Infantile Narcissist's Submissive Women, Pedophilia (ENGLISH responses)
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- Опубликовано: 11 мар 2020
- The Narcissist's Psychosexuality: From Fantasy to Deviance and Beyond (ENGLISH responses) - Part 16 of 22
QUESTIONS (translated from Hungarian)
19. As we have heard, narcissists have masochistic desires only occasionally, while most of the time they prefer submissive partners, for example, borderlines or codependents. These individuals might even enjoy the masochistic role in sex, and that can create a strong trauma bonding between them. This may be a reason why a narcissist chooses such a partner. Still it rarely happens that they actually become partners in this on a sexual level. Sam, please explain the desire for submission and masochism. Why is it so strong, especially in women? What kind of childhood trauma can it be traced back to?
20. Now let’s talk about fetishes. Age play is a popular fetish. It is a role play in which one or more partners act as if they were of a different age than their actual age. Ruffled dresses, diapers, toys or cribs are popular accessories during these types of sessions. This fetish can be sexual or non-sexual. If it is sexual, elements of incest are often included in the role play. For example, an “older” player plays an older relative: mother/father, aunt/uncle or sibling.
One of the partners often acts like a baby, a child, an adolescent or a teenager. Infantilism, incest and father-daughter fetishes are all common forms of age play. Why is it so popular among narcissists and psychopaths? I have narcissists in my praxis who admittedly have this fetish. I saw a tendency that this desire amplified when they found a new source who had a baby or toddler, so they were surrounded by diapers, feeding bottles, dummies, cribs, talc powder etc. on a daily basis. Is this fetish related to one of the most prevalent narcissistic deviances: pedophilia? Can it be a legitimized or latent version thereof?
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One of the most important topics we as a society should be discussing is pedophilia and sex trafficking. I was very confused as to why people do not want to talk about the subject in detail. Then I realized exactly what Sam said: Some people have pedophilic fantasies on a regular basis, most people have had dark fantasies at one time or another. This causes shame and guilt and so it remains a taboo subject.
research current arrests. More of an abomination is the trafficking of children "in the system" who have no one and be taken off the grid. The orphans of today are taken from their single parents or harvested from natural disaster areas. Sounds like a plan. Get parents to become neglecting parents, take the kid.
It's important to remember that liberation of women under the law (i.e. in your example regarding Scandinavian women) does not mean the following:
1) That the culture preceding these legal changes has been reshaped
2) That these women are isolated from a larger, global framework in media and politics which represents women as submissive
3) That Scandinavian men are liberated from expectations of how to be "male" in the way their gender is socialized
Because of this, the submissive female/dominate male narrative prevails. There are three questions that need to be asked in studying women's sexual preferences.
1) What do you fantasize about?
2) What are your expectations of what you should be fantasizing about as someone who identifies as a woman? (Rephrased for clarity: What do you expect others to see you fantasize about/What do you feel they sexually expect from you?)
3) What would you fantasize about if you gave yourself permission to fantasize outside of your gender-based expectations of self?
For healthy people, sex is a place of vulnerability and exposure. Given the myriad of ways that abuse persists in society and its impacts on virtually all people, this is a huge undertaking. Even healthy people can harbor some degree of reservation about allowing themselves to be fully seen as they are. Thus, it's important to recognize that women who are socialized as submissive are tasked with either conforming to this narrative in exchange for sexual intimacy, or defying this narrative and being at risk of not finding a partner who will accept their deviance. By deviance I do not mean sexual deviance, I mean the choice to be an equal or even superior partner in a heterosexual female/male pairing which deviates from traditional expectations of submissiveness.
I think that we're dealing with: "I want to be loved, and this is how I was taught I will receive love. If I defy that teaching, I could end up loveless." So the woman's full range of fantasizing (which could very well include submissiveness, but for which it's possible that submissiveness is not as ubiquitous as it seems) is shrouded because of her self-enforced conformity to society's image and expectations.
Until culture shifts to allow equality between men and women at a greater degree - allowing gender on both sides to erode and shift, and dissolving these rigid expectations on both ends - it won't be possible to tell if it's cultural, genetic, or both. Personally I am on the opinion that it's cultural and then reinforced by trauma experiences which encourage "hiding" the true self as a means of self-protection. Intervening with the 4 pillars of self-love that you discuss in another video, would potentially shift the answers that these women give on what their sexual kinks are, when giving themselves permission to be loved as a full-fledged self.
Is the unconditional love that all we seek is originating in Mother Love.
Thank you Mr. Vaknin, koszonom Barbara !
alleged public shared stats tend to be lower than reality. thank you for your depthull insight Sam.
Very interesting.
Thank You.
Interesting information
Does this also include woman who seek to nurse adults as a means of sexual expression???
YES it is , to some of the narcs , any woman will do and especially one that they want to 'break' mentally into playing all of their filthy fetishes and push their boundaries till there is nothing left and the woman becomes suicidal .
My ex narcissist boyfriend would keep on telling me oh but anul sex is the best for women. I've known woman who beg me. Nope it hurt . He torn my vagina wall and gave me a UTI and std . Now I hear he's creeping out 17 year old girls . God I wish something could be done about him
The two different languages Is annoying