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Adult with Autism | Autism & Christmas | 22
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- Опубликовано: 3 авг 2024
- Anti-social is a negative term, but so is the feeling of having to force yourself through events for other people. Why should everyone else benefit whilst you suffer? Doesn't make much sense to me, probably because I am the one who suffers!
The joy of age is that you gain clarity and experience each and every year, and just like a boiling pan of water, at some point, it is going to boil over...just like my tolerance levels. So it is important to do something about it before it comes to that, to ensure the 'fallout' of what you need to change is mitigated where possible.
You need to look out for yourself if something is detrimental to your well-being. You cannot pour from an empty cup, so why try just because it is 'expected'?
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Some years I celebrate christmas with family and some years by myself. Depending on how I feel that year.
I agree with your message Paul. Very well put.
Many Thanks. Exactly, it is all about how YOU feel and how YOU feel you can manage, and doing what is best.
@@AdultwithAutism Agreed 👍
How does 30 min fly by so fast? I really enjoy your stories; they give so much context and history which in turn helps you understand a person and their choices. Oh - and coins make much more sense to me than spoons! 😂
Someone else who knows about this spoon thing! 😂 Just me who didn't.
@@AdultwithAutism meh, only because I happened to hear another autistic RUclipsr mention it recently.
I won't be able to look at a spoon for a while 😂
love the coin analogy. so relate to that. thanks Paul for the pennys.
Sorry I didn't respond to this, YT held it for review for some reason.
Thankyou.
You're welcome
Feel exactly the same mate. So overwhelming.
Sure is.
So kind and sensitive to your mum.
I just make sure I see her at Xmas for her , but not Xmas day as I need that for me 👍🏻
i never wanted to be a burden and came from a very dysfunctional family. so was easier to present a facade. but now my dad has died am finding more freedom just to find my own place. glad you are too and are looking after yourself. i still find that tricky but getting there.
I don't think there is ever a definitive answer of what works and what doesn't, so long as the focus is earning the 'coins', and you have enough for what you need them for, then that's all we can ask for.
OOf. Well, this vid just gave me a new (significant) "aha" moment .. I have cyclically struggled, over my life, with "burnout" without knowing what it was. And the closest I could come to explaining my issues was "adrenal fatigue" - which was legitimate, but not sufficient to find a "preventative" path .. Your comparison of "excitement" vs. "anxiety" was HUGE for me. Honestly, it's a bit of a "well, duh!" .. but your comments reminded me how I have just tried to explain to folks (before I knew anything about my autism or autistic burnout) that I "couldn't control my adrenalin levels" and so had to be very careful not to "over do" and spiral downward.
But the DIFFERENCE in the sensation of "time" was the significance, here (excitement makes the time DRAG, anxiety makes the time move too fast...), cuz I HATE being "rushed" (especially in a "poor planning on your part doesn't constitute an emergency on mine" kind of way, which unfortunately I see a LOT in my job) .. And it's literally that "RUSH" - which always comes with the "rush" of adrenalin - which has eventually resulted in crash and burn ..
I can see I definitely need to chew on this notion some more! Thank you once again, sir. :)
No problem at all 👍🏻
Paul, really enjoyed this one. I loved Christmas when I was a kid but I was always sick with stomach issues. Always nervous as I am the youngest of five so the place was always full of people. All our friends would like to come to our place for Christmas. My mom was a great cook and we had a big house. Like you when I look back I can see how stressed I was. I think I always remembered the fun and forgot about the stress.
Since high school I realized I didn’t like parties or gatherings. Still always did the Christmas at home. I still do gatherings with friends at Thanksgiving and Christmas. I enjoy them but they cost a lot of coins! I have already dropped the spoon theory and have adopted the Paul coin theory! I really am a cultist😱!
Your thoughts of enjoying solitude sound amazing too me. I am most happy being by myself or just with my partner.
Wishing you the most joyous Christmas!
Thank Bryan, glad you enjoyed it! I thought this type would be more up your street.
It looks like I am the only one who never knew about the Spoon theory! But I am glad my coins analogy worked out...and we are a collective, not a cult 😂
My low key Christmas will be just the ticket. Everyone else will be busy, and I can be left to it!
Excellent video. Very sweet!
Thank you
That's very interesting what you said about driving in the dark.. definitely elaborate on that😊
Merry Christmas Paul😊
I'll pop it in a Three Questions video in the future 👍🏻
And Merry Xmas to you too
Having social anxiety lockdown has been good for me - working from the other side of the computer.
Lockdown was the only time I felt like I lived in a world designed for me. Less people, social distancing, stopped people approaching you trying to sell things etc, it was great.
@@AdultwithAutism "the only time I felt like I lived in a world designed for me".....never a truer word said.
Hey Paul wow what an amazing video i love how you so clear;y explain things and give the stories of your family. i totally get being overwhelmed when being at events, i am so glad i keep my events small now which i go to when i see my family. I also want to wish you a Merry Christmas
Thanks Gemma, and I hope you enjoy your Christmas too.
Similar story here. Have dreaded christmas for years and would just sit and watch TV to avoid talking to people. This year I bought fancy chocolates for some family members but couldn't bring myself to contact them to say that I'm visiting so will instead stay alone and have eaten the chocolates myself. I really wouldn't mind being alone except that when people ask what I'm doing and I say I'm alone they say "You shouldn't be alone on christmas, you should see your family!", this makes me feel bad and I wish people wouldn't say this kind of thing.
By the way, maybe you already know this, but your "coins" are normally known as spoons en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoon_theory
Very true, I have already heard several times that I should spend it with family as I will be on my own...but I gently remind them which mindset they are thinking with, and it isn't mine.
I have since learnt the Spoon theory since the video was recorded funnily enough! But the way I am wired, coins better represent as I can 'earn', be 'spent', and there is a 'cost' to everything, so it is easier to make the analogy when I need to use it as an example to people when they wonder why I don't want to socialise...especially this time of year!
Hope the chocolates were good.
I love how real you are about not being as well off as others I was in a family of 6 with a twin sister and 2 older brothers. We never got new stuff. I hate Christmas and I'm going to my mums I keep telling myself I won't be cooking. ( just something to encourage me to go) My kids will love it as they don't even know yet. So back to being at home next year.
Thanks. I hope it goes well this year, ans if the kids enjoy it and you don't have to cook...then hopefully you can relax a little where possible!
That’s a fantastic explanation about the coins Paul, I hope you don’t mind if I use this myself as I have never really been able to convey too people how I feel about social gatherings and how energy zapping I find this, like you said it’s tough enough trying to get through a working week and the older I get the harder I find it to get these coins 👍
Hi Jason, I agree...definitely gets harder with age. Hope the coins thing helps to explain it.
2:47 we couldn't afford shoes sometimes hurt growing up. So when we would buy new ones we would buy a size up. And when we couldn't afford boots we would wear plastic bags over our socks in our sneakers. Now I have decent choes and boots lol. 😅
8:16 I don't celebrate holidays, but when I get gifts I'm not great at acting the way people want me too. So, instead, because I only get things that are useful and practical, I'll use the stuff often so people can see it's something I like. If that makes sense.
18:29 those bags of cloths were great 😃
👍🏼
Same for me. Working class. Raised by a single mum. Christmas is huge for her. I think they are always proving themselves by trying to buy a lot or presents as they want to show they can parent all by themselves. She even had to claim bankruptcy after racking up debts via catalogues and unpaid bills.
My mum definitely didn't want me to know that our economic status could affect tines like birthdays and Christmas. Everything was on catalogues back then!
Once again, it's like you're saying everything I want to... except I have 3 children, so I can't opt out as much as I'd like just yet. Have started saying "no" to some things though. I'm very interested to hear about your experiences driving in the dark. I absolutely loathe it. The oncoming headlights are torture and for some reason around here... people seem to enjoy going for a jog or walking their dogs on the side of the road at dusk and beyond? It boggles my mind, especially in a society so concerned with "safety" ;-)
Hi Nathan, thankfully the dog and cat aren't too fussed on Xmas so I can avoid it. But I'm glad you're taking control for what you need too in situations.
I'll talk about the driving in the dark in an upcoming Three Questions video, as the lights of other cars are a pain.
I have a lot in common with what you say. Christmas (and birthdays) have made me nervous for my entire life. The obligation to buy presents for everyone I knew and to receive gifts has always been too much for me, and I never understood why. The key word is obligation, it’s heavy and draining and tied with expectations. I’m just not good at it.
I know the feeling Catherine. Even though it is supposed to be a light hearted event, there is still obligation and expectation in there too. Commensurate gift exchange too is a difficult one to monitor. You give a piece of jewellery, and receive a biscuit barrel 😂
Yeah takes a lot to look after yourself
It does. With an ever-changing landscape each day.
so true mate. never a pattern that works each time.
Coming from a large family and so many expectations not to let people down. a feeling of frustration you had to repress and if it did boil over or you did do what was right for you it felt awful as a consequence.
I spent every year until I was in my thirties doing it for others and it got harder each year, so I had to do what was right for me at some point. I also reached the stage where I realised what I want isn't a preference, it is self preservation, and I am important too and deserve not to be stressed or anxious over controllable events.
If people get offended or it annoys them, then they don't understand me, or that I don't just prefer to spend it alone, more than I need to.
thank you for sharing your story. so validating and feel much less alone.
Sorry I didn't respond to this, YT held it for review for some reason.
Love Christmas by myself
Yep, nice and peaceful...👍🏻
I use the spoons 🥄 coz of chronic illness / pain
From what jve read since, Spoons makes more sense from a pain perspective. I use my coins from a spent perspective, and and need to earn.
For me it all ties in, I’m not diag or anything yet but my sis knows that she can’t have me without a day or two or 5 in between 😀. These videos are good bcos it’s explaining how some of us actually feel and not doing all of that oh you should force yourself and all that stuff it’s quite traumatic Xmas for me if I’m honest. This year trying something new to see if it works with Xmas arrangements so I’ll see how that goes. Plus I’ve got the cat for her first Xmas with me soooo excit d! She is going to have treats and chicken on Xmas day and lots of games. I can’t. Wait. Just me and the cat and lots of yummy food 🍲 and zonk in front of telly blah blah blah very hyper today.
I use teaspoons 🌟🤓
Yep, I seem to be the only human who never knew of the Spoon theory!
No not ata lol 😆 I used after occupational health assessment at work - which did actually work 🤓 (I know right).
How are you doing today yourself?
Sorry I didn't respond to this, YT held it for review for some reason.
It’s not anti-social, it’s asocial. There’s no ill intent, it just is what it is.
Fair enough. I still need to catch myself up with more suitable terminologies 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutism I wasn’t trying to be critical, just helpful since you seemed to not like the term anti-social in that video.
Don't worry about it, I didn't even know asocial was a word. Now I do, and I'll use it as it matches my outlook much better. Thank you
Sensory issues especially noise and intense lighting, even those lights in your videos hurt my eyes, distracting/bright!
Wow. They're only 10 lumen/1 watt bulbs as well. The lowest on the market. I only like low light which is why I have them.