I think there is one very important thing that she doesn't mention here in order to keep the flame alive which is: taking time apart from each other, developing your own sense of self outside the relationship, having your own interests, friends, hobbies and even alone time, a relationship is not only "us", it's also "you" and "I", spending time apart it's important so when you get together you reconnect with fresh energy and you can notice how much you've missed each other and also have new things to talk about. Not having time apart will suffocate you both. Your partner is a separate being and he/she has the need for a little bit of time alone for him/her self... This is my two cents.
She does mention it but doesn't go into depth about it.. she mentions Interdependence. Interdependence is exactly that and I totally agree with you! It's so important.
40 years with my last wife she passed away from lung cancer in November. I was at her side until the end. I gushed unashamed tears at her loss. I laid her to rest in a Catholic a mausoleum as she had requested. She looked so beautiful in her casket just another of God's angels ready to be swept up into heaven. For us it was all love I will always love her. Tears of joy love's labors won.
Seeing someone for who they portray themselves to be vs seeing them for who they actually are, has been one of the biggest eye openers for me. Love is in fact blind! When you strip your stupid emotions you can see very clearly what type of person you have chosen to hold your heart. Fingers crossed you made the right decision before your soul is ripped from your body. Life is a big lesson. I've learned to be honest with myself first instead of walking forward blinded by love.
Ive only had one girlfriend and at first it was very lustful but when it died out we became so much closer and we developed such a strong friendship and all of our walls basically came down. In the beginning of the relationship i still tried to act cool and impress her but once the lust died down i feel 100% myself around her. Lust is definitely a great feeling, but having love and having a super close friendship with someone is just as amazing
Loving someone means seeing them for who they actually are - not through their projections or your own. What youre saying is its better to see them for who they portray themselves to be in order to protect your heart. But the heart needs no protection only Egos do.
voodoo2130 Very True but we can also harm ourself very bad if that person has bad mental health issues and are cruel to us. I put up with abuse for 3 years because i felt it would be wrong for me to walk away but i harmed myself really bad for not..
acgillespie Im so sorry to hear that. Part of us will insist on thinking that by giving them love, they will eventually stop being cruel to us. But we both know that love is actually about how we feel towards them, love is giving without expecting something in return. No one deserves abuse, nor anyone deserves love if they are the abusers.
voodoo2130 She was into Voo-Doo and witchcraft and i believe she was possessed with demons....I also believe she cursed me and i didn't use to believe in any of that but I do now..
acgillespie I'm sorry to hear that but that puts a stigma on everybody that has mental health issues. Some people can develop them because of lack of love.
Love or Lust? - In love you use more "we" statements rather than "I" statements. - In love people tend to disclose lots of personal information in communication aka rich communication; may reveal deep secrets and core aspects of yourself, whereas in Lust people remain rather "surface level" in their "disclosure" during communication. - In Love you want to include the people in your life or your "community" in your relationship, rather than keeping it private such as with Lust. - In Love people naturally feel the need to include their partner in significant decisions in their life, rather than simply making the decision on their own, like people tend to do while in Lust. I hope this helps sum things up for y'all! Great information, thank you!
Great talk. In my opinion, the LUST factor has to be there. I recall reading an article about how couples kept love and lust active in their relationship. The best answer I read was "separate bedrooms and separate bathrooms." Familiarity breeds contempt and it kills love, and so if you've got space, it creates a sense of mystery which in turn can create that adrenaline/lust rush Dr. Orbuch discussed. The Arab mystic Khalil Gibran was asked to bless marriages. His blessing? "May there be space in your togetherness." Some of the BEST relationship advice I've ever heard.
It's not mystery that attracts us. It's just someone different. Might be someone who's lived next door for 10 years. We're wired to change mates. that's how we got more dna combinations. The 7 year itch is very, very real. We're good together just long enough for an offspring to get up and start walking around. after that, it's all downhill. Sure, you can try to force the issue. But given enough availability of new partners, and without artificially created punishment or financial hardship for separating from the previous partner, we'd all move on to someone else. There's no way to recreate the incredible rush we get with new romance. New and exciting things to do with an old partner will not make it 'just like it was in the beginning'. Why? Because the partner isn't 'new and exciting'.
I think if you love someone , it's only natural that you feel the romantic excitement but it shouldn't stop there. Communication is the key to a long lasting relationship.
I don't like her point of basically becoming one person. I was an individual before I got into a relationship and I will remain an individual after I get into a relationship. We don't have to do everything together. When someone asks me what I did over the weekend it can be I went to the movies with my mother, my sister, my whole family, my friends, my boyfriend, or even myself. Some people forget who they were before they got into a relationship and to me that is unhealthy. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and space is the key to having a lasting relationship. Spending too much time together will get boring and redundant very quickly. Remember to give yourself some ME time. I could never be happy with someone who was super clingy. Also another thing I hate when people get married is they announce the new married couple as Mr. and Mrs. John Paul. Women basically have to lose their damn identity when they get married. I will not have that at my wedding. Sorry not sorry. My boyfriend agrees that that is a load of shit as well.
Lin Huang Yes I tell people all the time that changing last names is a western thing, you don't have to change your last name to prove you love someone. Why don't men have to change their last name? We can learn alot of things from you guys
iiNDiie1 Thank you! Though this is a relatively new thing, before the communist China, Chinese women had to put their husband's family in front of their names. So my name in Chinese order is Huang Lin, and if I've married a man of Zhang as his family name, my name will become Zhang Huang Lin. so, I guess it's not so different from changing your maiden name to husband's family in the west. But again. time's changed! Girls can also choose to whether change their names or not these days.
I agree but last bit you went too far. If a woman is ready enough to accept half of the mans shares and wealth if they ever get divorced then she be OK with changing her last name
I think she compares lust not to love but affection. Love is something you acquire throughout an extensive period of time, when you feel so familiar with this person that even if you do break up with him/her, you feel their presence in your daily life even when they're absent.
Nicole Ono Not to be rude, but she has devoted her life to studying this, so I would think she would know more of what she is talking about than you. Love is also not a measurement of time. It's a feeling. It doesn't take time to dispise and hate someone, so why does it have to take time to love someone? I don't your family didn't love you until you were a certain age after birth; they loved you instantly more than likely.
Allan donald How do you know I don't study the same topic as much as her, just because you haven't seen me speak about it on RUclips? My friend, you are mixing up Storge (Greek word for the type of love that is felt by parents for offspring) and Éros (love, mostly of sexual passion). "Erotas" is "intimate love", which applies to dating relationships as well as marriage. The next thing I'm about to say though is NOT a fact, but something I personally believe, so this is not everyone's opinion and might not be yours, but people live their own lives the way they know it: I believe true love never dies, because it is an energy; you can't kill it, buy it, sell it, exchange it, find it, take it, steal it, beg for it, etc. It is either there or not, period. It can transform into other conditions such as detestation, but it doesn't disappear. A moment later, it's the same love all over again. It is an extensive amount to keep care of though.
I am assuming you don't yes, but by your pictuer of your display I feel I can safely assume that is you, and you do not look like you are old enough to have researched it as long as her. I am also not confusing love though because I just showed you an example. There are several levels of love if you want to look at it that way though. People instantly love their pets they buy, instantly love family, and some people instantly love a person they meet. Love at first site didn't become a saying for no reason. I do believe you can definitely love someone in an extremely short time. It just becomes stronger with time. Lastly, I never disagreed with the love lasting forever thing. I believe if you love someone you can't just instantly hate them or fall out of love.
Allan donald Okay, well there is nothing to rebuttal against here. At the end of the day, you don't know who sits behind this picture, so it's quiet blunt to attribute to users and people around you who you "suppose" carries more knowledge on this topic. Plus, I have brought internationally known facts and terms vs your theories.
The way she speaks slowly is really nice of her to make non native English speaker like me understand completely what she talks. Thank you and it is really an interesting talk.
I feel deeply fell in love with the man I will marry without ever having touched him. I never idealized him, I knew him first as a friend. I admired and respect him and then one day I just kissed him to thank him for being so good to me and then I realized that I love him and I was glad I took that chance.
Okay key phrases here : " lust declines in all Romantic relationships " "lust and love are two different things" "lust can turn Into love if you stick with that person " Love it!
Lol Yes! Haha I love listening to the plethora of amazing talks, lectures, ideas, facts, possibilities, and different points of views listed in the videos.
and also it was amazing to find someone on internet doing something that i was doing, like what are the odds!!! I am not able to explain myself clearly but I hope you get the point
Actually I learnt these differences on my own when I first grew in love with a person. I could clearly distinguish between how I felt for other people and that specific person while I comprehended both to be love at some point. My first love made me learn these differences . We aren't together because I was too young when I first experienced it and I knew my priorities well then . Some people come in your life to help you grow and then they leave. I am enjoying my journey of life. Long way to go🤞
The tip of path to true love is you want to reveal part of self to lover. This is SO true. I had a man I loved who never revealed his inner thoughts on certain issues. He never went to the deep core of himself. At times he refuse to talk to me at all; did the stonewall thing . Also he told me 2 times he never wanted to be my friend , just wanted me to care for his kids. WOW that hurt!!!! Then he told me he does want an open relationships, was the final straw for me I departed. He told everyone horrible thing about me but do not care. I am not staying with ANYONE who does not like or even love me.
I think love and lust are more intertwined than she's saying, at least when it comes to romantic love. If you're sexually attracted to someone, that can trigger feelings of affection. Lust is a spark that can get love going.
Agreed!!! Besides,her solutions to ignite 'lust' again are not gonna work for most...........!!! Lust should come from within,not from outside stimulus,though outside stimulus are important.....
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Love is when you lust for someone but still don't fuckup cause you don't want to hurt the one you love. All these people who cheat on their other halves, do not love them
I read somewhere that if you don't still see each other as individuals and conflate your personal boundaries you have an unstable future ahead of you. Using we mindlessly can lead you to an unsafe codependence.
I believe that when you're "in love " You always think about your partner, you include them in anything that comes up but i also think that each person needs their personal time to do things they enjoy Individually . without feeling jealous of who their partner might be with. YES it sucks to not have them with you sometimes! but some people need to remember that we are all our own person and if we want A long lasting relationship we need to respect and trust our partners.
Don't confused love with lust because they are completely different . Lust can eventually fade in a relationship especially if you aren't that attractive anymore and also the moment you get too familiar with each other but love will stay even if it means that you're the ugliest person in the world. Love means accepting your flaws and imperfections but always keep the fire burning between you two to make your relationship exciting.
I don't understand the dislikes ? I'm celebrating my 9th anniversary in a few weeks and considering i only had lust in previous relationships yet this one started out with love first, lust second, i can assure you she is correct. The lust that formed from love has never left, and I've never been happier ❤
True love does not need lust, lust is like puberty, it is wild, it is reckless , lust need to feed to Survivor, and it is still learning.... it has no place in the eyes of a grown man or woman. Love and passion ( and not just any passion, but a passion for just loving you) it is a giving emotion. True love is sweet. She shines her best in stormy times and you should see her smile in the good times.
All the complexities, drama, players, liars, have convinced me that my love to work out at the gym & work 80 hour work weeks is the best choice for me. I avoid lust, embrace my passion for fitness, make money. It's the best recipe for happiness I have ever found!
Let me share you 1 thing : One day i had a car crash and I did not call my partner to help me but I called my ex to help and fixed all my stuff and he said YES. From there I know who I really love. For me love is in the subconscious.
Read "to be a man" by Robert masters or "the way of the superior man" And "intimate communion" by David deida. What this woman is talking about is surface reality, go deeper and study archetypes and check out Bruce Lipton who wrote "the honeymoon effect" .
Oh yeah, read "sex at dawn" And "Truth" by Neil Struss then you will see how superficial this woman's talk was. Keep an integral perspective, and be mindful of falling into the duality comfort zone.
Very profound and interesting and a good advertisement for everyone. Shr explained the difference very well and made clear what should be important in a long term relationship.
Speaking of "unexpected".... I had the experience of love, immediately turning into both. First time that's ever happened to me in that order. I think it must be rare.
29 with a 5 year relationship. I had so much passion and empathy with my SO. It was like ephoria for years. IDK how it ended. It was real world magic, Illusions.
Fully agree. She's describing love as essentially what happens when you bond with someone, after that release of oxytocin. Love is so much more and isn't necessarily mutually different from it but it's something almost entirely different
In our lifetime, we would meet many, but only once in a blue moon we would meet someone who shares like kind energy with us, and we would have so much fun interacting together, talking for hours, having so much fun in bed, and life seemed so rosy. It would be ideal if love flourishes and the person is loyal, then the relationship might go somewhere. What is love? Love is giving or loving without expecting anything in return. It takes lots of love to be loyal to that person through a lifetime and to endure through all struggles and hardships together, a saint perhaps. Could one create lust? I suppose to a certain degree, but it is always ideal to find one who shares like kind energy with us to have lots of fun together.
I'm confused. The kind of love described here is just the definition of "friendship". Though I do get that strong relationships are build on friendship, I find it odd that sexual arousal isn't added as number five. Because if you just had all these four, but no sexual arousal, then why would you even consider mating? Isn't it more logical to state something like: the definition of Love = "friendship + lust" ?
At least we have someone who is is trying use his brain he. Well LoneWolf, i have to tell you, there is no love. All people have different experience, different needs and different expectations. Look for Jacque Fresco, he is already dead but brilliant even after he is gone. U will find your answers, thank me later
Love and Lust are two of the world's most basic, primal emotions and physical states. Problesm occur, however, when we confuse one for the other. More craziness occurs when you have one, and someoen you're into has the other. Kind of what makes romance fun, though..... se la vie.
There are times when love you'd trust An a time when lust becomes unjust There is a time when love is as robust An a time you hold lust in its disgust Take time for distrust to be discussed
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+Nawras Khalil You don't mean to say that rape is love, do you? Obviously they ARENT the same. they can coincide, have similarities but there are distinctions.
It has been my experience that it takes at least six months for a new person's real personality to begin to leak through. It seems as if everybody lies about everything until they quit caring about what the other person thinks.
A good way I found that forces your raw personality through is to travel with the person abroad. You're in an unfamiliar place, are tierd, hungry maybe a bit anxious all at the same time while you're together for a significant amount of time. The wall of illusion will break down at some point and glimpses of the real personality will shine through
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I think that I am the opposite. I must LOVE first before I succumb to lust as lust without love ( as well as love without lust) is extremely unsatisfactory or unsatisfying. It’s called SELF control and being an evolved HUMAN rather than an animal. I can also attest to the fact that it doesn’t matter to me if I am in the beginning of a relationship or 10 years in...the “lust” and “excitement” remains as long as I am in balance with (Love first) and lust. Much like a Yin/Yang integration.
I know that is sounds impossible but it really is a true phenomenon. We as sentient beings really ARE capable of transcending above an animal connection into a “soul” connection.
The problème is that passioned love doesn't last. We stay in a relationship juste because we have childrens and we are in an age that we have to be with someone. Romantic love exsist only in the begining of the relationship because of hormones.
Depends on how you define love. Read "the five love languages" and "nonviolent communication" and lets see if you still find value in your unconscious statement
"It's actually clean!" ... well there goes that puritanical BS that actually kills lust. Not to mention, this idea that love means you merge with your partner and become meshed and intertwined sounds to me like a recipe for disastrous co-dependency.
She described a particular stage in love when talking about "We" instead of "I". You can love someone and not be in a committed relationship with them. It's crazy when someone tells another person if they are in love or not. Only that person can tell you whether you are. That love becomes unhealthy when its not reciprocated. Other than that, love is love.
I didn't realise having all my stuffed animals on my bed with no pillows was such a bad thing. Ouch, lady. Next thing you'll tell me, letting my dog sleep on the bed is also some sort of red flag. Oh well, my stuffed animals + my dog > anyone else. :^)
If it makes you happy, go for it. Don't let people tell you different. What you're doing is absolutely harmless and others can learn from you being honest with yourself. Growing up is overrated.
I think it's more of a teamwork idea she's promoting, not becoming one person. Note she used the term interdependence, not co-dependence and mutuality, not fusion. There are clear distinctions to this that can be characterized by the larger idea of being a team to each help each other reach our own ideal versions of ourselves AS individuals.
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OMG. This woman makes me feel like I'm being talked down to like a child. Cheap, superficial, and cute ideas are meaningless in the face of real, chronic, and profound issues in relationships that destroy intimacy.
i'm sure we are all different but we have been in love for 44 years and had the lust for 1 month extra.....guess we are the exception but arousal/passion can go on and on and on.... don't want to sound "preachy" but that is what God intended. Appreciate running across the video.
Yeah but in love you need other person to do it. Because if only 1 side is doing what you say love does is a matter of time that it ended up in broken heart.
***** some cannot have sex because of hospital reasons. However couples still love one another. Some can love others without having to have sex and some only feel love with sex. Others lust. and have sex reguardless if they have any romantic attraction, Eros love, or friendly. There are different kinds and types of love with different ways. individuals share the experience of it.
I think there is one very important thing that she doesn't mention here in order to keep the flame alive which is: taking time apart from each other, developing your own sense of self outside the relationship, having your own interests, friends, hobbies and even alone time, a relationship is not only "us", it's also "you" and "I", spending time apart it's important so when you get together you reconnect with fresh energy and you can notice how much you've missed each other and also have new things to talk about. Not having time apart will suffocate you both. Your partner is a separate being and he/she has the need for a little bit of time alone for him/her self... This is my two cents.
This is helpful
Very important thing to know 🙌✨ 💯 it's true !
I totally agree!!❤️
She does mention it but doesn't go into depth about it.. she mentions Interdependence. Interdependence is exactly that and I totally agree with you! It's so important.
I wish I knew this many years ago
Lust is just infatuation. Love is something that GROWS after you spend time with the person. There is no such thing as love at first sight.
And no such thing as love itself.
Nabriales - I couldn’t agree more.
There is! Lust that is becoming love.
I have experienced love at first sight. Truly.
@@akkuakku7651 how many times? I experienced it too. Years went by and i understood that it not love but only a feeling. Nothing more, nothing less.
40 years with my last wife she passed away from lung cancer in November. I was at her side until the end. I gushed unashamed tears at her loss. I laid her to rest in a Catholic a mausoleum as she had requested. She looked so beautiful in her casket just another of God's angels ready to be swept up into heaven. For us it was all love I will always love her. Tears of joy love's labors won.
so fulfilling your message.
cant be more beautiful along with sad than that🤗🤗😍😍😍😍😍
Sorry about your wife. You will always love her until you meet again in heaven. God bless you and God loves you and your wife.
sorry for your loss
Absolutely.
i enjoyed how she slowed her speech down to the rate of my lame comprehension.
Lol!😂 same!
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+Cameron Stark I just played the video at 2x speed. :/
Lmao. I honestly thought this will be an interesting topic but the lady is communicating the message as if she is talking to a grade 2 student
+Eve Heart Pretty much.
Seeing someone for who they portray themselves to be vs seeing them for who they actually are, has been one of the biggest eye openers for me. Love is in fact blind! When you strip your stupid emotions you can see very clearly what type of person you have chosen to hold your heart. Fingers crossed you made the right decision before your soul is ripped from your body. Life is a big lesson. I've learned to be honest with myself first instead of walking forward blinded by love.
+AdjrianNickelodeon You, sir deserve it all :)
Ive only had one girlfriend and at first it was very lustful but when it died out we became so much closer and we developed such a strong friendship and all of our walls basically came down. In the beginning of the relationship i still tried to act cool and impress her but once the lust died down i feel 100% myself around her. Lust is definitely a great feeling, but having love and having a super close friendship with someone is just as amazing
+AdjrianNickelodeon The indian sahdguru says......When we become teenagers our intelligence gets highjacked by our hormones
+AdjrianNickelodeon butttt, nobody is perfect! and u have to be willing to accept someone flaws and all eg family
Loving someone means seeing them for who they actually are - not through their projections or your own. What youre saying is its better to see them for who they portray themselves to be in order to protect your heart. But the heart needs no protection only Egos do.
How I define love is, once you are concerned for that person's safety and happiness. You love them.
voodoo2130 Very True but we can also harm ourself very bad if that person has bad mental health issues and are cruel to us. I put up with abuse for 3 years because i felt it would be wrong for me to walk away but i harmed myself really bad for not..
acgillespie Im so sorry to hear that. Part of us will insist on thinking that by giving them love, they will eventually stop being cruel to us. But we both know that love is actually about how we feel towards them, love is giving without expecting something in return. No one deserves abuse, nor anyone deserves love if they are the abusers.
voodoo2130 She was into Voo-Doo and witchcraft and i believe she was possessed with demons....I also believe she cursed me and i didn't use to believe in any of that but I do now..
acgillespie I'm sorry to hear that but that puts a stigma on everybody that has mental health issues. Some people can develop them because of lack of love.
swiv2d yes..I agree....I suffer from that...
Love or Lust?
- In love you use more "we" statements rather than "I" statements.
- In love people tend to disclose lots of personal information in communication aka rich communication; may reveal deep secrets and core aspects of yourself, whereas in Lust people remain rather "surface level" in their "disclosure" during communication.
- In Love you want to include the people in your life or your "community" in your relationship, rather than keeping it private such as with Lust.
- In Love people naturally feel the need to include their partner in significant decisions in their life, rather than simply making the decision on their own, like people tend to do while in Lust.
I hope this helps sum things up for y'all!
Great information, thank you!
Great talk. In my opinion, the LUST factor has to be there. I recall reading an article about how couples kept love and lust active in their relationship. The best answer I read was "separate bedrooms and separate bathrooms." Familiarity breeds contempt and it kills love, and so if you've got space, it creates a sense of mystery which in turn can create that adrenaline/lust rush Dr. Orbuch discussed.
The Arab mystic Khalil Gibran was asked to bless marriages. His blessing? "May there be space in your togetherness." Some of the BEST relationship advice I've ever heard.
+Skaarf Mercenary Excepto si eres asexual
:)
Me gusta mi dioma y no me encuentro en su país. Además dije una frase corta. No hay motivo entonces para que usted se exalte o enoje.
It's not mystery that attracts us. It's just someone different. Might be someone who's lived next door for 10 years. We're wired to change mates. that's how we got more dna combinations. The 7 year itch is very, very real. We're good together just long enough for an offspring to get up and start walking around. after that, it's all downhill. Sure, you can try to force the issue. But given enough availability of new partners, and without artificially created punishment or financial hardship for separating from the previous partner, we'd all move on to someone else. There's no way to recreate the incredible rush we get with new romance. New and exciting things to do with an old partner will not make it 'just like it was in the beginning'. Why? Because the partner isn't 'new and exciting'.
That's for sure!
Oh how I wish you were wrong...
I think if you love someone , it's only natural that you feel the romantic excitement but it shouldn't stop there. Communication is the key to a long lasting relationship.
Communication is the main key to maintain a long relationship.
What kind of communication
If you're a man and opt to communication nowadays, you are regarded as simp or too soft.
Today's dating world is a joke😇
@@PhalociousI tend to agree. I don’t like the term simp, and wonder if an incel created it. 😂 Spimp would be a cooler phrase.
nothing more powerful than " I felt in love by what I created about you in my mind"
I don't like her point of basically becoming one person. I was an individual before I got into a relationship and I will remain an individual after I get into a relationship. We don't have to do everything together. When someone asks me what I did over the weekend it can be I went to the movies with my mother, my sister, my whole family, my friends, my boyfriend, or even myself. Some people forget who they were before they got into a relationship and to me that is unhealthy. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and space is the key to having a lasting relationship. Spending too much time together will get boring and redundant very quickly. Remember to give yourself some ME time. I could never be happy with someone who was super clingy. Also another thing I hate when people get married is they announce the new married couple as Mr. and Mrs. John Paul. Women basically have to lose their damn identity when they get married. I will not have that at my wedding. Sorry not sorry. My boyfriend agrees that that is a load of shit as well.
iiNDiie1 Women in China don't lose their maiden name when they get married! Maybe the western countries can learn something from China too, haha!
Lin Huang Yes I tell people all the time that changing last names is a western thing, you don't have to change your last name to prove you love someone. Why don't men have to change their last name? We can learn alot of things from you guys
+iiNDiie1 i agree 100 percent
iiNDiie1 Thank you! Though this is a relatively new thing, before the communist China, Chinese women had to put their husband's family in front of their names. So my name in Chinese order is Huang Lin, and if I've married a man of Zhang as his family name, my name will become Zhang Huang Lin. so, I guess it's not so different from changing your maiden name to husband's family in the west. But again. time's changed! Girls can also choose to whether change their names or not these days.
I agree but last bit you went too far. If a woman is ready enough to accept half of the mans shares and wealth if they ever get divorced then she be OK with changing her last name
I think she compares lust not to love but affection. Love is something you acquire throughout an extensive period of time, when you feel so familiar with this person that even if you do break up with him/her, you feel their presence in your daily life even when they're absent.
Nicole Ono you absolute right. I agree with you and the same feeling
Nicole Ono Not to be rude, but she has devoted her life to studying this, so I would think she would know more of what she is talking about than you. Love is also not a measurement of time. It's a feeling. It doesn't take time to dispise and hate someone, so why does it have to take time to love someone? I don't your family didn't love you until you were a certain age after birth; they loved you instantly more than likely.
Allan donald How do you know I don't study the same topic as much as her, just because you haven't seen me speak about it on RUclips? My friend, you are mixing up Storge (Greek word for the type of love that is felt by parents for offspring) and Éros (love, mostly of sexual passion). "Erotas" is "intimate love", which applies to dating relationships as well as marriage. The next thing I'm about to say though is NOT a fact, but something I personally believe, so this is not everyone's opinion and might not be yours, but people live their own lives the way they know it: I believe true love never dies, because it is an energy; you can't kill it, buy it, sell it, exchange it, find it, take it, steal it, beg for it, etc. It is either there or not, period. It can transform into other conditions such as detestation, but it doesn't disappear. A moment later, it's the same love all over again. It is an extensive amount to keep care of though.
I am assuming you don't yes, but by your pictuer of your display I feel I can safely assume that is you, and you do not look like you are old enough to have researched it as long as her. I am also not confusing love though because I just showed you an example. There are several levels of love if you want to look at it that way though. People instantly love their pets they buy, instantly love family, and some people instantly love a person they meet. Love at first site didn't become a saying for no reason. I do believe you can definitely love someone in an extremely short time. It just becomes stronger with time. Lastly, I never disagreed with the love lasting forever thing. I believe if you love someone you can't just instantly hate them or fall out of love.
Allan donald Okay, well there is nothing to rebuttal against here. At the end of the day, you don't know who sits behind this picture, so it's quiet blunt to attribute to users and people around you who you "suppose" carries more knowledge on this topic. Plus, I have brought internationally known facts and terms vs your theories.
The way she speaks slowly is really nice of her to make non native English speaker like me understand completely what she talks. Thank you and it is really an interesting talk.
I feel deeply fell in love with the man I will marry without ever having touched him. I never idealized him, I knew him first as a friend. I admired and respect him and then one day I just kissed him to thank him for being so good to me and then I realized that
I love him and I was glad I took that chance.
This is beautiful ...
Okay key phrases here :
" lust declines in all Romantic relationships "
"lust and love are two different things"
"lust can turn Into love if you stick with that person "
Love it!
i saw you on some other ted talk video
i guess you are on some ted talk binge watching regime as i am 😆
Lol Yes! Haha I love listening to the plethora of amazing talks, lectures, ideas, facts, possibilities, and different points of views listed in the videos.
and also it was amazing to find someone on internet doing something that i was doing, like what are the odds!!!
I am not able to explain myself clearly but I hope you get the point
+Naman Parashar you explain perfectly, and yes, same :)
the school of life channel covers a lot of topics and ideas like these
What I'm hearing is love is a meatball, lust makes it a spicy meatball
Well.... you’re not wrong😤😂
😂😂😂😂😂
I much prefer this explanation
*A SPICY PIZZA PIE, THATS AMORÉ*
Lmao
Actually I learnt these differences on my own when I first grew in love with a person. I could clearly distinguish between how I felt for other people and that specific person while I comprehended both to be love at some point. My first love made me learn these differences . We aren't together because I was too young when I first experienced it and I knew my priorities well then . Some people come in your life to help you grow and then they leave. I am enjoying my journey of life.
Long way to go🤞
Love is above the belt. Lust is below it.
❤
Love is when someone gives you food 😔
+Easystreet /David so my mom lied to me :,(
the pizza delivery guy Was IN FACT! in love with ME! =D
+reemCGR get that pizza guy!
Salomon.Is.Hawt. Without demanding something in exchange*
A way to a man(some woman too) heart is via his stomach
Or coffee💗😬
The tip of path to true love is you want to reveal part of self to lover. This is SO true. I had a man I loved who never revealed his inner thoughts on certain issues. He never went to the deep core of himself. At times he refuse to talk to me at all; did the stonewall thing . Also he told me 2 times he never wanted to be my friend , just wanted me to care for his kids. WOW that hurt!!!! Then he told me he does want an open relationships, was the final straw for me I departed. He told everyone horrible thing about me but do not care. I am not staying with ANYONE who does not like or even love me.
I think love and lust are more intertwined than she's saying, at least when it comes to romantic love. If you're sexually attracted to someone, that can trigger feelings of affection. Lust is a spark that can get love going.
Agreed!!! Besides,her solutions to ignite 'lust' again are not gonna work for most...........!!! Lust should come from within,not from outside stimulus,though outside stimulus are important.....
+autumn111155551 yes but she did mention that,
and the topic was distinguishing the differences.
+Mamunur Rashid how do you know they won't work?
I liked how she distinguishes and defined the two. I do think they are intertwined but both need to nourished separately to build a strong marriage.
This was an awesome speech and the speaker’s enthusiasm and passion for what she was speaking about was very refreshing.
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It's neither lust nor love. It's gas pains from eating Mexican food!
+6672rock Ayaya ......Ariba!
LMFAO.... you rock with GAS!
6672rock hehe gas
Or cheese
...which I love! Yum.
Love is when you lust for someone but still don't fuckup cause you don't want to hurt the one you love. All these people who cheat on their other halves, do not love them
The best relationship is when it’s lust and love together ❤
I read somewhere that if you don't still see each other as individuals and conflate your personal boundaries you have an unstable future ahead of you. Using we mindlessly can lead you to an unsafe codependence.
I believe that when you're "in love " You always think about your partner, you include them in anything that comes up but i also think that each person needs their personal time to do things they enjoy Individually . without feeling jealous of who their partner might be with. YES it sucks to not have them with you sometimes! but some people need to remember that we are all our own person and if we want A long lasting relationship we need to respect and trust our partners.
+Karla Reyna indeed
Don't confused love with lust because they are completely different . Lust can eventually fade in a relationship especially if you aren't that attractive anymore and also the moment you get too familiar with each other but love will stay even if it means that you're the ugliest person in the world. Love means accepting your flaws and imperfections but always keep the fire burning between you two to make your relationship exciting.
I don't understand the dislikes ?
I'm celebrating my 9th anniversary in a few weeks and considering i only had lust in previous relationships yet this one started out with love first, lust second, i can assure you she is correct. The lust that formed from love has never left, and I've never been happier ❤
Y’all still together ????
that powerful feeling hasn't gone away for three years
True love does not need lust, lust is like puberty, it is wild, it is reckless , lust need to feed to Survivor, and it is still learning.... it has no place in the eyes of a grown man or woman. Love and passion ( and not just any passion, but a passion for just loving you) it is a giving emotion. True love is sweet. She shines her best in stormy times and you should see her smile in the good times.
All the complexities, drama, players, liars, have convinced me that my love to work out at the gym & work 80 hour work weeks is the best choice for me. I avoid lust, embrace my passion for fitness, make money. It's the best recipe for happiness I have ever found!
WOW !!!!!!!!!!!!! SHE'S SO SPOT ON !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love happens on *Spritual Level* , & Lust on a *Bodily Level* .
I LOVE her energy and passion!
Let me share you 1 thing :
One day i had a car crash and I did not call my partner to help me but I called my ex to help and fixed all my stuff and he said YES. From there I know who I really love. For me love is in the subconscious.
I think I need to watch this a few time and take notes haha
Read "to be a man" by Robert masters or "the way of the superior man" And "intimate communion" by David deida.
What this woman is talking about is surface reality, go deeper and study archetypes and check out Bruce Lipton who wrote "the honeymoon effect" .
Oh yeah, read "sex at dawn" And "Truth" by Neil Struss then you will see how superficial this woman's talk was.
Keep an integral perspective, and be mindful of falling into the duality comfort zone.
Thanks, Nathan Navarrete, I took note all of them and watch it later. :D
Same! :D
Clinton Kamara I'm completely agree with you
Fantastic Tedx talk. Thank you for uploading these videos. They’re great love lessons.
IS THIS LOVE IS THIS LOVE IS THIS LOVE THAT IM FEELIN?
Bob Marley Haha.
White snake ♡ nice! Love that song :3
She speaks so passionately about love
"Lust is desire for their body, love is desire for their soul".
It's very reassuring to see that a relationship is love, rather than only being lust.
Very profound and interesting and a good advertisement for everyone. Shr explained the difference very well and made clear what should be important in a long term relationship.
Hope a lot of people watch this video. The world will be a better place for all living organisms if we learn to love
Speaking of "unexpected".... I had the experience of love, immediately turning into both. First time that's ever happened to me in that order. I think it must be rare.
Fact: Ogres are like onions
She says: People are like onions
Fact: I am a person
Therefore: I am an ogre...
triplflip900 Ogre nerd
Shrek 5 confirmed
Syllogism
DO you own a swamp?? Do you live in Louisiana??
triplflip900 do the roar
It seems to me that in the beginning, it is hard to distinguish between lust and love. The difference comes in the medium or long term.
22 years of that voice....
Her husband deserves a medal.
Elenaroy / perhaps its he likes her voice.....
Elenaroy ,,, oh you bad
What a rude thing to say.
So funny 😂😂
He's probably deaf
29 with a 5 year relationship. I had so much passion and empathy with my SO. It was like ephoria for years. IDK how it ended. It was real world magic, Illusions.
I don't think she's explaining the difference between lust and love, what she's doing is defining her interpretation of lust and love.
yup exactly
Loppy2345 Science is a theory.
Loppy2345
That is what she is doing.
Fully agree. She's describing love as essentially what happens when you bond with someone, after that release of oxytocin. Love is so much more and isn't necessarily mutually different from it but it's something almost entirely different
This right here, OP is correct
In our lifetime, we would meet many, but only once in a blue moon we would meet someone who shares like kind energy with us, and we would have so much fun interacting together, talking for hours, having so much fun in bed, and life seemed so rosy. It would be ideal if love flourishes and the person is loyal, then the relationship might go somewhere. What is love? Love is giving or loving without expecting anything in return. It takes lots of love to be loyal to that person through a lifetime and to endure through all struggles and hardships together, a saint perhaps. Could one create lust? I suppose to a certain degree, but it is always ideal to find one who shares like kind energy with us to have lots of fun together.
I like these pieces of advice for distinguishing between love and lust
I'm confused. The kind of love described here is just the definition of "friendship". Though I do get that strong relationships are build on friendship, I find it odd that sexual arousal isn't added as number five. Because if you just had all these four, but no sexual arousal, then why would you even consider mating? Isn't it more logical to state something like: the definition of Love = "friendship + lust" ?
Not necessarily
At least we have someone who is is trying use his brain he. Well LoneWolf, i have to tell you, there is no love. All people have different experience, different needs and different expectations. Look for Jacque Fresco, he is already dead but brilliant even after he is gone. U will find your answers, thank me later
Love and Lust are two of the world's most basic, primal emotions and physical states. Problesm occur, however, when we confuse one for the other. More craziness occurs when you have one, and someoen you're into has the other. Kind of what makes romance fun, though..... se la vie.
c'est*
I think one of the problems is that we seem to send mixed messages, culturally, that love is lust and lust is love.
There are times when love you'd trust
An a time when lust becomes unjust
There is a time when love is as robust
An a time you hold lust in its disgust
Take time for distrust to be discussed
according to this video, I'm deeply in love.
this is all so real. thank you for the great advice!
I once loved someone without feeling lust. I love too much that I decided to let go.
overthinking it! it either happens or not. Just enjoy life - don't take things so seriously!
This was really good! Very informative with actual practical tips for a good relationship and making love and lust last :) Thanks!
This was a great talk, I had to listen to it twice in a row to truly appreciate it.
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Lust and love are the same. Sex is the desire for complete unity, the desire for "oneness"
*****
Learn to write.
I like that! And gonna use that next time my wife tries to tell me all I want her for is a piece of ass! Ha!
Casey Burnett lol touche!
+Nawras Khalil You don't mean to say that rape is love, do you?
Obviously they ARENT the same. they can coincide, have similarities but there are distinctions.
And that's 15 minutes I'll never get back
I think love is a more pleasant feeling then lust.
It has been my experience that it takes at least six months for a new person's real personality to begin to leak through. It seems as if everybody lies about everything until they quit caring about what the other person thinks.
A good way I found that forces your raw personality through is to travel with the person abroad. You're in an unfamiliar place, are tierd, hungry maybe a bit anxious all at the same time while you're together for a significant amount of time. The wall of illusion will break down at some point and glimpses of the real personality will shine through
Lust wont last long.... love will lasts
ملخص : ازاي تعرف انو حب ؟
لو بتستخدم نحن ف كلامك مش انا
لو حابب تعرفه على اهلمك واصحابك
الانفتاح والصدق مع الشخص والتعبير والكلام عن نفسك واحلامك كل حاجه
بتأثرو على شخصيات وطموحات بعض وتشاركو المشاعر مع بعض
her expressions are so intense it defeats the purpose of smiling...
Are we human or are we dancing?
and im on my knees, looking for the answerrr
Dumbest song lyric ever. The first time I heard that I wanted to shout "the two are not mutually exclusive!!"
Class Hahaha, seriously, tell me about.
Doesn´t it say "Are we human or are we denser"? That´s what I thought, and it seems a better fit :)
You have a good heart.
Complicated relationship-
One is in love and other is in lust .!
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I find her approach quite shallow
Thank you! Amen to that. I thought so too
i thought i was the only one
I think that I am the opposite. I must LOVE first before I succumb to lust as lust without love ( as well as love without lust) is extremely unsatisfactory or unsatisfying. It’s called SELF control and being an evolved HUMAN rather than an animal. I can also attest to the fact that it doesn’t matter to me if I am in the beginning of a relationship or 10 years in...the “lust” and “excitement” remains as long as I am in balance with (Love first) and lust. Much like a Yin/Yang integration.
I know that is sounds impossible but it really is a true phenomenon. We as sentient beings really ARE capable of transcending above an animal connection into a “soul” connection.
The problème is that passioned love doesn't last. We stay in a relationship juste because we have childrens and we are in an age that we have to be with someone. Romantic love exsist only in the begining of the relationship because of hormones.
La
As a single person, I still don't know why I watched this till the very end!
A lot of the guys I box with have developed feelings for me.
I guess what you said at the end explains why.
Wonderful talk, thanks
Thanks for this now I know for sure my ex didn't love me at all! :)
Depends on how you define love.
Read "the five love languages" and "nonviolent communication" and lets see if you still find value in your unconscious statement
brnt034 i was thinking the same
brnt034 same 😔
The TED Talk was good in the Beginning. Now anybody who can read a book and memorize other people Conclusions and finding can come a put the act .
If hypochondriacs can do Tedx talks, I know that I could as well - ask me later how I know. 🤗
i dont have that problem i look closely how people act no matter how attractive they are cause thats how u waste time
nick lane beast mode
Nick lane you are so right
It seem like that we love our friends because we open out before our friends about our misery , happiness and secrets
"It's actually clean!" ... well there goes that puritanical BS that actually kills lust. Not to mention, this idea that love means you merge with your partner and become meshed and intertwined sounds to me like a recipe for disastrous co-dependency.
She described a particular stage in love when talking about "We" instead of "I". You can love someone and not be in a committed relationship with them. It's crazy when someone tells another person if they are in love or not. Only that person can tell you whether you are.
That love becomes unhealthy when its not reciprocated. Other than that, love is love.
I didn't realise having all my stuffed animals on my bed with no pillows was such a bad thing. Ouch, lady. Next thing you'll tell me, letting my dog sleep on the bed is also some sort of red flag.
Oh well, my stuffed animals + my dog > anyone else. :^)
GrayTimber was gonna write something mean, realized my opinion doesn't matter. if you love yourself that's all that matters
+GrayTimber,Holding no distain whatsoever, I have to tell you...those ARE red flags....be the quality(maturity perhaps) of person you want to be with
dogs belong in kennels and toys are for children. let go of childhood and grow up :-))
If it makes you happy, go for it. Don't let people tell you different. What you're doing is absolutely harmless and others can learn from you being honest with yourself. Growing up is overrated.
Daemus_TV case in point bud
infatuation is TEMPORARY but LOVE is unconditional.
I think it's more of a teamwork idea she's promoting, not becoming one person. Note she used the term interdependence, not co-dependence and mutuality, not fusion. There are clear distinctions to this that can be characterized by the larger idea of being a team to each help each other reach our own ideal versions of ourselves AS individuals.
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OMG. This woman makes me feel like I'm being talked down to like a child. Cheap, superficial, and cute ideas are meaningless in the face of real, chronic, and profound issues in relationships that destroy intimacy.
Glad I'm not alone. That condescending tone was driving me mad.
I thought it was speaking slow for non native English speakers.
You can't open the same gift twice and have that initial suprise,that's why I believe lust can not be revived
It is beautiful for love if there is a lust...
Wonderful TEDx talk. Thank you Doctor Orbuch!
I think she did a fantastic job and I was wholeheartedly nodding my agreement through out the video! Excellent presentation!
Love is more than an emotion, it’s a decision
Confirmed. Every relationship is like Shrek. He had it right all along, but we were too blind with lust to see it. 7:30
i'm sure we are all different but we have been in love for 44 years and had the lust for 1 month extra.....guess we are the exception but arousal/passion can go on and on and on.... don't want to sound "preachy" but that is what God intended. Appreciate running across the video.
+Richard Johnson "1 month extra", is that an expression meaning you've had lust all along?
Richard Johnson how do you do that?
how?
Yeah but in love you need other person to do it. Because if only 1 side is doing what you say love does is a matter of time that it ended up in broken heart.
Im absolutely in LOVE with this life inspiring message. I wanna listen to his over and over again.
I'll apply this when I'll find a love, thanks
I think this talk is amazing.
What she said is true..
Love and lust are 2 distinct thing but can be complemented with one another..,
Love and love relationships can exist without sex. Mom, dad, kids, and other family including pets. Just saying.
+nature giver couples with the greatest Love and no sex also exist
***** some cannot have sex because of hospital reasons. However couples still love one another.
Some can love others without having to have sex and some only feel love with sex. Others lust. and have sex reguardless if they have any romantic attraction, Eros love, or friendly. There are different kinds and types of love with different ways. individuals share the experience of it.
so u wanna hook up with your dad
thats crazy
Jennifer Isaacs Im an omnisexual being. Your argument is invalid.
DimensionZombie But technically... not wrong.
Great presentation.
Thank you Terri.
I'm going to send this link to my Aunt Lorraine, and then call her to discuss.