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Joel Leon: The beautiful, hard work of co-parenting | TED
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- Опубликовано: 12 мар 2020
- "Co-parenting" isn't a buzzword -- it's a way of showing up for your family openly, consistently and lovingly, says storyteller and father Joel Leon. In this moving talk, he challenges all parents to play an equal, active role in their children's daily lives, even in a world that often places the weight of sacrifice on mothers alone. Leon encourages nuanced conversations about parenting and reminds us that being a parent isn't a responsibility -- it's an opportunity.
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As the kid of a broken home who's now a co-parent himself, this got me.
I hate that term 'broken home' just for separated parents. I grew up with both of my parents. THAT was broken af.
@@koi5278 I agree with you
Same
@@koi5278 exactly the same, both parents present and arguments almost daily
I used to be so scared that I can't give my kid a complete family but when I made a decision it was the best decision I have ever made, we are better as friends and we work well as co-parents, he still try to his best to have us be together but it's just too much stress for me, we just fight and I feel misunderstood all the time and I don't want my kid to see me that weak. I want her to feel that she can be independent and strong. He has anger issues and I can't deal with it. It is peaceful this way.
God bless you for recognizing this and being firm in your decision. I have also come to this point after almost 13 years off back and forth and a 7 year old child. He is an EXCELLENT Father and I do mean it! But when it comes to meeting my emotional needs and making me a priority in his life the way he shows up for his children and family, he always drops the ball and I get bread crumbs. I had to take a look in the mirror and realize the hard truth is he can't give me the things I need from a life long partner. I think he had decided to devote his all into being a Father and I commend him for that. I just can't attach myself anymore because my needs and desires still matter. He's a great casual friend and hook up partner, but as I've gotten older I realize I want more than that and I can't get it from him..I've finally made peace with it. I still have a lot of love for him, but I choose to keep it about our Son.
I find myself in a single relationship after 10yrs relationship with a 3 year old child.
He is an excellent father but not a good parent.
So how did you get to stage of being friends? And hook up ? Does that not take you back to being emotionally attached to him ?
I find myself in a single relationship after 10yrs relationship with a 3 year old child.
He is an excellent father but not a good parent.
So how did you get to stage of being friends? And hook up ? Does that not take you back to being emotionally attached to him ?
If his is willing to seek counseling, and his anger is managed. Would you give him another chance?
I am working on removing the emotions, disappointment, and expectations to effectively co-parent. At the end of the day my daughter loves her dada and I have to honor and respect that. When you genuinely love your child their well-being comes first.
This! Even if it means your parents not working out. I am here for it!
@@kellithomas4737 yes! At the end of the day, relationships that are meant will stay and those that are not will break. But a parent-child relationship is for life unless the child or parent decides otherwise. No one should come between a parent and a child though. We must set aside our differences and move on.
Children, regardless of their parent's relationship status, want just five things: love, acknowledgment, inclusion, joy, & opportunities. It shouldn't be very difficult to get out of our feelings to allow them to continue to feel like their life matters.
Powerful, wrote these 5 down, I now this already, but its good to keep it on the forefront, when the arguing and disagreements happen with ex's
ENCOURAGEMENT!
Thank you. All our children need both parents to learn to make healthy relationships work.
And then you have parents that hate each other but somehow refuse to get a divorce. The whole children need both parents mentality always confuses and annoys me (and probably ever child with a disfunctional family, good single parents etc.)
@@ducklingscap897 I never said both parents had to be married, live together or be the biological parent of child. Some people learn to make healthy choices from the example of the disfunction of their own parents. Steve Harvey has a camp for boys with one parent to teach them how to be men. He is not all those children's father but certainly he is parenting them. A parent is more than a biological or financial investment, ask any Coach, Teacher, Big Brother/Sister, Scout Leader.
"...the way we show up as co-parents lay not only in the layered nuances of our partnership, but the capacity within our hearts to tend to a human..." ♥ As a stepmom in a supportive role, this cuts through the noise and resonates so strongly. Thank you!
Just broke up with my girlfriend sadly she is 5months pregnant and we have a one year old and regardless of how or what took place it’s about our kids first and they have to know what a healthy co parenting and parenting in general looks like no reason why your children should see you both unhappy with one another respect must be given regardless of how you got to the point of coparenting thank you for this video I carry it with me as we move forward
As someone who's been through the complexities of co-parenting, I couldn't agree more with Joel Leon's powerful message in this talk. It's not just about splitting time and making decisions, but about actively participating in your children's lives and showing up for them with love and consistency. Leon's call for equal partnership in parenting and his challenge to traditional gender roles is so important in today's world. This video is a must-watch for any parent, divorced or not, who wants to be a more present and engaged parent.
Sharing this to express how I feel about my hopes for the future with my co parent. If we embody this attitude together, our son will have the best foundation we were capable of. I won't stop trying for that. Thank you.
I see his pain amd feel it deep inside I’m going through this same thing right now .
When is ted going to talk
I wish I had a father like him.
People, can't you just be happy for him, the mother and their daughter?
Joel, love your warm style and direct message about showing up as a co-parent.
This is a wonderful talk. He’s such a kind, understanding person, bless him:)
I hope I can be like this with time, as present and empathetic as he is.
This was interesting. Because it’s not a common topic. Thank u for the story
I just wish I can work things through with my son's momma. She's everything you can ever ask for.... I made some mistakes ..... how I wish I could at least talk to my son every day if not daily.... it's really depressing not being able to enjoy him and be present in his life as I should be because of the situation me and his momma.
I have been getting therapy and help. Wanna be a better man all round and will not stop till I do....can't be defined by the past.... I love my son so much... is it normal to feel empty when you don't see your child ? Talk to him? This emptiness is getting harder day by day 6 months ain't seen my boy now ..God give me strength
Make peace with the mother it cn take some time, but it is worth it. Apologise to her and ask her to see her . Like I said she will feel pain and be reminded of the mistakes you made and might not want to be around you. Give her time and try to understand what she has been through alone while you was gone. It was hard on her. These are the situations that make women hard and haertbroken, it is bad for society. Dont worry too much. Be stratetic and be consistent and just dont give up on trying.Your task is to get along as much as possible so your child can benefit.
I’m glad to hear you say you can’t be defined by your past. If you’ve tried making mends with her and she is not responsive, you may need to get legal involved. You need to document every time you’ve attempted to contact her and the outcome. Yes it is normal to feel empty inside without your child. It’s traumatizing. I hope you can receive psychiatric care. Anti depression meds and talk therapy. May God be with you.
Finally gonna see my boy this month....he was able to travel with his grandmother to Zimbabwe.he goes back to Canada in January....luckily busses are available from Zambia to Zimbabwe....getting funds together then travel with the family. He wasn't allowed to travel to Zambia to meet his other side of the family ( my family )..
Thinking about it I was hard on myself ...
A choice was made and I was blaming myself. Taking the blame for both parties ..of course I'm one never to speak ill of anyone no matter what....
Letting love lead and be positive in everything.... blood is blood and no matter what the boy will need his Father.. I will keep fighting for my boy and keep working hard to be in A better financial position.
I hope you are healed and good now Montel I’m currently going through something similar right now and my baby girl is only a month old it sucks and I’ve also made my mistakes and now the mother wants nothing to do with me, which is understandable all I can do is also get therapy and try to become the best version of myself and gain strength from this. 🙏🏾
Man, preach that loudly! What you said is just right, this is the father I'm trying to be!
Parents should never use kids as pawns it is the kids who should use and rely on both parents to become the best humans they can be with as much guidance and love as possible
Beautifully said sir.
co-parenting means happy child which means the happy world and pure humanity
This is gonna be the next step in my life
I'll do my best
I will not give up on my kids, I will raise these kids as much as the mother I will give them lessons and be a better father I ever was in the relationship.
We may not be the best partner
But we can be excellent co parents
Co-parenting is the best option in a WORST case scenario of having children out of a relationship or marriage. It is just a positive phrase rather than ‘baby -daddy’ / sperm donor etc for singles.
I think the worst case scenario is married parents (or at least a couple that lives together) that can’t stand each other but doesn’t want to divorce because of the children/money/whatever reason.
@@ducklingscap897 exactly
@@ducklingscap897 kids raised in a 2 parent household, despite the rocky relationship the parents have, always do better than kids raised by parents who aren't together. The data doesn't lie.
The problem with "showing up" as co parents is that if there is not always even split of effort & resources then this will always be a challenge. 9 out 10 times there isn't. The key word in this entire talk is "equal". Guess what? It's probably a concept that works for ANY set of parents not just the ones co-parenting in seperate households...
Of course. But part of the quest to attain that is acknowledging that is doesn't *have* to be within what society expects from marriage or family.
Great talk but the #1 thing that stands between a father and being a co-parent/ father is the mother and the court system they use to cut most father's out of their kids lives. I for 1 have mastered the art of family court and have my son full time.
How did you pull this off
Learned that family law act inside and out and base every court application on law and not emotion. Provide a consistent family friendly home, use video evidence to show the home and interaction between my child and myself. It's hard to deny a father rights when a father does everything possible to be a parent.
Why is the comment section so full of hate? Co parenting is hard work for both parents and if done well can be wonderful for the children. 1000x better than a couple staying unhappy and together. Kids should see both mom and dad living a life they enjoy not arguing and avoiding each other at home. All these boomers and religious ppl are just butt hurt, misery loves company
Karley Peterson
Thank-you:)
Yes, but at the same time this idea of co parenting is society shifting. I believe that's the point he was making. People are just ok to get divorced quickly and be ok with co parenting but let's be honest who gets married with coparenting as an ideal for their family. It can be an excuse when things get hard. A way to give up. Studies prove that divorced children are not better off and most people regret divorce. I'm not saying stay in an unhealthy relationship but where is someone's motivation to endure assuming situation is safe.
My comment is not intended to be racist because it applies to all species of the human race. Young women, set you standards. If your boo is not willing to commit he is not worth you separating your knees. As for men, guys come on, first think with the head on your shoulders and not the other one. RESPONSIBILITY may sound old fashioned, but it works. Excellent presentation and TED Talk. Let's be positive examples. Best wishes to you, Joel Leon.
Race isn't even mentioned, but I'll say it sounds sexist. Now I ain't all that offended but I see, reading this, that a man expecting commitment is supposedly not of equal value
Most of the times when men are expected to think with the head on their shoulders its somehow patriarchy or misogyny. To me, Leon is a man thats crawled up off his broken knees pledging to feminist women for 'forgiveness'. Even in the worst of situations, no thanks coparenting, I'll do better
SottoB
I recommend seeing the world as it is, respecting the millennia long oppression of minorities and women, and realizing that these beliefs ingrained within the fabric of society do not disappear within a generation.
I’m co parenting right now with a 1 year old. Our issue is traveling. Her dad doesn’t want to bring her all the way back from where he lives which is 16 hours. I don’t do road trips especially during winter. But we meet halfway for pick up. He’s consistent in the other areas though.
Great message, content and role model! 🙏🏼👏🏽
I feel like I wasn’t strong enough to have a traditional family // I love them so much but I don’t want us perpetuating a cycle we want to break
I just want to be my fullest self for my child
I want the best for their mom too
“It is beautifully hard work”
Thank you for creating that possibility for many ❤️
He just seduced every woman in that crowd.
Major Motion Pictures
By being a good human being, he has me too, and I’m not a woman. Kindness, generosity and compassion are universally admired traits.
As a co-parent it touched me
As a black co parent, I understand this man. 👍🏼
This helps. Thank you💛
I love this! I watched it 3 times and took great notes!
Co parenting = the phrase entitled women throw at you just before they blow up your family because they don’t “ Feel” happy.
In fact it’s almost as if having a child out of wedlock is life goals.
Beautiful. Thank you🥹💦!!!
He literally came out as a sensible, conservative parent. Shocked they let this air.
I love this. Helped my maturity
Takes two heal people to get this outcome.
sure does
In our China, people always call the phenomenon that fathers do not participate in their child's raising, education, activities and so forth as" widowed raising pattern". Hope we can change that!
I did not know that. Thank you for sharing!
Why is the blame on the men only? I want a world where men are given the opportunity to have equal time with their children and not blocked from access for the mothers financial gain and control
If I was ever in a situation where I had a kid with someone who wasn’t attracted to me or was too scared of me or already in a open relationship when we conceived the kid. I would be a good co parent.
I’d be like her ultimate wingman who isn’t going anywhere. Has her back ( her being baby mama ) and would be there for the kid and her till the end and would want her to have full custody and I’d just be there when and how she needed or wanted me.
Good talk brother qha uphantse wayimosha ngofuna uzithandisa ngabafazi. Thank you
I'm a single father doing my best for my son I'm gonna contenue to so so till I die
Amazing advice
I recommend Project Fatherhood for dads.
I'm interested to see how this works financially. Like does he support his kid too, when he just picks her op once or twice a week? Does his ex get the financial benifits of legally being a single mom? And what happens once his daughter turns 18?
why he look like kobe in the thumbnail
It's not always the man that is the issue when co-parenting fails. Many times, from my experience, the mother hinders the process for the fathers, for a multitude of reasons. Could be spite, selfishness, control, anger, etc. Even claiming abandonment by the father. Yet, fails to explain it was orchestrated by her, with the non-stop Parental Alienation she continued to do, time and time again.
But nobody is ready or willing to talk about that. It's frowned upon to call out deadbeat mother's. It could be offensive... Just keep accusing and berating the majority of single/separated father's, bc it's culturally excepted. 🙄🙄🙄
Antaneia Elliott and Sean co-parenting we not together but I'm giving him time to take care our son without going through court. He doing a good job he feds the baby when he can he broke and found a job at the airport to pay child support for his baby boy.
It’s some crazy comments on here
OK. It's too modern for me to be able to comprehend and identify everything he said
@R. H. Kingpin Yes. It sounded so easy, that's why I didn't really understand. 😂
Sean is very excited to see his baby boy soon but we coming to a talk how we going to coparent because we both works and he comes to my apartment time to time to see his boy and get ready for work.
5:49 code switching fail. Great talk. :)
Wow
わからなくても聞いている。いつかわかってくるのを知っているから。
その調子です✊
いつか分かるといいですね :)
Antaneia Elliott and Sean are very good best friends and we help raise a lot of kids not ours with money food birthday parties and snacks
🙌🏽
I'm trying my best to co parent my son
I'm having Tribble doing so I wish I had a partner to help me
I haven't understand this video yet. But maybe I understand why the examiner don't like 'uhm' 😂 on test normally
DeAndre Pettus raising Antaneia Elliott kids he enjoys watching them to stay out of trouble he doing a good job and he said he don't mind watching the kids because his mother hurt him so bad. I let him raise my 3 kids to get his mental health together.
god, yeah, thanks
Is the an advertisement for the coparent.com website. Where women can find sperm donors worldwide.
My best friend Sean don't do drugs he getting his mental health together from the military. He was out Afghanistan military fighting for woman rights kids and his mother and father
Co parenting is a waste of time when there are teo different values
feminist drivel...strong fathers and both parents raising the children together in the same place as a family is what's best for a child regardless of race or gender....
And regardless of what the parents' relationship is like, is that what you think too? Because... no. Seperately living coparenting can definetely be better.
@@nejtackfu not ideal though
What is a "strong father"...? Do mothers not feature in your deduction...? Asking for a friend...
I thought marriage was co-parenting!
شيكا بالضبط
The thing is .....
Read more
People keep harrasing me and stalking me about my grandma Tony Patterson property her pink North face jacket. Janel Patterson my blood sister she was raised by Toni Patterson that's all her coats. I remember everything since a little girl. My sister not a prostitute she goes to work and take care her son Namir and pays her rent on time.
Janel Patterson is a innocent woman she cares only about her son Namir she such a sweetheart. She born in DC but raise in Pennsylvania.
Reminder mr fancy, coronavirus is still here!
This speech shows that western society is sinking!
No more coparents.... make it work despite the odds ...
DeAndre Pettus doing everything he needs gas money I understand but he makes sure my kids get back and forth to school spend all his money on my kids thank you he said I can get the kids back until I get myself together. His sister in law neek said that's what Dre said. He wants me to get my mental health together
Reading these messages, I think you should also.
It is sad that the audience is applauding this nonsense. The greatest predictor of success for a child is to be raised in an intact two parent family. Single motherhood, co-parenting is just dodging the facts.
What if they take your kids away? Yes you know
Sean have his own little place we have to pay SunSea Energy at to staying there. I'm coming up with a plan to pay it. He don't owe $2000 Shate a fake person supposed to be his sister. His boss said he only owe $500.00. I have to pay the rest of my pepco bill. I know his real unknown sister.
trials and tribulations of breastfeeding. lol. He has my wife laughing at him.
Because it chrom cast very bad do by me unwanted
كنت فاكره شيكابالا
It's interesting that women rarely comment on the average TED talks, but when the topic is related to kids and parenting, they come out of the woodwork. Just an observation.
Bruh TED racist they have a black guy talking bout this typa stuff just like when they had a black women alone with her new born in a picture of diapers but they had a white guy white guy and they’re new born tell me I’m trippan
Канал мертвый 16мл а смотрит 1 тысяча кпц
First comment
first!
I saw a pooping dog today
That sounds pretty cool
Sure there is tons of skeletons in this man's closet. Virtue signalling at it's purest.
B E T A
Poor kids. Don’t have kids out of wedlock. It’s wrong and unbalanced.
Towards the end why did he say to all the black fathers that arent there? Why not include white dads too? This is why racism is alive and thriving. Worst TED talk iver ever listened too.
This coming from an black dude, make the whole thing unbelievable 😂😆
🤔
The only unbelievable thing are racists. I don't get it at all...
@@Scipio12232 if you compare " black dude" to racism, then you sir are an racist! Congratulations to your unbelievable awareness 😃
@ Li Jing Sua and why is it unbelievable if I may ask ??