Hope you enjoy the video! If you want to take things to the next level and learn the 7 Little Love Steps to attracting the man you truly deserve, here's a virtual dating coaching session I think you'll enjoy:) go.lovestrategies.com/pursue
Sounds like judging to me on the friends deal but I do get it. I didn't know men went through all these steps just to say hello and meet a lady somewhere. All they need to come up and say hello😊
My hubby said my looks, then boobs, figure, hair…then eyes. After date one…personality, femininity, humor, smarts, positivity, confidence, kindness. He said he fell in love with me by 3 rd month, engaged @ 6 months, married @ 1 year. Still makes my heart flutter at 45+ years❤️.
@@roxanaandrews2884 , our first date was on his birthday…we went to Disneyland. We got married exactly one year later…on his birthday…he never forgets our first date/wedding anniversary ! lol
As a woman I alsoo watch to see how someone treats others that they would have nothing to gain from. It speaks volumes about their true inner character.
I used to think that about my huband. But behind my back for 21yrs he was living a double life. ..never can tell for sure.hes a rat ,but people thought him a really nice person.
For all the women and men out there looking for someone: I was taught to find someone with the same VALUES. You can always find someone with the same hobbies to do things with. Examples of values: 1) Faith 2) Family 3) Integrity 4) ... you fill in the blanks
Integrity. Saying what you mean, and mean what you say. Actions speak louder than words. It's a fine line because someone can show their care in many of their actions and still fall short in their communication and not follow through with what they say. Could make or break a relationship. But it takes patient, understanding, forgiving individuals to allow that person to be human. Please tell me your thoughts on this. Thank you!
I get this totally! I won’t let anything bad happen to me again and I’d rather be alone than fake it. It isn’t easy at all! But I care about myself more than ever x
I love this! Physical attraction is fun, but I need a deeper connection - talking, laughing, cooking a great meal together, kindness and must be kind to all animals and people. No show-boating to try and impress me. I’m impressed with what is in your heart and soul! Open up to me and let me in, and I’m yours! ❤️
If you have to fake any of this he'll be able to tell and there will be no connection. Stop focusing on doing these things to attract a man, start focusing on doing these things for yourself and then see who you attract naturally. Works 💯
I love all this and agree. I’m 52 and have put on weight due to some health issues and let me tell you, men love me. 😂 I have integrity and intellect, I’m charming and kind. I’m financially stable and emotionally stable. Looks fade but character remains!
@mirianakovachevic748 Be okay with dating someone equally ugly? 🤷♀️ ETA: I don't really think people are TRULY ugly. It's either unhealthy weight, lack of personal maintenance/hygiene, or some medical condition that might require reconstructive/cosmetic surgery. I think a great deal of "ugly" people fall under these issues and they COULD be helped some.
@@krystavi05 Ugly is not the right word. I meant unattractive. For example some girls don't have atributes to attract men and they just don't notice them. There is both male and female competition and a number of people will never be selected.
My ex-husband’s use of his phone way way too much until late hours of the night, and declining social events offered to us… oh my gosh. It killed our marriage. Because he would not let me go to the events on my own. His entire life was at work and on his phone. I learned not to nag about it. I just have to ask one time to stop it, then leave the relationship if he doesn’t listen.
Omg I guessed vibe. I don't know why youtube put this video in my path since I've been married so long but as a psychology student, I enjoy videos like this. I can tell you, I had my husband's attention over a VERY beautiful girl/women (we were young) who liked him a lot. At first it felt like I was in the Twilight zone. I believe the difference was, when she came into the room she said "Here I am." I said, "There you are." I made my husband FEEL good about himself. I gave the vibe that he was as funny, strong, respected and smart as I saw him. THAT gave me the edge.
Thank you for this frank discussion. I am married and not seeking a new relationship but looking to enhance my relationship with my husband of 23 years, who I have known for 33 years. I think this has helped me to understand his point of view and help me to be a better partner. At my age women, can start feeling very insecure and negative about ourselves, especially if we are not getting the attention we used to from our husbands or significant others. We do not have the physical beauty we used to have and this gives us something else to consider and more realistic to work on. It is encouraging to hear that it may not always be about the physical beauty but perhaps the way we present ourselves, our attitude toward life, which can be more manageable.
It's a two-way street. Hopefully your husband has recognized that he needs to do something to continue to keep you interested also.. After all, he is getting older too.
Ah, the elephant in the room!!! I work really hard at being fit, strong, take care of my skin, put on makeup, make a point to dress with some semblance of style (bad style maybe, but hey, I try.) I am not trying to impress anyone, I just want to be able to look in the mirror and think I look the way I feel inside. My husband - none of this and yes, it’s a challenge.
There is nothing wrong with men being attracted to women’s looks the problem is that when they don’t go beyond looks. Getting to know people for who they are is what makes all kinds of good and great relationships.
I’m overlooked on the regular. I’m not a head turner. Well…yeah, they turn away. Haven’t found anyone that gets to the point where they want to know my brain. 😏I’m tired.
No matter what the woman’s age is, if they are confident, secure in themselves, take care of themselves, care about their appearance and love life, they will always attract others!!!
Men notice pretty women and the rest tend to be invisible. So, yes, men tend to be superficial. To get to emotional attraction, men have to get past that superficial attraction. Very few men take the time to talk to someone who isn't 'pretty enough' or 'young enough' for them. As a women gets older, she is noticed even less. We become invisible unless we are some fantastic beauty. I don't take much stock in looks, I'd rather be with an 'ugly' man who has it goin' on inside (character) than a superficial man who is 'pretty' on the outside.
That's why I no longer find most men attractive. I've seen even "good" husbands doing the bare minimum. Marriage benefits married men the most, not women. More and more women are wising up to this, thank god.
There is one word, that explains everything - energy. Not look, not age - the energy. Sure, you have to respect yourself enough and look good, take care of your body, don't go overweight. Be the best version of yourself or at least head in that direction. If you love yourself and are open to life, feel grounded, self-sufficient, curious and playful - then you own the energy that attracts people. And men will notice you, regardless age. Older, younger, same-age men.
@tidindra. So true. If you feel good about yourself you will attract many good good men. I have 3 wanting my attention at the moment lol Have only had my ex for nearly 30 yrs, and I have to say I am enjoying the attention 😉
I've noticed that when you're just getting to know a guy, they often just talk about themselves. I do ask them questions But they don't ask much about me. Yes I will interject something about me, but sometimes I will just say, "you seem to be a very interesting person, you've told me a lot about yourself & that's good. Do you have any questions for me?" If they don't, then they are either totally self-absorbed or just not interested in me. There should be an exchange of info if you want to get to know each other.
It's sometimes how some guys cope with nervousness. And sometimes he's just self-centered. A guy who has success with women will try to minimize his own speaking time, without boring her, keeping things playful and lighthearted...simply because any random thing, while the stars are aligned some random way, can put off women in the initial stages.... and speaking about oneself increases that risk. Also retaining some mysteriousness and her wondering about things help. Once the girl adores you and has rose-colored glasses on, it's as if you can do no wrong in her eyes, then it's a better time to speak more about oneself. A guy speaking too much shows inexperience.
If another person, whether a friend or potential romantic partner, and they just talk about themselves, wait for you to ask questions and don’t ask you any questions about you, it’s a HUGE flag. Whatever the reason is, they may just be socially inept… but they’re showing they have no interest in getting to know the real you. They have no curiosity about you. And 9/10 they’re very self-absorbed and selfish. It’s a BIG tell. 😉
7:20 a lot of time when you meet someone and feel “uggghh”, trust it. Don’t doubt your gut and “make” yourself “fit and fix” them to fit your acceptance-they are usually a narcissist, keep that in the back of your mind and at the next red flag, RUN. Don’t normalize this, learn to SAY NO, when you feel the bad vibecheck. There are many more people out there who are NOT unhealthy-choose HEALTHY.
Great podcast, very refreshing to hear a man’s point of view and their reality! … I went on a date last week and I know more about his ex-wife than I think he does about me, and to give him a second chance, we had a couple of phone conversations throughout the week and I still know more about his ex-wife so now I need to let him know that we just aren’t a connection….
I know what you mean. Went on a date and he spent 7 hours talking about his ex girlfriend/ex wife, work, mates 😂 I don’t think he knew anything about me.
Yep and I totally have the same feelings most of the time a woman will get a vibe off of man too. My biggest thing that attracts me to a guy is when I feel that he is happy to be spending this time with me and being positive and outgoing about it. Not judging me to harshly right off. I want to actually feel like maybe I'm being assessed but given a chance not as if I'm being judged like a pie at a baking competition.
Part of positive energy for me is caring about others who are vulnerable and harmed. Being concerned & empathetic about those they do not know who are suffering is attractive to me.
Soon as I turned 45 my online messages dropped drastically, even though my looks haven’t changed much, if at all. I might look even better bc I learned beauty techniques. Men are extremely superficial. That’s why this convo had to caveat « not that we don’t care about beauty » so much. It just is what it is.
and i will agree with these guys VIBE counts for alot Im 48, always been overweight.... like 250lbs-320lbs Never lacked for male attention, cuz yeah Im pretty (big boobs) but also My vibe... doesnt at all seem like that of wmn in her 40s, or even 30. Most think Im in my 20s.. how? Im fun... not in a dumb bimbo way, but im a smart sexy way. and they know upfront, dont approach me like a HUNGRY DOG. They never cat-call me, always respect upfront , always talk of LTR upfront. never talk of 50/50 bs. Most men think Im married or taken, if they see Im single (if i choose to disclose that to them) they 'come correct'. I would tell any wmn, its very much how you carry yourself.
What u say was my experience also....the good news is u weed-out the narcissists...tons of them online..after 10 yrs on and off of online dating i met my, now husband .......he is a nerd and probably neuro-divergent ...he thinks he won the lotto because i am attractive and sexy and smart....i think these guys can make good husbands.......if you are still going for the hotties...reconsider..they are almost ALWAYS jerks. Best to you !
@@absolute3112 The point she is trying to make is that men ARE very superficial when just looking. They rarely take the time to get to know someone who isn't a certain age or is pretty. You can't get to 'vibe' unless you walk up and TALK to someone regardless of their outward appearance.
@@absolute3112 Yeah, I don't care what men find attractive. Instead of trying to figure out what they find attractive, focus on what YOU find attractive. Don't change for a man, especially looks. All those TV shows with fat, ugly husbands with skinny pretty wives ... because women want more than looks.
This was a very interesting podcast. I lost my partner because he past away and that was hard one to take, because he was my best friend. I look at my life going forward in a positive way, and as a new beginning. When I am ready to date I will want some of the good qualities he had, but each person will also have their good qualities. I think as well as being esthetically pleasing one must be able to engage in an intelligent way as to have meaningful conversation on shared interests. Because if the relationship deepens you need to communicate, be one’s best friend, as well as lover. This podcast made me ponder what a good relationship should be. ❤
LOL! Good for you! I have difficulty meeting good men and I am physically attractive, kind, funny, I am wealthy, and I have unlimited flight benefits for life! No debt, own my own home, high IQ, trained in Social Etiquette, good cook, credit rating of 832 (!), hold five Federal Security Clearances, etc., etc. I have so much to offer the right man but so far, men seem to be intimidated by me. Men just don’t want to require more of themselves. It’s annoying.
After 10 min. you guys are just nonstop speaking about what you don't want...😂😂😂 I thought it would be a positive conversation as positive as you're waiting from us to be!😜😄😄😄😄😄
They are such good tips. Just finally left a long, difficult marriage. It's not easy to get back into dating yet, learning more how I should be. Such an adventure of self-discovery 😊
I absolutely hate one of the comments you just said. That men try to find the person who they think they will be least likely to be rejected by. People don’t believe this. Yet, it’s true. If a woman is a 9 - 10, most guys assume they will get turned down, so they don’t even bother. So 7’s are getting all the guys and a lot of really cool, beautiful women are lonely. It’s also doesn’t help that people assume if a woman is highly attractive, that she is probably stuck up, dumb, or boring. There are just as many, intelligent, funny, nice, gorgeous women as there are intelligent, funny, nice, average looking woman.
Right, Jayne Mansfield for example. She was gorgeous. But regardless of the stereotype of a dumb blonde, she was not. She spoke five languages. Played piano, violin, sang, and acted.
@@francalatona591 , true…my dad went on a couple dates with her in high school, and said nice things about her…and that she was as smart as she was pretty!
@socadream Wow! What a nice memory your dad has of her. Her IQ was 160, amazing. She had 5 beautiful children and a love of dogs. I imagine that if she did not get into acting, she could of ran a company.
this makes no sense to me. I feel like if a woman is truly"cool" & is beautiful too she will totally get guys. If she really is as intelligent, funny & nice as other women then she shud hav no trouble. Mayb she isn't as much of those things as she thinks she is or mayb she doesn't know how to be approachable? Guys rn't gonna let looks get in their way if everything else is working for them. That is just a bonus to them. I think this 9-10 girl in the looks department probly has way less going for her in other areas & that is y men arn't into her. Looks isn't a hindrance unless something else is
Please remind men that life is painful and people do have valid pain and suffering in arrow one that does not mean we are always down and eeyore. I had to stop dating now because I’m taking care of my sister with metastatic breast cancer. I’m tired and worried and that’s valid! I’m not a negative person but it’s really hard right now. Arrow one is not arrow two guys
I agree Duckypam, well said I too have a lot going on with elderly parents etc. I'm a quiet person and due to experiences I find myself in the myre, I guess due to long term ongoing worry, depression has got a hold on me and I'm tired. I hope my 'vibe' does become happier. We try our best. My best wishes to you and your Sister. Julie 💐
I just made my own list for men: 1. Is mature enoigh to over look physical flaws in a woman 2. Doemst need to pursue women 15 yrs or more younger 3. Doesnt hate old people 4. Willing to show interest 5. Follows throigh on what he says he will do no matter how small 6. Sense of humor and positivity 7. Pays attention to what i say and things i do 8. Works / has a gentle yet authoritative demeanor 9. Is attractive enough for me to be attracted to him 10 where u @ BOi
I have seen woman comment looks or attraction is not as important as men are visual and look for that? Maybe that's true.for some women..I don't think all women feel this way, I dont im visual too..and I feel you do no partnership a favor to not being equally attracted to each other..
This is my list! Exactly! I love the gentle but authoritative! Girl yes that sexy! more like he knows how to take the lead and convince you to follow like the e knows he is the men.
I never really thought twice about the actor John Candy. He was just a goofy comedian/actor to me. Then, I saw him in a romantic comedy. I fell hard for him. What I find attractive has nothing to do with looks.
I stopped your video and responded "my energy, my smile, the way I look at a man and show him interest and, my true and actual enjoyment of who he is. I don't have to know him, I am just that way with all men (and women too by the way!). The rest comes after. If a man cannot see how genuine I am well that's ok, I wasn't in front of him for a relationship, marriage etc... I was welcoming him into my life for the time we interacted. No more no less... I'll continue watching the video now..
I finally learned my self worth after being in really bad relationships and very unappreciated and finally founs a man who loves me for me and proves it every day. He doesnt exactly know how to show me how he feels about me or say it but him not giving up on me and does the smallest thing for me without being asked and his mear presence and just not doing anything together proves it to me more than he knows. He has sen the bad side of me and just told me that im more than enough for him. He doesn't know or will ever understand how much that means to me.
I laughed when he said "when something traumatic happens.... Like if your car breaks down... Or you lose a loved one..." 😂 Hopefully not in that order.
Don't worry about turning yourself into a pretzel to attract a man. Men just take your joy. Develop your own interests and goals, and nurture good friendships, and projects you care about. Then you will be happy in life.
Excellent talk! All the things you listed are just what I do naturally - why wouldn't you? The advice of playing cool and hard to get never made sense to me. Keep up the great work guys!
Thank you so much for bringing good info without women bashing. I’ve learned a lot. Your words have actually been encouraging that I’m on the right track in many ways. Have more progress to make. - a woman 😊
A little advice for you young man. Don’t ever admit to a woman you find other women “physically attractive” while she is in your company. This is one way to start silently destroying her feelings towards you. Specially if you are married. Not only is this classless but ignorant. A woman wants to feel you only have eyes for her. Remember the song; “I only have eyes for you”. You’re out showing maturity on the women front.
Friendliness, intelligence, clean pleasant appearance, sense of humor, giving of self, ability to support self, ability to cook, getting along with his friends, sense of appreciation.
This is the type of advice I would give my older teenage daughter. All her friends are dating and breaking up after 3 months, as a noticed pattern. I say for her to wait until she meets the right kind of person, the kind you describe.
Dont soft eyes and smiles attract self-centered, selfish people? Maybe don’t be critical, but don’t be TOO welcoming either. I think a good open stance friendly balance is important. Being too nice, friendly, easy attracts predatorial types, really.
Think about what you just said. Do babies respond to a smile, and an engaging vibe, or do they respond to a downcast frown and no energy - or is that rather frightening. Humans smile, even dogs recognize a vibe.
@@judyperri9496 So it worked? lol😂 😂 Being nice to a man, caused him to become interested in you. Isn't that supposed to be the effect it's supposed to have?
Im 39 and have been with my husband since I was a teenager, he died a year ago, but now lots of men try yo talk to me or have sex etc, but I don’t want any part of it. Im a very nice person and happy, friendly etc, so I guess thats why men are attracted to me? But I still miss my husband and want to be with HIM. Not any of these random men that try ti talk to me, I feel bad rejecting them. I have had a few men become very upset that I won’t give them a shot. But Again Im in know way shape or form ready to be in a relationship or an anything again.
So true. Misery loves company! Stop looking for someone else to fix you. Ownership is good.Take responsibility for how you deal with things and make changes! On both sides.
I often find myself Bored with men who are hitting on me & asking me out. They seem to have such a surface layer of saying what I want to hear, as if "on template," rather than showing what makes them unique and genuine??.. Then I probably seem jaded!.. Alas!-
This was good. Be authentic, positive, not the woe is me, victim complainer about govt, ex'es, etc, be welcoming, curious having soft eyes not cold, closed, mad face and be FULLY present, OFF phone entirely, curious, ask questions of depth and pay attention to the quality of friends ge sees you with that to him says you are like that or are " ok" with their vibe👍
Question for the guys about physical attraction: In the past few years and now, (as I get older) I've been getting tons of compliments from men (total strangers daily) in their 30's-40's, and the first thing they all say with a big smile, is: "you're very beautiful", this concerns me because most of these men say this while their wives/girlfriends are standing next to them and it makes me feel bad for their ladies. I don't wear revealing clothes, I wear super baggy shirts and pants and no make up. I'm confused, while I appreciate the compliments, what will it take a man to call a stranger "beautiful" in-front of his wife/gf?
I also thought of physical appearance as my first thought too but maybe the reason isn't on women for thinking that? I would say it's the area with the most "shaming" we see from men. Talking about how disgraceful it is to let ourselves go or be overweight. I think if you want women to give more credit to men for the emotional stuff maybe more men need to show up that way first and we would know what the currency is. I will say I have seen more content talking about this from men so maybe things will change in the future
dates are not a relationship. I can't believe this guy phrased it saying " if u find yor relationship only lasting 2-3 dates." Is that really a relationship yet? Isn't dating one thing but being in a relationship is beyond that
I respect all these insights, and I still think that it happens when you find a person that is emotionally available to try, to get to know you, to invest their time, and not give up in the first opportunity they have, assuming something or defining you for something they interpret in the wrong way. When they like you, they like you.
The message in this podcast was spot on... uplifting, glad I figured this out after being by myself and developing self love, relationship maturity from experiences. Retrain your brain from negativity to seeing the brighter side of life.
I love this so much and agree with 99% of it. What do you say about a girl doing all the things you are talking about and has all those qualities and connects on that deeper level but then the guy says 'I don't feel a physical connection' and that's the end of it? :) It negates all the other things that are great.
In my experience, men want it all in a woman, to be young, confident, great looks, great job, no kids, great boobs, great butt, great hair, blue eyes, blonde, short, smart, lots of friends, excellent outfit, rich, a perfect family, funny, popular, perfect in every way. The vibe comes last.
Short? At 5'0", I didn't expect that one. I'd love to be taller, even by just by couple of inches. What's interesting though is, I've had a number of boyfriends in the 6' range. My ex husband was 5'10 and my now soul matey of 12 years is 6'1". I guess being thin and considered cute (up until late 60's anyway), intelligent and having a good vibe, makes lack of height unimportant to a lot of guys. And I don't even have much in the way of boobs!
I think men confused the bejesus out of you lol. 1. male attraction is not the same as female attraction...in fact it's virtually opposite (with a few exceptions). E.g. are you more attracted to tall men, than short men? Well, It's the opposite for us...we're more attracted to women who are shorter than us. We are opposites like Yin and Yang, complimenting each other in the same way. Now do the same with confidence, financial success, funny, popular, lots of friends, etc...and you'll start to realize what you got wrong. (Popular and lots of friends are more red flags than attraction triggers lol) 2. Men have two different types of attraction, that are completely independent of each other...and this is what's throwing you off. Attraction #1 is purely physical, and none of the above applies to it. Anything with a pulse will do, and it's why there some guy somewhere in the world having sex with a goat, another straight dude in prison having butt sex, a teenager in a hospital cause he stuck his d*ck into a weird hole, another dude sleeping with a grandma, etc...ignore this one for now, because it has virtually no requirements to be triggered, meaning that whether a man will have sex with a female or not has nothing to do with genuine attraction. Attraction #2 is the elusive genuine romantic attraction women are interested in finding. Unlike the other attraction, men are extremely selective when it comes to this one. And this is the one that is the exact opposite of female attraction. The way it feels is "future mother of my children". (the other one feels, "sex object") E.g. Females are attracted to experience, but men are attracted to inexperience. (remember, male sex drive has nothing to do with this attraction, just because a man sleeps with a dog, plastic doll or an experienced woman, doesn't mean he's attracted to experience in women) 3. For women it's like fishing, and Attraction #1 is what motivates men to go for the bait, and attraction #2 is what hooks the man. A man is caught in two stages. But lots of women are fishing with just bait and no hook...lol. Attraction #1 is a purely visual attraction. Men have to approach women, it's not possible to assess personality, etc from afar...hence why men have this visual attraction to get the mate selection process started. Step 1 is "judging the book by the cover" with our eyes, from afar, and we get a vibe (feeling) that is based on experience...men have to assess and approach a lot of women for just one successful sexual experience. Some men learn quickly how to spot and differentiate between different types of women, without any interaction. It's the default state of all men...we have an intense impulse for sexual variety (probably because we have to visually assess and approach a lot of women to have success). We dont have a "one type", like women do, because "one type" is not variety (it's the opposite of variety)...a man might have a "favorite type" (but it's typically influenced by "a one that got away" type situation) The pursuit of sex forces a man to be exposed to the girl's personality, and if she has the right type of personality (feminine), there's a higher chance he'll get hooked. But if she has the wrong traits, he won't get hooked and will be able to be intimate without any emotional attachment whatsoever (some men intentionally pursue such safer situations, and pick women accordingly...that is, women who lack Attraction#2, so as to not get hooked, so he can enjoy the sex emotionally-risk-free). So yes, vibe comes first...women are initially selected or rejected without having a clue, because it happens from afar, during a quick process of scanning many women visually. Big boobs and big butt, revealing clothes, etc triggers attraction #1, but it most times suppresses Attraction #2. Some men got burned in the past after getting hooked, and then play it safe by targeting Attraction #1 type good looking women with traits that are unattractive (e.g. she's confident, career driven, rich, assertive, experienced, very social, dresses provocatively, etc...all these things suppress attraction #2 and makes her safer to use for sex...which requires selling her the dream, pretending her traits are attractive by telling her what she wants to hear to keep the sex flowing).
I have a friend who despite being attached always had men approach her. She has the softest face and big beautiful doe eyes. We talked about this one night while out and she said look at me, I'm the last person that would ever reject them. She was like a magnet. I guess the men felt safe with her. She also knew herself, was centred and balanced, friendly and approachable and genuinely interested about people in general and was a caring soul. I have become more like that now at 51 but I feel very nervous after my marriage ended badly that I'll pick or attract the ering man. I actually do know what i want but its finding hin and being allowed to be found in having trouble with. So I guess I have more work to do. I'm practicing feeling satisfied and peaceful right now and it's helping a lot. I wish everyone a great next match with a partner that you can grow more crazy with and have lots of fun together. 🎉❤😂
At the end “Give us credit”… How can I give credit if you’re attracted to 10 women a day! There’s a difference between noticing someone is attractive and actually allowing yourself to be attracted to them. The recipient WILL notice. We need better integrity. Like Job, who made a covenant with his eyes and heart.
16:05 divorce just at its core, means two people didn’t suit to each other, and they didn’t want to do the work with each other and rather do it with others. If someone is toxic, you also need to heal. Married people who got divorced aren’t necessarily bad, but hearing about what went wrong and how much they blame the other person is a big deal. We might want to make the person faultless, but those faults will all come back to bite YOU.
Yes this resonates! I started dating a guy and the way he spoke of the ex wife was vile. Should have run right then. At least it only lasted 3 months as he was the horrid one. 🫢😊
The first arrow versus the second arrow is what they call internal versus external locus of control in psychology. The theory goes that if you have an internal locus of control you can accept responsibility for your failures and experience a sense of pride in your accomplishments, but with an external locus of control, you blame the world for your failures, but you also can take no joy from your successes because you feel like a speck of dust blowing on the wind. People who play the victim tend to the point the finger, so anytime they accomplish something big it must be the result of luck. Ownership is critical to feeling like you're the driver in your own life.
To attract a good man, you have to understand yourself and be honest about who you are and what you need. For example, If you want a kind person, you have to be a kind person. If you want a controlling person, you have to realize that you are willing to let yourself be controlled - some women really want that - they equate that with love. Just understand what you want and what you will want to live with. Being with someone isn't easy. You both have to be willing to give in to the other person at times. I have the most wonderful husband in the world, but when he first moved in, I was ready to throw him out because of his mess. He's gotten a lot better, and I've had to learn to be less controlling. The fact that he's as nice as he is and the fact that he was willing to change made the difference. We were both older and that helped.
And depressed for good reason. I don't think they made the distinction in this between being honest with people who ask, that "things aren't going great right now; I'm having these recurring problems" vs. an obnoxious trauma-dumping complainer, who never sets goals. The 2nd is toxic, the first is not. There are people who were kind, had goals, and tried to make things happen in life, but were screwed over, sabotaged, out of jealousy, got used, people trying their whole life to abuse/humiliate them, etc. People who look too young, seem too sweet, shine too brightly who attract resentment and hatred. It's indeed important to remember not everyone has such good luck in life. A lot of people get a lot handed to them, and others have to struggle to just barely get by. They're allowed their valid grievances and frustrations.
I remember when I was dating a guy, it was the 2nd date, he was looking around, talking bad about his ex-wife, he had a lover and he blamed on his ex! I ended it because I thought he was trouble… He begged for a 2nd chance, I gave it to him and it was the worst relationship I was in… I didn't hear to my intention and I learned my lesson! Now I am dating again, I am letting it flow!
So true... I just left 2 people because Everytime they call is WOE is ME... I got tired of listening...I mean if you keep complaining it's because you are the problem. I have problems too but I don't talk about them. There's no point coz no one is going to help you anyway.
Male strangers just say some version of, "Gorgeous." After that, it's my eyes and / or hair. All from younger men. I'm 58. I am attracted to men who are diverse in their interests, confident on their own, and the energy is electric when we're together.
The first thing a man notice about a woman is her face, posture and manner. Your face is the first thing anyone see about a person, and body structure and poise
Sometimes we have periods in life when we don’t have that happy VIBE … and have good reason… won’t last forever , but we can’t control the clock! So what’s one to do until we are over it? Sure once you’re already in a relationship it’s all ok!… how does one get INTO a relationship while not a happy camper at the time..??
The best thing to do is to not seek out someone to fill it. Insecure people do that. Sexual healing journey to hell. That's the time to focus on making you happy. Pour into you in various ways as much as you can afford.
12:15 I guess this is why girl friendships are so unique and so ‘forever’ things because we can go to our bff and complain that my nail broke and she never things that I am being a victim and pump up my mood and energy without even feeling drained.
As a woman I lack of girlfriends which is bad because women are energy. I have no trust and my boyfriend finds me weird sometimes because I am woman and I want funny girly talk. My only close friend is trauma bonding friend and he doesn’t like her and I am thing was it a mistake because I really want to be the best woman version, but having women and people in general around you with common interest and views as a woman is really difficult because of malice, envy, hypocrisy and hypocrites.
Energy never lies. But it can be hard to see when standing too close to negative energy. That's what evil people do. They need to stand very close and mimic so it's hard to tell who is who.
Women are very visually oriented too. It doesn’t help that so many women shove this under the rug to seem more “virtuous.” YES we care about character and personality but we prefer it with bright smiles, alert clear eyes and some physical capability, which usually presents as some muscle. I hope no one feels bad about their need to feel attracted to a potential intimate partner, because attractiveness is a sign of good health. That kinda' matters. Meanwhile the advice here is much appreciated and reflects in what successes I've known. Attitude and spirit are indeed huge.
Mój mąż powiedział mi że mój wygląd,potem piersi,tyłek,oczy ❤️na pierwszej randce złapał mnie za rękę a na 5 randce dostałam pierścionek 💍 po roku wzięliśmy ślub ❤tak razem jesteśmy 10lat ❤natomiast nie każdy ma tyle szczęścia 🙃
Yep, shared values and shared purpose matters. Humour, independence and strength is what I notice around Queen Camilla. Crowds notice her too. It's fun to watch. Wishing them both good health.
Hope you enjoy the video! If you want to take things to the next level and learn the 7 Little Love Steps to attracting the man you truly deserve, here's a virtual dating coaching session I think you'll enjoy:) go.lovestrategies.com/pursue
Sounds like judging to me on the friends deal but I do get it. I didn't know men went through all these steps just to say hello and meet a lady somewhere. All they need to come up and say hello😊
Just have to say call salt and pepper hair reminds me of my daily put departed R.I.P. fiance Bryan ADAM'S
Just have to say call salt and pepper hair reminds me of my daily put departed R.I.P. fiance Bryan ADAM'S he was the man ❤️ of my dreams
I think your hair is really! Keeping the good sense of Humor+
Mr Adams😅
Lolz eyeszx 😅❤🎉
My hubby said my looks, then boobs, figure, hair…then eyes. After date one…personality, femininity, humor, smarts, positivity, confidence, kindness. He said he fell in love with me by 3 rd month, engaged @ 6 months, married @ 1 year. Still makes my heart flutter at 45+ years❤️.
Amazing ! You sound unique!😂
@@roxanaandrews2884 , our first date was on his birthday…we went to Disneyland. We got married exactly one year later…on his birthday…he never forgets our first date/wedding anniversary ! lol
Awwwwww so sweet
😍
Wonderful.
1. Vibe
2. Ownership of your problems
3. Fully be present
4. Soft eyes and nice smile
5. Who your friends are
6. Verbal communication
Thank you
#4
Thank you! 😊
Thank you
#6 is probably truly #1 for most women.
As a woman, a man who is GENTLE with people and animals is an immediate attraction for me😊
Yes, being gentle with animals speaks volumes, no matter what the guy actually says.
I completely agree with the animals.
I agree, Holly, so important. Much more so than good lucks.
My x husband "tolerated" my cat.
Should have stayed away from him
Same!!
Good point and so true!!
As a woman I alsoo watch to see how someone treats others that they would have nothing to gain from. It speaks volumes about their true inner character.
This!
Good one
💯💯💯Additionally, I look for consistency. Actions over time
I believe that actions speak louder than words …
I used to think that about my huband. But behind my back for 21yrs he was living a double life. ..never can tell for sure.hes a rat ,but people thought him a really nice person.
For all the women and men out there looking for someone: I was taught to find someone with the same VALUES. You can always find someone with the same hobbies to do things with.
Examples of values:
1) Faith
2) Family
3) Integrity
4) ... you fill in the blanks
Be "evenly yoked", yes indeed.
I agree. Values seem to "stick". Affirmation of what's meaningful
Integrity. Saying what you mean, and mean what you say. Actions speak louder than words. It's a fine line because someone can show their care in many of their actions and still fall short in their communication and not follow through with what they say. Could make or break a relationship. But it takes patient, understanding, forgiving individuals to allow that person to be human. Please tell me your thoughts on this. Thank you!
My divorce after 40 years was a blessing in disguise. Sooo happy and PEACEFUL!! Found myself since divorce .. I love me ! Lol
Me too ❤
@@AngelaAlcornTinyHouseAmerica Isn’t it a wonderful feeling of freedom ? To love ourselves is so good for us..
God bless you! I went through a very-difficult divorce after 30 years. It was brutal! But 8 1/2 years later, life is so joyful! God is good! 🙏🙌
I get this totally! I won’t let anything bad happen to me again and I’d rather be alone than fake it. It isn’t easy at all! But I care about myself more than ever x
My divorce should be in 2 months after 42 years. Definitely free, and I love it
I love this! Physical attraction is fun, but I need a deeper connection - talking, laughing, cooking a great meal together, kindness and must be kind to all animals and people. No show-boating to try and impress me. I’m impressed with what is in your heart and soul! Open up to me and let me in, and I’m yours! ❤️
If you have to fake any of this he'll be able to tell and there will be no connection. Stop focusing on doing these things to attract a man, start focusing on doing these things for yourself and then see who you attract naturally. Works 💯
Thank u that sounds like a great idea to me.
💯💯💯💯💯💯💯 facts love your idea 💡
Being yourself is the best bet. We all have good and bad days. That is reality. No one can be happy Hannah every day.
I love all this and agree. I’m 52 and have put on weight due to some health issues and let me tell you, men love me. 😂 I have integrity and intellect, I’m charming and kind. I’m financially stable and emotionally stable. Looks fade but character remains!
A woman who is confident is attractive.
Clean and appropriately attired is attractive in both men and women.
Be kind.
Won't help if one is ugly.
@@mirianakovachevic748 OMG yes, society sux when it comes to looks.
@mirianakovachevic748 Be okay with dating someone equally ugly? 🤷♀️
ETA: I don't really think people are TRULY ugly. It's either unhealthy weight, lack of personal maintenance/hygiene, or some medical condition that might require reconstructive/cosmetic surgery. I think a great deal of "ugly" people fall under these issues and they COULD be helped some.
@@krystavi05 Ugly is not the right word. I meant unattractive. For example some girls don't have atributes to attract men and they just don't notice them. There is both male and female competition and a number of people will never be selected.
A man has to be emotionally available to have emotional attraction. Would LOVE to know one ...
Emotionally MATURE
I'm blessed to have this in a best friend
My ex-husband’s use of his phone way way too much until late hours of the night, and declining social events offered to us… oh my gosh. It killed our marriage. Because he would not let me go to the events on my own.
His entire life was at work and on his phone.
I learned not to nag about it. I just have to ask one time to stop it, then leave the relationship if he doesn’t listen.
Omg I guessed vibe. I don't know why youtube put this video in my path since I've been married so long but as a psychology student, I enjoy videos like this. I can tell you, I had my husband's attention over a VERY beautiful girl/women (we were young) who liked him a lot. At first it felt like I was in the Twilight zone. I believe the difference was, when she came into the room she said "Here I am." I said, "There you are." I made my husband FEEL good about himself. I gave the vibe that he was as funny, strong, respected and smart as I saw him. THAT gave me the edge.
There YOU are. I love this. It's huge
I love this! How you described the “walking into a room” and the distinction between “here I am” and “there you are” will stick with me forever!
Love this!!❤
Am copying this
Thank you for this frank discussion. I am married and not seeking a new relationship but looking to enhance my relationship with my husband of 23 years, who I have known for 33 years. I think this has helped me to understand his point of view and help me to be a better partner. At my age women, can start feeling very insecure and negative about ourselves, especially if we are not getting the attention we used to from our husbands or significant others. We do not have the physical beauty we used to have and this gives us something else to consider and more realistic to work on. It is encouraging to hear that it may not always be about the physical beauty but perhaps the way we present ourselves, our attitude toward life, which can be more manageable.
Right there with you!
It's a two-way street. Hopefully your husband has recognized that he needs to do something to continue to keep you interested also.. After all, he is getting older too.
Ah, the elephant in the room!!! I work really hard at being fit, strong, take care of my skin, put on makeup, make a point to dress with some semblance of style (bad style maybe, but hey, I try.)
I am not trying to impress anyone, I just want to be able to look in the mirror and think I look the way I feel inside. My husband - none of this and yes, it’s a challenge.
There is nothing wrong with men being attracted to women’s looks the problem is that when they don’t go beyond looks. Getting to know people for who they are is what makes all kinds of good and great relationships.
That takes time and effort. Both nobody has. Everything is fast, hot, ready, with everyone. You stay out of that and play dead.
@@Erica-cf1xb highly mistaken. Lust leads to death of relationships and to one’s soul. Wake up before it’s too late late
I’m overlooked on the regular. I’m not a head turner. Well…yeah, they turn away.
Haven’t found anyone that gets to the point where they want to know my brain. 😏I’m tired.
No matter what the woman’s age is, if they are confident, secure in themselves, take care of themselves, care about their appearance and love life, they will always attract others!!!
Men notice pretty women and the rest tend to be invisible. So, yes, men tend to be superficial. To get to emotional attraction, men have to get past that superficial attraction. Very few men take the time to talk to someone who isn't 'pretty enough' or 'young enough' for them. As a women gets older, she is noticed even less. We become invisible unless we are some fantastic beauty. I don't take much stock in looks, I'd rather be with an 'ugly' man who has it goin' on inside (character) than a superficial man who is 'pretty' on the outside.
That's why I no longer find most men attractive. I've seen even "good" husbands doing the bare minimum. Marriage benefits married men the most, not women. More and more women are wising up to this, thank god.
There is one word, that explains everything - energy. Not look, not age - the energy. Sure, you have to respect yourself enough and look good, take care of your body, don't go overweight. Be the best version of yourself or at least head in that direction. If you love yourself and are open to life, feel grounded, self-sufficient, curious and playful - then you own the energy that attracts people. And men will notice you, regardless age. Older, younger, same-age men.
Agree. Everyone who says different is avoiding the truth.
@tidindra. So true.
If you feel good about yourself you will attract many good good men.
I have 3 wanting my attention at the moment lol
Have only had my ex for nearly 30 yrs, and I have to say I am enjoying the attention 😉
@@saggie5261Where did you find any good men?
I've noticed that when you're just getting to know a guy, they often just talk about themselves. I do ask them questions But they don't ask much about me. Yes I will interject something about me, but sometimes I will just say, "you seem to be a very interesting person, you've told me a lot about yourself & that's good. Do you have any questions for me?" If they don't, then they are either totally self-absorbed or just not interested in me. There should be an exchange of info if you want to get to know each other.
According to John Grey, you are suppose to wait for a pause and jump in to talk about yourself.
I've only ever experienced the same as what you mention, the few times a guy would actually talk to me. It's a turn off.
It's sometimes how some guys cope with nervousness. And sometimes he's just self-centered.
A guy who has success with women will try to minimize his own speaking time, without boring her, keeping things playful and lighthearted...simply because any random thing, while the stars are aligned some random way, can put off women in the initial stages.... and speaking about oneself increases that risk. Also retaining some mysteriousness and her wondering about things help.
Once the girl adores you and has rose-colored glasses on, it's as if you can do no wrong in her eyes, then it's a better time to speak more about oneself.
A guy speaking too much shows inexperience.
If another person, whether a friend or potential romantic partner, and they just talk about themselves, wait for you to ask questions and don’t ask you any questions about you, it’s a HUGE flag. Whatever the reason is, they may just be socially inept… but they’re showing they have no interest in getting to know the real you. They have no curiosity about you. And 9/10 they’re very self-absorbed and selfish. It’s a BIG tell. 😉
7:20 a lot of time when you meet someone and feel “uggghh”, trust it. Don’t doubt your gut and “make” yourself “fit and fix” them to fit your acceptance-they are usually a narcissist, keep that in the back of your mind and at the next red flag, RUN. Don’t normalize this, learn to SAY NO, when you feel the bad vibecheck. There are many more people out there who are NOT unhealthy-choose HEALTHY.
Spot on. I mean, SPOT on.
Totally true about having positive energy. Negative repels people. Positive energy is contagious.
Great podcast, very refreshing to hear a man’s point of view and their reality! … I went on a date last week and I know more about his ex-wife than I think he does about me, and to give him a second chance, we had a couple of phone conversations throughout the week and I still know more about his ex-wife so now I need to let him know that we just aren’t a connection….
I know what you mean. Went on a date and he spent 7 hours talking about his ex girlfriend/ex wife, work, mates 😂 I don’t think he knew anything about me.
Talking about their ex is a red flag.
We must let them know so they can do better on their next date with whomever
Yep and I totally have the same feelings most of the time a woman will get a vibe off of man too. My biggest thing that attracts me to a guy is when I feel that he is happy to be spending this time with me and being positive and outgoing about it. Not judging me to harshly right off. I want to actually feel like maybe I'm being assessed but given a chance not as if I'm being judged like a pie at a baking competition.
You are describing elements of an authentic person.
So, I walked around with "soft eyes" and approachable as you suggested, and I attracted some dangerous characters.
😂😂😂😂😂
I'm guessing you shut down those soft eyes after a few non desired interactions. You got some power going on! 😂
Lol!😅
😂😂😂😂
Part of positive energy for me is caring about others who are vulnerable and harmed. Being concerned & empathetic about those they do not know who are suffering is attractive to me.
Soon as I turned 45 my online messages dropped drastically, even though my looks haven’t changed much, if at all. I might look even better bc I learned beauty techniques. Men are extremely superficial. That’s why this convo had to caveat « not that we don’t care about beauty » so much. It just is what it is.
why do u care? quantity isnt quality...
and i will agree with these guys
VIBE counts for alot
Im 48, always been overweight.... like 250lbs-320lbs
Never lacked for male attention, cuz yeah Im pretty (big boobs) but also
My vibe... doesnt at all seem like that of wmn in her 40s, or even 30.
Most think Im in my 20s.. how? Im fun... not in a dumb bimbo way, but im a smart sexy way.
and they know upfront, dont approach me like a HUNGRY DOG.
They never cat-call me, always respect upfront , always talk of LTR upfront. never talk of 50/50 bs. Most men think Im married or taken, if they see Im single (if i choose to disclose that to them) they 'come correct'.
I would tell any wmn, its very much how you carry yourself.
What u say was my experience also....the good news is u weed-out the narcissists...tons of them online..after 10 yrs on and off of online dating i met my, now husband .......he is a nerd and probably neuro-divergent ...he thinks he won the lotto because i am attractive and sexy and smart....i think these guys can make good husbands.......if you are still going for the hotties...reconsider..they are almost ALWAYS jerks. Best to you !
@@absolute3112 The point she is trying to make is that men ARE very superficial when just looking. They rarely take the time to get to know someone who isn't a certain age or is pretty. You can't get to 'vibe' unless you walk up and TALK to someone regardless of their outward appearance.
@@absolute3112 Yeah, I don't care what men find attractive. Instead of trying to figure out what they find attractive, focus on what YOU find attractive. Don't change for a man, especially looks. All those TV shows with fat, ugly husbands with skinny pretty wives ... because women want more than looks.
This was a very interesting podcast. I lost my partner because he past away and that was hard one to take, because he was my best friend. I look at my life going forward in a positive way, and as a new beginning. When I am ready to date I will want some of the good qualities he had, but each person will also have their good qualities. I think as well as being esthetically pleasing one must be able to engage in an intelligent way as to have meaningful conversation on shared interests. Because if the relationship deepens you need to communicate, be one’s best friend, as well as lover. This podcast made me ponder what a good relationship should be. ❤
I’m so sorry about your husband. When the time comes, you will find a companion who is a different kind of friend to you.
At 47 I know now, I’ve never had true love. I give it. I pour it out…it has all been unrequited. Hope you find your person 😊
The way you TALK, Your INTERLECTURE, YOUR ACTIONS, n YOUR KINDNESS !
The more I watch videos like this, the more I’m affirmed of what a catch I am 😂
THIS!😍
😂😂😂
LOL! Good for you! I have difficulty meeting good men and I am physically attractive, kind, funny, I am wealthy, and I have unlimited flight benefits for life! No debt, own my own home, high IQ, trained in Social Etiquette, good cook, credit rating of 832 (!), hold five Federal Security Clearances, etc., etc. I have so much to offer the right man but so far, men seem to be intimidated by me. Men just don’t want to require more of themselves. It’s annoying.
@@LauraSchendel-ko1qkThat’s intriguing!
Same… kinda. It’s nice to know men are just human beings wanting appreciation and respect, kindness, good humour and yes, accountability.
After 10 min. you guys are just nonstop speaking about what you don't want...😂😂😂
I thought it would be a positive conversation as positive as you're waiting from us to be!😜😄😄😄😄😄
Truth
My question is, Do men put this much effort and work and analysis into keeping a woman interested or getting a woman interested in them?
No. Never. @sue6307
Nope because they think just breathing makes them the prize😂
Excellent question and we already know the answer!
Good question!!
Good question!!
They are such good tips. Just finally left a long, difficult marriage. It's not easy to get back into dating yet, learning more how I should be. Such an adventure of self-discovery 😊
I absolutely hate one of the comments you just said. That men try to find the person who they think they will be least likely to be rejected by. People don’t believe this. Yet, it’s true. If a woman is a 9 - 10, most guys assume they will get turned down, so they don’t even bother. So 7’s are getting all the guys and a lot of really cool, beautiful women are lonely. It’s also doesn’t help that people assume if a woman is highly attractive, that she is probably stuck up, dumb, or boring. There are just as many, intelligent, funny, nice, gorgeous women as there are intelligent, funny, nice, average looking woman.
Interesting
Right, Jayne Mansfield for example. She was gorgeous. But regardless of the stereotype of a dumb blonde, she was not. She spoke five languages. Played piano, violin, sang, and acted.
@@francalatona591 , true…my dad went on a couple dates with her in high school, and said nice things about her…and that she was as smart as she was pretty!
@socadream Wow! What a nice memory your dad has of her. Her IQ was 160, amazing. She had 5 beautiful children and a love of dogs. I imagine that if she did not get into acting, she could of ran a company.
this makes no sense to me. I feel like if a woman is truly"cool" & is beautiful too she will totally get guys. If she really is as intelligent, funny & nice as other women then she shud hav no trouble. Mayb she isn't as much of those things as she thinks she is or mayb she doesn't know how to be approachable? Guys rn't gonna let looks get in their way if everything else is working for them. That is just a bonus to them. I think this 9-10 girl in the looks department probly has way less going for her in other areas & that is y men arn't into her. Looks isn't a hindrance unless something else is
Please remind men that life is painful and people do have valid pain and suffering in arrow one that does not mean we are always down and eeyore. I had to stop dating now because I’m taking care of my sister with metastatic breast cancer. I’m tired and worried and that’s valid! I’m not a negative person but it’s really hard right now. Arrow one is not arrow two guys
Check out Joe Tippen's cancer story.
I agree Duckypam, well said I too have a lot going on with elderly parents etc. I'm a quiet person and due to experiences I find myself in the myre, I guess due to long term ongoing worry, depression has got a hold on me and I'm tired. I hope my 'vibe' does become happier. We try our best. My best wishes to you and your Sister. Julie 💐
@@jstanders6973 to you as well! Thank you for what you do
Who would want to be with a man who doesn't have the emotional intelligence to understand that that's hard?
This is true.
This was an inspirational and important conversation- thank you gentlemen!
I just made my own list for men:
1. Is mature enoigh to over look physical flaws in a woman
2. Doemst need to pursue women 15 yrs or more younger
3. Doesnt hate old people
4. Willing to show interest
5. Follows throigh on what he says he will do no matter how small
6. Sense of humor and positivity
7. Pays attention to what i say and things i do
8. Works / has a gentle yet authoritative demeanor
9. Is attractive enough for me to be attracted to him
10 where u @ BOi
Great list
Doesnt need to pursue anyone else! Doesnt need that external validation😉
Great list
I have seen woman comment looks or attraction is not as important as men are visual and look for that? Maybe that's true.for some women..I don't think all women feel this way, I dont im visual too..and I feel you do no partnership a favor to not being equally attracted to each other..
This is my list! Exactly! I love the gentle but authoritative! Girl yes that sexy! more like he knows how to take the lead and convince you to follow like the e knows he is the men.
I never really thought twice about the actor John Candy. He was just a goofy comedian/actor to me. Then, I saw him in a romantic comedy. I fell hard for him. What I find attractive has nothing to do with looks.
I a,ways thought John Goodman was a very handsome Man too!
I stopped your video and responded "my energy, my smile, the way I look at a man and show him interest and, my true and actual enjoyment of who he is. I don't have to know him, I am just that way with all men (and women too by the way!). The rest comes after. If a man cannot see how genuine I am well that's ok, I wasn't in front of him for a relationship, marriage etc... I was welcoming him into my life for the time we interacted. No more no less... I'll continue watching the video now..
Bravo , well said
I finally learned my self worth after being in really bad relationships and very unappreciated and finally founs a man who loves me for me and proves it every day. He doesnt exactly know how to show me how he feels about me or say it but him not giving up on me and does the smallest thing for me without being asked and his mear presence and just not doing anything together proves it to me more than he knows. He has sen the bad side of me and just told me that im more than enough for him. He doesn't know or will ever understand how much that means to me.
1. Beauty
2. Self Confidence
3. Independence
I laughed when he said "when something traumatic happens....
Like if your car breaks down...
Or you lose a loved one..."
😂 Hopefully not in that order.
Totally agree with emotional attraction…works like a magic charm..❤🎉❤🎉
Don't worry about turning yourself into a pretzel to attract a man. Men just take your joy. Develop your own interests and goals, and nurture good friendships, and projects you care about. Then you will be happy in life.
Men noticed her dress, face and her tone of voice and how she acts.
Excellent talk! All the things you listed are just what I do naturally - why wouldn't you? The advice of playing cool and hard to get never made sense to me. Keep up the great work guys!
Thank you so much for bringing good info without women bashing. I’ve learned a lot. Your words have actually been encouraging that I’m on the right track in many ways. Have more progress to make.
- a woman 😊
A little advice for you young man. Don’t ever admit to a woman you find other women “physically attractive” while she is in your company. This is one way to start silently destroying her feelings towards you. Specially if you are married. Not only is this classless but ignorant. A woman wants to feel you only have eyes for her. Remember the song; “I only have eyes for you”. You’re out showing maturity on the women front.
Friendliness, intelligence, clean pleasant appearance, sense of humor, giving of self, ability to support self, ability to cook, getting along with his friends, sense of appreciation.
This is the type of advice I would give my older teenage daughter. All her friends are dating and breaking up after 3 months, as a noticed pattern. I say for her to wait until she meets the right kind of person, the kind you describe.
All a man needs to be a good partner is strong internal morals and internal goals, but it also makes him more prudent when selecting.
Dont soft eyes and smiles attract self-centered, selfish people?
Maybe don’t be critical, but don’t be TOO welcoming either. I think a good open stance friendly balance is important. Being too nice, friendly, easy attracts predatorial types, really.
What about the women who normally have a resting bitch face? They don't even realize they are doing it.
Think about what you just said. Do babies respond to a smile, and an engaging vibe, or do they respond to a downcast frown and no energy - or is that rather frightening.
Humans smile, even dogs recognize a vibe.
So true If I’m remotely nice to a man he thinks I’m interested When I gently shut that idea down they get angry 🤷🏻♀️
@@judyperri9496 So it worked? lol😂 😂
Being nice to a man, caused him to become interested in you. Isn't that supposed to be the effect it's supposed to have?
@@tylerdurden3722 No !!! Being nice to a man doesn’t mean I’m interested or want him to be interested in me It just means being nice
Im 39 and have been with my husband since I was a teenager, he died a year ago, but now lots of men try yo talk to me or have sex etc, but I don’t want any part of it. Im a very nice person and happy, friendly etc, so I guess thats why men are attracted to me? But I still miss my husband and want to be with HIM. Not any of these random men that try ti talk to me, I feel bad rejecting them. I have had a few men become very upset that I won’t give them a shot. But Again Im in know way shape or form ready to be in a relationship or an anything again.
Sorry you lost your husband. You are still grieving. Let that happen.
However your life is not over.
Yes. You are still in grief.
Grief doesn’t diminish but eventually your life will grow larger to better encompass your grief.
You are being honest to yourself and know what you need. Blessings
We used to wear black in mourning so the message was clear.
Working on my crochet skills to attract men as we speak 😂
Hahaha
How about milk a cow or make a cherry pie like in the song Billy Boy. lol
Does knitting for my grandson count ?? 😅
😂
Hilarious! Imma try that. I think i'll knit me a man too. But im guessing he womt talk much..
So true. Misery loves company! Stop looking for someone else to fix you. Ownership is good.Take responsibility for how you deal with things and make changes! On both sides.
It does. That's why haters on the left and right of a person some how always link up without the one in the middle. It's interesting how that works.
I love this information and it's also what healthy women look for in a date as well.
After my giggle and my smile, my now husband noticed how I was with my family (same thing I noticed about him).
I often find myself Bored with men who are hitting on me & asking me out. They seem to have such a surface layer of saying what I want to hear, as if "on template," rather than showing what makes them unique and genuine??.. Then I probably seem jaded!.. Alas!-
…oh, Well !!
This was such an interesting podcast. Thank you for doing this. ❤
This was good. Be authentic, positive, not the woe is me, victim complainer about govt, ex'es, etc, be welcoming, curious having soft eyes not cold, closed, mad face and be FULLY present, OFF phone entirely, curious, ask questions of depth and pay attention to the quality of friends ge sees you with that to him says you are like that or are " ok" with their vibe👍
Question for the guys about physical attraction: In the past few years and now, (as I get older) I've been getting tons of compliments from men (total strangers daily) in their 30's-40's, and the first thing they all say with a big smile, is: "you're very beautiful", this concerns me because most of these men say this while their wives/girlfriends are standing next to them and it makes me feel bad for their ladies. I don't wear revealing clothes, I wear super baggy shirts and pants and no make up. I'm confused, while I appreciate the compliments, what will it take a man to call a stranger "beautiful" in-front of his wife/gf?
Humor,honesty,work ethi, way I carry myself
I also thought of physical appearance as my first thought too but maybe the reason isn't on women for thinking that? I would say it's the area with the most "shaming" we see from men. Talking about how disgraceful it is to let ourselves go or be overweight. I think if you want women to give more credit to men for the emotional stuff maybe more men need to show up that way first and we would know what the currency is. I will say I have seen more content talking about this from men so maybe things will change in the future
dates are not a relationship. I can't believe this guy phrased it saying " if u find yor relationship only lasting 2-3 dates." Is that really a relationship yet? Isn't dating one thing but being in a relationship is beyond that
I respect all these insights, and I still think that it happens when you find a person that is emotionally available to try, to get to know you, to invest their time, and not give up in the first opportunity they have, assuming something or defining you for something they interpret in the wrong way. When they like you, they like you.
Constantly acting like a victim in life is SUPER UNATTRACTIVE in ANYONE. I can not imagine being in everyday life with someone like that.
The message in this podcast was spot on... uplifting, glad I figured this out after being by myself and developing self love, relationship maturity from experiences. Retrain your brain from negativity to seeing the brighter side of life.
Posture and attitude.
1. Beauty (physical attraction)
2. Fully present (emotional attraction)
3. Verbal communication
4. Friends
5. Ownership of problems
6. Vibe…now we are inseparable ❤
Wow! Adam so good to see you again on RUclips-didn't know where you had gone but glad to know you are still at it! Really enjoy your content.
I love this so much and agree with 99% of it. What do you say about a girl doing all the things you are talking about and has all those qualities and connects on that deeper level but then the guy says 'I don't feel a physical connection' and that's the end of it? :) It negates all the other things that are great.
In my experience, men want it all in a woman, to be young, confident, great looks, great job, no kids, great boobs, great butt, great hair, blue eyes, blonde, short, smart, lots of friends, excellent outfit, rich, a perfect family, funny, popular, perfect in every way. The vibe comes last.
Short? At 5'0", I didn't expect that one. I'd love to be taller, even by just by couple of inches. What's interesting though is, I've had a number of boyfriends in the 6' range. My ex husband was 5'10 and my now soul matey of 12 years is 6'1". I guess being thin and considered cute (up until late 60's anyway), intelligent and having a good vibe, makes lack of height unimportant to a lot of guys. And I don't even have much in the way of boobs!
@@bjelfin Good for you!
They are dry superficial
I think men confused the bejesus out of you lol.
1. male attraction is not the same as female attraction...in fact it's virtually opposite (with a few exceptions).
E.g. are you more attracted to tall men, than short men?
Well, It's the opposite for us...we're more attracted to women who are shorter than us. We are opposites like Yin and Yang, complimenting each other in the same way.
Now do the same with confidence, financial success, funny, popular, lots of friends, etc...and you'll start to realize what you got wrong. (Popular and lots of friends are more red flags than attraction triggers lol)
2. Men have two different types of attraction, that are completely independent of each other...and this is what's throwing you off.
Attraction #1 is purely physical, and none of the above applies to it. Anything with a pulse will do, and it's why there some guy somewhere in the world having sex with a goat, another straight dude in prison having butt sex, a teenager in a hospital cause he stuck his d*ck into a weird hole, another dude sleeping with a grandma, etc...ignore this one for now, because it has virtually no requirements to be triggered, meaning that whether a man will have sex with a female or not has nothing to do with genuine attraction.
Attraction #2 is the elusive genuine romantic attraction women are interested in finding. Unlike the other attraction, men are extremely selective when it comes to this one. And this is the one that is the exact opposite of female attraction. The way it feels is "future mother of my children". (the other one feels, "sex object")
E.g. Females are attracted to experience, but men are attracted to inexperience. (remember, male sex drive has nothing to do with this attraction, just because a man sleeps with a dog, plastic doll or an experienced woman, doesn't mean he's attracted to experience in women)
3. For women it's like fishing, and Attraction #1 is what motivates men to go for the bait, and attraction #2 is what hooks the man. A man is caught in two stages.
But lots of women are fishing with just bait and no hook...lol.
Attraction #1 is a purely visual attraction. Men have to approach women, it's not possible to assess personality, etc from afar...hence why men have this visual attraction to get the mate selection process started.
Step 1 is "judging the book by the cover" with our eyes, from afar, and we get a vibe (feeling) that is based on experience...men have to assess and approach a lot of women for just one successful sexual experience. Some men learn quickly how to spot and differentiate between different types of women, without any interaction.
It's the default state of all men...we have an intense impulse for sexual variety (probably because we have to visually assess and approach a lot of women to have success).
We dont have a "one type", like women do, because "one type" is not variety (it's the opposite of variety)...a man might have a "favorite type" (but it's typically influenced by "a one that got away" type situation)
The pursuit of sex forces a man to be exposed to the girl's personality, and if she has the right type of personality (feminine), there's a higher chance he'll get hooked.
But if she has the wrong traits, he won't get hooked and will be able to be intimate without any emotional attachment whatsoever (some men intentionally pursue such safer situations, and pick women accordingly...that is, women who lack Attraction#2, so as to not get hooked, so he can enjoy the sex emotionally-risk-free).
So yes, vibe comes first...women are initially selected or rejected without having a clue, because it happens from afar, during a quick process of scanning many women visually.
Big boobs and big butt, revealing clothes, etc triggers attraction #1, but it most times suppresses Attraction #2.
Some men got burned in the past after getting hooked, and then play it safe by targeting Attraction #1 type good looking women with traits that are unattractive (e.g. she's confident, career driven, rich, assertive, experienced, very social, dresses provocatively, etc...all these things suppress attraction #2 and makes her safer to use for sex...which requires selling her the dream, pretending her traits are attractive by telling her what she wants to hear to keep the sex flowing).
I have a friend who despite being attached always had men approach her. She has the softest face and big beautiful doe eyes. We talked about this one night while out and she said look at me, I'm the last person that would ever reject them. She was like a magnet. I guess the men felt safe with her. She also knew herself, was centred and balanced, friendly and approachable and genuinely interested about people in general and was a caring soul. I have become more like that now at 51 but I feel very nervous after my marriage ended badly that I'll pick or attract the ering man. I actually do know what i want but its finding hin and being allowed to be found in having trouble with. So I guess I have more work to do. I'm practicing feeling satisfied and peaceful right now and it's helping a lot.
I wish everyone a great next match with a partner that you can grow more crazy with and have lots of fun together. 🎉❤😂
At the end “Give us credit”… How can I give credit if you’re attracted to 10 women a day! There’s a difference between noticing someone is attractive and actually allowing yourself to be attracted to them. The recipient WILL notice. We need better integrity. Like Job, who made a covenant with his eyes and heart.
16:05 divorce just at its core, means two people didn’t suit to each other, and they didn’t want to do the work with each other and rather do it with others. If someone is toxic, you also need to heal.
Married people who got divorced aren’t necessarily bad, but hearing about what went wrong and how much they blame the other person is a big deal. We might want to make the person faultless, but those faults will all come back to bite YOU.
Yes this resonates! I started dating a guy and the way he spoke of the ex wife was vile. Should have run right then. At least it only lasted 3 months as he was the horrid one. 🫢😊
This was great advice. I’m going to also share it with my 30 year old son.
The first arrow versus the second arrow is what they call internal versus external locus of control in psychology.
The theory goes that if you have an internal locus of control you can accept responsibility for your failures and experience a sense of pride in your accomplishments, but with an external locus of control, you blame the world for your failures, but you also can take no joy from your successes because you feel like a speck of dust blowing on the wind. People who play the victim tend to the point the finger, so anytime they accomplish something big it must be the result of luck.
Ownership is critical to feeling like you're the driver in your own life.
To attract a good man, you have to understand yourself and be honest about who you are and what you need. For example, If you want a kind person, you have to be a kind person. If you want a controlling person, you have to realize that you are willing to let yourself be controlled - some women really want that - they equate that with love. Just understand what you want and what you will want to live with. Being with someone isn't easy. You both have to be willing to give in to the other person at times. I have the most wonderful husband in the world, but when he first moved in, I was ready to throw him out because of his mess. He's gotten a lot better, and I've had to learn to be less controlling. The fact that he's as nice as he is and the fact that he was willing to change made the difference. We were both older and that helped.
People that are negative, it is likely they are depressed.
And depressed for good reason. I don't think they made the distinction in this between being honest with people who ask, that "things aren't going great right now; I'm having these recurring problems" vs. an obnoxious trauma-dumping complainer, who never sets goals. The 2nd is toxic, the first is not. There are people who were kind, had goals, and tried to make things happen in life, but were screwed over, sabotaged, out of jealousy, got used, people trying their whole life to abuse/humiliate them, etc. People who look too young, seem too sweet, shine too brightly who attract resentment and hatred. It's indeed important to remember not everyone has such good luck in life. A lot of people get a lot handed to them, and others have to struggle to just barely get by. They're allowed their valid grievances and frustrations.
I used to think my best feature was my green eyes. Then my now Exhusband said I’m not able to see my best feature because it’s behind me!
Haha. I have green eyes too and always thought it was my best feature! My husband thinks the same as your x. Hilarious.
What a shame..I think green eyes are beautiful!
I remember when I was dating a guy, it was the 2nd date, he was looking around, talking bad about his ex-wife, he had a lover and he blamed on his ex! I ended it because I thought he was trouble… He begged for a 2nd chance, I gave it to him and it was the worst relationship I was in… I didn't hear to my intention and I learned my lesson!
Now I am dating again, I am letting it flow!
I think the first thing men notice is my confidence.
So true... I just left 2 people because Everytime they call is WOE is ME...
I got tired of listening...I mean if you keep complaining it's because you are the problem.
I have problems too but I don't talk about them.
There's no point coz no one is going to help you anyway.
Master complainers. It's another beggar tactic. They are fine. The demon loves to moan and play on the phone. Stop answering.
Male strangers just say some version of, "Gorgeous." After that, it's my eyes and / or hair. All from younger men. I'm 58.
I am attracted to men who are diverse in their interests, confident on their own, and the energy is electric when we're together.
The first thing a man notice about a woman is her face, posture and manner. Your face is the first thing anyone see about a person, and body structure and poise
When a guy complains like these two men, you'll get a lot of drama in your relationship 🙄 I like an uncomplicated, simple, happy man.
Sometimes we have periods in life when we don’t have that happy VIBE … and have good reason… won’t last forever , but we can’t control the clock! So what’s one to do until we are over it? Sure once you’re already in a relationship it’s all ok!… how does one get INTO a relationship while not a happy camper at the time..??
The best thing to do is to not seek out someone to fill it. Insecure people do that. Sexual healing journey to hell. That's the time to focus on making you happy. Pour into you in various ways as much as you can afford.
A relaxed and friendly outlook
12:15 I guess this is why girl friendships are so unique and so ‘forever’ things because we can go to our bff and complain that my nail broke and she never things that I am being a victim and pump up my mood and energy without even feeling drained.
Its easy to have a great positive attitude when youre happy!
Smile and energy, men have told me.
As a woman I lack of girlfriends which is bad because women are energy. I have no trust and my boyfriend finds me weird sometimes because I am woman and I want funny girly talk. My only close friend is trauma bonding friend and he doesn’t like her and I am thing was it a mistake because I really want to be the best woman version, but having women and people in general around you with common interest and views as a woman is really difficult because of malice, envy, hypocrisy and hypocrites.
Ouch
Energy is the 1st thing they notice. I do
Energy never lies. But it can be hard to see when standing too close to negative energy. That's what evil people do. They need to stand very close and mimic so it's hard to tell who is who.
The first word came into my mind what men first notice in me is my vibe :) I won :D
This was so nice :3 thanks for sharing and reinforcing this attributes :)))
Women are very visually oriented too. It doesn’t help that so many women shove this under the rug to seem more “virtuous.” YES we care about character and personality but we prefer it with bright smiles, alert clear eyes and some physical capability, which usually presents as some muscle. I hope no one feels bad about their need to feel attracted to a potential intimate partner, because attractiveness is a sign of good health. That kinda' matters. Meanwhile the advice here is much appreciated and reflects in what successes I've known. Attitude and spirit are indeed huge.
Mój mąż powiedział mi że mój wygląd,potem piersi,tyłek,oczy ❤️na pierwszej randce złapał mnie za rękę a na 5 randce dostałam pierścionek 💍 po roku wzięliśmy ślub ❤tak razem jesteśmy 10lat ❤natomiast nie każdy ma tyle szczęścia 🙃
Super valuable info Adam. Thank you this is appreciated.
King Charles is a perfect example of how much an emotional connection means to a man.
Yep, shared values and shared purpose matters. Humour, independence and strength is what I notice around Queen Camilla. Crowds notice her too. It's fun to watch. Wishing them both good health.
Yes, bless them.
True love
What? He cheated on his wife!
You attraction is visual. Emotional for women is caring about her feelings and what she likes and dislikes and the same goes for men.