It’s as if they are detached from reality, which is basically like a form of psychosis, albeit self-inflicted and arising from maintaining their false selves to escape deep shame and despair.
Yes. That is my conclusion - they live in a permanent psychosis, which can pass as normal until you get to know them - well, as much as you can get to know them as you can’t penetrate their psychosis.
I also believe in Narcissistic lack of listening. They don't hear us when we speak because they are ignoring us. Hello Dr. C and please give Gus a pat on the head and a hug for the New Year 2025 for always being there in your videos. Look at his little sleepy head.
💯 they know what they are doing in abusing people , lying and future faking . They get somebody in their lives who is kind, giving and loving, and are so blind, they throw it away . They want what they can’t have, and when they get it, they no longer want it 🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♂️
You are nothing More than a piece of furniture for the narcissist. They don’t see you as a human being who should be respected and included and asked for opinions, no, you are to serve a function for them. You are dehumanised and treated as an object. It’s up to us to see that kindness nd of treatment for what it is and call it quits with them. Thank you dr Carter 😊❤
After being married to a narcissist for over 40 years before escaping, I was never able to get through to him, and at first, never understood why. I've since learned that these people never change. Thank you Doctor Carter.
Indeed, they do not see any goodness 🎯 Amanda, I hope you had a somewhat peaceful Christmas. I'm curious how things went with your youngest? 💕🤗 P.S.: I started crocheting yesterday, finally😉
@roxymovie3938 Hi Roxy. Well, my youngest went for a 4 half-hour cycle ride Christmas day and had alcohol while out but not drunk. He went for a 7-hour walk today and came back totally sozzled. He decided to go back to his flat. I was calm and would have let him stay the night. He insisted, but I wouldn't let him ride his bike. He was baiting me for an argument and didn't make a lot of sense. My eldest has been on holiday in Benidorm for ten days with his girlfriend and lied to his daughters mum where he was going. His plane has been delayed coming back coz of fog. I went round before Christmas to give my granddaughter a gift. I wanted to take her out, but she wanted to play on her i pad. The poor kid looked confused. Both lads are very angry with me. I'm glad you're crocheting. What are you making. My crocheting and knitting keep me sane. I do hope your Christmas was more peaceful than mine 🙏❤️🫂🕯
2025 is the year that I am having to leave my narc sister behind. I went no contact 3 years ago but I daily held hold she would change. She is my last surviving member of my family. It is hard to let go but she will not change. The grief is real.
I did the same with my sister who is my last surviving member of my birth family. I am 81 and she’s 96. 😮. We each are healthy and live in our own homes on different sides of the countrywe are both independent and self sufficient. Now I refuse to let her have any of my attention. She hates me and I finally know it for sure. She doesn’t get my attention and I am free of her for good. I don’t miss talking to her.
I fully understand what you’re going through. I recently had to go no contact with my sister this year. Anytime she got called out for a stupid thing she did or something I witnessed that she didn’t want people to know about she’d immediately run a smear campaign against me with literally everyone she could get in touch with. This year alone she did it three times in 6 months. My brother and mom witnessed her making up lies and spreading them about me and confronted her and she went crazy. She could not handle being held accountable for her lies and her destruction of my reputation and started threatening me in worse ways. I stayed out of it and just stopped communicating with her and now since she refuses to accept her own part in this situation that started over something dumb she keeps her children away from mine and everything. I will not just let it go this time though. I keep doing that and it only gave her comfort in knowing her actions aren’t bothering me, but they do. So this time she must figure her own self out and apologize or she gets no contact from me. No one believes her anymore and knows she exaggerates and straight up lies to make herself the victor or victim in any situation and they don’t really want much to do with that. She abuses in many ways including using the law against people she hates and it’s sickening. So don’t feel too guilty for putting you and yours above the toxicity of others even though they’re your blood. It’s okay.
My brother does not talk to his mother, his daughter does not talk to him. Today when he told me how he put his (32 YO with her own kid) daughter in her place, "politely" as her father and her response was to block him I reminded him of how he does not talk to his mother for the same reason. He told me this is different, he had to put the daughter in her place as her father. I thought he was blind to his own narcissism. Looking forward to this episode Dr Les :)
@peterjones6391 I have wondered how it will be for self-righteous, intolerant adults who block their parents, when their own children grow up with the example they had. I suppose it can be as unhealthy as it was when people stayed in toxic relationships for life out of loyalty. Both staying to work it out, and cutting ties when one can't work it out, have their place, I realise, but there are an incredible number of adult children going no contact, not always when it's necessary.
Thank you much for all your hard work on getting this out to us. Who would think that there are actually people like this, but sadly there are. Never in my life would I have thought I’d be with someone like this.
If you accept you will never be right, would you stay? If you separate and get a pet, you are guaranteed to feel better. In the meantime, we are the pets..
@AUSTRALIANAMADE We treat our pets like treasures and shower them with love and affection. The Narcs treat us like a shiny object to win/own and eventually like an old toy that doesn't work anymore so they want to destroy it before throwing it away. My cat today definitely feels loved and happy and calm around me, for example. - Feelings my exN worked shockingly hard to ensure I could never have as long as we were married. It never dawned on him - not ONCE! - that if hehad worked HALF as hard to make me and us happy, to make our relationship stronger, etc... we could have been living both our dream lives. That's an insanity level I'm grateful I will never understand. ❤
Great video Dr C. The sad truth is they are a total watse of a normal persons time and energy. Thanks for giving us an understanding that makes us aware before we get too involved in a relationship or the realization to get out.
I so identify with the futility. So many times saying “why?”. It made no sense that they couldn’t see the mistake that would cause loss & waste. How many times I thought “that’s crazy!”. Then I finally woke up. That moment when you knew but couldn’t believe it because that’d be “crazy” and now to know they are “as is”. Nothing can help them. The loss & waste is “as is”. That’s why I need team healthy.
Thank you, Dr Carter for this video. Having grown up in a severely narcissistic family, I spent my younger years wondering if I was in a different reality. They deny all their bad behavior and exaggerate their success. Really maddening.
Thanks for articulating. My niece repeated something the narcissist said about someone to the person. There were two others in the room and heard the conversation. She told the person what was said about them. The other two people did not hear it and chose to call the niece a liar. I heard it too and said so. One of the people denied hearing anything because they were medicated. Roll my eyes. Grey rocked the bunch of them.
Your closing statement is so well put. I need to go no contact with my dad after 40 years of suffering and an autoimmune disease. I may use this statement to part ways and find peace. Thank you.
What a beautiful presentation today, Dr. C! Your words transcend addressing not onlythe physical pain of going no contact, but to a more spiritual-like deep understanding of what it feels like, and takes, to be on this path of healing. Thank you!🎉 Happy Holidays!
Dr.C. you have described a multitude of people I use to be aquainted with, but no longer@ Thank you and Team Healthy for all the valuable info and validation !❤😊
It's like I need a spreadsheet to hold narcissists accountable for their patterns of abuse. I was working as a security guard in a mall in 2010 and a group of my coworkers would clear me for my lunch break last every time. I complained to the manager about their abuse and he made them start recording the lunch breaks on a spreadsheet. All of the sudden the patter of abuse magically stopped.
Thank you, Dr C. It is the Season for narcissistic blindness. While the drama is high, my levels of peace are at peak levels. Thank you for all the videos that have helped me get to this place. Many blessings to you, Gus, the family, and your team this holiday xx
Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Dr. Carter. You are the light in the darkness that my narcissistic coworker surrounds me with. Listening to your words, knowledge, wisdom, and humanity soothes my soul and gives me valuable perspectives on how I should behave when facing that narcissist, who completely fits all the patterns you described (pattern 7, in particular, resonated with me). You are my everyday Santa. Let me wish you, in advance, all the best for you and your loved ones in the coming year and for all the years to come.
Thank you dr C 🌠✨✨ My personal observation / experience. All those 7 patterns are extremely visible when someone gets sick (and becomes a useless object for the narcissist) even if the person is the golden child. To be more precise, *the question* that crossed my mind the most, (before I found the info about narcissism), during very difficult times... when very hard times were occurring (like my mother's "golden child" serious illness)... my question was something like, either my mother is very evil or she is seriously mentally ill. My point is, the most hard times reveal more than ever that really all the people around the narcissist are pieces of furniture, objects at their service. Even the physical situation and the emotions of my Nmother's golden child (my little brother) were not relevant. It was something absurd.
Whatever you do, please do not blame yourself. They intentionally get power over resources then get up close and unobserved doing their daily dirty work. It's not you.
My narc spouse might have a conversation but I find there is never any resolution of the issue. Change is temporary if at all. I often hear, "Why do you think you never have to apologize? Why do you think I need to apologize?" Then I hear that my boundaries are "hostile" and detrimental to our "relationship"
Thank you, Dr. C. You are helping me understand my narc brother through your videos. He really did his first wife dirty and it took his 2nd wife leaving him to "see" how badly he treated his 1st wife. I couldn't understand how he could not see this. Also, I told him how arrogant he is (2 yrs ago) & he told his son, a few months ago, about it. Now, my nephew blocked me on his phone. Mind you, I'm one of several who have told him about his arrogance. Instead of trying to "see" what we are all saying, he turns his son against me.
I had this eerie thought that a narcissist I knew was not feeling any emotion about people. Like the person might be like - pain, misery, or whatever. Or . . . nothing ever actually occurred to them at all in the first place.
Tech information for anyone interested. There seems to be a technical problem with the *comment form of the **_shorts_** section* . To be precise, the form is completely missing in some youtube channels, including dr C channel at the moment. So, for example, I may only send replies to other people, but I can't send a "brand new" comment. I went and checked other channels and the form is there, and it allows sending new comments, with a slight different template, so to speak. It's like a new "design" of the shorts section, with just a few differences in the space organization and buttons. Then, I think it's the tech people of each channel who have to do some update... Most probably it is that some browsers don't work well anymore together with the youtube shorts section. But everything is perfectly ok with the regular comment section of the "normal" videos like this one.
Complete self-absorption. An appalling lack of insight. Blindness, right. One of the reasons why they can't change is because they have no insight. People who cannot reflect or have insight into themselves, first, cannot benefit from most therapy. You must develop insight for true self growth. Modes of therapy are limited for narcissistic individuals.
Plz remember folks that narcs aren’t adults but simply preadolescent thinkers who have not separated as toddlers & couldn’t tell you from a hole in the wall
I think I should write a book about a narcissistic woman I know. Very odd at times. Split personality no one seems to notice. Narcissistic- OCD & off the wall streaks doing puzzling actions.
I’m having a really hard time trying to decide if my x of 35years is a narcissist. Not that I need to know. If he is he is a covert narcissist. The only reason I say that is because of a book I read and the victims experienced the exact same feelings about themselves that I continue to struggle with. My concern is my healing and weather my adult children need to know how I’ve been treated. I’m still struggling with believing this man I was CRAZY about could have made me feel the way I do on purpose. That’s where I seem to be stuck
When they are the first ones to say "They all just love me", then they'd be the last to admit fault. Any critical element showed toward them becomes an insult to a narcissist, is always like a stun gun... They have no filter for black and white, it is one or the other, never grey.
It's remarkable how people so unable to grasp manifest facts staring them in the face also nonetheless believe they know all about things that have nothing to do with them in contexts to which they don't have any access, and that they have magical mind-reading powers to know what other people are thinking. We might almost be forgiven for imagining that the negative pronouncements on us of infantile self-absorbed control freaks aren't a reliable guide about who we really are.
Hey 🖐️🙂 Incredible coincidence 💥 I've just written a comment including also a fact about the golden child , in my personal experience. My opinion (I didn't write it in my previous comment) is that the "golden child" is not so golden when the narcissist is a covert malignant with many sociopathic traits
@lishmahlishmah yes, the golden child is the narcissist's right hand man, who bullies others for the narcissist and is their chief defender and who praises them the most. The GC is filled with sympathy for the narc and hatred for the narc's "enemies". They are just as cruel and deceitful as their master.
@michele What I actually meant is this, if the narcissist is a covert malignant narcissist with many sociopathic traits (and a few psichopathic traits too) the golden child will never be a "right hand" because THAT narc only wants slaves, enablers, flying monkeys etc. Even the golden child is a "silver child", tested 24/7 functional or not functional. Anyway, this is only my opinion and my experience. And I'm not a professional
"WE'RE rubber, THEY'RE glue. Everything THEY say bounces off US and sticks too..." I mean, c'mon, the healthiest relationships are predicated on ultimatums and agendas. Right? Nah! When would NOW be a good time to... Stay Healthy??
One just mowed today Dec 28th for attention. Reving up the mower noise to be heard. Wants to be relevant. Most neighbors were probably thinking she was a nutcase. Everyone ignored her. Really. That is someone who needs psychological help. Another one sent a Christmas card that got here after Christmas. Signed dr. by her name and only put my spouse's name on it because I told her back last summer. (Dr. as in education) Tryung to establish that she isncharge if the prooerty lune not the pins. Always signed it her name and both our names before. Didn't ruin my Christmas one bit which was her intent. Meanwhile she sat home alone on Christmas as always while we enjoyed loved ones. They hate holidays unless it is all about them. Sorry, but Christmas is Jesus's birthday, love, kindness- peace, joy and hope.
The narc I have lived with for 40 years just got out of jail 2 days ago for domestic abuse. Do you think he learned anything. Hell no, he was right back at it today. What an unbelievable a-hole!!
My narc says let's go to counseling and then says are you going to believe a stranger over your spouse then why offer fake promises please make it make sense. It's so disturbing.
Never attend couples counseling with a narcissist but instead go gray rock & find your own support plz because this doesn’t have a happy ending unless it’s no contact
My N-ex went to a counselor, got him convinced I was the problem, then invited me in for couples counseling. I got read the riot act and was given a long list of steps to take to redeem myself. So, I did. We never went back, because I could demonstrate (at least my ATTEMPT at) progress. She didn’t want that, at all.
Im locked in a odd relationship with a vulnerable narcissist. Its super difficult..to manage or even get away from. I even know what shes going to do and say..still. grr.
SOME PEOPLE JUST LIVE IN A SO PAINFUL LIFE FROM WHICH THEY GOT THEIR LESSONS BUT SOME PEOPLE AROUND STILL GET THINKING THAT WE THEY REFUSE TO MIX WITH OTHERS ITS HATRED BUT ITS JUST THEY GOT THEIR LESSON AND THEY DON'T WANT TO MEET SOME ACTORS AGAIN AND PLAY IN A NEW DRAMA AGAIN ISN'T!?
The person in my life tries to convince me that I am doing these things to him. That i am purposefully manipulative and dishonest. I know this isnt true about myself but it is completely uselsess to argue his perception.
I think Gus is wishing he'd smoothed out that bump in his blanket before he laid down his furry little jaw. A bit like when I don't wake up enough to sweep back the hair between my face and the pillow.
I'm a little disappointed with this video.😅 I was hoping to get an education on someone who is blind to narcissists in their immediate vicinity (not blindness and biases that narcissists are prone to). Far too many people I feel are blind to narcissists in their lives, and we could use a video helping us understand the nïavety of some individuals fortunate enough to not succumb to coercive control under the reign of a narcissist. Nevertheless, your video's going to help someone in your audience, I hope for all the best for them.😊 Your education and services are most appreciated. 👍
Yeah, constantly clipping the microphone. Especially noticeable at the start during the sponsor read. Microphone gain is way too high, turn gain up to desired level after and not while recording.
You say narcissist cannot handle criticism... could you please describe this criticism that they cannot handle. I think this should be defined as there is a lot of toxic criticism.
With my ex-husband, he said he wanted to ship our motorhome to France. My response was that this was unrealistic. The next day when I was on the phone with him, I explained to him that I was merely trying to point out the difficulties in this plan, he screamed at me saying "are you trying to say I can't have my dreams?!!!" His response terrified me and my mind felt like it split into three pieces. I couldn't understand his rage. I asked him a few weeks later why he acted that way. His reply was because I used the word "unrealistic" with him. He was angry for three months.
Good point. I'll give you an example. My narc hired me as a photographer for a memorial service that he arranged for his deceased mother at a church. I agreed to do it on an hourly basis. When we finished taking photos at the church, he said to me, "You can leave now." So, I left, and returned home. Two hours later, he showed up at my house yelling at me for not being at his mother's mausoleum after the church-service. The truth is, he never mentioned to me that he needed me to also take photographs at the mausoleum afterward! But he docked me 2 hours of pay anyway, even though it was HIS error in not being clear as to the day's schedule/requirements. Basically, when things go awry, it is NEVER their fault - always someone else's.
My ex husband repeatedly made decisions that benefited him, but were often injurious to me. I finally figured out that I didn't matter.
They love to leave you hanging and keep you guessing. Ugh. They are the epitome of selfishness.
Well said
Yes. They will discard you... they will blame and justify....sad
The power in giving nothing of ourselves, is an artform. It's that in the quiet times, they have no idea how to react, none whatsoever.
They interpret events on what they want to believe - wow so true..
It’s as if they are detached from reality, which is basically like a form of psychosis, albeit self-inflicted and arising from maintaining their false selves to escape deep shame and despair.
Yes. That is my conclusion - they live in a permanent psychosis, which can pass as normal until you get to know them - well, as much as you can get to know them as you can’t penetrate their psychosis.
I also believe in Narcissistic lack of listening. They don't hear us when we speak because they are ignoring us. Hello Dr. C and please give Gus a pat on the head and a hug for the New Year 2025 for always being there in your videos. Look at his little sleepy head.
I thought the same thing about little cute Gus 😊
But they tell us they listen when we need to talk. I don't remember it but they said it happened.
💯 they know what they are doing in abusing people , lying and future faking . They get somebody in their lives who is kind, giving and loving, and are so blind, they throw it away . They want what they can’t have, and when they get it, they no longer want it 🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♂️
🎯
Yes.
@@michellepurcell8703 Absolutely. They can NOT get the value of a tender hearted soul. So, bleep 'em.
Well said!
Omg thank god you exist . This is it . Thats the problem i have been dealing with
You are nothing More than a piece of furniture for the narcissist. They don’t see you as a human being who should be respected and included and asked for opinions, no, you are to serve a function for them. You are dehumanised and treated as an object. It’s up to us to see that kindness nd of treatment for what it is and call it quits with them. Thank you dr Carter 😊❤
Actually you’re only mommy supply as everyone else is… including their children
Dr. Ramani aptly described us as "appliances". Narc uses us and throws us away.
After being married to a narcissist for over 40 years before escaping, I was never able to get through to him, and at first, never understood why. I've since learned that these people never change. Thank you Doctor Carter.
They seem to be blind to goodness!
They want it from you. It's a commodity to be acquired. It works for them to make their life better.
Indeed, they do not see any goodness 🎯
Amanda, I hope you had a somewhat peaceful Christmas. I'm curious how things went with your youngest?
💕🤗
P.S.: I started crocheting yesterday, finally😉
@roxymovie3938 Hi Roxy. Well, my youngest went for a 4 half-hour cycle ride Christmas day and had alcohol while out but not drunk. He went for a 7-hour walk today and came back totally sozzled. He decided to go back to his flat. I was calm and would have let him stay the night. He insisted, but I wouldn't let him ride his bike. He was baiting me for an argument and didn't make a lot of sense.
My eldest has been on holiday in Benidorm for ten days with his girlfriend and lied to his daughters mum where he was going. His plane has been delayed coming back coz of fog.
I went round before Christmas to give my granddaughter a gift. I wanted to take her out, but she wanted to play on her i pad. The poor kid looked confused. Both lads are very angry with me.
I'm glad you're crocheting. What are you making. My crocheting and knitting keep me sane.
I do hope your Christmas was more peaceful than mine 🙏❤️🫂🕯
@@well_weathered Absolutely 🕯
@@amandaliverpool3374 I'm sorry for your rough holiday. I hope you aren't going to experience any more. Stay strong in resolve. 🫂🕯❤️🩹
Selective sight is like selective hearing. Only see/hear what they WANT to, if it benefits them or can be useful in some way.
Because it's the way they see it. They say it as a matter of fact and shut everyone else down.
💯 Aaron . Happy new year 🥳
@ @michellepurcell8703 {grin} I’ll do my part. Thank you, and to you, as well.
Yes and remember only what they want
So true Aaron 👍 ❤
🥂 Happy New Year Dr. C & Everyone! 🥂
Happy New Year ❤
It has to get better 🎉🎉
Happy New Year to you too!! 🎉
One of the worst things you can do to someone, is not tell them something they should know. Especially within families.
Yes! Lies of omission
You're describing my childhood. Let's hear it for boundaries!!!!
Aww, Gus has his head on the pillow.❤
Thank You for so much for this information! You confirm many things.
Great video DOC. Took me to the next level.
2025 is the year that I am having to leave my narc sister behind. I went no contact 3 years ago but I daily held hold she would change. She is my last surviving member of my family. It is hard to let go but she will not change. The grief is real.
I’m sorry for your grief and I understand it. It is very real. Sending you love and light.
Yes! The grief is real. I understand. Sounds ad if you are on the road that leads to peace and freedom.
I did the same with my sister who is my last surviving member of my birth family. I am 81 and she’s 96. 😮. We each are healthy and live in our own homes on different sides of the countrywe are both independent and self sufficient. Now I refuse to let her have any of my attention. She hates me and I finally know it for sure. She doesn’t get my attention and I am free of her for good. I don’t miss talking to her.
I fully understand what you’re going through. I recently had to go no contact with my sister this year. Anytime she got called out for a stupid thing she did or something I witnessed that she didn’t want people to know about she’d immediately run a smear campaign against me with literally everyone she could get in touch with. This year alone she did it three times in 6 months. My brother and mom witnessed her making up lies and spreading them about me and confronted her and she went crazy. She could not handle being held accountable for her lies and her destruction of my reputation and started threatening me in worse ways. I stayed out of it and just stopped communicating with her and now since she refuses to accept her own part in this situation that started over something dumb she keeps her children away from mine and everything. I will not just let it go this time though. I keep doing that and it only gave her comfort in knowing her actions aren’t bothering me, but they do. So this time she must figure her own self out and apologize or she gets no contact from me. No one believes her anymore and knows she exaggerates and straight up lies to make herself the victor or victim in any situation and they don’t really want much to do with that. She abuses in many ways including using the law against people she hates and it’s sickening. So don’t feel too guilty for putting you and yours above the toxicity of others even though they’re your blood. It’s okay.
I’m no contact with my only sibling & she’s my youngest sister so it’s hard not to have any family now but a whole lot safer as well as saner
You’re just what I needed today, kind doctor. Thank you & have a good day!
You're quite welcome.
@@SurvivingNarcissismyou’re a blessing
My brother does not talk to his mother, his daughter does not talk to him. Today when he told me how he put his (32 YO with her own kid) daughter in her place, "politely" as her father and her response was to block him I reminded him of how he does not talk to his mother for the same reason. He told me this is different, he had to put the daughter in her place as her father. I thought he was blind to his own narcissism. Looking forward to this episode Dr Les :)
'In her place'. I would like to know how it is different with his mother?!
@peterjones6391 I have wondered how it will be for self-righteous, intolerant adults who block their parents, when their own children grow up with the example they had. I suppose it can be as unhealthy as it was when people stayed in toxic relationships for life out of loyalty. Both staying to work it out, and cutting ties when one can't work it out, have their place, I realise, but there are an incredible number of adult children going no contact, not always when it's necessary.
Thank you much for all your hard work on getting this out to us. Who would think that there are actually people like this, but sadly there are. Never in my life would I have thought I’d be with someone like this.
Lots & lots of them! It’s our new normal
Most people couldn't imagine this because we aren't narcissists or neurologically capable of seeing the truth..
Boy did i ever need this reminder today! Even if i agree with him, or do what he asks...if it's not done his way exactly, I'm still wrong!
Go gray rock plz
If you accept you will never be right, would you stay? If you separate and get a pet, you are guaranteed to feel better. In the meantime, we are the pets..
@AUSTRALIANAMADE We treat our pets like treasures and shower them with love and affection. The Narcs treat us like a shiny object to win/own and eventually like an old toy that doesn't work anymore so they want to destroy it before throwing it away.
My cat today definitely feels loved and happy and calm around me, for example. - Feelings my exN worked shockingly hard to ensure I could never have as long as we were married. It never dawned on him - not ONCE! - that if hehad worked HALF as hard to make me and us happy, to make our relationship stronger, etc... we could have been living both our dream lives.
That's an insanity level I'm grateful I will never understand. ❤
@@TimesUp8888 I could re-read this many times, incredible the efforts we can and do go to, to be happy cat ladies in the end. ")
Thank-you, Dr. Carter. This explains a lot.
Great video Dr C. The sad truth is they are a total watse of a normal persons time and energy.
Thanks for giving us an understanding that makes us aware before we get too involved in a relationship or the realization to get out.
Discernment 😉
Kindness is never wasted but keep boundaries.
Stay strong and focus on the facts, so you can navigate successfully through this difficult time 💚
I so identify with the futility. So many times saying “why?”. It made no sense that they couldn’t see the mistake that would cause loss & waste. How many times I thought “that’s crazy!”. Then I finally woke up. That moment when you knew but couldn’t believe it because that’d be “crazy” and now to know they are “as is”. Nothing can help them. The loss & waste is “as is”. That’s why I need team healthy.
They ARE crazy
As always Dr. C, you are 100% right
Thank you, Dr Carter for this video. Having grown up in a severely narcissistic family, I spent my younger years wondering if I was in a different reality. They deny all their bad behavior and exaggerate their success. Really maddening.
Feels like a crazy place! Me 2 😉
@caroleminke6116 It was. I have so many stories. You probably do too.
Thanks for articulating. My niece repeated something the narcissist said about someone to the person. There were two others in the room and heard the conversation. She told the person what was said about them. The other two people did not hear it and chose to call the niece a liar. I heard it too and said so. One of the people denied hearing anything because they were medicated. Roll my eyes. Grey rocked the bunch of them.
Such a good description. "Wondering if you were in a different reality".
So true
I assume they are “blind” to their patterns of abuse that cause their relationships with people to fail over & over.
Exactly
It works for them
Your closing statement is so well put. I need to go no contact with my dad after 40 years of suffering and an autoimmune disease. I may use this statement to part ways and find peace. Thank you.
What a beautiful presentation today, Dr. C! Your words transcend addressing not onlythe physical pain of going no contact, but to a more spiritual-like deep understanding of what it feels like, and takes, to be on this path of healing. Thank you!🎉 Happy Holidays!
Thank you!
Happy New Year Dr Carter!
Thanks, snowbear. Bring it in right Down Under!
@@snowbear1877 Happy New Year ✨️
@amandaliverpool3374 Same to you Amanda!
@@amandaliverpool3374 Happy New Year to you too Amanda!
Dr.C. you have described a multitude of people I use to be aquainted with, but no longer@ Thank you and Team Healthy for all the valuable info and validation !❤😊
Thank you Gus and Dr. C
Hugs from Cynthia Ann “TEAM HEALTHY” from JANESVILLE, WI
Great video!
Thanks Dr. Carter. 🧿🎯🧿
It's like I need a spreadsheet to hold narcissists accountable for their patterns of abuse. I was working as a security guard in a mall in 2010 and a group of my coworkers would clear me for my lunch break last every time. I complained to the manager about their abuse and he made them start recording the lunch breaks on a spreadsheet. All of the sudden the patter of abuse magically stopped.
Spot on, per usual. Thanks, Doc C.
Thank you, Dr C. It is the Season for narcissistic blindness. While the drama is high, my levels of peace are at peak levels. Thank you for all the videos that have helped me get to this place. Many blessings to you, Gus, the family, and your team this holiday xx
Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Dr. Carter. You are the light in the darkness that my narcissistic coworker surrounds me with. Listening to your words, knowledge, wisdom, and humanity soothes my soul and gives me valuable perspectives on how I should behave when facing that narcissist, who completely fits all the patterns you described (pattern 7, in particular, resonated with me).
You are my everyday Santa.
Let me wish you, in advance, all the best for you and your loved ones in the coming year and for all the years to come.
You are so kind. Thank you.
"Justice for Me, Condemnation for You"
Many thanks for all you do for us Dr. C⭐wish you, Gus and your family, as well as Team Healthy🌠a Happy and Healthy New Year🙏🌷🕊💝🤗
Thanks so much!!
Hello Gus!! Thanks Doc..
Merry Christmas, Gus 💕🎄🥰
Woof!
@@SurvivingNarcissism😅❤
It is whatever they think it is. 🤯
Communicating w/a Narcissist reminds me of Castaway, Tom Hanks talking to his BFF, Wilson (the volleyball).
😂😂
Thank you dr C 🌠✨✨
My personal observation / experience. All those 7 patterns are extremely visible when someone gets sick (and becomes a useless object for the narcissist) even if the person is the golden child.
To be more precise, *the question* that crossed my mind the most, (before I found the info about narcissism), during very difficult times...
when very hard times were occurring (like my mother's "golden child" serious illness)... my question was something like,
either my mother is very evil or she is seriously mentally ill.
My point is, the most hard times reveal more than ever that really all the people around the narcissist are pieces of furniture, objects at their service.
Even the physical situation and the emotions of my Nmother's golden child (my little brother) were not relevant. It was something absurd.
Everything you said is so true.. My husband makes plans without me and if I don't agree with that then I am accused of being ungrateful
No actually I’m his maid and his cook and laundry maid. As long as he gets his needs met, he’s happy but don’t ask him for anything.
I'm clueless on this one Dr. C. I'll wait for your explanation.
I've almost not survived this stuff... Church, services, banks, hairdressers, spas, customers.
It really does seem like they're almost everywhere, doesn't it 😢
Whatever you do, please do not blame yourself. They intentionally get power over resources then get up close and unobserved doing their daily dirty work. It's not you.
My narc spouse might have a conversation but I find there is never any resolution of the issue. Change is temporary if at all. I often hear, "Why do you think you never have to apologize? Why do you think I need to apologize?" Then I hear that my boundaries are "hostile" and detrimental to our "relationship"
They’re in control so take your power back by going gray rock 😉
I hear that from my mother
Thank you, Dr. C. You are helping me understand my narc brother through your videos. He really did his first wife dirty and it took his 2nd wife leaving him to "see" how badly he treated his 1st wife. I couldn't understand how he could not see this. Also, I told him how arrogant he is (2 yrs ago) & he told his son, a few months ago, about it. Now, my nephew blocked me on his phone. Mind you, I'm one of several who have told him about his arrogance. Instead of trying to "see" what we are all saying, he turns his son against me.
Happy new year doc! 🎉 i will take this classic into my new year celebrations and grow ❤
I had this eerie thought that a narcissist I knew was not feeling any emotion about people. Like the person might be like - pain, misery, or whatever. Or . . . nothing ever actually occurred to them at all in the first place.
Tech information for anyone interested.
There seems to be
a technical problem with the *comment form of the **_shorts_** section* .
To be precise, the form is completely missing in some youtube channels, including dr C channel at the moment.
So, for example, I may only send replies to other people, but I can't send a "brand new" comment.
I went and checked other channels and the form is there, and it allows sending new comments,
with a slight different template, so to speak. It's like a new "design" of the shorts section, with just a few differences in the space organization and buttons.
Then, I think it's the tech people of each channel who have to do some update... Most probably it is that some browsers don't work well anymore together with the youtube shorts section.
But everything is perfectly ok with the regular comment section of the "normal" videos like this one.
Gus: "I'm on the blanket. Truly I am. My chin is on the blanket. If part of me is on rhe blanket, then I'm on the blanket."
You have Gus figured out!
A new title for Gus:
Gus The Philosopher
😁💚
Complete self-absorption. An appalling lack of insight. Blindness, right. One of the reasons why they can't change is because they have no insight. People who cannot reflect or have insight into themselves, first, cannot benefit from most therapy. You must develop insight for true self growth. Modes of therapy are limited for narcissistic individuals.
Plz remember folks that narcs aren’t adults but simply preadolescent thinkers who have not separated as toddlers & couldn’t tell you from a hole in the wall
Makes it doubly difficult when that narcissist is a parent
Worse when it's both parents
Timely
I think I should write a book about a narcissistic woman I know. Very odd at times. Split personality no one seems to notice. Narcissistic- OCD & off the wall streaks doing puzzling actions.
I’m having a really hard time trying to decide if my x of 35years is a narcissist. Not that I need to know. If he is he is a covert narcissist. The only reason I say that is because of a book I read and the victims experienced the exact same feelings about themselves that I continue to struggle with. My concern is my healing and weather my adult children need to know how I’ve been treated. I’m still struggling with believing this man I was CRAZY about could have made me feel the way I do on purpose. That’s where I seem to be stuck
When they are the first ones to say "They all just love me", then they'd be the last to admit fault. Any critical element showed toward them becomes an insult to a narcissist, is always like a stun gun... They have no filter for black and white, it is one or the other, never grey.
You don't help a blind man by leading him into the light.
@@roxymovie3938 Correct 👍
Well said and so true.
Woah! I need to ponder that quote!
That's a great one!!! 👍 Thanks, Roxy 🤗
@@roxymovie3938 Indeed!
💯 on point!! 👌👌👌
They shiver when they hear me come a knocking. 😂
It's remarkable how people so unable to grasp manifest facts staring them in the face also nonetheless believe they know all about things that have nothing to do with them in contexts to which they don't have any access, and that they have magical mind-reading powers to know what other people are thinking. We might almost be forgiven for imagining that the negative pronouncements on us of infantile self-absorbed control freaks aren't a reliable guide about who we really are.
They dehumanise some people and favour themself and their golden child as perfect and infallible.
Hey 🖐️🙂
Incredible coincidence 💥
I've just written a comment including also a fact about the golden child , in my personal experience.
My opinion (I didn't write it in my previous comment) is that
the "golden child" is not so golden when the
narcissist is a covert malignant with many sociopathic traits
@lishmahlishmah yes, the golden child is the narcissist's right hand man, who bullies others for the narcissist and is their chief defender and who praises them the most. The GC is filled with sympathy for the narc and hatred for the narc's "enemies". They are just as cruel and deceitful as their master.
@michele
What I actually meant is this,
if the narcissist is a
covert malignant narcissist with many
sociopathic traits (and a few psichopathic traits too) the golden child will never be a "right hand" because THAT narc only wants slaves, enablers, flying monkeys etc.
Even the golden child is a "silver child", tested 24/7 functional or not functional.
Anyway, this is only my opinion and my experience.
And I'm not a professional
"WE'RE rubber,
THEY'RE glue.
Everything THEY say bounces off US and sticks too..."
I mean, c'mon, the healthiest relationships are predicated on ultimatums and agendas. Right?
Nah!
When would NOW be a good time to...
Stay Healthy??
Love this guy & his team 😉 finally free & at peace ☮️
@@BaraSchmidt Stay Healthy Indeed 👍🕯
One just mowed today Dec 28th for attention. Reving up the mower noise to be heard. Wants to be relevant. Most neighbors were probably thinking she was a nutcase. Everyone ignored her. Really. That is someone who needs psychological help. Another one sent a Christmas card that got here after Christmas. Signed dr. by her name and only put my spouse's name on it because I told her back last summer. (Dr. as in education) Tryung to establish that she isncharge if the prooerty lune not the pins. Always signed it her name and both our names before. Didn't ruin my Christmas one bit which was her intent. Meanwhile she sat home alone on Christmas as always while we enjoyed loved ones. They hate holidays unless it is all about them. Sorry, but Christmas is Jesus's birthday, love, kindness- peace, joy and hope.
The narc I have lived with for 40 years just got out of jail 2 days ago for domestic abuse. Do you think he learned anything. Hell no, he was right back at it today. What an unbelievable a-hole!!
My narc says let's go to counseling and then says are you going to believe a stranger over your spouse then why offer fake promises please make it make sense. It's so disturbing.
Never attend couples counseling with a narcissist but instead go gray rock & find your own support plz because this doesn’t have a happy ending unless it’s no contact
My N-ex went to a counselor, got him convinced I was the problem, then invited me in for couples counseling. I got read the riot act and was given a long list of steps to take to redeem myself. So, I did. We never went back, because I could demonstrate (at least my ATTEMPT at) progress. She didn’t want that, at all.
Im locked in a odd relationship with a vulnerable narcissist. Its super difficult..to manage or even get away from. I even know what shes going to do and say..still. grr.
I found out last night she abides by the tenents of Satanism. 😐 Probably the worst ideology a VN could adopt for their mindset.
Id better get in line or theyll no contact me 1st 😂
Listening ? Or blame a hearing aide issue?
They only hear themselves!
SOME PEOPLE JUST LIVE IN A SO PAINFUL LIFE FROM WHICH THEY GOT THEIR LESSONS BUT SOME PEOPLE AROUND STILL GET THINKING THAT WE THEY REFUSE TO MIX WITH OTHERS ITS HATRED BUT ITS JUST THEY GOT THEIR LESSON AND THEY DON'T WANT TO MEET SOME ACTORS AGAIN AND PLAY IN A NEW DRAMA AGAIN ISN'T!?
you are Describing 2 siblings of min( plus 2 EXES)'!!!!
🌻
The person in my life tries to convince me that I am doing these things to him. That i am purposefully manipulative and dishonest. I know this isnt true about myself but it is completely uselsess to argue his perception.
I think Gus is wishing he'd smoothed out that bump in his blanket before he laid down his furry little jaw. A bit like when I don't wake up enough to sweep back the hair between my face and the pillow.
I'm a little disappointed with this video.😅
I was hoping to get an education on someone who is blind to narcissists in their immediate vicinity (not blindness and biases that narcissists are prone to). Far too many people I feel are blind to narcissists in their lives, and we could use a video helping us understand the nïavety of some individuals fortunate enough to not succumb to coercive control under the reign of a narcissist.
Nevertheless, your video's going to help someone in your audience, I hope for all the best for them.😊 Your education and services are most appreciated. 👍
Audio quality is bad sir!
It sounds good to me.
@@Shelley-j2yme too
Yeah, constantly clipping the microphone.
Especially noticeable at the start during the sponsor read.
Microphone gain is way too high, turn gain up to desired level after and not while recording.
It’s his sore throat so be thankful he cares enough to give you free therapy 😉 plz
You say narcissist cannot handle criticism... could you please describe this criticism that they cannot handle. I think this should be defined as there is a lot of toxic criticism.
With my ex-husband, he said he wanted to ship our motorhome to France. My response was that this was unrealistic. The next day when I was on the phone with him, I explained to him that I was merely trying to point out the difficulties in this plan, he screamed at me saying "are you trying to say I can't have my dreams?!!!" His response terrified me and my mind felt like it split into three pieces. I couldn't understand his rage. I asked him a few weeks later why he acted that way. His reply was because I used the word "unrealistic" with him. He was angry for three months.
Good point. I'll give you an example. My narc hired me as a photographer for a memorial service that he arranged for his deceased mother at a church. I agreed to do it on an hourly basis. When we finished taking photos at the church, he said to me, "You can leave now."
So, I left, and returned home. Two hours later, he showed up at my house yelling at me for not being at his mother's mausoleum after the church-service. The truth is, he never mentioned to me that he needed me to also take photographs at the mausoleum afterward! But he docked me 2 hours of pay anyway, even though it was HIS error in not being clear as to the day's schedule/requirements. Basically, when things go awry, it is NEVER their fault - always someone else's.
Narcs don’t do NO!
The zocdoc link leads me to this message Dr. Carter:
The link you clicked on is malformed. Contact the editor of the originating page.