I was married to this type of guy. The only way he changed was by me ending our marriage. The most maddening part is that he did grow up once we were divorced. Don't stay another day, he will never change while you're there. Best line a therapist ever told me "we aren't sad about losing the real person we're married to, you're sad about losing the fantasy we have in our mind."
That relationship is pretty much done because by the time a woman is done, there’s no getting her back. There’s too much resentment and anger. Besides, even if he promises the world he will probably be on his best behavior for a short while just to get you back and then revert back to his old behavior and then you’re stuck again. It’s better to just move on and be with yourself for a while before dating again.
They change once you leave mine has our daughter every week when we were together he was hanging out with his buddies or sleeping now he has to by court order .. I have more rest since I am a single parent .. who would’ve known 🥴🥴🥴
PLEASE, people, don’t have children with someone if you haven’t worked issues like these out beforehand. And don’t ever have children with someone you have this little respect for.
I wanna bet there's more people together that don't love each other and depend or lean on each other than people together that love each other some people love someone and are never even in a relationship with them
This guy is playing games with her. He's using her. He's not a true partner. Calling her greedy for asking to help with day care? Seriously? He's a passive aggressive, non-physical abuser. They're not married, and he probably doesn't want to be married. This is a poor example for their son as well.
"Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed." -Albert Einstein
The first thing my father told me about marriage is "what you see is what you get, and a leopard doesn't change it spots." Women tend to struggle with this the most. My Dad knew me as a woman before I did....LOL.
She is being abused. She is being financially and emotionally abused, at minimum. She has verbally expressed her boundaries and they have been continually violated. She is caring for her son without his help. She is a girlfriend and a single parent, not a wife. What more does he need to do before it warrants her leaving to focus her energy and time into creating a healthier life for herself and her son? You cannot raise a grown man.
When I was 27 I started dating a guy who was 28. It was insane chemistry to sex the first year. I was in lala land . We never lived together so I didnt know until about a year in ...he was an addict . He was Peter pan . He will never grow up ( even sober ) I did everything . Cleaned his house. Loaned and gave him money. Booked for him, bought his groceries...planned events ...he was emotionally abusive and financially used me . I'll never let myself be with a loser again . Also - he always worked like a dog and made good money... but addiction/selfishness ... huge red flag . She has Gotta leave him asap . Too much wasted time .
The sad part is most women will never be satisfied with the man they are with, they'll always try and "fix" him. Tale as old as time. Okay, many men don't want to grow up and never will. That's why there are so many bitter women who are 35years+ looking for "Mr Right"... when all they have to do is realize...time to set your expectations lower and go for "Mr Close Enough" or even "Mr Can Fog a Mirror".
Yes!!! I jumped in here to say the same thing and am thankful someone else said it first! He's 100% abusing her and she will be far better off alone than with him... That car thing alone (besides the mountain of the other issue) is enough to leave
@@pnwsaylorcolumbia8572 That's what I've started to say to family and friends. I've spend to many hours in my youth hearing complains and giving advice about a partner, who are simply being who they've always been. This is what it comes down to.
This is a huge problem in society. Women are told it’s wrong to have any standards. If you expect a man to be mature, have a career and have himself together then you’re a gold digger who’s asking for way too much. So they adopt a grown man. Then they’re shamed and told they should have “chose better.” Moral of the story; be a “gold digger” or stay single. It’s not wrong to expect a man to be an adult. Way too many women are in her exact situation right now because they felt like they were expecting too much. John was spot on. This man is her son.
The only women I know like this have low self esteem and don't think they can do any better. I don't know how society is telling women that. I mean it sounds like that's her own personal problem I only ever dealt with men who worked and owned their home or had their own apartment. And I teach my daughter to at the least require the basics. That lady is the problem in all honesty because once she leaves him, she's still gonna be the same spineless people pleaser. Lol
Yeah …. that’s the complete opposite of society. Society tells women it’s empowering to have a ridiculous amount of standards and that it’s misogynistic for men to have any standards and to accept all women for “who they are”.
I think you're actually seeing an evening out of gender relationship standards (though in the wrong way) in this regard. Previously men were held to a standard of maturity, and professional stability to provide that support to their partner - a primary reason men tend to date women younger then them. Unfortunately as society has gone through needed changes in the past 50 years we've been really bad promoting equal partner relationships and still lean on this primary provider framework. While still comparatively less common to traditional relationships, women now have the potential to find themselves in a provider role. I hope we can make that cultural shift away from this model into an equal partnership one
What happened to women who don't need no man to provide for them, they can do it themselves? What happened to these women? What happened to these equality that women demanded? You cannot demand a traditional man while you are not being a traditional woman. You can't have your cake and eat it too.
I’m sure the car is titled to him. You’re not even married. Call and cancel your insurance, remove the plates and hand the plates into your local DMV. It’s not that hard. When he gets the license he can re-register it and insure it in his name.
John, you did good on this call. This lady is delusional. She doesn't realize some ppl are Users and Takers literally. She's using her logic to justify his actions.
She's a doormat. I used to be one too. I learned my very expensive lessons the hard way. Better be single if you can't help yourself! Like he said: "You are sacrificing yourself on the altar of him!" And for what??? Your peace and sanity are much more valuable than any loser.
I had a son with a very immature partner and we are no longer together lol. Everyone makes mistakes but it’s insane to keep doing the same thing over and over. If you stay in this relationship, you will send yourself to an early grave. You need to leave for your son!
Thank Goodness for somebody who has been there, done that. You hit the head with a nail: doing the same things over and over again expecting different results is literally the definition of insanity. Thank you, Voice of Experience, Voice of Wisdom.
PS I’m so sorry you had to go through that but look at all you’ve learned from it and look at how far you’ve come from that instability. Good on you - great on you - for showing this caller what is possible on the other side of ripping off this band aid. And for doing the work and making it work for you and your kid in healthier ways. May God bless and keep you both in good health, the grace of strength, wisdom, and compassion. Thank you for chiming in!
Marie, you are totally codependent! You need a counselor to build up your self confidence and the tools to leave this ridiculous relationship. You deserve sooo much more! Get some therapy!
They have a child together. So she can run, but she can't hide. She's linked to this bum for life. It's crazy people will have a child with someone they barely even know and then are surprised when this is the outcome.
@@kensmith2796 true. Sounds like he doesn't want to be much of a father though so who knows how much she'd have to deal with him if she left. I hope she gets out and has a better life.
@@KrisInLove same but 4 kids stay at home, homescool mom married 17yrs with this… But i have it “good” according to him and should be “grateful” for all he does and how much he loves me. I would still have to deal with him after divorce. I know me being here makes him act better a little, how would he be without me after a divorce and no need to even try? Yeah, I understand stuck and my kids feel unwanted by their father and I pray desperately for a good father figure for them and for peace in our house until I can easily leave or God does something else.
Simple answer is external factors just make it hard to leave. Sometimes it’s even harder to stay than it is to leave but you are forced to for the well being of other, like your family.
Ladies, this is why it's okay to have standards when dating. A guy with a halfway decent job (or at least goals), a driver's license and car, and doesn't rely on his mommy for everything is base level standards. Guys should also have an equivalent standards but I'm not a guy so idk them. This doesn't make you a bad or picky person!
@@paulaaquino If women don't find a partner by the time they're in their mid 30s, they likely never will and will become childless. Because by then her looks have faded dramatically, 90% of her eggs are gone, and pregnancy problems start to become commonplace. A bit of pressure for her to marry and have kids in her 20s is not a bad idea.
@@Dubbadizzo86 that’s not true. If women are single because they didn’t fall into the pressure to marry, their male counterparts won’t marry themselves so they’d be available.
@@justonetime6179 When you say "their male counterparts won’t marry themselves so they’d be available." you might be right that they're available, but they aren't going to pick the women their age that are available. They're going to pick younger, prettier, more fertile women. Unlike women, men have more time. Men and women don't value the same things in the opposite sex. Men value fertility, women value provisioning. Men are at their most attractive to women around the age of 35-45, because they're more mature and usually have their life together, and are young enough. Women on the other hand are at their most attractive to men between 22-28, which non-coincidently is their most fertile time. Women who wait too long to marry will find dating harder and harder as they get past 35. Men find it easier and easier. And as a result, men in their late 30s, if they aren't married already, won't settle for a woman their age, but a woman who is younger and more fertile who can bear his children. So if you want to prevent women from missing the very small and important window they have to get married and have children, tell them to get married by the time they're 30, because it becomes slim pickins after that.
@@Dubbadizzo86 I think you might want to consider which age of women prefer 35-45 year old men… it certainly isn’t 22-28. So again, if women don’t get married until 30, and men won’t marry those women because they want younger, and the younger ones wait until 30… then it becomes a cycle where people no longer marry (except those who ignore these rules).
Selection matters. As a men's coach I would advise her to cut off all sex. It eliminates the chance for 3 children in the house. Plan departure for June Take the keys. Gets your car fixed. Take the plates off of his car, cancel the insurance and put it on your car. If you are living with your mom you'll have plenty of money for 1/2 rent. Plus child support. Leave. Women do not date, or get in relationship with boys. Dr. John is right, her leaving could be the giant wake call that is needed.
What about a married woman? I unfortunately married a man-child, but because I love my husband I really cannot bear to tell him I don't want to have children with him, mostly because before we married I told him my deal breaker was having kids. We dated for 4 yrs before marriage, and I just never realized how incompetent he was as a person, I definitely made excuses for him in some scenarios like "him not knowing any better", or "we have different standards", but he has consistently proved himself unreliable and incompetent especially after marriage. I only have myself to blame, so when I suggested we divorce he broke down and asked "what about forever?", "I thought you didn't believe in divorce?", which is true I do not want to divorce, but I also fear birthing his child, his actions show me he has no care for my feelings, he has no consideration for me, so I can only assume he doesn't love me based on his actions...but when I try to communicate this with him he reassures me via words that he does love me. He does what I tell him to do lately with grumbling, but I am honestly tired of being his mother I made a whole cleaning chart and schedule so I wouldn't have to remind him what needs to get done...even then he fails to do them without me asking, and the chart is on his phone which he uses majority of the day, it even alarms to remind him. So I know he is just actively choosing to ignore it. The problem is my heart and my mind are not in agreement, he brings me emotional peace and turmoil simultaneously, when he makes me happy it's great but the bad is slowly outweighing any good I saw in him. I still love him so I want things to work, I want him to step up and be better, I don't want my only option to be is to leave.
Do you work and he doesn't? Also what kind of childish stuff does he do and how is he incompetent? If ya want to chat about it anyway. Also I found don't listen to people's words unless they match their actions. If the words don't match their actions then you have your answer. I wish I knew that when I was 25 lol. ✌️
@@HandleUnclearhe doesn’t love you. He loves to have you close to him so you take care of him. He knows he will not going to make it living by himself so he needs you. Need and love are not the same
@@CaToRi- you women are so disgusting here... Telling other women that their husband doesn't love them because you read a few sentences... Bitter lonely women are the worst.
I don’t understand how grown adults have kids with someone they barely know and wonder why they have so many problems and are on their way to becoming single moms and dads.
Then people tell them how "brave" they are. People will not admit it, but single parenthood is a curse, especially for women. It plunges most women into instant poverty and overwork which stresses them into an unhealthy state.
@@elainebmack True. That's why I hate it when the entire Ramsey team, especially Dr. Baloney here, simps for single mothers..."you're so BRAVE.." Stroking women's ego, praising their bad decisions to be a single mother. The only exception is if she's a widow. The Ramsey team needs to stop praising single motherhood.
Man, why didn’t we get the reason why he has no license??!! And he DRIVES ILLEGALLY?? If he gets in an accident she is responsible! And they will sue her into infinity! If he kills someone? She’s responsible. He’s literally the most immature man child I’ve ever heard of. But she is allowing it. Girl, no. Holy crap. No. No. No. He doesn’t want to change, and she doesn’t have to allow it.
She doesn’t have to but she is. So it’s her fault. People will be bad it’s up to you to avoid it or stop it in its tracks. I have no sympathy for either dummy here tbh
Yeah, it's wild. At first when she said no license, I thought maybe he has an extreme anxiety disorder and is afraid to drive. He has no problem driving, he just wants to do it in the most irresponsible way possible, financially screwing anyone he gets in an accident with, financially screwing his partner who paid for that car and insurance, risking legal problems. This guy is seriously fucked up, I can't believe Dr. John made it seem like there was a chance to reconcile. It's totally possible this dude will make some symbolic gesture when she starts packing up to move out, but she should leave anyways. I don't believe anything a person like this says.
I’m one month out of a similar situation (minus the child,add an alcohol addiction) He’s right. Everything he’s saying. Leave. Just leave. If he’s worth anything you leaving will shock him into maturity. Or…he wont, and you just dodged the mother of all bullets! ❤
10 yrs ago, I was married to a version of this man. I made the decision to take four children and begin expecting more for myself. It was the scariest moment of my life and looking back now from a point of thriving, it was also a moment I will NEVER regret.
@@kirox34 set time aside every week to research career and eductation. Something that makes money and work towards it. It will feel so bad to face all you didn't do until now, but motivate yourself by being proud of you sticking to your plan.
He will not change. I was married to a man who was very immature like this and it never changed even after 7 years of marriage. Kids will not change him. Threats will not change him. He won’t change even through a divorce. And my ex did not change even now that he is married to another woman and has another child.
I just dont want to deal with him after the divorce either. I feel so stuck. I want to be free but he thinks I have it sooo “good”. I pray someone sees the truth. I know God does. I pray He releases me in the right way somehow. He keeps telling me how much he cares and loves me but then acts and chooses himself first. He will do good for a bit and then right back to what he wants…
This young woman needs to grow a spine. This man-child will not change and she's been enabling him to remain one. First order of business would be to take the keys from the car he's driving illegally, cancel the insurance and sell it. Then pack up and get out. Take the help of family that's offered. She can count her lucky stars she didn't marry the jerk.
When this woman finally works up the courage to leave this man and begins to value herself, she will look back on it months or years later and be in disbelief at all the BS she tolerated. I sincerely hope she raises her standards.
I get it. She seems like a great lady. It's real hard to leave. Took me a long time to leave a marriage that was over for a long time. 10 years later. I chose to still be single. Life is complicated.
Then when the real "s" hits the fan is when the ultimatums come. Then the children (mostly grown) side with Dad when he says Mom was so controlling. Well, I was raised where one did not divorce, and my parents divorced and caused tons of challenges for the children. I never wanted to be divorced, so that kept me in an unhealthy marriage. But those around me were all catering to their husbands in the 70's. The real liberations was really just the cusp. So all the siblings and his Mom, the community predominantly the men ruled, did what they wanted and the women were the housekeepers and child rearers.
But the gaslighting is unbelievable if I (and only a handful of women in the whole community) were on teh fringe of not putting up with a man child. The area was coal mining, dangerous of course, men worked hard, hunted, fished, sports as was their "right". Women stayed home, cooked, cleaned, cared for children, even if they had a job outside the home. The women were responsible for everything. So stepping outside that mold, got me in tons of trouble for years.
You have to stop him from driving whatever it takes. If he is in an accident and hurts someone you could be financially devastated. Even if your not married it’s your insurance so they will come after you also. Let him call you anything he wants. The risk is too high.
Lmao. No drivers license. She has to be his mom but she thought “hey let me have a baby with this man child”. Lmao. Then she blames him for his incompetence, like girl it’s you too 🙄. Glad I got my first heartbreak before I had kids cuz ain’t no way I’m being a mom to a grown man. Women stop it plz. Plz plz plz. Your life will be worse off in every single way….Girl get a new man or stay single. Trust me you’ll be better off on your own. You can’t fix him, you can only fix you. Nt rocket science 😒
Caller will not be getting a new man. She has a severely autistic child, what man wants to sign up for a disabled child that isn't his own genetically? Also, she is only working parttime so that means she cannot be a full partner to new man. Caller needs to face reality that she is a single mom with disabled child and will be 100% responsible for that child for remainder of her life. At least on the surface it appears she allows this drama in her life so she can avoid doing what needs to be done for herself & her child. It's interesting that at first she complains that he does not drive, but later says he bought a car with cash, did not register it or insure it, but now that it is title in HER NAME, he drives all the time. Boyfriend sounds like he is undocumented worker; is it possible he has a family with children back in his home country and he remits his funds to them? Also wonder if she is getting government assistance for low income & single moms, he does not want to cover those costs himself when USA government will do it for him? Since he does work 2 jobs, it doesn't sound like his lazy or a man-child, but she/child are not his 1st priority because he already had a family to support before they met.
It's hard to even feel bad cus she enables him in every single way. He has his issues yes, but she has serious boundary and self-worth issues as well. Because why even allow yourself to deal with this? They both need help
I dated a man for three years who didn't have a driver's license when we met, said for YEARS he would go back to school (never did), still lived at home with parents. I helped him get a driver's license, but 8 years later, he's still in the same situation.
Why don't you help him with school? In the book "Hoarders", based on the TV show by the same name on the A&E channel, it says that one of the shows characters is able to clean up AS LONG AS THERE IS SOMEONE THERE AT THE SAME TIME. That character has ADHD or ADD. People with ADHD/ADD can achieve so, so much, as long as someone is IN THE SAME ROOM as the ADHDer during said task. The bigger question is, why are you so unwilling to help him through the process of applying for school? Maybe you could accompany him to school everyday, just as Jordan Worth had her boyfriend accompany her to uni in the UK on the days she went.
You dated a man for three years that didn’t have a license?? I mean, you agreed to sleep with a man of that caliber for three years. I get it’s in the past but it’s still amusing that you condoned that for that long. The saying is very true: women do in fact try to change a man 🤦🏼♂️
@@mikenelson8377 your statement makes no sense. Why WOULDN'T want to change someone that doesn't have a driver's license, still lives at home and has no ambition? That's why I fucking left
@Mike Nelson You are right that there are women who think they will change a man's behavior and should have known that is foolish. But many women truly care about a person who has a lot of good qualities, then at some point come to realize they have fallen for a load of BS. It's not always immediately apparent.
WHEN he has a car accident with no insurance coverage SHE will be deeper in a debt she may never be able to crawl out of. The good news is that they aren’t married so she can (and should) just leave.
I know exactly what you are talking about. It doesn't change...that's what she needs to understand...she will always be considered the bad guy. I know...40 years later this is still the biggest issue I have in my marriage. Too late for me but please please know this doesn't go away...no matter how mad you get, how much you yell, how much you resent him. It's a very painful existence. Both my husband and I came from trauma...we both brought problems to the marriage. I'm not blaming but boy has it been a painful ride. I did not have a stable family to support me or I would have left...many times. You do... I filled journals with how unhappy I was, I blamed myself over and over. I wrote in my journal...RUN FOR YOUR LIFE... Five years later I wrote the same thing in another journal forgetting that I had written it before. That was many many years ago... Best wishes sweetie❤
I was wondering why a guy that age wouldn't go get a driver's license. Is he covering for the fact that he might fail the test? Does he have some issue such as dyslexia, or something similar where he is afraid that he can't pass the test? Just a thought. On a worse note, is he just acting like "Yeah, yeah, I'll get a license one of these days"; but there is a LEGAL reason why his license has been revoked, that he's hiding from her?
It’s extremely hard to figure out what’s worth working on and when it’s time to let go. That’s always been my issue with relationships and why I have insane commitment issues and don’t want to be in relationships.
Me too! Someone told me that if the issue is not something you would have wanted to work on /before/ you met that person, or if it's not something you expected to deal with, that is your sign to let go and move on.
@@tempjones3155 I think that’s too generalized tho. There’s certain unexpected things that I think it would generally be wrong to leave a partner for. Like illness, accident, etc.
I am confused by the fact that she says he can’t afford $75 a week for childcare, but she also says she’s too poor to leave; how much $$ does he bring to the relationship?
@@kellharris2491 He isn't even living up to that though, he makes double the income, yet pays for less than half of his child's daycare bill? How the heck does that work out? She's doing the majority of everything right now, including financial. My interpretation of the "too poor to leave before the lease is up" comment is that she's worried if she moves out, she'll have to pay for the rent at her new apartment plus the rent at his apartment, because she assumes he'll refuse to step up to the plate and care for himself. Her name is on the current apartment lease and he has no problem threatening to ruin her financially just like he does with the car that she pays for. He'll expect the part time working mother of his kids to not only pay her bills, care for his kids, and financially support his kids, but also essentially pay him alimony! This dude is insane, the selfishness knows no bounds.
You cannot change someone, unless they themselves want to change. She chose an immature man-boy from the beginning and tolerated it, enabling it, yet expected him to change. He's going to be who he is going to be. She can't change him. She gets what she's willing to tolerate. The fact that she chose to have children with this man-child says a lot about her.
Love makes people do stupid things a lot of women believe that their partner will grow up once they are married that marriage and them wanting to make that step means that they are ready to be man
@@aprilchow-chee5281 Never be with a man for his "potential". That "potential" (most of the time) doesn't manifest. Be with a man who has already proven himself and not the "potential" of what he could be.
She is just as immature as he is to let those childish things keep happening.. I mean she called in a talk show to find out how to tell her BOYFRIEND how to be a husband?? NEVER GUNA HAPPEN.. he’s a loser for life.. CANCEL THE INSURANCE SELL THE CAR MOVE OUT DONT LOOK BACK!!
@terriesmith2616 Lots of guys would choose her. She just doesn’t choose them cuz she has low self worth and feels not good enough for them and she assumes what you are assuming about herself. That no one else would choose her. That’s why she stays stuck with guys like that. And then guys like you judge her for it but reiterate what she already believed about herself that caused her to be in situation lol you’re pathetic.
Deloney should really start clarifying when callers use the term “partner” since there is a big difference for how the situation should be handled depending on the marital status. Lots of people use the term for a significant other who is not their spouse.
Sounds like she was desperate to have a child and just picked the first guy that gave her attention. She also seems to be incomplete denial of who she choose.
I know a few women like this. The reality is, being single and childless is the best option for many women. If you’re desperate to be a mother at all costs, a sperm bank is a better option than being a bang mommy to a man who will throw tantrums, drag you down financially and not contribute to childcare.
She's hanging on because she knows Chad will have replaced her within the month. She will be caring for Junior and struggling as she tries saving for a tummy tuck. Meanwhile, Chad will have found a pilates instructor in her early twenties, with breast implants, whom he'll inevitably marry before the end of the year.
Even from an emergency situation. If something happened to her or their son and she couldn’t drive, what would he do? This is why I have standards. One of those is that he can drive a standard, not just drive.
Delony sounds like me trying to explain to my mom how much of a loser my step dad is and was, he was just like this guy but some people just don't get it sadly.
Stop giving boyfriends wife privileges! He has not made a life commitment to you yet you have given your everything for him. Stop it ladies! Boundaries!
Remove the plates from the car, take them to DMV and unregister the car. Then remove insurance from the car. Boom. That easy. He's back to where he was. Then leave already.
Wow, this entire thing is a nightmare. Obviously she needs to leave, but why do so many women procreate with these men in the first place? Seriously, I don't get it, this man is a ball and chain dragging her to the bottom of the ocean.
She has normalized his weaponized incompetence . She is simply a convenience to him . That’s not love . It’s hard to break a habit that’s why she has so many excuses why she doesn’t just leave . I get it changes are hard but when a person fails to meet your needs and in this case the needs of his disabled child it’s time to let go . He’s not adding any life quality to his child or partner .
John saying there is nothing wrong with her isn’t helpful. I’m sure he doesn’t want to sound negative when she already has a lot of difficulties, but this woman has a terrible picker. She picked a bum. If she doesn’t own it and learn, she’ll repeat this bad behavior.
If they've been dating for five years (or a little bit over plus a couple of month), and they have a four-year-old child, means she got pregnant within the first couple of months of meeting him. How are you going to get pregnant with a man you barely know
She is with a narcissist. They are a disaster with everything. No empathy, no accountability, manipulators. He does not care. They use people. She needs to run for her life.
I feel for her, we're asking her why she tolerates this, but society has told us time after time, in media, in jokes, that men are allowed to be perpetually children but you're the nag when you expect them to adult.
This is what happens when moms and dads fail to teach their children to have standards. If a guy isn't good enough to marry, then he's not good enough to be a father to your babies. Therefore, he's not good enough to allow inside your body in the first place.
Whatever debt or financial trouble he gets into, she will also be responsible. She'll have to go down with the ship. I went through this. I also divorced my husband after the bankruptcy.
The worst part of these types of relationships is that he will change WHEN he left with nothing! Then he’ll have no choice but to change but he’ll be left without his family.
So many comments that she should have left. Ppl stay because they want to work it out until they realize it won’t. Stop being so judgmental, it’s a progress and when kids are involved things are more difficult. She’ll work through it as resentment has already begun in the relationship.
Doesn’t sound like she’s going to leave, no matter the pain. Ahhhh sad, little boys that don’t grow up. You deserve better. Wish you could see your worth Marie xoxo
Hey Marie, i am thinking of you - hope that you are fine. Hoping you're living without your partner disrespecting and gaslighting you anymore! Lots of love to you and your kids!
Coaches jujitsu. Already know why she fell for him. he was a fun, cool dude. She still thinks like a high school girl and fell for a guy stuck as a high school boy. She is probably hot too. She wasted her best years as a women and ruined her chances with a lot of high quality men who won't date her due to kid and ex bf baggage.
I left a 4 year relationship like this a few months ago. It was very scary and took a few trys. Now, looking back, it was the best decision i could make. I'm back in school working towards a degree and most of all i have peace! No walking on egg shells waiting for his next melt down over whatever hes upset about today.
You have posted the same thing on here multiple times. To distract from the fact he is manipulating her Financially and emotionally. She is not married to him! She is taking care of their kids and him and he’s using her. She is taking accountability by reaching out for guidance. This is not equal part accountability this is mental abuse
@@PinkSpice19 nope, I didn’t hear a single word of acknowledgment of her poor decisions. All of the blame is placed on her “husband”. She knew what he was like. That’s like trying to pet a snake then blaming the snake for biting you. I have 3 young sons and will be sure to teach them NEVER date a woman who has zero accountability
She’s not married to him. She’s being a responsible adult who is internally fighting because she wanted to be with him but he’s taking advantage of her and why he is a pos of a parent. Her accountability is being a parent and finishing her studies. The comparison of your 3 year old doesn’t hold weight in this convo.
Marie, my dear lady, you've got to leave. He will not change. He's had countless times and he's promised and then broken that promise. He drives without a license!!!!! 🤯🤯🤯🤯 This person does not care about anyone, let alone the LAW. Good gracious. Please get you and your kids out and safe. I don't trust this guy and I'm afraid he is dangerous. Please get help and make a plan to quietly exit. Don't tell him, he sounds seriously manipulative. Just get out and leave him a letter. I had to flee my last marriage, refused to talk on the phone or in person because he is sooooo manipulative! Please get out. Now!
Sounds just like a situation I was in. Enabled him so much and then felt guilty every time I tried to leave. I started attending Codependents anonymous and it helped so much!!
I was married to this type of guy. The only way he changed was by me ending our marriage. The most maddening part is that he did grow up once we were divorced. Don't stay another day, he will never change while you're there.
Best line a therapist ever told me "we aren't sad about losing the real person we're married to, you're sad about losing the fantasy we have in our mind."
Unfortunately that happens all too much, men need an incentive to change. He probably hit his “rock bottom” and changed.
That relationship is pretty much done because by the time a woman is done, there’s no getting her back. There’s too much resentment and anger. Besides, even if he promises the world he will probably be on his best behavior for a short while just to get you back and then revert back to his old behavior and then you’re stuck again. It’s better to just move on and be with yourself for a while before dating again.
They change once you leave mine has our daughter every week when we were together he was hanging out with his buddies or sleeping now he has to by court order .. I have more rest since I am a single parent .. who would’ve known 🥴🥴🥴
That quote is so true.🤔
True quote. It helped me heal from my divorce.
PLEASE, people, don’t have children with someone if you haven’t worked issues like these out beforehand. And don’t ever have children with someone you have this little respect for.
Bingo! 🎯🎯🎯
She did this to herself. She chose him and then chose to create a child with him, knowing who he is.
Facts
@Rajan Ramid
She didn't just have one child with him, she has two. No more excuses.
I’m guessing it wasn’t a planned pregnancy.
@@nt3833 why would you want that in you though? Sex ties you to people.
He doesn't love you. He loves what you tolerate from him. He loves what you do for him.
What about are you mentally safe?
I wanna bet there's more people together that don't love each other and depend or lean on each other than people together that love each other some people love someone and are never even in a relationship with them
@@leahflower9924 love is not everything that makes a relationship work
What about it
@@leahflower9924it really has nothing to do with love.
Mentally safe 🤣🤣🤣
Lord please protect and keep me vigilant against bums 🙏
Amen 👏
*Shirley Caesar shout*
You mean that the Lord keep you away from MOOCHERS!😄
This guy is playing games with her. He's using her. He's not a true partner. Calling her greedy for asking to help with day care? Seriously? He's a passive aggressive, non-physical abuser. They're not married, and he probably doesn't want to be married. This is a poor example for their son as well.
"Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed." -Albert Einstein
Wow that is so true! In her situation, the sad part is they’re not even married, and she’s still putting up with this crap.
Thank you for posting this. I know a lot of his quotes, but have never heard this one.
So correct!
This is most definitely not an Albert Einstein quote. I’ve seen a number of quotes misattributed to him.
The first thing my father told me about marriage is "what you see is what you get, and a leopard doesn't change it spots." Women tend to struggle with this the most. My Dad knew me as a woman before I did....LOL.
She is being abused.
She is being financially and emotionally abused, at minimum.
She has verbally expressed her boundaries and they have been continually violated.
She is caring for her son without his help.
She is a girlfriend and a single parent, not a wife.
What more does he need to do before it warrants her leaving to focus her energy and time into creating a healthier life for herself and her son?
You cannot raise a grown man.
Closer to the nanny. 😔
When I was 27 I started dating a guy who was 28. It was insane chemistry to sex the first year. I was in lala land . We never lived together so I didnt know until about a year in ...he was an addict . He was Peter pan . He will never grow up ( even sober ) I did everything . Cleaned his house. Loaned and gave him money. Booked for him, bought his groceries...planned events ...he was emotionally abusive and financially used me . I'll never let myself be with a loser again . Also - he always worked like a dog and made good money... but addiction/selfishness ... huge red flag . She has Gotta leave him asap . Too much wasted time .
The sad part is most women will never be satisfied with the man they are with, they'll always try and "fix" him. Tale as old as time. Okay, many men don't want to grow up and never will. That's why there are so many bitter women who are 35years+ looking for "Mr Right"... when all they have to do is realize...time to set your expectations lower and go for "Mr Close Enough" or even "Mr Can Fog a Mirror".
Yes!!! I jumped in here to say the same thing and am thankful someone else said it first! He's 100% abusing her and she will be far better off alone than with him... That car thing alone (besides the mountain of the other issue) is enough to leave
@@youart9797 More and more women are happily staying single. People need to be comfortable being alone.
She chose wrong from the beginning. Like Dr. John said "you're getting the world you allow."
My mom would say, “You picked him.” If she wants a different situation, she needs to leave.
@@pnwsaylorcolumbia8572 That's what I've started to say to family and friends.
I've spend to many hours in my youth hearing complains and giving advice about a partner, who are simply being who they've always been. This is what it comes down to.
The god you worship is the god you deserve. (Joseph Campbell)
This is a huge problem in society.
Women are told it’s wrong to have any standards. If you expect a man to be mature, have a career and have himself together then you’re a gold digger who’s asking for way too much.
So they adopt a grown man. Then they’re shamed and told they should have “chose better.”
Moral of the story; be a “gold digger” or stay single. It’s not wrong to expect a man to be an adult. Way too many women are in her exact situation right now because they felt like they were expecting too much. John was spot on. This man is her son.
The only women I know like this have low self esteem and don't think they can do any better.
I don't know how society is telling women that.
I mean it sounds like that's her own personal problem
I only ever dealt with men who worked and owned their home or had their own apartment.
And I teach my daughter to at the least require the basics.
That lady is the problem in all honesty because once she leaves him, she's still gonna be the same spineless people pleaser. Lol
Then you have those who follow Tatsoy.
Hopefully the passport incels leave the country for good..
Yeah …. that’s the complete opposite of society. Society tells women it’s empowering to have a ridiculous amount of standards and that it’s misogynistic for men to have any standards and to accept all women for “who they are”.
I think you're actually seeing an evening out of gender relationship standards (though in the wrong way) in this regard. Previously men were held to a standard of maturity, and professional stability to provide that support to their partner - a primary reason men tend to date women younger then them. Unfortunately as society has gone through needed changes in the past 50 years we've been really bad promoting equal partner relationships and still lean on this primary provider framework. While still comparatively less common to traditional relationships, women now have the potential to find themselves in a provider role. I hope we can make that cultural shift away from this model into an equal partnership one
What happened to women who don't need no man to provide for them, they can do it themselves? What happened to these women?
What happened to these equality that women demanded?
You cannot demand a traditional man while you are not being a traditional woman. You can't have your cake and eat it too.
I’m sure the car is titled to him. You’re not even married. Call and cancel your insurance, remove the plates and hand the plates into your local DMV. It’s not that hard. When he gets the license he can re-register it and insure it in his name.
Yes!
Period 👏🏽
John, you did good on this call. This lady is delusional. She doesn't realize some ppl are Users and Takers literally. She's using her logic to justify his actions.
You mean she’s brainwashed
She's a doormat. I used to be one too. I learned my very expensive lessons the hard way. Better be single if you can't help yourself!
Like he said: "You are sacrificing yourself on the altar of him!" And for what??? Your peace and sanity are much more valuable than any loser.
you are a hard woman to find. lol
Nah, she is codependent, she needs to have the moral high ground of the victim to function.
I had a son with a very immature partner and we are no longer together lol. Everyone makes mistakes but it’s insane to keep doing the same thing over and over. If you stay in this relationship, you will send yourself to an early grave. You need to leave for your son!
Every time I have a failed date/see signs of immaturity and leave, I get sad that I’m still single. But the alternative is the life she’s living! 😮💨
Thank Goodness for somebody who has been there, done that. You hit the head with a nail: doing the same things over and over again expecting different results is literally the definition of insanity.
Thank you, Voice of Experience, Voice of Wisdom.
PS I’m so sorry you had to go through that but look at all you’ve learned from it and look at how far you’ve come from that instability.
Good on you - great on you - for showing this caller what is possible on the other side of ripping off this band aid.
And for doing the work and making it work for you and your kid in healthier ways.
May God bless and keep you both in good health, the grace of strength, wisdom, and compassion.
Thank you for chiming in!
@@brightpage1020 thank you SO much!
@@katiewaves your strength is encouraging to many more besides this caller, I'm sure. Stay strong and keep up the great work, SuperMamma!
Marie, you are totally codependent! You need a counselor to build up your self confidence and the tools to leave this ridiculous relationship. You deserve sooo much more! Get some therapy!
This is an example of how to truly make yourself sick.
It blows my mind people stay in relationships like this.
They have a child together. So she can run, but she can't hide. She's linked to this bum for life. It's crazy people will have a child with someone they barely even know and then are surprised when this is the outcome.
@@kensmith2796 true. Sounds like he doesn't want to be much of a father though so who knows how much she'd have to deal with him if she left. I hope she gets out and has a better life.
@@KrisInLove same but 4 kids stay at home, homescool mom married 17yrs with this…
But i have it “good” according to him and should be “grateful” for all he does and how much he loves me.
I would still have to deal with him after divorce. I know me being here makes him act better a little, how would he be without me after a divorce and no need to even try?
Yeah, I understand stuck and my kids feel unwanted by their father and I pray desperately for a good father figure for them and for peace in our house until I can easily leave or God does something else.
Simple answer is external factors just make it hard to leave. Sometimes it’s even harder to stay than it is to leave but you are forced to for the well being of other, like your family.
Ladies, this is why it's okay to have standards when dating. A guy with a halfway decent job (or at least goals), a driver's license and car, and doesn't rely on his mommy for everything is base level standards. Guys should also have an equivalent standards but I'm not a guy so idk them. This doesn't make you a bad or picky person!
Yes... relatives, stop pressuring women in the family to get married...
@@paulaaquino If women don't find a partner by the time they're in their mid 30s, they likely never will and will become childless. Because by then her looks have faded dramatically, 90% of her eggs are gone, and pregnancy problems start to become commonplace. A bit of pressure for her to marry and have kids in her 20s is not a bad idea.
@@Dubbadizzo86 that’s not true. If women are single because they didn’t fall into the pressure to marry, their male counterparts won’t marry themselves so they’d be available.
@@justonetime6179 When you say "their male counterparts won’t marry themselves so they’d be available." you might be right that they're available, but they aren't going to pick the women their age that are available. They're going to pick younger, prettier, more fertile women.
Unlike women, men have more time. Men and women don't value the same things in the opposite sex. Men value fertility, women value provisioning. Men are at their most attractive to women around the age of 35-45, because they're more mature and usually have their life together, and are young enough. Women on the other hand are at their most attractive to men between 22-28, which non-coincidently is their most fertile time.
Women who wait too long to marry will find dating harder and harder as they get past 35. Men find it easier and easier. And as a result, men in their late 30s, if they aren't married already, won't settle for a woman their age, but a woman who is younger and more fertile who can bear his children.
So if you want to prevent women from missing the very small and important window they have to get married and have children, tell them to get married by the time they're 30, because it becomes slim pickins after that.
@@Dubbadizzo86 I think you might want to consider which age of women prefer 35-45 year old men… it certainly isn’t 22-28.
So again, if women don’t get married until 30, and men won’t marry those women because they want younger, and the younger ones wait until 30… then it becomes a cycle where people no longer marry (except those who ignore these rules).
He’s sending a clear message. He wants out. He’s never been in. Poor child. At least his momma loves him. Get out and preserve your dignity.
Yes - he has never been in.
You get the partner you choose not the partner you hope for them to be .
You get who you think you deserve.
Selection matters. As a men's coach I would advise her to cut off all sex. It eliminates the chance for 3 children in the house.
Plan departure for June
Take the keys.
Gets your car fixed. Take the plates off of his car, cancel the insurance and put it on your car.
If you are living with your mom you'll have plenty of money for 1/2 rent. Plus child support.
Leave. Women do not date, or get in relationship with boys.
Dr. John is right, her leaving could be the giant wake call that is needed.
What about a married woman? I unfortunately married a man-child, but because I love my husband I really cannot bear to tell him I don't want to have children with him, mostly because before we married I told him my deal breaker was having kids.
We dated for 4 yrs before marriage, and I just never realized how incompetent he was as a person, I definitely made excuses for him in some scenarios like "him not knowing any better", or "we have different standards", but he has consistently proved himself unreliable and incompetent especially after marriage.
I only have myself to blame, so when I suggested we divorce he broke down and asked "what about forever?", "I thought you didn't believe in divorce?", which is true I do not want to divorce, but I also fear birthing his child, his actions show me he has no care for my feelings, he has no consideration for me, so I can only assume he doesn't love me based on his actions...but when I try to communicate this with him he reassures me via words that he does love me.
He does what I tell him to do lately with grumbling, but I am honestly tired of being his mother I made a whole cleaning chart and schedule so I wouldn't have to remind him what needs to get done...even then he fails to do them without me asking, and the chart is on his phone which he uses majority of the day, it even alarms to remind him. So I know he is just actively choosing to ignore it.
The problem is my heart and my mind are not in agreement, he brings me emotional peace and turmoil simultaneously, when he makes me happy it's great but the bad is slowly outweighing any good I saw in him. I still love him so I want things to work, I want him to step up and be better, I don't want my only option to be is to leave.
Do you work and he doesn't? Also what kind of childish stuff does he do and how is he incompetent? If ya want to chat about it anyway. Also I found don't listen to people's words unless they match their actions. If the words don't match their actions then you have your answer. I wish I knew that when I was 25 lol. ✌️
@@HandleUnclearhe doesn’t love you. He loves to have you close to him so you take care of him. He knows he will not going to make it living by himself so he needs you. Need and love are not the same
Why would you take his plates off his car?
@@CaToRi- you women are so disgusting here... Telling other women that their husband doesn't love them because you read a few sentences... Bitter lonely women are the worst.
I don’t understand how grown adults have kids with someone they barely know and wonder why they have so many problems and are on their way to becoming single moms and dads.
I will never understand it
I understand it: unplanned pregnancy, anti-abortion
Then people tell them how "brave" they are. People will not admit it, but single parenthood is a curse, especially for women. It plunges most women into instant poverty and overwork which stresses them into an unhealthy state.
@@elainebmack
True.
That's why I hate it when the entire Ramsey team, especially Dr. Baloney here, simps for single mothers..."you're so BRAVE.."
Stroking women's ego, praising their bad decisions to be a single mother.
The only exception is if she's a widow. The Ramsey team needs to stop praising single motherhood.
@@terriesmith2616his name is Dr Baloney (balogna) for a reason.
Man, why didn’t we get the reason why he has no license??!! And he DRIVES ILLEGALLY?? If he gets in an accident she is responsible! And they will sue her into infinity! If he kills someone? She’s responsible. He’s literally the most immature man child I’ve ever heard of. But she is allowing it. Girl, no. Holy crap. No. No. No. He doesn’t want to change, and she doesn’t have to allow it.
She doesn’t have to but she is. So it’s her fault. People will be bad it’s up to you to avoid it or stop it in its tracks. I have no sympathy for either dummy here tbh
Yeah, it's wild. At first when she said no license, I thought maybe he has an extreme anxiety disorder and is afraid to drive. He has no problem driving, he just wants to do it in the most irresponsible way possible, financially screwing anyone he gets in an accident with, financially screwing his partner who paid for that car and insurance, risking legal problems. This guy is seriously fucked up, I can't believe Dr. John made it seem like there was a chance to reconcile. It's totally possible this dude will make some symbolic gesture when she starts packing up to move out, but she should leave anyways. I don't believe anything a person like this says.
This guy is an undocumented worker, let that sink in.
I hope she has bail money ready because he’s going straight to jail if he gets pulled over.
@@rachelmaddowswife8713
And she can stick him for a healthy chunk of child support.
I’m one month out of a similar situation (minus the child,add an alcohol addiction) He’s right. Everything he’s saying. Leave. Just leave. If he’s worth anything you leaving will shock him into maturity. Or…he wont, and you just dodged the mother of all bullets! ❤
10 yrs ago, I was married to a version of this man. I made the decision to take four children and begin expecting more for myself. It was the scariest moment of my life and looking back now from a point of thriving, it was also a moment I will NEVER regret.
Is there some advice you can give me? I also have four and have had to leave. No career or schooling. I’m terrified that I’ll never succeed
@@kirox34 set time aside every week to research career and eductation. Something that makes money and work towards it. It will feel so bad to face all you didn't do until now, but motivate yourself by being proud of you sticking to your plan.
He will not change. I was married to a man who was very immature like this and it never changed even after 7 years of marriage. Kids will not change him. Threats will not change him. He won’t change even through a divorce. And my ex did not change even now that he is married to another woman and has another child.
I just dont want to deal with him after the divorce either.
I feel so stuck. I want to be free but he thinks I have it sooo “good”. I pray someone sees the truth. I know God does. I pray He releases me in the right way somehow.
He keeps telling me how much he cares and loves me but then acts and chooses himself first. He will do good for a bit and then right back to what he wants…
@@Jaxmusicgal23 you don’t have it so good if you wish you were free of him. I am sorry for your situation. God bless
This young woman needs to grow a spine. This man-child will not change and she's been enabling him to remain one. First order of business would be to take the keys from the car he's driving illegally, cancel the insurance and sell it. Then pack up and get out. Take the help of family that's offered. She can count her lucky stars she didn't marry the jerk.
When this woman finally works up the courage to leave this man and begins to value herself, she will look back on it months or years later and be in disbelief at all the BS she tolerated. I sincerely hope she raises her standards.
It’s not about how you feel about him but how he makes you feel
@V. Hansen BINGO!!!!!!!!!! You nailed it.
No not bingo no one can make you feel anything
Its whether or not you like him not whether or not he likes you
I get it. She seems like a great lady. It's real hard to leave. Took me a long time to leave a marriage that was over for a long time. 10 years later. I chose to still be single. Life is complicated.
I needed someone like John 17 years ago. Real talk. So necessary.
That sounds like my own parents: mom was mature; dad was not. It's a recipe for familial disaster.
Then when the real "s" hits the fan is when the ultimatums come. Then the children (mostly grown) side with Dad when he says Mom was so controlling. Well, I was raised where one did not divorce, and my parents divorced and caused tons of challenges for the children.
I never wanted to be divorced, so that kept me in an unhealthy marriage. But those around me were all catering to their husbands in the 70's. The real liberations was really just the cusp. So all the siblings and his Mom, the community predominantly the men ruled, did what they wanted and the women were the housekeepers and child rearers.
But the gaslighting is unbelievable if I (and only a handful of women in the whole community) were on teh fringe of not putting up with a man child. The area was coal mining, dangerous of course, men worked hard, hunted, fished, sports as was their "right". Women stayed home, cooked, cleaned, cared for children, even if they had a job outside the home. The women were responsible for everything. So stepping outside that mold, got me in tons of trouble for years.
You have to stop him from driving whatever it takes. If he is in an accident and hurts someone you could be financially devastated. Even if your not married it’s your insurance so they will come after you also.
Let him call you anything he wants. The risk is too high.
Lmao. No drivers license. She has to be his mom but she thought “hey let me have a baby with this man child”. Lmao. Then she blames him for his incompetence, like girl it’s you too 🙄. Glad I got my first heartbreak before I had kids cuz ain’t no way I’m being a mom to a grown man. Women stop it plz. Plz plz plz. Your life will be worse off in every single way….Girl get a new man or stay single. Trust me you’ll be better off on your own. You can’t fix him, you can only fix you. Nt rocket science 😒
She likes being mommy, she just won't admit it.
That part.
Caller will not be getting a new man. She has a severely autistic child, what man wants to sign up for a disabled child that isn't his own genetically? Also, she is only working parttime so that means she cannot be a full partner to new man. Caller needs to face reality that she is a single mom with disabled child and will be 100% responsible for that child for remainder of her life. At least on the surface it appears she allows this drama in her life so she can avoid doing what needs to be done for herself & her child.
It's interesting that at first she complains that he does not drive, but later says he bought a car with cash, did not register it or insure it, but now that it is title in HER NAME, he drives all the time. Boyfriend sounds like he is undocumented worker; is it possible he has a family with children back in his home country and he remits his funds to them? Also wonder if she is getting government assistance for low income & single moms, he does not want to cover those costs himself when USA government will do it for him? Since he does work 2 jobs, it doesn't sound like his lazy or a man-child, but she/child are not his 1st priority because he already had a family to support before they met.
Same! First heartbreak was with a man-child. Didn’t see clearly until the relationship ended. I dodged a bullet 😅
Totally agree. To make a decision to bring a baby into the world with a man-child - and then be surprised that he’s useless??
It's hard to even feel bad cus she enables him in every single way. He has his issues yes, but she has serious boundary and self-worth issues as well. Because why even allow yourself to deal with this? They both need help
I don’t think they need help. They both need to live in reality. He needs a swift kick to the curb - he’ll either sink or swim.
I feel bad because she has boundary issues. They definitely both need help.
Yep, who has a kid with a 30yr old who doesn't have a license. Why is that not a huge red flag!
@@phelps1485 Yes, Well, the son will probably get his liscense before dad does. (lol).
I dated a man for three years who didn't have a driver's license when we met, said for YEARS he would go back to school (never did), still lived at home with parents. I helped him get a driver's license, but 8 years later, he's still in the same situation.
Why don't you help him with school? In the book "Hoarders", based on the TV show by the same name on the A&E channel, it says that one of the shows characters is able to clean up AS LONG AS THERE IS SOMEONE THERE AT THE SAME TIME. That character has ADHD or ADD. People with ADHD/ADD can achieve so, so much, as long as someone is IN THE SAME ROOM as the ADHDer during said task. The bigger question is, why are you so unwilling to help him through the process of applying for school? Maybe you could accompany him to school everyday, just as Jordan Worth had her boyfriend accompany her to uni in the UK on the days she went.
@@moondog7694 You're a troll. I'm not with this man anymore
You dated a man for three years that didn’t have a license?? I mean, you agreed to sleep with a man of that caliber for three years. I get it’s in the past but it’s still amusing that you condoned that for that long. The saying is very true: women do in fact try to change a man 🤦🏼♂️
@@mikenelson8377 your statement makes no sense. Why WOULDN'T want to change someone that doesn't have a driver's license, still lives at home and has no ambition? That's why I fucking left
@Mike Nelson You are right that there are women who think they will change a man's behavior and should have known that is foolish. But many women truly care about a person who has a lot of good qualities, then at some point come to realize they have fallen for a load of BS. It's not always immediately apparent.
WHEN he has a car accident with no insurance coverage SHE will be deeper in a debt she may never be able to crawl out of. The good news is that they aren’t married so she can (and should) just leave.
He knows exactly what to say to get what he wants. And then she goes ok. She has to stand up for herself.
I know exactly what you are talking about.
It doesn't change...that's what she needs to understand...she will always be considered the bad guy.
I know...40 years later this is still the biggest issue I have in my marriage.
Too late for me but please please know this doesn't go away...no matter how mad you get, how much you yell, how much you resent him.
It's a very painful existence.
Both my husband and I came from trauma...we both brought problems to the marriage.
I'm not blaming but boy has it been a painful ride.
I did not have a stable family to support me or I would have left...many times.
You do...
I filled journals with how unhappy I was, I blamed myself over and over.
I wrote in my journal...RUN FOR YOUR LIFE...
Five years later I wrote the same thing in another journal forgetting that I had written it before.
That was many many years ago...
Best wishes sweetie❤
The fact that they split childcare costs at this point where they are living as a couple with a child with special needs is a big red flag.
I was wondering why a guy that age wouldn't go get a driver's license. Is he covering for the fact that he might fail the test? Does he have some issue such as dyslexia, or something similar where he is afraid that he can't pass the test? Just a thought. On a worse note, is he just acting like "Yeah, yeah, I'll get a license one of these days"; but there is a LEGAL reason why his license has been revoked, that he's hiding from her?
She knowingly lets him drive her vehicle with no ID and no insurance. She is just as bad.
It’s extremely hard to figure out what’s worth working on and when it’s time to let go. That’s always been my issue with relationships and why I have insane commitment issues and don’t want to be in relationships.
Me too! Someone told me that if the issue is not something you would have wanted to work on /before/ you met that person, or if it's not something you expected to deal with, that is your sign to let go and move on.
@@tempjones3155 I think that’s too generalized tho. There’s certain unexpected things that I think it would generally be wrong to leave a partner for. Like illness, accident, etc.
I am confused by the fact that she says he can’t afford $75 a week for childcare, but she also says she’s too poor to leave; how much $$ does he bring to the relationship?
He makes double than what she makes hence why she wants him to help more because he’s not doing his parental duties
And he apparently has two jobs, but somehow he's a "child"... I don't get it
@@Ryan-wx1bi I swear men are so fucking obtuse. They hear what they want to hear
This is the problem with many men. They think their only job is to make money. That's not a partner. She is basically a single Mom.
@@kellharris2491 He isn't even living up to that though, he makes double the income, yet pays for less than half of his child's daycare bill? How the heck does that work out? She's doing the majority of everything right now, including financial.
My interpretation of the "too poor to leave before the lease is up" comment is that she's worried if she moves out, she'll have to pay for the rent at her new apartment plus the rent at his apartment, because she assumes he'll refuse to step up to the plate and care for himself. Her name is on the current apartment lease and he has no problem threatening to ruin her financially just like he does with the car that she pays for. He'll expect the part time working mother of his kids to not only pay her bills, care for his kids, and financially support his kids, but also essentially pay him alimony! This dude is insane, the selfishness knows no bounds.
You picked him knowing all this. Then you HAD A BABY WITH HIM?! This is on you…period.
She sounds extremely immature and deflective.
Talks crap on him like she didn't choose him as he was
He’s also a parent but he ain’t doing ish. So, the weight isn’t just on her.
@@VanJR. she chose him and have a child with him. Yeah her misery was her decision.
@@FrankS111 dead beats defend dead beats..
You cannot change someone, unless they themselves want to change.
She chose an immature man-boy from the beginning and tolerated it, enabling it, yet expected him to change. He's going to be who he is going to be. She can't change him.
She gets what she's willing to tolerate.
The fact that she chose to have children with this man-child says a lot about her.
Love makes people do stupid things a lot of women believe that their partner will grow up once they are married that marriage and them wanting to make that step means that they are ready to be man
@@aprilchow-chee5281
Never be with a man for his "potential". That "potential" (most of the time) doesn't manifest.
Be with a man who has already proven himself and not the "potential" of what he could be.
She is just as immature as he is to let those childish things keep happening.. I mean she called in a talk show to find out how to tell her BOYFRIEND how to be a husband?? NEVER GUNA HAPPEN.. he’s a loser for life.. CANCEL THE INSURANCE
SELL THE CAR
MOVE OUT
DONT LOOK BACK!!
Sounds like this is what the women did in his family, so he probably gaslights her to be like his family.
Don't think she is childish just delusional to protect herself somehow.
First thing that comes to mind is that this woman, does not see herself as having options. Its like this is the only man she thinks she can pull in.
After listening to her, yea, I believe this is the type of man who's willing to be with her. No self conscious guy would choose her.
@terriesmith2616 Lots of guys would choose her. She just doesn’t choose them cuz she has low self worth and feels not good enough for them and she assumes what you are assuming about herself. That no one else would choose her. That’s why she stays stuck with guys like that. And then guys like you judge her for it but reiterate what she already believed about herself that caused her to be in situation lol you’re pathetic.
Deloney should really start clarifying when callers use the term “partner” since there is a big difference for how the situation should be handled depending on the marital status. Lots of people use the term for a significant other who is not their spouse.
A huge problem with our society is that women keep letting guys like this get them pregnant.
Stop blaming women for why so many men refuse to grow up, unless she really is his mom.
@@vickimerritt2832 she’s not a victim. She’s an adult, she’s responsible for her choices.
@@vickimerritt2832 Stop getting impregnated by men who are still children.
The problem is men like that exist
@@l-train7876 no one is saying she isn’t but her deadbeat bf needs to step up
10:34 Oh, they aren't married. That was so evident all along from her wording.
Sounds like she was desperate to have a child and just picked the first guy that gave her attention. She also seems to be incomplete denial of who she choose.
Reminds you of your mom
@@erismana2105 If that is sarcasm, you suck at it..... Get another hobby, one you can excel in.
I know a few women like this. The reality is, being single and childless is the best option for many women. If you’re desperate to be a mother at all costs, a sperm bank is a better option than being a bang mommy to a man who will throw tantrums, drag you down financially and not contribute to childcare.
I don't know if this Chad is a plumber, but he definitely knows how to lay pipe.
🤣
Once she said he teaches jujitsu, I knew she loves his on the ground/in bed action.
She's hanging on because she knows Chad will have replaced her within the month. She will be caring for Junior and struggling as she tries saving for a tummy tuck. Meanwhile, Chad will have found a pilates instructor in her early twenties, with breast implants, whom he'll inevitably marry before the end of the year.
It gotta be something!
She is equally a child. She is focusing on situational stuff vs the overall lack of character of this guy.
Even from an emergency situation. If something happened to her or their son and she couldn’t drive, what would he do? This is why I have standards. One of those is that he can drive a standard, not just drive.
He couldn't even drive her home from a colonoscopy. Because you need a licensed driver or they won't perform the procedure.
She couldn’t have set the bar any lower.
Who did she turn down😢
Delony sounds like me trying to explain to my mom how much of a loser my step dad is and was, he was just like this guy but some people just don't get it sadly.
I always want to know what happens in these situations. There needs to be a follow up show from these calls!
John you are the best, ducktaping reality together. Love to hear you forcing her to look at reality ❤
Stop giving boyfriends wife privileges! He has not made a life commitment to you yet you have given your everything for him. Stop it ladies! Boundaries!
Oh honey🙌👏 this is the truth.
I wish I could time travel back 10 years-just to slap myself across the face with this advice.
@@katiemadden9413 Don't be too hard on yourself. At least you know now.
Remove the plates from the car, take them to DMV and unregister the car. Then remove insurance from the car. Boom. That easy. He's back to where he was. Then leave already.
Wow, this entire thing is a nightmare. Obviously she needs to leave, but why do so many women procreate with these men in the first place? Seriously, I don't get it, this man is a ball and chain dragging her to the bottom of the ocean.
Unless the woman is young herself (maybe under 25), a woman who is damaged will be attracted to a man who is just as damaged as she is
She has normalized his weaponized incompetence . She is simply a convenience to him . That’s not love . It’s hard to break a habit that’s why she has so many excuses why she doesn’t just leave . I get it changes are hard but when a person fails to meet your needs and in this case the needs of his disabled child it’s time to let go . He’s not adding any life quality to his child or partner .
Bingo!
Does she really not see that she’s the one who’s allowed all of this? She’s the one who needs help, not her partner.
They both do
John saying there is nothing wrong with her isn’t helpful. I’m sure he doesn’t want to sound negative when she already has a lot of difficulties, but this woman has a terrible picker. She picked a bum. If she doesn’t own it and learn, she’ll repeat this bad behavior.
If they've been dating for five years (or a little bit over plus a couple of month), and they have a four-year-old child, means she got pregnant within the first couple of months of meeting him. How are you going to get pregnant with a man you barely know
It happens all the time.
I will never understand it
@@BentleyPawsEtsy have you ever been in a relationship??
Don't move in with a partner prior to marriage and done have a kid unless you are married.
She is with a narcissist. They are a disaster with everything. No empathy, no accountability, manipulators. He does not care. They use people. She needs to run for her life.
Agree. He also seems High Functioning Autistic. Like my stbx.
This is why you shouldn’t be easily impressed by a man… no driver’s license? Smh.
this isnt immature this is abusive
You can’t change people. Never
I feel for her, we're asking her why she tolerates this, but society has told us time after time, in media, in jokes, that men are allowed to be perpetually children but you're the nag when you expect them to adult.
This is what happens when moms and dads fail to teach their children to have standards. If a guy isn't good enough to marry, then he's not good enough to be a father to your babies. Therefore, he's not good enough to allow inside your body in the first place.
The solution to the car problem is to remove the insurance and registration from it.
My ex did this type of pity manipulation that this guy does with this woman. Once she realizes it and breaks it with him she will be happy she did.
Whatever debt or financial trouble he gets into, she will also be responsible. She'll have to go down with the ship. I went through this. I also divorced my husband after the bankruptcy.
No they aren’t married so that’s one problem she doesn’t have.
Why was the most obvious question not asked? Why is he in his 30's without a drivers license?
Congratulations. Bad choices lead to pain.
The worst part of these types of relationships is that he will change WHEN he left with nothing! Then he’ll have no choice but to change but he’ll be left without his family.
Leave and do not look back.
Speaking from personal experience, guys like that will NEVER change.
Indeed
What do you say when someone says they hate their life? "YOU CREATED IT!!"
Who drove her to the hospital? No flipping way I would drive during labor! No freaking way! He needs to help you by getting his license!
SOunds like this woman is a good match for this guy.
So many comments that she should have left. Ppl stay because they want to work it out until they realize it won’t. Stop being so judgmental, it’s a progress and when kids are involved things are more difficult. She’ll work through it as resentment has already begun in the relationship.
They're not married. She can leave.
@@jeannet7443 Yes. She can when she’s ready!
She needs to stop enabling this man child! How dare she as a citizen let him drive like that! Not cool!
Umm leave him. this is why men get away with everything. Women do better
Doesn’t sound like she’s going to leave, no matter the pain. Ahhhh sad, little boys that don’t grow up. You deserve better. Wish you could see your worth Marie xoxo
Hey Marie, i am thinking of you - hope that you are fine. Hoping you're living without your partner disrespecting and gaslighting you anymore! Lots of love to you and your kids!
Coaches jujitsu. Already know why she fell for him. he was a fun, cool dude. She still thinks like a high school girl and fell for a guy stuck as a high school boy. She is probably hot too. She wasted her best years as a women and ruined her chances with a lot of high quality men who won't date her due to kid and ex bf baggage.
She doesn’t sounds hot.
I left a 4 year relationship like this a few months ago. It was very scary and took a few trys. Now, looking back, it was the best decision i could make. I'm back in school working towards a degree and most of all i have peace! No walking on egg shells waiting for his next melt down over whatever hes upset about today.
Sounds like my exboyfriend...which is why I dumped him as soon as I started seeing this sort of behavior
We know this guy.
She ain't going no where
She married him and had kids with him. She has the accountability of my 3 year old toddler.
You have posted the same thing on here multiple times. To distract from the fact he is manipulating her Financially and emotionally. She is not married to him! She is taking care of their kids and him and he’s using her. She is taking accountability by reaching out for guidance. This is not equal part accountability this is mental abuse
@@PinkSpice19 nope, I didn’t hear a single word of acknowledgment of her poor decisions. All of the blame is placed on her “husband”. She knew what he was like. That’s like trying to pet a snake then blaming the snake for biting you. I have 3 young sons and will be sure to teach them NEVER date a woman who has zero accountability
She’s not married to him. She’s being a responsible adult who is internally fighting because she wanted to be with him but he’s taking advantage of her and why he is a pos of a parent.
Her accountability is being a parent and finishing her studies. The comparison of your 3 year old doesn’t hold weight in this convo.
She's doing everything but has the accountability of a toddler? There is a difference between messing up and being accountable. She messed up.
@@FrankS111 the person who works, gets insurance on the car, and pays for daycare IS being accountable for her bad decisions.
Marie, my dear lady, you've got to leave. He will not change. He's had countless times and he's promised and then broken that promise.
He drives without a license!!!!! 🤯🤯🤯🤯 This person does not care about anyone, let alone the LAW. Good gracious.
Please get you and your kids out and safe. I don't trust this guy and I'm afraid he is dangerous. Please get help and make a plan to quietly exit. Don't tell him, he sounds seriously manipulative. Just get out and leave him a letter.
I had to flee my last marriage, refused to talk on the phone or in person because he is sooooo manipulative!
Please get out. Now!
Get a new partner
easier said than done when you got a child with them
@@paulo7507 it will be easier than staying with this person who doesn’t contribute. She will have one less mouth to feed once she leaves.
My niece is 42 yrs old no drivers license. She refuses to grow up, but she sure doesn’t mind riding off the backs of responsible people…
It's hard to choose reality when you're being abused.
"Why does he do that?" By Lundy Bancroft
Sounds just like a situation I was in. Enabled him so much and then felt guilty every time I tried to leave. I started attending Codependents anonymous and it helped so much!!
The longer I listen, the worse this call gets. Make an escape plan and in July it's hasta la vista.