Thank you! I am gearing up to do a part 3 soon! I have a lot of fun doing these videos and enjoy reading your comments. It gets me thinking deeply about the topic and provides new perspectives that I wouldn't have thought of on my own!
A lot of men are telling you it's a pointless Sisyphean task for most modern women to change and that most don't actually care to hear you or men, nor do they want to change. Your response in this video was that you you are doing this so you know that "at least you tried" (which is commendable). If you can indulge me🙏🏾, I have a question; What will need to happen for you to conclude that the aforementioned men are right and it's indeed hopeless & too late for most modern women of this generation? (In medicine, even the most hopeful of doctors know when to call a time of death. I'm trying to gauge where that line is for you.)
It would be indeed hopeless for modern women of this generation to change if we were seeing a complete lack of change in women IRL from the recent surge of content promoting traditional relationship dynamics and feminine attributes, but I don't personally see this as the case. Women online don't represent women in the real world fully - I think there are some women IRL that have changed their ways upon listening to how men think and noticing what outcomes they have achieved thus far. They realized their current mindset and behavior in relationships/towards men wasn't working and made the necessary changes to fix things they were doing wrong. Single modern women who desire to have a relationship may seek to understand men and improve themselves as an effort to succeed in finding commitment. I think if more people look down upon modern women for their choices, they will start to change (I know this sounds harsh, but this is simply how society works - what is normalized is encouraged). I hope this helps answer your question!!
12:30 - 13:03 of the video seems to be your answer. Like you said, commendable she's accepting ownership, but if she had secured a relationship with one of these men in her youth: let's seriously ask, would the youtube channel and commentary even exist? It's a cliche, and I don't want to seem overly cynical, but my question for her is: Qui bono?
So I'm an incel. I know that word has a lot of baggage now but I will explain how I got to this point for some understanding as a lot gets talked about incels without actually asking them, I don't know how many others have had a life like mine, I don't interact with online community's as there's too much hate. I will try to keep this short haha, it's taken me decades to piece it all together. A good friend of mine thinks I should write a book as there's so little help out there for people like myself. First up I'm really liking that you're discussing comments, it makes the whole thing feel a lot more like a conversation. :) At the start, I failed school, everyone said I was smart but I still failed. The two biggest things I left school with was depression and learnt helplessness, not a good start to adulthood. I got sick at 20 with CFS/ME, house bound for 3 years and very slowly got better since then, I'm 46 now and am about 70-80% well, I can work part time anyway and full time for a few weeks in a row. In my mid 30's the relationship I had with my mother ended and I started working out what went wrong. I was diagnosed as dyslexic at 38 and ADHD-PI and autism level 1 at 40. So it turned out my childhood was full of emotional neglect and then when I was 11 my dad fall off the roof and emotionally withdrew. I became my mum's surrogate emotional partner (emotional incest) just at the time of my s*xual awaking nothing physical happened but a lot happened physiologically, (this lasted until my mid 30's when my mum found a new partner and I wasn't needed anymore). I had up to this point been using intelligence to brute force my way through life, until my body said no it's ending now and my physical health fell apart. So mid 30's I started therapy and it was almost a waste of time, all my problems were bushed off as it seemed like I was doing fine. As a virgin in my late 30's it still didn't raise any flags for therapists. As a virgin that's never been on a date being told to "just put yourself out there" isn't very helpful. I ended up seeing a therapist that deals with s*xual abuse, she had seen very few men at that stage but she said yes I was s*xually abused, covirt s*xual abuse it's called. With her help and friends I ended up seeing an escort, a wonderful life changing escort at 40. She's changed my life, actually being able to touch and hold someone is way more healing then anyone gives it credit. Lots of tears, lots of things to work through, lots of grieving, I see her once or twice a year when I can afford too, it turns out learning how to touch someone and be touched is a years long process when it's never happened before. I ended up working out I'm dyslexic and on the spectrum from reading books and then getting accessed, no therapist picked it up and I had seen five before then. So here I am now, I've spent the last six years totally rebuilding my sense of self and re framing the first 40 years of my life. But I can't imagine a woman wanting to be with me, it's too abstract an concept to fit in my head. To answer your question. I don't hate women at all but I get a very strong feeling that a lot of women hate men, especially men like me. Years of being told that I'm bad just because I'm a man has done a lot of damage, so much so that I don't know if it's worth trying to date. I have plenty of women friends which are helping a lot but it's still really hard. So it turns out I am actually smart, I just had learning and social disability's getting in the way and that I covered them up for years. To whoever reads all this thank you, feel free to offer advice and hope you have a wonderful day. :)
Hi, Tim. Thanks for telling your story. I'm a retired psychologist, fwiw. I am sorry to hear you went through so many therapists who weren't able to help you (unfortunately all too common), but I'm glad that you finally found one who did. I was also pleasantly surprised to hear that you had a good experience with the pro who helped you experience affectionate touch. That's great. I don't think I have any advice for you, except to say give yourself credit for how strong you are, to have been through so much struggle and still come out a good human being. About the dating/relationship thing ... this may sound hollow, but I don't know if you're missing out on a whole lot there. A lot of men have gotten fed up with dating and relationships and just walked away. I walked away myself at 48, 15 years ago, and haven't looked back. There is a lot of pain, struggle, sacrifice, and time/energy/money involved in searching for, pursuing, locking down, and then maintaining a relationship. To me, and to a lot of older guys, it's not worth the tradeoff. ... Anyhow, I appreciated your honesty and hope you are chugging along okay.
@@Arven8 Thank you for your reply. Talking to someone in a quiet office with a subject to talk about is a lot different then talking to people I don't know in normally loud environments with lots of distractions. I have the social skills but I have lots of trouble in social environments. They also didn't ask basic questions like "can you spell well enough to function as an adult?" or "do you have any idea why you missed all the hints multiable women were interested 10 years ago" Thanks, a doctor told me a few years ago that he was very impressed I'm still alive, he said never drinking or doing drugs is probably why I'm still alive. I was close to ending it quite a few times in my 20's. Yes luckily I live somewhere that s*x work it legal, regulated and very safe, I see an independent escort as I think that's the most ethical way, no one else gets a cut. Luckily I picked the best one I could of imagined. I think if a woman comes along I won't say no but I'm not going to reshape my life trying to find someone. I also have too much to lose, I own a small farm with a small house I've built over the years and I'm debt free. I don't have the health to start over again now. Cheers
I hope you continue to heal and grow. Romantic relationships are only one kind of way we can give and receive love. We should all strive to not over value just one type of love.
@Tim_G_Bennett One beef I have with the psychological model is that the problem always lies within the patient. Never society at large. These days it’s becoming crystal clear that society is a wreck, and the entire field of psychology has nothing for it. I’m all for personal responsibility, too. But there is a glaring lack of acknowledgment of how sick society itself is.
I'm tired of hearing this trope at 21:23. As a man, I do appreciate and care about women's educational and professional accomplishments. The real problem is if she is arrogant or prideful about it, and if she looks down on others. Men will sense this attitude problem fairly quickly in a relationship and it will turn them off because they know that no matter what they accomplish or do for her, she will probably end up looking down on them too.
Yeah I don’t know where they get the men don’t care about your education thing It’s not what I see. Leastwise not with the engineers on my team. Maybe it’s a class thing?
09:50 Thank you for highlighting my comment. I could also add this : magazines that poorly influence women aren't the only media that twist their view on the 'perfect' relationship/ partner. Id say romance movies & novels also badly influence women. Lots of them expect a partner that comes from these stories. The perfect men dosen't exist but because they read/ see them, they think they do exist.
Holy shit she said being 6ft is a plus and then she says it is not sth that affects her attraction. Why are you so dishonest? I think women believe their own lies that is huge issue. Show your shorter partners too
The lessons told to males about the intricacies of how males are to be hasn't really changed in the last 100 years, that would be 1925. The lessons women are being told have completely changed in that same time period. In the scientific method, during the testing phase, variables are changed one at a time to verify what the cause of a change is more easily. If the variable that hasn't changed is being blamed for the cause of a change, you will never be able to solve any problem.
Love the content and your presentation. The biggest problem in my opinion is we no longer want to grow up. “40 is the new 20”, “50 is the new 30”, “60 is the new 40”, NO, you’re almost eligible to collect social security and have your AARP card Alexis. Phrases like these and “adulting” are indicative of so many peoples fear of aging and refusal to take responsibility for their life and choices. You shouldn’t be dating into your old age, but we promoted women treating their best looking and most fertile years into extended teenage years with extra freedom and money instead of finding a partner for life to settle down and live life with. When they could they wouldn’t, now they want to and they can’t.
Supposedly welfare helped deteriorate Black families because it only went to women when men were put out of the house, incentivizing divorce and division. The same happens now, where a poor working married woman can become a non-working not-more-poor single woman, even if not "golddigging." So poor men will suffer mkre than wealthy men if woman is discontented and divorces. It is a good deal for her of man has average median salary, no gold to dig, because the woman can maintain her financial lifestyle and also enjoy singledom again if she likes. The divorced woman will no longer have to be in working poverty, while the man will have to pay for two households, will be demonized, universally blamed for divorce by 'society,' have to pay for both attorneys to violate him, and ultimately will be called a deadbeat... THIS is a nightmare men want to avoid. Also the more a man is generous, the more he will owe in the future to "maintain current lifestyle" of ex-wife and kids. And remember men take punishing jobs prioritizing money over time, flexibility, safety, mental health... maybe working 50+ hours and reducing their lifespan to invest in future security... but then courts demand man to keep up the overwork indefinitely... and this is if divorcing a good and ethical woman! The laws say a bad person who is a woman can abuse with impunity, so also marriage is terrifying to men who have been abused or marginalized. There are so many kids, maybe we do not all need kids, and without kids why marry?
I think people just love to be acknowledged or heard. So many people are isolating themselves to their computer, and not going out into the world to cohabitate. I'm a little older (49) and remember before the internet. Back then I was running around everywhere. I've noticed that I have been spending to much time online lately. It's very addictive! After the wife decided to leave, I tried really hard to meet someone else with the dating apps. That didn't go well at all. It was to early, I didn't give myself time to heal. I didn't know how to date at all, and the women were not responding. The self esteem plummeted. It's taken awhile to recover but I'm doing much better now. Relationships can be tuff but rewarding. Things just have to align correctly to find the right person. I wish you succuss with your channel!
I will say it is refreshing to hear a woman give an honest and down to earth assessment of their own physical attractiveness. I'm so used to hearing over the top "I'm a 10" type assessments from women that it was making me think practically every woman is a full-blown narcissist.
😂 Whaaat? This topic is not about her, and she is beautiful, and prudence requires some level of tact... I think the lady is rather unusually neutral but I sense also a weighty shame. I don't think comparing selves to others, or holding rigid valuation of people is healthy. She should realize her own insecurities are also seen in men, so she should expect the same over-negative self-talk she has can manifest in the kind of extreme gender rhetoric one sees in comments online from men and women. So need to set boundaries and internal system of ethics so she knows on her own how to perceive her self and actions. Unhealthy to depend on others to form our own self-perception, but also good to develop that self-trust so we can be authentic and vulnerable without losing our sense of self. I think the key is interdependence as opposed to co-dependency! So definitely understand that when comments are strident, for men and women online controversial topics, people are not speaking to you or about you, but rather communicating about themself. Because in pain people stop perceiving non-judgementally, but rather project, displace, repress, etc like a kid avoiding a shot. When ashamed or uncomfortable with authenticity and emotional vulnerability, possibly due to real or imagined rejection, people go into denial and over-state their grandiosity or self-denigration to avoid the risk of real emotional intimacy, even with ourselves!
This is gonna sound ironic but it seems to be for the most part true in my opinion. The apps and social media have replaced actual conversations and the importance of face to face interactions in order to rush to get to know someone so as to not "waste my time" and "not settling" and the illusion of an overabundance of good quality options out there which are just a click away. It has also contributed to unrealistic expectations and skewed definitions of what "high value" means. The obsession of comparing and always looking through a lens of lacking and weaponizing personal success in order to " motivate someone to meet me at my level" is running rampant. It might not happen to the same degree as in the past but its time to put the phones down and go out to meet people in more natural settings then always being in a rush to not only meet someone but move on to the next with the fear of F.O.M.O. being a prime motivation.
Thanks for including our comments and your own reflections. That's a nice change of pace to the standard monolog you get on RUclips. You might get tired of it after a while, though, because your audience is going to start talking at you more. ... I appreciate your response to my comment (at 20:30). It sounded a little verbose as you read it back, but hey, that's me, lol. ... I agree with your point about self-awareness and self-acceptance. A woman who knows herself accurately (rather than has an inflated idea of her "worth" and what she "deserves") and who accepts her imperfections is much, much more attractive than a woman who pretends to be "all that." "Perfect" people are invariably fake people, full of pretense and cover-ups. We all have many flaws and shortcomings, and if we aren't honest with ourselves about them, we can't be honest with others, and we will present a fake facade. You can't really connect to a person like that. Nor do you really like them. No one really likes "perfect" people. We like people who are openly imperfect, because it's real, and because it lets us feel comfortable being imperfect, too. ... Anyhow, nice job, thank you.
Technology also drives women and men apart. Women can easily support themselves independently of men these days. And men? The incredible efficiencies gained on the domestic front makes living solo a non-event for men today. That is, they need a wife much, Much less today. For perspective, think of the domestic work load of 150 years ago.
Thanks for picking my comment (25:20). I agree that it is also unhealthy for a man to be a player. Also players are not healthy to the women they sleep with, especially if they go after type 2 women or if they cause cheating. The reason why I didn't mention that in my comment is because I wanted it to write to women who don't know this distinction yet. They know and experience that players are not healthy to them, but they don't know why they "can't fix him". Once you enter type 1 category for a man then it is very difficult to move to type 2 category for him. But some women think if they only invest even more into type 1 behavior then they will eventually have success, which is completely the wrong way around. Here are a few more thoughts on that matter. I often hear women say that there are nice guys and bad boys. You may be tempted to say men who go after type 1 women are bad boys and men who go after type 2 women are nice guys. But if you do that then you make a critical mistake. Nice guys and bad boys are both insecure people. One does it by not being capable of handling rejection and the other does it by treating women as objects. I would claim both the nice guys and the bad boys tend to go to type 1 women. One does it because they are more easily manipulated and the other does it because he thinks he doesn't deserves a type 2 woman. There are healthy men out there. If you are a type 1 woman, then healthy men know all the tricks to be completely invisible to you, even if they are coworkers or share a circle of friends. And if you are a type 2 woman, then he may attempt to pursue you, but if he sees that you are not interested he will stop. After all relationships of healthy people require both to be invested in it. Now if you are a woman who has experienced too much hurt with men then you may put up a wall. And sadly that wall is more effective at keeping out good men than bad boys or nice guys. After all the good men respect your boundries, the other two don't. And that may cause some women to think that there are no good men out there and every man is either a bad boy or a nice guy. And just to clarify. I don't think all women are either a type 1 or type 2 woman. And I also don't think men are restricted to the three categories I mentioned. Those are just simplified ideas to help understand what is going on.
It's very interesting to hear about the very different experiences everyone has. I've been married 10 years, so I'm a ways out from dating. I never felt that girls were disrespectful to me, often dismissive, but not disrespectful. I never did dating apps, so maybe that is why my experiencewas differentfrom what others have had. As for your main thesis, I generally agree with you on what women can do. One thing to add (something that my wife is the best at) is to show appreciation. An appreciative woman is going to bring joy to everyone around her and will also get better behavior as a reward.
All for the open communication that videos/responses like this can open, so thumps up for that. 👍 The respons from 5:11, that talked about dating from 80's until now. I think it was feminism, or more to the point the false statement around feminism, this is also why it has to be women like yourself that has to pull the rest of women out of that mindset, because it will always be deflected as men hating women if it is said by men. (I have recommened it before, but the The red pill Documentary by Cassie Jaye is a good watch on the subject of men walking away) 22:28 Note on your rating: someone with your personallity (that you show in the videos you make) will allways rate high to mens eyes looks, as many have said, is always just the icing the the cake so to speak (and makeup is just a mask to hide thing IMO).
Men and women are different and that is okay. We must learn to respect and work with others. Men and women cannot and should not have the same preferences and priorities and perspectives, but that is why we love them!! I see it like being friends with people who have different religion or politics. Plurality, individual liberty, self-determination etc are good values. Yes women are at safety disadvantage especially during pregnancy / early childhood. So it makes sense why women have instinctive preference for men who show competence, grit, resiliency, perseverence, formidibility, provision, protection, social competence etc! And it makes sense that a man would instinctively prioritize a woman who likes him, respects him, has youthful fertility cues, shows loyalty and willingness to 'cleave to man,' etc. We are not robots or rational, but animals, or angels with only one wing, seeking flight together. I think it all comes down to removing shame and developing capacity for self-love, self-acceptance through building self-trust by asserting our needs, wants, expectations, boundaries, and practicing authenticity and emotional vulnerability to develop emotionally intimate connections. Whew! Called variously inner work, shadow work, healing inner child family dynamics / attachment wounds, etc. Then and only then can we present our true selves authentically and allow ourselves to be seen and respect ourselves by expressing our self. This builds self-trust and self-acceptance. This allows people to reject us, but also to truly accept us. This may be more of a man issue, I don't know.
But w removing Shane, then you remove accountability out of the equation, and even then, women aren't really accountable. Only seen that on traditional older, elder women
@ I'm pretty emotionally dense, but maybe there is a difference between guilt and shame? Anyway, I have too much shame, that I myself am unacceptable and broken, maybe from childhood struggles... so that I cannot even access my emotions or thoughts unless I reprogram myself. I am therefore trying to be authentic and honest and emotionally vulnerable so that I can develop the sense of internal validation that will allow me to move from codependency to interdependence. I hear anthropologically that some cultures promote shame and others guilt, perhaps related to individualism vs collectivism. My worst fear would be to be isolated from myself and my relationships due to lack of courage to be authentic and allow others the opportunity to reject or accept the real me. This lack of self-acceptance would then manifest from my unconscious in myriad negative ways like stress, self-hatred, numbness, escapism, addictions, and glibness. I have contemplated that idea that hypershame may be bad but shamelessness too is unaccountable, but don't know how to reconcile completely. I think eventually some people alienated from society would benefit from recreating their own code of ethics to become an independent moral agent, but there is a tradeoff between security and freedom. A balance must be found and secured against human frailty and selfishness. I hope authenticity over agreeableness will allow me to strike the balance, and highlight issues, wheras accepting a need to be something I am not - shame - will lead to self-deception and delusional relationships not good for anyone. Some kids feel ashamed their whole childhood...
From my interaction with women they have a Hero/Maiden aspect. When they talk about an issue they will at the end of the make some statement in the shape of "She does xyz but I dont think that is a good thing see I dont do xyz thus I am a good person." I say this because when she talks about topics she will in some cases talk about how x happens but how she doesnt do it. In other cases she will condemn the act but not talk about how she doesnt do that. EX: When she talked about the comment that says women only want 6 foot tall men she says that's not true and that its not a normal thing and women shouldnt do that. She never said something like "My husband isnt 6 foot and I still married and love him." She didnt say that because while she sits there talking about how its shouldn't be done she herself has done it. There's nothing wrong with having a preference but don't lie by omission.
Not necessarily. We know that statistically speaking, the majority of women care for it and we know that by their action. We also know that statistically speaking, women are more lagreeable, which means they are more likely to say stuff because it sounds good. But there are also women who that doesn't apply to.
Science may make you say that but not in her case. Women tend to be feeling oriented. She is an example of a married woman giving advice to single women based on her experience and by listening to men.
@@benrex7775agreeing w bad decision making doesn't count. That's like cod saying they keep breaking record sales when all they do is increase the price of the game+focus on capitalizing in-game purchases while reducing gameplay experience. It doesn't mean anything in the long run when there's other negative contributing factors.
My boyfriend 35 don't like women at all...Only me, very charming, has charisma, looks saying that i am different than those other women.... He use his anger toss, intimidation on all women because his younger brother get hurt by many women...And he use this anger toss on all women, belittle them, downgrade them and much more....He can't stand it when his brother is miserable and he see women happy and he become nutcase in real life...I think I am going to leave him....He has rage issues so i am pretty much he's capable of harming me too.....
@@NicaleATifa My next video will help you, it is all about emotional maturity which I think your boyfriend may lack in some ways. Having a short fuse and not being able to stay calm in difficult situations is a red flag in a partner. I think it would be wise to talk about how his rage issues affect you (in a respectful way) or possibly speak to a couples counselor.
Wow looking at view counts its like 200-300 and the 9800. RP adjacent content really blows up. But its a topic that really moves a lot of people. People are hurting. I don’t know if there is a difference who is suffering more, One thing though, society finds ok to OPENLY hate on men. But clearly there is also a lot of „hidden“ angry men. Unfortunately
Very nice responses. I don't think mine made the cut. That's ok. I feel my effort was well worth it because you said you wanted to respond to it. Regarding preference of virgins. It is in our nature. All men prefer virgins. Those who say they don’t have lower self esteem often due to lack of experience with virgins, think it is not practical, excuses etc. This is the case for young inexperienced men. Most older men don’t know virgins tend to love the daddy figure and want a rich daddy husband. The highest value virgins live with and serve their daddy. When you date her it is to marry her and need the approval of the father. Most young men can’t cut it. They may be too poor. The worst type of women comes from a single mother. She is infected with hatred and keep women single, ruining happy marriages. There are exceptions, but keep in mind the mother in law will likely be a nightmare and seek to break up her daughter's marriage to not feel bad about herself. I am very thankful that you seek positivity with men and women.
Women dont listen regardless. If she actually wanted talk to women she would be on tik tok, twitter, or Facebook, but again they wont actually listen and change their behavior.
Oh, she's not really talking to women. She knows no woman alive will ever watch this. She's trying to build a male following, so she can monetise it. And she knows this is a big, not very well populated niche. I mean, she's hotter than Pearl by a mile. She knows she can make some serious dough by doing this soft-talking, understanding, caring act. It's always the same story.
@@Peter-vn5jq Exactly. Any woman that actually wanted to improve things would be writing their legislators to get rid of alimony and to make 50/50 custody with no child support he default. This is just a grift to entice lonely men into a parasocial relationship and make money.
@@JamTheHam32but then again, she wouldn't be any different simply BECAUSE she is all over social media. No man wants a woman who is every where on socials so still contradictory but that's just me as a guy saying something.
![Seungmin "그렇게, 천천히, 우리(As we are)" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/kAzmhLHePqU/mqdefault.jpg)
the relentless torrent of male bashing in all media, along with the silence of women tells me everything I need to know
Exactly. It's just pointless. Just keep enjoying life and peace.
i'd prefer not to get my 401k raided and lose my house again.
im good over hear with a cigar and beer, chillin' on my porch watching the wildlife.
These kind of videos going over comments is a great idea, most channels have no interaction with their audience at all.
Thank you! I am gearing up to do a part 3 soon! I have a lot of fun doing these videos and enjoy reading your comments. It gets me thinking deeply about the topic and provides new perspectives that I wouldn't have thought of on my own!
A lot of men are telling you it's a pointless Sisyphean task for most modern women to change and that most don't actually care to hear you or men, nor do they want to change. Your response in this video was that you you are doing this so you know that "at least you tried" (which is commendable).
If you can indulge me🙏🏾, I have a question;
What will need to happen for you to conclude that the aforementioned men are right and it's indeed hopeless & too late for most modern women of this generation? (In medicine, even the most hopeful of doctors know when to call a time of death. I'm trying to gauge where that line is for you.)
It would be indeed hopeless for modern women of this generation to change if we were seeing a complete lack of change in women IRL from the recent surge of content promoting traditional relationship dynamics and feminine attributes, but I don't personally see this as the case. Women online don't represent women in the real world fully - I think there are some women IRL that have changed their ways upon listening to how men think and noticing what outcomes they have achieved thus far. They realized their current mindset and behavior in relationships/towards men wasn't working and made the necessary changes to fix things they were doing wrong. Single modern women who desire to have a relationship may seek to understand men and improve themselves as an effort to succeed in finding commitment. I think if more people look down upon modern women for their choices, they will start to change (I know this sounds harsh, but this is simply how society works - what is normalized is encouraged). I hope this helps answer your question!!
12:30 - 13:03 of the video seems to be your answer. Like you said, commendable she's accepting ownership, but if she had secured a relationship with one of these men in her youth: let's seriously ask, would the youtube channel and commentary even exist?
It's a cliche, and I don't want to seem overly cynical, but my question for her is: Qui bono?
So I'm an incel. I know that word has a lot of baggage now but I will explain how I got to this point for some understanding as a lot gets talked about incels without actually asking them, I don't know how many others have had a life like mine, I don't interact with online community's as there's too much hate. I will try to keep this short haha, it's taken me decades to piece it all together. A good friend of mine thinks I should write a book as there's so little help out there for people like myself.
First up I'm really liking that you're discussing comments, it makes the whole thing feel a lot more like a conversation. :)
At the start, I failed school, everyone said I was smart but I still failed. The two biggest things I left school with was depression and learnt helplessness, not a good start to adulthood. I got sick at 20 with CFS/ME, house bound for 3 years and very slowly got better since then, I'm 46 now and am about 70-80% well, I can work part time anyway and full time for a few weeks in a row. In my mid 30's the relationship I had with my mother ended and I started working out what went wrong.
I was diagnosed as dyslexic at 38 and ADHD-PI and autism level 1 at 40. So it turned out my childhood was full of emotional neglect and then when I was 11 my dad fall off the roof and emotionally withdrew. I became my mum's surrogate emotional partner (emotional incest) just at the time of my s*xual awaking nothing physical happened but a lot happened physiologically, (this lasted until my mid 30's when my mum found a new partner and I wasn't needed anymore). I had up to this point been using intelligence to brute force my way through life, until my body said no it's ending now and my physical health fell apart.
So mid 30's I started therapy and it was almost a waste of time, all my problems were bushed off as it seemed like I was doing fine. As a virgin in my late 30's it still didn't raise any flags for therapists. As a virgin that's never been on a date being told to "just put yourself out there" isn't very helpful. I ended up seeing a therapist that deals with s*xual abuse, she had seen very few men at that stage but she said yes I was s*xually abused, covirt s*xual abuse it's called. With her help and friends I ended up seeing an escort, a wonderful life changing escort at 40. She's changed my life, actually being able to touch and hold someone is way more healing then anyone gives it credit. Lots of tears, lots of things to work through, lots of grieving, I see her once or twice a year when I can afford too, it turns out learning how to touch someone and be touched is a years long process when it's never happened before.
I ended up working out I'm dyslexic and on the spectrum from reading books and then getting accessed, no therapist picked it up and I had seen five before then.
So here I am now, I've spent the last six years totally rebuilding my sense of self and re framing the first 40 years of my life. But I can't imagine a woman wanting to be with me, it's too abstract an concept to fit in my head.
To answer your question. I don't hate women at all but I get a very strong feeling that a lot of women hate men, especially men like me. Years of being told that I'm bad just because I'm a man has done a lot of damage, so much so that I don't know if it's worth trying to date. I have plenty of women friends which are helping a lot but it's still really hard.
So it turns out I am actually smart, I just had learning and social disability's getting in the way and that I covered them up for years.
To whoever reads all this thank you, feel free to offer advice and hope you have a wonderful day. :)
Hi, Tim. Thanks for telling your story. I'm a retired psychologist, fwiw. I am sorry to hear you went through so many therapists who weren't able to help you (unfortunately all too common), but I'm glad that you finally found one who did. I was also pleasantly surprised to hear that you had a good experience with the pro who helped you experience affectionate touch. That's great. I don't think I have any advice for you, except to say give yourself credit for how strong you are, to have been through so much struggle and still come out a good human being. About the dating/relationship thing ... this may sound hollow, but I don't know if you're missing out on a whole lot there. A lot of men have gotten fed up with dating and relationships and just walked away. I walked away myself at 48, 15 years ago, and haven't looked back. There is a lot of pain, struggle, sacrifice, and time/energy/money involved in searching for, pursuing, locking down, and then maintaining a relationship. To me, and to a lot of older guys, it's not worth the tradeoff. ... Anyhow, I appreciated your honesty and hope you are chugging along okay.
@@Arven8 Thank you for your reply. Talking to someone in a quiet office with a subject to talk about is a lot different then talking to people I don't know in normally loud environments with lots of distractions. I have the social skills but I have lots of trouble in social environments.
They also didn't ask basic questions like "can you spell well enough to function as an adult?" or "do you have any idea why you missed all the hints multiable women were interested 10 years ago"
Thanks, a doctor told me a few years ago that he was very impressed I'm still alive, he said never drinking or doing drugs is probably why I'm still alive. I was close to ending it quite a few times in my 20's.
Yes luckily I live somewhere that s*x work it legal, regulated and very safe, I see an independent escort as I think that's the most ethical way, no one else gets a cut. Luckily I picked the best one I could of imagined.
I think if a woman comes along I won't say no but I'm not going to reshape my life trying to find someone. I also have too much to lose, I own a small farm with a small house I've built over the years and I'm debt free. I don't have the health to start over again now.
Cheers
I hope you continue to heal and grow. Romantic relationships are only one kind of way we can give and receive love. We should all strive to not over value just one type of love.
Seems like you have done a lot of hard work and have become a better person. You should be very proud of this. Confidence is key in our social world.
@Tim_G_Bennett
One beef I have with the psychological model is that the problem always lies within the patient. Never society at large.
These days it’s becoming crystal clear that society is a wreck, and the entire field of psychology has nothing for it.
I’m all for personal responsibility, too. But there is a glaring lack of acknowledgment of how sick society itself is.
"Don't try that understand women, women understand women and they hate each other "
Al Bundy.
I'm tired of hearing this trope at 21:23. As a man, I do appreciate and care about women's educational and professional accomplishments. The real problem is if she is arrogant or prideful about it, and if she looks down on others. Men will sense this attitude problem fairly quickly in a relationship and it will turn them off because they know that no matter what they accomplish or do for her, she will probably end up looking down on them too.
Yeah I don’t know where they get the men don’t care about your education thing
It’s not what I see. Leastwise not with the engineers on my team.
Maybe it’s a class thing?
@tomyoung8563 You know, I think the class angle actually explains a lot of it. That is very observant of you!
09:50 Thank you for highlighting my comment.
I could also add this : magazines that poorly influence women aren't the only media that twist their view on the 'perfect' relationship/ partner. Id say romance movies & novels also badly influence women. Lots of them expect a partner that comes from these stories. The perfect men dosen't exist but because they read/ see them, they think they do exist.
Romance novels don't influence women. Women influence romance novels. They sell because women see themselves and their fantasies within' them.
There are few people who talk about this topic correctly and without judgment. I hope you continue and the channel grows.
Holy shit she said being 6ft is a plus and then she says it is not sth that affects her attraction. Why are you so dishonest? I think women believe their own lies that is huge issue. Show your shorter partners too
Because it would force her to be honest rather than sell some absurdist fantasy about women in solidarity.
she is just another dolt woman. Don't listen to anything any of them say.
The lessons told to males about the intricacies of how males are to be hasn't really changed in the last 100 years, that would be 1925. The lessons women are being told have completely changed in that same time period.
In the scientific method, during the testing phase, variables are changed one at a time to verify what the cause of a change is more easily. If the variable that hasn't changed is being blamed for the cause of a change, you will never be able to solve any problem.
Love the content and your presentation. The biggest problem in my opinion is we no longer want to grow up. “40 is the new 20”, “50 is the new 30”, “60 is the new 40”, NO, you’re almost eligible to collect social security and have your AARP card Alexis. Phrases like these and “adulting” are indicative of so many peoples fear of aging and refusal to take responsibility for their life and choices. You shouldn’t be dating into your old age, but we promoted women treating their best looking and most fertile years into extended teenage years with extra freedom and money instead of finding a partner for life to settle down and live life with. When they could they wouldn’t, now they want to and they can’t.
Supposedly welfare helped deteriorate Black families because it only went to women when men were put out of the house, incentivizing divorce and division.
The same happens now, where a poor working married woman can become a non-working not-more-poor single woman, even if not "golddigging."
So poor men will suffer mkre than wealthy men if woman is discontented and divorces. It is a good deal for her of man has average median salary, no gold to dig, because the woman can maintain her financial lifestyle and also enjoy singledom again if she likes. The divorced woman will no longer have to be in working poverty, while the man will have to pay for two households, will be demonized, universally blamed for divorce by 'society,' have to pay for both attorneys to violate him, and ultimately will be called a deadbeat...
THIS is a nightmare men want to avoid. Also the more a man is generous, the more he will owe in the future to "maintain current lifestyle" of ex-wife and kids. And remember men take punishing jobs prioritizing money over time, flexibility, safety, mental health... maybe working 50+ hours and reducing their lifespan to invest in future security... but then courts demand man to keep up the overwork indefinitely... and this is if divorcing a good and ethical woman!
The laws say a bad person who is a woman can abuse with impunity, so also marriage is terrifying to men who have been abused or marginalized.
There are so many kids, maybe we do not all need kids, and without kids why marry?
I think people just love to be acknowledged or heard. So many people are isolating themselves to their computer, and not going out into the world to cohabitate. I'm a little older (49) and remember before the internet. Back then I was running around everywhere. I've noticed that I have been spending to much time online lately. It's very addictive! After the wife decided to leave, I tried really hard to meet someone else with the dating apps. That didn't go well at all. It was to early, I didn't give myself time to heal. I didn't know how to date at all, and the women were not responding. The self esteem plummeted. It's taken awhile to recover but I'm doing much better now. Relationships can be tuff but rewarding. Things just have to align correctly to find the right person. I wish you succuss with your channel!
I will say it is refreshing to hear a woman give an honest and down to earth assessment of their own physical attractiveness. I'm so used to hearing over the top "I'm a 10" type assessments from women that it was making me think practically every woman is a full-blown narcissist.
😂 Whaaat? This topic is not about her, and she is beautiful, and prudence requires some level of tact...
I think the lady is rather unusually neutral but I sense also a weighty shame. I don't think comparing selves to others, or holding rigid valuation of people is healthy.
She should realize her own insecurities are also seen in men, so she should expect the same over-negative self-talk she has can manifest in the kind of extreme gender rhetoric one sees in comments online from men and women.
So need to set boundaries and internal system of ethics so she knows on her own how to perceive her self and actions. Unhealthy to depend on others to form our own self-perception, but also good to develop that self-trust so we can be authentic and vulnerable without losing our sense of self.
I think the key is interdependence as opposed to co-dependency!
So definitely understand that when comments are strident, for men and women online controversial topics, people are not speaking to you or about you, but rather communicating about themself. Because in pain people stop perceiving non-judgementally, but rather project, displace, repress, etc like a kid avoiding a shot. When ashamed or uncomfortable with authenticity and emotional vulnerability, possibly due to real or imagined rejection, people go into denial and over-state their grandiosity or self-denigration to avoid the risk of real emotional intimacy, even with ourselves!
This is gonna sound ironic but it seems to be for the most part true in my opinion. The apps and social media have replaced actual conversations and the importance of face to face interactions in order to rush to get to know someone so as to not "waste my time" and "not settling" and the illusion of an overabundance of good quality options out there which are just a click away. It has also contributed to unrealistic expectations and skewed definitions of what "high value" means. The obsession of comparing and always looking through a lens of lacking and weaponizing personal success in order to " motivate someone to meet me at my level" is running rampant. It might not happen to the same degree as in the past but its time to put the phones down and go out to meet people in more natural settings then always being in a rush to not only meet someone but move on to the next with the fear of F.O.M.O. being a prime motivation.
Thanks for including our comments and your own reflections. That's a nice change of pace to the standard monolog you get on RUclips. You might get tired of it after a while, though, because your audience is going to start talking at you more.
...
I appreciate your response to my comment (at 20:30). It sounded a little verbose as you read it back, but hey, that's me, lol.
...
I agree with your point about self-awareness and self-acceptance. A woman who knows herself accurately (rather than has an inflated idea of her "worth" and what she "deserves") and who accepts her imperfections is much, much more attractive than a woman who pretends to be "all that." "Perfect" people are invariably fake people, full of pretense and cover-ups. We all have many flaws and shortcomings, and if we aren't honest with ourselves about them, we can't be honest with others, and we will present a fake facade. You can't really connect to a person like that. Nor do you really like them. No one really likes "perfect" people. We like people who are openly imperfect, because it's real, and because it lets us feel comfortable being imperfect, too.
...
Anyhow, nice job, thank you.
Idk man. If my wife posted random videos trying to get approval from strangers I'd probably end that relationship really quickly
Technology also drives women and men apart.
Women can easily support themselves independently of men these days. And men? The incredible efficiencies gained on the domestic front makes living solo a non-event for men today. That is, they need a wife much, Much less today.
For perspective, think of the domestic work load of 150 years ago.
@Snarge22
Birth control and ubiquitous pornography are huge technological factors, along with our obsession with efficiency at any cost.
Ah yes@@johnmacrae2006. I completely agree.
These comment response videos are really awesome!!
Sort by top comments, not newest. Top comments are what all the viewers have said are the most valid.
Thanks for picking my comment (25:20).
I agree that it is also unhealthy for a man to be a player. Also players are not healthy to the women they sleep with, especially if they go after type 2 women or if they cause cheating.
The reason why I didn't mention that in my comment is because I wanted it to write to women who don't know this distinction yet. They know and experience that players are not healthy to them, but they don't know why they "can't fix him". Once you enter type 1 category for a man then it is very difficult to move to type 2 category for him. But some women think if they only invest even more into type 1 behavior then they will eventually have success, which is completely the wrong way around.
Here are a few more thoughts on that matter.
I often hear women say that there are nice guys and bad boys. You may be tempted to say men who go after type 1 women are bad boys and men who go after type 2 women are nice guys. But if you do that then you make a critical mistake. Nice guys and bad boys are both insecure people. One does it by not being capable of handling rejection and the other does it by treating women as objects. I would claim both the nice guys and the bad boys tend to go to type 1 women. One does it because they are more easily manipulated and the other does it because he thinks he doesn't deserves a type 2 woman.
There are healthy men out there. If you are a type 1 woman, then healthy men know all the tricks to be completely invisible to you, even if they are coworkers or share a circle of friends. And if you are a type 2 woman, then he may attempt to pursue you, but if he sees that you are not interested he will stop. After all relationships of healthy people require both to be invested in it.
Now if you are a woman who has experienced too much hurt with men then you may put up a wall. And sadly that wall is more effective at keeping out good men than bad boys or nice guys. After all the good men respect your boundries, the other two don't. And that may cause some women to think that there are no good men out there and every man is either a bad boy or a nice guy.
And just to clarify. I don't think all women are either a type 1 or type 2 woman. And I also don't think men are restricted to the three categories I mentioned. Those are just simplified ideas to help understand what is going on.
Isn't it ironic that you captured a principally male audience. I think this speaks volumes as to where men are coming from.
shes grifting.
It's very interesting to hear about the very different experiences everyone has. I've been married 10 years, so I'm a ways out from dating. I never felt that girls were disrespectful to me, often dismissive, but not disrespectful. I never did dating apps, so maybe that is why my experiencewas differentfrom what others have had.
As for your main thesis, I generally agree with you on what women can do. One thing to add (something that my wife is the best at) is to show appreciation. An appreciative woman is going to bring joy to everyone around her and will also get better behavior as a reward.
All for the open communication that videos/responses like this can open, so thumps up for that. 👍
The respons from 5:11, that talked about dating from 80's until now. I think it was feminism, or more to the point the false statement around feminism, this is also why it has to be women like yourself that has to pull the rest of women out of that mindset, because it will always be deflected as men hating women if it is said by men.
(I have recommened it before, but the The red pill Documentary by Cassie Jaye is a good watch on the subject of men walking away)
22:28 Note on your rating: someone with your personallity (that you show in the videos you make) will allways rate high to mens eyes looks, as many have said, is always just the icing the the cake so to speak (and makeup is just a mask to hide thing IMO).
Men and women are different and that is okay. We must learn to respect and work with others.
Men and women cannot and should not have the same preferences and priorities and perspectives, but that is why we love them!!
I see it like being friends with people who have different religion or politics. Plurality, individual liberty, self-determination etc are good values.
Yes women are at safety disadvantage especially during pregnancy / early childhood. So it makes sense why women have instinctive preference for men who show competence, grit, resiliency, perseverence, formidibility, provision, protection, social competence etc!
And it makes sense that a man would instinctively prioritize a woman who likes him, respects him, has youthful fertility cues, shows loyalty and willingness to 'cleave to man,' etc.
We are not robots or rational, but animals, or angels with only one wing, seeking flight together.
I think it all comes down to removing shame and developing capacity for self-love, self-acceptance through building self-trust by asserting our needs, wants, expectations, boundaries, and practicing authenticity and emotional vulnerability to develop emotionally intimate connections. Whew!
Called variously inner work, shadow work, healing inner child family dynamics / attachment wounds, etc.
Then and only then can we present our true selves authentically and allow ourselves to be seen and respect ourselves by expressing our self. This builds self-trust and self-acceptance. This allows people to reject us, but also to truly accept us. This may be more of a man issue, I don't know.
But w removing Shane, then you remove accountability out of the equation, and even then, women aren't really accountable. Only seen that on traditional older, elder women
@ I'm pretty emotionally dense, but maybe there is a difference between guilt and shame? Anyway, I have too much shame, that I myself am unacceptable and broken, maybe from childhood struggles... so that I cannot even access my emotions or thoughts unless I reprogram myself.
I am therefore trying to be authentic and honest and emotionally vulnerable so that I can develop the sense of internal validation that will allow me to move from codependency to interdependence.
I hear anthropologically that some cultures promote shame and others guilt, perhaps related to individualism vs collectivism.
My worst fear would be to be isolated from myself and my relationships due to lack of courage to be authentic and allow others the opportunity to reject or accept the real me.
This lack of self-acceptance would then manifest from my unconscious in myriad negative ways like stress, self-hatred, numbness, escapism, addictions, and glibness.
I have contemplated that idea that hypershame may be bad but shamelessness too is unaccountable, but don't know how to reconcile completely. I think eventually some people alienated from society would benefit from recreating their own code of ethics to become an independent moral agent, but there is a tradeoff between security and freedom. A balance must be found and secured against human frailty and selfishness.
I hope authenticity over agreeableness will allow me to strike the balance, and highlight issues, wheras accepting a need to be something I am not - shame - will lead to self-deception and delusional relationships not good for anyone.
Some kids feel ashamed their whole childhood...
From my interaction with women they have a Hero/Maiden aspect. When they talk about an issue they will at the end of the make some statement in the shape of "She does xyz but I dont think that is a good thing see I dont do xyz thus I am a good person." I say this because when she talks about topics she will in some cases talk about how x happens but how she doesnt do it. In other cases she will condemn the act but not talk about how she doesnt do that.
EX: When she talked about the comment that says women only want 6 foot tall men she says that's not true and that its not a normal thing and women shouldnt do that. She never said something like "My husband isnt 6 foot and I still married and love him." She didnt say that because while she sits there talking about how its shouldn't be done she herself has done it. There's nothing wrong with having a preference but don't lie by omission.
10:17 Ok heres the thing, we scientifically know that you are just saying this becouse it sounds good!
Not necessarily. We know that statistically speaking, the majority of women care for it and we know that by their action. We also know that statistically speaking, women are more lagreeable, which means they are more likely to say stuff because it sounds good.
But there are also women who that doesn't apply to.
Science may make you say that but not in her case. Women tend to be feeling oriented. She is an example of a married woman giving advice to single women based on her experience and by listening to men.
@@benrex7775agreeing w bad decision making doesn't count. That's like cod saying they keep breaking record sales when all they do is increase the price of the game+focus on capitalizing in-game purchases while reducing gameplay experience. It doesn't mean anything in the long run when there's other negative contributing factors.
My boyfriend 35 don't like women at all...Only me, very charming, has charisma, looks saying that i am different than those other women.... He use his anger toss, intimidation on all women because his younger brother get hurt by many women...And he use this anger toss on all women, belittle them, downgrade them and much more....He can't stand it when his brother is miserable and he see women happy and he become nutcase in real life...I think I am going to leave him....He has rage issues so i am pretty much he's capable of harming me too.....
@@NicaleATifa My next video will help you, it is all about emotional maturity which I think your boyfriend may lack in some ways. Having a short fuse and not being able to stay calm in difficult situations is a red flag in a partner. I think it would be wise to talk about how his rage issues affect you (in a respectful way) or possibly speak to a couples counselor.
@@lifewithlaur2686 Looking forward, thank you 😊 X
Laur, you are one of the few women who genuinely care about men's concerns. That is why a man would rationally marry you.
Wow looking at view counts its like 200-300 and the 9800.
RP adjacent content really blows up.
But its a topic that really moves a lot of people. People are hurting.
I don’t know if there is a difference who is suffering more,
One thing though, society finds ok to OPENLY hate on men. But clearly there is also a lot of „hidden“ angry men.
Unfortunately
I notice no mention of my (or any other) comment on Biblical polygyny
Thank you!
Very nice responses. I don't think mine made the cut. That's ok. I feel my effort was well worth it because you said you wanted to respond to it.
Regarding preference of virgins. It is in our nature. All men prefer virgins. Those who say they don’t have lower self esteem often due to lack of experience with virgins, think it is not practical, excuses etc. This is the case for young inexperienced men. Most older men don’t know virgins tend to love the daddy figure and want a rich daddy husband. The highest value virgins live with and serve their daddy. When you date her it is to marry her and need the approval of the father. Most young men can’t cut it. They may be too poor. The worst type of women comes from a single mother. She is infected with hatred and keep women single, ruining happy marriages. There are exceptions, but keep in mind the mother in law will likely be a nightmare and seek to break up her daughter's marriage to not feel bad about herself.
I am very thankful that you seek positivity with men and women.
OK
I'll subscribe.
I can't stand when people talk like this!
Is nice you want to understand men but if you want to talk to women do you think RUclips is the best place and not some other social media
Women dont listen regardless. If she actually wanted talk to women she would be on tik tok, twitter, or Facebook, but again they wont actually listen and change their behavior.
@@JamTheHam32They'll just call her a pick me for having empathy for men.
Oh, she's not really talking to women. She knows no woman alive will ever watch this. She's trying to build a male following, so she can monetise it. And she knows this is a big, not very well populated niche. I mean, she's hotter than Pearl by a mile. She knows she can make some serious dough by doing this soft-talking, understanding, caring act.
It's always the same story.
@@Peter-vn5jq Exactly. Any woman that actually wanted to improve things would be writing their legislators to get rid of alimony and to make 50/50 custody with no child support he default. This is just a grift to entice lonely men into a parasocial relationship and make money.
@@JamTheHam32but then again, she wouldn't be any different simply BECAUSE she is all over social media. No man wants a woman who is every where on socials so still contradictory but that's just me as a guy saying something.
Great girl with wise analysis🎉
Nice girl with brainy analysis
Btw, you are very cute and wise🎉