Wash Your Nasty Hands | Bonus Joke Removed from Netflix
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- Опубликовано: 22 сен 2024
- tomsegura.com/
Netflix is a Joke Exclusive: Tom Segura got lured into a school meeting only to learn that he was never REALLY washing his hands. Bonus material from Tom Segura: Sledgehammer (now on Netflix)
The guy loudly laughing was really enjoying himself 😂
what its all about
That's 100% why this joke got cut lmao
I'd say it was burt but it wasn't a loud wheezing 😂
Is that the same guy from Tom seguras podcast? 😂
@@MrDladen23you could hear him in the whole special on Netflix lol
Best Japanese comidian ever! So much talent! All the SEGURAAA family must be honored
What about Bert kersher I mean Bruce kreischer?
Of course he is. He's been doing Japanese comedy for like eighty seven years.
SMIIIIIITH
@@alexadrianov8357i heard that he even trained at the japanese grand master Steven Segal’s dojo in Kyoto
Segoorahhhhh
The specificity of it being “right here on the thumb” killed me😂
He always has disaster dumps apparently so it gets on his cheeks. My mans needs to eat some mozzarella sticks or something, that shit will harden it _right_ up. I couldn't imagine having diarrhea every single time. What a nightmare.
@@Twenty-Sevenharden? For some ppl cheese makes it loose
@@CourtTV. Maybe if you're lactose intolerant. Otherwise constipation is always my result.
honest to god that’s where it ends up tho
all 3 bonus jokes he has released have been better than almost every joke in the special, I cant believe they got cut
I totally agree! That one about his kid and the penises in the shower was particularly awkward and this one here is funnier in my opinion.
Cancel culture on both political sides is why
I didn't even think this was funny. But I don't think I've ever laughed at Seguras stand up. He has had funny podcast moments though.
@@flipnshifty they did get cut. The special came out July 4th and these weren’t in it. Meaning they got cut from the special
@shifty__ it even says in the title " Joke removed from Netflix" can you not read or something. you must be cajun
Imagine Tom being a teacher for these kids. Awesome special
“Calm down kids, I’m sure he survived.”
Their mom is gonna make them psychos
@repentandbelieveinJesusChrist4 Your sky daddy isn't real and nobody cares.
This bit is better than everything else in the special.
0:37
I love how Tom just proceeds to basically put out another entire special of deleted clips on YT
Lmao the voices he has for Ellis and Julian are hilarious
He’s stealing from Chris D’Elia. Tom thinks he can steal the diddler’s jokes now that he won’t be doing any Netflix specials
@@YEEYEE-dy8tkHe's been using the same voices for his kids for a few years on the podcast, if that matters.
@@Jimmy_Watt Just like how Schaub copies all of Chris’s jokes and mannerisms on their podcast
@@YEEYEE-dy8tk Whatever you say dude keep being hateful and wrong.
@@cosmicabyss7358 The voice he’s doing is identical to Delia so what am I wrong about?
This might have been his best joke of the special! What a bummer they took this out 😂😂😂
Timmy's a smart little lad. He's trickling these little tidbits out to keep himself top of mind.
@@DragonTigerBossits a brilliant marketing plan, big jay did it with his last special dog belly and it made a big difference
@@zeroa69Exactly! Ty for commenting that, it’s a hell of a move
it's a carlin joke
@@susugam3004lol ok buddy
Dildo in boat shoes had me choking I laughed so hard, luv Toms dry delivery!!!!
I think I’ve met a couple of those parents. 😕
Only washing your hands when you have SHIT on them is an old Carlin bit! Obviously not saying Tom ripped it off, its a totally different take, but just pointing out these great minds think alike. SHIT HANDS BABY!
I'm pretty sure I recognised another similarity with Carlin content in another special. But yes, the delivery holds its own
“You know when I wash my hands?? When I SHIT ON THEM! Know how often that happens? Tops, 2-3 times a week, TOPS!” - GOAT Carlin
It's an extremely similar joke, too similar which is probably why he removed it.
I'm gonna say, I'm such a savage, that I'll give my whole hand (and wrist) and once over sniffing to determine if hands are getting washed after a shit. 9/10 times, the answer is no. But you know what else I don't do? Put my hand on public surfaces and then touch food or finger any orifices without washing them. It's almost like.... logical thought....
@@Zeta9966 I mean, I get the last parts, thats good sense, but washing your hands after a shit should be standard practice.
Sad... sad day when Tom's youngest grows up. The jokes about him are some of my favs and that voice... omfg. CLASSIC STUFF
This had me giggling like some kind of subway freak
It's almost as disgusting as getting out of the shower and putting on your clothes without drying yourself.
Who does that are you a psychopath!?
D u m b b r o a d 😂
PEOPLE DO THAT?!?!
@nightcore.princess my brother did that shit all the time. Yuck...
@Nightcore.Princess Tom Segura's wife does that.
I am absolutely blown away that this did not make the cut for the special 😂😂 This is easily the funniest 5 minutes of material outside of his bit about his mom getting high at the end 🤣
It's a stolen George Carlin joke...probably why.
Only Tom could make a hilarious Covid joke after 3 years of every comedian milking the pandemic for every punchline possible
Toms one of a fairly short list of comics who will make me actually laugh out loud when I am by myself
Truth dude.
Only a few can do it and he is one of them.
Eddie Murphy is the main 'out loud laugh' comedians. Not many can make you laugh on your own like that.
Seriously! I was listening to his special on the way home from work, and I was laughing so hard that my face was contorted and I couldn’t breathe
Louis ck
You must be 70 years old then if you laugh out loud to this hack
If I was there with one of the ladies cheering for that "not washing your hands joke" I would freaking run away from her.
We need this special in its entirety!
It’s on Netflix…like weeks ago
@MichaelccPalmer was this joke on that special?
@@MichaelccPalmercause the one I watched didn't have this cause Netflix removed it
@@MichaelccPalmer That was the BS edited one with jokes removed.
@MichaelccPalmer hard no. Hence the "bonus joke removed from Netflix" someone's jeans are low and loose.
I love the voice he uses for his kid. Hilarious.
His lack of facial expressions, with just an eyebrow raised and perfect delivery...ugh. Amazing. a terribly dark funny human, and he's right about kids, they start stories without ends or beginnings like they know it's going to mess with your day, and you put up with it because you love them
Agreed. Tom's delivery is the best...so casual about everything
When he said "they lured us" I lost it; cracked up maniacally, in front of my whole office 😂😂😂😂😂
I hope you don't do anything important for work..
that one guys laugh lol
Might be the reason for the cut. I think this joke is great. Should have been in the special
This one should have been in the special it's pretty damn solid.
I hate that this was cut out! I need this bit to be longer! 😂😂😂
netflix done removed half the special
I would really appreciate if you could describe how it lookd on the paper and on your hands. I am a blind man.
2:07 “dildo in boat shoes” is vague yet insanely descriptive. I can picture the exact dad he’s referring to…
yep, I learned this full procedure to wash my hands, and I realized: I wasn't wahing my hands before. What a heavenly feeling.
I too loved how dry and cracked my hands became from washing them every 5 minutes
I’m old enough to remember when Carlin did almost identical joke
R.I.P. George Carlin.
So glad I saw this,I had no idea Netlfix just removed this gold
Oh, my lord, I have not laughed that hard in a long time.
“There’s aids in the air” that’s when I lost it 😂
“I only wash my hands when I sh*t on them.” Is an old George Carlin joke..
Tom's storytelling is top notch along with his colorful analogies make me split a gut listening to him
I like yellow
You never had a Sloppy Joe just fall out?
I like the throwback to Carlin's bit on the fear of germs in You Are All Diseased.
"Sometimes I do, sometimes don't. You know when I wash my hands? When I shit on them! That's the only time! And you know how often that happens? Tops, TOPS, two-three times a week, tops! Maybe a little more frequently over the holidays..."
Is anyone else hearing Stewie Griffin's laugh when he finds something really really funny ? 😂
This just goes to show that Sledgehammer could have been much longer and so worth it.
Easily the funniest joke from the special.
Why did Netflix remove this? If you can't make a COVID joke, you aren't truly free.
Length & production. I don’t think it’s censorship, otherwise they wouldn’t put it on RUclips themselves 😂
Free? Buddy, this country was built on capitalism. This is a capitalistic company using their private powers to moderate what they publish. Like it or leave it, snowflake.
@@alexanderwatson9983spotted the moderna shill. Don't gimme the fauci ouchie!
Tom said in a recent podcast (can't remember which one) that he decided to cut it to make the special slightly shorter. He felt it was kind of an outdated topic and felt good cutting it even though it was funny and had a good audience response.
I’m liking some of these deleted bits from the special more than the special itself. I don’t know how I feel about that.
The best japanese comedian of all time.
A teacher was asking dads to tell about a virus they just learned about at the same time as the kids is what's really hilarious
Just been reading his book. His dad would've been incredibly proud to discover that his son has adopted his faecal nomenclature. Evidenced in this clip by his use of the terms sloppy joes and cherry bombs.
"sloppy joe just fall out of you?" 🤣
Wash your hands through the fence
tata there retard
Saw this tour in Chicago. The whole room was convulsing with laughter the whole set. Best in the game right now
It's absolutely disgusting that such an inoffensive joke got removed.
It got removed because of the Covid jokes
it didn't get removed because it was offensive haha jokes get cut all the time
Loved this bit the first time when Carlin did it! RIP to the GOAT
Just got caught in a Zoom meeting for work because I was laughing while watching this in a separate window. #CherryBomb
Those darn ‘POORS!’ 😂❤
I was not ready for that special to end so thanks for the extra bit!
"I go to pull out and the teacher says to me 'can you come in'"?
Never change Tom.
That comment about shit on the thumb is so fuckin relatable and true hahahaha
Username checks out
and she goes, and I go, and she goes, and I goes, and she goes, and I go...
They def took this out because of Covid
If I'm ever in a zombie apocalypse, I want this guy on my team.
Who would've thought Japanese comedians never wash their hands?
SEG-GUUURA!
@@anthonyzullo SMIIIIIIITH
that one guy in my right ear is REALLY loving this
Dude . Please release your next special on YMH , we don’t need you being censored . This was the funniest joke of the whole special to me . Tommy buns did it again
You really think this was a censored joke? Grow up ffs 😂 It's a very mild joke compared to what is in the special
@@frecklefart909no joke. Like they allowed the joke about his kid and him in the shower but this is over the line?
@@sonicnyoom7283 How many of his other jokes mentioned the dreaded C word that all the media companies fear?
home of the cuties (2020) 😂
@@Zeta9966 if he got censorsed for cunt but a joke about jerking off his 6 yo son was ok, then the world is in a weird place lmao
OMG! Is the fan club in the crowd? everything he says, they cackle!! I'm waiting for an adult joke.
Tom's comedy is great and keeps getting better. My favorite skit is when he talks about Steven Segal...hillarious.
The amount of people walking around in the audience THROUGHOUT this special is alarming and hilarious!!! Had to be done on purpose. 👏👏👏
People have to pee….
There a few people walking around and none of it is out of the ordinary.
It's more noticeable since it's a round stage.
@@stuwest3653 right? When he came to my city in Evansville Ind. there were SO MANY drunk fxcks getting up and walking out to the concessions for more booze and to go potty. I mean so many that even me and my mother felt disrespected.. since I was the very first seat of the row I got soo lucky to only have to deal with moving my legs/standing up to let them out for everyone 😑😐
@@bocagoodtimes1460 EVERYBODY had to pee??? Watch the special again (because it’s solid) but look in the background. It’s constant. Never been to a show where so many people walked around!
He ended up telling this joke when I saw him live in Halifax. Show was amazing!
This was the wrong video to watch while eating 😂
I can’t believe they deleted this scene!! It’s hilarious & so relatable. Yes, we’ve all gotten poop on our hand before. Get over it! 🤣🤣🤣
I was traumatized.
It was deleted because it is an attack on the government's failed Covid policies. You must respect your overlords, no matter how incompetent and evil they may be.
“Good one dork” was awesome! 😂
This special was so tight man. Best one yet Tommy. You bet I’m coming up in May.
that one dudes laugh is unsettling. He sounds like the joker the entire show.
It's the same guy from the studio
Tom is on his way to being the best comedian on the planet!!
Chapelle, Murphy, Griffin, Williams
@kongkingyogurt Robin Williams is no longer on the planet and Eddie doesn't do stand up. Eddie Griffin is underrated and Chappelle well hes the 🐐
@@Deltron6060 robin williams was never great as a comedian. Tom Segura is wayyyyy better that Robin
@@Deltron6060 talking bout Katt Williams
Louis CK, Chapelle, Gervais, Burr, etc...
Me: "Why was it removed from Netflix?"
Tom Segura: "YoU eVeR fOrGeT yOu HaVe KiDs?"
Me: "Ahhh..."
Probably the best special yet Tommy! Keep featherin' it brother.
It’s not even the fact you’ve got shit on your hand, it’s thinking about the effort of washing your hand that fucks your day…
When it first broke and they’re like , “this is AIDS in the air”
The comment about 3-4 years saying I like yellow was playing and my 3 year old said “YELLOW?!” 😂 right on the $$
Tom is too funny and has gotten so good over the years. I will say, I always washed my hands, especially before and after using the bathroom. I got too much self-respect, as Tyler, The Creator says lol
Ah, working in the food industry already had me washing my hands religiously and fully aware of everything I touch... *shudder
No idea why this was cut out, Timmy needs a new crew of editors.
I think because he mentioned Covid, maybe? I also heard it might be because the bit sounds like a George Carling bit about not washing your hands after taking a shit. Which makes more sence than my covid explanation
@@EvertfromNederland There was a lot of stolen material in this special
Because this is a stolen joke from George Carlin's "You Are All Diseased" 1999. "You know when I wash my hands!? WHEN I SHIT ON THEM!"
True story.Came out of the toilet,didn't wash my hands and one also there came after me.Said2me:" I learned to wash my hands after pissing in the pissuer." I answered:"and i learned at young age already, not to piss on my hands"😂
a cherry bomb...
“Do’you know what happen yestahday?” friggin love his kid voice
How in the fuck was this removed from Netflix
Because companies are scared to say the slightest thing outside the established line
@@Buttcakes15You're talking out your ass 😂 This is a very mild joke compared to what was in the special. It was probably taken out because of the dude laughing so loud over everyone, even though you could hear him throughout the entire special.
@@frecklefart909 as you well know freckle fart, that’s something that I do.
@@frecklefart909Yeah the whole bit was vanilla as fuck...don't get it.
@@frecklefart909 you’re literally a liberal cuck huh? Not a very cool guy .
Some people in the crowd and comments are whining about how disgusting it is...and I'm just sitting here eating cheez-its smiling
Lol this shouldn't have been cut from the special 😂
Netflix was lying.
It starts out really close to a George Carlin joke but he went his own way with it.
It only happened to George tops... TOPS... 2, or 3 times a week!
I thought that too,.specifically the poop on the hand bit
Wartched Tom when he came to Alaska, the crowd died when he told this joke😂
I have seen like ten jokes that were removed from the special. Why does Netflix have to suck and remove them 😒
Political correct woke culture I guess
The comedian does...
I think he probably did more then an hour of material and chopped it into a 1 hour special.
@@morten1 Everything has to be woke now😒
Is it me or did they cut like all of the best bits out of the special
Dad humor... so original... so edgy. Is he going to joke about airline food next?
“I don’t wash my hands everytime I go to the bathroom. You know when I do, when I shit on them” ~ George Carlin
I came looking for this comment and I wasn't disappointed. RIP Carlin
It's the very audible woman at the end going "EWWW" at the Brussel sprouts reference that gets me
Lol reminds me of that old Army/Marines joke…
“In the Army, they teach us to wash our hands after we piss.”
“In the Marines, they teach us not to piss all over our hands!”
Carlin had a joke about only washing his hands when he shit on them. It’s on of my favorite jokes
3:54 nooooo T Bunz that’s almost verbatim George Carlin’s joke
Lmao I started thinking his children were Bert's daughters, but then I remember he has the kid that trys to get Bert to drink poo water... lmao
Netflix cut so many good jokes out of this special 😢
I didnt know Pep Guardiola is such hilarious dude
🤣🤣
I wish there was an uncut version of this show. Even just the audio. I'd buy it in a second.
I turned into George Lopez "I can't breaf and I got a pain in my chess" fking hell I laughed so damn hard.