When you're not working you don't feel like a man | Modern Masculinity

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  • Опубликовано: 8 сен 2024
  • Iman Amrani is back with Modern Masculinity, looking at the issues affecting men which relate to mental health in the shadow of Covid-19. In this episode, she returns to Leeds to speak to Neil Smedley, a barber who she met two years ago at a Jordan Peterson show, to find out how his business is coping with lockdown, what pressures his employees are facing and how they feel looking to the future.
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Комментарии • 585

  • @theGuardian
    @theGuardian  3 года назад +33

    Watch the extended interview with Neil here ► ruclips.net/video/j8cv0OYA88A/видео.html

  • @shia_labeouf
    @shia_labeouf 3 года назад +330

    Neil is incredible to watch. He's passionate, eloquent, he wears his heart on his sleeve, and he makes some really important points. I don't agree with him on everything but I really admire how he articulates himself. I hope he's doing ok through this second lockdown and his business bounces back. Please speak to him again when this is all over.
    Also Iman, as usual, asks sensible, judgement-free questions and lets people speak. This is an incredible series handled with care and respect to the nuance of the issues.

    • @douglascampbell4993
      @douglascampbell4993 3 года назад +5

      What points don’t you agree with? Just curious to know your point of view and what is different? How it ended up that way?

    • @MrSmurf459
      @MrSmurf459 3 года назад +1

      @@douglascampbell4993 I was gonna ask him the same question! Because, there is not one thing I disagreed with him about!

  • @emilyclarke8222
    @emilyclarke8222 3 года назад +408

    I think that toughness he means is resilience. Resilience to the hardest things that life throws at you and learning how to deal with them, and not making mountains out of molehills

    • @gabwaweru
      @gabwaweru 3 года назад +6

      You put it best. We need resilience inculcated in culture. Life is inherently hard

    • @stephenconlon653
      @stephenconlon653 3 года назад +2

      It’s an instinct to survive

    • @jagaroo
      @jagaroo 3 года назад

      Ask do thing

    • @B1ackmagic
      @B1ackmagic 3 года назад +4

      @Brad Smith Exactly. Postmodernism seeks to make us all less resilient and less self reliant.

    • @off6848
      @off6848 3 года назад +6

      Faith is better than resilience
      When I had cancer and told I was gonna die I was resilient and it was easy. Certain breakups had me looking for faith because resilience turned into will to end it
      Crazy how it works

  • @EMKWANREVIEWS
    @EMKWANREVIEWS 3 года назад +357

    Sheesh. This hit me hard. As a father dealing with questions from his young son about being a man.

    • @Gromkiii
      @Gromkiii 3 года назад +4

      And haha you watch Guardian for answers

    • @mmoaffiliates3191
      @mmoaffiliates3191 3 года назад +1

      If only more men would at the very least play a role in their children's upbringing... Crying shame... Awesome report... Hope the guts, at koby survive this horrible mess 🙏🏿🙏🏿

    • @fredo69ification
      @fredo69ification 3 года назад

      You don't deserve to be a father.

    • @EMKWANREVIEWS
      @EMKWANREVIEWS 3 года назад +2

      Al shut up fool

    • @fredo69ification
      @fredo69ification 3 года назад

      @@EMKWANREVIEWS Imagine not being able to teach your son how to be a man and being emotional about it.

  • @jamesburt2542
    @jamesburt2542 3 года назад +316

    Thank you for continuing this series, couldn’t come at a better time

  • @denrico777
    @denrico777 3 года назад +46

    Right off the bat, the cycle of broken people creating broken people hits home. My son is 8. I very much feel what homeboy was sayin in the intro.

  • @lukemadams
    @lukemadams 3 года назад +154

    Glad this is back

  • @MedlifeCrisis
    @MedlifeCrisis 3 года назад +336

    Iman you are a fantastic journalist. I hope you keep making videos alongside writing.

  • @town_biznessman380
    @town_biznessman380 3 года назад +184

    When my ex and I decided to have children, I ended up being a stay-at-home father, due to her higher wage earnings. I was working swing and grave, and she was displeased with the minimal time shared, so I quit. Spending time raising my children was far more rewarding and fulfilling.

    • @alexk.7250
      @alexk.7250 3 года назад +18

      Happy it's working out for you. Enjoy these times, they grow up fast

    • @legend1808
      @legend1808 3 года назад +3

      So you became a house husband or what did you do?

    • @adlsfreund
      @adlsfreund 3 года назад +17

      @The Hyperbole Not really.

    • @PsilentMusicUK
      @PsilentMusicUK 3 года назад +6

      @The Hyperbole Everyone scream in panic..

    • @bri1085
      @bri1085 3 года назад +6

      @The Hyperbole I think I see what you're doing

  • @jacksonxbarber3969
    @jacksonxbarber3969 3 года назад +70

    King koby looks after the family, he stands by us and we stand by him 👊🏾

  • @Thirdfish
    @Thirdfish 3 года назад +26

    Great to see lads/men opening up and not holding back and bottling up their emotions.
    Too many are lost with nowhere to turn, no friends or family so they turn to darkness, alcohol, drugs and suicide.
    Thank you for these videos.

  • @haroldgarner7140
    @haroldgarner7140 3 года назад +70

    I feel for all the people who have slipped through the furlough cracks. I am blessed it didn’t happen to my family, but god knows how many people in the UK who have fallen on really hard times. Stay safe, sure but stay alive too.

    • @sayalime4620
      @sayalime4620 3 года назад +1

      It happened to me, now I got nothing left.

    • @sarahroberts7374
      @sarahroberts7374 3 года назад +1

      @@sayalime4620 Hope your ok mate

    • @hasinashraf4423
      @hasinashraf4423 3 года назад +1

      @@sayalime4620 i pray that you are ok

  • @dougsm7158
    @dougsm7158 3 года назад +4

    This was one of the realest things I ever watched. A lot of us men we are suffering in silence and don't really have someone to turn too. We are constantly living in emotional conflict of being a man.

  • @vineethsk
    @vineethsk 3 года назад +42

    The contrast between pre covid life and post covid life is sharp :(

  • @tortoisegamer5804
    @tortoisegamer5804 3 года назад +52

    Great video. I can relate to the feeling of being lost at 30. Slowly trying to turn it around.

  • @marko.rankovic
    @marko.rankovic 3 года назад +138

    There is a reason I at this point don't see myself having kids. I just don't know what their lives would be like, I can't guarantee them a quality life no matter what person I am. I can't guarantee them not experiencing the various types of abuses, or them getting addicted to drugs, mental health issues etc. I don't want to play this game of Russian roulette on behalf of someone that doesn't even exist. I wish people that were born all the best of luck, and if you enjoy your life great, but I don't want to bring someone into a life of ifs and maybes.

    • @MsChitterchat
      @MsChitterchat 3 года назад +10

      You can’t let this stuff stop you from having children. Life is hard. There are no guarantees. But there is so much joy and meaning in having children.

    • @stever507
      @stever507 3 года назад +17

      I’m so glad I never made the mistake of bringing kids into this world. With everything going on right now. If you could see what these globalists, elites have in store for us. Research Agenda 21, geoengineering, transhumanism, nanotechnology. Completely diabolical.

    • @stever507
      @stever507 3 года назад +23

      @BARBAR BINKLE well then so be it. I’m the last one. What about those who can’t have children? Is their existence meaningless?

    • @LilyGazou
      @LilyGazou 3 года назад +3

      Time to raise warriors.

    • @JLydecka
      @JLydecka 3 года назад +2

      @BARBAR BINKLE Not if you have siblings who have children.

  • @brynjoslin
    @brynjoslin 3 года назад +37

    Thank you for creating space for these much more nuanced conversations. Yes there are typically masculine behaviours that are toxic and unhelpful, but there are others that are helpful. Like Neil was saying we want to tell our young boys that it's okay to cry, but we also want to teach them emotional resilience and not let them be consumed by their emotions

    • @fran791
      @fran791 3 года назад +7

      There's toxic masculinity and there's positive masculinity, there's tyrannical leaders and there's positive leaders.
      Exact same with women, there's mean girls and loving girls, both are facets of femininity just one is negative and the other one is positive.
      We should strive to promote healthy attitudes among both genders

    • @fran791
      @fran791 3 года назад +2

      @Tyler Trobaugh don't speak on something that you've never even looked up on google. Just search examples of toxic masculinity and stop beeing oblivious. It's hurting men as much as women, it's something you should care about.
      Don't complain that activists don't care about male suicide rates when you disregard the cause of it wich is high expectations for men to be alpha and tough (aka toxic masculinity).

    • @migueljuarez6788
      @migueljuarez6788 3 года назад

      All yall missed the point in the video smh

  • @azialifaziz6652
    @azialifaziz6652 3 года назад +85

    it would be good if you could get two different views of masculinity in a room together to talk about the differences in their view.

    • @KarlSnarks
      @KarlSnarks 3 года назад

      That's a great idea actually.

    • @canyizas1567
      @canyizas1567 3 года назад +4

      Watch the debate Joe Rogan and Adam from buzzfeed had about this topic, I personally agree with Rogan but it's interesting to see how modern social movements perceive optimal masculinity to be like.

    • @jimmydane34
      @jimmydane34 3 года назад +2

      @@canyizas1567
      To be fair. Adam did spew some non sense in subjects he clearly didnt knoe enough information to make an informed opinion. His opinions were sincere so i he was being himself and honest. Like u i just didn't agree to his views.

    • @Cyphlix
      @Cyphlix 3 года назад

      @@canyizas1567 yeah, but I cant takes someone who advocates chemically castrating children seriously

  • @ek5273
    @ek5273 3 года назад +57

    Wow a series on masculinity that is nuanced and actually bothers to talk to men rather than shame them with feminist buzzwords like toxic masculinity.

    • @FortoFight
      @FortoFight 3 года назад +1

      "Toxic masculinity" doesn't mean that all masculinity is toxic. It's basically an umbrella term for the issues that arise when people make it their goal to always be the most "masculine". An example of toxic masculinity would be men feeling like they have to bottle their emotions up because it wouldn't be "masculine" to show vulnerability.

    • @migueljuarez6788
      @migueljuarez6788 3 года назад +2

      @@FortoFight just stop bro

    • @FortoFight
      @FortoFight 3 года назад

      @@migueljuarez6788 Just explaining the concept. Sorry that you don't like it.

    • @migueljuarez6788
      @migueljuarez6788 3 года назад +1

      @@FortoFight It isn't going to help anyone bro. Some women also don't like to show their emotions. Do they have toxic feminity?

  • @jamesmyers4691
    @jamesmyers4691 3 года назад +5

    This is a breath of fresh air. Neil is profound. Thank you, from this lost 30-year-old. Every day is a new opportunity.

  • @davetodream
    @davetodream 3 года назад +12

    Fantastic journalism. Thanks for shining light on what seems to be a large population of men in the UK struggling with these issues.

  • @neil338
    @neil338 3 года назад +91

    This is incredible. Neil you’re a legend. Iman you’re a sensational journalist 💯👏🏻

  • @OrphanSolid
    @OrphanSolid 3 года назад +33

    Last Neil video was 2 years ago ? God, time goes by so fast!

  • @vladkrivoshchekov5662
    @vladkrivoshchekov5662 3 года назад +19

    Thank you so much for the series! I’m watching them from Russia, and still the videos are much relatable to my experience too.

  • @lizprice8783
    @lizprice8783 3 года назад +15

    I never thought about it before, but the only time I've seen my uncles cry was when their brother died. They've had plenty of things to cry about since, but they don't.
    I want to make sure the men in my life know they're allowed to be upset around me. It's not pretty but at least I would know they were ok.

  • @LobsterFusion
    @LobsterFusion 3 года назад +6

    I can’t say I can relate to much this much. The pandemic had pushed me down to part time hours. The amount of free time I gained to follow my passions was worth the loss of money. It really balanced out my life. Now that my job is going back to full time hours I find I’m now getting depressed. I’ve seen what it’s like working three days a week instead of five and I mourn the loss of my time. And suddenly the idea of working my life away until I die frightens me.

    • @LipSyncLover
      @LipSyncLover 3 года назад +1

      That's interesting but I doubt you're alone in that feeling

    • @g0tfrohwned
      @g0tfrohwned 3 года назад +1

      Can't you find a part-time position or ask to work part-time at your current job?

    • @LobsterFusion
      @LobsterFusion 3 года назад +2

      @@g0tfrohwned That’s what I actually plan on doing. My current company won’t allow for part time but I’m thinking when things calm down with the pandemic I might look for part time work instead.

    • @Bayo106
      @Bayo106 3 года назад

      now imagine how it would be if you had NO JOB ...

  • @sarajamil2672
    @sarajamil2672 3 года назад +4

    Any job is better than no job. No job is too small, but peoples thinking is too narrow. If you had to live in a country where there is literally no financial support to the unemployed, then you realise this. When you have to eat, you'll do anything.

  • @markgatto5826
    @markgatto5826 3 года назад +11

    Thanks for focusing on this topic, Iman. Neil is a very affecting screen presence and an important voice for this series.
    This series has understandably returned to the barber scene as a bastion of capitalist entrepreneurship and 'man culture'. Given the pandemic has illustrated the global dependence on the state, perhaps other workplaces where men work against stereotype, such as care homes, could be an interesting change of pace.
    I agree with other comments that there is a thread of stoic masculinity running through this video, which is not for everyone. I would appreciate hearing from other interpretations of masculinity related to the topic of mental health. One possibility could be new fathers who became parents during the pandemic who may have experienced alienation during the pregnancy and birth due to COVID restrictions on access for fathers. This may have been traumatic for a range of fathers, as well as their partners.
    Also, we haven't heard as much about gay masculinity or female masculinity. Both are important influences on our continuing construction of what masculinity means in a modern context.
    Thank you for continuing to shine a light on this topic in such a thoughtful and sensitive way. It is an excellent series!

  • @StephenAryan44
    @StephenAryan44 3 года назад +18

    Internalising emotions instead of expressing them in a healthy fashion is taught and instilled right from the beginning, by society, by the media, by role models and primarily in the home. "Boys don't cry" "Don't be a girl" "Have some balls" "Man up" and so on. Just look at any toyshop and the gender split. Guns and tanks and soldiers and action figures with weapons vs maternal things with dolls, a girls line of Lego even, home bakery and kitchen sets vs mini black and decker workbenches for boys. I saw a bunch of those on sale in a supermarket this week - get your son a mini workshop or workbench! Being good with your hands and being able to make or repair something is amazing, but even the marketing for these is all focused around boys.
    Thousands of times these messages hit young boys and then impressionable young men and they become what they see around them. Closed off. Bottling up their emotions. Unable to cope. Don't see a way out. It's one of the reasons why suicide among young men is the biggest killer. Just like Neil said, the horrible cycle continues.
    Talking to young men about how they cope would be interesting to hear. How do they get rid of stress and anxiety in a healthy fashion? Who do they talk to? Is it other men and their friends? Is it their partner, and if not, why not?

    • @AdrianColley
      @AdrianColley 3 года назад +3

      A girl's version of Lego? I'm baffled. Who thought that was necessary? I don't recall which Lego piece would only work with my kind of genitals.

    • @StephenAryan44
      @StephenAryan44 3 года назад +2

      @@AdrianColley I believe it's called Lego Friends. Just look at the sets available compared to 'normal' Lego.

  • @EnglishwithAndrew
    @EnglishwithAndrew 3 года назад +20

    Great video, happy to see Neil's return!

  • @adambrowne4692
    @adambrowne4692 3 года назад +7

    I don't really understand myself in terms of whether I am masculine or not. I tend to understand myself using moral language, such as whether someone is good, meaning and likely to lead to a good life. Whether I am masculine seems irrelevant to the more important questions about how I should live my life.
    That said, I don't see myself as a particularly masculine man. I recall during high school people used to call me 'gay' in a way that was supposed to be degrading due to my lack of masculine qualities. Although that upset me during that time, it isn't something that bothers me in adulthood.
    I really think my way of understanding the world using moral language has brought more peace and happiness to my life. As a result, I feel more ready to consider reading philosophy, literature, religion or different cultures to find guidance in my life. These sources of guidance seem better than relying on the inherited concept of masculinity we receive from society, family and peers.
    Anyway, good video. It made me think about my experience with masculinity.

    • @shmackbunz1917
      @shmackbunz1917 3 года назад

      Im gonna guess you were raised (fortunately) in a rather sheltered environment, in a safe neighborhood where you were never exposed to the realities of surviving a hostile environment and competing for very limited resources. Would you agree? Im not insulting you for it at all, just pointing out that while you may have thought about "your experience" with masculinity, you need to understand how limited *your experience* likely is.

    • @adambrowne4692
      @adambrowne4692 3 года назад +1

      @@shmackbunz1917 Is there really any need to point that out? I was talking from my experience and not prescribing for the world.
      Yet, you emphasis that this is just my 'very limited' experience. So, you're not respecting my experience or ideas. You're saying my experiences come from a limited life where I haven't seen the 'real truth'.
      That is unless you'd say the same to everyone else commenting on this video, but I don't think you would, so that is why I am responding negatively to your comment.
      Also, I grew up in a working-class family with working-class culture, but we were able to live in a safer place than others who lived in Blackpool. There were struggles I faced, but I don't know if they are common or uncommon since people don't talk about it so much.
      So, perhaps, not what you expected? I wasn't drawn to philosophy because I'm from a middle class family, but because that was really the thing that seemed to provide my life with hope and meaning. My family is pretty cultureless. People live to work and expect others to do the same. This connects with alcoholism, not saying i love you to each other, unable to deal with emotional problems between each other and so on.
      That said, through philosophy and culture, I've been able to transcend these limitations and build a connection with my family in adulthood and resolve the problems with myself due to my upbringing.
      So, before you assume where i'm from and whether my experience is 'very limited' maybe ask.

  • @jesussaquin6266
    @jesussaquin6266 3 года назад +1

    I need these kind of friends, those that are grinding looking to be better men tomorrow.

  • @Chrissepisje
    @Chrissepisje 3 года назад +7

    I watched this series with great interest. Particularly this one is grating. While I come from a working class background, I am intimately familiar with the Neil's notion that you have to make it happen yourself, if you want anything done. That said, it takes a village to raise a child. This may seem like a platitude, but it's significant. It's heartbreaking to see that people think that they've only themselves to fend for, when particularly in these times we're all dependent on the kindness of strangers, closeness to family and friends, and on governments doing what they are elected to do: Protect and enable their citizens. You can't go at it alone in this life. Masculinity also means realising you need help, support and interaction. Just like Neil is there for his son, folks need to be there for Neil. He wouldn't want his son to have to go at it alone either.
    Someone needs to maintain the playing field properly if you want to be able to play. And even then, your teammates need to pass you the ball if you want to drive it forward.

    • @imanamrani5959
      @imanamrani5959 3 года назад +3

      I really recommend watching the extended cut in the description- I push him exactly that point

    • @MrChintaro
      @MrChintaro 3 года назад

      You have hit the nail on the head and identified the main flaw with Jordan Peterson's lectures. We're social animals! Even more so than lobsters!! I guess we live in a society lol.

    • @MrToradragon
      @MrToradragon 3 года назад

      ...e elected to do: Protect and enable their citizens
      That is best joke I have heard today. No, governments doesn't exist to protect you not to serve you, they are only tool of control and way how to get more power and more money.

  • @Melissa-pk3wh
    @Melissa-pk3wh 3 года назад +1

    The moment Neil feels the tears coming is so touching, I feel so much empathy for him at this point after binge watching the series! I had a very unexpected burst of emotion. Thanks Iman, this series is amazing!

  • @alancherian06
    @alancherian06 3 года назад +32

    Love this series. I've got a suggestion, perhaps looking into male suicide as it is so prevalent and what actually causes it and maybe exploring differing perspectives on "toxic masculinity" and what everyone's definition of that is.

    • @AB-ou8ve
      @AB-ou8ve 3 года назад +4

      @Dicky Tricky
      You get it.

    • @PsilentMusicUK
      @PsilentMusicUK 3 года назад +11

      @Dicky Tricky Toxic masculinity describes behaviors that stem from a twisted view of what it means to be a "man" (anger, aggressive tendencies, lack of emotion, etc). Traditional "masculine" traits are not under fire for being toxic. Toxic masculinity does far more damage to men than any tumblr pseudo-feminist ever could or will do.

    • @99RedRedfake
      @99RedRedfake 3 года назад +3

      To be fair, successful male suicide is more prevalent but if you drop that down to suicide attempts, both genders are very similar with only a difference of around 3%, I believe, depending on the area of the world. The real question is why are men more successful in their suicide attempts?
      We have an answer to that: The means they use to attempt suicide. Men will more often use highly violent methods that tend to be more successful where women tend to use "softer" means like pills.
      It's all rather fascinating.

    • @fran791
      @fran791 3 года назад

      @@PsilentMusicUK exactly, toxic masculinity hurts both men and women. All that women want is just sensitive loving men. Positive leaders that look after weaker individuals and lift each other up.
      Positive masculinity exists too.
      Just like toxic femininity exists = mean girls

    • @finding_aether
      @finding_aether 3 года назад

      @@PsilentMusicUK aka boys with mommy issues

  • @kamiltrzebiatowski9331
    @kamiltrzebiatowski9331 3 года назад +2

    A positively surprising programme, actual conversations with men. I do not normally expect these from The Guardian. Excellent non-condescending interviewer.

  • @draconianTL
    @draconianTL 3 года назад +25

    Great interviews conducted by the journalist.

  • @praxis22
    @praxis22 3 года назад +10

    I'd have to agree with the premise of the title. Even as a younger man I felt better when I had a paying job.

  • @finding_aether
    @finding_aether 3 года назад +1

    As a guy, its true. But i feel its not just any work, but meaningful work.

  • @FM-gu5kt
    @FM-gu5kt 3 года назад +7

    The Guardian talking about the same masculinity they have destroyed for two decades. Rich. Very rich.

  • @1brenmaster
    @1brenmaster 3 года назад +1

    Neil is the embodiment of masculinity. Carries himself well, not afraid to express his opinions as he's clearly spent time understanding and underpinning them. Has developed emotional maturity and a confidence in himself and his abilities to not only enjoy good times but navigate the bad ones. The inner confidence shows through in his ability to show emotions talking about his son. You see strength of conviction not weakness. His son has won the lottery.

  • @andrewmoss6449
    @andrewmoss6449 3 года назад +11

    Really interesting interviews with Neil and the others. Iman did a great job as well.

  • @obadaodeh1625
    @obadaodeh1625 3 года назад +24

    As we move forward in life, obtaining financial-stability is becoming way more difficult than what it used to be 20 years ago.

    • @r3dp1ll
      @r3dp1ll 3 года назад +3

      Fully agree. Nothing is stable now. The real culprit is our economic system. Everything is being destroyed under our eyes.

    • @LilyGazou
      @LilyGazou 3 года назад

      World Economic Forum- Klaus Schwab- it’s pretty clear what the future is planned to be.

  • @Francis-of8cw
    @Francis-of8cw 3 года назад +1

    Thank you for doing these series. There's a lot of women standing up for women, but not yet a lot of men standing up for men...

    • @davidbolha
      @davidbolha 3 года назад

      They're just chameleoning. Don't be fooled.

  • @hereist4nd140
    @hereist4nd140 3 года назад +4

    She makes such a great doc. Yeah it's whats been teached as a man i need to be a provider thats the role.

  • @user-yc8xb2iz9w
    @user-yc8xb2iz9w 3 года назад +2

    Iman never stop please! We will always remember you as the best journalist of this age, thank you so much for trying and succeeding!

  • @katielee3320
    @katielee3320 3 года назад +5

    Thank you for this... what a wonderful interview... all fathers should listen to what Neil has to say.... so much love, so much self reflection and you can just see the spiritual healing thats taking place within this man. So much love and light to him and his family. Very inspiring.
    Will definitely be sharing this with my husband.

  • @misfit2022
    @misfit2022 3 года назад +3

    Glad to hear some of the next gen share the same values of hard work I have. “No Princess coming to save us” Too right we have to be masters of our own destiny. My father bred toughness into me too and best gift he ever gave me.

  • @nickludlam
    @nickludlam 3 года назад +14

    Thanks for revisiting this. These videos are unique in making me look deeply inward, and consider aspects of life that are uncomfortable, but incredibly important, and underpin more than you realise

  • @y2k704
    @y2k704 3 года назад +2

    that was gold when you told Neil to take accountability for crying, excellent video and topic, great work 👏

  • @1anre
    @1anre 3 года назад +5

    This Modern Masculinity series is gold. The Guardian, una get sense.

  • @violator2695
    @violator2695 3 года назад +37

    Jordan peterson covers alot of this in his lectures

    • @Ledhoven
      @Ledhoven 3 года назад +1

      A proper “Top lobster”

    • @ohnome3154
      @ohnome3154 3 года назад

      @Latisha Queen if you can't see why it's the truth you're part of the problem

  • @johnrodgers2018
    @johnrodgers2018 3 года назад

    When I injured my back and lost my job, my wife and I switched roles and I stayed at home while she went out to work. While I got on with what needed to be done and never complained I really hated it. I couldn't have been happier when I finally healed and was able to go to work.

  • @sundippatel1796
    @sundippatel1796 3 года назад +3

    Wow, powerful. Men everywhere are suffering the same, including myself .

  • @m.e.345
    @m.e.345 3 года назад +5

    At the grocery store where I usually shop they have recently installed automated checkout scanners.. What a shame.
    Some of the employees are young.. probably their first job, there are older people who perhaps live alone, there is a girl with a physical disability, a fellow who I believe is autistic, perhaps single mothers, a native girl, new immigrants.. A job is not only a means for providing for ourselves and our families.. it gives a sense of purpose to our lives, it gives us a path to relationships, and it helps us to become a part of society.

    • @m.e.345
      @m.e.345 3 года назад +4

      P.S. ..when you buy from Amazon.. that smile on the box doesn't belong to a friend.. it belongs to a guy who's making Billions of dollars.

    • @jarel2539
      @jarel2539 3 года назад

      @@m.e.345 He's also employing tens of thousands of people (could be 100k+)

  • @LipSyncLover
    @LipSyncLover 3 года назад +14

    I like this series because for once it's not hating men or anti men

    • @pagethreemodel
      @pagethreemodel 3 года назад +1

      'aNtI MeN' she says...while femicide is a dire issue in this country and world wide. 🙄🙄

    • @LipSyncLover
      @LipSyncLover 3 года назад +10

      Femicide!? Is that female suicide or women killing men? Either way its not related to my comment. This video was not anti men. Which was nice

  • @se7encureton
    @se7encureton 3 года назад +9

    Keep pushing forward. Always known your a good person and don’t stop.

  • @clintondeabreu8565
    @clintondeabreu8565 3 года назад +1

    There was the mention of male conditioning, but the female expectation has a lot to do with it, when one goes into the dating scene, there is an expectation of you as a provider, the questions you get, is the job you do, do you own your house, what car you drive? Etc

    • @jeanpaulgartier3404
      @jeanpaulgartier3404 3 года назад

      These days one must state the obvious

    • @MrToradragon
      @MrToradragon 3 года назад

      Then why you would go to dating scene? Whenever I get those strange ideas about dating, I just look around and say "I really like my simple uncomplicated life. I don't want to lose it." And just continue as before. And so does plenty of my friends. Why would one like to lose their peace and freedom?

    • @zuzanazuscinova5209
      @zuzanazuscinova5209 Год назад

      True. The same pressure is put on women in terms of looks and youth.

  • @neuterednations9566
    @neuterednations9566 3 года назад +1

    Work and sacrifice is our soul purpose as men in western society

  • @JimEldred
    @JimEldred 3 года назад +21

    Your job is not you..........................

    • @chome4
      @chome4 3 года назад +3

      Agreed. We define ourselves by what we do and what we can afford to buy/consume!

    • @Bayo106
      @Bayo106 3 года назад +1

      see what happens when you have NO JOB for an extended period of time ....

  • @jsmcr894
    @jsmcr894 3 года назад +1

    I got told I was mentally ill... In reality I just don't agree with life the way it is. I shouldn't have been pushed to take drugs thst wasn't going to help... Now I've ruined my life. Thanks mental health

  • @sammierose1150
    @sammierose1150 3 года назад +18

    I think it’s awesome (and incredibly attractive) that Neil showed that it’s masculine to cry about things worth crying about - (family). It shows that a real man can have emotions and strength. 🤗

    • @novabossa84
      @novabossa84 3 года назад +2

      I so agree!! To me there's nothing sexier in a man than toughness/resilience combined with feeling deeply for the things/people worthy to him and not being ashamed of it!

    • @luxolontamo4440
      @luxolontamo4440 3 года назад +3

      Why are you so obsessed with men crying ?!

    • @Bayo106
      @Bayo106 3 года назад +1

      @@luxolontamo4440 this

  • @karke2008
    @karke2008 3 года назад +3

    Wow. this hit hard, being young father constantly trying to be a ideal or perfect father and failing often.

  • @popcornken1505
    @popcornken1505 3 года назад +3

    Rule #1 Keep a good clean record from a teen to a adult. Don’t hangout with trouble
    Rule #2 Don’t get tattoos. Tattoos can hold you back. A short term decision can destroy future opportunities.
    Rule #3 Get a haircut. Appearance is universal.
    Rule #4 workout
    Rule #5 Make stacks 💵
    Being a man is simple

    • @takumeme545
      @takumeme545 3 года назад

      It is far from simple. Sorry you've been so sheltered that you can't see that.

    • @Bayo106
      @Bayo106 3 года назад

      yea you definitely are still in secondary school writing this silly BS

  • @douglascampbell4993
    @douglascampbell4993 3 года назад +2

    Oh man.. “I don’t want my son to be a lost 30 year old like I was..” 😳
    Make him tough enough to take on the world man, but make sure he knows he is allowed to be upset, allowed to feel beaten at times and grieve failure.
    before he gets back up, before that toughness you’ve taught him to be makes him stand back up and try again, he is allowed to express his frustration, sadness, rejection, failure, whatever he is feeling, make sure he knows he is allowed to and he needs to get that out of his system so it doesn’t eat him up!
    And you’ll have brought up an emotionally intelligent man that has all the tools he’ll need to chase success and abundance in his life!

  • @kewalagrawal6539
    @kewalagrawal6539 3 года назад +2

    One big reason people faced issue during Corona is very few people know the importance of savings. When people are earning they spend without thinking, no one is prepared for future. My dad lost his nicely running business in 2008, he is a frugal man and had considerable savings that is helping us till date. When I was kid, we siblings always called out our parents for being stingy, but it was my dad preparing for worse times

    • @LilyGazou
      @LilyGazou 3 года назад

      Wise father. I learned from my parents to have 6 months supply of savings for an emergency. Unfortunately, we are past 6 months. Unprecedented times.

  • @ollie3381
    @ollie3381 3 года назад +5

    The world needs strong men who cry

  • @philsophkenny
    @philsophkenny 3 года назад +7

    Have you considered doing something on men with disablities?

  • @lawrenceslsko1391
    @lawrenceslsko1391 3 года назад +1

    That's the importance of both parents in the life of Children.

  • @svetoslavchilingirov3858
    @svetoslavchilingirov3858 2 года назад +1

    That's an interview. Thank you

  • @albertodeulofeu5277
    @albertodeulofeu5277 3 года назад +5

    They’re not “ideas”. They’re NATURAL instincts. It’s what we’re meant to do.

  • @Curlzyness
    @Curlzyness 3 года назад

    I hope that Neil doesn't feel bad about crying on camera. If that shows something, it's definitely not weakness. It shows how much effort and love he's putting into making a good individual and member of society (his son).
    Thank you Neil for sharing your point of view on life with us, with no filters of what "moder" society expects you to say. That's life, it never gives you what you want to hear but what you HAVE to hear.
    Massive respect.
    And thank you Imani for the amazing job you're doing. It's refreshing to hear real conversations.

  • @user-ms6ue6yu3c
    @user-ms6ue6yu3c 3 года назад +1

    Family to school to college we are taught to respect emotions, that it is fine to cry, that gender is a social construct etc. The moment a man (biologically male, socially man) starts moving on path of being a better human, a human who undergoes every emotion, and when life breaks down that hu-man, the first people to run away are same who taught that gender is just social. The same people then put us back into structure of patriarchy, be a man, stop crying, be tough, etc. You are not manly enough. There is this big crisis in mind that what just happened. After all this, it is better to be very tough, rough and masculine because when life hits, nobody will be there. Only you and your will. No social construct theorist, none. Rather I saw how same theorist used patriarchy to further shatter my core.

  • @lifeisclimbing
    @lifeisclimbing 3 года назад +4

    I love so much this series. Sometimes it feel as man there's no winning when it comes to feeling satisfied with yourself

  • @qwanathomas735
    @qwanathomas735 3 года назад +1

    Society tells you how you should be, don't listen, be how you want to be.

  • @MsArchibaldini
    @MsArchibaldini 3 года назад +1

    Brilliant. Thank you

  • @Frunk222
    @Frunk222 3 года назад +3

    This is exactly what I had hoped to find in feminism when it had its big wave in 2013-2016 but instead found a very patronizing attitude towards men. These pieces have been truly very well done and explore some of the issues that were brought up but the tone is much better and I don't feel tons of agenda being pushed by the narrative at all. True journalism, thank you for these pieces.

  • @The_Bashar
    @The_Bashar 3 года назад +1

    Imani's laugh is infectious!!!
    Incisive and illuminating conversations.
    Ahsante.

  • @douglascampbell4993
    @douglascampbell4993 3 года назад +3

    The guy that says “men don’t have to men all the time, and they can open up and stuff,” but then it’s deep ingrained in us that we aren’t meant to and don’t allow ourselves to...
    I felt that...

  • @user-ms6ue6yu3c
    @user-ms6ue6yu3c 3 года назад +1

    I can feel what he has been through. Thankyou The Guardian.

  • @TM-rk5dj
    @TM-rk5dj 3 года назад +1

    Respect. The government should support these people properly.

  • @WeConnectHumans
    @WeConnectHumans 3 года назад +1

    This episode was amazing! Responsability is taking never giving! We are living Crazy Times and I just move from Portugal to UK to study English for three years and after back to Portugal and build my project there. Really love what Neil say at on point on this vídeo. We raise broke kids who Turn INTO broke adults and We never broke this cycle. Really love this. I had to repeat this and I alreary saved to re-whatch. More people need to see this and most important We need to have honest conversation about "how We spend our time." Here at home I have my cousins who spend alot of time playing on cumputer and he make sad because the more I talk they think I AM Boring. Really help full this One!
    And the lesson I can take from here is this: " Believe in yourself and create value for others" can be anything I AM good at and sell it! Dont wait for politic saved you 💯

  • @Karmaofiis
    @Karmaofiis 3 года назад +2

    I love this series, and I feel it's even more important for me now that I gave birth to my son. Can't wait for the next episode!

  • @rumptis7018
    @rumptis7018 3 года назад +1

    i’m happy that society’s pressures on men are finally being noticed seriously

    • @rumptis7018
      @rumptis7018 3 года назад

      @@DdraigGoch84 ............ yeah? ok.????

  • @themdmisthemtrx
    @themdmisthemtrx 3 года назад +3

    Glad to see this series back on the tube! 💪🏾

  • @ollie3381
    @ollie3381 3 года назад +5

    "You've just got to grit your teeth and push through" The haters will call that "toxic masculinity". I call that courage

  • @user-fk8rb8ue5h
    @user-fk8rb8ue5h 3 года назад +1

    Worked all my life taking care of people less fortunate than myself. Reared four daughters who are all doing well and contributing to society. Paid a lot into my pension all my working life. Happily retired and enjoying every minute of my well earned leisure time. Work? It's a certainly not an unmet need in my book. I don't even think about it.

  • @mat_j
    @mat_j 3 года назад +30

    capitalism working as intended...

    • @YorickReturns
      @YorickReturns 3 года назад +3

      Locking down the economy to "save the NHS" is capitalism?

    • @adambrowne4692
      @adambrowne4692 3 года назад +2

      What do you mean?

    • @signsofthetimes886
      @signsofthetimes886 3 года назад

      You dont even know what you're saying... please explain yourself.

    • @y2k704
      @y2k704 3 года назад +1

      I think he means the elites and corporations are getting wealthier while the the rest of us suffer, perhaps he was referring crony capitalism

    • @mat_j
      @mat_j 3 года назад +4

      @@y2k704 no such thing as crony capitalism. Capitalism is a unscientific, dogmatic, self contradictory and outdated model and it's working as intended...

  • @peterboyce6128
    @peterboyce6128 3 года назад +2

    The Obsolete Man
    This issue is going to get worse when we go into financial depression and the post work world. Men don't have a place in this world at the moment.

    • @realtalkz3930
      @realtalkz3930 3 года назад +2

      Men will always have a place in this world it's society that created this sterotype like a cage we can't escape money is the problem it really is the root of all evil, but there's far more to life than work, money and material things a sense of happyness and confidence comes from more then that it should come from who you are, your actions, your personality and your morals

  • @vicmorrison8128
    @vicmorrison8128 3 года назад +4

    Stay strong..we are almost there. Finnish line in sight!!!

    • @AdrianColley
      @AdrianColley 3 года назад +4

      Said the Russian tank commander.

  • @echoone1972
    @echoone1972 3 года назад +3

    I consider myself an emotionally strong minded person, so very rarely am I touched watching an informative story on youtube. I just welled up watching Neil and hearing the love he has for his son. Only a real man has those emotions for his family, friends and in Neil's case his genuine concern for his employees. It's nice to see a real human being once in a while. All the best mate.

    • @imanamrani5959
      @imanamrani5959 3 года назад +4

      I'm really glad it resonated. Neil talks further and deeper in the extended interview which is unlisted (meaning you can't search for it but the link is in the description) I really recommend it...have a nice day x

  • @mrD66M
    @mrD66M 3 года назад +4

    Thank you Iman and Neil.

  • @CaribbeanCaveman
    @CaribbeanCaveman 3 года назад +1

    I loved this.

  • @DS-rd9qn
    @DS-rd9qn 3 года назад +2

    Wooo! I was literally wondering yesterday if she was gunna do more of these. Iman Amrani is awesome.

  • @Matt-sc3qm
    @Matt-sc3qm 3 года назад +3

    I would be interested in the Guardian exploring Feminsm's lack of dialogue on positive masculinity. How it is that one of the most prominent social movements regarding true equality seems to have forgotten about half of their target market?

    • @joshevans2391
      @joshevans2391 3 года назад

      Havent you heard? Feminism is about equality and equal opportunity for everyone, just not for men

    • @jeanpaulgartier3404
      @jeanpaulgartier3404 3 года назад +3

      It was never about equality

  • @skateboarding118
    @skateboarding118 3 года назад +3

    Men, go your own way. Society does not care about you, so care for yourself. The damage has been done for a few generations. Marriage will end, cohabitation will end.

    • @davidbolha
      @davidbolha 3 года назад

      We need to built a parallel society. Starting an agrarian community for starters. Living like the Amish to some degree.

  • @TinyWorlds
    @TinyWorlds 3 года назад +5

    I’m not crying you are crying 😭

  • @ythelldoineedahandle
    @ythelldoineedahandle 3 года назад +3

    I understand that this excerpt is specifically about males but these men and boys act like it is not the same for women. If we do not work, everyone looks down at us too (in my experience).

  • @meh4770
    @meh4770 3 года назад +2

    "It's because I love him that I want him to be tough", these are words to live by.

  • @rupeoverlay3153
    @rupeoverlay3153 3 года назад +2

    Big up Neil
    Big up Iman. This was great.