This is very accurate! My wife is part of an enmeshed family and they hate the fact that I don't allow them to run all over me. They can't stand me because I don't fit into their sick idea of what a family should be.
You all keep fighting. Prayerfully, she don't allow them to be too invasive in you all's life in Jesus' name. At times, that is why you end up having to go no contact with the family. Because they are so toxic and refuse to respect boundaries. They tend to be jealous, controlling, manipulative, and seem to hope for the worst for their so-called family member.
Thank you for your videos! What if man is in his early forties and lives with his mother who is what I believe in her mid seventies? They also have a dog together. To me it feels like he is married to his mother and their dog is their child. He prioritizes having a walk with his dog to seeing me after work and I feel like the last item not only in his day but also sometimes in his week to “check off”. I love his dog and even joined him for many walks in the first month but then this stopped (is that maybe a way of distancing himself so that he and their dog do not get too attached?). He was homeschooled for most of his childhood, which could explain why he is so enmeshed with his mother. His father died around ten years ago. Does living in this age with his mother mean he just cares for her because she is obviously getting fragile or that he is enmeshed? Or is this a mix of the two? Because I know men in their forties who deeply care about their mothers and help them but who do not live with them! We are in the courtship phase, seeing each other for 2.5 months now. But I do not see any development, this week we saw each other only once - I visited him on the shooting set of a commercial he is directing. He told me he does not want to have sex before he feels he is ready for the next stage of a budding relationship, which sounds great in theory. But when after two months of the courtship phase we had (great) sex, what ended up happening is that we started seeing each other less! He calls me every day to say hi, which is better than nothing but I feel like he is incapable of truly letting me into his life and taking the next step. And when he promises to call me, he usually in 90 percent of the cases does not call, which relativizes his every day spontaneous calls. Also he might open a message from me with a question or an emotion and not reply to it. Planning to meet up with him at a certain time is almost impossible with him, it worked only I believe in 30 percent of the cases. Also things he said he wanted to do with me in our free time he ended up not planning😮 and not doing. There was a funny instance on a social event I invited him to where he offered to look for a place for my handbag. How funny was it to see him a few minutes later eating the food at the buffet instead of actually doing what he said he would do 😅 The only nice gentlemanly gestures from his are driving me home (on his mother’s car😂), taking over the bill in the restaurant on the rare occasions we do go out. He is also attractive and emphatic, otherwise I would have already stopped seeing him. I am also in the film industry, working as a quite successful film executive and have tried to support him in different ways be it by introducing him to people or helping him with invites etc. But this is not valued. As mentioned before, he is a director, his mother is a theatre director so she is also involved in his scripts and work… I haven’t met his mother yet. After seeing him for a month, he told me, he suggested to his mother to have a walk with their dog and me and she declined. After one little argument we had about me canceling a few weeks into the courtship phase a date because it ended up being at 9pm and not at 7pm (the initial time we had set), he told me that his mom asked him if he is sure he wants to see me if it already starts “this way”. As if I was to blame for the date to start way too late and being upset about it. Also why is the mother so involved in his dating life?? I would be super curious to read your interpretation of his behavior… Also do you have a recommendation for me what to do next, should I try to see him for more weeks and month to come to look if he changes or is this a dead end? I want to have children within the next two years, I am 38 so I do not want to waste my time :) I feel like he is still in big parts a kid and unlikely to be a stable, reliable partner and father.
What is your opinion on looking for a spiritual advisor which is hard to find because of how long someone must participate in formal study before becoming one? When you do find one there is no gauruntee they will not turn out to be a wolf in sheep's clothing who is collecting information to later use against us. Having more than one trusted friend may be a better idea.
My spiritual advisor has no qualifications to be a spiritual advisor, I met him and a 12 step meeting and our relationship grew. Why should a spiritual advisor need to have had formal education? Do you mean a counsellor or psychotherapist? If so they could never use information against you, they can only report you if you explicitly state you're going to physically harm yourself or another...
Exactly. But once you deviate from the family dynamic watch how the discard starts to happen. I got tired of being expected to travel every vacation with the family, visit the family or have the family visit us all the time.
I am currently living this situation. They see my partner as someone who are leading on the wrong way. She loves me and I love her. So, what would be a good advice for me in this case?
Look up Ken Adams videos Overcoming Enmeshment on YT. There is one with Michele Chalfant the adult chair with Ken Adams that is excellent and helped me and my husband so much.
If you point out the Bible verse regarding leave and cleave, they'll say you're twisting it to fit your narrative. I thought I could point this out since we all say we're Christian and go to the same church.
@@deborahlara Yes! And the funny thing is I agreed with this verse as well as showing how Jesus scolded the Pharissees when they demanded tithings to the point the adult children chouldn't take care of the parents. Even when I say I have every intention to care and honor parents the leave and cleave was offensive. I think this upsets me the most because I've been slandered as misusing the Word of God.
@@firstlastname84 I hear you. It's difficult because people often filter their belief systems through their current level of spiritual and emotional maturity. But Christ's journey was one of self-differentiation through and through. And self-differentiation is not about abandoning or dishonoring your family. It's about putting the path of God/Christ before all, including your family. Leaving and cleaving is about choosing to follow God. Self-differentiation is about choosing the path of one's inner knowing, which is an internalized way of understanding the process of developing your relationship with God and following the path he's guiding for you. For a small few, that will mean staying physically close to your family your whole life and doing whatever they do and wanting the same things they want for you. For most, however, following God's path will mean a certain type of separation, making different choices for oneself, seeing things differently, and so on. It's a holy process and sometimes we must choose the voice of God over the voice of our family system when those aren't aligned. We do not belong to our family of origin. We belong first to God and to Life. They are but a conduit to birth us into the world and send us out into Life. That's their duty for God. And if they are honoring God's path as well - in the truest and deepest sense - they will be selfless enough to understand that and to deal with their own grief of separation and learn to get their own needs met in order to release you out into Life.
Maybe our parents should have seeked our approval instead before putting us on the shelve to go play with them clowns they had 🤣🤣🤣 FOH because that's not my problem
The podcast was on several therapy topics, so I only took clips relevant to the channel. However, I will be doing a video series on this topic in the near future. Thanks for watching!
This is very accurate! My wife is part of an enmeshed family and they hate the fact that I don't allow them to run all over me. They can't stand me because I don't fit into their sick idea of what a family should be.
Well done !
Make sure you keep your distance.
Protect your mental health
This describes my husband to a "t." I'm so grateful for him. Keep helping your wife gain her independence.
You all keep fighting. Prayerfully, she don't allow them to be too invasive in you all's life in Jesus' name. At times, that is why you end up having to go no contact with the family. Because they are so toxic and refuse to respect boundaries. They tend to be jealous, controlling, manipulative, and seem to hope for the worst for their so-called family member.
@@candma4240💜💛❤️
Same with my husband’s family 😭
They judge me all the time.
Thank you for your videos! What if man is in his early forties and lives with his mother who is what I believe in her mid seventies? They also have a dog together. To me it feels like he is married to his mother and their dog is their child. He prioritizes having a walk with his dog to seeing me after work and I feel like the last item not only in his day but also sometimes in his week to “check off”. I love his dog and even joined him for many walks in the first month but then this stopped (is that maybe a way of distancing himself so that he and their dog do not get too attached?).
He was homeschooled for most of his childhood, which could explain why he is so enmeshed with his mother. His father died around ten years ago.
Does living in this age with his mother mean he just cares for her because she is obviously getting fragile or that he is enmeshed? Or is this a mix of the two? Because I know men in their forties who deeply care about their mothers and help them but who do not live with them!
We are in the courtship phase, seeing each other for 2.5 months now. But I do not see any development, this week we saw each other only once - I visited him on the shooting set of a commercial he is directing. He told me he does not want to have sex before he feels he is ready for the next stage of a budding relationship, which sounds great in theory. But when after two months of the courtship phase we had (great) sex, what ended up happening is that we started seeing each other less!
He calls me every day to say hi, which is better than nothing but I feel like he is incapable of truly letting me into his life and taking the next step. And when he promises to call me, he usually in 90 percent of the cases does not call, which relativizes his every day spontaneous calls. Also he might open a message from me with a question or an emotion and not reply to it. Planning to meet up with him at a certain time is almost impossible with him, it worked only I believe in 30 percent of the cases. Also things he said he wanted to do with me in our free time he ended up not planning😮 and not doing. There was a funny instance on a social event I invited him to where he offered to look for a place for my handbag. How funny was it to see him a few minutes later eating the food at the buffet instead of actually doing what he said he would do 😅
The only nice gentlemanly gestures from his are driving me home (on his mother’s car😂), taking over the bill in the restaurant on the rare occasions we do go out. He is also attractive and emphatic, otherwise I would have already stopped seeing him.
I am also in the film industry, working as a quite successful film executive and have tried to support him in different ways be it by introducing him to people or helping him with invites etc. But this is not valued. As mentioned before, he is a director, his mother is a theatre director so she is also involved in his scripts and work… I haven’t met his mother yet. After seeing him for a month, he told me, he suggested to his mother to have a walk with their dog and me and she declined. After one little argument we had about me canceling a few weeks into the courtship phase a date because it ended up being at 9pm and not at 7pm (the initial time we had set), he told me that his mom asked him if he is sure he wants to see me if it already starts “this way”. As if I was to blame for the date to start way too late and being upset about it. Also why is the mother so involved in his dating life??
I would be super curious to read your interpretation of his behavior… Also do you have a recommendation for me what to do next, should I try to see him for more weeks and month to come to look if he changes or is this a dead end? I want to have children within the next two years, I am 38 so I do not want to waste my time :) I feel like he is still in big parts a kid and unlikely to be a stable, reliable partner and father.
Another good video you could watch on RUclips is “A Message for Partners of Enmeshed Men” by Dr. Ken Adams. Hope that helps! :)
What is your opinion on looking for a spiritual advisor which is hard to find because of how long someone must participate in formal study before becoming one? When you do find one there is no gauruntee they will not turn out to be a wolf in sheep's clothing who is collecting information to later use against us. Having more than one trusted friend may be a better idea.
My spiritual advisor has no qualifications to be a spiritual advisor, I met him and a 12 step meeting and our relationship grew. Why should a spiritual advisor need to have had formal education? Do you mean a counsellor or psychotherapist? If so they could never use information against you, they can only report you if you explicitly state you're going to physically harm yourself or another...
Exactly. But once you deviate from the family dynamic watch how the discard starts to happen. I got tired of being expected to travel every vacation with the family, visit the family or have the family visit us all the time.
Hell. That’s what it’s like.
I am currently living this situation. They see my partner as someone who are leading on the wrong way. She loves me and I love her. So, what would be a good advice for me in this case?
Look up Ken Adams videos Overcoming Enmeshment on YT. There is one with Michele Chalfant the adult chair with Ken Adams that is excellent and helped me and my husband so much.
Spot on!!
If you point out the Bible verse regarding leave and cleave, they'll say you're twisting it to fit your narrative. I thought I could point this out since we all say we're Christian and go to the same church.
But they’ll certainly point out the ones about honoring thy father and mother.
@@deborahlara Yes! And the funny thing is I agreed with this verse as well as showing how Jesus scolded the Pharissees when they demanded tithings to the point the adult children chouldn't take care of the parents. Even when I say I have every intention to care and honor parents the leave and cleave was offensive. I think this upsets me the most because I've been slandered as misusing the Word of God.
@@firstlastname84 I hear you. It's difficult because people often filter their belief systems through their current level of spiritual and emotional maturity.
But Christ's journey was one of self-differentiation through and through. And self-differentiation is not about abandoning or dishonoring your family. It's about putting the path of God/Christ before all, including your family.
Leaving and cleaving is about choosing to follow God. Self-differentiation is about choosing the path of one's inner knowing, which is an internalized way of understanding the process of developing your relationship with God and following the path he's guiding for you.
For a small few, that will mean staying physically close to your family your whole life and doing whatever they do and wanting the same things they want for you.
For most, however, following God's path will mean a certain type of separation, making different choices for oneself, seeing things differently, and so on.
It's a holy process and sometimes we must choose the voice of God over the voice of our family system when those aren't aligned.
We do not belong to our family of origin. We belong first to God and to Life. They are but a conduit to birth us into the world and send us out into Life. That's their duty for God.
And if they are honoring God's path as well - in the truest and deepest sense - they will be selfless enough to understand that and to deal with their own grief of separation and learn to get their own needs met in order to release you out into Life.
Maybe our parents should have seeked our approval instead before putting us on the shelve to go play with them clowns they had 🤣🤣🤣 FOH because that's not my problem
Where's the rest?
The podcast was on several therapy topics, so I only took clips relevant to the channel. However, I will be doing a video series on this topic in the near future. Thanks for watching!
I’m the Aussie threat
So spot on!!
So glad it resonated! Thanks for watching! :)
As if their approval was ever or is ever needed who ever proved anything to me 🤔🤷
Você fala português?pergunto pelo seu nome
Gostaria de procurar tratamento em português
Oi @stacyoliver3250! Sim, sou Brasileira/Americana e ofereço tratamento em Português. Se quiser, me mande um email Deborah.Faria90@gmail.com. Abraços!