Playing divorce is the perfect way to describe it and it’s really weird. There’s a part of that man that feels empty and I hope he finds a way to fill that void with someone who treasures him.
She left, got pregnant by someone else and he came back to raise her child; this guy needs serious help. If she needs medical decisions, he has no voice.
Has has literally no legal basis for it at all and a court won’t grant him any legal status. He literally has zero legal rights to this child ever nor could he sue for it in court.
Not only that, but when the baby's daddy bounced, the pregnant woman ran to the ex-boyfriend for him to bail her out. They broke up over "values". She didn't value him and she has no values. I bet he paid for a lot of diapers, formula, clothes and whatnot. The ex-girlfriend must be laughing like tee hee hee.
I keep seeing people say "this kind guy". I mean yes, he's kind. But it isn't just kindness, it's dysfunction and unhealthy. And it's not just him who will be hurt in this situation, there's a kid involved too.
Agree. He says he takes off for sick days and leaves work for drop offs and pickups from daycare. No employer would tolerate that for very long. And he thinks he's getting passed over for advancement? He's lucky they haven't fired him yet.
Raising someone else's child is something else. He needs to formalize it, otherwise, he's taking the risk of having this child taken from him at any moment after investing his time, resources and feelings. Also, if his or hers future spouses dont like it, someone will get hurt. This won't end well. And he's taking the chance of hearing the you are not my dad in the future. What mess.
This guy is trying desperately to “save” this woman and her child. He needs to stop, leave this woman and her child alone. He is a people-pleaser who is desperate for validation. He’s being used and it’s his own fault.
He should sign up for the big brother program. Not take on his ex's child... That's sending the message that he is dispensible to the baby mama and eventually the child he's trying to raise. He's boundary stomping his own self.
This guy is putting himself, this little girl, and his ex in a situation for eventual disaster. There is no situation in which this works out well. It reminds me of Michael Scott and Jan from The Office. He is connected to this baby by delusion. He might have great intentions, but this ends in absolute disaster.
Unless he plans to marry this ex, he should cut ties now. If the ex finds a new man how is he gonna fit in to that equation? He is gonna get hurt. The baby is gonna get hurt.
Where is the father? Like Where is Waldo? The male sperm donors disappear and take NO responsibility in any way. Men think this is ok and the women get stuck with the output for 18 years. Women think about this before getting involved with any man. And get their Social Security number before this happens so authorities can find their paycheck anywhere in the USA.
I feel bad for this guy. The ex sounds like she is taking advantage of him. He wants to be a good guy but man, I agree with John, when this blows up it will blow up for real.
With my baby approaching her first birthday, I couldn't imagine what I'd do if next month she was gone, living life away from me. This guy is delaying a life-altering crash and no matter how strongly he tries, the result isn't going to change.
So sad, reminds me of myself being so desperate for my ex fiance to love me. He wanted me to run around and take care of his kids in some weird way to gain his love or prove my worth. It happened slowly over time to where you wake up and you're running around helping make the other person's family work when you should be fulfilling completing your own family! Run!! 🏃♀️🏃♂️🏃♂️What woman would let another man pretend to be their child's father. She needs to wake up and face reality as well! Good luck, God bless 🙏
I worked with a gal who was being strung along by an extremely good looking man with four kids. He was an officer in the military. Anyway, she was playing surrogate wife but had her own house, job, car, etc... She was dropping the kids, picking the kids, cooking them all supper, cleaning his house, going to her job. One day she woke up and said "what am I doing"?! Part of it was she felt like she had already invested two years into his family and had bonded with his kids. He relocated to Hawaii with the kids and actually had a new girlfriend before he was unpacked. When I was 22, I lived in an apartment and worked the evening shift at a hospital. I usually got home from work around 1:00am. I had become friendly with an older guy (36) who was raising his 14 year old son. By "friendly" I mean run into each other at the pool, talked on the sidewalk by the mailboxes. He was never in my apartment nor was I ever in his. We all went to the zoo once. So, basically, school he asked if I'd take his son to his new school and get him situated in the first day of school. This involved me going to bed at 2am (my job) and getting up at 6:30am. I did the favor, but told the man I wasn't available to keep his life rolling smoothly because I had my own life.
I would understand if the kid was a teenager and he had bonded with her for years, but a one year old????? The second the ex marries another guy, they will block his contact with the child. Cut contact now that she is a baby and probably won’t even remember. Sounds like a nice guy!
@@sweetstorm7652 If you don't mind dealing with drama. It's good be kind but one must also be judicious. I don't see how he can have a healthy with someone else.
This guy isn’t going to let go. But what he fails to see is how his decision is going to impact his jobs, future, future spouse and family (he said he wants) it’s going to be a long shot to find a woman that will accept this situation.
I mean, he doesn't exactly fail to see it when it's literally the point of his whole call. He says several times that his job and other aspects of his life are affected
No, there are not. This is why he is here. Vast, vast majority of available women today are 'available' because they are not. Very few women view men as even human, just things to be used. Like this woman.
Wow this hit home...I got custody of my son in 2017 at 5yrs old.. last year my ex called & asked me to help with her other son who's not mine.. if he could stay at my house for a few because it was problems at the HOTEL she was living in... I felt for the kid & went & got him...he was at my home for a month before I realized I was not helping but making the situation worst...he was doing VIRTUAL SCHOOL flanking every class. I spoke with her about it & we didn't agree on anything.... long story short you can't be a half a parent to a kid that aint yours.. Delony nails this one.... & not to mention it may be a deal breaker to his future wife
@@alluringbliss4165 I think she had some real mental health trouble after I got custody of my son & some adults just have a hard time figuring life out...hints the she stay in a hotel room sentence.
I think deep down he was hoping for that and in his mind he wanted this fairy tale life and family. I think the woman in question never even loved him to begin with and you just can’t force things, there are a million other women out there that can appreciate his kind heart and give him the life he wants and deserves, wishing him all the best 🙏🏼
They are overlooking him for promotion because they know about his pretend divorce and how insane and immature it makes him look. This dude has lost his friggin mind.
I almost think he's trying to right the wrongs of him growing up with a single parent. If he gets out now, the baby won't remember any of this and possibly never even know he existed, saving her a lot of confusion and pain. Dude run, find someone who deserves you and will give you your own family 😢
We had a young adult live with us for a while. She got pregnant and we found an unwed mother's home for her to move into. I knew it would be a total mess getting attached to a baby I would have no legal say over. Plus we would have been enabling her to keep a child she was when she was no way equipped for parenthood. Instead that baby was adopted by a loving couple that could give it a stable home. You can't single handedly save the world.
I hope her wanting an adoption was a mutual want. If not, that is a very high probability of ruining generations of family, for both the adopted child and the mother.
This reads terribly. Single people individually save the world all the time. Sending someone to an “unwed mothers home” should like an Irish Victorian punishment.
But who is responsible for “ruining” generations of family, as you say. Not the OP. I’m not saying the young woman ruined her life, but the OP was generous to welcome her into her home to begin with. When the terms and conditions of the arrangement changed and she could no longer meet them, the OP did what she had to do.
@@AshleyLebedev I meant I didn't feel like I could save the world. This wasn't a comment about the young women involved. We still supported her and were a part of her life. You're making a lot of assumptions about a complicated situation that you know nothing about.
She’s using you. The ex needs money and somebody to dump her kid off on so she can go run with another man. Dude you’re being used. Find somebody else.
There are plenty of orphan children and babies out there that he can help if he wants to. He's making it about the child, but really, it's about him and the mom. He needs to move on.
I really wish they reminded him he can help raise a child via helpful systems like “Big Brothers and Sisters of America”. Raising an X’s child, is not going to end well for that poor child.
If I went on a date with this guy and found out he’s sharing custody of his fiancés daughter by another man I’d assume he was OBSESSED with his ex fiancé and I would not go on another date. Listening to him and getting context it’s clear he’s not but he clearly hasn’t thought about how this would affect his future relationships
That kid will always think you are Daddy, but refuse to admit it. On leadership being wisdom: Your hissy fits about a kid who is not yours in any way are proving to them you are not ready to lead.
Most of John's callers are responsible women who are trying to cope with irresponsible men. I am sorry to say it but that's the way of the world, on average
John said “you have one of the biggest hearts I’ve ever met.” No, he is a weirdo. Controlling, and obsessive. His ex girlfriend got pregnant by another dude and he wants to be the babies dad? He doesn’t want to see the woman move on with any other guy, so he’s willing to insert himself where he thinks he will always be a part of her life. Absolute narc if you ask me.
Only way to protect ur relationship with child is to adopt…. Is that an option??? I’ve been a foster mom and the mom who took in struggling teens…. Lots of letting go once the crisis was over…..But it’s best for Mom and child to let them go now, she will b letting u go as soon as she finds someone else anyway…. Work may b judging u for this messy situation…. I wish u the best….. But unless this relationship can b given legal standing u r only setting urself up for intense drama and sadness….
John’s first instinct in spot on. Brother don’t do it. You are putting all your heart and emotions where she can leave you again and you have no legal rights towards this child. Kids heart yearn for their biological parents. Heartbreak is written all over this. Went through a similar situation and I thought I knew it better.
@@anyagee9467 agreed. I used to always fantasize about finding a man who need me in such manner. My father was not in my life and I was desperate for that need to be wanted and loved.
My girlfriends stepdad is a similar situation. My girlfriends mom and stepdad separated at one point and got back together. He found out my gf mom was pregnant after they got back together and now he’s taken in my gf sister as his own knowing he’s not the dad. I feel bad for my gf little sister because she is 12 years old and doesn’t know her dad isn’t her biological dad. It’s one big secret that’s kept from her. I think it’s great that he wants to step up and be a father to her, I just feel bad that she doesn’t know she has a biological father somewhere out there.
He has some issues to discuss with a therapist. He wants a family, and he cannot let that ex-fiance go and just move on with his life. He said their values don't align, and in the subconscious he wants to control this ex-fiance by having custody of her child which is the ultimate power of all. Over time, he hopes that she would be convinced that his values are the right way to live, and she'll want to be a family for her daughter and change her ways to suit his needs. Then, they'll live happily ever after. It's never going to happen, because she seems to be a clueless, irresponsible free spirit, and he's just the opposite. When he heard that the ex-fiance was pregnant, he should have just prayed for her, and gone on his way. But, he put a cape on, and now he's into a mess. He definitely needs to talk to someone about how to separate himself from this child, before it's too late.
Can u imagine if one day she's having a tantrum or has to God forbid go to the doctor and they ask "what relationship to her are you?? They will separate them because he is not family... So many people in relationships bond with their partners kids, but so many times when the women gets mad and leaves, she keeps the kids from the guy, and he never gets to see them again, because she gets a new guy..and there is nothing he can do... The caller might be nice but he is being used...
Would the workplace treat his situation differently if the baby was adopted or legally bonded? I would honestly look to adopt the child or be done altogether.
A legal adoption is a different situation than a man with no relation legal or otherwise with a child so I would think it would be handled differently.
Get out now because it will get harder and harder to do. Go find a great woman and have your own child. This guy is going to be a great dad.. he can always help financially with this kid if he wants until mommy finds a new man
First question is did he sign the birth certificate. If so, that's his daughter. Legally. And should also be his daughter emotionally if he signed. if he didn't sign, she's at the age where she will start remembering him and forming attachment. At this point he needs to decide if he wants to raise her as his own and seek parental rights/adoption or he needs to stop all care and contact. He's being one foot in. Be in or out
This guy said he is her dad in "her eyes". She is 18 months old...if he left now she would have zero recollection of him when she was 2 or 3. This guy has attachment and abandonment issues himself that he needs to work on rather than project them onto a toddler that is not his. That kid should not be his therapy.
I look at it different... As long as the child know that he isn't her dad, it would be alright. It would be like an uncle, or grandpa stepping up to the plate. The child could call him uncle. A good mother would tell her future husband, that this man has been in my daughter life ever since she was born and always will. If the child mother gets married, then get a divorce several years later, that would upset this child. All kids need a male figure in their lives.
Okay, so he seems like a great guy & a great friend. But why oh why did he go running when he heard that she was pregnant. Is he trying out for Captain SIMP! He needs to go away because either he's going to meet someone else or she's going to meet someone else. Then there will be real heartbreak for the child, him, and maybe even the ex.
I understand that he has a big heart and wants to help. He doesn’t want her to hurt too. The kind of problems with work accomodations should be something he deals with his own chidren. I hate that I’m thinking that. Poor girl got stuck in situation she didnt ask to be a part of. Totally. I would hate to see her get taken away. I don’t know. Idk. So unfortunate.
His ex probably doesn't want him to adopt her. Guy sounds like a weirdo. Him and his ex aren't even romantically involved anymore. Dont u think if he was a decent dude she would JUMP at the opportunity for this guy to play father for her mistake??? This guy makes big money too (apparently)
What happens when the mother meets another guy and gets married, this guy will not be welcome and will have no rights to this kid and his heart will be broken.
Yeah he’s not as kind and innocent as the comments are saying. He inserted himself and has ulterior motives. And it’s a little bit creepy how possessive he is over the kid. I don’t think he’s a creep that way, but he’s trying to shove himself into his ex’s life and using God as a justification. When she inevitably cuts him off he’s gonna go ballistic and cause problems…
I agree with John. The guy has good intentions but he has no legal right to the child. At some point he will be told to stay away and he has no legal recourse. He will be hurting the child very deeply. He is not the daddy. He needs to step back and stop supporting the child. He needs to put the child’s best interests first. He is way too emotionally invested in a child that is not his.
This man is a saint. Like one in a million. I pray that he finds a woman that deserves him instead of uses him as a babysitter. That woman is very wrong to take advantage of this sweet man.
Dude is a super simp. He has to stop, they’ll use him give mom a great life then he’ll get cut out when he’s not useful or convenient anymore. He has no rights
Get out of her life now before Mom or her new spouse kicks you out permentantly. It's inevitable. You have no legal rights. She won't remember you if you leave now. If you hang around as a placeholder it will break her heart later. You are doing this for you, not her. You wanted to feel important, needed, like a hero so you are ignoring wisdom. This is a selfish choice that you are calling heroism. You are also enabling the mothers selfish behavior. Do the selfless thing and leave now.
He needs to consider his future. At some point when he moves on he will be hurting his family to help someone that’s not even related to him. As Dr. John suggested, get counseling, learn that you are not responsible for her and move on. It will be the best decision. Plus I think his lack of promotion has to do with this whole situation
If you are against abortion, single parenting for the women is often what we get. It is the reality. Most of the time NO support from the male sperm donor. All the publicized cases that a millionaire (basketball players) get stuck with child support and every man gets the chills because of fear. Women get the social security number of every man you are intimate with, so the proper authorities can find their paycheck when you are forced to have their DNA-output.
Yes, you should stop providing for this child. The child is not yours save your time, energy,and money for your own child. Why do people feel the need to call in for this stuff?? It’s a simple, but difficult situation.
He seems like a really nice guy but he’s begging for trouble. If he stops the “support”, she could find a lawyer and judge to make him continue at least for a while. If he meets someone, she probably wouldn’t go for it.
I understand about compassion, but he is a simp for the ex. The ex is irresponsible and he is trying to be responsible. It will end bad for him when she takes the child back. Legally adopt her. If he doesn't, back away. He needs to protect himself.
Omg I wish he was my stepdad I never had 😢 my mom never married and met my dad until I was 22 years old and I just wanted to have a dad in my life when I was a kid an teenager… 😢
This man's heart is in the right place but the situation is insane. He needs to find another woman and settle down and have children with her instead. Or, he needs to adopt a child. He is going to get incredibly hurt, things are going to get messy as hell and I cannot believe the mother is ok with this situation, it just does not make sense and is not in the best interest of her child. She should be going after the guy who impregnated her to get child support. This guy is throwing his hard earned money down the toilet and it will not end well for him.
i suspect that he wants to get back together with the ex and is using the kid to try and do that. And if she meets someone, his being around may be a problem.
Caller its true that the baby years from now might not remember the actual moments with you but her spirit and emotional health will remember. You have imposed love and telling her that she matters to her young life. You are a good person. Dr John is right that you have gotten yourself in a pickle and are set up for a life of heartache for you and possibly the baby. If and when that baby is stripped from your hands because you don't have parental rights your soul will be crushed and it will crush the child. Dr John sees this coming. I would try so hard to get a hold of your ex fiances family, grandparents and try to have them slowly take over with the consent of the mother. And then let the reigns go to this precious soul. But if you are willing to go to the end with this child and you think the mother would agree to you adopting the baby that is also an option. But I would always work towards option 1 until the papers are signed. I commend you for being a good person.
Why does this sound so goofy and off to me? Listen I love a man that can embrace another man’s child, but he isn’t even with the mother it’s weird. The issue with the job, the rambling, he just seems…off…
Connor is clogging up the time line of their lives, if his ex were to meet a nice guy to get married to in the future; he’s going to think Connor is there to ruin it, he won’t understand. Connor is also ruining his future love relationships because women will think you’re trying to get your ex back and you’re not over her.
He wants to be a hero for some reason but her real father could show up whenever, and then that little kid is going to get hurt, or a new man could come into the mom's life, then he's out, and the child could get hurt, his ex is using him sounds like, dangling dad in front of him, hope he puts the child first
@@DaveSmith-kb5nk do you think theyre abusive on the first date? No. Its usually further down the road they wait until after theyve won you over & youre in love- married- bought a house- had a baby. Abusers are strategic and they slowly integrate abuse into the relationship before you even know what is happening. Dont judge a victim of domestic violence that is absolutely disgusting of you! Watch some stories of women who have been abused. You will never understand anyways if you haven’t personally been through it. Ignorant af.
People think this guy is coming from a place of selflessness. I think it’s selfishness. He’s not really doing what’s best for the child; he’s doing what makes him feel better about himself. He’s still pretty young, and I can see his shortsightedness. Taking on what isn’t his will only complicate things for the child and enable the mother. He wants to raise her because “she’s so cute?” The child is merely an accessory to him. And no potential new woman in her right mind will go for this.
How does he even take the child to daycare or for medical treatment? Those things require parental consent. And what kind of woman would leave her child with an ex fiance? How is he not embarrassed? He needs to pull the bandage off quickly. Call the mother and tell her to come pick up the kid or he calls social services.
No it wouldn't. He's a traumatized soul suffering from his own single parent upbringing and trying to find "healing" by creating his own toxic pseudo "family." This man needs serious counseling and help and this behavior should not be praised.
He "saw an opportunity to be in a child's life"!?!??!! Go get married, have a child, raise your own child. Or, go get married and adopt a child. But stop playing Mr Nice Guy Faux-Daddy with this little girl!
Playing divorce is the perfect way to describe it and it’s really weird. There’s a part of that man that feels empty and I hope he finds a way to fill that void with someone who treasures him.
She left, got pregnant by someone else and he came back to raise her child; this guy needs serious help. If she needs medical decisions, he has no voice.
This is Forrest Gump levels of simping
Has has literally no legal basis for it at all and a court won’t grant him any legal status. He literally has zero legal rights to this child ever nor could he sue for it in court.
Not only that, but when the baby's daddy bounced, the pregnant woman ran to the ex-boyfriend for him to bail her out. They broke up over "values". She didn't value him and she has no values. I bet he paid for a lot of diapers, formula, clothes and whatnot. The ex-girlfriend must be laughing like tee hee hee.
I feel bad for him 😞
I keep seeing people say "this kind guy". I mean yes, he's kind. But it isn't just kindness, it's dysfunction and unhealthy. And it's not just him who will be hurt in this situation, there's a kid involved too.
This is Forrest Gump levels of simping
Almost selfishness on his part.
@@Austenfan177 She's USING him. If he's 26, she's probably 24. She will continue to party for another 10 years. He needs to wake up.
Agree. He says he takes off for sick days and leaves work for drop offs and pickups from daycare. No employer would tolerate that for very long. And he thinks he's getting passed over for advancement? He's lucky they haven't fired him yet.
@@cptfreeman8966 😂😂😂 nailed it man.
Hope this man gets a great wife snd his own kid. Seems like he will make a great dad
Agree
He'll get cucked on a weekly basis.
@@NotSoEntertaining.Yeah, I was like... children aren't a commodity. You don't just create another one. :/
He won’t because he’s still in love with his ex and no woman is going to want to step into the middle of this.
Lol. Spineless men do not make great dads
Raising someone else's child is something else. He needs to formalize it, otherwise, he's taking the risk of having this child taken from him at any moment after investing his time, resources and feelings. Also, if his or hers future spouses dont like it, someone will get hurt. This won't end well. And he's taking the chance of hearing the you are not my dad in the future. What mess.
This is Forrest Gump levels of simping
He can’t formalize it. He has no legal basis for it sadly.
I would not have accepted it.
@@mimimonster can't he acknowledge paternity? I know it's harder to adopt someone's child when you are not married but it's not impossible.
@@cptfreeman8966 beta male
This guy is trying desperately to “save” this woman and her child. He needs to stop, leave this woman and her child alone. He is a people-pleaser who is desperate for validation. He’s being used and it’s his own fault.
Absolutely agree
@@Austenfan177 WOW 😨. The caller truly is an idiot, just WOW!
Captain Save-a-ho reporting for duty ma'am!
He should sign up for the big brother program. Not take on his ex's child...
That's sending the message that he is dispensible to the baby mama and eventually the child he's trying to raise. He's boundary stomping his own self.
Once he gets settle with his job, he could even adopt someday.
@@FTG2Eli or maybe he will meet and marry a woman with the same life vision. He's cutting himself short in this scenario.
He loves that baby, thats the difference.
We call that being a “play daddy” not legal.
A new woman in this life will reject it 100%
This guy is putting himself, this little girl, and his ex in a situation for eventual disaster. There is no situation in which this works out well. It reminds me of Michael Scott and Jan from The Office. He is connected to this baby by delusion. He might have great intentions, but this ends in absolute disaster.
Hahaha yes! Little Assturd or whatever her name was. Lol
@@strnglhld 😂😂😂
(It was "Astrid," but your comment was funnier lol)
@@theshunnedBandersnatch 🤣🤣🤣
Unless he plans to marry this ex, he should cut ties now. If the ex finds a new man how is he gonna fit in to that equation? He is gonna get hurt. The baby is gonna get hurt.
In the words of Judge Lauren Lake : "You are NOT the father."
Did Maury Povich transition into a woman named Lauren? Give the man his props😂😂
What about jerry!!!!! 😂
Where is the father? Like Where is Waldo? The male sperm donors disappear and take NO responsibility in any way. Men think this is ok and the women get stuck with the output for 18 years. Women think about this before getting involved with any man. And get their Social Security number before this happens so authorities can find their paycheck anywhere in the USA.
I feel bad for this guy. The ex sounds like she is taking advantage of him. He wants to be a good guy but man, I agree with John, when this blows up it will blow up for real.
Believe me, this kind man MUST immediately cut the ties he has with this little one. Ultimately, he will save himself an enormous amount of heartache.
Never finish another man’s paused game. Single moms are damaged goods.
@@mikenelson8377 That's a mean generalization.
@@alluringbliss4165 no it's not it's an accurate one!
With my baby approaching her first birthday, I couldn't imagine what I'd do if next month she was gone, living life away from me. This guy is delaying a life-altering crash and no matter how strongly he tries, the result isn't going to change.
So sad, reminds me of myself being so desperate for my ex fiance to love me. He wanted me to run around and take care of his kids in some weird way to gain his love or prove my worth. It happened slowly over time to where you wake up and you're running around helping make the other person's family work when you should be fulfilling completing your own family! Run!! 🏃♀️🏃♂️🏃♂️What woman would let another man pretend to be their child's father. She needs to wake up and face reality as well! Good luck, God bless 🙏
@@Austenfan177 Oh yikes!!
I worked with a gal who was being strung along by an extremely good looking man with four kids. He was an officer in the military. Anyway, she was playing surrogate wife but had her own house, job, car, etc... She was dropping the kids, picking the kids, cooking them all supper, cleaning his house, going to her job. One day she woke up and said "what am I doing"?! Part of it was she felt like she had already invested two years into his family and had bonded with his kids. He relocated to Hawaii with the kids and actually had a new girlfriend before he was unpacked.
When I was 22, I lived in an apartment and worked the evening shift at a hospital. I usually got home from work around 1:00am. I had become friendly with an older guy (36) who was raising his 14 year old son. By "friendly" I mean run into each other at the pool, talked on the sidewalk by the mailboxes. He was never in my apartment nor was I ever in his. We all went to the zoo once. So, basically, school he asked if I'd take his son to his new school and get him situated in the first day of school. This involved me going to bed at 2am (my job) and getting up at 6:30am. I did the favor, but told the man I wasn't available to keep his life rolling smoothly because I had my own life.
What woman would do this? The one who’s enjoying the money and the help
This is a tough situation, his heart is in the right place, but I am guessing he was dreaming of having a family, and got wrapped up in this.
I would understand if the kid was a teenager and he had bonded with her for years, but a one year old????? The second the ex marries another guy, they will block his contact with the child. Cut contact now that she is a baby and probably won’t even remember. Sounds like a nice guy!
Or ex just gets mad at him or decides to move far away from him. He has no rights or control over this situation.
Imagine being a lady on a first date with this guy and hearing this? 😂
Run for the hills 😂
Hell naw I’d be outta there
He’s very kind, it’s a green flag not red
@@sweetstorm7652 If you don't mind dealing with drama. It's good be kind but one must also be judicious. I don't see how he can have a healthy with someone else.
@@sweetstorm7652 very kind yes, but it’s also a whole lotta extra drama I wouldn’t date someone in that position ever for my own mental health
This guy isn’t going to let go. But what he fails to see is how his decision is going to impact his jobs, future, future spouse and family (he said he wants) it’s going to be a long shot to find a woman that will accept this situation.
I mean, he doesn't exactly fail to see it when it's literally the point of his whole call. He says several times that his job and other aspects of his life are affected
There is plenty of good women out there that are looking for a good man. He doesn’t need to save this woman in any way. He deserves better.
No, there are not. This is why he is here. Vast, vast majority of available women today are 'available' because they are not. Very few women view men as even human, just things to be used. Like this woman.
Wow this hit home...I got custody of my son in 2017 at 5yrs old.. last year my ex called & asked me to help with her other son who's not mine.. if he could stay at my house for a few because it was problems at the HOTEL she was living in... I felt for the kid & went & got him...he was at my home for a month before I realized I was not helping but making the situation worst...he was doing VIRTUAL SCHOOL flanking every class. I spoke with her about it & we didn't agree on anything.... long story short you can't be a half a parent to a kid that aint yours.. Delony nails this one.... & not to mention it may be a deal breaker to his future wife
Why couldn’t your ex take care of her child?
@@alluringbliss4165 I think she had some real mental health trouble after I got custody of my son & some adults just have a hard time figuring life out...hints the she stay in a hotel room sentence.
@@callenjohnson81 I see. I wish you well in raising your child
@@alluringbliss4165 thx right on
Were you hoping to get back with her if you provide support to the child? Dude send a holiday card once a year and keep it moving.
I think deep down he was hoping for that and in his mind he wanted this fairy tale life and family. I think the woman in question never even loved him to begin with and you just can’t force things, there are a million other women out there that can appreciate his kind heart and give him the life he wants and deserves, wishing him all the best 🙏🏼
There is a difference between being an enabler and being kind. He's an enabler.
my fiancé did this with his ex girlfriend’s child and it has caused nothing but problems for us .
He’s searching for validation, love and appreciation.
Never start someone else's saved game
This guy needs way more than one conversation with John Delony 😅
I feel like this guy wanted to talk but not listen. You handled it really well John. I don't know that I would have been so patient with him.
They are overlooking him for promotion because they know about his pretend divorce and how insane and immature it makes him look. This dude has lost his friggin mind.
He is jealous the child is not his; he wants the woman to change so their values align and they can be together.
I almost think he's trying to right the wrongs of him growing up with a single parent. If he gets out now, the baby won't remember any of this and possibly never even know he existed, saving her a lot of confusion and pain. Dude run, find someone who deserves you and will give you your own family 😢
We had a young adult live with us for a while. She got pregnant and we found an unwed mother's home for her to move into. I knew it would be a total mess getting attached to a baby I would have no legal say over. Plus we would have been enabling her to keep a child she was when she was no way equipped for parenthood. Instead that baby was adopted by a loving couple that could give it a stable home. You can't single handedly save the world.
That must have been so hard for you. I respect you tremendously.
I hope her wanting an adoption was a mutual want.
If not, that is a very high probability of ruining generations of family, for both the adopted child and the mother.
This reads terribly. Single people individually save the world all the time. Sending someone to an “unwed mothers home” should like an Irish Victorian punishment.
But who is responsible for “ruining” generations of family, as you say. Not the OP. I’m not saying the young woman ruined her life, but the OP was generous to welcome her into her home to begin with. When the terms and conditions of the arrangement changed and she could no longer meet them, the OP did what she had to do.
@@AshleyLebedev I meant I didn't feel like I could save the world. This wasn't a comment about the young women involved. We still supported her and were a part of her life. You're making a lot of assumptions about a complicated situation that you know nothing about.
Beyond lunacy.
Imagine a woman dating him…
“Any kids?”
“Yeh.. no….. but I am paying for my ex fiancés baby which isn’t mine….”
😂😂😂
She’s using you. The ex needs money and somebody to dump her kid off on so she can go run with another man. Dude you’re being used. Find somebody else.
This is why he’s not respected. 😂 how do you willingly put yourself in that situation?
@@jes6161 I feel for this guy. He must have a sad lonely life to attach himself to a one yr old. It’s almost creepy
@@Austenfan177 it’s creepy. He wants to be alone with somebody else’s daughter. He lives a sad lonely life.
@@Austenfan177 link to the other call?
Either apply for adoption or give her up to be adopted by someone else.
There are plenty of orphan children and babies out there that he can help if he wants to. He's making it about the child, but really, it's about him and the mom. He needs to move on.
I really wish they reminded him he can help raise a child via helpful systems like “Big Brothers and Sisters of America”. Raising an X’s child, is not going to end well for that poor child.
If I went on a date with this guy and found out he’s sharing custody of his fiancés daughter by another man I’d assume he was OBSESSED with his ex fiancé and I would not go on another date.
Listening to him and getting context it’s clear he’s not but he clearly hasn’t thought about how this would affect his future relationships
That kid will always think you are Daddy, but refuse to admit it.
On leadership being wisdom:
Your hissy fits about a kid who is not yours in any way are proving to them you are not ready to lead.
Lol, hissy fit because he's not staying for a women who got knocked up by a loser. Good one.
Dr. John. It's OKAY to hold women accountable. I promise.
I know 😩 I was hoping he would call her out😞
He does hold women to account, very often
But also he often says he can only deal with the people calling in cos he isn't talking to anyone else
Most of John's callers are responsible women who are trying to cope with irresponsible men. I am sorry to say it but that's the way of the world, on average
Guys. Don't be this guy. God BLESS this guys to the ends of the Earth! But do NOT be this guy.
John said “you have one of the biggest hearts I’ve ever met.” No, he is a weirdo. Controlling, and obsessive. His ex girlfriend got pregnant by another dude and he wants to be the babies dad? He doesn’t want to see the woman move on with any other guy, so he’s willing to insert himself where he thinks he will always be a part of her life. Absolute narc if you ask me.
Narc? This is textbook cuck.
Only way to protect ur relationship with child is to adopt…. Is that an option???
I’ve been a foster mom and the mom who took in struggling teens…. Lots of letting go once the crisis was over…..But it’s best for Mom and child to let them go now, she will b letting u go as soon as she finds someone else anyway….
Work may b judging u for this messy situation….
I wish u the best….. But unless this relationship can b given legal standing u r only setting urself up for intense drama and sadness….
John’s first instinct in spot on. Brother don’t do it. You are putting all your heart and emotions where she can leave you again and you have no legal rights towards this child. Kids heart yearn for their biological parents. Heartbreak is written all over this. Went through a similar situation and I thought I knew it better.
He has a heart of gold ❤ So many single mothers would be grateful for a stepdad like him. His heart will be broken in this situation💔
You don't know their real situation. Men tend to lie about children and responsibility to virtue signal.
I don't think it's from a heart of gold, it's from some kind of trauma and being messed up.
No!
@@anyagee9467 agreed. I used to always fantasize about finding a man who need me in such manner. My father was not in my life and I was desperate for that need to be wanted and loved.
This guy is a NARC. Absolutely no way he is doing this because his heart is pure. He doesn’t want to see the mom move on with anyone else.
My girlfriends stepdad is a similar situation.
My girlfriends mom and stepdad separated at one point and got back together.
He found out my gf mom was pregnant after they got back together and now he’s taken in my gf sister as his own knowing he’s not the dad.
I feel bad for my gf little sister because she is 12 years old and doesn’t know her dad isn’t her biological dad.
It’s one big secret that’s kept from her.
I think it’s great that he wants to step up and be a father to her, I just feel bad that she doesn’t know she has a biological father somewhere out there.
He tried to save her. It didn’t work.
He has some issues to discuss with a therapist. He wants a family, and he cannot let that ex-fiance go and just move on with his life. He said their values don't align, and in the subconscious he wants to control this ex-fiance by having custody of her child which is the ultimate power of all. Over time, he hopes that she would be convinced that his values are the right way to live, and she'll want to be a family for her daughter and change her ways to suit his needs. Then, they'll live happily ever after. It's never going to happen, because she seems to be a clueless, irresponsible free spirit, and he's just the opposite. When he heard that the ex-fiance was pregnant, he should have just prayed for her, and gone on his way. But, he put a cape on, and now he's into a mess. He definitely needs to talk to someone about how to separate himself from this child, before it's too late.
Can u imagine if one day she's having a tantrum or has to God forbid go to the doctor and they ask "what relationship to her are you?? They will separate them because he is not family...
So many people in relationships bond with their partners kids, but so many times when the women gets mad and leaves, she keeps the kids from the guy, and he never gets to see them again, because she gets a new guy..and there is nothing he can do... The caller might be nice but he is being used...
Man, where are this guys friends? Dude needs a real close friend to tell him the truth.
Would the workplace treat his situation differently if the baby was adopted or legally bonded? I would honestly look to adopt the child or be done altogether.
A legal adoption is a different situation than a man with no relation legal or otherwise with a child so I would think it would be handled differently.
Get out now because it will get harder and harder to do. Go find a great woman and have your own child. This guy is going to be a great dad.. he can always help financially with this kid if he wants until mommy finds a new man
Does he want to adopt her? He needs to make it legal or get out.
First question is did he sign the birth certificate. If so, that's his daughter. Legally. And should also be his daughter emotionally if he signed. if he didn't sign, she's at the age where she will start remembering him and forming attachment. At this point he needs to decide if he wants to raise her as his own and seek parental rights/adoption or he needs to stop all care and contact. He's being one foot in. Be in or out
This guy said he is her dad in "her eyes". She is 18 months old...if he left now she would have zero recollection of him when she was 2 or 3. This guy has attachment and abandonment issues himself that he needs to work on rather than project them onto a toddler that is not his. That kid should not be his therapy.
🎯👍
It would be awesome if they would occasionally follow up with these callers to see if they took any advice they were given; where are they today?
I look at it different... As long as the child know that he isn't her dad, it would be alright. It would be like an uncle, or grandpa stepping up to the plate. The child could call him uncle. A good mother would tell her future husband, that this man has been in my daughter life ever since she was born and always will. If the child mother gets married, then get a divorce several years later, that would upset this child. All kids need a male figure in their lives.
Okay, so he seems like a great guy & a great friend. But why oh why did he go running when he heard that she was pregnant. Is he trying out for Captain SIMP! He needs to go away because either he's going to meet someone else or she's going to meet someone else. Then there will be real heartbreak for the child, him, and maybe even the ex.
in what world would this be a good idea? lol. 100% wanted to get back with his ex and thought this was the way.
I understand that he has a big heart and wants to help. He doesn’t want her to hurt too. The kind of problems with work accomodations should be something he deals with his own chidren. I hate that I’m thinking that. Poor girl got stuck in situation she didnt ask to be a part of. Totally. I would hate to see her get taken away. I don’t know. Idk. So unfortunate.
People raise kids that aren't their own all the time. Just make it legal and adopt her so it can't be held over your head in the future.
His ex probably doesn't want him to adopt her. Guy sounds like a weirdo. Him and his ex aren't even romantically involved anymore. Dont u think if he was a decent dude she would JUMP at the opportunity for this guy to play father for her mistake??? This guy makes big money too (apparently)
“I want to have an effect on some random child” bro that’s so selfish let those people live
What happens when the mother meets another guy and gets married, this guy will not be welcome and will have no rights to this kid and his heart will be broken.
Yeah he’s not as kind and innocent as the comments are saying. He inserted himself and has ulterior motives. And it’s a little bit creepy how possessive he is over the kid. I don’t think he’s a creep that way, but he’s trying to shove himself into his ex’s life and using God as a justification. When she inevitably cuts him off he’s gonna go ballistic and cause problems…
I sense he is in love with he ex and is hoping to get her back to build a family.
YES!!!!! He doesn’t want his ex to move on and inserted himself where he will always be in her life. I see right through this guys BS.
I have to agree with you Dr. John! Why is this guy taking on so much with this child. Find your partner, make your family and have your own kids.
I agree with John. The guy has good intentions but he has no legal right to the child. At some point he will be told to stay away and he has no legal recourse. He will be hurting the child very deeply. He is not the daddy. He needs to step back and stop supporting the child. He needs to put the child’s best interests first. He is way too emotionally invested in a child that is not his.
This man is a saint. Like one in a million. I pray that he finds a woman that deserves him instead of uses him as a babysitter. That woman is very wrong to take advantage of this sweet man.
Hopefully , he'd be aware of what a good woman looks like. His ex does not respect him and will most break his heart while turning into an angry MGTOW
Nah, there's tons of simps out there. If he leaves, she will easily get another simp to pay for everything
Me: WTF.
Me (reading):
Conner | Panama City Beach, Florida
Me: Makes sense.
Dude is a super simp. He has to stop, they’ll use him give mom a great life then he’ll get cut out when he’s not useful or convenient anymore. He has no rights
I did the same thing and it ends terribly. He needs to keep it moving.
Get out of her life now before Mom or her new spouse kicks you out permentantly. It's inevitable. You have no legal rights. She won't remember you if you leave now. If you hang around as a placeholder it will break her heart later. You are doing this for you, not her. You wanted to feel important, needed, like a hero so you are ignoring wisdom. This is a selfish choice that you are calling heroism. You are also enabling the mothers selfish behavior. Do the selfless thing and leave now.
He needs to consider his future. At some point when he moves on he will be hurting his family to help someone that’s not even related to him. As Dr. John suggested, get counseling, learn that you are not responsible for her and move on. It will be the best decision. Plus I think his lack of promotion has to do with this whole situation
If you are against abortion, single parenting for the women is often what we get. It is the reality. Most of the time NO support from the male sperm donor. All the publicized cases that a millionaire (basketball players) get stuck with child support and every man gets the chills because of fear. Women get the social security number of every man you are intimate with, so the proper authorities can find their paycheck when you are forced to have their DNA-output.
Good man is still in this world..I have hope.
That’s a foolish man, the women is taking advantage of him
@@DaveSmith-kb5nk I bet even if he had to hand the baby back, he'll still be up for babysitting etc
Dr John you gave this guy good advice he has a future ahead of him.
Yes, you should stop providing for this child. The child is not yours save your time, energy,and money for your own child. Why do people feel the need to call in for this stuff?? It’s a simple, but difficult situation.
He seems like a really nice guy but he’s begging for trouble. If he stops the “support”, she could find a lawyer and judge to make him continue at least for a while. If he meets someone, she probably wouldn’t go for it.
I understand about compassion, but he is a simp for the ex. The ex is irresponsible and he is trying to be responsible. It will end bad for him when she takes the child back. Legally adopt her. If he doesn't, back away. He needs to protect himself.
Very good advice!
I had a guy I was dating claim to do this once...he was actually lying and he WAS THE FATHER 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
He needs to get some custody rights or something.
Omg I wish he was my stepdad I never had 😢 my mom never married and met my dad until I was 22 years old and I just wanted to have a dad in my life when I was a kid an teenager… 😢
He’s so much a good person. People really abuse other peoples’ kindness.
This man's heart is in the right place but the situation is insane. He needs to find another woman and settle down and have children with her instead. Or, he needs to adopt a child. He is going to get incredibly hurt, things are going to get messy as hell and I cannot believe the mother is ok with this situation, it just does not make sense and is not in the best interest of her child. She should be going after the guy who impregnated her to get child support. This guy is throwing his hard earned money down the toilet and it will not end well for him.
i suspect that he wants to get back together with the ex and is using the kid to try and do that. And if she meets someone, his being around may be a problem.
He might be on thr hook for child support even if she marries someone else.
Caller its true that the baby years from now might not remember the actual moments with you but her spirit and emotional health will remember. You have imposed love and telling her that she matters to her young life. You are a good person. Dr John is right that you have gotten yourself in a pickle and are set up for a life of heartache for you and possibly the baby. If and when that baby is stripped from your hands because you don't have parental rights your soul will be crushed and it will crush the child. Dr John sees this coming. I would try so hard to get a hold of your ex fiances family, grandparents and try to have them slowly take over with the consent of the mother. And then let the reigns go to this precious soul. But if you are willing to go to the end with this child and you think the mother would agree to you adopting the baby that is also an option. But I would always work towards option 1 until the papers are signed. I commend you for being a good person.
@RubberWilbur Wow. What a great comment. Sooo very well said and kind. Thank you for saying that with so much compassion for this man. Thank you.
He needs to read "No More Mr. Nice Guy"
Why does this sound so goofy and off to me? Listen I love a man that can embrace another man’s child, but he isn’t even with the mother it’s weird. The issue with the job, the rambling, he just seems…off…
Connor is clogging up the time line of their lives,
if his ex were to meet a nice guy to get married to in the future; he’s going to think Connor is there to ruin it, he won’t understand.
Connor is also ruining his future love relationships because women will think you’re trying to get your ex back and you’re not over her.
The perfect definition of “Simp”.
Nah. Weirdo.
He’s doing this to paint the picture of what he thought was going to happen of having a kid and raising a family with this woman
He wants to be a hero for some reason but her real father could show up whenever, and then that little kid is going to get hurt, or a new man could come into the mom's life, then he's out, and the child could get hurt, his ex is using him sounds like, dangling dad in front of him, hope he puts the child first
This reminds me all too much of Michael Scott when Jan became pregnant.
You ain't a baby dady
My girls (2&3) dad left, never met my 2yo...I haven't dated in almost 3yrs bc of his nasty abusive a$$... This guy sounds like an awesome guy!!!
Why did you procreate with an abusive person. 😂 women!
@@DaveSmith-kb5nk do you think theyre abusive on the first date? No. Its usually further down the road they wait until after theyve won you over & youre in love- married- bought a house- had a baby. Abusers are strategic and they slowly integrate abuse into the relationship before you even know what is happening. Dont judge a victim of domestic violence that is absolutely disgusting of you! Watch some stories of women who have been abused. You will never understand anyways if you haven’t personally been through it. Ignorant af.
I hope for a great man like this for my beautiful, sweet, hard working daughter who I raised as a single mom.
People think this guy is coming from a place of selflessness. I think it’s selfishness. He’s not really doing what’s best for the child; he’s doing what makes him feel better about himself. He’s still pretty young, and I can see his shortsightedness. Taking on what isn’t his will only complicate things for the child and enable the mother. He wants to raise her because “she’s so cute?” The child is merely an accessory to him. And no potential new woman in her right mind will go for this.
How does he even take the child to daycare or for medical treatment? Those things require parental consent. And what kind of woman would leave her child with an ex fiance?
How is he not embarrassed?
He needs to pull the bandage off quickly. Call the mother and tell her to come pick up the kid or he calls social services.
And the 2023 SIMP of the Year Award goes to.....
if the world were full of men like him, we'd be on a much better planet. wow!!!
So a world full of ultra soft and super sensitive Beta males and simps?
And he will be single forever. This does not end well. I know from personal experience.
Lol, men like these get taken advantage of by women. She left him, got pregnant, by some loser and he's taking care of the baby?
Why is it his responsibility to raise somebody else’s child. Insane.
No it wouldn't. He's a traumatized soul suffering from his own single parent upbringing and trying to find "healing" by creating his own toxic pseudo "family."
This man needs serious counseling and help and this behavior should not be praised.
He "saw an opportunity to be in a child's life"!?!??!!
Go get married, have a child, raise your own child.
Or, go get married and adopt a child.
But stop playing Mr Nice Guy Faux-Daddy with this little girl!
This is extremely unhealthy, this dudes being played and used. Bud get outa there