Today I did it this morning and I couldn't believe it after a few minutes he went quiet and he even listened to me after when I explained that his behaviour is unacceptable!
Natties Snails I am so glad you tried it! And the fact that it didn’t take very long to work for you means that you already have a very good relationship with your child. He already understands much of his role as a child and your role as a parent. That means you have been doing a very good job! Good for you!
Thank you so much for your videos. You’re a great and intentional mother. I appreciate your videos as a 25 year old stay at home mother. Obedience, training, and maintaining a relationship where the child knows the parents are in the authoritative position is so important, but I can’t find that information from most people because people think that the word “obey” alone is wrong and taboo. You show me that you can be a kind and gentle mother and still maintain the authoritative role. Thank you so much and God bless🙏❤️
@@MrsBreezyyB You are correct. The progressive parenting world is going so far as to believe any boundaries or requirements put on a child are too restrictive. Any time a child is uncomfortable in the least bit, that is abuse! It’s ridiculous and causing so much chaos in the lives of families who listen to that nonsense. I’m glad you can see the truth! I also appreciate the encouragement 💕
Something that is short sighted is not to recognize that the child is not happy when they behave badly. Teaching them it will not be tolerated helps them. If you don’t want to use it, it’s just an efficient and effective tool you choose to ignore. And that’s up to you.
Sorry, but this is called physical violence. Imagine if someone did this to you while you are upset/frustrated, how safe would that feel to you? No ,no and no,thanks.
Thank you so much I don’t have anyone to look up to or that I can ask for parenting advice. I grew up in foster care and I’m the eldest of my siblings, parents around involved and now I have a one year old (mine) and a just turned 16 and just turned 18 year old sisters living with me as well. I’m 24 they’ve been with me for a couple years now and GOD THEY TEST MEEEE, I’m always doing my research and trying to find better ways to be the best parent and role model and your page made me finally take a breath and realize I need to slow down and not make things much more complicated. Ive tried “gentle parenting” and my kid will literally think I’m playing with him and laugh and inside I’m laughing too at some of what I’m saying & most of it hasn’t worked . Sorry for the little rant, anyway,thank you for your page keep going please. There’s more like me out there who need the info you’re sharing.
I’m sorry you have struggled but very glad to hear the content here is helpful to you. Lmk if you have any specific questions. I know you can do this! Blessings,MAL
All the people complainig here are the same people complain about how kids behave in public . I am 60 yrs old with two grown up daughter's , ages 34 and 25. People use to ask me what i did that my daughters were so well behaved. I was not a " strict " parent nor was I the parents who accepted that kids should run wild and scream and be little monsters ; especially to others. I did not want others to disrespect my kids and I would coach or train or give instructions to behave in an acceptable manner when going to certain places. 15:07
This always works so quickly with my 2 and 4 year old. Benefits them so much as they do not need to feel so upset and out of control. They can easily move on from the issue and know I am not ignoring them while they scream and lose all control for an hour. It amazes me how many parents let their children suffer through major tantrums.
I have some reservations about this method. First, I'm concerned it could restrict the child's breathing. While you addressed that point, it seems like there is a risk of breathing restriction happening unintentionally, in the chaos of the child's tantrum. Second, others could misunderstand this method and believe the parent is restricting the child's breathing, and file a police report for child abuse. In many states, restricting someone's breathing (i.e. suffocation) is a felony. Even if the parent is careful to avoid affecting breathing, that may not be apparent to an onlooker. That onlooker could be convinced in what they saw, even if they are mistaken. And if the courts accept that onlooker's testimony, even if it's actually wrong, that parent could find themselves facing criminal liability. I'm not saying that would necessarily happen, but it seems like there is a risk. Lastly, I'm concerned it may teach the child that physical force is an acceptable means of resolving problems. While I recognize that this is not "force" in the same way of hitting, etc., there is still an element of physical force involved in covering a child's mouth. I'd be horrified, for example, if I later learned that my child was covering other kids' mouths when there's a disagreement at school, etc. To be clear, I fully recognize that you are recommending this strategy with the best of intentions. Effective behavioral management is critical. And it very well could be that this is an excellent tool. In fact, I'm considering using it. But I have these reservations, and would love to know your thoughts. Thanks!
The concern over others reporting this would be understandable, but it is intended to be done at home until the child understands. Then, if you had to do it any longer than a few seconds, it is best to take the child to a private place and continue. But the point is that they learn it so this doesn’t happen at all. There is nothing abusive in this method. As far as the “physical force” issue, I am not worried about that at all. A child who is out of control needs to have his physical freedom restricted until he gets control of himself. And, the child is actually in COMPLETE control of when this stops because he quickly learns if he stops the screaming, the hand goes away. I understand your concerns and appreciate your mature way of asking questions. Blessings, Holly
LOL. Well, you can't allow that. THank you for your comment! (I have to say I laughed when I read it...LOL) It would be a good idea to let your child know that she is not allowed to do that to you. You are the parent and have a different position than she does. Also, you are not fussy crying, whining or throwing a tantrum, so it's not appropriate anyway. I have a new book out that you might want to obtain to help you train your child to behave that you can find here: www.mommyanswerlady.com If you have any questions for me about the method, please ask and I'll be happy to assist. Going through all the rules and specifics to make sure things are being applied as they should will help a lot! Thanks again, and I hope to hear from you soon.
Of course your child will model your behaviour and of course you don’t like it. Covering anyones mouth is disrespectful. There are many other ways to connect with and communicate in healthy ways with our children.
I’m curious why it’s okay to put your hand over their mouth? That seems kind of restrictive. It seems as though a child( toddler) who is having a meltdown and possibly having anxiety and breathing issues would cause them even more panic and out of control issues. It would be by if you demonstrate with examples of positive results. Is that a possibility? What are the chances of your child just exactly that you tell them? I have back problems from surgeries and can’t pick them up, any thoughts and advice?
First I want to say…if you listen to all the instructions carefully, you NEVER inhibit their breathing in any way. That is explained in detail. It is restrictive of course--temporarily. They are out of control and need to get control of themselves. You take control until they are ready to get it back and handle it appropriately. By covering their mouth, you are doing several things. You are making the behavior extremely less effective because the sound of their screaming isn’t going anywhere. You are taking charge when they choose to lose control. You are teaching them to stop this behavior and that it isn’t an acceptable way to express themselves. You are letting them know you will not allow it. You are teaching them that it won’t work if it is a manipulative tantrum. It is something that will make them uncomfortable in behaving badly so they will not want to behave that way again. And if you are calm and patient, you are teaching them that if they lose it, you’ve got this. They can count in you to keep them under control and teach them to behave. It actually gives them a feeling of security to know you won’t let them lose control of themselves. Children having tantrums isn’t panic. It isn’t even true anxiety. It is the lack of understanding how to handle disappointment and frustration appropriately AND/OR a manipulation tactic. I can only give testimony to how well it works and you can read the testimony of others. When this is applied properly, the child learns that a tantrum isn’t going to be allowed. You can just put your hand toward their mouth and they immediately stop.
Regarding back problems--I do not have any idea what you can and can’t do physically, the age or size of you or your child, etc. I wouldn’t be able to give advice because of this. Sorry.
@@MommyAnswerLadywe shouldn’t be teaching our children to be submissive individuals who have no ability to control their own emotions or choices because they were controlled by their mothers as children. We should instead be monitoring positive behaviors, teaching them the benefits of positive behaviors, using positive & negative reinforcement methods in place of physical blocking and forceful silencing. As a behavioral therapist I would never take a child’s voice, instead I would have a conversation & display to them how to express themselves appropriately. And I’ve been pretty successful at my job without use of blanket time or CTM.
@@positivelyrachel5102 Yes, we should be teaching our children to be submissive individuals in the context of listening to and obeying their parents. Yes. We should. Children need to understand the role of the parent and the role of the child. They also need to understand the role of a teacher and student, boss and employee and police officer and citizen. At the same time, they need to be taught morals and values and that those authorities do not get to infringe on those things. But, here we are talking about a young child who is out of control. They are behaving in a completely unacceptable way and need to be shown that that behavior will not be tolerated. Covering their mouth is NOT inhibiting breathing. That is CLEARLY in the instructions and basically...duh. CTM is stopping the sound from coming out of their mouth which causes the effect of using their mouth and voicebox as a tool to express themselves inappropriately ineffective. It also is uncomfortable and annoying to the child, which is perfect because you want them to experience unpleasantness when they misbehave. There are plenty of methods that are effective for the moment but not in the long run. Giving them what they want, distracting them, bargaining with them... all these things can stop the tantrum for the moment. But that is not what I am teaching. I am teaching effective methods to teach a child to behave in the long run. Not just to stop throwing a tantrum for the moment. This is what CTM and blanket training are all about.
I wonder if you have ever discussed the physical reasons why children have tantrums and meltdowns? A child I know had many meltdowns and could not be consoled or gain control of her emotions no matter what was done until she wore herself out and went to sleep. Come to find out, she was allergic to artificial food colorings. Sugar and allergies can evidently play a part in a child's temperament.
I know you believe that foods can cause tantrums and I’m sorry if you had problems with a child’s tantrum behaviors. But, I absolutely do not believe that food allergies cause tantrums. Tantrums are a result of not knowing how to control ones emotions of frustration, anger ...or the desire to manipulate because of disappointment...and dealing with it inappropriately. Children need to be taught what is and is not appropriate and acceptable. And I know there will be “experts” who disagree, but I’m used to that. 😊
Mommy Answer Lady She was taught what was appropriate but she had no control. Once we figured out the allergic triggers, the tantrums went away. That was our experience. My brother-in-law was an allergist and saw the results (meltdowns and tantrums) of allergic reactions in his office daily. Children often don't have the words to express how they are feeling so it comes out differently than adults.
There is a lot to be said for this. My mom took me to the pediatrician when I was in 1st grade because I was "moody" and irritable. I had severe allergies to all kinds of airborne inhalants like mold and pollens. It was like having a permanent cold - stuffed up nose, stuffy ears with muted hearing, sneezing, constant nose running. Dr. O'Niel asked my mom, "How do you feel when you have a cold? Do you feel bright and optimistic and happy? Or do you feel physically uncomfortable and not at your best? Well, she feels like that every day." He put me on antihistamines and I was in a much better frame of mind. That's not to say that some kids aren't just plain brats. But in this case, and perhaps in the case of the OP, the cause was constant physical aggravation. The behavior changed dramatically once the cause was addressed.
@@FilmerOfBobcats There is certainly something to be said for checking for allergies. But in the case you are referring to, there would likely be other symptoms like runny nose, watery eyes, consistent cough, etc These symptoms would cause a parent to seek medical advice. This is not the reason for a tantrum, but yes, it can make a person more easily irritable. If those symptoms are present, of course seek medical attention. But this is not excuse for bad behavior. It may be a reason, but it is not an excuse.
I did this for the first time today with my almost 2 year old, in the beginning it was difficult to see him cry but it worked and he understood that he needed to stop screaming. He started this behavior once my newborn came home, it's been 3weeks.. Thank you so much❤. I want to avoid spanking as the answer as well as screaming. I feel so much better already and it's only day 1.
I’m so happy for you! Just remember to be very consistent and follow all the instructions exactly. If you do that and are consistent, you will find tantrums will go away. Your child will know exactly what is expected and will not do them anymore as soon as you put your hand up to apply CTM. it is such a relief for both the child and the parent to have tantrums is not an option to express themselves. Be sure to allow them to talk to you or tell you, their concerns or what they’re upset about though. You wanna make sure that they feel free to talk to you about whatever is concerning them. But don’t allow tantrums!
My child doesn't have long tantrums.... I love him unconditionally, give him attention. Sometimes he gets upset and throws a little fit.... why is that unacceptable? If they swallow all their anger won't that cause problems later in life?
The idea that a child needs to act out when they are frustrated or disappointed or they will have emotional trauma as an adult is a myth. A child needs to be able to talk about their frustrations, cry if they feel sad, and if they are not old enough to talk -- they need to be able to express themselves APPROPRIATELY. A tantrum is not a way to express themselves appropriately. It is an Inappropriate way to express yourself and they need to learn that as soon as possible. CTM does not hurt them in any way and they learn very quickly that when they stop behaving like that, it ends. They are COMPLETELY in charge of when it ends by modifying and adjusting their behavior to a more appropriate response. An attentive and loving mom or dad can allow a child to communicate their wants and needs without allowing a tantrum. LEarning this from a very early age does not cause them a problem as an adult. In fact, to the contrary, it teaches them to take control of their own emotions rather than allowing their emotions to rule over them. And, an attentive and loving parent will give them PLENTY of eye to eye time and be engaged so they will feel they can get all the emotional support they need. A tantrum is not emotional support and does not teach emotional stability. It teaches the opposite. See this video: ruclips.net/video/z1k6ulYpzVI/видео.htmlsi=_t_UjW9rZufKt5Zw
Suppressed emotions don’t disappear, they come out in other ways. This is a great way to smolder a slow burning fire. This is self serving for the parent’s convenience and damaging to the future of the child’s emotional maturity. Disgusting
It’s insane to me that any parent could lack morals to a degree that they would do anything to an infant that requires learning how not to murder them. How is that not a MASSIVE red flag. If it’s teetering on manslaughter it’s probably not a good method. Do not listen to this psychopath.
Wow. A psychopath. That's interesting. So, you did listen to the whole thing, right? About how to discover the reason for their outburst and deal with it after the fact? And how you teach them by addressing the issue that caused them to tantrum? And how they are in completely in charge of when CTM ends? and how you reconcile and move on so they know all is ok? Yes, those are certainly the actions of a psychopath. LOL. This comment actually did make me LOL and I almost deleted it, but had to respond. "It's teetering on manslaughter". LOL. You are a hoot!
@@Bridget-o3y there are some strange things going on with this thread. Comments appear and then disappear. In one that was here and is now gone, you suggested that I was advocating for cutting off a child’s breathing! Ridiculous. This shows you didn’t really watch this video and certainly didn’t see all the instructions. Do you REALLY think I would say to do such a thing? That’s crazy. Honestly. Before you comment further--watch the WHOLE video. You clearly didn’t do so.
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I am watching every one of your videos over and over. Thank you Lord ! I am so grateful God brought your videos in my life. Thank you for all your wisdom and your testimonials about your experiences. I don't have a mother or really any family so these videos are helping me more than you know. Thank you Thank you thank you! Keep em coming ! ❤
That’s so encouraging to know. Seriously the channel is so slow at growing that I wonder sometimes if all the effort is really reaching people. It’s good to get your comment and I hope to hear from you again soon! 💕😊
@@MommyAnswerLady I am not someone who comments on youtube a lot but i have an adhd 4 yr old and possible autism..we have just tried so many things. I was doing Facebook groups getting suggestions from other moms but I think it is me. I have to be stern and straight to the point 👉🏼
@@alisharumley333 FYI, when you comment, you help the algorithm of that video. When you watch multiple videos on the same channel, click “like”, it helps boost it too. So you are helping me spread my message while the videos are helping you! Thank you!
@@MommyAnswerLady the numbers may not be encouraging yet, but please keep up what you're doing! I just found your channel today and REALLY, REALLY appreciate the very practical content. I have a 7 week old son and 22 month old daughter. I realize I haven't been handling well my response to things like throwing food and plates on the floor (have watched your video on that and will rewatch!). For tantrums, fortunately those are infrequent, and usually distracting my toddler with something else works. But want to add to my parenting toolbox...let me go watch this video now. God bless you.
Whitney Caslin I’m going to give you some other help if you will allow it. I have an entire parenting course that I am offering free right now. If you sign up, you will have lifetime access with no strings and no cost. I’m doing this to help as many parents as possible. It’s only free until the end of May. Then it will be only available by purchase. But you will have it forever once you sign up with no cost at all. You can find it by going to my website and clicking in the banner at the top of the page that says “Free course WITH coupon code”. Enter ADVANTAGE2020 at checkout and it will take 100% off the price. You will not even have to enter your financial info or anything. My website is www.mommyanswerlady.com I hope this helps. Non-verbal is difficult and I’ll pray for you and your child. Thank you for the comment.
"Strong willed" can describe compliant as well as non-compliant behaviors. The goal of training is strong willed compliance. Strong-willed is not necessarily bad. Having a strong will can be a positive trait, indicating determination, resilience, and the ability to persevere in the face of challenges. Thanks for the excellent teaching.
I’m not sure what you are asking exactly. It is very clear what it means if you listen to the entire video which gives very detailed instructions. I’m not sure what you are asking.
I don't like the putting my hands over their mouth. My toddler repeats everything to me and others. Also feels invasive. I don't want to send the message I have control over their body.
You are the parent and do have control over their body until they are old enough to have complete control themselves. You should be controlling what and when they eat, when and where they sleep, where they go and when they go there. You control where they sit in the car, what they wear, and whether or not they brush their teeth and take a bath. That’s because you are the parent and that is your role. When they are older and as they grow, you relinquish more and more of that control as they learn to take care of themselves and control themselves. Until they do, it is your obligation and responsibility to teach them how to behave and what behavior is and is not appropriate. Part of that is showing them what you will tolerate and what is acceptable and what isn’t. You may send them to their room at times…again controlling their body. You may tell them they can or cannot go out and play--more control. And when they scream and cry in a tantrum behavior, a parent can cover their mouth until they are finished. When they are finished, they have learned this is not ok. It helps them learn and in the long run, it helps them control themselves.
@@MommyAnswerLady Feeding them, clothing them and providing basic needs is COMPLETELY different then physically controlling her. It's HER body and if she doesn't want to be touched then she won't. Consent is more important then pounding my chest and inserting my dominance. I completely disagree with your method and I'll just stick to gentle and respectful parenting.
@@gabyrocha9418 agreed. I’ve had luck with tantrums by avoiding and ignoring my daughters tantrums and bad behavior, and just making sure she’s in a safe place. When she gets over her tantrum and calms down, I allow her to come sit on my lap, she will cry for a minute and calm down. It’s taught her that’s it’s ok to come to mama when you are frustrated and need to cry and help calming down. But it’s not okay to scream and kick and misbehave. Also following through with rules, and consistently saying “no no, we don’t touch what’s on that shelf!”, regardless of how it upsets her, has taught her that we are serious about rules. It’s taught her boundaries, and so now she usually listens to rules, and understands no! So basically consistency on rules, reprimanding bad behavior and then ignoring tantrums that comes with it while allowing them to learn to self-regulate, then they can return to our loving and CIVIL family environment after they have regulated their behavior. Seems a lot less painful then being so forceful with a toddler. If you cover a toddlers mouth, seems that they would wiggle, kick, scream and get red. Not good for a child’s heart rate when they can’t control their own breathing like that, which is what would happen if their heart rate is increased so badly. Strongly disagree with this method.
Although, I could see a variation of this method being useful after they have already learned some self regulating behavior, maybe upwards of 3 or 4. But anyway, you still seem like a wonderful and loving mother. God bless ❤
Toddlers cannot self regulate their emotions. Its completely normal for them to have tantrums! Best approach its to validate their emotions and and them feel heard. For example, saying I know you're really sad and thats really hard. Even mummy/daddy gets upset sometimes, lets have a cuddle and go play together. Or say i know you're sad but we can't do that right now etc.
Toddlers cannot regulate their behavior in response to their emotions until they are taught how. When unacceptable behavior is tolerated with allowance and encouraged with coddling, then they are taught that tantrums are ok and an acceptable expression. They are not ok. When they learn this, they behave as they should by accepting what they don’t like with reasonable behavior and attitudes. I’ve had nine children and have worked with parents and children for over 30 years. I’m well aware that toddlers can learn to behave and tantrums are not necessary. The progressive parenting crowd believes as you do which is why we can go into any store and hear the results of frustrated and exhausted parents dealing with their unruly and out of control children. See this ruclips.net/video/2rhZq_U7rWs/видео.html
@@MommyAnswerLady I see you are very experienced from you videos! I'm glad we have different opinions as the world would be a boring place if everyone agreed. . I too have worked with children and parents for 10 years and fully qualified in early years.
@@kristinawoodward111 that gentler method leaves parents like myself confused. I acknowledge their feelings and try to redirect as much as possible but that can’t always happen in every setting. Then their behavior continues when it’s convenient for them and I’m left trying to gently control the situation (or lack thereof) and I’m at a loss. I’ve also seen others try that and it somewhat looks pitiful because the parent is obviously trying to use gentle methods such as yours and obedience isn’t required…thus the behavior and embarrassments continue
@@NathalieVA56 as a mom of multiples, I agree with your sentiment. There’s a difference in working in early childhood and being a mom of many different personalities who has to deal w these tantrums in various situations outside of an office or classroom. Some of the other methods do help for kids who are not as over reactive... It is great to nip things in the bud and to discuss emotions. But when it’s not working for some irregular situation or stubborn emotion...it’s time to change and support the child’s development in other ways. I agree w you fully.
😅😅 Thank you!! My 11 month old is the polar opposite of my 9 year old… and I was at a loss as to how to deal with this 😮!! But your explaination sounds solid and Im going to try CTM method… i have already ordered some ear plugs and hope my neighbors dont call the police for her … I would say Avengers mutant level screaming skills 🤣🤣🤣🤣. Hopefully she will be broken out of it by next summer…. Then its on to teaching her Opera octaves for her future lucrative singing career LOL 😂😂😂😂.
I'm binge watching your videos. Its a god-send. I've prayed for a some real help from moms that have large families and similar ideas on child-training. Did you homeschool your kiddos?
I’m glad the info is helpful to you! I homeschooled for about 13 years and also had children go to private school. It depended on what was going on with each child, their needs, and the family. The only option we wouldn’t do was full time public school. Let me know if I can help further. You can also go to the website www.mommyanswerlady.com. Blessings. 😊💕
I am a single mom of 2, my son is 18mo old, i also have a 9wk old daughter. He has recently started short screechs/shrieks as well as very loud crying fits when hes told no (ei like when he wants the blanket she's on or tries taking her binkie away from her etc) When applying this method, how do i correctly and effectively keep him from moving, turning or backing away from my hand? Am i supposed to hold one hand on his mouth and the other behind his head? So essentially wrestle with him flailing until he gets too tired to keep fighting it? His behavior is dramatically affecting my newborn during sleep and ultimately just really scares her. I don't want to make any of this worse for either of my children by incorrectly applying this method due to not understanding completely. Thanks for sharing your knowledge!
Thank you for asking. The first thing I want to make sure you do is watch this other video about how to prepare a sibling for a new baby. It is VERY important that your son feels loving toward his sister rather than envy or jealousy. You can help by doing everything you can to have him feel like he is part of her care. Yes, he is only 18 months old. I get that. He is not going to be changing diapers or reading her a bedtime story! But, ANYTHING he can do will help. He can take a diaper to the trash and put it in after you have changed it. He can hand her a toy, retrieve her binky, lightly pat her back when she is going to sleep, etc. ANYTHING he can do let him do it and encourage him to do it and then PRAISE him for his efforts. ALL efforts of caring for her should be met with appreciation by you. This will help tremendously in his behavior surrounding his sister. See this video first although I realize much of it is for BEFORE baby arrives. It is basically the attitude needed to help with the jealousy situation that seems to be developing. ruclips.net/video/jshyB1aQ3gQ/видео.html To your other question: Make sure you have plenty of one on one time and eye to eye time with your son. He needs to know he is important and his feelings matter. Then, when he behaves badly, you can apply CTM with confidence as needed. If he is trying to get away from your hand, you can use both hands to stop that from happening as you described. You can put him on your lap too or whatever is needed to keep your hand there. Remember NEVER inhibit his breathing in any way and remove your hand as soon as he stops --- and follow the CTM instructions exactly. If you haven't downloaded the instructions, I suggest you do that on my website www.mommyanswerlady.com You can do this! I hope this helps.
OH... I forgot. The short shrieks are likely something different. CTM is for the tantrum thing. Not the short shrieks for attention. Here is the video about the short bursts. ruclips.net/video/TTWacXHCMtw/видео.html
My 3 year old son is incredibly strong willed and just plain strong. I'm going to try this but my first thought was that he's going to be attacking me the entire time. He will be hitting, scratching, biting, or head butting me. If I'm close enough he'll grab my hair or glasses. I'm at my wits end.
@@amberheaton9419 also, do not allow him to fight. Get hold of him and don’t let go until he surrenders. You can do this. Once he realizes he won’t win, he will give up. And if you are consistent, this will help him behave which will make him a much happier little boy.
By definition isn’t this also manipulation? (control or influence a person) So I don’t understand how the baby doing it (unintentionally) is bad, but parents doing it (on purpose) is fine?
This question assumes ALL manipulation is bad and that a child and the way they respond to a parent should be the same as a parent responding to a child. All which are not correct assumptions.
Hello, i have a almost 4 year old that acts disrespectful, whinny, demanding, and throws tantrums basically daily with screaming and kicking. I coparent 50/50 with her mother. If her mom isnt going to do this too is there any point in me trying? Thanks.
Yes. A child will know who they can act out around and who they can’t. I couldn’t tell you how many times I have been in a situation where I am caring for children, and they behave well with me. As soon as their parents walk in the door, they become different children all together. My first suggestion is that you do everything you can to repair the relationship and reconcile with her mother. That is the very best thing you can do for your daughter. But, regardless, do not allow your child to misbehave in your presence. Of course, also be sure to have a good relationship built up with your daughter so that she trusts you and recognizes that what you are doing is for her benefit and because you love her dearly.
I suggest starting when they are able to pull themselves to a standing position. There are videos on this channel to address throwing food. I’ll find the link and post it here for you. Here’s one about throwing things generally. ruclips.net/video/LZ0G4vSzj3c/видео.htmlsi=NwIg6DKe-UQld9IK Here’s one about throwing food from highchair. ruclips.net/video/CT3cCmdcrPc/видео.htmlsi=om_4oSd82EEPLH0O Lmk if you have any questions!
This has radically refused tantrums in my 18 month old with several delays. He is more content and joyful even. I am working on direct disobedience when I sign and say come to mommy. I follow through with discipline that results in lots of crying kicking etc. Do I allow him express discomfort of a consequence for a little bit, or should i apply cmt?
Apply it immediately for anger or frustration. But, if he gets a little swat on the behind and has a crying reaction, give him a minute to get over it. The point is to not allow him to cry, fuss or whine to complain or manipulate. When someone gets hurt, it’s natural to cry for a minute. That wouldn’t deserve CTM. Kicking is an indication of anger. Not appropriate l. Don’t allow it ever. Have you seen the video about how to teach them to come? Is that what you mean when you say you are working on that?
I think my son is one of a kind. I've tried this method consistently, but his still very angry and fights. His started to wreck my mums home, lamps, ornaments that I don't go round there now as it upsets me the way he is. I've tried talking, getting angry, it all doesn't work. His only 2. My mum thinks I need to explain how he is to a doctor.
I think a Dr visit would be wise. Some children don't benefit from regular parenting techniques. Your son may suffer from some issues with regulating his anger and a specialist will be able to provide guidance for you both.
@@annabel1751 Hi! Thanks for commenting back. Alfie my 2 year old is being put back a year, so he has to be in the 2 year old group again, because his behind in all his milestones. The nursery said he has many traits of autism so they think he could be autistic. I've gotta wait for him to do his speech therapy before they go down the route of seeing if he has autism. I'm not saying he has autism, but he does alot of the traits. I do understand he could grow out of this. He has got better at my mums. His obsessed with fans and wheels, so his happy to watch her ceiling fan or spin wheels, instead of trashing her ornaments. I do alot or talking to him and trying to calm him down, half the time it work, but half the time it doesn't. It depends if his tired or hungry.
Answer: no it’s not disrespectful. I’m wondering if you listened to the whole video? Keep in mind that the child is learning to have self control and you are there to facilitate him doing so. That’s a parent’s job. 😊
@@TheSaundersPack Well…I’m not an out of control child who needs to learn to control myself. I also don’t need my diaper changed, my shoes tied, or to be strapped into a car seat that I can’t get out of. Children are not adults. They have different needs and different positions in life than adults do and than parents do. If you don’t understand that, you cannot be an effective parent.
Thank u so much my toddler is 3 and she's been getting away with misbehaving when ever I'm around but with a care giver she's sweet and behaviors well I tried the ctm last night I was so surprised in just a few minutes she stopped and went to sleep immediately. I cant thank u enough ❤
My 8 year old has been having issues at school. Refusing to do his work, disrespecting his teacher. We have a planner so I see everything which worked instantly last year. The last 2 weeks I've really cracked down and as embarrassing as it is, I wasn't consistent b4. I've been saying you lost TV, ect and stuck with it. I need help on what to do? I'm so upset and really embarrassed that he is acting like that. He's a very good manipulator and I always gave in b4. And I've paid for it big time. I have a 3 year old that I saw repeating his behavior and said enough. It has been working very well but I need help with the outbreaks at school. I'm just at a loss for words with his behavior at school. I hope to hear back from you. I know you would know exactly what to do.
I’m not being facetious, pull him out and home school him. You warned him. Now take action, This education system isn’t built to produce well behaved or educated children if you haven’t noticed. Many of us moms have done the sacrifice to save our children. Hopefully this encourages someone else to take action and save yours.
What about children that become agitated and violent when covering their mouth? My son hits and flails and tries to hurt his body and often will not let me touch him.
How old is your son? If this is happening, your child believes he is in charge and his behavior ramps up until he wins the battle. If he knew he would not win, he would not do this. How old is he?
@@erinrgillespie It is important that you build a relationship where he understands you are in charge and he can trust you. He believes he can overcome your parental role and that’s why he fights you. You need to take charge with eye to eye time, conversation, and taking on your parental role in everyday interaction. I suggest you get the book found in the description “How to Train Your Child to Behave” which gives an overall picture of how to build that kind of relationship. You can do this!
@@MommyAnswerLady Thank you! I will purchase your book. I could use all the help I can get! I love him soooo much but these toddler years have been tough.
@@erinrgillespie You can do it. Remember you need to take control when he is behaving out of control. When he is back under control, you can give it back to him. Do what it takes and have confidence. Do it while he is little! He will be happier in the end and so will you!
I'm really good at overthinking these things in the moment because I know there's probably something else going on as well as wanting to stop the behavior. In my own words, is the idea to CTM on any sound they make that's whiny, crying, backtalk, mean, grumbling, etc and then deal with the underlying issue? I have probably been doing this backwards by resolving the underlying issue first... which reinforces the behavior because they think, "This behavior gets my problems solved." 😩🤦♀
@@alishaberrey4479 She is quite old to be doing this “to” her. She should be doing this herself. See the video about CTM for older children. ruclips.net/video/NzTLP4aTV1o/видео.html
My son is 8.5 months old. Is this too young to start? I tried today during diaper change (he usually is happy at changes but right before dinner he does not want to be changed). After 15 he was REALLY worked up and my husband said I needed to stop that he isn't old enough.
If he is old enough to pull himself to standing position, he is old enough. Have your husband listen to the instructions all the way through and you do it too. You will not have to do this over and over again if you do it EXACTLY as instructed and listen to all the rules. Then, your child will learn quickly and know you won’t let him behave that way. But…if you are having trouble with diaper change time, there is a video about that too. I’ll post a link here. ruclips.net/video/OTLllBttMAk/видео.html
@@abigailcarlson1292 All these questions are answered in the bedtime battles playlist. And the mealtime battles playlist. Once you look at those, lmk if you have any more questions. 😊
Raquel KingsC Please watch the video a few times, take notes and do ALL the instructions. Watch to the end and memorize the instructions. Then go for it! Remember to build your relationship during other times of the day. Do eye to eye time at least twice a day with each child. If you have questions please lmk. 😊
My daughter is 11mths old and in about 2 weeks will be 12mths and she has been screaming when I have to leave her by herself . When I leave her gated play area she screams when I get walk away I tell her mommy Is coming back but always have to end up picking her up to console her…
I’m sorry you are struggling. Remember that every response you give to a child’s behavior becomes an expectation and then A habit. You have unwittingly trained your child to scream when you leave her behind the gate. How have you done this? You have little by little showed her that if she screams, you’ll come back and pick her up. Now, that is her expectation and has become her habit. In order to change her behavior, you must change her expectation. Every time you put her behind the gate, she screams, and then you go back and pick her up, you have solidified this habit in her mind. In order to change this, it is going to take some work. But you have to get it into your mind that she is not in any danger, pain or actual problem. She is only behaving as she has been trained to do. In order to break this habit, you are going to have to allow her to get over the expectation of you coming back and picking her up. That means she is going to have to be stressed until she figures out that her screaming is not going to cause you to come back and pick her up. I suggest giving her lots of loving attention. Playing with her, giving her lots of hugs, kisses and lots of singing and play time. Then look her in the eye and tell her you have something else to do now. Put her behind the gate where she is safe and tell her you’ll be back. Then get some air plugs. Go about doing whatever you have to do and remember that she is fine. The only reason she is crying and screaming is because she has been taught to do so. Do not go back and pick her up until you are finished with everything you have to do. She has to learn. Well actually, she needs to unlearn. She needs to unlearn what she has already been taught. That screaming will get you to do what she wants. If you are willing to allow her to learn this lesson, this habit will change. If not, it won’t.
@@MommyAnswerLady Thank you for this amazing information!.. I actually tried out the ctm with my daughter this evening …when I put her down with her grandma and walked away she started screaming so I walked right back to her with a stern manerism and covered her mouth lightly as mentioned…however my 11 Mth old kept on screaming and pushing away my hand from her mouth ( I know you said the first try is the hardest) plus with her grandma there it made it harder to accomplish the task as she began to panic when she cried and told me to pick her up and console her …then she ended up intervening… so I will have to explain this method to her and try it again ….I will try to undertake the method you mentioned here soon but her grand mother does not help the situation as she does not like to hear her crying and always interjects and end up taken her out of the area and coddling/ soothing her as she thinks I’m going overboard and thinks I’m bullying her😩
@@nicolepilgrim3142 I understand. This method is a training method and doing it in front of someone who doesn’t understand it before the child understands won’t work well. Do it at home when inappropriate screaming and crying is happening. Your child will then learn that you will not allow it. Once your child learns this after a few consistent episodes, then when grandma is there--She will see it work quickly. But you also need to let GM know you are the parent and you are in charge of the teaching and training of your children. Do not let her interfere. Always be respectful but you have to be firm if she is interfering with your training your child to behave. Watch the video again all the way through and be sure you understand the method completely. Then do it at home and soon your child will understand. GM will be impressed when she sees it work the next time. 😊
Thank you for the question. You don’t have to do a conversation to ask questions with a 9 month old because they don’t understand a conversation in that circumstance. Just smile and be kind and move on as-a-matter-of-fact attitude. Take care of whatever is needed but do not give them what they wanted that triggered the tantrum. And be consistent to not allow this behavior even for a moment. If you are consistent and follow all the instructions, you will have headed off this behavior and made for a much happier future for your sweet child and for you! Thank you again for your question.
My child just turned 2. We have been practicing this method for a couple weeks. Not much success as of yet. I think its because we allow him to still wine on after the screaming has stopped and the hand is removed from his mouth. How would you practice the follow up portion with a 2 year old? Hes still learning words at this time. Thanks
I’m sorry you are struggling. I know you are trying, but this is a training session. It isn’t about just getting him to stop for the moment. It’s about him learning not to do it again. It doesn’t take two weeks when applied as directed. I suggest you go over the instructions again and do exactly …without any variation…as instructed. My guess is that you do not apply it immediately, and you also do not complete it --as you already admitted. Part of the instructions clearly state to make sure he is COMPLETELY done fussing. If he is whining, he is not done. If you stop while he is still making noise and fussing, this is the reason it hasn’t worked. When you allow the whining, you will get more of it. He has to completely give up and stop that behavior before the session is done. This is absolutely the reason it is taking so long, I’m sure of it. The followup portion isn’t as important with a two year old aa far as a conversation. A two year old will understand the behavior wasn’t ok, and just make sure you know what’s going on with him. The followup always depends on the circumstances. Do NOT reward him by allowing him to get what he wanted for the screaming though. That’s important too. Hope this helps. There are print out notes available in the links below the video too.
@@Zallein093Sounds good in theory, but try reasoning with a screaming toddler. The point of this is to help the child calm down, so the real issues can actually be dealt with. And if done properly, the child learns that rather than getting all worked up about something, they can skip that unproductive step and go straight to the parent with their concerns. Obviously people can do this in a wrong way for wrong reasons and get bad results, but that is true of every parenting strategy.
Very effective method mam,actually my 2.8 year old son have a moderate to severe autism spectrum disorder,so does this CTM method work with autistic child,bcz he is nonverbal also only babbling,we have started his OT n special education therapy,but his screaming n throwing object toys etc behaviour problem is too much difficult to control,so if i started this CTM technic,is there any side effects for ASD child,or if i control his crying a lot n screaming n throwing behaviour problem by applying CTM method,how can he express his anger,bcz he is nonverbal n only 2.8 year plz suggest how to control behaviour of nonverbal 2.8 year autistic child?
Thank you for the question. The point of CTM is for the child to learn that throwing a fit and screaming is not an acceptable way to express yourself. I had a son who had Asperger’s. Not the same as non-verbal, but NEVER give excuses for bad behavior. Instead, teach them that Tantrums are not ok. Is he communicating when he is throwing a fit? No. He is only venting inappropriately. He must learn this will not be tolerated. Autism or not, this behavior is unacceptable. If you allow bad behavior it will continue. After CTM, be sure to do effective follow through as described in video. But be sure to work with him on other more acceptable ways to communicate. You have to show him how you want him to communicate also--not just showing him what not to do. M Hope this helps. Watch entire video again to be sure you know all the steps and then be consistent.
Clara Villa I would not suggest it with a 9 year old. If you have a child throwing fits at that age, a different approach would be better. First I’ll let you know, ADHD or not, throwing fits is not acceptable, so don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Also, I want to let you know I had a child with ADHD and they can learn to behave like any other child can. you need to be sure you are giving him eye to eye time twice a day. This will grow your relationship and calm his frustrations. If you don’t know what that is...it is 5-10 minutes of uninterrupted time where you focus completely on him. Turn off all other distractions like phone, computer, TV etc and just let him talk to you. This will help tremendously right from the start. Next, it would be better to handle it much like a child who is whining at that age. There is another short video on this channel that will give you step by step instructions on exactly what to do. I’ll post a link here. ruclips.net/video/cBvtJj2-WmQ/видео.html
Thanks a lot for all your help, can't wait to try this with my son. But I'm curious about it's effectiveness on a child who isn't talking so much. My son is almost 2 but he's just learning to talk and I think that's part of the reason for his tantrums. After the whole episode is done, when I need to talk to him, I'm afraid he may not understand. I'm determined to do this the right way so that I can start training him to stop throwing cos that's the biggest challenge I have especially with having a new baby at home.
Be sure to be attentive to his needs so he doesn’t feel he has to throw a fit to get your attention. But, do NOT allow tantrums. Like I said, be sure to go over these instructions in full at least twice before you implement. He will understand it’s not acceptable and he will also recognize that you will not allow it. You can do this!
@@MommyAnswerLady ma'am, good day, I'm here again and I'm getting fed up, my son is currently screaming our ear off as I speak and I have my 6wks old in my arms nursing. I tried the method three times and my son became even more aggressive, he flailed his arms, he struggled, pulled his head away, I tried to sit him on my lap and hold him tight and that made it worse, he wiggled away and it was more or less a fight so I let him go. I don't know, I don't think I'm doing it wrong.
My neighbors have a way that is quite effective. They say, "No fussing!". If the child doesn't stop the whining and tantruming, he gets one swat on the leg with a switch while being told, "No fussing". After being given a few minutes for the sting to go away, they repeat if needed, if the kids are still tantruming. By the time each was about 3, they'd stop on a dime.
I realize this would work but I do not think using a switch on a child that young is appropriate or necessary. CTM works to make them recognize the behavior is not acceptable but doesn’t require any pain in the process.
My son’s 3 years old and i think he is jealous of his baby sister so he screams all day long just to annoy us especially when his baby sister is sleeping or someone visits or i’m on the phone, we tried everything from distracting him to time out to praising him when he’s not screaming. We also showered him with our attention to the point every time i pick up his baby sister to feed her I’ll read to him his favourite books or play with him while breastfeeding so he doesn’t feel left out but nothing is working. Will this method work as it’s not a meltdown or a tantrum, he’s just doing it to annoy me and his father and he would laugh while screaming. Also, if i try to discipline him in anyway he hits me and will start hitting himself too. All of those behaviours started after his sister was born so we’re kinda reluctant to REALLY DISCIPLINE him, we’re letting lots of things slide to be honest but things are getting out of hands.
He needs eye to eye time twice a day with each parent. Eye to eye time is 5-10 minutes where you focus completely on your child. Turn off your phone, computer, TV and any other distractions and give them your full face to face attention. Allow them to tell you anything they like about their day, dreams, hopes, sorrows, struggles, etc. Listen and talk things through but remember this is not a reprimand time. It’s time to build your relationship. Also needs to be a part of his little sister’s care. If you have him help be responsible, he will stop seeing her as someone interfering with his attention from you and a part of her care instead. Yes, this will work, but all this other needs to be in place too. And a conversation with him at a time of no conflict should also be done to explain the CTM method. In other words, let him know that his screaming is unacceptable and that you will be covering his mouth until he is finished from now on. He needs to feel like he is cared about and is important. Right now is feeling jealous. Remedy the jealousness and build your relationship with him and you will see a vast difference in his behavior.
@@MommyAnswerLady Yes it really helped and he stopped screaming just to annoy us but something unexpected happened! I was teaching him about bad touch and good touch as he started nursery and I told him if someone asks to see his private areas he should run away and shout for help. He then told me but the bad man will cover my mouth if I shout! That threw me off really and I didn’t know how to respond! I did say something along the lines of no you’re allowed to shout and scream if you are in danger but I got worried and we stopped using the method. We didn’t need it anymore really as he stopped screaming just to annoy us. Now if he screams while he’s playing he apologises and stops.
@@Nka861 Thank you for your reply! Glad this has taught him to stop the behavior as that is the goal! Regarding the other issue, tell him that Mom and Dad are special people in his life. There are many things Mom and Dad will do that are for his good that others are not allowed to do without your (parents) permission. For example, give him a bath, give him medicine, drive him somewhere in a car, give him candy, etc. Parents are people who have responsibilities that strangers do not have. When you give permission to another person, they will not be someone he doesn’t know. Do not be afraid to do what needs to be done to teach and train him because of this. He will immediately know the difference between a loving parent and a sinister or violent perpetrator. So happy to hear back from you!
Hi, I tried the CTM method and it worked for a little while. But now I think my toddler uses it as fuel to scream even more. She often wiggles and moves when I cover her mouth so I have to hold her a bit. Any tips ? 😊
First I suggest you watch the entire video all the way through and make sure you are not missing any detail. This method works to stop this behavior, not fuel it. So there is something missing. If you have to hold her a bit, do it. Tight and secure until she gives up. If she doesn’t like it, that’s a good thing. Possibly you are not following all the way through until she has COMPLETELY given up. If you stop before that, it can cause them to manipulate. I can do a video consult if you are interested. Message me for details about that if you want to. Be consistent. And follow all the way through. This is the most common mistake for this or any discipline method. Hope that helps! 😊
That’s the problem with punishment like this, when it doesn’t work, the only option is to increase the severity. What you’re experiencing is an exacerbation of your child’s emotional instability. It’s making it worse because that’s what suppression does. You may see a temporary reduction in behavior but using punishment in order to see a complete end to behavior comes with lifelong negative fallout. please do not take advice from this woman.
Yes! It will be difficult at first until the child realizes you aren’t giving up and they must comply and stop screaming. Be calm and patient. If necessary, watch the video again all the way through. Be sure to do all the steps exactly as directed. Remember you are doing this as a loving action to teach and train your child. Not in anger.
I followed through today and he went to sleep for a nap after our 20 minute session, also he kept laughing after he was quiet for a while. It that okay?
@@MommyAnswerLady he stops crying and calms down, then he will look at me and start giggling as if he thinks its a game. I show him no emotion. As soon as I begin to tell him his screaming is unacceptable he starts crying again and I repeat the method. The last time he started screaming I put him in the crib and closed the door while setting a 5 minute timer. (I had to attend to my 5 month old). After 5 minutes I went back in and he was sleep
@@marshaebrown5557 No emotion by you in this circumstance is fine. But do not let him make light of the behavior he was displaying. Is he throwing a tantrum or screaming or both when you apply this? And I assume you mean he stops doing that and then giggles? But he does stop?
Today I did it this morning and I couldn't believe it after a few minutes he went quiet and he even listened to me after when I explained that his behaviour is unacceptable!
Natties Snails
I am so glad you tried it! And the fact that it didn’t take very long to work for you means that you already have a very good relationship with your child. He already understands much of his role as a child and your role as a parent.
That means you have been doing a very good job! Good for you!
Thank you so much for your videos. You’re a great and intentional mother. I appreciate your videos as a 25 year old stay at home mother. Obedience, training, and maintaining a relationship where the child knows the parents are in the authoritative position is so important, but I can’t find that information from most people because people think that the word “obey” alone is wrong and taboo.
You show me that you can be a kind and gentle mother and still maintain the authoritative role. Thank you so much and God bless🙏❤️
@@MrsBreezyyB You are correct. The progressive parenting world is going so far as to believe any boundaries or requirements put on a child are too restrictive.
Any time a child is uncomfortable in the least bit, that is abuse! It’s ridiculous and causing so much chaos in the lives of families who listen to that nonsense. I’m glad you can see the truth! I also appreciate the encouragement 💕
I'm sorry but I just can't get behind this method. I'm sure it works, but it doesn't feel like positive parenting.
Something that is short sighted is not to recognize that the child is not happy when they behave badly. Teaching them it will not be tolerated helps them.
If you don’t want to use it, it’s just an efficient and effective tool you choose to ignore. And that’s up to you.
I totally agree. This makes me feel sick.
Exactly. Listening and watching her explain this is wild. I’d love to hear super nanny’s take on this!! Lol
Sorry, but this is called physical violence. Imagine if someone did this to you while you are upset/frustrated, how safe would that feel to you? No ,no and no,thanks.
Thank you so much I don’t have anyone to look up to or that I can ask for parenting advice. I grew up in foster care and I’m the eldest of my siblings, parents around involved and now I have a one year old (mine) and a just turned 16 and just turned 18 year old sisters living with me as well. I’m 24 they’ve been with me for a couple years now and GOD THEY TEST MEEEE, I’m always doing my research and trying to find better ways to be the best parent and role model and your page made me finally take a breath and realize I need to slow down and not make things much more complicated. Ive tried “gentle parenting” and my kid will literally think I’m playing with him and laugh and inside I’m laughing too at some of what I’m saying & most of it hasn’t worked . Sorry for the little rant, anyway,thank you for your page keep going please. There’s more like me out there who need the info you’re sharing.
I’m sorry you have struggled but very glad to hear the content here is helpful to you.
Lmk if you have any specific questions. I know you can do this!
Blessings,MAL
All the people complainig here are the same people complain about how kids behave in public . I am 60 yrs old with two grown up daughter's , ages 34 and 25.
People use to ask me what i did that my daughters were so well behaved. I was not a " strict " parent nor was I the parents who accepted that kids should run wild and scream and be little monsters ; especially to others. I did not want others to disrespect my kids and I would coach or train or give instructions to behave in an acceptable manner when going to certain places. 15:07
This always works so quickly with my 2 and 4 year old. Benefits them so much as they do not need to feel so upset and out of control. They can easily move on from the issue and know I am not ignoring them while they scream and lose all control for an hour. It amazes me how many parents let their children suffer through major tantrums.
@@tresaglaser4162 I’m so glad it has helped. It amazing how easy it is for them to learn better. 😊💕
I have some reservations about this method. First, I'm concerned it could restrict the child's breathing. While you addressed that point, it seems like there is a risk of breathing restriction happening unintentionally, in the chaos of the child's tantrum. Second, others could misunderstand this method and believe the parent is restricting the child's breathing, and file a police report for child abuse. In many states, restricting someone's breathing (i.e. suffocation) is a felony. Even if the parent is careful to avoid affecting breathing, that may not be apparent to an onlooker. That onlooker could be convinced in what they saw, even if they are mistaken. And if the courts accept that onlooker's testimony, even if it's actually wrong, that parent could find themselves facing criminal liability. I'm not saying that would necessarily happen, but it seems like there is a risk. Lastly, I'm concerned it may teach the child that physical force is an acceptable means of resolving problems. While I recognize that this is not "force" in the same way of hitting, etc., there is still an element of physical force involved in covering a child's mouth. I'd be horrified, for example, if I later learned that my child was covering other kids' mouths when there's a disagreement at school, etc. To be clear, I fully recognize that you are recommending this strategy with the best of intentions. Effective behavioral management is critical. And it very well could be that this is an excellent tool. In fact, I'm considering using it. But I have these reservations, and would love to know your thoughts. Thanks!
The concern over others reporting this would be understandable, but it is intended to be done at home until the child understands. Then, if you had to do it any longer than a few seconds, it is best to take the child to a private place and continue. But the point is that they learn it so this doesn’t happen at all.
There is nothing abusive in this method. As far as the “physical force” issue, I am not worried about that at all. A child who is out of control needs to have his physical freedom restricted until he gets control of himself. And, the child is actually in COMPLETE control of when this stops because he quickly learns if he stops the screaming, the hand goes away.
I understand your concerns and appreciate your mature way of asking questions.
Blessings,
Holly
I started doing this method, and now my five year old has started covering my mouth when I tell her something she doesn’t like......
LOL. Well, you can't allow that. THank you for your comment! (I have to say I laughed when I read it...LOL)
It would be a good idea to let your child know that she is not allowed to do that to you. You are the parent and have a different position than she does. Also, you are not fussy crying, whining or throwing a tantrum, so it's not appropriate anyway.
I have a new book out that you might want to obtain to help you train your child to behave that you can find here: www.mommyanswerlady.com
If you have any questions for me about the method, please ask and I'll be happy to assist. Going through all the rules and specifics to make sure things are being applied as they should will help a lot! Thanks again, and I hope to hear from you soon.
Of course your child will model your behaviour and of course you don’t like it. Covering anyones mouth is disrespectful. There are many other ways to connect with and communicate in healthy ways with our children.
I’m curious why it’s okay to put your hand over their mouth? That seems kind of restrictive. It seems as though a child( toddler) who is having a meltdown and possibly having anxiety and breathing issues would cause them even more panic and out of control issues. It would be by if you demonstrate with examples of positive results. Is that a possibility?
What are the chances of your child just exactly that you tell them? I have back problems from surgeries and can’t pick them up, any thoughts and advice?
First I want to say…if you listen to all the instructions carefully, you NEVER inhibit their breathing in any way. That is explained in detail.
It is restrictive of course--temporarily. They are out of control and need to get control of themselves. You take control until they are ready to get it back and handle it appropriately.
By covering their mouth, you are doing several things.
You are making the behavior extremely less effective because the sound of their screaming isn’t going anywhere.
You are taking charge when they choose to lose control.
You are teaching them to stop this behavior and that it isn’t an acceptable way to express themselves.
You are letting them know you will not allow it.
You are teaching them that it won’t work if it is a manipulative tantrum.
It is something that will make them uncomfortable in behaving badly so they will not want to behave that way again.
And if you are calm and patient, you are teaching them that if they lose it, you’ve got this. They can count in you to keep them under control and teach them to behave.
It actually gives them a feeling of security to know you won’t let them lose control of themselves.
Children having tantrums isn’t panic. It isn’t even true anxiety. It is the lack of understanding how to handle disappointment and frustration appropriately AND/OR a manipulation tactic.
I can only give testimony to how well it works and you can read the testimony of others.
When this is applied properly, the child learns that a tantrum isn’t going to be allowed. You can just put your hand toward their mouth and they immediately stop.
Regarding back problems--I do not have any idea what you can and can’t do physically, the age or size of you or your child, etc. I wouldn’t be able to give advice because of this.
Sorry.
@@MommyAnswerLadywe shouldn’t be teaching our children to be submissive individuals who have no ability to control their own emotions or choices because they were controlled by their mothers as children. We should instead be monitoring positive behaviors, teaching them the benefits of positive behaviors, using positive & negative reinforcement methods in place of physical blocking and forceful silencing. As a behavioral therapist I would never take a child’s voice, instead I would have a conversation & display to them how to express themselves appropriately. And I’ve been pretty successful at my job without use of blanket time or CTM.
@@positivelyrachel5102
Yes, we should be teaching our children to be submissive individuals in the context of listening to and obeying their parents. Yes. We should. Children need to understand the role of the parent and the role of the child.
They also need to understand the role of a teacher and student, boss and employee and police officer and citizen.
At the same time, they need to be taught morals and values and that those authorities do not get to infringe on those things.
But, here we are talking about a young child who is out of control. They are behaving in a completely unacceptable way and need to be shown that that behavior will not be tolerated.
Covering their mouth is NOT inhibiting breathing. That is CLEARLY in the instructions and basically...duh.
CTM is stopping the sound from coming out of their mouth which causes the effect of using their mouth and voicebox as a tool to express themselves inappropriately ineffective.
It also is uncomfortable and annoying to the child, which is perfect because you want them to experience unpleasantness when they misbehave.
There are plenty of methods that are effective for the moment but not in the long run. Giving them what they want, distracting them, bargaining with them... all these things can stop the tantrum for the moment.
But that is not what I am teaching. I am teaching effective methods to teach a child to behave in the long run. Not just to stop throwing a tantrum for the moment.
This is what CTM and blanket training are all about.
I wonder if you have ever discussed the physical reasons why children have tantrums and meltdowns? A child I know had many meltdowns and could not be consoled or gain control of her emotions no matter what was done until she wore herself out and went to sleep. Come to find out, she was allergic to artificial food colorings. Sugar and allergies can evidently play a part in a child's temperament.
I know you believe that foods can cause tantrums and I’m sorry if you had problems with a child’s tantrum behaviors. But, I absolutely do not believe that food allergies cause tantrums.
Tantrums are a result of not knowing how to control ones emotions of frustration, anger ...or the desire to manipulate because of disappointment...and dealing with it inappropriately. Children need to be taught what is and is not appropriate and acceptable.
And I know there will be “experts” who disagree, but I’m used to that. 😊
Mommy Answer Lady She was taught what was appropriate but she had no control. Once we figured out the allergic triggers, the tantrums went away. That was our experience. My brother-in-law was an allergist and saw the results (meltdowns and tantrums) of allergic reactions in his office daily. Children often don't have the words to express how they are feeling so it comes out differently than adults.
beckys60
I happy things are working out well for you.
Children don’t know how to express, so they need to be taught and trained how to and how not to.
There is a lot to be said for this. My mom took me to the pediatrician when I was in 1st grade because I was "moody" and irritable. I had severe allergies to all kinds of airborne inhalants like mold and pollens. It was like having a permanent cold - stuffed up nose, stuffy ears with muted hearing, sneezing, constant nose running. Dr. O'Niel asked my mom, "How do you feel when you have a cold? Do you feel bright and optimistic and happy? Or do you feel physically uncomfortable and not at your best? Well, she feels like that every day." He put me on antihistamines and I was in a much better frame of mind. That's not to say that some kids aren't just plain brats. But in this case, and perhaps in the case of the OP, the cause was constant physical aggravation. The behavior changed dramatically once the cause was addressed.
@@FilmerOfBobcats
There is certainly something to be said for checking for allergies. But in the case you are referring to, there would likely be other symptoms like runny nose, watery eyes, consistent cough, etc
These symptoms would cause a parent to seek medical advice. This is not the reason for a tantrum, but yes, it can make a person more easily irritable.
If those symptoms are present, of course seek medical attention. But this is not excuse for bad behavior. It may be a reason, but it is not an excuse.
I did this for the first time today with my almost 2 year old, in the beginning it was difficult to see him cry but it worked and he understood that he needed to stop screaming. He started this behavior once my newborn came home, it's been 3weeks.. Thank you so much❤. I want to avoid spanking as the answer as well as screaming. I feel so much better already and it's only day 1.
I’m so happy for you! Just remember to be very consistent and follow all the instructions exactly. If you do that and are consistent, you will find tantrums will go away.
Your child will know exactly what is expected and will not do them anymore as soon as you put your hand up to apply CTM. it is such a relief for both the child and the parent to have tantrums is not an option to express themselves.
Be sure to allow them to talk to you or tell you, their concerns or what they’re upset about though. You wanna make sure that they feel free to talk to you about whatever is concerning them. But don’t allow tantrums!
My child doesn't have long tantrums.... I love him unconditionally, give him attention. Sometimes he gets upset and throws a little fit.... why is that unacceptable? If they swallow all their anger won't that cause problems later in life?
The idea that a child needs to act out when they are frustrated or disappointed or they will have emotional trauma as an adult is a myth. A child needs to be able to talk about their frustrations, cry if they feel sad, and if they are not old enough to talk -- they need to be able to express themselves APPROPRIATELY. A tantrum is not a way to express themselves appropriately. It is an Inappropriate way to express yourself and they need to learn that as soon as possible.
CTM does not hurt them in any way and they learn very quickly that when they stop behaving like that, it ends. They are COMPLETELY in charge of when it ends by modifying and adjusting their behavior to a more appropriate response. An attentive and loving mom or dad can allow a child to communicate their wants and needs without allowing a tantrum.
LEarning this from a very early age does not cause them a problem as an adult. In fact, to the contrary, it teaches them to take control of their own emotions rather than allowing their emotions to rule over them. And, an attentive and loving parent will give them PLENTY of eye to eye time and be engaged so they will feel they can get all the emotional support they need. A tantrum is not emotional support and does not teach emotional stability. It teaches the opposite.
See this video:
ruclips.net/video/z1k6ulYpzVI/видео.htmlsi=_t_UjW9rZufKt5Zw
Suppressed emotions don’t disappear, they come out in other ways. This is a great way to smolder a slow burning fire. This is self serving for the parent’s convenience and damaging to the future of the child’s emotional maturity. Disgusting
It’s insane to me that any parent could lack morals to a degree that they would do anything to an infant that requires learning how not to murder them. How is that not a MASSIVE red flag. If it’s teetering on manslaughter it’s probably not a good method. Do not listen to this psychopath.
Wow. A psychopath. That's interesting. So, you did listen to the whole thing, right? About how to discover the reason for their outburst and deal with it after the fact? And how you teach them by addressing the issue that caused them to tantrum? And how they are in completely in charge of when CTM ends? and how you reconcile and move on so they know all is ok?
Yes, those are certainly the actions of a psychopath. LOL. This comment actually did make me LOL and I almost deleted it, but had to respond. "It's teetering on manslaughter". LOL. You are a hoot!
I see you deleted the comment where you called me a psychopath and said this was “teetering on manslaughter”. Good move. 😂
@@Bridget-o3y 👍🏻
Attempted murder? Lol. 👌🏻
@@Bridget-o3y there are some strange things going on with this thread. Comments appear and then disappear.
In one that was here and is now gone, you suggested that I was advocating for cutting off a child’s breathing! Ridiculous. This shows you didn’t really watch this video and certainly didn’t see all the instructions.
Do you REALLY think I would say to do such a thing? That’s crazy. Honestly.
Before you comment further--watch the WHOLE video. You clearly didn’t do so.
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I am watching every one of your videos over and over. Thank you Lord ! I am so grateful God brought your videos in my life. Thank you for all your wisdom and your testimonials about your experiences. I don't have a mother or really any family so these videos are helping me more than you know. Thank you Thank you thank you! Keep em coming ! ❤
That’s so encouraging to know. Seriously the channel is so slow at growing that I wonder sometimes if all the effort is really reaching people.
It’s good to get your comment and I hope to hear from you again soon! 💕😊
@@MommyAnswerLady I am not someone who comments on youtube a lot but i have an adhd 4 yr old and possible autism..we have just tried so many things. I was doing Facebook groups getting suggestions from other moms but I think it is me. I have to be stern and straight to the point 👉🏼
@@alisharumley333
FYI, when you comment, you help the algorithm of that video. When you watch multiple videos on the same channel, click “like”, it helps boost it too.
So you are helping me spread my message while the videos are helping you! Thank you!
@@MommyAnswerLady the numbers may not be encouraging yet, but please keep up what you're doing! I just found your channel today and REALLY, REALLY appreciate the very practical content. I have a 7 week old son and 22 month old daughter. I realize I haven't been handling well my response to things like throwing food and plates on the floor (have watched your video on that and will rewatch!). For tantrums, fortunately those are infrequent, and usually distracting my toddler with something else works. But want to add to my parenting toolbox...let me go watch this video now. God bless you.
@@chidacat
Thank you for the comment and kind words. I am glad to know the content is helpful!
This has given me some hope. My 4 yr old is non verbal...it is so hard to train him correctly. Thanks
Whitney Caslin
I’m going to give you some other help if you will allow it.
I have an entire parenting course that I am offering free right now. If you sign up, you will have lifetime access with no strings and no cost.
I’m doing this to help as many parents as possible. It’s only free until the end of May. Then it will be only available by purchase. But you will have it forever once you sign up with no cost at all.
You can find it by going to my website and clicking in the banner at the top of the page that says “Free course WITH coupon code”.
Enter ADVANTAGE2020 at checkout and it will take 100% off the price. You will not even have to enter your financial info or anything. My website is www.mommyanswerlady.com
I hope this helps. Non-verbal is difficult and I’ll pray for you and your child. Thank you for the comment.
@Wendy Gallegos how is she doing now?
My son is also non.verbal. Did the tips help
I'm dealing with a strong willed child. I'm hoping this will break through
@@robingraves9271
How old is your child? Please be sure to watch all the instructions and download them from my website.
Children are not dogs.
They are tiny individuals.
My kid is a PhD; talking to them should never be under rated
It’s best to watch an entire video before commenting. 😊
"Strong willed" can describe compliant as well as non-compliant behaviors. The goal of training is strong willed compliance. Strong-willed is not necessarily bad. Having a strong will can be a positive trait, indicating determination, resilience, and the ability to persevere in the face of challenges. Thanks for the excellent teaching.
Can you clarify? So we are to hold our hand over their mouth and literally not let go?
I’m not sure what you are asking exactly. It is very clear what it means if you listen to the entire video which gives very detailed instructions.
I’m not sure what you are asking.
I don't like the putting my hands over their mouth. My toddler repeats everything to me and others. Also feels invasive. I don't want to send the message I have control over their body.
You are the parent and do have control over their body until they are old enough to have complete control themselves.
You should be controlling what and when they eat, when and where they sleep, where they go and when they go there. You control where they sit in the car, what they wear, and whether or not they brush their teeth and take a bath.
That’s because you are the parent and that is your role. When they are older and as they grow, you relinquish more and more of that control as they learn to take care of themselves and control themselves.
Until they do, it is your obligation and responsibility to teach them how to behave and what behavior is and is not appropriate.
Part of that is showing them what you will tolerate and what is acceptable and what isn’t. You may send them to their room at times…again controlling their body. You may tell them they can or cannot go out and play--more control.
And when they scream and cry in a tantrum behavior, a parent can cover their mouth until they are finished. When they are finished, they have learned this is not ok. It helps them learn and in the long run, it helps them control themselves.
@@MommyAnswerLady Feeding them, clothing them and providing basic needs is COMPLETELY different then physically controlling her. It's HER body and if she doesn't want to be touched then she won't. Consent is more important then pounding my chest and inserting my dominance. I completely disagree with your method and I'll just stick to gentle and respectful parenting.
@@gabyrocha9418
Good luck 😊
@@gabyrocha9418 agreed. I’ve had luck with tantrums by avoiding and ignoring my daughters tantrums and bad behavior, and just making sure she’s in a safe place. When she gets over her tantrum and calms down, I allow her to come sit on my lap, she will cry for a minute and calm down. It’s taught her that’s it’s ok to come to mama when you are frustrated and need to cry and help calming down. But it’s not okay to scream and kick and misbehave.
Also following through with rules, and consistently saying “no no, we don’t touch what’s on that shelf!”, regardless of how it upsets her, has taught her that we are serious about rules. It’s taught her boundaries, and so now she usually listens to rules, and understands no!
So basically consistency on rules, reprimanding bad behavior and then ignoring tantrums that comes with it while allowing them to learn to self-regulate, then they can return to our loving and CIVIL family environment after they have regulated their behavior.
Seems a lot less painful then being so forceful with a toddler. If you cover a toddlers mouth, seems that they would wiggle, kick, scream and get red. Not good for a child’s heart rate when they can’t control their own breathing like that, which is what would happen if their heart rate is increased so badly. Strongly disagree with this method.
Although, I could see a variation of this method being useful after they have already learned some self regulating behavior, maybe upwards of 3 or 4.
But anyway, you still seem like a wonderful and loving mother. God bless ❤
I tried this and it just doesn’t seem right to me. Is there another way that doesn’t involve covering the mouth?
There may be. 😊
Yes. I’ve begun using a spray bottle with water.
Yes. 100000 other ways. This is sick
Toddlers cannot self regulate their emotions. Its completely normal for them to have tantrums! Best approach its to validate their emotions and and them feel heard. For example, saying I know you're really sad and thats really hard. Even mummy/daddy gets upset sometimes, lets have a cuddle and go play together. Or say i know you're sad but we can't do that right now etc.
Toddlers cannot regulate their behavior in response to their emotions until they are taught how.
When unacceptable behavior is tolerated with allowance and encouraged with coddling, then they are taught that tantrums are ok and an acceptable expression.
They are not ok. When they learn this, they behave as they should by accepting what they don’t like with reasonable behavior and attitudes.
I’ve had nine children and have worked with parents and children for over 30 years. I’m well aware that toddlers can learn to behave and tantrums are not necessary.
The progressive parenting crowd believes as you do which is why we can go into any store and hear the results of frustrated and exhausted parents dealing with their unruly and out of control children.
See this
ruclips.net/video/2rhZq_U7rWs/видео.html
@@MommyAnswerLady I see you are very experienced from you videos! I'm glad we have different opinions as the world would be a boring place if everyone agreed. . I too have worked with children and parents for 10 years and fully qualified in early years.
@@kristinawoodward111 that gentler method leaves parents like myself confused. I acknowledge their feelings and try to redirect as much as possible but that can’t always happen in every setting. Then their behavior continues when it’s convenient for them and I’m left trying to gently control the situation (or lack thereof) and I’m at a loss. I’ve also seen others try that and it somewhat looks pitiful because the parent is obviously trying to use gentle methods such as yours and obedience isn’t required…thus the behavior and embarrassments continue
@@NathalieVA56 as a mom of multiples, I agree with your sentiment.
There’s a difference in working in early childhood and being a mom of many different personalities who has to deal w these tantrums in various situations outside of an office or classroom.
Some of the other methods do help for kids who are not as over reactive...
It is great to nip things in the bud and to discuss emotions. But when it’s not working for some irregular situation or stubborn emotion...it’s time to change and support the child’s development in other ways.
I agree w you fully.
😅😅 Thank you!! My 11 month old is the polar opposite of my 9 year old… and I was at a loss as to how to deal with this 😮!! But your explaination sounds solid and Im going to try CTM method… i have already ordered some ear plugs and hope my neighbors dont call the police for her … I would say Avengers mutant level screaming skills 🤣🤣🤣🤣. Hopefully she will be broken out of it by next summer…. Then its on to teaching her Opera octaves for her future lucrative singing career LOL 😂😂😂😂.
I'm binge watching your videos. Its a god-send. I've prayed for a some real help from moms that have large families and similar ideas on child-training. Did you homeschool your kiddos?
I’m glad the info is helpful to you!
I homeschooled for about 13 years and also had children go to private school. It depended on what was going on with each child, their needs, and the family.
The only option we wouldn’t do was full time public school.
Let me know if I can help further. You can also go to the website www.mommyanswerlady.com.
Blessings. 😊💕
Can you do a video on stopping child from touch other people children please and thanks
@@Anh48927 I’ll work on that. 😊
I am a single mom of 2, my son is 18mo old, i also have a 9wk old daughter. He has recently started short screechs/shrieks as well as very loud crying fits when hes told no (ei like when he wants the blanket she's on or tries taking her binkie away from her etc) When applying this method, how do i correctly and effectively keep him from moving, turning or backing away from my hand? Am i supposed to hold one hand on his mouth and the other behind his head? So essentially wrestle with him flailing until he gets too tired to keep fighting it? His behavior is dramatically affecting my newborn during sleep and ultimately just really scares her. I don't want to make any of this worse for either of my children by incorrectly applying this method due to not understanding completely. Thanks for sharing your knowledge!
Thank you for asking. The first thing I want to make sure you do is watch this other video about how to prepare a sibling for a new baby. It is VERY important that your son feels loving toward his sister rather than envy or jealousy. You can help by doing everything you can to have him feel like he is part of her care.
Yes, he is only 18 months old. I get that. He is not going to be changing diapers or reading her a bedtime story! But, ANYTHING he can do will help. He can take a diaper to the trash and put it in after you have changed it. He can hand her a toy, retrieve her binky, lightly pat her back when she is going to sleep, etc. ANYTHING he can do let him do it and encourage him to do it and then PRAISE him for his efforts. ALL efforts of caring for her should be met with appreciation by you.
This will help tremendously in his behavior surrounding his sister. See this video first although I realize much of it is for BEFORE baby arrives. It is basically the attitude needed to help with the jealousy situation that seems to be developing.
ruclips.net/video/jshyB1aQ3gQ/видео.html
To your other question: Make sure you have plenty of one on one time and eye to eye time with your son. He needs to know he is important and his feelings matter. Then, when he behaves badly, you can apply CTM with confidence as needed.
If he is trying to get away from your hand, you can use both hands to stop that from happening as you described. You can put him on your lap too or whatever is needed to keep your hand there. Remember NEVER inhibit his breathing in any way and remove your hand as soon as he stops --- and follow the CTM instructions exactly. If you haven't downloaded the instructions, I suggest you do that on my website www.mommyanswerlady.com
You can do this! I hope this helps.
OH... I forgot. The short shrieks are likely something different. CTM is for the tantrum thing. Not the short shrieks for attention. Here is the video about the short bursts.
ruclips.net/video/TTWacXHCMtw/видео.html
Great info. Now, what to do if partner throws a tantrum 😂
My 3 year old son is incredibly strong willed and just plain strong. I'm going to try this but my first thought was that he's going to be attacking me the entire time. He will be hitting, scratching, biting, or head butting me. If I'm close enough he'll grab my hair or glasses. I'm at my wits end.
@@amberheaton9419 he is out of control. You need to take charge and win the battle. Be PATIENT and LOVING but determined. You can do this!
@@amberheaton9419 also, do not allow him to fight. Get hold of him and don’t let go until he surrenders. You can do this. Once he realizes he won’t win, he will give up. And if you are consistent, this will help him behave which will make him a much happier little boy.
Im going to try this. My toddler is ridiculous. I believe he likes the attention he gets from me. I have to do a better job at helping him.
@@jasmineg2503
I’m sorry you are struggling. Remember to watch ALL instructions before doing this! If you need more help, see www.mommyanswerlady.com.
By definition isn’t this also manipulation? (control or influence a person) So I don’t understand how the baby doing it (unintentionally) is bad, but parents doing it (on purpose) is fine?
This question assumes ALL manipulation is bad and that a child and the way they respond to a parent should be the same as a parent responding to a child. All which are not correct assumptions.
Hello, i have a almost 4 year old that acts disrespectful, whinny, demanding, and throws tantrums basically daily with screaming and kicking. I coparent 50/50 with her mother. If her mom isnt going to do this too is there any point in me trying? Thanks.
Yes. A child will know who they can act out around and who they can’t.
I couldn’t tell you how many times I have been in a situation where I am caring for children, and they behave well with me. As soon as their parents walk in the door, they become different children all together.
My first suggestion is that you do everything you can to repair the relationship and reconcile with her mother. That is the very best thing you can do for your daughter.
But, regardless, do not allow your child to misbehave in your presence. Of course, also be sure to have a good relationship built up with your daughter so that she trusts you and recognizes that what you are doing is for her benefit and because you love her dearly.
What ages are you starting this method? What about 1 yr olds who fling/throw food across the room when in high chair?😳
I suggest starting when they are able to pull themselves to a standing position.
There are videos on this channel to address throwing food. I’ll find the link and post it here for you.
Here’s one about throwing things generally.
ruclips.net/video/LZ0G4vSzj3c/видео.htmlsi=NwIg6DKe-UQld9IK
Here’s one about throwing food from highchair.
ruclips.net/video/CT3cCmdcrPc/видео.htmlsi=om_4oSd82EEPLH0O
Lmk if you have any questions!
This has radically refused tantrums in my 18 month old with several delays. He is more content and joyful even. I am working on direct disobedience when I sign and say come to mommy. I follow through with discipline that results in lots of crying kicking etc. Do I allow him express discomfort of a consequence for a little bit, or should i apply cmt?
Apply it immediately for anger or frustration. But, if he gets a little swat on the behind and has a crying reaction, give him a minute to get over it.
The point is to not allow him to cry, fuss or whine to complain or manipulate. When someone gets hurt, it’s natural to cry for a minute. That wouldn’t deserve CTM.
Kicking is an indication of anger. Not appropriate l. Don’t allow it ever.
Have you seen the video about how to teach them to come? Is that what you mean when you say you are working on that?
I think my son is one of a kind. I've tried this method consistently, but his still very angry and fights. His started to wreck my mums home, lamps, ornaments that I don't go round there now as it upsets me the way he is. I've tried talking, getting angry, it all doesn't work. His only 2. My mum thinks I need to explain how he is to a doctor.
By the way I'm the lady who was writing to you before called nattie snails
I’m sorry you are struggling. Do you do eye to eye time with him?
I think a Dr visit would be wise. Some children don't benefit from regular parenting techniques. Your son may suffer from some issues with regulating his anger and a specialist will be able to provide guidance for you both.
@@annabel1751 Hi! Thanks for commenting back. Alfie my 2 year old is being put back a year, so he has to be in the 2 year old group again, because his behind in all his milestones. The nursery said he has many traits of autism so they think he could be autistic. I've gotta wait for him to do his speech therapy before they go down the route of seeing if he has autism. I'm not saying he has autism, but he does alot of the traits. I do understand he could grow out of this. He has got better at my mums. His obsessed with fans and wheels, so his happy to watch her ceiling fan or spin wheels, instead of trashing her ornaments. I do alot or talking to him and trying to calm him down, half the time it work, but half the time it doesn't. It depends if his tired or hungry.
Isn’t it disrespectful … to put your hand on a child ‘ mouth. … as parents we have authority to be rude and inconsiderate …
Having said that it’s way better than raising your voice 😊or yelling
Answer: no it’s not disrespectful. I’m wondering if you listened to the whole video?
Keep in mind that the child is learning to have self control and you are there to facilitate him doing so. That’s a parent’s job. 😊
@@TheSaundersPack
Well…I’m not an out of control child who needs to learn to control myself. I also don’t need my diaper changed, my shoes tied, or to be strapped into a car seat that I can’t get out of.
Children are not adults. They have different needs and different positions in life than adults do and than parents do.
If you don’t understand that, you cannot be an effective parent.
Thank u so much my toddler is 3 and she's been getting away with misbehaving when ever I'm around but with a care giver she's sweet and behaviors well I tried the ctm last night I was so surprised in just a few minutes she stopped and went to sleep immediately. I cant thank u enough ❤
I’m so happy for you! Blessings!
My 8 year old has been having issues at school. Refusing to do his work, disrespecting his teacher. We have a planner so I see everything which worked instantly last year. The last 2 weeks I've really cracked down and as embarrassing as it is, I wasn't consistent b4. I've been saying you lost TV, ect and stuck with it. I need help on what to do? I'm so upset and really embarrassed that he is acting like that. He's a very good manipulator and I always gave in b4. And I've paid for it big time. I have a 3 year old that I saw repeating his behavior and said enough. It has been working very well but I need help with the outbreaks at school. I'm just at a loss for words with his behavior at school. I hope to hear back from you. I know you would know exactly what to do.
I’m not being facetious, pull him out and home school him. You warned him. Now take action,
This education system isn’t built to produce well behaved or educated children if you haven’t noticed.
Many of us moms have done the sacrifice to save our children. Hopefully this encourages someone else to take action and save yours.
What about children that become agitated and violent when covering their mouth? My son hits and flails and tries to hurt his body and often will not let me touch him.
How old is your son?
If this is happening, your child believes he is in charge and his behavior ramps up until he wins the battle. If he knew he would not win, he would not do this.
How old is he?
@@MommyAnswerLady He is 2.5 years old and very big for his age!
@@erinrgillespie
It is important that you build a relationship where he understands you are in charge and he can trust you.
He believes he can overcome your parental role and that’s why he fights you.
You need to take charge with eye to eye time, conversation, and taking on your parental role in everyday interaction.
I suggest you get the book found in the description “How to Train Your Child to Behave” which gives an overall picture of how to build that kind of relationship.
You can do this!
@@MommyAnswerLady Thank you! I will purchase your book. I could use all the help I can get! I love him soooo much but these toddler years have been tough.
@@erinrgillespie
You can do it. Remember you need to take control when he is behaving out of control. When he is back under control, you can give it back to him.
Do what it takes and have confidence. Do it while he is little! He will be happier in the end and so will you!
I'm really good at overthinking these things in the moment because I know there's probably something else going on as well as wanting to stop the behavior. In my own words, is the idea to CTM on any sound they make that's whiny, crying, backtalk, mean, grumbling, etc and then deal with the underlying issue? I have probably been doing this backwards by resolving the underlying issue first... which reinforces the behavior because they think, "This behavior gets my problems solved." 😩🤦♀
How old is your child? Boy or girl?
@@MommyAnswerLady She'll be 7 next month.
@@alishaberrey4479
She is quite old to be doing this “to” her. She should be doing this herself. See the video about CTM for older children.
ruclips.net/video/NzTLP4aTV1o/видео.html
@@MommyAnswerLady Oh good! I just watched it. Short and sweet. This will be helpful.
My son is 8.5 months old. Is this too young to start? I tried today during diaper change (he usually is happy at changes but right before dinner he does not want to be changed). After 15 he was REALLY worked up and my husband said I needed to stop that he isn't old enough.
And how much do I need to take into account hunger and getting close to nap time and bedtime?
If he is old enough to pull himself to standing position, he is old enough. Have your husband listen to the instructions all the way through and you do it too.
You will not have to do this over and over again if you do it EXACTLY as instructed and listen to all the rules. Then, your child will learn quickly and know you won’t let him behave that way.
But…if you are having trouble with diaper change time, there is a video about that too. I’ll post a link here.
ruclips.net/video/OTLllBttMAk/видео.html
@@abigailcarlson1292
All these questions are answered in the bedtime battles playlist. And the mealtime battles playlist.
Once you look at those, lmk if you have any more questions. 😊
Im going to try this... I have a 3 and 6 year old who scream all day long and its hurting me. I will report results here.
Raquel KingsC
Please watch the video a few times, take notes and do ALL the instructions. Watch to the end and memorize the instructions.
Then go for it!
Remember to build your relationship during other times of the day. Do eye to eye time at least twice a day with each child.
If you have questions please lmk. 😊
How did it go for you, did you find anything that worked?
My daughter is 11mths old and in about 2 weeks will be 12mths and she has been screaming when I have to leave her by herself . When I leave her gated play area she screams when I get walk away I tell her mommy Is coming back but always have to end up picking her up to console her…
I’m sorry you are struggling.
Remember that every response you give to a child’s behavior becomes an expectation and then A habit.
You have unwittingly trained your child to scream when you leave her behind the gate. How have you done this? You have little by little showed her that if she screams, you’ll come back and pick her up.
Now, that is her expectation and has become her habit. In order to change her behavior, you must change her expectation.
Every time you put her behind the gate, she screams, and then you go back and pick her up, you have solidified this habit in her mind.
In order to change this, it is going to take some work. But you have to get it into your mind that she is not in any danger, pain or actual problem. She is only behaving as she has been trained to do.
In order to break this habit, you are going to have to allow her to get over the expectation of you coming back and picking her up. That means she is going to have to be stressed until she figures out that her screaming is not going to cause you to come back and pick her up.
I suggest giving her lots of loving attention. Playing with her, giving her lots of hugs, kisses and lots of singing and play time.
Then look her in the eye and tell her you have something else to do now. Put her behind the gate where she is safe and tell her you’ll be back.
Then get some air plugs. Go about doing whatever you have to do and remember that she is fine. The only reason she is crying and screaming is because she has been taught to do so.
Do not go back and pick her up until you are finished with everything you have to do.
She has to learn. Well actually, she needs to unlearn. She needs to unlearn what she has already been taught. That screaming will get you to do what she wants.
If you are willing to allow her to learn this lesson, this habit will change. If not, it won’t.
@@MommyAnswerLady Thank you for this amazing information!.. I actually tried out the ctm with my daughter this evening …when I put her down with her grandma and walked away she started screaming so I walked right back to her with a stern manerism and covered her mouth lightly as mentioned…however my 11 Mth old kept on screaming and pushing away my hand from her mouth ( I know you said the first try is the hardest) plus with her grandma there it made it harder to accomplish the task as she began to panic when she cried and told me to pick her up and console her …then she ended up intervening… so I will have to explain this method to her and try it again ….I will try to undertake the method you mentioned here soon but her grand mother does not help the situation as she does not like to hear her crying and always interjects and end up taken her out of the area and coddling/ soothing her as she thinks I’m going overboard and thinks I’m bullying her😩
@@nicolepilgrim3142
I understand. This method is a training method and doing it in front of someone who doesn’t understand it before the child understands won’t work well.
Do it at home when inappropriate screaming and crying is happening. Your child will then learn that you will not allow it.
Once your child learns this after a few consistent episodes, then when grandma is there--She will see it work quickly.
But you also need to let GM know you are the parent and you are in charge of the teaching and training of your children. Do not let her interfere.
Always be respectful but you have to be firm if she is interfering with your training your child to behave.
Watch the video again all the way through and be sure you understand the method completely. Then do it at home and soon your child will understand. GM will be impressed when she sees it work the next time. 😊
How do I do the “follow up” part with a 9 month old? :)
Thank you for the question.
You don’t have to do a conversation to ask questions with a 9 month old because they don’t understand a conversation in that circumstance.
Just smile and be kind and move on as-a-matter-of-fact attitude. Take care of whatever is needed but do not give them what they wanted that triggered the tantrum.
And be consistent to not allow this behavior even for a moment. If you are consistent and follow all the instructions, you will have headed off this behavior and made for a much happier future for your sweet child and for you!
Thank you again for your question.
If you do this to your 9 month old that is abuse and you shouldn’t be a mother
This is child abuse.
Ridiculous.
My child just turned 2. We have been practicing this method for a couple weeks. Not much success as of yet. I think its because we allow him to still wine on after the screaming has stopped and the hand is removed from his mouth. How would you practice the follow up portion with a 2 year old? Hes still learning words at this time. Thanks
I’m sorry you are struggling. I know you are trying, but this is a training session. It isn’t about just getting him to stop for the moment. It’s about him learning not to do it again.
It doesn’t take two weeks when applied as directed. I suggest you go over the instructions again and do exactly …without any variation…as instructed.
My guess is that you do not apply it immediately, and you also do not complete it --as you already admitted.
Part of the instructions clearly state to make sure he is COMPLETELY done fussing. If he is whining, he is not done. If you stop while he is still making noise and fussing, this is the reason it hasn’t worked.
When you allow the whining, you will get more of it. He has to completely give up and stop that behavior before the session is done.
This is absolutely the reason it is taking so long, I’m sure of it.
The followup portion isn’t as important with a two year old aa far as a conversation. A two year old will understand the behavior wasn’t ok, and just make sure you know what’s going on with him. The followup always depends on the circumstances.
Do NOT reward him by allowing him to get what he wanted for the screaming though. That’s important too.
Hope this helps. There are print out notes available in the links below the video too.
@@MommyAnswerLady thanks for your reply. Ill make the adjustments and keep you posted.
@@Zallein093Sounds good in theory, but try reasoning with a screaming toddler. The point of this is to help the child calm down, so the real issues can actually be dealt with. And if done properly, the child learns that rather than getting all worked up about something, they can skip that unproductive step and go straight to the parent with their concerns. Obviously people can do this in a wrong way for wrong reasons and get bad results, but that is true of every parenting strategy.
Very effective method mam,actually my 2.8 year old son have a moderate to severe autism spectrum disorder,so does this CTM method work with autistic child,bcz he is nonverbal also only babbling,we have started his OT n special education therapy,but his screaming n throwing object toys etc behaviour problem is too much difficult to control,so if i started this CTM technic,is there any side effects for ASD child,or if i control his crying a lot n screaming n throwing behaviour problem by applying CTM method,how can he express his anger,bcz he is nonverbal n only 2.8 year plz suggest how to control behaviour of nonverbal 2.8 year autistic child?
Thank you for the question.
The point of CTM is for the child to learn that throwing a fit and screaming is not an acceptable way to express yourself.
I had a son who had Asperger’s. Not the same as non-verbal, but NEVER give excuses for bad behavior. Instead, teach them that Tantrums are not ok.
Is he communicating when he is throwing a fit? No. He is only venting inappropriately. He must learn this will not be tolerated.
Autism or not, this behavior is unacceptable. If you allow bad behavior it will continue.
After CTM, be sure to do effective follow through as described in video.
But be sure to work with him on other more acceptable ways to communicate.
You have to show him how you want him to communicate also--not just showing him what not to do. M
Hope this helps.
Watch entire video again to be sure you know all the steps and then be consistent.
Could this work for a 9yr old with ADHD?? 😓😓
Clara Villa
I would not suggest it with a 9 year old. If you have a child throwing fits at that age, a different approach would be better.
First I’ll let you know, ADHD or not, throwing fits is not acceptable, so don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Also, I want to let you know I had a child with ADHD and they can learn to behave like any other child can.
you need to be sure you are giving him eye to eye time twice a day. This will grow your relationship and calm his frustrations.
If you don’t know what that is...it is 5-10 minutes of uninterrupted time where you focus completely on him. Turn off all other distractions like phone, computer, TV etc and just let him talk to you.
This will help tremendously right from the start.
Next, it would be better to handle it much like a child who is whining at that age. There is another short video on this channel that will give you step by step instructions on exactly what to do.
I’ll post a link here.
ruclips.net/video/cBvtJj2-WmQ/видео.html
Thanks a lot for all your help, can't wait to try this with my son. But I'm curious about it's effectiveness on a child who isn't talking so much. My son is almost 2 but he's just learning to talk and I think that's part of the reason for his tantrums. After the whole episode is done, when I need to talk to him, I'm afraid he may not understand. I'm determined to do this the right way so that I can start training him to stop throwing cos that's the biggest challenge I have especially with having a new baby at home.
Be sure to be attentive to his needs so he doesn’t feel he has to throw a fit to get your attention.
But, do NOT allow tantrums. Like I said, be sure to go over these instructions in full at least twice before you implement.
He will understand it’s not acceptable and he will also recognize that you will not allow it. You can do this!
@@MommyAnswerLady ma'am, good day, I'm here again and I'm getting fed up, my son is currently screaming our ear off as I speak and I have my 6wks old in my arms nursing. I tried the method three times and my son became even more aggressive, he flailed his arms, he struggled, pulled his head away, I tried to sit him on my lap and hold him tight and that made it worse, he wiggled away and it was more or less a fight so I let him go. I don't know, I don't think I'm doing it wrong.
@@yin1kekhow has it been going so far?
Is CTM appropriate for a 9 month old ?
deepthi reddy
Yes. If you do exactly as it is directed. Training early helps avoid a lot if drama later too. 😊
This is fantastic!!!!!
My neighbors have a way that is quite effective. They say, "No fussing!". If the child doesn't stop the whining and tantruming, he gets one swat on the leg with a switch while being told, "No fussing". After being given a few minutes for the sting to go away, they repeat if needed, if the kids are still tantruming. By the time each was about 3, they'd stop on a dime.
I realize this would work but I do not think using a switch on a child that young is appropriate or necessary.
CTM works to make them recognize the behavior is not acceptable but doesn’t require any pain in the process.
My son’s 3 years old and i think he is jealous of his baby sister so he screams all day long just to annoy us especially when his baby sister is sleeping or someone visits or i’m on the phone, we tried everything from distracting him to time out to praising him when he’s not screaming.
We also showered him with our attention to the point every time i pick up his baby sister to feed her I’ll read to him his favourite books or play with him while breastfeeding so he doesn’t feel left out but nothing is working.
Will this method work as it’s not a meltdown or a tantrum, he’s just doing it to annoy me and his father and he would laugh while screaming.
Also, if i try to discipline him in anyway he hits me and will start hitting himself too. All of those behaviours started after his sister was born so we’re kinda reluctant to REALLY DISCIPLINE him, we’re letting lots of things slide to be honest but things are getting out of hands.
He needs eye to eye time twice a day with each parent.
Eye to eye time is 5-10 minutes where you focus completely on your child. Turn off your phone, computer, TV and any other distractions and give them your full face to face attention.
Allow them to tell you anything they like about their day, dreams, hopes, sorrows, struggles, etc. Listen and talk things through but remember this is not a reprimand time. It’s time to build your relationship.
Also needs to be a part of his little sister’s care. If you have him help be responsible, he will stop seeing her as someone interfering with his attention from you and a part of her care instead.
Yes, this will work, but all this other needs to be in place too. And a conversation with him at a time of no conflict should also be done to explain the CTM method. In other words, let him know that his screaming is unacceptable and that you will be covering his mouth until he is finished from now on.
He needs to feel like he is cared about and is important. Right now is feeling jealous. Remedy the jealousness and build your relationship with him and you will see a vast difference in his behavior.
@@MommyAnswerLady Thank you so much for replying, we’ll start implementing those strategies and will let you know how it goes.
@@Nka861 how are things going now?
@@MommyAnswerLady Yes it really helped and he stopped screaming just to annoy us but something unexpected happened!
I was teaching him about bad touch and good touch as he started nursery and I told him if someone asks to see his private areas he should run away and shout for help. He then told me but the bad man will cover my mouth if I shout!
That threw me off really and I didn’t know how to respond! I did say something along the lines of no you’re allowed to shout and scream if you are in danger but I got worried and we stopped using the method.
We didn’t need it anymore really as he stopped screaming just to annoy us. Now if he screams while he’s playing he apologises and stops.
@@Nka861
Thank you for your reply!
Glad this has taught him to stop the behavior as that is the goal!
Regarding the other issue, tell him that Mom and Dad are special people in his life. There are many things Mom and Dad will do that are for his good that others are not allowed to do without your (parents) permission.
For example, give him a bath, give him medicine, drive him somewhere in a car, give him candy, etc.
Parents are people who have responsibilities that strangers do not have. When you give permission to another person, they will not be someone he doesn’t know.
Do not be afraid to do what needs to be done to teach and train him because of this. He will immediately know the difference between a loving parent and a sinister or violent perpetrator.
So happy to hear back from you!
Um this seems a little abusive
It’s not. It shows the child the behavior is unacceptable and does not hurt or harm them at all.
Calm patience is the key! 😊
I totally agree. I’m glad I wasn’t one of this woman’s children. Just because she has had nine children doesn’t mean she is doing things right.
Thank you so so much I truly appreciate this
Thank you for your comment!
Hi,
I tried the CTM method and it worked for a little while. But now I think my toddler uses it as fuel to scream even more. She often wiggles and moves when I cover her mouth so I have to hold her a bit.
Any tips ? 😊
First I suggest you watch the entire video all the way through and make sure you are not missing any detail.
This method works to stop this behavior, not fuel it. So there is something missing.
If you have to hold her a bit, do it. Tight and secure until she gives up. If she doesn’t like it, that’s a good thing.
Possibly you are not following all the way through until she has COMPLETELY given up. If you stop before that, it can cause them to manipulate.
I can do a video consult if you are interested. Message me for details about that if you want to.
Be consistent. And follow all the way through. This is the most common mistake for this or any discipline method.
Hope that helps! 😊
Thank you. I sent you a message
That’s the problem with punishment like this, when it doesn’t work, the only option is to increase the severity. What you’re experiencing is an exacerbation of your child’s emotional instability. It’s making it worse because that’s what suppression does. You may see a temporary reduction in behavior but using punishment in order to see a complete end to behavior comes with lifelong negative fallout. please do not take advice from this woman.
This is Ruby Franke style.
You are delusional.
I am attempting this with my 17 month old, this is difficult but I am not giving up
Yes! It will be difficult at first until the child realizes you aren’t giving up and they must comply and stop screaming. Be calm and patient.
If necessary, watch the video again all the way through. Be sure to do all the steps exactly as directed.
Remember you are doing this as a loving action to teach and train your child. Not in anger.
I followed through today and he went to sleep for a nap after our 20 minute session, also he kept laughing after he was quiet for a while. It that okay?
@@marshaebrown5557 I’m not sure what you mean by laughing?
@@MommyAnswerLady he stops crying and calms down, then he will look at me and start giggling as if he thinks its a game. I show him no emotion. As soon as I begin to tell him his screaming is unacceptable he starts crying again and I repeat the method. The last time he started screaming I put him in the crib and closed the door while setting a 5 minute timer. (I had to attend to my 5 month old). After 5 minutes I went back in and he was sleep
@@marshaebrown5557
No emotion by you in this circumstance is fine. But do not let him make light of the behavior he was displaying.
Is he throwing a tantrum or screaming or both when you apply this?
And I assume you mean he stops doing that and then giggles? But he does stop?
Wooooow!
Well... ok then. :-)
Anyone who claims you need to “train” your child to do anything 🚩🚩🚩
Lol. Don’t potty train them. Or train them to play the piano, or do chores, etc. 😂😂😂
Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6😃
Feels this way, but watched the video for a reason. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
Training is learning.... you don't teach your child things?
Don't train your dog either 😂