My Experience with Mental Health & Suicide
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- Опубликовано: 7 сен 2024
- After a year grieving the loss of my best friend, I wanted to reflect on the really tough issues that are mental illness, suicide, and grief. Especially given that 13 Reasons Why has been popular lately, I wanted to share my personal story and why I really disagree with a lot of the messages presented in that series.
National Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255
In the case of an emergency, call 911
My last video about grieving: • Losing My Best Friend ...
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This needed to be said. I hate when people tell me to be happy or appreciate the things I have in life or to calm down. I can't help the depression and anxiety that I have and it makes me hate myself more when people try to cure it. You can't cure it. Mental illnesses are hell
You're so right. Just because you have things doesn't make your mental illness any less severe or difficult to deal with. It's a chemical thing in our brains and if we could choose to make it go away, we would. Those who say to "just be happy" are coming from a good place, but they don't understand. Depression and anxiety are illnesses that warp your perception. I hope you will keep searching for the tools that can help you move forward. Any little step is a step forward, and I know you can find a way through. It won't be easy, but a step is a step.
I can tell your comment came from a great and well meaning place, so thank you for taking the time out of your day to try and help people! But as Kath so eloquently put in her video, unfortunately it doesn't "just take time and support." Like Kath said, if it just took time and support, a majority of people who commit suicide or have mental illnesses would be cured. We wouldn't have this problem because most people DO have people that support them. I'm not sure if you have suffered with a mental illness, but what it does is warp your perception of the world around you. So depression isn't just "I'm sad", it's "everything around me is going down in flames so what is the point". Anxiety is more than worry, it is a constant feeling that someone or something will hurt you and you will die because of it. You are definitely correct, these things do not have to be permanent, but I hope you can also appreciate the immense struggle it comes with literally retraining your brain to think right, along with perhaps taking medications and many years of therapy. It's not quick or easy. If it was, everyone would do it. Depression cannot be cured, it can be treated though! I hope that Kath's video and some of the comments will inspire you to perhaps do more research into the issue. Maybe you'll even find something else new about yourself!
Thank you this means a lot
Cassie Harder hey! i dont know how and what will help you but i went through depression as well. i was not ready to be happy or appreciate happiness given to me by my bestie. but it was a 2 way street. she was tryinh really really ahrd for me to have fun and not be sad all the time. i was in depression for over 6 months. no treatment. just one step at a time. try taking small steps. maybe do something you would not do in your right mind..like something adventurous. thats how i dealt with it.
so true best just to leave them get on with it and not support them, people have a hard enough time if they are sane in life, i have sympathy but i have sympathy for starving people etc its a fact of the human condition i'm afraid
I'm suicidal, but every day there's a little something that triggers a voice in my head saying "not today". Sometimes its a nice song, or a warm breeze. Today this video triggered that voice. Thank you
Banana hammock. God loves you dearly and he wants you to live , we all do. You are very special and you matter very much, its so good that you are alive , this world wants you and needs you. you are valued very much and you are a wonderful person , we all care deeply about you. anytime you get suicidal thoughts please call this number 1800 273 TALK. they are there for you anytime of day or night. God bless you. You are loved
Please, please, please communicate this with your loved ones. They need you in their lives too!
@@cesarcabal2910 Thank you for responding! This is a 4 year old comment, and I got help and I'm doing a lot better, not suicidal anymore :)
@@Tubenuub That’s amazing! I’m really happy for you!
Thank you for this. I HATE the rhetoric around suicide that shames victims of suicide and calls them selfish. Anyone who has been depressed to the point of wanting to take their life knows that it is not selfish, but self-preserving, an effort to escape intense pain. We should normalize these discussions so we can help those suffering from depression instead of shaming those who were not able to overcome it.
+Hannah thank YOU for this comment. we need to add constructive things to the conversations not repeat the same fallacies
That is a super ignorant thing to say and this entire video was addressing why that mentality is problematic.
Marissa, your logic follows that every single person who has committed suicide had no love in their life. If you think no one told Robin Williams how much they loved him, you are sadly mistaken. Sarah was very loved and for you to say that we didn't care for her enough makes me feel really insignificant.
+Hannah Your comment is so insightful. If we continue to have these discussion, new and better ways to help people will develop and everyone can have the access to improve their lives and live their best selves. You are completely right; in your darkest moments your perception is so warped to the point of thinking there is no better way than to leave this earth. So we have to keep fighting to get people help before they get to that point.
+Marissa Love can conquer many things, but surely it takes professional help, medication, and therapy. If I could cure my best friend's mental illness by telling them how much I loved them, don't you think I would've done so? I can't take away that they feel absolutely awful all the time. Sure, I can help them not feel as awful, but those are all surface level cures that cannot fix a real problem, a chemical imbalance. Depression stems from different places for everyone. Some people it comes from self worth, some people it comes from significant loss, some it comes from an issue they are facing, and some it comes from stuff I cannot even imagine or say. Yes, tell people you love them, but that is no cure all. It cannot do everything. If love did conquer all as you say, why do the most loved people still die of cancer on the daily? Doesn't love conquer *all*?
As someone who deals with mental health issues everyday, I can't thank you enough for this video. Unfortunately the truth is that despite how much we wish the people around us could fix all our problems through their love and support, that is simply not the case. Mental health is very much an internal battle, albeit one a professional can dramatically help with. At the same time, it is good to know that during your darkest moments you have people that will continue to stick by your side. Sometimes all we can do is fight to make it through each day and hope for the best. And as someone who has been learning to understand their mental health, I can say that things can improve and there will always be a reason to keep moving forward.
+Tiffany i can't tell you enough how much i appreciate your insight. it's so importantly to authentically represent your perspective. i'm so proud of you for moving forward
Thank you for your perspective! I hope you keep fighting and finding new ways to battle your illnesses. You deserve to be here and give yourself your best chance
13 reason why I know that.I watched it
"My thoughts can't move an inch without bumping into some piece of her." Wow. That was so beautifully true. Thank you for this video. It's what the world needed today. I've never been more proud to call myself a subscriber.
Amanda Krutsick same
GET HER TO 100k, she deserves it!!!!
I started crying in the middle of the dining hall watching this. Love you Katherine, thank you for making this video.
Rilely Marie. how are you, are you ok,? just want you to know that we all care deeply about you and you matter very much. its so good that you are alive and with us , you are valued very much and if you are hurting just know that we all care deeply about you and you have our support. God loves you very much.
You are right about love alone not being able to save someone. However, hate, by itself can kill someone. I was bullied a lot in high school. I wanted to kill myself. I don't believe that the depression instigated because of a mental illness but because of being bullied at school. I am in college now. I don't get bullied here and I am really happy with my life. For some people, mental illness might play a part but there are a lot of people who commit suicide because of the hate they receive in school and 13 reasons why just wanted to address that.
thanks for this -- I really appreciate this viewpoint. I understand that suicide does happen in instances without mental illness, but I thought it was damaging for a show about suicide to not acknowledge the prevalent mental illness issues that exist. It also glorifies suicide as a way to show people how they wronged you, and will give plenty of teens the wrong impression that it's ok to do.
+Katherout I agree with you on that. I am also sorry about your best friend Sarah.
yohannes ferede agree. I don't think 13rw is perfect in portraying mental ilness but it does a pretty great job portraying suicide. I have depression myself and I have mixed feelings abt iy
What you're describing is situational/circumstantial depression. Not tied to mental health, but can lead to it if your circumstance did not change.
Clinical depression is a mental health disorder that needs to be both medicated and monitored.
my friend (we weren't very close but still) committed suicide in the beginning of march and this video is great bringing attention to a very serious topic
Samantha Varga same, my one friend who we weren't really close either, committed suicide and I felt like I could have saved her, but I guess I couldn't. I'm still deeply affected by it and I keep thinking about it recently and it makes me want to cry
yea and the worst thing is the school just ignored it like it didn't happen:( i go past his house every day and i can't stop thinking of him and how bright his future was
Samantha Varga I am so sorry for your losses.💕
YES I COMPLETELY AGREE ABOUT EVERYTHING YOU SAID ABOUT 13 REASONS WHY. ITS HORRIBLE HOW MUCH OF A BURDEN THEY PUT ON PEOPLE WHO LOSE THEIR LOVED ONES BECAUSE OF SUICIDE
Especially how they portrayed the counselor-- they're swaying away people from getting professional help by showing an example of incompetence as a "daily life" thing.
That's an angle of 13RW I hadn't even thought of before. I had other issues with it, but that's one that hasn't crossed my mind. I am grateful for your willingness to share this story, I know it must have been difficult! ❤❤❤
many of the things you said are important for people to hear and remember. The thing you said about "before and after" with death I can really resonate with and feel all the time thinking about people I've lost. People often think of their lives in segments and death is no exception. So sorry you had to go through this 😔
"Happiness can be found, in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on a light to it."
~Albus Dumbledore
My mom lost her best friend to suicide. The loss affected me and my family deeply. I completely understand the feelings and the kind of loss you have and continue to experience. I just wanted you to know that! I completely related to this video and thank you for bringing light to the topic.
Thank you, Katherine. I'm so glad there are people like you on RUclips, I'm so sick of this 13 Reasons Why bs.
I agree that people do not know how to handle grief. I remember everyone trying to hug me when I lost my dad and whisper in my ear all these sayings and it only made me feel worse. Just knowing someone was present I guess made me feel okay but having them constantly remind me of what had happened and letting me know that I " should cry" was just hurtful. Also the whole "there is a better place" is in fact absurd and I am pleased to know that I am not the only one that is angered or better yet just annoyed when people say that as if knowing that will make someone feel better. No, that person was meant to be and should still be here.
Also recently, we received a check of money come when my dad was working. I am not sure exactly what it was but I think it had to do with social security, but when we got the letter and his name was there and knowing that that was his money he had worked for was so weird but sentimental. Sort of like your dreams it was this sense of connection that we had with him. I don't know how to explain it but having something from him made me feel connected with him in some way even though it was just a check. ugh I don't if this makes sense to you but I admire your words Katherine and your honesty.
I have dealt with fighting my depression for 8 years, and thank you for everything you said. I refuse to watch 13 reasons why for exactly the reasons you stated... thank you for being strong and making this video. They are things people need to hear.
This is such an important video Kath. Thank you for making it. I know this was extremely difficult, but you are helping so many people. You are so right; yes being mean and bullying and all of that can contribute to mental illness, but unfortunately the reverse isn't true. Just being nice can't fix it. It obviously can certainly help! But its not a cure. You can't put someone's elses mental illness on yourself because there is no way you can fix it. This is not to say do nothing! Please tell people you love them. But that is just a positive helping part, but no cure.
Also, definitely about grief, everyone does experience grief differently and its hard to know what to do. I think its important to just accept everyone is different and do what you can. But in the same vain as mental illness, nothing can fix it. And if the person is gone (not that we wish that the grief was happening) you have to experience the grief. And no, it didn't happen for a reason. But if you can do anything, you have to do it. It doesn't get better, it gets easier. And you learn how to cope. I admire you Kath, that you really put it out there and you are experiencing your emotions to help all of us. Thank you Katherine. 💜
I totally agree with a lot of what you're saying, but I think it's important to note that Hannah Baker was bullied in "13 Reasons Why" and that that had a prominent impact on her mental state. I read both the book and watched the show, and I completely agree that the show was problematic in glorifying the negative impact of others without discussing the implications those effects had on Hannah's mental state. Even so, I think that the main difference between a "regular" suicide story (one where the victim has a strong support system and is fighting crippling mental illness) and "13 Reasons Why" is the bullying that Hannah experienced, which was an impact from her community that negatively impacted her mental health.
Also, I wanted to say that this video was extremely brave of you to create. I wish you all my love and support throughout this difficult and grueling process! Love you and your channel ❤
This video right here: you don't know how many people you just educated and helped by making this
I saw this video in my subscription earlier today and I teared up hardcore. I emailed you around this time last year because of the death of my friend who commit suicide. On May 9th I will be grieving the loss of my best guy friend who battled with depression and leading up to his 24th birthday where that night he commit suicide. Every day there is something in my life that reminds me of him and it just makes me feel like he's up in heaven dropping those hints that he is still watching over me. Mental Illness is not something easy to understand and I still question myself as to what I could have done to help my friend Ethan, but I was there for him everyday, and I still put myself down each day trying to figure out what I could have done to help him just that bit more before he made his decision.A year has gone by and I still sit down sometimes and just cry. I wake up from a nightmare and just cry, it really is rough without a friend that was so loyal. Hearing our favorite song and waiting for him to scream the chorus, and knowing that will never happen again... I don't know. I apologize for this very long comment that probably doesn't even make sense. its just thoughts that are going through my head.
This was such a strong/emotional video. I know this was very hard for you, and I want to thank you for sharing with us. I've lost a lot of people in my life since I was young, and it gets a little bit easier to tolerate the pain, but it will always be there...
It's hard, grief is so hard. It comes and goes, sometimes you feel like the pain is so overwhelming that you feel like you'll never be able to have a happy life. But sometimes the pain is bearable or it doesn't even feel like it's there, but then you see or hear something that remind you of your loss and the pain comes back. And it's so hard. I am so so sorry for your loss. I've lost loved ones in the past to cancer, and still to this day, it hurts. Thank you for talking openly about the way you feel, you're really brave. I'll pray for you girl🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
You said it perfectly. 13 reasons why is a show that capitalizes on suicide, romanticizing it with intense plot and entertainment, and it is absolutely disgusting and insulting. The show doesn't give hope to those suffering from mental illness. It asks everyone to "be kinder," but that message trivializes depression. The producers say that they want it to "spark discussion," but this is a mis-portrayal of a large problem in a wrong light. There cannot be another season.
as a person who struggles with mental illness, this video brings so much awareness and i appreciate this so much. it's so important that this is being discussed because more people than ever before are diagnosed with mental illness. it would be amazing if love could heal this, but in reality it doesn't, it is a daily struggle that no one can ever experience. but it helps when people learn about real life stories because it's a whole new type of connection. but it will get better, it will be a fight and it will be extremely hard but it will get better.
So glad you opened up about this! This topic is so hard to talk about it but we need to more! I love your opinion and perspective. Love you lots ❤️
Verified with 0 likes lol
Default A. I wasn’t even verified three years ago...why does it matter??
I agree with this wholeheartedly. You took the words right out of my mouth. The fact that the show has been renewed and made to be a dramatic, "trendy" series is sickening.
THANK YOU! My best friend of 26 years suddenly got the most horrendous illness and was given a life sentence of living in agony. She was a genius, all he dreams had come true yet she hadn't much of a choice and took her life. It'll be three years tomorrow and I feel worse than ever. There's no support other than a once a week therapist. My health is shot, I admire you so much! THANK YOU for making this video. I'm so proud of you and know that someone on the other side of the world grieves so shockingly with you. Much love, you are extremely wonderful for making this video. I wish there were support groups for people like us. :) I wish there were people to talk to who understood. :)
My best friend told me yesterday that she was trying to kill herself by driving recklessly. She's going through a lot of pain, a kind I can't begin to comprehend.
I was so angry inside because I felt like the love I give her every single day wasn't enough and unfortunately I took some of her pain personally because she said that she feels lonely and misunderstood by everyone around her. But I always tell her how much I love her and am always here for her for anything and everything.
Thank you for talking about how it isn't enough to keep somebody alive just by showing them you love them. It helped me understand that it isn't my lack of being a good friend but there's a lot more to it.
Today is 6 months since a good friend of mine committed suicide and I wanna thank you so much for this video. Thank you. I'm so glad people like you are still around. You're such an idol to me.
I suffer from mental illness, I'm bipolar and was diagnosed well into adulthood (27 or 28 years old). I spent my late teens and early 20's with suicidal thoughts, and even a few attempts. I have the most amazing parents who've always been there for me no matter what, but in my darkest days, when everything was pitch black, I felt bad that they had to love me, that I wasn't worthy of their love and that their life would be less of a burden without me in it.
Thankfully things got better. I'm on meds and I'm doing well. Now my days are what I call light grey, with some days that are charcoal and some that are rainbows and sprinkles and everything amazing ever. It still can be pretty exhausting, but I've learned to take better care of myself, when I need to stop and breathe, when I need to ask for help.
Thank you for opening up and sharing your thoughts. I believe that being open and talking honestly about mental illness can only do good, even if it might be painful in the moment, it can help so many others. Thank you (and sorry for rambling, I tend to do that)
The one year anniversary of my best friend's suicide is coming up in June. So thank you for this, because I've been thinking about it a lot lately. I really miss him. 13 Reasons Why also upset me, and it was hard to explain why. I'm glad you're talking about this.
Katherine, I am a 62 year old mother of a 33 year old and 25 year old sons. You are doing a great job with these youtubes. I am learning more and more about the issues facing today's young people from you and others. Thank you.
you have my support I was suicidal once and I have depression, I'm also mentally unstable, I'm on meds. i felt like nobody cared about me. when I was suicidal it ended when I had a knife in my hand and stabbed the wall. I also know that I'll sometimes get depressed and think of killing myself, so I'll think of who cares about me or I listen to music and that cheers me up. I'm so so sorry for your lose too. hope things look up for you
This was absolutely heart-wrenching to watch, but so incredibly strong of you to post, Katherine. While I haven't experienced this level of grief before, I have still noticed how insensitive people's responses to grief tend to be. By posting this video, you are helping in the fight against grief and suicide as taboo topics, and that's an important step in the societal movement towards approaching individual grief, the grief of others, and the topic of suicide in a way that is actually beneficial to those affected.
I have vowed not to watch that because of the message it sends
thank you for sharing your story and perspective. I do agree with you saying that kindness and love can't save everyone, but I think that it doesn't hurt, and in some cases, it definitely can. I have never liked the idea of blaming others for causing them such pain and making them live with the burden for the rest of their lives. the fact is we are all human. Let's just all be understanding of each other and try to understand each others view points. Let's try and show compassion and understanding for other people's situations and let's never blame anyone else for how they are making us feel. depression and suicide are very complex topics, and I appreciated hearing your viewpoint on what does and doesn't help.
I lost the most important woman in the world to me nine years ago, she didn't kill herself but her death was cry sudden. I've never fully 'recovered' from her death, my heart still hurts for everyday.
I'm so glad you made this video not only for suicide awareness which I am passionate about, but also because you reminded me that it's okay I'm still grieving her death ❤️
Wonderful explanation on how death can change you as a person. Sorry to hear about your friend.
The day a psychologist told me I have depression and anxiety I felt relief because I felt that it was not my fault that I was not okay. Thank you for.pointing out that the logic of blaming others for someone's suicide is wrong and unproductive. Mental illness is a battle that needs to be fought with assistance; people do need love and professional help. But it's also up to the individual, and sometimes they just can't deal with it.
Thank you for this video. I haven't gone through the same experience, however as a psychology major, it really frustrates me that 13 Reasons Why never touched on mental illness. They only focused on the bullying aspect of it which was important too but the fact that they never once even mentioned Hannah having any type of mental illness is just ridiculous. With the show, they had the chance to improve what the book didn't touch on but they failed. Thanks for this video Katherine.
Your passion for spreading suicide awareness is the best gift you can give your friend
I lost my dad (not to suicide, but it was a sudden/unexpected death) and so I definitely relate to everything you're saying.. I cried through the whole video with you and I am so happy that you are so real and honest about grief.. I can't tell you how refreshing it is. I hate hearing that he is always with me because yes... i do still feel connected to him as you do with Sarah... but no!! He is no longer here!! He is not with me and I can't talk with him and hug him and god that is all I want! I so get it... and I'm so sorry you had to experience this loss... but thank you so much for sharing it, I want you to know that it has helped me by relating to you and your grief and I also suffer from mental illness and i appreciate you making this video more than you can know. Thank you
my really good friend committed suicide 7 years ago now and its still very hard
My school district has had a few suicides over the past few years, and I agree with you 100%. People are frustrated with our school for "not doing enough," which is part of it, but the issue is very personal among those who committed suicide. One very popular, great student committed suicide and his organs were donated-- a lot of people are treating him as a hero and I'm definitely conflicted about that. I think people, myself included, struggle to find the right words to say for those who are grieving. Much love, Katherine 💕
I agree, it isn't just about schools not doing "enough", they have to do the right things. Giving access to professional help, good professional help, is a good way to start. Also normalizing these conversations as Katherine has done and giving people the resources to contact if someone is in danger are part of solutions. But mainly it is understanding the root problem--mental illness. I hope that your school district is able to help more, and wonderful students like you who care and show that can help be champions for change. Maybe there is even a way to set up a program at school with purely medical and professional resources to pass out to everyone. Good luck
"My thoughts can't move an inch without bumping into some piece of her. She's everywhere to me."
Beautifully said, Katherine.
Oh Katherine, I'm so so sorry you went through this❤ This video is so important, it obviously was not easy to film but thank you so much for it.
This video was important. Because this is from someone that has a different experience, that doesn't have a mental illness actually talking real that mental illness is more than just a word, and more than just a fluff thing. I feel like I've been saying this forever and I've felt really alone and hearing you say EXACTLY what I'm thinking. Thank you.
❤️
Thank you so much for this video. I have dealth with the loss of a close member of my family as a child and struggle every day with depression and anxiety today. I am really glad that you talk about your experience and your thoughts on 13 reasons why because I was shocked that a tv show about suicide does not talk at all about mental illness. ❤️️
i totally agree with this video, i have a close friends who also struggles with depression, and anxiety. You are so brave and powerful. I will never forget that day that i sat in my gudiance counselor's office crying and telling her how my friend was thinking horrible thoughts. and since then she has been helped, which is good. You are so so so amazing.
Hi Kath,
this is my first comment on YT ever, but I felt like I wanted to this time.
I am lucky enough to have never experienced suicide, but this does not mean I did not experience death. My beloved dad passed away at age 57 because of pancreatic cancer almost 2 years ago. I was 21 at the time and my brother 20.
I am very lucky because I had and still have a great support system and was gifted a very positive and optimistic attitude, which help(ed) me a lot.
I relate to you SO MUCH about the dream thing. There is obviously no day that I do not think of my dad, but when I am more stressed or sadder than usual, I just dream of him. And they are the most vivid dreams ever. Last time I dreamt of hugging him and it felt so great and real also. I woke up frustrated, but it had the wanted effect, because a "hug" was just what I needed. And I was happier :)
I understand when you say that you don't like when people tell you "she is in a better place". I also would love to have our loved ones here with us on earth. But at the same time, I am 100% sure we will meet again :)
I know there is no rule to make someone feel better or ever stop grieving, so I will not give any advice. I will just say that I like to think that the grieving process will always be evolving and different, until it will be less painful or bearable. I am living a happy life, I am going on with my life, but every time I think of my dad I feel like crying or overwhelmed by how much time I will have to live without him. It is a learning process :)
I wish you all the best! I love your videos and especially how focused and determined and you are. I like it a lot :)
I got my masters in engineering at 23 and I always think we would be good friends :)
from an Italian (hence the maybe-not-so-perfect-english) subscriber living in Germany since January :)
Hey there dear, I'm so sorry that you've had to deal with this. You're so damn brave to post this and I'm so proud that you recognize how intense mental illnesses.
I have a lot of problems with 13 reasons why, and it's from somebody who has had suicidal friends and who has been suicidal; but to hear your point of you, to hear the view point of somebody who has a friend who had committed suicide, is really eye opening.
Please know that you did not have anything to do with Sarah's suicide. I'm so happy she had you as a friend because you're such a sweet and loving soul. I wish I could give you a hug. I'm crying right along with you.
I know it won't get better just from my words, nor will the feelings go away with time...but thank you for being so strong.
First off, I am so sorry for your loss. You are so incredibly strong and I commend you for that.
I'm a survivor of depression/suicidal ideation and lost my mom three years ago. I must say that this video, both related to 13RW and mental illness and grief at large, is so well-articulated and everything you said resonated with me. Thank you so much for sharing so transparently your perspective, and your courage with all of us. You are truly an inspiration, Katherine.
I honestly feel like writing an entire essay in this comment section about how 100% true this video was, but its almost 1 a.m., I'm crying, and I have school tomorrow. But I can't tell you how much I needed this 🙏🏼
I stumbled upon your channel through your study tip videos (which are awesome btw) but I just wanted to reach out and say thank you for sharing your story and experiences with us. I am so sorry for your loss, my heart breaks just thinking about it. But even though it is painful, sharing these stories or anything related to mental illness is so important. There is so much stigma surrounding mental illness and it can be incredibly detrimental. I think it is so important for each of us to share our own stories so we can possibly help someone else. Growing up, I suffered with depression and anxiety since I was around 14 years old. Obviously I didn't realize at the time why I was feeling the way I was, but regardless, the home I grew up in, mental illness wasn't a real thing...you just sucked it up and put on a happy face. So because of that, my depression and anxiety went untreated and I eventually started to self-medicate to alleviate the pain I was living with everyday and to numb myself out. I started drinking and what not and during my second year of college, I started drinking every single day, in the morning, in the afternoon, before class, before work, etc. I just couldn't cope with anything, I was so desperate to not be me and to not feel anything anymore. At the time, I had a friend who also was struggling with depression and self harm and had to be hospitalized. I used her and what she was going through as a way to connivence myself that I was fine because my way of self-medicating my mental illnesses didn't involve self harm. But obviously that wasn't true. I left college early that semester because I was an absolute disaster. I told my mom I needed help and that I wanted to die, and we found a psychatrist. I was honest with the psychiatrist about my drinking and that since I had come home I had completely stopped drinking. Unfortuantely, I was going through alcohol withdrawal and the psychiatrist I was seeing at the time didn't realize that and kept prescribing me different medications to alleviate the intense mood swings I was having (she actually diagnosed me with bipolar disorder because I was so up and down to such extremes that my mom and sister were afraid for me). Because I wasn't getting the help I needed, I went back to self medicating on the side and found the solution I was looking for. I started using heroin in the summer of 2013 and I completely fell in love with it (at the time). It consumed my entire life from that point. I became heavily addicted and my life at that point turned to complete shit until I literally just couldn't do it anymore. I was in more pain than ever and the high just wasn't as good and I just hated myself. Specifically, there was this one day when I couldn't find anyone to sell to me and I was driving around in my car sobbing like a mad woman because I couldn't fathom not getting high. One night when I was withdrawing I told my mom that I was using heroin and needed help. We found a treatment program (which was a horrific process btw. I was also struggling with anorexia and lost over 50 pounds in 3 months and a lot of rehabs wouldn't take me because of it). But regardless, I have been sober for almost 3 and a half years. During this time I have received proper treatment for my depression, anxiety, PTSD, and anorexia. And life DOES get better. 12 Step programs literally saved my life. I learned that it doesn't matter what you look like or where you're from addiction can happen to anyone. I tell my story to pretty much most people because I have lost too many friends to overdoses and I just want people to know that help is available when they are ready. It is not easy and I have gone through some really dark times during my recovery but I am damn proud of myself. Recovery has been the hardest thing I have ever done but it is definitely the most worth while. Please share your experiences, it might just save someone's life.
Losing someone I love is my worst nightmare. I will keep this in my back pocket in case my nightmare ever comes true.
I want to start with saying that this is your first video that i am watching right now, and i am going through a fight with MY BEST FRIEND but seeing you grieve about your best friend i really do not want my bestie to die.
Also, i am a sufferer of depression for 6 months after a break up. and I would say that even if you know your parents love you, you still feel like you do not have anyone in yiur life to be with you when you are sad. i felt that I lost all my friends for a guy. and they are not there for me when i am going through a tough time in life. i do not deserve to be happy, i had lost all the happiness in life. i was not suicidal but I was just not myself. and then after 3 months of breakup my best friend joined my highschool and she helped me out with ny other dear friend. i am so greatful to have them in my life. I realized who are my true friends in the time of my depression
You are so incredibly strong. I know 13RW just wanted to open up the discussion about suicide, but I totally agree with your viewpoint. I think it's insulting (obviously that wasn't their intention) that they portray it in that way and that's coming from someone who has felt the guilt of someone's suicide weigh heavily on her. Thank you so much for this video.
EVERYONE NEEDS TO SEE THIS! I personally relate to this video and can say that this is so so so true and I wish more people would understand and know this
This video will change lives. This video HAS already changed lives, and will go on to change many more. I won't share my story here, but I sincerely thank you for sharing yours. You've made a difference in my life. My perception, my thoughts, my fears and my feelings... Thank you. xXx
wow. this is truly eye opening. thank you for sharing your story and I could not be any sorrier for your loss :( I obviously didn't know Sarah, but i do believe in guardian angels and I all i can say is that she is definitely watching over you
Honestly just want to say a huge thank you. As someone who has lost a friend to suicide and who also suffers with depression this video meant so much to me. They way you spoke about this whole thing was spot on, like honestly i've watched so many videos on this topic and i think this is by far the best i have seen.
I have never experienced the death of a loved one, but in many ways I do relate to the grieving of someone who has. I was born in 1999 and my grandmother died three months before I was born. Both of my grandparents died before I was born and I don't have a dad or any of his side of the family. I think about all of my friends and everyone I know who has grandparents and a dad, and some people are so completely unaware of the people that they do have in their lives, they can be so ungrateful. I would give anything in the world just to have that two-way connection with my grandmother.
Although my dad passed away in a car accident, it has been 17 years as of today and last week when returning back home from a job interview, a few things from the times he still was in our lives came to my mind that I hadn't thought about for years. I passed by the region we used to live in right before we moved abroad to be closer to him. I remembered the days I used to hold his thumb as his hands were too big for my tiny ones.
I cried like there was no tomorrow and thought to myself, "how does it feel like yesterday when it's been 17 years?"
How does that ever happen?
It doesn't feel like anything. It still feels like yesterday.
I always refer to the days of my life before his death as the times I was the happiest. And him leaving us behind, I don't believe I will ever be truely happy again. I am ok with my life and I of course have goals and ambition, but as you said, losing someone this close changes you forever. You constantly recognize their absence on your biggest days and achievements. Your eyes fill up with tears even when it's been 17 years.
Loss, death... It changes you forever. Saying the opposite would be denying.
I lost my best friend last week I cried a lot and couldn't imagine my life without her. We use to set goals of how that we going graduate from university together as surgeon. My best friend died in car accident :'( I love her so much we use to spend lots of time out and on the phone. I am here friend for you. I sad until now but I hide the sadness inside my heart but I have to be strong for her because our dream is to become surgeons and am going be. please be strong for her and am here friend for you.
thank you. thank you for the honesty. i struggle with panic disorder, anxiety, and depression. you put perspective into words. i couldn't have said anything better about how love cannot solve this, i wish more people knew this. it is helpful for people to realize that mental illnesses are real illnesses, not something that can be solved with a hug and an i love you, it is a battle between you and your own brain. thank you, beyond words.
I watched two episodes, and it nearly depressed me, almost to a bad mental state. Bullying in schools is so important to address, but dang, having experienced that type of stuff makes it so hard to watch.
I'm sorry your such an inspiration I'm 10 years old AND WATCHED YOUR VIDEOS SINCE AGE 8! treat yourself to dinner tonight you deserve it.
I have people in my life I'd be devastated to lose, let alone to suicide. I'm sure a lot of people will benefit from your honesty.
I know what you are going through. My friend committed suicide about 3 years ago. It does get better after the first year it happened but there are always going to be little things that remind you of them and set you off. People are still telling me that I should be over it by now because it was almost 3 years ago but no matter how much time goes by, I always cry about him whenever I think if him. I'm glade there is someone out there that that can relate to me. Lot of people tell me that they know what I'm going through but they have never lost someone important to them before.
Thank you for this, though I personally liked the Thirteen Reasons Why series.
Interesting that this videos shows up in my recommendations because earlier today I had a conversation with a friend about how dangerous and damaging 13RW can be, because it implies that love can fix mental illness/suicidal thoughts. It is a sad truth in life that love is not always enough.
I can see that you don't appreciate misguided compassion from people who can't really can't relate, but I truly wish you healing.
My anxiety has me feeling very down lately and this video made my day. Your statement "you belong here" really resonated with me; it's good to know there's someone who is talking about this and understands.
Thank you for this video. I've dealt with grief after my grandpa and grandma's deaths, but I've never had to deal with someone committing suicide. I'm sorry for your loss. I understand what you were saying about how you feel when people say "at least they're in a better place." The way I like to think of it is that they're no longer suffering. In the cases of my grandparents, one had Alzheimer's and the other had cancer. I still miss them and often wonder why God had to take them from me, but it's amazing how even though my grandma passed away when I was 2, she shaped my life so much. I know that nothing I can say will make you feel better as I've been in a similar situation but I'm sending all my love your way.
Being someone that has never experienced the loss of a loved one, I can by no means understand or judge what you've gone through. But I totally agree with your thoughts about love not curing others' mental illnesses. You are so strong baby, I admire you💕 I hope Sarah stays forever in your heart and that you'll never ever need to go through this again❤️
can't express how thoroughly thoughtful, genuine, and gorgeous this video is
This is so important. I was suicidal and the people in my love did everything they did to help me, but what really did was my mental health professional. I never wanted the people in my life to feel guilty for my feelings and they helped me get the help I needed
I can't imagine how painful it must have been to make this video, and I can't be more grateful that you did. I have never lost anyone to suicide, although I have attempted it myself in the absolute worst depths of my depression; I feel so grateful that I'm still here. However, my aunt, who I'm so close to and love more than words can describe, lost her son to suicide twenty years ago. This video helped me understand just a little bit about what she has gone through, and helps me to understand that grief just a bit better. I know I will never fully be able to understand; at least, I hope I won't. I'm so unbelievably sorry for your loss. Thank you so much for making this. Also, THANK YOU for calling out 13rw. What an absolute disgrace of a show.
Wow...This video really spoke to me. I have suicidal thoughts a lot, I have trama, depression, and anxiety issues, and to be honest it's hell getting anything done. It's hell to live one day. I just want to give up all time and die. However, after watching this, I realized that if I go, my best friend is going to be crushed like this. She is the best person ever and I don't want anyone, especially her, to suffer as much as I am suffering. I can't see a therapist right now (due to my parents and other things), but I'm most certainly going to treat myself better (physically and mentally) and sleep more. Katherout, you've been a major inspiration for not only my school life, but my health and my entire life as well. You reminded me why I didn't go to school today; I needed a mental break and hear this stuff. You are right; We are all supposed to be here. To anyone out there who's in the dark clouds of depression or suicide or anxiety or trauma, don't ever give up. You might not see it now, but there's light at the end of the tunnel.
I like 13 reasons why's main message against bullying and objectification in school's (at least in the show, I haven't read the book), but Clay's regret for not loving Hannah did disturb me because you're right, love can't stop someone from committing suicide. I don't think that was the show's message though. I just think it was Clay's process of grief being shown and one of the most compelling scenes to me, was Hannah going to her counselor and trying to ask for help but the counselor did not handle the issue properly. Thank you for making this video.
I'm so glad you made this video. I watched 13 Reasons Why and I think it focused more on the bullying side rather than the mental illness side. I personally liked the message it sent, but I really like the way you stated this too. I've lost loved ones (not because of suicide) but death of someone close to you really does change you as a person
This was the best way you could have explained this and this is going to help soooo many people. Thank you for explaining in terms that someone who doesn't understand suicide can understand. You are so well spoken and beautiful and smart THANK YOU also, I'm very very sorry for your loss and you are so strong for going through what you are going through
I think an important point that you make is how people with depression tend to put others first. Let me offer you a different point of view. I have a friend from high school that I met literally after the worst year of my life. Talking to him gave me a reason to be hopeful, a reason to come to school, a reason to get up in the morning and try again. Yes, I liked him a lot, but it was what I needed to get out of my hole. Thinking of others allowed me to forget my misery and my problems. Was I depressed? Yeah, but I was able to be happy for a little while. I promise you that you brought her so much happiness. I'm sure she looked forward to each text and facetime chat, because she loved you. But like you said, it's an illness and she lost her battle. She couldn't bear the pain anymore. But I know that if I killed myself, I would make sure to be with my friends as much as possible in some way because I would miss them, too. I know that Sarah is missing you each day and that suicide was not meant to be an insult to you as a friend. She was trying to end her pain, and unfortunately suicide was that option. I don't know if this is helpful to you at all, but I just thought that you should know the process of someone contemplating suicide and life with depression.
Thank you for this. I haven't experienced anyone's suicide around me, but I think there is something so beautiful in saying "I hurt" and being able to share that as a community. And I know that I am able to feel your pain probably more than you feel us here, but know that there is another girl in the world who sees you and hears you and whose heart is moved for you and the friend you lost and the tremendous pain that must cause you and those who knew her. Thank you for sharing this bit of your heart
Thank you so much for making this video. It helps a lot to know that I'm not alone in this grieving process. One of my friends committed suicide at the start of February and although I have an amazing support system with my friends we haven't really talked about this yet. You're right, it doesn't get easier but you just learn to live with the fact that it is okay to go on with your life and enjoy yourself with others, but it is equally as important to cry or grieve in whatever way you feel. To all of you who are grieving over the loss of a loved one, I'm here with you.
I also don't think we hear enough from those family and friends left behind. Having been on both sides of the coin, the one struggling to hold on and the one telling my friends to hold on, the video truly was impactful. Mental illness is different for everyone, but at least for me, it felt like I was a burden to everyone. I was trying to keep up a facade because I didn't think I was worthy of help. I thought that if I died, everyone's life would be easier. That seems to be quite common. So just giving someone your love can't save them. It can help, but in the deepest darkest days of my depression I thought all my friends were lying. You won't understand unless you've been there. But it literally seems like a bottomless pit with no light. Luckily through some hard lessons and a wake up call, I saw. I told someone that coming out of that felt like opening my eyes for the first time in years. Imagine navigating the world with your eyes closed. Its hard and terrible and you want to give up. So I hope that everyone who feels like that can get help. It will come, your eyes will open again.
+lynn your story is so important and something i wish were heard more than the story of 13 Reasons Why. I could not be more impressed by your dedication to your self-worth and health.
Thank you so much! Ah, this made my whole day. It wasn't easy and 99.9% of the time it doesn't feel like I've made it much farther. But if I had to go through that, at least maybe I could help somebody out. Thank you Katherine, as your videos, your dedication, your personality, your smiles, your humor, and your outlook certainly helped me in my time of most need. It helped me see that people like me (those who want to achieve and love school and learning and productivity and who are high achievers) exist and can still find healthy ways to achieve. I can't wait to see more of your journey Kath
dont worry kather i had to go through the same thing.i had a best friend her name was luna she was my best friend since we were 1 because she was my cousin and she had....cancer....close to my moms brithday she died i still miss her and im 11 i had to still go through this for 10 years i still miss my cousin to this day on my moms birthday she did not want to talk,eat,or go any where she started crying so i did and we hugged and we still pray about her and my mom works at a hospital to treat kids cancer i miss her very very very much i still cry about this thank you for letting me talk kather i love my cousin so much and she died at 3 and got cancer at 2 so i really never got to see my cousin that much 💜💙😭
Thank you so much for this. What you said about taking care of your health first. That's something that I struggle with. I used to be able to keep up with large work load, but after the onset of my mental illness, that went out the window. I, however, continue to try to keep up with large amounts of work and this year it really took its toll. So I really need to be reminded to not take so much on myself. I appreciate this so much, you have no idea. Thank you.
about a year ago i lost a dear friend to suicide and when her one year anniversary came around it was so hard because i missed her and still feel her pre scene in small ways
mental health and grief is so important and it is so lovely that you shared your thought and feelings around these issues
lots o love!
I understand that you can't help someone who is mentally ill just with kindness, but when people are being bullied and tormented by others, kindness and someone to talk to does go a very long way. I can say this from experience
Mental illness is not the only thing that can lead to suicide
I had a pretty rough time when I first moved here. I still feel like that sometimes. I don't remember how many nights I cried myself to sleep. It used to hurt. I used to feel like somebody was choking me. But I had all the love from my friends and it's not like I'm sad all the time. It just comes and goes. But that does not mean I'm not experiencing it. I always convinced myself that because it's not constant, it'll pass. Your video changed that for me. Thank you :)
I want to tell you something.
I know how you feel. Its very very hard to lose someone so close to you. Your always aloud to be upset. You can always talk to very good people you know very well in life. Those people will help you. It's very hard to lose someone you love in life and are very close to. But just because she gave up you don't give up. Live on. She's always in your heart. You have so many other things in life to do with other close friends. Yes you will always miss Sarah but you'll see her again
I can relate to this video so much. I have attempted suicide 10 times within the last year. I have so many mental health problems. And I'm still living. I'm still fighting. I've stopped cutting. I'm still forgiving myself. So thanks for this video. It means a lot to me.
I never looked at this issue this way.
One of the main power chords I think of the misconception of love and support alone being able to save someone also has to do with the fact that mental illness has purely internal manifestation. For example, as someone who struggled with depression at no point is someone thinking "he/she/they did *blank* to me." But "I can't live with this pain anymore it is insufferable." It is pinocal this is NOT TO SAY you shouldn't ask about their emotional health or give support because you SHOULD. It's only pointing out the mentality of someone experiencing life threatening internal pain.
IDK if people will believe me and I'm only 13 so what do I know XD but in the show, they do hint that she has depression and anxiety, and when people were saying those things to her in the real world as well, she wanted to know someone was there for her, at least one person. Because her "Coco Buddies" ditched her and she thought Clay wouldn't be able to handle her. And the reason that they all thought that love would save her is because they thought it was their fault like most people would. And they saw everything they did wrong and she basically told them what they could've done, but didn't do. But your view on this is honestly incredible. I'm proud you were able to talk about it.
It's hard to understand the mental state of someone contemplating suicide unless you've actually been there yourself, but anyone who's reached that dark point will tell you that suicide genuinely feels like the only option. Telling people that love is some sort of cure to depression is only setting them up for guilt and misplaced responsibility. If you know someone who is showing signs of wanting to end their life, do not tackle that situation alone. Reach out for professional help and get that person the treatment they need. Depression is a serious illness that is far more complex than what's depicted in '13 Reasons Why'...
We need more authentic RUclipsrs like this. Thank you so much Katherine for these wise words, and thank you for opening up to us. While it obvioulsy seemed hard to talk about this, these words have really gave me perspective and have opened my mind to mental illness.
I'm so sorry for your loss Katherine, but I'm happy for the memories you got to make with Sarah for you to cherish 💖 This video is just what people need to watch because people genuinely don't realise the full extent of the grip that mental illnesses have on people.. Love you Katherine and hope you're okay. xx
I am 18 and i have a friend much older than me, suffering from depression. He is on medicines. We use to play together on ps3 and then for 2 weeks i didn't see him at all. We used to be playing every week without exception. Then i asked if everything was okay, he told me about his suffering due to fluid imbalance in the brain. He told me that when he has that disease and his friends will come to his place, he feels like they will all die. Then i told me that he could have come and chat on ps3 if that could calm his depression a bit or make him forget. What he replied to me was one of the best thing i've ever heard, "Thanks bro for your help but during my depression and the shit storm happening in my head, i worked hard every day without procrastinating". What i learnt from this is: If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment. The mind is a really powerful tool, if he was able to fight it, so can anyone. The choice is in one's brain. Even soldiers are suffering from severe post traumatic injuries and that didn't stop some of them to have the will to be cured. Some tried meditation and it worked out, through years of practice and consistency. IT IS ALL IN YOUR BRAIN FOLKS.