My Husband Won't Have Sex With Me
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- Опубликовано: 11 сен 2024
- My Husband Won't Have Sex With Me
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She talks about how she doesnt like him or isnt attracted to him, yet is surprised he doesnt want to be affectionate with her.
He's not dumb, he can feel the energy is off
I'm sure his soldier also will not stand for that situation.
I am that wife. He rejected me for 20 years. He now has remembered he has trauma. I don’t know what to do. How do feel attracted to him again? I am depressed. I am asking God to grant me a miracle. That we both can come together and make love and fall in love together again. I am so sad.
@@VanessaSimon26 What a pounding to take for 20 years. Its that hope that keeps us stuck.
@VanessaSimon26 men's trauma is looked at completely different. You are now a broken man where as a woman is empowered and supported. Maybe have a little sympathy
Exactly and to "heal" a "brokeness" due to a lack of love and various abuses is simply real love... Yet the market won't offer that to the male. He will be on his own to figure himself out.@@Yoseph1988
I know that when I've been too critical of my husband, he does not want to be intimate with me, until we repair that connection again. Men and women have different triggers, but we both need to feel valued by the other person in order to have intimacy with them.
That’s really mature that you recognize that within yourself and very true! Just because they are men doesn’t mean they’re constantly turned on for no reason. That’s just a destructive stereotype for men.
My wife and I have been going through some relationship challenges lately. Depression, parental loss, work, kids, life has just weighed on us and we’ve drifted apart. It’s lead us to emotional affairs, sexting, dating apps, and came very close to driving us to a divorce….which we both said we didn’t want. So we started being very honest with each other and speaking with honesty and vulnerability. It’s helped a lot. I’ve started pursuing her again….and she responded in kind 😊. I feel desired and wanted, she feels desired and wanted. We’ve started dating again. Trying new things (we’re taking a dancing class together tonight. She loves to dance and I’m very intimidated by it) to get out of our comfort zones. Growth happens in “the uncomfortable”. It took us months to get here….but it’s so worth it. I can see a path forward now and I feel more positive about our future TOGETHER, not as individuals.
@@mweathers79 $
Extreme weight gain tends to do it too. Far too many women and men get into relationships then gain 100 pounds and wonder why their partner is no longer attracted to them.
@@mweathers79 I hope things go well it’s good to see people trying to keep a relationship
All the comments blaming the husband when she literally spent the whole first half of the call saying how she has pushed away everyone in her life.
That's normal isn't it?
She’s trying to put the blame on herself instead of her spouse, women are guilty of this.
Yea I know
@@Yayakoshii1990women are guilty of literally the opposite.
Leave it to women to endlessly feel bad for themselves.
That might not be her fault
As someone who’s been through this. I’m the husband. Fairly high sex drive, I’m not 30 yet and I workout regularly, take herbs and supplements regularly. After months then about 1 year of nearly zero sexual interaction. Started just after she got pregnant, then just about no enthusiastic sex after our child was born. No initiation on her part for a long time. For a year at least if not more. She was also NOT adventurous in the bedroom: I’m talking about normal things everybody does. She only allowed missionary, maybe one other position, and stopped me if I tried to pleasure her with my hands or mouth (our first 6-7 month relationship was not like this-we had a lot of sex). It started as saying no here and there, then making excuses, then outright yelling “no it’s not happening” to calling me a creep, freak, sex addict, “why do you want it all the time,” “sex isn’t a need, you can live just fine without it,” and I admit many times I became upset and withdrawn at the idea that the one I love doesn’t love me back. I even blew up (moped) eventually time to time because it’s ridiculous. I tried dozens of times having discussions about it, suggesting she get therapy, hormones checked, doctor, exercise. Responses ranged from not caring to just change the subject. Add to all this she did not speak/act as if she trusted me or my leadership, she argued constantly about everything, and I simply was not made to feel like a man with her.
Eventually, to appease me she’d lie there like a lifeless body and check her watch for me to be over: she even said this a few times. I’d go limp from this lack of reciprocation and pull out. So I one day lost all desire for sex from her. Completely. My heart and mind checked completely out. About 1-2 months of this, SHE exploded accusing me of cheating and not wanting to initiate sex anymore. Did I think about cheating? Yes. But I did not once approach cheating. I was no longer the desiring party. She stormed off to her parents with my kids. She came back. I still don’t desire sex from her, and it still pisses her off. I look at her and think “what mountain do I now have to climb for us to be a loving, intimate couple?”
So no, we don’t have to be gay to not want sex from women as men. Cheating is a very high likelihood. Many men stay for the kids and resolve to be sexless. Some use porn. I did, but since have stopped because it’s disgusting and now the gym is my haven. A man can simply feel so unloved, unsupported, unworthy, and unmanly after so long that he is sexually averse to his wife.
I’m sorry man. This happens far too often. Usually it’s the men that gets the scrutiny from society, pastors, etc. but there’s a lot of cases that are the same as yours.
I’ve tried to understand this dynamic. My situation was similar in the lack of engagement for a long time. As a Christian I tried to listen to common Christian advice about such circumstances (be nice, go on dates, be patient) but it never seemed to work. I just got to the point where I was fed up and started standing up for myself. I’d also not reassure her as much, and just leave the idea that other women were interested in me open to her imagination. Paradoxically this helped a LOT in our sex life. Women often value their spouse based on whether or not other women find him attractive. It’s primal. Women have a primal sexuality that affects them just as much as guys, though it’s not often addressed. It just blew my mind to come to this realization. So much advice that I had received was just flat wrong for our circumstances. I see so many men trying to use the Nice Guy routine and they are miserable. It basically subjects them to their wives emotional state, which is very much not the plot of every romance movie. In every romance movie the guy is highly independent, and though he may desire the woman, he is very much his own man.
At some point some women have to be honest with themselves and see the flaws in their own feminine nature. Without that realization there really is little hope. And if they won’t realize these things consciously you have to “play the game” when it comes to their subconscious behavior. This includes being independent of her and using her fears and insecurity to (paradoxically again) cause her to draw near to you. This only works if she has any remaining attraction to you. I’m not a “Red Pill” guy but they have points that are far more truthful than anything I have heard in the Christian marriage sphere. Some Red Pill guys say you absolutely can NOT negotiate attraction. This is so true in my experience. You have to essentially prove to yourself and her that you can live without her. That will either cause her to leave or cause her to get fearful of actually losing you to another woman. And for the latter to work she has to feel like that might actually be possible.
Temptation was very high during those difficult times for me. You’re in the right place looking for an outlet in the gym. I don’t know if you’re religious but I found seeking a masculine religious experience in Christianity also very helpful. Unfortunately that is hard to find in a lot of churches these days. Also doing a thorough inventory of yourself to see if there are ways you have been failing is important. This may include evaluating ways you haven’t been loving to your wife, but in my experience it actually is often more to do with lacking in some masculine traits. Again she might have Hollywood expectations which are impossible to keep up with, but perhaps there are realistic things that could be improved upon. Porn is deadly for your psyche as well as the marriage. I’ve given in from time to time during the difficult times, but women often get a pass on how they are harming a man’s sexuality by their unrealistic expectations or fears.
Women tend to follow foolish thinking that if their relationship isn’t at the level of their romantic expectations (which can be skewed heavily by Hollywood IMO) they tend to withdraw or start testing, which is extraordinarily counterproductive. If they had simply “leaned in” to the relationship and actually act like they are attracted to their husbands for a bit I think a lot of women would be pleasantly surprised. Instead their fears are more important to a lot of women.
Women will say they want to feel “safe” but too often I see a lot of even “good girls” express sexual interest in men who are not “safe.” Again, it’s a paradox that has to be dealt with.
I hope this helps. Praying for your marriage.
You’re not even 30, LEAVE!
This same thing happened to me. My husband made me feel like I am a sex maniac. Overtime, I have started feeling unloved and I feel I am unattractive. It has come to a point where I no longer desire him or desire sex from him. We haven’t even kissed for almost 5 years. I have stayed with for 10 years now. I am 35 now. I feel so sad that my young age was just wasted.
This is so sad. This story reminded me of one of my friend's predicament. She had a very difficult pregnancy and childbirth. Both the mother and child needed a long time to get back to health. The wife was super stressed out and I'm sure the husband was too. But through it all the husband gave the impression of being completely emotionally out of tune with the wife and child whether it was helping at home, with the child or wanting sex. He wanted sex all the time whereas for her she had been traumatized by the childbirth which lasted even after her body had physically healed. The wife felt she was not getting the support and comfort from her husband after such a significant event, whereas the husband could not comprehend this change and why the wife did not want to have sex anymore. Frustrated with the lack of sex, the husband at one point asked the wife to 'just lay there and let him do his thing' which was probably the breaking point for the wife. In the wife's words she 'could not bear to be intimate with someone who had the emotional maturity of a rock'. The husband suggested the wife to go to therapy (not couple's counselling as if he was totally convinced that all fault lay with the wife and since wanting to have sex was totally normal so there is no way there would be anything wrong with his approach). Both of them became increasingly angry, stressed out, and irritable and eventually all sex stopped. Then Covid came and the child became even sicker than before. While the mother poured herself into caring for the child, the husband immersed himself in work. A couple of years passed this way until the lack of sex became an increasingly frustrating issue for the husband and he got family members involved. This infuriated the wife and she suggested the husband find somebody else to sleep with. After some remediation by family members, they tried couple's therapy but in the wife's words the husband appeared to be fixated on the sex part and not building the emotional intimacy part she felt like a prostitute doing it just as a 'duty'. Somehow they couldn't work through their differences and were only together for the sake of the child. The wife suggested divorce but the husband was not up for it and wanted to work things out. There is still no change.
What I learned through my life is, it does not matter why love, affection, attraction or whatever is over. You know it's over, leave, the sooner, the better!!!!!
Husband won't have sex with wife, must be the husbands fault. The wife won't have sex with the husband, must be the husbands fault.
Yup - that’s always the story.
Wife cheats on husband.. he wasn’t giving her what she needed, he wasn’t challenging her and they’ve grown apart.
Husband cheats on wife … he’s a dog, she’s too good for him and she should leave him (while helping herself to half his stuff)
Or..it's..once the husband gets what he's been fighting the wife about, gets what he wants, he still rejects it in the end. What's that mean? There's deeper issues than the woman thinks. Not saying the woman in question here (this comment) isn't partially to blame.. buuuut.. a lot of us gals are dealing with THAT too..?
Everyone has to OWN their part. If the husband cheated.. He is the real problem there. The wife won't have sex w the husband, that's more than likely, a 2-way street.
Sometimes the husband can’t perform and prefers to self pleasure 😏. Porn and other addictions are self destructive.
Every. Damn. Time. It's so apparent the insane bias against men
I refused any closeness because my wife aren't able to admit anything wrong.
She wasn't rejected because she isn't sexy but because she is so mean that my stomach is shaking on the thought of being touch by her.
Soon she will be ex-wife.
I'm so sorry... I really don't blame you. You don't deserve that sh** from anyone...
Best of luck to you! 👍🙂
Fight for your marriage. Christ should be at the foundation here or else it won't work. Christ must be your source.
@@danilaroche1156 I think that me and my wife have the same issue.
We didn't have good relationship with father if any.
It means for marriage that women is totally incapable of understanding men needs and for me is that I'm on search for male role model.
In case of women it can lead to being faithful to mommy and her girlfriends. Usually this is the case.
I admire Jesus relationship with his father 🙂
@@dominiknewfolder2196 Your sort of generalizing here. Anyone can change old patterns and heal from trauma. Have a glorious marriage. The key is to know the Lord Jesus & His transforming power. To learn the Bible and to get the fellowship.
Yeah you can't stay with someone like that. Sometime you just have to move on.
He’s clappin’ someone else’s cheeks.
💯
Sure hope so, she sounds like a miserable partner.
Not necessarily. Some husbands just aren’t that into sex because good sex with their wife requires them to be vulnerable and giving (not selfish and taking like if they’re using porn or prostitutes). Given the obesity crisis in our country, I think there are a lot fewer men out there cheating than you’d think.
He’s batting for the other side.
Unfortunately that was the case with my ex husband. Only 2 years of marriage and the second year he didn’t desire intimacy with me anymore. Turns out he was clapping multiple other cheeks so by the time he came home he was tired.
My ex never stood up for our relationship. Her friends were always right and i was just a bystander. I ended up despising her presence.
Best lesson ever: when you stop giving them a title (MY ex), you’ll find your wings are lighter and flying is the best gift ever. 😊
that's why none of relationship mistakes and maltreatments can be ignored and just let be done just like that. we need to inform the very first time that the partner made a mistake. and it s not how it works in relationship. hey you can't do this. you can't practice this again and again. (not in friends presence, alone, but immediately that same day). patiently explain feelings, discuss, and agree not to repeat this ever again. if this happens again, i go away. i live separately. until partner understands. and fully repairs everything and comes to conscious conclusion he can't repeat it ever. a week of separation. two. three. depends.
if happens third time - sorry i quit. forever.
not when we let him finally ruin our feelings.
but way before. because it's unfair to silently let someone do this. so we let them do this which is a sign that we ok with this (bc obviously if we were not, we wouldn't stay). but then years after we just stand up and go. not right.
(a foreigner. have mistakes in language. )
@@audreym3777 Slowly I’ve been letting things go slowly. Luckily I was able to buy a new house and move forward w my life. But I learned that a people pleasers is a horrible trait because they want to please everyone and will let them walk over a relationship. I just feel for the false idea that she was pleasing me because she loved me. I was wrong all along and it was my mistake since i didn’t see the red-flag.
@@eff9266 It was said from the beginning. It was my fault for allowing her, her friends and family to walk all over the relationship without any repercussions.
@@eff9266I agree
I was dating a man who never wanted sex, kiss, etc. He would talk about a guy friend he had since college ALL the time. This friend lived in town but he never let me meet him. Red flag, so I snooped around and he had “dates” with this guy every Friday night. I think both were gay but couldn’t admit it in a totally religious town. I broke up with him, it was a very weird vibe for a man never to return romantic advances, it is soul crushing. Lady leave this man.
I’m sorry but that sounds kind of hilarious. My apologies
Yeah, even homosexual males want to use was house slaves and roommates whilst they bang men. It’s ridiculous out here. My last boyfriend in 2015 was a homosexual, and I didn’t know it until after we broke up. I’m done with men since. None of them are good.
Definitely Gay
@@shroomssadow4981 Yep, I found a website for supporting women who were divorcing gay men, that is how often this happens. It is funny that lesbians don’t feel the need to do this to men.
Hire a good looking dude to hit him up and see if he takes the bait
It sounds like he is realy pissed off at you. If you are emotionally distant & constantly push him away. This is what you get.
She pushed her husband out years ago and probably denied him touch, intimacy and sex years ago. Now that he isn’t trying she is blaming him saying he won’t approach her or have sex. The resentment she created is on her. Typical female behavior and responses.
Thats what women dont get is if you dont satify your partner he will find someone else who will. You only have yourself to blame. 🤷🏾♂
My husbands depression kicks up and sex shuts off. When women feel not desired, we respond the same way. I'll never cheat nor be interested enough in another while married to considerate it yet I've thought about leaving several times bc I'm too young to not be active yet. Thankfully, he's trying to work on it. We're going to counseling soon.
But ladies respond the same way too, ya know...? Lol.
Unless he is depressed, he is getting his release and needs met one way or another…it’s very suspicious, especially since he is only 30. Sad story.
exactly…. if he was over 60, you could even say age, but he’s so young
Or hidden substance abuse.
Go away. You don't understand men. You're projecting your own bullshit. Men can feel hurt too and not want to have sex. She has clearly stated she has issues with closeness. You women are uncompassionate trash who's husband's cheated because you attacked them for their feelings instead of being nurturing.
Go away. You don't understand men. You're projecting your own bullshit. Men can feel hurt too and not want to have sex. She has clearly stated she has issues with closeness. You women are uncompassionate trash who's husband's cheated because you attacked them for their feelings instead of being nurturing.
My boyfriend is 29 and ok with once a week or even 3 weeks. It's not enough for me. I suspect he's cheating but of course he won't admit it. He blames our lack of connection and stress, but it's a vicious cycle. I'm stressed and disconnected because no sex.
If my woman did that, we’d be done.
I need to feel appreciated, trusted, and respected.
Huge part of those buckets is intimacy. If she doesn’t do that, I’ll find someone else who will
Dr. John, AKA human being, you look really tired. You do and say genuinely theraptic things, I couldn't ask for a better, more honest person to give advice. And sincerely appreciate you bringing humility to the table in a way Mr. Ramsey does not. In a completely platonic way, you're my morning shower/ get ready guy. It's evident that your gift in life is to cheere people onward and upward. Something that is absolutely necessary for you to truly share your gift is talent with minimal monitoring or contracts. Please know you're supported, and reach out to people very well.
I’ve never been happier a woman asked how to have this conversation. I’m in a similar position where I know my partner is dealing with depression but I miss intimacy and don’t know how to spark that again. I know it’s deeper than me but that doesn’t make it any easier to deal with when u want it to work.
I am in the same situation. It is hard
My wife and I have been together 8 years. We are almost the opposite. twice a day, more if we have energy and time? Have you tried being raunchy or dressing up in sexy lingerie. Even offering yourself randomly ? My wife gets naked and touches herself ask if I want to use her body. This is incredibly sexy, not just forthe obvious reasons but because it makes me feel/know that she is turned on by me and isn't her hitting me up for sex in a blatant manner that often feels more like an expectation to perform. Also if she just starts kissing me and then gives me a bj it makes me feel incredibly wanted. I guess I'm suggestion being more/overtly affectionate
Try making the effort to make sex worth it for them. Try treating them as your EQUAL. Try respecting them. Try pulling your weight with the housework. Try being affectionate when you are NOT horny. Try being supportive. Try LISTENING to them, and TAKING THEM SERIOUSLY. Try being loving, caring, truly romantic, not mass-produced tat, like flowers, meals out etc. Try taking them out on real dates, not just down the pub. You don't have the balls to reply respectfully, or even in a civil manner.
@@lenkahomolova3715 what is one to do just wait until they feel likes ir again
This comment section is telling. Totally different when the man doesnt want sex. They never mention cheating when the wife doesnt want sex
Because statistically, men cheat more often, and men are addicted to porn more often than women. It is objectively good guess more often than not.
Gynocentric soyciety
If they didn't have double standards, they would have no standards at all!
Facts
Pisses me off. Womens sexuality is sacred and NO ONE can tell them how to share that. Same women immediately think the worst in their male partners when sex isn't reciprocated.
The "sex and psychology podcast " has really helped my wife and I open up to each other about our sex and intimacy. It's also helped me to understand how she works and how to be understanding.
And, (this is BIG and) I've learned about insecurities I had about sex or insecurities I had and sought out sex to quell them. Never thought that was a problem for me until I began to learn the psychology of sex/intimacy/arousal/desire. It's very fascinating.
Simp.
I'm gonna check out that podcast! Thanks.
If there's no health issues he either has a friend or he's tired of being pushed away to the point where he's just given up and no-longer Caesar is a sexual partner because of the issue she discussed in the call.
No man should live in a relationship where there is no physical intimacy. The problem is too many men only think of physical intimacy and don't think of building it to machine connection first before worrying about physical intimacy and sex.
This applies to women too. I have never met a man in a sexless relationship that is told me every other aspect of his relationship is amazing. The lack of sex is the canary in the coal mine.
It was a year straight of rejection and my marriage was officially over... it was probably over when she refused me the second time.
Married: Multiple years without, some years 1-2 times. It has broken me heart to pieces.
Are you saying that in your mind it was over after the 2nd time she refused you?? What was her reasoning?
@WarmongerYT she showed disgust in her eyes and she would not allow me to get close to her at all. No kissing.
@@dicekarhope you will find new loving wife soon
Good man for not waiting around. Ditch them asap when they become this way because it will never change.
She's pushed him away so much that he's completely lost interest in her.
He’s probably watching alot of porn. I went through the same thing and found out my spouse was watching alot of porn we talked about it and when he wasn’t watching porn there was a huge difference in his libido. This s a huge problem for marriages now days.
Or maybe she needs to lose a few pounds
I think so too
Yep, cause he lost interest in her as Dr said, because she's been pushing him away.
Its DESTROYED mine and him and now me
@theresaroybal9599 Pretty fast to jump to conclusions to make this the mans fault. The information that Dr John gets out of this woman is pretty clear, she has pushed her husband away so many times that he just does not care anymore or has just accepted that nothing he can do will change this. I would bet that she has shamed him many times and told her friends about the problem and now their sex life issues are in the gossipsphere. Until we hear his side of the story we really do not have enough information to draw a lot of conclusions In the bigger picture, one of the big issues here is that in western culture men are constantly drilled and taught about how to treat a woman (you can argue that some do not pay any attention and that would be correct). However women are not taught how to respect and treat a man. Not from their mothers and not from society /culture. What women are taught is what to expect from men but not what they need to do be truly deserving of those expectations being met.
Why marry if you avoid intimacy
Confusing,right? I imagine it’s awful to both want connection/love and be afraid of it.
Kind of like wanting to lose weight but also wanting a dz cookies to to quell your uncomfortable feelings.
Getting married is like pulling the plug out of the inflatable raft lol!
Also, why marry if you are impotent and were with your first wife. Then remarry and not tell your partner that you are impotent? Now 36 years of a celibate marriage, betrayed is what I'm feeling for a long time.
This is wild. Having sex is literally one of the greatest, fun things a human can do. So many men having sex issues seems really commonplace. I wonder if its something to do with the types of food we eat now?
That could be, but I'd bet it's more centered around how easily accessible porn is, and how young they were when consuming it.
Porn... it's free and easily accessible hell you can Google even innocent video game characters and a few clicks your seeing that material. So young kids are being exposed, getting addicted and as a result have porn induced erectile disfunction. But so many people want to excuse how easy it is to view it they don't seem to care what a huge problem it's becoming.
After moving to US both of our libido went down and we were always sick. We gained weight and whenever we visited our countries in Europe in 2-3 weeks we were losing weight without trying. Once we moved back everything went back to normal.
Could possibly be. I heard ED never existed in the past. Now it's a big issue multi-million dollar industry
It's because they're married.
This title seems a bit of clickbait... This was not mainly about sex but about her pushing people away.
I notice that I pull back at times when my wife tries to kiss me. For me, it's that it happens so infrequently that I feel like I need to make sure it's real or actually happening.
As a woman who is anxiously attached, that hurts if I see that happening. Just FYI. It may be a reinforcing cycle that makes it harder for her to kiss you.
You pull away beaceuse...? You are angry at your wife, you are control freak, didn't get your way, etc., etc. If your wife is trying to kiss you that mean she is trying to make up for whatever arguments you had & that's a good sign. You withhold the "kiss & make up" means you hold grudges & that's no good. It you continue with this behavior it will not end well for you or your wife.
@@MikaComments Control freak? What lines are you reading between to arrive at this conclusion? It's simply explained, it happens so infrequently that it comes as a surprise. Sorry you hate men that much.
@@collinkendall2028you drew that she hates all men from that comment? Wow, what a gaslighter. I can see how you can be the problem in your relationship
@@samanthayates8812 I never even said I had a problem in my relationship. We've been together 25+ years. It's really not this deep Samantha. I promise.
I can agree with dr John on why he isn’t going for her. I am 30 and got tired of pursuing my wife because she sways no 95% of the time. So I just accepted as it is what it is and that’s that.
There’s always more to it. Why is she saying no? Instead of being stuck in the mindset, she will just say no. You should figure out on what the underlying issues are. This idea that women don’t want sex is false. Women do! But when a woman feels unappreciated, taken for granted, unhappy, that sexual feeling will not come. I don’t know your situation, just offering a different perspective. Hope it all works out
@@alqoshgirl yes!
I would get into marriage counseling. Sex is a necessary part of a marriage.
That's very selfish to withhold sex from your partner.
That’s hard. I’m sorry. If you have kiddos I might suggest getting hormones tested for her and you. If her testosterone is low (common while breastfeeding) she won’t have any sex drive and it will contribute to depression. I would start asking questions like: what makes you feel loved? Service? Gifts? Time? Conversation? Non sexual touch? I’d also look to see if she is exhausted mentally or physically and look for solutions to alleviate her fatigue. If there is any sexual trauma, help her find a therapist that specializes in trauma (not all are qualified). I hope those give you some ideas of some action you could take with her. I wish you both the best.
The man has been pushed away so much that he will not try again
That was a freekin beautiful convo. I was listening in the background and was sayin out loud “dude, tell him you Miss him!!! “. Glad you agreed! But also, it’s only been 2 -3 weeks since he was into her?? Psssh….try it for a few years and pretend you are sane lol
My record so far is 3 years.
Wtf 3 years without sex I will file after 1 months! Can’t dare waste my goodies 🤣😂
We masterbate but it ain’t the same
You look over weight.
The last 17 out of 36 years & barely hanging on to my sanity 😢
Some people don't have much sex drive, but if you are in a partnership with someone who needs more it can definitely get complicated. 😬
He just said that the sex drive thing has been debunked. It don't know what he is talking about, but I hae to say I disagree with it. Not everyone is into sex.
@@hollystiener16 I think different people really can have different drives, to the point of some being asexual. His point with the Emily Nagoski book is that when you're talking about a typical hetero couple, more often than not the discrepancy isn't due to something biological, but something going on in the relationship. I have so many straight female friends who report only hooking up with their partner once or twice a month out of duty, and guess what, those happen to be the women that I know for a fact are dealing with selfish lovers who don't even try to make them cum, and/or selfish fathers who are lazy parents. The women enjoying good sex with hard working men are begging for it just as much as the guys.
@@hollystiener16he's disgusted by his wife, she's obese
I would be too
My ex husband refused sex and all affection for 4 years. Divorce is wonderful! Get rid of him.
@toscadonna I feel like I see you everywhere! (Vegan Deterioration, SheilaTrueLove, etc) :))
It's the last resort isn't it?
Yeah put him in the trunk 😂
You were clearly the problem
@@roymercer22from what I’ve learned men are always the problem. Wife doesn’t want to have sex? It’s the husbands fault, Husband doesn’t want have sex? It’s still the husbands fault. No matter what it’s the husbands fault somehow
Why was pornography not mentioned when john said "epidemic of 30-45 yr old men who are unhappy and don't have interest in sex". Some young men can't even get it up anymore. Why wasn't this included? Would be curious to know how many of these 30 yr. old asexual men have porn habits. Some men literally watch porn for hours a day, that is insane.
And Americans are overall in horrific physical health lol this contributes
😩😢😢
Porn is a killer I’m really afraid of this generation today
add stress and mental health issues
For me, poor health, poor physical fitness, and mental health reasons are why I have no interest in sex. Im a 22 year old male. Don't watch porn. Just not at all interesting but it sucks because I would love a life partner but I doubt Ill find one.
porn is not the problem, she said they are from SALT LAKE CITY, take a wild guess at what their religion probably is... Religion kills a lot of sex drives in young people.
I’d leave him immediately. I’ve been in this same sounding situation. After a few years he was completely numb to me then I found out he was not numb to other woman. Leave him. Like yesterday
Maybe it’s her fault. Women aren’t always the victim.
Wow, that escalated quickly! The ideal key is to get to the root of the issue as early as possible and work to reverse it. Not to cut bait and run. That’s what Dr. John was talking to the caller about this at the beginning of the conversation, that she had some issues with socializing that she needed to address and work through rather than around. If we can catch things early and are willing to learn and work, we can often fix things.
If men following your rule 50% of marriage would not exist anymore.
She probably should leave but this lady will never have a functional relationship until she gets over the abandonment issues. He may not be a saint but she is certainly saying and doing things to drive him away emotionally.
Women always give the worst advice.
I think the lack of post partum care is a huge issue in marriages. My husband went back to work within 3 hours of me giving birth to both of our children. Neither of our families came to help us, so I had to try to heal from the physical trauma of birth, caring for my newborn, the house and husband and then went back to work when my baby was 6 weeks old. I was exhausted, traumatized, depressed, and eventually developed an autoimmune disease. Our sex lives suffered. It was an entire year breve my body fully healed from childbirth. Sex was painful, I was beyond exhausted and sad. My husband didn’t understand and he was too busy with work to try and help the situation. It resulted in almost a decade of really boring, out of touch sex. My husband had given up initiating sex and I felt exhausted and completely undesirable. Once our kids were school aged, I had the time to start working on healing our sex life. I did a lot of reading and had a bunch of vulnerable discussions to get us back on track.
Our country does not support families. This is the result. Families are suffering and all we do is cater to the bottom line of the elite.
It's up to the family to support. Not the government.
Wow! I’m shocked that there’s so many men out there that don’t lead and force change when things aren’t working. I simply would tell my wife something is off, we are going to get to the bottom of this and we are starting right now. I’d not tolerate any of that long term……….id be on a permanent fishing trip until the efforts were made to repair that crap or the divorce was final……….screw living that way.
Now this sounds like a man who knows what he wants
I think modern feminism has damaged how men deal with women.
You are a bully. Women are not sex toys. MEN need to make the effort.
Thank you for being such a great listener, invaluable lessons to be learned just by listening to others
My only advice to her and anyone in this situation is to get checked for stds.
😳
Jumping to conclusions like that is crazy
@@kennethw113 Better safe than sorry. I'm speaking from experience and others in the same shoes.
Ah so it's his fault. A natural response from a gatekeeping, mentally unstable woman.
A lot of the same situation happened to me and we ended up getting a divorce so I think they’re almost there
My wife and I have been not as intimate like we use to. I have been getting criticized for a long time now. She harbors a lot of resentment towards me for things in the past. More so the fact that I worked too much. She has major daddy issues that she will not deal with and it all gets put on me. I am done. I moved us away from her dad and I even sold that house. I have lost so much of my identity and I know she doesn’t love me anymore but I’m convenient because I make good bank as a self employed plumber.
Tell her you want a BJ once per week or your done.
Imagine thinking it's a T issue and not a wife issue. A thirty year old healthy man is going to want to have sex with someone, but not someone who makes it unbearable.
My husband travels a lot for work. My husband is married to his job.
I see my husband like once in a blue moon only. I don’t see the light in this marriage but just a waste! My husband doesn’t talk so I feel like I’m just talking to myself when he comes home. My husband doesn’t need a wife just a doll I guess 😂 I don’t feel the connection spiritually and emotionally to my husband anymore because I feel like I am talking to a wall. It could be the drug addiction in the past or the medication he is prescribed by a doctor.
I sometimes wonder if my husband is gay and he can’t just admit it to me. I am sure that my husband has no other woman. One time, I saw his buddy’s message who texted him “I Love You”… My husband and his buddy travels together for work and it’s been years already. His buddy is a big guy who is his lead. I feel strange to read the “I love you” message of my husband’s buddy to him. 😂
Read books before 1900s , men openly confessed love for each other .
Naw he gay as hell😂😂😂
I am a dude and ain’t no way I’m I texting another man especially a work buddy saying I love u
My Homies and I say we love each other all the time.
Could he have the number as someone else in the phone contacts? Like a girl
I know the addiction meds can cause no sex drive for men. I’m stuck there too. But he doesn’t want to try to find solutions. He’s not checking his t. He isn’t going to the doctor. He’s not even trying to please me with other means. He knows I bought a dildo for myself when I go absolutely nuts from lack of sex. There’s a whole degree of intimacy that’s gone. We hug each time I leave. But that’s it. Sucks. I want to just please him if he’d let me but he doesn’t. Part of me thinks he doesn’t like me that’s why he’s pushing me away. To where I feel bad. But I guess I’d also feel bad if he used me for sex and then was still feeling and behaving the same way too. This indifferent attitude of his. So in a way, I tell myself by making an excuse for him he cares for me by not just using me for sex. Just some days, I want him to. I want him to get off without me getting off. I want to give him king treatment. He doesn’t let me and I worry. I am worried.i feel he’s embarrassed that this is happening. He probably doesn’t wanna go to the doctors because this would make it real. I mean there’s more to physical intimacy than just the sex itself. There’s foreplay. And kissing, cuddling. None of this is stuff we do either. It has to be me,as the problem. Even though I hate turning this around to make it sound like it’s all about me, I feel like he just doesn’t care. Yet he says I’m wrong but can’t give me any clear answer. He’ll, he won’t give me any answer aside from just saying he doesn’t wanna talk about this today.
I have been in this position with my wife for months. I have tried multiple things to find a solution. Basically now all I can do is ask her for something that I need and separate myself until it happens.
What about what she needs are you thinking about that?
Did you stop the courtship?
@@mrhonda84Courtship my ass, where there's smoke there's fire, if intimacy has suddenly dropped off a cliff then there's most likely some extracurricular shenanigans going on. 😐
@@Jane5720if women could think about what men need literally ever, that would be a miraculous event.
seems women want the power of rejection, they don't want sex , the want the power to deny it.
I love how everyone is saying she must be fat or have gained weight. What if she just had a baby? Does that mean she's not attractive anymore? What if he is the one who has gained weight and has lost interest in having sex often? She said they had sex, but it's not often. That doesn't necessarily mean it's because of her. Men can have a lot of insecurities, too.
She didn’t say she had a baby or She gained weight she didn’t say that
Sad truth is, Some men cheat with women far less attractive and waay heavier than their partner.
But if it’s one person wanting it and one not it’s clearly not something wrong with the person who doesn’t want it. That logic doesn’t make sense. Why is one attracted while the other isn’t? Obviously she isn’t meeting his needs and he’s fed up and doesn’t want it. It’s not his fault she isn’t doing her job. He’s clearly doing his if she wants it.
Maybe he has a weird hung up like Elvis who didn't want to have sex with Priscilla after she had Lisa Marie because she was now a mother.
Exactly. Alot of the comments are calling her toxic. Clearly she cared enough to call in and lead all the conversations with the guy.
The answer is in his phone.
wow a bitter man hater
Absolutely ❤
@@charluvstrue you all really a bunch of rapists forcing the guy for sex
Went through this myself and yes the answer was on his phone. Used to cry and beg for sex from my husband because he never wanted to have it and then found out he was all over dating apps. and what made it more frustrating was it would’ve been a little less painful if he was throwing down at home, but he didn’t even do anything with me. But to be fair, he was talking to trans and men.
He gay. Problem solved
It doesn’t take a scientist to tell you that he’s finding excitement elsewhere.
Go away. You don't understand men. You're projecting your own bullshit. Men can feel hurt too and not want to have sex. She has clearly stated she has issues with closeness. You women are uncompassionate trash who's husband's cheated because you attacked them for their feelings instead of being nurturing.
He’s moved on and has his attention on someone else. Us guys are not very complicated.
That's what I was thinking! As a woman, the first thing that would come to mind is that he is not into her and is likely involved with someone else. And if he's on his phone all the time?? Yeah...
Then why not be honest with her? Why string her along and make her miserable by feeling unaware of what's going? He's also doing himself a disservice by not being truthful. People who do this baffle me.
@@wuzittooya I think it's bc he doesn't want to hurt her feelings. It sucks, but this happens more than we realize...
@@wuzittooyaI agree! Quit stringing her along and allow her freedom to be with someone who will love her . Being with someone that shows no affection is way worse than being alone and being honest with your person is also less hurtful than living day in and out with a roommate
Or he is just not attracted to her anymore.
When she told me she wasn't a Delony fan I just knew it wasn't going to work out..
cuck
A 30 year old man who doesn’t want sex with his wife? He has to be getting it elsewhere unless he was always this way.
He’s cheating or has a serious medical issue preventing sex.
Man yall all go to cheating as the reason. When there are so many other possibilities
@@thaneros Because that's generally what it is. They are either cheating or going to cheat. There's a much smaller percentage of people who have a medical condition or some sort of trauma.
Anyone who says he is cheating is a dummy. He literally is gay, suffering from penis limp action (easy fix) or he is repulsed by how you smell down ther
There*
Title starts 8:30
I was patiently waiting lol
Thank you!
Thank you😅
You're the unsung hero ♥️
Wished I read this comment before! Had just mentally disengaged with the conversation they were having
He’s doing a ‘night shift’ at another woman’s house! He just doesn’t want to go through the expense of divorce.
Wow Susan Holmes! You solve the case ... 😂 If a man isn't interested in sex with his wife = his fault and he's cheating.
If the woman doesn't want sex with the husband= his fault for not doing the 100 things she requires before becoming intimate.
You can’t negotiate genuine desire!
💡
Trust issues can also come from holding onto unchecked or unconscious resentment - as hard as it is - do your best to ask God to help you forgive everyone in your life that you might need to forgive. God forgave us, we must forgive others, everyone, or it’s like holding onto poison inside. Good luck.
He is probably tired of begging.
Sometimes the juice isn’t worth the squeeze.
Easier just to rub one out - it’s the champagne of victory
Ya. That sucks. I was rejected too many times and I fell out of lust. I love him dearly. But I can't lust him right now. Too angry, resentment.. Trying to trust him enough to get back into that realm agadin
Funny how when the roles are reversed the man needs to exercise patience the women’s hormones get brought up how he acts or treats her but soon as it’s the man no he’s cheating or just a piece of you know what
I feelime the husband hot tired of being rejected.
As a man. I met a wonderful person, and we would have amazing intimate sessions.
We did it four times in four weeks; you know, work days off, etc...
And every time I got a day off I would ask them if yney wanted to meet up, hang out, etc...
I always got, "I'm having brunch with my friends, I'm going out with my friends, I'm going hiking with my sister".
Fast forward to now, I mourned them, got depressed, and haven't texted that person.
I get it, family and friends are important. HOWEVER, if you are seen a a person. You have to put them on a second place.
And no, I didn't bring it up. I didn't want to come up as "toxic, abusive, whatever lingo" by "forbidding" them from seeing their friends and family. You know that story.
And after so many weeks. I just stopped. The sexualDesire was just extinguished.
Can you talk more about this phenomenon you speak of? The one that’s shown itself the last 15 years with middle aged men checking out?
Omg yes
Look up fresh n fit
Men are recognizing that investing in a family is no longer worthwhile in the west.
The ladies in this society aren’t worth it even if they don’t divorce you and rip your family apart, and they really really really aren’t if they do.
It was inevitable and it will continue.
Invest in cat food, boxed wine, and adult toys and prosper.
@@Phonoodles408where do I find this? RUclips channel, article, etc?
What about men that are single or never been married. It’s not like they are having sex 24/7. Sometimes you have a drought for years and other times you don’t. It’s quite normal to not need or desire sex often as one gets older. Just because two people are married doesn’t mean they’ll have sex 24/7. That stuff runs it’s course.
🤣🤣🤣🤨The fact that you really believe that is hilarious
@@judyperri9496 believe what?
@@judyperri9496that's reality. You have a delusional way of looking at this.
But that won't allow them to vent their hatred for all things male..
Honestly the women who post here are sick. It's like the female version of the incel chat rooms.
When a man doesn't respond to your advances such as touch and kiss..he is not that into you physically anymore. If a man doesn't want to sleep with you often; he is definitely cheating or too much pornography 🤷🏾♂️
You must be a relationship expert.
It could be that the woman is nagging all the time or has a bad attitude. Most men aren't into that regardless of the woman's appearance.
Or maybe the man has been turned down repeatedly for too many years.
Black & white thinking much?
@daniam2184 agree
My former best friend lived live afraid of abandonment. If she even thought someone was avoiding or ignoring her she'd drop them over not answering the phone in the middle of the night. The "I hate you but don't leave!" She was diagnosed with BPD and unfortunately i had to end our friendship after she turned on me for "ignoring her" when i was grieving a devastating loss and had a baby to take care of. I had to take care of myself so i could feed my baby and care for her and yet she expected me to be there for her when she was having a bad day and needed to talk when i just needed understanding and SLEEP. I LOVE HER but had to put my family first and it kept getting worse and i did everything i could to help her and be there for her but i got sick of being cursed at for missing a call when she was having an episode. She called me her favorite person and i told her to please please get some help... and come to find out, that's what it was and I wish that severe mental illness wasn't so stigmatized because these people are truly good people and there's so much help but the stigma makes them fall through the cracks. I told her we can get together again but i can't be treated that way and to give me some time to heal because i was so empty.
I love how Dr. John Delony has such compassion for those with BPD.
Ive seen a couple of these videos of married people calling in. All ive learned is that i never want to get married. I have a girlfriend right now but i cant seem to imagine myself being tied to someone through a contract. Whenever I want to leave I will, if she wants to leave she can. Society has changed so much and social media definitely has not helped at all and marriage isnt worth it anymore. Be together, have kids, live in the same house, but if the love fades away, then its time to leave and no need to get lawyers involved. Just dont get married.
You’re watching a show where people with marital issues call in. 😅 They won’t call to say “my marriage is great. Let me brag about it.”
People in happy marriages don’t advertise them so you just have a skewed perception.
You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but personally I love being married. I just can’t let my guard down completely to just a boyfriend who isn’t interested in signing a piece a paper that we are family. It’s a completely different bond you have with a spouse than someone you’re dating. There’s a reason why people remarry all the time. (Why would they if marriages were so horrible?)
I’m not trying to convince you that should get married. I’m just saying don’t assume everyone’s marriage is bad because you hear a couple of bad stories.
@@plywood7894 Well I've heard more than a couple of stories. And you're a woman therefore your point of view isn't the same as a man. You win after breaking that contract and your man will always lose. And interesting that this popped up in my messages because my girlfriend and I broke up a month ago. It hurt and I could say we just weren't compatible, but she did want to get married and I'm glad I didn't. Now I've started talking to new women and while I'm excited about the new women I still miss her but it is what it is. And I do see your point, there are very happy marriages out there, I have become more religious and I'm actually more open to the Idea of marriage now that I'm 30 years of age. It would have to be a woman that ticks all the boxes because now I know what I truly want. And I would sign a prenup, I've seen a woman fully in love with me but once that love fades they literally treat you like a stranger. That's the only reason I would sign a prenup.
Theres this movie called "A Bronx Tale" and one of the main characters Sonny tells his young pupil "C" that a man only has three good loves in his life and that's it.
Me personally I've just finished with my second one and I guess I'm going onto my third, sucks to think that it might be my last if that saying is true and my 3rd one ends as well.
It is what it is.
God bless you and your marriage.
The comment section is incredibly ignorant.
Yet, you don’t seem to grasp the irony that you’re part of it now.
It's been almost 20 years and we still make time every night. Sometimes twice on Saturdays 🤣 So I'd definitely be questioning my relationship if this were the case. He's either cheating or something else is going on, this just doesn't seem normal.
Every night!??? My goodness woman! You are making us all look bad. Lol 😅
Yeah your relationship is not normal lol. Not in a bad way. But definitely not normal.
Gross
What do you all use to prevent pregnancy? Every night wouldn’t he possible (although I’d like that) because we practice NFP.
When I’m depressed sex is the last thing on my mind. Can’t stand self centered people that automatically make things about them “he must be cheating”
My wife won't have sex or intimacy with me and honestly I am much more focused I feel more positive and I lost the fear of rejection totally. I am a much better man for it
HES HAVING AN AFFAIR . This is THE MAIN SIGN!!!!
Not necessarily, he probably has a porn habit. Lot of men "don't cheat" while watching hours of porn a day lol
You have nonidea whether that's true or not and your being irresponsible saying it. More than likely she's a nag who's pushed him away more times than he can count and he's sick of it. He's tired of being on a yoyo where his needs or wants come last a so many men deal with. The wife needs to be happy first before he can expect attention and that's silly bull.
I know within the first 10 minutes of a first date with someone whether or not I am going to have sex with a guy. I made the mistake of going on dating people I didn't have sexual chemistry with and THEN having sex with them, after already having invested a lot with them emotionally, and then I figured "well, I'm already here, let's see if it gets better..." and it never got better because the chemistry just wasn't there. THOSE people are friends; LOVERS are people with whom ALLLLL the connections, physical AND emotional, are there Of course, everyone is different, but sex is SOOO important to me, that it's a non-negotiable. I need the physical intimacy to feel emotionally connected.
You and I both. Wife shut down and it’s dehumazing. It’s so important to have that connection!
@@ApriliaRacer14 I'm sorry you had to experience that. I think of sex and intimacy as play, and there's a lot of playfulness that goes along with that - when a couple stops being able to play and have fun with each other, it kills the connection.
I am now a new person and own my love of sex and my communication regarding it - I hope you have the same renewed success in the future.
But if I may offer - sometimes when a person (woman OR man) feels really bad about themselves, they lose desire to be touched. There can be shame and self loathing, regardless of how much you compliment them or show you want them. And sometimes it can be a hormonal issue. My testosterone level is incredibly high, naturally, so my drive is high to match that. Perhaps your wife should get her hormones checked. But if she doesn't want to address the issue, I hope you choose the path that is best for your happiness.
Sex should be confined to marriage. Commitment is deeper than just sex.
@@singerjo5791 What if you get married and it's AWFUL with that person? And besides that, it takes several partners to figure out what you like and what you don't like. I've had about 20 partners and only 3 have been sexually compatible. Sex isn't something to be given or withheld - it's to be shared and enjoyed. Don't confuse being sexually liberal with de-valuing sex or de-valuing people - I have had many many partners but am also very discerning about those partners and am monogamous. And also, marriage isn't for everyone - but sex IS for everyone.
@ladyviking absolutely disgusting. Intimacy is something a person will naturally like.
Being a husband i feel safe saying sex is overrated. Nothing about sex is enjoyable or beneficial for me. Its just expending energy.
I feel like this is how my boyfriend thinks as well. Thank you for sharing! This helps me come to terms.
❤
@@fairlyenjoyable I wouldn't say come to terms with that. If he is a "giver" and enjoys doing it for you that's a plus. I used to be that way until time rolled on and I realized it was very one sided. It took the wind right out of the sails.
@@matty8272 He isn't, but I've come to terms with it. We spoke about it and came to a mutual agreement of doing other things to connect. Just spending time together learning more about one another helps tremendously. I figure when the time is right, it will happen, but I'm not going to focus on it as much as I was previously.
I’ve been with my wife since I was 17. I’m now 39 and hearing you say sex is overrated, it hard for me to comprehend. I feel the same way trying to imagining how big the universe actually is. If you don’t mind me asking; Did you always feel that way? Also, do you have that same overrated type of opinion about porn?
Thanks, in advanced from a guy that is having a hard time understanding.
I have a hard time believing he is denying it if she is initiating it, like not talk about it but just rolling over and physically doing it
Can't judge untill and unless you hear the husband's side. As a man, you don't lose sexual interest in your partner just like that. It may be years and years of her pushing him away when he needed intimacy and sex. It can also be, she always acts like she did him a favour by having sex with him. I lost interest in having sex with one of exes because no matter how gorgeous or beautiful she was, she only came close when she needed something from me, not because she loved me and wanted to feel close to me. I had to ultimately breakup because of the transactional nature of the intimacy in our relationship. It felt like there was only fake love coming from her.
Years of neglect and lack of any physical affection will definitely kill your drive, self image, confidence and the stress will wreak havoc on your testosterone levels.
Speaking from a guy that feels exactly how her husband feels…he’s found solace in the presence of another woman. He’s puts up with his wife cuz he knows soon he’ll see the woman that makes him happy, makes him smile, makes him laugh. Doesn’t bring him stress, doesn’t make him feel like he’s messed up or doing yet another thing wrong.
One of the wisest people I ever met once told me “only men need to feel loved, women need to feel wanted”
She doesn’t feel wanted and he doesn’t feel loved.
If a man never wants sex he’s probably watching porn all the time in secret.
She probably isnt desirable, has a terrible attitude around him so he stays away from her and goes to pr0n instead. She even said herself she has mental issues.
Yes, this is my reality at this time.
Not really , many men become spiritual and sex becomes the last thing to them . Every man wants to get rid of his sexuality tbh , i wish i could get rid of my libido cause my drive is to high and I'm disgusted of myself .
Sexting Apps ,Live Chats and dating apps. The internet has made it waay to easy and convenient for these pervs
Yes yes and yes I can agree. I deal with this. Porn is much more of my partners interest then me
I have never heard JD ask the caller to place themselves in the other person's shoes. What if your partner did what you are doing? How would you feel?
This happens when a husband is loyal to his side chic.
lol
or maybe it is something else
Or homeboy
Or hes watching porn. Men want variety.
You guys are killing me we are not safe haha 😂
It's been very interesting listening to this episode. I had just the opposite. I was married for 23 years with 2 kids. Sex was always often and great...but lots of other areas became so challenging that my personal mental health survival called for a divorce. It was definitely the right decision. We are now divorced 27 years. Do I miss his touch? Oh, yes! But I don't miss the mental energy drain...divorce still was the right decision.
Preach!!
Unhealthy relationships can be sexually deeply satisfying and very intoxicating yet just as unfulfilling
Divorce is never correct
@@jonathonengel5027when your wife cheats on you and you see video and/or pics you’ll change your comment.
I literally read all the comments, please post some more 🤣
😂😅
Have him go get his testosterone levels checked. It's become very common these days among guys. The average diet and lifestyle these days suppress that hormone and will lower a man's drive.
This! Over the last two to three years, I've been unable to routinely be aroused. It was a weird feeling. Really I've lost interest in sex mostly, something I never felt. Eventually it grew to where I would have little to no sensation, which is what led interest to wane. Tomorrow, I have an appointment to get the t-levels checked. I'm getting to the bottom of it so I can have a relationship, which I'm not currently in.
@@texan903 If they come in low, try to raise it naturally before you go on TRT.. once you're on TRT, you're stuck on it for life
I'm 30 been on trt for 2 years. Dieting hard at a young age, taking supplements for the gym, and the passing of my dad all impacted my hormone levels. I had no sex drive. Found my test levels around 200. Now on trt they're are 900-1000 and I feel normal. Good again. Make sure you do your own research on top of find a good doctor. Some doctors may be stuck in their old ways and what they prescribe you may not work for you but work for someone else.
@@SarahConnor562 it's a well known scientific fact your body stops producing as much natural testosterone after you start using TRT. You just said you still receive dosages, and you're not off it. Look it up in a search engine. There have been tons of studies on your body no longer producing enough test after receiving TRT. I'm sure it's also easier for a female considering the optimal level for a male is much higher than what you're sitting at so it is pretty significantly different. Someone should seek natural options before hopping on the hormones. I myself increased mine 200ng/dl naturally... So it can be done and now my body still produces it and I'm not stuck on shots
@@SarahConnor562 First off... In my statement I said ATTEMPT to increase testosterone naturally before jumping on TRT. It's good you are now doing better, but as you said yourself, you're now dependent on TRT for life. Since you can't produce it anyways. There are certain things you can do/eat to increase natural production and it's always better to go that route than straight to shots. Now, because you're taking those shots, if you ever come off, your body will produce even less than it did before. The reason you're able to lower your dosage is because you're in the maintenance phase. It takes less to maintain than increase. A lot of these doctors who work at clinics aren't even that good at what they do. I had to correct mine all on my own because 3 different places had no clue what they were doing. My overall test was fine, but I had extremely high SHBG. Which actually suppresses your bio available testosterone, giving effects of low T, without having it. Did they pick it up? Nope. Had to learn that on my own. Something they could have worked with me to correct my hormone balance. Is it a coincidence that low T is magically more prevalent these days? Nope. Diet and lifestyle are killing us. They tell us butter and cholesterol is bad... But cholesterol is actually one of the largest factors in producing testosterone naturally. I can go on, but basically half the medical world is clueless on this stuff
I haven’t watched yet but John’s default to this situation: “Who’s the other woman?”
Well, it definitely sounds like he has someone else based on that call. However, there could be other factors involved.
Go away. You don't understand men. You're projecting your own bullshit. Men can feel hurt too and not want to have sex. She has clearly stated she has issues with closeness. You women are uncompassionate trash who's husband's cheated because you attacked them for their feelings instead of being nurturing.
I wonder if she cheated in the past.
So, Dr. Delony just blamed the caller for her husband’s neglect of her. Wow! He said, “he treats you like that because you don’t like him.” One cannot make that assumption without even knowing what’s going on in the husband’s life and thoughts.
I didn't get that. But the only thing we can change is ourselves. Maybe she will make changes that he will respond to, or maybe it is 100% on him. At least Dr. D. is giving her possible contributing factors so maybe she can have a renewed relationship by being aware and making changes if necessary.
I think Dr Delony has a lot of information about the caller before they start the convo. I think that is the only way he is able to make comments like that and he’s never wrong. Pretty sure they get a lot of info from the caller first.
If the genders were reversed, who would you place the responsibility on?
@@melionaire He’s honestly said on insta live and some podcasts appearances he’s made that he only gets a one word sentence on most of the things unless it’s something Kelly knows will trigger him such as SA, child abuse. Or a particular diagnostics such as like the PANDAS call that would be an example of something he would need more info on so he can call the right experts. A lot of times he says he has to throw some spaghetti up on the wall and see what sticks he doesn’t take it personally if he gets it wrong it’s just more knowledge for him to advise the caller in the right direction. I wouldn’t of believed it if I didn’t know that info because he’s spot on most of the time.
This is why I'm slowly becoming not a fan of mental health caller questions......it's just....you HAVE to be SO careful with not making assumptions and giving advice that could potentially make the problem worse or cause more harm....
We need updates on a lot of your callers
I wouldn't be so quick to assume he's cheating. Sure it's possible, but some men just aren't that interested in sex.
That’s what my husband says but watches porn and hawks at women. Just don’t want what they have
Yup! Same!!!!
I enjoy angry sex just as much as regular sex, but there's been many times I've been in disagreements that pushed me away and I've always abandoned those relationships. 🤷 I think it's healthy to disagree on some topics but some topics are non-negotiable.
That's called core values unless you're just being unreasonable about the non-negotiables.
😂
As a 37 year old man I enjoy having good sex with my girlfriend. We've been together for 7 years and we are having sex 5 times a week.
11:54 she has driven that man away so bad and she doesn’t even know. i remember i got my ex a flashlight to “help him” kz i was so not interested in sex with him. i wasn’t even aware that it was the beginning of the end. i really thought i was doing something to help us and my brain was telling me i was so done but i refused to listen.
Flashlight? For what?
@@taghazoutmoon5031T
hey ment flesh light
What is this even supposed to mean
She got him a sex toy 😂
@@taghazoutmoon5031 Pretty sure she meant to say fleshlight.
My wife hasn't kissed me on the lips for 8 years, hasn't touched me or had sex in 8 years, and only once a year on average for the previous 7 years. And the moment I would step outside for affection, I would be the horrible person, instead of the forced celibacy I have to deal with daily. She isn't messing around, just is "done"
Sex once every 2-3 weeks isn’t bad. That’s 1-2x/month. That’s about what my husband and I do. That seems to be enough for my husband even though it sure isn’t for me. And like the caller, when my husband realized he couldn’t figure out how to make me orgasm, he bought me a vibrator too, which I’m thankful for since I can orgasm now, but it would’ve been a lot nicer if he’d made the changes he needs to make in himself and learn the skills to get me more turned on in the moment… take off the brakes, add some accelerator so to speak. My husband is obese and in our early/mid-30s too. Can confirm middle aged malaise is totally a thing! Heck, his malaise is starting to rub off on me now too. I’m starting to get it too. Not much you can do to inspire change in a spouse who’s immovable imo.
The wide range of libido from person to person is fascinating to me. If I’m in a relationship, I need it around 3-4 times a week to be content and comfortable. It provides a lot for me. It’s not just for fun and pleasure. It’s very bonding for me. I’m sorry you feel your husband didn’t put enough effort into learning how to get you going. Have you spoken to him about it?
Obesity definitely takes away some of the drive, blood flow has more places to go. Also both parties being clean, shower before, and actually make sure you take a decent shower, back of your ears, inside your belly button, lather is your friend. People slowly start smelling after a days work, even from an office, and especially if you are on the bigger side, and I know. The spark may not be there. Sometimes you just have to ignite it.
I’m terrible about signals. And if the wife doesn’t shower before, it’s a turn off. Or it may be a mental feeling he has towards you.
Condition of the house could build contempt for the other.
But then again. The grass is always greener on the other side.
@@ascent8487 he is over weight and only in his 30's and no mention of trying to get his weight down. Discipline plays a role here
@@ascent8487 I agree. I’d prefer good sex with my husband as often as I workout: 3-5x/week. However, if the sex is bad, I’m not gonna ask for second helpings of that.
@@chaselesser3191 many are allergic to water I guess and I have heard often time people say u don't have to shower everyday. Yuck at some point u are going to smell
You know it's funny, we start dating and never once do we ask what is your ideal frequency. You only find that out after you get too far and then it's too late. Personally I wouldn't mind twice a day. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
He’s lost attraction to her. What women don’t understand is that it’s not really about aging. It’s more about weight! If a man met you and you were 120 or 130 and then 10-15 years later you’re 180-200, that’s not attractive to him anymore! He may still love you, but that sexual desire is gone!
Wow…
thats so shallow and not true. My mom gained tons of weight after she had my brother and I, she went from supermodel figure to obese. My dad never lost attraction to her and was never unfaithful, because whenyou are capable of truly loving someone then the attraction no longer becomes linked to something as siIIy as weight
My husband told me if I ever got fat he would leave me. Yes you guessed it he became obese with in 5 years and I left him after 10 years. Funny how one partner lets themselves go but always wants the opposite.
Like how short women like tall guys
I love how when its the hisband not wanting it noone suggest she is failing on her end or that she needs to create an environment where hed want it
I still look very good and love sex and being naughty I did boudoir photos lingerie and suggested being with another women while he watched and he still don’t want it.
If you saw the way i look and then my husband You would laugh.
that compulsory, extended hug causes oxytocin secretion which sends psychological signals of safety, connection and bonding to the body.
How do we know she didn’t gain a bunch of weight? Many women tend to do this when they get married then wonder why their husband is no longer attracted to them. It goes both ways, but more often than not women.
Beer guts, man boobs, hair growing out of noses and ears, no ass-at-all, and comb-overs. Man, there are none so blind who will not see 🤣
Poor communication, too many boundaries broken, lack of respect?
She conveniently forgot to mention that she blew up to 300lbs…
Crazy! Why would someone let themselves go and then expect their husband or wife to want to have sex. My wife gain 70 pounds and she doesn’t care and I don’t either anymore. Plus even before that she never wanted sex really so I gave up. Just waiting for her to tell me she is done, because I am.
@@barrycook8116 Good food, drink, sex & experiences are things that be more valuable the older u get because u start realize your mortality. I’m 49yr and understand that I may have a 25-35yrs left and those things are not an option @ this point. Don’t let her dictate the terms, it’s u made a decision. It’s so much to enjoy in this life, don’t regret making the decision sooner than later…
I love the gas and breaks analogy! It's 💯 accurate!
Go through that phone, all your answers lie there
Yup a treasure trove of the reasons women can't stand men . Lol 😂
At first glance, it seems like she's being critical of his decision-making with the night shift and too aggressive like a man with initiating the physical.
So he doesn't feel safe and strong in his frame to lead, and she's not acting overly feminine/submissive. That's most likely why he's turned off and pulling away.
There is a societal expectation that a guy should want to have sex all the time. Most guys especially when they hit their 30s have other stuff we want to do along with sex. Find a cadence that works for both parties and don’t worry about what the world thinks of you if you are happy. John spoke to this and the problem here is they are not happy with the connection and frequency.
But he should communicate that
I went though this during the whole pandemic, it DESTROYED my self esteem.
Ladies stay in shape. No excuses.
Accountability is kryptonite for women. There was no mention to her. Has she gain a lot of weight lately? Too much focus on the husband on this conversation and not enough about her. This conversation will be more effective focusing on what she can do bc he is talking to her. Not him.
No excuses? Working full-time, carrying a whole human in your body, child rearing..cooking full-course meals, cleaning up behind everyone else is not an excuse? Most men only do one of these things and still get fat...foh
@@kayjeffs3741🙄oh brother some more excuses.
You don't have 20 minutes to get a yoga mat and exercise, but I guarantee you, you have plenty of time to get some Starbucks and sit and watch Netflix.
Anyone who says they don't have time to workout are justifying their lack of discipline. I've literally had some of the best workouts in 13 minutes.
I've done push ups non stop and it burned the next day, I did some squats non stop and I was extremely sore the next day, all under 13 minutes. And as for the food, stop stuffing your face with junk food. Like I said, you're just justifying your LAZINESS.
I think one of the biggest issues in marriage is today granted. I've never been married but I've listened to a lot of people talk about it. A lot of good people that have been married for a long long time. And i've read the bible on the subject, so I'd like to think I have an idea of how it's supposed to work. I think it boils down to the question. Am I still trying to do my best to serve my spouse?Am I trying to make them feel seen heard loved. Because if you're always preoccupied with what you need to get out of relationship, you'll always be disappointed if you're always trying to focus on what you can give that's healthy.And when both parties do it, you have a healthy relationship. So the question should be, what do I need from my husband or what do I need for my wife. It should really start like you said, from a place of I Miss you. What can I do for you to show that I want to spend time with you again?
My husband and l are 46. We have 2 children. We have sex at least 4 times a week. We have been together for 25 years. I couldn't live like that with hardly any sex or desire for each other. Why stay together? It's not living.
...for the children. Sex isn't the point of marriage.
Granted, I've never been married. I've never even kissed a woman before, but from the male perspective, that kind of sounds like something that you're doing is also causing him to distrust you. And so when you lean in for that kiss, sort of animalistic fighter flight responses, pull back, and then he stops himself and he's like, but wait, this is my wife, I love her and yeah. He decides to go through with it because he loves you. The green flag there is that he loves you. The bad thing is there is some level of distrust there. That's gotta be rebuilt.
Could be any number of things. Porn and masturbation, an affair because of marital problems, He’s just checked out for some reason or he’ll he could even be depressed and found content from a hobby or outlet. The list is endless.