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You're welcome 😊

What words?

@MommyAnswerLady the boys in homeshare would always say the R word for people who have disabilities and helth problems I have cerabl polsy

@@CarlyLamont-d8z I see. Were they taught about what to do instead?

@@MommyAnswerLady probably

@@TradwifeyDawn Ahhh…a fellow sweet baby. Nice💕

@poeticpuff Not in my opinion. She needs to learn right away to sleep on her own in her own bed with you in yours. She will be fine and your attitude about all this she will pick up on. Be confident and don’t allow her to rule the situation. Take charge and she will follow your lead. See the bedtime battles playlist and follow the plan. Remember every response you give to her behavior becomes an expectation and then a habit. Don’t form a habit in her you don’t want repeated. See the playlist for bedtime battles.

@@MommyAnswerLady Blessings, thank you so much! Understood.

@@poeticpuff See the other videos about bedtime battles on this channel. Your daughter is playing you. Take charge without anger and do not allow her to manipulate you. There’s a whole playlist that will help you.

@@MommyAnswerLady thank you for calling it how it is. Take charge without anger, blessings. Thank you.

@@poeticpuff walk to room. No pleasantries. This should not be rewarding to her in any way.

@@poeticpuff Consistency is the key to effectiveness. If you watched the spanking video and can give an age appropriate spanking that is effective, I’d do that. The other method was really just for parents who are too worried about spanking. I’ll send a link to the spanking video. Here’s the video: ruclips.net/video/qfBCiJOAJR4/видео.htmlsi=9oUbrNCHUwmkevMr

@@MommyAnswerLady your videos are amazing -- you are amazing. Thank you! I am having a hard time envisioning what this process will look like. I feel that I am doing my best to prepare, so we may have success. I am just unsure of how it will play out since our four year old has always shared a bed with us. Even when we get out of the bed, she'll wake up in the middle of the night hysterical, come find us, and one of us has gone back to bed with her for her to go back to sleep. I compare it to being James Bond to get out of the bed with her SMH Now, we have a larger space where she has her own room, so we're ready to make the transition so EVERYONE can get their appropriate sleep and schedule. I do not like to spank, but your video made a lot of sense. Thank you. So to clarify -- if she gets out of her bed, after implementing what we've learned from your previous videos on bedtime, she has an appropriate spanking is lead back to her room, we crack the door and walk out? Knowing her she may come right behind swing the door open in a tantrum and either cry in the floor of her room or the floor of wherever we are. Tips for her possible outbursts after receiving a spanking? Also, are we silent during this time or telling her it's time for bed? Thank you so much for all of your videos and quick responses! We're hoping to begin soon. We're putting her bed together this week (she already helped me pick out her room decor and bedding, I am SO thankful she enjoys spending time in her room), along with making her visual bedtime routine schedule this week, and her light up bear is coming tomorrow, and we ordered her favorite songs on audio recording for her in bed on time reward.

@@poeticpuff I want to make sure that you understand that your actions have caused her to have the responses she is having. I’m not saying that to make you feel bad but it’s important. You understand that concept. When she gets up in the middle of the night and comes to you, then you go and get in her bed with her so she will fall back to sleep, what do you expect to happen the next night? This is an exact example of what I mean when I say every response you give to a child’s behavior becomes an expectation and then a habit. You have set up an expectation that if she gets up in the middle of the night and comes to you one of you will go back to bed with her. This was an expectation because your response to her doing it. The first time was that response. She liked that response. So now she does it every night and expects the same thing to happen. It has become a habit. This is why you should never respond in a way that you do not want to become a habit. She is getting a reward for getting up in the middle of the night and coming to you. So that is what she will keep doing. The only way to break this habit is to change your response to something that she does not enjoy. Something she will get no reward for doing. So if you response is to say, we already told you to stay in bed. Ask her the four questions that are on one of the videos in the bedtime battles. If her answer to all of them is no, which, of course it will be, then you tell her she will have to have a spanking. This will mean that every time she gets up, she will expect to be asked those four questions and then get a spanking. This is not going to be something She will want to repeat over and over again if you are consistent. But she will test it. The first time you change that plan and do something different, (like give in) you will set yourself back to the beginning of doing it until she breaks the habit. In other words, it will erase all that you have already accomplished. Consistency is a key to effectiveness. Like it says in the video, if you don’t want to do a spanking, then the walking her back to bed with no response and no talking, putting her back in bed and saying go to sleep and walking back to your bed is the only other thing that will work if it is consistent. It will take a lot longer to work. Regarding the crying and screaming, and throwing a tantrum, see the tantrums videos. You will want to do the CTM method if she does that. And remember, never never never do any of this in anger. Calm, kind, loving and consistent. Do not show any hint of , being afraid of what you are doing being right, having low confidence, etc. You must be very confident, straightforward, and emotional, and robotic and your response when she does these things. This is not to be mean in anyway. It is just show that you mean business and she will get no reward whatsoever for that kind of behavior. When the rewards are no longer, the behavior will go away. Remember, it’s important to have a conversation with her before you start any of this so she understands the plan. She knows what she is supposed to do. She knows your expectations. Also remember to watch the video that tells the things you need to talk with her about including what to do if she’s afraid at night. She needs to have her stuffed toy that she can hug and she can pray. But she is not to get up and wake you up at this point. Once this is established, and she is sleeping in her bed consistently night after night without getting up and coming to wake you, then a rare occasion when she might have a nightmare or something will be different. Then it’s OK to talk with her about her fear and etc., but not right now. She needs to get past this bad habit. I hope this helps. Please let me know how it’s going!

The government doesn’t have small children. The government does not have any children. Parents have children. Parents are to take care of their children. The government is not a parent nor should they be.

@@poeticpuff You can do this! 👍🏻

Glad it was helpful! Thank you for the kind words.

@@person-ey2ct I’m not sure of your point. Please explain.

I just tried the link and it worked ok for me. ?

@@smolderingartemis you can do this. But you must take charge and claim your role. 😊👍🏻.

@@smolderingartemis It’s for when they get in bed and you leave the room. Watch the video again. You can also get my book which explains it. 😊

@@smolderingartemis the answer lies on your response to his behavior. You have set up expectations and he is only doing what he needs to do for you to fulfill the expectations you have trained him to do. As long as you respond as he wishes, it will continue. Stop responding that way and he will stop acting that way. The first time you responded by going back into his room and “helping” with his blanket, you set the precedent. Them, you continue to solidify the habit and formed the expectation. Now you expect him to tell for you and ye expects you to come in and respond. Habit formed. He is 3. He understands language. Tell him this will not happen anymore. He is not to tell for you. See this video : ruclips.net/video/MJEfyt-7kHk/видео.htmlsi=HO9n4XmXrJGU6fNc

Well said!

@@IntotheFray84 I totally agree. The difference is I understand about what emotions are, when they are appropriate and when they are misplaced, and how to deal with that. I assume by your comment, you don’t. I’m assuming you didn’t watch this whole video. Please do so before making comments.

Such great advice for everyone but especially for those who were raised either by Non-Christian parents or Christian parents who didn't have proper role models themselves and who had no clue as to proper child rearing.

@@IntotheFray84 That’s very true depending on the definitions of the operative words used. What is the definition of “emotionally available”? If it means being a punching bag for tantruming children, I disagree. If you mean willing to talk about a child’s feelings and behaviors with them- while helping them to trust their parents’ love and wisdom by being benevolent and strong- I agree with that statement. The same analysis must be used with the terms “physical abuse” and “emotional abuse.” Many people assume that anything that creates any physical or emotional discomfort is “abusive”. I disagree with that premise. Nature constantly uses physical discomfort to teach children, and their brains are wired to learn that way without being traumatized. Children’s brains often can’t understand high level logic (especially when they are raging) but their brains can quickly learn through physical means. For instance, a parent can lecture a toddler about how to walk safely and correctly but the most effective way a child learns to walk is to get a bump when they fall. Kids learn to balance and have good judgement by the natural effects of gravity. No words, lectures, yelling needed. This is neither emotional nor physically abusive. Indeed, the emotional and physical abuse of children occurs when they have not been properly taught to control themselves. Then they are rejected by teachers, peers, other adults over a lifetime. To forego teaching and training children from a young age that they have free will and can choose to control impulses is, in my opinion, the very definition of emotional and physical abuse.

@@MommyAnswerLady you know what they say about “assuming” 😆 ✌️

@@IntotheFray84 Well…I suppose my experience with people who use phrases like “being emotionally available” and using the words “physical abuse” in the same sentence has not served me well in this case-I’m happy to say! Nicely said. 😊 I don’t know if you have watched my other videos, but one of the main things I teach is giving the child complete attention and focus at least twice a day to allow them to talk about anything and just listen.

You're welcome!

Well said. Unfortunately the left demonizes any feelings that are uncomfortable. Therefore, shame is categorized as always bad. Like all feelings, they can be good if applied appropriately and bad if applied inappropriately. The key is to understand the difference.

I suggest you see the other videos on this channel. Emotions are thoroughly covered and is in my book as well. But, today, the "neuroscience" and "child brain development" crowd goes too far in validating inappropriate emotions and uses pseudo science that comes to erroneous conclusions which end up harming the child in the end. Yes, there is such a thing as inappropriate emotions. We all have them. In fact, today I am posting a video about the problems with Gentle Parenting. You might want to take a look.

@@shafiraandini9171 A child should not feel guilt if they didn’t know something. Once they do know, if they continue to do it, there isn’t anything wrong with feeling guilt. It is totally ok to talk to the child and let them know that their behavior is hurting someone. If it is, they need to know that. The key is to help them understand that they can change and don’t have to hurt others. And that this is what they should do. Tell the child that their behavior hurts the person they hit, but it also hurts all the other people who see the pain and who have to deal with it. Their age will determine how much of this they will understand.

@@kristink5884 Well that just isn’t true. Lots of families live on one income. Lots. It’s a matter of choices and priorities. Thank you for your comment.

It was always difficult to be on one income...it's all about choices and priorities.

I am so glad you wrote me. I am sorry you are struggling with this. You seem very mature to be willing to write and ask about this. I'm going to come at this from her position first. There are many parents who try very hard to do the right thing and just aren't sure how to remedy problems. This causes frustration and anger which in turn produces yelling. Unless they know what to do about that, it continues. I suspect your mother doesn't know what to do about it. She has a lot of pressure on her to be a mom without a father in the home. That is very difficult for her and it sounds like she has other problems besides this responsibility. If she is checking your phone, she loves you. That is a very good thing, though it may seem annoying to you. She would not do that unless she cares deeply about what is going on in your life and wants to make sure nothing is happening that would cause you to be harmed. That includes doing things that are behind her back. She feels a real need to control the situation in order to keep you safe and on the right path. And remember, she has no support from a father in this case and a background of her own pain. And if she also perceives that you are not showing respect to her, she feels further from the ability to influence and guide you AND she feels unappreciated for all she does for you. It's like she sees herself as giving and sacrificing for you daily and is getting "slapped in the face" so to speak. This adds to her frustration and anger which causes even more yelling. So, first thing is, please understand her position. If you can look at it from her perspective, maybe you can set aside her behavior and understand it. Now from your perspective. I obviously don't know you at all, but I suspect you love your mom but do not like being around her a lot of the time because you feel she is controlling and unable to discuss things without losing her temper. You feel as though you are just trying to make it through each day uncertain of what will happen in your future. You want a relationship of respect and trust with your mom but don't feel it is possible because of her behavior toward you. When she yells, you feel helpless, angry and alone with no one to turn to who can understand that you just want some peace. I'm going to tell you two things that may shock you. Then I'll explain. 1. Your mother should not trust you. 2. Your mother does not need to "earn" respect. I know both those things sound crazy. But let me explain. A parent is very foolish if they "trust" their teen. What I mean by that is when a person is in their teens, they are constantly bombarded with temptations that could completely derail their life. This includes drugs, harmful fads, sex, and even relationships with friends that lead them to do destructive things that could land them in jail or worse. Your brain is not fully developed until you are in your mid 20s. That is why many teens make foolish mistakes when not guided by a loving parent. A wise parent will not completely trust their teen to make wise decisions because that is the nature of the teen brain. That does not mean a teen cannot be smart, intelligent and even have a lot of wisdom! They can and maybe you do! But it is the very nature of a teen to be heavily influenced by their peers and easily manipulated by pressure around them. It is also common for teens to take risks that are unnecessary and foolish not because they are stupid. But because they lack life experience yet have a lot of new found freedom since they are now able to drive and go out without a parent. So a wise parent will check on what their teen is doing, who their friends are, what activities they are engaging in, and certainly will make sure their social media and text life is within safe boundaries. My children didn't even get a phone of their own until they could drive. If I were a parent today, my teen wouldn't have social media at all until they were adults! The fact that your mother is checking your phone means she is trying. She loves you. Your mother does not need to earn respect. She SHOULD!! She should want to deserve it by her own actions. True! But, there are people who may not deserve respect because of their behavior, but the fact that they are in a certain position means they should get a certain level of it anyway. She is your mother. Because she is in that position in your life, she should receive a level of respect from you. She has given you life, she provides for you, and she obviously tries to fulfill her responsibility. She loves you. Just like you should respect a police officer just because he is in the position he is, or a teacher just because they are your teacher, or the president of the USA just because he is in the position of president... there is a level of respect we should give because of the office they hold. Not necessarily because of them personally. If you give your mother the respect she should have AS YOUR MOTHER, it will help. Spouting off flippant comments is not acceptable and will only serve to enhance the problems you are having now. But I will give you a little advice and hope you will try it. Next time your mom checks your phone, yells or and finds something arbitrary to complain about and starts to yell or even just argue, say, "I didn't realize that. Thank you for pointing that out. I will think about it and I appreciate that you care enough to help me do better." Remember a gentle answer turns away wrath. (Proverbs) At first, your mom will probably look at you with a gaped mouth and wide eyes wondering if you are on drugs or something. She may not react well at first. She may continue to complain and etc. But she will see something different in you and be curious. Suffer through the first attempt at this new approach. Then, do it again the next time. And again. With three attempts at this, you should start to see a change in your mom's behavior and probably she will ask you what's up. Tell her you have decided that you are going to change your approach to her and give her the respect she deserves because you love her. Do this for you. Not for her necessarily because she may not respond as you want her to --- but it won't be worse than what's been happening now, right? But, if you do this for you, it will grow your own character, and you will have a new confidence in yourself because you will do the right thing regardless of what others around you are doing. It can only cause positive things when you do the right thing. Tell me how it goes!

Well that's amazing! I suppose my nine children are the exception. And... all the other parents who have done this and it's worked. We must be the outliers. 😂

I totally agree. As a grandmother, it is not necessarily our job to do daycare for our grandchildren. But, if you do, you deserve all the praise and gratitude that should come with it. It is the parents' job to raise their children and the grandparents are supposed to be there to support and help when they can. But they are not obligated to raise their grandchild if the parents are capable to do so. And not because the parents are selfish and want a bigger house or fancier car. The best place for a child to be is in the daily care and nurture of their own loving parents.

There are several pieces of information that I do not have to give a reasonable answer. How old is your son? How long has he been in daycare? Is it full time daycare? What has he said in response to you asking him about this behavior? What has the teacher said? Have there been any big changes in his life lately? So many things that are unknown. It might be better if you email me and we can try to figure out what might be going on. holly@mommyanswerlady.com

@@pikabamboo4175 Thank you for asking. Socializing is completely available in many ways. Having siblings, cousins, doing play dates with other moms, playground time, and going to church. All these are totally valid ways to allow your child to socialize at an early age. Daycare is not necessary and certainly not full time daycare which is what this video is about. I’m all for homeschooling or private Christian school. I do not recommend public school anymore at this point. Starting them in private kindergarten would be reasonable at 5-6 years old but better late than too early. Lots of learning can be easily done at home before that with play and activities that include colors, letters, letter sounds, numbers and etc.

@@Shadow_buddy._. I’m sorry you had to go through that.

@@TheSchreckse I guess you didn’t watch the video. I suggest you do that before commenting. 👍🏻

@@genevieveama8729 the answer lies in what you have done in response to this behavior. What would that be?

@@genevieveama8729 as soon as they can walk they can start helping! 😊

@@BerryZain Thank you! Has it been helpful for you?

@@CesarZavala-bj8jj How old are you?

@@Usernamehg NOW!

Agreed.

True

@@Anh48927 I’ll work on that. 😊

@@user-wd3po8sd7k This video isn’t directed at childcare workers. It’s directed at parents. Parents should stay home with their little ones as much as possible and find relatives if at all possible if they have to work because of being a single parent. That’s the point. No matter how loving you might be, you still aren’t their parent and there are lots of other childcare workers who aren’t loving. Thats just a fact. What is best: Parents raise their own children. Moms stay home and raise them. That’s best.

I worked in daycare too and while it's true that we all loved the children dearly, it is physically impossible to give 4-8 babies the level of care and attention they needed. Read Being There by Erica Komisar. Daycare harms children's Brian's permanently, even the best teachers could never do enough, it's just not possible.

@@househannah333 I get how it’s hard with four or five babies and toddlers. I think one adult for every two babies or toddlers should be the rule. We only have two toddlers, about a year and a half old at our daycare, and just those two alone require constant attention.

@@damonstewart70 In what context?

@@SamsFoodChronicles Watch this. ruclips.net/video/FvsNiy0tkFQ/видео.htmlsi=U_IEQlX7nSwuVeHK