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I was 13 there was a guy shooting just outside our school, i heard the gunshots, when i was running inside i thought i could have lost my life. Which i very well could have.

I would've probably have offed myself if not for my brain erasing a good chunk of my childhood, yet I still remember some but getting by little by little luckily

I know dead well I dont have any trauma but this playlist is still a nice playlist I still listen too. Its comforting even though I dont really need any type or shape its just.... is! I dont know how but it's one of my favorites.

I hate it, why is everything good that could happen to me taken away, they all die, the good people in my life. Everything is going downhill and idk how to feel anymore, my parents are strict and working 20/47 and my science teacher who was like my dad because of how my parents were, died and I cant cope with it, other people are over it but i have panic attacks whenever I even think about it or are around certain things.

The worst part of it is that because of my parents other people abuse me, professional people have let me down.

I have always invalidated my abuse as never having been sexually abused although I honestly don't know if I wasn't abused because I live with a shitty family so I wouldn't be surprised to learn the truth. I am currently suffering from medical neglect and it is the worst thing that could have happened to me, I don't know what I did to this world. I am starting to normalize my abuse because I feel I deserve it. Great playlist by the way.

I know that this video is older, but I am still working through my childhood trauma and have been doing very well wth it thankfully. I still come back to these playlists to calm the child me, even if its slightly.

I used to be on methylphenidate the head high is real but the reality is false

I love all of you and i see all of you in these comments. It gets better, i promise. It may be hard to believe i know, but i promise you it does get better. There is so much hope, and all of you are so loved. If you dont think so, i love you. We are all here for a reason and you will find that reason one day. Healing takes so much time and sometimes you will fall behind. But please remember to pick yourselves back up even if you fail. Life is trial and error. Be kind to yourselves because this is your first time living.

no one cared about what * done. no matter how many times i was punished instead of him, the metaphorical stains still lie upon my body. they will never disappear.

10:16 BALDI.............ow man-

10:16 creeper...aw man-

I want to die. Why are they judging me when I need just a hug? All I wanted was to make you proud of me, mother.

I'm gonna put a vent here bc I need to say this. Why I still care about you You destroyed me And I still care what you think Why. Why do I still love you You're no mother I'll never be good enough for you You'll never love me as I am You'll never accept me You'll NEVER be my mother Never again Not anymore I won't let you hurt me again Never I won't let you You can't hurt us anymore Why do you do that? You know you're hurting me And you still do the things you do You still bring me harm You still make me fear you You still leave scars and bruises on my skin Why. Mom, please Why do you not love me Momma please I need your love again Please love me again Let me be your baby again I'm just a child I haven't grown up yet I'm stuck I can't I can't be mature anymore You stole my joy Please give it back I need it Please Give it back Give me back my love Give me back my trust Give me back my joy Give me back my childhood Give her back Give us back You fucking thief You stole her from me Little Leah You stole her You fucking BITCH You stole me I was so young And you took part of me away Give her back GIVE HER BACK FUCKING GIVE HER BACK I was so fucking young And now she's gone Why do you not care Why can't you just be a mother again Why do you not listen Why can't you hear me Why do you not love me Why can't you hold me again Why do you stay with him Why can't you see how much it hurts Why can't you Why Why do you Why Fucking why Mommy I need you back Be my mom again Hold me as I cry Kiss my head and hold my face Tell me everything is gonna be okay Sing to me Love me Hold me Comfort me Please... Mama..

TW! SH my mom and dad broke up for only a mouth and my mother would threaten to cut herself and end her life, then blame me for my dad leaving and it got to the point I at the age of 13 was taking care of my mom and i wouldn't even sleep because i had to make sure SHE was okay, im15 now and she is dead while her doing all of that for a mouth straight led me into foster care and now my dad for the past year has been trying to get me back.. [sorry for the trama dump, i needed this.. also i love this playlist]

i love you i love you i love you that's the worst part, i love so much this feeling disgusts me so much i wanna throw up how could you? why???? why would you do this to me??? you knew i trusted you, you knew i'd do anything for you you knew i loved you i want my virginity back i want you back,,,,, but you're going to hurt me again you're going to do it again, won't you? you never said sorry, but you waited, you waited, you waited for the perfect moment, where i trusted you again, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then,,,,, forehead kisses are disgusting for me now oh god, you really did it, you really did, you did, oh my god why why why is that what i meant to you?

i just remember something that for some reasonmy brain didn't want to remember,,,, I have my appoiment to my therapist until saturday so- im here, i wanna scratch my arms

POPEE???

My childhood was stolen from me by another child. I want it back so bad, but it's too late now.

I have a very faint memory of being probably 3 or 4 and my step sister at the time making me give her oral... but I never have been able to tell if that was real or not... I have a faint memory of her dad coming and getting really mad at her so that has to mean it did happen right? I wish I could be for sure yes or no on it happening or not. It bothers me so much that I can't tell if it happened or not. I really hope it didn't because that's horrible to realise... I had a different step sister years later that also did bad things with me and then also had a step brother that asked me something while we were on the living room couch spooning then all of a sudden he was molesting me below but I didn't really understand what he was doing. I remember my mom and his dad coming in at the same time and his dad getting upset at him and my mom getting upset at me. I feel like I was doomed from the very beginning. It's not fair.

I’m starting to think every one hates me because I’m loud all the time and my mom wish I was never in her life she said so I feel like a loser now 😞

He made me almost kill my self him he touched me I didn’t like it I tried to stay away but he made me very uncomfortable he took my childhood away he hurt me bad i dont want him to do it again i fell into his trap we were so close i feel very dirty and used,gross,. I just want my F*CKING CHILDHOOD BACK YOU MONSTER, CREEP, WERIDO I TRUSTED YOU BUT YOU THREW ALL AWAY the teacher didn’t help it. thanks you rotten soul

I had a friend who probably needs this playlist more than me, but I can't get our 7 years of me trying to stop him from killing himself, him getting jealous of literally everything I did and bitching at me for doing literally anything other than talking to him, constantly falling in love with me because I was the only woman who would talk to him and really connect with him, and him fighting tooth and nail to get back into my life out of my head. All I've ever wanted was him to be happy, to love himself. And I still do, even if I can't even look at him anymore.

Lets dance with the glaggles while eating mystery glognuts to this silly playlist!

No one really took my childhood, i did have some good times but, I was scared of alot of people and alot things backthen.

You ruined everything, dad. I hate you so much.

figured id try to branch out

my friend B ruined me. she exposed me to innapropriate stuff i didnt understand. she showed me innopropriate images of people naked and what s3x is. im ruined.

I wish I had a good childhood but I do not and I can remember my trauma from my mother who started the trauma and with her boyfriend with it like it was yesterday but I live with my real father now…

This makes me so happy

why did they have to take it all away from me

Is it just me or would there be that one person always walking into the mouches on purpose

I don’t remember much of what happened. Like, I remember the basic details, but it’s mostly a complete blur even though it happened semi-recently. It’s like my brain has censored it. I do remember at one point I was being yelled at because I couldn’t accept what had just happened. I can’t quite remember what was being said exactly, but it was something along the lines of “face reality. You don’t belong here.” Maybe it wasn’t that harsh idk, but the point is I was crying, in complete disbelief, feeling like my world had shattered, feeling like I had no one to turn to, and that was just a fucking horrible thing to hear on top of all of that. I’m crying a little thinking about it right now. I just feel like I’ve lost such a massive part of myself. I know I’ll probably move on eventually, but at the same time I feel like I just fucking need it back. I’ll do anything. I’ll go back in time, I’ll erase my own memories, just anything to make the pain go away. Everything is gone.

dunno. my life is just a whole shit. i went out of my mind of loneliness. i started talking with myself (JUST BCZ I DIDN'T HAVE AMYONE TO TALK.) at 9-10. then, i started hallucinating. now i'm 13, everything's just getting worse. in this year, my mom tucked me into the mental hospital. those 40 days were a torment for me. i was diagnosed with schizophrenia. and these antidepressants i take don't help me. i still see terrible figures, i still hear voices. i cry everyday now, and just praying for death. suicidal thoughts are chasing me since 7. i tried suicide multiple times. i don't want any happiness, i just want to finally die.

comfort chain…? Thanks for putting that on there…. It helps..

I Don't wanna live (7x) Outside h*nging in the bathroom I Don't wanna live (4x) .............

Why does this weirdly feel like deltarune chat 3 from the opening song is so weird

(TW): mentions of S/A - This is all so confusing to me. Back in January, I had a very graphic nightmare of a family member S/Aing me. I never told anyone except my close friends months later, but it still bothers me to this day. I won’t get into the specifics, but I don’t even know if it counts because it didn’t actually happen. I feel like, even though it was out of my control, I’m invalidating actual victims of S/A just because I had this nightmare out of the blue and am reacting this way to it. I just want everything to be normal again.

Mom. :(

Im just a poor little innocent 5years old girl that time how could he do that to me😕

If only abuse wasn't a thing, if only..

I love you pls dont die

(TW) .. Im currently 12 and I have my birthday all the way in January, so uh- happy early birthday to me. .. Anyways, before I moved to my new house, back at my old one, I would play with these four boys and three girls. Three boys my age, and one older than me. And the other three girls older than me as well. .. The boy who was older than me, we would always have tension. Since I was 7 and was stupid, I had the fattest crush on him. And he knew I had a crush. .. When we would play together (the whole group), us two would mainly cuddle and watch videos on his phone. I was always happy until (warning) the day he sexually assaulted me. He was 12, I was 7. .. He basically tried to get me to do innapropriate things with him by persuation, and he would mainly touch at my thighs and pose for me. I was so uncomfortable and ready to start crying.. But he was my friend, so I smiled and acted okay. I eventually said yes out of fear of hurting his feelings and.. Uh-.. Right as we were close to starting, my older sister came over and called me back to the house. .. I forgot my S/Aer's face, name, and voice. And I dont have proof, but just the fear and the hypersexuality I was left with. I swear im not lying, I would never lie about something so.. Traumatizing. Thanks for listening. ❤

I wish my parents didnt give me a phone at such a young age,now my trauma is the internet,creepypastas..SCPS..everything.

tw i was doomed before i was born to have a shitty life. my mom comes from a negligent family and my dad comes from abuse and an absent father. my mom never loved my dad and she said she threw up the first time they kissed, she only ever married him to get away from her parents. my dad awfully abused my mom. my brother and i were both accidents. we were abused too. my mom tried to escape but my dad wouldnt let her, and it took her until i was 3 and all bruised and crying on the floor to leave him. he would make me watch him hurt her, he would make us watch him lock her outside and beg to come back in, he would "discipline" us over the tiniest things. my mom begged her parents to let us stay with them. they gave us rhe smallest room in the house. my brother and i moved around different daycares. i would often act out and be violent to other kids, which makes sense considering what was going on at home. we lived with my grandparents until my mom married Dingle Dork for his house. she never loved him either. my mom fell into a deep depression, often not getting out of bed leaving me to play with my younger brother and pay attention to him. she taught me how to toast an onion bagel in the toaster and that along with sliced bell peppers is all i ate, partially because we didnt have money and partially because my mom was always sleeping. she and Dingle Dork fought a lot, both of them were equally cruel to each other. my moms depression turned into just rage. she hated my brother and i, she hated my father, she hated Dingle Dork. one night when my brother and i were sleeping, she went into his room (they slept in separate rooms) and threatened to kill him if he didnt leave. he left that night and i havent seen him since. my mother is a hateful person now, and i honestly dont blame her. my father mainly targeted her. i just wish she didnt take all that out on me. my brother was extremely premature, the doctors didnt think either of them would make it. but they both survived. my mom always talks about how that strengthed their relationship. how attached she is to him. hes also special needs, hes on the autism spectrum and he also has adhd and had trouble in school, so shes often very involved with him. me on the other hand, i also have autism and adhd, but i got diagnosed 6 years after my brother because of how little attention my mother paid to me. just to give an idea of what we're workinf with here my relationship with my mother worsened over the years. im ready to live with my dad at this point. its spiraled to the point that she refuses to get me help or let me reach out for help because she's worried CPS will take my brother and i away. its gotten that bad. she found my vent book the other night and just went off on me. "do you have any idea how much i do for you? do you have any idea how many sleepless nights ive spent trying to get away from those abusive men (my father and dingle dork)? i never shouldve had a family. i never shouldve had you. i try and i try to fix us but its never enough for you." she doesnt understand how hard im trying not to end it all. she doesnt understand how hard im trying to get through all my trauma, on top of her bullshit all day. she doesnt understand how hard it is to sit there and bite my tongue and take her bullshit every fucking day. it just hurts man. im only 14.

9:13 is giving me regretevator flashbacks

I should have just listened, it was my fault for saying no

listening to this because SH isnt a coping mechanism.

Funny enough these are songs I like to vibe and relax to even before finding this playlist... I read the title and suddenly it all makes sense now LOL. I deeply appreciate the childhood I had even if it wasn't perfect, but there were definitely aspects I wish were better growing up.

I feel let down by my parents My dad never knew what his words could do to me And now here I am his words are still like fresh wounds- I wish he knew how he affected my mental health