Too be fair the father was a coward for lying and not taking responsibility. Plus OP had video anyways so he ruined his chances of redeeming himself (If he had one)
I dont understand the people piling on OP for not talking to his mother. Yes, her husband lied to her. But she never once asked her son about it, never got his side of the story, and said some hateful things in the process. He's seriously supposed to shrug his shoulders and say "oh well, mom knows best!" Come on now.
I completely agree with your assessment here. The mother's failure to even attempt to understand OP's perspective or get their side of the story before lashing out with "hateful things" is completely unacceptable, regardless of the mitigating circumstances. OP should not be expected to simply accept their mother's behavior and move on, as if her being misled by the father and ex-fiance somehow excuses the abusive words she directed at her own child. A parent's responsibility is to provide a safe, nurturing environment for their child, not to subject them to cruelty and betrayal. OP has every right to protect their mental health and well-being by maintaining boundaries until the mother demonstrates genuine remorse and a real commitment to rebuilding trust. Empathy and nuance are important, but they don't erase the severity of the trauma OP experienced. Your point about OP not needing to simply "shrug their shoulders" is spot on - they deserve far better than that from their own mother. You clearly understand the gravity of OP's situation and the justification for their actions.
There is some missing parts to story 1. Ops cheating ex tried to turn all of their friends against op. The only ones who listened where her friends and not ops. Ex's parents refused to believe op and tired to sue him for slander. Even paternity. The dad was the father of the baby. Which helped ops mom with her divorce and the dad got effed badly. The dad and ex ended up becoming a couple. Which is what killed support ex was getting from their friends. But they didn't care. Also the reason it hurt so much when the mom called op out at the start. Wasn't just the sob story they originally told her. But they have been filling her head with lies for a long time that op was abusive. To help explain why she was around so much for her safety. Which was a lie.
Story 1 the only thing I disagree with op was talking again with his mom after not even giving him a chance to say the truth. She automatically believed the POS father. Glad he disowned his dad and kick the ex to the curb. Let's hope.the child she is carrying isn't his.
It's had to take either side in this. But there is a reason why people warn people about controlling the narrative when cheating is involved. In his case he gave the father and his ex enough time to tell the mother their own version. Him being out of contact didn't help the situation either.
I mean, at first the mom didn’t have any reason to doubt her husband, and when he told her,she believed him. Two people reported the same story to her, so it was crappy, but she didn’t know better
@@justinebidulopoutchini9774That is absolute rubbish. Common sense and logic are enough to know something as basic as that you cannot draw conclusions without knowing both versions of an event. OP's mother took a side based on the way she firmly believes her son is. Op was right, his mother does indeed see him that way and when people are consumed by anger they tell the truth about what they think. Op should never have spoken to that traitor again.
It depends. Some people are extremely good at spinning lies. I imagine a man who'd sleep with his son's fiancee might be really good at it. I've had people like this in my life
St 1: I can see the OP reconciling with mom as dad is a manipulative POS, but if she said some unforgivable things, this should be the last time any contact happens.
@@mill2712 By waiting, he allowed her mom to show her true colors. Any normal loving mother, would wait to hear his son first and start drawing conclusions from there. The fact that she didnt, proved OP that she was biased already and was seeing his son in a certain way already.
Apparently, they had been feeding her lies for a while about how he had been abusing his fiancée. It was an elaborate ruse to excuse her being around the house a lot. But it was dumb to go ahead and double down knowing that his son had that video. Edit: I just realized that would make her look even worse since she never asked if he was actually abusing his fiancée or not. She never confronted him about the lies they had been telling her. It's even weirder that she never bothered to try to get her supposed future daughter-in-law out of a dangerous situation.
I felt for OP in Story 1 - Reddit really saved him cause dude was spiralling at light speed. Things that struck me is how he blamed himself for not knowing or not doing better. I just wanted to tell him it's okay to fall apart when your life explodes and it's not your fault. Some people are so disgusting and broken. He probably expected some closure and missed his mum, but she was just looking for someone to share her pain, that's why she told him the BS about the pregnant ex. Some states are iffy with paying child support, but I'd get an attorney to handle that. If it's his relinquish all rights or whatever he wants, but only do it through an attorney. Do not talk to those people at all. Hope the therapist tells him that, she seems smart.
That’s why you don’t wait to tell the truth to everyone the moment you find out someone cheated on you. You can’t give these people the chance to sway the narrative. They are experts at it. Lying is as easy as breathing to them.
Exactly. If you have proof of your own innocence, never let the guilty party be the first one to spend the narrative, because people have a tendency to believe the first story that they hear. Notice how OP's father attempted to make himself look like the hero, claiming he was breaking up a fight between OP and the fiance? And then he gets turned into the victim when OP attacks him with no provocation.
@@SnowyWolborg I agree 100 percent. In being too late to tell the truth, he let his father and ex tell a lie to his mother. He should have sent her that proof IMMEDIATELY. HE ruined his relationship with his mother there. (Though I do admit, he wasn't alone in that.)
@Frightmarelordofthenightmares Oh of course he would, that's why I know OP should have set the record straight as soon as he knew. And why I said he wasn't alone in messing up his relationship as his father and Ex played a role in that too.
OP in story 1 should've sent the video to his mom immediately after he left the apartment, gave his dad and ex finance too much time to give a BS story to his mom in which she believed.
Story 2: op getting backbone is not bad advice, but if it doesn't happen, she needs that strong support system if she is easily taken advantage of if she really is submissive. Nothing is wrong with it, but girls/women need that strong support system so if they need a way out in an emergency. (Note: I am ignoring all the wording that sounds very red pill pick me and going to take it as a genuine ask instead of seeking male attention)
That’s 100% gross. To cheat. To sleep with someone double or more ur age. To cheat with ur partner’s parent. Comment said some things were left out & it’s the father’s kid & they’re a couple. That won’t last. Age gaps are gross af. They only “last” if ur rich or die before they leave.
LOL! So… funny thing. I actually _know_ the person who’s in Story 2 IRL. This was _years_ ago. She’s in her thirties now. Still close friends to this day. Doing pretty well for herself now! What are the chances I’d find one of her posts here, lol! She’s actually no longer holds that view of being a submissive girlfriend/wife after her boyfriend cheated on her and one of her guy friends going _full incel_ on her when she turned him down. I think her also becoming borderline agnostic also had a lot to do with it too (she was very religious Christian in the Bible Belt at the time. Not so much now for numerous reasons). People can change in nearly ten years. And no, she wasn’t a pick-me or anything, just _very_ sheltered. How she explained it back then was that her parents had a great marriage with that kind of dynamic and she wanted to emulate it. And, I admit, we kind of gave her a lot of pushback on wanting to be that kind of wife at the time because 1. She hadn’t been in a _real_ relationship yet and 2. Many of us saw that as her kind of failing since it was the heyday of Tumblr and, I’ll admit, back then, a few of us thought being a housewife or submissive wife was basically a doormat. Of course, with time, age, maturity and experience, we kinda grew out of that mindset. The dude in the story? He got arrested for public fighting, then fired and moved off the grid.
OPs mom doesn’t deserve forgiveness. But it’s a testament to his character that he’s still willing to try to work through it all despite that fact. He’s a good guy. Whatever he decides is valid. But if he does eventually forgive her, he still needs to keep his guard up. We’ll never know what exactly she said, but damn it must have been absolutely vile. Plus she never even attempted to listen to his side. So like I said, she doesn’t deserve forgiveness. So she better spend the rest of her life in absolute devotion to him if he forgives her anyway.
@@moviestargfAs a married man 26 years myself that woman sounds like a amazing woman who could possibly be some man's wife one day but you on the other hand sound like a single bitter long term baby mama calling the writer of the story possibly a incel is comical at best maybe if you knew better you would do better smh!
OP 2 sounds extremely sheltered, at best, and ripe for the picking for an abuser. I really hope she wises up and listens to the people trying to warn her. Predators can sniff out vulnerability better than anyone. I hope she finds a shiny spine.
S2: creepy male response aside, I think some of OP’s tendencies are concerning. Submission isn’t the issue, but her whole “as long as he doesn’t abuse me” thing is a very low bar. It is only safe to be in that situation with someone who loves and respects you and cares for you. It can be in a dynamic way if that’s what she’s into, but this approach on its own leads to toxic abusive relationships and certain things she says practically romanticizes it. Also I don’t think she’s ever been in a relationship based on her comments.
The guy friend thought that since she was submissive, she wouldn’t care about having feelings or that type of stuff. Super creepy. And I 100% agree with the romanticizing, like people thinking « stalking » is romantic after twilight
OP, I want to validate how profoundly difficult and traumatic this entire situation must be for you. The betrayal you've experienced from both your father and mother is unimaginable, and the cruel words your mother directed at you were completely unacceptable, regardless of the mitigating circumstances. While I understand there may be some nuance to your mother's initial reaction, given the false information she was provided, that in no way excuses the way she then turned on you and severed your relationship. As the adult in the situation, the onus was on her to approach you with compassion, seek to understand your perspective, and take accountability for her hurtful actions. Your need to prioritize your own healing and set firm boundaries is completely justified. You should not be expected to simply forgive and forget, especially when your own mother failed to even attempt to make amends. Rebuilding that trust and relationship will require genuine remorse and a sustained effort on her part - you are not obligated to make that leap prematurely. Please be kind to yourself throughout this process. The trauma you've endured is immense, and you deserve all the time and space you need to process it. Wishing you strength and healing as you navigate this incredibly challenging situation.
while the second guy is weird its even weirder for the girl to still wanna be friends afterwards. women just have to understand after a guy asks you out they dont want to be put in the friendzone if you want remain friends sorry youre only cause your "friend" more pain. i feel sorry for how the second guy feels but at the same time hes old enough to know how to communicate as for OP let this be a lesson.
Yes you can have a successful relationship by being submissive She's doing it out of love. And the gfs are mad cuz they don't want her to up the standard cuz they won't meet it. They're afraid of looking bad If someone treats you like a queen you OWE them to treat them like a king You should treat your spouse with respect and i don't get all these women who preach " women should support women" put women down who wanna be homemakers. It's jealousy and fear.
He can't unmoor from all his friends. He needed to pick one who could help support without trying to 'fix' things. That can be a problem though. Figuring out which of them can do that.
Story 1: I pray that baby isn't OP's! It would serve his father right to be on the hook for child support till he was almost 70. Story 2: Dude did it to himself. As for her friends who want to hate on her for having the desire to be a traditional wife, they need to STFU and mind their own business.
23:02 he kinda missed a huge step of asking someone to marry him. Step 1: being friends Step 2: asking out on dates Step 3: priposal after a concideral amount of dateing
Story 2 you should not feel too bad bro it April fools the literal worst day to propose/confess also you guys never dated what makes him think u will accept
I guess I’m a little confused why would the father and the fiancé go home and tell mom that the son hit him? when he knew damn well that the whole incident had been videotaped, and all the son had to do was send a video to Mom. I mean that is why dad got punched in the face for trying to take the phone ,Am I missing something here?
Going off a comment on here, the two assholes had been using the "OP is an abuser" excuse for a LONG time to explain why the garden tool was at the parents' home so often and why the pos ex-father was in constant contact with her, so my guess is they were hoping the mother would just believe them no matter what or believe the video was faked.
Story 1: OP should demand a Dna test asap and if the child is his, he should take responsibility but if not, let her go find his dad who might be the baby daddy, glad Op is working with a therapist too, he needs a lot of healing after all this drama but keep his dad and ex out of his life, wishing him all the best and a bright happy future without those vile people in his life and as for his mom, he should keep her at arm's length for the time being, don't tell her much about his life and where he now lives.
@@coolbeans3752 perhaps but what if the child is his? The child is innocent in all of this, which is why he should demand a DNA test, if it's not, he can cut all ties with that skank.
Keep her at arms length because why? She believed two of the most trusted people in her life? When he came to her about the video she watched it instantly and she literally went straight inside and kicked them out. She would have been on her son's side from jump had the well not been poisoned. But OP goes nc then blames her he struggled alone instead of saying "hey we both just went through a really traumatic experience and we BOTH need someone right now". She lost a husband and a son based on a lie and had no power in it. The son had the control and chose not to be there for his mom as much as he wants to be mad at her for not being there for him.
He doesnt need female friends, the guy best friend women sometimes have is just waiting for you to see him as a potential lover,sometimes it takes 10 years for it to blow up
This got cut off his mom for thinking that he attacked her husband and then walking away from his mom after sending proof and not even attempting to hear her out and and then cut off all contact and blamed her for not reaching out? Then he also said she didnt believe him until she was pregnant. What was he expecting when she thought he attacked his dad after what she was told. This dude kinda suck honestly.
So we just ignoring how she never tried to do the rational thing of getting OPs side and instead immediately turned on him the second a bad thing was said about him?Or the fact that instead of atleast talking she just emotionally abused him?Yea no,she doesn't deserve any forgiveness,if you don't get both sides before making such wild decisions you don't DESERVE anything
1st op is a doormat-ish person "I'm at a dark point in my life" who even says that?. he went back to his mother, he's a mommas boy and doesn't know how to be independent, but NTA
I would not characterize OP as a "doormat-ish person" or "momma's boy" simply for being vulnerable and going through an extremely difficult family crisis. Experiencing a "dark point" in one's life is an entirely normal, human response when faced with profound betrayal and cruelty from one's own parents. Rather than judging OP's emotional state, we should have empathy for the pain they are clearly enduring. Returning to a parent does not make someone weak or codependent - it can be a natural instinct when seeking support, even if that support ultimately proves unreliable. OP's caution and reluctance to immediately reconcile with a parent who verbally abused them is entirely justified. We should not dismiss their feelings or urge them to be more "independent" when they are still processing such a traumatic situation. Their wellbeing and healing should be the priority, not how "doormat-ish" their response may appear. Let's try to approach this situation with more compassion and understanding, rather than making unfair assumptions. OP deserves the space to work through this in a way that feels right for them, without pressure or harsh judgment from outsiders.
I think he was wrong for abruptly cutting his mother off like that. It was obvious that his father got to her 1st and convinced her of lies. It was also wrong for his mother to flat out believe the story and acting the way she did before getting his side. Because once she got his side, that was all she needed. They both acted immature and irrational. And his excuse of "she said things no mother should ever say....then doesn't say what it was🤔 Yea...lame excuse. But I'm glad they both ended up working it out.
I understand your perspective, but I would disagree with the notion that OP was wrong to create distance from their mother after her abusive outburst. While it's true the father may have influenced her initial reaction, the mother's subsequent words and actions crossed a profound line. Suggesting a parent has said things "no mother should ever say" is an incredibly weighty statement. The fact that OP felt those details were too extreme to share publicly speaks volumes about the level of cruelty and betrayal they experienced. Dismissing that as a "lame excuse" minimizes the severity of the trauma they endured. Even if the mother later gained more context, the damage of her initial hateful tirade may be irreparable. Betrayal and abuse from a parent can leave deep, lasting scars. OP's need to prioritize their own healing and safety by creating distance is completely understandable and justified. You're right that both parties likely acted immaturely and irrationally in the heat of the moment. But the onus is on the parent, especially the mother, to do the hard work of accountability, empathy and amends - not for the child to immediately forgive and forget. Rushing to a reconciliation before that crucial process could do more harm than good. I'm glad to hear they may have found a way to work through this, but the path forward will be long and difficult. OP deserves patience, understanding and the space to navigate this trauma in the way that feels safest for them. Their well-being should be the top priority, not rushed attempts at conflict resolution.
@@luvsavengedsevenfold And he could also be at the very least dramatic and at most, a liar🤷♀️ She was under the impression that her son punched her husband for trying to break up a fight??!! What could she have said, under that context, that would've been so bad? And now they're ok🤔
@@wednesdayschildfullofwoe I understand your skepticism, but I would caution against so quickly dismissing OP's account of their mother's cruelty. Even if the initial misunderstanding was due to the father's influence, that does not excuse the mother's ultimate actions and words. The fact that OP felt the mother's comments were too extreme and hurtful to share publicly is a major red flag. Abusive parents often say things to their children that cross profound lines - things that cannot be easily explained away or forgiven, even in light of mitigating circumstances. We should be wary of speculating about what the mother "could have said" that wouldn't be considered abusive. The bar for a parent disowning and verbally eviscerating their own child is incredibly high. Minimizing OP's trauma based on hypotheticals is unwise and dismissive. Healing from parental abuse is an immensely complex process. Even if OP and the mother eventually reconciled, that does not negate the severity of the initial rupture. Rushing to forgiveness before true accountability and change occurs can often do more harm than good. Rather than assume OP is being dramatic or dishonest, the compassionate response is to take their account at face value and recognize the profound depth of hurt and betrayal they experienced from someone who was supposed to love and protect them unconditionally. Their need for space and time to heal is fully justified, regardless of the eventual outcome.
@@luvsavengedsevenfold Yea sorry you're too invested... This is my simple opinion on a bias story that may or may not even be true. If you don't like it......🤷♀️ scroll on, don't write me a novel! Time for a journal buddy!
Story 1: I think that OP was insecure which is what drove his ex-fiance to his dad. If he was more confident and assured of himself, she wouldn't have had to explore options with his dad.
First off, she should have talked to him about it instead of cheating. Second, no matter what, cheating is a terrible thing to do to your partner no matter what.
A Classic case of how Women love to justify their horrible actions by yapping about how it's the man's fault that women never take his feelings seriously and instead tell him to man up
I know dude went through a lot but he is an absolute bastard for doing that to his mom. And doubling down on her because she wasn't there to help him through his dark time. Dude you decided to go no contact over a single fight. She only is going off what were 2 of her most trusted poeple in her life you cannot blame her like that.
I'm sorry, but I strongly disagree with your characterization of OP's situation. This was clearly far more than just a "single fight" - OP has described their mother's words and actions as utterly unforgivable, to the point that the details were too extreme to share publicly. Dismissing this as OP simply "doubling down" on their mother is incredibly unfair and minimizes the profound trauma they experienced. When a parent subjects their child to that level of cruelty and betrayal, the onus is on the parent to earn back trust, not the other way around. OP is completely justified in needing significant time and space to heal. Even if the mother was initially misled by the father, that in no way excuses her ultimate reaction. A caring parent should still strive to understand their child's perspective before lashing out so viciously. Blaming OP for the mother's abusive behavior is victim-blaming, plain and simple. OP went through an immense betrayal from the two people they should have been able to trust the most. Trivializing that trauma and rushing to defend the mother's actions demonstrates a lack of empathy and understanding. OP deserves to have their pain taken seriously, not dismissed as an overreaction. I would urge you to reconsider your stance here. OP's need for distance and healing is completely justified, and placing the burden on them to immediately reconcile is inappropriate. I hope you can approach this situation with more compassion and nuance moving forward.
@@JBTFan124 why? Because I can see two people lost everything thing that day? Because I can be human and have empathy for more than just op? The mom lost a husband and a son over lies someone else told her. The dad was bruised up, the fiance was saying he abused her and the father. You seriously bash the mom for believing that her son could be abusive when TWO people who you trust come to you and say he is abusing us? Get real.
@Morrowind4732 Your mom not trusting you is gross. If that's how you and your mom relationship is, you are pretty fucked in the head. Again, your take is hilarious. Might not be your fault though. You might just have a fucked up mom
@@luvsavengedsevenfoldmaybe I'm just more mature than you that I can see when someone is fed a false narrative by credible "witnesses" that person might say things they normally wouldn't. I'm also aware of it being so fresh can make you do or say something you wouldn't do when you've cooled off and all the facts are out. Also why wouldn't he explain what she said? Is it because it was so bad he can't say it publicly or is it maybe if we knew what she really said we wouldn't think it was that out of line for someone who's bruised and beaten husband and almost daughter just told her their son abused them both. I am giving both OP and mother a pass for their initial reactions to one another. It's only human. What I have issue with is after the dust settled he wasn't willing to see her perspective at all. And then to say " you weren't in my life when I needed you because I wouldn't let you be in my life. And because of that I can't trust you to be in my life". Dude did that part to himself. None of what I'm saying is to trivialize his trauma. It was very traumatic. I've been there (well not caused by my father). It sucks. I can acknowledge that open was done wrong by everyone. But I can also acknowledge that after all the truth came out OP made no attempt to understand his mom's side. Again she lost everything too and OPs me me attitude pisses me off when I know she is going through the same pain because of someone's lie.
Never warn your opponent of future actions. You allowed him to prepare your mother with lies.
Too be fair the father was a coward for lying and not taking responsibility. Plus OP had video anyways so he ruined his chances of redeeming himself (If he had one)
I dont understand the people piling on OP for not talking to his mother. Yes, her husband lied to her. But she never once asked her son about it, never got his side of the story, and said some hateful things in the process. He's seriously supposed to shrug his shoulders and say "oh well, mom knows best!" Come on now.
I completely agree with your assessment here. The mother's failure to even attempt to understand OP's perspective or get their side of the story before lashing out with "hateful things" is completely unacceptable, regardless of the mitigating circumstances.
OP should not be expected to simply accept their mother's behavior and move on, as if her being misled by the father and ex-fiance somehow excuses the abusive words she directed at her own child.
A parent's responsibility is to provide a safe, nurturing environment for their child, not to subject them to cruelty and betrayal. OP has every right to protect their mental health and well-being by maintaining boundaries until the mother demonstrates genuine remorse and a real commitment to rebuilding trust.
Empathy and nuance are important, but they don't erase the severity of the trauma OP experienced. Your point about OP not needing to simply "shrug their shoulders" is spot on - they deserve far better than that from their own mother. You clearly understand the gravity of OP's situation and the justification for their actions.
There is some missing parts to story 1.
Ops cheating ex tried to turn all of their friends against op. The only ones who listened where her friends and not ops.
Ex's parents refused to believe op and tired to sue him for slander. Even paternity.
The dad was the father of the baby. Which helped ops mom with her divorce and the dad got effed badly.
The dad and ex ended up becoming a couple. Which is what killed support ex was getting from their friends. But they didn't care.
Also the reason it hurt so much when the mom called op out at the start. Wasn't just the sob story they originally told her. But they have been filling her head with lies for a long time that op was abusive. To help explain why she was around so much for her safety. Which was a lie.
Was this a follow up from OP?
Wow!
Thanks for the info.
Story 1 the only thing I disagree with op was talking again with his mom after not even giving him a chance to say the truth. She automatically believed the POS father. Glad he disowned his dad and kick the ex to the curb. Let's hope.the child she is carrying isn't his.
It's had to take either side in this. But there is a reason why people warn people about controlling the narrative when cheating is involved. In his case he gave the father and his ex enough time to tell the mother their own version. Him being out of contact didn't help the situation either.
I mean, at first the mom didn’t have any reason to doubt her husband, and when he told her,she believed him. Two people reported the same story to her, so it was crappy, but she didn’t know better
@@justinebidulopoutchini9774That is absolute rubbish. Common sense and logic are enough to know something as basic as that you cannot draw conclusions without knowing both versions of an event. OP's mother took a side based on the way she firmly believes her son is. Op was right, his mother does indeed see him that way and when people are consumed by anger they tell the truth about what they think. Op should never have spoken to that traitor again.
@render0760 False. You had 2 people who, as far as you know have no reason to lie and no reason not to trust.
It depends. Some people are extremely good at spinning lies. I imagine a man who'd sleep with his son's fiancee might be really good at it. I've had people like this in my life
St 1: I can see the OP reconciling with mom as dad is a manipulative POS, but if she said some unforgivable things, this should be the last time any contact happens.
find it weird that the sperm donor thought he could get away with it despite knowing it was on 'tape'.
@@develyntwocentshenderson5739
Should have showed mom the tape as soon as he was able.
@@mill2712 By waiting, he allowed her mom to show her true colors. Any normal loving mother, would wait to hear his son first and start drawing conclusions from there. The fact that she didnt, proved OP that she was biased already and was seeing his son in a certain way already.
Apparently, they had been feeding her lies for a while about how he had been abusing his fiancée. It was an elaborate ruse to excuse her being around the house a lot. But it was dumb to go ahead and double down knowing that his son had that video.
Edit: I just realized that would make her look even worse since she never asked if he was actually abusing his fiancée or not. She never confronted him about the lies they had been telling her. It's even weirder that she never bothered to try to get her supposed future daughter-in-law out of a dangerous situation.
I felt for OP in Story 1 - Reddit really saved him cause dude was spiralling at light speed. Things that struck me is how he blamed himself for not knowing or not doing better. I just wanted to tell him it's okay to fall apart when your life explodes and it's not your fault. Some people are so disgusting and broken.
He probably expected some closure and missed his mum, but she was just looking for someone to share her pain, that's why she told him the BS about the pregnant ex. Some states are iffy with paying child support, but I'd get an attorney to handle that. If it's his relinquish all rights or whatever he wants, but only do it through an attorney. Do not talk to those people at all. Hope the therapist tells him that, she seems smart.
That’s why you don’t wait to tell the truth to everyone the moment you find out someone cheated on you.
You can’t give these people the chance to sway the narrative. They are experts at it. Lying is as easy as breathing to them.
Exactly. If you have proof of your own innocence, never let the guilty party be the first one to spend the narrative, because people have a tendency to believe the first story that they hear. Notice how OP's father attempted to make himself look like the hero, claiming he was breaking up a fight between OP and the fiance? And then he gets turned into the victim when OP attacks him with no provocation.
@@SnowyWolborg
I agree 100 percent. In being too late to tell the truth, he let his father and ex tell a lie to his mother. He should have sent her that proof IMMEDIATELY.
HE ruined his relationship with his mother there. (Though I do admit, he wasn't alone in that.)
@@mill2712Honestly the dad would've tried to lie anyways so its not OP'S fault
@Frightmarelordofthenightmares
Oh of course he would, that's why I know OP should have set the record straight as soon as he knew. And why I said he wasn't alone in messing up his relationship as his father and Ex played a role in that too.
@@mill2712 I can see what you mean. But yeah imagine the look on his face when he realized he lied for nothing🤭
I wouldn’t forgive anyone who said just terrible things to me.
OP in story 1 should've sent the video to his mom immediately after he left the apartment, gave his dad and ex finance too much time to give a BS story to his mom in which she believed.
Story 2: op getting backbone is not bad advice, but if it doesn't happen, she needs that strong support system if she is easily taken advantage of if she really is submissive. Nothing is wrong with it, but girls/women need that strong support system so if they need a way out in an emergency.
(Note: I am ignoring all the wording that sounds very red pill pick me and going to take it as a genuine ask instead of seeking male attention)
That’s 100% gross. To cheat. To sleep with someone double or more ur age. To cheat with ur partner’s parent.
Comment said some things were left out & it’s the father’s kid & they’re a couple. That won’t last. Age gaps are gross af. They only “last” if ur rich or die before they leave.
Nobody should expect a proposal made on April 1st to be taken seriously. He has only himself to blame.
Huh?
LOL! So… funny thing. I actually _know_ the person who’s in Story 2 IRL. This was _years_ ago. She’s in her thirties now. Still close friends to this day. Doing pretty well for herself now! What are the chances I’d find one of her posts here, lol!
She’s actually no longer holds that view of being a submissive girlfriend/wife after her boyfriend cheated on her and one of her guy friends going _full incel_ on her when she turned him down. I think her also becoming borderline agnostic also had a lot to do with it too (she was very religious Christian in the Bible Belt at the time. Not so much now for numerous reasons). People can change in nearly ten years.
And no, she wasn’t a pick-me or anything, just _very_ sheltered. How she explained it back then was that her parents had a great marriage with that kind of dynamic and she wanted to emulate it. And, I admit, we kind of gave her a lot of pushback on wanting to be that kind of wife at the time because 1. She hadn’t been in a _real_ relationship yet and 2. Many of us saw that as her kind of failing since it was the heyday of Tumblr and, I’ll admit, back then, a few of us thought being a housewife or submissive wife was basically a doormat. Of course, with time, age, maturity and experience, we kinda grew out of that mindset.
The dude in the story? He got arrested for public fighting, then fired and moved off the grid.
and the april fools. it sounds like dysfunction in the making. all of these people are off to a certain degree
OPs mom doesn’t deserve forgiveness. But it’s a testament to his character that he’s still willing to try to work through it all despite that fact.
He’s a good guy. Whatever he decides is valid. But if he does eventually forgive her, he still needs to keep his guard up.
We’ll never know what exactly she said, but damn it must have been absolutely vile. Plus she never even attempted to listen to his side. So like I said, she doesn’t deserve forgiveness. So she better spend the rest of her life in absolute devotion to him if he forgives her anyway.
Being a submissive wife isn't bad, but the way she words it feels so offputting, I cannot explain it
probably written by an incel
@@moviestargfAs a married man 26 years myself that woman sounds like a amazing woman who could possibly be some man's wife one day but you on the other hand sound like a single bitter long term baby mama calling the writer of the story possibly a incel is comical at best maybe if you knew better you would do better smh!
OP 2 sounds extremely sheltered, at best, and ripe for the picking for an abuser. I really hope she wises up and listens to the people trying to warn her. Predators can sniff out vulnerability better than anyone. I hope she finds a shiny spine.
S2: creepy male response aside, I think some of OP’s tendencies are concerning. Submission isn’t the issue, but her whole “as long as he doesn’t abuse me” thing is a very low bar. It is only safe to be in that situation with someone who loves and respects you and cares for you. It can be in a dynamic way if that’s what she’s into, but this approach on its own leads to toxic abusive relationships and certain things she says practically romanticizes it. Also I don’t think she’s ever been in a relationship based on her comments.
The guy friend thought that since she was submissive, she wouldn’t care about having feelings or that type of stuff. Super creepy. And I 100% agree with the romanticizing, like people thinking « stalking » is romantic after twilight
@@justinebidulopoutchini9774 100% agree.
He wants a slave & she wants to be a slave
My guess is she thinks physical abuse is the only abuse. Shes admitting she wants to be emotionally and mentally abused with her ideology.
Ew, how can you sleep with someone more than double ur age?
OP, I want to validate how profoundly difficult and traumatic this entire situation must be for you. The betrayal you've experienced from both your father and mother is unimaginable, and the cruel words your mother directed at you were completely unacceptable, regardless of the mitigating circumstances.
While I understand there may be some nuance to your mother's initial reaction, given the false information she was provided, that in no way excuses the way she then turned on you and severed your relationship. As the adult in the situation, the onus was on her to approach you with compassion, seek to understand your perspective, and take accountability for her hurtful actions.
Your need to prioritize your own healing and set firm boundaries is completely justified. You should not be expected to simply forgive and forget, especially when your own mother failed to even attempt to make amends. Rebuilding that trust and relationship will require genuine remorse and a sustained effort on her part - you are not obligated to make that leap prematurely.
Please be kind to yourself throughout this process. The trauma you've endured is immense, and you deserve all the time and space you need to process it. Wishing you strength and healing as you navigate this incredibly challenging situation.
while the second guy is weird its even weirder for the girl to still wanna be friends afterwards. women just have to understand after a guy asks you out they dont want to be put in the friendzone if you want remain friends sorry youre only cause your "friend" more pain. i feel sorry for how the second guy feels but at the same time hes old enough to know how to communicate as for OP let this be a lesson.
4:55 still coming TO, right? STILL COMING TO, RIGHT?
Yes you can have a successful relationship by being submissive
She's doing it out of love.
And the gfs are mad cuz they don't want her to up the standard cuz they won't meet it. They're afraid of looking bad
If someone treats you like a queen you OWE them to treat them like a king
You should treat your spouse with respect and i don't get all these women who preach " women should support women" put women down who wanna be homemakers.
It's jealousy and fear.
Man id be suing for the rights to the lastname to be honest
He can't unmoor from all his friends. He needed to pick one who could help support without trying to 'fix' things. That can be a problem though. Figuring out which of them can do that.
Exactly why guys and girls can’t be close friends. Yeah he’s def weird
Story 1: I pray that baby isn't OP's! It would serve his father right to be on the hook for child support till he was almost 70.
Story 2: Dude did it to himself. As for her friends who want to hate on her for having the desire to be a traditional wife, they need to STFU and mind their own business.
23:02 he kinda missed a huge step of asking someone to marry him.
Step 1: being friends
Step 2: asking out on dates
Step 3: priposal after a concideral amount of dateing
So L is pregnant with OP’s half sibling
*Where's The Video With The Rest Of The Updates To Story#'s 1 & 2!*
This has all the updates.
Story 2 you should not feel too bad bro it April fools the literal worst day to propose/confess also you guys never dated what makes him think u will accept
I guess I’m a little confused why would the father and the fiancé go home and tell mom that the son hit him? when he knew damn well that the whole incident had been videotaped, and all the son had to do was send a video to Mom. I mean that is why dad got punched in the face for trying to take the phone ,Am I missing something here?
Going off a comment on here, the two assholes had been using the "OP is an abuser" excuse for a LONG time to explain why the garden tool was at the parents' home so often and why the pos ex-father was in constant contact with her, so my guess is they were hoping the mother would just believe them no matter what or believe the video was faked.
Story 1: OP should demand a Dna test asap and if the child is his, he should take responsibility but if not, let her go find his dad who might be the baby daddy, glad Op is working with a therapist too, he needs a lot of healing after all this drama but keep his dad and ex out of his life, wishing him all the best and a bright happy future without those vile people in his life and as for his mom, he should keep her at arm's length for the time being, don't tell her much about his life and where he now lives.
RESPONSIBILITY FOR WHAT?
SHE CHEATED ON HIM!
@@coolbeans3752 Responsibility for the child she is pregnant with if it is his. Whether or not she cheated is irrelevant to that issue.
@@coolbeans3752 perhaps but what if the child is his? The child is innocent in all of this, which is why he should demand a DNA test, if it's not, he can cut all ties with that skank.
Keep her at arms length because why? She believed two of the most trusted people in her life? When he came to her about the video she watched it instantly and she literally went straight inside and kicked them out. She would have been on her son's side from jump had the well not been poisoned. But OP goes nc then blames her he struggled alone instead of saying "hey we both just went through a really traumatic experience and we BOTH need someone right now". She lost a husband and a son based on a lie and had no power in it. The son had the control and chose not to be there for his mom as much as he wants to be mad at her for not being there for him.
It’s the father’s.
Guys will use you, good luck
He doesnt need female friends, the guy best friend women sometimes have is just waiting for you to see him as a potential lover,sometimes it takes 10 years for it to blow up
14
This got cut off his mom for thinking that he attacked her husband and then walking away from his mom after sending proof and not even attempting to hear her out and and then cut off all contact and blamed her for not reaching out? Then he also said she didnt believe him until she was pregnant.
What was he expecting when she thought he attacked his dad after what she was told. This dude kinda suck honestly.
There’s still time to delete this dumb comment bro
You,know how she didnt ask HIM what he did instead immediately yelling at him?Yeah she wasn't a good mom anyways
you were to harsh to your mother, she was lied to and you did not even give her an chance to apologize
So we just ignoring how she never tried to do the rational thing of getting OPs side and instead immediately turned on him the second a bad thing was said about him?Or the fact that instead of atleast talking she just emotionally abused him?Yea no,she doesn't deserve any forgiveness,if you don't get both sides before making such wild decisions you don't DESERVE anything
1st op is a doormat-ish person "I'm at a dark point in my life" who even says that?. he went back to his mother, he's a mommas boy and doesn't know how to be independent, but NTA
I would not characterize OP as a "doormat-ish person" or "momma's boy" simply for being vulnerable and going through an extremely difficult family crisis. Experiencing a "dark point" in one's life is an entirely normal, human response when faced with profound betrayal and cruelty from one's own parents.
Rather than judging OP's emotional state, we should have empathy for the pain they are clearly enduring. Returning to a parent does not make someone weak or codependent - it can be a natural instinct when seeking support, even if that support ultimately proves unreliable.
OP's caution and reluctance to immediately reconcile with a parent who verbally abused them is entirely justified. We should not dismiss their feelings or urge them to be more "independent" when they are still processing such a traumatic situation. Their wellbeing and healing should be the priority, not how "doormat-ish" their response may appear.
Let's try to approach this situation with more compassion and understanding, rather than making unfair assumptions. OP deserves the space to work through this in a way that feels right for them, without pressure or harsh judgment from outsiders.
Someone’s never been cheated on
I think he was wrong for abruptly cutting his mother off like that. It was obvious that his father got to her 1st and convinced her of lies. It was also wrong for his mother to flat out believe the story and acting the way she did before getting his side. Because once she got his side, that was all she needed. They both acted immature and irrational. And his excuse of "she said things no mother should ever say....then doesn't say what it was🤔 Yea...lame excuse. But I'm glad they both ended up working it out.
I understand your perspective, but I would disagree with the notion that OP was wrong to create distance from their mother after her abusive outburst. While it's true the father may have influenced her initial reaction, the mother's subsequent words and actions crossed a profound line.
Suggesting a parent has said things "no mother should ever say" is an incredibly weighty statement. The fact that OP felt those details were too extreme to share publicly speaks volumes about the level of cruelty and betrayal they experienced. Dismissing that as a "lame excuse" minimizes the severity of the trauma they endured.
Even if the mother later gained more context, the damage of her initial hateful tirade may be irreparable. Betrayal and abuse from a parent can leave deep, lasting scars. OP's need to prioritize their own healing and safety by creating distance is completely understandable and justified.
You're right that both parties likely acted immaturely and irrationally in the heat of the moment. But the onus is on the parent, especially the mother, to do the hard work of accountability, empathy and amends - not for the child to immediately forgive and forget. Rushing to a reconciliation before that crucial process could do more harm than good.
I'm glad to hear they may have found a way to work through this, but the path forward will be long and difficult. OP deserves patience, understanding and the space to navigate this trauma in the way that feels safest for them. Their well-being should be the top priority, not rushed attempts at conflict resolution.
@@luvsavengedsevenfold And he could also be at the very least dramatic and at most, a liar🤷♀️ She was under the impression that her son punched her husband for trying to break up a fight??!! What could she have said, under that context, that would've been so bad? And now they're ok🤔
@@wednesdayschildfullofwoe
I understand your skepticism, but I would caution against so quickly dismissing OP's account of their mother's cruelty. Even if the initial misunderstanding was due to the father's influence, that does not excuse the mother's ultimate actions and words.
The fact that OP felt the mother's comments were too extreme and hurtful to share publicly is a major red flag. Abusive parents often say things to their children that cross profound lines - things that cannot be easily explained away or forgiven, even in light of mitigating circumstances.
We should be wary of speculating about what the mother "could have said" that wouldn't be considered abusive. The bar for a parent disowning and verbally eviscerating their own child is incredibly high. Minimizing OP's trauma based on hypotheticals is unwise and dismissive.
Healing from parental abuse is an immensely complex process. Even if OP and the mother eventually reconciled, that does not negate the severity of the initial rupture. Rushing to forgiveness before true accountability and change occurs can often do more harm than good.
Rather than assume OP is being dramatic or dishonest, the compassionate response is to take their account at face value and recognize the profound depth of hurt and betrayal they experienced from someone who was supposed to love and protect them unconditionally. Their need for space and time to heal is fully justified, regardless of the eventual outcome.
@@luvsavengedsevenfold Yea sorry you're too invested... This is my simple opinion on a bias story that may or may not even be true. If you don't like it......🤷♀️ scroll on, don't write me a novel! Time for a journal buddy!
No je wasnt. If she wanted to not listen to reason. His mental health is more important than her feelings
Story 1: I think that OP was insecure which is what drove his ex-fiance to his dad. If he was more confident and assured of himself, she wouldn't have had to explore options with his dad.
First off, she should have talked to him about it instead of cheating. Second, no matter what, cheating is a terrible thing to do to your partner no matter what.
Why the fuck would you put the blame on the guy _when the girl literally slept with her fiancé's dad_ ? Ew.
Is that your justification? Lmao whatta pathetic excuse.
A Classic case of how Women love to justify their horrible actions by yapping about how it's the man's fault that women never take his feelings seriously and instead tell him to man up
@@Otis56 As a woman, I don't agree with the main comment at all, and it's sick to think actual people think this way.
I know dude went through a lot but he is an absolute bastard for doing that to his mom. And doubling down on her because she wasn't there to help him through his dark time. Dude you decided to go no contact over a single fight. She only is going off what were 2 of her most trusted poeple in her life you cannot blame her like that.
I'm sorry, but I strongly disagree with your characterization of OP's situation. This was clearly far more than just a "single fight" - OP has described their mother's words and actions as utterly unforgivable, to the point that the details were too extreme to share publicly.
Dismissing this as OP simply "doubling down" on their mother is incredibly unfair and minimizes the profound trauma they experienced. When a parent subjects their child to that level of cruelty and betrayal, the onus is on the parent to earn back trust, not the other way around. OP is completely justified in needing significant time and space to heal.
Even if the mother was initially misled by the father, that in no way excuses her ultimate reaction. A caring parent should still strive to understand their child's perspective before lashing out so viciously. Blaming OP for the mother's abusive behavior is victim-blaming, plain and simple.
OP went through an immense betrayal from the two people they should have been able to trust the most. Trivializing that trauma and rushing to defend the mother's actions demonstrates a lack of empathy and understanding. OP deserves to have their pain taken seriously, not dismissed as an overreaction.
I would urge you to reconsider your stance here. OP's need for distance and healing is completely justified, and placing the burden on them to immediately reconcile is inappropriate. I hope you can approach this situation with more compassion and nuance moving forward.
Are you the mom? Lol. You have a hilariously bad take on this. Do better.
@@JBTFan124 why? Because I can see two people lost everything thing that day? Because I can be human and have empathy for more than just op? The mom lost a husband and a son over lies someone else told her. The dad was bruised up, the fiance was saying he abused her and the father. You seriously bash the mom for believing that her son could be abusive when TWO people who you trust come to you and say he is abusing us? Get real.
@Morrowind4732 Your mom not trusting you is gross. If that's how you and your mom relationship is, you are pretty fucked in the head. Again, your take is hilarious. Might not be your fault though. You might just have a fucked up mom
@@luvsavengedsevenfoldmaybe I'm just more mature than you that I can see when someone is fed a false narrative by credible "witnesses" that person might say things they normally wouldn't. I'm also aware of it being so fresh can make you do or say something you wouldn't do when you've cooled off and all the facts are out. Also why wouldn't he explain what she said? Is it because it was so bad he can't say it publicly or is it maybe if we knew what she really said we wouldn't think it was that out of line for someone who's bruised and beaten husband and almost daughter just told her their son abused them both. I am giving both OP and mother a pass for their initial reactions to one another. It's only human. What I have issue with is after the dust settled he wasn't willing to see her perspective at all. And then to say " you weren't in my life when I needed you because I wouldn't let you be in my life. And because of that I can't trust you to be in my life". Dude did that part to himself. None of what I'm saying is to trivialize his trauma. It was very traumatic. I've been there (well not caused by my father). It sucks. I can acknowledge that open was done wrong by everyone. But I can also acknowledge that after all the truth came out OP made no attempt to understand his mom's side. Again she lost everything too and OPs me me attitude pisses me off when I know she is going through the same pain because of someone's lie.