When my narcissist brother & I were on the phone with a Christian counselor about 2 years ago, my brother said I was the only person he has issues with. I knew that wasn't true and I blurted back that he has 2 ex-wives. He said that was a low blow and we haven't spoken since. Narcissists don't like truth/light.
I honestly think the narc would rather take a bullet than self reflect and just be honest, be vulnerable, be accountable and actually have godly remorse and genuine repentance. I think they'd rather say, ahh no thanks that doesn't work for me, I would rather die.
@@julienatoli8561 IMO they reject anything that's imperfect - and if they were to really self reflect (without projecting), they'd find themselves imperfect and would be so for the rest of their lives. So they'd reject themselves for the rest of their lives...they're too afraid of that to consider they could change from that perfectionism demand, so...bye bye self reflection.
I bet he couldn't unpack how it's a low blow, he just had to paint someone as doing something wrong to him (he's a victim) and the counselor (at best) wasn't skilled enough to catch that.
@@cairosilver2932 great point about the counselor. You gave me a new perspective on it. Me, not knowing better back then, apologized to my brother for saying what I said. But I just keep learning...
This was my father who adopted me. I was a 1 year old with special needs, the magistrate said to him that he had to be aware of this. He made himself out to be a saint. After a short while, he stopped my medical reconstructive care and said, "Nothing will ever change or help, and I'd better just focus on being smart instead..." He said I was just feeling sorry for myself. My mum allowed this. I have told the many mental health therapists that he used my disability for instant sainthood. All I know in my heart/soul is, being a father is for life, not just when you can't be bothered anymore. I'm not a dog/cat you can just dump at the pound. But... he's a devout, born again Catholic, always willing to help people in need..
I’m so grateful I found your channel…I never really knew what a narcissist was or gaslighting … I just knew I have had such a strained relationship with my daughter in-law for 11 years … I was always her cheer leader, never stood up for myself, just rolled with the punches … but since watching you and going to therapy I finally am standing up for myself and she doesn’t like it.. as much so to the point that she has told my son and grandchildren they will not be coming up for Christmas because she can’t put herself around me..I can see now it’s all a game of control now and about her! Some of the stuff she has done has made me think I’m the crazy one.. thank goodness I make sure I have someone with me who can hear what she says so she can’t gaslight me again and say things never happened.. she has drained the life out of me these last few years but I won’t tell her that .. she would be on top of the world to hear that! Therapy has been a life savor.. Thanks you for sharing all your knowledge with us!! Hope for everyone some peace love and happiness this time of year! 💚💫💚
God bless you sweetheart. To be around my mom I have to have at least one ( this year it’s 3 or 4) chaperones or else her devil side pops out and attacks me.
I grew up with a whole family of them (i was born last & not in the early cluster). Took nearly 60 years to learn about narcissism, all the actions, lies, manipulations, contempt, grudge holding etc… and how profoundly it affected me. My earliest memories involve sibling abuse, but i know now they got that way before i was born from how they were treated by parents & each other. I didnt give up on them until my parents died… just allowing myself to be harmed there & in any group/organization i got involved in. (Something early childhood victims will do, unknowingly). Now it’s clear. If i can get through this, i know you can, after “only” 11 years (there is no “only” time limit of course). You hopefully have better exam-les from the years before your son’s marriage to help you know what is normal & what is off. But sadly, Ns are very divisive & vindictive & will turn against anyone they perceive as a threat, as your daughterinlaw has done. It can be very destructive, devastating, as they’re good at turning people against you. I wish you protection from this & hope your son will not become isolated from you b/c of her. You may want a good narcissistic abuse support group. Also consider Dr. Ramani’s book, “It’s Not You.” Hang in there & never give up hope & your love for your son. 🫶🏻🕊️
Checklist for living in darkness: 1. Goal is not to be good, but "better than" 2. Need of the moment overrides fact 3. Moral certanties come and go 4. Justice for them, condemnation for you 5. Refusing to consider your ideas 6. When you call out their control, they dress it up 7. Point blank lying about who they are 8. A permanent disregard for you 9. Covering up what is wrong, instinctively evasive 10. When they err, it's always s.o. else's fault 11. Blatant ignoring of inconvenient facts 12. Lots of revisionist history Be aware: 》They punish you with strong, unruly anger 》Lots of blame, accusations, wrong depictions 》You will never be that person's equal, ever 》Their rejection is a backward compliment 》Your troublesome label is their projection 》Why defend that which needs no defense? 》Your decency and goodness is anathema to them 》Be glad for your own lightbulb moments Dr Carter 👨🦳 and Gus 🐶 thank you for another lesson full of insight 🌞🌟🌝🌈
My sister said straight out "You are not a priority" to me. She checks the boxes on most all of your list and it breaks my heart. My only sibling...and only surviving family member.
@@tmo.48 I considered myself equal in priority to my sister. I don't feel the need to sacrifice one to elevate the other. That's what my sister does. Having God as a priority does not guarantee alignment of all other priorities. Some people are so wrapped up in their "Godly" priorities, they have no time for mere humans.
It hurts and is a hard pill to swallow when “family” cannot or will not care about engaging in a reciprocal relationship with you. I finally accepted I am not a priority for most of my family. The sister with most dominant narcissistic personality characteristics went around to the entire extended family gathering support to circle the wagons. I’d supported her and her family in many different ways. She was offended by my asking for support and having feelings during our mother’s long illness. She was the entitled Golden Child. After mom’s death she chose to cut me out. Looking back there were a lot of devaluing episodes which escalated when I decided I’d like a more equal relationship. Still felt like huge unexpected disappointment and betrayal. I had to grieve the loss of my fantasy of our family more than the people since were always pretty fragmented and fragile relationships. I sought recovery for my people pleasing issues ❤️🩹. Hard work but better to be living in reality. You can’t replace a family but good people are out there who will cheer for and support you.
Most people tend to compare themselves to one another. I haven't come across anyone (except self-isolated people) who hasn't done this at some point of time.
I heard from my mother "you lose" because I am trying to get PhD and didn't get it yet , but I am working on it, writings articles, learning machine learning.... She hasn't even had a bachelor degree ;)
Let's just put it this way: Satan masquerades as an angel of light, so a narcissist has no problem disguising darkness as light. It's just their nature
They usually love working in fields that make them look loving and good. They love posting spiritual quotes on the social media pages to portray themselves as deep and morally righteous.
Yes, thank you!! My narc mom tried to get back in my life with a figurative crowbar, but all narcs are stupid criminals at heart and that they are the ones that made us smart and perceptive. My mom had texted one day, "I" am sending you a blessing today, have you ever heard that? That she is in the place of God to give a blessing. It was a full on view of the grandiosity of the disease. It felt so creepy.
teachers, preachers, doctors, coaches, guides, pundits, government clerks, police, jurists, military officers - jobs where they have preferably many people listen to them, primed to assume that they know better. that's n°rc°ss°st crack. bonus points if the listeners have a high turnover rate so they never discover the limitations of the n°rc°ss°st's knowledge.
When my c-narc is giving me the business I often repeat the old verse; “And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not.” John 1:5. Believe it or not they become bewildered.
It's disturbing. Once my father knew I knew, he went all in. He orchestrated this mob of loving, well-intentioned people just looking out for my well-being, saying, 'your father reached out and we're just worried.' Of course, this could trigger anyone, then giving proof of some sort of behavior malfunction that needs correction. So they use this plausible deniability, and the loving mob airs on the side of caution out of fear of not knowing the truth of the situation, doing the narcissist's bidding with this larger body of context. He was calculated and took the ground out from underneath me, sort of defining the context of the conversation before the conversation even took place. And its a tough conversation to have, if the loving mob cared to understand the truth instead of 'knowing' it, that they've actually just been manipulated by a malicious person with evil intent. In my experience, the narcissist used this larger body of context to deny my life experience, hoping to skew my memory and just go along with business as usual out of convenience. It's truly evil and can be crazy making if you don't have a good reference of reality for yourself.
YAS! 🙌🏻 That’s where I’m at too, except it’s my brother-in-law. Years ago I made a stupid, sarcastic joke about him and my sister on Facebook. I didn’t realize how close I’d stumbled on the truth until he showed his ability and commitment to whipping up a team of “flying monkeys”. No quarter given, as they say. If it wasn’t so shocking and heartbreaking, I’d say it was almost impressive. Family members with whom I’d had zero static now accuse and avoid me without actually coming to me with any curiosity about my perspective. But then again my family has a multi-generational history of obeying the loudest, scariest, (usually male), voice in the room. And that’s not me.
@@Dethiden same basic framework! Flying monkeys and all. It’s the room coming together to keep the toddler from crying. So the room in a way, empathizes more with the toddler, so its a room of toddlers keeping themselves from crying essentially. It is what it is, but they can do it over there 😆.
Thanks so much Dr. Carter for helping me see through the infectiously bad behaviour that I myself have been guilty of as well. It's a different life when looking inward & taking my own inventory as I listen to you talk. We live in a world where it's too easy to point the finger outwards while overlooking the three pointing back inward. Let's make Common sense & being reasonable , great again 😉
Was exactly what happened to me. Was led in by a very dark character who acted exactly like me (so light). Was such an act of trickery - I could feel it all the time but couldn't put my finger on it. Of course, I blamed myself due to utter gaslighting. Perspective at the end is enlightening. Perspective and distance are what you need to do the analysis. When you have solved it then they have lost - they know that there is little point in coming back to one who has 'grasped' the 'real' reality, when their victim has put the jigsaw puzzle together (after the time it takes) then game over for them. Thanks as always for the wisdom and support, Dr C. A very merry Christmas and Happy New Year from the UK! Love and light to all who reside in the 'Team Healthy' spirit. x
I have to believe they are in competition with decent people because they know they are not decent and hate that someone else is lovely, kind, and empathetic. The more God opened my eyes to this the worse it looked.
The Bible says the days were coming when evil would be called good and good would be called evil. They are definitely here.And Jesus repeatedly told His followers to "not be deceived".. in others words, pay attention to whats going on and what you have been told.. Discernment..
Isaiah 5:20 King James Version Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!
@@cairosilver2932 over 500 Bible prophecies have already been fulfilled - at least 2 to the exact day - and more are to come. If you want to know what they are, do your own research.. You will find them if you really want to know.
I agree with cherylcobern.. people who are Narcissists are being posesed by demons. Evil is coming. The devil is going to walk on earth sooner than you know.
One thing I'm finding really annoying about all this need for me to understand narcissism is I assumed life would be easier than this. I didn't think I would be walking on thin ice every time I'm around other people. I know there are some people I need to walk on thin ice around because they're psychopaths, but I didn't expect there to be narcissists around every corner all of my life.
well, there is a somewhat tricky differentiation between people who actually are n°rc°ss°sts, and most people behaving somewhat n°rc°ss°st°c in some ways. I don't think you need to particularly walk on eggshells around psych°paths, that's a n°rc°ss°st thing.
This is very timely. I actually had to block my own son today. It's hard to comprehend the depth of deception and contempt they can have for someone who has knocked myself out showing them love and acceptance. I released them to live their own lives. Somehow I feel unburdened.
Thank you Dr. Carter! All I can say is that your description of “the dark side” just brought me instant relief. I will always appreciate your insight and your help!
This was pure gold DR Le's, Keep shining light on the darkness, Thank you so much for this, You're a great bloke and a treasure to humanity, This speaks volumes, Merry Christmas to you Gus and everyone, Thank you universe, All glory praise and smiles to the most high :-) :-) :-)
Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world. (1 John 4:1) The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. (1 John 10:10) Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep's clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves. (Matthew 7:15)
I know someone that "helps" people including me but with her help comes her control. No thank you. I finally went no contact from her for my self preservation and self care. She seems to help those that are intelligently less than her..... so she shows her superiority of intelligence. That wasn't my case though. That's probably why she argued with me.
Narcisists are broken people who will see others More broken than themselves and they won’t stop until they accomplish that goal, like a Terminatorin the movie with Arnold Swarzenneger.
The one I know denies his behavior, saying it never happened. And he says it with outrage. Is this true memory loss, or just drama to convince me he doesn't remember? This person distorts everything. Has nothing good to say about anyone. Lies are his everyday M.O. Accuses me and others of all kinds of things that never happened. I try to separate true mental illness from his narcissism, not that it would make a lot of difference. But he seems to have so many different diagnoses that I don't even know what I'm looking at any more. I am not short on compassion, but I am short on deliberate deceit. It's all mental, though, so I don't even know why I am always trying to figure it out.
It’s a normal response to try to see it in a normal way. It takes time & practice to recognize mental illness & process it as something we are not a part of. Give yourself time & practice. It will come.
Thank-you, Dr. Carter. It's so painful that my ex-husband had absolutely no regard for me along with the constant lying about who he was and lying just about everything else. Blaming me for things i had no control over snd the gaslighting! The worst was the vindictive cruelty.
Bless you and thank you, Dr C. Your videos are illuminating in regards to the impact of narcissistic abuse on our psyche and the healthier ways of thinking and being. Can you please do a video on connecting with other people after narcissistic abuse? How do we do that? A difficult task for those who have been socialised inside narcissistic family dynamics. Your videos give me hope and faith. Much well-wishing to you, Gus, the family and Michaela this Christmas x
Some days ago I was about to write (copy paste) in the comment section a quote for St. Lucy Day, the festival of light well-known in many "branches" of Christianity (and anyway it is also a popular traditional winter feast independent from religious faith). I didn't post it because it could be too *ambiguous* if we try to see any relation with narcissism. It was a normal quote, a "common sense" quote, good for meditation of normal people, normal experiences, etc. ...but I realized that it couldn't be a good or a helpful description of "light and darkness" when dealing with narcissism topics 🥴
Dr. Carter is probably one of the best subscription you will ever have that gives you help, wisdom and insight to what you’re dealing with that you just didn’t know what was going on!
😁Dr C, I am so thankful for your videos. God showed me a lantern I’m my thoughts. He is the light and we r the glass that allows His light to shine through us. If the Light within us is Light, how great is that light. But, if the light within us is darkness, how great is that darkness. I love the way u take spiritual truths and convey them in a way that can be heard by all…like CS Lewis and Narnia. Thank u and God bless u.
Tact is the unsaid part of what you think. An individual who has a narcissistic personality style uses "Tactics" in their tactless diatribes. Who needs it? Not us! We'll... Stay Healthy! Merry Christmas and Greater Blessings in the New Year, one and all! 🎄🎁🦌 ❄️ ☃️ 🛷 🍪 🍰 🦃 🍠
Merry Christmas to you!! Dr Carter is such a blessing!! The real deal in my humble opinion 🙌🕊️🕊️ Here's to knowing who we are in Christ, in His magnificent light remembering that the truth is always quiet and simple. The lies of the narc are loud and complicated and always for the agenda of dominance and control, their favorite game! Merry Christmas and may you have a beautiful New Year 🙏🕊️✝️❄️💞
Thank's Dr. C! You've taught me a lot of important info! Also, he goes in my room and through my phone all day and night. He's a part time music teacher. He keep's his deceased wife's IV tube's in the living room. 😂😂
Do you mean the IV tubes are on display? How strange and weird. My ex husband had an aunt who decorated her guest room with her deceased husband's funeral wreaths. They had plastic flowers. People do the nuttiest stuff.
It's tough to admit this, but videos like this are a form of therapy in their own way. Narcs are predictable, and consistently seeing these videos are a reminder that you simply are never going to get the relationship you hoped for. I'm saying this from a child to narc parent point of view, but i'd assume it's similar across the board.
Thank you so much This explanation of the dark shadow of power and control and fear that is within humanity. Some folks way more than others and believe me I have known many who don’t want to let go of their darkness. Thanks it’s about time with your help we unravel and detangle from that and set ourselves free!!!❄️❄️🩵❄️☃️❄️❄️⛄️❄️🩵❄️☃️
Does anyone here know of a free Christian support group for people overcoming/surviving or living with a narcissistic spouse or fiance? I wouldn't mind creating one on the Slack platform. I don't do FB.
I have one group on slack for trauma survivors. I'll have to familiarize myself with the process of creating a new group, then come back here and post the name of the group .... hopefully it works.
Last night my narc roommate Chuck Baker, came barreling at me when I was calling my dog to my room. He had a demonic facial expression as he swiftly shuffled towards me with the look of rage! He wanted to intimidate me. How do I deflate these dark tactics that he uses to inflate his fragile ego?
Crushed it again Doc. This issue is so bad, even my good friends exibit this behavior. and when as a friend i get on them , like "Hey fam, uk im you homie, but dog, lets discuss what you just said"" OMG they become almost like small victim babies. its like they think Love and being a friend means Lie to me and agree w nonsense, but im also going to never listen to your logic, because youre dumb O_o. im like damn.. my friend.. do you hate me??? hmmm :(
And be careful when you go to counseling with a narcissist. Do research and seek out a good therapist. If a narcissist can, they’ll have the therapist making the problems all about you. Trust me. I know.
Well... 🤔 I think I have collected a bunch of "backward compliments" in my life 😁😳😄 However, come on, don't be picky, girl ! 😂 A compliment is a compliment ! [just found the term "picky" in the google translator. Hope it works for this phrase 😅 ]
You must have never been a subject to one of these demons that have impacted the rest of your life or taken the life of what you loved. What a pathetic inequitable reasoning of justice. "Just be happy you are not them"! That's like the shallow person who watches someone permanently maime someone then the perpetrator stubs their toe and shallow person says " look karma"!
Hello fellow traveler - I don’t read his suggestions as shallow, but more as broad motivations of hope for viewers to keep “heading towards the light”. Because, for him, based on his years of work and experience, he knows there’s a strong possibility of light. In this RUclips space, that’s the best and most prudent thing he can do with such a complex and highly subjective experience like narcissistic destruction. I get the sense that you’ve been hurt, legitimately and deeply hurt. I understand that. I’ve been there too and I’m traveling that road even now. That sort of pain chills me to the bone and all I want is to feel warm again. What Dr. Carter does is light candles and hand them out to his viewers. But if my pain requires a roaring campfire for me to feel warm again, then that’s what personal doctors, therapists and healthy companions can provide. So I’ll take the candle he gives me and use it to light my own campfire. And if my campfire starts to fade, I know I can come back here for another candle 🕯️ I wish you well on your journey 💞
When my narcissist brother & I were on the phone with a Christian counselor about 2 years ago, my brother said I was the only person he has issues with. I knew that wasn't true and I blurted back that he has 2 ex-wives. He said that was a low blow and we haven't spoken since. Narcissists don't like truth/light.
I honestly think the narc would rather take a bullet than self reflect and just be honest, be vulnerable, be accountable and actually have godly remorse and genuine repentance. I think they'd rather say, ahh no thanks that doesn't work for me, I would rather die.
@@julienatoli8561 IMO they reject anything that's imperfect - and if they were to really self reflect (without projecting), they'd find themselves imperfect and would be so for the rest of their lives. So they'd reject themselves for the rest of their lives...they're too afraid of that to consider they could change from that perfectionism demand, so...bye bye self reflection.
I bet he couldn't unpack how it's a low blow, he just had to paint someone as doing something wrong to him (he's a victim) and the counselor (at best) wasn't skilled enough to catch that.
@@cairosilver2932 great point about the counselor. You gave me a new perspective on it. Me, not knowing better back then, apologized to my brother for saying what I said. But I just keep learning...
😂🎉
The narcissist demands, "Abandon all hope, ye who enter here."
@@brucefriedman1 do you play mobile legends. Aldos ?
There is only hope in me. - a narcissist
This was my father who adopted me. I was a 1 year old with special needs, the magistrate said to him that he had to be aware of this. He made himself out to be a saint. After a short while, he stopped my medical reconstructive care and said, "Nothing will ever change or help, and I'd better just focus on being smart instead..." He said I was just feeling sorry for myself. My mum allowed this. I have told the many mental health therapists that he used my disability for instant sainthood. All I know in my heart/soul is, being a father is for life, not just when you can't be bothered anymore. I'm not a dog/cat you can just dump at the pound. But... he's a devout, born again Catholic, always willing to help people in need..
I’m so grateful I found your channel…I never really knew what a narcissist was or gaslighting … I just knew I have had such a strained relationship with my daughter in-law for 11 years … I was always her cheer leader, never stood up for myself, just rolled with the punches … but since watching you and going to therapy I finally am standing up for myself and she doesn’t like it.. as much so to the point that she has told my son and grandchildren they will not be coming up for Christmas because she can’t put herself around me..I can see now it’s all a game of control now and about her!
Some of the stuff she has done has made me think I’m the crazy one.. thank goodness I make sure I have someone with me who can hear what she says so she can’t gaslight me again and say things never happened.. she has drained the life out of me these last few years but I won’t tell her that .. she would be on top of the world to hear that!
Therapy has been a life savor..
Thanks you for sharing all your knowledge with us!!
Hope for everyone some peace love and happiness this time of year! 💚💫💚
God bless you sweetheart. To be around my mom I have to have at least one ( this year it’s 3 or 4) chaperones or else her devil side pops out and attacks me.
Hang in there!
I grew up with a whole family of them (i was born last & not in the early cluster). Took nearly 60 years to learn about narcissism, all the actions, lies, manipulations, contempt, grudge holding etc… and how profoundly it affected me. My earliest memories involve sibling abuse, but i know now they got that way before i was born from how they were treated by parents & each other. I didnt give up on them until my parents died… just allowing myself to be harmed there & in any group/organization i got involved in. (Something early childhood victims will do, unknowingly). Now it’s clear. If i can get through this, i know you can, after “only” 11 years (there is no “only” time limit of course). You hopefully have better exam-les from the years before your son’s marriage to help you know what is normal & what is off. But sadly, Ns are very divisive & vindictive & will turn against anyone they perceive as a threat, as your daughterinlaw has done. It can be very destructive, devastating, as they’re good at turning people against you. I wish you protection from this & hope your son will not become isolated from you b/c of her. You may want a good narcissistic abuse support group. Also consider Dr. Ramani’s book, “It’s Not You.” Hang in there & never give up hope & your love for your son. 🫶🏻🕊️
Its not raining, its alternative sunshine
Checklist for living in darkness:
1. Goal is not to be good, but "better than"
2. Need of the moment overrides fact
3. Moral certanties come and go
4. Justice for them, condemnation for you
5. Refusing to consider your ideas
6. When you call out their control, they dress it up
7. Point blank lying about who they are
8. A permanent disregard for you
9. Covering up what is wrong, instinctively evasive
10. When they err, it's always s.o. else's fault
11. Blatant ignoring of inconvenient facts
12. Lots of revisionist history
Be aware:
》They punish you with strong, unruly anger
》Lots of blame, accusations, wrong depictions
》You will never be that person's equal, ever
》Their rejection is a backward compliment
》Your troublesome label is their projection
》Why defend that which needs no defense?
》Your decency and goodness is anathema to them
》Be glad for your own lightbulb moments
Dr Carter 👨🦳 and Gus 🐶 thank you for another lesson full of insight 🌞🌟🌝🌈
Such good notes, Roxie! Thanks.
Thanks for the checklist. ✔
@@yukio_saitoYou are very welcome, Yukio 🙏
Number 5, number 11....crazymaking
My sister said straight out "You are not a priority" to me. She checks the boxes on most all of your list and it breaks my heart. My only sibling...and only surviving family member.
Is your sister your priority in your life or are you your priority. Hopefully GOD would be both of your priority and then all can be dealt with ❤
@@tmo.48 I considered myself equal in priority to my sister. I don't feel the need to sacrifice one to elevate the other. That's what my sister does. Having God as a priority does not guarantee alignment of all other priorities. Some people are so wrapped up in their "Godly" priorities, they have no time for mere humans.
It hurts and is a hard pill to swallow when “family” cannot or will not care about engaging in a reciprocal relationship with you. I finally accepted I am not a priority for most of my family. The sister with most dominant narcissistic personality characteristics went around to the entire extended family gathering support to circle the wagons. I’d supported her and her family in many different ways. She was offended by my asking for support and having feelings during our mother’s long illness. She was the entitled Golden Child. After mom’s death she chose to cut me out. Looking back there were a lot of devaluing episodes which escalated when I decided I’d like a more equal relationship. Still felt like huge unexpected disappointment and betrayal. I had to grieve the loss of my fantasy of our family more than the people since were always pretty fragmented and fragile relationships. I sought recovery for my people pleasing issues ❤️🩹. Hard work but better to be living in reality. You can’t replace a family but good people are out there who will cheer for and support you.
5:16 This explains so much. Narc compares himself to me, and guess who is the “less than” 😒. “At least I…blah blah blah.” Evil people.
[😌]
Most people tend to compare themselves to one another. I haven't come across anyone (except self-isolated people) who hasn't done this at some point of time.
I heard from my mother "you lose" because I am trying to get PhD and didn't get it yet , but I am working on it, writings articles, learning machine learning.... She hasn't even had a bachelor degree ;)
Let's just put it this way: Satan masquerades as an angel of light, so a narcissist has no problem disguising darkness as light. It's just their nature
The devil is the father of lies and the great deceiver. He patiently waits to lure you into his web of destruction. 😱
Short and precise❤
And Satan is a counterfeiter……
Masquerades as light
When he’s completely
Darkness 😂why not
Just hide in the body
Of a narcissist 😂
👉🇮🇱
Exactly
They usually love working in fields that make them look loving and good. They love posting spiritual quotes on the social media pages to portray themselves as deep and morally righteous.
a large number of them are in the clergy altlhough I am not saying all clergy are narcissists. but I have had personal experience with such people.
Yes, thank you!! My narc mom tried to get back in my life with a figurative crowbar, but all narcs are stupid criminals at heart and that they are the ones that made us smart and perceptive. My mom had texted one day, "I" am sending you a blessing today, have you ever heard that? That she is in the place of God to give a blessing. It was a full on view of the grandiosity of the disease. It felt so creepy.
An RN. so she could also lift pain medication.
teachers, preachers, doctors, coaches, guides, pundits, government clerks, police, jurists, military officers - jobs where they have preferably many people listen to them, primed to assume that they know better. that's n°rc°ss°st crack. bonus points if the listeners have a high turnover rate so they never discover the limitations of the n°rc°ss°st's knowledge.
@@barbarahoffman8568 it is creepy and cringe
Wow! I think THAT'S WHY I have had problems with certain problematic people seeming to ESPECIALLY dislike me 😮🤯 That makes sense. Thanks, Dr. C 👍✨️
When my c-narc is giving me the business I often repeat the old verse; “And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not.” John 1:5. Believe it or not they become bewildered.
Thank you for sharing.
Never say “my narc”. Don’t do that to yourself. If one has cancer it is not their cancer it is cancer alone.
Thanks Dr.C and Team Healthy ❤️
It's disturbing. Once my father knew I knew, he went all in. He orchestrated this mob of loving, well-intentioned people just looking out for my well-being, saying, 'your father reached out and we're just worried.' Of course, this could trigger anyone, then giving proof of some sort of behavior malfunction that needs correction. So they use this plausible deniability, and the loving mob airs on the side of caution out of fear of not knowing the truth of the situation, doing the narcissist's bidding with this larger body of context. He was calculated and took the ground out from underneath me, sort of defining the context of the conversation before the conversation even took place. And its a tough conversation to have, if the loving mob cared to understand the truth instead of 'knowing' it, that they've actually just been manipulated by a malicious person with evil intent. In my experience, the narcissist used this larger body of context to deny my life experience, hoping to skew my memory and just go along with business as usual out of convenience. It's truly evil and can be crazy making if you don't have a good reference of reality for yourself.
correct! super empath here
Hang on to YOUR truth!
YAS! 🙌🏻 That’s where I’m at too, except it’s my brother-in-law. Years ago I made a stupid, sarcastic joke about him and my sister on Facebook. I didn’t realize how close I’d stumbled on the truth until he showed his ability and commitment to whipping up a team of “flying monkeys”. No quarter given, as they say. If it wasn’t so shocking and heartbreaking, I’d say it was almost impressive. Family members with whom I’d had zero static now accuse and avoid me without actually coming to me with any curiosity about my perspective. But then again my family has a multi-generational history of obeying the loudest, scariest, (usually male), voice in the room. And that’s not me.
@@a.pepper6687 yes! Thank you!
@@Dethiden same basic framework! Flying monkeys and all. It’s the room coming together to keep the toddler from crying. So the room in a way, empathizes more with the toddler, so its a room of toddlers keeping themselves from crying essentially. It is what it is, but they can do it over there 😆.
Thanks so much Dr. Carter for helping me see through the infectiously bad behaviour that I myself have been guilty of as well. It's a different life when looking inward & taking my own inventory as I listen to you talk. We live in a world where it's too easy to point the finger outwards while overlooking the three pointing back inward. Let's make Common sense & being reasonable , great again 😉
Was exactly what happened to me. Was led in by a very dark character who acted exactly like me (so light). Was such an act of trickery - I could feel it all the time but couldn't put my finger on it. Of course, I blamed myself due to utter gaslighting. Perspective at the end is enlightening. Perspective and distance are what you need to do the analysis. When you have solved it then they have lost - they know that there is little point in coming back to one who has 'grasped' the 'real' reality, when their victim has put the jigsaw puzzle together (after the time it takes) then game over for them. Thanks as always for the wisdom and support, Dr C. A very merry Christmas and Happy New Year from the UK! Love and light to all who reside in the 'Team Healthy' spirit. x
Gus is such an Angel 🐾 😇 Santa better be delivering all his wishes 😉 🎄🎁
Thank you Gus and Dr. C.
Soooo true again. Hugs from Cynthia Ann on “TEAM HEALTHY”
from JANESVILLE.,WI
I have to believe they are in competition with decent people because they know they are not decent and hate that someone else is lovely, kind, and empathetic. The more God opened my eyes to this the worse it looked.
The Bible says the days were coming when evil would be called good and good would be called evil. They are definitely here.And Jesus repeatedly told His followers to "not be deceived".. in others words, pay attention to whats going on and what you have been told.. Discernment..
Isaiah 5:20
King James Version
Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!
@Mr8t0 😊👍🏻🙏🏻
How about evidence.
@@cairosilver2932 over 500 Bible prophecies have already been fulfilled - at least 2 to the exact day - and more are to come. If you want to know what they are, do your own research.. You will find them if you really want to know.
I agree with cherylcobern.. people who are Narcissists are being posesed by demons. Evil is coming. The devil is going to walk on earth sooner than you know.
One thing I'm finding really annoying about all this need for me to understand narcissism is I assumed life would be easier than this. I didn't think I would be walking on thin ice every time I'm around other people. I know there are some people I need to walk on thin ice around because they're psychopaths, but I didn't expect there to be narcissists around every corner all of my life.
well, there is a somewhat tricky differentiation between people who actually are n°rc°ss°sts, and most people behaving somewhat n°rc°ss°st°c in some ways.
I don't think you need to particularly walk on eggshells around psych°paths, that's a n°rc°ss°st thing.
This is very timely. I actually had to block my own son today. It's hard to comprehend the depth of deception and contempt they can have for someone who has knocked myself out showing them love and acceptance. I released them to live their own lives. Somehow I feel unburdened.
Thank you for helping me see what I have been dealing with.
Ty dr Carter .looking forward to your video
Hope you like it!
Thank you Dr. Carter! All I can say is that your description of “the dark side” just brought me instant relief. I will always appreciate your insight and your help!
Thanks Dr.C, Gus and Team Healthy! Thank you Dr.C for your help and validation, this is so valuable ❤️ 🙏
This was pure gold DR Le's, Keep shining light on the darkness, Thank you so much for this, You're a great bloke and a treasure to humanity, This speaks volumes, Merry Christmas to you Gus and everyone, Thank you universe, All glory praise and smiles to the most high :-) :-) :-)
Thank you kindly
@SurvivingNarcissism You're always welcome DR Les, Thank you again for everything :-)
Merry Christmas Dr. C and family!
🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄
Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world. (1 John 4:1)
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. (1 John 10:10)
Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep's clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves. (Matthew 7:15)
I know someone that "helps" people including me but with her help comes her control. No thank you. I finally went no contact from her for my self preservation and self care. She seems to help those that are intelligently less than her..... so she shows her superiority of intelligence. That wasn't my case though. That's probably why she argued with me.
Narcisists are broken people who will see others More broken than themselves and they won’t stop until they accomplish that goal, like a Terminatorin the movie with Arnold Swarzenneger.
The one I know denies his behavior, saying it never happened. And he says it with outrage. Is this true memory loss, or just drama to convince me he doesn't remember? This person distorts everything. Has nothing good to say about anyone. Lies are his everyday M.O. Accuses me and others of all kinds of things that never happened. I try to separate true mental illness from his narcissism, not that it would make a lot of difference. But he seems to have so many different diagnoses that I don't even know what I'm looking at any more. I am not short on compassion, but I am short on deliberate deceit. It's all mental, though, so I don't even know why I am always trying to figure it out.
It’s a normal response to try to see it in a normal way. It takes time & practice to recognize mental illness & process it as something we are not a part of. Give yourself time & practice. It will come.
Thank-you, Dr. Carter. It's so painful that my ex-husband had absolutely no regard for me along with the constant lying about who he was and lying just about everything else. Blaming me for things i had no control over snd the gaslighting! The worst was the vindictive cruelty.
Bless you and thank you, Dr C. Your videos are illuminating in regards to the impact of narcissistic abuse on our psyche and the healthier ways of thinking and being. Can you please do a video on connecting with other people after narcissistic abuse? How do we do that? A difficult task for those who have been socialised inside narcissistic family dynamics. Your videos give me hope and faith. Much well-wishing to you, Gus, the family and Michaela this Christmas x
Some days ago I was about to write (copy paste) in the comment section a quote for St. Lucy Day, the festival of light well-known in many "branches" of Christianity (and anyway it is also a popular traditional winter feast independent from religious faith).
I didn't post it because
it could be too *ambiguous* if we try to see any relation with narcissism.
It was a normal quote, a "common sense" quote, good for meditation of normal people, normal experiences, etc. ...but I realized that it couldn't be a good or a helpful description of "light and darkness" when dealing with narcissism topics 🥴
I like how you are talking about the light and the dark.. That is my language..
Dr. Carter is probably one of the best subscription you will ever have that gives you help, wisdom and insight to what you’re dealing with that you just didn’t know what was going on!
You're kind, Susan. Thanks.
This is great..I have been experiencing this for years with my family. Its horrible. Its not fixable.
Brilliant, with excellent analogies and examples. You are so Great at this, Dr. Carter. Thank you!
Glad it resonated!
😁Dr C, I am so thankful for your videos. God showed me a lantern I’m my thoughts. He is the light and we r the glass that allows His light to shine through us. If the Light within us is Light, how great is that light. But, if the light within us is darkness, how great is that darkness. I love the way u take spiritual truths and convey them in a way that can be heard by all…like CS Lewis and Narnia. Thank u and God bless u.
Thank you
Tact is the unsaid part of what you think.
An individual who has a narcissistic personality style uses "Tactics" in their tactless diatribes.
Who needs it?
Not us!
We'll...
Stay Healthy!
Merry Christmas and Greater Blessings in the New Year, one and all!
🎄🎁🦌 ❄️ ☃️ 🛷 🍪 🍰 🦃 🍠
Merry Christmas and A Blessed 2025 Bara 🎄🧡✨️
Many blessings to you 🌠✨✨
Merry Christmas 🌿🎇
Fruitful New Year
🍊🍋🍎🍠🍐🥝🍏
@lishmahlishmah I love your emoticons!! 🧡 🫂
@BaraSchmidt
As for emoticons, I'm like a 5 yo child with toys... ( 🤔 even younger than a narcissist 😄 ).
🎨 I love your emoticons too ‼️
Merry Christmas to you!! Dr Carter is such a blessing!! The real deal in my humble opinion 🙌🕊️🕊️
Here's to knowing who we are in Christ, in His magnificent light remembering that the truth is always quiet and simple. The lies of the narc are loud and complicated and always for the agenda of dominance and control, their favorite game!
Merry Christmas and may you have a beautiful New Year 🙏🕊️✝️❄️💞
I’ll do what I can to at least check in, but I’m on airport transport duty for my BFF arrival. Grace & peace all y’all.
I hope you have a good holiday with your friend!
Safe trip Aaron.
I wonder why we have invisible comments. I can't read Dr Carters.
@ Go to “Newest” or “Recent” instead of “New.”
@aaronkwolfe Yeah, I tried that.
That exciting 👏 Aaron. You have been blessed. 🎉
These narcs can all go…evenly yoke…with themselves.
One or both ends up unalived. I've seen it more than once.
I can imagine how destructive these oeople can be due to causing confusion
Very good and informative video! Thank you Dr Carter 🙂👍
Glad it was helpful!
The revisionist history is off the charts!
Thank's Dr. C! You've taught me a lot of important info! Also, he goes in my room and through my phone all day and night. He's a part time music teacher. He keep's his deceased wife's IV tube's in the living room. 😂😂
Do you mean the IV tubes are on display? How strange and weird. My ex husband had an aunt who decorated her guest room with her deceased husband's funeral wreaths. They had plastic flowers. People do the nuttiest stuff.
Great video!
It's tough to admit this, but videos like this are a form of therapy in their own way. Narcs are predictable, and consistently seeing these videos are a reminder that you simply are never going to get the relationship you hoped for. I'm saying this from a child to narc parent point of view, but i'd assume it's similar across the board.
Thank you so much This explanation of the dark shadow of power and control and fear that is within humanity. Some folks way more than others and believe me I have known many who don’t want to let go of their darkness. Thanks it’s about time with your help we unravel and detangle from that and set ourselves free!!!❄️❄️🩵❄️☃️❄️❄️⛄️❄️🩵❄️☃️
This must be an interesting one!
It seems they are so far away from their own divine light that its gonna be dark where they operate from.
Confidence becomes suspicion!
Hubby's ex is doing her best to destroy him by acting as an avenging angel.
Ugly is alienated from my grandsons for 8 years now.
They prefer to live in the shadows/dark, day or evening/night,read dark books and watch dark programs/t.v
Darkness is the wolf the one who goes after softer sheep.
my 'ex" [ narcissist] scored 100% as ALWAYs...
Which is why he's your ex.
They remind me of cruella Deville. With the answers of course!..
6:00 7:30 🎯📣 ...🌻
Does anyone here know of a free Christian support group for people overcoming/surviving or living with a narcissistic spouse or fiance? I wouldn't mind creating one on the Slack platform. I don't do FB.
I'd be interested in that. I'd have to get familiar with slack.
I have one group on slack for trauma survivors. I'll have to familiarize myself with the process of creating a new group, then come back here and post the name of the group .... hopefully it works.
@@kitdriscoll1288 Okay great I look forward to that. In the end, only Christ truly saved me from a lifetime of this abuse.
Last night my narc roommate Chuck Baker, came barreling at me when I was calling my dog to my room. He had a demonic facial expression as he swiftly shuffled towards me with the look of rage! He wanted to intimidate me. How do I deflate these dark tactics that he uses to inflate his fragile ego?
Crushed it again Doc. This issue is so bad, even my good friends exibit this behavior. and when as a friend i get on them , like "Hey fam, uk im you homie, but dog, lets discuss what you just said"" OMG they become almost like small victim babies. its like they think Love and being a friend means Lie to me and agree w nonsense, but im also going to never listen to your logic, because youre dumb O_o. im like damn.. my friend.. do you hate me??? hmmm :(
Should we not keep these people accountable for their behavior and the damage they have caused?
Of course.
yup. that's isr°°l.
Hahaha very funny how the 7th one came out.
And be careful when you go to counseling with a narcissist. Do research and seek out a good therapist. If a narcissist can, they’ll have the therapist making the problems all about you. Trust me. I know.
👏🏽
Are they committed to the dark side of their personality or committed to denying it?
Both
🙏
Well... 🤔 I think I have collected a bunch of "backward compliments" in my life 😁😳😄
However, come on, don't be picky, girl ! 😂
A compliment is a compliment !
[just found the term "picky" in the google translator. Hope it works for this phrase 😅 ]
You must have never been a subject to one of these demons that have impacted the rest of your life or taken the life of what you loved. What a pathetic inequitable reasoning of justice. "Just be happy you are not them"! That's like the shallow person who watches someone permanently maime someone then the perpetrator stubs their toe and shallow person says " look karma"!
Hello fellow traveler - I don’t read his suggestions as shallow, but more as broad motivations of hope for viewers to keep “heading towards the light”. Because, for him, based on his years of work and experience, he knows there’s a strong possibility of light. In this RUclips space, that’s the best and most prudent thing he can do with such a complex and highly subjective experience like narcissistic destruction.
I get the sense that you’ve been hurt, legitimately and deeply hurt. I understand that. I’ve been there too and I’m traveling that road even now. That sort of pain chills me to the bone and all I want is to feel warm again. What Dr. Carter does is light candles and hand them out to his viewers. But if my pain requires a roaring campfire for me to feel warm again, then that’s what personal doctors, therapists and healthy companions can provide.
So I’ll take the candle he gives me and use it to light my own campfire. And if my campfire starts to fade, I know I can come back here for another candle 🕯️
I wish you well on your journey 💞
Les, are you a multimillionaire?
No. I have my retirement funded, so I'm ok.