How Does A Secure Person Show Up in the Dating Stage of A Relationship? 5 Key Qualities to Adopt!
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- Опубликовано: 18 сен 2024
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Key Patterns to Recognize to Determine if the Dismissive Avoidant is Becoming Securely Attached
- How to Know if the DA is Becoming More Securely Attached
- Patterns to Recognize
- Checking for Secure Attachment
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Thank you for watching!
Easy to be too focused on what it's like to be insecurely attached. More videos about what we're aiming to be, might help draw us into that headspace, please! :-) Great video!
I agree, focus on how to be healthy, instead of trying to fix what's unhealthy.
Thank you guys for this feedback! I always try to create videos stating the problem and then providing tools for a solution/creating change! I will now try to rephrase the titles and position them differently more often. I appreciate this a lot :)
@@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool I do think that it's entirely appropriate that the overwhelming majority of videos focus on insecure attachment. Primarily, I think that we should be here to do uncomfortable work. I'm not sure what the ratio should be (there is such a thing as a toxic positivity too) I suppose that I just feel like videos where we kinda look at the world entirely through secure eyes take us into a different zone.
Btw, that you skillfully & very appropriately weave "secure" into your videos, doesn't go unnoticed!
Thank you!
1. don't take things personal
2. feel safe being vulnerable
3. very empathic (doesn't get triggered easily)
4. don't repress their feelings as coping mechanism
the part two video has 7 key points so
You missed:
3. Safe having boundaries
Thankyou to people like you who save me 20 minutes of screen time:)
@@fleurpeffer5212 The elaboration and detail is still very valuable. You're missing a lot when you just look for a list and skip the actual content
0:00 Intro
0:30 The six stages of a relationship
1:10 the learning objectives of this video
1:50 Debrief of what a secure attachment style is
4:22 Gratitude for support and scholarship offers
6:30 The 12 characteristics of secure people
Dear Thais, please don’t apologize for talking so much in your videos, this is what we need and want more of this!!❤️
😊 Thank you!
I’d be interested in learning how to express emotions more quickly.on the spot.. after leaving an argument I’ve always felt “I should’ve said this” n that’s why I usually feel more comfortable communicating through writing / text because it gives me time to think about how I feel. How do I speed this up so I can have in person communication in real time?? Wow so important.
A hundred thumbs up for bringing this up; thank you.
emotionally regulating/ processing prior to having the conversation and bringing that to the table in a way that does not blame and Shame. She has a couple of videos on here you can check out
Being confident that the counterparty wants to have a two conversation with you about it and discuss your thoughts rather than dismiss them. Expect reciprocation and cooperation, not judgement.
As a guy with a few Anxious Preoccupied Attachment with kild ADD and general anxiety at times this has always been my main modality of communicating my thoughts and feelings without interruption. For some it has been too much. For others? Welcoming and refreshing. Would like to hear more on the subject.
Love this video. I find my anxious attachment style is particularly activated in the dating phase (probably due to the inevitable uncertainty and lack of 'facts' present about a relationship at that early stage).
I'd love to hear about how secure individuals move through the different stages. How quickly are they likely to do so, what do they need from their partner etc
I do want to here more about the different stages. Thank you for🦋🌈
It's so great seeing myself moving towards a more secure attachment. Slowly but steadily. Great video! Please do another part with more qualities!
I’m here because I thought I was rocking it, healing the FA in me. xD and I was (in relationship context). Was rocking the single life, self-discovery journey too! But, I’ve been single for a bit, just now actively trying to put myself out there again, and unexpectedly feel like I’m back to square one. x’D Ready to learn how to heal FA (in dating context).
Gotta say I am blown away by your ability to understand this stuff and share it with viewers to help us try and understand the complexities of interpersonal relationships!!
I am just learning about the attachment styles. I became interested because I finally felt comfortable about dating again after my dear husband of 25 yrs passed away. From listening to your videos, it is clear the wonderful man I am dating now is a fearful avoidant and I have a secure attachment style. I want to learn more and foster our relationship. Thank you for all the information thus far!
LOVE this!! You have such a gift for explaining content in a way that really speaks to me! For the first time in my life I am learning the secret to having healthy relationships!! 2020 is the year God has really been working on my heart! I don't believe I stumbled on your site by accident. I could listen to you talk all day long! I'm using this unique time we are in to learn how to thrive in a relationship! I want to believe it can happen for me therefore I want to keep my eye on the prize. Definitely interested in hearing more on this topic. Can't wait for part 2! Thanks Thais!
I am so happy to hear this is helping
That was so great! Yes more please. I have deep abandonment wounds I’m working so hard to clear
I was hoping for more examples specifically related to how the secure person shows up in dating phase scenarios. I feel like this was more generally about a secure persons traits. Not sure what could’ve been different but perhaps more examples within dating scenarios? :)
this is probably even better than therapy.
i’m growing more and more convinced that the lot of therapists i’ve worked with have just been wasting my time and collecting a cheque
You are a very sweet, and genrous person. I like your voice and evrything you are sharing helps me a lot and gives me hope. Thank you so much for everything!!!!!
This is very useful as a tool to check where I am in relationships and for evaluating myself. Please continue with this topic and go into the other stages. Thank you.
Thanks for this very important info! Would it be possible in future to get all the planned points into one video, even if it means a slightly longer run time? That could be helpful for us to better digest the current topic, if we have the big picture framework in one sitting. Something to consider!
I would love to hear the rest of... My goal is to be securely attached!! One day at a time... I appreciate knowing my weaknesses and what I need to work on regularly to gain strength in the areas that I know that I thank you so much for all that you do you are appreciated
Loved this video! Thank you Thais, also would definitely love a part 2
I live in the UK and being vulnerable isn't in the culture. You get rejected or ignored alot when you open up. I'm moving to NZ next and I heard it's even worse there. I'd love to learn to open up but its difficult when the culture you live in dismisses it...
you have REALLY helped me, your quiz on attachment style has helped me and my sister heal some of our childhood wounds. Thanks a lot!
I went to my first webinar last week on boundaries, and it was so useful to see you establish your boundary with that person who wanted to ask about narcissism! I wonder if you could do a video just modelling securely attached behaviours/communication patterns from webinars?
If I knew about this some time ago maybe I will be overwhelmed but I am in the middle of the process of becoming more secure (because I met and have a relationship with a secure best friend), I find this so refreshing. O ya, I am a fearful avoidant back then, or maybe I still but less. Thank you for making this video 😘
7:20 - start of the video.
Have no fear, you can parent yourself! And then practice in the real world. You will be surprised how many people have similar thoughts to you ✌️
I appreciate this format very much.
It feels like we are getting so much relevant information and it’s certainly been empowering to me.
Thank you for sharing your care and knowledge with us!
Yes please, we need more information on this subject. Thank you!! ❤️
I know you're probably very busy so I don't know if this is realistic for you, but I was thinking that it would be really helpful to have some sort of notes to go along with these videos, like a PDF summary of the main points. You put so much information in your videos, sometimes I have to go and listen again to get all the information. It would be very helpful to have some condensed information to consolidate what you say :)
She could just add it to the description box.
can u do a video, if u didnt aleady, on online dating? and how to spot secure attached through texting maybe, if thats possible? so far ive only met some anxious ones (they would bombard me with texts) and avoidant (low effort in trying to pursue me) and one guy who seemed to be secure cause he asked me out and was straight forward but actually ghosted me after
Yes please I need a part 2, I was able to realize that I repress my feelings from this video; when I'm uncomfortable because I've walk away from many situations wishing I had said something or done something different but I thought it was because I couldn't think of what to say or do at the moment.
wow love this, i have an anxious-attachment style, slowly learning to be a secure person, this helps a lot !
Hi, Thais, I'm also looking forward to creating and sharing content. Your little caveats about making this at 9 pm Friday and doing it after a run help encourage me to believe I can also make it happen. Thanks!
Yes, I would like to hear about the other half of this! I am at 55% secure and want to keep that number moving upward!
You're really skilled, not just at how you present but also in terms of knowledge about the topics themselves. Really learning alot, even if I work within this field. Keep up the good work! :)
First of all: Thank you! A lot of us need the information you are sharing. Great video. It's really inspiring to feel how you enjoy doing this. I do want more please!
I really appreciate your videos. I have watch and ready many articles. You are very on point and have helped me quite a lot. Thank you.
You are such a life saver! Appreciate your content! ❤️
yes hear the rest and different stages please , thank you thias
Again, I'm so in love with your passion and energy for life indeed! It's so familiar! 🤗💙🤗
Hi, Thais! Thanks for all these great videos.I'd like to know about the remaining qualities for a secure person. Thanks once again and stay safe!
when is the next video coming out, with the next qualities?
Excellent...thank you so very much 💗
Me: I’m probably actually secure... nope... not at all xD “makes friends easily,” definitely not me,
It’s really helpful seeing the secure attachment in comparison to the others! Thank you for this.
I am a bit confused on some of the purchasing options on the site, I saw one I don’t remember the name but the 67 dollar one...
I don’t remember what I was trying to ask xD
Thank you so much ! This helps so much ! ❤️
I have been growing toward secure attachment from anxious attachment, but I am triggered by Fearful avoidant attachment partner sometimes. I need to keep working on myself to become secure enough to deal with those triggers.
Looking forward part 2. Thank you! :)
Yes more
If we could get focused videos like these for the dating stages of each of the insecure attachments (since you’ve said yourself that we have the most questions for that), that’d be great haha
Inzigzag! I saw you in the webinar in the school today :) All of the advanced attachment style courses in the school are exactly that! Three hours of each attachment style in each of the six stages! That will help a lot!
Personal Development School - Thais Gibson Yes thanks for answering my question! Great, I’ll look at those courses :) Take care!
very valuable content!
Please write a book. I need to know everything in your brain!
Love you Thais your the shit your work is so helpful
If you were abused as a child and have insecure attachment, isn’t that just you being your authentic self? Our life experiences shape we are. Trying to change ourselves to fit into a “secure” attachment style send our brain the message “I am defective as I currently am.” Is it healthy to view ourselves as broken people who need to fight against our life conditioning? I’m sure people who were not abused and naturally have a secure attachment style didn’t force themselves to develop it, it’s just a natural reflection of who they are based on their life experience.
For example, suppose you grew up in China and speak English with a Chinese accent. That’s just a natural reflection of your authentic life experience. Sure - you could force yourself to fight against that life experience and develop an American accent. Or you can just embrace who you naturally are which is someone with a Chinese accent. And if people don’t want to date you because if it, then it’s not the right match
16:00 I do this. It’s as if my responses are set on a delay. I feel things hours or days later.
Fantastic!
Gosh I love your channel
Thank you!!!
THANKYOUUUUU
By the age of two a child does not have the cognitive functions to develop an attachment style. Up to that age the brain of a child does not even have the function of the brain of an adult dog. The personalities disorders are deeply grounded in the atachement style being preconditioned by that, and the disorders are known to take shape during adolescence. The atachement style is likely to take its final shape early at that age(starting by the age of 10).
I've seen secure sisters that were pre adolescence when the father dies and are secure, while the bigger sister while just early on her puberty ended up a severe FA.
Is fearful avoidant the same as anxious avoidant and anxious preoccupied?🤔
@Thais so if honeymoon is the first phase, then where is the dating phase?
well, i just wished everyone grew up in a secure attachment parenting
Yeah so i aint there yet😂❤
♥️
Six and a half minutes before the content starts. Come on.
Nonsense! Interrupted between 4.5 n 6.5 yeah.
The beginning is important for people to know the six stages who haven't heard previous videos!
You are obviously seized of good/ meaningful information which seems to be based upon behavioural science on the universal subject of RELATIONSHIPS: I have an interest in same hence I took the quiz and subscribed to your channel several months ago; however, after viewing a number of videos I was unable to endure your visual impact owing to the many distractions occasioned by your overwhelming facial augmentations coupled with your unpunctuated/ inaudible pronunciation hence, I had stopped viewing your channel; today I saw an interesting topic in your email sent to me and so I decided to log in but as this video started I immediately noted your dishevelled appearance: you were constantly playing with your hair/ attempting to remove a strand of hair from your eye all of which was a very easy fix if you had tak en the time to style your hair appropriately; then I heard you say that you had just returned from running: that served to confirm my observation; I am challenged to comprehend how someone could be engaged in this type of business but persist in displaying such excesses: that is a contradiction of sorts! Personal Development?