Forcing yourself to schoolwork can be impossible. Once your children have no trust in their ability to depend on you, they're going to do everything they can to feel in control and safe.
It's sad to me that people's reaction when a loved one is diagnosed with autism isn't to learn what that means for them and how they can help them adjust to the new perception of themselves but often rather to make assumptions (not based on any evidence) about them and what their motivations are.
Yeah, limiting or removing an autistic persons passion or special interest won't have the desired effect the mom wants. I moved on my own when I was 20. It took a lot of getting used to and adjustments. It was found out I was autistic just last year, when I was 40. In all that time, all the way back to when I was about 12, and to this day, I still play Pokemon. Even in public. To me it's more than just a passion, it's also a way for me to stim and I've been doing it instinctively for basically my whole life, even if I knew it was "wrong" that someone my age was doing this. All I knew is that it helped me and made me feel ok in situations, so I did them. What I took away most from the post though is that the mother is very uninformed what life is like for an autistic person and what their struggles and needs are and how to go about meeting those needs. She needs to do her own research on her daughter's diagnosis and not judge her by NT standards and force her into a NT mold. What often works for NT will have the exact opposite and catastrophic reaction and results with an autistic person.
Autistic people commonly play vide games, and care less about if they are "kid's" games. If you want to watch other people play Pokémon on RUclips, try 1. ShadyPenguinn 2. Nate and Dookie. They're all around age 35. I'm more of a Pokémon watcher than a player, just because I'm playing different games, and I'm 50.
The Ghibli movie Whispers of the Heart has a lovely scene where her parents deal with her obsessive story writing. They say to her, "well, going your own path is more difficult. But we will support you if that's what you want. [Then they set boundaries.] But we are still a family, and you need to come to family dinner." I think that moment in the film, she was released from that stress, and could have a more clear head for her future. She started studying for school again, without stopping her writing. She found balance. (I wish I could be such a parent.)
I am reminded of, at age 22, my graduation from five years of architecture school. My final project for school had had a hostile reception, and the architecture profession was in a serious slump with some firms going out of business. I was also still feeling the effects of too much drinking two evenings before. At the graduation reception, my father informed me that ‘the rule’ was ‘23 and out’ - that I was to move out of the family home by my 23rd birthday. This was very upsetting to me. I would eventually move out at age 42. My diagnosis of Aspergers Syndrome would come at age 58, after many years of therapy. I did have a semi-successful career in architecture, though I can’t say that I had a passion for it. My real passions were in art, music, and nature.
I'm 26 and I have teenage friends as well as friends with ages up into the elderly ages. This is normal and also good and healthy. Having friends of different ages helps give you perspective on different aspects of life. Friends that are 18 and 15 isn't weird.
i dont think its inherently weird to have younger friends but i personally can't stand talking to someone unless we're more or less on the same wavelength. i've talked to 18 year olds and i have a hard time seeing them as anything less than childish gangly infants. not saying that they're inherently dumb, they're just young and definitely too goofy goober for my tastes. idm being on friendly terms with older people though
@@evanaipoalani7198 VALID. my 14 year old friend drains me when she's high energy XD sometimes she can be a lot and im like "remember she is 14 and have patience" lmao i love being goofy goober but i tire faster now that im not a teen anymore, so after some goofying it up, i need down time, but the kids, they wanna keep being goobers! that's my sign to peace out for now B)
same! i'm a little older than you but not by much. for a large group of people i get on well with, i'm always, "the kid," but for the younger ones...well, they all think i'm uncle iroh or equivalent haha. i like to hang out with "the youth" as it were...they are less likely to try and convince me why my whole time should be dedicated to getting new fridges, houses or cars..
Yeah! I’m almost 17 and most my life I’ve had friends of many different ages, from like 5 years younger than me, to 30 years older! There’s no difference with them, you wouldn’t know unless they told you! And I do hate when people automatically think inappropriate shit when people with big age gaps are friends. How the hell am I supposed to be in an inappropriate relationship with old people when I’m not interested in any relationship??
I was kicked out from my dads place when i was around 19, for other reasons.. It completely ruined me, and gave me so much trauma, both physical abuse and mental.. The daughter sounds like she is not feeling okay, like she is escaping the world via Roblox. Its wild how parents sees a problem and proceed with "Well there is no reason for not having friends in school is there? So just go make some!" Instead of pausing, and just thinking for 5 minutes WHY your child doesn't have any friends at school? Could there be any other reason then "she just doesn't try hard enough?".. Not having friends is a sign. Not "trying hard enough" or even at all is a sign. Lying is a sign. Shrugging is a sign. No communication is a sign. Having only friends online that are perhaps younger is a sign. ITS ALL A SIGN THAT THE KID IS STRUGGLING.. She doesn't even need to be autistic to fu*king struggle like that! I'm sorry, but so many parents are failing at the most basic job they have - to care for their child, guide and help them though life, to notice when they aren't okay, and help them through it. Also there is no shame in having older or younger friends.
Sounds so familiar.. I was "voluntarily" kicked out the house at 17 because I"refused" to function like their other kids, while I'm not even their biological child. Neither did a get a similar upbringing to get even close. It's sad there's so many parents who are incapable or refuse to consider or understand the impact of their behaviour.
@@Catlily5 I ran away first time with 13, then 15, was shortly in a foster house. But my mother was a teacher, later headmaster of the school in the smalltown and knew all people working at youth agency. She did study extra psychology and was very good at manipulating. So of cause nobody believed me. I was sent in this foster home literate "in the woods" to show me what will happen if I am bad...then I had to go home again. And after I said "I will do back next time if You touch me again" and took a knife from the kitchen drawer all knives were put away and I was told to move out as quick as possible, she would pay me a small amount (wich was of cause not enough and she would have been forced by court to pay much more, but as a teenager I simply didn't know as nobody helped me). So I left with 17, had to break up school and work then. After she died by as the article said "an accident in house" (I was hoping a bot my father finally also was saying "I will pay back"...and did...but I don't know what happened as nobody talks to me, just found it on the internet.) of cause she was praised in local newspapers and I was put out of testament. My beloved dad whom I could never tell what she all did as he had always spoken about his fathers s***ide of "family honor" and that's what a man has to do and he would of cause do too. He was a refugee from Argentina and much older then my german mother. He never forgave me to break up contact with her and refused to have then with me. Had no siblings. He died then two years ago not a year after her. The legal fight after the testament was sent to me by the court of my home town to tell me of the dead of them, at my mothers dead about three months later, opened the letter the morning on my way to my first morning shift of new job (!), my dads death I was informed about half a year later. So I don't know how they died or are burried. Which at my mother is totally fine. There is nothing. She was a bad human and I didn't like her and never regretted. But as I missed my dad all the years heavily, cried so much just not be able to have contact with him living it was and is still the hardest. So after the legal fight I engaged a lawyer for who was specialised on peaceful solutions, does also family right and counceling (!), I wanted it most peaceful, was not interested in the money - in Germany it's quite simple, I get all if testament says nothing, de-heritaged by them I get half as only child, other half to people in testament (a neighbour for example...). But this lawyer told me she never ever in her job had to see so bad behaviour, she often didn't know how to tell me things. I wanted to give them tenthausends just to get my old things like a doll house, my childhood photos, photographs of my dad, an old pullover of him to smell. And the documents he always promised I would be given after his death to find out the truth what has happened in Argentina and to be able to burry him there and research for the other half of my family. The house was "cleanen, everything worthy was sold and the rest thrown away I was told." Now in end of april it was over, days after the dead of my beloved tomcat, the last creature on earth I deeply loved. I don't know what to do now with this money. It feels wothless to me.
@@Catlily5 ah, originally mine was too, machine- and bridgebuilding engineer. But after fleeing he worked here as fine mechanics in the end, when he met my mother in Hamburg at the harbour, then at a company that produced things for ships. He did evening school for tecnical drawing and later tore the diploma in pieces as he was not even given a job for this as "the foreigner". That days it was more open racist. So of cause for the society, youth agency etc. it must have been my dad's fault I run away... I guess You mean that Your dads job as an engeneer meant You were not believed because so Your family was higher middle-class? Just got that I didn't understand it at first. Thinking "Hm, but engeneers are not assumed to be good parents as people with social jobs". Sometimes I even don't get that I don't get something after replying something that I then realize makes no sense later🤦🏽♀️ Brain!!!
I would lean towards yes, as being an autistic parent of adult autistic children still living at home in their twenties.....the work world is not easy for us.....FACT.....
I honestly think the mom just needs to do more research about autism. Like, I'm sure the daughter would love to have real life friends who are her age, but maybe there are no autistic people in her school or she does not get along with the ones who are there? Making and maintaining friendships with someone of a differing neurotype, especially when they see yours as defective and something you can correct through discipline, is extremely difficult. Before I met other autistic people, I found that the safest, most comfortable, least judgemental friendships I was able to maintain were with people who were younger than me. Also, I can't help but wonder how many of these classmates mom wants her daughter to spend time with instead have a lot more dangerous hobbies that they are also lacking impulse control over? Breaking into abandoned buildings, getting blackout drunk at parties, doing drugs, etc. Roblox is a much safer hobby, especially for an autistic person as we can become so obsessed with our special interests that we can become physically unwell. If the mom wants the daughter to reduce her screentime, she can help add some structure to her disabled child's life that pulls her away from the screen. But trying to make your autistic child "normal" is absolutely ridiculous and unrealistic. No amount of shaming, peer pressure, or threatening to kick your disabled child out on the streets will change the fact that their brain is wired differently and that they will behave differently as a result. I had people try a similar strategy on me. I bounced between friends' couches a few times and, since none of us knew at the time I was autistic, I would often have people get frustrated with my addiction to my special interests to the point of kicking me back onto the streets because they felt I was being childish and not acting like an adult. But I was using my special interests to forget about how difficult my life was. So the more painful and difficult my life became, the more traumatized I became by multiple close calls and nights spent sleeping outside, the more I became addicted to my special interests. Because I got thrown so deep into these imaginary worlds, I could forget for a few hours that I was homeless and rapidly losing friendships and connections who could keep me safe. Though I have learned impulse control, I look back on these interests fondly and believe part of the reason why I am so happy and sane despite all my past trauma is because isolating myself in these fantasy worlds helped make the pain more bearable.
Oof. This is a rough read, so painfully relateable. At 18 I was definitely relating to 15yo kids more than my peers. I spent a lot of time alone. My mom let me have a gap year after high school and it was some of the happiest months I had to that point in my life. Immediately after starting employment the following year, I was prescribed an additional mental health med and my physical health began nose diving. I spent the second half of my 20s bedridden and continue to be unemployable (to capitalist standards) into my 30s.
I went through similar troubles with my mom when I was a teen - and neither of us had the benefit of autism awareness. Would that we had somebody like yourself, all those decades ago, to explain it in such a level-headed way as you just have. Regardless, love and patience will help them get where they want to be. TY for this.
The same happened to me over my ADD, @Omrikai6594. Diagnosis is more likely now. What kind of a school would ban a student from using the library? It's funny. I have a graduate degree, but sometimes I wake up having a nightmare that my life is ruined because someone learned about me getting kicked out of three high schools. That's ridiculous, though, @Omrika6594.
I'm so sorry. Awareness (neither positive, nor negative and certainly not deficit laden culture) is something that really seems to be taking off now; at least, for people who are young will benefit in the future. Thank you.
You know what's /really/ funny? I was banned from using the library, but I had to use a desk in the headteachers office. I was 16-17 at the time. The headteacher soon learned that it wasn't a great idea to have me in her office during breaktimes lol. She broke before I did ;)
This is the second time I’m watching your videos, I’ve been subscribed for a while but I have been avoidant. I LOVE what you are doing, the wider context you bring and much like other videos of this kind I appreciate how you analysis the piece: breaking it down. I like how your speak of autism neutrally, not as good or bad but simply I of something that exist.
Thank you, TeaBee. I appreciate your thoughtful comment - and I'm glad you like my videos. That's what I hope to do. Thank you, you've made me smile. Thanks for being here. -Mike
Once my dad said to me when I was 13: “Stop paying for stuff on Minecraft, it’ll be just a phase.” And now I’m 23. The pfp is from my three year old hardcore lol Some odds I change it out though, I legit had a desert pyramid generate in a taiga biome… That and I started it out because of a less than stellar creator that got outed for bad stuff recently. If I tell you it’s modded with origins mod, started at 2020, and it’s off the FELINE origin in particular, I think someone here could piece it together.
@@GoingSwimmingly hold up, a desert temple in a taiga biome?! That's sick as hell! Please tell me there's water nearby and you've built or plan to build a pirate cove!
@@audreydoyle5268 ah shoot I forgot to clear up- It’s a snowey taiga! Surrounded by snowey slopes and mountains Andd not to mention it’s at the 20k coordinate mark or so- I’m working on a nether iceboat system to access new chunks, and honestly maybe do something with it indeed actually
What is the source of "need to play with kids your own age" - like WHY do they need to be my own age? What does that benefit me? In the future, I will be required to social with folks mostly OUTSIDE of my age group ie managers, leasing agents, loan officers, coworkers so it doesn't "benefit" me as a worker bee to have strong bonds with my peers. In fact - if I was a dictator I'd do the hunger games specifically to keep them divided and not trusting each other as a group - so why? Why is "peer pressure" the ideal? Make it make sense!
I'm not Henry, but my guess is that it's easier for neurotypical kids to develop social skills with those their own age, so that advice is spread to everyone, including neurodiverse kids where that advice need not apply...
I don’t get why we need to make friends with people our own age. I have made friends with peers my age but I’ve also experienced several years thru out my education (and life) where I didn’t have friends my own age (or at all). I have even dated guys much older than me. I moved to live in Spain in 2007, and lived there for 11 months. I really applied myself to learn Spanish as quick as I could. But since I could only really connect with people my parents’ age, I didn’t learn the language & dialects of ppl my own age. So I struggled to understand and connect with them. It didn’t help that all the local jobs were usually given based on who you knew, I quickly felt defeated. With no job & no friends, my relationship at the time fell apart and I returned to the UK. Coming forward to today, my 20m toddler has built a friendship with one of our neighbours - who is 8yrs old. Her cousin is just 4 months older and yet when we went to his bday party last weekend, the 2 kids didn’t connect at all. My daughter chose to keep to herself most of the time or with me. Talking to my husband’s cousin, whose son is 4 months older than my daughter, she shared that her son prefers to play with kids much older than him. I see this when my daughter plays in the local playground. Kids gravitate towards older kids at times, perhaps cuz they perceive that they can learn a lot from watching that kid/s’ behaviour and how they play.
I’m an autistic 18 year old as well and I’ve usually had friends who were not the same age as me. Either older of younger than me, not the same age. I have a couple of friends my age but the rest are not. Also not to mention I have lots of Imaginary friends.
To be honest, I understand the mom's concerns. She needs to understand her daughter's difficulties more, but she is probably worried about if her daughter can handle adult responsibilities if she is having difficulty managing her screentime. She may not know any other way than the "throw them in the deep end method." I think they could use an intermediary counselor to help with strategies for life balance. And probably to help her mom work on ways to support her daughter as needed. If she had her child at 18, it's possible she didn't have much support herself at that age and may struggle to know how to provide it now.
Very interesting video topic. I am sure the mother really cares about her child and is confused on how to continue. In the beginning of the video I was also confused on what to do - especially because this reminded me of someone I knew growing up. I think your solution of working with the special interest instead of against is the right path. Thank you for talking about this, I learned something!
I think i was in my late teens when i got a couple of handheld single game gadgets. One was a space invader type game and played it for hours trying to beat my score, until i reach the max 1,000,000 points. After that it was trying to do it again and again. It was extremely relaxing. I was able to play endless because i never had to learn it would just stick. My parents never stopped me from playing because they trusted me I would get my school work done.
You probably learned a lot from your parents trying to restrict your computer usage, haha! My kids hacked the password for the wifi using the Roku when they were very young, and I do believe that at least one of them is going to find his career in computers.
Off- topic from a knitting enthusiast: who made your sweater? Is it a Dale? (Ps, thanks for being so kind in your assessment that yes, she is at great risk of being the a-hole!)
I agree with most of what you say, but degrees ARE important, depending on the envrionment that you live in. I don't have a degree, mostly because I had a father who liked to punish me for my weirdness and special interests. The things I hated I was forced to do and whenever I was passionate about anything, access was blocked. I also got kicked out at 18 while I didn't even have my highschool degree. Everything I know, I learned to do myself and I ended up have jobs at big tech companies too. However, I have worked abroad where there are whole different cultures, where you don't even get a foot in the door without that paper certificate. I have been (financially and otherwise) discriminated at jobs because of that paper, even though my stats showed that my performance was 3 to 4 times as good as my average graduated colleagues, and yet they had career abilities that weren't possible for me and I earned at least 25% less, sometimes the difference was much more.
You've got a good point. The paper helps but looking at it from the other side - unless it's a regulated industry (e.g. medicine, law), it's more about evidencing that someone can work on a project and see it through to the end. There's more than one way to meet this criteria - I advocate for portfolios; have a binder that has the evidence inside to fight for you when you can't. I've stumbled in job interviews, tripping over my words, but then I can lean on my binder, almost like a crutch - and it works very well. I'm going to make videos about this in the future. -Mike
@@Autistic_AF if you have a decent, honest boss who has eyes in his head and recognises your talent, sure. That is IF you first got your foot in the door to get the lesser job or if you are so lucky to have a good boss with his heart in the right place (which is not a given, certainly not when he has to deal with an autistic employee who might not even realise he's autistic). It might not look that bad when you have a degree, but when you live it every day, it's a whole different story. I'm 49 and I'm starting uni in September for that reason. It'll be child's play to me, I work with computers since I was 5, but I need that certificate.
I myself have a very “weird”special interest that took me like 10 years to realize My most intense interest is literally just the concept of transformation and shapeshifting. Which is very hard to indulge in, seeing how it’s, impossible irl lmao I wanna just rant on about my experience with it throughout my life and how i actually accepted it and stopped being embarrassed, but I don’t want to be annoying
Me being the kid who always hung out with either 2+ years younger than me and 3ish years older than me got punished for not being in charge if with younger kids. Kids my own age treated me like I was diseased without any diagnosis of any kind so…
tbh i always found the term 'special interest' to be incredibly patronizing, or nothing else than plain & simple othering. like why would you pathologize passions? even if it's detrimental in any way, i'd rather call it an obsession, because that's just what it is. but by coming up with half-assed 'medical' terms for it, you're taking it so much further: you're making it out to be something _outside_ of the range of 'general' human experience, essentially something alien, further hindering mutual understanding between NDs and NTs. but i just don't see the fuss about you know, being _interested_ in certain _things_ in like you know, the most interesting thing ever - _life_ - and then devoting your time and attention to those things ps. i can imagine that for some folks having an extra term for it may help them validate themselves and their interests, or they may use it for whatever other reason - pls do share your perspectives so i can get to know them, but i see it used as if it was some magical NT "licence" to be obsessed over something, and i'd rather say we normalize that thing as a part of a natural & zestful life, i know it's not always that simple but this is a mere youtube comment so let me keep it simple for now thxxx :p
How the idea of special interests helped me was that I could understand that music was a special interest for me and that pursuing a career as an entertainer wasn’t the point for me and that my intense focus and investment into my recording projects was appropriate to my life and my own true expression of myself simply as the thing I am most fascinated w. It freed me from feeling like I should find a way to be a well known or world class artist and feeling shame for not accomplishing that level in my projects. We hen I realized it was my special interest and that listening to my tracks is a regulating tool for me and the soundtrack of my own life- it became, I and my music became, valid in my own eyes in a way that before I understood I was autistic and it is my special interest that I coukd accept who I am as a musician as how I am.
How do you even fit 14 hours in a day to play. I practice violin all day and the most was 8. She wants her daughter to be productive. Playing video games is not, unless she is studying to become a designer. But the mom should ask her of any other interest she may like and support it. I've wasted my life drinking and now at 37 I am finding my calling. But I honestly wouldn't have known this at age 15, even 30. I am maturing slowly.
At fourteen, during school holidays, I managed 14 hours of screen time watching documentaries and Minecraft videos on RUclips. On school nights, it was 8 hours because my brain would be active until the witching hour. Before you say "Yeah, that's because of the screen," I had troubles falling asleep since I was a small child, years before I had a phone. No matter how I tried, I could not fall asleep until I had told myself a fantasy of my own imagination. I needed bedtime stories to sleep, and it had to be aloud, whispered. Now I listen to Get Sleepy on RUclips when I actually feel the pull of sleep (rarely happens early). It's very easy for an autistic person to become consumed by a screen, instrument or book. My nanna is usually up til 4am doing family history research, because that is her special interest. I stay up and listen to or read anything science or history, especially medicine and Indigenous cultures. I knew my passion at 7, forgot it after years of psychological ab*se, told I'd never succeed as a musician (I wanted to earn enough money through song royalties to pay for university, med school and charity), and gave up til I was 20. Now 23 and just started uni. I am a year and a half sober from pot, almost two years into learning a second language, and haven't had a drink in over a month. And trust me, I went though probably the same things as you and this girl. I understand your experience informs your perspective on what to do about an autistic teen, however, being closer to her age and understanding how video games can consume one's attention, I feel I am more knowledgeable on how to tackle this mother's issue. Guiding an autistic teen to find balance can be tricky, however it's best found the same way early childhood educators ought to approach teaching young children. Child-led learning. We autistics can be willful, it's in our nature to seek autonomy, and it is often stripped from us because a lot of older people perceive our elementary behaviour as wildly and pointlessly liberal. We will get to work productively at some point, just don't push to micromanage and allot a young autistic's time with what you think they should be doing. All you'll achieve is an anxious, highly resentful, mentally ill adult, incapable of finding their way. Tell me, did older people forcing you as a teen to do things their way help you become a functioning member of society? Don't answer, you already have. You were an alcoholic, to deal with your trauma. Someone pushed you over the edge, to become their idea of productive. And it made you an alcoholic to numb your pain, emotions and sensory overwhelm, among all the other horrible things which can happen to an autistic person. Like OP said, autistic people can struggle with interoception, as well as executive dysfunction. Meaning an autistic teen is less likely to have much control over her time by herself, all she needs is someone to coax her out of just gaming, find a special interest which involves learning a skill or topic which is marketable. Relating to her, by secretly suggesting things linked to her SI, just mentioning them in conversation, not "maybe you should try learning how to code," instead "I heard coding is a lot of fun, you can make the games like in Roblox, or develop an app, or animate a short film,". All we autistics ever ask for is tact, reasonable options and patience.
...Yeah we just need to remind NT's that people like Hitler, John Wayne Gacy, and RayGun associated well w their peers, had normal interests like public speaking, business, vegetarianism, culture, etc. and look what a hot mess they turned out to be
To be fair I hate Roblox but her mom is out of her depth. I am 37 and My Family wants to Control my finances and Electronics access. I live on My own and they only help me when they want to change me
i feel like saying 14 hours a day everyday is an exageration because theres 24hours in a day. school is 8 hours if she sleeps 5 hours theres only 11 hours left. less than that if she sleeps 8 hours a night. i do wonder what her mom meant by they arent helping her. is it them talking to the daughter or taking the daughter in or something else ? and it should have been talked about before it got to 14 hours or however long it is.
@@Imjustkendall Being an 18 year old parent in today’s society is a significant struggle. This will have an impact on the parent’s opinion of her daughter, who by contrast does not have the same struggles that the young mother would have had. I hope this helps. -Mike
That was a rather cringe video. you missed the problem completely. Why is the mother and daughter in a situation like this? That is the problem, the mother should never have been in a situation to ask the question in the first place.
Not sure I understand what you mean. All parents get into difficult situations with their children (autistic or not)...that's what you are taking on when you become a parent (although you obviously don't realise this before the fact). Can you explain what you mean in more detail?
![Oscar Maydon x Fuerza Regida - Tu Boda [Official Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/_ymicn0_GYc/mqdefault.jpg)
Forcing yourself to schoolwork can be impossible. Once your children have no trust in their ability to depend on you, they're going to do everything they can to feel in control and safe.
It's sad to me that people's reaction when a loved one is diagnosed with autism isn't to learn what that means for them and how they can help them adjust to the new perception of themselves but often rather to make assumptions (not based on any evidence) about them and what their motivations are.
Yeah, limiting or removing an autistic persons passion or special interest won't have the desired effect the mom wants. I moved on my own when I was 20. It took a lot of getting used to and adjustments. It was found out I was autistic just last year, when I was 40. In all that time, all the way back to when I was about 12, and to this day, I still play Pokemon. Even in public. To me it's more than just a passion, it's also a way for me to stim and I've been doing it instinctively for basically my whole life, even if I knew it was "wrong" that someone my age was doing this. All I knew is that it helped me and made me feel ok in situations, so I did them.
What I took away most from the post though is that the mother is very uninformed what life is like for an autistic person and what their struggles and needs are and how to go about meeting those needs. She needs to do her own research on her daughter's diagnosis and not judge her by NT standards and force her into a NT mold. What often works for NT will have the exact opposite and catastrophic reaction and results with an autistic person.
@@knrdvmmlbkkn Close. It came out in Japan in 1996 and the rest of the world in 1997. So 27 years for me.
Autistic people commonly play vide games, and care less about if they are "kid's" games. If you want to watch other people play Pokémon on RUclips, try
1. ShadyPenguinn
2. Nate and Dookie.
They're all around age 35.
I'm more of a Pokémon watcher than a player, just because I'm playing different games, and I'm 50.
The Ghibli movie Whispers of the Heart has a lovely scene where her parents deal with her obsessive story writing.
They say to her, "well, going your own path is more difficult. But we will support you if that's what you want. [Then they set boundaries.] But we are still a family, and you need to come to family dinner."
I think that moment in the film, she was released from that stress, and could have a more clear head for her future. She started studying for school again, without stopping her writing.
She found balance.
(I wish I could be such a parent.)
I am reminded of, at age 22, my graduation from five years of architecture school. My final project for school had had a hostile reception, and the architecture profession was in a serious slump with some firms going out of business. I was also still feeling the effects of too much drinking two evenings before. At the graduation reception, my father informed me that ‘the rule’ was ‘23 and out’ - that I was to move out of the family home by my 23rd birthday. This was very upsetting to me. I would eventually move out at age 42. My diagnosis of Aspergers Syndrome would come at age 58, after many years of therapy. I did have a semi-successful career in architecture, though I can’t say that I had a passion for it. My real passions were in art, music, and nature.
I'm 26 and I have teenage friends as well as friends with ages up into the elderly ages. This is normal and also good and healthy. Having friends of different ages helps give you perspective on different aspects of life. Friends that are 18 and 15 isn't weird.
i dont think its inherently weird to have younger friends but i personally can't stand talking to someone unless we're more or less on the same wavelength. i've talked to 18 year olds and i have a hard time seeing them as anything less than childish gangly infants. not saying that they're inherently dumb, they're just young and definitely too goofy goober for my tastes. idm being on friendly terms with older people though
@@evanaipoalani7198 VALID. my 14 year old friend drains me when she's high energy XD sometimes she can be a lot and im like "remember she is 14 and have patience" lmao
i love being goofy goober but i tire faster now that im not a teen anymore, so after some goofying it up, i need down time, but the kids, they wanna keep being goobers! that's my sign to peace out for now B)
same! i'm a little older than you but not by much. for a large group of people i get on well with, i'm always, "the kid," but for the younger ones...well, they all think i'm uncle iroh or equivalent haha. i like to hang out with "the youth" as it were...they are less likely to try and convince me why my whole time should be dedicated to getting new fridges, houses or cars..
Yeah! I’m almost 17 and most my life I’ve had friends of many different ages, from like 5 years younger than me, to 30 years older! There’s no difference with them, you wouldn’t know unless they told you!
And I do hate when people automatically think inappropriate shit when people with big age gaps are friends. How the hell am I supposed to be in an inappropriate relationship with old people when I’m not interested in any relationship??
I was kicked out from my dads place when i was around 19, for other reasons.. It completely ruined me, and gave me so much trauma, both physical abuse and mental..
The daughter sounds like she is not feeling okay, like she is escaping the world via Roblox.
Its wild how parents sees a problem and proceed with "Well there is no reason for not having friends in school is there? So just go make some!" Instead of pausing, and just thinking for 5 minutes WHY your child doesn't have any friends at school? Could there be any other reason then "she just doesn't try hard enough?"..
Not having friends is a sign. Not "trying hard enough" or even at all is a sign. Lying is a sign. Shrugging is a sign. No communication is a sign. Having only friends online that are perhaps younger is a sign. ITS ALL A SIGN THAT THE KID IS STRUGGLING.. She doesn't even need to be autistic to fu*king struggle like that!
I'm sorry, but so many parents are failing at the most basic job they have - to care for their child, guide and help them though life, to notice when they aren't okay, and help them through it.
Also there is no shame in having older or younger friends.
You're right, she really doesn't even have to be autistic to struggle like that. These are all signs...
Sounds so familiar.. I was "voluntarily" kicked out the house at 17 because I"refused" to function like their other kids, while I'm not even their biological child. Neither did a get a similar upbringing to get even close. It's sad there's so many parents who are incapable or refuse to consider or understand the impact of their behaviour.
Same, the "kicked out 'voluntarly' at 17😐
I left home at 15. It was my choice though. I could have stayed but there was too much abuse.
@@Catlily5 I ran away first time with 13, then 15, was shortly in a foster house. But my mother was a teacher, later headmaster of the school in the smalltown and knew all people working at youth agency. She did study extra psychology and was very good at manipulating.
So of cause nobody believed me. I was sent in this foster home literate "in the woods" to show me what will happen if I am bad...then I had to go home again. And after I said "I will do back next time if You touch me again" and took a knife from the kitchen drawer all knives were put away and I was told to move out as quick as possible, she would pay me a small amount (wich was of cause not enough and she would have been forced by court to pay much more, but as a teenager I simply didn't know as nobody helped me). So I left with 17, had to break up school and work then.
After she died by as the article said "an accident in house" (I was hoping a bot my father finally also was saying "I will pay back"...and did...but I don't know what happened as nobody talks to me, just found it on the internet.) of cause she was praised in local newspapers and I was put out of testament. My beloved dad whom I could never tell what she all did as he had always spoken about his fathers s***ide of "family honor" and that's what a man has to do and he would of cause do too. He was a refugee from Argentina and much older then my german mother. He never forgave me to break up contact with her and refused to have then with me. Had no siblings. He died then two years ago not a year after her.
The legal fight after the testament was sent to me by the court of my home town to tell me of the dead of them, at my mothers dead about three months later, opened the letter the morning on my way to my first morning shift of new job (!), my dads death I was informed about half a year later.
So I don't know how they died or are burried. Which at my mother is totally fine. There is nothing. She was a bad human and I didn't like her and never regretted. But as I missed my dad all the years heavily, cried so much just not be able to have contact with him living it was and is still the hardest.
So after the legal fight I engaged a lawyer for who was specialised on peaceful solutions, does also family right and counceling (!), I wanted it most peaceful, was not interested in the money - in Germany it's quite simple, I get all if testament says nothing, de-heritaged by them I get half as only child, other half to people in testament (a neighbour for example...).
But this lawyer told me she never ever in her job had to see so bad behaviour, she often didn't know how to tell me things.
I wanted to give them tenthausends just to get my old things like a doll house, my childhood photos, photographs of my dad, an old pullover of him to smell. And the documents he always promised I would be given after his death to find out the truth what has happened in Argentina and to be able to burry him there and research for the other half of my family.
The house was "cleanen, everything worthy was sold and the rest thrown away I was told."
Now in end of april it was over, days after the dead of my beloved tomcat, the last creature on earth I deeply loved.
I don't know what to do now with this money. It feels wothless to me.
@@katzenbekloppt_mf Sorry that happened to you. I was not believed either because my father is an engineer.
@@Catlily5 ah, originally mine was too, machine- and bridgebuilding engineer. But after fleeing he worked here as fine mechanics in the end, when he met my mother in Hamburg at the harbour, then at a company that produced things for ships. He did evening school for tecnical drawing and later tore the diploma in pieces as he was not even given a job for this as "the foreigner". That days it was more open racist. So of cause for the society, youth agency etc. it must have been my dad's fault I run away...
I guess You mean that Your dads job as an engeneer meant You were not believed because so Your family was higher middle-class?
Just got that I didn't understand it at first. Thinking "Hm, but engeneers are not assumed to be good parents as people with social jobs".
Sometimes I even don't get that I don't get something after replying something that I then realize makes no sense later🤦🏽♀️
Brain!!!
I would lean towards yes, as being an autistic parent of adult autistic children still living at home in their twenties.....the work world is not easy for us.....FACT.....
I honestly think the mom just needs to do more research about autism. Like, I'm sure the daughter would love to have real life friends who are her age, but maybe there are no autistic people in her school or she does not get along with the ones who are there? Making and maintaining friendships with someone of a differing neurotype, especially when they see yours as defective and something you can correct through discipline, is extremely difficult. Before I met other autistic people, I found that the safest, most comfortable, least judgemental friendships I was able to maintain were with people who were younger than me.
Also, I can't help but wonder how many of these classmates mom wants her daughter to spend time with instead have a lot more dangerous hobbies that they are also lacking impulse control over? Breaking into abandoned buildings, getting blackout drunk at parties, doing drugs, etc. Roblox is a much safer hobby, especially for an autistic person as we can become so obsessed with our special interests that we can become physically unwell. If the mom wants the daughter to reduce her screentime, she can help add some structure to her disabled child's life that pulls her away from the screen. But trying to make your autistic child "normal" is absolutely ridiculous and unrealistic. No amount of shaming, peer pressure, or threatening to kick your disabled child out on the streets will change the fact that their brain is wired differently and that they will behave differently as a result.
I had people try a similar strategy on me. I bounced between friends' couches a few times and, since none of us knew at the time I was autistic, I would often have people get frustrated with my addiction to my special interests to the point of kicking me back onto the streets because they felt I was being childish and not acting like an adult. But I was using my special interests to forget about how difficult my life was. So the more painful and difficult my life became, the more traumatized I became by multiple close calls and nights spent sleeping outside, the more I became addicted to my special interests. Because I got thrown so deep into these imaginary worlds, I could forget for a few hours that I was homeless and rapidly losing friendships and connections who could keep me safe. Though I have learned impulse control, I look back on these interests fondly and believe part of the reason why I am so happy and sane despite all my past trauma is because isolating myself in these fantasy worlds helped make the pain more bearable.
Oof. This is a rough read, so painfully relateable. At 18 I was definitely relating to 15yo kids more than my peers. I spent a lot of time alone. My mom let me have a gap year after high school and it was some of the happiest months I had to that point in my life. Immediately after starting employment the following year, I was prescribed an additional mental health med and my physical health began nose diving. I spent the second half of my 20s bedridden and continue to be unemployable (to capitalist standards) into my 30s.
I went through similar troubles with my mom when I was a teen - and neither of us had the benefit of autism awareness. Would that we had somebody like yourself, all those decades ago, to explain it in such a level-headed way as you just have. Regardless, love and patience will help them get where they want to be. TY for this.
The same happened to me over my ADD, @Omrikai6594. Diagnosis is more likely now. What kind of a school would ban a student from using the library? It's funny. I have a graduate degree, but sometimes I wake up having a nightmare that my life is ruined because someone learned about me getting kicked out of three high schools. That's ridiculous, though, @Omrika6594.
I'm so sorry. Awareness (neither positive, nor negative and certainly not deficit laden culture) is something that really seems to be taking off now; at least, for people who are young will benefit in the future. Thank you.
You know what's /really/ funny? I was banned from using the library, but I had to use a desk in the headteachers office. I was 16-17 at the time. The headteacher soon learned that it wasn't a great idea to have me in her office during breaktimes lol. She broke before I did ;)
@@Autistic_AF :)
This is the second time I’m watching your videos, I’ve been subscribed for a while but I have been avoidant. I LOVE what you are doing, the wider context you bring and much like other videos of this kind I appreciate how you analysis the piece: breaking it down. I like how your speak of autism neutrally, not as good or bad but simply I of something that exist.
Thank you, TeaBee. I appreciate your thoughtful comment - and I'm glad you like my videos. That's what I hope to do. Thank you, you've made me smile. Thanks for being here. -Mike
Step 1: Stay away from Reddit. It is a silly place.
That’s it.
It has lots of material to use in videos. 🤷🏻♀️
especially for parenting advice... tho maybe it was helpful in this case.
"Go all in" = Turning a "problem" into the solution. Very wise. Modern day alchemy and shamanism.
Once my dad said to me when I was 13: “Stop paying for stuff on Minecraft, it’ll be just a phase.”
And now I’m 23.
The pfp is from my three year old hardcore lol
Some odds I change it out though, I legit had a desert pyramid generate in a taiga biome…
That and I started it out because of a less than stellar creator that got outed for bad stuff recently.
If I tell you it’s modded with origins mod, started at 2020, and it’s off the FELINE origin in particular, I think someone here could piece it together.
@@GoingSwimmingly hold up, a desert temple in a taiga biome?! That's sick as hell! Please tell me there's water nearby and you've built or plan to build a pirate cove!
@@audreydoyle5268 ah shoot I forgot to clear up- It’s a snowey taiga! Surrounded by snowey slopes and mountains
Andd not to mention it’s at the 20k coordinate mark or so- I’m working on a nether iceboat system to access new chunks, and honestly maybe do something with it indeed actually
What is the source of "need to play with kids your own age" - like WHY do they need to be my own age? What does that benefit me? In the future, I will be required to social with folks mostly OUTSIDE of my age group ie managers, leasing agents, loan officers, coworkers so it doesn't "benefit" me as a worker bee to have strong bonds with my peers. In fact - if I was a dictator I'd do the hunger games specifically to keep them divided and not trusting each other as a group - so why? Why is "peer pressure" the ideal? Make it make sense!
When you know, Henry - let me know please!
I'm not Henry, but my guess is that it's easier for neurotypical kids to develop social skills with those their own age, so that advice is spread to everyone, including neurodiverse kids where that advice need not apply...
I don’t get why we need to make friends with people our own age. I have made friends with peers my age but I’ve also experienced several years thru out my education (and life) where I didn’t have friends my own age (or at all). I have even dated guys much older than me.
I moved to live in Spain in 2007, and lived there for 11 months. I really applied myself to learn Spanish as quick as I could. But since I could only really connect with people my parents’ age, I didn’t learn the language & dialects of ppl my own age. So I struggled to understand and connect with them. It didn’t help that all the local jobs were usually given based on who you knew, I quickly felt defeated. With no job & no friends, my relationship at the time fell apart and I returned to the UK.
Coming forward to today, my 20m toddler has built a friendship with one of our neighbours - who is 8yrs old. Her cousin is just 4 months older and yet when we went to his bday party last weekend, the 2 kids didn’t connect at all. My daughter chose to keep to herself most of the time or with me.
Talking to my husband’s cousin, whose son is 4 months older than my daughter, she shared that her son prefers to play with kids much older than him. I see this when my daughter plays in the local playground.
Kids gravitate towards older kids at times, perhaps cuz they perceive that they can learn a lot from watching that kid/s’ behaviour and how they play.
I’m an autistic 18 year old as well and I’ve usually had friends who were not the same age as me. Either older of younger than me, not the same age. I have a couple of friends my age but the rest are not. Also not to mention I have lots of Imaginary friends.
To be honest, I understand the mom's concerns. She needs to understand her daughter's difficulties more, but she is probably worried about if her daughter can handle adult responsibilities if she is having difficulty managing her screentime. She may not know any other way than the "throw them in the deep end method." I think they could use an intermediary counselor to help with strategies for life balance. And probably to help her mom work on ways to support her daughter as needed. If she had her child at 18, it's possible she didn't have much support herself at that age and may struggle to know how to provide it now.
I think mom may not be an asshole, but scared and at a loss as to what else to do.
I think you handled this brilliantly. Love your compassion.
Thank you! ☺️
Very interesting video topic. I am sure the mother really cares about her child and is confused on how to continue. In the beginning of the video I was also confused on what to do - especially because this reminded me of someone I knew growing up. I think your solution of working with the special interest instead of against is the right path. Thank you for talking about this, I learned something!
@@WoodshedTheory thank you, Claire! ☺️
I was just about to go outside but I'll watch this first, you always make a good video.😊
Literally me too😂
@@zinzincoetzee1934 I’m sorry! Do the outside thing! ☀️ 🐦 🌴
I think i was in my late teens when i got a couple of handheld single game gadgets. One was a space invader type game and played it for hours trying to beat my score, until i reach the max 1,000,000 points. After that it was trying to do it again and again. It was extremely relaxing. I was able to play endless because i never had to learn it would just stick. My parents never stopped me from playing because they trusted me I would get my school work done.
You probably learned a lot from your parents trying to restrict your computer usage, haha! My kids hacked the password for the wifi using the Roku when they were very young, and I do believe that at least one of them is going to find his career in computers.
True, yes! Go your kids too haha
This ia a very kind and wise video.
You're the kindest, thank you.
The tide will turn and more parents will learn what autistic people are like, and things will get better. Awareness is good, thanks for the video
Off- topic from a knitting enthusiast: who made your sweater? Is it a Dale?
(Ps, thanks for being so kind in your assessment that yes, she is at great risk of being the a-hole!)
Hello Sarah! Not a Dale (not sure who) but it’s definitely a Nordic 🇳🇴 design!
Hello 👋 fellow knitting enthusiast! 😊
Whoah, that was some quick math! Not even a minute in, but i know thats against the rules..... But i was just so impressed!
back in my days, it was Runescape
10:30 Acorn Computers, yay! I always wanted to have an Archimedes. I would have learned ARM programming. Oh well.
Yay! 🦉
I agree with most of what you say, but degrees ARE important, depending on the envrionment that you live in. I don't have a degree, mostly because I had a father who liked to punish me for my weirdness and special interests. The things I hated I was forced to do and whenever I was passionate about anything, access was blocked. I also got kicked out at 18 while I didn't even have my highschool degree.
Everything I know, I learned to do myself and I ended up have jobs at big tech companies too.
However, I have worked abroad where there are whole different cultures, where you don't even get a foot in the door without that paper certificate. I have been (financially and otherwise) discriminated at jobs because of that paper, even though my stats showed that my performance was 3 to 4 times as good as my average graduated colleagues, and yet they had career abilities that weren't possible for me and I earned at least 25% less, sometimes the difference was much more.
You've got a good point. The paper helps but looking at it from the other side - unless it's a regulated industry (e.g. medicine, law), it's more about evidencing that someone can work on a project and see it through to the end. There's more than one way to meet this criteria - I advocate for portfolios; have a binder that has the evidence inside to fight for you when you can't. I've stumbled in job interviews, tripping over my words, but then I can lean on my binder, almost like a crutch - and it works very well. I'm going to make videos about this in the future. -Mike
@@Autistic_AF if you have a decent, honest boss who has eyes in his head and recognises your talent, sure. That is IF you first got your foot in the door to get the lesser job or if you are so lucky to have a good boss with his heart in the right place (which is not a given, certainly not when he has to deal with an autistic employee who might not even realise he's autistic).
It might not look that bad when you have a degree, but when you live it every day, it's a whole different story.
I'm 49 and I'm starting uni in September for that reason. It'll be child's play to me, I work with computers since I was 5, but I need that certificate.
I was kicked out of my house bc I would keep failing at school. It really kills your self esteem and the little trust you had in others
I myself have a very “weird”special interest that took me like 10 years to realize
My most intense interest is literally just the concept of transformation and shapeshifting. Which is very hard to indulge in, seeing how it’s, impossible irl lmao
I wanna just rant on about my experience with it throughout my life and how i actually accepted it and stopped being embarrassed, but I don’t want to be annoying
Forced out at 17. 😀 Though life was chaotic, painful, and scary it was still better than "home".
Love your work Mike !!!!
@@AutismAddict thank you! ☺️
Me being the kid who always hung out with either 2+ years younger than me and 3ish years older than me got punished for not being in charge if with younger kids. Kids my own age treated me like I was diseased without any diagnosis of any kind so…
Beware of goats!
tbh i always found the term 'special interest' to be incredibly patronizing, or nothing else than plain & simple othering. like why would you pathologize passions? even if it's detrimental in any way, i'd rather call it an obsession, because that's just what it is.
but by coming up with half-assed 'medical' terms for it, you're taking it so much further: you're making it out to be something _outside_ of the range of 'general' human experience, essentially something alien, further hindering mutual understanding between NDs and NTs.
but i just don't see the fuss about you know, being _interested_ in certain _things_ in like you know, the most interesting thing ever - _life_ - and then devoting your time and attention to those things
ps. i can imagine that for some folks having an extra term for it may help them validate themselves and their interests, or they may use it for whatever other reason - pls do share your perspectives so i can get to know them,
but i see it used as if it was some magical NT "licence" to be obsessed over something, and i'd rather say we normalize that thing as a part of a natural & zestful life, i know it's not always that simple but this is a mere youtube comment so let me keep it simple for now thxxx :p
How the idea of special interests helped me was that I could understand that music was a special interest for me and that pursuing a career as an entertainer wasn’t the point for me and that my intense focus and investment into my recording projects was appropriate to my life and my own true expression of myself simply as the thing I am most fascinated w. It freed me from feeling like I should find a way to be a well known or world class artist and feeling shame for not accomplishing that level in my projects. We hen I realized it was my special interest and that listening to my tracks is a regulating tool for me and the soundtrack of my own life- it became, I and my music became, valid in my own eyes in a way that before I understood I was autistic and it is my special interest that I coukd accept who I am as a musician as how I am.
8:47 aww 💜
Depends on the country. Social services want to control my life. And my family
How do you even fit 14 hours in a day to play. I practice violin all day and the most was 8. She wants her daughter to be productive. Playing video games is not, unless she is studying to become a designer. But the mom should ask her of any other interest she may like and support it. I've wasted my life drinking and now at 37 I am finding my calling. But I honestly wouldn't have known this at age 15, even 30. I am maturing slowly.
At fourteen, during school holidays, I managed 14 hours of screen time watching documentaries and Minecraft videos on RUclips. On school nights, it was 8 hours because my brain would be active until the witching hour. Before you say "Yeah, that's because of the screen," I had troubles falling asleep since I was a small child, years before I had a phone. No matter how I tried, I could not fall asleep until I had told myself a fantasy of my own imagination. I needed bedtime stories to sleep, and it had to be aloud, whispered. Now I listen to Get Sleepy on RUclips when I actually feel the pull of sleep (rarely happens early).
It's very easy for an autistic person to become consumed by a screen, instrument or book. My nanna is usually up til 4am doing family history research, because that is her special interest. I stay up and listen to or read anything science or history, especially medicine and Indigenous cultures.
I knew my passion at 7, forgot it after years of psychological ab*se, told I'd never succeed as a musician (I wanted to earn enough money through song royalties to pay for university, med school and charity), and gave up til I was 20. Now 23 and just started uni. I am a year and a half sober from pot, almost two years into learning a second language, and haven't had a drink in over a month. And trust me, I went though probably the same things as you and this girl.
I understand your experience informs your perspective on what to do about an autistic teen, however, being closer to her age and understanding how video games can consume one's attention, I feel I am more knowledgeable on how to tackle this mother's issue.
Guiding an autistic teen to find balance can be tricky, however it's best found the same way early childhood educators ought to approach teaching young children. Child-led learning. We autistics can be willful, it's in our nature to seek autonomy, and it is often stripped from us because a lot of older people perceive our elementary behaviour as wildly and pointlessly liberal. We will get to work productively at some point, just don't push to micromanage and allot a young autistic's time with what you think they should be doing. All you'll achieve is an anxious, highly resentful, mentally ill adult, incapable of finding their way. Tell me, did older people forcing you as a teen to do things their way help you become a functioning member of society? Don't answer, you already have. You were an alcoholic, to deal with your trauma. Someone pushed you over the edge, to become their idea of productive. And it made you an alcoholic to numb your pain, emotions and sensory overwhelm, among all the other horrible things which can happen to an autistic person.
Like OP said, autistic people can struggle with interoception, as well as executive dysfunction. Meaning an autistic teen is less likely to have much control over her time by herself, all she needs is someone to coax her out of just gaming, find a special interest which involves learning a skill or topic which is marketable. Relating to her, by secretly suggesting things linked to her SI, just mentioning them in conversation, not "maybe you should try learning how to code," instead "I heard coding is a lot of fun, you can make the games like in Roblox, or develop an app, or animate a short film,".
All we autistics ever ask for is tact, reasonable options and patience.
...Yeah we just need to remind NT's that people like Hitler, John Wayne Gacy, and RayGun associated well w their peers, had normal interests like public speaking, business, vegetarianism, culture, etc. and look what a hot mess they turned out to be
To be fair I hate Roblox but her mom is out of her depth. I am 37 and My Family wants to Control my finances and Electronics access. I live on My own and they only help me when they want to change me
i feel like saying 14 hours a day everyday is an exageration because theres 24hours in a day. school is 8 hours if she sleeps 5 hours theres only 11 hours left. less than that if she sleeps 8 hours a night. i do wonder what her mom meant by they arent helping her. is it them talking to the daughter or taking the daughter in or something else ? and it should have been talked about before it got to 14 hours or however long it is.
😀
👍👍👍👍👍
0:39: I’m sorry but why dose he care when she had her kid ? It’s completely unnecessary for the story…
@@Imjustkendall Being an 18 year old parent in today’s society is a significant struggle. This will have an impact on the parent’s opinion of her daughter, who by contrast does not have the same struggles that the young mother would have had. I hope this helps. -Mike
I was just impressed by that quick math! Mind blowing to me
I wonder why you went with the American "Mom" in your title since you are British?
❤
:(
That was a rather cringe video. you missed the problem completely.
Why is the mother and daughter in a situation like this? That is the problem, the mother should never have been in a situation to ask the question in the first place.
Not sure I understand what you mean. All parents get into difficult situations with their children (autistic or not)...that's what you are taking on when you become a parent (although you obviously don't realise this before the fact). Can you explain what you mean in more detail?
I don't get this lol. To avoid this situation, she shouldn't have had kids. Every parent has issues with their children. It's a normal thing.
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