apologize for pressuring her to be a better girlfriend when she had clearly left me already. I said I shouldn't have applied girlfriend standards to her when she didn't even want that role anymore. I still have issues with how she treated me but as an ex she doesn't owe me anything. I apologized for creating guilt in her building a new relationship with someone else. I don't want to be a barrier between her and happiness. This wasn't a manipulation tactic, I do honestly want her to be happy even if that means being with someone else. She took this very well and also said she's not with anyone else yet. It sucks that I lost time with no-contact but it's been two months and I don't regret this descision. Usually you want to stay in no-contact but for my case this was good because I did have something to say sorry for. Clear the air with your issues first so it doesn't hurt your own attractiveness, worry about theirs with a licensed counselor later. If you've already said sorry for something you did then just leave it. They have to process it much more than we do.
@@MB-eb9ed we are lesbian couple too. I brokeup because I was so mad but in the end she left our place,she move god knows where but she meet people,go out,drinking,having fun ... at least yours send you msg...
@@espora_ I’m sorry if it’s still hurting for you. My girl came back a lot towards me since I made that comment and is giving practical objections (we live far away). I don’t fight her on this because of course she’d make it work if that’s what she wanted. I’m just doing everything I can to be as attractive as I can be. That’s all you should do and that’s all you can do. Stick to Coach Lee. He reduces the pain and gets you back on track, with or without your ex. I am still hoping with but (for me) I’m okay if she doesn’t want it. I’d rather she be happy without me instead of sad with me.
@@MB-eb9ed yeah,I understand you...but for now it is too early to wish that she is far away from me.I will lie if I say that I don't have hope...because I do.A lot. And what's worse,next day after she left I got fired at work. I lost 6kg in 10 days, but I start slowly with gym so I hope for myself and my body that I will get on track. Are you okay?
Coach....he contacted me twice after 2 weeks of NC. I texted back. I was nice and It felt great but then he stopped . I don't know if my text just provided him with an ego stroke. I asked him if we could catch up, face to face. The day of that he said he couldn't make it, but he tried. I said ok, no pressure, hope we can get together soon. I haven't heard anything and I'm back to NC. I want to break NC and again ask him if we can catch up, BUT I'm doing my best to resist doing that. I'm afraid he won't answer, or he'll reject my suggestion, or it would just give him another ego stroke, or I'd just feel stupid that I broke NC. The pressure to ask him to meet up again is torture, I want to so badly, and I keep going back and forth in my head. But, I really think that Coach Lee would tell me to wait for him to contact me again with plans on meeting. If I don't contact him, and he contacts me, it would feel so much better. Ok, I believe I've talked myself into sticking with NC. Man, this is hard!!!
Thank you coach lee , you are straight to the point, iv listened to lotts of other coaches but you have made the most scence , thank you so much for helping me
All jokes aside, of course you don’t want to not answer your ex if she is trying to make contact. No Contact in In beginning No Contact until she reaches out shows integrity!!! But if you ignore her once she is trying to get a hold of you is mere stupidity!!!
I ignored my own cousin when he called because I was a coward. I was happy for the ring on the phone, but I couldn't handle the possibility of the call being sour. So, I kept the happy feeling of getting two calls from him. I think it's ok. I texted him saying thanks for thinking about me.
LEE ! WE MUST DEFINE WHAT REACHING OUT IS FROM A EX , BEING DEFINED A GOOD CLOSE ATTEMPT FOR COMMUNICATION ! Not a cheap flirt or smile from a distance . Or resorting to Stocking and hovering on their part . No Contact must continue given this situation . We remain .
Coach Lee, could you do a video on long distance breakups? (when you've been dating for some months and then enter long distance and the breakup happens on a distance)
I was in a relationship for 5 years We started long distance and it evolved into living with each other for long periods of time. She calls me one day and tells me she loves me but "isn't in love with me" anymore. And she said her feelings were fading for the past 6 months and never said anything to me. 5 years.. and she left me and her family behind. Moved away. She messages me every now and then. But says she "just can't see me right now" She was always loyal. She was always so sweet.
Hurting a lot. What if the relationship was only 3-4 months. But it was intense, but in a good way most of the time. How long then? -Thank you Coach Lee, your videos have been a life line & I’ve watched so many.
Me too.. 4 months but it was very intense. So much more than my last 4 year relationship. It’s been a month of no contact and I still feel like I love him. I wish he would reach out 😢
Chemistry is NOT connection! It's often confused. If things are so intense in the beginning and take off like a rocket chances are likely the rocket crashes down just as quickly. The other person after the hot honeymoon phase found something that their gut feeling tells them they are just not feeling it. If they come back which is possible its because they ran out of options. I'd be hesitant to take them back because most often reigniting the hot honeymoon phase will not work and they will be disappointed and break up again as soon as a seemingly better option crosses their path.
Really great video, you’re making perfect sense. I’m watching your videos over and over, whenever I need to clear my head, and your advice is helping so much. Thank you.
Well said coach Lee. although several highlights makes me conclude a gambling situation to win our ex back, i think its worth the try and the possibility to succeed is quite promising
Coach Lee, do you have a video on “taking your ex for granted”? I think I didn’t give them enough attention and that caused the breakup but not sure if that trumps no contact
Bro I feel you it's been a little over a month now and I was begging and pleading for almost another month I told her I can't just be friends yesterday now I'm on NC day 1 I hope it works wish me luck.
I really want to get her back, we met the day before yesterday and i tried to make a couple playful advances on her and got rejected while the whole time she was giving me signs that there was sexual tension and telling me things like that imply that she’s still turned on by me and all that. We texted a couple times and she unblocked me on snapchat and now i havent heard from her at all, its been about 2 days. Tbh it hurts feeling the hot and cold treatment but im for real about to just let go and just let it be. She obviously has feelings for me and im confident she’ll reach out but for now im just going to leave it alone
Why are you so worry about it .. one day at a time.. if doesn't work than you will find someone even more better. You find someone who will respect you . You deserve love and real happiness. May God give you the strength to move on. I think it's should be the best thing you did move on.....
I think the hot cold treatment is stupid when I love a woman I love that woman and never want to be apart from her , and when a woman loves me she loves me and same goes , it's relationships that are really ify in the first place where you see this hot cold hot cold , it's someone who knows they have options and therefore see you just as this an option that's not love
Is it okay to like give them a taste of you “being there” and then back off..? I felt this would give them the sense of what it would be like for me to “be there” for her and her depression, but then when I back off she’ll miss that. She said she doesn’t vent to the guy she’s been seeing bc it’s “not that deep yet”. So, I said I could be there for her whenever she needed to talk about things like that. But I regretted that bc it felt like that was giving her my emotional support, while she was getting the physical in person support from the new guy..... I’m confused
He texted me the day after I said ok I let you go after begging him for a whole day he knew I was crying and upset , the next day he said I hope your ok ? And that’s it I couldn’t text him back on that bc I didn’t want to talk to him I am very hurt by it we broke up and on so many times he knows me we had been together three and half years , he broke up with me mostly out of this relationship and I always too him back , he says I’m insecure etc but last time he back he promised me he would not do it again , but he did ! He said he can’t do this anymore , although I did do something that caused this fight but I also reminded him after begging and begging that I took him back when he begged me bc I love him , he says he loves me too but can’t do this anymore with me , so when he texted if I’m ok no I’m not ok !!! I’ve been hurt so many times by him I could I texted him I’m good , 😢😔, and how could he says he loves me and leaves me !! I’m so sick over this I think I’m more sick this breakup than the others ,
Sweetie, we broken up exactly when you posted this. Me too ive been told that he still lives me but cant do it with me anymore. He would check my stories till today, today he unfollowed and set his status back to single. Why? I simply havent daid anything to him in two days, even if he reaced out yesterday. So im starting to doubt the version on "no contact " displayed by many coaches out there. No you shouldnt contact back all the time, but if theyre interested in something i think you should. If ypu dont have someone to talk to, im here for you. I mean it. We've got this :)
As a man I really think you need a break. A long one, if even you still love your ex. That way if you probably come together again after a year at least he'd know your emotions should not be toyed with and trust me he'll know your true value - he'll never try that with you again if he truly loves you. Don't be afraid to go a year without him. If he truly loves you he'll work on getting you back for a whole year. If he doesn't come back then he wasn't meant for you. There are better men out there. Your value is most important here. Self love is the only thing that should matter to you right now my dear.
I left my marriage because I felt like my needs and wants weren't important because he was the bread winner. We had to live where his work took us which was fun for a bit but then when the baby conversation came up I said I wanted to be close to family when the time comes for support etc and he didn't want to said we could do it alone. When I left I wanted him to reach out and tell me things will be different and that he'll consider what I'd like in life as well but he didn't.... he didn't fight for me. I guess that was the exception rather than the rule
my mom tells me to give up. She says I have no chance because she has seen very few cases when someone got their ex back in her life. She is 50. Im not sure I trust her.
It’s hard to find a coach that says NOT to respond when they reach out… The top ones out there wouldn’t ever suggest a thing like that, and if any coach does then* it’s stupid.
You have amazing eyes, btw! And great content. I am actually here because of the opposite reason I think. I do not want my ex back, ever. I have blocked him and just want to move on. He needs therapy; not a gf. Sounds like I am using no contact without realizing it. Now I understand why he keeps going. Maybe acting desperate is the way to go to get him to leave me alone! Lol
This is sad , I need help myself and that's why she left me , now I get to see how it is from the girls perspective , maybe what if he did better would you consider taking him back if he turned himself around ????
My husband has ptsd. And had a mental breakdown after he told me to move out. Visiting him didn't work. So I did no contact for 4 weeks. He tried to hang himself 3 times. His boarder had to hid all the ropes. And nearly cut our plum tree down. So I visited and helped for 2 months. Then he shut down on me again. So its been 3 months no contact this time. I fell like I'm walking a fine line.
Sorry for the added post but I am looking for your thoughts specifically on Dismissive Avoidant Styles as it pertains to no contact. 1)Is No Contact effective and successful in general with DA's as a rule ...DO THEY RESPOND FAVORABLY AT ALL OR OFTEN? and 2) In the meantime what time frame should I continue no contact for given we had a six year relationship (I am in month 4). ...a final thought: I for one would love to hear your opinion in a video specific to DA/FA/AP and Secure attachment styles.....there's a whole lot of us who have been left bewildered by a break up with a DA partner...and are only finding information for the first time, here. Appreciate your time, always!
Coach I love your videos and they really help.But am I the only thinking how unfair it is that all of us "dumpees" spend all this time and enregy thinking about our exs doing no contact and thinking when will it end and our exs are out there in the real world, having fun (and probaly sex) without us? When will the tables turn? And if not, how can we move on? I'm 34 yrs old not a kid and am scared I won't meet another I will love...I feel so bad that now after he's gone I'm working on our "realtionship" if I was wise, I would do it when he was still mine:( As they say "you don't what you've got 'till its gone":((
In the end, I was the reluctant dumper because she sabotaged everything. She wasnt brave enough to make changes or even end it. I started no contact... A week later, I messaged her to make her understand that I ended it for her to preserve my dignity. I didnt want to, but she left me no choice. She wouldn't divorce after 5y of separation. So I said: goodbye, come find me when youre divorced. I have started no contact and its been a month. I'm so confused. Am I the dumpee? Or the dumper? I would taken her back in an instant if she was finally divorced. She doesnt want to try again, she just wants to be in a loveless attachment with her ex. So sad
@@fj4731 12 weeks went by and no word from my ex. So after that time my feelings for him lessened. I emailed him because I had mail that came to him and I wanted to know what to do with it. We have been emailing back and forth and will see each other soon. I still will maintain my low key attitude and have no expectations.
@@fj4731 THAT IS GREAT NEWS! Let me think about it. Breathe into it and get into your Body, your own Frame. Be confident. When she said she wants you to come to Jesus, was she referring to a possible conversion by you? I am not sure if religion plays a big part of it? And by the way, I talked with my ex yesterday too! He wants to see me next week...
My relationship lasted only 40 days, we never fought and he said he loved me, but he broke up with me without any explanation. How longo should I wait?
I did that because the person hurt me they didn’t know but I said I was sensitive boe it’s over unless they reach out bc Im not good with conflict ... what happened ...
Hey coach, my wife and I broke up about 2 weeks ago. I left first after a big fight but then when I returned home to speak with her and see my daughter, she said she didn't want to see me again and wanted a divorce. Then I sent her flowers saying I still loved her very much. She ignored me and only wanted to talk about how to split finances and budget etc. She also said she would talk to a lawyer. I said fine. Since then we were in a smart contact type of thing where SHE initiated all the contacts about taking the car and watching our daughter etc. I have only replied to those important matters. She kept on bursting , getting angry at me via text that sort of thing which I ignored. Now she calls and says we need to talk ON THE PHONE the divorce details. I said we need to talk face to face but she insists that we do that on the phone. All I want to do is to ignore her and improve upon and heal myself. But she pushes me about the divorce. I love her and need time for partial contact. Don't know what to do. Looks like Im going to have to face her about the divorce before letting time to come in between us
My default was no contact and he started checking up on me within weeks(after a 4 year relationship)...we’re still there. So longer time goes on the more I try focusing on myself - great distraction
I noticed if a women leaves you its a bit harder..because they tend to do what there friends say and do rather than whats rote or actions to fix it...noone in the world is perfect so if u fall in love with someone both sides should never give up..or at least say hey i love you until i see a flaw
Ex couldn't feel love for year and half together. He broke up with me. Can no contact help him fall for me? Relationship was amazing and break up was ok. We do want to stay friends
What if I had to block him ( remove him from contacts too) on my phone so I wouldn't text him first since he would only text first once a week just to keep me hanging?
thomasc6214, Are you trying to get back together? If so, Coach Lee has a workshop that would be ideal for you.know it's really difficult and I've certainly been there. I don't know if you are aware, but Coach Lee has a live workshop called "Relationship Reignite." It's an incredible learning experience that I just can't say enough about. It focuses on saving a relationship from a breakup/separation and then keeping it after. It includes a coaching call each month for 6 months. You can talk to Coach Lee's team about it. I think the person for this is named Johnny and you can make an appointment with him to talk about it at myexbackcoach.com/relationship-reignite. I think you'll agree that it's an incredibly eye-opening and immensely helpful experience for you.
My ex wanted to maintain a friendship after the break up. I told him I needed time to heal and I didn’t want to talk to him for a while. He texted me after 10 days of no contact and asked if enough time had passed. We had a nice polite conversation by text but I still wasn’t ready to talk. I told him I needed more time. It has now been 2 weeks without contact. I am thinking of contacting him in another 2 weeks
😭 I needed this video 3 days ago. I broke no contact after 3 weeks because I needed a talk face to face with my ex (he broke up with me with a vocal message and something was never clear for me). I needed some explanations. We spoke by phone and at the beginning he was very cold... I've already had some answers by phone, anyway I asked him to speak in person too. I should meet him on saturday, but now I feel it's not a good idea... What should I do???
I think you should not meet him yet. Sounds like you need more time and if you'll meet him you will only get hurt because you still want him and he acts cold.Wait for him to miss you, get stronger and then you can meet. I met my ex about 2 weeks after the break up when I was so weak and needey and he was cold and distant, it was so so painfull...please avoid it if you can
@@micallll100 well, it's complicated. We had a sort of discussion (in person) in wich It wasn't clear what was going on, there was not a clear ending, It seemed It was possible to fix it... So the next day I tried to call him, he didn't answer, I sent him some message to try to find a solution and then he told me by vocal message that he thought It was better to stop because he didn't feel the same feelings he felt before... That's why I need to meet him. I need answers... And maybe In wrong... Because I know it's soon to have him back and I don't want to screw up everything... I know he doesn't miss me, but I need now to speak about what happened.
@@silviaconcas1262 I understand you. You feel like you need "closer" but in reality you want him to take you back... You will only try to convice him to give you a second change and he will think you're needy and such...thats why I think you need some time before you see him.I was in your place, and still suffer and waiting for him, but it's been almost 2 months since he left home so I was stronger when I saw him this Sunday, and still made many mistakes. Just be strong and in my opionion let him miss you a bit, like coach Lee says "let him have the braek up!"
Got sent a video on Friday with a voice note saying they thought I’d appreciate this. I haven’t responded as I’m worried about being rejected like previous messaging when trying to stay civil
Hey coach. My wife broke up with me about a month ago. We live for 7 years and we have a beautiful daughter. She dumped me and its all my fault i cheated and take her for granted. I didnt spend time with her and didnt show her appreciation. I take care of our daughter every weekends. She told me she still loves me and already forgive me but shes still not ready yet she said she needs time for herself. And she wanna make sure i already change completely before we get back together. I only contact her when if its for our daughter, i stop everyday calls and messages cause sometimes she answers sometimes not. She reaches out when its about our daughter she sometimes check what im up to. I only reach out when she reaches out cause i know shes tired hearing and reading the long messages i used to tell her weeks after the breakup. Am i doin the right thing? I cant use full no contact bcoz of our daughter and knowin thats the reason she dumped me cause i take her for granted? Im so confuse.
in the event that you feel you can break no contact because you have nothing to lose, how do you go about that? do you keep it short and casual? or are you straightforward by saying you’ve been working on yourself and want to give it another try?
Been together for 13 years. Married for 10 years in march. And now separated for 8 months this month... she told me back in August she wanted a divorce haven't seen one paper yet but now I'm thinking about showing her the papers
I haven't heard you say anything in any of your videos yet about if the one that dumped you is bipolar and they have dumped you four or five times and keep coming back after the rebound relationships don't work????
I tried to do no contact, lasted two days, she was getting annoyed and it was killing me in the process. We have a kid (30mthold) now we talk daily and I'm visiting daily (almost) helping out with stuff. She knows exactly how I feel about her, but I'm happier despite perceptions of me being used or a walkover. I feel this is better so she could see behavioural changes in me, so I can attract her again, I can't do that if I become a stranger to her..
I’ve been using no contact for 20 years, I have a feeling she’s about to call me any day now. Lol
Lol hahajaja
Hahahahaha
Lmao 😂
@@elainehoward1569 are you also the one who is heartbroken and joined this club with big LMAO? 😂
any day!
So many heart broken people here...
Yeah??? Well if yours has never been broken, you've never risked anything. OK, but kind of dull.
So sad
That's what's up 😢
Very true comment but had my heartbroken so many times now,got used to it now and it does not hurt as much as you get older lol,stay safe and well.
@@mummyd1990 how are things going for u now? I’m on my 3rd week too and i’m not myself
Why are we acting like we’re strangers? I just want to go back to the happier times
FishtailRogue uhh bcuz you broke up with me hahah
FishtailRogue facts 🙏
Sane...
@@aalyaaa04 go out with me, or Ill put you in no contact
😭😭
"If their motivation is high enough for them to break up with you,
then it's not high enough for them to work with you on the difficult things."
I needed that! Thanks
So how long to respond to the ex if he did the dumping and was texting me the next day?
@@salibacchus7197 Hi sali. They did the dumping so they're the one who should *reach out* ... basically No contact means not reaching out, not ignoring them . That would be childish so I'd say go ahead and reply to them some time during the day.
Nice saying, but not useful if there weren't any problems or difficult things to fix, she just left you because she met someone else.
Agree with all but last part. Never reach out, the ball is in the dumpers court. Even if they have anxiety or pride or are scared to reach you, eventually it will be too much and the will scour the earth to get a hold of you if they truly love you and want to pursue romance. You reach out months later you are just hitting the reset button and letting the ex know ‘you’re still there’ so now the ex can continue moving on from you more easily knowing that security. You made it clear before no contact you love them and want it to work, then the ball is in their court and you never contact them again. It’s on them, and I don’t care who they are if they truly want to be with you they will overcome their fears / pride and reach you.
Except if they dumped you because you cheated or abused them.
@@gutsandgrittv5076 true. If you deserved to get dumped cause you’re a cheating or abusive scumbag then you don’t deserve them back and will hopefully never hear from them again 💯
What if you weren’t really present the last couple months in the relationship? Like I had so many things on my mind from work. I just wasn’t giving her the time of the day. But then again if she a real woman she would of known it and supported me through the hard time. Instead she just left
@@AlexMartinez-jx4ff my ex left me because just like your ex, I was asking him for more time and effort and he carried on with work. I’m sorry it happened to you but I think she did well and it’s something I should have done too. It’s like men always want 100% compassion without giving much effort back. Everyone is busy but somehow for some people it’s really not that hard to give some more love when asked.
Your ex is never going to develop a "scour the earth" feeling to get back with you. Whenever an ex reaches out it's casual because it's an attempt or a chance to rebuild chemistry and attraction, if someone dumped you it's because the chemistry and the physical/emotional attraction is gone, and they're not coming back from no contact. No contact works by making your ex miss the chemistry and attraction and wish that they could rebuild it. Hence why you start off casual and escalate at a healthy pace before you're both ready to make it official.
Hurts so much to imagine the person u love with someone else my hearts in so much pain right now.
This is the perfect time to stay busy and hang with friends! It feel like the last thing you want to do but let them know your hurting and just need to stay distracted. Go be productive and be around people. This is the time to refind yourself and be a better you! Itll be crazy hard but make you so much stronger!
That's exactly what hurts me the most.. thinking about how he some day may end up with someone else hurts the most:(
not me idc ew that makes me more sure to move on I never share
Sorry you're going through that. It will get better. I promise.
@@brandonbertram6836 Agreed! Immediately took up "hiking" and walking. Lost 25 pounds. It's been a great outlet. (bonus: she tried to get me hiking our entire relationship, and she is noticing my on line profile pics.)
I was hurting so bad when i found your channel....my heart was literally broken. But in time i got angry and then i got OVER it. Your advice is so right. I gained wisdom and eventually i saw my value. I dont want him back. Time allowed me to be a better me!!! THANKYOU🙏
Great for you!
@@micallll100 thankyou. I do have my moments still. I still cry...rejection is so difficult😢
@@melwill9868 I know...it sucks...
@Sika L Did your ex ever contact you?
@@cindiheaton1048 no
After 48 days ex texted because was curious lol coach lee is the best
Been NC for 2 months. There are times that I get sad because she hasn’t reached out to me and there are other times that I feel great since I was nothing but loyal/thrust worthy partner to her for 3 years and I am certain she will eventually reach out. I don’t think I want my ex back I just want her to acknowledge her loss
Im almost at 45 days
She will reach out for sure at some point. NC always works. Stay strong.
@Eve ala hey how's things going ? Any positive sign on your way ?
Yep I am on almost exactly 60 days of no contact. Haven't heard from her but yet do not plan on ever reaching out to her.
I thank God I'm a loyal honest guy, unfortunately my wife said she doesn't feel happy with me anymore ,I never cheated on her not even once. we met each other in high school, she dated guys that cheated and used her I'm the only one who didn't cheat or used her That's how much I love her I really pray to God she regrets leaving me leaving a true love loyal,honest guy. she will realize the grass is never greener on the other side.
i just wanna say i've absolutely been loving these vidoes. i got dumped last week and the self-help tips you're giving to make the best possible outcome of a breakup is helping me a ton. it's really at the end not about getting your ex back, but putting yourself in a more comfortable position and not losing yourself
This guy is awesome. He’s not into playing games and implementing strategy without the immature bs.
he is also right that sometimes over time yu have to reach out to an avoidant because there are too stubborn to
Thank you. You have been carrying me through heartbreak. I have been listening to you for days.
I’m honored. Thank you for telling me. I’m sorry you are going through this.
The delivery of the message and content is straight to the point, clean and simple. Even the background has no distractions.
Qualities I like in a RUclips video 👍👍
Hello. Try not to think too much about what your ex is doing. Don’t reach out. Don’t contact. Don’t be angry towards them and don’t reach out to their family. Learn from my mistakes.
The love of my life is never coming back. I’ve come to terms with it. I’m not upset anymore and have moved on. I have also lost 40 pounds since we broke up. I’m starting to look really good again. But I have still lost an amazing girl. It does stop hurting. Keep yourself busy. Work out. Make yourself tired. You’ll be okay.
Update?
@@kenbear9290 never talked again. Dating someone new. More attractive, cooks with me and helps me clean. I don’t think about the other girl at all anymore.
My advice is to cut all contact. Try to keep yourself occupied and time will heal you. If you do what you are supposed to do regardless of external circumstances everything will line up the way it’s supposed to. Life is too short to worry about women.
@@kenbear9290 I typed a response to you but I don’t think it went through. I haven’t talked to the girl in almost 2 years now. Don’t really think about her ever. I’m dating someone much more attractive now.
thank you man, i was miss understanding about the no contact rule and i saw this video today and realized, yes you can answer them. but only answer never reach out to them because that move makes you in control of the situation, they are the ones who have to miss you. And im pretty sure they will when you don't reach them, you should change the name of it from no contact to: don't aproach or don't reach rule. that's my opinion, i respect you a lot man.
Thanks man, I wish you the best.
Any updates?
@@brandonwhitbeck2452 Yeah i met a new girl
That is great for you but doesnt make the NC thing seem effective lol @@ivotavares3800
Truly an intelligent analyst.
No Contact till Death!!!
Yesssssss. I will never ever contact her again as long as I have a pulse.
Winter Tarzan Jagrup How the hell are u single? Lol
lol
That’s exactly what I told myself.
😂❤️
Thanks coach lee, youre one of the few coaches i believe in, i dont think ill get my ex back as she has been dating someone else for almost 2 months now and its been over 5 months since we broke up, alltho i stil watch these videos and try to improve myself.
Hey, what happened in your case? Did their relationship last, are you two back together?
Me and my ex also broke up 5 months ago and he is dating with somebody else, they just posted their relationship on fb.
@@mirelapopa7612 how are you now?any update about your ex and your NC?
Maybe we need to start a dating site, for all broken heart people.
Good idea.
@@hex1473 exactly
Yeah it would b a huge group of people who were in love with someone and emotionally unavailable!
@@JennyJenny-yr2mh Or maybe people who have been through hell but who still have the power to be vulnerable with someone else. Just because someone has been abandoned does not make them emotionally unavailable
@@jipuragi1297 Part of good mental health is ability to give and receive love. People that have been hurt and haven’t processed it or grieved over it come across as angry and better. Therefore, they’re really not available for a relationship.
This is working it took my girl three months shes reach out and come to my work and brought me gifts.
God man you suck lol , you better be studying and learn how to keep that woman happy or you may not have this chance again
Dude you're so lucky
And how old r you ? 13?
I knew from day 1 it was not going to work. Prepared for the worst. Did not expect it to end this badly.
One of the best most logical practical no contact videos.
I may have said this already, but.. I love you
I love u too lol sorry had to
😂😂😂🤣😍👌
Yeah he’s a fantastic Coach! He’s videos have helped in the darkest of hours.
Coach Lee is the BEST OF BEST BEST BEST BEST.Listening to your advice is sooooo good and soooo healing🙏
Thank you for your kind words Mpangmei!
I have been watching your videos one by one every day depending on situation 😅
She broke up with me 10 days ago, and she has been continuously reaching out to me.
Yesterday she called me and was throwing breadcrumbs so I again start chasing her, but I did opposite 😄 & I also felt like she was doubting her decision of breaking up with me. We haven't been in complete "no contact" stage, so I told her that I respect your decision of breaking up with me. Let's move on. Trying to go in no contact stage. So she could feel the loss.
Will have to clear things with her before getting back..will go slowly.
Thank you Coach Lee!
Love from India 🇮🇳❤️
"Closure is him breaking up with you" . No, it is not. If only it were. Closure is going to come with the truth about why he left, and sometimes only he has that info. I fail to see why he is so important and I am not important enough to ask him for the truth, which will hopefully help me get closure, which did not come when he left without a word.
Agreed!!
Coach Lee, You've got a great job and you know it. You'll always have clients.
Used no contact on an ex, she got back after 10years, I had truly forgotten her by then lol
Really ! LoL 😂😆
Lol. Love it
Haha
Thank you Coach Lee, I have wracked my brain, and reviewed many different tips and opinions, none like your perspective, I have never seen that perspective before. Its like when we contact them, we reward their sorry asses for being stupid and being assh*les. I am NOT going to be their friend either. This one friend he will never have. And I know it bothers him not to have me. He further confirmed when he said that he thought that I am smart, and that he talks to me about stuff that he can't talk to anyone else.
Long distance breakup and how to get them back, please Coach Lee.
Long Distance Breakup - really very challenging and complicated. Need strong honest advice Coach Lee. I am pretty sure many can relate including myself. Thank you in advance, coach!
Im in the same situación, I broke up with her due to long distance, now she is coming to my City again and I would love to be together again but she says she is not willing to give me another chance.. Any advice?
This is the crudest trial. In it myself now since October
In the same situation
In same situation
You are the only Coach I actually listen to and I'm gonna name the ones that try and bait you in....'Break up Brad'....'Matthew Hussey' 'Coach Adrian and his crew' 'Elliott Scott' 'Carlos something' and the guy who uses humor and puppets but I forget his name....they are ALL in it for their agenda and their advice is not so great. Their videos are comical. But I have to say you are the best out there. Although 'The Dating Guy' is well.....better than the rest but with an attitude. So they can continue to attract the 13-21 year olds.......I'll listen to you.
@Belltown Daisy You just said it. That extra step.
Try Kevin Hicks as well. I like him and Lee, because when you feel weak and ready to go and beg your ex to come back, they slap you into your senses in a very good way :D
6 months, she never reached out. I didn't beg or plead, never broke NC. Dated for 3 years. I'm not sure if I should wait any more.
Clarraim, don't wait. Move on. If they reach out, it will be when they want to. But I do agree with Lee. When they do contact you, be professional. Don't be petty. Be happy, move forward. Most likely you will find someone better for you.
I agree with JJ, for me it's been 10 months, and dumped is not valued, not appreciated, not wanted.
We deserve SOOOOOOOOOOOO much more than this.
Work on your life, make it better, and then you won't even wanna watch these videos anymore.
Or remember she existed in that type of a status in your heart and mind.
Let it happen, don't hold on.
Clarraim Definitely not. You shouldn’t be waiting at all. I know that it’s difficult though.
@@DayaTom In one of his video he tackled "when to break NC". I think he made a very strong point there. Contact when his/her defense is down.
@@alvinserwelas6328 I'm not planning to ever contacting them.
Is anyone getting their ex’s back? I just see people moving on and “growing” in self esteem and confidence which is great but ... i want her back ? Curious to actual results of getting her/him back?
Well i did nc for 15 days and she asked me to return but after several months and we just broke up again..lesson:
Dont return its not worth it
royal zlips or maybe she’s just a shitty toxic person who knows he can do better?
Because the people who get their ex back stop watching the videos lol
@@hefhefner3507 that's exactly right
Iv read a few where exes got married....i think u can’t just go with anyone’s experience tho... every one and every connection is different
I’m in no contact currently. It started because I was simply scared of making it worse. I found this channel which gave me the resolve to remain quiet. She reached out to me at the 14-day mark to see how I was doing. She asked about life, my plans, and said lots of sweet things! I kept it brief, polite, and casual and feel really good about it! That was a few days ago. I cannot believe how nice she was after being so repulsed by me not long ago.
The relationship officially ended July 2023 and I’ve only been hurting worse and worse. This channel is helping a lot with getting my life to not hurt anymore even without her. Once I’m in a position to afford it I want to drop a fat tip to you, my man ❤ Especially if we get back and it’s a healthy relationship.
Btw: We were a lesbian couple. I wish you had some stuff on woman x woman stuff since girls are crazy emotional and that adds to both of our sides. Still amazing content though.
Update?
@@myhouse99 She's been reaching out to me a lot. Sometimes after a few days, sometimes longer. She misses what we did together and says she can't get me out of her head! She's not asking for the relationship back yet but that's fine. I was a mess for months about losing her so it's only fair I give her an equal amount of time to come back if she wants to.
I broke no-contact two days ago to apologize for pressuring her to be a better girlfriend when she had clearly left me already. I said I shouldn't have applied girlfriend standards to her when she didn't even want that role anymore. I still have issues with how she treated me but as an ex she doesn't owe me anything. I apologized for creating guilt in her building a new relationship with someone else. I don't want to be a barrier between her and happiness.
This wasn't a manipulation tactic, I do honestly want her to be happy even if that means being with someone else. She took this very well and also said she's not with anyone else yet. It sucks that I lost time with no-contact but it's been two months and I don't regret this descision. Usually you want to stay in no-contact but for my case this was good because I did have something to say sorry for.
Clear the air with your issues first so it doesn't hurt your own attractiveness, worry about theirs with a licensed counselor later. If you've already said sorry for something you did then just leave it. They have to process it much more than we do.
@@MB-eb9ed we are lesbian couple too. I brokeup because I was so mad but in the end she left our place,she move god knows where but she meet people,go out,drinking,having fun ...
at least yours send you msg...
@@espora_ I’m sorry if it’s still hurting for you. My girl came back a lot towards me since I made that comment and is giving practical objections (we live far away). I don’t fight her on this because of course she’d make it work if that’s what she wanted. I’m just doing everything I can to be as attractive as I can be. That’s all you should do and that’s all you can do.
Stick to Coach Lee. He reduces the pain and gets you back on track, with or without your ex. I am still hoping with but (for me) I’m okay if she doesn’t want it. I’d rather she be happy without me instead of sad with me.
@@MB-eb9ed yeah,I understand you...but for now it is too early to wish that she is far away from me.I will lie if I say that I don't have hope...because I do.A lot. And what's worse,next day after she left I got fired at work. I lost 6kg in 10 days, but I start slowly with gym so I hope for myself and my body that I will get on track.
Are you okay?
Coach....he contacted me twice after 2 weeks of NC. I texted back. I was nice and It felt great but then he stopped . I don't know if my text just provided him with an ego stroke. I asked him if we could catch up, face to face. The day of that he said he couldn't make it, but he tried. I said ok, no pressure, hope we can get together soon. I haven't heard anything and I'm back to NC. I want to break NC and again ask him if we can catch up, BUT I'm doing my best to resist doing that. I'm afraid he won't answer, or he'll reject my suggestion, or it would just give him another ego stroke, or I'd just feel stupid that I broke NC. The pressure to ask him to meet up again is torture, I want to so badly, and I keep going back and forth in my head. But, I really think that Coach Lee would tell me to wait for him to contact me again with plans on meeting. If I don't contact him, and he contacts me, it would feel so much better. Ok, I believe I've talked myself into sticking with NC. Man, this is hard!!!
Hii !
Would love a video about getting your ex back after multiple breakup!
Thanks and people be nice :)
Thank you coach lee , you are straight to the point, iv listened to lotts of other coaches but you have made the most scence , thank you so much for helping me
This is only applicable for those who still hope to get their ex back.
Yes.
Yes i badly needed help
Wow.. this girl is everywhere.. hope you get your ex back..
All jokes aside, of course you don’t want to not answer your ex if she is trying to make contact.
No Contact in
In beginning No Contact until she reaches out shows integrity!!!
But if you ignore her once she is trying to get a hold of you is mere stupidity!!!
I ignored my own cousin when he called because I was a coward. I was happy for the ring on the phone, but I couldn't handle the possibility of the call being sour. So, I kept the happy feeling of getting two calls from him. I think it's ok. I texted him saying thanks for thinking about me.
Your videos help me get through my heartbreak. Thank you.
LEE ! WE MUST DEFINE WHAT REACHING OUT IS FROM A EX , BEING DEFINED A GOOD CLOSE ATTEMPT FOR COMMUNICATION ! Not a cheap flirt or smile from a distance . Or resorting to Stocking and hovering on their part . No Contact must continue given this situation . We remain .
Contact is a message with words directed only to you. Not a like or a look.
@@RealCoachLee Yes ! Thank you Lee
I have to do so much just to get a person I love back in my life.
Coach Lee, could you do a video on long distance breakups? (when you've been dating for some months and then enter long distance and the breakup happens on a distance)
Yes please.
Yes Please! This just happened to me..
YES PLEASE. been dating someone for 2 years.
yes please! same thing : ( we lived together and then he moved for a job and then poof.. its over :(
Yes please
I was in a relationship for 5 years
We started long distance and it evolved into living with each other for long periods of time. She calls me one day and tells me she loves me but "isn't in love with me" anymore. And she said her feelings were fading for the past 6 months and never said anything to me. 5 years.. and she left me and her family behind. Moved away.
She messages me every now and then. But says she "just can't see me right now"
She was always loyal. She was always so sweet.
James, she obviously lost attraction for you. Let her go, and DO NOT be just friends with her. It won't work. Best of luck.
@@jannlewandowski5540 was a year ago. I'm good man
I feel so much better after watching some of your videos... it really help to know and have an expert explain things... thank you Coach 👍✌️
Hurting a lot.
What if the relationship was only 3-4 months. But it was intense, but in a good way most of the time. How long then? -Thank you Coach Lee, your videos have been a life line & I’ve watched so many.
This is where I’m at, incredibly intense attraction and 3-4 months before it ended
That's too short
Me too.. 4 months but it was very intense. So much more than my last 4 year relationship. It’s been a month of no contact and I still feel like I love him. I wish he would reach out 😢
Any updates ?
I’ve been in a relationship for a month but it was so intense !!!! Things went really too fast and scared her off.
Chemistry is NOT connection! It's often confused. If things are so intense in the beginning and take off like a rocket chances are likely the rocket crashes down just as quickly. The other person after the hot honeymoon phase found something that their gut feeling tells them they are just not feeling it. If they come back which is possible its because they ran out of options. I'd be hesitant to take them back because most often reigniting the hot honeymoon phase will not work and they will be disappointed and break up again as soon as a seemingly better option crosses their path.
Really great video, you’re making perfect sense. I’m watching your videos over and over, whenever I need to clear my head, and your advice is helping so much. Thank you.
I wasn't able to effectively show her how much I loved her. It seemed like i took her for granted. I need to work on that while in no contact
Well said coach Lee. although several highlights makes me conclude a gambling situation to win our ex back, i think its worth the try and the possibility to succeed is quite promising
If you are going to reach me out coach lee, i will never ignore you 😅
Coach Lee, do you have a video on “taking your ex for granted”? I think I didn’t give them enough attention and that caused the breakup but not sure if that trumps no contact
I miss her every day ☹️
Bro I feel you it's been a little over a month now and I was begging and pleading for almost another month I told her I can't just be friends yesterday now I'm on NC day 1 I hope it works wish me luck.
@@thetruthhurtsforreal3084 did it work?
@@thetruthhurtsforreal3084 any updates?
I got her back🥰
How long did it take?
My wife knows how much pain I've already been through and she still wants to leave me.
I really want to get her back, we met the day before yesterday and i tried to make a couple playful advances on her and got rejected while the whole time she was giving me signs that there was sexual tension and telling me things like that imply that she’s still turned on by me and all that. We texted a couple times and she unblocked me on snapchat and now i havent heard from her at all, its been about 2 days. Tbh it hurts feeling the hot and cold treatment but im for real about to just let go and just let it be. She obviously has feelings for me and im confident she’ll reach out but for now im just going to leave it alone
Why are you so worry about it .. one day at a time.. if doesn't work than you will find someone even more better. You find someone who will respect you . You deserve love and real happiness. May God give you the strength to move on. I think it's should be the best thing you did move on.....
At least you’ve got some form of contact buddy.
I think the hot cold treatment is stupid when I love a woman I love that woman and never want to be apart from her , and when a woman loves me she loves me and same goes , it's relationships that are really ify in the first place where you see this hot cold hot cold , it's someone who knows they have options and therefore see you just as this an option that's not love
Is it okay to like give them a taste of you “being there” and then back off..? I felt this would give them the sense of what it would be like for me to “be there” for her and her depression, but then when I back off she’ll miss that. She said she doesn’t vent to the guy she’s been seeing bc it’s “not that deep yet”. So, I said I could be there for her whenever she needed to talk about things like that. But I regretted that bc it felt like that was giving her my emotional support, while she was getting the physical in person support from the new guy..... I’m confused
He texted me the day after I said ok I let you go after begging him for a whole day he knew I was crying and upset , the next day he said I hope your ok ? And that’s it I couldn’t text him back on that bc I didn’t want to talk to him I am very hurt by it we broke up and on so many times he knows me we had been together three and half years , he broke up with me mostly out of this relationship and I always too him back , he says I’m insecure etc but last time he back he promised me he would not do it again , but he did ! He said he can’t do this anymore , although I did do something that caused this fight but I also reminded him after begging and begging that I took him back when he begged me bc I love him , he says he loves me too but can’t do this anymore with me , so when he texted if I’m ok no I’m not ok !!! I’ve been hurt so many times by him I could I texted him I’m good , 😢😔, and how could he says he loves me and leaves me !! I’m so sick over this I think I’m more sick this breakup than the others ,
Sweetie, we broken up exactly when you posted this. Me too ive been told that he still lives me but cant do it with me anymore. He would check my stories till today, today he unfollowed and set his status back to single. Why? I simply havent daid anything to him in two days, even if he reaced out yesterday. So im starting to doubt the version on "no contact " displayed by many coaches out there. No you shouldnt contact back all the time, but if theyre interested in something i think you should. If ypu dont have someone to talk to, im here for you. I mean it. We've got this :)
As a man I really think you need a break. A long one, if even you still love your ex. That way if you probably come together again after a year at least he'd know your emotions should not be toyed with and trust me he'll know your true value - he'll never try that with you again if he truly loves you. Don't be afraid to go a year without him. If he truly loves you he'll work on getting you back for a whole year. If he doesn't come back then he wasn't meant for you. There are better men out there. Your value is most important here. Self love is the only thing that should matter to you right now my dear.
I left my marriage because I felt like my needs and wants weren't important because he was the bread winner. We had to live where his work took us which was fun for a bit but then when the baby conversation came up I said I wanted to be close to family when the time comes for support etc and he didn't want to said we could do it alone. When I left I wanted him to reach out and tell me things will be different and that he'll consider what I'd like in life as well but he didn't.... he didn't fight for me. I guess that was the exception rather than the rule
I‘m so sorry to hear that! Did he reach out later? Maybe he needed more time?
my mom tells me to give up. She says I have no chance because she has seen very few cases when someone got their ex back in her life. She is 50. Im not sure I trust her.
Not true
It’s hard to find a coach that says NOT to respond when they reach out…
The top ones out there wouldn’t ever suggest a thing like that, and if any coach does then* it’s stupid.
Day 5 no contact. I've disappeared...staying strong 💪
Wish to just hold him and not let go when/if he comes back... but sadly he put me in a place where I have to be strategic with my emotions...
I said "in a pickle" at the EXACT SAME TIME you did!
😂😂
The thought of texting her after 3 months if I hear nothing from her is a dreadful thought
You have amazing eyes, btw! And great content. I am actually here because of the opposite reason I think. I do not want my ex back, ever. I have blocked him and just want to move on. He needs therapy; not a gf. Sounds like I am using no contact without realizing it. Now I understand why he keeps going. Maybe acting desperate is the way to go to get him to leave me alone! Lol
This is sad , I need help myself and that's why she left me , now I get to see how it is from the girls perspective , maybe what if he did better would you consider taking him back if he turned himself around ????
My husband has ptsd. And had a mental breakdown after he told me to move out. Visiting him didn't work. So I did no contact for 4 weeks. He tried to hang himself 3 times. His boarder had to hid all the ropes. And nearly cut our plum tree down. So I visited and helped for 2 months. Then he shut down on me again. So its been 3 months no contact this time. I fell like I'm walking a fine line.
You're strong. I'm sorry.
Sorry for the added post but I am looking for your thoughts specifically on Dismissive Avoidant Styles as it pertains to no contact. 1)Is No Contact effective and successful in general with DA's as a rule ...DO THEY RESPOND FAVORABLY AT ALL OR OFTEN? and 2) In the meantime what time frame should I continue no contact for given we had a six year relationship (I am in month 4). ...a final thought: I for one would love to hear your opinion in a video specific to DA/FA/AP and Secure attachment styles.....there's a whole lot of us who have been left bewildered by a break up with a DA partner...and are only finding information for the first time, here. Appreciate your time, always!
Wondering how things turned up for you?
What’s your update mate?
NO CONTACT IS LIKE THE ONLY POSSIBLE WAY
Coach I love your videos and they really help.But am I the only thinking how unfair it is that all of us "dumpees" spend all this time and enregy thinking about our exs doing no contact and thinking when will it end and our exs are out there in the real world, having fun (and probaly sex) without us? When will the tables turn? And if not, how can we move on? I'm 34 yrs old not a kid and am scared I won't meet another I will love...I feel so bad that now after he's gone I'm working on our "realtionship" if I was wise, I would do it when he was still mine:( As they say "you don't what you've got 'till its gone":((
Yes, I agree. But if you want them and they want something different, then you are both going after what you want in the moment.
@@RealCoachLee you're right...but still it feels like a never ending nightmare
@@RealCoachLee can you please answer my question in my preivous comment?:)
@@micallll100 give us an update. What happened
In the end, I was the reluctant dumper because she sabotaged everything. She wasnt brave enough to make changes or even end it. I started no contact... A week later, I messaged her to make her understand that I ended it for her to preserve my dignity. I didnt want to, but she left me no choice. She wouldn't divorce after 5y of separation. So I said: goodbye, come find me when youre divorced. I have started no contact and its been a month. I'm so confused. Am I the dumpee? Or the dumper? I would taken her back in an instant if she was finally divorced. She doesnt want to try again, she just wants to be in a loveless attachment with her ex. So sad
Thank you for all the great content. How do you do 'No contact' if you live in the same house?
I'm going to follow your advice. It's been 2 weeks. I'll keep you updated!
How’d it go
@@bailey8540 still haven't heard from my ex so I'll keep the no contact going. And I'm starting to feel like I could be better off without him.
@@fj4731 12 weeks went by and no word from my ex. So after that time my feelings for him lessened. I emailed him because I had mail that came to him and I wanted to know what to do with it. We have been emailing back and forth and will see each other soon. I still will maintain my low key attitude and have no expectations.
@@fj4731 THAT IS GREAT NEWS! Let me think about it. Breathe into it and get into your Body, your own Frame. Be confident. When she said she wants you to come to Jesus, was she referring to a possible conversion by you? I am not sure if religion plays a big part of it?
And by the way, I talked with my ex yesterday too! He wants to see me next week...
@@HappyGirl707 wow almost same 12 weeks the reach out got us a good response..
Thanks to Coach Lee
i love this guy .i'll be patient
How did it go?
I’m only on day 1 and I’m already losing my mind, I wonder if he even realizes we haven’t spoke at all today yet…
My relationship lasted only 40 days, we never fought and he said he loved me, but he broke up with me without any explanation. How longo should I wait?
4 days.
I did that because the person hurt me they didn’t know but I said I was sensitive boe it’s over unless they reach out bc Im not good with conflict ... what happened ...
@@themoonbleu627 Are you him? I'm asking becouse he used those same words about not being good with conflicts.
@@themoonbleu627 He reached out and It made my day, we had a short chat then he stopped answering. I don't know what is going through his head.
Hey coach, my wife and I broke up about 2 weeks ago. I left first after a big fight but then when I returned home to speak with her and see my daughter, she said she didn't want to see me again and wanted a divorce. Then I sent her flowers saying I still loved her very much. She ignored me and only wanted to talk about how to split finances and budget etc. She also said she would talk to a lawyer. I said fine. Since then we were in a smart contact type of thing where SHE initiated all the contacts about taking the car and watching our daughter etc. I have only replied to those important matters. She kept on bursting , getting angry at me via text that sort of thing which I ignored. Now she calls and says we need to talk ON THE PHONE the divorce details. I said we need to talk face to face but she insists that we do that on the phone. All I want to do is to ignore her and improve upon and heal myself. But she pushes me about the divorce. I love her and need time for partial contact. Don't know what to do. Looks like Im going to have to face her about the divorce before letting time to come in between us
My default was no contact and he started checking up on me within weeks(after a 4 year relationship)...we’re still there. So longer time goes on the more I try focusing on myself - great distraction
I noticed if a women leaves you its a bit harder..because they tend to do what there friends say and do rather than whats rote or actions to fix it...noone in the world is perfect so if u fall in love with someone both sides should never give up..or at least say hey i love you until i see a flaw
Ex couldn't feel love for year and half together. He broke up with me. Can no contact help him fall for me? Relationship was amazing and break up was ok. We do want to stay friends
Oh wow I remember this film from many years ago and I never forgot this scene most of all.
What if I had to block him ( remove him from contacts too) on my phone so I wouldn't text him first since he would only text first once a week just to keep me hanging?
no
I just feel like I am being gamed every time my ex reaches out just a check-up to see if I am still there.
thomasc6214, Are you trying to get back together? If so, Coach Lee has a workshop that would be ideal for you.know it's really difficult and I've certainly been there. I don't know if you are aware, but Coach Lee has a live workshop called "Relationship Reignite." It's an incredible learning experience that I just can't say enough about. It focuses on saving a relationship from a breakup/separation and then keeping it after. It includes a coaching call each month for 6 months. You can talk to Coach Lee's team about it. I think the person for this is named Johnny and you can make an appointment with him to talk about it at myexbackcoach.com/relationship-reignite. I think you'll agree that it's an incredibly eye-opening and immensely helpful experience for you.
I think this was the most useful/helpful video so far.
My ex wanted to maintain a friendship after the break up. I told him I needed time to heal and I didn’t want to talk to him for a while. He texted me after 10 days of no contact and asked if enough time had passed. We had a nice polite conversation by text but I still wasn’t ready to talk. I told him I needed more time. It has now been 2 weeks without contact. I am thinking of contacting him in another 2 weeks
😭 I needed this video 3 days ago. I broke no contact after 3 weeks because I needed a talk face to face with my ex (he broke up with me with a vocal message and something was never clear for me). I needed some explanations. We spoke by phone and at the beginning he was very cold... I've already had some answers by phone, anyway I asked him to speak in person too. I should meet him on saturday, but now I feel it's not a good idea... What should I do???
I think you should not meet him yet.
Sounds like you need more time and if you'll meet him you will only get hurt because you still want him and he acts cold.Wait for him to miss you, get stronger and then you can meet. I met my ex about 2 weeks after the break up when I was so weak and needey and he was cold and distant, it was so so painfull...please avoid it if you can
By the way, broke up with you by a voice maill? Why would you even want to meet him???
You are not ready dont go
@@micallll100 well, it's complicated. We had a sort of discussion (in person) in wich It wasn't clear what was going on, there was not a clear ending, It seemed It was possible to fix it... So the next day I tried to call him, he didn't answer, I sent him some message to try to find a solution and then he told me by vocal message that he thought It was better to stop because he didn't feel the same feelings he felt before... That's why I need to meet him. I need answers... And maybe In wrong... Because I know it's soon to have him back and I don't want to screw up everything... I know he doesn't miss me, but I need now to speak about what happened.
@@silviaconcas1262 I understand you. You feel like you need "closer" but in reality you want him to take you back... You will only try to convice him to give you a second change and he will think you're needy and such...thats why I think you need some time before you see him.I was in your place, and still suffer and waiting for him, but it's been almost 2 months since he left home so I was stronger when I saw him this Sunday, and still made many mistakes. Just be strong and in my opionion let him miss you a bit, like coach Lee says "let him have the braek up!"
Got sent a video on Friday with a voice note saying they thought I’d appreciate this. I haven’t responded as I’m worried about being rejected like previous messaging when trying to stay civil
What if after a break up, she still wants to keep in contact? She still said text me when you get home safely
I wouldn’t like to be around someone who doesn’t have enough courage to reach out with me
what happens if you want to do no contact and you are prepared to but your ex messages you just a few days after the break up?
Coach Lee please do more videos about strategic contact!
i tried it (no contact) but i relapsed after one day
Thank God i found this guy. genius
Hey coach. My wife broke up with me about a month ago. We live for 7 years and we have a beautiful daughter. She dumped me and its all my fault i cheated and take her for granted. I didnt spend time with her and didnt show her appreciation. I take care of our daughter every weekends. She told me she still loves me and already forgive me but shes still not ready yet she said she needs time for herself. And she wanna make sure i already change completely before we get back together. I only contact her when if its for our daughter, i stop everyday calls and messages cause sometimes she answers sometimes not. She reaches out when its about our daughter she sometimes check what im up to. I only reach out when she reaches out cause i know shes tired hearing and reading the long messages i used to tell her weeks after the breakup. Am i doin the right thing? I cant use full no contact bcoz of our daughter and knowin thats the reason she dumped me cause i take her for granted? Im so confuse.
Yes you would stop reaching out .exactly.
in the event that you feel you can break no contact because you have nothing to lose, how do you go about that? do you keep it short and casual? or are you straightforward by saying you’ve been working on yourself and want to give it another try?
I'm also wondering about this. How did you do?
You better not do that ! You’re resetting the whole thing !!!
Been together for 13 years. Married for 10 years in march. And now separated for 8 months this month... she told me back in August she wanted a divorce haven't seen one paper yet but now I'm thinking about showing her the papers
Redranger887, maybe she hopes you contact her. Who knows maybe she waiting you take iniative to "save" the marriage.
I haven't heard you say anything in any of your videos yet about if the one that dumped you is bipolar and they have dumped you four or five times and keep coming back after the rebound relationships don't work????
On god this the worse heart break I dealt with I only sleep at night with sleeping pills nbs I hope this contact works
I tried to do no contact, lasted two days, she was getting annoyed and it was killing me in the process. We have a kid (30mthold) now we talk daily and I'm visiting daily (almost) helping out with stuff. She knows exactly how I feel about her, but I'm happier despite perceptions of me being used or a walkover. I feel this is better so she could see behavioural changes in me, so I can attract her again, I can't do that if I become a stranger to her..
How’d that end up ?
@@r80ishere not good mate, now we don't talk and I'm having to take her to court to see my kid.
@@-Turner-Oh wow
@@Goodwillwinoverevil1984sorry for him
@@-Turner-oof
Reality Question concerning No Contact- What if we live together?