I love all of you and i see all of you in these comments. It gets better, i promise. It may be hard to believe i know, but i promise you it does get better. There is so much hope, and all of you are so loved. If you dont think so, i love you. We are all here for a reason and you will find that reason one day. Healing takes so much time and sometimes you will fall behind. But please remember to pick yourselves back up even if you fail. Life is trial and error. Be kind to yourselves because this is your first time living.
What if you try to do age regression?, or age dreaming? Those are healthy coping mechanisms for people who have to much stress in their lives or childhood traumas, maybe it could help you
@@rmqc2553 it's fun but it's not the same as actually being a happy kid. It's also hard to do with all the anxiety, sadness, and intrusive thoughts going on inside of my head
I feel like human scum for listening to these playlists, I don’t even remember if my trauma is real or not, and even it it is, it’s not as bad as others’.
Don't matter "how bad" was the trauma, it's still a trauma,your feelings are valid, and sorry for my bad English, English isn't my first language so I am really sorry about that :"V
For anyone who needs to hear it- Your childhood trauma is NEVER your fault. The adults around you have a responsibility to monitor what you do, so even if your trauma comes from the internet, it's their responsibility. The blames lays on their shoulders. It's not your fault.
I can’t ever properly answer the question “Did you have a good childhood?” because the answer is both yes and no. On one hand, I had all my basic needs taken care of. I had a lot of toys, entertainment and stimuli. I had a wonderful, caring mother who would do anything to protect me. I had a bunch of good memories with the few friends I did have. But on the other hand, I was bullied so relentlessly (by boys and girls) for my autistic behaviors, and no matter what any adults did, it wouldn’t stop. I came home crying many times, wondering what I did to deserve it and desperately wishing I could be normal. My father was abusive (sexually and emotionally) and physically neglectful. I nearly died on his hands a few times. He kidnapped me, locked me in a dark room many times, violated my body, and exposed me to things no child should be exposed to. My grandparents knew about the abuse and they covered for him. But I still loved them. I didn’t understand that none of it was normal. When I finally figured it out, I didn’t have the courage to tell anyone until second grade. Then suddenly there were a bunch of police and people from the court interviewing me and I wasn’t allowed to see my father or grandparents anymore. I thought that I did something horribly wrong, that it was my fault for destroying my family and I didn’t deserve to live. I tried to kill myself for the first time when I was nine years old. So in other words, my childhood was a mixed bag. When things were good, they were pretty good. But when things were bad, they were really, *really* bad. Just because I had a bunch of good memories doesn’t mean my childhood wasn’t stolen from me. I hope my sperm donor and his creators rot in hell.
Espero estés mejor ahora, y que encuentres plenitud para tu vida, no mereces nada de lo que te paso, y espero sepas que eres muy fuerte, la gente como tú tarde o temprano van a brillar. Un abrazo fuerte.
@@sagetherat593 Well, I wouldn't say my life was hell. Like I said, I have a lot of good childhood memories. And the past doesn't nearly affect me now as much as it used to. I'm doing pretty okay now, all things considered, especially because of the years of therapy. It's helped a LOT. Also, I'd just like to say this: NEVER EVER feel guilty for being depressed or sad. There might seem on the surface like there is no reason, but there is, even if you don't see it yet. You might have some buried trauma or something in your current life stressing you out. No one chooses to have depression. It affects anyone without regard for their status in life. Feeling your emotions does NOT make you selfish, it is perfectly natural and normal. Please be kind to yourself. I hope you can understand why you're feeling this way and find a way to heal.
I stopped reading when I saw autistic then continued.. I feel like this sometimes with my dyslexia.. when this happening I only want to go to my happy place which is with my friends but those friends and usually on Roblox so.. yea the danganronpa fandom helps me
Funny thing is, the person who ruined my childhood is me. I was the one forcing myself to ignore my anger or if I felt like something wasn't right. I forced myself to be the helper for others who didn't do the same for me. I'm the one who forced myself to see what I shouldn't have seen at a young age. Lastly, I'm the one who forced myself to have certain emotions. Honestly, it feels like an entire war between myself and another me. It's annoying, but as I've been told, it's my fault and it's only me that did it.
Same here in fact till this day I still struggle with that but it’s okay . Cause while we might not be there in person it doesn’t mean we’re not there . There’s lots of people like us who have gone through what we’ve gone through
You should know that its never your fault. You were a child- you didn't know how it would affect you. The adults in your life should have steered you the right way, or taken responsibility for what you did, because you didn't know any better. Trauma is NEVER your fault.
I don't believe it was you. My whole life I thought it was my fault that I felt so uncomfortable venting to people and being vulnerable, and that the reason I bottled up my emotions was just because why not. Then the more I thought about it the more i realized it was my environment that taught me not to vent to people or show emotion because I'd get yelled at any time I cried.
@@r_ckabye its a small game where you go into Madotsuki's (protaganist) dream realms and collect and collect 24 effects. its old, from 2004. you can download it for free on steam. its a very small and basic game but its amazing
This hits hard, my dad scared me into thinking everyone was out to get me, and that everyone on the internet was way older than me.. now I get scared when A car passes by me, when it gets dark, or when a grown up stares at me. Everything feels fake in my life, even me. (TW) I vividly remember riding my bike home, and a white truck kept passing me, I got to a spot where it was only side walk and road going up. There was a chain fence with a hole in it (keep that in mind) when I got to the beginning of the sidewalk and was going to head up the truck passed by me and slowly started to turn around.. I was going to be kidnapped. I took my bike into the dance with me and once I was on the other side of the fence the car sat in front with tinted windows, I acted like I was crazy and they drove off. This scared the living shit out of me, grown men scare me after that experience.
Vent!!: I don’t have a lot of trauma, just can’t remember much from my childhood. I think it was Normal for things to be like this. My parents would fight a lot. And I mean a lot. Which ended up with my having access to the internet at an age that it too young. It hurts knowing I had to come to terms with life so quickly. I wish I could go back to when I was happier. I didn’t know all the shit I did. Every time i hear one of my parents raise their voice I think they are fighting again. I hate it. I may not have had the worst childhood but it was taken away from me too fast. And I am so sad because of it.
I also have that memory issue too! Very few memories and there was likely a lot that happened that was very damaging as I now am diagnosed with harm OCD, and heavily display the symptoms of BPD. I feel exactly what you said. I was on the internet far too young and seen lots of mentally damaging content. Parents were also in fued and absent I feel. There, but not as I needed them Idk. I hope you're doing better now, we can only move forward with positivity and learn from our traumas as to not cause further harm.
TW! Remember when we all had freinds to play with during recess? When we had freinds to share their lunch with us? Remember the time our parents use to watch cartoons with us and laugh when we did? Remember when our parents fought in the living room while we were in our room crying? Remember when our Freinds left to go play with different people, and we thought nothing of It? Remember..when they didn't come back and no one was there for us...?
I have a question Do kids normally cry when thier parents are fighting? Because ever since i can remember me and my sister never cried not even once when my parents were fighting because we were just so used to it, it was an every day thing but i keep seeing ppl say that they would cry when their parents fight so i got a lil curious 😬
yikes, i relate so much to that last part. i don't know why, but a lot of my old friends just flat out left to go play with other people and abandoned me. what i find really odd was how one of my very first friends i made when i was like, 5, turned out to be a toxic backstabber who treated me like shit one day and then came back like nothing happened the next. it's cause i'm autistic innit :/
tw!! thank you to my male dance teacher for taking my childhood away and replacing it with an ED, trauma, abuse, and more than that thank you to the girls in my public school for welcoming me into the class by throwing food at me and writing horrible things on my desks, but most of all thank you to the girl and group of boys who cornered me in the park and jumped me, ripping out my hair and telling me how they’d kill me. thank you so much for taking away my childhood :) (it felt so good to get that out. thank you for the playlist.)
Im very sorry that this happened to you Just know i think you're a beautiful and brave person for going through this and not giving up Have good day or night!
The last song really got me out of nowhere. I was listening to this playlist without looking and I assumed it ended until I see this. It hurts but it helps get the emotions out. Heh, the music kinda sounds like sirens.
Its the ending theme to the game “Yume Nikki”. *spoiler warning* Fans speculated that it is actually sirens of the ambulance coming to take Madotsuki (protagonist) away after she falls from her balcony. It really is a beautiful n sad piece of music
kudos to my family for ruining my childhood, i got used to it after enduring the suffering silently for fourteen years, things i've witnessed those past years wont be forgotten by me and the feeling of my ankles and wrists getting broken and bruises and my tongue almost getting cut with my mom holding scissors while i get held down, life sucks a lot, and as of now, i still feel empty, i rarely react to things and even if things changed, i still can't even if i wanted to
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I feel like I should appreciate what I had more because I wasn't abused. But could I vent a little. I understand if not. It's just a few things I want to get off my chest
hi, I want to put this here. because not many people know about it which is sad. but did you know theres help lines? specially for abuse? yeah! idk what it would be in your country, but theres LOADS. they all provide information on how to get out of bad situations like yours, or even just some console. I suggest you text one or online chat, they are safe to do so on. that's the whole point of them, idk if this will help you. but I hope it does. Hope you have a wonderful day! -pop/poppie
I would always question why I was so messed up mentally. “I had a good childhood right” But it different when I go deeper into to my childhood. I would get physically hurt by my grandfathers brother. I was sexualized by family members. So many deaths. My grandmother didn’t really let me have friends so I befriended bugs instead. The negative energy in our house was most likely attracting spirits with all that I saw. My nightmares were horrible. They even scare me now. And then there was that for no reason I had always hated myself. I don’t know why but for as long as I remember I just hated the way I thought. I was almost always praised. But I would cry over how I thought I was stupid and how nobody likes me or wants me there. I was only five yet those thoughts had clung onto me and are still present now. Thank you for this playlist. It helps.
Wanted to specify cause some people in the comments were feeling that their experiences meant less compared to others, but remember trauma isn't about what was done to you, but what it changed in your belief system. What did those people teach you, show you, do to you, and make you believe about yourself that ended up doing you harm? It can sometimes be the smallest moments that are seemingly harmless that do the most damage.
Tw…When I was born my dad was a drug addict. He left me at random peoples house of smokers. My mother never knew what house I was in. At one point he did stop. Growing I had a eating issue. I could not gain weight and need to be at hospitals at all time. Into middle school I was bullied for being the only hispanic person at school. I was groomed by another student and a cousin. The teachers did not believe me nor my parents. I was touched by my sick uncle. A teacher picked on me till I cried everyday because of my weakness of always being sad. Starting high school I moved to a different house and school. I had a boyfriend who raped me. I tried od and my mother wasn’t there. I was nervous to get a first job. I used to have drama with everyone because I was easy to pick on. I was told “I know your not innocent”. I recorded and had screenshots of everything just incase. That boyfriend i told you about cheated on me and other girls. I have all the proof to ruin his next relationship. I have proof to ruin anyones relationship but pick not to. Now I have cancer, hypothyroidism, anxiety, and insomnia all diagnosed. My uncle that touched me passed away. My cousin has a daughter now and lives 8 hours away. I got a second job and saw the student who groomed me. He touched me and almost raped me in the restroom. I meet the teacher again and she acted as if nothing. My mother and father now show love and support. Nothing gets better. I now sexualize myself for the attention I always wanted. I worked at a chicken plant killing my body with work and school with only 2 hours of sleep to impress my parents. I am creative tho. I use new hobbies to allow myself to live and enjoy life. I write, read, crochet, and paint. I just started crystal, tarot, and getting into clay. No matter how life gets bad it can always get worse. Everything that goes down has to go up. But what goes up has to come down.
im glad to see someone else struggling, someone with a shitty life who never deserved it, a person who just wanted the minimum but got absolutely nothing. im sorry if what i say seems selfish. i guess in my eyes maybe life isn't worth living but maybe death isn't worth dying? idk just reading your last two sentences sparked something in me
oh my gosh this comment made me tear up your innocent soul doesn’t deserve that & don’t worry in the end they will all get what they deserve for how they treated you & you shall always be above them :)) I truly hope for a peaceful & happy life for you! I will put you into my prayers and thoughts
(Trigger Warning) Remember back before the world was truly aware of the dangers of the internet...where everything could just run more ramped. where you were younger and everything was new and you had just started every thing. and the people on your old brick of a tiny phone with the little cherry blossom case with the tiny bee on it you loved so much where your only friends. they were just people who were depressed and just needed cheering up~? they played all your favorite games with you and loved roleplaying stories somedays they asked questions you never minded the just wanted help. remember the first time you lost one of them and couldn't explain it to your parents because people on the internet are not real friends??? remember how the request started changing as you tried to help more people cause after that you wanted no one to have to go through that loss again?? remember the day your mom found your phone and was so upset and you couldn't understand why cause you were so little?? Remember the day you lost all your friends and no one could explain why? Do you remember a time before Groomer was a term? and now are you sitting her at 22 slowly figuring out everything unpacking that trauma maybe even older?? Know your not alone and you survived the real monsters that hide in closets and outside in the dark you were so scared of as a small child. know your mind can recover and you can learn from and help people still from living like this.. and most importantly know your not alone.
I'll share my own story for the sake of posterity. My early childhood was pretty good, I had a couple best friends and we'd do a lot together. Primary school was nice, relaxed, and fun for the most part. After that I was separated from my best friends because of life circumstances, a lot of people in my family started dying, my pets died while we were on holiday, and I had to start highschool knowing nobody. I was bullied and marginalised pretty much the whole time, I was undiagnosed autistic/adhd at the time so people thought I was strange enough to feel ok about taking my humanity from me. I developed bad social anxiety and I'd hide in the toilets so that I could eat my lunch and read in peace for a bit before going to classes. I also developed body dysmorphic disorder, depersonalisation/derealisation, and quiet borderline personality disorder which all went unnoticed for years because I was taught to stuff my feelings inward. I made no lasting friends in sixth form because I was so damaged from that time, and I still have a lot of trouble connecting with people now. My parents would make fun of my emotionaI breakdowns sometimes and that didn't make things better given how humiliating it was. I got into a toxic relationship during the end of sixth form because I wanted to feel loved and love someone so much, and I did for a while, but it slowly destroyed me on the inside. During my first couple years at uni I started getting addicted to drinking because it would numb the pain a little bit, and I got so depressed during the pandemic that I tried hanging myself with a belt a few times but I always bailed at the last minute. Now I'm here, having broken up with my ex, stopped the drinking for the most part, gotten into pretty good shape, but I'm still feeling pretty worthless. I don't really know why I'm sharing this with strangers, but I guess it makes me feel like everything that's happened is more real and less like a waking nightmare
I hope you find peace soon I'm so sorry you experienced all of this. Theres a lot I can relate to here and I hope you know you're not alone, not even a little.
dude, I'm so funking proud of you???? like, YOU TURNED YOUR WHOLE LIFE AROUND!!!!?!???!!? and NO one NO ONE HAS SAID ANYTHING???? DUDE, THAT IS HONESTLY SO GOOD!!!!! YOU ARE LITERALLY GETTING BETTER, LOOK AT YOU!!! BE PROUD SO PROUD EXTREMELY PROUD!!!!!!!!!! now all you need to do is go to some therapy or like a therapy group and talk things out, because having someone to listen makes your life so much better. also if your therapist treats you bad leave em, but like YOU HAVE DONE SO MUCH????? LOOK AT YOU, I don't even know you and I'm beaming! I'm SO FRICKING PROUD!!!!! hope you have a wonderful day! -poppie/belle
I've been my own friend for a long time, all though I never really liked myself. I like to day dream in my free time, just making up stories in my head while running around outside / inside. I started this since I was 6 - 7 years old and I'm now 13. A way of coping for me is by reimagining the event or whatever the thing is in a story or a bunch of characters. Like self - love or emotions or family. I would kind of communicate with myself sometimes. Either in my head or out loud. They are usually arguments or fights but sometimes they are complements or values. It's like my own little playground for me to play in without the fear of judgement or acceptance. I do need to learn to interact with the outside world as well for I can convince myself that I am things I am not or that I like this. It's not really a vent but I don't talk about it often and it's something that is close to my heart that I have just never shared. I'm a weirdo and I love it. : )
Wow. It just felt like someone took my life and wrote it out. I had no idea other people did this. I'm also 13 and definitely relate to the daydreaming and making up stories. :0 I'm shocked that there's another person out there I thought I was just messed up lol. Do you feel like your living in your head? Recently I looked up the feeling and found out it was a pretty common part of ADD. You might have ADD too Sorry for making this about me 💀💀 I'm just very happily surprised
I wanna share my story eeee I belive what you are describing is Maladaptive daydreaming. Please look it up if you are unfamiliar with it. Anyway, I dont necessarily remmeber that many things from my childhood, but one thing I do remmeber is my constant running up and down in my dads apartment to Alvin and the chipmunk music for hours on end in 2015. I used to be a maladaptive daydreamer ever since I was 4 and still do it today. And I do that to when I try to cope. When my cat died I reimagined the scene but with different characters in my head. Although I do have some made up characters, most of my daydream characters are characters I like from fandoms for example rantaro from danganronpa or tord from eddsworld. One thing about my maladaptive daydreaming I think is a little diffrent and not many other people share is that smell also triggers my daydreaming. I got a blanket when I was about 4, and began sniffing it for whatever reason, which became kinda an addiction and the smell triggers my daydreaming. Although I love daydreaming, because I do it so often I do lack some health things like hygiene and taking care of my hunger. I also struggle with interacting with people, but I do have friends that I love dearly at school still. I've been doing it for 8 years now and will most likely continue to do so.
@@lily-fm9ml I'm not sure if MADD is part of ADD but I believe what's being described here is Maladaptive daydreaming. Please look it up if you are unfamiliar with it! Not trying to argue or anything 💗
man all i can remember in my childhood is fighting and crying. my childhood got taken away from me and these memories always play throughout my mind night and day :( i wish i wasnt born
*When you realize that you might have trauma and your parents might go through a homophobic parental arc bc your bi and you are also semi Christin, you have internalized homophobia for yourself, you have a fear of yelling bc of that possible trauma. Wow. You don't even want to get into the school stuff- you have other fears caused by things that have happened to you, those are fun! And being extremely paranoid is really helping you through all of this!*
you don't owe anyone a coming out, period. if it's unsafe it's unsafe, your safety is on top of your emotional needs rn. if your wondering "am I traumatised?" you probably are, ngl I fully thought I was not traumatised. TURNS OUT I'VE BEEN VERBALLY AND EMOTIONALLY ABUSED MY WHOLE LIFE, sometimes what you think is normal might just be your normal. if it gets worse, please call a help-line. there's TONS and they will have way more information than me, they will help you. (it's their job) either way I hope you have a nice day :) -poppie/belle
Dear Michichu & listeners, Let me tell you a little story. This is a story I made over the course of 4 hours in this very comment section (and occasionally in google docs to save progress). It's not a very subtle story, but it is mine and I'm proud of it because its the first time I've truly written in a long, long time, with imperfections and cheesiness included. It was originally gonna be more about this video's subject, being trauma, but I cut that part of it out since it didn't fit the rest of it. I like it better as a result, and I hope you do too. It may take some time to read, so I'll try to make it worth that time. Now let me begin, This is a story about a strange young man. Let's just call this lil guy "Critter" for convenience sake. Critter is doing his usual morning routine of turning on his PC and prepping some cereal. This day is different, though. He says he needs to make change in his life. So, he decides to go hiking in the mountains. "Surely that will cure my ADHD!" he says to himself, knowing full well exercise didn't make a difference in his attention span while doing his school work. Nonetheless, he goes for a little walk to a nearby park. He was surely determined to simply prove to himself that he can do something difficult. So he does. For the whole day, he hikes up and down some mountains (although they felt more like really tall hills), and is left to his own thoughts. 2 hours into his hike, he spots a deer. This startled him at first, since he's used to deer running away from him at first sight. This one simply stared as he approached. "You're one brave deer", Critter said aloud to himself. "You're one brave dear!" it replied. Critter was speechless, and yet didn't freak out either. Even though talking deer aren't particularly expected, he didn't think about it either. He was happy enough to hear a voice that isn't his own. "Well, thank you, but... What makes you think I'm brave?" said Critter. "They say my kind are as well versed in judging one's character as two legged furless apes are in sounding out random gibberish," the deer replied. "Wh-... I don't... What?" "Anyways, this is the first time I've seen you walking around these woods, and the first time I've seen anyone who isn't a hunter walk around alone for so long. What ya been thinking about?" "I uhh... I'd rather not say to be honest." "You sure? You look like you rather would." "Well, maybe its less that I don't want to say, and more that you wouldn't wanna hear. I've learned my lesson not to use my friends as emotional punching bags, so I'm not gonna use some stranger as one either..." "You're new around here! I wanna hear everything there is to hear about ya, dear. I can't leave ya with my imagination walking around all alone in my mind as you are in this forest!" "I just want something in my life or in myself to change so I can focus on growing up and doing... at least something with my life." "Who's to say you haven't already?" "Me. Maybe other people I dunno." "You're talkin to someone who's got an optimistic couple more years in 'er prime, and has still prolly lived half as long as you! You gotta lot more winters to go before you can give up." "What if I don't change?" "You have, therefore you will. There is no more to say," and the deer got back to eating some nearby wheatgrass. "Alright... Well enjoy your uhh, meal, I guess." Critter walks away, deeper into the forest. After walking for a few, while thinking of that little interaction he had with the deer, he then vaguely remembers some lines to this one poem he read after an end to an End. "and the universe said I love you and the universe said you have played the game well and the universe said everything you need is within you and the universe said you are stronger than you know and the universe said you are the daylight and the universe said you are the night and the universe said the darkness you fight is within you and the universe said the light you seek is within you and the universe said you are not alone and the universe said you are not separate from every other thing and the universe said you are the universe tasting itself, talking to itself, reading its own code and the universe said I love you because you are love. And the game was over and the player woke up from the dream. And the player began a new dream. And the player dreamed again, dreamed better. And the player was the universe. And the player was love. You are the player. Wake up." Critter then collapses onto the ground. Was it emotional weight dragging him downward, or were his legs giving out after many hours of walking? Either way, he lay on the dead leaves of late autumn trees, closed his eyes, and shed a couple tears, even a couple more than a couple. Perhaps the tears are because of his eyes being dried up due to the wind and dying leaves. How did the tears taste? Bitter? Sweet? He couldn't tell, thats for sure. He couldn't stop feeling. He tried thinking, but no thoughts were entirely clear. The feelings fogged up his mind just as much as the steaming hoarfrost in the grass fogged that very forest. He tried to remember. He tried to imagine. He tried to see. He tried to tell the time. There was nothing to say to the time, therefore he felt nothing but himself. He felt cold. He felt warm. He tasted bitter. He tasted sweet. The gray sky radiated hints of yellow and blue, yet most of the color was trapped above the blanket. The wind blew softly, blowing away his tears. A red leaf falls on his face. Perhaps the last leaf to fall in the forest. Several minutes pass, or was it hours? Did he fall asleep or just simply rest while awake? Either way, he finally gets up. He feels just a little bit better, even a bit better than a little bit better. He tells the time, then he tells time that he's heading back home. Back to his PC. However this time it isn't to consume, but rather produce. Time then points to twelve o' clock, not to say what time is, but to point at where time is. Critter notices that the clouds have parted, but that his star has passed along with time. He then notices the many other stars in the sky. They are much smaller, yet much more numerous. Uncountable even. More stars in the sky than grains of sand on a beach. The forest has now gone dark, but the sky is as bright as ever. The stars glisten as if they're blinking back. Critter accidentally says aloud himself "So beautiful." "So handsome," the stars replied. "Wh-... Well, thank you? I mean- I don't know if I would say that, but-" "Just accept my compliment as you would accept any other gift." "I don't usually get gifts, though." "You are more gifted than you might think. Just open up to yourself, as if you were a present. You're present right now, anyways." "Well no I mean-.... Actually, thank you. Thank you so much... I don't talk to others very often." "You talk to us very often." "Hmm? Haven't we only just now met?" "Perhaps, but then again haven't you only just now been born? 19 years is nothing compared to our lifetime." the stars said. A few ticks pass. "That... doesn't answer my question." "It did, didn't it? Allow us to put it another way. We are the collective light coming from many stars. Mere information traveling to your eyes over the course of many lifetimes of many organisms. We are information from a star. You, on the other hand, are a collection of materials from what once was a star, a dead star, which turned into star dust. That is you. You are the light of an alive star, the dust of a dead star, and the love of humanity. You are information from stars. We are information from stars. We are love. You are love. We are you. There is no more to say." and the stars wept. They wept for Critter. Perhaps the tears are due to the evaporated water in the sky coming closer together, and temperature lowering, causing them to freeze and fall. How do they taste? Bitter? Sweet? No. The tears are not caused by the wind and dead leaves. They are not because of temperature changes, or condensation. They do not taste bitter or sweet. These are tears of sadness and joy. Of bittersweetness. Of feeling. Of being. These tears are cold, and dry, and white. Critter's tears glisten and blink as the stars do, and as the snow does. Critter still doesn't fully understand, but he doesn't have to. He knows that he is alive. He knows that he is himself. He knows that he is stardust. He hears the universe singing to him. And so, he walked back to his PC and started writing. Writing of the experience he had on that little big hike in the mountains. And Jade was-... Well, Jade is happy. Jade is well, and Jade wants you to be well too. The End, -Jade P.S. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this, and thank you Michichu inspiring me to make this and to put it somewhere nice on the internet. I hope I can continue creating things.
This is normally where I would say something self deprecating for humorous effect and to make the comment stand out slightly more, but honestly, I really like this. I don't need other people to like it, only me. Maybe in a while I'll look back at this and cringe at all of it's imperfections and how much I've improved, but hopefully this is a turning point for me. Either way, right now, this means a lot to me... Thank you, me, for actually doing this... Also, side note, this was majorly inspired by two other things: a 5 hour long hike I made a few weeks ago for the first part, and the Minecraft end poem for the second, not to mention being inspired by the act of me writing it and self reflecting. But it was this video and it's description that inspired me to actually start writing in the first place. It started out as venting about trauma, and ended up turning into this. Me removing the venting part does remove context, but I don't think it's necessary.
Oh my god , this is beautiful, so much more than just beautiful, your writing is amazing and like just saying I would totally be a crazy fan if you have a writing account -
@@Lizamarie__/videos haha thank you! sheesh, it's been so long since I wrote this. I thought about that story recently. A few days ago, I actually walked on part of the trail that inspired this story for the first time since then before turning around again 'cause I got new laceless boots that were a little too loose. I returned those to get the laced variant, so it's all good now although my scab is still healing, heh. I'm gonna walk that entire trail again some day, though. maybe soon as it's getting to be that same time of year again. I still vividly remember how deafeningly quiet it was without any cars or chirping birds; just the wind, the rustling branches, and my own self. Goodness, so much has changed since then! My life seems to be turning around despite my complete and utter loneliness. I moved into my own apartment this January and got a part-time job a couple months ago. I've had a recent revelation that perhaps my childhood trauma wasn't a needlessly cruel thing that made me weaker... Maybe it was exactly what I needed to become an adult. I recently watched somethingelseyt's video on living in his first apartment. I didn't struggle with any of the things he did, so maybe that was because he was less prepared for adulthood than I was as a result of our differing childhoods. Not sure though, it's all speculation and very difficult for me to admit positivity in my trials. Either way, I wouldn't doubt my trauma is what makes my writing the way it is, so at least there's that. But anyway, yeah I'm planning on getting back into writing again. I don't have a writing account, though. I'm planning on incorporating my writing into youtube videos, so I guess you could sub to that in case I ever do complete a video. I have started on many writing projects over the years, but none I've gotten to a finished state like in the original comment. If I do end up completing something else non-video related, I'll add another reply in here. Thank you all so much for your kind words and support! ❤ It is all very heartwarming and motivating for me. My need to create never went away. Maybe now is the time I finally fulfill it.
all I can remember from my childhood is the abuse, i cant remember a time where i was still a pure and happy child. i had only just turned 5, i didnt get enough time to enjoy being a child wow some people really do suck!
i. i just. woah. im sitting here at midnight, listening to this playlist, (which is very pretty, btw,) reading the comments. and... i feel like my heart is torn out. so many sweet people, so many kind people, so many amazing people, with all of these burdens of trauma. many of them even younger than i am. i want to cry, i really do. but im too emotionally numb for anything to come out. it hurts. it hurts so much. i know something is definitely wrong with me, i havent had any diagnosis of anything at all as of writing, but i do not think i have trauma. but, so many people i know do. many of my closest friends have went through great amounts of trauma. i feel awful. i would happily take their pain from them, not because i think it's easy (it definitely is not), but because they don't deserve to have it. this doesn't just go for my friends, but everyone. everyone here in this comments section, everyone in other playlist comments sections, absolutely everyone in the world. i know it's a deeply awful thing to say, but i feel like i haven't gone through enough. i don't know how to help anyone, and it hurts. it hurts so much. but you know, my friends seem to appreciate me, and say that i help them mentally. i appreciate them deeply as well, especially since i can be honest with them about my gender identity unlike with my family. maybe things will be alright. i can only hope. and i hope that things will be alright for all of you, too. keep yourself healthy and safe. people care for you. and if you think nobody does, well, just know that i do.
knowing that you want to do something and that you wont just sit there and watch is more than enough and comforting also the fact you wrote a paragraph
i agree! but if they want to vent, i wont stop them. i do remove comments if it is waaay too personal (shares locations, names etc etc) or if its explicit with no TW
It’s my first time listening to this and I love it. I was hit with a wave of nostalgia like no other. I remember going on my family computer and just watching funny videos and lets plays of Zelda games. I wish I could go back and enjoy those things again but because I was forced to become more mature at a young age, I took things for granted. Oh well, I hope everyone has a good day or night! ♥️^_^♥️
I remember being addicted to video games and my mom telling me how useless I was, just like my father who died of his addiction. I remember horrible, horrible things she’s said and I know I’ll never forget it. I remember that it wasn’t her fault, and I remember the day I finally learned it wasn’t mine either. Now I hope others with severe emotional abuse and any other type of abuse can see it wasn’t their own fault, and that they shouldn’t base their self esteem on what others say or do because it’s irrelevant. Yet support is needed…
this music is very calming... I'm going through a lot with PTSD a the moment, and I'm really grateful there's someone who gets it, thank you for this banger
My childhood was so bright and happy until what had happened. It felt like my innocence was taken away from me for no particular reason because i was nothing but a good respectful child. I started to rebel in my teen years and now i always have a border and I’ve become so numb and emotionless (ew i sound like a try hard edgelord lmao anyways) but yea throughout the years I’ve turned from a kind and social child to a quiet cold person most of the time unintentionally. I miss my childhood days before my innocence was taken away from me. I was so happy and loved life., I cried over the silliest things but I still felt like the happiest kid, now i have to fake my happiness to please everybody. Everytime i try to talk to my parents about what happened to me in my childhood they always try to avoid the topic and say I’m trying to cause drama, they will try to make me feel bad and say that I’m just “ungrateful” “too much to handle”. But yea, i feel so alone and i feel like this is the only thing that genuinely brings me comfort and reminds me of that goodpart of my childhood even tho its “traumacore” this one feels a lot brighter than the other ones ive seen. So thank you so so much for this
Thanks to RUclips for making my memory terrible, your the best Also anyone out there who is struggling, nothing lasts forever, you’ll get thru this, ok? Your amazing and your worth so much
// curse words sometimes i feel like im faking things bc what ive gone through isn't half as bad as other people, but at the same time now that im almost 20 im starting to realize all the fucked up shit i went through wasnt normal lol. idk but i really love this playlist, it feels like floating through clouds or smth. thanks for making it
Is it fine to listen to these casually? I like the seemingly innocent tone coupled with some disturbing imagery. And if you're asking if I ever got into trauma, does harsh parental punishments and near death experiences count?
harsh parental punishments can be (even spanking is considered mentally damaging to a child in the long term) but near death experiences are definitely trauma for sure. Heck, simply witnessing a near death experience is considered traumatic, and is one of the things that happened to me that I'd describe as such.
I don't know how to describe the feeling this playlist gives me, but it just... fits? slight TW, but not too explicit I always feel a bit 'sunken' (is the only word that really fits) when things like drinking, alcohol or father figures are mentioned for... obvious reasons. typically I would listen to classical or dark academia playlists, but this hits the spot in a certain way I can't describe. It kind of helps me wallow in that feeling, and help me really feel it (and sometimes express it). I take a deep breath and I feel okay again. Thanks for making this!
If you are reading this, no matter who you are, I’m proud of you. You woke up, and you tried. You may not have succeeded, but you tried. And I’m proud of you. Never give up. Because no matter what happens, I will be here rooting for you to be the best you can be, so drink your water, eat something, even if it’s just something small. I’m proud of you.
thank you for this amazing playlist , it helps me calm down. (TW!!!) I've been abused physically, emotionally, and mentally by my mom. raped by my grandpa. and multiple guy teachers have sexually harassed me. my dad threatened my mom as I was growing up that he would kidnap me if he ever found out where we lived and he was never in my life due to that and many other reasons. I've struggled with self harm for 3 years now and have had multiple suicide attempts. I'm going to be 14 next year. right now my mom still abuses me but not often, I'm in a school where i have some friends, my grandpa nearly died due to a hex I put on him, and i have a pet bunny named Winston to help with my depression and anxiety.
pardon my language, but both your mum and grandpa are pieces of shit. you deserve so much better than the way life is treating you. please know that you are not alone. I thought I wasn't going to make it for my 14th birthday but I am still here at 19. I am so sorry that this is happening to you. it can only get better from here.
I am so sorry foe everything you have went through you never deserved any of this kind of things that happend to you and I wish that that man die a slow and painful death
gosh that’s fucking horrifying to hear you didn’t deserve any of that treatment. Im sorry about that and i hope some of these people went to jail. And the fact your own grandfather did that is horrible, he doesn’t deserve to be here. Remember, NON of what happened was your fault and you deserve so, so much better. I hope that after the 2 years you’ve posted this comment that now things have gotten better and that you managed to push forward. Ur rlly strong btw for doing so and if u need someone to talk to please don’t be afraid to say so here
I think one of the worst moment when you are a traumatized kid is watching others kids your age (for example your classmates) being all happy and having a good family, a good treatment and a good childhood. It's not because of envy like others would think but actually you feel awful since you know thay you will never be their friends and watching how you could also have that life hurts. Years of pain and trauma really make you realize that your life will never be the same. And that you are destined to be alone if you don't want to be hurt.
something that never fails to hit me out of nowhere now that im an adult, is the fact that.. when i was a kid i wanted this. i wanted the stresses and responsibilities in adult life that i thought i didnt have as a kid. so i forced myself to grow up faster than life intended and now.. now im a confused adult wondering why i didn't cherish being a kid.
I don’t even know if my trauma is bad or not, but these really help. They took my childhood. They took my innocence. They took my dog. They took my happiness. They took my emotions.
first off, beautiful playlist- i was having trouble resting as a person with autism and ptsd as well as an illness i am battling- i have been doing better nowadays as an older teenager, but it still haunts me. i wake up every night and cry because i cannot forget as much as i wish to- i hate the feeling of being dirty and sticky as i have felt it all throughout my life- being unable to vocalize my pain from sexual abuse from so many people hurts me as i was mute for awhile. i feel stronger now and i wish to protect others from the nastiness of such "people". my heart goes out to all who have been through the same pain as i have.
for those who don't know what trauma core is: Traumacore also known as Usedcore is a kind of aesthetic that is a bit dubious because it is related to trauma, abuse, religion or innocence. But why is there traumacore? Let's get straight to the point. Traumacore is a therapeutic art where the artists of this movement use all kinds of elements where they can express a traumatic feeling or event in their life. Many of these artists use Hello Kitty images, text and effects as glitches.
Before, I used to look back at my childhood and say, "I was so lucky," because I genuinely thought I had a good childhood. My parents loved me and were always there for me, they put a lot of effort into making me happy. Eventually I realized so many things, very fucked up things that happened to me thanks to "him", things that today have changed my perception about everything in life in the moment I grew up and realized what he did, and I will never forgive him for ruining what my parents built with so much effort and care.
Hey Michichu! I have come to alert you that I've made a playlist inspired by yours here! I linked this video and your channel in the video description. Thank you for inspiring me!
So what if they made me bleed? So what if they always blamed it on me? So what if they just were fake friends? ...So what if they just wanted my life to be ruined? So what if they didn't want me to be free? So what if they didn't let me be me? So what if I felt sick? So what if I just don't ignore them? So what if I cut my problems away? So what if I like to be alone? So what if I just don't exist? No one will miss me. (A vent. Sorry if I worried you, I'm fine, kinda.)
What a lovely playlist. I've been looking for something like this trying to get over a shitty period of my life. (Aphex twin helped) but this may be even better:) thank you.
Thanks to my grandma, I now feel uncomfortable whenever someone shows affection by calling me pet names/comparing me to food (specifically sweets)/animals :D! Edit: Here is the context: I live with my grandma and mother, my father isn't there because... He's dead... My grandma used to be... Well a normal grandma, with well... A normal way of affection. This was okay until I was a little bit too old for this (around 9 - 10 years old), I told her that I was a bit too old for this type of affection, but she still didn't stop... She keeps doing this today... But it's even worse... Recently, she interrupted me while I was playing Project Sekai, by suggestively playing with me in my pajamas... Most of my recent trauma happens when I am in my Pajamas during the weekend... Earlier today (before this post was made), She interrupted me again, but I told her to leave me alone, she didn't stop, making excuses such as: "I can't hear you when you scream like this, I only hear you with your sweet cute voice" "I own this house, so I have the right to do anything to you". These arguments are in Russian, because she mainly speaks Russian. The argument ended with me biting her, and threatening to abandon me... Now, she's blaming everything on my mom. My grandma wants to kill herself as well... I cope with dressing up like a scene kid (with my wardrobe, it looks more pastel though) because I look cute like a scene kid, and this is the type of fashion usually despised by old people, I hope that I find someone like me... Because I have much more to unravel, so much more...
I'm so sorry. I hope you get better. I know these things are hard to cope with, but this is what I saw. Scars, whether they're mental and invisible, or physical and noticable, are a sign of strength. They mean you went through something hard, and came out stronger. You got this, and I believe in you
I had a friend who probably needs this playlist more than me, but I can't get our 7 years of me trying to stop him from killing himself, him getting jealous of literally everything I did and bitching at me for doing literally anything other than talking to him, constantly falling in love with me because I was the only woman who would talk to him and really connect with him, and him fighting tooth and nail to get back into my life out of my head. All I've ever wanted was him to be happy, to love himself. And I still do, even if I can't even look at him anymore.
боже, после этого плейлиста и приятных людей в комментариях я чувствую себя такой живой, я так люблю мир... God, after this playlist and pretty people in the comments, I feel so alive, I love the world so much...
I wanna provide a bit of hope for people, but I do discuss my trauma here. I'm a little drunk, so I might be rambly. TW for :CSA, grooming, emotional abuse, s3xual harrasment, and bullying. Let me know if I missed any. A while back, I had my lowest low since I was 6 years old. I was dealing with my childhood trauma resurfacing in the worst way, and an OCD episode to boot, more disturbingly my obsessional themes were that of POCD. I have OCD tendencies from dyspraxia, but it would spiral into OCD episodes for varying periods of time and intensities. My OCD was made infinitely worse because I had experienced CSA as a child, and was convinced I was becoming the worst kind of human (OCD presents in very strange and destructive ways.) I remember in those times, my comfort was trauma core. I remember looking at images for hours, venting in comment sections, listening to music, and relating to it all. I never felt my trauma was worth anything, that I was being weak by feeling the way I did about it, that others have gone through way worse and I was wasting resources and space because I experienced COCSA instead of regular CSA. I felt like I was a despicable person, thanks to the OCD, and if I hadn't gotten help I could have done something irreversible to myself. I had issues at home and at school, years of bullying and s3xual harassment, attempted grooming, having a parent with life threatening conditions, and CSA as a child, along with many other "little Ts" as they are called in trauma therapy. I really felt stuck, unable to move on, like my life was not even worth it to myself and to others. Well, someone in my life urged me into therapy. And, holy fucking shit. My life has changed. I got the care I needed. I learnt to manage my OCD episodes. I learnt to manage my trauma, unpack it, fold it up neatly and put it away. It's still there. It always will be. But it takes up less space in my mind, and impacts my daily life less. I reconciled with my mother, who had been emotionally abusive in the past due to her own upbringing and mental issues (I don't recommend this for everyone, however, it only helped me because I know she truly wants to change for the better and I have established boundaries and am intolerant to mistreatment from her now). I unpacked the trauma of my bullying and my CSA. I can engage in acts that I would have previously had panic attacks over. When I'm triggered, I can control it and keep myself safe. I developed healthy coping mechanisms, I finally felt listened to and supported, my social anxiety has been rapidly improving and I finally feel... functional again. I no longer needed traumacore. I didn't relate to it as strongly. But, when I need it, since there's times where I get worse and times where my recovery backtracks, I come back here. You are all beautiful, and amazing people. This community helped me immensely during my darkest hours, and for that, I say thank you to each and every one of you, even if I've never interacted with you. You all make this community, and make it welcoming and healing. I just wanted to say this, because I never thought I'd get here. I thought I'd be dead at 16 tops. Well, In less than 2 weeks, I'll be 19. 3 years longer than I thought I'd make it. I believe in you all, and wish you well in your recoveries. It is a rocky road, but things do get better. It takes a lot of effort, time taken to understand yourself and your traumas, and learning how to manage your emotions and triggers, but you can get to a better place than the place you're in now. Thank you for reading, and I hope your day/night will be lovely :)
My eyes, filled with constant tears of sadness My age, taken for granted My body, it says no but they do it anyways My hands, their useless My mind, ringing with noises My trauma, constantly going to be around my whole life..
As someone who was mentally abused by my father most of my life and he just left with me almost eighteen now, my childhood was fucked up so this is really comforting to listen to :')
Hearing this music brings so many memories and emotions, I was abused physically and verbally and emotionally every…I was about 7 years old, for some reason whenever I hear this kind of music my tears fall down immediately, I wish I can go back in time and hug my younger self and tell her that I’m here to save her and to be with her 😞….
Not too much into traumcore tbh but as someone with trauma based disorders (C-PTSD & DID), from constant csa and general abuse since toddler age, these are very comforting and relaxing for when I'm having a trauma attack/breakdown ♥️!
To everyone here listening to this, I want you to know that you’re not alone, you’re so much stronger than you think you are, and there are so many more people rooting for you than you could ever know, even if it doesn’t seem like it. You ARE good enough. It’s okay to cry as much as you need.
the description !^! made me feel like i had never met someone caring like you, i hope yall have the greatest day and im sure its going to be alright :)
The majority of the bad stuff happened in my teens. my mom had a lot of health problems and sadly she's gone now. Somehow this playlist comforts me a little. Some songs connect to the worry I had for mom, some connect to the hope I had that she would recover, but also the idea of it fading. The last one represents my now for me. That she's gone and I have to deal with that now, and that this pain is still ongoing but in a different way. It's also serves to remind me that even if trauma isn't our fault it's our responsibility to cope with and/or heal it, as we're the ones dealing with it, but even if you healed from something it may still affect you and the pain is valid. Idk if traumacore would help me or not but this Playlist feels at least somewhat helpful. I could try using it but I don't wanna be seen as bad for using it to deL with my past experience of caring for mom, when she was ill and had some health problems, especially since most users use it for early childhood trauma. I feel it might help, but I don't want to use something if using it would mean that I'm hurting the community.
Tw.. my mother just recently passed from cancer and listening to this was like a slap to the face. The. Nostalgia I felt while listening to this was incredible. I remember when me and my sister would stay up to the wee hours of the night and play on the wii. We would watch RUclips videos and try not to laugh vines. It was so much fun. We would always try to stay quiet so we wouldn't wake up our mother. And I still remember the first time my mom bought me the DSI. I was so fucking happy. It was the best feeling in the world. But for me. That's all gone now. I envy my sister's. They got to have mom there when they graduated, turned into adults ex. And I don't get any of that. Nothing. Not a thing. I have my father- sure. But it's not the same . Not the same at all. But I hope everyone is doing well! ꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡
I swear i love this playlist Makes me feel calm after crying :D *!!Vent!!* Idk why but lately I've been feeling like crap, just recently my first ever online friend and I stopped talking cause of me impulsively chatting and doing something bad. Me and my online friend still haven't been talking and i do hope she's doing well tho My birthday is around the corner (April 23) and my mother scolded me again for responding to my father so rudely but I was just in a bad mood that day and she just told me to act nice cause my dad working hard for the family and i get that but i was in a bad mood that day and i also feel not comfortable talking to him, I see my dad as selfish monster and I know I shouldn't but I just do. He always gets so angry easily and he's selfish too (he once said that he wanted to but a new phone when he already has a new phone) it just sucks cause he's my dad and I should respect him but I just dont. He always hits my sister with a belt when my sister does something (ex. Accidentally Swearing when my dad was brutally teasing her) and he's always hurting my older sister with the belt and my mom excuses it by him just 'joking'. I just hate it. I hate everything, I hate my mom too cause she's always sharing too much. She once shared a sleeping photo of me and my little sister on Facebook and she said that "it's just a photo" and said that she experienced that too but my dad didn't post it in the internet so it's different for her. I love my mom but I also feel not comfortable telling my struggles to her cause I know she'll probably tell my dad, when I told my older sister that I wanted a new phone as my phone was old and had little storage. My sister mentioned it in a convo with my mom, I think she just wanted to know which type of new phone is the best for me and guess what. The next day, my dad goes to me and says "what type of phone do you want?" I felt so betrayed cause I thought my mom would keep it a secret, I wanted to buy it my own but now my dad's buying it. I just feel so betrayed and horrible rn. I hate it here, my mom's such a snitch and my dad's such a monster
This happened d not even an hour ago and I want to vent about it. Before I go on I would say I like my dad more than my mom. My mom has anger issues and upsets me a lot. My dad is funny and he makes me laugh. But today wasnt like that. I had came back home from school and my cat was sleeping in her usual corner instead of her bed. I picked her up like I always do when I get home, and she mowed. But she always did that so I didnt think she was in pain. But when I put her down she didnt stand. She just laid there. The thing is, she looked like she wanted to move. She wanted to, but her body didnt let her. I got scared and asked my dad what was happening, but he didnt know. I thought she was dying. I was scared crying. And he just stood there. He wasnt any help. It was about 3 pm on a friday. By 4pm I decided to call my mom because he wasnt doing anything. Although, my mom couldn't either. She was at work. I was afraid. My mom told him to take her to the vet. He did but, the car ride made me emotional. He kept groaning about the bill. All I could think about was him caring about the bill rather than his traumatized kid. In the car she was a lot more active though, so that made me feel better. The vet didnt have walk ins and by now my mom was home so we were on our way back home. (Our house was only a few minutes away from that vet). When we were on our way home he said, "I can't deal with crazy people or emotional people." I instantly knew he was referring to my mother as "crazy" and me as "emotional". It made me super upset. Now we have to wait about 50 minutes to take her to the vet, because my dad didnt sooner. Btw angel is making lots of more movement. Update: Angel didnt make it. Update 2: I'm going to get a new cat January 29th. Update 3: I just saved my aunts cats life. I went over to her house to see her cats, and when I got there I went looking for her orange tabby named, Winne. We found Millie, but we couldn't find Winnie. Then my older cousin heard meowing outside, and we went out to see Winnie in the car. Not in the car like, seats and stuff. In the *actual car*. Like the front part. We got her out and she is doing just fine inside now. Update 4: Its February 11th, and I have the new kitten. I named her Precious. I love this one to. Shes affectionate, funny, and sassy. Just perfect for me.
｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡ ﾟ。 ｡ﾟ ﾟ･｡･ﾟTimestamps ʚ🎀ɞ 0:00 - 3:10 Icarus - Instupendo ʚ🍼ɞ 3:11 - 6:14 Comfort chain - Instupendo ʚ🧸ɞ 6:15 - 9:12 Nice boys - Temporex ʚ🧴ɞ 9:13 - 12:58 All you are going to want to do is get back there - The caretaker ʚ🌸ɞ 12:59 - 15:51 Backroom Labyrinth - Oliver Buckland ʚ💉ɞ 15:52 - 19:12 still life - sitcom ʚ💓ɞ 19:13 - 21:32 Yume Nikki - the end Thank you for watching. i really appreciate it
I don't have much trauma, so I want to give a message to everybody else. Trauma can be really scary sometimes, and it can most definitely leave scars. but in my eyes, whether the scars are mental and invisible, or physical and noticable. I believe they're a sign of strength. A sign that you went through something tough, and came out stronger. It may be hard, but things will eventually get better. I believe in you guys
This playlist is amazing though, it's just perfect for crying to even if you aren't traumatized (I am but still seems like bangers ordinary people would like) and it's just the perfect vibe. Good job.
i hate the fact when i was a child i understood things too earlier. it was all ruined, and i was different from all of them.i was horrifying . now i cant change who i am ,i want to have a second chance
VENT: TW! DEREALISATION !! I actually can’t remember anything from my childhood. I remember having a thought of an old memory , with me and my sister playing together , but it wasn’t MY memory??? It was but i saw myself outside myself?? Am I a different person?? Who am i?? I wanna go back but i’m afraid i’ll change forever , and i’m scared of change. But why was that memory not from my eyes?? Why did it look like it came from someone else? I started having mental breakdowns knowing that i’m non-existent and i’m not myself. Am i two different people?? Why do i see myself as a video film?? Someone please tell me i’m crazy. I feel like a ghost that can’t remember it’s past , which i don’t , but why is it happening to ME ?? Now i’m judging myself because i’m probably having derealisation , but this was for real and that was NOT my memory , if it was , WHY was it viewing the OUTSIDE OF ME?? Was it because i never really existed?? Was it because i can’t even tell if i was alive? What if i’m dead i never actually was alive , just some pain everyone loves and wants to get rid of at the same time. “ Oh look at you , ____ ! “ “ you looked so cute there ! “ “You looked so pretty and happy there!” But i don’t know if that was even me, am i even real?? I don’t remember that happening….
I don‘t remember any kind of bad memories in my childhood i just know that i have probably multiple personalities and i think they know what was going on idk. I could cry if i see people that don’t had what they deserve. The worst part was when i switched with someone who had a panic attack. I was already in a mental hospital but in the time i did not knew what it was and i wanna go back there because i think the therapist knew what was going on. I really wanna go to a mental hospital again. It would be really the best for us.
tw i was doomed before i was born to have a shitty life. my mom comes from a negligent family and my dad comes from abuse and an absent father. my mom never loved my dad and she said she threw up the first time they kissed, she only ever married him to get away from her parents. my dad awfully abused my mom. my brother and i were both accidents. we were abused too. my mom tried to escape but my dad wouldnt let her, and it took her until i was 3 and all bruised and crying on the floor to leave him. he would make me watch him hurt her, he would make us watch him lock her outside and beg to come back in, he would "discipline" us over the tiniest things. my mom begged her parents to let us stay with them. they gave us rhe smallest room in the house. my brother and i moved around different daycares. i would often act out and be violent to other kids, which makes sense considering what was going on at home. we lived with my grandparents until my mom married Dingle Dork for his house. she never loved him either. my mom fell into a deep depression, often not getting out of bed leaving me to play with my younger brother and pay attention to him. she taught me how to toast an onion bagel in the toaster and that along with sliced bell peppers is all i ate, partially because we didnt have money and partially because my mom was always sleeping. she and Dingle Dork fought a lot, both of them were equally cruel to each other. my moms depression turned into just rage. she hated my brother and i, she hated my father, she hated Dingle Dork. one night when my brother and i were sleeping, she went into his room (they slept in separate rooms) and threatened to kill him if he didnt leave. he left that night and i havent seen him since. my mother is a hateful person now, and i honestly dont blame her. my father mainly targeted her. i just wish she didnt take all that out on me. my brother was extremely premature, the doctors didnt think either of them would make it. but they both survived. my mom always talks about how that strengthed their relationship. how attached she is to him. hes also special needs, hes on the autism spectrum and he also has adhd and had trouble in school, so shes often very involved with him. me on the other hand, i also have autism and adhd, but i got diagnosed 6 years after my brother because of how little attention my mother paid to me. just to give an idea of what we're workinf with here my relationship with my mother worsened over the years. im ready to live with my dad at this point. its spiraled to the point that she refuses to get me help or let me reach out for help because she's worried CPS will take my brother and i away. its gotten that bad. she found my vent book the other night and just went off on me. "do you have any idea how much i do for you? do you have any idea how many sleepless nights ive spent trying to get away from those abusive men (my father and dingle dork)? i never shouldve had a family. i never shouldve had you. i try and i try to fix us but its never enough for you." she doesnt understand how hard im trying not to end it all. she doesnt understand how hard im trying to get through all my trauma, on top of her bullshit all day. she doesnt understand how hard it is to sit there and bite my tongue and take her bullshit every fucking day. it just hurts man. im only 14.
Looking for Cptsd playlists after the usual fight w my mom. You played two songs I love and one of them is literally my 3ds theme song. I also clicked immediately BC I love clowns (your pfp) and when I was younger I was really into trauma core and only now got diagnosed w Cptsd. You're in my head aaaaa lol jk have a good day
TW! SH my mom and dad broke up for only a mouth and my mother would threaten to cut herself and end her life, then blame me for my dad leaving and it got to the point I at the age of 13 was taking care of my mom and i wouldn't even sleep because i had to make sure SHE was okay, im15 now and she is dead while her doing all of that for a mouth straight led me into foster care and now my dad for the past year has been trying to get me back.. [sorry for the trama dump, i needed this.. also i love this playlist]
If I didn’t say any of those things or get angry at him ,he would still be here and we would all still be happy , I was 12, he was 13, all he was doing was venting to me about his transition, all I had was a bad month , I let my emotions get the better of me and now He is gone.
I just want it back. I got it took away from me at age 6, first, my cousin, now parents, now..i don’t know how to feel I barely got anything from my childhood, maybe thats why I’m protective over Minecraft, cause it would distract me from everything and was something of mine that i will never forget. Anyway, sorry for venting and thank you for making this playlist. 🌱✨👾🍄 -Fern
Hello, I'd normally have a good childhood but the internet kinda ruined it.. Made me and my family a bit distant with eachother.. mostly i listen to these and they remind me of that gap between us.. i argue with my mother every few days of the month.. things are just a bit sad and lonely for me, sorry for wasting your time reading this.. even if its bad.. i know people have gone through worse...
My childhood wasn’t very great. My mom was emotionally neglectful, but she still took care of my basic needs. My dad was practically always either at work or drunk. My sister hated my guts for whatever reason. Not to mention the fact that I was living in a bad neighborhood, so the police came near my house almost weekly. I was bullied at school, by both my peers and my teachers. I have a couple of mental disabilities and developmental disorders, so I was always one step behind the other kids. This left me as a huge target for bullying, mixed my sensitive and crybaby nature. I would get doors slammed in my face, pushed to the ground, splashed with water when it rained, insulted out of the blue, hit with basketballs, and overall just get treated like garbage. But my teachers were the real bullies. They even encouraged the other kids to bully me, because they hated me too for some reason. I was always scolded whenever I did something slightly wrong, or if I asked a question I’d get yelled at for being stupid. I found comfort in the internet, although I did get mildly traumatized at seeing all of the gore videos. I was SAed in 3rd grade by a boy in my class, he grabbed my thigh and slapped my butt. When I tried to tell a teacher, they told me it was because he had a crush on me. Due to this, I never told my parents out of fear that they wouldn’t take me seriously. I attempted suicide when I was 9, around the same time I was SAed. I was tired of all of the mistreatment I got in my 9 years on this planet for just being me. Luckily, I didn’t succeed, but it still hurts to think that a little kid at that age was thinking about killing themselves. All of these events have severely impacted my mental health, and it’s ruined some parts of my life. I wish none of it ever happened. I also have an ED that I’m fighting at the moment, which probably came from the fact that I was called fat a lot in my childhood.
I love all of you and i see all of you in these comments. It gets better, i promise. It may be hard to believe i know, but i promise you it does get better. There is so much hope, and all of you are so loved. If you dont think so, i love you. We are all here for a reason and you will find that reason one day. Healing takes so much time and sometimes you will fall behind. But please remember to pick yourselves back up even if you fail. Life is trial and error. Be kind to yourselves because this is your first time living.
I want the kind of childhood people talk about. Just being innocent and having fun. They stole it from me and I want it back
What if you try to do age regression?, or age dreaming? Those are healthy coping mechanisms for people who have to much stress in their lives or childhood traumas, maybe it could help you
@@rmqc2553 it's fun but it's not the same as actually being a happy kid. It's also hard to do with all the anxiety, sadness, and intrusive thoughts going on inside of my head
@@candydream16 oh, i understand. I hope you can feel better soon, getting some type of help for make you good in the near future♥️
@@rmqc2553 I use age regression
nobody cares actually honey, you are the only one who can help you, just go on and try to heal. we support you
I feel like human scum for listening to these playlists, I don’t even remember if my trauma is real or not, and even it it is, it’s not as bad as others’.
Its okay. You can stay
Your feelings are valid, don’t worry :)
Even if others have it worse, that doesn't make your problems invalid! Hope your doing well tho.
Don't matter "how bad" was the trauma, it's still a trauma,your feelings are valid, and sorry for my bad English, English isn't my first language so I am really sorry about that :"V
Your traumas are valid, and your not a human scum
For anyone who needs to hear it-
Your childhood trauma is NEVER your fault. The adults around you have a responsibility to monitor what you do, so even if your trauma comes from the internet, it's their responsibility. The blames lays on their shoulders.
It's not your fault.
Thank you
you sound like a commercial
thx for telling me that my mom is very stupid
im still going thru that trauma
Thank you…❤
thank you for saying that i always felt it was my fault for being abused online
To anyone that's listening right now...
*gives virtual hug* ✨
*gives virtual hug back* ✨
*gives a sip of virtual Bundaberg*🍻
:virtualhug:
Yaaay *gives chocolate milk*
I can’t ever properly answer the question “Did you have a good childhood?” because the answer is both yes and no. On one hand, I had all my basic needs taken care of. I had a lot of toys, entertainment and stimuli. I had a wonderful, caring mother who would do anything to protect me. I had a bunch of good memories with the few friends I did have.
But on the other hand, I was bullied so relentlessly (by boys and girls) for my autistic behaviors, and no matter what any adults did, it wouldn’t stop. I came home crying many times, wondering what I did to deserve it and desperately wishing I could be normal. My father was abusive (sexually and emotionally) and physically neglectful. I nearly died on his hands a few times. He kidnapped me, locked me in a dark room many times, violated my body, and exposed me to things no child should be exposed to. My grandparents knew about the abuse and they covered for him. But I still loved them. I didn’t understand that none of it was normal.
When I finally figured it out, I didn’t have the courage to tell anyone until second grade. Then suddenly there were a bunch of police and people from the court interviewing me and I wasn’t allowed to see my father or grandparents anymore. I thought that I did something horribly wrong, that it was my fault for destroying my family and I didn’t deserve to live. I tried to kill myself for the first time when I was nine years old.
So in other words, my childhood was a mixed bag. When things were good, they were pretty good. But when things were bad, they were really, *really* bad. Just because I had a bunch of good memories doesn’t mean my childhood wasn’t stolen from me. I hope my sperm donor and his creators rot in hell.
Espero estés mejor ahora, y que encuentres plenitud para tu vida, no mereces nada de lo que te paso, y espero sepas que eres muy fuerte, la gente como tú tarde o temprano van a brillar. Un abrazo fuerte.
@@shinshin8527 ¡Muchas gracias por tus amables palabras! Los mantendré cerca de mi corazón. Perdón si mi español es malo, no es mi lengua materna.
I am so sorry to hear that.
@@sagetherat593 Well, I wouldn't say my life was hell. Like I said, I have a lot of good childhood memories. And the past doesn't nearly affect me now as much as it used to. I'm doing pretty okay now, all things considered, especially because of the years of therapy. It's helped a LOT.
Also, I'd just like to say this: NEVER EVER feel guilty for being depressed or sad. There might seem on the surface like there is no reason, but there is, even if you don't see it yet. You might have some buried trauma or something in your current life stressing you out. No one chooses to have depression. It affects anyone without regard for their status in life. Feeling your emotions does NOT make you selfish, it is perfectly natural and normal. Please be kind to yourself. I hope you can understand why you're feeling this way and find a way to heal.
I stopped reading when I saw autistic then continued.. I feel like this sometimes with my dyslexia.. when this happening I only want to go to my happy place which is with my friends but those friends and usually on Roblox so.. yea the danganronpa fandom helps me
Funny thing is, the person who ruined my childhood is me. I was the one forcing myself to ignore my anger or if I felt like something wasn't right. I forced myself to be the helper for others who didn't do the same for me. I'm the one who forced myself to see what I shouldn't have seen at a young age. Lastly, I'm the one who forced myself to have certain emotions. Honestly, it feels like an entire war between myself and another me. It's annoying, but as I've been told, it's my fault and it's only me that did it.
same,I just,...wanna die
dont worry, youre not alone
Same here in fact till this day I still struggle with that but it’s okay . Cause while we might not be there in person it doesn’t mean we’re not there . There’s lots of people like us who have gone through what we’ve gone through
You should know that its never your fault. You were a child- you didn't know how it would affect you. The adults in your life should have steered you the right way, or taken responsibility for what you did, because you didn't know any better.
Trauma is NEVER your fault.
I don't believe it was you. My whole life I thought it was my fault that I felt so uncomfortable venting to people and being vulnerable, and that the reason I bottled up my emotions was just because why not. Then the more I thought about it the more i realized it was my environment that taught me not to vent to people or show emotion because I'd get yelled at any time I cried.
Shout out to Amino for giving some lasting friendships and a whole load of triggers! :D
ive never been on Amino but all my friends on it had bad experiences
For real dawg
@@Michichuu can vouch on that, i also had a bad experience with the app, 2/10 do not recommend
i can agree with both of u guys
Same ♡ That app was horrible! Such a lovely experience and "great" community. 🥰
The Yume Nikki ending bro.... that hits HARD when you have childhood trauma and have played Yume Nikki. Thank you for this wonderful playlist...
Youre welcome
Can you explain what the game's about please?
@@r_ckabye its a small game where you go into Madotsuki's (protaganist) dream realms and collect and collect 24 effects. its old, from 2004. you can download it for free on steam. its a very small and basic game but its amazing
@@Michichuu What's Yume story?
@@r_ckabye id recommend googling it or playing it
This hits hard, my dad scared me into thinking everyone was out to get me, and that everyone on the internet was way older than me.. now I get scared when A car passes by me, when it gets dark, or when a grown up stares at me. Everything feels fake in my life, even me. (TW)
I vividly remember riding my bike home, and a white truck kept passing me, I got to a spot where it was only side walk and road going up. There was a chain fence with a hole in it (keep that in mind) when I got to the beginning of the sidewalk and was going to head up the truck passed by me and slowly started to turn around.. I was going to be kidnapped. I took my bike into the dance with me and once I was on the other side of the fence the car sat in front with tinted windows, I acted like I was crazy and they drove off. This scared the living shit out of me, grown men scare me after that experience.
Damn man, u ok now?
Vent!!:
I don’t have a lot of trauma, just can’t remember much from my childhood. I think it was Normal for things to be like this. My parents would fight a lot. And I mean a lot. Which ended up with my having access to the internet at an age that it too young. It hurts knowing I had to come to terms with life so quickly. I wish I could go back to when I was happier. I didn’t know all the shit I did. Every time i hear one of my parents raise their voice I think they are fighting again. I hate it. I may not have had the worst childhood but it was taken away from me too fast. And I am so sad because of it.
Same. You could say i kinda developed something when someone raises their voice, i get shocked easily and just feel fear.
@@wasabi8120 yeah whenever that Happenes it gets hard for me to breathe and I try to hold back tears
I also have that memory issue too! Very few memories and there was likely a lot that happened that was very damaging as I now am diagnosed with harm OCD, and heavily display the symptoms of BPD. I feel exactly what you said. I was on the internet far too young and seen lots of mentally damaging content. Parents were also in fued and absent I feel. There, but not as I needed them Idk. I hope you're doing better now, we can only move forward with positivity and learn from our traumas as to not cause further harm.
yeah.. especially when my parents shout when i'm not near them, i get really scared that they're fighting :(
TW!
Remember when we all had freinds to play with during recess? When we had freinds to share their lunch with us? Remember the time our parents use to watch cartoons with us and laugh when we did? Remember when our parents fought in the living room while we were in our room crying? Remember when our Freinds left to go play with different people, and we thought nothing of It? Remember..when they didn't come back and no one was there for us...?
Yeah :/
I have a question Do kids normally cry when thier parents are fighting? Because ever since i can remember me and my sister never cried not even once when my parents were fighting because we were just so used to it, it was an every day thing but i keep seeing ppl say that they would cry when their parents fight so i got a lil curious 😬
@@Unknown-vx6qm well, some kids do and some dont
yikes, i relate so much to that last part. i don't know why, but a lot of my old friends just flat out left to go play with other people and abandoned me. what i find really odd was how one of my very first friends i made when i was like, 5, turned out to be a toxic backstabber who treated me like shit one day and then came back like nothing happened the next. it's cause i'm autistic innit :/
@@barrysteakfriessimp_real wait im autistic to hang on you wanna be Freinds (Btw I'm very sorry about what happened)
tw!!
thank you to my male dance teacher for taking my childhood away and replacing it with an ED, trauma, abuse, and more than that thank you to the girls in my public school for welcoming me into the class by throwing food at me and writing horrible things on my desks, but most of all thank you to the girl and group of boys who cornered me in the park and jumped me, ripping out my hair and telling me how they’d kill me. thank you so much for taking away my childhood :)
(it felt so good to get that out. thank you for the playlist.)
i think i saw a comment about this on another video
are you... ok??
@@emmaMEALS i’m much better now actually, i started seeing a therapist and it’s really helped. thank you :)
@@emilyenoshima5616 of course [: glad to know you're getting help
digital hug coming your way… 💖
Im very sorry that this happened to you
Just know i think you're a beautiful and brave person for going through this and not giving up
Have good day or night!
The last song really got me out of nowhere. I was listening to this playlist without looking and I assumed it ended until I see this.
It hurts but it helps get the emotions out.
Heh, the music kinda sounds like sirens.
Its the ending theme to the game “Yume Nikki”.
*spoiler warning*
Fans speculated that it is actually sirens of the ambulance coming to take Madotsuki (protagonist) away after she falls from her balcony.
It really is a beautiful n sad piece of music
@@Michichuu Yeah, I know. It's my all time favorite game. The ending hit me like a truck.
The music i's so peaceful but so sad.
kudos to my family for ruining my childhood, i got used to it after enduring the suffering silently for fourteen years,
things i've witnessed those past years wont be forgotten by me and the feeling of my ankles and wrists getting broken and bruises and my tongue almost getting cut with my mom holding scissors while i get held down, life sucks a lot, and as of now, i still feel empty, i rarely react to things and even if things changed, i still can't even if i wanted to
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I feel like I should appreciate what I had more because I wasn't abused. But could I vent a little. I understand if not. It's just a few things I want to get off my chest
wh-
what
hi, I want to put this here. because not many people know about it which is sad. but did you know theres help lines? specially for abuse? yeah! idk what it would be in your country, but theres LOADS.
they all provide information on how to get out of bad situations like yours, or even just some console. I suggest you text one or online chat, they are safe to do so on. that's the whole point of them, idk if this will help you. but I hope it does.
Hope you have a wonderful day!
-pop/poppie
I would always question why I was so messed up mentally. “I had a good childhood right”
But it different when I go deeper into to my childhood.
I would get physically hurt by my grandfathers brother. I was sexualized by family members. So many deaths. My grandmother didn’t really let me have friends so I befriended bugs instead. The negative energy in our house was most likely attracting spirits with all that I saw. My nightmares were horrible. They even scare me now.
And then there was that for no reason I had always hated myself. I don’t know why but for as long as I remember I just hated the way I thought. I was almost always praised. But I would cry over how I thought I was stupid and how nobody likes me or wants me there. I was only five yet those thoughts had clung onto me and are still present now.
Thank you for this playlist. It helps.
Wanted to specify cause some people in the comments were feeling that their experiences meant less compared to others, but remember trauma isn't about what was done to you, but what it changed in your belief system. What did those people teach you, show you, do to you, and make you believe about yourself that ended up doing you harm? It can sometimes be the smallest moments that are seemingly harmless that do the most damage.
Tw…When I was born my dad was a drug addict. He left me at random peoples house of smokers. My mother never knew what house I was in. At one point he did stop. Growing I had a eating issue. I could not gain weight and need to be at hospitals at all time. Into middle school I was bullied for being the only hispanic person at school. I was groomed by another student and a cousin. The teachers did not believe me nor my parents. I was touched by my sick uncle. A teacher picked on me till I cried everyday because of my weakness of always being sad. Starting high school I moved to a different house and school. I had a boyfriend who raped me. I tried od and my mother wasn’t there. I was nervous to get a first job. I used to have drama with everyone because I was easy to pick on. I was told “I know your not innocent”. I recorded and had screenshots of everything just incase. That boyfriend i told you about cheated on me and other girls. I have all the proof to ruin his next relationship. I have proof to ruin anyones relationship but pick not to. Now I have cancer, hypothyroidism, anxiety, and insomnia all diagnosed. My uncle that touched me passed away. My cousin has a daughter now and lives 8 hours away. I got a second job and saw the student who groomed me. He touched me and almost raped me in the restroom. I meet the teacher again and she acted as if nothing. My mother and father now show love and support. Nothing gets better. I now sexualize myself for the attention I always wanted. I worked at a chicken plant killing my body with work and school with only 2 hours of sleep to impress my parents. I am creative tho. I use new hobbies to allow myself to live and enjoy life. I write, read, crochet, and paint. I just started crystal, tarot, and getting into clay. No matter how life gets bad it can always get worse. Everything that goes down has to go up. But what goes up has to come down.
im glad to see someone else struggling, someone with a shitty life who never deserved it, a person who just wanted the minimum but got absolutely nothing. im sorry if what i say seems selfish. i guess in my eyes maybe life isn't worth living but maybe death isn't worth dying? idk just reading your last two sentences sparked something in me
That sucks. Im glad life's given you talents and I hope you feel better soon.
oh my gosh this comment made me tear up your innocent soul doesn’t deserve that & don’t worry in the end they will all get what they deserve for how they treated you & you shall always be above them :)) I truly hope for a peaceful & happy life for you! I will put you into my prayers and thoughts
man, you didnt deserve that. im so sorry for you but im glad you are getting better!!
Damn.... You're a strong person go on 💖
(Trigger Warning)
Remember back before the world was truly aware of the dangers of the internet...where everything could just run more ramped. where you were younger and everything was new and you had just started every thing. and the people on your old brick of a tiny phone with the little cherry blossom case with the tiny bee on it you loved so much where your only friends. they were just people who were depressed and just needed cheering up~? they played all your favorite games with you and loved roleplaying stories somedays they asked questions you never minded the just wanted help. remember the first time you lost one of them and couldn't explain it to your parents because people on the internet are not real friends??? remember how the request started changing as you tried to help more people cause after that you wanted no one to have to go through that loss again?? remember the day your mom found your phone and was so upset and you couldn't understand why cause you were so little?? Remember the day you lost all your friends and no one could explain why? Do you remember a time before Groomer was a term? and now are you sitting her at 22 slowly figuring out everything unpacking that trauma maybe even older??
Know your not alone and you survived the real monsters that hide in closets and outside in the dark you were so scared of as a small child. know your mind can recover and you can learn from and help people still from living like this.. and most importantly know your not alone.
okay this just feels like a personal callout, yet im not 22, im 14
ouch
@@_pidgeoned_ I only say it because I've lived through it my friend stay safe out there okay
@@AliceinaDayDream yeah, you too
@@_pidgeoned_
yeah me too. 🧍🏻
@@_pidgeoned_ me too, now I have a diagnostic of depression and anxiety
I had a fairly happy childhood, but when I think about him my heart sinks :
same here. I wish that we could go back
I'll share my own story for the sake of posterity. My early childhood was pretty good, I had a couple best friends and we'd do a lot together. Primary school was nice, relaxed, and fun for the most part. After that I was separated from my best friends because of life circumstances, a lot of people in my family started dying, my pets died while we were on holiday, and I had to start highschool knowing nobody. I was bullied and marginalised pretty much the whole time, I was undiagnosed autistic/adhd at the time so people thought I was strange enough to feel ok about taking my humanity from me. I developed bad social anxiety and I'd hide in the toilets so that I could eat my lunch and read in peace for a bit before going to classes. I also developed body dysmorphic disorder, depersonalisation/derealisation, and quiet borderline personality disorder which all went unnoticed for years because I was taught to stuff my feelings inward. I made no lasting friends in sixth form because I was so damaged from that time, and I still have a lot of trouble connecting with people now. My parents would make fun of my emotionaI breakdowns sometimes and that didn't make things better given how humiliating it was. I got into a toxic relationship during the end of sixth form because I wanted to feel loved and love someone so much, and I did for a while, but it slowly destroyed me on the inside. During my first couple years at uni I started getting addicted to drinking because it would numb the pain a little bit, and I got so depressed during the pandemic that I tried hanging myself with a belt a few times but I always bailed at the last minute. Now I'm here, having broken up with my ex, stopped the drinking for the most part, gotten into pretty good shape, but I'm still feeling pretty worthless. I don't really know why I'm sharing this with strangers, but I guess it makes me feel like everything that's happened is more real and less like a waking nightmare
I hope you find peace soon I'm so sorry you experienced all of this. Theres a lot I can relate to here and I hope you know you're not alone, not even a little.
dude, I'm so funking proud of you????
like, YOU TURNED YOUR WHOLE LIFE AROUND!!!!?!???!!?
and NO one NO ONE HAS SAID ANYTHING????
DUDE, THAT IS HONESTLY SO GOOD!!!!!
YOU ARE LITERALLY GETTING BETTER, LOOK AT YOU!!!
BE PROUD SO PROUD EXTREMELY PROUD!!!!!!!!!!
now all you need to do is go to some therapy or like a therapy group and talk things out, because having someone to listen makes your life so much better.
also if your therapist treats you bad leave em, but like YOU HAVE DONE SO MUCH?????
LOOK AT YOU, I don't even know you and I'm beaming! I'm SO FRICKING PROUD!!!!!
hope you have a wonderful day!
-poppie/belle
I hope you're better now! ❤
I've been my own friend for a long time, all though I never really liked myself. I like to day dream in my free time, just making up stories in my head while running around outside / inside. I started this since I was 6 - 7 years old and I'm now 13. A way of coping for me is by reimagining the event or whatever the thing is in a story or a bunch of characters. Like self - love or emotions or family. I would kind of communicate with myself sometimes. Either in my head or out loud. They are usually arguments or fights but sometimes they are complements or values. It's like my own little playground for me to play in without the fear of judgement or acceptance. I do need to learn to interact with the outside world as well for I can convince myself that I am things I am not or that I like this. It's not really a vent but I don't talk about it often and it's something that is close to my heart that I have just never shared. I'm a weirdo and I love it. : )
Wow. It just felt like someone took my life and wrote it out. I had no idea other people did this. I'm also 13 and definitely relate to the daydreaming and making up stories. :0 I'm shocked that there's another person out there I thought I was just messed up lol. Do you feel like your living in your head? Recently I looked up the feeling and found out it was a pretty common part of ADD. You might have ADD too
Sorry for making this about me 💀💀 I'm just very happily surprised
@@lily-fm9ml nono, i don't mind. I'm glad someone relates to me, it's awesome!
Hello fellow maladaptive daydreamers I have found my people
I wanna share my story eeee
I belive what you are describing is Maladaptive daydreaming. Please look it up if you are unfamiliar with it. Anyway, I dont necessarily remmeber that many things from my childhood, but one thing I do remmeber is my constant running up and down in my dads apartment to Alvin and the chipmunk music for hours on end in 2015. I used to be a maladaptive daydreamer ever since I was 4 and still do it today. And I do that to when I try to cope. When my cat died I reimagined the scene but with different characters in my head. Although I do have some made up characters, most of my daydream characters are characters I like from fandoms for example rantaro from danganronpa or tord from eddsworld. One thing about my maladaptive daydreaming I think is a little diffrent and not many other people share is that smell also triggers my daydreaming. I got a blanket when I was about 4, and began sniffing it for whatever reason, which became kinda an addiction and the smell triggers my daydreaming. Although I love daydreaming, because I do it so often I do lack some health things like hygiene and taking care of my hunger. I also struggle with interacting with people, but I do have friends that I love dearly at school still. I've been doing it for 8 years now and will most likely continue to do so.
@@lily-fm9ml I'm not sure if MADD is part of ADD but I believe what's being described here is Maladaptive daydreaming. Please look it up if you are unfamiliar with it! Not trying to argue or anything 💗
man all i can remember in my childhood is fighting and crying. my childhood got taken away from me and these memories always play throughout my mind night and day :( i wish i wasnt born
*When you realize that you might have trauma and your parents might go through a homophobic parental arc bc your bi and you are also semi Christin, you have internalized homophobia for yourself, you have a fear of yelling bc of that possible trauma. Wow. You don't even want to get into the school stuff- you have other fears caused by things that have happened to you, those are fun! And being extremely paranoid is really helping you through all of this!*
you don't owe anyone a coming out, period. if it's unsafe it's unsafe, your safety is on top of your emotional needs rn.
if your wondering "am I traumatised?" you probably are, ngl I fully thought I was not traumatised. TURNS OUT I'VE BEEN VERBALLY AND EMOTIONALLY ABUSED MY WHOLE LIFE, sometimes what you think is normal might just be your normal.
if it gets worse, please call a help-line. there's TONS and they will have way more information than me, they will help you. (it's their job)
either way I hope you have a nice day :)
-poppie/belle
I have a fear of yelling.i dont want to let everyone know how I'm scared of it
Dear Michichu & listeners,
Let me tell you a little story. This is a story I made over the course of 4 hours in this very comment section (and occasionally in google docs to save progress). It's not a very subtle story, but it is mine and I'm proud of it because its the first time I've truly written in a long, long time, with imperfections and cheesiness included. It was originally gonna be more about this video's subject, being trauma, but I cut that part of it out since it didn't fit the rest of it. I like it better as a result, and I hope you do too. It may take some time to read, so I'll try to make it worth that time. Now let me begin,
This is a story about a strange young man. Let's just call this lil guy "Critter" for convenience sake. Critter is doing his usual morning routine of turning on his PC and prepping some cereal. This day is different, though. He says he needs to make change in his life. So, he decides to go hiking in the mountains. "Surely that will cure my ADHD!" he says to himself, knowing full well exercise didn't make a difference in his attention span while doing his school work. Nonetheless, he goes for a little walk to a nearby park. He was surely determined to simply prove to himself that he can do something difficult. So he does. For the whole day, he hikes up and down some mountains (although they felt more like really tall hills), and is left to his own thoughts. 2 hours into his hike, he spots a deer. This startled him at first, since he's used to deer running away from him at first sight. This one simply stared as he approached.
"You're one brave deer", Critter said aloud to himself.
"You're one brave dear!" it replied. Critter was speechless, and yet didn't freak out either. Even though talking deer aren't particularly expected, he didn't think about it either. He was happy enough to hear a voice that isn't his own.
"Well, thank you, but... What makes you think I'm brave?" said Critter.
"They say my kind are as well versed in judging one's character as two legged furless apes are in sounding out random gibberish," the deer replied.
"Wh-... I don't... What?"
"Anyways, this is the first time I've seen you walking around these woods, and the first time I've seen anyone who isn't a hunter walk around alone for so long. What ya been thinking about?"
"I uhh... I'd rather not say to be honest."
"You sure? You look like you rather would."
"Well, maybe its less that I don't want to say, and more that you wouldn't wanna hear. I've learned my lesson not to use my friends as emotional punching bags, so I'm not gonna use some stranger as one either..."
"You're new around here! I wanna hear everything there is to hear about ya, dear. I can't leave ya with my imagination walking around all alone in my mind as you are in this forest!"
"I just want something in my life or in myself to change so I can focus on growing up and doing... at least something with my life."
"Who's to say you haven't already?"
"Me. Maybe other people I dunno."
"You're talkin to someone who's got an optimistic couple more years in 'er prime, and has still prolly lived half as long as you! You gotta lot more winters to go before you can give up."
"What if I don't change?"
"You have, therefore you will. There is no more to say," and the deer got back to eating some nearby wheatgrass.
"Alright... Well enjoy your uhh, meal, I guess." Critter walks away, deeper into the forest. After walking for a few, while thinking of that little interaction he had with the deer, he then vaguely remembers some lines to this one poem he read after an end to an End.
"and the universe said I love you
and the universe said you have played the game well
and the universe said everything you need is within you
and the universe said you are stronger than you know
and the universe said you are the daylight
and the universe said you are the night
and the universe said the darkness you fight is within you
and the universe said the light you seek is within you
and the universe said you are not alone
and the universe said you are not separate from every other thing
and the universe said you are the universe tasting itself, talking to itself, reading its own code
and the universe said I love you because you are love.
And the game was over and the player woke up from the dream. And the player began a new dream. And the player dreamed again, dreamed better. And the player was the universe. And the player was love.
You are the player.
Wake up."
Critter then collapses onto the ground. Was it emotional weight dragging him downward, or were his legs giving out after many hours of walking? Either way, he lay on the dead leaves of late autumn trees, closed his eyes, and shed a couple tears, even a couple more than a couple. Perhaps the tears are because of his eyes being dried up due to the wind and dying leaves. How did the tears taste? Bitter? Sweet? He couldn't tell, thats for sure. He couldn't stop feeling. He tried thinking, but no thoughts were entirely clear. The feelings fogged up his mind just as much as the steaming hoarfrost in the grass fogged that very forest. He tried to remember. He tried to imagine. He tried to see. He tried to tell the time. There was nothing to say to the time, therefore he felt nothing but himself. He felt cold. He felt warm. He tasted bitter. He tasted sweet. The gray sky radiated hints of yellow and blue, yet most of the color was trapped above the blanket. The wind blew softly, blowing away his tears. A red leaf falls on his face. Perhaps the last leaf to fall in the forest.
Several minutes pass, or was it hours? Did he fall asleep or just simply rest while awake? Either way, he finally gets up. He feels just a little bit better, even a bit better than a little bit better. He tells the time, then he tells time that he's heading back home. Back to his PC. However this time it isn't to consume, but rather produce. Time then points to twelve o' clock, not to say what time is, but to point at where time is. Critter notices that the clouds have parted, but that his star has passed along with time. He then notices the many other stars in the sky. They are much smaller, yet much more numerous. Uncountable even. More stars in the sky than grains of sand on a beach. The forest has now gone dark, but the sky is as bright as ever. The stars glisten as if they're blinking back.
Critter accidentally says aloud himself "So beautiful."
"So handsome," the stars replied.
"Wh-... Well, thank you? I mean- I don't know if I would say that, but-"
"Just accept my compliment as you would accept any other gift."
"I don't usually get gifts, though."
"You are more gifted than you might think. Just open up to yourself, as if you were a present. You're present right now, anyways."
"Well no I mean-.... Actually, thank you. Thank you so much... I don't talk to others very often."
"You talk to us very often."
"Hmm? Haven't we only just now met?"
"Perhaps, but then again haven't you only just now been born? 19 years is nothing compared to our lifetime." the stars said. A few ticks pass.
"That... doesn't answer my question."
"It did, didn't it? Allow us to put it another way. We are the collective light coming from many stars. Mere information traveling to your eyes over the course of many lifetimes of many organisms. We are information from a star. You, on the other hand, are a collection of materials from what once was a star, a dead star, which turned into star dust. That is you. You are the light of an alive star, the dust of a dead star, and the love of humanity. You are information from stars. We are information from stars. We are love. You are love. We are you. There is no more to say." and the stars wept. They wept for Critter.
Perhaps the tears are due to the evaporated water in the sky coming closer together, and temperature lowering, causing them to freeze and fall. How do they taste? Bitter? Sweet? No. The tears are not caused by the wind and dead leaves. They are not because of temperature changes, or condensation. They do not taste bitter or sweet. These are tears of sadness and joy. Of bittersweetness. Of feeling. Of being. These tears are cold, and dry, and white. Critter's tears glisten and blink as the stars do, and as the snow does. Critter still doesn't fully understand, but he doesn't have to. He knows that he is alive. He knows that he is himself. He knows that he is stardust. He hears the universe singing to him. And so, he walked back to his PC and started writing. Writing of the experience he had on that little big hike in the mountains. And Jade was-... Well, Jade is happy. Jade is well, and Jade wants you to be well too.
The End,
-Jade
P.S. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this, and thank you Michichu inspiring me to make this and to put it somewhere nice on the internet. I hope I can continue creating things.
This is normally where I would say something self deprecating for humorous effect and to make the comment stand out slightly more, but honestly, I really like this. I don't need other people to like it, only me. Maybe in a while I'll look back at this and cringe at all of it's imperfections and how much I've improved, but hopefully this is a turning point for me. Either way, right now, this means a lot to me... Thank you, me, for actually doing this...
Also, side note, this was majorly inspired by two other things: a 5 hour long hike I made a few weeks ago for the first part, and the Minecraft end poem for the second, not to mention being inspired by the act of me writing it and self reflecting. But it was this video and it's description that inspired me to actually start writing in the first place. It started out as venting about trauma, and ended up turning into this. Me removing the venting part does remove context, but I don't think it's necessary.
I love this sm
thats beautiful, you should put it on AO3 just in case the comment section becomes unreachable because this is beutiful :')
Oh my god , this is beautiful, so much more than just beautiful, your writing is amazing and like just saying I would totally be a crazy fan if you have a writing account -
@@Lizamarie__/videos haha thank you! sheesh, it's been so long since I wrote this. I thought about that story recently. A few days ago, I actually walked on part of the trail that inspired this story for the first time since then before turning around again 'cause I got new laceless boots that were a little too loose. I returned those to get the laced variant, so it's all good now although my scab is still healing, heh. I'm gonna walk that entire trail again some day, though. maybe soon as it's getting to be that same time of year again. I still vividly remember how deafeningly quiet it was without any cars or chirping birds; just the wind, the rustling branches, and my own self.
Goodness, so much has changed since then! My life seems to be turning around despite my complete and utter loneliness. I moved into my own apartment this January and got a part-time job a couple months ago. I've had a recent revelation that perhaps my childhood trauma wasn't a needlessly cruel thing that made me weaker... Maybe it was exactly what I needed to become an adult. I recently watched somethingelseyt's video on living in his first apartment. I didn't struggle with any of the things he did, so maybe that was because he was less prepared for adulthood than I was as a result of our differing childhoods. Not sure though, it's all speculation and very difficult for me to admit positivity in my trials. Either way, I wouldn't doubt my trauma is what makes my writing the way it is, so at least there's that.
But anyway, yeah I'm planning on getting back into writing again. I don't have a writing account, though. I'm planning on incorporating my writing into youtube videos, so I guess you could sub to that in case I ever do complete a video. I have started on many writing projects over the years, but none I've gotten to a finished state like in the original comment. If I do end up completing something else non-video related, I'll add another reply in here.
Thank you all so much for your kind words and support! ❤ It is all very heartwarming and motivating for me. My need to create never went away. Maybe now is the time I finally fulfill it.
all I can remember from my childhood is the abuse, i cant remember a time where i was still a pure and happy child. i had only just turned 5, i didnt get enough time to enjoy being a child
wow some people really do suck!
i. i just. woah.
im sitting here at midnight, listening to this playlist, (which is very pretty, btw,) reading the comments. and... i feel like my heart is torn out. so many sweet people, so many kind people, so many amazing people, with all of these burdens of trauma. many of them even younger than i am. i want to cry, i really do. but im too emotionally numb for anything to come out. it hurts. it hurts so much. i know something is definitely wrong with me, i havent had any diagnosis of anything at all as of writing, but i do not think i have trauma. but, so many people i know do. many of my closest friends have went through great amounts of trauma. i feel awful. i would happily take their pain from them, not because i think it's easy (it definitely is not), but because they don't deserve to have it. this doesn't just go for my friends, but everyone. everyone here in this comments section, everyone in other playlist comments sections, absolutely everyone in the world. i know it's a deeply awful thing to say, but i feel like i haven't gone through enough. i don't know how to help anyone, and it hurts. it hurts so much. but you know, my friends seem to appreciate me, and say that i help them mentally. i appreciate them deeply as well, especially since i can be honest with them about my gender identity unlike with my family. maybe things will be alright. i can only hope. and i hope that things will be alright for all of you, too. keep yourself healthy and safe. people care for you. and if you think nobody does, well, just know that i do.
knowing that you want to do something and that you wont just sit there and watch is more than enough and comforting also the fact you wrote a paragraph
the playlist is lovely, but i can't help worrying about the kids in the comments sharing very personal stories of trauma. please keep yourself safe x
i agree! but if they want to vent, i wont stop them. i do remove comments if it is waaay too personal (shares locations, names etc etc) or if its explicit with no TW
It’s my first time listening to this and I love it. I was hit with a wave of nostalgia like no other. I remember going on my family computer and just watching funny videos and lets plays of Zelda games. I wish I could go back and enjoy those things again but because I was forced to become more mature at a young age, I took things for granted.
Oh well, I hope everyone has a good day or night! ♥️^_^♥️
I remember being addicted to video games and my mom telling me how useless I was, just like my father who died of his addiction. I remember horrible, horrible things she’s said and I know I’ll never forget it. I remember that it wasn’t her fault, and I remember the day I finally learned it wasn’t mine either. Now I hope others with severe emotional abuse and any other type of abuse can see it wasn’t their own fault, and that they shouldn’t base their self esteem on what others say or do because it’s irrelevant. Yet support is needed…
I hope you are doing okay.. Love and support, stay strong 💝
@@EsmeraldaLopez_ ♥️
this music is very calming... I'm going through a lot with PTSD a the moment, and I'm really grateful there's someone who gets it, thank you for this banger
My childhood was so bright and happy until what had happened. It felt like my innocence was taken away from me for no particular reason because i was nothing but a good respectful child. I started to rebel in my teen years and now i always have a border and I’ve become so numb and emotionless (ew i sound like a try hard edgelord lmao anyways) but yea throughout the years I’ve turned from a kind and social child to a quiet cold person most of the time unintentionally. I miss my childhood days before my innocence was taken away from me. I was so happy and loved life., I cried over the silliest things but I still felt like the happiest kid, now i have to fake my happiness to please everybody. Everytime i try to talk to my parents about what happened to me in my childhood they always try to avoid the topic and say I’m trying to cause drama, they will try to make me feel bad and say that I’m just “ungrateful” “too much to handle”. But yea, i feel so alone and i feel like this is the only thing that genuinely brings me comfort and reminds me of that goodpart of my childhood even tho its “traumacore” this one feels a lot brighter than the other ones ive seen. So thank you so so much for this
Thanks to RUclips for making my memory terrible, your the best
Also anyone out there who is struggling, nothing lasts forever, you’ll get thru this, ok? Your amazing and your worth so much
// curse words
sometimes i feel like im faking things bc what ive gone through isn't half as bad as other people, but at the same time now that im almost 20 im starting to realize all the fucked up shit i went through wasnt normal lol. idk but i really love this playlist, it feels like floating through clouds or smth. thanks for making it
Is it fine to listen to these casually? I like the seemingly innocent tone coupled with some disturbing imagery.
And if you're asking if I ever got into trauma, does harsh parental punishments and near death experiences count?
you can listen to this whenever! and yeah, possibly. speaking to a psychiatrist and telling them about your experiences could help with knowing
trauma is relative to whoever it happened to,, if it felt like trauma than it probably was
harsh parental punishments can be (even spanking is considered mentally damaging to a child in the long term) but near death experiences are definitely trauma for sure. Heck, simply witnessing a near death experience is considered traumatic, and is one of the things that happened to me that I'd describe as such.
I don't know how to describe the feeling this playlist gives me, but it just... fits?
slight TW, but not too explicit
I always feel a bit 'sunken' (is the only word that really fits) when things like drinking, alcohol or father figures are mentioned for... obvious reasons. typically I would listen to classical or dark academia playlists, but this hits the spot in a certain way I can't describe. It kind of helps me wallow in that feeling, and help me really feel it (and sometimes express it). I take a deep breath and I feel okay again. Thanks for making this!
If you are reading this, no matter who you are, I’m proud of you. You woke up, and you tried. You may not have succeeded, but you tried. And I’m proud of you. Never give up. Because no matter what happens, I will be here rooting for you to be the best you can be, so drink your water, eat something, even if it’s just something small. I’m proud of you.
thank you for this amazing playlist , it helps me calm down. (TW!!!) I've been abused physically, emotionally, and mentally by my mom. raped by my grandpa. and multiple guy teachers have sexually harassed me. my dad threatened my mom as I was growing up that he would kidnap me if he ever found out where we lived and he was never in my life due to that and many other reasons. I've struggled with self harm for 3 years now and have had multiple suicide attempts. I'm going to be 14 next year. right now my mom still abuses me but not often, I'm in a school where i have some friends, my grandpa nearly died due to a hex I put on him, and i have a pet bunny named Winston to help with my depression and anxiety.
pardon my language, but both your mum and grandpa are pieces of shit. you deserve so much better than the way life is treating you. please know that you are not alone. I thought I wasn't going to make it for my 14th birthday but I am still here at 19. I am so sorry that this is happening to you. it can only get better from here.
I am so sorry foe everything you have went through you never deserved any of this kind of things that happend to you and I wish that that man die a slow and painful death
gosh that’s fucking horrifying to hear you didn’t deserve any of that treatment. Im sorry about that and i hope some of these people went to jail. And the fact your own grandfather did that is horrible, he doesn’t deserve to be here. Remember, NON of what happened was your fault and you deserve so, so much better. I hope that after the 2 years you’ve posted this comment that now things have gotten better and that you managed to push forward. Ur rlly strong btw for doing so and if u need someone to talk to please don’t be afraid to say so here
I think one of the worst moment when you are a traumatized kid is watching others kids your age (for example your classmates) being all happy and having a good family, a good treatment and a good childhood. It's not because of envy like others would think but actually you feel awful since you know thay you will never be their friends and watching how you could also have that life hurts.
Years of pain and trauma really make you realize that your life will never be the same. And that you are destined to be alone if you don't want to be hurt.
I feel super sick right now after laying in bed for 18 hours listening to this somehow makes me calm down, thank you
something that never fails to hit me out of nowhere now that im an adult, is the fact that.. when i was a kid i wanted this. i wanted the stresses and responsibilities in adult life that i thought i didnt have as a kid. so i forced myself to grow up faster than life intended and now.. now im a confused adult wondering why i didn't cherish being a kid.
i cant.. read others pain when i cant even process my own... i cant fall apart again under the crushing weight of someone else...
I don’t even know if my trauma is bad or not, but these really help. They took my childhood. They took my innocence. They took my dog. They took my happiness. They took my emotions.
first off, beautiful playlist- i was having trouble resting as a person with autism and ptsd as well as an illness i am battling-
i have been doing better nowadays as an older teenager, but it still haunts me. i wake up every night and cry because i cannot forget as much as i wish to- i hate the feeling of being dirty and sticky as i have felt it all throughout my life- being unable to vocalize my pain from sexual abuse from so many people hurts me as i was mute for awhile. i feel stronger now and i wish to protect others from the nastiness of such "people". my heart goes out to all who have been through the same pain as i have.
for those who don't know what trauma core is: Traumacore also known as Usedcore is a kind of aesthetic that is a bit dubious because it is related to trauma, abuse, religion or innocence. But why is there traumacore?
Let's get straight to the point.
Traumacore is a therapeutic art where the artists of this movement use all kinds of elements where they can express a traumatic feeling or event in their life. Many of these artists use Hello Kitty images, text and effects as glitches.
Before, I used to look back at my childhood and say, "I was so lucky," because I genuinely thought I had a good childhood. My parents loved me and were always there for me, they put a lot of effort into making me happy.
Eventually I realized so many things, very fucked up things that happened to me thanks to "him", things that today have changed my perception about everything in life in the moment I grew up and realized what he did, and I will never forgive him for ruining what my parents built with so much effort and care.
me:"you ruined my childhood"
friends and siblings: "hm i wonder who's that for"
"That sign can't stop me because I can't read"
Hey Michichu! I have come to alert you that I've made a playlist inspired by yours here! I linked this video and your channel in the video description. Thank you for inspiring me!
oh wow, ill have to give it a listen! thank you for crediting me, i really appreciate that
i just recently realised i've actually gone through some real trauma. thank you for making this playlist
It makes me calm, makes me forget about them...
So what if they made me bleed?
So what if they always blamed it on me?
So what if they just were fake friends?
...So what if they just wanted my life to be ruined?
So what if they didn't want me to be free?
So what if they didn't let me be me?
So what if I felt sick?
So what if I just don't ignore them?
So what if I cut my problems away?
So what if I like to be alone?
So what if I just don't exist?
No one will miss me.
(A vent. Sorry if I worried you, I'm fine, kinda.)
@@imfeelsick this is cringe hell naw
What a lovely playlist. I've been looking for something like this trying to get over a shitty period of my life. (Aphex twin helped) but this may be even better:) thank you.
Youre welcome 💓
Thanks to my grandma, I now feel uncomfortable whenever someone shows affection by calling me pet names/comparing me to food (specifically sweets)/animals :D!
Edit: Here is the context:
I live with my grandma and mother, my father isn't there because... He's dead... My grandma used to be... Well a normal grandma, with well... A normal way of affection. This was okay until I was a little bit too old for this (around 9 - 10 years old), I told her that I was a bit too old for this type of affection, but she still didn't stop... She keeps doing this today... But it's even worse... Recently, she interrupted me while I was playing Project Sekai, by suggestively playing with me in my pajamas... Most of my recent trauma happens when I am in my Pajamas during the weekend... Earlier today (before this post was made), She interrupted me again, but I told her to leave me alone, she didn't stop, making excuses such as: "I can't hear you when you scream like this, I only hear you with your sweet cute voice" "I own this house, so I have the right to do anything to you". These arguments are in Russian, because she mainly speaks Russian. The argument ended with me biting her, and threatening to abandon me... Now, she's blaming everything on my mom. My grandma wants to kill herself as well...
I cope with dressing up like a scene kid (with my wardrobe, it looks more pastel though) because I look cute like a scene kid, and this is the type of fashion usually despised by old people, I hope that I find someone like me... Because I have much more to unravel, so much more...
I'm so sorry. I hope you get better. I know these things are hard to cope with, but this is what I saw.
Scars, whether they're mental and invisible, or physical and noticable, are a sign of strength. They mean you went through something hard, and came out stronger.
You got this, and I believe in you
I had a friend who probably needs this playlist more than me, but I can't get our 7 years of me trying to stop him from killing himself, him getting jealous of literally everything I did and bitching at me for doing literally anything other than talking to him, constantly falling in love with me because I was the only woman who would talk to him and really connect with him, and him fighting tooth and nail to get back into my life out of my head. All I've ever wanted was him to be happy, to love himself. And I still do, even if I can't even look at him anymore.
I wish bullies didn't exist and that the internet wasn't a dangerous place
Me too:( so sad
@@Michichuu i was just a curious kid, we all were :/
Same...
I was VERY curious as a child, I cannot describe what I have seen...
боже, после этого плейлиста и приятных людей в комментариях я чувствую себя такой живой, я так люблю мир...
God, after this playlist and pretty people in the comments, I feel so alive, I love the world so much...
I wanna provide a bit of hope for people, but I do discuss my trauma here. I'm a little drunk, so I might be rambly. TW for :CSA, grooming, emotional abuse, s3xual harrasment, and bullying. Let me know if I missed any.
A while back, I had my lowest low since I was 6 years old. I was dealing with my childhood trauma resurfacing in the worst way, and an OCD episode to boot, more disturbingly my obsessional themes were that of POCD. I have OCD tendencies from dyspraxia, but it would spiral into OCD episodes for varying periods of time and intensities. My OCD was made infinitely worse because I had experienced CSA as a child, and was convinced I was becoming the worst kind of human (OCD presents in very strange and destructive ways.) I remember in those times, my comfort was trauma core. I remember looking at images for hours, venting in comment sections, listening to music, and relating to it all. I never felt my trauma was worth anything, that I was being weak by feeling the way I did about it, that others have gone through way worse and I was wasting resources and space because I experienced COCSA instead of regular CSA. I felt like I was a despicable person, thanks to the OCD, and if I hadn't gotten help I could have done something irreversible to myself. I had issues at home and at school, years of bullying and s3xual harassment, attempted grooming, having a parent with life threatening conditions, and CSA as a child, along with many other "little Ts" as they are called in trauma therapy. I really felt stuck, unable to move on, like my life was not even worth it to myself and to others.
Well, someone in my life urged me into therapy. And, holy fucking shit. My life has changed.
I got the care I needed. I learnt to manage my OCD episodes. I learnt to manage my trauma, unpack it, fold it up neatly and put it away. It's still there. It always will be. But it takes up less space in my mind, and impacts my daily life less. I reconciled with my mother, who had been emotionally abusive in the past due to her own upbringing and mental issues (I don't recommend this for everyone, however, it only helped me because I know she truly wants to change for the better and I have established boundaries and am intolerant to mistreatment from her now). I unpacked the trauma of my bullying and my CSA. I can engage in acts that I would have previously had panic attacks over. When I'm triggered, I can control it and keep myself safe. I developed healthy coping mechanisms, I finally felt listened to and supported, my social anxiety has been rapidly improving and I finally feel... functional again.
I no longer needed traumacore. I didn't relate to it as strongly. But, when I need it, since there's times where I get worse and times where my recovery backtracks, I come back here. You are all beautiful, and amazing people. This community helped me immensely during my darkest hours, and for that, I say thank you to each and every one of you, even if I've never interacted with you. You all make this community, and make it welcoming and healing.
I just wanted to say this, because I never thought I'd get here. I thought I'd be dead at 16 tops. Well, In less than 2 weeks, I'll be 19. 3 years longer than I thought I'd make it. I believe in you all, and wish you well in your recoveries. It is a rocky road, but things do get better. It takes a lot of effort, time taken to understand yourself and your traumas, and learning how to manage your emotions and triggers, but you can get to a better place than the place you're in now. Thank you for reading, and I hope your day/night will be lovely :)
im so sorry let me give you a hug i also got sa too
@@namjoonsbesti Sorry for the late reply, sending digital hugs
@@whatisthis1958 same to you too
My eyes, filled with constant tears of sadness
My age, taken for granted
My body, it says no but they do it anyways
My hands, their useless
My mind, ringing with noises
My trauma, constantly going to be around my whole life..
i rlly like the blinking transition actually..!!
Ty !!
As someone who was mentally abused by my father most of my life and he just left with me almost eighteen now, my childhood was fucked up so this is really comforting to listen to :')
@@imfeelsick I'm doing alright now but thank you for your concern ❤️
@@giyuusimppheyy how are u :(
seriously? just 67 subs? geezers, you're underrated.
Ahaha thank u! But i onli started around a month ago, n im vv grateful 4 the subs i have ~
idc ur cool now cause you used that word
@@Michichuu I do not give a donkus, you're amazing and always will be. 💳💥💳💥💳💥💳💥💳💥
Hearing this music brings so many memories and emotions, I was abused physically and verbally and emotionally every…I was about 7 years old, for some reason whenever I hear this kind of music my tears fall down immediately, I wish I can go back in time and hug my younger self and tell her that I’m here to save her and to be with her 😞….
i just need a hug
a hug and someone I can actually talk to
* sends virtual hugs *
I'm sorry :( If I had known you irl, i would've already been hugging you by now.. sorry for everything you've been through, stay strong 💖
Not too much into traumcore tbh but as someone with trauma based disorders (C-PTSD & DID), from constant csa and general abuse since toddler age, these are very comforting and relaxing for when I'm having a trauma attack/breakdown ♥️!
i dont like to consider this traumacore (anymore), its just a coping playlist
To everyone here listening to this, I want you to know that you’re not alone, you’re so much stronger than you think you are, and there are so many more people rooting for you than you could ever know, even if it doesn’t seem like it. You ARE good enough.
It’s okay to cry as much as you need.
My childhood was stolen from me by another child. I want it back so bad, but it's too late now.
This playlist is so relaxing
the description !^! made me feel like i had never met someone caring like you, i hope yall have the greatest day and im sure its going to be alright :)
The majority of the bad stuff happened in my teens. my mom had a lot of health problems and sadly she's gone now. Somehow this playlist comforts me a little. Some songs connect to the worry I had for mom, some connect to the hope I had that she would recover, but also the idea of it fading. The last one represents my now for me. That she's gone and I have to deal with that now, and that this pain is still ongoing but in a different way. It's also serves to remind me that even if trauma isn't our fault it's our responsibility to cope with and/or heal it, as we're the ones dealing with it, but even if you healed from something it may still affect you and the pain is valid.
Idk if traumacore would help me or not but this Playlist feels at least somewhat helpful. I could try using it but I don't wanna be seen as bad for using it to deL with my past experience of caring for mom, when she was ill and had some health problems, especially since most users use it for early childhood trauma. I feel it might help, but I don't want to use something if using it would mean that I'm hurting the community.
Can't belive I have to say this but I have to deal with it again. My papa (grandpa on mom's side) is gone.
Tw.. my mother just recently passed from cancer and listening to this was like a slap to the face. The. Nostalgia I felt while listening to this was incredible.
I remember when me and my sister would stay up to the wee hours of the night and play on the wii. We would watch RUclips videos and try not to laugh vines. It was so much fun. We would always try to stay quiet so we wouldn't wake up our mother.
And I still remember the first time my mom bought me the DSI.
I was so fucking happy.
It was the best feeling in the world.
But for me.
That's all gone now.
I envy my sister's.
They got to have mom there when they graduated, turned into adults ex.
And I don't get any of that.
Nothing. Not a thing.
I have my father- sure. But it's not the same .
Not the same at all.
But I hope everyone is doing well! ꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡
I swear i love this playlist
Makes me feel calm after crying :D
*!!Vent!!*
Idk why but lately I've been feeling like crap, just recently my first ever online friend and I stopped talking cause of me impulsively chatting and doing something bad. Me and my online friend still haven't been talking and i do hope she's doing well tho
My birthday is around the corner (April 23) and my mother scolded me again for responding to my father so rudely but I was just in a bad mood that day and she just told me to act nice cause my dad working hard for the family and i get that but i was in a bad mood that day and i also feel not comfortable talking to him, I see my dad as selfish monster and I know I shouldn't but I just do.
He always gets so angry easily and he's selfish too (he once said that he wanted to but a new phone when he already has a new phone) it just sucks cause he's my dad and I should respect him but I just dont. He always hits my sister with a belt when my sister does something (ex. Accidentally Swearing when my dad was brutally teasing her) and he's always hurting my older sister with the belt and my mom excuses it by him just 'joking'. I just hate it.
I hate everything, I hate my mom too cause she's always sharing too much. She once shared a sleeping photo of me and my little sister on Facebook and she said that "it's just a photo" and said that she experienced that too but my dad didn't post it in the internet so it's different for her.
I love my mom but I also feel not comfortable telling my struggles to her cause I know she'll probably tell my dad, when I told my older sister that I wanted a new phone as my phone was old and had little storage. My sister mentioned it in a convo with my mom, I think she just wanted to know which type of new phone is the best for me and guess what.
The next day, my dad goes to me and says "what type of phone do you want?" I felt so betrayed cause I thought my mom would keep it a secret, I wanted to buy it my own but now my dad's buying it. I just feel so betrayed and horrible rn.
I hate it here, my mom's such a snitch and my dad's such a monster
huge credits to my mother for making me feel like this!!
This happened d not even an hour ago and I want to vent about it. Before I go on I would say I like my dad more than my mom. My mom has anger issues and upsets me a lot. My dad is funny and he makes me laugh. But today wasnt like that.
I had came back home from school and my cat was sleeping in her usual corner instead of her bed. I picked her up like I always do when I get home, and she mowed. But she always did that so I didnt think she was in pain. But when I put her down she didnt stand. She just laid there. The thing is, she looked like she wanted to move. She wanted to, but her body didnt let her. I got scared and asked my dad what was happening, but he didnt know. I thought she was dying. I was scared crying. And he just stood there. He wasnt any help. It was about 3 pm on a friday. By 4pm I decided to call my mom because he wasnt doing anything. Although, my mom couldn't either. She was at work. I was afraid. My mom told him to take her to the vet. He did but, the car ride made me emotional. He kept groaning about the bill. All I could think about was him caring about the bill rather than his traumatized kid. In the car she was a lot more active though, so that made me feel better. The vet didnt have walk ins and by now my mom was home so we were on our way back home. (Our house was only a few minutes away from that vet). When we were on our way home he said, "I can't deal with crazy people or emotional people." I instantly knew he was referring to my mother as "crazy" and me as "emotional". It made me super upset.
Now we have to wait about 50 minutes to take her to the vet, because my dad didnt sooner.
Btw angel is making lots of more movement.
Update: Angel didnt make it.
Update 2: I'm going to get a new cat January 29th.
Update 3: I just saved my aunts cats life. I went over to her house to see her cats, and when I got there I went looking for her orange tabby named, Winne. We found Millie, but we couldn't find Winnie. Then my older cousin heard meowing outside, and we went out to see Winnie in the car. Not in the car like, seats and stuff. In the *actual car*. Like the front part. We got her out and she is doing just fine inside now.
Update 4: Its February 11th, and I have the new kitten. I named her Precious. I love this one to. Shes affectionate, funny, and sassy. Just perfect for me.
So it's been months now and this cat is truly something else 💀. She is about 7-8 months now and she is a toddler in cat form to put it short.
｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡
ﾟ。 ｡ﾟ
ﾟ･｡･ﾟTimestamps
ʚ🎀ɞ 0:00 - 3:10 Icarus - Instupendo
ʚ🍼ɞ 3:11 - 6:14 Comfort chain - Instupendo
ʚ🧸ɞ 6:15 - 9:12 Nice boys - Temporex
ʚ🧴ɞ 9:13 - 12:58 All you are going to want to do is get back there - The caretaker
ʚ🌸ɞ 12:59 - 15:51 Backroom Labyrinth - Oliver Buckland
ʚ💉ɞ 15:52 - 19:12 still life - sitcom
ʚ💓ɞ 19:13 - 21:32 Yume Nikki - the end
Thank you for watching. i really appreciate it
Can we please get a Spotify? I love this so much 💕
@@Cassiuscreatez i dont use Spotify sorry!! :( i dont like it
Thx sm
Ironically enough, these songs are all in my playlist! Thanks, this perfectly summarizes my music taste haha
i love how Yume 'Nikki-the end' is put at the end lol
i love you so much, thank you, this really helps me feel better
Youre welcome
I don't have much trauma, so I want to give a message to everybody else.
Trauma can be really scary sometimes, and it can most definitely leave scars.
but in my eyes, whether the scars are mental and invisible, or physical and noticable. I believe they're a sign of strength.
A sign that you went through something tough, and came out stronger.
It may be hard, but things will eventually get better. I believe in you guys
the first two songs get me every time
but all that aside, rip madotsuki 🎠
This playlist is amazing though, it's just perfect for crying to even if you aren't traumatized (I am but still seems like bangers ordinary people would like) and it's just the perfect vibe.
Good job.
Shoutout to mom who never treated her kids equally
i hate the fact when i was a child i understood things too earlier. it was all ruined, and i was different from all of them.i was horrifying . now i cant change who i am ,i want to have a second chance
I rarely finish the playlists I listen to but this is wonderful, I can listen to it all I want and I will finish it because I loved it
I think this is my new favorite playlist
VENT: TW! DEREALISATION !!
I actually can’t remember anything from my childhood. I remember having a thought of an old memory , with me and my sister playing together , but it wasn’t MY memory??? It was but i saw myself outside myself?? Am I a different person?? Who am i?? I wanna go back but i’m afraid i’ll change forever , and i’m scared of change. But why was that memory not from my eyes?? Why did it look like it came from someone else? I started having mental breakdowns knowing that i’m non-existent and i’m not myself. Am i two different people?? Why do i see myself as a video film?? Someone please tell me i’m crazy. I feel like a ghost that can’t remember it’s past , which i don’t , but why is it happening to ME ?? Now i’m judging myself because i’m probably having derealisation , but this was for real and that was NOT my memory , if it was , WHY was it viewing the OUTSIDE OF ME?? Was it because i never really existed?? Was it because i can’t even tell if i was alive? What if i’m dead i never actually was alive , just some pain everyone loves and wants to get rid of at the same time. “ Oh look at you , ____ ! “ “ you looked so cute there ! “ “You looked so pretty and happy there!” But i don’t know if that was even me, am i even real?? I don’t remember that happening….
its always been so loud. the silence feels uncanny
I don‘t remember any kind of bad memories in my childhood i just know that i have probably multiple personalities and i think they know what was going on idk. I could cry if i see people that don’t had what they deserve. The worst part was when i switched with someone who had a panic attack. I was already in a mental hospital but in the time i did not knew what it was and i wanna go back there because i think the therapist knew what was going on. I really wanna go to a mental hospital again. It would be really the best for us.
tw
i was doomed before i was born to have a shitty life. my mom comes from a negligent family and my dad comes from abuse and an absent father. my mom never loved my dad and she said she threw up the first time they kissed, she only ever married him to get away from her parents. my dad awfully abused my mom. my brother and i were both accidents. we were abused too. my mom tried to escape but my dad wouldnt let her, and it took her until i was 3 and all bruised and crying on the floor to leave him.
he would make me watch him hurt her, he would make us watch him lock her outside and beg to come back in, he would "discipline" us over the tiniest things. my mom begged her parents to let us stay with them. they gave us rhe smallest room in the house.
my brother and i moved around different daycares. i would often act out and be violent to other kids, which makes sense considering what was going on at home. we lived with my grandparents until my mom married Dingle Dork for his house. she never loved him either. my mom fell into a deep depression, often not getting out of bed leaving me to play with my younger brother and pay attention to him. she taught me how to toast an onion bagel in the toaster and that along with sliced bell peppers is all i ate, partially because we didnt have money and partially because my mom was always sleeping. she and Dingle Dork fought a lot, both of them were equally cruel to each other.
my moms depression turned into just rage. she hated my brother and i, she hated my father, she hated Dingle Dork. one night when my brother and i were sleeping, she went into his room (they slept in separate rooms) and threatened to kill him if he didnt leave. he left that night and i havent seen him since.
my mother is a hateful person now, and i honestly dont blame her. my father mainly targeted her. i just wish she didnt take all that out on me.
my brother was extremely premature, the doctors didnt think either of them would make it. but they both survived. my mom always talks about how that strengthed their relationship. how attached she is to him. hes also special needs, hes on the autism spectrum and he also has adhd and had trouble in school, so shes often very involved with him. me on the other hand,
i also have autism and adhd, but i got diagnosed 6 years after my brother because of how little attention my mother paid to me. just to give an idea of what we're workinf with here
my relationship with my mother worsened over the years. im ready to live with my dad at this point. its spiraled to the point that she refuses to get me help or let me reach out for help because she's worried CPS will take my brother and i away. its gotten that bad.
she found my vent book the other night and just went off on me. "do you have any idea how much i do for you? do you have any idea how many sleepless nights ive spent trying to get away from those abusive men (my father and dingle dork)? i never shouldve had a family. i never shouldve had you. i try and i try to fix us but its never enough for you."
she doesnt understand how hard im trying not to end it all. she doesnt understand how hard im trying to get through all my trauma, on top of her bullshit all day. she doesnt understand how hard it is to sit there and bite my tongue and take her bullshit every fucking day.
it just hurts man. im only 14.
Looking for Cptsd playlists after the usual fight w my mom. You played two songs I love and one of them is literally my 3ds theme song. I also clicked immediately BC I love clowns (your pfp) and when I was younger I was really into trauma core and only now got diagnosed w Cptsd. You're in my head aaaaa lol jk have a good day
Aw i hope you are okay
I used to listen to this playlist a lot with my sister, thanks for all the good times I had with this playlist ❤
Currently making vent art while listening to this, also to anyone who is going through something right now, I’ll always be here for you 💕
TW! SH
my mom and dad broke up for only a mouth and my mother would threaten to cut herself and end her life, then blame me for my dad leaving and it got to the point I at the age of 13 was taking care of my mom and i wouldn't even sleep because i had to make sure SHE was okay, im15 now and she is dead while her doing all of that for a mouth straight led me into foster care and now my dad for the past year has been trying to get me back..
[sorry for the trama dump, i needed this.. also i love this playlist]
it feels so silly to have been traumatized by watching a horror movie at a young age but I guess that’s what happened
Don't feel silly, it happened to me too. And thanks to my intrusive thoughts, I think about it at least 10 times a day.
this one is pretty nice , thank you for making this playlist
i appreciate you for putting nice boys here 😇🙏
If I didn’t say any of those things or get angry at him ,he would still be here and we would all still be happy , I was 12, he was 13, all he was doing was venting to me about his transition, all I had was a bad month , I let my emotions get the better of me and now He is gone.
I don’t even remember my childhood. I think I subconsciously blocked it out.
I just want it back. I got it took away from me at age 6, first, my cousin, now parents, now..i don’t know how to feel I barely got anything from my childhood, maybe thats why I’m protective over Minecraft, cause it would distract me from everything and was something of mine that i will never forget. Anyway, sorry for venting and thank you for making this playlist. 🌱✨👾🍄
-Fern
thank you, this playlist is what i really needed!
i dont think im ready to fully deal with it yet but this comfortsme. than kyou :)
Hello, I'd normally have a good childhood but the internet kinda ruined it.. Made me and my family a bit distant with eachother.. mostly i listen to these and they remind me of that gap between us.. i argue with my mother every few days of the month.. things are just a bit sad and lonely for me, sorry for wasting your time reading this.. even if its bad.. i know people have gone through worse...
My childhood wasn’t very great.
My mom was emotionally neglectful, but she still took care of my basic needs. My dad was practically always either at work or drunk. My sister hated my guts for whatever reason. Not to mention the fact that I was living in a bad neighborhood, so the police came near my house almost weekly.
I was bullied at school, by both my peers and my teachers. I have a couple of mental disabilities and developmental disorders, so I was always one step behind the other kids. This left me as a huge target for bullying, mixed my sensitive and crybaby nature. I would get doors slammed in my face, pushed to the ground, splashed with water when it rained, insulted out of the blue, hit with basketballs, and overall just get treated like garbage. But my teachers were the real bullies. They even encouraged the other kids to bully me, because they hated me too for some reason. I was always scolded whenever I did something slightly wrong, or if I asked a question I’d get yelled at for being stupid. I found comfort in the internet, although I did get mildly traumatized at seeing all of the gore videos.
I was SAed in 3rd grade by a boy in my class, he grabbed my thigh and slapped my butt. When I tried to tell a teacher, they told me it was because he had a crush on me. Due to this, I never told my parents out of fear that they wouldn’t take me seriously.
I attempted suicide when I was 9, around the same time I was SAed. I was tired of all of the mistreatment I got in my 9 years on this planet for just being me. Luckily, I didn’t succeed, but it still hurts to think that a little kid at that age was thinking about killing themselves.
All of these events have severely impacted my mental health, and it’s ruined some parts of my life. I wish none of it ever happened. I also have an ED that I’m fighting at the moment, which probably came from the fact that I was called fat a lot in my childhood.